Original subtitles

Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

(Crow caws)

(Birds tweet)

(Buzzing)

(Crow caws)

(Indistinct police radio conversations)

(Wheel creaks)

(Crow caws)

(Device bleeps)

Shit. It's under.

He doesn't know that.

(Chuckles) Yes!

(Car engine starts)

(Tires screech) (Siren wails)

♪ SLIM DUSTY: When The Rain Tumbles Down In July

(Siren continues wailing)

(Chain rattles)

(Siren stops)

(Slim Dusty's song continues playing on radio)

G'day.

Get out of the vehicle.

No worries.

(Flies buzz)

Know how fast you were going?

Faster than I was supposed to, if you blokes pulled me up.

You shoot pigs for a living?

Bet your life.

(Chuckles)

Can you read?

Well, get a bit stuck on the big words

every now and then, but you know.

Yeah, I can read pretty good.

Then you'd be able to read the sign back there

with the big one-fuckin'-double-zero on it,

wouldn't you?

You know, I could've sworn I was,

you know, sittin' under 100 there.

(Laughs)

You think I'm talking shit?

Struth no. No, sorry, mate.

No, look, won't happen again, alright?

Where the fuck you think you're going?

You bastards. You're putting me on, aren't you?

You're not really going to book me, are you?

Can I see your licence, please?

Yeah.

(Car door closes)

(Chuckles)

You're a long way from home, aren't ya?

Oh, yeah, look, always travel up north

when I'm doing a bit of hunting, you know.

Get away from it all. Not a lot of pigs down south.

Ooh! (Chuckles)

This, plus a speeding ticket.

It's an order to take this car off the road

for good.

Tires are as bald as a baby's ass.

I'm amazed it's even running.

Body looks like you've thrown it off a fuckin' cliff!

Come on.

Now you take this piece of shit back to town,

and then you get the fuck back where you came from.

I don't want to see your ugly mug around here ever again.

You understand?

Or is that too many big words for you?

Mate, you sure you want to give me this?

Bet your life.

You have a nice day.

Ta!

(Car engine starts)

(Tires screech)

(Laughs) Yo fuckin' asshole.

Oh, man.

That's how we keep our quotas up out here, son.

'Oh, man. You sure you want to give me this?'

Yeah. Pretty sure you just got that rusted piece of shit

taken off the road, too.

Fuckin' dickhead.

Oh, man, did you see the look on his face?

What a redneck moron. (Laughs)

(Gunshot)

Jesus! Fuck! Fuck!

Aaah! Fuck!

(Screams)

(Whistles 'Waltzing Matilda')

(Flies buzz)

(Continues whistling)

(Laughs) Shot!

(Man groans)

Where the bloody hell do you think you're going?

(Coughs)

You're crazy, you are! You...

Not me leg. I think it's broken.

Hmm.

(Bones crack) - (Screams)

Oh, shut up, you big crybaby.

(Screams)

That'll do, pig.

What do you think you're fuckin' doing?

(Screams)

You know, your little mate's right.

I am a pig shooter.

You know what I do to pigs who won't stop squealing?

I make 'em stop!

(Cries)

Fuck me.

You stupid pair of bastards.

(Wheezes)

Look at the fuckin' mess you made, huh?

Now, I gotta clean it up.

They'll fuckin' find us!

They'll find the fuckin' car and then they'll...

(Screams)

(Whines) Fuck.

(Mick chuckles)

I want to see my kids.

Aww.

(Sobs) Why?

Mate... Mate, wait.

I can make the ticket go away, mate.

Or I can make you go away.

(Gasps)

(Screams)

(Explosion)

♪ STEPPENWOLF: Born To Be Wild

Bonsoir.

♪ Get your motor runnin'

♪ Head out on the highway

♪ Lookin' for adventure

♪ And whatever comes our way

♪ Yeah, darlin', go make it happen

♪ Take the world in a love embrace

♪ Fire all of your guns at once

♪ And explode into space

♪ I like smoke and lightning

♪ Heavy metal thunder

♪ Racin' with the wind

♪ And the feelin' that I'm under

♪ Yeah, darlin', go make it happen

♪ Take the world in a love embrace

♪ Fire all your guns at once

♪ And explode into space

♪ Like a true nature's child

♪ We were born, born to be wild

♪ We can climb so high

♪ I never wanna die

♪ Born to be wild

♪ Born to be wild. ♪

(Chatter and laughter)

(Plays harmonica)

Bravo, bravo.

(Plays harmonica)

(Laughs)

Hey!

Hello.

(Chain rattles)

RUTGER: Cool.

(Tires screech)

Hey! Thank you!

Thank you.

MAN: Have a good trip.

(Horn honks)

(Laughs)

(Giggles)

Awesome.

They are so cute, I love them.

What are they called again?

The little black one's called Nutella.

I know it's brown, but it was my daughter's idea of a joke.

The little one with the broken horn is called Casper.

And the other one, that's Marley.

- OK. KATARINA: Thank you so much.

- It's alright. - Here we are.

(Goats bleat)

Bye-bye, kids.

KATARINA: Oops. (Laughs)

- Thank you. Auf Wiedersehen. WOMAN: See ya. OK.

- See ya, love. RUTGER: Thank you very much.

(Imitates goat bleating and laughs)

(Katarina laughs)

(Katarina strains)

So cool!

(Yodels)

(Laughs)

(Children chatter)

(Dog barks) - Oops.

- Hello, and goodbye. (Both laugh)

Alright, if you keep fighting, you're gonna go back to the car.

(Horn honks)

Motherfucker!

What's wrong with you people? You afraid to stop or something?

Yahtzee.

♪ OMINOUS MUSIC

(Chains rattle)

(Both hum a tune)

(Distant sound of an engine)

(Chains rattle)

What the bloody hell are you buggers doing out here?

This is a national park. You can't camp here, mate.

Sorry, we did not know that was the case.

About national parks, I mean.

No signs here.

Oh, well, don't get your knickers in a knot, mate,

I'm not a ranger or anything.

Look at this bloody fire, mate. You haven't put it out properly.

All this bloody saltbush around here is dry as a nun's nasty.

You know, one spark, the whole bloody place will go up!

Ah... I did put some water on it.

Yeah? (Chuckles)

For all the good you've done,

you may as well have pissed on it, eh?

(Both chuckle)

It was a good thing I found you, huh?

Name's Mick.

Rutger.

Rutger. Rutger! Eh!

Kraut, are ya?

I'm from Germany.

Yeah, they usually are. (Chuckles)

OK.

Oh.

Heil, froo-lein. (Chuckles)

(Chuckles) Hi.

Little bit of German for you.

It's good. 'Frãulein'.

As I was saying, mate, if the rangers did find you,

you'd be charged, right? You wouldn't want that, would you?

(Stammers) No.

As a matter of fact, mate, I'm going back through town,

so I can give you a lift, OK?

You know, and set you up in a caravan park for the night.

Right? Yeah?

You wouldn't want to be hiking back into town, would you?

No, we were hoping to get lift tomorrow.

Like I said, there's no signs here,

so did not think we were doing anything wrong.

Well, I'm offering you a lift, mate, you know.

So you won't get caught. (Chuckles)

Are you sure there's no camping here? I checked on the map.

I just said so, didn't I?

Well, yes, but... um...

Well, you calling me a liar?

Look, I'm gonna give you one last chance to help you out.

Alright?

Thank you, but we will stay.

Sorry about the fire and for making you come out of your way.

Don't you turn your back on me, you Nazi bastard!

(Groans)

(Screams)

So, let me hear you talk back now, you dopey cunt.

Rutger!

(Screams) Rutger!

(Sobs) Rutger!

(Chuckles)

Rutger! (Screams)

Let me go!

Let me go! (Screams)

(Grunts)

(Screams)

Oh, ho, ho!

- (Screams) - (Chuckles)

Keep still. Keep still. Keep fucking still!

Now put your hands together.

Put your fucking hands together,

or I'll spread your nose all over your face.

Now, look, I didn't want to do you here,

but your stupid fucking boyfriend forced me.

And now, why wait, eh?

(Gasps)

Anyways, my name's Mick Taylor.

Pleased to meet you. (Chuckles)

I still don't know what you friggin' tourists

see in this place.

I mean, is this the way you spend your life, froo-lein?

Eh? Coming out here and shitting in our backyard?

Is that what it's all about, eh? Is it, eh?

I'm talking to you.

- Talking to you! - (Sobs)

Oh, ho, ho!

(Grunts)

- Look at that, eh? - (Screams)

(Mick chuckles and grunts)

(Katarina screams)

(Fabric rips)

Cookies! (Chuckles)

Rutger!

Rutger!

Rutger, no!

(Rutger screams)

(Rutger screams)

(Katarina screams)

(Screams) (Mick grunts)

- Hey? - (Gurgles)

(Strains)

Shit!

He's tougher than a pig. (Chuckles)

Where you crawling off to, froo-lein?

(Screams)

(Choking sound) - (Gasps)

Now,

I promise you,

we're gonna spend a nice, long, few months together.

(Mick chuckles)

(Music plays on radio)

There we go!

Non-smoker. (Chuckles)

Gutless Kraut now, huh?

Rutger, what are you, part bloody donkey? Eh?

Who's the lucky girl, then?

That'd make your eyes water, wouldn't it?

(Sniggers)

Here's a little piggy, here's his snout.

Slit him open and his guts fall out.

Get your fucking head out of the road.

All good gear.

The dogs'll like that.

Oh, you mongrel bastard.

Oh, Jesus.

- Come on! (Rattling)

(Generator starts)

Quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest, eh?

Doesn't look fucking easy getting through

that fucking breastplate, does it?

Can you fucking believe it? There we are.

Oh, no. Rip your heart out.

There we go!

(Pants)

(Gasps)

Hide-and-seek, is it? (Sniggers)

(Engine revs)

(Screams)

(Screams)

(Laughs)

Hey, come on, girly.

(Chuckles) Fair up the arse.

(Screams)

- (Gasps) (Engine revs)

Hey, hey.

Hey, you have to run faster than that.

(Screams)

(Screams)

(Laughs)

- (Screams) - Clever bitch, eh?

(Music plays on radio) ♪ So deep in my hands

♪ All around me was dark

♪ This here city

♪ Is for the lonely ones

♪ Won't find no angels ♪ (Mobile rings)

♪ Selling maps to the lost

♪ This here place

♪ Is too small for two ♪

Beck? BECK, ON PHONE: Hi.

- Becky! - How are you?

- Hello, Angel? - The line's terrible.

- I... (Static)

..can't hear you, babe.

I, um...

Becky.

Bollocks.

(Tires screech) - Holy shit!

(Screams)

Help me! (Sobs)

- Help... - Whoa!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What happened?

- Did you get hit? - (Screams indistinctly)

What? It's alright. Come on!

We're gonna get you out of here, alright?

- (Sobs) - It's alright.

- (Screams indistinctly) - Alright.

Alright.

Hey, is there anyone else? Is there anyone...

- (Sobs) - Who did this shit to you?

Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on!

- Alright. - (Screams)

I don't understand you!

Who's this fucking maggot?

(Engine revs)

- I don't... - (Screams)

- Alright! - (Screams)

Who was that? Who was that?

What the fuck is going on here?

(Shrieks)

- Fuck! - (Sniggers)

(Screams)

Arrrgh!

(Tires screech)

You'll have to do better than that, arsehole!

- (Both grunt) - (Chuckles)

- (Chuckles) - Oh, Gott. Mein Gott.

- (Screams) - Hey!

- Oh, shit! It's alright! - (Screams)

Hey, little pigs, little pigs!

(Knife taps on glass) - Let me come in!

It's alright!

(Snorts)

Come on, you fucker!

- (Gasps) - (Laughs)

(Shouts)

Fuckin' hell! Fuck!

(Engine revs)

Hold on!

- (Screams) - Oh, God!

(Chuckles)

It's alright. Hang on. It's alright!

See you in hell, cunt!

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah! Oh, shit!

Are you alright?

Oh, shit!

(Gunshot)

(Screams) Fuck!

For fuck's sake, Mick!

(Gunshot)

No! Ah!

(Coughs)

(Gags)

Fuck!

(Sobs)

I'm so...

I'm sorry.

(Car engine starts)

Shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

Uh...

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles) Hey!

(Horn honks) - Oh, shit!

What the fuck's wrong with you, you pricks?

Stop, you fucking bastards!

(Breathes heavily)

OK.

OK.

(Grunts)

(Crow caws)

Hey!

Hey!

Stop!

- Hey! Hey! (Tires screech)

PAUL: Hey!

(Truck engine revs)

Fuck me.

Oh, shit.

(Car engine starts)

(Tires screech)

Thanks for the truck, blubber guts.

Let's play, eh?

(Horn honks) - (Laughs)

Come on!

(Grunts)

(Clattering) - (Screams)

Oops! (Chuckles)

Bit of music, eh?

♪ Near the village, the peaceful village

♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪

(Truck horn honks)

♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪ (Crow caws)

♪ Wheee-eee-eee-eee ♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

♪ Whee, oh, wimoweh ♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

♪ Rrrrr, ahh-ahh-ahh ♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh

♪ Whee, oh, wimoweh ♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh... ♪

(Song continues)

Oh, shit!

(Tires screech)

Shit, shit.

(Tires screech) (Body thuds)

Oi!

Shit! Flying kangaroo!

Oh! Sorry, Skippy.

(Laughs)

Hey! (Laughs)

(The Lion Sleeps Tonight continues)

(Whines)

Welcome to Australia, cocksucker.

(Dashboard bleeps)

Come on.

(Screeching)

Aaaaaaah!

(Glass shatters)

(Gasps)

(Tires screech)

(Laughs)

(Tires screech)

Aaaaaah!

Come on!

Hmm!

Ohhhh!

Oh, shit!

- (Gasps) (Clatter)

(Paul breathes heavily)

(Groans)

You'll have to do better than that!

(Laughs)

(Crow caws)

(Explosion)

(Door creaks)

MICK: Little pigs! Hey, little pigs! Let me come in!

(Snorts)

(Grunts)

♪ VERDI: Caro Nome

MAN: He's got to be hungry, I know that.

We didn't know whether to wake you.

We'll head into town as soon as you've eaten something.

(Clock ticks)

Phone?

(Man laughs) No phones.

We got short wave if it was working.

It's the magnets.

Something weird in the ground.

Even the TV goes on the blink now and again.

You got to be self-sufficient out here.

It's alright.

You're safe now.

(Caro Nome continues playing)

I'm Lil.

This is Jack.

Paul.

Come on, son. Eat up. You'll need your strength.

I made it special for you.

(Crow caws)

MICK: You in there, hero?

You don't want anyone else to get hurt, do you, eh?

He's here.

Don't you worry, mate. I'll see to it.

(Rifle cocks)

(Rifle cocks)

Get off my property.

Hey, mate. The boy. Hand him over.

I said get the hell away from here!

(Gunshot)

Now get.

He's gone.

No. No, he's...

He's not.

He will be if I see him again.

The car's at the front.

We'll all go out together.

- You got the keys, yeah? - I can't.

(Opera plays)

Shit.

(Gunshot)

(Gasps)

♪ JOHANN STRAUSS: Blue Danube Waltz

(Rifle cocks)

(Gunshot)

Ohh!

(Lil whines)

(Blue Danube Waltz continues)

(Chuckles)

(Rifle cocks)

Hey, baby.

We could have had a good time, you and me.

(Gunshot)

(Crow caws)

(Blue Danube Waltz continues)

(Horse snorts)

(Chuckles)

(Blue Danube Waltz stops)

(Hooves beat heavily)

(Thunder rumbles)

(Whines)

(Thunder cracks)

(Horse whinnies)

(Horse snorts)

(Thunder rumbles)

(Horse neighs) - (Screams)

(Coughs)

(Screams)

(Whip cracks) - (Screams)

(Screams)

Please!

Just... just leave me alone.

(Chuckles)

Fucking Pommy, eh?

- (Whimpers) - (Grunts)

Definitely a Pommy. Weak as piss.

- (Sniffs) (Thunder rumbles)

(Drops of water drip)

(Coughs)

(Gasps)

(Breathes heavily)

(Whines)

(Breathes heavily)

(Whimpers)

MICK: Obviously don't know the first rule of the outback, hero!

You never, ever stop.

Could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble.

Why are you here, Pommy?

(Spits, grunts)

MICK: I asked you a question.

- Why are you here? - Please...

I didn't... I didn't mean to interfere.

I... I should have just left her there

and minded my own business.

MICK: Well, maybe I can answer it for you, huh?

You're here for an adventure.

You're here for a bit of excitement. Hmm?

- For the thrill, hey? Hey? - Yes. Yes! Yes!

- Something a bit different! - Please.

Please! Just... just... just let me out of here.

And I'll just walk away.

(Chuckles) That's a good one.

You expect to come to my fucking country,

waltz around like you own the bloody place,

come between a man and his meal and 'just walk away,' eh?

Just like that?

Please! Don't!

You owe me, boy.

What made you think you could just take her away from me, huh?

- I just... - Hey? Hey, hey, hey?

Where's your famous English wit now?

- (Groans) - Hmm?

Be even harder to be a smart-arse

with no fucking tongue.

(Mumbles) There once was a lad from York,

who picked his nose with a fork.

And when it got stuck, he cried, 'I don't give a fuck,'

and walked around looking like a dork.

There once was a man from Kansas,

whose nuts were made of brass.

In stormy weather, he'd clack them together,

and lightning would shoot out his arse.

What are you doing, Pom? Hmm?

There once was an old lady from Wheeling,

who had a peculiar feeling.

(Exhales)

She lied on her back, and tickled her crack,

and pissed all over the ceiling.

- (Chuckles) - (Laughs)

'Pissed all over the ceiling.' (Chuckles)

You're a funny little fuck, aren't ya, eh?

English wit, mate.

Where'd you learn those?

Boarding school.

Boarding school, huh?

Pants-down, botty-whackers, eh?

Only on weekends. (Laughs)

(Chuckles)

You still know fuck all about my country,

eh, you little Pommy ponce?

There once was an Australian stockman,

lying, dying.

And he got up on one elbow

and he turned to his mates who had all gathered around

and he said...

'Watch me wallabies feed, mate.'

♪ Watch me wallabies feed

♪ They're a dangerous breed, mate

♪ So watch me wallabies feed ♪ All together now!

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl

♪ Keep me cockatoo cool

♪ Don't go acting a fool, Curl

♪ Just keep me cockatoo cool ♪ All together now!

BOTH: ♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Take me koala back, Jack

♪ Take me koala back

♪ He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac

♪ So take me koala back ♪

BOTH: All together now! ♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down

♪ Play your didgeridoo, Blue

♪ Play your didgeridoo

♪ Keep playing 'til I shoot through, Blue

♪ Play your didgeridoo ♪ PAUL: All together...

♪ Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred

♪ Tan me hide when I'm dead

♪ So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde

♪ And that's it hanging on the shed! Hey! ♪

- Oh, yeah! - (Chuckles)

(Half-laughs) Fuck me.

You mad little British bastard.

Yeah. Well, you know...

Where do you know that song from?

Um... My mother had the record.

We'd listen to it endlessly as kids.

My word, eh?

You are a knowledgeable little prick, eh?

(Mick chuckles)

I'll tell you what, mate.

Let's have a fucking drink, eh?

(Sighs)

I thought you'd never fucking ask, man.

'I thought you'd never fucking ask.'

(Distant clatter)

MICK: ♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down. ♪

- (Chuckles) - There you go, old son.

Let's wrap the laughing gear around this one, eh?

Oh, thanks. I don't really have a free hand.

Thanks for mentioning that. I would never have thought.

There we go.

- Thank you. - OK.

- Get that in, son. - Thank you.

Cheers.

Here's looking up ya bum.

Alright. (Chuckles)

Phwoar!

Alright, isn't it?

Tastes like camel's piss but, Jesus,

it gives a man a fuckin' buzz.

Rum. It's all me and my mates used to drink back home.

Yeah? Rum, eh? Here's a good one.

♪ My name is old Jack Palmer I once dug for gold

♪ The song I'm 'bout to sing ya Recalls days of old

♪ When I'd plenty mates around me

♪ And the mates would fairly hum

♪ As we all sat together round the old keg of rum

BOTH: ♪ The old keg of rum, the old keg of rum

♪ As we all sat together round the old keg of rum. ♪

PAUL: ♪The old keg of rum... ♪

♪ Australians all, let us rejoice

♪ For we are young and free

♪ With golden soil and... wealth for toil

♪ Our home is girt by sea. ♪

I hate that fucking song.

'Girt by sea.' Who's Gert?

- (Laughs) - Some fucking big butch lesbian

standing astride Sydney fucking Heads or something.

- It's a fucking shit song. (Both chuckle)

Oh, shit.

Now, seeing as you're such

an amusing fucking Einstein know-it-all bastard,

I got this little game we can play.

- Kinda like a quiz. Yeah. - Right.

I call it Aussie History.

I ask you ten questions, you get half of 'em right, so, five,

and then I'll let you go.

Does that sound alright to you?

That's... That sounds fucking brilliant.

Beauty. (Chuckles)

Sorry. I didn't get your name, mate.

Oh. Mick Taylor's the name.

Pig-shooter and general fuckin' outback legend.

Right. Cheers.

- You ready to rock'n'roll? - Yeah.

(Clears throat) What's that for, Mick?

Oh, I forgot to mention.

For each one that you get wrong, I get to grind off a finger.

(Chuckles)

- (Half-laughs) - Ten questions, ten fingers.

Kind of fitting, you know what I mean?

Of course. (Chuckles)

So it's sort of like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Except you don't get to phone a friend if you get one wrong

because you'll be too busy screaming in fucking agony!

Alright.

Let's rock'n'roll then.

Alright. We'll start off with an easy one.

What Aboriginal term meaning 'waterhole'

is also the name

of an Australian surf clothing company?

Billabong.

- Very good. - (Chuckles)

- Next one's a bit harder. - Right.

But you're a stinkin' Pom, so you'll be alright.

In what year did the British settle in Australia?

Well, um...

After Lieutenant James Cook discovered the east coast

and mapped it in 1770,

the First Fleet arrived and settled on

26th of January, 1788.

(Chuckles)

Does that answer your question?

Jesus! You are a smart cunt.

I might have to let you go on that answer alone.

Where'd you learn all that shit?

Majoring in history? That's a fucking coincidence, isn't it?

But I am a man of my word,

and either way, you know, I did say 10...

Blah, blah, blah. Here we go.

OK.

Rightio.

In what year did the British

start deporting convicts to Australia?

The first 11 ships of the First Fleet arrived with their cargo

of around 780 British convicts in Botany Bay, New South Wales.

And a further two convict fleets arrived in 1790 and 1791.

The first free settlers arrived in 1793.

Mick?

Mick?

That's right. Isn't it?

I know it is.

Why?

I'm not really sure I understand the question.

Why did the British deport convicts to Australia?

Why? Um...

Uh...

Come on, you dumb fuck!

Time waits for no man.

- No, no, no! - Tick, tock, tick, tock...

(Whirring)

First... first... first of all,

after the British lost the 13 colonies -

they'd lost their penal settlements in Virginia

in the United States.

And they needed somewhere to put all the criminals

that were stacking up in England.

There were just too many of these people,

and they were just spreading disease and wasting resources.

(Whirring) - And, second of all, they...

Australia looked to be as rich in resources

as the Americas.

And obviously the British wanted to settle this

before the French did, or the Dutch.

(Coughs)

Something like that?

Mick, no. What the fuck, man? That's right!

What are you doing? Mick! Fuck! That's the right fucking answer!

What do you want me to fucking...

(Screams) Fuck! Mick, that's right!

- (Grunts) - Fuck!

That's the right fucking answer, Mick!

Jesus Christ! No! I got two right. Come on!

You don't need to fucking do this! I got them all right.

(Whirring) - It's the right fucking answer!

(Screams)

(Whirring)

(Whirring stops)

(Screams, groans)

It was fucking right!

- No, it wasn't. - Yes, it was the right...

- No, it wasn't. - (Whines)

The right answer is

because they are a pack of Pommy cunts!

(Screams)

(Chuckles)

No, seriously, you're right, technically.

And that gives me the shits.

(Paul groans)

Come on. Calm down. Calm down.

Jesus Christ, you're going on like a big girl.

It fucking hurts!

Knock those tears off. Knock 'em off, you bloody sook.

- You alright? - Yeah.

Jesus H. Christ, boy. You alright? You alright?

Yeah.

Right? Alright?

(Exhales)

Alright?

Just one more quick one.

An easy one and then I'll get us another drink.

And you can be on your way. Eh?

You're doing real well, mate. You're doing real well.

Cheers.

Now, who's Australia's most famous cricketer?

And not Shane fucking Warne.

Come on.

Come on.

I don't know anything about fucking cricket.

Can you ask me a football question?

You don't have to know about cricket

to know who this bloke is.

Just give me a clue.

Well, he's the greatest cricketer of all time.

The Muhammad Ali of fucking cricket!

Oh, shit. Come on, Paul.

It's on the tip of my fucking tongue!

This'll be on the tip of your tongue in a minute!

No, no, no!

What kind of a bloody idiot you take me for?

What letter does it fucking start with?

'D'. Duh!

Doh. Duh!

- Douglas Jardine. - Fucking Pommy, you idiot.

Dennis...

- Dennis Lillee. - Not fucking Dennis Lillee.

- It's Dennis fucking Lillee. - It's not.

A famous cricketer that starts with 'D'.

It's not fucking Dennis fucking Lillee!

What the fuck is it then if it's not...

Fuck this! Fuck you!

No, no, no! Please! Please! Jesus Christ, the other hand!

MICK: Eh?

Use the fucking other hand, Mick!

Oh. Is that your wanking hand, is it?

- (Sobs) - Oh, well, please yourself.

Mick, it's Dennis fucking Lillee!

- No, it's fucking not. - Dennis fucking Lillee! Please!

Please! Please! Mick! Mick! Mick!

(Mick speaks indistinctly) - It's Dennis Lillee...

Give me that fucking hand

or I'll knock your fucking teeth right down your fucking throat.

You understand me? Eh, eh?

(Screams)

(Bones crack) - (Sobs)

Fuck! Oh, fuck!

(Whirring) - Oh, no!

(Screams)

(Paul screams) - Ah!

(Whirring stops)

(Paul groans)

(Whistles 'Waltzing Matilda')

Please... just let me out of here.

Of course I am going to let you out of there, mate.

You've been a real good sport.

But first I'm going to grab us another drink. Alright?

(Mick sings jaunty ballad)

(Mick chuckles)

- You're going to let me go now? (Mick chuckles)

Yeah, of course I will.

Yeah, I'm going to let you out of here

and then I'm going to take you somewhere else.

- Down there. - No!

'Cause you see, no-one really gets out of here.

Well, not in one piece, you know.

- Figuratively speaking. - (Sobs)

That would just be crazy.

(Sobs) What the fuck is this?

You said you were a man of your word.

I am. I am, mate.

As I said, you owe me, boy.

You took away my plaything.

And so, you're just going to have to stand in for a bit.

Okey-dokey?

No. You're not some fucking faggot freak!

You...

Don't you ever fucking say that!

Don't you ever say that!

Hey!

This will turn you into a woman.

I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't mean it like... that.

Hey, Mick.

It's Don Bradman, bitch. (Spits)

You'll have to do better than that,

you Pommy cunt!

(Shouting echoes)

Oi! That really bloody hurt!

I think you cracked me skull!

I got claret coming out of me bloody scone

all over the place!

There's blood everywhere!

I hope you're happy with yourself, mate!

(Pants)

(Mick chuckles)

I reckon by now you would have found the dead end.

People have been dying to get out of here.

(Chuckles)

Fuck!

♪ Oh, Danny boy

♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling

♪ From glen to glen

♪ And down the mountain side

♪ The summer's gone and all the flowers are dying. ♪

(Mick whistles a tune)

PAUL: You've got to be fucking joking.

MICK: Here comes Uncle Mick!

(Screams)

Make it stop! Please!

Please, don't leave me!

I'll come back! I'll come back!

Please! (Screams)

WOMAN: Help me!

(Woman screams in agony)

(Mick chuckles)

(Woman continues screaming)

(Clatter)

(Distorted toy musical melody)

(Gasps)

(Gags)

(Flies buzz)

(Mick chuckles)

(Sighs)

Now, about all them bodies.

They deserved it.

All of 'em.

Foreign bastards!

Noxious bloody weeds.

Ohh!

Somebody's gotta keep Australia beautiful!

(Tumbling)

Fuck! (Gasps)

MICK: We're having such a good time.

Singing, and drinking, and carrying on.

♪ Tie me kangaroo down, sport

♪ Tie me kangaroo down Tie me... ♪

Ah, fuck ya!

Come on! Come on!

Get out of here! Get him! Go on, get away up there. Get on him!

(Dogs bark) - (Chuckles)

(Chuckles)

(Dogs bark) - No!

(Dog whimpers)

MICK: Come on, mate. Where do you think you're going?

I told ya, there's no way out of here.

What the fuck?

(Mick chuckles)

MICK: ♪ Fee-fi-fo-fum

♪ I smell the blood of a stinkin' Pom! ♪

♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

(Thud) (Groaning)

Bit rough, ain't it?

Now, where were we?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You see, in this world,

there's people like me and there's people like you.

And people like me eat people like you for breakfast

and shit 'em out.

You're nothing but foreign vermin.

A stinking introduced species.

And it's up to my kind to wipe your kind out.

And that makes me the winner.

Which makes you...

(Clang!)

(Siren wails)

(Whines)

(Indistinct police radio)

What's going on?

You got to help me.

You got to help me.

(Crow caws)

♪ VERDI: Caro Nome

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