Original subtitles

♪ When I said it out loud, it wasn't as strong as it was in my head ♪

♪ I tried not to think about it, so it came back louder ♪

♪ I think it's been about a year since I became a snob ♪

♪ Decided not to play along, so it grew bigger ♪

♪ Me and my head have become very, very, very close ♪

♪ We decided not to tell you, to tell you about it ♪

♪ We're just gonna play it safe Do what we know ♪

♪ Play it cool, lay it low Not tell you about it ♪

♪ And here I am playing by myself ♪

♪ Me and my superiority complex ♪

♪ And here I am playing by myself ♪

♪ Me and my inferiority contest ♪

♪ I'm not winning, but I'm having a very good time ♪

♪ You can call me the good time girl ♪

♪ When I said it out loud, it didn't sound as good ♪

♪ I couldn't be as proud of my original thought ♪

♪ I'm not trying to whisper what should be bought ♪

♪ But I can't imagine being out of control ♪

♪ I knocked off the top, my head and I ♪

♪ When I'm all alone but we're in my prime ♪

♪ Don't want the throne when I'm doing just fine ♪

♪ Just as long as I'm having a real good time ♪

♪ You can call me ♪

♪ You can call me ♪

♪ You can call me the good time girl ♪

Adam!

Do you know what it is?

It's a millipede.

No, it's God.

Adam! John!

- Mum and Dad are looking for us. - We can't go back now.

Why not?

Because we're watching God, John.

Sir John, they are in a hurry.

I'm not.

"In a higher world, it is otherwise

but here below, to live is to change.

And to be perfect is to have changed often."

You are a devious one, Danny.

Ensnaring me with the words of my beloved Newman.

We shall only take Valencia.

And the box.

You were right as always, Danny.

She is splendid.

It's Meghan Markle, sir.

She does not know what to wear.

What a nuisance.

Tell her I'll phone her later.

That's not enough.

We'll have to go to the higher-ups.

You are throwing me out.

Where are Pius and I supposed to go now? On the street?

I'm not throwing you out, Ester

the owner is.

Thanks to me, you have been living here rent-free ever since Peter left you.

But now the owner wants his house back.

He has rights too, doesn't he?

I can start paying rent again.

The Italian-Swiss TV is doing a show on Pius XIII's miracles and...

Ester, you can't live off your TV appearances.

You need a steady job.

I clean your church, that's a steady job.

But it's only two hours a day, Ester. Not enough to get by on.

I can look for another cleaning job in Rome.

And what will you do with Pius? Who is going to watch him while you're in Rome?

So, what am I supposed to do now?

You need another miracle, Ester.

You've all abandoned me.

Even you, Lenny.

Want me to blow your brains out?

Why don't you get a haircut?

What happened?

♪ The river flows, it flows to the sea ♪

♪ Wherever that river goes, that's where I... ♪

Marvellous, but dated.

Like me.

My favourite famous people are

Dennis Hopper, Jack Nicholson

Sean Penn, Sharon Stone and...

Marilyn Manson.

What do you like about them?

- They seem free. - And you like liberty?

You know the answer, don't ask such obvious questions.

If you become Pope

liberty is the one outfit you won't be able to wear.

But will I be able to see you every day?

Don't ask such obvious questions.

You remind me of my favourite actor

John Malkovich.

Doesn't do much for me.

But the others, if I were to become Pope

might I be able to meet them?

All, except Dennis Hopper.

There shouldn't be any problem for the others.

It's considered an honour to meet a pontiff.

Finally, a sensible reason for aspiring to the papacy.

I found a photograph in my room, tucked in a drawer

of you with the Queen.

And you're implying what, that I put it there to impress you?

I'm getting old and...

old age, perhaps, pushes us to employ these pathetic little tricks.

- What's she like, the Queen? - Enchanting.

Because she's pale, like you.

Hello?

Yes, wear the yellow Dior.

Because it plays up the contrast with your complexion.

No.

No, Meghan, I'm adamant. Wear the yellow Dior, I said.

Was that Meghan?

Regrettably, yes.

They want to be influencers

yet they have no idea of colour combination.

She calls me 25 times a day for beauty tips.

She thinks I'm gay.

Well...

are you?

Did you hear about the attack in Somalia?

I'm devastated.

Do you find me bombastic?

- Not at all. - And yet that is precisely what I am.

Bombast being a defect

which I simply cannot seem to control, like all Anglo-Saxons.

On the news, they said they may have used a boy

to carry out the attack.

I know, and I am not in fact devastated

nor am I experiencing the least bit of guilt over my lack of feeling.

Africa is far away.

Perhaps you are committed to suffering

only for those who are close to you.

I am aware of the opinion you've formed of me, Gutierrez.

You think I'm a socialite.

Socialising is important.

Think how many remarkable things happened for Jesus

during the Last Supper.

That was a social event.

Were I to come to Rome, I should like to be your friend as well.

It will be an honour and a pleasure for me.

Then I shall tell you something straightaway, as a friend.

My parents charted a great ecclesiastical career

for my brother Adam, but not for me.

They told me every day of my life that I'd never amount to anything.

Why were they so mean?

We're not yet good enough friends for me to tell you that, Bernardo.

I've only come here to tell you

that I, John Brannox

may be the next Pope of Rome.

I know you always thought that was Adam's destiny

but it seems it may be mine.

Even though this was the last thing you would have ever wished for

you shall be condemned to be proud of me

you poor old bastards.

God doesn't like you.

All my life

I have negated myself

in the pathetic attempt to alleviate your suffering!

To no avail!

I became my brother

in the hopes of bringing a smile to your faces

even just once.

To no avail!

But now it all makes sense

for it has served to make me Pope.

Me, not Adam!

I will be Pope!

And I will continue to forsake myself

as I've done for you for all these years.

Only now I will be doing it for all the Catholics in the world!

For that is what love means to me:

forsaking myself.

You're the ones who taught me that, hating me every day!

And so, after living my life

in the service of my mother

my father, my brother

and receiving nothing but contempt

I shall now live my life

in the service of the Church and its people

hoping to receive for the first time, an ounce of affection!

I can be Pope.

Because I know how to endure suffering.

Others don't.

You're going too slow.

Nearly there...

John. John, I'm done.

Adam, I am nothing but falsehood and vanity

the armour I wear to hide the truth.

I only suffer for what is close to me. How true.

For I only suffer for you, Adam.

I let our family die.

Nothing else matters, nothing touches me, everything disgusts me

which is why God does not like me.

God didn't like me either.

Because God's love is not simply given.

You have to earn it step by step, you have to grow.

Are you ready to take the first step, John?

Are you ready to grow up?

Please, come in. Make yourselves comfortable.

I wanted to see you, in order to tell you something in person.

I have decided to decline your proposal.

I've no intention whatsoever of being your candidate at the conclave.

May I ask why?

Because, despite appearances

I am not equal to the task.

Your sincerity and humility

will be greatly appreciated by the College of Cardinals

and by the faithful the world over.

God will help you, Sir John.

Only He is equal to the task.

Yes.

I have decided not to choose.

Not choosing being the only thing

at which I truly excel.

We are out of time. We have to get to Rome immediately.

Tomorrow is Pope Francis II's funeral.

The world is waiting.

Voiello, why don't you take a step back

and let Hernández be elected?

It does seem like the most reasonable plan, Eminence.

You could certainly reach an agreement that satisfies both of you.

Hernández would gladly reconfirm you as Secretary of State

in order to be elected Pope.

Hernández covered up all the sexual abuse in his dioceses.

Did you know that? No, no, you didn't, but I did.

I spend my life gathering information.

Hernández will never be Pope as long as I live.

Moreover, we have only one candidate.

That is Sir John Brannox.

A piece of fragile porcelain, that's true

but consequently, without sin.

I am not a piece of fragile porcelain.

I am a man of steel who is laden with sins

but I also possess unimaginable powers of persuasion.

Now...

look at those two roses.

Do you notice anything?

Flowers are vain.

Sir John, I wanted to say goodbye

and to thank you for the marvellous hospitality you have shown us.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

- When do you leave? - Tomorrow morning, bright and early.

The conclave awaits.

You will forgive me for not attending, won't you?

I'm quite done in, you know.

But of course, it is not a problem.

Besides, your vote would be superfluous.

Fortunately, we have unanimously converged

on a new candidate.

Needless to say, we are all greatly relieved.

Well, I'm delighted the matter has been resolved

and that my reticence will not present a problem

for the future of our beloved Church.

Not at all.

The Holy Spirit has illumined us once again

and the Church will continue on its way.

Goodbye, Voiello.

It was a great pleasure meeting you.

The pleasure was mine, Sir John.

Eminence.

I was... Ahem.

I was wondering, pure curiosity on my part

what is the name of the cardinal

upon whom you've all unanimously converged?

Count François De Bougainville.

- Norman nobility? - Exactly.

Goodbye, Sir John.

Er, just a minute!

Just a minute!

Valencia suffers from car sickness.

You won't mind awfully if he rides in the front?

Whenever you are unsure which choice to make

if you wish, I am here to help you.

Agreed.

By the way, Eminence, last night

I was looking for the name "François de Bougainville"

in the current pontifical yearbook, but it wasn't there.

Why not?

Because he died six years ago.

What a rascal you are!

What will Meghan do without me?

- Is your son the birthday boy? - Yes. Pius.

Will you forgive me for

having come without a present?

Of course.

When my w-wife was alive, this never would have happened.

I've heard.

I'm sorry.

It was God's will.

What do you do?

Mine is an ancient

useless profession.

I repair watches.

Why useless?

Because no one repairs anything anymore.

They just replace everything.

Not everything is replaceable, though.

- Might I ask you a favour? - Sure.

Would you be so kind as to keep an eye on my son, Marcellino?

I need to leave for a moment.

Where are you going?

I need to see the sunset.

Do you remember me, Holy Father?

I do, yes! You're enthusiastic and ambitious.

I haven't changed.

I knew you would come.

How did you know?

Because we are so alone, Ester.

Thank you, brothers and sisters.

I look upon you and I see a hidden grace

which is a truth.

That is what you are.

You look upon me

and you see a fragile old man with a beard.

That is what I am.

Now you're thinking, "So, this is the Pope, the new Bishop of Rome.

He must know so much."

No, that is not true.

I do not know.

That is why I want to learn.

Let us learn together, brothers and sisters.

Me here, in my new home

and you together with your families.

We must never forget the beauty and strength of family.

Whenever we cannot manage to see the beauty

it is because the truth has been hidden.

Well then, let us uncover that truth

place it on the kitchen table

and your family will grow stronger.

That is who you are.

And let us strive to eliminate prejudices.

Those who harbour prejudices do not know the facts.

That is not who you are.

Let us grow in the tenderness of our intimacy

and in the intimacy of our tenderness.

That is who you are.

And do not think

brothers and sisters.

We must not think.

The Church must not think.

It needs only to protect the fragile.

Our mission is to recognise

preserve and value fragility

that fragility which hides in the opaque cold of night

or in the crystalline cold of midday.

Wherever there is fragility

there is the Church.

That is who we are.

We are a truth.

I've run back to my shop and I found a perfect gift for Pius

in the bottom of a drawer.

A client forgot it a year ago.

You shouldn't have.

And yet, deep down

I sensed that I should.

Uh, no...

Look what a fabulous gift I have for you.

Two fifth-row tickets for the musical

on the Last Judgment, at the Sistina.

A musical at the Sistine Chapel?

No, at the Theatre Sistina!

Father, we are cloistered nuns.

How silly of me.

I keep forgetting that you can't leave the premises.

So, you didn't come to ask about the musical?

We came because Sister Lisette's mother has cancer, stage four.

Her dying wish is to go to Lourdes with her daughter.

The sisters took up a collection

but we only have 90 euro, we need 200 more.

Absolutely, this is a question of the highest priority.

But...

But...

I want to be honest with you.

The...

The Vatican, as you certainly know

is in the midst of a profound financial crisis

and all the offices have been ordered

to rein in their... what shall we say, extravagant expenses.

Does this seem like an extravagant expense to you?

Extravagant expenses

is the new Bentley that Cardinal Spalletta is driving round in.

I shall personally see to your request as soon as possible, sisters.

♪ Since we separated, I've been suffocated ♪

♪ Oh, yeah All the empty space in my head ♪

That's it, Holy Father, we are done.

What, no nudes?

Have you lost your minds?

The cardinals are on their way to the Sistine Chapel.

- The Pope is going to address them. - We want to talk with Voiello.

- I've already spoken with him. - Why didn't you tell us?

What were you waiting for?

- I was waiting for the right time. - And when might that be?

When it is the right time.

Voiello!

Voiello!

- Voiello! - Voiello!

- Voiello! - Voiello!

It frightens me to think what I am for you

but what I am with you consoles me.

For you, I am the Bishop of Rome.

With you, I am a Christian.

Welcome, brother cardinals.

We only have one problem.

I don't know of any other.

The problem is love.

You will come to me and you will say:

Holy Father, idolatry has taken root in the form of a cult devoted to Pius XIII

there are worrisome currents of terrorism at work within Islam

depressing business concerns weighing on the Curia

aberrations of sexual behaviour

crises of work and ethics

men who murder women

women who murder their children.

You will come to me and you will tell me

all the suffering in the world, and I will say to you:

they are all hysterias of love.

Distortions of our ability to love.

The problem, brothers, is love.

The question, then, is:

how are we to love?

This is my way:

with tenderness, without passion.

Passion is the eternal enemy of humility.

Christian humility

which is frugal, is just and is necessary.

Love is an abstraction

like intelligence, like happiness.

Every time our judgment is beclouded

by the ardent passions that consume us

we give love a dangerous concreteness

a scandalous concreteness, an illegal concreteness.

In short...

we are causing pain

to ourselves and to others.

Replace that concrete love with tenderness.

Or else, my beloved brothers

to my deep regret

I shall be forced to replace you.

God does not want that.

Only God knows how right and necessary

it is for our Church to remain united.

Jesus explained to us what love is

but we do not have His equilibrium, nor His wisdom.

But we must try, my brothers, together.

I can be a father to you

but you must know

that fathers are to be obeyed

even when they make mistakes.

My beloved cardinals, perhaps we cannot

fully express our faith

but we can express our tenderness.

It is our hope and our ambition.

Where will you go?

Don Mario is going to let us sleep in the sacristy for a few days.

After that, I have no idea.

Why can't we come and stay with you?

Because it would be...

an unbearable trauma for little Marcellino.

He still has not gotten over the loss of his mother.

- And now he would suddenly... - OK, I get it.

I might have a way of resolving things.

What are you saying?

Well...

a while back, in my old parish

in Santa Marinella, I met a lady.

Very distinguished, she's a lawyer.

Anyway, we became friends.

She is very wealthy

but she has a problem.

What sort of problem?

Her son.

- He has serious physical deformities. - What sort of deformities?

Well, I really don't know exactly.

She never takes him out in public.

She keeps him holed up in her villa confined to a room.

Maybe she's ashamed of him.

Why are you telling me this?

Because she has money.

And money is what you need.

And she's looking for a caregiver?

OK, here I am.

No, Ester, sorry, she's not looking for a caregiver.

No?

What is she looking for, then?

Well...

She would like to lavishly reward an act of generosity

which a pretty girl could do for her poor son.

Her son is 20

and for obvious reasons, he has never been with a woman.

I'm sorry, Ester.

Let's forget about it and never mention it again, right?

Sorry.

Go to sleep, my baby, go to sleep.

What would I have to do exactly?

Would it be enough if I let him see me naked?

No.

He sees naked women all day long on the internet.

No, that wouldn't be enough.

How much would his mother be willing to pay?

I don't know.

Fifteen, maybe 20,000. She's very rich.

No, that would be prostitution, it's a sin.

No, it is not a sin.

Because this is not prostitution.

- It is an act of Christian charity. - No, it's a sin.

Then his future is worth more than your sin.

Well, Father, what do you think?

I think you are a lucky woman, Ester.

This is the second miracle God has granted you.

- What's your name? - Faisal.

You?

Caterina.