Original subtitles

SERIOUS AS PLEASURE

Hey, it's 10:00.

Come on, get up.

There's plenty to do today.

The pump boats... The eels in the bag.

The pump boats? Is it today?

Listen. You asked me to wake you at 10:00. It's 10:00.

- Do what you want. I'm staying in bed. - Well, I'll go back to bed.

- What time is it? - It's 10:00. I've been telling you.

- What proof do I have? - No proof, all I have are vague intuitions.

You're both killing me. Every morning it's the same thing.

It's not my fault it's 10:00 every morning.

Did you notice how Paris is shrinking?

Yes. Soon there'll be none left.

We'll have to flee.

- What did you put in today? - Guess.

- Nuts? - No.

Cocoa? No?

Parsley.

Listen...

"The kiss of your dream is one of love.

The day, the day breaks, heralds the daylight.

The royal caress is one of love

Beat the general, beat, beat the drum."

- Well, it's not bad. It's a bit military. - I can't help that.

Listen, if you don't mind, I'm in a hurry.

- That's your problem. - The clock makers are waiting. I'm late. Let me start.

- And I feel like this bath immediately. - No discussion.

Come on, a vote. I vote...

- Patrice. - Patrice.

Nothing's as punctual as a clock maker.

- You, I'll pay you back. - I'll pay you back.

Shit! I couldn't care less about you. It's always the both of you against me.

So? Some people like that.

Bruno! I ask the constable.

The truth is this was my bath. Two against one. We voted freely, didn't we?

- Yes. - Would you like me to rub your back?

Yes. The left shoulder.

And my right shoulder.

More... A little higher. Yes, that's it.

- I'll make the clock makers very unhappy. - They always are anyway.

- Oh, by the way... - Yes?

- Don't count on me for the eels. - Why?

I have to stay at the gallery all day.

- Do you really feel like working? - No! Not at all.

- So work overpowers desire. It's immoral. - Yes, it's sad.

- Telephone! - Then get it.

- No, you get it. - So, a vote.

- A vote! - I'm busy.

- Bruno. - Bruno. A vote.

I vote Patrice.

- Oh no, Bruno. - Bruno. We voted. Get it.

Good.

Hello?

- Hello. I want Mrs Maillard, please. - Mrs Maillard?

I'll give her to you... Patrice!

- Hello? - Mrs Maillard?

- Yes? - Mrs Maillard, please.

Yes, that's right.

- Is this 1441 Alma Street? - Absolutely.

- Mrs Maillard, please. - I'm listening.

It's just that it's personal. I'd like to speak to her personally.

Mrs Maillard, please.

It's me. I'm Mrs Maillard.

Pardon me, sir.

- What do you think, sir? - It's perfect.

Very comfortable. I'll take three.

- I can show you another period if you like. - Please.

I prefer the other one.

How much?

Oh sir, it's priceless.

No, tonight I'm taking care of Bruno.

Bruno had an exhausting day at the library.

- No, stop it. - Tell me, you're not in consensus with the choice I made?

Tonight? Saint Bruno?

You're giving daisies to a pig.

- Really? There's a Saint Bruno? - Yes, of course.

You never look at the calendar?

No I prefer the directory. There's more people in it.

Well then... Another millionaire who wins the lottery.

Come on, let me take care of you.

Are you warm here?

Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story?

To help you sleep.

Once upon a time there was a little boy...

with a magic pencil.

He just had to draw something...

for it to exist.

If he drew an apple, for example...

he could eat it.

And if he drew a book...

he could open it and look at the pictures.

And if he drew a fat lady?

If he drew a beautiful lady...

she became all warm...

and alive under his pencil.

All naked too?

That depended on the pencil.

I'm sleepy.

Then sleep.

Don't worry about you're daddy. He's always jealous.

When you're not here, he beats me up.

In case you're interested, I could make you very happy tonight.

Yes, but tonight I'm not interested.

Hey, see.

It's his day and he's sleeping. Why?

What do you expect?

It's not Saint Bruno. It's Saint Gregoire.

Shh... He doesn't know.

- Good morning, sir. - Madame.

- We haven't seen you for at least a year. - Yes, well, you know business.

Did you have a nice trip?

Oh I couldn't really say. All I've seen are airports.

Is my daughter home?

Yes. Well no. I don't know.

- At this time of day you have a chance of finding her. - I see. I'll go up.

Didn't you send a telegram?

No, I'm only in Paris for a couple of hours.

I like surprises.

And so does she.

- Dad. - Good morning. How are you?

- Are you happy to see me? - Yes.

- I hope I didn't wake you up. - Yes... No... Yes.

Say... You've changed your bed. Oh my.

Yes. The other one was too small. I like big beds.

Here's the coffee.

- Who's that? - It's Bruno.

- Oh, I see. Are you... - Yes.

- Well, if I'm disturbing you... - No.

Marriage?

Bruno, this is dad. Dad, this is Bruno.

- Nice to meet you, sir. - Good morning, sir.

Excuse me.

- Are you in Paris for long? - No, a few hours only.

- How is your wife? - Yes, very well. Very well. Yes.

- And the children? - They're fine. Fine.

- And your mother? - Very well. She's getting a divorce.

- What about her children? - Oh they're fine.

The oldest is getting married again.

- Who, the ethnologist? - No, the pharmacist.

- Will you have a coffee with us? - Alright.

Is that mine?

There are three of you?

- Patrice, this is Dad. Dad, this Patrice.

- Good morning, sir.

- Is this your coffee? - My god, yes. But that's alright.

What about the big mobile I bought you?

We sold it. We didn't like it much.

Darling, never has a shirt felt so soft.

- You know you have a magic touch. What'd you wash it with? - It's the radio.

I've been dying to ask you that question.

I've never seen you so hungry.

Ariane? She has a big appetite.

I think you're right.

- So, you're leaving? - Yes, pretty soon.

- I'd love to go with you but I can't. - Why?

Because I'm leaving.

Are your parents still alive?

Yes, but I don't see them anymore. Our family is very divided.

Divided?

Well, we are...

two brothers... and four sisters.

Divided by three it makes two.

Yes, but divided by two it makes three.

- You're right. - I have several families.

- How many? - I don't know exactly. They come and go.

- Are they divided? - All of them.

When I need a moment of peace, I go to a drive-in...

and watch the adventures of the masked cucumber.

For us it's more complicated and easier at the same time.

- What time is it? - Half past 3:00.

- My sleeping pills. - What are you doing?

Don't forget it's 2:30 in the morning for me.

Waiter. A double espresso.

I haven't touched it.

You drink coffee now?

Of course. Otherwise I'll fall asleep.

I met Nelly at the drugstore this morning.

She's single right now.

Do you know what she asked me?

- No. - No.

If she could borrow one of you from me for a while.

- Which one? - Either one.

- What did you say? - I said I would think about it.

- Did I hear right? - She's dreaming!

You think you're a sultan, with a harem of males around you?

It's time to set things right. We haven't signed any contract.

You're a third of our association and that's all.

And we're free to bring somebody home if we want.

- Perfectly free. - Oh no! You wouldn't do that.

- You'll see. - Yes, you'll see. How long should it take us?

- I don't know. Ten, fifteen minutes. - Ten minutes.

That's right.

Bye.

Paris doesn't exist anymore.

It's so "designer".

- You think so? - Yes, it's very hip.

What could be more hip.

- Is she the maid? - No, she's an English au pair.

She's a very good cook.

Unfortunately she doesn't speak a word of French.

The English are unable to learn foreign languages.

Do you speak English?

Me?

No.

Looks good.

- What did she say? - She says it helps digestion.

She's good-looking.

- Her feet are big but she's cute. - It's a question of personal taste.

- What do you do? - I'm a director.

That's great.

Yes, he's working on a commercial for Madagascan television.

What about?

About cod fishing.

- So they eat cod in Madagascar? - They love it.

I don't like your eyes today.

- Want me to take them off? - Yes, please.

- What are you doing? - I have to go.

- What, already? - Yes, I'm late.

Wait for me. You can't go alone.

It's extraordinary. The days grow long.

It's cold outside.

Do you want more soup?

Are you Mr Los Dias?

He's on vacation. I'm his assistant.

Inspector Fournier from the vice squad.

What's it about?

Somebody pressed charges against you.

You're about to lose your button.

That's nothing.

You have the right to know the contents of this letter.

"Inspector, I'm the head of a respectable family and wish to remain anonymous.

To my great surprise and indignation,

I have caught Clovis, my seven year old son,

reading a book entitled "Aurora, My Ornament."

- You are the publishers of the book, aren't you? - Yes.

Let me read you an extract of it.

"Just before leaving, I put on my coat,

grabbed my hat and took my... "

Well, read it yourself.

I know the book. We published it.

I have a search warrant. Do you have unauthorised books here?

- Not a single one, Inspector. - We'll see.

Aimé, take the wall on the right. Jocelyn, the left.

Jim, go upstairs.

Florent, open the cupboard.

Don't worry... They know the procedure.

You can tell right away what kind of place this is. Sade...

Laclos... Genet...

Bataille...

You can find them in paperback.

What about this one? 11,000 Penises.

Cheap operation.

Mr D'Allembert is very busy today.

- Yeah? - He wants you to wait for him.

- Seventeen minutes. - Very well.

Ah Patrice, my friend.

I asked for a new idea every day.

It's 4:00. I'm still waiting.

Here's my idea.

What?

It's a rally.

Another rally. All I hear is rallies.

What kind of rally?

A rally between the different boroughs of Paris,

each represented by a garbage truck.

- Loaded? - Overloaded.

Here is the arrival of the garbage truck rally...

- organized by the air freshener chamber of commerce. - Hey, Bruno.

The winner arrives between the water pump cars...

of La Vilette.

Receiving the Trash Award is Patrice Lebreton...

Bruno! Be careful!

My friends, this is D Day.

We're free at last!

We're leaving tomorrow!

Goodbye, Paris! Let's hit the road!

It's about time. Besides, we don't need all this.

What's the program?

I suggest a little debriefing. Desynchronize watches.

Yes, let's desynchronize.

It's 5:00 which means it's 8:00.

- For me it's 1:30. - I don't want to know.

- Let's disorganize the departure. - Let's plan the trip.

First let's determine the forbidden zones. The Cote d'Azur.

The Cote Vermeille.

The Cote d'Or.

All of the coast.

Now the oceans.

- We don't care about the Atlantic. - Or the Channel.

- And no more mountains.

- The Jura. - The Pyrenees.

- Yes, Montmartre. - The Pyrenees. I don't like that.

Wait. The North.

The North doesn't exist anymore.

- The East neither. - And I'll take care of the West.

I don't recommend the center. I don't like that at all.

Brittany. No Brittany.

What's left?

Nothing is left.

- Yes. - So?

I have an idea.

There are 24 exits from Paris.

Let's choose one.

And then?

Fate will decide.

Do you think it'll change anything?

Change what?

Change us three.

We've never been anywhere together.

Fate brought us together.

Fate can separate us.

Don't you think we should give it a chance?

Yes.

Sir?

- Is this car in good condition? - I guarantee you this is a real gem.

Too bad.

- And this one? - Also very good, sir.

Pity.

Er, excuse me, sir, but...

what exactly are you looking for?

I'm looking for an unreliable car.

Oh, I see.

And what kind of problem would you like it to have?

- Problems impossible to anticipate. - Most problems are like that.

You're right. No, what I'm looking for is a car with big...

and frequent problems. Very irregular.

Yes, there you are.

Actually, maybe not this one. It only has small problems which you can fix.

Not interested... And this one?

This one runs fine. Sorry.

- Don't be sorry. - It's harder and harder to find nice car problems.

I realize that.

Do you prefer regular or convertible?

If it rains the problem could be more interesting with a convertible.

Especially if the roof gets stuck.

What about that one?

This is perfect. A lot of parts are missing.

The ignition is... how do you say... altogether original.

The clutch cable can break any day now.

You won't find anything better.

I'll take it.

Not bad.

Be careful with the roof.

Wait for me.

I have to make a phone call.

- Ms Cresson, can I use the phone? - Of course, Mr Bruno.

- Hello? - Hello, Kleber, 8328?

- Yes? - Who are you asking for?

Me? Nobody.

- You're at Inspector Fournier's. - That's right. I'm at his place.

No, the inspector isn't here, sir.

I know that. I'm Fournier.

He won't be long.

If you leave a number, I'll ask him to call you back the moment he gets in.

Listen. This is Kleber, 8328.

Yes, this is the right number...

but I think he went for a little drink.

You know him.

- When he's not here you can find him at the bar next door. - Me?

I haven't moved at all this afternoon.

Then we're in a fix.

Listen, it's very simple.

He can call you back, or you can call back.

- Do you have a pen? - Yes.

- The number is Kleber... - Kleber...

- 83... - 83...

- 28. - 28.

- Goodbye, sir. - Goodbye.

- Who are you calling? - Myself.

Well?

The line is busy.

Goodbye, house!

Sorry.

Hey, could you please give us a number between 0 and 100?

- Why? Is there a prize? - It depends on the number.

- 34. - You lost.

- Sorry. - Thanks. Bye.

34 kilometers. Let's go.

Sir! Do you prefer right or left?

I don't like politics.

I move around...

- and I'm never home. - Heads or tails?

- Tails. - Tails means left.

Say, you've gained some weight since last year.

227. 227.

We said 228. It's the next one.

You sure?

Here we are... It's this one.

Stop.

You really think something will happen to us?

Here?

Why not?

Anyway, we're not leaving till something happens.

Night is falling, by the way.

How come?

Natural causes... I suppose.

I'm not so sure. It looks like a set-up.

You think?

Nothing's happened.

It was a day like any other.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- Is it you? - I don't know.

It's not you?

- Is this kilometer 103? - No, sir, it's 228.

- Counting from where? - From Plessis-Robinson, near Paris.

Yes...

but counting from Forez it's kilometer 103.

It's possible.

I found this in my mailbox.

I'm from Forez.

If you want to, stop at kilometer 103...

on freeway 306 at 6:00 tomorrow morning.

- Is it signed? - No.

You have no idea?

I don't know. I don't know anyone. I live alone.

I work for the council.

When will I see him?

What the ... ?

But it's you!

Miss Francoise!

I think we can leave now.

The thought of the day?

Dogs don't make the best dogs.

Another thought?

- Even flies cough. - Two thoughts for the day.

Maybe we'll need them.

Yes, maybe we'll need them.

Finally a touch of the unexpected. I was starting to despair.

Come on, push!

Jump!

- And now nothing can stop us. - Whatever happens, I won't brake.

What is it?

Look... It's a guy.

Do we stop or not? We said we wouldn't.

Okay, we won't stop.

Shit.

- What is it? - The brakes won't work.

- What?! - The brake.

- I don't want to see this! - Me neither!

Why have you stopped?

Our car broke down.

- Broke down? - Yes.

- Where's the problem? - The engine's dead.

- Maybe it's the carburetor. - Let's see.

Do you know the real reason for Christ's death?

Key of eight.

Few people know it. The documents were destroyed.

Christ had invented the car.

The Romans thought his invention useless,

even negative.

They were right, by the way.

So they crucified him... to avoid punishment.

It was a total failure.

- That explains a lot. - It explains everything!

Have a nice trip.

This will hold for six kilometers, maybe seven.

- Thanks. - Goodbye.

- Good luck. - See you later.

So tomorrow for sure?

- Count on it. - That's right, otherwise after tomorrow morning.

- Any morning. It doesn't matter. - Even an evening. Any evening. Ok?

Good morning, miss. Gentlemen.

- Would you like two rooms? - No, one room.

- Only one room? - We're brothers and sister.

We're used to it. At home we slept in the same room.

We were twelve.

Our father worked at the train station in Mulhouse, in the Lower Rhine.

Twelve? You're lucky. I'm an only child and it's so boring.

People say only children are luckier than their brothers.

- You say that to comfort me. - No, not at all.

Good. Well I have 16 or 18.

- 18. - 18.

Here's 18. We'll get your luggage.

They're asking for Inspector Fournier on the phone... Inspector Fournier.

I'm here undercover.

My superiors thought I needed some rest so they gave me a holiday.

In any case... I'm not answering the phone.

Your pocket is torn. There.

Oh, shoot.

What's going on?

I never saw anything like this.

- What's that? - A bible.

What's that?

Pretty little apples.

What are you thinking?

Us three.

Do you have a feeling about us?

I know. Do you feel weary, indifferent?

- A distance creeping in? - Not yet.

And you?

- Not me. - Me neither.

What now?

We continue.

I have a surprise for you.

Today is our wedding day.

- You and me? - You and me.

Thank you.

Do we really need to get married?

- No. All the more reason. - My son,

have you seriously thought about it?

- No, my father. - Perfect.

I declare you husband and wife.

My daughter, are you sure this man is worthy?

Not at all, dad. That's why I want him.

Excellent. The answer I expected. You are my daughter.

Does anyone oppose this union?

No? Then follow me and we'll sign.

Clearly.

The Republic sanctions this contract.

And now we kiss.

There is one more formality.

Stop, guys. You've forgotten something.

- Beautiful wedding, wasn't it. - Two beautiful weddings.

- What are you talking about? I'm lost. - You're lost?

Let's look for you here.

- Good day, sir. - Good day, gentlemen. Miss.

Mrs.

We're on our honeymoon and I'd like a flashlight.

We don't have any here.

- A waterproof flashlight. It's very important. - Extremely important.

But I don't have any.

This is a nursery, you can see for yourselves.

I understand your problem, but it's only a detail.

I don't care if it's round or square.

Yes, the important thing is that it's waterproof.

You don't understand. This is a nursery! A nursery!!

I heard you.

Let me explain.

It's for our basement.

When it rains in our basement, there's no electricity,

which is terrible as my electric train's in the basement.

- That's why I want a flashlight. - Waterproof.

But I don't sell flashlights! How many times do I have to tell you?

- It's a nursery! A nursery! - Calm down.

When he doesn't have his electric train, he makes our lives impossible.

That's why he desperately needs a flashlight...

waterproof.

I don't have one! I've never had one!

Personally, I'd like it red... but if you don't have it...

I'll take another color. We're color blind, anyway.

The main thing is that it's waterproof.

We agree on that?

Waterproof like a thermos.

I don't sell flashlights! You don't understand!

I've never had any! Never! Never! Never!

What's this racket? What's going on?

- Good day, madam. - Good day.

- Can I do something for you? - Yes, I'd like some black thread.

Yes, of course, right away. There you are.

- Good day, madam. - Madam.

Since my husband died...

I only dress in white.

I bought a white car.

At home... all the furniture is white.

In my living room there are only white flowers.

I live in white.

I have a friend.

I gave her my red fish.

Do you drink milk?

I drink milk. I eat rice, cottage cheese,

plain yoghurt with sugar.

I don't know if my husband would've liked it.

What did your husband do?

Look.

He took care of me.

We were a very solid couple.

Like you.

In a few years... my hair will be white.

This idea helps me grow older.

Excuse me, do you have a handkerchief?

- Here. - Thanks.

Do you ski?

No.

No, I don't like snow.

Snow is not really white.

Yes, snow is less and less white.

Regarding that, I remember...

a funny story that took place in 1918.

At this time my daughter was still in high school.

But in 1918... you couldn't have been born.

- I wasn't born? - No.

- If I wasn't born then I couldn't have had my daughter yet. - Surely not.

Well, let's forget I said anything.

Time goes by and I babble.

Oh, did you see? How extraordinary.

No. What?

It's gone already.

- Goodbye, madam. - It was my pleasure!

- Thanks. Have a nice trip. - Your dress is caught in the door, madam.

- Do you have any trout? - Are you crazy, miss?

It's been banned for five years now.

Oh, poor dear. You didn't know.

The ecology of the region is upside down.

The water's not what it used to be. The catch is no good anymore.

- You have shrimps? - No, these are crays.

They're blue hybrids.

You have to boil them in tetrachloride, because they're full of strontium.

If you don't, don't come back complaining.

And this?

I don't recommend it.

It's not produced locally and it can make you blind.

- And the apples? - Yes, the apples are good. They're from Sweden.

- Why? - They were refused due to the pesticides.

Give us four dozen.

- Plenty of dozens. - Yes, millions of dozens.

- You don't intend to eat them? - No!

Is there an apple tree around here?

- An apple tree? - Yes.

- Well, no... There's no apple tree. - I see. Why not?

- I don't know. - It's annoying because we've plenty of apples and no apple tree

There's no apple tree around here.

Is there another tree we could use as an apple tree?

There aren't many trees around here.

Hey. What about that one?

- It's not an apple tree. - Yes, but it could've been.

Yes.

Can we borrow it?

- It's not mine. - Whose is it?

- But that tree's dead. It's no-one's. - Well then!

- Well take it, then. Thanks. - We'll take it!

Bye.

Get out of here, bums!

Damn the ground you step on!

Paradise cannot be improved!

You will earn your bread by the sweat of your brow!

Till the fifth generation!

To start with I'd like two dozen snails Chantepleurs,

- simple sauce, chef style. - Then a plate of Gascogne lobster,

braised with a poached egg, ... and garden vegetables.

And for me, a braised Petit Prince lamb in its juice,

with petit fours Grande Table.

- Excuse me, Maitre d'Hotel... - Leave me alone!

That couple...

the check... for me.

- Very well, sir. - I advise you to be discreet.

- Of course, sir, I won't say a word. - We're counting on you.

Where's the Maitre d'Hotel? Are we getting the check or what?

Why are you in such a hurry?

- It's such a shame that Ariane left us. - Yes.

I understand her.

For us it was easy. There was only her.

But for her the two of us were not enough.

She would have loved this place.

Ariane...

- No-one can take her place, ever. - No, never.

All there is is the Grande Cuisine to comfort us.

Maitre d'Hotel! The check, please.

- Do you hear me?! - All has been paid for, sir.

- What do you mean? - The check has been taken care of.

- How? Who paid? - I don't know, sir.

- Are you mocking me? - Not at all, sir.

- And the tip? - Also taken care of.

- The tip was also taken care of? - Then we can leave.

You saw me? You know who I am?

I'm an old inspector of the postal service, sir.

- Listen... - Oh, go play with Breton!

What is this place? Did you even take a look at me?

I'll never step into this shack again.

Go back and cook your stew in Abyssinia.

Here comes Ben Hur and his chariot! I'm a veteran so step on my feet!

Go back to Cyprus... or wherever you want...

- Was it good? - Delicious.

Are you okay?

Not too hot?

No... It's nice here.

There's a breeze. It's pleasant.

Do you love us a bit?

- I adore you. - So on the whole, are you happy?

I'm fulfilled.

Then you'll be punished.

- What for? - Just like that. For nothing.

There's no need for a reason to punish you.

It's not funny.

- I hope not. - Needless to say it improves the landscape.

A horrible detail is missing.

Hey... Shall we gag her?

No.

Give her a chance to call for help.

- Help! Help me! - Hold on, there's no hurry. Wait till we're gone, at least.

- What?! You're leaving? - We're not going to spend the night here.

Do you think she really wants to leave us?

I wonder.

Can I do something for you, maybe?

Mind your own business.

Sorry.

- Would you like to? - We can't decide.

Yes, you're right.

Come on, pick a card. What are you doing?

King of hearts.

Ah, king of hearts. "Old King Hotel".

- Yes, it's a must. - Let's go.

- Sir. Madam. - A room, please.

- Is the nuptial suite available? - But certainly, sir.

It's always available on Wednesdays.

Allow me to congratulate you, sir. Madam.

- Is this gentleman with you? - He never leaves us.

- Then maybe a room on the same floor? - A connecting room.

- Connecting? - Yes.

Surely we have what you need, sir.

Yes, we must.

Yes, we do.

Is it a large bed?

- Pardon? - Do we have a large bed?

We've never had any complaints. Except for once, sir.

- How big is the bed in the nuptial? - Six feet.

Six feet large, sir. You won't find anything bigger.

- Is that all right? - Sure.

The nuptial suite.

Have a nice afternoon, sir. Madam.

Come in.

Tell the concierge this bed is only 1.4 meters.

Barely 1.2.

I'm hungry.

Inspector Fournier.

He's not in his room, sir.

- Can I... wait for him. - Certainly, sir.

There have been cases of recovery.

Yes, it's true. That's a fact.

Some people recover miraculously in Lourdes. There are more every year.

Yes, it's true and it's normal.

It's the same thing in hospitals.

Unexplained recoveries.

But you know, if we consider...

the total number of sick people assembled here,

I think one can say that proportionally,

there are less recoveries in Lourdes than elsewhere.

- You really think so? - Yes. My superiors are very discreet about it...

but since you're asking, I think...

I can tell you.

You see, at the police station we do the calculations.

Very precise calculations. That is to say...

given the number of sick people...

who travel for miles in difficult conditions,

given the worries, the effort,

the anguish created from the suspense in hoping for miracles.

Given all the car accidents because...

they're not byroads,

I guess you could say that Lourdes...

kills on average between six and seven hundred people per year.

More or less.

Two cognacs for room 18.

Thank you.

We were waiting for you.

Oh, I know.

Yes.

- Yes? - Yes.

Thank you, sir.

I made a mistake.

Has Inspector Fournier arrived yet?

No, sir.

- Can I leave him a message? - Absolutely, sir.

Could you tell him that he cannot wait indefinitely and he'll be back soon.

- Who? - Inspector Fournier.

Camille... Fournier.

- With two T's? - Yes, if you like.

If he doesn't get this message, he must let him know as soon as possible.

I'll see to it, sir.

Oh, sorry. Excuse me.

I really thought you were married.

- Oh no, they're my brothers. - Really?

Actually they do look like you.

- And if you knew how nice they are... - They're charming.

Which one do you prefer?

Why do we always have to choose?

- Do you know they're available? - Available?

- What do you mean? - I've already said too much.

Tonight, at 11:00?

- Tonight at 11:00. - Alright!

Charming.

- Thank you very much.

Tonight at 11:00.

- Do you like her? - Who?

- My sister. - Ah, yes. Very much.

She's nicely out of place in this hotel.

And you know, she's so alone... A dreamer... A romantic.

Do you know she's for sale?

For how long?

As long as you want. Forever, if you want to.

- Is it expensive? - Forever?

Cheap. But for a few moments it's very expensive.

And for tonight, is it possible?

- Tonight? - Yes.

- 11:00? - Yes.

- What a nice place. - Very calm.

Maybe a bit too calm.

Have you noticed the bored, young couple?

Adorable. I was telling my husband.

It's my sister and brother.

Very attractive.

And so sociable... Understanding.

Do you think they'd accept to... have dinner with us tonight?

In our room, even?

They don't know how to say no.

What do you think, Julien?

Let's say... ten past 11:00?

11:00.

Hello! What a surprise!

Hello, madam.

Hello, madam.

What's wrong?

Why, nothing. Quite the opposite. I'm getting married.

They're waiting.

Goodbye! I'll call!

I'm so happy.

We disappointed a few people tonight.

I know three that are still waiting.

I read somewhere...

that a man spent twenty years of his life...

studying the fundamental nature of the night.

Who was it?

An Englishman, a physics professor.

I forgot the name.

He was a widower.

He lived in a big tower.

When?

Before the war.

Did he find out what it was?

I don't know. I don't think so.

I must say to spend twenty years of one's life only studying the night...

is a real passion.

- So many people go through the night without even noticing it. - Yes.

I hope we never find it.

Sir, which way shall I go?

Go left. Turn right in the next village.

- You go three kilometers and you're there. - Thank you.

No, leave me. I want to be alone.

Miss? ... Can I ask you something?

- Yes. - Are you happy?

No.

- Not right now. - How lucky you are.

A few feet from here there's a man who can do everything for you.

- Who is he? - Don't ask me his name.

Would you like to follow me?

Sit down.

- Would you like a cigarette? - No, thanks.

- You don't smoke? - Yes, I do.

Are you hungry or thirsty?

No.

- Are you unhappy? - Sometimes.

There is no...

time to lose.

Let's leave immediately.

Both of us.

How many young girls disappear every year?

Thousands.

Do you know what you have lost?

No.

Joy.

I will teach you joy again.

But you too...

- look so sad. - Sad? No. Uncertain.

I must tell you, I'm one of the last members...

of an endangered cult.

I've been raised...

to make women happy.

I know everything about them...

but sometimes I have... doubts.

Soon women will no longer... need that.

Suddenly in the desert, an unfortunate young girl appears...

and I recover my strength.

I fly to her rescue, for instance.

You're not alone... but...

You see through me.

She did that for us.

I often wonder if she'll soon leave us forever.

Don't look at her.

You're right. Let's not look at her.

I'm going to give you proof to gain your trust.

Smell.

- It smells like violets. - You're simplifying. When I do that...

does your left knee hurt?

- Yes. - Of course.

- When are we leaving? - Right now.

- Want to know what I really think? - I know.

Shall we leave?

- What? - Let's leave.

In seventy-seven minutes.

Aren't we leaving her a clue?

She didn't leave us a clue.

We should stay away from lakes from now on.

I don't understand.

What did we do wrong?

We let her go.

What if she doesn't come back?

It would be treachery, quite simply.

Yes.

Or a form of honesty.

Do you realize what's at stake?

Some would give ten years of their lives for the happiness we had.

I thought happiness was tomorrow.

Did you see the time go by?

No. I only saw us.

There was only us.

We're drunk.

Hey, it's her.

- You think so? - Yes, it's her.

Are you sure it's not an illusion?

No, no. She's come back to us. Are we happy?

Ah, we are happy.

We should be angry at her. Let's burn some incense.

- And throw some glasses. - That's it.

Is this night of love already over?

Nothing goes faster than unforgettable moments.

For the Fijian beetle the ecstasy of July lasts fourteen hours!

But they say it's very rare.

You thought I could leave?

Yes, I thought so.

- And you? - Yes.

Then I'll go.

- What happened to you? Why'd you tell her all that?

And you with your Fijian beetles.

She came back. That's all that matters.

Yes, but I would have liked her to face us.

She was disappointed. Did you notice?

I didn't notice.

What I said was harsher than I intended.

What are we going to do now?

Listen, if you're not satisfied, you can go.

Shit!

- Does the smoke bother you? - Not at all, sir.

- Does the smoke bother anybody? - No, go ahead.

You could ask for my opinion.

Sorry, sir. Does the smoke bother you?

- Yes, the smoke bothers me. I'm asthmatic. - I'm sorry.

- You don't look it. - What do you mean I don't look it?

- You don't look sorry. - Excuse me, sir.

If this gentleman has asthma you'd better not smoke in his presence.

- I'm a chemist and I can tell you... - But I'm not smoking!

Thank God you're not.

Well, miss, we might as well type a letter.

Certainly, sir.

Sir... No, Madam...

No, sir. Dear sir.

Following your letter from the eleventh...

Or was it the twelfth?

No, don't write anything. Following your letter... period.

I want to...

let you know... period. New line.

The reorganization of our services makes it difficult...

period.

We are sending you...

without delay... period. New line.

In case of our reply...

In... case... of... our... reply...

please return this letter intact.

Receive them all... Signature.

Send twelve copies...

- to our usual correspondent. - There are only six.

- What? - There are only six!

- Yes, so what? - You said twelve and there are only six.

Two for each. Two times six, twelve.

- Is that clear? - Yes. No.

How long has she been with you? She's a bit slow, isn't she.

TEN YEARS LATER

Come on, Jerome or you'll be late. Come on.

- Say goodbye to dad. - Bye, dad.

- Goodbye. Behave yourself. - Come on, drink your milk.

Good.

- And dad too. - Bye, dad.

See ya, kid.

Behave yourself. Off you go.

- Bye, mum. - Goodbye.

- Hello - Hello. We were waiting for you.

You're late.

Come on, let's go.