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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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I have always been an artist.
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00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,920
Well, in fact...
5
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,680
I've always wanted
to be an artist.
6
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,320
That means, I once wanted
to be an artist.
7
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:04,240
As a child
I wanted to be an artist,
8
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,880
but my paintings were appealing
to me and me alone.
9
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,360
Even my mother pretended
that she liked them.
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00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,280
It made me angry,
it ticked me off
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00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,200
that nobody knew good art
when they saw it.
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00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,800
So... I became a film critic.
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00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,040
Maciej M. Film critic
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00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,320
That's why I definitely
do not recommend
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00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,280
this pointless film.
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00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,960
Because if I don't like something,
that means it is crappy,
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00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,200
and if I don't understand something,
that means it's stupid.
18
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,520
Because it is me who is a film critic.
19
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,960
That is why I ask you not to watch
this idiotic film.
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00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:07,680
The primitive jokes, Mongolian dialogs.
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00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,760
Did I say Mongolian?
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00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,840
And you see?
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00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,640
All because of this stupid film...
24
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,400
And all those subtle allusions
to the anus... Disgusting!
25
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,200
That of course cannot be funny.
26
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,240
BEWARE!!!
This film contains jokes and skits
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00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,560
used without the consent
of their creators.
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00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,440
THE LAST GREY CELL
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00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,200
Starring:
30
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,680
Make-up:
31
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,640
Production Design and
Set Decoration:
32
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,760
Costume Design:
33
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,720
Sound Design:
34
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,920
Editing:
35
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,640
Photography:
36
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,880
Music:
37
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,320
Executive Producers:
38
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,360
Co-producers:
39
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,880
Producer:
40
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,960
Written and
Directed by:
41
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,800
MEGABUG SUPERMARKET
42
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,080
At the age of 7
I was diagnosed with narrato-phillia.
43
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,080
I've been a narrato-holic
since the age of 14.
44
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,320
I talk, because I talk well,
45
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,240
and that's why
I'm going to be your narrator.
46
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,640
That's not me,
that's Adi.
47
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,320
Adi, like Pele
(you'll meet him in a moment),
48
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,600
represents a very important social
demographic. Meaning, he is unemployed.
49
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,600
DOGS MUST ONLY BE WALKED
ON LEASH.
50
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,920
Not that he's lazy,
he just doesn't have much luck
51
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,120
when it comes to employers.
52
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:56,880
This is our trio,
brought together by a fascination
53
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,800
of the inventions of Adam Słodowy,
who, we now believe, fooled us,
54
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,040
as most of his toys didn't work.
55
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,920
My friends.
56
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,640
As far as my memory goes back,
they have always been there.
57
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,760
To this day we share
the same interests.
58
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,280
Travel and extreme sports.
59
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,480
We ran away,
because... we ran well.
60
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,160
Adi's girlfriend, Karolina,
doesn't like his friends.
61
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,800
Adi, they're total idiots!
62
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,920
To this day we don't know
who she was talking about.
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,000
And this is me.
64
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,320
We have known each other
since grade school.
65
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,040
Welcome boys, I am your new
gym teacher.
66
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,400
I am Mr. Waldemar Trzaskowski,
and you?
67
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,080
And we're not.
68
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,200
And this is Pele.
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00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,880
Pele is a really cool dude,
you can always rely on him.
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00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,800
Pele HELP!!!
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00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,560
I can't, I'm very busy.
72
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,720
...Well, almost always.
73
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:41,520
That's just the way he is.
He had a really tough childhood.
74
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,880
Are you threatening me?
75
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,960
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
76
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,480
Where is your father?
77
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,360
Have you seen your father, son?
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00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,840
I have.
He's at the playground.
79
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,656
- SOME TIME LATER...
- This is a nightmare.
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00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,480
That's a Mongolian child!
81
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,200
Not Mongolian, but Jedi.
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00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,360
You wanna fight?
I'm gonna finish you with one hand.
83
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,920
Son, just please be careful
crossing the street.
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00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,920
Are you threatening me?
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00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,240
As I have already said, Pele's
childhood was really difficult...
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00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,160
for his family, and well,
for his neighbors, too.
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00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,240
Good day, neighbor.
88
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,480
How are you?
89
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,680
What happened to you face?
90
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,360
Oh, nothing really.
91
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,400
Is something wrong?
92
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,360
The neighbors' son got an air rifle
for his birthday.
93
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:08,000
Why so secret?
What's going on?
94
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,800
Children's Day is coming up.
95
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,400
I dread to think
what he is going to get this time.
96
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,240
The neighbor's fears were warranted.
97
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,680
Granny, you'll see how cool
this will be.
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00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,120
Put your hands up like this.
99
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,680
Presents always played a big role
in our lives,
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00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,600
and Pele got a ball.
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00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,560
My name is Chemist.
102
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,720
They started calling me that
in grade school.
103
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,960
It was also because of a present.
You might have heard about this.
104
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,920
Tell them what I did at the ball.
105
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,160
Tell them what she did.
106
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,280
Mom, the Christmas tree
is on fire.
107
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,200
Son, you don't say
the tree is on fire.
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00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,760
You say the Christmas tree is shining.
109
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,600
Mommy, in that case,
everything is shining.
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00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,560
The curtains, the furniture,
even the books are shining.
111
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,040
From that moment on,
they called me Chemist.
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00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,160
A dozen or so years later.
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00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,120
Yes, right...
114
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,960
You go straight,
and then take a left.
115
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,800
Straight till the end.
116
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,000
- Who are you talking with?
- My granny.
117
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,760
Go back a bit.
Slow down... yes.
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00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,360
Ok, now turn right, the fridge
should be right in front of you.
119
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,720
Pele's grandmother has Alzheimer's.
Pele takes really good care of her.
120
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:49,200
I'm gonna get Granny
this super wheelchair,
121
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:54,880
ABS, airbags, joystick control,
hydraulic suspension.
122
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,960
Yeah, and...
a fold out table top.
123
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,040
You are a table top.
124
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,840
You'll see,
everyone will scope it out.
125
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,400
- Are you threatening me?
- Are you trying to be cool?
126
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,960
- I have a black belt in insulting.
- That's her job, dumbass.
127
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,720
JOB-The Workaholic
and Unemployed Show
128
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,880
Even at university I was interested
in tourism and recreation.
129
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,600
I have always wanted to work
in this industry.
130
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,800
I'm really happy
how things turned out for me.
131
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,160
I like meeting new people,
132
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,640
I like contact with nature.
133
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,600
This is exactly
what you have been looking for.
134
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,600
State of the art equipment.
Here, let me demonstrate.
135
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,000
This clock older than a century!
136
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,280
Isn't the sound just fabulous?
Let me just tell you a few words
137
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,800
about a magical surround system.
138
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,120
Top of the range, indeed.
139
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,680
And to finish it off
a few extra goodies.
140
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,480
The most fruity
are Polish girls,
141
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,040
and that's the truth,
142
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,640
I would give away Chicago
for just one smile, and Paris...
143
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,720
...too.
144
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,400
- What do you like listening to?
- Nothing!
145
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,840
We have nothing too.
146
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,040
Sadly, Adi's boss didn't seem
to recognize his creativity.
147
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,360
Adi lost his job and had to look
for something else to do.
148
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,440
Vegetable, chop chop.
Quick, quick!
149
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,160
Wash dishes!
150
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,360
Clean good!
151
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,160
It was the same with the Chinks.
152
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,480
The dude just doesn't have
any luck with employers.
153
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,080
Thankfully he has
a very understanding family.
154
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:55,320
- You've always been a loser!
- You're no good, blood sucker!
155
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,760
I don't have my own room
because of you!
156
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,200
A war would do you some good!
157
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,800
You're the fucker
that stinks round here!
158
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:07,520
Pele doesn't have a driver's license,
They took it away for points.
159
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,440
His exam is coming up,
so he's practising in his uncle's cab.
160
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,000
In fact, Pele is kind of secretive
about his driver's license.
161
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,720
He doesn't wanna talk about it.
162
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,120
Wait, I'll call you later,
my cab is here.
163
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,320
- Hello sir, are you free?
- Yeah... - Great!
164
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:35,000
- But I don't have a driver's license.
- Are you fucking kidding me?
165
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,360
- I'm practicing for my exam.
- Get lost, you jerk.
166
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,040
- Asshole!
- Don't slam the door.
167
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,600
Sofia!
Bring the camera!
168
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,720
What camera?
169
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,720
The photo camera!
170
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,640
Doctor, my throat is very sore.
171
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,840
I woke up in pain this morning,
172
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:42,000
and... I don't know why
I have heartburn.
173
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:48,240
I have this strange taste in my mouth,
as if I were burping up
174
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,480
hot dogs and beer,
175
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,400
On top of that I feel very weak.
176
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,600
It's strange,
my hands hurt, my legs hurt,
177
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,480
and I'm worried it might
be something serious.
178
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,800
Have you ever experienced
similar symptoms?
179
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,440
I think so...
180
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,760
But it was always so sudden.
181
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,400
GOOOAAAAL!
182
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,160
Fuck the Referee!
183
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,960
Doctor, sir,
what is wrong with me?
184
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,880
What is it?
Is it serious?
185
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,880
The symptoms speak for themselves.
186
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,360
I have no doubts.
187
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,360
You are, quite simply,
188
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,600
a total MORON.
189
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,440
No, really?
190
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,000
I never thought it would happen
in my family.
191
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,160
Is it hereditary?
192
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,920
Doctor, I did...
193
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,080
...something very strange.
194
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,240
C'mon son, these doctors
are complete idiots.
195
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,640
Let's go get a hot dog,
196
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,360
and daddy is gonna have a beer.
197
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,120
How not to fall out
of the political game.
198
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,360
To strengthen his suntan
our most important Vice Premier
199
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,000
is vacationing with his wife
in Bulgaria
200
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,760
until the second round
of the elections.
201
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,160
The ruling coalition may, as a result,
operate in refuge.
202
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,600
A gift from God...
203
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,400
The 4th Republic of Poland
is reaching a critical stage.
204
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:20,240
This is fact and not fiction.
Soon we will no longer
205
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,760
be able to turn left
at intersections.
206
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,440
The police will confiscate licenses
of those who do so.
207
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,120
This leaves us with the question.
How much will politicians
208
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,600
interfere with road rules? Pretty soon
we will only drive in reverse,
209
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,920
and only in the garage.
210
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,000
You like that, bitch!
211
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,240
I have my exam pretty soon.
212
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,920
Make up exam...
213
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,600
from organic chemistry.
214
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,000
Welcome, my brother.
215
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,320
What are you listening to, my brother?
216
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,600
I've just managed to download
a great homily from the Vatican
217
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,600
- in JP2 format.
- I think you mean MP3 format.
218
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,440
Yes, MP3,
I'm sorry.
219
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:14,800
I'm sorry.
220
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,960
- Welcome, my brothers.
- Hello, Father
221
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:29,280
Oh, new shoes, Father?
From Paris?
222
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:30,720
No, from parish.
223
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,520
Come brothers, we'll be late.
224
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,320
Pele...
Wait up.
225
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,560
Just be nice.
226
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,560
Hey, where is Karolina?
227
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Karolina... is training,
you know... Tense your muscle.
228
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,040
She'll be out in a minute.
229
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,360
What's up with them?
230
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,960
They're training...
231
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,920
for a pilgrimage.
232
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,160
I'm off to train.
Yes...
233
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,600
More humility, brothers.
More humility.
234
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,440
Hi, love.
235
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,600
I got you a job interview.
Dad helped out.
236
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,560
If you don't screw up,
it'll just be a formality.
237
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:57,640
Your interview is October 2nd,
at 10AM, Krucza street number 47A.
238
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,320
Just don't forget again.
Oh, ah, the interview is in English.
239
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:07,360
- But that's only a month from now.
- What, you won't manage?
240
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,320
- Me? Of course I will.
- Just don't mess it up... again!
241
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,760
...and so Adi didn't have a choice.
242
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,160
Bye.
243
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:19,600
Things would be great,
if it weren't for Adi's English.
244
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,200
Which wasn't too...
245
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:28,760
...fluent
246
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,960
What's up?
247
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,680
That guy in the hood
is talking shit about me.
248
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,840
- How do you know it's about you?
- Cuz I do!
249
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,920
- But you don't know sign language?
- He was going like this...
250
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:15,000
Stop with that paranoia, ok?
I have to learn English in a month.
251
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,800
As you have noticed, Adi's English
wasn't too fluent.
252
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,880
That's why his chances
of not screwing up weren't too great,
253
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,360
and he only had a month to learn.
254
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,040
Being an optimist,
Adi didn't break down,
255
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,240
and calmly went on home.
256
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,120
Go!
257
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,040
Welcome ladies and gentlemen.
258
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,320
This is the great finale
of our game show "Neighbors".
259
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:03,040
Our hosts are the Wozniaks,
and the Gorzynskis.
260
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:06,280
The two families have earned
the most points,
261
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:10,280
their mutual animosity has led them
straight to our great finale.
262
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:14,120
Welcome to the final.
You are at the peak of our program.
263
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,560
Tell us how long
you have hated the Gorzynskis?
264
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,160
Ever since these skunks moved in here!
265
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,120
Wozniak is a plain bitch!
266
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:28,560
As you can see, our families aren't
here by chance, their hate really is
267
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,160
at the highest of levels.
268
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,680
The final showdown is
right after the break.
269
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,080
- Wait till I slap you.
- I'm gonna slap you, yes I will.
270
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,440
What are you growling for?
Sit, doggy! Come here, sit!
271
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,720
Don't get upset, honey,
they're just plain jerks.
272
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,080
My conditions for learning
weren't too helpful.
273
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,920
Thankfully I was always calm
and composed.
274
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,520
It comes from the time
I was an altar boy.
275
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,600
The one he loved was his sister,
276
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,360
and his greatest enemy turned out
to be his natural father.
277
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,640
Now that would fuck anyone up.
278
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:34,720
Say what you will, in my opinion
Luke Skywalker was gay.
279
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,440
Please leave you money
after the beep.
280
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,360
Here I am.
What do you want?
281
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,120
I'll give it back.
282
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,760
I don't have it now, but I'll pay it
back when I have it.
283
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,240
See ya.
284
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,880
Give it back yourself!
285
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:14,720
You think he'll lend it to you?
286
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,600
- Uncle Edward?
- No, Chuck Norris.
287
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,400
Sure he will.
He's a no-nonsense guy,
288
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,920
he's got a huge library, so he's gotta
have a lot of dictionaries.
289
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,920
You better give up on those
Mongolian theories of yours.
290
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,600
Who's there?
291
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,200
Adrian, Director's nephew,
to see him.
292
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,320
Hi there, you little slacker,
what brings you?
293
00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:00,800
Hey Uncle, I wanted to borrow
some books for learning English.
294
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:03,880
Help yourself.
295
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,200
I see you finally doing something
with yourself. Sure I will help you.
296
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,800
A few volumes later...
- You might need this too.
297
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:19,640
That should do it.
But don't do it yourselves.
298
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,760
Let me give you something.
299
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,640
"Fairy Tale"?
I was thinking "Star Wars".
300
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,360
Pack them into this, just be sure
to give it back, it's a memento.
301
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,400
Sure thing.
Thank you.
302
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,960
Thank you, Uncle.
303
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,160
You hold on,
you hold on good.
304
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,280
Push, push.
You push better.
305
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,440
Where is the remote,
my little grandson?
306
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,080
The German hid it from you.
307
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,160
What German?
308
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,760
What are you doing?
309
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,880
I'm inhaling.
It's a...
310
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,360
...Mongolian medicine.
311
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,520
Medicine?
Medicine for what?
312
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,120
It's medicine for everything,
Granny.
313
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,080
- It works preventatively.
- For everything?
314
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,160
Consult a doctor or pharmacist
before use.
315
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,880
- Good day, neighbor.
- Oh, good day to you.
316
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,160
I would like to ask a favor.
317
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,520
Your dog keeps barking. I'm studying
for exams, and I can't concentrate.
318
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:57,080
If you could hide your dog somewhere,
so he wouldn't bark so much.
319
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,600
A dog is a dog.
320
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,760
- So, where are you?
- Me?
321
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:20,120
- I'm in a room
- Probably with that moron again.
322
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:21,880
No, alone.
323
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:25,720
I still know he's there.
324
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,120
Anyways, who cares
Listen.
325
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,280
We've been invited to my father's
birthday party this weekend.
326
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,440
I hope I don't have to remind you
to dress elegantly.
327
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:42,960
And don't buy a present.
I'll buy one this time... a normal one.
328
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,000
- I don't want another screw up.
- The rosary?
329
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:50,040
Listen, gotta go. I have something
important to take care of. Bye!
330
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:54,400
Oh that's nice. If we only raised
the collar a bit.
331
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,440
Really? They're leaving
for the weekend?
332
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,640
Sure I want to sleep over,
since you really want it.
333
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,000
I love you, too.
334
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,760
Who the hell taught you
how to drive, poppa? Eh?
335
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:54,440
Oh, poppa...
336
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:59,520
Looks like you're gonna be paying it
out till the end of your life.
337
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,760
Go ahead, call for help.
338
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,720
You're gonna have to
settle this somehow.
339
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,480
A few minutes later...
340
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,880
What's up, Grandpa?
Did the idiot back up and hit you?
341
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,800
Sonny!
342
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,320
Let him go, my little grandson!
You'll get him later.
343
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,960
I think my sister invaded my stash.
344
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,040
You smoke too much,
and you blame her.
345
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,920
You better stop it
with those Mongolian theories.
346
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,360
I would learn Mongolian
faster than English.
347
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,040
I can't handle these books.
This is pointless.
348
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,640
So take some lessons, you might even
get to hug some mommy.
349
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,720
- You hug better.
- And you work better.
350
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,720
JOB-The Workaholic
and Unemployed Show
351
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,360
When I was a boy,
352
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,000
my mother
would tell me stories.
353
00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:20,480
I loved them.
354
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,360
Especially one of them,
the Sleeping Beauty.
355
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,840
I dreamed of having a sleeping beauty,
all to myself.
356
00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:36,800
Others had girlfriends.
357
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,040
They touched them,
358
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,760
and I dreamt of a sleeping beauty,
all to myself.
359
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,240
I finally have one.
360
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,800
A sleeping beauty.
361
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,760
All mine
and all to myself...
362
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,240
I can do anything with her.
363
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,400
Do you love me?
No, don't answer me. I know.
364
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,680
Very good.
365
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,280
Very good.
366
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,360
Just please turn around over there.
367
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,800
That would be it.
368
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,640
Pele passed the first exam...
369
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,720
You like that bitch!
370
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,440
Well, he almost passed it.
371
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:14,680
I will personally make sure
that you never get a driver's license!
372
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:31,560
The next step in Adi's education
was a lesson with a teacher
373
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,400
recommended by Pele.
Supposedly a good one.
374
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,200
Adi.
375
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,160
After 14 tokes,
376
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,080
7 puffs,
377
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,280
and 3 drags...
378
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,480
How much is it, my Father?
379
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,080
As much as you can.
380
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,320
Plus VAT, of course
381
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,400
Do you know "Our Father",
little girl?
382
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,400
Your father?
I don't.
383
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,480
Good doggy, why are you barking?
384
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,360
It's me, your neighbor.
385
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,280
Quiet now. I can't study.
Good doggy!
386
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,400
Stupid mutt! You want war?
You're gonna get it.
387
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,600
Scene 45.
Party at Kieras's place.
388
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:51,680
The scene has been removed due to
its unsuitable, obscene nature.
389
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,440
Oh, thanks.
How did the party turn out?
390
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:09,360
Give me a break.
Kieras...
391
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,360
He brought some Russian vodka.
392
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,720
And?
393
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,160
Everybody puked...
Only Pele vomited.
394
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,920
- What do you have there?
- Let me see.
395
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,160
A travel catalogue, I want to go
to Sweden for vacation.
396
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,240
- You want to be cool?
- Kieras said that it's awesome.
397
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,280
Even on the ferry, drinks and food
for free, and non stop humping.
398
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,600
Once you're there - the same:
all is free, and non stop humping.
399
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,240
- Did Kieras ever go there?
- Not him, his sister did.
400
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,760
Look, he's trying to pass me.
401
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,840
What the hell are you doing?!
402
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:18,600
Mommy, why are those women
standing over there like that?
403
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,640
Those women?
They're picking berries.
404
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,680
Yes, mother is right.
405
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,160
They're... picking berries,
406
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,960
and mushrooms.
407
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:34,960
Right, Dad?
408
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,480
Mostly mushrooms.
409
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:42,240
It's one of the oldest professions
in the world...
410
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,520
picking.
411
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,360
Watch where you're going!
412
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,520
Dizzy and I, we do such things...
that I don't even wanna talk to you!
413
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,240
Fuck!
Who was that?
414
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,840
Some local dipshit.
415
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,360
That was good.
Who taught you that?
416
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,880
Forget Pele,
he's a local dipshit.
417
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,040
I don't remember.
418
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,760
- I don't know. White, I think...
- Not white.
419
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,760
- So what then, cream?
- Bromba was a liver color.
420
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,120
Darek, open sesame.
421
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:44,200
Officer, sir, you are right,
unfortunately I did go
422
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,640
over the speed limit. I realize that
it was very irresponsible of me,
423
00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:51,800
and that I endangered other users
of the road,
424
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,880
but I was riding so fast,
425
00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,240
because I fucking love speeding!
426
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:12,920
Retest?
427
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,440
Just pray you don't get the Redneck.
428
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:24,080
- The Redneck?
- This asshole, he failed me twice.
429
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:27,160
The last time, I barely got
into the car when he said...
430
00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:28,600
Thank you,
you failed.
431
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:32,960
So I say: How is it that I fail
before even starting the car?
432
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,200
How did you want
to take the test...
433
00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:38,000
from the back seat?
434
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,800
I'm telling you,
he's a first class idiot.
435
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:55,320
After a failed attempt at extorting
an official acknowledgement
436
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:58,200
from the Austrian government
for the Battle of Vienna,
437
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:03,720
- the Foreign Affairs Minister...
- C'mon man, turn that shit off.
438
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,440
or I'm gonna puke.
439
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:11,840
This evening we invite you for another
episode of "Rosary with the Stars"
440
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,520
with a special appearance
of Father Director.
441
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,200
Switch it back,
you're better at that.
442
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,560
You're better
at changing the channel.
443
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:28,240
Welcome back to
the great finale of "Neighbors".
444
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,360
The Wozniak family is now trailing
by 1 point,
445
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,680
after a failed attempt
at poisoning the Gorzynskis' dog.
446
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,280
The last question,
and a chance to even the score.
447
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:42,200
If the Wozniaks answer
the following question properly,
448
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,800
we will have a tie.
If they fail to do so,
449
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,040
then the Gorzynski family win
our great finale.
450
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,840
Boy is there something to fight for.
We have some great prizes.
451
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,600
In each one of the envelopes,
there is a different revenge.
452
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:59,160
The losing family will have to
submit to it.
453
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,200
The 3 revenges are:
public slapping for 5 minutes,
454
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,320
a month's stay in any place
in the world
455
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,480
at the losing family's expense,
or a 5 minute demolition spree
456
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,880
of the despised losers' apartment.
457
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:18,920
And the deciding question
for the Wozniaks is...
458
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:23,240
"What do the Gorzynski family
call you when they make fun of you
459
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,320
in front of their friends?"
460
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,760
We know the right answer
from the Gorzynski family's friends.
461
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:30,880
You have three chances.
462
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:36,280
Skunks.
463
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:40,280
Two more.
464
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:43,400
Cow turd.
465
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:47,080
Skunks, cow turd,
and the final try.
466
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,160
Lowlifes.
467
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,800
Could I please have the envelope
with the correct answer?
468
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,840
The correct answer is...
469
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,600
"Crappers."
470
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,880
My congratulations go
to the Gorzynski family,
471
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,080
the winners of our grand prize.
472
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,880
Fantastic, let us now draw the prize.
473
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:25,480
1 of 3 great forms of revenge.
474
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,680
- Which envelope do you choose?
- My wife will choose.
475
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,760
- Me, me.
- Be my guest.
476
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,320
- Be quiet!
- Fine, just choose one.
477
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,120
- Shut up!
- Go ahead.
478
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,560
Envelope number 2!
479
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:46,520
And inside we have...
480
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,960
Demolition spree!
481
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:59,080
In that case, let me invite you
to the Wozniak apartment.
482
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,960
- For a demolition!
- Let's go.
483
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,560
Come right on in.
484
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,600
We have some tools for you
to choose from:
485
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,600
a baseball bat, a set of knives,
an axe.
486
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,360
Help yourself.
Are you ready?
487
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,040
In that case, I wish you
the best of fun.
488
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,840
You have 3 minutes,
please step back,
489
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,680
3 minutes.
Start.
490
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,280
C'mon Greg, c'mon.
491
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:26,720
The vase!
492
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,200
Look, they had Lenin.
493
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:02,720
Faster!
494
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,840
So, how do you feel
after your sweet revenge?
495
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:27,160
- What a great feeling!
- A truly unforgettable experience!
496
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:32,480
We were a little disappointed
that they removed their family china!
497
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:41,560
Ladies and gentlemen, this brings us
to the end of "Neighbors"
498
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:45,360
but I invite you to our new game show
which starts next week,
499
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,280
"Rat On Your Priest"
See you then.
500
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,840
JOB-The Workaholic
and Unemployed Show
501
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,800
Even as a child I knew
I had leadership skills.
502
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,680
I was born to rule.
My mother told me that.
503
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,720
Half a semester of management.
504
00:50:05,240 --> 00:50:07,800
Then a correspondence Judo course.
505
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,120
I like ruling, I like getting respect.
506
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:14,920
TICKET CONTROL!
507
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:17,120
Quiet!
508
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,160
Thank you.
509
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,280
- For dogs.
- What kind do you need?
510
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,120
The strongest, so he won't even
let out a yelp!
511
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,560
I recommend MUTTOMACE 1000,
gel pepper, lasts long.
512
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:01,400
Just be careful, it's very strong,
no more than 2 sprays.
513
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,200
And don't use it in a close space.
It even works through a door.
514
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:06,960
- How much?
- A hundy.
515
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:22,080
Another explosion at a Megabug
supermarket, the Police suspects
516
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:26,280
the extremely aggressive gay gang
"The Homos" of organizing the attack.
517
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:51,760
We're looking at the high chances
of cloud and rain.
518
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:56,160
Let's take a look at our map.
The temperature in the north...
519
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,960
What a fucking cock sucker.
520
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,640
Fuck, look at this cock sucker.
521
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:37,240
Stay at home, you dumb-fuck.
522
00:52:50,240 --> 00:52:52,800
All you do is eat,
and you're still as thin as a twig.
523
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,160
- Cheap diabeticus.
- What?
524
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,680
Diabetic Worms.
525
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,200
Open sesame, Darek!
526
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:14,320
Kind sir. Could we please,
also... open sesame?
527
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,040
Thank you.
528
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,280
KONRAD NIEWOLSKI
-THE NEW MINISTER OF CULTURE!
529
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,680
Fearing an addiction to...
530
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:38,720
English, Adi decided to look
for an English teacher on his own.
531
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,400
Two sprays.
532
00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:53,360
Two sprays.
533
00:53:54,720 --> 00:53:56,200
Two sprays.
534
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,600
Could I have a pen, please?
I want to take notes.
535
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:52,680
What?
536
00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:59,400
Yes.
537
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,160
How do you spell it?
538
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:01,320
Why do you look so bombed?
Did you party it up or something?
539
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,560
I didn't get any sleep again,
reoccurring dreams
540
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:06,560
of my father's death,
in episodes.
541
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:08,640
What're you listening to?
542
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:15,440
Is it a concert?
543
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,720
Why are they clapping
the whole time?
544
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:20,840
Applause!
545
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,640
A mega million of hands
coming together for the great Pele!
546
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,720
I pop it on in the morning,
I feel better right away.
547
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,200
You should record a standing ovation.
548
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:42,480
Oh, did you hear Kieras's
little sister had a baby son?
549
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,960
- What's his name? - They don't know,
he doesn't speak yet.
550
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,120
I can't take this barking anymore.
551
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:54,280
- Maybe you should poison him.
- No can do, he barks at home all day!
552
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,640
He only goes for a walk
with that bag.
553
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:01,760
- So an air gun, from the window.
- You crazy? You'd need a rifle
554
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:06,400
to shoot a dog. Airguns are good
for the neighborhood watch patrol.
555
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:08,080
What to do?
556
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:20,680
Dogcatcher!
557
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:30,240
Every chance Pele gets, he looks into
his favorite monthly magazine:
558
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,160
the Masturbatrix.
559
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:37,600
I'm worried about your grandmother.
560
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:42,960
She hasn't been taking
her medicine recently.
561
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,080
Maybe it's getting worse?
562
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:26,600
Dear boy, there is absolutely
no point in talking to me,
563
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:28,760
as I am completely deaf!
564
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:34,200
Totally deaf!
565
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:07,320
Excuse me, can I help you
with anything?
566
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,680
No, thank you.
We're just looking around.
567
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:21,280
Granny.
568
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:25,840
Mom tells me you haven't been
taking your medicine recently.
569
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:29,160
If you don't take your medicine,
570
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:31,560
we're gonna have to
take you to Holland.
571
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,640
No, not Holland!
572
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:36,000
Holland!
573
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:52,560
Father.
574
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,000
Father,
I have sinned.
575
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:11,280
I did something...
horrible!
576
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:13,640
Father.
577
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:16,800
Father!
578
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:05,320
Fuck off to the highway, asshole.
579
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:08,600
We drive 50 in the city.
580
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:24,240
Go away!
581
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,680
Maybe we could learn some new words?
582
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:21,480
You can't even hold
the steering wheel correctly.
583
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,480
I'm holding it awesome.
584
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,440
I have to go, I'll call you later.
585
01:05:35,720 --> 01:05:38,520
You damn punk!
586
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,240
- Do we smash him up?
- GO!
587
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:42,600
- Through a red?
- Yes!
588
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:44,440
- So I passed?
- Yes! Go!
589
01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:53,840
Dad, but we had the right of way.
590
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:55,680
Remember son,
591
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,400
he who has full coverage insurance,
has the right of way.
592
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:24,520
Understand.
593
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:41,680
The language school was recommended
by Kieras' sister
594
01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:46,160
who got to know quite a few
language teachers... anyway.
595
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,000
Good afternoon
596
01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:52,040
- Could I sign up?
- Certainly, what level?
597
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:57,120
How about the lowest available?
598
01:06:57,680 --> 01:07:00,960
The lowest?
We have a kids' group.
599
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,960
I could even join the infant group.
600
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:07,760
So please fill your application
with that lady over there.
601
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:10,920
- Ok, thank you very much
- You're very welcome.
602
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:16,360
Tujak.
603
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,120
Tujak Adi...
that's "Adrian".
604
01:07:28,120 --> 01:07:29,440
What dress?
605
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:36,400
Oh, no. This is not a dress.
This is a jacket
606
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:44,560
No, no.
607
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,600
This is a J-A-C-K-E-T.
608
01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:31,800
Where's the target?
609
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:47,600
I see we are dealing with
an exceptionally brutal beast.
610
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:53,320
That characteristic aroma.
611
01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:56,400
Did somebody use MUTTOMACE 1000?
612
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:06,920
That's old news.
Obsolete.
613
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:11,560
The future is...
614
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:16,520
ultra - audio - lobotomy.
615
01:09:57,680 --> 01:10:01,040
Oh my, what a misfortune,
and in our building.
616
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,840
Granny?
617
01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:24,320
Granny, what are you doing?
618
01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:28,640
What do you mean? I'm curing myself
with your medicine.
619
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,080
It's really really good.
620
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:05,880
You wanna be cool?
621
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:08,440
Why are you giving me this?
622
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:11,120
Where did you get that?
Not that.
623
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:15,080
- This...
- What is it?
624
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:18,200
- Your salvation, dummy.
- "SITA" system?
625
01:11:18,280 --> 01:11:19,840
Oh yeah.
626
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:23,040
"Language learning
in a state of relaxation".
627
01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:26,400
- You sure know how to relax.
- "Fast and effective"
628
01:11:26,480 --> 01:11:28,040
What do I need this for?
629
01:11:28,400 --> 01:11:31,480
Thanks to this baby,
you'll even learn Mongolian.
630
01:11:35,480 --> 01:11:36,760
Let's go.
631
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:07,800
Hi.
632
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:16,040
Hi.
633
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:20,560
What's new?
634
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:25,480
Not much, thanks.
635
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:29,240
Where are you?
636
01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:34,440
Well, here.
637
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:39,000
What are you doing?
638
01:12:42,160 --> 01:12:44,000
The same as you.
639
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:47,160
Anna, let me get back to you,
640
01:12:47,240 --> 01:12:49,240
some jerk is cutting
into the conversation.
641
01:12:56,320 --> 01:12:59,560
The basis of our system is relaxation.
642
01:12:59,640 --> 01:13:03,000
Initiation, memory, activation.
643
01:13:03,080 --> 01:13:05,720
IMA in short.
644
01:13:05,800 --> 01:13:10,240
SITA, success, fast, effective.
645
01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:13,000
How do you tell you are relaxed?
646
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:17,200
Deep, calm breath,
a feeling of warmth,
647
01:13:17,440 --> 01:13:19,600
the psyche free from emotions,
648
01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:23,000
diminished reaction
to exterior stimuli.
649
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,920
- Take it!
- Hold on, how much is it?
650
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:30,080
- 1000 gross.
- Gross?
651
01:13:30,400 --> 01:13:31,840
We want English.
652
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:35,920
Unfortunately I don't have
that much right now. Thanks, anyway.
653
01:13:37,440 --> 01:13:39,800
Man, that would be
perfect for you.
654
01:13:39,880 --> 01:13:42,360
I spent all my money
on pointless lessons.
655
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:47,200
Bingo, we're going to the Chinese
market, they got it all.
656
01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:12,360
And they probably would have walked
like that all day, if not for...
657
01:14:12,960 --> 01:14:16,360
SITA SYSTEM.
English, Russian,
658
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:20,680
language, learning...
Do you fucking understand?
659
01:14:20,800 --> 01:14:23,600
Yes yes. Fucking, understand.
660
01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:58,040
Fucking language, understand.
661
01:15:09,880 --> 01:15:12,040
- Adi!
- Fucking eh!
662
01:15:12,120 --> 01:15:15,760
- Adi, how much cash you got?
- 300, but you know what for.
663
01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:27,160
Pele, Pele. Yo man,
what are you doing here?
664
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:32,000
You lookin for some porn? Lolitas,
old bags, pets, whatever you need.
665
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:35,360
No, no, we are looking
for something else.
666
01:15:35,480 --> 01:15:39,320
Thanks to Rudy's connections, they
found what they were looking for.
667
01:15:39,400 --> 01:15:41,760
English language.
Nice.
668
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:44,480
Only be careful,
real hard one.
669
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:46,840
One night
and all course by heart.
670
01:15:46,920 --> 01:15:50,160
One only.
You won't take in anything more.
671
01:16:50,800 --> 01:16:52,920
Yeah, I finally know English.
672
01:17:02,480 --> 01:17:05,360
Wait, something's wrong.
673
01:17:09,760 --> 01:17:11,160
HUNGARIAN
674
01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:13,520
God dammit!
675
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:18,520
Fucking Russian!
676
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:22,120
Karolina is gonna kill me!
677
01:17:22,680 --> 01:17:24,800
It's all Pele's fault!
678
01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:30,520
I'm screwed.
Finished.
679
01:17:33,000 --> 01:17:37,160
As you can probably guess, Adi didn't
even try going to the interview,
680
01:17:37,440 --> 01:17:41,360
Karolina got pissed off at him,
and they got into a huge fight.
681
01:17:41,440 --> 01:17:43,280
Leave me alone, attention!
682
01:17:43,440 --> 01:17:47,440
But he claims that
he holds her on a short leash.
683
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:49,400
Take that shirt out already!
684
01:17:49,760 --> 01:17:52,160
To get over the blues,
they went to the cinema,
685
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:55,400
They didn't bother to call me...
686
01:17:55,480 --> 01:17:57,360
What a shitty film.
687
01:18:03,240 --> 01:18:05,760
You're paying me back
for the tickets.
688
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:28,400
What's up, my man.
Where you from?
689
01:18:28,720 --> 01:18:30,560
Łukasz.
What are you scheming?
690
01:18:30,880 --> 01:18:34,080
I threw my ticket out by accident,
they'll lock me up again.
691
01:18:34,400 --> 01:18:36,880
Have a blast picking garbage.
692
01:18:54,960 --> 01:18:58,120
No, thanks, I don't want
to get even more depressed.
693
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,200
I'm screwed as it is.
694
01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:07,880
Spark it up.
695
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:31,640
3 hours later...
696
01:19:37,160 --> 01:19:41,560
Let's walk, the last thing I need is
to get chased by ticket controllers.
697
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:54,640
Look at this boozer.
698
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,320
Hey, Pele.
This guy is speaking Hungarian.
699
01:20:09,680 --> 01:20:11,880
Please call my doctor.
700
01:20:12,080 --> 01:20:15,200
He's saying that he's really sick
and that he needs his doctor's help.
701
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:19,800
- Call an ambulance
- You're such a dummy after your weed.
702
01:20:19,880 --> 01:20:22,120
He says he needs his doctor, wait.
703
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:27,120
Write the number down:
603 - 00 - 13.
704
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:32,280
Hello, my name is Adrian Tujak.
705
01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:35,360
I'm calling because there is
a Hungarian here,
706
01:20:35,680 --> 01:20:38,640
he gave me this number to call.
He needs medical help.
707
01:20:38,720 --> 01:20:40,640
I think he collapsed.
708
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:44,800
He's lying here on a bench.
We are with him, with a friend of mine.
709
01:20:46,240 --> 01:20:48,000
What can we do?
710
01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:50,800
OK, fine.
711
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:54,120
- We are in the park...
- Rydz Śmigły Park.
712
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:59,000
OK, we will wait.
We will be here for sure.
713
01:21:02,080 --> 01:21:03,840
Slowly... yes.
714
01:21:10,840 --> 01:21:12,800
You got any prozac?
715
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:15,040
You saved my life.
716
01:21:16,440 --> 01:21:19,680
- Thank you.
- Anybody would have done it.
717
01:21:19,760 --> 01:21:22,640
But not everybody knows Hungarian.
718
01:21:22,840 --> 01:21:25,440
I need a personal translator.
719
01:21:26,520 --> 01:21:29,000
What can I do to convince you?
720
01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:36,840
Thank you very much.
721
01:21:42,760 --> 01:21:45,120
Did he say anything about me?
722
01:21:46,440 --> 01:21:48,400
What did he give you?
723
01:21:52,640 --> 01:21:55,040
Gabor Blazsek.
724
01:21:56,520 --> 01:21:58,840
The Hungarian Ambassador.
725
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:14,920
Peter!
726
01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:16,360
Come here.
727
01:22:17,280 --> 01:22:19,600
Will you score me some of that
Mongolian medicine
728
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:21,360
you got for your granny?
729
01:22:22,040 --> 01:22:24,840
Will you? I'm begging you.
730
01:22:24,920 --> 01:22:27,440
A few of my friends also want some.
731
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:30,520
Get me some, please.
732
01:22:32,040 --> 01:22:35,400
I even hooked up
with some equipment.
733
01:22:35,480 --> 01:22:38,280
The janitor's son said
these are the best.
734
01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:41,120
Get some.
Cool.
735
01:22:55,080 --> 01:22:56,520
Sophie!
736
01:22:57,520 --> 01:23:01,120
The weather is so lovely today
that I think I'm gonna fly
737
01:23:01,200 --> 01:23:03,880
over to the psychiatrist today.
738
01:23:08,360 --> 01:23:10,840
JOB-The Workaholic
and Unemployed Show
739
01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:12,760
Childhood memories?
740
01:23:15,400 --> 01:23:17,680
A little car from my grand daddy.
741
01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:22,440
They stole it from me in pre-school.
742
01:23:24,160 --> 01:23:27,000
Since then I've been interested
in cars.
743
01:23:28,040 --> 01:23:31,400
My previous occupations didn't let me
realize my dreams.
744
01:23:32,640 --> 01:23:34,560
Only now I can do something
745
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:36,880
that I really like.
746
01:24:05,240 --> 01:24:07,280
They didn't have any male versions?
747
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:09,360
You threatening me?
748
01:24:10,480 --> 01:24:14,240
The ambassador needs a driver.
Do you know anybody?
749
01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:17,880
I know this one guy,
I'll talk with him.
750
01:24:19,200 --> 01:24:21,280
But he's not cheap.
751
01:24:30,160 --> 01:24:33,760
- So what, you wanna toke up?
- Nope. No more toking.
752
01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:37,720
Time to finish the film.
753
01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:41,880
THE END.
754
01:24:41,960 --> 01:24:43,760
Oh I almost forgot.
755
01:24:44,800 --> 01:24:48,000
Adi's doing great
He got promoted real fast.
756
01:24:48,080 --> 01:24:51,840
Soon he became the cultural attache.
He made up with Karolina and I hear
757
01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:54,120
she's quite proud of him.
758
01:24:59,960 --> 01:25:03,400
Hungarian?
Couldn't you get French?
759
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:07,400
I caught God by the heels...
760
01:25:07,960 --> 01:25:12,600
- What did you say?
- Nothing, I love you.
761
01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:23,120
So say something in Hungarian.
762
01:25:36,680 --> 01:25:39,360
In the meantime, last night at Pele's...
763
01:25:47,920 --> 01:25:51,640
Pele's actual name
is Andrzej Andrzejewski,
764
01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:53,560
and he's an actor.
765
01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:04,600
You like that bitch?
766
01:26:40,760 --> 01:26:44,880
Pele's granny got so well in fact,
that along with some friends
767
01:26:44,960 --> 01:26:47,760
she opened a Golden Elder's club.
768
01:26:58,880 --> 01:27:00,880
After all that happened,
769
01:27:01,200 --> 01:27:03,480
I ended up adopting a dog.
770
01:27:06,200 --> 01:27:08,280
Unfortunately, he's deaf mute.
771
01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:15,840
Come, come, Decibel.
772
01:27:22,560 --> 01:27:26,200
You probably want to know
what was on the photo from the john.
773
01:27:26,360 --> 01:27:28,760
Unfortunately the prop guy lost it.
774
01:27:29,080 --> 01:27:32,360
Instead here's a postcard,
that Kieras's sister sent me
775
01:27:32,440 --> 01:27:34,320
from a trip to Turkey.
776
01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:37,560
"My darlings, I fell in love,
and I'm staying.
777
01:27:37,720 --> 01:27:41,160
I met a fantastic guy in a turban.
I think his name is Harem".
778
01:27:43,840 --> 01:27:45,520
Do it, do it.
779
01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:49,040
I almost smacked
the old geezer with a dog.
780
01:27:49,200 --> 01:27:51,040
Shit, that was close...
781
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:55,480
You screwed up,
I can never count on...
782
01:27:59,400 --> 01:28:02,280
I ended up adopting a dog.
783
01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:07,600
Unfortunately a deaf-mute dog.
784
01:28:07,680 --> 01:28:09,960
Only on me, please,
only me.
785
01:28:10,520 --> 01:28:11,680
Always on me.
786
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:13,880
Fucking understand.
787
01:28:21,440 --> 01:28:23,600
I don't think it broke.
788
01:28:26,360 --> 01:28:28,600
Get your act together.
789
01:28:30,720 --> 01:28:34,960
What did you do to your shirt?
You redneck, you.
790
01:28:37,480 --> 01:28:39,680
Where are you scratching yourself?
791
01:28:46,360 --> 01:28:50,240
What's happened, Grandpa?
The idiot backed up and hit you?
792
01:28:54,320 --> 01:28:57,600
Let him go my little grandson,
793
01:28:58,120 --> 01:29:00,120
You'll get him later.
794
01:29:09,360 --> 01:29:11,480
Fuck, I forgot my lines
795
01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:17,840
What are you honking for?
You give me back the money.
796
01:29:21,560 --> 01:29:23,840
Stop, where is the fear?
797
01:29:35,400 --> 01:29:37,000
What the...
798
01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:40,600
Watch it, camera!
799
01:29:40,920 --> 01:29:42,720
Just a minute...
800
01:29:52,480 --> 01:29:54,200
Jesus, I'm sorry.
801
01:29:57,640 --> 01:29:59,760
Have you got prozac?
802
01:30:03,520 --> 01:30:06,440
- What is that?
- They won't let us play...
803
01:30:06,840 --> 01:30:10,640
You're a loser, I'm not worthy of you,
you're not worthy of me...
804
01:30:11,040 --> 01:30:12,880
Did anybody film that?
805
01:30:31,040 --> 01:30:34,200
Down and up,
up and down,
806
01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:36,600
up down.
807
01:30:49,400 --> 01:30:53,520
I'm sorry for interrupting the scene,
but my glasses weren't removed.
808
01:30:56,320 --> 01:30:59,920
Finally I can do
what I wanted to do.
809
01:31:07,360 --> 01:31:09,400
- Where are we looking?
- Ahead.
810
01:31:09,720 --> 01:31:11,600
The same vibes?
811
01:31:13,200 --> 01:31:17,040
Where should I look, maybe we should
decide where I should look.
812
01:31:17,360 --> 01:31:19,560
That would be a good idea
813
01:31:20,280 --> 01:31:23,080
I'm wiping my ass,
I'm wiping my ass...
814
01:31:25,840 --> 01:31:30,160
...and I ended up...
shitting my armour...
815
01:31:33,440 --> 01:31:36,400
Dude, do you know how much
a shooting day is?
816
01:31:36,720 --> 01:31:38,040
I know.
817
01:31:38,360 --> 01:31:42,640
If you were so kind
to please walk to the right?
818
01:31:50,720 --> 01:31:52,600
English subtitles by:
Maciej Karłowski.
57777
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