Original subtitles

Whoo!

All right, man,

make that one.

Easy. Whats the score again?

You have letters H-O-R-S, and I have none.

All right.

Im-a head home. You done, too?

No, Im-a hang around for a little bit.

All right. Hit me up for one last shot.

Splash time.

Hey, whats up, little man?

Yo, whats up?

Want to shoot around?

Nah, man.

But I do want those shoes.

(chuckles): Okay, well, put them on your Christmas list,

and maybe Santa Claus will you bring you some.

I dont believe in no Santa.

But I do believe youre gonna give me those shoes.

Im not giving you my shoes.

Plus, I outweigh you by a hundred pounds.

Well, youre a little big-boned, so its starting to even out.

Now...

you ready to give me those shoes?

(sighs)

You know what?

Fine.

I cant believe this bunch of...

Oh, my God, is that Santa Claus?

♪

MAN (on TV): Okay, its time to turn up the intensity.

Squat down and up.

Work those glutes.

Push that butt back. Push those...

Aw, come on, Calvin. You know, get up.

You promised you would exercise with me.

(chuckles)

Believe you me, baby, you got my heart rate up plenty.

TINA: Oh, hey, Malcolm.

You just getting back from the park with Dave?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

If he ever beats you in basketball,

were gonna have to put you up for adoption.

Well, you dont have to worry about that.

So Im-a go take a shower.

Hold on, hold on. What happened to your shoes?

You know, I lost them.

Dont tell me you lost them in a game to Dave.

Were gonna have to lie about this as a family.

Yeah.

All right, look, its no big deal-- relax-- but...

I just got robbed down at the park.

CALVIN: Whoa, whoa.

What?!

You got robbed?

Look, guys, calm down. Im fine.

Oh, my God, thank God youre okay.

Hey, its cool, Ma.

Who did this, man?

Who attacked you?

Hey, look, its no big deal.

It was just some punks down at the park.

What you mean its no big deal?

Were Butlers, right? You mess with one of us,

you mess with

all

of us.

Thats right.

You know what, Tina? Where you keep my fighting shirt?

No, hold on.

Cause Ill beat up this whole town.

I know you will. I know you will.

You know I will.

Just relax, okay? Theres no need to fight. I will take care of it.

You will?

Yeah. Cause-cause-cause Im a Butler.

Thats right.

A-And Butlers dont play.

Damn right.

You damn right. Now... (growls)

(growls) Yeah. Give it to me. (growls)

(growls)

Yeah! (growls)

Thats right.

Was he messing with me?

♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Thanks for helping us install these cameras.

After what happened to Malcolm, were gonna feel so much safer.

Yeah, well, these babies are top of the line.

You can monitor them from your phone.

They have night vision and zoom.

You know... between this tool belt

and all these new high-tech gadgets,

I kind of feel like Batman.

Really?

Cause you look like one of the Village People.

No, no.

(deep voice): Im Batman.

Dad.

Why are you wearing your fighting shirt?

Im going down to that park,

and Im-a find out who jacked Malcolm.

Well, h-hold on.

Im-a come with you. I can help.

- How are - you

gonna help?

Back home I was part of the Neighborhood Watch.

Now, I dont want to brag, but...

a couple years ago, I single-handedly caught

the elusive Kalamazoo Basil Bandit.

Spoiler alert:

it was a deer.

What?

Spoiler alert: I dont care.

Look, besides,

I dont need you-- I got Abe and Tommy.

Who are they?

A couple of real OGs

that keep their ears to the streets.

OGs? Theyre a couple of old farts

that play chess in the park all day.

They also do tai chi.

O-Okay, well, I-Im-a, Im-a come with you. Why?

As backup.

Look, were a couple of fathers

who both want to keep this neighborhood safe.

Also...

(deep voice): Im Batman.

For subtitling services, contatct: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com

Hey, are the cameras working?

Mm-hmm.

Yep. We can see everything

right here on the TV.

Oh, thank you, Marty.

No, no problem. I love electronics.

You know, I like to pretend like

Im the tech guy on a covert team

with a cool nickname like Virus

or... Firewall.

How about Nerd Man?

Okay, Captain Bed Wetter.

That was our secret.

Hey, man, dont mess with Firewall.

I wont.

Mm, now I got to pee.

So, now do you feel safer?

Here, yeah.

But Im still worried about walking around the neighborhood

or taking Grover to the park.

Oh, you should take a self-defense class.

Oh, please. She doesnt need that.

I got you. See, back in the 90s,

when this area was a little rougher,

I developed my own self-defense system.

Oh, no.

No, not "Tina kwon do" again.

Please. You loved it.

We used to train together all the time.

We did not train together!

I put on homemade protective gear,

and you beat the crap out of me.

It was a bonding experience.

See, I figured out a way to defend myself

using things that I just had in my purse.

Will you teach me?

Of course I will.

Marty, suit up.

No, no, Mama. I just ate.

Well, if you want, I could demonstrate without the pads.

All right, fine.

Okay. Oh, oh, and, uh,

wear a extra pillow, cause were going hard.

This is exciting.

You know, Ive never done anything like this before.

On that deer case, I worked solo.

Mustve been nice.

Hey, hey, fellas.

Calvin.

Aint seen you down here in a minute.

Hey, guys, Im Calvins friend Dave.

Didnt nobody ask who you were.

And dont nobody care.

Hes right, Dave.

They really dont.

Look, fellas, I dont know if you heard,

but Malcolm got mugged down here the other day.

Yeah, we saw it.

Check.

You did?

W-Well, who did it?

It was Jamaal and them.

You mean those little kids over there?

Are you kidding me? This is embarrassing.

Malcolm got rolled by a bunch of little kids?

Well, it looks like Im-a have to go over there

and teach those little kids a lesson.

I didnt even have to wear my fighting shirt.

O-Okay, well... just, Calvin,

dont do something youre gonna regret.

Eh, its too late for that, Dave.

I already brought you.

Yo, Jamaal!

I cant believe those little kids jumped me like that.

It was like watching a bunch of baby lions

take down a wildebeest.

Where were you, anyway? You were supposed to have my back.

Well, I was right there.

I was offering them my shoes instead of yours.

No one wants your Skechers, Dave.

Im letting you know something-- this aint over.

We need to teach those little kids a lesson.

Cause around here, nobody messes with Calvin Butler.

Aah!

(whimpering)

I stepped on a acorn.

Come-come over here.

Give me your shoulder, your shoulder.

Okay. All right.

What the hell, son?

Howd you let yourself get robbed

by a bunch of little kids?

Why do you only got one shoe on?

Because I got robbed by a bunch of little kids!

But at least I fought back.

Yeah, and look what it got you-- no shoes, just like me.

Look...

you might want to count again, Malcolm.

I kept one.

Im going over to Jamaals house

and Im giving his parents a piece of my mind.

Oh, no, no, please dont do that, Pop. That never works out.

What are you talking about?

Fifth grade basketball.

When I wasnt getting enough playing time,

you went and gave my coach "a piece of your mind."

I ended up benched for the whole season.

Well, thats cause Sister Mary Agnes

couldnt see talent.

Look, Pop, when you go talk to people,

it somehow always turns into a fight.

Look, son,

sometimes a man

has

to fight for his family.

See, you wouldnt know that because you dont have kids.

Trust me, Malcolm...

this is what good parenting is.

Now, you might not see it now,

but I-Im really trying to help this kid.

You know, the proof is in the pudding.

I raised a son

with a good head on his shoulders.

Hey, thank you, Pop. (chuckles)

I was talking about Marty.

Okay, so Im-a show you how we protect ourselves

in the hood.

Marty, get in here!

Okay, so,

whenever Im in the streets,

I always carry three self-defense essentials.

Weapon number one.

A comb?

(laughs) It may look like a comb...

because it is a comb, but...

...in the right hands,

stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!

See?

Im safer, and, bonus...

I look fresh.

Eh?

Marty, are you okay?

Aw, hes fine. Okay, so...

weapon number two.

Seasoning salt?

Cheaper than pepper spray and really good on chicken.

Close your eyes, baby.

Huh?

Shake! Shake, shake, shake, shake!

Oh!

Aah! That burns!

It burns so bad.

(chuckles)

(screams)

(sneezing)

Now, third and most lethal weapon.

A whiskey bag?

Full of spare change.

(coins jingling)

Now, to the untrained eye, you know,

Im just an alcoholic

on my way to the Coinstar.

Mm-hmm.

But to the unsuspecting predator?

Ka-ching! Ka-ching, ka-ching!

(grunting)

Ka-ching!

(groans)

You ready to try?

Uh, I think so.

Okay, girl. All right.

So, youre walking down the street.

Okay, and an assailant approaches you.

What do you do?

- Uh, I guess I would whack him a couple times here. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And then maybe a...

a tappity-tap-tap here.

Im so sorry, Marty. Are you okay?

Honestly, anythings better than the salt.

Oh.

Come on, Gemma.

Okay.

This is street warfare, okay?

Okay.

Like, just imagine this man has stolen your purse!

What do you do?

(grunts)

Now give me back my purse, please.

- "Please"? - "Please"?

Yeah, yeah, we... we got a lot of work to do,

or you gonna die.

Thanks for asking me to come along

to talk to Jamaals parents.

I didnt ask you to come along.

Okay, now, Calvin, remember,

were talking about someones child,

so we need to be reasonable, keep our voices at an even tone,

and, no matter what, never be aggressive.

Come on out! I want to talk to you

about your little punk-ass son!

Hey, check it out.

Looks like Gramps got another shoe, huh?

(chuckles)

(chuckles): "Gramps"? Thats all you got?

Boy, Ill kill you!

Okay.

Calvin, Calvin.

Hes a child. Calm down.

Yeah, man, you better listen to your nurse.

Hmm.

You said that like it hurt my feelings.

My aunt is a nurse.

Jamaal, where are your parents?

They aint here.

Well, where are they?

None of your business.

Oh, Ill make it my business! You...

Okay.

Okay, Calvin.

I want the door open.

(chuckles): Careful, old man. You gonna hurt yourself.

This was fun, but Im gonna go back inside

and watch TV. Night-night, Gramps.

And, nurse, make sure he takes his medicine.

Yeah, well, jokes on you.

My aunts saved hundreds of lives!

That kid is disrespectful.

Thats because clearly his parents arent around.

Which is why its up to us to teach him a lesson.

H-Hold on, b-by stealing his bike?

Its called good parenting, Dave.

Hey, Jamaal!

If you want your bike back, come find me!

You getting on or what?

Well, just for the record, I do not approve

of this method of conflict resolution.

All right, how do you want to do this?

What, do I grab a hold of your waist?

Shoulders. Shoulders.

(bell dings)

Listen, Gemma, I know that you are a sweetheart.

But this is not Kalamazoo!

Okay. Okay.

Okay?!

Okay.

When someone comes after you,

you got to go there.

Yeah.

I dont want to hurt Marty.

Screw Marty!

Mama!

Hes not Marty.

He is a bad guy, okay?

Yeah. Okay.

You need to channel your inner anger!

Okay.

(panting)

What is it gonna take for you to release

and unleash that inner beast

and go after this monster?

Uh...

Uh, uh...

I guess if somebody was really trying to hurt Grover.

Good.

Yeah.

Use that, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

This sicko...

GEMMA: Mm-hmm.

Whoa, whoa.

...is going after your kid.

Yeah.

What are you gonna do to protect your little boy?

Yeah.

Mama, I am

your

little boy.

Not today, sicko!

(grunting)

Get him!

Dont hurt my little boy!

Get him!

(grunting)

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

Gemma, its me, Marty!

(grunts)

Cool!

Mom knocked out Firewall.

(Calvin chuckles)

Like that.

Thats right. A bike for a shoe.

(chuckles) Holla at ya boy.

You stole his bike?

Thats right. Because I care.

Look, the boys got to learn that actions have consequences.

An eye for an eye.

Yeah, well, Gandhi said, "An eye for an eye

makes the whole world blind."

Well, Gandhi didnt wear $300 sneakers.

(knock on door)

Look at you, Pop.

Look who I found outside about to tag your truck.

- About to tag - my

truck?

Malcolm, go get some bail money. Im going to jail.

Whoa, no, no, no, no. No, Pop. No. No, stop.

Calm down. Pop.

Now, just let me talk to him for a minute.

Fine. But after that, hes mine.

Hey, you need backup?

Ive been on this case since the beginning.

That was today, Dave.

Yeah, I know. And look, we already caught the perp.

(scoffs)

Man, here we go.

Now youre gonna give me a lecture on stealing, right?

No.

I wasnt gonna give you a lecture.

I was gonna tell you Ill go in there

and get your bike back.

Whats the catch?

Well, you got to listen to my lecture.

Jamaal,

I know what its like to be your age.

Youre trying to figure out how to be a man.

But in this neighborhood...

well, some people have a different idea

of what that means.

- I know what it means. I - am

a man.

Dont tell me what a man you are.

Your bicycle still has a bell on it.

But, hey,

Jamaal, thats a good thing.

Because it means you still get to choose

what kind of man you want to be.

Now, do you want to be a weak one or a strong one?

I was strong enough to take your shoes.

Oh, you think so? Because the way I remember it,

after half a block I stopped running,

turned around, and gave you my shoes.

Thats cause you were afraid.

(laughs)

Jamaal, I am a grown man, and if I wanted to,

I couldve beat the black off of you and your tiny crew.

But I didnt.

Because when I was your age, my father taught me

what makes a man truly strong is helping other people.

You mean Gramps in there?

(chuckles): Yeah.

I know his methods may seem a little old-school,

but my father is the strongest man that I know.

(bell dinging)

I wonder what Malcolms saying

to that little thuglet out there.

You know what? We can watch em

on the security cam feed on my phone.

Unless you think spying on them would be unethical.

Dave, we stole a kids bike.

Oh, that ship has sailed.

Jamaal, what my father taught me is that strength doesnt mean

being able to take things from other people.

It means being able to earn them for yourself.

It means doing the right thing

even when the wrong thing looks easier.

And most important,

real strength doesnt come from pushing other people down.

It comes from lifting em up.

You give me some speech,

and its supposed to change my life?

Brother, I wish it could.

But how about this?

Ill meet you at the park every Saturday.

We shoot hoops and we talk

about whatever you want.

Thats it. Now, you show up if you like.

Maybe.

All right, cool. Now, like I promised,

Ill go get your bike back.

Thats not necessary, son.

Looks like my plan to lure Jamaal over here

so that you could have a talk with him...

has worked.

You can have your bike back.

Um, Dave, are you crying?

It takes a strong man to show his emotions.

Oh, oh, no tears on the fighting shirt.

Come and get it, boy.

Pop, come on, man.

(whooping)

Gonna dunk on you.

Yeah, right.

Youre getting ready to get punked right...

Man, just shoot... Aah!

Oh.

(scoffs)

Look whos here. The kid showed up.

Hey, whats up, little man?

Hey, man.

You know what, now we can play a little two-on-two.

- Yeah. - Okay.

All right, Malcolm and I are captains. I choose first.

Im just saying, I sunk my last three buckets.

Ill take Jamaal.

My man.

All right, little man,

you shoot for first.

Got it.

What? Not all black people play basketball.

Bet you wish you had chosen me, huh?

Not at all.

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