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1
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,630
You've tested positive for chlamydia.
2
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,350
~ That doesn't sound positive.
~ Two tablets should clear it.
3
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,910
But left untreated,
it can cause infertility.
4
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,830
You'll need to contact your previous
sexual partners.
5
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,110
~ All of them? ~ No, just the ones you
like.
6
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,390
Despite what they taught you at
medical school,
7
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,630
~ not everyone finds the sarcasm
comforting. ~ It gets me through the
day.
8
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,270
Right, next I need to examine your
genitals.
9
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:39,320
Yay! How am I doing now?
10
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,870
HE COUGHS
11
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,870
Chlamydia's a starter infection, man,
it's the missionary
position of sexual diseases.
12
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,920
You want to save your tears for
permanent ones like herpes,
penile cancer.
13
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,310
~ It exists. ~ I don't even care who gave
it to me.
14
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,710
Look at these names...
15
00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:01,760
Did they give you the little cards to
send out?
16
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,990
Yeah, that's it!
17
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,990
They're like a bad Valentine's card.
18
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,150
"I love you so much it hurts...when
I urinate."
19
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,670
Yeah, I'm not sending the cards, I'm
calling them.
20
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,750
I'm thinking of visiting some of
them.
21
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,790
Dylan, don't do this to yourself,
let's just go to the party.
22
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,190
It's been 11 years since I lost my
virginity and what have I got?
23
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:23,310
Apart from chlamydia, obviously.
24
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,230
I'm going to start calling
them today.
25
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:29,280
In what, chronological order, marks
of out ten for performance?
26
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,230
Bra size?
27
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,590
~ Alphabetical. ~ OK. ~ Mostly cos I don't
want to call Tasha first.
28
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,630
HE SHUDDERS
29
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,270
So who's first? A is for...?
30
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:42,320
DYLAN SIGHS
31
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,550
Thanks.
32
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,590
If you need anything,
just ding.
33
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,750
I'm on till 3am.
34
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,270
Don't you just love weddings?
35
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,270
Two people saying, "That's it, I'm
done looking around,
36
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,150
you're the one for me, I brought
rings, let's dance."
37
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,550
~ She's not here for the wedding. ~ And
I'm not religious,
38
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,390
but a church wedding is just more...
Maybe you need to be cold
39
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,870
and uncomfortable to really listen
to the vows properly.
40
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,830
Marry in a church, get divorced
in a warm office with comfy chairs.
41
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,470
That's good.
42
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,630
Well, just ding if you need me.
43
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,680
BELL
44
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,710
Excuse me. Hi.
45
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,760
Could you reprint these two tables,
please? Bride's orders.
46
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,990
Thanks.
47
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,670
Look at all these drawers!
48
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,720
We could sort our things by category
with our underwear in the top one
or...
49
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,470
No, I think I want my own drawer,
otherwise our stuff will get all
mixed up.
50
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,510
~ But this way my socks can dry-hump
your pants. ~ OK.
51
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,270
My pants hardly know your socks,
so...
52
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,070
Come on.
53
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:55,120
Seriously, I want my own drawer.
54
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:56,830
CHURCH BELLS CHIME
55
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,670
~ Hear those wedding bells? ~ Uh-huh.
56
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,390
They're an air-raid siren, warning
single people that everyone else is
coupling off.
57
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,440
It makes them feel anxious and horny.
And then the free bar opens.
58
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,710
Why would Dylan squander that on a
chick he's been seeing for a month?
59
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,830
~ Argh! That's tight! ~ I imagine he
likes her.
60
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,310
I like her, but blowing a wedding on
a new girlfriend...
61
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,590
When instead you should ignore your
feelings and...
62
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,030
Book a double room and arrive single.
Unpack oils.
63
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,990
~ Try and think of a memorable safe
word. ~ I'm very close to choking you.
64
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,270
~ Mmm! ~ Not in a sexy way.
65
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,830
CHURCH BELLS PEAL
66
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,830
I want one good photo of everyone
here. You've got the guest list.
67
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,670
~ It doesn't say what people look
like. ~ You'll know after you've taken
a photo of each of them.
68
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:38,720
Overall, I want a sense of giddy
happiness, like everyone's really
pleased for me. Catriona!
69
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,910
~ Yeah, I'm on it. ~ I haven't given you
the task yet.
70
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,550
I know, I just mean...I'm ready.
71
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,910
Keep Angus off the champagne. I'm
not having him get emotional today.
72
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,150
Right.
73
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:55,200
It's fucking show time!
74
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,550
..forsaking all others,
75
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,630
marriage is a sacred bond.
76
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,510
May this couple be prepared to
continue to give,
77
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,430
to be able to forgive...
78
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,790
Hey, maybe this'll be us some day.
79
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,150
No.
80
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,030
~ What? ~ It doesn't matter.
81
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:22,080
~ Helen and Angus... ~ You just said
no...quite firmly.
82
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,590
Can we talk about this later?
We can't really do this here.
83
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,470
What's "this"?
84
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,670
Are you breaking up with me?!
85
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,270
~ I'll tell you afterwards.
~ Tell me now!
86
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,190
What God has joined together,
let no man tear asunder...
87
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,830
~ We can still have sex. ~ You think this
is about sex?!
88
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,880
~ In so much as... ~ Dylan, I think half
the church now thinks it's about sex.
89
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,590
I'm being fucking dumped here!
90
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,870
Yeah, I know, buddy, but the two
people at the front are trying to get
married,
91
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,630
so maybe just hold fire till they're
finished.
92
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,910
Unbelievable!
93
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,960
ORGAN MUSIC
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
94
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,590
CHURCH BELL PEAL
95
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:05,640
Stop pouting! It's not manly.
Are you seeing this? He's pouting,
in't he?
96
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,920
~ You guys look great together. ~ If
anyone should be pouting it's me,
I've got thin lips.
97
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,630
Really nice.
98
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,680
SHUTTER CLICKS
99
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,390
You know, other people are good at
darts or speaking French.
100
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,440
My talent is starting relationships
with women who don't enjoy my
company.
101
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,750
Well, at least she didn't dump
you tomorrow.
102
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,150
Because now you're single, Dyl.
103
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,950
Look around you...it's a sex party.
104
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,550
~ I thought it was a union of souls.
~ Yeah, that as well.
105
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,430
Dyl, just rejoined the ranks of the
single against his wishes.
106
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,150
What?! Already?!
107
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,190
I mean, sorry, Dyl,
that's...that's really awful.
108
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,670
SHUTTER CLICKS
109
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,720
But here's the thing, man, here's
the really, really important thing.
110
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,870
It is wall-to-wall snatch out
there, Dylan.
111
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,110
Cheers for the chat. Really useful.
Thanks.
112
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,070
Hey, Dylan, don't walk away from me!
113
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,120
Today could still be a very sexually
satisfying experience!
114
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,750
Hey guys.
115
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,800
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
116
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:20,560
I can't eat!
117
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,990
Erm...I've photographed the food.
118
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,710
Don't work all evening, Evie. You're
a guest as well.
119
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,350
One of Angus's old pals.
120
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,990
He's been too nervous to eat so
I've got him off the booze,
121
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,750
~ or it'll be glug and chuck. You know
Angus. ~ I do.
122
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,800
~ You all right, Angus? ~ Yeah, great
thanks.
123
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,710
~ Met anyone fit on the singles'
table? ~ Erm...no.
124
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,590
I think someone might have moved me.
125
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,390
And that's why I love penguins!
126
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,440
LAUGHTER
127
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,310
Look, all I'm saying is if you're
going to have a singles' table,
128
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:03,360
why don't you mix us up a bit?
129
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,880
Is it too early to list everything
about her that was really not great?
130
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,470
There was the thing with my socks.
131
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,990
Yeah. So she's sort of a terrible
person.
132
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,590
Jemima, meet Evie and Dylan. Evie's
just a friend.
133
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,640
He means you can sleep with either
of 'em without me objecting.
134
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,790
I saw you in the church and you
looked so overcome.
135
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,230
~ I thought that was so sweet. ~ Yes, it
was, wasn't it?
136
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,390
Dylan's very connected with his
feelings.
137
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,440
Mainly rage and shame and feeling
like a fucking idiot.
138
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:48,000
OK...you have to put angry/sad Dylan
back in a box
139
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,590
and then lock that box and don't tell
girls it exists.
140
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:55,640
What matters here, Dylan, is that
you get back on the horse.
141
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:59,720
Promise me the horse is a metaphor.
142
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,590
~ Hey, guys. Enjoying the wedding?
~ Great job, Angus. ~ I counted as you
did the vows,
143
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,590
~ you didn't miss a single one.
~ LAUGHTER
144
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,640
~ "In sickness and in health". ~ You can
test that one with tomorrow's
hangover. ~ Angus isn't drinking.
145
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,360
Oh, well... Your date's a keeper too,
Dyl. Marry her.
146
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,710
~ We broke up. ~ What a waste of an
invitation. We could have had Tim.
147
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,630
~ I didn't know we were going to...
~ Anyway, ladies, you look amazing.
148
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,550
Thanks, we're doing our best.
149
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,990
It's different for you guys, you're
married, you know.
150
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,710
You knew you were meant for each
other. Right, Angus?
151
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,590
Evie was never your destiny and
today proves that.
152
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,640
~ But I'm in the dark. ~ You sound
depressed. ~ I'm not.
153
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,710
Tonight, I'm going to have
non-judgemental sex.
154
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,830
Really share some orgasms around,
you know?
155
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,470
Evie? You went out with Evie?
156
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,520
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
the bride and groom for the first
dance.
157
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,480
ANGUS LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
158
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,950
MUSIC: It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones
159
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,470
~ She's an ex-girlfriend? ~ It's nothing
serious. I'd forgotten.
160
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,520
~ How long did you go out for? ~ Er...I
can barely remember.
161
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,830
~ I still believe in you. ~ I was just
trying to be honest.
162
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:16,880
I know. But don't do that any more.
163
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,590
She didn't know me and Evie went out.
164
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,550
You really fucked me.
165
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,950
Why would she even care? Your exes
are ancient history.
166
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,830
You don't know her. And with what you
were saying earlier,
167
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,630
I think maybe I got my destiny wrong.
168
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,680
~ No, you didn't.
~ No...I think maybe I did.
169
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,870
Lovely.
170
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,910
Really nice. Yeah, big smile.
171
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,590
Evie, if it won't kill you to work
faster,
172
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,390
there are hundreds of photos in my
head that I can mentally see but
you're not taking.
173
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,440
~ Sorry, I was... ~ My friend Camilla
has travelled from Australia, did
you get her?
174
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,550
Erm...
175
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,600
~ Well, she's not on the list. ~ That's
not her fault, is it?
176
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:17,840
I shouldn't. I said I wouldn't.
177
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,190
Cheers.
178
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,390
Ooh!
179
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,830
The wife doesn't like it that I ever
went out with anyone else.
180
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,830
~ Were you her first boyfriend? ~ No.
181
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,880
Five of hers are here today!
182
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,470
Come on, Angus. Here's to the woman
of your dreams!
183
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,790
I should go and find her.
184
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,350
It's not hard. Look for the girl
in the big white dress.
185
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,670
THEY LAUGH
186
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,720
No, I mean Evie.
187
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,870
That went well, then.
188
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,990
Angus, you've got to help me.
What does Camilla look like?
189
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:56,040
What?
190
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,190
Shall we do some couple shots?
191
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,910
~ Yeah. ~ OK.
192
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,870
Er...here's fine.
193
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,390
Drinking, are you? Having trouble
with your emotions?
194
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,350
Well, I can have a drink.
195
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:13,400
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
196
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,390
OK.
197
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,790
~ Right.
~ SHUTTER CLICKS
198
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,840
Erm...Helen, could you maybe smile
just a bit sort of wider?
199
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:29,160
Hmm.
200
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,390
Lovely.
201
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,150
Erm...just a little less?
202
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,830
What's wrong with my face, Evie?
Too happy? Too sad?
203
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,670
It's your job to make me look
beautiful,
204
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,390
not to stand there staring at my
husband!
205
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:47,440
Ow!
206
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,910
It's not you.
207
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,790
Maybe it is you.
208
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,230
What?
209
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,030
I've been talking to Dylan.
210
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,110
HE SIGHS
211
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,230
I think I miss you.
212
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,250
EVIE MOANS
213
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:04,970
You don't know Camilla, do you?
214
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:09,020
You don't know a Camilla?
Any of you gentlemen know Camilla?
215
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,370
It's got to be her, man!
216
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:15,010
Short of shagging a bride,
which is wrong in a bad way,
217
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:17,490
the maid of honour is
top of the wedding-sex pyramid.
218
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:19,290
How about you?
219
00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:20,970
I've had a drink with the groom.
220
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:24,490
Oh! Fabulous, Dylan. That's
wonderful. And did he suck you off?
221
00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:27,050
If not, from now on give yourself
strict rules, man.
222
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,930
You only talk to people with
breasts,
223
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:32,290
and only if they're younger than
40 and older than 16.
224
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:36,340
18, then. Whatever!
Right, I'm going in.
225
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:40,610
There you are, Catriona.
Got you a little drink.
226
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,660
Fizzy bubbles.
227
00:12:46,580 --> 00:12:48,330
Having a good time?
228
00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:50,490
Your friend is all about the pussy,
isn't he?
229
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,650
Look at him go!
230
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,090
Well, he is!
231
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,890
Are you allowed to say that?
232
00:12:56,940 --> 00:13:00,130
I'm just being honest.
That's a virtue.
233
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,770
The free booze helps.
234
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:04,090
Cheers!
235
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:05,570
MOBILE RINGS
236
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:09,620
~ Oh, wait!
~ Whoa!
237
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:13,610
~ Nowhere else to put it.
~ Pff!
238
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:17,660
I'm going to be calling that
repeatedly.
239
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:23,010
I need to go. Angry bride duty.
240
00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:27,010
Fuck's sake!
241
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:29,970
Hm!
242
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,130
Hey!
243
00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:32,650
Vintage Luke.
244
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,290
It's like a sexual safety net.
245
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:35,650
Strike out with one girl,
246
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,330
there's another pair of legs
ready to catch him.
247
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:39,730
You could learn from him.
248
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,890
What's wrong with me?
249
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:44,410
Aw! Oh, nothing.
250
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,050
What about her?
She's cute.
251
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:51,100
Yeah. Yeah, not her.
She's my best friend.
252
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:55,180
Ah, yeah, that could be awkward.
253
00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:57,370
Are you hungry?
254
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,420
~ Yes.
~ Come on.
255
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,450
Why would you deny Angus a drink?
256
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,170
Don't you dare talk about yourself
in the third person!
257
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:12,220
He will if he wants to.
258
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,890
I am level three angry.
Do you hear me?
259
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:19,130
Now apologise for inviting her.
260
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,290
Some dick just threw this at me!
261
00:14:21,340 --> 00:14:25,340
Oh, so now I'm a dick as well?
262
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:30,100
I'm so...
263
00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:38,770
Is this theft?
264
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:41,170
Don't want to get you in trouble
with the Big Man.
265
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:44,170
It's a macaroon, not a war crime.
266
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:46,930
Mm-mm!
267
00:14:46,980 --> 00:14:48,370
So, go on, then.
268
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:51,530
Why are you
so crap at one-night stands?
269
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:54,730
Well, I think I'm meant to be
more like a shark.
270
00:14:54,780 --> 00:14:58,780
A cold, focused killing machine,
headed straight for the seal.
271
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,570
But I like seals.
272
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:03,810
Seals are adorable.
Women should like that about you.
273
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,210
Should, but...
274
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:09,260
Well, you know women. We're tricky.
275
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,770
You're fun.
276
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,810
I am fun.
277
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:17,860
WHISPERING: Everybody says so.
278
00:15:19,420 --> 00:15:21,450
There you are! Jesus!
279
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:25,450
Oh, sorry.
Erm, Dylan, I need you.
280
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,530
Now!
281
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:32,580
~ Bye. ~ Bye.
282
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,850
What did you say to Angus?!
283
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,170
He's drunk and he's been trying
to...
284
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,010
Look, you have to help me fix this
285
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,730
or they won't pay me and I'll have
to speak to Grandma again
286
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,250
and the bride might hit me
287
00:15:43,300 --> 00:15:47,300
and you'll have ruined
a marriage in less than a day!
288
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:52,620
Find the bride.
I will speak to Angus.
289
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:04,090
Did they have an amazing romance?
290
00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:05,730
Maybe it's over.
291
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:09,490
I'll tell you what's over.
Bad dates and heartaches.
292
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:12,210
Why would you assume
I had bad dates? I am a catch!
293
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,690
There she is! The girl with the...
294
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,450
attributes that Angus loves.
295
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:21,500
Forget about Evie. Angus stood up
and promised to love you for ever.
296
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:24,130
Why didn't he tell me about her?
297
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,930
Because he knew you'd
worry about it.
298
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:29,980
Because he knows what you're like
and he loves you for it.
299
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:34,410
He does, doesn't he?
300
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,930
Yeah...
301
00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:40,980
Yeah, he does.
302
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,530
There's a free bar upstairs!
303
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:46,970
I want a box of wine.
304
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:51,020
Boxes of wine in the corner,
mate.
305
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,130
Look at these two!
306
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,290
They've got "it".
307
00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:58,450
We had "it".
308
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,570
~ N-no, we didn't.
~ Er, ju...
309
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,130
Remember the missionary position,
Evie? Hm?
310
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:05,410
The "Mish".
311
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:08,290
We did it in Tenerife once
before you went for the papers.
312
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:09,730
Yeah, to get some time away.
313
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,450
No! Bullshit! You love the news!
314
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,410
Go and find your wife, Angus.
315
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:20,460
Definitely.
316
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:25,050
Er... Would you like the light on
or off?
317
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,530
THEY DISCUSS
318
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:30,580
~ Maybe off?
~ Yeah, let's have it off.
319
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:37,970
I'm really sorry, I can't find
Camilla. I can't find her anywhere.
320
00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:39,010
I made her up.
321
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:40,370
That wasn't very nice of me,
322
00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:44,420
but it's my wedding day
and I was cross with you.
323
00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:49,970
GUESTS CHEER
324
00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:54,020
GUESTS GROAN
325
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:59,130
GROOM: I'm back! I'm back.
326
00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:00,250
I love y...!
327
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,650
One more minute,
she's off my hands.
328
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,890
Then maybe we can put the job title
"Maid of Honour" to the test.
329
00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:09,170
CANS RATTLE
330
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:13,220
GROOM: Whoa! Whoa!
331
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:20,210
Get back in the car!
332
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:24,260
~ I need to go!
~ You...!
333
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:29,490
Put that tiddler away!
334
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:33,540
It's not a tiddler, it's a monster
cock and she loves it!
335
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:36,890
Catriona!
336
00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:40,940
Oh!
337
00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:49,050
I'm done!
338
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:53,100
Let's get you pregnant!
339
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:04,740
Hey, you. Dylan, I'm really
sorry about earlier.
340
00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:08,860
Um, can I have the room key,
please? I need it.
341
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:14,860
~ Let's not stay friends.
~ Yes, that would be nice, thank you.
342
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,530
Well, hey, you!
343
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,170
Hey!
344
00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:28,410
You know what I said earlier
about how you could learn from him?
345
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,290
I was going to come and find you.
346
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:31,930
Please don't.
347
00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:33,690
OK.
348
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:37,370
Good luck, Dylan.
349
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,210
The vicar!
350
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:43,090
Yes! That, my friend, is definitely
the top of the wedding-sex pyramid.
351
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,930
I love your ambition. I love
where your head's at right now.
352
00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:49,980
You stay in that good place, baby.
353
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,530
I can't stay in my room.
354
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:58,580
~ Is there a problem with it?
~ It's got my ex-girlfriend in it.
355
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:04,740
Well, we have got...
absolutely nothing.
356
00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:08,730
So I suppose your only option now
is to find a bar and get drunk.
357
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:12,780
OK.
358
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,570
SHE LAUGHS
359
00:20:16,620 --> 00:20:18,650
Hi, are you still serving?
360
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:21,290
Absolutely, what would you like?
361
00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:25,340
~ One of everything?
~ OK!
362
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:31,300
I don't think "till death us do
part" applies in their case.
363
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:35,210
If Angus died without getting her
explicit permission,
364
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:39,260
she would dig him up
and make him apologise.
365
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:44,090
I'm sorry about your girlfriend.
366
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:46,410
Thanks, um...
367
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:50,170
Abigail.
368
00:20:50,220 --> 00:20:52,250
Well...
369
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,890
She wasn't the one.
370
00:20:54,940 --> 00:20:58,370
Not everyone has to be the one,
do they?
371
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:01,690
Only one can be the one
if we're being pedantic.
372
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:05,740
So then the question is,
what do you do while you're waiting?
373
00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:42,290
Maybe these girls will know what
I should do next. I think...
374
00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:44,810
Maybe I didn't see things
clearly back then.
375
00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:47,690
Come on. Let's just go to the party.
376
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:51,740
I don't want to go.
377
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:55,250
You two! You're the last here!
378
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:58,810
Shameful, we know.
379
00:21:58,860 --> 00:21:59,930
You look nice.
380
00:21:59,980 --> 00:22:03,330
Thanks. Erm...
Grab yourselves drinks and...
381
00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:04,650
SOMEONE TAPS A GLASS
382
00:22:04,700 --> 00:22:08,700
Thanks, guys! Um... Don't worry,
I'll be brief.
383
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:13,490
Evie and I just want to say how
happy we are to be here,
384
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,650
celebrating with our friends.
385
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:16,890
♪ Under a sky
386
00:22:16,940 --> 00:22:19,530
♪ No-one sees
387
00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:23,580
♪ Waiting,
watching it happening... ♪
388
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:28,250
So, have a drink on us before
we have to start saving up again
389
00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:30,970
so you can all get
drunk at the wedding!
390
00:22:31,020 --> 00:22:35,020
CHEERING
391
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,090
She looks great.
392
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:40,050
You could still say something.
393
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:42,370
♪ Give it time
394
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:46,420
♪ Still life, you know I'm listening
395
00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:50,410
♪ The moment that you want is coming
396
00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:54,460
♪ If you give it time. ♪
397
00:23:00,820 --> 00:23:04,820
Hi, Abigail.
Er... It's Dylan Witter here.
398
00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:09,180
You probably don't remember me.
It's been three years. Er, yeah...
399
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:13,820
♪ When you wake up,
when you wake up... ♪
400
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,290
She thinks I'm an iceberg,
401
00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:18,530
like there's 90% more to me below
the surface.
402
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:20,810
~ But it's just fish and ocean
down there? ~ Yeah.
403
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:22,930
~ I want to go on a date.
~ You're too young for me.
404
00:23:22,980 --> 00:23:25,290
They've gone to have sex in the
loos, haven't they?
405
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:27,170
They'll be at least four minutes.
406
00:23:27,220 --> 00:23:29,170
Now she's coming to motherfucking
dinner
407
00:23:29,220 --> 00:23:33,220
and there's going to be
"conversation".
408
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:35,610
I try to get to work before
taking a crap.
409
00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:37,930
That way they're paying me to
take a shit.
410
00:23:37,980 --> 00:23:41,980
That's like something
out of Jane Austen.
31441
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