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1
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,839
Hey, hey, what up, shop?ALL: Hey.
2
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:18,496
What up, Calvin?Hey, shoppedy-shop,
can I get a "what-what?"
3
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,676
Sorry, Dave.
4
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,896
Looks like the shoppedy-shop
gave you a "nopedy-nope."
5
00:00:27,636 --> 00:00:32,032
Hey, Que, why does Bobby have
a pink chair at his station?
6
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:34,121
Oh, that's not
Bobby's station anymore.
7
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,470
He had to skip town.
8
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,254
Yeah, he sneezed
and accidentally
9
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,300
shaved off one
of Big Mike's eyebrows.
10
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,085
Man, he didn't even
wait for a "Bless you."
11
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:44,087
Just dropped the
clippers and ran.
12
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,480
[laughter]
13
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,482
Anyway, now that he's gone,
14
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:49,266
I rented out his station
15
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,268
to a couple of women
who's gonna do nails.
16
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,270
All right.
17
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:56,099
It'll be nice to get some
female energy up in here.
18
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,970
Now Dave doesn't have
to feel so alone.
19
00:00:58,014 --> 00:00:59,320
[laughter]
20
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,713
Pink Ladies in the house!
21
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:03,454
Can I get a "what-what?"
22
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,108
ALL:
What-what?
23
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:08,329
Oh, no.
It's the Pink Ladies.
24
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:10,157
What are they doing here?
25
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,420
And why did they get
a "what-what" and I didn't?
26
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,509
Do y'all know each other?
27
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:16,989
Unfortunately, yes.
28
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:20,167
These two buzzards been
circling me since high school.
29
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:23,387
Hey, Regina,
isn't that Calvin Butler?
30
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,476
Couldn't be. That
guy's older, uglier,
31
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,348
and has way more hair
coming out of his nose.Ha!
32
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,438
No, that's him, all right.
33
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,309
You can tell
because he's standing next
34
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,442
to his emotional support dork.[laughs]
35
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,445
What's up?What's up?
36
00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,534
No, what's up?No, what's up with you?
37
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,144
Yeah, looks like
I ain't the only one
38
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,580
that got hair
coming out their nose.
39
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:44,321
[others oohing]
40
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,018
Regina, hand me
that nail file.
41
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,411
I'm about to
shank this fool.
42
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:50,022
Oh, uh, C-Calvin,
let's get out of here.
43
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,329
No, Dave. The shop is my spot.
44
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:54,157
If anybody's leaving, it's them.
45
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,551
Oh, no, we're not. See,
Que already cashed our check,
46
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,161
so we're here to stay.
47
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,772
That's right,
unlike your hairline.
48
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,427
[groaning, laughter]
49
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,212
What you laughing at, Trey?
50
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:07,605
You and your bald head
wish you had my hairline!
51
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,044
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
52
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:13,089
♪ Welcome to the hood.
53
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,271
Aah! I cannot believe
54
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:24,361
the Pink Ladies are working
at the barbershop.I know.
55
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:25,362
What are we gonna do?
56
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,059
I don't know,
57
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:28,844
but as long
as they're at the shop,
58
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,759
I'm not getting my hair cut
there.
59
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:32,152
Besides...
60
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,849
[Jamaican accent]:
Me always wanting to know
61
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,720
what I'd look like with them
rude boy dreadlocks, you know.
62
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,722
Calvin,
63
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,812
you can't let them drive you out
of your own barbershop.
64
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:42,945
And trust me,
as someone who's had dreads,
65
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,294
they're not worth the effort.
66
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:50,082
You know, if they were dudes,
I'd kick their asses.
67
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,737
But according
to their driver's licenses,
68
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:54,174
they're technically females.
69
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,220
Well, look, if
you can't do that,
70
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,917
there's really only
one other solution.
71
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,049
What's that?
72
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,746
Why don't you
take the high road?
73
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,053
What do you mean?
74
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,969
Like a hit-and-run?
75
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:10,842
No. Uh, you-you try
to make peace with them.
76
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,409
Are you crazy?
77
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:16,108
I'm not making peace with
those two wig-wearing warthogs.
78
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:20,374
Look, Calvin, you
said it yourself--
79
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,419
they're driving you crazy.
80
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:25,205
And clearly, they're
not going anywhere.
81
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,772
But if you go in and
extend an olive branch,
82
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,992
I promise they'll
follow your lead.
83
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,776
What makes you so sure?
84
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,125
Well, because
mediating conflicts
85
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,432
is what I do for a living.
86
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,173
I don't know, man.
87
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,175
Come on, trust me, Calvin.
88
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,917
If you go in there
and offer a truce,
89
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,049
[Jamaican accent]: Everything
will be just fine, mon.
90
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,272
Wow. In one sentence,
91
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,927
you just ruined dreads
and Jamaica for me.
92
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:57,454
You know, I am so excited
that you and Dave
93
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,195
are trying to have another baby.
94
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,154
I know. We haven't had
this much sex
95
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:04,592
since he shaved off
those stupid dreads.
96
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:08,900
Well, at least someone's
making babies around here.
97
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,902
By the time Malcolm and
Marty give me grandkids,
98
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,556
they'll be changing
my diaper, too.
99
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,558
[laughs]
100
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,822
Well, is either one of them
seeing anyone these days?
101
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,998
Well, they're on all
those dating apps,
102
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,305
but neither one's had
a girlfriend in a while.
103
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:25,917
I guess Malcolm's been working
more hours, and Marty's been...
104
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:28,920
well, Marty.
[laughs]
105
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:31,401
Oh. Well, maybe the problem is
106
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,229
their profiles
aren't capturing
107
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,144
how amazing they are
in real life.
108
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,886
Hmm. I never thought of that.
109
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,018
You know, maybe we should
go online and look.
110
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:42,020
We can't. You can only
search those apps
111
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,195
if you have your own profile.
112
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,197
Well, can't we just
make a fake one?
113
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:49,027
I guess, as long
as you don't think it's wrong.
114
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:51,465
Oh, it's wrong, but not
as wrong as me laying
115
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:54,076
on a changing table
next to my grandbabies.
116
00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:55,904
[laughs]
117
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,385
Aha. Look who's back.
118
00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,951
You lose something, Calvin?
119
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,518
'Cause if you're looking
for your dignity,
120
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,564
Que already swept the floor.
121
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,217
[laughs]
122
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,350
Look, I didn't come to fight.
123
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,396
I came to end
this stupid rivalry.
124
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,356
Look, LaTonya,
did Calvin Butler just say
125
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,966
he wanted
to make peace with us?
126
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,533
I think he did.
127
00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:19,449
Regina, check the cap
on that nail polish remover.
128
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,233
Those fumes got us trippin'.
129
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,539
[laughs][mutters]
130
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:23,932
Y'all ain't trippin'.
All right.
131
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,194
Look, I just figured
132
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,022
if we're gonna be
in this shop together,
133
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:31,374
it's time that maybe we took
the high road with each other.
134
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,245
Hmm.
I don't think
he's playing.
135
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:36,074
He don't have that usual
stanky-ass look on his face.
136
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:38,555
REGINA:
I know.
137
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:40,340
I mean, it's still
a little stanky,
138
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:44,082
but the ass part just gone.Mm-hmm.
139
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,215
All right, I'm
serious, guys.
140
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,564
And as a show of good faith,
141
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,045
I want to give you
free tune-ups at my shop.
142
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,395
For your cars, not your faces.
143
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,049
[laughing]
144
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,138
I'm sorry.
It was right there.
145
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,096
You know what I'm
saying? Like, pop.[both chuckling]
146
00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,228
You know?
147
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,099
That's pretty big
of you, Calvin.
148
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,623
Mm-hmm.I'm in.
149
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:05,277
Okay. Me, too.
150
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:08,193
And in light
of our newfound peace,
151
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,543
we should do
something for you.
152
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,544
Like what?
153
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,415
Right.
How about...
154
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,635
we give you a manicure
on the house?
155
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,941
Nah, I don't need all that.
156
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,552
I'm pretty enough.
157
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,250
I got to keep the hands
relatable, you know? [laughs]
158
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,560
Come on, Calvin.
159
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,258
Look how rough they are from
working in that shop all day.
160
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:31,391
And now, wouldn't it be nice
for your wife
161
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:35,220
if you came home
with soft, smooth hands,
162
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:38,136
instead of these dry-ass
catcher's mitts?
163
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,356
Yeah. Yeah, you ain't lying
about that.
164
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,140
Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm.
165
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,186
I mean, the last time
I gave Tina a back rub,
166
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,449
she did say
it felt like I was scraping her
167
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,408
with two burnt pieces of toast.Oh!
168
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:50,627
[laughs]
Yeah, exactly. Come on.
169
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,629
Well, you come over here
and sit down and relax...
170
00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,718
All right. All right....while we take care of you.
171
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,372
Okay.All right now.
172
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,984
Remember, this is for Tina,
all right?
173
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:02,422
Mm.Oh. Oh! Ooh, that feels nice.
174
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,771
[laughing]:
That's nice.
175
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,643
Now, uh, don't be afraid
to get up on the neck.
176
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:10,212
Yeah. Again, for Tina.For Tina. Mm-hmm.
177
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:14,651
So, how's our fake account
coming along?
178
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:17,175
Great. Our name is Stacey,
179
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:20,701
and I just found the perfect
picture for our profile.
180
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,529
Whoa! Whoa.
181
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:26,097
I don't mean to objectify us,
but damn, we are stacked.
182
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,665
[laughs]Ooh!
183
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:31,189
Okay, so, uh, now we can
look up Malcolm and Marty
184
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,582
and see what's going on?
185
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,237
Yeah, I'll just
set the age range
186
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,327
to 26 to 32.Mm-hmm.
187
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:41,330
And say we're looking for
someone within a mile radius.
188
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:44,202
Good idea. With those boobs,
I don't think
189
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,727
Stacey can walk very far
without tipping over.
190
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:51,514
Oh, here's Marty.
191
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,211
Let's see.
192
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,779
Oh, no, no, no!
193
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,607
Why would he pick this photo?
194
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,827
He's wearing
a Star Trekuniform!
195
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:07,574
Yeah, he is boldly going
where no woman will ever go.
196
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,358
And he's got a quote
from The Hobbit.
197
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:10,751
What's it say?
198
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,709
I don't know.
It's in some made-up language.
199
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,406
But I'm pretty sure
it translates
200
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,365
into "I ain't getting
no grandbabies."Oh.
201
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,197
Oh. Now, hold on. Hold on.
This picture's cute.
202
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,286
Let me see.
Oh, yeah.
203
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,288
This one's much better.Yeah.
204
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:30,118
I'm gonna like it.No, no, no!
Tina, don't do that.
205
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,120
What? I just pressed the heart
206
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,078
so he knows
that someone thinks it's cute.
207
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,645
Yeah, but now he's gonna
get a notification
208
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,734
that "Stacey" is
interested in him.
209
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,563
Okay, I'll just undo it
before he notices.
210
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,739
I mean, it's not like
Marty's sitting by the phone,
211
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,654
waiting for somebody...[phone chimes]
212
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:47,788
Oh, my God.
213
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,834
My little baby just said "Sup?"
214
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:56,144
Calvin? Calvin!
215
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,450
Tina, let me rest, baby.
216
00:08:58,494 --> 00:08:59,800
I'm not a machine.
217
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:05,240
No, Calvin, it's us.
[chuckles]
218
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,807
We're done.
219
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,679
Oh. [laughs] Oh, wow.
220
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,463
I was out cold.
221
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,814
I had no idea
a manicure could be so relaxing.
222
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,598
[chuckling]
223
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,601
You know what? Not only
are y'all getting tune-ups,
224
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,256
you're getting free
air fresheners for life.
225
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,432
[chuckling]
226
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,608
Well, we're so glad
you enjoyed it.
227
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,610
Yeah, me, too.
Thanks a lot, ladies.
228
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,351
Mm-hmm.
229
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,529
What the hell
did y'all do to me?!
230
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,184
You turned me
into RuPaul Scissorhands!
231
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,316
[laughs]You're damn
right, we did!
232
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,797
Now your ugly face won't be
the first thing people notice.
233
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,495
Ha! Smile.[camera clicks]
234
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,715
Delete that.No way. I'm gonna blow that up
235
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,588
and use it
to scare crows off my lawn.
236
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:51,721
You know what? I knew I should
have never trusted y'all.
237
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,245
I don't know who y'all think
y'all playing with,
238
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:58,641
but payback is coming,
and you can believe that.
239
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,209
That's on everything. That's...
240
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:07,563
One of y'all get over here
and open this door.
241
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:16,746
[knocking]
242
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:17,921
Ooh, good. You're back.
243
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,096
How'd it go
with the Pink Ladies?
244
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,185
I'll give you ten guesses.
245
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,886
Oh, my God.
246
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:28,062
Why would you let them
do that to you?
247
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:30,064
I didn't let them. They...
248
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,761
Well, hang on, hang on.
Don't tell me.
249
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,155
I've got nine more guesses.
250
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:37,680
Look, they tricked me into
thinking that we made up
251
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,856
and then put me to
sleep with a massage.
252
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,904
When I woke up, I looked like
one of the Real Housewives.
253
00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:48,604
I can't believe
they would do that to you.
254
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,694
Well, th-this is what I
get for listening to you.
255
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:54,175
"Take the high road,
be the bigger man,
256
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,046
don't hit them with a car."
257
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,529
Well, we cannot let them
get away with this.
258
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:02,574
We've got to come up
with a plan to get them back.
259
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,054
Y-You damn right, we do.
260
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,840
Now come on, man. Help me
get these stupid nails off.
261
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,711
Yeah, you got it.
Uh, but first,
262
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,713
I have this itchy spot
right in the middle of my back.
263
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,149
It's right there.
If you could just...
264
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,585
If you could
help me out. Here.
265
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,898
Hey.
266
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,771
I came over to find out
how Stacey ended it with Marty.
267
00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:27,643
Oh, well,
that's the funny thing.
268
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,905
[phone chimes]
269
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,080
She didn't.
270
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,603
[gasps]
271
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,085
You're still messaging him?
272
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:36,870
Why?Because
273
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,567
he keeps messaging me.
274
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,874
We spent all morning
talking about Harry Potter
275
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,746
and how I'm something
called a Ravenclaw.
276
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,706
[gasps] You're a Ravenclaw?
You are so lucky.
277
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,578
Ugh. I'm a total
Hufflepuff.
278
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,623
Gemma,
what am I supposed to do?!
279
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:54,017
[sighs]
Well, first off,
280
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,671
you should stop
answering him.
281
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,716
I can't.
282
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,761
Then he'll think
Stacey rejected him.
283
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,676
It'd kill
his self-confidence.
284
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,897
[chuckles]:
Come on, give Marty more credit.
285
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,595
I'm sure he messages with girls
on this app all the time.
286
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:09,293
Plus, he's only known
Stacey for half a day.
287
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:12,209
She can't mean
that much to him.
288
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,995
I'm telling you, Malcolm,
this Stacey girl is special.
289
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,781
Oh, come on, Marty.
290
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,740
You said
the same thing last week
291
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,611
about the barista
at Starbucks,
292
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:25,092
and she wrote your name
as "Martha" on the cup.
293
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:28,617
Well, well, this is
different. Stacey is...
294
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,140
Stacey's smart.
She's interesting.
295
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,229
She-She's dope, man.
Check her out.
296
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,971
[chuckles]:
Oh, yeah. Ah.Yeah.
297
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,103
That's Mama.
298
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:37,669
What?!
299
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:40,237
No, no. No way. No...
Why would you think that?
300
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,806
Think about it, Marty.
Either a superhot girl
301
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:47,114
wants to talk to you
about Harry Potter,
302
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:49,290
or it's Mama
snooping around your love life.
303
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,858
Well... I mean,
you don't know that.
304
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,337
Maybe... Maybe...
305
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,296
Maybe as a teenager,
306
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:58,212
Stacey was so embarrassed
about her overdeveloped body,
307
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,301
so-so...
so she-she stayed inside,
308
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,781
just reading and...
309
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:02,912
Aw, damn!
310
00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:05,349
I said "sup" to my mama.
311
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:09,832
Okay. Uh, what about this?
312
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,312
We call the health inspector
313
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,836
and get their beauty licenses
taken away.
314
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,404
Nah, we can't
do that to Que.
315
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:19,276
Legally, he's only licensed
to groom dogs.
316
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,716
[sighs]
Well, we got to do something.
317
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,153
I mean, we can't
just let those girls
318
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:28,851
get away with being
so mean to you.
319
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:30,418
Wait a minute.
320
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:32,202
That's it.
321
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,161
Mean Girls.What?
322
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,684
In the movie Mean Girls,
323
00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:38,121
Lindsay Lohan takes down
the bullies in her school
324
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,427
by turning them
against each other.
325
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,733
That's what we need to do
to the Pink Ladies.
326
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,735
Yeah, o-on second thought,
327
00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:46,260
let's round up some stray dogs
and call the health inspector.
328
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:48,392
Calvin, I'm serious.
329
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,830
All we have to do is dig up
some dirt about one of them
330
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,048
that the other
doesn't know about
331
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:54,181
and expose it
for the world to see.
332
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:57,880
Oh, my God. I could've been
the queen of the mean girls!
333
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,971
You know, I think
I got something.
334
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,017
I'm not exactly proud of it,
but...
335
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,888
Okay, well, what is it?
336
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,934
Back in high school,
337
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,719
LaTonya had a
huge crush on me
338
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,242
because, well,
339
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,723
obviously, you know...Well, yeah. Come on. Yeah.
340
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:17,378
But one weekend, when
she was out of town,
341
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,249
Regina swooped in
342
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,861
and asked me on a date.
343
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,036
No.
344
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,995
Regina tried
to sneak and freak?
345
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,737
You damn right she did.
346
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:31,740
And she begged me
not to tell LaTonya.
347
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,220
Now, you think that's
the kind of dirt
348
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,309
that'll cause them to
turn against each other?
349
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:36,919
Are you kidding me?
350
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,182
Is Mean Girlsbetter
than Never Been Kissed?
351
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:45,797
The answer is yes,
by a long shot.
352
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,325
Mama, you and I need to talk
about something right now.
353
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,240
Okay, Marty, I can explain.
354
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,938
I never meant to...I am in love!
355
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,072
What?That's right.
356
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,943
Her name is Stacey,
we met online,
357
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,337
and I swear, Mama,
I think she's my soul mate.
358
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:06,514
How could you say that?
You've only known her one day.
359
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:09,212
Or more than that. I don't know.
How would I know that?
360
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,867
No, I know. I know
it seems fast, but I...
361
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,434
I've never felt so connected
to anyone before,
362
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:15,784
which is why I want you
to be the first to know.
363
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,438
I'm gonna propose.
364
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:19,962
Propose? Marty,
that is insane.
365
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,095
Ah, yeah. Well, so was selling
my car to buy a diamond ring,
366
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,792
but love
makes you do crazy things.
367
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,141
Oh, my God.[sighs]
368
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,535
Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay.
369
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,103
Marty, I've got
something to tell you.What?
370
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,974
I'm Stacey.
371
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,107
What?! You're Stacey?Yes.
372
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,456
I bought a ring for you?!
373
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,110
Yes.And I have been
messing with you
374
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:38,111
since the moment
I walked through the door?
375
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:39,373
Yes.
376
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,418
Wait, what?
377
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:42,985
That's right!
378
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,726
I know all about it.
And I take it back.
379
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,075
You're no Ravenclaw.
380
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:48,121
You're a Slytherin
through and through!
381
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,211
I am sorry, baby.
382
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,648
I-I just wanted to see
your profile
383
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,129
so I could figure out why
you weren't dating more.
384
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,131
And before I knew it,
you were dating me.
385
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:01,003
I can't believe you would
do this to me.
386
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,266
It's just that Dave and Gemma
started talking about
387
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,660
having a baby, and
all I could think about
388
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,705
is how much I wanted
grandkids.
389
00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:09,011
Yeah, but that's never
gonna happen
390
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:10,795
unless you let me do my thing
and meet a girl
391
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,797
who likes me
for who I am.
392
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,756
Hey, I know, but come on.
393
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:18,020
Star Trekuniforms
and Hobbitquotes?
394
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,891
Mama, that's who I am.
395
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:22,982
And anyone who doesn't like it
doesn't deserve me.
396
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,332
You're right.
397
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,290
And I'm sorry.
398
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,423
And from now on,
I will stay out of it.
399
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,120
Thank you.
[chuckles]
400
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,122
All right.
Okay, baby. Mwah!
401
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,297
[phone chimes]Oh.
402
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,995
Ooh, sounds like
you got another match.
403
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,867
Oh, wow.
And she's pretty.
404
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,695
And she says she's
into sci-fi,
405
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:43,002
video games
and graphic novels!
406
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,786
Let me see.
Mm-hmm.
407
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,005
Oh, yeah, that's Malcolm.
408
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:50,966
[all laughing]
409
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:54,013
[music playing]
410
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:57,842
What everybody laughing about?
What's going on? What's...
411
00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,235
What's funny?
412
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:06,721
Ah, no one said they
wanted nails like yours,
413
00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:09,898
but everyone wants copies
of the picture!
414
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,073
[laughter]
415
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,032
I put mine on a coffee mug.
416
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,384
Oh, yeah? Well, you may
want to put it down
417
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:20,169
and grab a broom,
because Calvin is about to
418
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,389
spill the beans.
419
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,956
That's right, LaTonya.
420
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,220
You remember back
in high school,
421
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,831
when everybody knew
you had a crush on me?
422
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:32,399
Well, your girl Regina here
went behind your back
423
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,357
and asked me out on a date.
424
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,315
What?
425
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:36,794
[all oohing]
426
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,275
Regina, why'd you
do that to me?
427
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,929
Okay, listen, girl,
don't hate me, LaTonya.
428
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,278
I can explain.
429
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,801
Girl, wait, I already did.[laughs]
430
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,281
30 years ago.
431
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:47,327
Wait-wait a minute,
you-you knew?
432
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,807
Oh, that you took Regina
roller-skating
433
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,983
and spent the whole night
falling on your ass?
434
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,509
You looked like a baby giraffe
walking around in high heels.
435
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:58,381
Oh, yeah. Oh! Whoa. Whoa!
436
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:01,036
Whoa!
[laughter]
437
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,909
Okay, everybody be quiet!
I got something to say.
438
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:08,478
You two been making fun of me
for way too long.
439
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,785
And I pretended that
it didn't bother me,
440
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,179
but the truth is
your words hurt.
441
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,442
Probably not as much as
falling on your butt did.
442
00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:17,922
[laughter]
443
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:21,926
Let the man finish!
444
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:27,932
I mean, do you guys know
how hard it was for me
445
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:30,283
to come in here and try
to make peace with you?
446
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:35,157
After all the mean things
that you said about me.
447
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,985
I extended an olive branch,
448
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:40,380
and all you did was try
to make me look small.
449
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:42,077
When the truth is
450
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,992
you're the ones who are small.
451
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,864
'Cause bullying
and name-calling,
452
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:50,346
that's just tearing people down,
when what we should be doing
453
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,435
is lifting each other up.
454
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:55,221
But maybe that's just me.
455
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:56,961
Nah, I feel you, Calvin.
456
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,311
My father used to
make fun of me
457
00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,573
because of my dream.
458
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,532
Because of him,
I gave up ballet.
459
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,971
The kids at school used to
make fun of my Nikes.
460
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,496
Talking about the logo
was upside down.
461
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,541
They used to call me
"Off-Brand."
462
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,065
See that, Calvin?
463
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,458
It looks like you're
not the only one who...
464
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,069
I still sleep with a blankie.
465
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,202
What are y'all looking at?
466
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,943
Trey want to wear a tutu.
467
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:24,293
And that's okay.
468
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,514
Because we all have
vulnerabilities.
469
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:30,517
But it's not cool for y'all
to make fun of 'em.
470
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,562
What the hell is wrong
with y'all?!
471
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:36,131
Is this a barbershop
or an ice cream parlor?
472
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,394
'Cause all you guys
are soft-serve.
473
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,874
Oh, that's it.
474
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:43,051
I want you out of here.
Trey, get the door.
475
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:44,400
My pleasure.
476
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:50,232
Know what? Fine.
Let's get out of here, Regina.
477
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,539
I'm right behind you, LaTonya.
[scoffs]
478
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:56,238
Out of my way, Off-Brand!
479
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:59,023
Calvin, that was amazing.
480
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,200
I can't believe how
vulnerable you were.
481
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:04,203
What I can't believe is that
they actually went for it.
482
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,379
Went for what?
483
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:09,469
I made up all that
touchy-feely stuff
484
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,601
to turn the room
against them.
485
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,908
I got the idea
from Lindsay Lohan.
486
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,257
Remember when she does
the sappy speech
487
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:16,563
at the end of Mean Girls?
488
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,129
Yeah. You saw it?
489
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,610
Oh, a bunch of times.
And you were right.
490
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:23,265
Way better than
Never Been Kissed.
491
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,135
♪
492
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,317
Hey, yo, Malcolm,
check this out.
493
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,797
I just got messaged by
this superhot girl
494
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,669
who claims to be an engineer,
495
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:37,627
is into Dungeons and Dragons
496
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,586
andcollects action figures.
497
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,849
What? Let me see.Mm-hmm.
498
00:20:41,892 --> 00:20:44,808
Wow, she is fine.I know.
499
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,855
Yeah, that's Dad. Yep. Yep.Yeah, that's Dad.
500
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:51,424
Ha, ha, ha.
Not interested.
501
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,643
Get a life, loser.
502
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,776
[both laugh]
503
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,517
[lasers firing on TV]
504
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,345
[phone chimes]
505
00:21:00,650 --> 00:21:02,435
Wow.
506
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,350
I thought he was my soul mate.
507
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,141
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
508
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:20,148
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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