Original subtitles

♪

I told you no. You know you want it, baby.

Ohh. Come here.

Mm-mm.

Come on.

Just don't.

Stop! ( Sighs )

Don't be such a little girl.

It's like middle school.

Come here. Mm-mm.

( Sighs ) What do you want me to do, then?

( Knock on door, door knob rattles )

Woman: Lexi, why is this door locked?

( Knocking )

Lexi, open this damn door. Yeah, I'm coming.

What? I can't get any privacy in my own room.

You lost that privilege. Who was in here?

No one.

I know someone was in here. I heard a boy's voice.

No one was in here. This is my house,

and my rules.

Open your bag. Why?

You know why. Empty it!

What? What do you...

fine. You want to see it?

There. And here.

Jesus Christ, Lexi.

Okay...

That's it.

You want me to lose everything? Because...

That's exactly what you're saying by bringing this into this house!

Well, mom, maybe if you gave me a little freedom

I wouldn't have to sneak around all the time! This is for your own good.

I am not about to just sit back and watch you

throw your life away before you're even eighteen years old!

I'm just trying to live a life, mom!

I think you need some professional help, I need help?!

I have given up my entire life so we could stay together as a family!

Everybody hates you, even dad! That's why he left us, because of you!

Fine! You want to leave?! Leave! ( Screaming )

Out of my house! Get out of my house! Now! Mom!!!

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

Bitch!!!

( Crying, breathing heavily )

Lexi: This time when my mom told me to leave,

I heard her.

We finally agreed on something.

Maybe I'd come back... Maybe not.

I don't really care. I just wanted out.

( Sighs )

Oh, my god, she's gone.

Lexi: I mean, if it's gonna get me in trouble with my probation officer,

it's gonna be for something bigger than smoking pot.

Pack of reds, please.

( Siren wailing )

Police radio: 118, back in the car. 23, 1019.

Hey. Thanks for coming for me.

Yeah, of course. Are you okay? Yeah.

Oh, my god, this is how she always gets you.

Can't let it bother you. We all got our problems.

I don't care. God, see? This is how she always gets you.

♪ I have put my head

♪ into a vice

♪ it can't move

♪ this is no place

♪ for little girls ♪ little girls

♪ little girls...

Lexi... Grab the wheel for a second.

Just...grab it.

Thank you.

( Sniffing )

You want some?

Sure.

Where are we going?

You ready for it? Where are we going?

Portland.

Portland? Mm-hmm.

We're gonna go see my boy.

Come on, live a little.

♪

( Siren wailing )

( Sniffing )

Man: Who is it? Tasha.

Oh, hold on. My stuff's here.

What took you so long? I had to pick up my girl.

Come on, come on, get in.

Did you bring the shit? Yup.

Come on, come on.

( Noodling on guitar )

What are you doing? Stop picking your face.

( Choking on smoke )

That smells really good.

You want a hit?

Sure.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

Let me try it.

You wanna try it? Yeah.

Shit.

You try to say it once. "Sugar plum puss balls."

( Lexi laughing ) You're a buzzkill with that. Terrible.

I am not a buzzkill. Not you. Him.

He's all serious. Hi.

Hey. You okay?

That's some good shit. Why don't you like to snuggle?

( Laughing )

Hey, you guys want to check out this track I just made?

I like to snuggle. Check it out.

( Alternative rock plays )

( Indistinct chatter )

So, dude...

Tasha, you wanna smoke? Mm-hmm.

Oh, my god.

Burns a little bit.

You're not even paying attention. You're playing the guitar, dude.

I am paying attention. It's good. It sounds nice.

You take pills?

Sure. You have some?

Yeah. Yeah, you, uh...

You want to take a xani?

Mm-hmm. Yeah? All right.

Here ya go.

I got a special one for ya.

One with your name on it.

Thank you. Yeah, no problem.

I'm taking a xani. Can I have some?

No! Thank you.

Yeah. Sure thing.

To good times.

( Laughs ) Good times.

Good times.

( Indistinct screaming )

( Needle scratching record )

Noodle.

Noodle, wake up. I'm trying to sleep.

Where's Tasha? Noodle, where's Tasha? ( Kicking bed )

She left a while ago.

Well, where'd she go?

Is she coming back? Noodle!

Is she coming back? How should I know?

Hey. Could I chirp you for an extra smoke?

Sure.

Thanks. Yep.

You sure? Yep.

So, you from Portland? No.

Man: Let's go. Come on.

Thanks.

Woman: Looks like there's a train leaving

tomorrow at 11:45. Tomorrow?

Yeah. Sorry, hon, that's all I got. I'll take it.

Eleven... Fifty.

Okay.

( Indistinct chatter )

( Coughing )

( Exhales, chuckles )

You all right? Yeah.

Here.

( Cooker clattering on floor )

Lexi: I wonder if these kids ran away?

I can't be the only one.

My mother would hate these kids.

She's pushing me away, like she did my dad.

Maybe this'll make her see.

Lexi: I can do this.

It's better than being back home...

With her.

Hey! (Knocks on glass) What are you reading?

No? Not your type?

Okay. I'll just go.

Ha!

Hey.

Hey...whoa! It's all right!

It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you.

Do you remember me?

I was just gonna tell you you can't sleep there.

It's against the law in Portland, ya know,

the cops'll come, take you away.

You can come to my place if you want. It's safe, it's warm...

Hey, no, wait. I know you got some weird guy coming up to you,

some dirty guy, and he's strange,

that's stupid. Hey...

just tell me your name. That's all. Lexi.

Lexi. See? That wasn't too bad. I'm Eric.

Nice to meet you. Yeah.

I have one thing to ask. Just close your eyes.

Why? Just do it for like two seconds.

You feel that?

What am I doing?

You're touching my hand.

And how do you know that?

Because I can feel it?

You should learn to trust that, Lexi.

Where we goin'? Can I come with you?

Eric: Grab onto the fence.

( Fence rattling, leaves rustling )

This is high-class Portland here.

Takin' one hell of a tour.

You pass these bushes...

after you.

Okay, I promise, it's right through there.

I know it's a bit of a trek. Where is it?

It's right here, I promise.

Everything's done. It's right through here.

It's okay. Trust me.

( Dog barks in distance )

Here we are. Home sweet home.

Need a hand?

( Chuckles )

This is where you live?

It's not exactly my mailing address, no.

I kind of live where I want to live, ya know?

Don't really like to be, uh, immersed in society.

You comin'?

Watch your head, by the way.

Is this legal? Uh, not really.

But, uh, ya know, squatting's all that's left for people like me, ya know?

Cops come down, they shut up buildings every month.

Hard to find a good spot.

It's right through here.

You can see I decorated it myself.

( Chuckles ) Took a lot of man-hours.

How long have you lived here?

Here?

I don't know. A bit now.

You know, kind of on a day-to-day lease.

It's cute.

Thanks. Well, it's warm.

I don't know. Better than those park benches, huh?

You can sit down if you want...

Take your bag off.

I promise I won't steal it.

( Sighs )

You want some?

( Clears throat ) Thanks.

No problem.

So, um...

Why'd you leave home?

Leave home?

I didn't really leave home.

I was kind of forced out.

How?

How?

Are you sure you want to know?

Um... Yeah.

It was, uh...

I came home like usual, and, uh...

My mom was all fucked up on some shit, ya know?

She started yelling at me about something stupid, ya know...

I don't even remember what the fuck it was.

She just started yelling louder and louder,

and, uh, then her boyfriend came in.

And he just, uh, he picked me up and threw me through a glass table.

He really beat the shit out of me that time.

I remember just lying there, just...(Sighs)...

Glass all around me, and just...

Just looking up at my mom and...

She's starin' at me.

Ya know, I was stupid.

I guess when you turn eighteen the welfare checks don't come in, ya know?

Yeah, so he told me to leave, so I did.

( Sighs )

It was a long time ago.

Do you ever talk to her?

No.

I called her once, but...

He picked up, so... I hung up.

But who gives a shit, though, right?

It's not like she gives a fuck anyway, so...

I'm sorry.

No, don't be sorry.

I'm not sorry, so...

Way to bring it down, huh?

Good morning.

Good morning.

I should go. No, don't go.

Come on, stay.

I can't stay. Why not?

I don't even know you.

So what? Nobody knows anybody.

And if you leave now, you'll never get to know me.

Look, I know I don't have, like, money...

Or cars or stuff you're used to, but...

it's not used to cars and money and stuff.

Well, see?

I don't even know you.

I want to know you.

Just... Stay one more day.

Look, Tasha, just... Just listen to me for a second.

Tasha: Okay. I...

I know that you're lying. I can hear it in your voice.

I am not lying.

Please. Please, just...

(Choking up) Just tell me where she is. I don't know.

I'm not mad at you... I told you, I don't know!

Nothing will... will happen to you. I promise you.

I haven't seen her in a while.

Tasha...

Please, just...

Think about her for a second, okay? I am!

Just think about her! I'm sorry, I haven't seen her or heard from her!

No one will know if you told me or not!

I promise you, I will have her call you if she calls me.

I'm sorry, I... I... I wish I could give you more.

Please!

I honestly don't know what to tell you. Fine.

Yeah, fine, really. Whatever. Yeah.

Stop yelling at me! ( Disconnects )

Shit!

Krisi.

I know you know where she is.

Why won't you tell me?!

Don't get mad at me. I already told you, I don't know where she's at.

I love you girls. I...

I would do anything for you.

Anything. Don't you understand that?

I'm doing the best I can.

I... I'm just... I'm trying to raise you...

The right way, the way that I was raised, the Christian way.

Is that so wrong?

Why isn't it like that? Tell me, what is it like?

I don't understand! It's... it's different.

You can't force what you want on everyone else.

(Sobs) Fine. Okay, yeah.

Oh! I just see her...

Her little face out there, and I don't know what's happening to her.

Mom...

Mom, don't worry.

( Telephone rings )

Hello?

Hello? Hello? Lexi?

Lexi ... Lexi, is that you?

♪ ( No distinct dialogue )

Can you hold that a second?

Two seconds?

( Grunts )

Nice.

Ohh...

Perfect.

Would you look at that? This is a jackpot.

We're gonna eat that? Yeah, here.

Have some. No.

You sure?

(Mouth full) It's good! ( Laughs )

It's called manifestation, ya know?

Like, you want something bad enough,

you write it down and it will come to you.

Ya know? Huh.

You watch. You can't deny this.

It's clever.

(Laughs) Thanks, yeah.

Well, watch.

Thank you.

It's very kind of you.

Really.

He doesn't know any better, ya know?

I mean, forget that, you know what I mean?

I don't know, relationships, people...

you forget that, ya know?

Nine-to-five jobs, just walk like a zombies,

just... Forget all that shit, ya know?

Things didn't come from the earth.

Woman: Here you go.

A twenty? Thank you.

Woman: Promise me you won't spend it on drugs.

Not all of it, no.

Wow! I'm impressed.

Man: Hey, guys. You know you can't panhandle here.

You need to move along.

What, so you can be here, but I can't be here?

That's right. Let's go.

All right, man, cool your jets.

You guys go over to main street by the train.

No one'll bother you over there. Thank you.

Eric: Yeah, I know. Thank you.

Eric: Portland's such a weird place.

Lot of different places and stuff.

You know what I mean?

I mean, look at this.

Yeah, and the smell. Yeah.

There. Come on, I want to show you something.

Over here. My secret spot.

Secret spot? Yeah.

Okay.

You comin'?

Down there?

What's wrong?

Nothin'. Don't you trust me?

Yeah...I trust you.

All right, well, come on.

You all right?

Yeah. Watch yourself.

Wow.

Oh, my god.

It's beautiful. Yeah.

It's so quiet.

I come up here a lot.

I feel so...

So alone sometimes, ya know?

I don't know what I'm doing here.

( Sighs ) Yeah.

It's gotten even worse since my dad left, though.

Yeah?

Yeah, he was always the best at...Supporting me.

He just understood me.

My mom...(Sighs)...

She just doesn't listen to me.

I just want to do my own thing, ya know? I don't...

I don't want to pretend to be this person she wants me to be.

I want to be my own person, and she doesn't let me.

I know the feeling. I know her.

I just don't have anyone I can depend on now.

Hey.

Hey, look at me.

You can depend on me, okay?

I promise you.

I won't go anywhere.

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

Lexi: He understood me.

For the first time...

I felt safe.

I had a feeling I've never felt before.

So I held on... tight.

I didn't want to let go.

( Deep sigh )

( Sighs )

Do you have, like, a...

A ten or something like that?

What? And, like, a twenty or something?

I just need money for... I have, like, twenty.

I just... babe, I just need to get...

I just need to level myself out and I'll be fine. And it's not...

I'll pay you right back, I'm gonna be right back.

I just need, like, a... I need to go down.

Okay. Can't you see? I just need to, like...

honest, I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm sorry, I just... like...

if I don't, I'm gonna be really, really sick. Okay.

Twenty.

I'll be back. I just... right.

I'm gonna be back.

Man: Come over here!

Fuck off.

( Spits, coughs )

Asshole.

( Girl laughing )

Hey.

Jerry, I'm hurting, man. You got anything?

No, I don't got. Can you get anything? There's ten in it.

No, bro. Go to fifth. You... you wanna go to fifth?

We'll go to fifth. Fine, let's go to fifth, then.

See ya, buddy. See ya, guys.

Right.

( Eric muttering )

( Sighs )

( Cooker clattering on floor )

You all right? Yeah.

Can I get a coffee? Yeah, sure.

Regular coffee is two-fifty.

Two-fifty?

Um...

Um...

are you guys hiring?

Um...I don't think we're hiring right now,

but if you want to fill out an application, I can go get my manager for you.

It's okay. Thank you.

Hey, could you spare some change?

Excuse me.

What's your name?

Lexi.

Lexi.

Hi, I’m... I'm Devon.

I've seen you sitting around here for a couple of days,

and I wanted to stop and talk to you, but, uh,

I got a little embarrassed, so I...

why? Why would you be embarrassed?

I wanted to talk to you.

What are you doing out here?

Why don't you go get a job?

Why do you care?

Listen...

I want you to give me a call.

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Came to visit.

What are you thinking?

I was thinking about you.

Me?

Yeah, I thought, um...

I feel comfortable with you.

Are you cold?

Yeah? Here, take this.

Here.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

( Laughs )

I'm gonna keep it.

I gotta go away for a couple of days.

What?

I gotta go away for a couple of days.

Where? Just up north.

Up north. Yeah.

Why?

Because...

I gotta get money for you and I, that's why. I gotta go.

So why can't I come with you?

Because I tell ya, I don't want to live like this anymore.

I know how to make some money up there,

so when I get some money we can start something, ya know?

You're a fighter, okay? You know how to take care of yourself.

This'll be good for you.

Be good for me.

Yes, it will be good for you.

( Sighs )

Lexi: Months went by waiting for Eric to come back.

I thought I could trust him... I really did.

This isn't how it's supposed to be...

not for me.

( Crying )

( Sobbing )

( Kicking wall )

( Crying )

( Bar chatter )

Can I use your phone? Yeah, sure.

Here ya go. Thank you.

You're welcome.

( Telephone rings )

Hello?

Uh, you gave me your number on the str...

I remember you. How ya doin'?

I was wondering if, um, you wanted...

To meet up sometime, or...

Sure. When do you want to meet?

Like, tonight?

I know... I know it's really...

no. No, no, no. It's fine, it's fine.

I wasn't doing anything tonight.

What do you say I come by and pick you up?

That would be really nice.

Thank you.

Devon: I think you'll be comfortable in here.

I even sleep in here sometimes.

Whose room is this? My daughter's.

Uh, why don't you get out of those wet clothes.

I'll get you something to sleep in. Okay.

( Lexi retching )

( Knocking on door)

Devon: Lexi?

Yeah?

Are you okay in there?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sick?

Just a little, yeah.

You care if I take a shower? Sure, honey, help yourself.

( Shower running )

These used to be my favorite jeans when I was your age.

Doubt if I can fit 'em now.

Got too much junk in my trunk.

Wow, thank you. You're welcome.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Why do you want to help me?

You kind of remind me of my daughter.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Wouldn't she be upset if some random girl's sleeping in her bed?

No, I don't think she'll be mad at all.

Thank you.

For everything. Thank you.

You're pregnant, aren't you?

What are you gonna do?

Have you thought of adoption?

I don't know. I don't... I don't think I could give it away.

Your baby will become whoever he or she wants to become.

Trust me; It's the one thing you can't control.

Now, why don't you enjoy this comfy bed, okay?

Get some rest.

Lexi: So I was wondering something, but it's kind of personal.

Personal. Yeah.

Um, where's your daughter?

Well, um...

She ran away from me when she was twelve years old.

Why?

I'm not exactly sure.

I don't think any woman can admit why someone leaves them.

It's just how it is.

I cheated on her father with another man.

Some guy from work. I...Can't even remember his name.

Why would you do it, then?

I don't know. I mean, we had everything...

money, house, cars...

( sighs )

Maybe I needed to feel.. Loved,

needed some attention.

My daughter never said so, but...

I think she always resented me for her daddy leaving.

I still drive around downtown sometimes

just to...Look for her.

I think I'll always look for her.

I'd give anything for just one more chance to...

Let her know how much I love her...

Be happy to know that she's still alive.

That is my biggest fear.

That she's just...

Out there dead somewhere.

You'll know what I mean someday...

Once you become a mom.

You'll know exactly what I mean.

Doctor: Okay, deeper.

Hold it.

That's good.

Deeper. Hold it...

That's good.

I need you to lay down.

Lexi: I'm doing this for you now... no one else. Okay, just relax.

Only you... you are my future.

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

♪ ( No audible dialogue )

Lexi: No more waiting. It's time to let go.

I held on as long as I could.

( Kids laughing, chattering )

Hey.

Hey, wait. Don't walk away from me. Lexi, look,

I looked for you, okay?

I went to the place but it was gone, and...

I didn't know where to look for you. You said two days!

Two fuckin' days, that's what you said, and I waited!

You don't know what happened, okay? Let me explain.

Don't touch me!

( Sighs )

You're pregnant?

What are you sitting in the dark for?

No reason.

Okay.

Are you nervous about your sonogram tomorrow?

No.

I wonder if it's a boy or a girl.

Yeah, me too.

( Closes door quietly )

Are you feeling okay?

I saw Eric today.

Really?

What happened?

Where's he been this whole time?

Lexi: I don't know.

I saw him,

and I just...

Couldn't, I just walked away.

Trust your instincts.

You gotta do what's right for you and your baby now.

I can't have my baby on the streets.

(Sighs) I just want it to have

a normal father, you know,

not like some junkie that's living on the streets.

I just wish he'd get better and be normal.

I know, I know.

But Lexi, he is a junkie.

They change their minds every day. One day they're pissed off,

the next day they're happy... it's just the way it is.

I just wonder if maybe if he just feels it and sees it and...

If maybe he'll just...

I don't know, maybe he'll change.

Is that what Eric wants?

You've got your whole life in front of you.

Decisions that you make today will affect the rest of your life.

You can trust me on that.

You hear me?

( Campfire crackling )

Eric.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi.

I fuckin' hate myself.

I fucking hate my-fuckin'-self.

I just want to fucking die. I just want to fucking...Die.

I can't even f...

can't fuckin' OD.

How could you say that to me right now, Eric,

when I'm about to have our baby?

( Sniffling )

I'm fucking sorry.

I'm sorry for the fucking idiot I am.

You're a fucking angel, ya know that?

Let's be a family.

Ya know? Just...

let's be a family. ( Crying )

Let's just get the fuck out of Portland.

And I'll get a job.

I just want you to get better.

I will get... I just want you to get better.

I will. I'll get better.

( Mouthing words ) I will get better.

( Both crying )

For me. Please. I'll get better.

( Truck horn honking )

Eric: We'll be a family. Lexi: Okay.

(Sighs) It's been, like three hours.

Why isn't anyone stopping?

Listen, they'll stop eventually.

Just give it some time.

I don't think I can walk any more.

What?

I don't think I can walk any more.

Let's just get a hotel.

We don't have money for a hotel.

Just... I don't know.

We'll sleep wherever. We've done it before. It's no big deal.

I'm gonna make a phone call. Be quick,

all right? We gotta get a ride before it gets dark.

( Coins drop )

( Answering machine beeps )

Hey, Devon, it's Lexi. Um...

I, uh...Just want to call and say thank you so much

for...for everything that you've done. Um...

I'm, uh, I'm gonna leave with Eric,

so I'll call you when we get settled in

and give you my address and stuff, so...

Okay, thank you so much, and don't worry about me, okay?

Thank you, and...

I love you.

Bye.

But Lexi, he is a junkie.

They change their minds every day.

One day they're pissed off, the next day they're happy...

it's just the way it is.

( Moans )

( Groaning, panting )

( Coins dropping in pay phone, Lexi grunting, groaning )

( Telephone line out ringing )

Jan: Hello?

Hello?

( Groaning )

Mom?

Lexi?

(Exhales) Lexi, is that you?

Listen to me. ( Groaning )

I'm sorry...

tell me where you are, honey.

Tell me exactly where are you are.

South of you. I'm coming to get you now.

Stay put, please! Please! Okay.

Was it her?

Jan: Oh, my god.

Lexi!

Lexi! Oh, my...

is she okay, mom? Lexi! Baby!

Lexi! Lexi!

Oh, my... mom, get her up.

How did this happen? Is she gonna be okay?

Get the door!

Oh!

Aren't you cold, honey?

Cover her.

Krisi... krisi, hurry up!

Momma's here. Hold on.

Momma's here. Come here.

Hang in there. It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be all right. Just hang in there, okay?

I'm... I'm sorry.

What? Don't be mad.

What, sweetie? Don't be mad at me...

Anymore.

I'm sorry.

I love you, momma.

I love you, baby...

I love you, baby.

Oh, sweetie...

Baby...

Lexi: In the end, my mother saved me.

She wasn't my hero,

but she wasn't my enemy, either...

not anymore.

She was my mom, doing her best.

Same as I do now for my child.

♪