Original subtitles

You didn't need to come.

By the sounds of it, I did.

What did she say to you?

What's going on, Bec?

Well, my mum's just died.

Yeah, I know that. I mean, what's going on with you?

Am I not allowed a night out? Of course you are.

Everyone's entitled to a night out.

I'm just wondering why Ros is calling me up

saying how worried she is about you.

She needn't be.

OK. Well...

I'm worried about you.

You're being off. You're not acting right.

I just feel...

..so on my own.

What? Here?

No.

Just on my own... handling everything.

HE SCOFFS

On your own? Are you joking me?

Do you know what I've been doing all week?

Chasing round after our AWOL daughter

and making sure you don't hear about it. Mol?

Yeah. Did one with her lovely new boyfriend.

I didn't mither you about it, cos you've enough on your plate.

How long was she gone? Is she OK?

She's absolutely fine. I had a few days sweating it out, mind,

and not telling you. But, yeah, you're on your own(!)

Oh, my God! I need to call her. No, no.

She's with your dad. You'll talk to me.

Go on.

She killed herself.

What? Took a load of morphine.

Oh, jeez, Bec, I...

Oh, Becca.

So, who's this lot?

Ah... that's the fella she had the affair with.

What do you think she was playing at?

So... So, this house, it was your mum's?

No, it was her mum's.

Her birth mum.

Wow.

Yeah, it's a lot.

And what happens now, then? Your dad gets it?

No, it's ours. Mine and Ros's.

Right.

We can't sell it.

It's in a trust

for the betterment of the women in the family, whatever that means.

This is all crackers.

That's why your head's gone.

We're not happy.

Are we not?

It's nice of you to tell me how I feel (!)

I... I'm not happy.

Clearly. Because you call all the shots.

What does that even mean?

OK. Who's... Who's our team?

Man United. What do we watch on telly?

Anything with Freddie Flintoff in it.

Who's our band? The Stone Roses. I don't even like the Stone Roses!

Yeah, you do. No, I don't.

Why are you ragging everything that we like now?

No. What YOU like that has somehow become our life.

Oh, give over. Our life together is the girls.

Our family. That's what's important.

Well, you say that, but you don't... take an interest in me.

Oh, really? What about me? Who am I - chopped liver?

What? You don't let me be anything.

Why do you need permission to be something?

Well, you tell me. You made it that way.

You're in charge. I can't even go to the pub

without you telling me how to piss straight!

I don't want this life!

I feel like I'm slowly dying here,

and you're just coming out with some smart-arse comment!

OK.

OK.

Where are you going?

You don't want this shit life we've got together.

You want to do one here like your mum. Fine.

I'm going to find a B&B.

Call me if you need anything practical doing.

But me and you right now...

Did Mum come on the boat with you?

SHE LAUGHS Oh, God, no!

She used to say that she could get seasick in her bathtub.

But she'd come down here, and we'd sit... talk.

What did she talk to you about?

Life. Day to day. You know.

I don't, really. Oh.

She ever talk about me? Oh, honey!

Yes. Jeez!

"Rosaline lives in London." That was your official title.

God, was she proud of you.

She never said.

Did she have to?

She did, actually.

What would you say to her if she were here right now?

I'd probably start with "Christ on a bike, Mum!"

SHE LAUGHS Well, that's good for openers.

Then what?

Why lie? What were you thinking?

Who were you when you were here?

Why not give me the chance

to at least talk you round for a few months,

spend some time with you?

DOOR OPENS

Cheers for that.

Where is he now?

I don't know. Maybe you could call him,

cos you're such good mates now.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Alan Artus, repatriation service.

We spoke on the phone.

Said I could pop around when I had the say-so.

Oh, erm... we're not quite ready, I don't think.

I had a phone call from the morgue

saying she'll be ready for the off in two days.

We need to go through some paperwork.

My sister and I need to talk about this. We'll be in touch. Thanks.

So that's it. We can take her home.

What should we do with this place?

Rent it out. May as well make some money off it.

I'm not doing it. We can get a letting agent.

That's not what she wanted.

We don't always get what we want.

Mol? Yeah?

Put some more fruit on this, please. Yeah.

Buckwheat pancakes, Grandad.

What's buckwheat when it's at home?

Keeps you regular.

Set your watch by me. Eurgh!

Like that? Yeah. Thank you.

Here you go.

Oi, give up! You're gonna ruin me picture.

I'm hungry!

You all right, Grandad?

Yeah.

All right, Richard, mate. Just checking in.

RICHARD ON PHONE: 'I'm coming over.'

Are you at the airport? 'Yes, I am.

'I'm with Lauren and Mol.'

You, erm... You... You never said.

'No? Well, I'm telling you now. I'll call you when I land.'

Look, I'm sorry for turning up unannounced like this,

but there's something I need to say about your mother,

and... it's difficult for me.

You need to know that when she was given the diagnosis,

I wanted to care for her. ROSALINE SCOFFS

Well, my dad might have had something to say about that.

I was gonna look after her.

And yet, she was planning her death all along.

And Cathy...

And Cathy what?

She was different when she was with Cathy.

They talked a lot. Well, we talked a lot.

They talked...

Do you know what she does? Cathy?

She... looks after people who are dying.

She's a nurse? No.

She's not a nurse. She's a...

healer or a... I don't know what she is.

But she spends a lot of time with people who are very sick and...

And what?

I think...

..Cathy gave Mary the morphine.

Why would Cathy give Mum morphine?

Because she asked for it.

Because she could.

I don't know what goes through that woman's head.

But if there's even a small chance that Cathy gave it to her,

and I think there is, then you deserve to know.

Did you give Mum the morphine?

Oh, well, I guess you'd better come on in.

I don't know where you girls heard that,

but it's just utter nonsense.

Come on, let me get you both a drink.

Enough with the Southern bonhomie bullshit, Cathy.

Did my mother get the morphine from you?

She took it from my cupboard.

Why didn't you stop her?

Don't you think I would've tried if I'd known?

By the time I realised, it was too late.

Why the fuck have you got morphine anyway?

I'm... uh, like a midwife for the dying.

The term is "end-of-life doula".

What, so you play God?

Oh, no, no, no. I...

I hold a hand. I put some music on.

I... I offer a kind word and...

and I give pain relief when necessary.

Morphine's illegal, last I heard.

That morphine was for my own personal use.

But you just said you give pain relief.

Mostly I use cannabis. Mostly?!

And if all you had at home was cannabis,

our mum would be really fucking stoned now,

but she'd still be here.

Did she talk to you about taking her own life?

We talked about dying.

What it looked like, what it felt like.

I knew she was deeply troubled by it.

Well, people are. Oh, for God's sake!

Why didn't you tell us?

The day she died, it looked like natural causes.

By the time I figured out that the morphine was gone,

I mean, you were here, but I didn't want to hurt you, girls.

You were covering your arse, more like.

Yeah, maybe I was. What would you have done, Rosaline?

I would've gone to the police.

I would've said that I knew.

I would not have looked us straight in the eye

and blatantly lied.

All right, come on. I want to show you both something.

Just come with me. Please.

Here.

MARY SIGHS

ON VIDEO: What do I say? Oh, God, just improvise. Wing it!

MARY LAUGHS

Top up my wine, can you?

Oh, you're so demanding!

MARY TALKS UNDER HER BREATH

Right...

Thank you.

Right... Right.

What I want to do...

What I want to do is say...

what I want to happen when something happens to me.

'Well, that's about as clear as mud!'

MARY LAUGHS Go on. Just go on, please.

Just focus. Breathe.

You got it. Shh!

Yeah, OK.

What I'd like...

to say is, what I'd like to happen...

..when I die.

I want to stay here.

SOBBING: I can't do this. It's just stupid!

It's just too much. No, no, honey,

you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

She wanted you to know that she wanted to be here.

She felt that if she went home...

your father...

What?

That your father would not be able to give her the care

that she would've gotten here.

No, but I would.

So she went to your father

and told him what was happening and what she wanted.

He didn't know that she had Alzheimer's, though, did he?

She was scared that when the day finally came

that he'd force her to come back to the UK.

Did she ask you to help her?

We talked about it...

hypothetically, but never with any kind of seriousness.

I wouldn't have done it.

I wanted her here.

I want her here.

I'm so fucking mad at her.

Do you have any other videos of her?

I don't need to see any more. I remember what she looked like.

This is all manipulation.

I'm going to the police. Ros...

You're not really going to the police station, are you?

Yes, I am.

Why, what are you doing? Are you not coming?

Yeah, what am I doing?

It's a really good question.

All right?

Are you OK? Not really.

You? No.

Look, I need to tell you something.

I kissed a lad the other night.

What? It didn't mean anything.

Who... Who was he?

Oh, just some bloke in a club.

Right. OK. And...

was it just a kiss or... was there more?

No. No.

HE SCOFFS

Have you gone off me, Bec? No, not at all.

Then why are you telling me this?

Because it was stupid and I... I want to be honest.

Oh, right. Yeah. Get it off your chest and make me feel like shit!

Sorry. What's wrong with you?

Everything.

PHONE RINGS

It's your dad. He's at the airport with the girls.

I've got to pick him up. What's my dad doing here?

Hello, Richard.

Yeah, I'm just leaving now, mate.

Yeah. OK, I'll see you there.

Where to?

Shall I choose?

OK.

You said you didn't take cards.

Oh, yeah. So I did.

Hey. Hey, Mol, you OK? Yeah.

You OK, Dad? Been better.

You never said you were coming. Well, here I am anyway.

Who is dealing with getting your mother back to the UK?

Er, a repatriation service.

A bloke came around. Rosaline's got his number.

Well, I should like to speak to him.

I'm just so angry. Who with?

My mum's friend Cathy for being a liar.

Becca for being a fanny. HE LAUGHS

What? Fanny. Just a strong word.

And not used nearly enough, in my opinion.

We were having this awful argument about everything -

Mum, me, her, who she thinks I am,

who I know she is.

I just kept thinking, what I'm most mad about isn't today.

It's 30 years old, this stuff.

And how can you be mad at someone for looking after you?

Cos that's what she did. She looked after me.

And you feel you should be grateful for it, like?

Yeah.

And how do you actually feel?

Really fucking resentful. Why?

Because everything's always been all right for her.

It doesn't seem like it is now, though, right?

It sounds like the wheels have come right off, no?

Yeah.

They really have.

PHONE VIBRATES

Sorry, I've got to get this. It's all right.

Hello?

Oh, thank God.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. Great.

Bye. Thank you.

I was just waiting on some results, and it's fine.

That's good.

Oh, look where we are. Coming up to the fairy bridge.

Ready? Don't leave me hanging.

BOTH: Hello, fairies!

There you go. They'll look after you now.

Ah, mint.

Oi, Mol, come look at this view.

Rogue's gallery.

Dad...

HE SLAMS THE PHOTO DOWN

Anyone want a cup of tea, juice or owt?

Mol, help me with the drinks. I'm not thirsty.

Please.

Did Dad come out here? Nope.

Are you all right? Yeah. Why?

What's Dad said?

He's been a right pain. Thinks he's you.

Er...

Well, he told me about your new boyfriend.

Why would he do that?

Because I got it out of him.

You know, everyone thinks

that you don't know what you're doing when you're 16.

I was never more certain of who I was than when I was your age.

So, are you cool with me being with Connor?

Er, no. No. Not at all.

Don't mistake me for that parent.

Just... me and your dad are worried.

Hey, we want you to be safe.

We don't know this lad, and you're not telling us anything.

Are you serious about him?

He's funny. That's all.

I like him. I'm not gonna marry him.

OK, it's just...

..it's only five minutes ago, you were my little Miss Molly-Moo-Moo.

Now look at you. I miss Gran.

I know, darling.

So do I.

Where are we going?

This is where I murder people. Well, that's a relief.

HE CHUCKLES When I was a kid,

me and me brother, we used to cycle down here.

Over there there's, like, an old munitions building.

It's all overgrown with trees.

It was perfect for hide and seek.

SHE CHUCKLES

How old were you?

27.

BOTH LAUGH

Not bad.

You OK?

Oh... just trying to stay in the moment.

And?

Still angry.

Yeah. Well, that's the problem

with the insistence of living only in the moment.

I mean, you know, unless you're a goldfish, like, you...

you remember all the other moments.

And they connect... unfortunately.

You need to get out your own head for a bit.

Oh, got any hard drugs? Get in there.

Wild swim it out of you.

Really?

It's really beneficial. SHE LAUGHS

No way! Yes way. Come on.

Come on.

You are joking!

Like, really? Really.

Jesus.

No!

Oh, no!

No!

Oh, my God!

SHE SQUEALS

I think I've trodden on something.

Three... No, wait.

..two... Argh!

..one. Argh!

Go! No. Aargh! Oh, my...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Awful, awful...

Oh, my God...

Whoo!

SHE SHRIEKS

Ros, where are you?

Dad's here.

On the island.

Can you call me back?

Have you got that fella's number?

What, you mean...?

Repatriation man. Oh... yeah.

Er, I think he left his card. I'll... I'll get it for you.

Dad... What are we doing for tea?

ROS SHIVERS

When did you discover wild swimming?

Today. What?

You've never done that before?

But you said you used to come here with your brother.

Yeah, but we never used to go in. We're not daft.

It's bloody freezing!

We could've died from cold water shock.

You said it was beneficial. Are you still furious?

No. Oh. Well, then.

Beneficial.

Oh...

You bastard! HE CHUCKLES

Oh! Come on. Kiss me again.

Cheers. I'll be back to take your order in a minute.

Thank you. DAD: I can't sit here.

Force nine draught.

Right, well, you sit here, then, Dad.

Thanks, darling.

Oh, my God. Look at the size of you two!

Have they had you in compost?!

Hello. Sorry I'm late.

Oh. You needn't have come, Dad. We'd have sorted it.

Ah, well. I thought I'd better.

I'll have the steak, please, very well done.

Er, right. Do you need a minute? Yes, please. Jim?

Erm, burger and chips, please.

Girls? Erm, garlic bread and chips.

You need to eat something proper, you.

I'll have the salmon, please. The burger. Thanks.

I'll have the same.

What? I'm hungry.

What's up with your hair?

I've been swimming.

QUIETLY: After the police station?

Yes. So, what did they say?

I didn't tell 'em.

Can you be sure and tell the chef very well done?

SERVER: Of course I will, sir. I think she's got it, Dad.

I don't like blood on the plate. OK.

Right. I've spoken to the fella,

and we can get her home on the boat, not tomorrow, day after.

And I'd already spoken to t'funeral parlour at home.

So, it's all sorted. You didn't need to.

Oh, I think I did.

Dad, you know she wanted to be here.

You do know that, don't you? She's coming home.

Whatever we think about what she did here, she loved it.

Oh, did she? You know she did.

What is everyone gonna say if we leave her here?

Who's everyone? Who are you so worried about?

Someone at the golf club? Bloody hell, Dad.

I'm worried about me.

She cheated me out of the life she promised me I'd have.

And she's not gonna make a fool of me in death.

I'll go after him.

All right?

Used to be an internment camp here during the war.

All along t'front here.

German artists and musicians and whatnot.

And a lot of 'em were Jewish.

But the British Government thought "Germans"

and shipped 'em all over here together.

There's worse places to be interned.

There's better.

Ah, yeah, Mary, what about the Caymans?

Sorry.

Look, me and Bec have been having a few bumps in the road lately.

Well... you'll get there.

Can you take me... there?

Sure you want to do that? I am.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hello.

Would you like to come in?

I just wanted to get a look at you.

And now I have.

LAUGHTER

Put your legs straight! Be careful!

GIRLS LAUGH

Have you heard from Grandad?

He's at the B&B with your dad.

Why is dad at a B&B?

Cos he is. I'm calling him.

Got a letter from Mum.

What's it say?

Don't know. I haven't... read it.

It must have been with the post that Jim brought.

BECCA SIGHS I want us to read it together.

Well, it's addressed to you.

No more secrets.

ROS SIGHS

"Dear Becca.

"There's no other way to write this

"other than to say,

"by the time you read this, I will no longer be here.

"I've written to Dad and to Rosaline, too.

"I'm sorry.

"I want you all to be happy and free

"and to not have another part of your lives

"taken over by worrying and caring.

"I wanted to share what I had with you,

"but I feel like I left it too late.

"I'm sorry for that.

"And I'm sorry for the pain I've caused.

"But I couldn't live

"knowing that my life yet again wasn't going to be my own.

"And that I'd have no control over what'll happen to me."

"I do want you to know, though...

"..I love you and your sister with all my heart.

"Bringing you two into the world is the greatest thing I ever did.

"I'm so proud of you, my beautiful girls.

"Live free, my darling. All my love forever. Mum."

ROS SOBS

MOL: Mum?

Are you coming to bed soon?

Can I sleep with you? It's a bit creaky. Come here.

So, in the interest of not keeping secrets any more,

when you called me to tell me about Mum,

I was having a biopsy.

I'm fine. It's fine.

Results came back yesterday.

You've been worrying about that and not said anything?

I wouldn't say worry. More entering into denial.

Anyway, it happened, and I want to let you know.

Where's Jim?

He's gone to see the girls.

Dad...

Mum sent Becca a letter.

She said she sent you a letter.

What did it say?

Did she tell you she wanted to leave?

Come here permanently, be looked after here?

We know she was happy here.

We need to respect Mum's wishes.

We're not gonna let her leave the island.

You'll do as you're told.

We don't want to pretend any more.

Who is pretending?

Eh?

Not me, that's for bloody sure.

I'll tell you what the letter said, shall I?

It said, "Go be free."

Free!

Same bloody nonsense as when she came home and did a big speech.

You knew she had Alzheimer's?

I knew she'd seen a doctor, yes.

I knew she wasn't well, but I thought she'd see sense.

I married that woman for better or worse so we'd grow old together.

Not so she could come over here and fly a kite.

Dad... I would've looked after her.

She would've wanted for nothing. But no. The grass were greener.

So leave her here.

That's what she was after.

But let's get this straight - it's not what I wanted.

And don't you ever try and fool yourselves that it was.

I'm going home. I'll sort myself out.

Dad...

Lauren, get it!

And he hits it for a six!

And that wins him the game!

Mum, Dad's being a loser.

Oh, your mum knows that, all right.

Girls, me and your dad are gonna go for a walk.

Erm, Mol said something to me about...

That made me think...

..just with you telling her what to do all the time

was annoying her, cos she's used to me doing it.

Yep. Pretty surplus to requirements.

Well, that just isn't true.

You said you don't want to be with me.

I didn't say that. I said...

I said I didn't want this life.

What's wrong with this life?

Cos I'm just my mum before she started all of this.

You're really not your mum, Bec.

I don't want to fade into the background, Jim.

I feel like I'm disappearing. You just...

Look at Rosaline. She's so out in the world, and I...

I'm just... I'm just a ghost.

You're so not.

You're in the middle of everything. You run the show.

Why does it always fall to me?

Because you won't let me in.

If I do anything, it's not your way.

I just got used to giving up.

Just want us to be a team. We are a team.

I just need to be allowed off the bench now and again.

Bec...

Some people spend a lifetime trying to find someone like you.

I struck gold first time.

I don't even know what I'm asking for.

Try me.

I want...

I want us to grow together.

Not apart.

I just want us to talk.

To not be kids.

And I don't know what all that looks like,

and I don't even know how we're gonna get there.

Well, name it. I'll do it.

No, you...

..you have to help me come up with a plan.

I don't know what that is.

I just... know that I want it to be with you.

Jim, that lad...

It's fine. It isn't.

No. No, of course it's not... fine.

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

Hello.

Oh, God.

OK. Well, erm, don't kill her if she gets there before I do.

Yeah.

The police came to see me.

I didn't go to them in the end.

Well, someone did.

And what did you say to them? The truth.

The morphine was mine, and your mother took it.

I don't condone what your mother did.

But I agree with her right to do it.

But that does not mean that I am guilty of helping her.

If you hadn't had the morphine, she'd still be alive.

True. And that's why the police are investigating it.

I just need you to know...

that I didn't harm your mother in any way.

And I never meant to harm her.

I just wish we could have met under different circumstances.

Cathy...

..I'll speak to the police. Well, thank you.

I'll tell them we realise

you were just trying to be a good friend to Mum.

Well, whatever will be will be, right?

Here, puss, puss, puss! Puss!

Looking for the cat. Here, puss!

I put some food down for her,

but, well, what happens when we're gone?

I can feed her.

I'm gonna stay.

Here?

Yeah. If you don't mind.

Well, I've seen a job advertised I might go for.

And, well, I can get the house looking nice, rent it out.

You bloody love your job. I've seen you work Christmas Day.

Not staying for that taxi driver, are you?

No! For me.

Don't mind him hanging around, though.

I'll sort the funeral.

Two weeks, they said.

Hope Dad comes around.

You two... be good.

And if you can't be good, be good at it.

Oi! You can't say that to a 16-year-old.

She just did.

Take care of yourself, Ros. Bye.

Right, well, I better head.

Erm, I need to say something to you.

What?

ROS EXHALES

When you were born,

I remember coming to the hospital,

and Mum gave me a doll cos she thought I'd be jealous.

But I didn't want the doll. I wanted you.

Right.

I was a big sister.

Your big sister. And that's all I wanted.

And then when I got poorly, that all changed.

I don't know how we ended up so far apart, because...

..it's just us now, really.

And I want you to know that I love you.

I love you, too.

I love that you're my big sister.

That's all I want.

We're agreeing to agree, then.

Go on - you'll miss the ferry. Yeah.

I'll be back.

Bye.

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