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I have always been an artist.

Well, in fact...

I've always wanted to be an artist.

That means, I once wanted to be an artist.

As a child I wanted to be an artist,

but my paintings were appealing to me and me alone.

Even my mother pretended that she liked them.

It made me angry, it ticked me off

that nobody knew good art when they saw it.

So... I became a film critic.

Maciej M. Film critic

That's why I definitely do not recommend

this pointless film.

Because if I don't like something, that means it is crappy,

and if I don't understand something, that means it's stupid.

Because it is me who is a film critic.

That is why I ask you not to watch this idiotic film.

The primitive jokes, Mongolian dialogs.

Did I say Mongolian?

And you see?

All because of this stupid film...

And all those subtle allusions to the anus... Disgusting!

That of course cannot be funny.

BEWARE!!! This film contains jokes and skits

used without the consent of their creators.

THE LAST GREY CELL

Starring:

Make-up:

Production Design and Set Decoration:

Costume Design:

Sound Design:

Editing:

Photography:

Music:

Executive Producers:

Co-producers:

Producer:

Written and Directed by:

MEGABUG SUPERMARKET

At the age of 7 I was diagnosed with narrato-phillia.

I've been a narrato-holic since the age of 14.

I talk, because I talk well,

and that's why I'm going to be your narrator.

That's not me, that's Adi.

Adi, like Pele (you'll meet him in a moment),

represents a very important social demographic. Meaning, he is unemployed.

DOGS MUST ONLY BE WALKED ON LEASH.

Not that he's lazy, he just doesn't have much luck

when it comes to employers.

This is our trio, brought together by a fascination

of the inventions of Adam Słodowy, who, we now believe, fooled us,

as most of his toys didn't work.

My friends.

As far as my memory goes back, they have always been there.

To this day we share the same interests.

Travel and extreme sports.

We ran away, because... we ran well.

Adi's girlfriend, Karolina, doesn't like his friends.

Adi, they're total idiots!

To this day we don't know who she was talking about.

And this is me.

We have known each other since grade school.

Welcome boys, I am your new gym teacher.

I am Mr. Waldemar Trzaskowski, and you?

And we're not.

And this is Pele.

Pele is a really cool dude, you can always rely on him.

Pele HELP!!!

I can't, I'm very busy.

...Well, almost always.

That's just the way he is. He had a really tough childhood.

Are you threatening me?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Where is your father?

Have you seen your father, son?

I have. He's at the playground.

- SOME TIME LATER... - This is a nightmare.

That's a Mongolian child!

Not Mongolian, but Jedi.

You wanna fight? I'm gonna finish you with one hand.

Son, just please be careful crossing the street.

Are you threatening me?

As I have already said, Pele's childhood was really difficult...

for his family, and well, for his neighbors, too.

Good day, neighbor.

How are you?

What happened to you face?

Oh, nothing really.

Is something wrong?

The neighbors' son got an air rifle for his birthday.

Why so secret? What's going on?

Children's Day is coming up.

I dread to think what he is going to get this time.

The neighbor's fears were warranted.

Granny, you'll see how cool this will be.

Put your hands up like this.

Presents always played a big role in our lives,

and Pele got a ball.

My name is Chemist.

They started calling me that in grade school.

It was also because of a present. You might have heard about this.

Tell them what I did at the ball.

Tell them what she did.

Mom, the Christmas tree is on fire.

Son, you don't say the tree is on fire.

You say the Christmas tree is shining.

Mommy, in that case, everything is shining.

The curtains, the furniture, even the books are shining.

From that moment on, they called me Chemist.

A dozen or so years later.

Yes, right...

You go straight, and then take a left.

Straight till the end.

- Who are you talking with? - My granny.

Go back a bit. Slow down... yes.

Ok, now turn right, the fridge should be right in front of you.

Pele's grandmother has Alzheimer's. Pele takes really good care of her.

I'm gonna get Granny this super wheelchair,

ABS, airbags, joystick control, hydraulic suspension.

Yeah, and... a fold out table top.

You are a table top.

You'll see, everyone will scope it out.

- Are you threatening me? - Are you trying to be cool?

- I have a black belt in insulting. - That's her job, dumbass.

JOB-The Workaholic and Unemployed Show

Even at university I was interested in tourism and recreation.

I have always wanted to work in this industry.

I'm really happy how things turned out for me.

I like meeting new people,

I like contact with nature.

This is exactly what you have been looking for.

State of the art equipment. Here, let me demonstrate.

This clock older than a century!

Isn't the sound just fabulous? Let me just tell you a few words

about a magical surround system.

Top of the range, indeed.

And to finish it off a few extra goodies.

The most fruity are Polish girls,

and that's the truth,

I would give away Chicago for just one smile, and Paris...

...too.

- What do you like listening to? - Nothing!

We have nothing too.

Sadly, Adi's boss didn't seem to recognize his creativity.

Adi lost his job and had to look for something else to do.

Vegetable, chop chop. Quick, quick!

Wash dishes!

Clean good!

It was the same with the Chinks.

The dude just doesn't have any luck with employers.

Thankfully he has a very understanding family.

- You've always been a loser! - You're no good, blood sucker!

I don't have my own room because of you!

A war would do you some good!

You're the fucker that stinks round here!

Pele doesn't have a driver's license, They took it away for points.

His exam is coming up, so he's practising in his uncle's cab.

In fact, Pele is kind of secretive about his driver's license.

He doesn't wanna talk about it.

Wait, I'll call you later, my cab is here.

- Hello sir, are you free? - Yeah... - Great!

- But I don't have a driver's license. - Are you fucking kidding me?

- I'm practicing for my exam. - Get lost, you jerk.

- Asshole! - Don't slam the door.

Sofia! Bring the camera!

What camera?

The photo camera!

Doctor, my throat is very sore.

I woke up in pain this morning,

and... I don't know why I have heartburn.

I have this strange taste in my mouth, as if I were burping up

hot dogs and beer,

On top of that I feel very weak.

It's strange, my hands hurt, my legs hurt,

and I'm worried it might be something serious.

Have you ever experienced similar symptoms?

I think so...

But it was always so sudden.

GOOOAAAAL!

Fuck the Referee!

Doctor, sir, what is wrong with me?

What is it? Is it serious?

The symptoms speak for themselves.

I have no doubts.

You are, quite simply,

a total MORON.

No, really?

I never thought it would happen in my family.

Is it hereditary?

Doctor, I did...

...something very strange.

C'mon son, these doctors are complete idiots.

Let's go get a hot dog,

and daddy is gonna have a beer.

How not to fall out of the political game.

To strengthen his suntan our most important Vice Premier

is vacationing with his wife in Bulgaria

until the second round of the elections.

The ruling coalition may, as a result, operate in refuge.

A gift from God...

The 4th Republic of Poland is reaching a critical stage.

This is fact and not fiction. Soon we will no longer

be able to turn left at intersections.

The police will confiscate licenses of those who do so.

This leaves us with the question. How much will politicians

interfere with road rules? Pretty soon we will only drive in reverse,

and only in the garage.

You like that, bitch!

I have my exam pretty soon.

Make up exam...

from organic chemistry.

Welcome, my brother.

What are you listening to, my brother?

I've just managed to download a great homily from the Vatican

- in JP2 format. - I think you mean MP3 format.

Yes, MP3, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- Welcome, my brothers. - Hello, Father

Oh, new shoes, Father? From Paris?

No, from parish.

Come brothers, we'll be late.

Pele... Wait up.

Just be nice.

Hey, where is Karolina?

Karolina... is training, you know... Tense your muscle.

She'll be out in a minute.

What's up with them?

They're training...

for a pilgrimage.

I'm off to train. Yes...

More humility, brothers. More humility.

Hi, love.

I got you a job interview. Dad helped out.

If you don't screw up, it'll just be a formality.

Your interview is October 2nd, at 10AM, Krucza street number 47A.

Just don't forget again. Oh, ah, the interview is in English.

- But that's only a month from now. - What, you won't manage?

- Me? Of course I will. - Just don't mess it up... again!

...and so Adi didn't have a choice.

Bye.

Things would be great, if it weren't for Adi's English.

Which wasn't too...

...fluent

What's up?

That guy in the hood is talking shit about me.

- How do you know it's about you? - Cuz I do!

- But you don't know sign language? - He was going like this...

Stop with that paranoia, ok? I have to learn English in a month.

As you have noticed, Adi's English wasn't too fluent.

That's why his chances of not screwing up weren't too great,

and he only had a month to learn.

Being an optimist, Adi didn't break down,

and calmly went on home.

Go!

Welcome ladies and gentlemen.

This is the great finale of our game show "Neighbors".

Our hosts are the Wozniaks, and the Gorzynskis.

The two families have earned the most points,

their mutual animosity has led them straight to our great finale.

Welcome to the final. You are at the peak of our program.

Tell us how long you have hated the Gorzynskis?

Ever since these skunks moved in here!

Wozniak is a plain bitch!

As you can see, our families aren't here by chance, their hate really is

at the highest of levels.

The final showdown is right after the break.

- Wait till I slap you. - I'm gonna slap you, yes I will.

What are you growling for? Sit, doggy! Come here, sit!

Don't get upset, honey, they're just plain jerks.

My conditions for learning weren't too helpful.

Thankfully I was always calm and composed.

It comes from the time I was an altar boy.

The one he loved was his sister,

and his greatest enemy turned out to be his natural father.

Now that would fuck anyone up.

Say what you will, in my opinion Luke Skywalker was gay.

Please leave you money after the beep.

Here I am. What do you want?

I'll give it back.

I don't have it now, but I'll pay it back when I have it.

See ya.

Give it back yourself!

You think he'll lend it to you?

- Uncle Edward? - No, Chuck Norris.

Sure he will. He's a no-nonsense guy,

he's got a huge library, so he's gotta have a lot of dictionaries.

You better give up on those Mongolian theories of yours.

Who's there?

Adrian, Director's nephew, to see him.

Hi there, you little slacker, what brings you?

Hey Uncle, I wanted to borrow some books for learning English.

Help yourself.

I see you finally doing something with yourself. Sure I will help you.

A few volumes later... - You might need this too.

That should do it. But don't do it yourselves.

Let me give you something.

"Fairy Tale"? I was thinking "Star Wars".

Pack them into this, just be sure to give it back, it's a memento.

Sure thing. Thank you.

Thank you, Uncle.

You hold on, you hold on good.

Push, push. You push better.

Where is the remote, my little grandson?

The German hid it from you.

What German?

What are you doing?

I'm inhaling. It's a...

...Mongolian medicine.

Medicine? Medicine for what?

It's medicine for everything, Granny.

- It works preventatively. - For everything?

Consult a doctor or pharmacist before use.

- Good day, neighbor. - Oh, good day to you.

I would like to ask a favor.

Your dog keeps barking. I'm studying for exams, and I can't concentrate.

If you could hide your dog somewhere, so he wouldn't bark so much.

A dog is a dog.

- So, where are you? - Me?

- I'm in a room - Probably with that moron again.

No, alone.

I still know he's there.

Anyways, who cares Listen.

We've been invited to my father's birthday party this weekend.

I hope I don't have to remind you to dress elegantly.

And don't buy a present. I'll buy one this time... a normal one.

- I don't want another screw up. - The rosary?

Listen, gotta go. I have something important to take care of. Bye!

Oh that's nice. If we only raised the collar a bit.

Really? They're leaving for the weekend?

Sure I want to sleep over, since you really want it.

I love you, too.

Who the hell taught you how to drive, poppa? Eh?

Oh, poppa...

Looks like you're gonna be paying it out till the end of your life.

Go ahead, call for help.

You're gonna have to settle this somehow.

A few minutes later...

What's up, Grandpa? Did the idiot back up and hit you?

Sonny!

Let him go, my little grandson! You'll get him later.

I think my sister invaded my stash.

You smoke too much, and you blame her.

You better stop it with those Mongolian theories.

I would learn Mongolian faster than English.

I can't handle these books. This is pointless.

So take some lessons, you might even get to hug some mommy.

- You hug better. - And you work better.

JOB-The Workaholic and Unemployed Show

When I was a boy,

my mother would tell me stories.

I loved them.

Especially one of them, the Sleeping Beauty.

I dreamed of having a sleeping beauty, all to myself.

Others had girlfriends.

They touched them,

and I dreamt of a sleeping beauty, all to myself.

I finally have one.

A sleeping beauty.

All mine and all to myself...

I can do anything with her.

Do you love me? No, don't answer me. I know.

Very good.

Very good.

Just please turn around over there.

That would be it.

Pele passed the first exam...

You like that bitch!

Well, he almost passed it.

I will personally make sure that you never get a driver's license!

The next step in Adi's education was a lesson with a teacher

recommended by Pele. Supposedly a good one.

Adi.

After 14 tokes,

7 puffs,

and 3 drags...

How much is it, my Father?

As much as you can.

Plus VAT, of course

Do you know "Our Father", little girl?

Your father? I don't.

Good doggy, why are you barking?

It's me, your neighbor.

Quiet now. I can't study. Good doggy!

Stupid mutt! You want war? You're gonna get it.

Scene 45. Party at Kieras's place.

The scene has been removed due to its unsuitable, obscene nature.

Oh, thanks. How did the party turn out?

Give me a break. Kieras...

He brought some Russian vodka.

And?

Everybody puked... Only Pele vomited.

- What do you have there? - Let me see.

A travel catalogue, I want to go to Sweden for vacation.

- You want to be cool? - Kieras said that it's awesome.

Even on the ferry, drinks and food for free, and non stop humping.

Once you're there - the same: all is free, and non stop humping.

- Did Kieras ever go there? - Not him, his sister did.

Look, he's trying to pass me.

What the hell are you doing?!

Mommy, why are those women standing over there like that?

Those women? They're picking berries.

Yes, mother is right.

They're... picking berries,

and mushrooms.

Right, Dad?

Mostly mushrooms.

It's one of the oldest professions in the world...

picking.

Watch where you're going!

Dizzy and I, we do such things... that I don't even wanna talk to you!

Fuck! Who was that?

Some local dipshit.

That was good. Who taught you that?

Forget Pele, he's a local dipshit.

I don't remember.

- I don't know. White, I think... - Not white.

- So what then, cream? - Bromba was a liver color.

Darek, open sesame.

Officer, sir, you are right, unfortunately I did go

over the speed limit. I realize that it was very irresponsible of me,

and that I endangered other users of the road,

but I was riding so fast,

because I fucking love speeding!

Retest?

Just pray you don't get the Redneck.

- The Redneck? - This asshole, he failed me twice.

The last time, I barely got into the car when he said...

Thank you, you failed.

So I say: How is it that I fail before even starting the car?

How did you want to take the test...

from the back seat?

I'm telling you, he's a first class idiot.

After a failed attempt at extorting an official acknowledgement

from the Austrian government for the Battle of Vienna,

- the Foreign Affairs Minister... - C'mon man, turn that shit off.

or I'm gonna puke.

This evening we invite you for another episode of "Rosary with the Stars"

with a special appearance of Father Director.

Switch it back, you're better at that.

You're better at changing the channel.

Welcome back to the great finale of "Neighbors".

The Wozniak family is now trailing by 1 point,

after a failed attempt at poisoning the Gorzynskis' dog.

The last question, and a chance to even the score.

If the Wozniaks answer the following question properly,

we will have a tie. If they fail to do so,

then the Gorzynski family win our great finale.

Boy is there something to fight for. We have some great prizes.

In each one of the envelopes, there is a different revenge.

The losing family will have to submit to it.

The 3 revenges are: public slapping for 5 minutes,

a month's stay in any place in the world

at the losing family's expense, or a 5 minute demolition spree

of the despised losers' apartment.

And the deciding question for the Wozniaks is...

"What do the Gorzynski family call you when they make fun of you

in front of their friends?"

We know the right answer from the Gorzynski family's friends.

You have three chances.

Skunks.

Two more.

Cow turd.

Skunks, cow turd, and the final try.

Lowlifes.

Could I please have the envelope with the correct answer?

The correct answer is...

"Crappers."

My congratulations go to the Gorzynski family,

the winners of our grand prize.

Fantastic, let us now draw the prize.

1 of 3 great forms of revenge.

- Which envelope do you choose? - My wife will choose.

- Me, me. - Be my guest.

- Be quiet! - Fine, just choose one.

- Shut up! - Go ahead.

Envelope number 2!

And inside we have...

Demolition spree!

In that case, let me invite you to the Wozniak apartment.

- For a demolition! - Let's go.

Come right on in.

We have some tools for you to choose from:

a baseball bat, a set of knives, an axe.

Help yourself. Are you ready?

In that case, I wish you the best of fun.

You have 3 minutes, please step back,

3 minutes. Start.

C'mon Greg, c'mon.

The vase!

Look, they had Lenin.

Faster!

So, how do you feel after your sweet revenge?

- What a great feeling! - A truly unforgettable experience!

We were a little disappointed that they removed their family china!

Ladies and gentlemen, this brings us to the end of "Neighbors"

but I invite you to our new game show which starts next week,

"Rat On Your Priest" See you then.

JOB-The Workaholic and Unemployed Show

Even as a child I knew I had leadership skills.

I was born to rule. My mother told me that.

Half a semester of management.

Then a correspondence Judo course.

I like ruling, I like getting respect.

TICKET CONTROL!

Quiet!

Thank you.

- For dogs. - What kind do you need?

The strongest, so he won't even let out a yelp!

I recommend MUTTOMACE 1000, gel pepper, lasts long.

Just be careful, it's very strong, no more than 2 sprays.

And don't use it in a close space. It even works through a door.

- How much? - A hundy.

Another explosion at a Megabug supermarket, the Police suspects

the extremely aggressive gay gang "The Homos" of organizing the attack.

We're looking at the high chances of cloud and rain.

Let's take a look at our map. The temperature in the north...

What a fucking cock sucker.

Fuck, look at this cock sucker.

Stay at home, you dumb-fuck.

All you do is eat, and you're still as thin as a twig.

- Cheap diabeticus. - What?

Diabetic Worms.

Open sesame, Darek!

Kind sir. Could we please, also... open sesame?

Thank you.

KONRAD NIEWOLSKI -THE NEW MINISTER OF CULTURE!

Fearing an addiction to...

English, Adi decided to look for an English teacher on his own.

Two sprays.

Two sprays.

Two sprays.

Could I have a pen, please? I want to take notes.

What?

Yes.

How do you spell it?

Why do you look so bombed? Did you party it up or something?

I didn't get any sleep again, reoccurring dreams

of my father's death, in episodes.

What're you listening to?

Is it a concert?

Why are they clapping the whole time?

Applause!

A mega million of hands coming together for the great Pele!

I pop it on in the morning, I feel better right away.

You should record a standing ovation.

Oh, did you hear Kieras's little sister had a baby son?

- What's his name? - They don't know, he doesn't speak yet.

I can't take this barking anymore.

- Maybe you should poison him. - No can do, he barks at home all day!

He only goes for a walk with that bag.

- So an air gun, from the window. - You crazy? You'd need a rifle

to shoot a dog. Airguns are good for the neighborhood watch patrol.

What to do?

Dogcatcher!

Every chance Pele gets, he looks into his favorite monthly magazine:

the Masturbatrix.

I'm worried about your grandmother.

She hasn't been taking her medicine recently.

Maybe it's getting worse?

Dear boy, there is absolutely no point in talking to me,

as I am completely deaf!

Totally deaf!

Excuse me, can I help you with anything?

No, thank you. We're just looking around.

Granny.

Mom tells me you haven't been taking your medicine recently.

If you don't take your medicine,

we're gonna have to take you to Holland.

No, not Holland!

Holland!

Father.

Father, I have sinned.

I did something... horrible!

Father.

Father!

Fuck off to the highway, asshole.

We drive 50 in the city.

Go away!

Maybe we could learn some new words?

You can't even hold the steering wheel correctly.

I'm holding it awesome.

I have to go, I'll call you later.

You damn punk!

- Do we smash him up? - GO!

- Through a red? - Yes!

- So I passed? - Yes! Go!

Dad, but we had the right of way.

Remember son,

he who has full coverage insurance, has the right of way.

Understand.

The language school was recommended by Kieras' sister

who got to know quite a few language teachers... anyway.

Good afternoon

- Could I sign up? - Certainly, what level?

How about the lowest available?

The lowest? We have a kids' group.

I could even join the infant group.

So please fill your application with that lady over there.

- Ok, thank you very much - You're very welcome.

Tujak.

Tujak Adi... that's "Adrian".

What dress?

Oh, no. This is not a dress. This is a jacket

No, no.

This is a J-A-C-K-E-T.

Where's the target?

I see we are dealing with an exceptionally brutal beast.

That characteristic aroma.

Did somebody use MUTTOMACE 1000?

That's old news. Obsolete.

The future is...

ultra - audio - lobotomy.

Oh my, what a misfortune, and in our building.

Granny?

Granny, what are you doing?

What do you mean? I'm curing myself with your medicine.

It's really really good.

You wanna be cool?

Why are you giving me this?

Where did you get that? Not that.

- This... - What is it?

- Your salvation, dummy. - "SITA" system?

Oh yeah.

"Language learning in a state of relaxation".

- You sure know how to relax. - "Fast and effective"

What do I need this for?

Thanks to this baby, you'll even learn Mongolian.

Let's go.

Hi.

Hi.

What's new?

Not much, thanks.

Where are you?

Well, here.

What are you doing?

The same as you.

Anna, let me get back to you,

some jerk is cutting into the conversation.

The basis of our system is relaxation.

Initiation, memory, activation.

IMA in short.

SITA, success, fast, effective.

How do you tell you are relaxed?

Deep, calm breath, a feeling of warmth,

the psyche free from emotions,

diminished reaction to exterior stimuli.

- Take it! - Hold on, how much is it?

- 1000 gross. - Gross?

We want English.

Unfortunately I don't have that much right now. Thanks, anyway.

Man, that would be perfect for you.

I spent all my money on pointless lessons.

Bingo, we're going to the Chinese market, they got it all.

And they probably would have walked like that all day, if not for...

SITA SYSTEM. English, Russian,

language, learning... Do you fucking understand?

Yes yes. Fucking, understand.

Fucking language, understand.

- Adi! - Fucking eh!

- Adi, how much cash you got? - 300, but you know what for.

Pele, Pele. Yo man, what are you doing here?

You lookin for some porn? Lolitas, old bags, pets, whatever you need.

No, no, we are looking for something else.

Thanks to Rudy's connections, they found what they were looking for.

English language. Nice.

Only be careful, real hard one.

One night and all course by heart.

One only. You won't take in anything more.

Yeah, I finally know English.

Wait, something's wrong.

HUNGARIAN

God dammit!

Fucking Russian!

Karolina is gonna kill me!

It's all Pele's fault!

I'm screwed. Finished.

As you can probably guess, Adi didn't even try going to the interview,

Karolina got pissed off at him, and they got into a huge fight.

Leave me alone, attention!

But he claims that he holds her on a short leash.

Take that shirt out already!

To get over the blues, they went to the cinema,

They didn't bother to call me...

What a shitty film.

You're paying me back for the tickets.

What's up, my man. Where you from?

Łukasz. What are you scheming?

I threw my ticket out by accident, they'll lock me up again.

Have a blast picking garbage.

No, thanks, I don't want to get even more depressed.

I'm screwed as it is.

Spark it up.

3 hours later...

Let's walk, the last thing I need is to get chased by ticket controllers.

Look at this boozer.

Hey, Pele. This guy is speaking Hungarian.

Please call my doctor.

He's saying that he's really sick and that he needs his doctor's help.

- Call an ambulance - You're such a dummy after your weed.

He says he needs his doctor, wait.

Write the number down: 603 - 00 - 13.

Hello, my name is Adrian Tujak.

I'm calling because there is a Hungarian here,

he gave me this number to call. He needs medical help.

I think he collapsed.

He's lying here on a bench. We are with him, with a friend of mine.

What can we do?

OK, fine.

- We are in the park... - Rydz Śmigły Park.

OK, we will wait. We will be here for sure.

Slowly... yes.

You got any prozac?

You saved my life.

- Thank you. - Anybody would have done it.

But not everybody knows Hungarian.

I need a personal translator.

What can I do to convince you?

Thank you very much.

Did he say anything about me?

What did he give you?

Gabor Blazsek.

The Hungarian Ambassador.

Peter!

Come here.

Will you score me some of that Mongolian medicine

you got for your granny?

Will you? I'm begging you.

A few of my friends also want some.

Get me some, please.

I even hooked up with some equipment.

The janitor's son said these are the best.

Get some. Cool.

Sophie!

The weather is so lovely today that I think I'm gonna fly

over to the psychiatrist today.

JOB-The Workaholic and Unemployed Show

Childhood memories?

A little car from my grand daddy.

They stole it from me in pre-school.

Since then I've been interested in cars.

My previous occupations didn't let me realize my dreams.

Only now I can do something

that I really like.

They didn't have any male versions?

You threatening me?

The ambassador needs a driver. Do you know anybody?

I know this one guy, I'll talk with him.

But he's not cheap.

- So what, you wanna toke up? - Nope. No more toking.

Time to finish the film.

THE END.

Oh I almost forgot.

Adi's doing great He got promoted real fast.

Soon he became the cultural attache. He made up with Karolina and I hear

she's quite proud of him.

Hungarian? Couldn't you get French?

I caught God by the heels...

- What did you say? - Nothing, I love you.

So say something in Hungarian.

In the meantime, last night at Pele's...

Pele's actual name is Andrzej Andrzejewski,

and he's an actor.

You like that bitch?

Pele's granny got so well in fact, that along with some friends

she opened a Golden Elder's club.

After all that happened,

I ended up adopting a dog.

Unfortunately, he's deaf mute.

Come, come, Decibel.

You probably want to know what was on the photo from the john.

Unfortunately the prop guy lost it.

Instead here's a postcard, that Kieras's sister sent me

from a trip to Turkey.

"My darlings, I fell in love, and I'm staying.

I met a fantastic guy in a turban. I think his name is Harem".

Do it, do it.

I almost smacked the old geezer with a dog.

Shit, that was close...

You screwed up, I can never count on...

I ended up adopting a dog.

Unfortunately a deaf-mute dog.

Only on me, please, only me.

Always on me.

Fucking understand.

I don't think it broke.

Get your act together.

What did you do to your shirt? You redneck, you.

Where are you scratching yourself?

What's happened, Grandpa? The idiot backed up and hit you?

Let him go my little grandson,

You'll get him later.

Fuck, I forgot my lines

What are you honking for? You give me back the money.

Stop, where is the fear?

What the...

Watch it, camera!

Just a minute...

Jesus, I'm sorry.

Have you got prozac?

- What is that? - They won't let us play...

You're a loser, I'm not worthy of you, you're not worthy of me...

Did anybody film that?

Down and up, up and down,

up down.

I'm sorry for interrupting the scene, but my glasses weren't removed.

Finally I can do what I wanted to do.

- Where are we looking? - Ahead.

The same vibes?

Where should I look, maybe we should decide where I should look.

That would be a good idea

I'm wiping my ass, I'm wiping my ass...

...and I ended up... shitting my armour...

Dude, do you know how much a shooting day is?

I know.

If you were so kind to please walk to the right?

English subtitles by: Maciej Karłowski.