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Come on, please.

Get in line.

Yes. Right.

All correct, sir!

SOLDIER: All correct, sir!

Will you carry on, please?

SOLDIER: All correct, sir!

Go ahead, please!

Come over here! Come over here!

Come on, come over this side!

They scared their pants off!

You ugly, mugs!

Uh, are you quite sure this is the place?

DRIVER: Yes, sir.

Oh, um...

Uh, well, um, you wait here and I'll make certain.

Uh, and mind my back! Yes, sir.

Uh, could...

Could anybody direct me to Major Burnside, please?

I don't understand at all.

I don't understand.

I'm sorry Lieutenant, sir. Do not be angry.

We are all very happy to see you.

Too happy, forgive us our happiness.

The Major has taken this house for his office.

Thank you.

How many languages do you know?

Uh, Latin and Greek, sir.

Ancient Greek? Yes, sir.

Very useful.

That's what they said to me at school 'cause, uh,

Greek is the best of the Russian alphabet

and of course, Latin is the root of all the Latin languages.

You surprise me.

Where should I put these, sir? Over there.

And you do understand the Mediterranean Languages?

Well, school French, sir.

France happens to be on our side!

Though sometimes General de Gaulle seems to forget.

And a few words of Spanish, sir.

Spain is neutral. Any German or Italian?

If it was a priest, sir, I could talk to him in Latin.

I'll remember that.

My advice to you, Mr... What is your name again?

Uh, Pilkington, sir.

As a linguist hold your tongue.

I fail to understand how you ever could have been

assigned a military government.

General Bewley thought it would be good for me, sir.

Oh, the General did, did he? Good for me too, I suppose.

Do you realize that there are over four million displaced persons

in Europe at this moment?

Right here, we have Italians in the Russian front.

We have Ukrainian women who were slave labor for the Nazis.

Poles who were forced to mine salt in Bavaria and God knows what.

Have you seen any action?

No, I haven't, sir, not really.

Really? Well, you may yet.

Just because we've beaten the Nazis, it doesn't mean the war's over.

We may divide Austria temporarily with the Russians, but that can change.

You don't think, Major Burnside...

We're not paid to think.

At the moment the official policy is

we are Uncle Joe Stalin's firm friends.

That is to say we are firm but friends.

Yes, but I understood our object was to...

My object is to get out of here as soon as I possibly can

and back to some proper soldiering with my regiment.

I shall have you replaced, of course.

We have to end the chaos here, not add to it.

We have to interrogate that rabble in every language under the sun.

Sort out their papers and then send them on to the final screening

either by the Americans at Linz or the Russians at Freistadt.

HQ did ask me to tell you, sir, that they just haven't another man to spare.

Sergeant Woody!

Sir! Please, accompany Mr. Pilkington

to supervise the digging of a camp latrine.

May I make a suggestion, sir?

You've suggested quite enough. Carry on.

But, there was, uh, this, um, strange man.

What man?

When I came in the camp, there was this man, uh...

Well... well, he could speak every language, sir.

Did you ask his name? No, sir.

Sergeant Woody, general fall in, identification parade.

Sir!

Come on, you bleeding lump, get a move on!

Come on! Come on, move it there!

Get in those lines.

Come on, come on, come on!

You heard what I said, that means like the bleeding devil!

MAN: Come on, break it up.

Come on!

Come on get a move on there. Join the line.

Come on, it's not a bleeding Sunday School outing, move!

Hey, wake up. Come on, come on! Go on, open your legs.

What, no, I ain't going to rape you lovey, down upfront.

Elfie take care of her will you? She's a bit frightened of me.

Come on, granddad, it's your birthday!

SOLDIER: Come on, bring the rest of them!

SOLDIER 2: Come on then!

Come on, mate, straight line up. Form three.

Come on, let's get your bleeding fingers out.

MAN: Run, run!

SOLDIER: Come on. Come on!

Come on, up! Up there. That's it. Up there.

Not the Bakerloo line, not the Piccadilly line,

just a plain single straight line.

Get a move on, chop-chop! In the front!

Form threes, you bleeding...

Camp Parade present ready for your inspection, sir.

Parade, Sergeant Woody? I don't see a parade.

Camp Refuse present and ready for your dispatch, sir.

Call them to attention.

Attention!

No, no, no! Not like that. Get back you...

Sergeant Woody, leave it, leave it. It's hopeless.

I just want to identify one man to help us get rid of them.

There is a man...

There is a man among you who speaks many languages.

I am offering a job, a good job,

a responsible job.

I am looking for an interpreter, camp interpreter.

There will be a cigarette allowance, army rum.

Vodka!

If I don't find him, it will take you all twice as long to get home.

Sir... sir! That's him.

What is your name? Janovic, Major sir.

What languages do you speak?

Russian, Polish, Greek.

Hungarian, German.

Romanian, Bulgar, Serbo-Croat.

Romany, Italian.

Some Arabic, some Yiddish, a little Chinese.

Chinese? Just in case.

Where did you learn these languages?

Well, I've had to travel, Major sir.

I want you to tell them the camp rules.

All are free men, so long as they stay here.

If they stay they will be fed and sent home quickly,

but if they move on, they will probably starve and may get shot.

Our patrols are still hunting Nazis in this area.

I'll tell them, Major sir.

First of all, tell them to fall out over there and get their rations.

Yes, Major sir.

Can I have some food? Thank you.

Bread?

Where are your papers?

I have no papers, Major sir.

That's a great pity for you.

Well, I can't help you.

This is a clearing station, not a rest home.

It's my duty to decide that what's rule of thumb,

whether a man goes to the Americans or to the Russians.

But how? It's a question of papers.

If you have papers, it's very simple,

we send you where you should go.

If you don't have them, maybe you had some reason for getting rid of them.

I lost them, Major sir. An accident. A horse ate my pack.

That's bad luck, isn't it?

Where did you say you were from?

Well, I was born on a cart between Tiflis and Tashkent.

My father, he did many things in many places.

I can tell you, Major sir, we have to be very careful.

Any place I ever sit down for a rest is on wheels.

You speak English and Chinese, you never wandered there.

Ah, they come to me, Major sir.

An English woman, a Chinese woman in Latvia.

Live with a new woman, learn a new tongue.

It's better than Berlitz.

An English woman and you?

Well, I speak English fine.

Seven English women.

Janovic, it really doesn't matter very much

what lies you tell about your past,

provided you are useful in the future.

Now go see Sergeant Woody

and get a clean uniform.

No badges, you're not part of the British forces.

They say everywhere, "Help a British man and he helps you."

We have a saying in Britain,

"He helps best who helps himself."

Major sir, I cannot help myself

to papers.

You're a rolling stone, aren't you?

Where do you want to roll to?

West. We have another saying,

"Join the army and see the world."

Don't believe it.

I believe you, Major sir.

So, I'll help you very much and you'll fix it

and I'll fix everything here by the end of the Summer.

They have a beautiful saying in Aytoska.

"When the first leaf falls, all corn must be back in the barn,

"and all men."

All these men will get back in the barn down the road right now.

The women and children will be in this house.

Fraternization will be strictly forbidden.

I'll explain it, Major sir.

Men over there. Women and children in here.

No contact. Official!

Do you really think you can help me clear up this mess before next winter comes?

By then, Major sir.

You'll need more than tricks.

Go and report to Sergeant Woody.

MAN: Come on, hit it, man, hit it.

Can't, Corp, it's splitting, isn't it?

Get another one then, won't you?

That's ours. David, Willie, straight up there.

Go on, Bert.

More to the left. Right. Up a bit more, up a bit.

Left. Left a bit. That's lovely.

Do you mind?

That Alpen house is ours!

Alpenhaus,

Who do you think you are? Catherine the Great?

Pissoffski!

Get off! Get off!

Arbitration!

Willy, get the major on the radio.

Bloody Ivans!

David.

Tacco.

Bloody Ivans.

Don't they have no smokes?

They can't have tobacco in Russia.

They just have snow and wolves.

Where does it come from then?

Yanks make tobacco in tin cans.

We don't budge,

this building is in the British zone and that's that.

Janovic, stop skulking back there, come and interpret.

He says this is the Russian zone and that is that.

Well, tell him the Russians are known for taking what they want

without asking or paying for it,

but this time they don't get away with it.

He says, "Let us negotiate."

Your interpreter, major, is either very bad or

too clever.

He doesn't translate, he smoothes.

Why the hell didn't you say you understood English?

You didn't ask me.

All right Janovic, I'll do this.

There's no question of negotiating, Captain, we take the building.

"Take." How like an imperialist power!

Don't ask, take!

We have an armored brigade ten miles away.

We have an infantry division in Freistadt.

Is it worth it for a ruin? You answer.

Oh, be reasonable, the man has allies.

For the moment

and only against the Germans.

We do not move from what is our zone by right.

Nor do we.

So, our division advances.

And our tanks.

If you had moved your tanks to Austria two years earlier,

many million Russians wouldn't be in their graves.

We were already fighting on three fronts

and preparing the Normandy invasion.

You didn't beat Hitler on your own, you know!

I would give it to you, you fool.

It's so, uh...

Worthless.

Worthless. Who cares?

But, our orders are we keep everything.

And our orders are we keep everything, and I obey orders always.

You would.

Allies.

Sergeant Woody. Fix bayonets.

Port arms.

The frontier is there.

Unfix bayonets.

You are useful, Janovic.

Well, a half is better than a hole in the head.

She says you shall not take her house.

Everybody's giving me orders today!

Tell her this is war

and I have the right to requisition what I need when I wish.

The war is over, is it not?

Everyone is expecting our coming too.

Maybe I don't need an interpreter after all.

I shall take the inn if I need it.

But it is mine. I keep it.

If I wish.

Nice work your major's done here.

Of course, it was all a bluff.

We are too small to make decisions,

they have been made at Yalta.

Yes, we're not too small to make incidents, though.

It was a good solution, you must admit.

Except for the owner of the private property.

Oh, surely an English Capitalist should care about that.

In Austria?

No, the major thinks all Austrians are Nazis under their skirts.

They are easier to handle if you can think that way.

Oh, one thing, your interpreter,

who is he?

Well, we simply don't know.

He just dropped down, you know, manna from heaven.

A man from Odessa, judging by his accent.

Pilkington!

Awfully sorry. Goodbye.

SOLDIER: Come on...

Wish you'd won the war, then you'd be ushering us back home, ho-ho!

Come on, that's it now. Off you go.

Come on then, you'll all get on.

SOLDIER: Upsidaisy.

Stop! What's all the fuss?

Well, some are very happy to go, Major sir,

but many of them say they don't want to go

to the Russians at Freistadt.

It's a mistake they say.

They should go to the American clearing station at Linz.

I don't make mistakes, the orders are perfectly clear.

When in doubt, displaced persons are returned to their countries of origin.

They doubt, Major sir.

I don't. Silence!

Quiet!

Go on, Janovic, translate.

Well, he says I should go to Russia too.

All aboard, Sergeant Woody?

All present and correct, sir.

Freistadt 24, Linz seven.

All right, put an armed guard on this one, two men and fixed bayonets.

The Russians want all their own back. See that nobody skips.

Sir.

You heard the Major! You and you, look sharp.

Any of those sardines move, use your can openers.

All right, lovey, I'll have a nice hot supper waiting for you.

Hey, Tedder! Pull your bleeding finger out!

I must say, I wouldn't be looking as sad as that if I were going home.

Suppose you were a collaborator or a class enemy?

Suppose it was ten years hard labor in a salt mine

waiting for you at the other end,

would you be lining up for your return ticket?

No, sir.

Must they go if they don't want to, sir?

The high-ups drafted the orders, I didn't.

PILKINGTON: But, I thought we fought this war for human rights

so that people could choose what they wanted?

BURNSIDE: What we fight wars for, Mr. Pilkington,

does not necessarily apply in peace.

I still don't see how we can force people.

Obviously, I would rather let everybody choose,

but I don't have the right and I don't have the time.

One too many for Linz, sir.

Only one? Well, we're in luck today.

The Pole says he has an Austrian wife,

they will believe him at Linz.

Why should they believe him at Linz, I don't.

Where are his papers to prove it?

His wife has the paper.

They were separated in the bombing.

Let him wait here till she finds him.

He is right, he should wait.

BURNSIDE: I might have wavered his case

if he hadn't tried to sneak on the Linz lorry.

Put him under close arrest, next lorry to Freistadt march him off.

Come on, come on! Come on, son.

MAN: Stop it.

BURNSIDE: More and more arriving,

we just have to move them more quickly that's all.

JOE: Come on, up you get.

All right, Alvin?

Right, take it up.

I hope you come back.

You can always come and get me if I don't.

Not bloody likely.

WOMAN: Help me somebody!

Oh, strewth! Some of them are glad to get back.

Why don't we send the Pole to Linz

and let him explain there

and maybe they'll let him stay on.

I don't need the Americans to settle my problems, Mr. Pilkington.

I know they had God and General Eisenhower on their side,

but that doesn't make all their decisions holy writ.

Supposing he does have an Austrian wife after all?

Then the Russians will undoubtedly return him to us.

You know they won't, sir.

They never send anyone back.

You exaggerate. Anyway, the orders were drafted at Yalta

by Mr. Roosevelt, Mr. Churchill and Marshall Stalin.

Orders have to be obeyed and I just hope that if my best friend

had to be sent to Freistadt, I would send him there.

Janovic.

Maria.

Come on, you horrors, stand to. Major likes a smart man.

You've got a grouch, don't slouch.

Right next gate, in you go.

Smarten it out.

She says British soldiers raped her.

She wants two ration cards and money.

God damn it, we've only been here five weeks.

Escaped prisoners did it she says.

Oh, that's going to be hard to prove even when the baby's born

it's not going to come out singing God save the King.

Give her one ration card.

Well, one and a half.

Dismissed, next.

Right, next case, forward march. Up, up, up, up, up!

Oh, what a relief to see you at last, old chap!

I say, could I have a chat alone with you, old man?

Sir, if you please.

Anything you have to say may be said in front of my subordinates.

Where are your papers?

Actually, I mislaid them.

Well, between gentlemen,

papers indeed!

This war has substituted papers for human decency.

I used to be at Trinity before the war.

Perhaps you too were at Cambridge?

I never went to university.

I'm sure we have mutual friends from your school,

Eton is it?

Harrow?

Speak to Mr. Pilkington about that, that's more his line.

But surely, you know Captain Reggie Lomax of the Blues?

I was in a fighting regiment not with a lot of fancy polo players!

Now, stand up and get to the other side of my desk!

Now, what is your name and what is your complaint?

Uh, Kerassy, Count Istvan Kerassy.

How do you spell that? It's all right. We have his record here, sir.

I see you borrowed a pot from my cousin's family.

I never borrow, I buy.

KERASSY: Do you know, old chap, I have a ghastly time

getting to the West from Hungary.

My hunter broke a leg and I had to walk, simply miles.

You better pack your saddle bags and get ready to go back.

Major, it's a lie I've worked for the Nazis.

I infiltrated them for the resistance.

When did you join the resistance in Hungary?

Last year.

Oh, the risks I ran.

Change sides when we were winning, did you? No papers,

Freistadt. For God's sake, old boy.

I am nobody's old boy.

Next.

Next, next, next, next, next.

I mean, how can he possibly be so sure?

That's right, that's wrong. Even the Almighty would take longer.

Well, far worse to rot here slowly,

better to get men home quick

even if there are some mistakes,

the major is very brave to choose for us.

You're an expert in hope, Janovic.

Look, Malik is a happy man.

It's very good for him here.

Ah, he says he got 15 new fleas today.

Look. Well, he's a master.

You know, he had a very famous flea circus in Zagreb.

You have to have human fleas in Malik's tray, you know.

Well, our new arrivals have many.

You know, animal fleas are not good

because they haven't eaten the right food.

For every flea for Malik I pay one potato!

Here! Here, Malik.

You see, Malik is happy to have a flea.

The man is happy to lose a flea

and to have a potato.

Oh!

JANOVIC: You know why the fleas do that?

'Cause a human hair tied round their middle

keeps them in place.

Whenever they try to hop away,

that makes the trick, and it's funny.

Trying to escape is funny.

But, Malik, he is an inventor, a genius.

He knows exactly how to put a human hair round their neck.

They can live only one week like that, but what tricks!

The desperate amuses man.

What funny creatures we are.

It is wonderful. This is the British zone.

MARIA: It's wonderful.

Do you want a beer, mister? Very cheap.

Do you want a beer, Mister? Very cheap.

Or Schnapps?

Yes, Schnapps!

Your German is very good.

So is my English, my priest teach me.

Vodka, mister? No, no. Whiskey, mister.

It's, Vodka, comrade?

And what for Janovic?

Home.

That's easy to get.

If man will stay.

If a man can.

No more English. Russian.

Ah.

Nothing old-fashioned about good form,

particularly in war time.

Most courage is really a matter of form.

You don't run away because it's bad form in front of your friends.

I... I always think that courage has more to it than that.

Um, personal choice

against orders sometimes.

Uh, yes, bad form but right.

That's very idealistic.

Yes, I know I'll never make a good soldier

if I think like that.

I don't know. The army is not against a man having principles

or taking a chance,

provided it works.

To make a choice alone

against the rest.

I could tell you a cautionary tale,

it never happened of course.

But, like all stories that never happened,

it happened once upon a time.

There was an officer, and one fine winter's afternoon

not too very long ago,

he went for a stroll all alone.

Ahead of him, the Germans held a bridge,

a small but desperately important bridge.

It was mined, of course.

He strolled towards it.

The officers of his battalion waved him back.

They didn't want him to go it alone.

But, he thought this was a chance worth taking.

After all, he was only risking his own life

not the lives of the whole battalion.

Besides, it was possible that no one would shoot at him.

Just one officer strolling along all alone.

The Germans covering the bridge might hesitate,

wonder what he was doing,

and give him a chance to make a sudden dash,

get under the bridge and cut the wires leading to the charges.

It would be the Victoria Cross if he made it.

If not, posthumous Victoria Cross.

There must have been, uh,

an old soldier on that German machine gun.

Fire first, ask questions later.

He fired,

and the major never made it to the wires.

Five machine gun bullets hit him and the Germans

blew the bridge anyway.

He thought he'd be a brave man

alive or dead.

He never realized there could be a

an in between.

Um...

What happened to him, sir?

Oh, he lived happily ever after.

It's the way these stories always end, isn't it?

Yes, well, we better turn in now I suppose.

We got a lot of work to do tomorrow.

A lot of people to help, sir.

A lot to do, yes.

Thank you, Francis. Good night.

Good night, sir.

That story doesn't mean you never should take a chance.

If it's the right chance to take, disobey.

If you can pay for it.

Bad luck for you Kovacs. The CO had a roll call.

You know the rules, no fraternization.

You're under arrest.

A wonder she didn't give you a haircut

while you were sleeping, eh, Samson!

Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!

JANOVIC: Nose. MARIA: Nase.

Nos in Russian.

Ear. Ohr.

Cheek. Wange.

Scheka.

Chin. Kinn.

Lip. Lip.

In Russian, guby.

You must learn some Russian.

Russia may take on Austria, who knows?

I tell them, I go with you.

Look, Maria, I've only been west as far as here.

I must see more. Come with me.

If the Russians come and take the inn from me,

I'll go with you.

But I do not go until I must.

My father and mother died here,

my husband lived here.

This is all I have.

I'm sorry, doctor, there is no excuse

for Mr. Pilkington being late for the morning schedule.

And Janovic, where the hell is he?

He may think he's indispensable.

Between you and me, sir, he is.

So long as he doesn't think he is.

He is chancing it a bit though, sir.

I just checked the stores, there's 60 blankets short.

Oh, well, don't worry about it.

Those 60 blankets are better used by Janovic

than they would be just sitting in our store.

Oh, that reminds me, better get our stores straightened up right away.

You know, not too much, not too little.

My spies tell me the Brigadier is going to come and inspect us.

We don't know that of course. Of course, sir.

I want this to look like the best DP Camp the British have ever had.

There won't be a hobnail too many or too few, sir.

May even have to trade with Janovic, sir.

I wouldn't trade Janovic for a whole brigade of heavy tanks.

We are going to have a new arrival in the camp.

Lord, what has he taken?

Maybe his cup of tea didn't agree with him?

Don't be an idiot! The man's taken poison!

Yes, sir.

Where's the doctor?

You'll have to get on the blower in the office.

Don't seem worth it really.

Poor sod's due for Freistadt tomorrow and he knows.

I'm sorry, Major sir. Pardon. I'm delayed.

Evidently, confined to camp for two days.

Of course, Major sir except when I drive you out of camp.

Of course. Where were you?

I arrange a recreation.

Not fraternization?

No, no, not fraternization, sir.

No, I know the orders, Major sir.

I do not fraternize, I harmonize.

I hope you know the difference.

There's a bad case of fraternization waiting for us right now.

March in Kovac, Sergeant, will you? Sir!

Prisoner and escort, quick march!

Left wheel. Left right, left right.

Right wheel. Left right, left right.

March time! Halt!

Prisoner and escort. Left turn.

Kovacs, sir.

Tell him that in spite of the ban on fraternization,

he was found in bed with an Austrian woman.

I know that he's Hungarian, so first truck to Freistadt in the morning.

Komenski's dying, Giles, he's taken poison.

We must have the doctor.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

This is not the officer's mess.

Stand to attention. Salute. Call me sir!

Sir...

Komenski's taken poison, we simply must have the doctor.

Did you give an emetic? No, sir.

Then go and do so!

Well, he'd rather die than go to Freistadt.

Can't you possibly send the doctor?

The doctor is delivering a child.

Oh, mop up your bleeding heart, Mr. Pilkington.

Some die here, some live.

I'll send the doctor when he has a moment.

Put Kovacs under close arrest until tomorrow morning.

Camp orders must be obeyed.

Someone get me an emetic.

Something to make Komenski sick.

Mustard and salt and some hot water,

and take it straight to the guard, all right?

Don't worry, Mr. Lieutenant, all can be fixed.

Even dying?

Especially dying. Living is much harder to fix.

Just sign them and all will be well.

These are three blank passes to the cells, these ought to be filled in.

Just sign and I'll bring in the three kings on their way east.

Ah, Tolya!

Next!

Twelve for Linz, eight for Freistadt, sir.

Sir.

All right! Away.

Up!

Go on, get a hold of that.

Janovic, I've just been to the guard room.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir? There's a witch in there.

I know, sir.

I don't mean a conjurer like you,

I mean a real witch and she is killing Komenski.

Well, she is the local wise woman.

She knows all the poisons here and she uses them too.

If she kills him, well, he is dead anyway at Freistadt, isn't he?

And Kovacs, he's just getting married in his cell.

I mean, the Major just won't allow that.

Pardon me, Mr. Lieutenant.

The certificate of marrying will be dated two days ago.

I suppose I'd refuse to sign the pass,

what would the women do then?

Have another child for Austria.

Do you mean, a bastard?

Do you think Austria will not need in ten years many hands?

Hands do not need to have the right father,

they just need to be there to work the earth.

You mean you encourage the men here and the

village women...

Oh, it's disgusting, it's like animals.

In the country, it's always like that.

If the major finds out

what they're doing to his ban on fraternization,

I don't know...

They do not fraternize. No, they do not fraternize.

They just sleep together.

Doesn't Major Burnside need you in the afternoon, Janovic?

I believe they say in his country,

"What the Major does not know will not hurt him."

Oh, spam, peaches.

Californian yellow cling. It's all American.

Won't they miss it?

Nah, they wouldn't miss a Liberty ship!

Where's the hard stuff?

This way.

Tolya! Tolya!

Vodka. Drinking up his wages, eh?

MAN: You speak English now.

Let me help you.

He takes in the vodka without reaching through the pores of his skin.

He must have alcoholic pores then.

Okay, Jano, you got yourself a deal, mate!

Very good produce.

American.

We do not have meat like this in Russia.

Take it.

I do not take.

I do not mean... Yes, you do mean.

Because I am a poor Russian.

Steady, Jano.

There's a bottle of joy in your arms there.

You don't want to drop it on its head. do ya?

Major Russki, you're on the wrong side of the fence, aren't ya?

You wish to make an official complaint?

Nothing said, nothing seen.

That. That is what I want.

Jeep?

Yes, a jeep.

The Jeeps, Major sir, are fine.

Do you think I don't believe the evidence my own eyes?

I tell you they're fine.

You gutted them.

It's Freistadt for you, I'm going to drive you there myself.

Well, what's wrong, Major sir?

At my inspection this morning,

there were parts missing from every jeep.

Strange thing, Major sir.

This afternoon, the Americans in Linz

reported a shortage of jeep parts.

Well, they have so much they won't miss it.

You're intolerable, you know? Yes, sir.

Don't you ever anything like this again. Never, sir.

The trouble is. you think you run this camp.

No, No, sir, whatever I do, you have the last blame.

Yes.

You'll want to hang on to your spit, mate,

you'll be needing that for your bleeding toe caps.

Toe, spit. Hut.

Boots, black, for the use of.

MAN: Come on, lads.

Bloody bull.

Come on, jump to it, I haven't got much time left.

Now, lads,

when the Brigadier says "not a bad turnout,"

of course, you look like a bleeding shower

but Brigadiers are a soft, daft lot you see,

so when Brigadier Bewley says

"Did anyone inform you that I was coming here on a snap inspection?"

What do you say? ALL: No, sir!

SERGEANT: Private Amiss. Sergeant.

Is that a mustache or part of your breakfast?

It's a mustache, Sergeant.

Mm-hmm.

Two months going, it looks like a dandelion puff. Why?

Well, uh, my hair's a bit bashful, Sergeant.

Bashful, eh, Laddy? Well, I'm not, come on.

Off with that fuzz at the double.

Brigadier will be here any minute now.

Burnside. Does that name mean anything to you?

Not a sausage, sir.

Well. hello, Allison!

Not going to get lost this time, eh?

You know where we're going?

DP Camp, sir. Yeah, but which one?

Oh, Four B. You know where that is?

It's where you put the pin on the map for it to be, sir.

I checked the route, sir.

You navigate then.

Come on Allison, let's get cracking. That's it.

Left!

That's a bit of a very propitious start, is it? Come on, Allison.

That's backwards, backwards, Allison.

That's it.

Burnside. Doesn't ring a bell with you, eh?

No, sir. Well, it does with me...

Bridges.

Bridges and Burnside, like bread and butter they go together.

That's it, Allison. Pulling off nicely.

Left here!

DP, Camp Four B.

Looks like a health resort!

Sergeant of the guard.

Turn out the guard!

Present arms.

Slope arms!

Guard ready for your inspection, sir.

Huh, very good turnout, Sergeant. Tell me did you know I was coming today?

No, sir. I'll say,

Captain, you'd better get the Sergeant's recipe

for keeping trousers permanently creased.

Patent that and make a fortune. Right, carry on, Sergeant.

Guard.

Major Burnside, sir. Burnside, not Bridge Burnside?

Not to my knowledge, sir.

Your visit is a welcome surprise.

Welcome surprise or well-prepared one?

A welcome one, Sir.

May I escort you around camp?

Delighted, yeah. Charming spot you got here.

Reminds me of Cumberland, I've a cottage there.

Mr. Pilkington, sir. Pilkington, very glad to see you.

They all thank you, Major sir, for making their stay here so brief and so pleasant.

Oh, it's just a job. New intake arriving, sir.

That's a very useful fellow you've got hold of there.

Yes, he was hard to find and difficult to persuade.

My goodness me, good lord. Very good, very good.

Oh, hello. What's this, eh?

Arts and crafts department?

Are we going to have a concert?

Parade!

Parade!

Two paces! Right!

BURNSIDE: Off covers, smartly, now!

Thanks.

Ah, potage paysanne. Not bad, major.

Private Lennox was a dishwasher at the Savoy, sir.

Oh, good show.

Down here to the right, sir.

Your sense of timing, major is too perfect.

Thank you very much, sir.

You'll have to order something to go wrong

or else I'll give you a black mark for finding nothing to criticize.

You're too kind, sir. Would you care to come to the mess, sir?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Well, Burnside, you've done a remarkable job.

My compliments. Thank you very much, sir.

I have missed my regiment, sir. If I could be posted back.

I was second in command of the battalion when... the... um...

Yes, well, the fighting's over, Burnside and...

Perhaps a battalion in peacetime is too small for a man of your talents.

I've never really thought outside the regiment, sir.

If I could be posted back.

I am not really the administrator.

I don't care for being a sort of British Gestapo.

I'm a plain fighting soldier.

I hope this is the last war, major.

Well, there've been enough incidents with Russians

on the border for me to think...

Oh, don't think that!

My goodness me! The Russians are our allies.

There are no incidents with them, only dialogues.

Oh, Pilkington, I saw your father last week.

He's in great form, sent you his, you know...

Oh, thank you, sir, would you send him back my, you know.

Yes, I know.

You'll be staying on at the service of course, it's in the family.

People with your background should do pretty well.

Oh, thank you, sir. Um...

I shall be going back to university to study languages.

I've been told that they're going to be most important in the new Europe.

Oh, yes, and in the new army,

we could use fellows like you on the staff.

Well, no, sir. Whatever my father might say, uh...

I'm not really cut out for fighting.

My dear, Pilkington whoever joined the army to fight?

WOODY: Turn out the guard!

SERGEANT: Ten-hut!

Oh, Silly Billy, Allison.

You didn't tip Burnside off that I was coming, did you, Roots?

No, sir.

When Burnside asked me when you were coming, I said Tuesday morning.

But it was a snap inspection, you insisted

everything went as per normal.

Your future in the army appears about as dim as Major Burnside's.

I don't understand, sir.

Like Burnside, you like to put on a very good show.

Often too good a show.

He once tried to take a bridge all alone.

A sort of Horatio in reverse, if you know what I mean.

Well, of course, he didn't do it, the bridge was blown up

and we lost some 200 men crossing that river

when we might have taken the bridge conventionally with 20.

All the same, it was a bloody brave show.

Brave? Show?

We needed that bridge and the men alive.

Are their widows going to thank him for winning another

ribbon on his chest?

He made a very gallant...

Mistake.

And the Army, Captain Roots, is worse than an elephant.

Not only does it never forget,

it never forgives.

Major sir, I know you'll find out

what I do, so I'll show you first.

Anna, thin for British men.

Marta, for Russian men.

What about the orders against fraternization?

Oh, they do not fraternize Major sir, they just serve.

Food, drink.

Talk verboten!

What about the Russians and British fraternizing?

There is the iron chain, Major sir.

You decided on that.

So I did.

Can the... Can the Austrians come here?

Oh, anyone. I call that democratic.

I call it bloody cunning.

Sit down, Major sir. Have a whiskey, on the house.

Oh, no, thank you, I can't condone that.

You've already fixed it with the Russians.

For today, who knows about tomorrow over there?

Major Burnside, a good surprise.

A glass of vodka to our glorious alliance. Vodka.

You make it hard to refuse.

Come over to our side.

Let's shout across the border.

So you don't mind drinking in the same room as your men?

We are the people's army, Major. All are comrades.

Sheer hypocrisy.

What we call the English disease. Have another Vodka.

No, thank you.

Well, I must say it's quite a little Shangri-La.

You wouldn't think there's a war on.

There isn't now.

You call that peace?

KAMENEV: I hope we shall cooperate forever.

I hope so too.

To test it, one request.

Yes?

Do you approve of this place?

I cannot approve.

In that case, if you have no use for it,

surrender your half.

I surrender nothing, particularly, war department property.

Property means more than your God to you, capitalist swine!

Well, that's a laugh from people who've taken half of Europe.

Major, sir, you'll not forbid.

The English had an admiral once, and when they flew a signal

he didn't approve of, he put his telescope to his blind eye.

But why bring him here?

Hmm, he and I, we work all right together.

And you must have an English officer to protect the Alpen House.

Of course, there is Pilkington but he is a boy.

If he is a boy, I can manage.

I'll be jealous.

You know, I think he is still a virgin.

Don't laugh, he's lucky.

Nobody is still a virgin who has lived through a war.

What's wrong? The distributor. I'll fix it.

As always.

How long? Half an hour.

While we are waiting you can have a rest.

Oh, all right. Be as quick as you can.

Hello. Hello.

Uh, do you speak English?

A bit.

Uh, may I help you?

Please.

Is it very hard for you?

I live, which is better than not.

Hey, what are you doing?

Ow!

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Did I hurt you? No.

I did. It's nothing.

Terribly sorry.

It wasn't that sore.

I haven't played in years.

I haven't too.

But you do look like a boy.

Doing that with the... what do you call them?

Pine cones.

Pine cones.

PILKINGTON: I saw you before at the Alpen House. Do you live there?

It's mine. Oh.

May I come and visit you again?

Do not fraternize, your Major says.

Surely you obey your major?

Well, he said that I could disobey orders

if I thought I ought and, uh,

seeing you, I think I ought.

I must be going.

Uh, do you know Janovic?

Everybody knows Janovic.

May I come and visit you?

May I?

If one of my men were to walk in and find me...

If I weren't the Major in command, would I be where I am now?

No.

You're very honest even when it does you no good.

You want me and you take.

I want the Alpen House and I get.

Oh, the advantage of having just a few

hundred words of basic English.

No subtlety, no evasions.

And no love.

Oh, women are funny that way.

You think you have them for a moment and then afterwards,

you might as well be a stranger.

It is as though they were ashamed of having shown you they wanted you.

When we're making love you want me, all right?

If I love a man,

I want to love him alone.

If I must love him, how can I love him,

when I cannot choose?

Some women like being persuaded.

Giles. Hmm?

I do like you.

You help me, you protect me

but it's only the war makes me go with you.

In peace, I would have still a husband.

In peace, we would not be here.

It's peace now, the war is over, remember?

When I am posted back to my regiment, will you follow me?

Where to, your Schloss?

You would think that.

No, not all officers are lords!

Do you have a country house?

No, you'd just get a rented room near the barracks.

When I retire, a cottage no bigger than this and half pay.

You'd get me, that's all, and the army.

I never had any money, I never will have any.

Soldiers are like bad luck.

People want to forget them, once the horror's over.

I stay.

You couldn't care for me enough?

I stay.

I can come and visit you on my leave.

When you are not the Major here, why visit?

Perhaps for you,

I'd feel a man.

You're good to me, Giles, very good.

But you are the Major and you will go where the army goes.

Jano?

You say you do not come.

Oh, the Major is busy, he is having dinner with the brigadier.

These mutts mean business, sir.

I see it arrived.

You mean to say you sent it?

Your office is not in the chapel?

We're not always as advertised.

No, it is our magazine.

And to what do I owe the pleasure of this invitation, captain?

Your interpreter, Major.

He's a useful man, would you like to borrow him?

Not to interpret. Will you come inside?

Oh, that's very nice. Spoils of war?

In your country, I believe it's a gentleman's game.

All Russians play.

Well, what about my interpreter?

He's a deserter from the Red Army.

His real name is Makarov.

Look.

That's him.

A deserter, your Janovic.

He'll desert you too.

I don't think that's him.

He's too useful to you, isn't he?

When was he supposed to have deserted?

A week before Janovic joined you.

Oh, after the war was over.

Well, I call that absent without leave, that's not a very grave crime.

A deserter working for the British, that is a serious crime.

A political crime.

I've told you I don't think it's him and you don't want him anyway.

One man when you've lost 22 million dead.

Oh, no no. You've had orders from higher up.

You want to embarrass us.

We want him back,

and our agreement with you is, you must return all deserters

or there'll be trouble for you, major.

A Russian deserter running your camp.

I run my own show!

Then your honor as a British officer, Major,

will make you send him back to us at Freistadt.

Freistadt!

For the journey.

I'll wait for you.

When I have a real passport,

I'll come back to you

and we'll marry.

There'll be no Burnside then.

I'm so sorry, Jano.

I understand.

The Majors, they take what you have,

but in peace they can do nothing.

PILKINGTON: Sharing the loot?

I was sent to look for you at the Alpen House.

I will not go back, the Major will send me to Freistadt.

I don't believe it.

It's true.

Jano must go away.

What happened?

The Russian soldier drinking here last night says

Captain Kamenev knows the truth about me.

I am a deserter from the Russian army.

A deserter?

You ran away from your comrades in battle?

Oh, no, the war was over.

Maria.

Leave us.

Well, I'll

just stroll over there and promise to join me, Janovic.

Yes, Mr. Lieutenant.

You'll forget me.

Oh, no, I will not forget you, Maria.

I'll come back.

Since the war began,

no one came back.

You must trust me, Maria.

Now you take me back.

I couldn't take you back to camp and Freistadt.

What about your Major's orders?

Oh, damn Burnside and his bloody orders!

You've aged, Mr. Lieutenant,

and just as well.

You'd have used that on me?

Oh, yes, if I had to.

You don't mind killing others to survive!

That's what being a soldier means!

And I've fought and lived,

much longer than you.

You can help me cross the border.

Help you desert again? Save your own sweet hide?

You know why I deserted? Because it's peace now.

We all fought the war, we all knew why we fought

but now it's peace.

What do you do here?

Nobody asked you here. Nobody wants you here.

You want to fight peace with guns?

Go home soldier, go home!

Fine words, Janovic. Why don't you go home?

Oh, get out! I'll give you 30 seconds.

Go on, get out, you bloody gypsy!

How easy for you to be the judge,

with your home, money, rank.

But, if you have no home, for what do you fight?

For your comrades.

And if your comrades fight for Hitler, like mine?

No.

Jano is a good man.

He showed me how to live in a bad time.

Yes, but there's more to life than just living.

There's... There's just living.

And Jano made me want to live.

MARIA: No!

In Russia, they are good men.

They haven't seen their wives for too long.

We are all lonely.

I too.

Sit with me.

My husband was at Stalingrad.

I didn't send him there.

I didn't ask you here.

I shall order the Alpen House out of bounds.

Russians shan't come to harm you.

Come still they do nothing.

Now we do nothing.

Nothing to do.

Stay on the British side.

Your major will protect you.

He'll be going.

They will all be going.

And, Jano is gone.

Then perhaps, I...

Perhaps I could protect...

OFFICER: Papers!

Papers.

I have just shown my passport.

You lost the war, Mac.

Herr Schneider, what camp?

Last morning orders,

they've only just about cleaned up here, now.

Quite satisfactory, really.

About Janovic, it was very convenient his having escaped like that.

Well, we've just about beaten winter to it.

Yes?

One last case, sir. Who is it?

Mrs. Heidi Komenski,

and the Americans request we give you every assistance

to find your missing husband.

Komenski, Komenski?

I know who it is, sir.

The Pole who tried to commit suicide.

We sent him half-dead to Freistadt.

You wouldn't believe that he had an Austrian wife.

Yes, I remember, he had no papers.

He went to Freistadt.

Freistadt.

Sergeant Woody, detail a jeep and escort her

to the checkpoint at the frontier.

Yes, sir.

I knew we should have believed him.

With all those thousands, there had to be one or two mistakes.

The point was to get them sorted out quickly.

Individuals don't matter a damn in war,

there's no person except in peace.

Oh, she'll meet up with him again.

They're very very fair at Freistadt.

People just go on about it too much.

Yes?

The missing man returned to our jurisdiction, sir.

Where'd you find him? OFFICER: Headed for Switzerland, sir.

He had a pretty good passport, but not good enough.

Well, that was bad luck, Janovic.

Thank you.

I forgot to tell you, Major sir, I need a holiday

so I went to ski in St. Moritz.

Why didn't you trust me?

I'd already made out your papers for Linz

and a dossier saying how much you'd helped us.

Then you had to make a run for it. Why, man?

You do know, I never let my personal feelings interfere

with anything I think is right.

Now, everybody knows you.

So long as you were anonymous, you were safe as a house, you didn't exist.

In fact, I was protecting your safety.

Why didn't you trust me?

I'm sorry, Major sir.

In Yiddish they say,

it's easier to know ten lands than one man.

You've got the dossier, sir.

He could still stand a chance at Linz.

By all the rules in the book,

you should go to Freistadt.

Get me Burnside on the phone.

Sir.

Yes?

Hello, Burnside? Sorry to disturb you, old boy.

About that chap of yours, Janovic,

the one the Americans picked up, you know,

the chap the Russians thought was Makarov, the deserter.

They're going to some bother about him,

an excuse for trouble.

Look here, I've had a strict directive from the War Office.

No incidents in our zone at any price.

Listen, Burnside, he's to be handed over at once,

that's an order!

Let me know when you've carried it out.

Better get going. Good luck.

Yes, Major sir.

Major sir.

Please tell Lieutenant Pilkington

how much I missed saying goodbye to him.

I'll give him your regards.

All right, Sergeant Woody.

All right!

Major Burnside, I shall not forget you.

Goodbye, Janovic.

Maria, live!

Live, Maria, live!

He's already gone, you said 9 o'clock.

I wanted to say goodbye to Janovic.

I'm sorry, I was in such a hurry, I'm improperly dressed.

Oh, don't worry about it. The job's over.

You'll be in civilian clothes soon anyway. Your heart's not in this.

JANOVIC: Hey! Hey!

The lorry!

It's turned up for Freistadt.

What, you mean you handed him over to the Russians?

Stay where you are, that's an order! I'll stop the lorry.

Sargent Woody has orders not to stop for anybody.

Oh, I'll stop it! Don't you dare disobey me!

He'll be all right, you know. He's a very clever man.

People like that get along in any society.

They're too useful to liquidate,

and he's a professional survivor.

Yes, but you said... I said what, Mr. Pilkington?

Well, Janovic thought he was going to Linz.

Lucky for him, poor chap. We didn't want him to resist now, did we?

But, he's a deserter, they're bound to shoot him.

I doubt that.

That's the trouble with all you young officers, you jump to conclusions.

How many thousands have been through this camp since you've been here?

And how many important ones politically?

Maybe the Russians planted Janovic on us as an agent, did you think of that?

When it gets down to dirty politics

then soldiers are just paid to obey, that's all.

Oh, God, to get back to clean fighting

instead of this trading in flesh.

He simply wanted to live.

Don't we all?

Oh!

How can...

You!

Your pass, sir. Oh, look here, take this.

Hey! Halt!

Stop!

It's done, sir.

So, you packed him off to Freistadt, good.

Yeah, oh, hold on, Major Burnside,

there's a posting come through for you.

Could you get me that posting for Major Burnside?

Just hold on, will you? I'll read it back to you.

I'm sorry, sir. I have ordered more of your blend from Fortnum's.

Yeah, come on, hurry up, Roots.

Um, yes, it's, uh, it's bad luck, Burnside.

You've been posted to Indonesia.

Another camp.

Well, you've put up such a terribly good show here.

I'm afraid there's no question of your rejoining your regiment.

I'm terribly sorry.

Do come along and have a drink before you go, won't you?

Bye.

You sent him back?

Of course, what did you expect?

Jano said you would.

Uh, well, Jano was always right.

I had hoped that Major Burnside would...

No one can hope with Burnside.

You see, I could have gone after him sooner and

stopped the lorry and helped him to escape.

And I didn't.

I didn't say a damn thing!

I'm just like every other bloody Nazi.

Oh, I did nothing, Mein Herr.

Nein, I was just obeying orders. Not guilty!

Ah, guilty.

Now, you know why we all do nothing,

and live.

And let the living die.

Bloody, hypocritical, lying bastard!

May I have a word, sir?

What is it?

Well, I'd just like to say, sir,

now that the camp's closing down

and all packed up.

It's, uh...

It's been a privilege.

And, um...

You're a bloody fine soldier, sir.

Thank you, Tom.