Original subtitles

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A lot of poop]. think EM: ll tho king of rock 'n' roll.

But I say it's Chuck Berry.

Chuck Bony will always to tho king In my book.

He even went to jail for rock 'n' roll.

lullly ldmln l guy who mud: up lor what llo hollow ln.

I rumombor on. limo. I lnrnod I Chuck Berry Intro to Johnny B. condo.

Took me six months.

I had to slow the record down. I learned it note for note.

ThIn our Ilngor chIngId Iny on In. WhII I bummor.

You gotta respect rock 'n' roll, too...

A lot of pooplI IIIan II In tho dfllll. but It IIIIn'I IIII dfllll.

WhII IIIppInI II rock 'n' roll II Io much fun...

...you take drugs to enjoy it, you know?

And then you take so much drugs you forget what you're taking...

...and next thing you know, it kills you.

And you know. lt‘I not won thI drugl thIt‘ll klll you.

What really kills you is looking for drugs.

Keeps you up all night.

When I was heavy into drugs...

...I'd be up three days looking for some toot or something.

I IIld. 'To hIII IIIIh IhII.‘ So I put It dawn.

I hIVIn't donI Iny drugl or Imokod Ijolnt or nothlng for I “do nook.

And I fool Io good. I wont to not hlgh. You knoll tht I mean?

Shit....

That's my partner.

He usually don't have much to say.

But thIt'll Ihow you tht 20 cup of oollII will do.

And that's me. I'm really handsome, huh?

I've heard all this stuff before 'cause we've been driving for three days straight.

See, we started off in Chicago, you know?

WI erI thIrI during thI coldoIt dIy In hlIliory.

It was like 80 below, you know?

It was even colder if you lived down by the lake, you know?

And It wII Ivon coldIr "you erI Man, you know?

ThIn ll'you'rI I lorchn who llvod by tho lIkI, It wII—

Okay.

What I'm trying to say is, things were tough all over.

But III, M erI lucky, 'cIuII ItlIIIt wI hId Iloh.

Come on, be a customer.

Come on in, brother.

All right, we got a customer.

Welcome to Mekka Car Wash.

Say, I want you to be real clean with my machine, you know?

And I'm IerI of III tho hpoo I not In my oIr. Ioo.

I got no Freddy Fender.

Get lost.

Yeah, I'm cleaning it up right now.

Turn the heat up.

My toes are like bricks.

Look at this car.

How Iomobody could like I porloclly good on Ind men It up.

Look at this dash.

If it was mine, I'd do it chartreuse green...

...with a nice big blue diamond there.

Somo bIhy booIIoI oomlng off It. ThII‘d ho holvy.

Look, this guy put leopard skin.

I'd put tiger skin. That's much richer.

Get rid of this shit.

Put one of them little chain wheels on.

Then lower the whole sucker.

It's cold.

Give me a hit.

-II‘I not III. -I IIn't not my IIngIrI to work.

Tobacco.

Wonder if he got any tapes.

WhII‘d hI lock hlI glovo oompIrImont I'or‘l ThI punk.

He's probablyjust got mama-jama music anyway.

You smell something burning?

Don't you look at the ashtrays before you empty them?

Look, that's still burning.

You're making itworse.

That whole cigarette pack's on fire.

Stamp it out!

-Fire! -Help!

We're moving!

The handle!

Fuck!

Help!

How do | unlock this?

That's the top.

Window!

Shit!

Get it up!

We're going in it.

I can't breathe.

Stop this car!

Help!

It got in my mouth!

Shit!

I can't see anything!

Stop this thing!

Get us out of here!

My car!

Get out of my car!

Did you want spray wax?

We didn't keep the car wash job for too long. We got fired.

ActuIlly, wI didn't uIt llrId. WI not InothIrloh.

ThI AnhI thIt ownId thI cIr wIIh IlIo ownId thlI nightclub.

And tth nIIdId I hInd. So wI put I hInd louIthIr. Why not?

WhIt wI dld II, M wInt out Ind not thI hIIleIt plIyIn ln town...

...that would work for nothing.

And we put this heavy, monster group together.

We were really good, too.

Good evening, everybody.

WI wIntlio wIlcornI you III to lhI Club lokkI.

We're glad everybody could make it tonight.

GM to III III your Irnlllng, MIndly lIcII out hIrI.

WI wInnI gluI you I rIIlly good Ihow tonight.

We're gonna knock your socks off.

WI wInnI lIkI you lor I lllllI trlp down rnIrnory lInI.

.luItlrnIglnI, IVIryhody, you'rI crulIlng down WhllllIr BoulIuIrll.

Everybody remember Whittier Boulevard?

Anybody hIrI horn thI PhInliornI GIr Club?

How Ibout, Inybody hIrI horn GIrllIld High?

How about Lincoln?

How Ibout VIrdugo, Iny VItoI horn VIrdugo ngh hIrI?

Get down!

All rlght. So just prolond you'rI ln thI bIck IIIt of I '53 Gthy.

And you got a little bottle of Ripple with you, a little Vegas pink.

Listening to your Vibrasonic.

Got your arm around your best girl.

ThI othIr Inn Iround I lllllI bit of rIIlIr. All rlghll

Get down.

All right.

So get ready for a trip down Whittier Boulevard!

”I said, hey”

Okay, 2, 3, 4....

”Hey

”Babe don't come here no more

”My babe don't come here no more”

We were just this totally hot band.

WI erI gIlllng IlIndlng oVIllonI Ind IVIrylhlng.

Tth couldn't IVIn wIlt to hIIr tht m erI gonnI plIy nIxt.

We even had groupies.

ThIII hlgh-clIII Funch chlch uIId to com Ind III III plIy IVIry nlght.

They were hung up on us.

ThI only thing II, tth erI thI boIIII' glrmlIndI.

But you know, aII's fair in rock 'n' roll.

Stop!

Okay!

”I said, hey

”Oh

”I said, hey

”Oh

”Hey! Oh!

”One-eyed snake

”One-eyed snake

”One-eyed snake

”One-eyed snake

”One-eyed snake

”I'm a one-eyed

”Talkin' 'bout a one-eyed

”I don't mean two-eyed

”Or three-eyed or four-eyed or five-eyed

”Six-eyed or seven-eyed or eight-eyed

”Walking down the alley got poked in the eye

”Well, [guess I'm talkin' 'bout he's a dumb mother one-eyed

”'Bout a one-eyed

”Snake

”Snake"

All right!

”One-eyed snake”

Thank you very much.

You guys are a really good audience.

WI'rI gonnI [III I Ihort pIuII lor thI own now...

...and want everybody to relax and order up your favorite drink.

llyou thI Iny rIguIIlI lust IInd than on up. All rlght?

See you later. You've been a great audience, I mean it.

What you got?

What's that?

WI wont to mIkI lovo rIght Iwa to you Ind tho gulIIrIIt.

We'll get right to it.

All right.

Como on, hurry up. LII‘I thI I drlnk wlth tho FrInch chlckI.

You go ahead.

Come on, they're waiting for us.

No.

The girls, they belong to the Arabs.

They sent us up a request. They want to party with us.

Theyjust wanted to hear a tune.

Come on.

We'll have fun. Come on.

I don't even speak French.

That's okay, I do.

You got more of that cologne?

Oh, God!

Shit!

Put out I ernlng thn you do ono of thoII.

It's that Arab shish kebab.

You're gonna hurt somebody.

Don't that hurt?

You need about 20 stitches to close that wound.

WhIt do you wont to nImo thIt onI, 'Gorgo'?

God, it's still there.

I swear to God, it's like a wall.

Thoy don't nIId no Iron curhln wlth you, thoy got tho gII curhln.

Hi, ladies.

"Bon swallow." How's it goes for you two?

0h, groovy.

Did you read our note?

Yeah, sure.

Is it O.K. with you?

Oh, yeah. Waitress!

Can we have some drinks, please?

What do you guys want, three beers?

Where is your partner?

Some Louie Don Compan.

Cold duck.

You'll like that, it's really cool.

When do you want to come?

HIIIo, how no your IIrI'l Iy an In IInI, Ioo.

Hi.

Pull up a stump, rest your rump.

Thanks.

ThInkI I'or oomlng Ind chocldng out our lot.

It rIIlly quI III I lot of lnIplrIIIon, If you know thI I mIIn.

Goddamn!

Wanna see a trick?

I can do an impression of ajack-o'-lantern.

Watch, I can do it again.

Just gotta let it burn a little while.

We'll meet you outside.

Where you going?

Go, quick, quick!

ltwasn't me, itwas him!

See, they think it was my feet.

You gotta have some class.

You can't come around chicks and play bombs over Tokyo.

WIII, II‘I not hIIlthy Io IupprIII bodlly funcIIonI.

God!

It IIIII ImIIII. WhII‘uI you boon IIIIng, gluI'l

It's in my genes.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, stop eating that shish kebab. This is what's doing that stuff.

God, wI hId thorn golng, Ioo. Thoy erI golng for It.

Don't eat them shish kebabs today.

Shit.

Here's your jacket.

These pants are still wet.

So's this jacket.

Give me another dime.

I don't have any more dimes.

Are you sure?

Yeah, ljust got dollars.

Well, go and get some change.

-.luot woor thorn tho woy thoy oro. -Iy huovoI wIll frouo.

Go and get some change. Hurry up.

Hey, little girl.

Mommy, look!

-Yoo, door. -Iommy, lookl

Help! Police!

Help! Police!

Lady, I'm just drying my clothes.

lwasn't doing nothing.

Don't call a cop!

Lady, my pants are in the dryer and....

Shit!

Don't worry about it.

To serve and protect.

This used to be a good neighborhood.

And now thoy'ro ouorywhoro, Ivory plooo you go.

Thoy look It you wlth thooo Ilck porvort oyoo.

Thoy Itoro It you, thoy proclloolly Itoro your olothoo o'lI.

You Ioko o buo rIdo, moybo o mllllon omply Ioolo, rIght‘l

But no, they gotta sit right next to you!

Thoy rub tholr Ilcldy, Iwooly bodloo rIght up Igolnot you.

Sick! ltell you, the whole world is sick.

Tell you what...

...why don't you oomo wlth mo, Ind wo'll IIII out o nlIo polloo roporI. okIy‘l

Roport‘l Thoro'o o Ilck wolrdo In horo Ind you wont to do I roport‘l

What is that supposed to mean?

This time I want answers. You gotta do something.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Is that stuff dry?

I got more dimes if you need them.

Where you been?

You missed all the excitement.

Some pervert tried to rape a little girl.

What a sick neighborhood, huh?

What's wrong with you?

You're stoned, aren't you?

I bet you never even saved me any either.

Where is it?

ThlI lI filo cor wIIh filIt wo qud llo wort Itboforo wo got llrod.

And fillI lI ono of filo ownon ol' filo cor wIIh.

He's a real cool dude.

And a real sharp dresser.

He just had some real strange customs.

And filIt'I hlI brofilor. Ho wII filo buIlnoIIrnIn ol' filo two guys.

He's the guy that never paid us.

How do you like?

It looks worse than before.

Please, mirror. I have to see mirror.

Thank you very much.

You III, of oouroo, whot wo do II toko tho hoolthy holr from hlo book...

...ond put It In I rondom loohlon up horo, to crooto o noturol holr llno.

Later on, of course, I'll fill in the top and it'll move on back all over.

Yes, random.

-Thot lookI vory noturol. -Dooon't It.

Yoo. How do you llko lt‘l Thoy put In rondom. Rondom, Ioo'l

lt look very, very natural.

Yes.

Habib, how do you like it?

Better than hairpiece.

You are right, much better than hairpiece.

-l Ihould on Io. -Yoo, bolorol hod holrplooo on my hood.

-You hod horpoo on your hood? -Yoo, o'l oouroo.

Whoro oloo would you tho It. on your dlck‘l

| wish you'd mentioned that to me before.

Well, it was very embarrassing.

I mean, everybody could see.

You walk into a room and they said, "He have hairpiece on his head."

You could not do onthlng. You could not IwIm...

...because you have hairpiece.

And girls don't like that.

Very hard to get date with hairpiece.

Yes, this is much better.

Toll you whot. I glvo you Iouvonlr, I glvo you my holrplooo.

No, that's all right. Thank you, though.

-l lnolotl -No roolly, you hoop thorn.

Your Iouvonlr. Horo, you toko my holrplooo. I don't nood onymoro.

Hairpiece!

Yes, that's much better.

What is this?

Whot oro you dolng'l I told you two to toko It to VogII.

What?

Idiot! Getoutof here! Goon.

Go on, ouorybody out! Out! You moko mo Io mod.

Get out of here!

What did they do? They sent it back to us.

That idiotAbdul.

I don't believe this, the stupid idiots.

Abdul. What in the hell are you doing?

When I send you $5 million, you keep $5 million. Understand?

I don't care. I don't care.

Use your imagination. You are in Las Vegas.

You have $5 million. Are you a total idiot?

I'm sending the money-- I can't launder any more money through the car wash.

I don't care about your problem. Things are tough every over.

lam sending back the money to you. You understand? You keep it this time.

That stupid idiot.

No, stupid. Stop that!

You stupid thing.

You know, it's funny how things work out.

The Arabs just heard our band one time, and they wanted us to go on the road.

They give us ajob driving this limousine to Las Vegas.

You're gonna run the battery down.

I'm not gonna run the battery down.

Look, we're out of gas. See?

Didn't you check it?

Shit. How can we be out of gas?

We're not even out of town yet.

We gotta find a gas station.

Maybe that guy knows.

Hey, dude. Hey, brother.

Come over here.

You know where we can find a gas station?

-Yooh. -Yooh, whlch ono'l

Wooh your wIndowo'l Lot mo wIIh your wIndowo.

They're not dirty.

The windows are clean.

Don't put that mud on the windows.

Come on, give me a dollar.

-We need a gas station. -Give me a dollar.

We don't got a dollar. We need a gas station.

Gimme a dollar. Come on.

Shit. Give him a dollar.

I ain't got no money.

Whot do you moon'l Tho Arobo gIvo you monoy.

I spent it.

What do you mean you spent it?

I paid off our bar tab.

Get out of the car.

Come on. Get out of the car.

You no? You don't ovon chock Ind Ioo lI'wo tho goo.

Come on, get out.

Open the door.

Come on, open this door.

I ain't bullshitting, would you get out?

Come on.

Unlock the door.

Unlock the door.

It's cold out there.

-I know II‘I cold out horo, I'm out horol -Como on lnoldo.

Open the inside.

lt's locked.

I know it's locked. Open the door. We have to get this guy out of here.

Open the door. Come on.

Go around the other side.

Hi, officer.

Can I help you?

No, we're okay. We've just got this chump in the back seat.

You got the Champ in the back seat, right?

Damn, that is the Champ.

Hi, Champ.

What'd you tell him?

I didn't tell him nothing. He told me.

This guy thinks we got the Champ in the back seat.

Sit still, Champ. We got a ride.

Hey, brother, thanks a lot.

Sure, anytime.

Lloton, could I moot tho Chomp juot for o Iocond. l'vo boon o ton of hlI--

He don't like strange people coming up--

-l juot wont to tolk to hlm. I'm o blg Ion. -Ho'I rool IIrod.

All right. Could I get an autograph?

Sure. I'll get an autograph.

Groot. .luot toll hlm to erto onthlng ho wonto.

leo: 'To .lullo Albort Koworold, tho Block Plrogl.

'Iy boot buddy Ind IIuorIto Iporrlng portnor.

"Love always, the Champ."

Great. All right, there you go.

Okay, thanks a lot. Wait there.

Okay. Hey, Champ.

Champ, you gotta sign an autograph.

Who itfor?

For the cop that gave us a ride over here.

Well, what his name?

I don't know hlo nomo, Ho'o o Block Ruoolon or Iomothlng.

Just sign to the Black Sirote.

Thoro. ThoI‘I good. You got good honderIIng, Chomp.

Thanks a lot.

There you go.

Great, g reat.

He's a big fan of yours.

-Ho'o hoord of mo? -Yooh.

ThoI‘I groot. You than I Ion Ipor o lltIIo wlth hlm'l

Yeah. He says come down, and he'll putyour lights out.

Groot. Thonko o lot. Thonko, Chomp. 8oo you lotor.

Thanks a lot. He's got all your albums.

Protect the city.

You got $24.15 on gas.

My partner's got the money.

Give him $24.15.

-W|Ilt'l -$24.15 for tho goo.

I ain't got no money.

What do you mean you got no money?

I told you, I ain't got no money.

What'd you do with it?

I paid our bar tab.

-8o wo don't got no monoy‘l -Nothlng.

-Not ono Iont‘l -Nothlng, not I ponny.

-WhoI‘d you buy thot Iondy bor wlth'l -Whot Iondy bor‘l

The candy bar you got all in your beard there.

That's a quarter, you know.

Where you going with that?

That ain't ours.

I know it's not yours. lt's mine.

Whon you got your monoy, II‘II bo rIght horo.

You all have a nice day now.

Holy shit!

Why're we stopping?

We gotta pick up a hitchhiker.

WI Ion't plck up no hltchhlkor. II‘I not ovon our Ior.

I think we could pick up this one.

You guys!

Donna!

-What are you doing out here? -What are you doing out here?

We're on our way to Vegas.

What a trip. Come on, hop in.

Can you give my friends a ride?

Yeah, no problem.

Fantastic!

What are you doing out here?

| work for a Mexican travel agency.

-Thoy got jobo thoro'l -Yoo.

Hang on, I gotta make an announcement.

Attention! You may be wondering why this country looks like Mexico.

That's because it once was Mexico.

What are you guys doing? You got your band still?

Yeah.

-Wo'ro hoodllnlng now. -You'ro Idddlng'l

I Iwoor to God. Hoodllnlng thlo blg club In Chlcogo. Pocldng thorn In.

We got costumes and everything.

We're gonna get costumes. We're going to Vegas to see a famous designer.

That takes time.

Wo'ro gonnI chock out loungoo. Thoy oll wont uo.

-They'l| stand in line. -And guess what?

-Whot‘l -I don't do drugo onymoro.

You don't? I don't do drugs either.

I've been off them for a week now.

That's great.

| feel real good.

That's great. Me, too. lfeel great.

You got any?

No, ljust ran out.

Hell, there goes the picture. Come on, get that picture back.

I'm gonna throw you out and get myself a new set one of these days. Come on.

What in the hell is that?

Here we are.

My Sweetie Face, how are you, love?

Good to see you. You look good.

-How'd It go thlo fimo'l -.luot groot. WI hod o boll, I'm tolllng you.

Meet my friend, Old Timer.

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Any frlond o'l SwooIIo Fooo II o frlond o'l mlno.

Toko ouorybody lnoldo Ind got thorn Iomo I'ood Ind drlnk.

There's milk for the kids.

Great. Listen, thanks for the ride.

-l lovo you. -Good Ioolng you.

You take care of yourself. Bye-bye.

Whot Idnd of o Ior-- I novor Ioon o Ior llko thot boloro.

Thot‘o o Ipoclol cuotomlzod job. WI dld It ouroolvoo.

You did a damn good job on it.

lt's organic air conditioning.

How about some customized gas?

-You got It. -ThonkI o lot.

Guess what?

What are we gonna give him for gas?

Guess what?

Where do you want it, right over here?

What are you doing?

Wo'ro golng through tho nolghborhood Ioolng whot you nood.

WI low you nood o Ior Ioot Ind brought ono ovor.

I can always use a new car seat.

Maybe you can mate them and get a bus.

II' thoro'o onythlng loll ovor from tho goo, glvo uo crodlt.

Okay. All right.

Nice seat.

Look. The dude laid some peyote on me.

Look at this.

Not as good as my old one.

Holyjumping catfish!

Hey, fellas!

Hey, fellas! There's money in that seat.

You must have dropped some change.

It's okay, you can keep it.

-You Iuro'l -Yooh, don't worry obout It.

It's a lot of money.

-Wo don't nood It. wo'ro rIch. -Wo'ro rIch.

Check you later.

All that money!

Come on, baby, come on. Come on, you can make it.

Come on, a little bit more. We made it.

Goddomn. Good thlng, too. WI dldn't tho onythlng to trodo I'or goo.

You want this last peyote button?

Did you eat all of them already?

He only gave me 10.

Goddamn, see you in the ozone.

The last time I took peyote I saw snakes and shit.

Let's get our money and get a decent meal.

I'm firod o'looIIng junk. I nood o doublo chooooburgor wlth chlll.

I gotta go pee.

Okay. Go in the back.

Hollol Wo'ro horo wlth tho Ior. WI nood to got pold.

Hello, Arab dudes.

We're here with the car.

Hollo. WI got tho Ior horo. WI nood our monoy.

If you're balling or anything, just slip the money under the door.

I'm hungry.

You got any cheeseburgers in there?

Come on, let's get out of here.

There's nobody home. I left the keys in the car.

Did you see snakes when you did peyote?

Yeah, I saw snakes.

Did you see belly dancers, too?

No, just snakes.

This is really good peyote.

I wanna get something to eat.

They said to deliver the car and we'd get the money.

So we deliver the car. Where's the money?

God, I'm hungry.

You can't trust nobody no more.

Welcome to Club Mekka. $10, please.

Give him the ticket.

Take off your hat.

Wolcomo to Club Iokko. $10, ploooo. Thonk you vory much.

Take off your hat.

Wolcomo to Club Iokko. $10, ploooo. Thonk you. leo hlm o fickot.

-Toko off your hot. -I don't toko my hot o'lII'or nobody.

Sucker!

-You coll mo ouckor‘l -Nol

-l'll IrIII you! -Put tho knllo Iwoyl

Put that knife away! Go back there. Go on.

Sorry, wo moko vory blg.... WI put hot bock on.

It looks very nice there. I'm sorry. ls big mistake.

Most natural looking.

Take back your $10.

Here's a ticket for a drink, free.

Have a drink, have a good time.

Disco! You look nice.

Stupid idiot!

-You oro rIght. -OI' couroo, I'm rIght.

We are both stupid idiots.

What do you mean?

That call was from Vegas.

Las Vegas? What about the car?

Only part of it showed up.

What do you mean?

Only part of the car showed up.

-What about the money? -That part never showed up.

-Tth tho otolon our monoy‘l -And port of tho Ior.

Hello, Las Vegas. This is Prince Habib,

lwish to land on your airport. 10-4?

Watch where you're going!

I know what I'm doing, relax.

Straighten out this plane!

Stupid plane! Touch it a little, it moves.

LInd on to filo ground filoro, on filo ruany.

Hollo, LII VogII. lIrn golng to lInd on your ruany.

Thlo Itupld plIno. You touch It, It gooI Ill ovor.

l'rn trylng to put lt down. It dooIn't wont to shy down.

Let go!

l'rn lIndlng now, okIy? Hollo, LII VogII, ltho lIndod.

Come, open the door.

Welcome, Mr. Slyman.

Thank you, Allah.

Where in hell did you learn how to drive an airplane?

Why are you yelling at me?

Whoro dld you got I drlvor'o llIonoo ploto'l lnoldo o CornIIokoo box'l

This is not my plane, it's the maid's plane.

I hod to borrow It. Ilno II In tho ohop gotIIng IIxod.

Stupid idiot. Come, let's go.

How was your flight?

Thot woo tho moot otupld olrplono MI I nor took In my lllo.

You thlnk thot‘o otupld'l You ohould ooo mo IIy my othor plono.

You cannot fly.

I Ionnot IIy thooo lltIIo plonoo. Thoy IIy oll ovor tho plooo. Como on.

Right this way.

You nood your glIoooo. Tho noxt fimo I fly commorclol.

Don't be so scared.

-Why don't you got I plono llko thot ono'l -ThoI‘o our couoln'o plono.

That one?

Thot ono, wlth tho gold lIndlng goor. ThoI‘o hlo plono.

He's such a showoff.

No....

Yoo, ho lo. Como, lot‘o go buy oomothlng.

-Whoro oro wo golng'l -To tho goto.

The gate's over there. See?

Again, let me apologize. We had no idea.

I hoto comlng to thlo olrport. You olwoyo tho thooo guyo opologlflng.

If you'll justjoin me, I'll be happy to show you through. Excuse me!

Toko ono momont to como ouloldo wlth mo Ind I'll ohow you your Ior.

Got out of tho woyl Your Ior wIll bo orrlvlng rIght horo.

Where do you put the money? In here.

Pull!

"Pull"?

Bar...bar...bar!

-Ono for you. -Agolnl

-Pu|l! -Okay.

Allez! Crash!

Bar!

One more for you.

-CrIohI -Alloz, crIohI

Bar!

Allez! Crash!

Encore!

Allez! Encore!

I'll kill him!

You'll love the ride.

Son ofa dog!

Stop! What are you doing? What's the matter with you?

He insult me!

-Whot dld ho do'l -Ho wont mo to drIvo o Doloun.

Stupid idiot. I'm so sorry.

Excuse me, my brother. lwill kill him!

-Put that knife down! -Let me kill him!

By Allah!

I om oo vory oorry. Toko thlo monoy. Iy brothor lo vory upoot.

-He ate some bad dates. -|t's air conditioned.

Thank you.

Take the keys and get in the car.

WI wIll toko good Ioro of tho Ior. Thonk you.

Maybe if you gave him a Valium....

I'm oorry for my brothor, ho'o not uood to bolng In tho dooort.

Why did you stop me from killing that little creep?

-He gave us this car! -He did not do anything!

Go forward.

Stupid idiot! Watch where you're going!

You Ionnot Idll o mon juot booouoo ho gIvo you I Doloun.

Goddamn stupid car.

This is America.

You cannot kill every person just because you get mad at them.

You have to have permission first.

That is democracy.

If you want to kill everybody you'll never get a green card.

You want to kill somebody?

You wolt 'fil wo IInd thooo Iwo guyo thot otolo our monoy.

Then we kill them.

Because nobody steals from Slyman.

And nobody steals from Habib.

I'm going to enjoy killing these guys.

I kill them slow.

I'm gonnI cut off tholr oyolldo oo thoy Ion wotch.

You are very kind.

Evory mon only dloo onIo. Ho ohould onjoy It.

It's hot in this car.

stupld goddomn dooort hoot. I hoto thlo dooort.

I hate this heat.

lI‘o not tho dooort. ldlot. You put on tho hoot In tho Ior.

-I put on tho olr condlIIon. -You dldn't. Lookl

-Tho olr condlIIon lo tho othor woy. -No, thot‘o It.

It is not, it's the heat. Look, it says "hot."

-Tho olr condlIIon lo tho othor woy. -I put It on. It dooon't work.

This stupid car needs to die! I'll kill it!

The only car we see all day and they try to run us over.

WI ohould'vo otoyod In Chlcogo. At looot It won't hot.

Wo'ro gonnI dlo o'l hoot fruotroIIon out horo.

Play something else, will you please?

That's desert music. Come on, mellow out.

-Wo'ro gonnI dlo out horo. -lI‘o boouIII'ul out horo. Enjoy It.

You took thot poyoto. Anythlng lo boouIII'ul to you.

Lot‘o do thot oong wo woro erIIng In Chlcogo.

-Whot long? -You know, lo Ind My Old LIdy.

I don't know how it goes.

-8uro you do, you wroto It. -I don't romombor It.

Let's try it.

"Me

"And my old lady"

There you go.

"We like

"We like to get outside

"But sometimes

"People space us out

"So we just make like a bakery truck

"And haul buns out of there

"Sometimes

"We are so much in love

"That we go on a picnic

"And don't even take any beer

"We just like to cruise around

"And try to find the main drag in town

"And then after

"We try to find a 7-Eleven and get some beefjerky

"Me

"And my old lady

"We like

"We like to like get outside

"Sometimes

"People space us out"

Stay on your own note.

"So we just make like a bakery truck

"And haul buns out of there"

That was good.

ltwas nice.

I like that thing about the beefjerky.

Yeah, that makes it organic.

I dig that. That's nice.

There's never gonna be a car out here.

Stupid car.

Worse than my camel.

I got a better picture out on my old set.

Give me a picture. Come on!

Old man! Gas.

Excuse me, old-timing man.

-How oro you thlo mornlng'l -Flno, Ind you'l

Very good, thank you.

Con you toll no, lo thlo tho only rood Into town'l

Is this the road that leads into town?

Yeah. It's the only road to town.

Pardon, old-timing man.

We are with the Secret Service....

You're what?

WI oro wlth tho Socrot Sorvloo o'l thlo govornmont.

-We are looking for two men. -You're looking for what?

WI oro looldng for two-- I ohow you plcturo.

Thooo mon oro vory dongorouo. Thoy otolo monoy.

Thooo two mon otolo monoy from our govornmont.

-Thoy'ro vory dongorouo. -Thooo two'l

This man, and this man. Have you seen them?

-Thooo two'l -Thlo ono Ind thlo ono horo.

Were they driving a customized limousine?

-Yoo, thoy woro. -Dld II tho...

-...|||inois license plates on it? -Yes. When did you see them?

Sorry, haven't seen them. They haven't been by here.

This is fantastic. Look at this.

We are famous already in the desert.

-From our nlght club, tho motchoo. -Whoro dld you got thlo'l

I found it there. Isn't that fantastic? They know us all the way here.

-8tupld ldlot. thoy tho boon horo. -Who tho boon horo'l

Those two guys, who else?

They've been here?

OI' couroo, ldlot. How oloo would tho motchoo got horo'l

-Thot old mon lo lylng. -Ho'o lylng'l

-OI' couroo ho'o lylng. otupld ldlot. -l'll IrIII hlm!

If you Idll hlm, I don't lot you Idll tho othor two guyo.

-But ho lo lylng to no. -I know.

But he has information that we need.

We have to humus him. I will talk.

Old-timing man...

...these men that you did not see...

...which way did they go?

They went that way, toward Mexico.

Of course! Get in the car, quick!

You gotto go bock thlo woy to got to tho lroowoy.

You'll got loot In tho dooort golng down thoro.

God, I'm hungry.

Give me a corn dog or a chill dog.

Dog food, anything.

I could eat the crotch out of a dead horse.

I romombor, ono fimo for my blrthdoy, wo hod o pluo.

A deep-dish pizza with double cheese and my name spelled out with pepperonis.

A real cold beer...

...like when they keep the mug in the freezer and it's all icy.

Look what I found.

-Whot‘d you find? -Poyoto.

Shit, I'm so hungry l'd eat peyote.

That's a horse turd!

I thought so.

Why'd you give me a horse turd?

Just a minute. Look, it's organic.

It's got little green things living in it.

They're alive!

Little baby green things, too.

Look, a mama green thing. Or half a mama green thing.

I bet this is peyote.

That's not so bad.

Are you okay?

This is my brother.

He is a very brilliant man.

The car ran out of gas...

...so he killed the car.

You have killed the car enough.

Stop!

You have killed the car, I think.

That Datsun will go no further.

Very nice. Come, we must go.

We must go where? Where we go?

We follow the road, idiot. Come.

The road, yes.

Open-toed shoes.

We're never gonna get a ride.

They'll find our bones bleached out and buzzards sitting on them.

I don't want to be a buzzard taco.

onbo thoy cIoood tho rood Ind nobody told no.

Why don't you do oomothlng to holp lnotood o'l lylng thoro'l

lam doing something.

What are you doing, getting a suntan?

l'm praying.

Praying? A lot of good that's gonna do us.

WI nood o mlroclo, Ind ho'o out thoro proylng.

It's the Fifis!

Come on.

What a trip! We been here for two days. We thought we were gonna die out here.

What a trip. These chicks found us out in the desert. I can't believe it.

Yeah, we're lucky.

-Whot oro wo gonnI toll tho Arobo'l -Whot Arobo'l

Their Arabs. If they're here, they're here.

Come on, help me think. We gotta think of something.

Lot‘o toll thorn It woo Ioully workrnonohlp Ind tho dooro loll om

How about a flying saucer? We were in the desert and a big flying saucer came.

Thoy woro golng door-to-door Ind thoy took our dooro.

That's really lame.

Wo'll toll thorn wo hod to pork It ovornlght In Dotrolt.

We came out and that's the way it was.

H Ito oo funny, why don't you than of oomothlng?

No, lI‘o comlng on. I'm juot otorIIng to lough.

Come on, stop it.

Which one do you want?

I'll take the big one.

OK, then I'll take the little moustache.

French fries.

Shlt. Goddomn. Whot oro wo gonnI toll thooo dudoo'l

l'm peaking again.

We won't tell them nothing.

Thoy wontod no to dollvor tho Ior, Ind wo dld. Thoro you oro.

If they don't like it, lump it.

I'm just afraid if that guy sneezes on me, he'd probably tear half my face off.

Shit. I ain't afraid of no Arabs.

Come on. I'm tripping, okay?

I say we are lost.

We are not lost. We are Arab.

'Loot' lo whon you do not know whoro you oro golng.

That's the point. Where are we going?

We are going...

...uphill.

At looot. whon wo got to tho top of tho hlll...

...we will know where we are.

Yes, you are right.

Now I know exactly where we are.

-You do? -Yoo.

We are in the middle of fucking nowhere!

Where is the road?

Those two guys!

It was those two guys.

They have stolen the road, too.

Now, I am sure of it.

You are sure of what?

Thot our mothor mooood oround wlth o goot hordor.

She did?

Thanks for the memories.

Thooo poor glrIo, It muot bo torturo to bo oo hung up on no.

Just a minute.

Lot thorn go. Don't torturothorn. Thoy'ro In lovo wlth uo.

It's better to end it this way.

-Thoy'll wont to como bock Ind morry uo. -Yooh.

Come again. 'Causel sure can.

-Yooh, byo-byo rIdo. -Byo-Iryo rIdo.

Now I know exactly where we are also.

-You do? -I do.

-Tell me, where are we? -We are going downhill.

Stupid idiot.

lI‘o okIy for you to mokojokoo, but not mo, huh'l

You do not makejokes, you are ajoke.

Please, God, please...

...get us out of here.

I don't want to die in the desert.

I'm hungry. Please!

Don't do that.

You should see what that looks like.

You ought to ooo whot you'ro gonnI look llko.

Thank you, Lord. Come on, we got a ride.

Thank you very much.

Come on, get in here.

Are you going to Vegas?

Wo'ro not golng to Clovolond. Whoro would I go?

I'm going to Vegas.

Thanks for the ride.

It's a pleasure. I needed company. You don't look suspicious, anyway.

Wlll you hold thot‘l ThoI‘o Llndo Lovoloco'o IoplrIn.

Hold tho whool. I gotto ohow you oomothlng oloo.

| open tonight in Las Vegas. I'm a little hoarse right now.

A little hoarse. You get it?

I trIod onlI'lIng gluo, kopt gotIIng tho tubo otuck In my nooo.

I trIod omoldng hIoh, but I couldn't llght tho cornod bool.

I'll do onothor for you. I juot modo o Idlllng In tho morkot: I ohot my butchor.

I got a new vacuum cleaner, it really sucks.

Wait, they get better. My sister was so fat she had stretch marks on her car.

l'vo boon oo olck I Iokod tho Ioptoln to hoovo to.

| asked the captain to heave to.

Hold the wheel. I went up to a girl and said, "Honey, are you game?"

She said, "Yes," so I shot her.

Today is Toulouse-Lautrec's birthday.

I bought him a belt and said...

..."Is that belt too tight, Toulouse? Is that belt too tight, Toulouse?"

Will you make him stop.

If you'd otop loughlng for o mlnuto. moybo ho would.

I'm not laughing. I'm crying.

I met a guy with two wooden legs. He caught fire and burned to the ground.

You got anything to eat? We're starving.

How about this? Here's a TV dinner.

WI thon't ooton onythlng In two doyo. Wo'ro otorvlng.

-Real|y? -Yeah.

I thought you were kidding. I'm sorry. Oh, my God, I thought you were kidding.

l'vo got juot tho plooo. lI‘o vory noor horo, but...

...you'ro not drooood. I'll toko Ioro oI' thot. too.

I'm oorry. I owoor to you I thought you woro Idddlng oll thot fimo.

You'll lovo It. lI‘o lnoxponolvo. You'll bo my guoot. Worry obout nothlng.

I'll get you the clothes. You just think thin...

...ond thlnk pork tortoro 'fil wo got thoro. I'll toko Ioro o'l ouorythlng.

Pork tartare, deep sleep, pork tartare.

Gerkin! Gerkin!

So nice to see you again, Monsieur Gleason.

-lo ho horo'l -Who'l

Well, no, I'm Rip.

Excusez-moi, Monsieur Torn.

No, it's Taylor. Taylor.

Monsieur Taylor, yes.

-Your Igont collod for you. Ho hIo work. -Whot‘l

-He has work. -That's a first.

You moy tolophono hlm. Tho tolophono lo rIght oround thoro.

Thooo oro my good frlondo. Thoy'ro now In town.

leo thorn whot thoy wont. Coulor, chompogno. Ionoy'o no objoct.

-8oporoto chocko. -lIlI oul.

They may, but you gotta feed them first.

Have a good time and enjoy.

Right this way, your table is waiting. Monsieur? Ma'am? Miss? This way.

It's really coming on.

It's really coming on.

You'll bo okIy Io ooon Io wo got oomo I'ood. Lot‘o olt down.

No, I'm starting to freak out.

Voila!

AI ooon Io you got oomo I'ood, you'll Iool oll rlght.

-Ionu. -Groot. Thonk you.

-Ionu. -Thonko o lot.

on I prooont to you tho IpIclIlltII do lI rnIlIon.

We have selection of crudites.

Wo tho In oIcIrgolo Ivoc chIrnplgnonI ooutbod In...

...doI crudltto. Wo tho In oIcIrgolo Ivoc chIrnplgnonI.

We also have a crépe soufflee with spinach and squid sauteed in its own essence.

Can we have some bread?

...crépe soufflee...

...spinach...

...soufflee....

Can we have some bread?

...served with a wonderful salad....

Can we have some bread, please?

Brood. Oul. I w!!! tho tho brood boy brlng It.

Thank you. We're really hungry.

I'm starting to freak out.

-You'll bo okIy whon wo got oomo I'ood. -l'll bo oll rlght.

Waiter, food guy, bread guy! Anybody....

Could we have some bread, please?

Straight up or on the rocks?

Whatever.

Two beers.

I don't feel good.

What's the matter?

| feel like we're wearing dresses.

We are wearing dresses.

Sorry, but we are out of the specialty of the day that! told you about.

Wo tho moro. Wo tho poulot. Chlckon.

-They got more food. -I want a Big Mac.

lwant a Big Mac.

A cheeseburger. Can't you see he's having a Big Mac attack. Get him a cheeseburger.

What does he want on the cheeseburger?

All the shit.

Cheeseburger, a big cheeseburger!

lI‘o okIy. Wo'ro gonnI got I chooooburgor. Thon you'll tool I lot bottor.

-l'm oorry. -Juot rolox. HIvo o good fimo.

My head's growing.

-Whot‘l -lI‘o growlng.

No, you'vejust got a wig on. You'll be all right. Just relax.

-Whot‘o tho mottor‘l -Iy bollo oro gono. I loot my bollo.

You'll be okay. Take it easy.

Where'd I leave them? I lost my balls!

You just got pantyhose on.

Yeah. I got pantyhose on.

You'll be okay when the food gets here.

-l Ion't brootho. -Whot‘l

I can't breathe.

It's all tight....

Well, here, loosen this thing.

It's alive! It's alive!

lt's dead.

lt'sjust sleeping. Sleeping. Having a rest.

-You'll bo okIy. Toko It oooy. -l'm frooldng out.

I know. You'll be all right.

lfeel so sensitive.

-lI‘o okIy. -Thonko I'or bolng horo.

You'ro proboblyjuot gotIIng your porIod or oomothlng.

You'll bo oll rlght. whon you got oomo I'ood.

Okay, I'll be all right.

Everybody's looking at me. I don't like this restaurant.

No, they're not looking at you.

Make this restaurant go away.

Go away, restaurant! See, they're stopping.

I tho novor wolkod oo for In tho dooort In my lllo.

It is terrible in the desert like that.

Ho wondor tho poooonlo In our country oro olwoyo ploood o'II.

Terrible. My butt hurts.

-l'm oo hungry! could III I comol. Juro comolo.

Bonsoir, messieurs. You have a reservation?

We don't need reservation, Goat Breath, just give us a table.

lam sorry, we have no table unless you have a reservation.

You'll be all right. Soon as you get food everything'll be cool. Where's our food?

-Wo don't nood rooorvoIIon. -8hlt.

Of course we have a reservation.

-Your toblo lo rlght ovor horo. -Thonk you.

We've been expecting you. Voila.

Et voila!

Get down!

Et voila. Menu for you.

Et vous, Monsieur.

I tho juot ooon tho moot uglloot womon In tho world.

-8ho'o ovon ugllor thon my IIrot wllo. -Thot lo lmpooolblo.

Or my camel.

-Your IIrot wllo woo your comol, you ldlot. -ThoI‘o rlght.

There's bugs under here!

There's gum here, too.

Never mind about those women.

We have to find those two guys.

Thoy'vo dlooppoorod. I don't know whoro thoy oro.

-Thoy Ion't vonloh from tho world. -But thoy dld.

lam so mad when | find them, I'm going to kill them myself.

No, you cannot kill them. You said I could kill them.

I changed my mind. I want to kill them.

But you cannot change your mind. You said I could kill them.

I om gotIIng vory fruotroIIon booouoo you do not lot mo Idll Inybody.

How did I get here?

l have to kill those guys.

Okay, you can kill them.

We're in a restaurant.

-8tupld rootourontl -All thot gum.

We made quite a killing in the stock market.

Who killed the stock market?

The pretty ladies.

You are sick.

You know, thoro'o oomothlng IIohy obout thooo two.

There is something fishy about all of them.

Come, ladies. Come.

Welcome. Have a seat, please. Sit down.

Bonsoir, Ca va?

Ca va, bonsoir and ca va.

Where we going?

To the bathroom.

A bathroom. Thank God.

-You okoy‘l -l juot gotto go poo.

lthoughtyou had to throw up.

Shit, what are we gonna do?

lt's Arabian joke. Maybe you don't get it.

Here's a toast to your blue eyes.

Yes, of course.

lI‘o lncrodlblo. Evory IIvo mlnutoo thoy got to go poo-poo.

That's the problem with open plumbing.

If you don't otop ooon wo'ro gonnI tho to bulld on ork.

I can't stop.

Tie it in a knot or something!

Those Guys, what a drag!

For sure.

The others were real men.

Absolutely.

Real macho.

Let's get out of here.

Excuse me. Are you all right?

Wo'ro okIy. Wo'ro looldng for o contoct lono.

-Whot lo tho problorn horo'l -Loot o lono.

Happens to me all the time.

Did you look in your beard, madam? Have you looked in your beard?

What are those people doing over there?

Crozy Amorloonol Iuot bo I now dloco donoo.

OI' couroo. Whon tho lodloo como bock, wojoln thorn.

l have your separate checks, as Mr. Taylor requested.

Let's get out of here.

Where are we?

Why are we on our hands and knees?

You guys!

I wont to thonk you lollIo I'or oll thot monoy you gIvo mo.

Look what it got me.

Those girls are those guys!

Where are you going?

Oh, piss.

What are we running for?

Never mind, just come on. Run!

A womon wlth o boby comlng through. Wotch out!

My feet really hurt.

I wanna to go back to the desert.

-You otupld ldlotl -Look, thoro thoy orol

-|'|| call the police! -Don't call the police!

Take this money. Thanks.

Stupid idiot! Put that knife away.

lt's dark, I cannot see.

You're going to kill me.

Where are those guys?

I don't know. I can't see anything.

It smells terrible in here.

It smells like wet camels.

Where are they?

Sit down, you!

Who doroo toll mo to olt down'l Who oold thot‘l

-You know who you'ro tolldng to'l -8lt down!

Thoro'o oomothlng on tho ooot. Como, lot‘o movo.

lt smell like your bed sheets.

Where are those guys?

I don't know, where are they?

Look, there they are. Those guys.

I don't understand. We chase them in here and now they're up there.

I don't understand. How can it be?

How could they do that to us?

They are not doing it to us.

They're doing it to them.

Look, they don't even like them. They whip them. That's good.

They don't whip them very hard.

No. lwould hit them a lot harder.

But look where she puts the whip.

He doesn't like that either.

That is good. That's what I would do.

I know it hurts very much.

-What is that? -What is that?

That's some kind of sea monster.

It's scary.

Look like Uncle Tonoose when he take out his eye.

Focus! Focus you idiot!

Look, it has teeth!

Teeth, teeth, teeth.

Put that thing away, you stupid idiot!

You want to go blind?

Stop that!

I got rocks in my pantyhose.

You got rocko In your hood I'or gotIIng uo lnvolvod In thlo ohlt.

You got rocko In your hood I'or gotIIng uo lnvolvod In thlo ohlt.

I don't know how thooo broodo woor oll thlo ohlt.

We should've stayed in Chicago. At least it was cold there.

I wouldn't wear this crap....

We got a ride.

Hold up.

Wow, what a trip.

Thanks for giving us a ride.

It's the Fifis.

FIIIo, how you dolng'l Aro wo glod to ooo you guyo.

What a trip.

Baby, how's it going?

They're still tripping, too. Saw you in the movies.

Wait a minute.

-Whot‘l -II' thoy'ro horo....

Good morning, gentlemen.

Make yourselves very comfortable...

This is perfect. Perfect.

It is so perfect.

Wo Idll thorn horo Ind bury thorn thoro. Whot do you thlnk‘l

-Ho, wo don't Idll thorn. -Ho, wo Idll thorn, wo bury thorn....

Wo don't Idll thorn. Wo oro golng to moko movloo.

Fantastic. 1 love it.

We make a movie of me killing them.

It bo In color oo wo Ion ooo tho blood. I lovo It.

A long movlo. Four houro. onbo 3-Do. llovolt. FontooIIc.

Ho, wo don't moko thooo movloo, wo moko porno movloo.

These boys are stars.

We don't kill them?

No. Why didn't! think of this before. It is perfect way to launder all the money.

Wo moko movloo, wo w!!! erto off ouorythlng.

And then we go way over budget.

Wo wIll novor tho to worry obout monoy Igoln.

It is genius. Fantastic.

Slyman, you are a genius.

And so is Habib.

I bet you thought we'd had it?

So did we.

As things turned out, all we had to do...

...is go back and make love to these girls 24 hours a day.

But at least we had ajob 'cause...

...things are tough allover.

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