All language subtitles for Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol.-3_2023_English

Subtitle Improved by MeticulousSubs

Subtitle originally created by
Persian Geekpedia & Persia's Comics.

Was then updated by
FujiFilm69 and Scram.Cypher

If you wish to improve,
translate, or sync this subtitle,

please give credit
where credit is due, like I have.

Thank you.
Enjoy.

♪ Creep (Acoustic Version) - Radiohead ♪

♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪

Come on, Drax.
Dance.

Only idiots dance.

♪ I'm a weirdo ♪

♪ I wanna have control ♪

♪ I want a perfect body ♪

Hey!
Uh-uh!

No!

I told you a million times, you keep your
grimy raccoon hands off my Zune!

And I told you a million times,
I'm not a damn raccoon.

Again?

I love you, Gamora.

So what are you
gonna do about Quill?

Me?
Why not you?

I got emotionalistical issues.

What am I gonna do?

Why are you on the ceiling?

I wanted to see if these new
gravity boots worked on a slope.

Here we go.

Sorry.

Oh, my God, Kraglin.

You must know you will never learn.

You think you could do better?

Yeah.

Let's do this.

Telekinesis is cheating!

That's a stupid little pebble!

I can do that with my dang finger!

You're a bad dog.

Do not say that to me!

You are.
You're a bad dog.

Take that back!

Come on,
that's not cool!

Nebula, did you hear?

He called me a bad dog and
he refused to take it back!

I don't care, Cosmo.

Is Peter okay?

- I don't know.
- What are you going to do?

Me?
He's your brother.

It doesn't matter,
he still doesn't listen to me.

Yeah, he has been pretty mopey
ever since Gamora died.

She's not dead!

She just doesn't remember
anything from the past few years.

Nobody tells me nothing.

Mantis, why don't you just touch him
and, you know, make him happy?

I am Groot?

- Dude!
- Gross!

No, not like that.
Touch him with her powers.

It is wrong to manipulate
the feelings of friends.

What about that time you made
me fall in love with my sock?

Well, that was funny.

I guess it's back to one of us
touching him the other way.

Maybe we should draw straws.

No one ever meant that, Drax.

♪ Crazy On You - Heart ♪

What was that?!

What the hell?!

Baby!

Where did you go, Squirrel?

On the ground!

Who is that maniac?

Some super-douche
with ray gun hands!

I don't freakin' know!

Who threw this thing at me?

Shut up!

Baby.

Pick on someone your own size.

Peter!

We need med packs!

Nebula!

Piss off!

That hurts.

What a pity.

No!

All I did was activate the med packs!

Get them off!

Now!

Ah, hell.

- We need to get him to the med bay.
- It was destroyed.

There's one on the ship!

You're alright,
for today.

Stitch him up and transfer him in
with the rest of Batch 89.

It's okay.

You're here with us now.

Hey, who's the new guy?

What kind of thing are you?

You've got like,
a mask on your face.

Mask, eyes, face, mouth.

Does it words?

It's okay, friend.

Don't let them scare you.

Hurts.

It's okay.

You're gonna be okay.

A kill switch?!

A device.

Set to destruct if anyone goes
poking around inside him.

Or even if we use the med packs.

Why would Rocket
have a kill switch?!

Apparently, someone considers him
proprietary technology

and sent that golden lunatic to get him.

So he'll die if we operate on him?

- And he'll die if we don't.
- There has to be some way to bypass it.

It looks like there's a pass key
that could override the kill switch.

What do we know about
where Rocket came from?

He won't talk about it.

Much of the tech was developed
by a company called OrgoCorp.

And there's a code on all of it.

89P13.

He's got maybe 48 hours.

- Where are you going?!
- OrgoCorp have to have records, right?

Maybe they'll have a way for us to
override the kill switch and save Rocket.

They won't just give us that information.

Well, that's why we're gonna break in.

And kill anyone who gets in our way!

- Not kill anyone.
- Kill a few people.

Kill no people.

Kill one guy, one stupid guy
who no one loves.

Now you're just making it sad.

Kraglin, Cosmo.

I need you to keep watch over
Knowhere 'till we're back.

Couple of days tops.

- Aye, cap'n.
- Aye, comrade.

Take back what you
said that I'm a bad dog.

Nope.

I know you don't really
think I am a bad dog.

- Can you please take it back?
- I will not.

Ugh!

I located the coordinates for OrgoCorp.

I think I have a
contact near there.

Maybe they can help us get in.

Contact him.

Let's go save our friend.

♪ Since You Been Gone - Rainbow ♪

It's good to have friends.

Got me good.

Oh, my poor baby.

Unnh, it hurts.

- Do you have it?
- He does not, sire.

I tried to warn you,
High Evolutionary.

These Guardians are more
powerful than you think.

Or perhaps you simply overestimate
your own value, High Priestess.

No doubt, a flaw of
some type in my own design.

I created you lot as merely
an aesthetic experiment.

Beautiful numbskulls.

But your egos have run wild.

- Say "ahh".
- Ahh.

And this one,
was meant to be the Warlock.

The apogee of their people.

You removed Adam from
his cocoon early, my liege.

He's still a child.

No, there's something wrong
with him even outside all that.

Yes, there's something wrong with me!

I was stabbed,
you extraordinary phallus...

He doesn't know any better. We should
do whatever you require, my liege.

You knew of 89P13's existence
for years without alerting me.

That's not what I require!

I'm sorry, my liege.

Find 89P13 and return it to me.

Or I will destroy your entire civilization

as is my right as your maker!

Do you understand?

Do you understand?

Yes, sire.

Toodle-loo.

How did 89P13 survive
after all these years, Theel?

It was always clever, sire.

Yes, that's exactly why I want it now.

- Of course.
- Its brain.

That is the only reason, sire.

But are you really trusting
the Sovereign to retrieve it?

They're merely a backup.

I believe I know where they're going.

It's bioformed.

Instead of being built,
it's grown from living matter.

The structure is surrounded by three
impenetrable plasmic security shields.

It's not gonna be easy to
break into this place, Star-Lord.

Doesn't have to be easy.
I was a professional thief, remember?

I'll jam the signals one at a time.

She calls me Star-Lord
when she's mad at me.

She's always mad, at everyone.

She says I was drunk.

She's right.

If I hadn't been drinking...

Maybe Rocket...

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

- He's your best friend.
- Second best friend.

Everyone around me dies.
My mother, Yondu...

- Gamora...
- Gamora isn't dead.

She is to us.
You want a zargnut?

Thank you.

First shield, set.

Three, two, one.

- Peter.
- What?

You had family on Earth, and you
never wanted to go back to see them?

Well, you're my sister.
It's all the family I want or need.

Besides, it's really just my grandpa, okay?
He's a pretty hard guy.

- Still, don't you think he...
- What?

You were abducted by Ravagers
the same day he lost his daughter.

Oh, yeah.
He was upset.

My mom died, he screamed in my face,
he pushed me out of the room!

He was probably just trying to protect you.

- What are you talking about?
- What?

I'm talking about the people in my life who died,
you're talking about this?

Second shield, set.

Three, two, one.

I'm only saying, you've never
even gone to see if he's okay.

He could still be alive.

My grandpa? He'd be like,
90-something years old.

So he could still be alive.

People on Earth die
when they're like 50.

They die when they're 50?!

I don't know!
Something like that!

What's even the
point of being born?!

Exactly!

Are you about to die?!

I'm not 50!

The point is,
I wasn't talking about any of this.

Third shield, set.

Three, two, one.

Well, not everything is about
what you are talking about.

And I'm only saying,

you are upset because so many of
the people you cared about have left you.

But you also left someone.

And maybe I wanted a zargnut!

It's too late.
They're all gone.

Why didn't we go through?

We did.
It's not the shield.

Oh, hell.

Ravagers.

Hey, guys.

You're about to be boarded
by the United Ravagers.

You can surrender and turn over any stuff
worth anything and live.

Or you can die.

Now, it's up to you.

Drax, no, no, no! Drax!

Guys, it's me.
Peter Quill.

- I'm one of you, remember?
- Hold on!

- We have an appointment.
- We have an appointment.

- With who?
- With Gamora.

With Gamora.
What?

You're early.

- (grunt)
- (grunt)

What are these?

OrgoCorp uniforms.

You have to wear these to move through
the Orgo without attracting attention.

This isn't my color.

What did you say?

It clashes with my eyes.

Put it on!

Nebula, why would you not tell me that
you've been in contact with Gamora?

Because I didn't want
you to get freaked out.

- Freaked out how?!
- Like that.

Let me in there, I don't want
to be trapped out there.

Gamora, we are grateful for your help.

Well, I'm not doing this out of
the kindness of my heart.

I'm doing this for the
100,000 units my sister promised.

So you're a Ravager now?

Put on the uniform.

Never pictured you as the Ravager type.

Who are you again?

Oh, man...

OrgoCorp is in possession
of some of the most

advanced cybergenetic IP in the galaxy.

So, they're heavily guarded
by the deadly Orgosentries.

Now, I know, you don't have
documentation to dock.

So you're gonna have to
get in there on your own.

Once in, Gamora is gonna
lead you to the records.

Where maybe you can find the
pass key to override the kill switch.

And help you save the hedgehog.

But if you get into trouble,

we will not be able
to bail you out.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

But...

Its functioning has skyrocketed.

That's correct, P13.

Very good.

That's the new world.

Counter-Earth.

Where the experiments will
go once they're ready.

- It blue.
- That's the sky.

Sky.

- Rocket.
- Yes, it is.

What sounds?

That's music.

- We like it?
- We do.

This recording is over 5,000 years old.

(speaks foreign language)

Which translated, is...

"Be not as you are,
but as you should be."

It's our sacred mission

to take the cacophony
of sounds around us

and turn it into a song.

To take an imperfect clump of
biological matter such as you,

and transform it
into something... perfect.

And we're halfway there, aren't we?

Come with me, P13.

I'd like to show you something.

We have but a single quest...

To create the perfect species,

and the perfect society.

You, P13,

are part of Batch 89.

But here, with Batch 90,

I've developed a process
by which I can guide

any organism through millions of years
of programmed evolutionary changes,

in a moment.

Fuck off!

See now...

There's the rub.

For some reason, these specimens

are also over-producing the legobeta
microsamina protein in their systems.

Causing them to be, well...

Violent.
We don't like it.

A utopia can't have its denizens
murdering one another, can it?

They can'ts.

- Can't.
- Can't.

Theel.

They're programmed
to be peaceful, like you.

But for some reason,
it's not catching.

Heptonic filters.

What?

They, suppresaliding
the glycosylated saltsers.

And then,
boop, boop, boop...

Absisting residual deformant.

And then, they, make, um...

- What do you say?
- The legobeta microsamina proteins.

Yeah, thems.

And then,
angry turtleses.

Huh.

♪ In The Meantime - Spacehog ♪

There...

That's the decompression chamber.

Lock in.

Go.

Activate gravity boots and gloves.

Nebula, go.

So you really don't remember anything?

Like what?

- About your time with us.
- No.

- Well, we were...
- We weren't anything.

You and me...

That person was some
alternate future version of me.

Wasn't me.

We loved each other.

I don't think so.

I know you don't remember any of it...

You were everything to me.

And I miss you.

So much.

And maybe...

Maybe if you open yourself up to it...

- There's a possibility...
- I don't think so, Quinn.

- Quill.
- Quill.

I don't think so.

But what I'm trying to say...

Peter, you know this
is an open line, right?

- What?
- We're listening to everything you're saying.

And it is painful.

And you're just telling me now?

We were hoping it
would stop on its own.

But I switched it over to private.

What color button did you push?

Blue!
For the blue suit!

- Oh, no.
- Blue is the open line for everyone.

Orange is for blue.

- What?!
- Black is for orange.

Yellow is for green.
Green is for red.

And red is for yellow.

No, yellow is for yellow.

Green is for red.
Red is for green.

- I don't think so.
- Try it, then.

Hello!

You were right.

How the hell am I
supposed to know all of that!?

Seems intuitive.

Can we get back to saving our friend?!

Get that jammer ready
to change the shield.

Guys?

I mean, you wanna talk about a sweet ride,
the acceleration will crush your spine.

It's got that brand new Fusilux core.
You know what I'm talking about?

- Oh, yeah.
- Really? 'Cause I just made that up.

Oh, well, I thought you
said something else.

Master Karja.

- No, you didn't.
- I did... I did.

Master Karja,
there appears to be a

physical breach in the
White Wing somewhere.

- Could it be a glitch?
- Maybe?

I'm accessing the eye.

I'll see if I can locate it.

There's some sort of anomaly
in the decompression chamber.

- Best you check it out, Master.
- On it.

Hurry.

Where do we put these?

Here! Hide them in
this locker until we leave.

Hurry!

What the hell was that, guys?!

What are you kidding me?!

What?

A neutral quark,
just hit the satellite.

It's burning a hole through the wall.
You geniuses, you just...

throw the door open without
any proper precautionary procedure?

What procedure, bro?

Oh, you want us to read the
manual for you too, bros?!

You could have killed everyone in the Wing!

Exactly, you idiots!

I'm angry, too.

- Oh, no.
- I mean...

Can't you see these authentic mechanic
uniforms that we're wearing on our bodies?

That blend in with some of our
skin tones better than others?

Excuse my friend.
He is the boss' nephew. He's a little...

Oh.

Oh...

Yeah, I...

I got one of those too.

I mean, this one?
This one, I love.

I'm so proud of him.

You're doing great.
So proud of you.

But, uh,
this one, I just...

Everything he does drives me crazy.

- I thought you said something else.
- Shut up!

I swear I'm gonna throttle him.

I'm gonna go to jail for murder.
I am.

How'd you guys get here so fast?

I'll be honest with you,
we just happened in

before it burned
all the way through, thankfully.

Ah, good thing you were here.

Alright, guys.
Wrap it up.

Looks like we're all clear here.

Our spacesuits!

Ahh, you threw them
in the contamination bin.

It expels stuff into space
the moment you shut the door.

That would have been helpful
information three minutes ago!

Damn it, Mantis!
Why don't you ever think?!

Are we pretending
to be angry again?

Mantis, you asshole!

Guys, just focus for two seconds.

We'll find another way
out of here. Right now...

We need to save Rocket's life.

Nebula, Quinn and I will get to
the records and get the pass key.

Bug and Doofus, access the
spaceport through the elevator,

so Tree can land
and get us out of here.

- Apologies.
- No problem.

Go.

It's not my fault I don't know something
if no one ever tells me.

- I didn't even want to come here.
- I'm gonna need to see your...

You're hopelessly in love, with him.

Oh, no...

- Hey.
- Hey.

How are you doing today?

I'm alright.

What...what was your name again?

- Drax the Destroyer.
- Oh...

- That is such a lovely name.
- Oh.

I'll get the door for you.

- I'll be here when you
come back out, okay?
- Sure.

Every single time.

My name is Bletelsnort!

Welcome to OrgoCorp Headquarters.

For over 300 years,
OrgoCorp has been producing

cybernetic implants and
genetic upgrades across the universe.

Under the watchful eye
of the High Evolutionary.

That warning we got today, don't
those two match the description?

Attention all Orgosentries.

That manager should
have access to the records.

If the pass key is here,
she can get it for us.

All right.

- I'll handle this one.
- How?

Pure Star-Lord charm.

I'm excited for you that you get to
see this again for the first time.

Ahem.

Hi, Yura.

- Ura.
- Oh, Ura.

- Hi.
- Hi, my name is Patrick Swayze.

I've been noticing you
for quite a while.

And the way that you smile to yourself,
when you think nobody is looking,

it makes my everyday a bit brighter.

We need your hand, and it's your choice
whether it's on your body, or not!

What are you doing?

She was never gonna fall for that.

She was totally into me, man.

I kinda thought you
were a douchebag.

Oh, come on.

- We need a file.
- What file?

- 89P13. Could that be something?
- No.

- Then your use to us is over.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Sounds like a species tag.

Show us!

All of our research supports the
High Evolutionary's altruistic objective

of creating a utopian society.

That must be the spaceport.

Whoa.

What is all this?

Species patented over the
years using OrgoCorp tech.

Every species OrgoCorp has created
has its own individual file.

I am so sorry about this. Listen to me,
this is not the kinda thing we do.

Oh, please!
Stop it with the subtle jabs!

- Old you would've never done this.
- Ugh!

You had a purpose higher than
yourself, the calling to help people.

That's why you left Thanos
and formed the Guardians.

Except I didn't form the Guardians
and I barely left Thanos.

Whoever it was that
you were in love with,

it wasn't me.

It sounds more like her.

- Her?!
- What?!

- That's ridiculous! Don't even.
- Do not bring me into this.

- Knock it off!
- What?

Don't look at me
like a lost puppy

- needing a soft place to lie down!
- I didn't say anything.

I just never noticed how
black your eyes were.

They were replaced by my father...

as a method of torture.

He, he picked a pretty set.

There.

That's the file for 89P13.

Heads up, heads up!

Ugh!

Oh, no.

Walk!

Back of the Wing!

Stand down!

- Drax, we should make a run for it.
- Or we could fight.

- Run.
- Fight.

- Run!
- Fight!

Take 'em!

What are we going to do?

- I got a plan.
- What is it?

All of you,
come with me!

Everybody, lower your weapons or
I blow this woman's brain out!

That's the plan?!

- You're a kitty cat.
- Meow!

You feel like dancing.

Violent rage.

Lower your weapons!

Now, kill that one that looks like
a carrot, to show we mean business.

God! Past Gamora's just mean!

She was always like that,
and yet I was the bad guy.

We are not killing anyone!

Back off!

Groot, bring the Bowie to us.
Now!

- I'm so sorry about this, Ura.
- Oh, please.

We're here to save the
life of our friend. That is all.

We paid her to help
us get in and get out.

You'd think that'd mean, "Oh, I'm gonna help you do
it in a way that no one knows it's happening."

But no.
What she means is, I'm gonna shoot people.

- Threaten people's lives.
- Shut up!

And I know you're probably
asking, "Why would I trust her?"

Well, that's a good question.

The answer is...

We used to be in love.

Yeah, she was my girlfriend. Only, she
doesn't remember it because it wasn't her.

Because her dad threw her off
a magic cliff and she died.

And then I lost my temper and
nearly destroyed half the universe.

Then she came back.
Out of the past. There she is.

Everyone else who died
in the past stayed dead. Not her.

Why? Was it the magic cliff?
I don't know.

I'm not some freakin'
Infinity Stone scientist.

Just some dumbass Earth dude
who met a girl, fell in love.

That girl died,

and then came
back a total dick.

You left out some
important information, but...

That is the gist of it.

- Get to the security helm!
- Okay!

Everybody down on the floor
or we blow your brains out.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We don't want any...

- Oh, my god.
- Major Captain, say something.

Come on! Would you please
stop doing that?

♪ Reasons - Earth, Wind and Fire ♪

- Ah ha ha ha!
- Hey!

Run.

Drax!

Get on the ground, and
show me your hands now.

Ura...

Please, listen to me.

We need to get out of here, with this.

To save my best friend's life.

If you could get us into the system
of those sentries out there.

They are good people, like you...

I'm certain of it.

And if I just had an
opportunity to speak to them...

They're corporate shills, you idiot!

- They're not gonna listen to you.
- They will listen if I speak to them from my heart.

Ura...

Please.

Hey!

Come out now!

Damn it!

Stop!

You are in.

- Tell them your truce...
- Yeah, I'm not that big of an idiot.

I just needed to get
into the system.

Move it!

♪ Reasons - Earth, Wind and Fire ♪

Told you she was into me.

I am Groot?

Yeah, that looked cool.

Is sky?

No.

That's not sky. That's a ceiling.

Sire is making a
new world for all of us.

And when we get there,

there will be sky,

and it will be beautiful.

And forever.

- Wow.
- Wow.

Whoa.

I have been thinking.

About what?

Oh, nothing in particular.

But I thought, since you guys
are my closest friends,

and my only friends,

you might be interested in knowing
that I have been, thinking.

That's cool.

I've been thinking, too.

About something more singular.

When sire moves
us to the new world,

we're gonna need names.

I mean, 89Q12...
Not really a name.

So...

I would like my name to be...

Lylla.

Lala.

That's a pretty name, Lylla.

Thank you.

I think my name shall be Teefs.

Because although
we all do have them,

mine are definitely
the most prominent.

- Teefs.
- Teefs.

- Lylla.
- Teefs.

Me be called Floor...

Because me is lying on floor.

You're lying on a floor,
so your name is Floor?

Yes.

Floor.

What about you, friend?

Someday, I'm gonna make
great machines that fly.

And me and my friends are
gonna go flying together.

Into the forever
and beautiful sky.

Lylla, and Teefs, and Floor...

And me.

Rocket.

Rocket.

It really is good to have friends.

Yeah.

Start the incision here.

Keep calm!

- Hold it still.
- I can't. It won't stop moving!

Why did he never tell
us about any of this?

This is worse than what
Thanos did to me.

But what about the pass key?

Is it there?

No, but a file was
removed today.

Downloaded and deleted a
million characters in length.

The biometrics say
it was this man.

Recorder B2H6.

I saw this guy outside
of records today.

Looks like one of the
High Evolutionary's recorders.

The High Evolutionary?

The founder of OrgoCorp?

OrgoCorp is just a way to fund his
experiments that lie outside intergalactic laws.

He's created whole societies.

Xeronians, the Ani-Men.

- Sovereign.
- The Sovereign?

Corners of the universe
consider him God.

- I am Groot.
- Yes.

Yes, what?
That he's Groot?

He said, "Maybe this man downloaded the
pass key into the computer on his head".

Huh?

That could store the pass key.

If we find him, we save Rocket.

The High Evolutionary's coordinates.

Put the coordinates in the nav.

Wait a minute.

Are you kidding me?

What he wants is that
gutted badger in the med bay.

And you're gonna bring
it straight to him?

It's almost certainly a trap.

A trap isn't a trap if you know the trap
is trying to trap you. It's a face-off.

A face-off is a trap

if you're facing off against a guy,
1000 times more powerful than you.

Do you know who
the High Evolutionary is?

Yeah, he's some dickhead who
dissected my best friend.

Second best.

The High Evolutionary isn't someone
you wanna think about messing with.

We won't think about
it when we do it.

You know what?
I don't care!

Just drop me off with the Ravagers and
you go do whatever it is that you wanna do.

We don't have time for this.

I'm not asking you.
Drop me off with my people now.

Your people?

The Ravagers aren't your people.
I'm a damn Ravager. You aren't.

Listen, I know you were always
looking for a family, okay?

But my Gamora, the one I loved, she
didn't find it with a group of criminals.

She found it with us.

People who care about you.

I know that's who you still are.

Somewhere inside of you...

What are you so afraid of in yourself,
that I need to be something for you?

I don't give a shit
about your Gamora!

Life made me me!

I have a few upgrades courtesy of
that gutted badger in the med bay.

And we are not risking his life
to make yours more convenient.

- I'm family.
- So, is he.

Screw you.

Screw all of you.

Found him on the outskirts
of the First Shield,

pirating supply ships.

I do appreciate this, good sir.

And I appreciate your generous contribution
to the Orgosentry retirement fund.

Your associate.

A Zen-Whoberi named Gamora.

- Where is she now?
- You ain't getting nothing from me!

Oh, we'll see about
that, won't we?

Adam.

Adam!

- Yes, mother.
- Show him we mean business.

I said show him we mean business!

Not disintegrate him!

Well, what business could
we have shown him?

But now he is
of no use to us!

Well, let's just question the man's friend!

Friend?! You think that's a friend?
It's an animal!

He looks sad.

I really don't enjoy how that's
making me feel, actually.

Your friend's a moron.
I got one of those, too. I get it.

Outpost?

This is Gamora.
Are you there?

Fitz-Gibbonok, it's me.

Outpost, come in.

Yes, Gamora.

Salutations.

May I help?

Well, I need you guys
to come pick me up.

I'm gonna upload the
location link to the craft I'm on.

Oh, I think we can arrange that.

♪ Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips ♪

You need to say to him exactly
what I told you to say.

Why don't you just say it?

No one ever listens to me.

Quill.

Life is a pond.

And you've spent your entire
life leaping from woman to woman,

as if they are lily pads
upon this great pond.

Perhaps what you need to do, Quill...

...is learn to swim.

- That actually made sense.
- Yes, it made sense.

No, I mean, that's,
that's sort of an analogy.

And I didn't know that you were
capable of that type of thought.

I know lots of analogies, Quill.

Analogies, metaphors, etcetera.

For instance...

Gamora's head is like a lily pad.

Because there's green.

Analogy.

- And also, stupid-looking and flappy.
- Flappy?

Because her skin is made of a leaf.

- Metaphor.
- Is it?

Yesterday, I made a poop
shaped like a fish.

Even my butt, is capable
of making an analogy.

Oh.

What's happening?

The fluid is in his lungs.

P13!

P13!

Sire.

P13!

- I thought...
- You can't resist me!

Sire was in the middle of his treatments,
when we had a breakthrough with Batch 92.

- Perhaps, we should resume tomorrow, yes?
- No, it will not resume tomorrow, no!

P13!

Oh, ooh...

There you are.

Sorry.

Hello.

How did you know,
about the microsamino proteins, P13?

What happened in there?

Why?

How did you know, P13?

It was too little filtration.

In the hypotomic, yes, we know.
We fixed that.

But how did you know?!

I made you!

How did you know?!

Because it worked.

It worked.

Their rage is gone.

We have the peaceful creatures
we always sought...

Ready to inhabit the new world.

We're going to the new world?

Oh...

We?

Look at you.

As if you were cobbled
together by fat-fingered children.

How could you be part
of a perfect species?

You're simply a...

medley of mistakes we could learn from and
apply to the creatures that truly mattered.

Batch 89...

was never meant for
the new world, P13.

You could figure out the complex workings
of cytoplasmic filtration systems,

but you couldn't figure out that?

But that brain...

That, I'd like to study further.

Prep it for surgery
and removal in the morning.

What about the rest
of Batch 89, sire?

Incinerate them.

He's dying.

We need that pass key.

We won't have long.

We've arrived.

♪ We Care a Lot - Faith No More ♪

That looks just like... home.

It's like a replica of Earth.

It makes no sense.

Atmosphere is habitable,
gravity Xandar-minus-one.

Hello.
We mean you no harm.

(alien language)

Listen to me, he was just trying
to throw her back her ball.

Ow!

Aha ha ha ha...
Hey!

- Ow!
- Ow!

C'mon, there's no...we...ow!

Ow!

Hey! Hey.

Groot! Full kaiju!

- Not full kaiju!
- I am Groooooot!

No, not Kaiju! You, now...
No reason to be afraid.

Get down, Groot!

Everybody, it's o...
It's okay.

Hey, hey.
Hi.

We're not here to harm you.

Okay.
See? Here.

For your knee.

We just need to
save our friend.

It doesn't belong here.

I will train it in the ways
of the Sovereign.

I will train him not to do that.

It's an act of blasphemy
even having it here.

Kill it, now!

I am the Warlock, mum, and I am
done with being ordered around.

Gamora is here.

Which means the squirrel is also.

To save ourselves, we must bring it to the
High Evolutionary before his own people do.

(alien language)

♪ Koinu no Carnival - EHAMIC ♪

Yeah, yeah.
Sit. Let's sit.

Okay.

I am Groot.

It's not rude,
it's what it's here for.

Drax, sit up! Idiot.

Thank you.

(alien language)

Thank you!

Our friend,

is dying.

Uh...

We love our friend.

But he is dying.

Ack!

That's not dying.
That's already dead.

They'll think he's already dead.

They'll think we're here
on a quest for revenge.

Drax, sit up!

- It's what it's here for.
- Drax, it isn't.

It's made for people to sit shoulder
to shoulder right next to each other.

Get your boots off her pillows.

I find it hard to believe,
it doesn't have multiple purposes.

I'm sorry.
My friend, is a dumbass.

Uuuuu!

That's the same as your dying.

- Why do you criticize everything?!
- Why is it oblong then?

It was a totally different sound.

Uh, no, it wasn't.
Ugh! Dying.

Ugh! Dumbass.
See? It's the same.

Alright, guys!
Can I proceed, please?!

To try to save our friend?

Drax, I see you!

I understand that none of this
makes any sense to you, right now.

We need your help

in finding, a man.

Uh, uh, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna draw.

I'm gonna draw the man
that we're looking for.

You see the thing on her head?

- He has a thing, like this...
- That is delightful.

There you go.

Have you seen this man?

That's very good.

Can I have that later to hang
in my apartment, please?

Yeah, thank you.

(alien language)

His name?
His name is Motio?

(alien language)

Many Motios.

There?

At the pyramid?

Is that your car,
in the driveway?

(alien language)

Drax, stay here with Rocket.

Watch him,
that's who they're coming for.

- I want to come!
- No.

Mantis, watch Drax.

Groot, you know what
to do with these.

Push down on it.

- What?
- Push it down.

I am pushing down on it.

Push the button.

It looks like you're pushing the keyhole.

- The what?
- There's a button under the handle.

Press that in.

Okay.
Now, what?

Open the fucking door!

That is a stupid design.

And your instructions
were very unclear!

Let's get that pass key
and save our friend.

I was 8 years old
when I left Earth, okay?

Why would I know any more about
driving one of these things than you do?

- I don't see you volunteering.
- You want me to drive?

- No.
- I'll drive.

I don't want you to drive.
I got this.

♪ I'm Always Chasing Rainbows -
Alice Cooper ♪

You must be a really loyal pet.

They're willing to do
all of this for you.

This is the perfect society?

Sire...

This one has been running for
two hours without breaking a sweat.

That's incredible, but...

They can survive on
30 calories a day,

an hour of sleep a week,
they're always happy,

And they can rewire a carbonetrix
core in under two minutes.

But will she be ready
for the new colony?

Sire, they're here.

Here we go.

- We're here to see...
- The High Evolutionary's expecting you.

Which means it is a trap.

It's a face-off.

She stays here.

- Why?
- Policy against weaponry.

And your arm is a gun.

- He's clean.
- Let's go.

Hey.

It'll be okay.

Move it!

Are you okay, Rocket?

Me and Rocket play now?

I can't right now, Floor.

- What are you doing?
- They ain't gonna set us free.

Yes, they are, Rocket.

We're going to the new world any day now.

No, that can't be true.

It is.

They wanna kill us
all in the morning.

- What?
- What?

But I'm gonna fix it.

What is that?

It's a key.

I'm gonna use it to
get us all outta here.

I don't know if that's wise, Rocket.

Me, Rocket, leave!
Hurray, friends forever!

Just down that hall,

there's ships.

I know, that if we can get to one,
I can pilot it.

And then we'll all fly away together.

The four of us,
just like we always said, okay?

Okay?

Woohoo! Yippee, Rocket!
Sky, sky, sky!

You did it!

- Yes, you did it!
- You did it!

You did it, you did it!

You did it!

You did it.

It really is good to have fr...

Yes, I imagined you'd
do something like this.

Back in the cage, P13.

Sky.

Rocket, Teefs, Floor go now!

Q12 and P13 escaped
from their pens.

Q12 is neutralized, but...

P13 is still out,
so I'll need assistance.

Rocket, Teefs, Floor go now!

Remember, not
to bruise its brain.

Alright, P13!

You win the crying contest,
now back in the cage!

Rocket, Teefs, Floor go now!

Just go!
Rocket, please!

Rocket!
Rocket!

Down here, hurry!

- Take him out!
- Your left!
- Yes, sir!

Hey!

- He's getting away!
- Stop him!

What are you doing?

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Peter just told you to stay here.

Yeah, well,
that's his fault.

He should know by now that I never
do anything that anyone ever tells me.

We need to protect Rocket.

Yeah, that's right.

So hop on.
And we'll ride back to the ship.

Just right over there?

Yeah.

Drax!
Hey, stop being a jerk.

You!

Hey!
Yeah, you.

I take it, the pass key,
it's in that thing on your head.

I would advise
against aggression.

Oh, got time for me now?

Your friend once took advantage.

I learned my lessons.

I aimed some small part of my
mental capacity back in my own direction.

And now, gravity itself
serves my whims.

War Pig, now.

You must find Counter-Earth familiar.

- Counter-Earth.
- I visited your planet many years ago.

Earth hasn't been my
planet in a long time.

Your people had...

- Wonderful spirit.
- Mmm.

The art and music and literature,

were some of the
finest in the universe.

Earth would be a fabulous place
were it not for the ignorance and bigotry.

- Okay.
- It inspired me to create Counter-Earth.

- I don't care.
- All of the good and none of the bad.

I don't need another speech

by some impotent whackjob
whose mother didn't love him,

rationalizing why he needs
to conquer the universe.

I'm not trying to
conquer the universe...

I'm perfecting it.

What the...

Hey!

Drop the badger.

- I just want the pass key.
- Then, bring me 89P13.

I am Groot.

He says, "Suck my..."

Why are you so angry?

Because I know what
you did to our friend.

Anything I've done, I've done for
the betterment of the universe.

Newsflash, Einstein.

Better universes generally don't
include a bunch of octopuses selling meth

to guys with cockroach heads.

They do not.

Which is why, as I've
done many times before...

I'm going to have to raze it all,

and start again.

What?

I got 89P13 and
I'm on my way.

We're in possession of the subject.

Oh, my God.

I am Groot?

Kill them all.

Stay.

Ah, I said stay.

What? Did you want me to leave you
back so that mother could fillet you?

Stay.

What the hell,
we're working for the same boss.

Yes, but I need the credit, chum.
To save my entire civilization.

So be a good creepy... thing,

and back off.

Oh.

Mother.

Mother!

Mantis and Drax, come in.

Mantis, Drax?

- Uh, hey.
- I need you to bring the ship here, now!

Well, we can't do that exactly, because...

- We're not at the ship.
- Then, where the hell are...?

- Nebula, come in.
- Gamora!

Take off now!
Get yourself and Rocket off the planet!

What kind of ship is this?

It's amusing, really.

How stupid are you, hmm?

It was so obviously a trap.

It's not a trap, it's a face-off!

Now, kill them all.

What do you have in your hand?

Grenade!

I am Groot!

♪ San Francisco - The Mowgli’s ♪

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.

No, please.

Please spare me.
Hey!

Spare me.

Oh!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you!

That'd be premature.

Huh?
No, no, no, no!

Quite a novel escape plan.

Jumping headfirst into
an exploding planet.

You'll kill us both!

Not both!

Why are we doing this?

Quill and Groot are inside!
We have to get them out!

Groot.

Whoever's in the cockpit,
activate the brake.

The steering mechanism is stuck!

Well, pull harder!

Let's go!

It's hard to breathe.

We are entering space.

Joob joob?

Oh, piss off.

What kind of monster
slaughters a civilization?

- Where are Mantis and Drax?
- I don't know!

Ha! You're lucky I was able
to knock down that door.

Rocket and Gamora
are probably dead because of you!

- I didn't know.
- Oh, you didn't know?

When are you gonna stop using the
excuse of being some big dumb clown

for contributing nothing, and the
rest of us having to carry your slack!

Don't push him!
You don't have the right to push him.

And you, you're no better.

The only thing we
can count on you for,

is when someone shows weakness,
you'll be right there to support it.

Fine, I don't care.

I know you need to find fault in
everyone else to make yourself feel okay.

- So find it in me.
- Oh, go to hell, Mant!

But you don't have
the right to push him!

It's not his fault he's stupid.

He's a liability.

He makes us laugh
and he loves us.

How is that a liability?

All you care about is
intelligence and competence.

Not sure I appreciate this defense.

He has sadness...

But he's the only one of you
who doesn't hate himself.

I don't care if he's stupid.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Yes.

Forget.

Ha!

You're lucky I was able to knock down
that door with my incredible strength.

Quill?

Quill, are you there?

Joob joob (alien language)?

That language isn't in my translator.

Okay.

Alright, Rocket.
Go.

Lylla?

Friend.

Okay. Okay...

Okay, here we go.

This isn't right.

No, no, no. It's good.
It's gonna work. It's working.

It needs to be faster.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

- Rocket.
- I let you down.

I got you killed.
I got you all killed.

We were right.

The sky is beautiful.

And it is forever.

And I've been flying
with our friends.

Can I come?

Yes.

No, no, no, no.

No!

- Come on!
- Quill.

No!

- Quill...
- No!

- Quill. He's gone.
- I'm not gonna lose him.

I'm not letting him go!

But not yet.

You still have a purpose here.

A purpose for what?

They made us for nothing!

Just stupid experiments
to be thrown away!

There are the hands that made us...

and then there are the hands
that guide the hands.

My beloved raccoon...

This story has been yours
all along. You just didn't know it.

I'm not a raccoon.

The pass key's going through!

Quill.

Where's Nebula?

Sh...
She's, uh...

Because her code is on
the comm behind you.

- What... Nebula?
- Where are you?

- Oh, thank God!
- We're here to get you out of here.

- Out of where?
- The High Evolutionary's ship!

No, I got off the ship.

- You what?
- Wait, where are you?

On the ship!

- On the ship?!
- I didn't lie.

- Why are you on the ship?
- To save you, obviously!

No, I told you to go back.

You gotta know by now, I always figure out
an incredibly clever way to get out of a fix!

- Tell him I said hi.
- Really?

Tell him we're coming to save him.

Pay attention or play with the kids.
One or the other.

- Play with the kids?
- How did you get out?

- That's not really important...
- I am Groot.

Jumping a 1000 feet to
your death without a parachute

is a clever way of getting out of a fix?

You're all just making up
stuff that he's saying, right?

The important thing
is we're all okay.

Rocket?

Yeah, he's here...
and he's okay.

Rocket, we love you very much
and we're happy you're alive.

Well that makes you the idiots, then.

He's right about that.

Back in your cages!

Nebula?

Nebula, come in.

So, you'd like to joust, would you?

Go to hell,
you sick son of a bitch.

- You killed all of those people.
- As I will your friends.

I'm sending you the coordinates.

They will die unless you
bring me what is mine!

Screw you,

you stretch-faced,
Robocop-looking, Skeletor-wannabe,

purple-nurple, piece of...

He hung up.

You think?

♪ Poor Girl - X ♪

1966...

The Soviets put me on a rocket

knowing full well I never to return
and I will die in a fiery ball of death.

But one thing even mudak Soviets never do,

is call me "bad dog."

Oh, my God.
Dude, just let it go.

Kraglin, please,
just take it back.

This is killing us.

I can't take it back
if she is, in fact, a bad dog.

- (everyone) Ugh!
- Oh, it never stops hurting.

- Kraglin.
- Oh, hey, Pete.

We need to save
Nebula, Mantis and Drax,

and we need your help.

Me?

You're the one who lost him, you twit!

The hellspawn had it, sire.

- But...
- But, but, but, but, but!

That rancid word.

I'm merely wondering
whether it might be wiser,

to go directly to the new colony and
not engage in unnecessary conflict.

They can rewire a carbonetrix
core in under two minutes.

But what is that, Vim?

- Rote memorization.
- Rote memorization!

In hundreds of years of our creations,
only one has known true invention.

One.

Putrid in every other way,
but 89P13 had that.

Yes, sire.

A populace unable to think,

what hasn't yet been thought, will die

on the vine. We need 89P13's brain

so we can transfer that
trait into these creatures

before we go to the new colony.

Nothing else matters.

How did they get down here?

Joob joob.

Peter will be trying to
get to the spaceport.

He doesn't know about the children.

You!

We need you,

to let all the other children onboard
know to stay away from the starboard walls!

Joob joob?

They know three freaking words
and two of them are joob.

Joob joob.

No! Listen to me.

You need to talk
to the other children.

All of them here,
and tell them,

to stay away, from the freakin'...
What the hell are you doing, Mantis?

Explaining it, dickhead!

Joob joob el.

Joob joob el!

You're scaring them.

Hello, dumb idiots.

I had a little girl like you.

You know what she used to like?

She liked when I
made monkey noises.

How is that a monkey?

Beats me.

(speaks alien language)

(responds alien language)

- (replies alien language), Joob joob.
- Joob joob.

- (all) Joob joob!
- Yeah, joob joob.

They're gonna tell the other kids to stay
away from the starboard wall.

Why didn't you tell us you knew
their language this whole time?

Why didn't you ask?

This could be futile, Quill.

He's too powerful.

Well, I guess we'll die trying.

What is dying trying gonna accomplish?

Or we can just give
him the badger.

Our thing, is dying trying.

I am Groot.

I know who you are already!

Feel free to stay
behind in the cargo area.

I'm not leaving my
sister with that jackass.

Is this you?

It fell out of your bag.

Let's do this.

♪ This Is The Day - The The ♪

Wait...

- Wait...
- (singing)

Heh heh.

You almost have to
admire their pluck.

Sire.

Howdy there, you freakin' creep.

- Back up!
- Yes, sire.

You're on, Steemie.

First barrel.

Second barrel.

Third barrel.

Fourth barrel.

Hard starboard.

And, fire!

They've breached the spaceport.

One of them holds subject 89P13.

Release the hellspawn, all of them.

Sire, the hellspawn were created
solely to defend the new colony.

Do it now!

Get me 89P13,

and kill everyone in the
head of that dead god!

Spaceport wide open, Cap'n,
but that old missle's all we had.

Rocket, Groot, go, go!

Get inside that spaceport.

What the hell?

Aww, come on!

Kraglin, we have been infiltrated!

Open the pit.

Sire, our bargaining
power will be gone.

Abilisks!

Good God...

This way!

One more step and
this weird thing gets it!

Don't be rash.

What were you programming?

Self-destruction code.

What are you doing?

- It's okay.
- Mantis, stop.

They eat batteries, not people.

Maybe they're just scared of
what we are gonna do to them.

We're not gonna hurt you.

Everything is gonna be okay.

Use your heart, boy.

A dog?

Yeah.

She's a good dog.

I knew you believe
I'm good dog.

Alright, alright,
alright. Get off me.

Sire, we must retreat.
The ship is going down.

The spaceport has intruders.

Go, see if one of them is 89P13.

Sire, you have an irrational
obsession with this animal.

You must stop
for God's sake...

There is no God!
That's why I stepped in!

Controller, I am taking
command of the Arete.

Disengage all damaged
sectors of the ship.

And retreat...

Attention,
all personnel...

Intruders have boarded the ship.

Head to the starboard spaceport.

Get me 89P13.

And kill the rest.

♪ No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Beastie Boys ♪

We go in there,
we get Mantis, Nebula and Drax.

We move in,
we get 'em, and we get out.

Woo!

Did that look cool?

Okay.

New gameplan.
We get the hell outta here now.

There are thousands of
creatures on the ship.

- Many of them are children.
- And we need to be good joob-joob.

- Huh?
- It means friends.

If we want to live,
we have to leave now.

This whole rig is gonna
go down any second.

They will all die,
if we don't help them.

I'm done runnin'.

There's a big hole
up in the deck.

If we can connect that to Knowhere,
we can lead the survivors to safety.

Nebs and me
will pilot the ship.

You guys save all
the higher life forms.

(alien language)

Hello, moron.

Come on!

- ...Domo.
- Follow me, come on!

Domo.

Come on!

Go, go, go!

Domo!
Domo!

I am Groot.

Aah!

Um, this way to, uh...

Thank you.

Yes, you're welcome.

I was screaming at something
scary behind you. Not you.

You look really cool.

Kill me if you want, but then
good luck getting out of here.

- Wait!
- Let him go, Phlektik. It's our only chance.

I got a space big enough to get through. I gotta
find out if I can change it to a permeable shield.

I can't fly this freakin' thing.
The flight controls are all screwed.

I'll do it.

Go help the others.
Wait, give me your comm.

Kraglin,
I'll pilot from this side.

Nebula, back in action.

Come on, come on, come on!

Go, go!
Go, go, go!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop!

Are those kids?

Okay, Cosmo, stitch it up.

It needs to be airtight for
the kids to make it across!

Locking up, captain.

Go, now, go.

One by one.
One by one.

Great.

Locking in, and headed down.

This way,
this way.

Why?

Why are you doing this?
I tried to kill you.

I am Groot.

He says,
"Everyone deserves a second chance."

You are so strong.

Let's go.
Hurry!

Come on!
Why are you so slow?!

Hurry!

Where is Rocket?

Domo. Domo.
Domo. Domo.

You!

You thought you could escape me?

No!

You think, you have some worth
in and of yourself without me?

No!

You're an abomination!

Nothing more than a step on my path!

You freakish little monster!

How dare you think you are more?!

8-9-P-1-3!

The name's Rocket.

Rocket Raccoon.

His face came off.

It's a mask.

Look what you did to me.

For what?

All I wanted to do...

was to make things perfect.

You didn't want to
make things perfect.

You just hated things
the way they are.

Kill him.

Why?

Because I'm a freakin'
Guardian of the Galaxy.

We have to get out of here, now.

- We have to save them.
- We've got all the kids on board.

No, Pete.
The rest of them.

Come on!
Come on, move.

- Move. Move it.
- Hurry.

Whoa.

Come on.

Come on,
come on, come on.

I thought we were limiting ourselves
to the higher life forms.

Me, too.

Let's go,
let's go, let's go.

Go, babies.
Go, babies.

Go!

I cannot hold it, much...

Go! Go!

Quill!

Hurry!

Peter!

Peter.

Did, that, look...

...cool?

Come on.

Cosmo.

I'm okay.

I am Groot.

Thanks, just tell them
I'm gonna be right...

I am Groot.

Yeah.

It was good working with you too.

Hey, Gamora...

Are you ready?

Yeah.

You know,
I'm still not who you want me to be.

I know.

But who you are ain't so bad.

I bet we were fun.

Like you wouldn't believe.

Okay.

- (grunt)
- (grunt)

Are you okay?

I think I need to
talk to everybody.

So, you're gonna leave?

My mother died in front of me
when I was 8 years old

and I have been
running ever since.

I'm gonna need to take some time.

Learn how to swim.

I as well.

I love you all.

I do.

But my whole life,
I did whatever Ego wanted.

And then,
I did whatever the Guardians wanted.

I need to go out and
discover what I want.

- I will come with you.
- No, Drax.

That's the whole point.

But you need someone to protect you.

- I don't.
- Not in a bad way.

Just because of your
incredible weakness.

Oh, my God,
you're so frustrating.

Drax, I need you here.

We're building a new society.

I need all the support I can get
for those children out there.

Today, I saw who you are.

You weren't born
to be a destroyer.

You were born
to be a dad.

So you'll lead the Guardians then?

No.

I'm gonna lead the city.

Make it the type of
home I never had.

So that's it?

The group's over?

No.

Well, the galaxy still needs its Guardians.

And you, will make
a better leader than I ever was...

Captain.

I love you guys.

♪ Dog Days Are Over -
Florence + The Machine ♪

Hoo!

(all) Hey! Alright! Woo!

Welcome home.

I think I might be at the wrong, uh...

I'm looking for Jason Quill?

Yes.
Come in.

Pete.

Hi, Grandpa.

(Cosmo howls)

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Aah!
- (Rocket howls)

♪ I Will Dare - The Replacements ♪

Okay, how about your
favorite musical act?

Phyla, you first.

Um, Britney Spears and Korn.

- Good choices.
- I gotta go with the man.

Garth Brooks.

The Carpenters
do not have a single bad song.

Adrian Belew.

Both solo,
and his work with King Crimson.

What about you, captain?

Oh, this one's kinda special.

♪ Come and Get Your Love - Redbone ♪

Ha ha ha
ha ha ha.

(all sobbing)

(all) Ahhhh!

No!

Guess they're here.

Well...

I can handle this by my lonesome
if y'all wanna chill.

Nah, nah, it'll go fast
if we all do it together.

Groot, wake up.

Do you ever feel a
little sad for them?

Yeah, sure.

But these townsfolk
can't protect themselves.

On your word, Captain.

Word.

♪ Badlands - Bruce Springsteen ♪

I mean, if she needs help
mowing her lawn,

I'll do it, but I kinda feel
like her son should help.

He's gonna sit on the porch
and watch me do it?

Like, he's, like, 45-year-old man,
able-bodied, and I'm mowing his lawn.

It just feels weird.

Don't get me started.

- Oh, really?
- Mhm.

Now, I kinda wanna know.