All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S03E11.Welcome.to.the.Dad.Band.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Thanks again, Calvin,
for helping with this.

I have no idea
what's stuck in there.

No problem. You know,
normally I would say

this is a job
for your husband,

but then I remembered
you're married to Dave.

Where is he anyway?

Band practice.

He started one with some
of the other dads at the school.

Oh.What's it called--

"Earth, Wind & No Fire"?

Uh, oh,
they bring the fire.

Dave looks so hot up on stage.

If I wasn't the principal,
I'd totally take my bra off

and throw it at him.

I feel that way
whenever Calvin fixes something.

I wear the one with tassels
whenever it's a big job.

[metallic clinking]Okay, all right,
I think I got it.

Ah. It's just a spoon.

Well, I can't leave these girls
hanging for that one,

but good job, baby.

[laughs]

Hey, sweetie.
How was band practice?

Ah, terrible. You're never
gonna believe what happened.

Let me guess. You realized
you formed a dad band?

No. We were
in the middle of practice

when our lead singer Neil
blew out his vocal cords.

Oh, no. Was he going
for the high note?

No, a spider landed on
the microphone and he screamed.

But you guys were supposed

to play the school fundraiser
next week.

You've got to find
another singer.

Are you kidding?

Gemma, you can't just
replace someone like Neil.

I mean, Neil has stage
presence, he has flair.

Plus, he's the only
dad at the school

that actually makes
a ponytail look cool.

Well, if it'd
help you out,

I'd be happy
to be your lead singer.

[gasps]You-you would?

Oh, my God,
that's a great idea!

Tina, you're like a
professional-level singer.

You don't want to
embarrass yourself

playing with a bunch
of no-talent hacks.

No offense.

I think it'd be fun.

So, what do you say, Dave?

I say congratulations.Ah!

You are officially
the new lead singer

of The Dadditudes.Yeah!

[quietly]:
Dadditudes?

Here you go, babe.

You can use this spoon
to gag yourself.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

[playing warm-up music]

See the cute guitarist?

He's my boyfriend.

Look, I'm glad that you
and Dad love each other,

but do me a favor and
keep it to yourself.

[scoffs]

Hey, everyone.Sorry I'm late.

It's not her fault.

I was working on
the furnace at home.

And what can I say?
Things got hot.

Oh, seriously,

what is it
with you married people?

Come on, Calvin.

The groupie section'sover here.

Well, I'm a man, Gemma.

I can't be called
a groupie.

I prefer the term
"bodyguard with benefits."

Ooh.

Hey, so, guys,
let me introduce you

to Tina.Tina, this is the guys.

Brett, Phil.Hey.TINA: Hey.

Hey, so did you get a chanceto check out the set list?

Oh, yeah. I love the Pat
Benatar song we're doing.

♪ You're a heartbreaker

♪ Dream maker, love taker,don't you mess around with me. ♪

Oh, my God, she's amazing.

I know. If I had that
bra with the tassels

she left by the furnace, I woulddefinitely throw it at her.

[laughs]

Hey, hey, little bro.
Hey.

I hope you have not eaten,because dinner is on me.

[chuckles]Oh, no.

You're being nice.

What did you do to me
that I don't know about yet?

Will you relax?

We are celebrating
because I got a raise today.

But since I'min a good mood,

don't use your shampoo.

Wait. JPL gave you a raise

after only being
there for a year?

Yeah. So?

So, I've been
there three years,

and I haven't
gotten a raise.

Well, why haven't you askedfor one?

Because, man, my boss
is this weird, needy dude

who's always trying to make
everyone his best friend.

I'm telling you, talking to
that guy is not a good idea.

Oh, come on, man.Just go in there

and tell himyou deserve a raise.

The worst thinghe can say is "no."

Okay, but what am I supposed
to do when he's acting

like we're "best buds"
and starts going on

and on and on about
some problem from his life

that I could
care less about?

You can try what I dowhenever I'm in that situation.

Oh. What?This.

[band playing inside]

♪ Oh, yeah, heartbreaker

♪ Yeah!

Oh, man, that
was incredible.

I'm gonna have Gemma check
the sprinkler system,

because we are gonna
set that gymnasium on fire!

Forget the fundraiser.

If we keep
playing this good,

we could crack the
bar mitzvah circuit.

I got to say, this...
this has really come together.

I don't think we can sound
much better than that.

What do you think, Tina?

Yeah, it was good.

Whew.

You only thought it was good?

Yeah, it was definitely better
than when we started.

But you know what? There's
always room for improvement.

Right?

Well, yeah, absolutely.
What were you thinking?

Or as Pat Benatar would say,
"Hit us with your best shot."

Okay, well, for starters,

the drums were a little
too loud on the intro,

which at least covered the fact
that Phil was late

for every downbeat.

And, Dave, you know, your chord
changes were all over the place.

You know, by the time
we got to the bridge,

I wanted to jump off one.

I didn't know your best shot
was gonna be such a nut shot.

Look, we can go out there
and sound like a bunch of bums,

or we can blow the roof
off this joint.

Which do you want to do?

Actually, what I want to do is

go pick up my daughter
from soccer practice.

Nice try, Phil. If you can
be late for my downbeats,

you can be late for soccer.

Hey, Jerry, you got a sec?

There he is! Party Marty,
my bro from another mo.

[laughs]
You know it...

'cause you always say it.

Come on in,
have a seat.

Actually, I want
to keep this kind of quick...

Hey, can I ask you a question?

You're an expert when it comes
to the ladies, right?

Me?

Of course you.
With that supermodel girlfriend

you're always telling everyone
about who lives in Canada.

What? Oh. Right.

Katarina. [laughs]

Yeah, you know, I-I haven't
seen her in so long,

it almost doesn't feel real.

Well, me and my old lady got
into a huge fight last night.

Wow, Jerry. I didn't know
you had a girlfriend.

Oh, no, I don't. I meant my mom.

She's been riding me
like crazy lately.

"Make your bed,
pick up your clothes.

When you go to the bathroom,
shut the door."

[chuckles]

Women, right? [laughs]

So, as I was saying...

Tell me something. Do you
and Katarina fight a lot?

No, but that's probably
because we live so far apart

and you know,
we don't have the same DNA.

I wonder if that's the problem.

My mom and I are
around each other all the time.

Well, in that case, maybe
you should give her some space.

You know, that's not a bad idea.

Hey.Maybe I should
ask a friend

if I can crash on their couch
for a couple of nights.

There you go.Great! Marty,

can I crash on your couch
for a couple of nights?

Oh. Well, I...

[stammering]Hey, thanks, man.

You're a real friend.

Ha-ha! I know it,

because, again,
you always say it.

Hey, hey.Oh, hey, Calvin.

Uh, we need to talk.

Look, Dave,
that's what women say

when they want
to break up with you.

If that's what this is,
I support your decision.

Nice try, Calvin, but you
and I are going the distance.

This is actually about Tina.

What about her?

Well, you know how
much I love her.

And she has the
voice of an angel,

which, last night, she used
to make our drummer cry.

Aah. Oh, man.

It's the church choir
all over again.

Well, what happened
with the church choir?

Well, first, she was so hard on
the choir director that he quit.

So then, she became
the choir director.

After a week, the choir quit.

And for the next three years,
the church just played CDs.

Man, I just had...
I had no idea

she was gonna be
this hard on us.

Look, Dave,
you got to understand.

Tina takes singing seriously.

Music is her passion.

It's like me with cars,
or you with...

well, me.

What am I supposed to do?

I can't kick her out of
the band. She's my friend.

Exactly. That's why you got
to make her quit on her own.

How am I supposed to do that?

It's easy. You got to get Tina
to think it's her idea.

All right? Convince her that
you guys are holding her back.

I'm telling you, Dave,
you don't fire Beyoncé.

You make her want to go solo.

Okay. All right, I'll...
I'll give it a try.

But, you know,
for the record,

I have to say,
I think the way

that she left Destiny's Child
was really messed up.

Whoa. Whoa, Dave.
Dave, this...

This is a Black neighborhood.

You can't be talking
about Queen B like that.

[gasps] Oh, hey, Dave.

I was just getting ready
to come over for rehearsal.

Well, actually, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.

I canceled rehearsal.

Hey, look,

if this is about me
breaking Brett's drumsticks,

I said I was sorry.

I didn't mean it,
but I said it.

No, Tina, we're the ones who
should be apologizing to you.

I mean, Brett,
Phil and me--

we're just a bunch of amateurs
making you look bad.

I mean, the truth is,
you're like Beyoncé,

and we're just
Dadditudes' Child.

Aw, come on, Dave.

You're being too
hard on yourselves.

We just need to
keep practicing.

Why, Tina? What's the point?

Your voice is
on another level.

Both when you sing
and when you scream at us,

which we deserve,
because we're straight trash.

Okay, well, I will admit it
has been a little frustrating.

Ah, see? I knew it.

Gosh, you know,

it sounds to me like there's
only one thing left to do.

You know what, Dave?
I'm afraid you're right.

I'm so glad you feel...

We got to fire
Brett and Phil.

Uh, wait. What?

You said it yourself.
They're amateurs.

Getting rid of them
is the only way

that we're gonna get better.

Oh, uh, Tina, that's crazy.

I'm not gonna fire
Brett and Phil.

Oh, Dave, I get it.
They're your friends,

and you don't want to
hurt their feelings.

So I'll do it.

I'm already used
to making Phil cry.Okay.

No one is firing them.

They're not the ones who are
ruining the band. You are.

What? Are you serious?

So you think I'm the
problem with the band?

Well, not anymore,

because I'm kicking you out.

You kicking me out?

This is unbelievable.

This is like the church
choir all over again!

Well, I don't know
what to tell you, Tina.

You brought this on your...

You brought this on yourself.

Oh, yeah?
Well, I'll tell you

the same thing
I told Pastor Jenkins!

You can go to hell, Dave!

[shouts]

Hey, Jerry, you
haven't see my slippers

lying around,
have you?

You mean the fuzzy blue ones?

Yeah.

Sure have.

And boy, are they cozy.

Seriously?
You're wearing my slippers?

Oh, you don't mind, do you?

Mom and I share
slippers all the time.

Great. So it's kind of like
her feet have been in them, too.

Oh, good.

Jerry is still here.

And look at that.

He is wearing my robe.

I hope that's okay.

Mine's in your
washing machine.

By the way, I might have
broken your washing machine.

Okay, that's it. It's been three
days. You got to take your...

You got to take another one of
those nice long baths you love.

After all,
you've only had two today.

Eh, don't mind if I do.

I'm supposed to soak
my foot fungus anyway.

So, how was your day?

Marty,
I can't take this anymore.

You need to kick this guy out
by tomorrow.

But if I kick him out,
there's no way

he's gonna give me a raise.

JERRY:
Hey, guys,
a little help?

I'm out of toilet
paper in here.

You know, his mom is right.

He really needs to learn
to close that door.

Oh. Hey, Dave. Hey, Gemma.

Hi, guys.
Hi, Gemma.

Hi, you off-key
backstabbing guitar zero.

Oh, well, hello
to you, too, diva.

[clears throat]
I mean, Tina.

Oh, come on!

This is ridiculous.

It's been two days.
You guys have got to make up.

I know, and I usually
like a good fight,

but not between people
I care about and... Dave.

Well, good luck performing
at your little fundraiser.

You're gonna need it
with Brett as your singer.

Actually, we're not playing
the fundraiser.

Someone crushed
Brett's confidence so badly

that he ran over his snare drum
with his minivan.

Well, that probably sounded
better than when he played it.

Good one. You should tell that

to the next church choir
you get kicked out of.

Oh-ho-ho!

You know, I don't have to
stand here and listen to this!

Neither do I!
And you know what?

You're just as mean as Beyoncé!

[gasps]And I don't care
who hears me say it!

Okay, this is getting
out of control.

Dave has been awful
to be around.

So has Tina. She's
been cranky as hell,

stomping around,
complaining about everything.

It's like I'm married to me.

It's so stupid.
Music is supposed

to bring people together,
not tear them apart.

Well, we better
do something soon,

because this could easily

turn into another
Ike and Tina situation.

And that Tina will beat
the hell out of Dave.

Hey, Marty, good news.

My mom just changed
her Facebook relationship status

to "It's Complicated."

Check and mate.

Sorry, Jerry.

I can't talk right now.

I'm too upset.

Boy, does this sleeping bag
smell like your foot cream.

Oh. What's the matter, buddy?

Hey, if this is
about the toothbrush,

I rinsed it off as soon
as I realized it was yours.

No. I just got a
call from Katarina.

She broke up with me, man.

[sobbing]

What? You're kidding.No!

She said going so long

without seeing each other
made us drift apart.

[sobbing]

I never should've left
her out of my sight

for more than three,
maybe four nights, tops.

I can't believe it.

[sobbing]:
Oh, Jerry,

you got to learn
from my mistake.

You need to go home
to your mom right now,

or you two may never
share slippers again.

Are you crazy?
I can't abandon you now.

That's not true.
You absolutely can.

No way, buddy.
I'm not going anywhere.

After all, you know
what they say--

bros before mos.

Okay, that's it, I give up.

You got to go.What?

You heard me, man. You're
sloppy, you're inconsiderate,

and you use other
people's toothbrushes!

I didn't even let Katarina do
that and she ain't even real!

Wow. I had no idea
I was bothering you so much.

Why didn't you say something?

Because, man,
I wanted a raise,

and if I didn't
let you stay here,

I didn't think
you'd give it to me.

Well, that's ridiculous.

You're one of the best engineers
on our team.

All you have to do is ask.

Really? Well, in that case,
can I have a raise?

Oh, I didn't mean ask me.
I have no say in that.

What? Well, then who do I ask?

No clue,
but if you figure it out,

would you let me know?

I haven't had a raise
in over five years.

Why the hell do you think
I live with my mom?

[loud electric guitar feedback]

[operatically]:
♪ Your love is like
a tidal wave ♪

♪ Spinning over my head

♪ Drowning me in your promises

♪ Better left unsaid...

What are you guys doing?
Knock it off!

Yeah, you're gonna piss off
the whole neighborhood!

Exactly. And we're
gonna keep doing it

until you guys get over
yourselves and make up.

Yeah, and you better
do it quick, Dave,

'cause everybody's
been talking about

how you dissed Beyoncé.Mm-hmm.

Well, you can play all night,

because I've got nothing
to say to him!

Yeah, and even
if she did,

it wouldn't matter because
I'm not listening to her.

Okay, all right.

If you two aren't gonna
listen to each other,

then I guess you're gonna have
to listen to this.

[guitar feedback]♪ Your love is like
a tidal wave ♪

♪ Spinning over my head...

MAN:
Shut that noise up!

WOMAN:Yeah! Don't make me
sic my dog on you!

Okay, okay, guys,

guys, just... just stop.

Okay, so what's up?
Are y'all gonna make up or what?

Uh, 'cause Gemma and I--

we can ruin R&B, too.Oh, yeah.

I don't know why
you're mad at me.

You're the one who kicked me
out of the band.

I didn't want to kick you
out of the band,

but with the way that you were
acting, you gave me no choice.

Don't you see, Dave? I was
only trying to make us better.

Tina, I get it, but...

look, we're not professionals

like you.

We're just a bunch of dads
getting together

to make music and have fun.

I thought we were having fun,
which is...

why it really hurt my feelings
when you kicked me out.

But I guess maybe I hurt
some people's feelings, too.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, look, I'm sorry, too.

I never should have tried
to trick you

into quitting on your own.

Wait. You did what?

I tried to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen.

So, what do you guys say?
Are we done with this?

Yeah, of course.

Of course.CALVIN:
Yeah.

[laughing]CALVIN:
That's right.

All right!

That's what
I'm talking about.

You two making beautiful
music together, a lot like this.

[loud guitar feedback]

WOMAN:
That's it! Go get 'em, Fluffy!

Fluffy? Ain't nobody scared
of no dog named Fluffy.

[dog barking]

Oh, damn.

It's an ironic name.Run! Run! Run!
[shrieks]

Only two days till
the fundraiser,

and we're going on
after the ventriloquist,

so you know that house is
gonna be rocking.

Okay, well, let's hit it.

And this time--
I can't believe

I'm saying this--
with Dadditude!

BRETT:
One, two,

three, four!

[playing intro
to "Heartbreaker"]

♪ Your love is like
a tidal wave ♪

♪ Spinning over my head

♪ Drowning me in your promises

♪ Better left unsaid...

Okay, I take it back.
Dad does look kind of cool.

I know. It's pretty awesome
being married

to such talented badasses.

You ain't lying.

Tina's a lucky woman.

♪ You're a heartbreaker,
dream maker ♪

♪ Love taker,
don't you mess around with me ♪

♪ Heartbreaker, dream maker

♪ Love taker, don't you
mess around, no, no, no! ♪