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Adult Adam: The '80s had
a lot of pop trends,
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00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:03,838
and my sister was into all of them.
3
00:00:03,839 --> 00:00:05,944
It all began with New
Kids On The Block.
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00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:07,824
Danny, Donnie, Joe, Jon, Jordan.
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00:00:07,849 --> 00:00:08,970
Danny, Donnie, Joe, Jon, Jordan.
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00:00:08,995 --> 00:00:10,994
Most of these trends
lasted only a week or so,
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00:00:11,019 --> 00:00:12,958
some even shorter.
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00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:15,838
Hey. Girls just want
to have fun, am I right?
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00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:16,998
And it's over.
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00:00:16,999 --> 00:00:18,656
In fact, the styles changed so fast
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00:00:18,664 --> 00:00:21,533
that at school it was nearly
impossible to keep up,
12
00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:22,603
especially for Geoff Schwartz.
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00:00:22,604 --> 00:00:23,875
'Sup, Erica?
14
00:00:23,883 --> 00:00:25,334
Really feeling the flock
today, am I right?
15
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,553
Ugh. Flock of Seagulls
is so last week, Geoff.
16
00:00:27,578 --> 00:00:29,398
We're all about Debbie Gibson now.
17
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,479
But I used an entire
jar of honey for this.
18
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,953
I've been fighting
off bees all morning.
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00:00:32,977 --> 00:00:34,350
I told you. I'm not gonna date you
20
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:35,386
just 'cause we love the same music.
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00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,632
Yeah, Bro. If anything,
22
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:39,897
you should hate her guts
for the crap she listens to.
23
00:00:39,922 --> 00:00:40,906
Whoa, I'm sorry.
24
00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:42,382
Do you have a problem, Johnny Atkins?
25
00:00:42,406 --> 00:00:43,873
My problem is your music sucks.
26
00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:44,977
Big mistake, Bro.
27
00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:47,203
- Yo, back me up, JTP.
- That's a polite pass, Bro.
28
00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:48,920
Your hair suggests you don't know
what you're doing with your life.
29
00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:50,755
Well, you dodged a bullet, homeboy.
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00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:53,671
For your sake, back off my girl.
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00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:55,202
- Not your girl.
- I love you, Erica!
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00:00:55,203 --> 00:00:56,953
- You will be!
- You guys need to get a clue.
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00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,163
There's only one band
on the planet that matters.
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00:00:59,164 --> 00:01:00,943
- Rush.
- Here we go.
35
00:01:00,943 --> 00:01:01,203
- Not again.
- Rush sucks.
36
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:01,687
- I hate you.
- Ugh.
37
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,734
They're not the canned garbage
38
00:01:02,742 --> 00:01:03,771
that you listen to.
39
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:05,757
They're real. They're from Canada.
40
00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:09,100
It's super-cold, so they have
to rock super-hard to stay warm.
41
00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,154
I'll take your word for it.
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00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:11,328
Why take my word for it
43
00:01:11,336 --> 00:01:13,920
when you can come to my Corolla
and find out for yourself?
44
00:01:13,945 --> 00:01:14,906
Unless you're afraid.
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00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:17,467
Of being alone with you
in your rusted-out piece of crap?
46
00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:18,125
For sure.
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00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,205
Hey. Johnny Atkins respects women.
48
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:22,345
He has bad hair days, too.
49
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,205
Not many, though.
50
00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:26,191
You ready to step
into the musical cocoon
51
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,263
and emerge a rock-'n'-roll butterfly?
52
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,238
Just play it so I can be proven right.
53
00:01:33,276 --> 00:01:36,295
In that moment,
my sister's mind unlocked...
54
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,748
♪ A modern-day warrior,
mean, mean stride ♪
55
00:01:37,773 --> 00:01:39,265
as she was ushered
into a world of prog rock.
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00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:40,335
♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪
57
00:01:40,336 --> 00:01:42,215
♪ Mean, mean pride ♪
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00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:47,345
It was an instant attraction
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00:01:47,346 --> 00:01:49,593
in more ways than one.
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00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,452
I don't even know
what's happening right now.
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00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:53,131
Oh, my... This is a terrible mistake.
62
00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:55,148
- One you'll make again.
- Don't tell anyone.
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00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:56,281
I can promise that I won't.
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00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,908
But I definitely will.
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00:01:57,961 --> 00:01:59,367
There's one thing you
should know about me.
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00:01:59,391 --> 00:02:00,540
I'm painfully honest.
67
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:03,470
You're a fox, but you also wear
too much makeup like a clown.
68
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,340
See?
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00:02:05,341 --> 00:02:06,400
♪ The river ♪
70
00:02:06,401 --> 00:02:07,510
Knock it off, you two.
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00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:08,781
You're on school grounds.
72
00:02:08,813 --> 00:02:10,092
And you're in my parking spot.
73
00:02:10,117 --> 00:02:12,166
The window's rolled down so
I know you can hear me.
74
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:13,216
Hello.
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00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,178
Cut it out.
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00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,726
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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00:02:17,735 --> 00:02:21,164
♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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00:02:21,188 --> 00:02:23,680
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:23,705 --> 00:02:24,804
♪ I don't know the future ♪
80
00:02:24,805 --> 00:02:28,894
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,921
It was April 1980-something,
the morning of my birthday.
82
00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:34,498
And that meant one thing.
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00:02:34,523 --> 00:02:37,452
Gah! There's my little birthday
Schmoops!
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00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:39,960
All I want for my birthday
is for you to not call me Schmoops.
85
00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:41,467
Aww, you're cute.
86
00:02:41,492 --> 00:02:44,601
So, look, I know how much you
like big Hollywood directors,
87
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,791
like Steven Lucas
and George Spielberger,
88
00:02:47,816 --> 00:02:49,585
so I special-ordered you this.
89
00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:53,281
Don't hurt your little arms.
It's heavy.
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00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:54,496
My own Oscar?
91
00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:55,497
Read it!
92
00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:56,508
"Best Son".
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00:02:56,533 --> 00:02:58,765
Yes, you are! And
that is gonna go great
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00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:01,585
with the big Hollywood-themed
birthday party I'm throwing you.
95
00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:03,898
Speech!
96
00:03:03,923 --> 00:03:05,726
For once, can't I plan my own birthday?
97
00:03:05,781 --> 00:03:06,436
What?
98
00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:07,461
What is this?
99
00:03:08,471 --> 00:03:09,953
"Best Son"?
100
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,608
You gave Adam a golden trophy?
101
00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:13,132
That squeaky-voiced turd?
102
00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:14,498
Honey, it's not what you think.
103
00:03:14,523 --> 00:03:17,296
Oh, I think this
is exactly what I think.
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00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,820
This tiny golden man
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00:03:18,836 --> 00:03:20,905
is nonliving proof
of what I've always known.
106
00:03:20,906 --> 00:03:21,995
Adam's your favorite.
107
00:03:21,996 --> 00:03:24,553
That is not true.
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00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:26,617
I love all my kids equally.
109
00:03:26,642 --> 00:03:28,545
I don't have a "Best Son" trophy.
110
00:03:28,546 --> 00:03:30,039
The only things you ever gotten me
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00:03:30,064 --> 00:03:31,492
are expensive gifts from the store.
112
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,431
Take it. This trophy represents
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00:03:33,456 --> 00:03:34,992
everything that's wrong
with my life in this house.
114
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,664
No. I want my own trophy
115
00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:39,234
'cause I'm better
than Adam at everything.
116
00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:42,343
Can he soothe animals with just
some peanut butter and a smile?
117
00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:45,413
Can he eat an entire
apple in just two bites?
118
00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:47,617
Hmm? Give me an apple right now.
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00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:55,975
Bad start. Give me another.
120
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,765
Don't waste my apples.
121
00:03:57,797 --> 00:03:59,796
Look, I'm sorry you feel this way,
122
00:03:59,797 --> 00:04:01,077
but there's nothing that'll convince me
123
00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:03,161
that I play favorites.
124
00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:05,050
Barry: See that?
125
00:04:05,051 --> 00:04:07,120
Adam's photo is twice the size of ours!
126
00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,100
This is a misunderstanding.
127
00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:11,030
The photo guy made it the wrong size,
128
00:04:11,031 --> 00:04:12,272
and I couldn't return it.
129
00:04:12,297 --> 00:04:15,812
Please. I've seen you return
a dead goldfish, used ChapStick,
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00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:18,785
and a bathing suit Dad wore for 10
straight days in Puerto Rico.
131
00:04:18,786 --> 00:04:21,397
That liner was destroyed.
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00:04:21,422 --> 00:04:22,234
Destroyed.
133
00:04:22,242 --> 00:04:24,109
I know the truth and so does he.
134
00:04:24,134 --> 00:04:26,757
Just look at that smug
little face lording it over me.
135
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:28,742
Adam?! Where are you?! You're so dead!
136
00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:33,137
Oh, no. What have I done?
137
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,703
You've woken me up.
138
00:04:34,766 --> 00:04:36,705
Barry thinks I got
a bigger photo of Adam
139
00:04:36,705 --> 00:04:38,155
'cause he's my favorite.
140
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:40,129
Every parent has a secret favorite.
141
00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:41,179
Mine's Erica.
142
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,789
You can't say that.
143
00:04:42,814 --> 00:04:44,209
I don't have a favorite.
144
00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:47,039
Beverly. Come on. Come on.
145
00:04:47,064 --> 00:04:48,664
It's Adam, damn it.
146
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:52,239
He's my cute little munchkin
who sweats when he sleeps
147
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,119
and then I flip the pillow
over to the cool side and...
148
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,174
And then he whispers, "Love you, Mama,"
149
00:04:58,199 --> 00:05:00,199
and then I just want to gobble
his delicious face!
150
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,351
Okay.
151
00:05:01,755 --> 00:05:03,844
My God. Barry's right.
152
00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:07,199
Well, starting now, he is gonna
know what it's like
153
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,129
to be my number-one son.
154
00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:11,175
Get back here! You will pay
for what your picture did!
155
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,451
I was just reading a book!
156
00:05:12,476 --> 00:05:14,259
This makes no sense!
157
00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:16,071
As my mom was coming to terms
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00:05:16,096 --> 00:05:17,140
with who her favorite child was,
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00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:21,057
my sister had no doubts who her
new favorite band was.
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00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:22,031
Wait. What is happening?
161
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:23,156
Why are you covering up Debbie G.?
162
00:05:23,164 --> 00:05:25,303
'Cause I discovered something
infinitely better...
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00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000
Rush.
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00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,054
Holy crap.
165
00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:29,158
You made out with Johnny Atkins.
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00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:30,381
You're a bad little girl.
167
00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:31,975
How could you possibly know that?
168
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,710
Because he's the only other
person I know
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00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,320
who's obsessed
with that lame wizard band.
170
00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:36,304
Also, he's telling everyone.
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00:05:36,312 --> 00:05:38,843
Oh, God, I knew I shouldn't
have made out with him.
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00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,077
You don't actually like him, do you?
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00:05:40,102 --> 00:05:40,929
I don't know.
174
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:42,756
He's like a cocky band nerd,
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00:05:42,781 --> 00:05:44,749
but he's also honest and deep,
176
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,162
but he also has a ponytail.
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00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:47,256
It's so confusing.
178
00:05:47,258 --> 00:05:49,197
I've dated the biggest
jerks on the planet.
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00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:50,218
Trust me.
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00:05:50,243 --> 00:05:52,062
You need to end up with a nice
guy like Barry.
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00:05:52,087 --> 00:05:53,307
Okay, please don't gag
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00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:55,147
when I mention your brother's name.
183
00:05:55,148 --> 00:05:55,992
Why are you gagging?
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00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:58,217
I'm sorry, but her gaggy
face is making me gag.
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00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:04,187
Stop.
186
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,928
Yo. It's Johnny Atkins.
187
00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:08,186
Yo. So?
188
00:06:08,211 --> 00:06:09,764
So, Erica's expecting me.
189
00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:11,928
Mind if I just pop
upstairs, chill for a few?
190
00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,648
Yes, very much.
191
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,937
All right. Then give her this flier.
192
00:06:15,969 --> 00:06:17,311
Battle of the Bands this weekend.
193
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:19,015
Speed Up's gonna win top prize.
194
00:06:19,039 --> 00:06:21,048
- Speed Up?
- My Rush cover band.
195
00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:22,108
Thinking Erica could join us
196
00:06:22,109 --> 00:06:24,188
'cause our guitarist got
arrested for selling...
197
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:25,405
- fudge.
- Fudge.
198
00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:26,858
So good, it's illegal.
199
00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:27,867
Okay.
200
00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:29,483
Well, are you gonna
have her call, or...
201
00:06:29,963 --> 00:06:32,002
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
202
00:06:32,003 --> 00:06:34,952
I'm not letting Ponytail Johnson
anywhere near my daughter.
203
00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:38,942
Trying to keep them from each other
is a classic mistake.
204
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,437
It'll only make her want him more.
205
00:06:41,516 --> 00:06:42,968
Just like with you and Bev.
206
00:06:42,993 --> 00:06:44,664
Please. You loved me.
207
00:06:44,711 --> 00:06:46,578
No. I hated you real bad.
208
00:06:46,603 --> 00:06:48,705
Thought you were a stubborn grump.
209
00:06:48,706 --> 00:06:51,531
First night, I nicknamed
you "El Lumpo."
210
00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:52,705
'Cause you're a lump.
211
00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:53,474
Yeah, yeah. I get it.
212
00:06:53,499 --> 00:06:55,527
Really bad-mouthed you to everyone.
213
00:06:55,552 --> 00:06:57,132
Backfired big-time,
214
00:06:57,148 --> 00:06:59,795
so when you think
about it, you're welcome.
215
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,921
This is hurtful.
216
00:07:00,937 --> 00:07:02,395
Just leave it alone for a week
217
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,349
and it'll go away on its own.
218
00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:05,409
Was someone at the door?
219
00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:08,304
I'm not sure. Murray,
did someone stop by?
220
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,209
No, he did not.
221
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,609
While my dad was ignoring Pops' advice,
222
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:19,711
my mom was about to turn
all her attention to Barry.
223
00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:23,445
The heck is this?
224
00:07:23,453 --> 00:07:26,842
Just a "Best Son" trophy
for my real best son.
225
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:27,867
Here's the truth.
226
00:07:28,969 --> 00:07:32,968
You are an amazing athlete
with a ton of trophies.
227
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:35,444
I only gave Adam one for "Best Son"
228
00:07:35,469 --> 00:07:37,490
so he wouldn't be jealous
of your greatness.
229
00:07:37,515 --> 00:07:39,484
See, this makes sense.
230
00:07:39,509 --> 00:07:41,984
And to prove you really
are the best son,
231
00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:45,464
I'm gonna focus all my time
and energy on you.
232
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,796
Just please don't say anything to Adam.
233
00:07:47,821 --> 00:07:49,504
And hurt his feelings?
234
00:07:49,797 --> 00:07:50,664
I would never.
235
00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:53,684
Sorry, sucka! Barry's number one.
236
00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:55,656
- The trophy's mine forever.
- Cool.
237
00:07:55,681 --> 00:07:57,030
Hope you enjoyed your day as "Best Son"
238
00:07:57,055 --> 00:07:59,420
'cause now Mom's only gonna
focus on me.
239
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,117
- Ha!
- Wait.
240
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:02,703
Did she really say that?
241
00:08:02,719 --> 00:08:03,640
Absolutely.
242
00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,272
Oh, my God.
243
00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:07,276
You literally are the best
brother ever.
244
00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:09,296
And the best son.
245
00:08:09,297 --> 00:08:10,545
My mother's rejection of me
246
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:13,062
is the most wonderful birthday
gift I could ever get.
247
00:08:13,094 --> 00:08:15,133
- It's your birthday?
- From the bottom of my heart,
248
00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:17,103
thank you, Barry Norman Goldberg.
249
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,699
You're welcome.
250
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,570
I feel like you're trying
to tell me something,
251
00:08:22,595 --> 00:08:24,445
but I'm too excited
to figure out what it is!
252
00:08:27,524 --> 00:08:28,578
Hello, Father.
253
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,171
Tell me something.
254
00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:32,609
By chance does this "Battle
of the Bands" flier
255
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:34,082
look at all familiar to you?
256
00:08:34,107 --> 00:08:35,389
Just say what you're gonna say.
257
00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,515
I saw Johnny Atkins at school today.
258
00:08:37,539 --> 00:08:39,866
He told me you slammed
the door in his face.
259
00:08:39,891 --> 00:08:40,960
Oh, that.
260
00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:43,843
Yeah, I only did
that because he's a piece of [bleep].
261
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,890
- You get it.
- Gonna backfire.
262
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,890
How could you be so shallow and judgy?
263
00:08:47,891 --> 00:08:49,980
- You don't even know him.
- Mistake.
264
00:08:49,981 --> 00:08:52,000
I know he's a teenage boy
265
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:55,084
who associates with fudge dealers.
266
00:08:55,109 --> 00:08:56,031
Here it comes.
267
00:08:56,047 --> 00:08:57,975
Johnny's, like, super deep.
268
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,367
He introduced me to Rush,
269
00:08:59,391 --> 00:09:00,430
he makes wax hands,
270
00:09:00,431 --> 00:09:02,178
and he even wrote me a poem.
271
00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:03,561
- I'll read it.
- Please don't.
272
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,605
"Her eyes sparkle like the sun.
273
00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:06,975
Erica."
274
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,624
Don't bash the poem.
275
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,708
I hate that poem.
276
00:09:09,893 --> 00:09:11,367
And I hate that boy.
277
00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:13,031
You are not going out with him.
278
00:09:13,047 --> 00:09:14,843
What?! You can't tell me who to date!
279
00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:16,873
And yet, I just did.
280
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,890
It's happening.
281
00:09:18,977 --> 00:09:21,886
Will you stop singing ominous warnings?
282
00:09:21,886 --> 00:09:22,895
It's done.
283
00:09:24,876 --> 00:09:27,105
But, of course, it had only begun.
284
00:09:29,946 --> 00:09:31,975
Hey. Erica.
285
00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:33,025
What'd I say?
286
00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:34,342
You said no going out,
287
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,078
which is exactly why we're staying in.
288
00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:39,350
That's not in the spirit
of our agreement and you know it.
289
00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:40,992
Yo. Dad-bro.
290
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,086
Can you close the door?
291
00:09:42,087 --> 00:09:43,136
You're letting all the good vibes out.
292
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,945
Shut up, Ponytail Johnson!
293
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:46,116
I joined Johnny's band,
294
00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:47,968
so we're gonna be
practicing here a lot.
295
00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:49,126
Now, if you'll excuse me.
296
00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:51,186
No, I won't excuse you!
297
00:09:51,187 --> 00:09:52,177
What the hell?!
298
00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,206
Don't do that!
299
00:09:53,207 --> 00:09:54,694
Do not kiss him!
300
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,523
It's my garage!
301
00:09:56,548 --> 00:09:59,358
You hear me?! That's my garage!
302
00:09:59,961 --> 00:10:02,780
It was only the first day
of Barry being the number-one son
303
00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:05,256
and I was already reaping the benefits.
304
00:10:05,281 --> 00:10:08,515
Schmoopaloo, Mama has
some truly tragic news.
305
00:10:08,547 --> 00:10:09,920
Barry's hockey game this weekend
306
00:10:09,945 --> 00:10:12,824
is at the exact same
time as your party.
307
00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:14,570
You're... You're not gonna be there?
308
00:10:14,595 --> 00:10:15,920
Of course we'll rush right back,
309
00:10:15,945 --> 00:10:18,350
but as far as the planning
goes and everything...
310
00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:18,976
I'll plan it myself.
311
00:10:19,008 --> 00:10:20,170
You don't have to worry about anything.
312
00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,748
Okay. Headed to practice.
313
00:10:21,773 --> 00:10:23,792
Not yet. Come and eat
this chili I made you.
314
00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:26,693
No, I'm not gonna eat a bowl
of chili before I play.
315
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:27,694
It'll slow me down!
316
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:29,062
Nonsense. It'll give you strength.
317
00:10:29,109 --> 00:10:31,138
It's Mama's special power chili.
318
00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:32,139
I don't want it.
319
00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:33,959
It's loaded with meat and beans.
320
00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:34,570
I don't want it.
321
00:10:34,586 --> 00:10:37,045
It's Mama's special power chili.
322
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,069
I'm not gonna eat
your special power chili.
323
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,079
Look at the meat and beans.
324
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,149
I see the meat and beans.
325
00:10:41,150 --> 00:10:43,049
I just don't want to eat
the meat and beans.
326
00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,149
Eat the damn meat
and beans, get some power,
327
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:47,467
then wash it down with some bone-strengthening
buttermilk.
328
00:10:47,492 --> 00:10:50,553
No milk and no chili. I have
to skate for three hours!
329
00:10:50,578 --> 00:10:51,905
That's why you need the buttermilk.
330
00:10:51,930 --> 00:10:55,164
It coats the mouth and belly
from all the power-giving chili.
331
00:10:55,227 --> 00:10:57,069
- No.
- There you go.
332
00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:59,023
It's so beany and meaty.
333
00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:00,156
Feel the beefy power.
334
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,179
My tongue can't fight the beefiness.
335
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:03,725
Shh. Mama knows.
336
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,101
Now you're ready.
337
00:11:05,109 --> 00:11:07,088
Just go make a boom-boom
and I'll take you.
338
00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:07,843
But I just have practice.
339
00:11:07,883 --> 00:11:09,873
Oh, I'm going to every practice.
340
00:11:09,874 --> 00:11:11,374
In fact, I made these
341
00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:13,379
deviled energy eggs for the ride.
342
00:11:16,602 --> 00:11:17,572
What just happened?
343
00:11:17,573 --> 00:11:18,718
You're her favorite.
344
00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:20,732
Enjoy.
345
00:11:20,757 --> 00:11:22,320
Y-You got a little something on your...
346
00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:23,523
Ah, never mind.
347
00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:26,549
As Barry was surprised by what came
with being "Best Son,"
348
00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:29,241
my dad gave Erica a shock of her own.
349
00:11:29,242 --> 00:11:30,468
Murray: What do you know?
350
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,549
All of your closest
friends, classmates,
351
00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:37,108
and your teacher here in our den.
352
00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,195
Hey there, Erica.
353
00:11:38,227 --> 00:11:39,316
Why is my guidance counselor
354
00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:40,928
wearing shorts in my living room?
355
00:11:40,953 --> 00:11:41,929
Please have a seat.
356
00:11:41,937 --> 00:11:44,878
Last thing I'm gonna do is be
negative about Ponytail Johnson,
357
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,077
but... Hoo-hoo!... They sure will.
358
00:11:47,102 --> 00:11:48,522
The guy's a total tool bag, Erica.
359
00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:50,648
See? I didn't say it. Your
best friend Lacey did.
360
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,334
- Lainey.
- Is this a friggin' joke?
361
00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:53,616
His face is a joke.
362
00:11:53,641 --> 00:11:55,085
And his poetry is awful.
363
00:11:55,109 --> 00:11:57,038
And the dude only wears Rush shirts.
364
00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:58,233
Yeah, it's like, try a polo, Bro.
365
00:11:58,258 --> 00:11:59,851
Or a V-neck. I mean, what's his deal?
366
00:11:59,876 --> 00:12:01,882
- What's he hiding?
- Shut up, JTP!
367
00:12:01,914 --> 00:12:03,342
My love life is none of your business.
368
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,687
And you... Why are you even here?
You're a teacher.
369
00:12:05,712 --> 00:12:07,953
I'm here to guide you
away from dating Atkins.
370
00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:10,013
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's an adult man
371
00:12:10,014 --> 00:12:12,578
living amongst the student
body as an undercover cop.
372
00:12:12,594 --> 00:12:14,583
- Like "21 Jump Street"?
- Mm-hmm.
373
00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:15,526
That makes sense to me.
374
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:17,374
You completely ambushed me.
375
00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:18,296
I can't believe you.
376
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,390
Not me.
377
00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:21,506
Your friends, your teacher,
378
00:12:21,531 --> 00:12:24,179
and that excitable boy
who so clearly loves you.
379
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:25,253
Who is it? I'll fight him.
380
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,374
Well, I don't care
what any of you think.
381
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:29,242
In fact, if I'm getting rid
of anybody, it's you guys.
382
00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:31,334
- Yeah, not buying it.
- Well, you better buy
383
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,648
'cause I choose Johnny
over all you assclowns.
384
00:12:33,673 --> 00:12:35,257
- No, you don't.
- I love the guy.
385
00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:36,321
You're stubborn and digging in.
386
00:12:36,346 --> 00:12:37,874
We'll see who's stubborn
when I marry him
387
00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,859
and don't invite
any of you to the wedding.
388
00:12:41,836 --> 00:12:43,845
So, I was promised pizza.
389
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:44,905
Where are we on that?
390
00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:46,687
Also, can we add some wings?
391
00:12:46,727 --> 00:12:48,766
I just find that they make
any situation better.
392
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:51,054
Eating with your hands is fun.
393
00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:51,836
Out.
394
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:55,147
Yep, my steadfast sister
was doubling down on love
395
00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:56,531
while my brother wasn't sure
396
00:12:56,556 --> 00:12:57,876
how much more love he could take.
397
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:02,360
Hey! Ad Rock!
398
00:13:02,361 --> 00:13:04,717
How about a thirst-quenching
Ecto Cooler
399
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,983
for the birthday boy, huh?
400
00:13:06,008 --> 00:13:07,210
I'm not taking Mom back.
401
00:13:07,235 --> 00:13:08,710
Pfft! What?
402
00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:10,514
No.
403
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,618
But now that you bring it up,
404
00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:13,523
don't you think Mom would be
a killer party planner?
405
00:13:13,548 --> 00:13:15,320
I got that covered.
406
00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:16,504
Check this out.
407
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,890
The hell is this crap?
408
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,828
The single greatest party
in eighth-grade history.
409
00:13:20,853 --> 00:13:22,937
It's an overwhelming
feast for the senses,
410
00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:24,186
and I have you to thank for it.
411
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:25,250
Please?
412
00:13:25,251 --> 00:13:26,222
My stomach can't take any more
413
00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:28,246
of that chili meat and buttery milk.
414
00:13:28,271 --> 00:13:29,726
You got to take Mom back.
415
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,609
Never! From this point on,
416
00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,749
you're gonna be her
delicious snuggle monster,
417
00:13:33,774 --> 00:13:35,287
and I'm gonna be left all alone.
418
00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:36,577
Don't you dare say that!
419
00:13:36,602 --> 00:13:38,343
And this isn't just for this week.
420
00:13:38,368 --> 00:13:41,428
This will stretch
months, years, decades,
421
00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:42,453
until she moves in with you.
422
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:43,873
How can you be so cruel?
423
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,328
This is what you asked for, Pal.
424
00:13:45,359 --> 00:13:46,881
You brought Mom's love on yourself.
425
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:50,716
I hope no one comes
to your ridiculous awesome party!
426
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,936
I have that all in my Trapper Keeper.
427
00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,718
Barry was miserable being
the new number-one son.
428
00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:02,771
Meanwhile, Erica's band
429
00:14:02,796 --> 00:14:04,936
was making my dad even more miserable.
430
00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:05,984
This is crazy.
431
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,859
He's been playing the drums
for over an hour.
432
00:14:07,884 --> 00:14:10,147
You've brought this
upon yourself, Murr.
433
00:14:10,172 --> 00:14:12,358
It should have worked. I didn't
say a word to the girl.
434
00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:13,664
Instead of telling her yourself,
435
00:14:13,672 --> 00:14:16,420
you had everyone else
in her life gang up on her.
436
00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:19,109
You took a love forbidden by her father
437
00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:21,148
and made it forbidden by the world.
438
00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,421
Oh, damn it. It sounds romantic.
439
00:14:23,836 --> 00:14:28,164
♪ Love ninja nunchucked my life apart ♪
440
00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:33,202
Wow. That's really good.
You wrote that?
441
00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:34,499
Yeah. And I never would have thought
442
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:36,162
to put a 10-minute drum
solo in the middle.
443
00:14:36,187 --> 00:14:37,414
I just Rush'd it up.
444
00:14:37,439 --> 00:14:39,148
We're actually really good.
445
00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:41,288
And, like, we're actually
pretty good, too.
446
00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:43,171
Oh, boy. Here we go.
447
00:14:43,196 --> 00:14:44,242
Yo. It's gonna be one of those.
448
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,298
I told you.
449
00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,506
Johnny Atkins doesn't
put labels on things.
450
00:14:48,531 --> 00:14:50,520
The thing is, I kind
of went out on a limb
451
00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:52,179
and told everyone that
452
00:14:52,204 --> 00:14:54,193
even though they think
you're human trash,
453
00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:55,257
I'll be with you forever,
454
00:14:55,282 --> 00:14:58,866
so, yeah, kind of locked into this.
455
00:14:58,891 --> 00:15:00,414
You love me. I get it.
456
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:02,439
Johnny Atkins is a roller
coaster that only goes up.
457
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,469
Oh, God, no.
458
00:15:03,494 --> 00:15:05,992
I mean, you've for sure
grown on me, but yuck.
459
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:08,172
So you're saying the roller
coaster goes down?
460
00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:09,741
No. I definitely think
461
00:15:09,766 --> 00:15:11,430
we should take things
to the next level,
462
00:15:11,446 --> 00:15:13,867
even though I'm kind of like, "Ehhh."
463
00:15:13,899 --> 00:15:16,147
This is rocking my world
and not in a good way.
464
00:15:16,172 --> 00:15:17,241
Look on the bright side.
465
00:15:17,242 --> 00:15:19,389
One day we'll get married
so I can prove a point,
466
00:15:19,414 --> 00:15:21,523
and that's not nothing, fella.
467
00:15:21,525 --> 00:15:23,444
Wait. What about practice?
468
00:15:23,445 --> 00:15:25,078
Battle of the Bands is this weekend.
469
00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:26,570
For me. You're out.
470
00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:28,908
Mostly 'cause what you said sucked.
471
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:39,546
It was the day
before my birthday party,
472
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,835
and I was discovering
that planning it without my mom
473
00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:43,741
was a lot harder than I thought.
474
00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,715
I don't care if it'll get
the other kids sick.
475
00:15:45,716 --> 00:15:47,705
I promised drinks with fog!
476
00:15:47,706 --> 00:15:49,453
Why would a clown need
to see a picture of me
477
00:15:49,477 --> 00:15:50,566
before he agrees to come?
478
00:15:50,591 --> 00:15:52,351
You can't make me a camera cake?
479
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,499
You advertise specialty cakes!
480
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,329
Oh, you're a fraud!
481
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,600
This is a disaster, man!
482
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,764
You want to talk disaster?
483
00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:04,094
I've eaten so much power
chili my body has adapted.
484
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,984
It's starting to crave
it like water or air.
485
00:16:06,009 --> 00:16:08,156
My party's tomorrow
and the vendors are impossible.
486
00:16:08,181 --> 00:16:10,984
I'm a boy. I can't plan
the hugest party ever!
487
00:16:11,009 --> 00:16:12,734
Mom could have done it easily.
488
00:16:12,782 --> 00:16:14,680
Too bad she's busy ruining my life.
489
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:16,133
I need her.
490
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,208
Say it again!
491
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,180
- Say it!
- I take it back.
492
00:16:18,205 --> 00:16:19,601
Adam needs you!
493
00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:21,483
Focus on him and not me.
494
00:16:21,508 --> 00:16:22,531
What? What's wrong?
495
00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,312
He misses being
your little Schmoopaloo.
496
00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:25,991
I admit it. He's the best son.
497
00:16:26,016 --> 00:16:27,035
Take him back.
498
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:29,949
Aww. You really miss your mama?
499
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:31,680
Okay, fine. I do.
500
00:16:31,703 --> 00:16:33,762
I miss you getting me
everything I ever wanted
501
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:36,672
through fear, intimidation,
and remorseless perseverance.
502
00:16:36,673 --> 00:16:40,336
That is the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
503
00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:42,250
Come to Mama.
504
00:16:42,275 --> 00:16:44,555
But I still feel awful.
505
00:16:45,622 --> 00:16:47,070
I just can't live with the idea
506
00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,351
that you think I love
Adam more than you.
507
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,406
No. Adam's your baby.
508
00:16:51,431 --> 00:16:52,609
Always will be.
509
00:16:52,634 --> 00:16:54,728
And, man, I am more
than okay with that.
510
00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:57,430
Okay, so party's tomorrow.
What exactly do you need?
511
00:16:57,455 --> 00:16:59,474
- Everything.
- Everything?!
512
00:16:59,854 --> 00:17:01,953
Don't panic. Give me a phone book.
513
00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:03,765
Mama's got to see a man
about a mini horse.
514
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,515
As my mom set out to save the party
of the year,
515
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,844
my dad realized he needed to save Erica
516
00:17:08,869 --> 00:17:10,625
from throwing away something she loved.
517
00:17:10,868 --> 00:17:11,883
Can we talk?
518
00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:13,492
Like, just you and me,
519
00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:15,167
or is everyone who matters in my life
520
00:17:15,192 --> 00:17:16,601
standing outside the door?
521
00:17:17,063 --> 00:17:18,192
I messed up.
522
00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:20,422
I, uh, wanted to be better
523
00:17:20,447 --> 00:17:24,390
than all those other crazy
dads and protect you,
524
00:17:24,622 --> 00:17:27,679
but I only made things way worse.
525
00:17:27,704 --> 00:17:28,750
It's just...
526
00:17:28,775 --> 00:17:30,297
It's not easy seeing
527
00:17:30,322 --> 00:17:34,554
my peanut all grown up and dating guys.
528
00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:37,859
Well, I guess we both got carried away.
529
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:39,945
I mean, I was ready
to stay with some dude
530
00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:41,594
just to prove you wrong.
531
00:17:41,619 --> 00:17:43,242
And the worst part?
532
00:17:43,555 --> 00:17:45,789
I'm really gonna miss
being in that cover band.
533
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,125
Just because you broke
up with the guy...
534
00:17:49,383 --> 00:17:51,273
doesn't mean you got
to break up with the band.
535
00:17:53,553 --> 00:17:55,047
Battle of the Bands. Who's in?
536
00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:56,328
Me. I'll literally do
whatever you want.
537
00:17:56,353 --> 00:17:57,442
Not you.
538
00:17:57,623 --> 00:18:00,398
I want to form a Rush cover
band, just the girls.
539
00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:02,383
Dude, does it have to be Rush?
540
00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:05,281
Answer after you listen.
541
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,929
Whoa. Whoa.
542
00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:17,250
♪ A modern-day warrior ♪
543
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:18,610
♪ Mean, mean stride ♪
544
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:19,722
♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪
545
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,642
♪ Mean, mean pride ♪
546
00:18:23,693 --> 00:18:24,803
I love you, Erica!
547
00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,672
Okay, everybody! Party faces right now!
548
00:18:31,673 --> 00:18:33,672
And 3, 2, 1!
549
00:18:33,673 --> 00:18:35,662
♪ Though his mind is not for rent ♪
550
00:18:35,663 --> 00:18:37,624
- ♪ Don't put him down as arrogant ♪
- Happy birthday!
551
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,265
And so began the most epic
552
00:18:39,298 --> 00:18:41,287
middle-school party of all time.
553
00:18:41,312 --> 00:18:42,952
- ♪ Riding out the day's events ♪
- Hell yeah!
554
00:18:44,192 --> 00:18:45,292
♪ The river ♪
555
00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:49,642
Whoa!
556
00:19:01,844 --> 00:19:03,903
♪ What you say about his company ♪
557
00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,903
♪ Is what you say about society ♪
558
00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:09,873
♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪
559
00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:12,833
♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift ♪
560
00:19:12,834 --> 00:19:13,973
Cue the mini horse.
561
00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:19,923
Mini horse!
562
00:19:19,948 --> 00:19:23,759
- In mini sneakers!
-♪ The world is, the world is ♪
563
00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:27,187
♪ Love and life are deep ♪
564
00:19:27,212 --> 00:19:31,679
♪ Maybe as his eyes are wide ♪
565
00:19:36,954 --> 00:19:38,783
♪ Today's Tom Sawyer ♪
566
00:19:38,784 --> 00:19:39,803
♪ He gets high on you ♪
567
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,903
♪ And the space he invades ♪
568
00:19:40,904 --> 00:19:42,803
♪ He gets by on you ♪
569
00:19:45,892 --> 00:19:47,500
Awesome camera cake!
570
00:19:50,751 --> 00:19:53,750
That fateful night, my sister
realized she didn't need a boy
571
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,617
to achieve her rock-'n'-roll dreams,
572
00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:58,242
and I realized I may not
have been the best son,
573
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:01,234
but I definitely had the best mom.
574
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,123
And obviously the best dance moves.
575
00:20:13,663 --> 00:20:16,482
Beverly: Well, Adam hopes
some day to make real movies,
576
00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:18,692
like his idol, Steven Spielberg.
577
00:20:18,693 --> 00:20:21,672
Maybe someday this will become
a real one for you.
578
00:20:21,673 --> 00:20:24,602
Adam: I'd like to thank everybody.
579
00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:26,512
My family.
580
00:20:26,513 --> 00:20:27,682
And my friends.
581
00:20:27,683 --> 00:20:30,582
And... And everybody
for making this possible.
582
00:20:30,583 --> 00:20:31,632
Thanks for being there
when I needed you.
583
00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:43,181
'Sup, Erica?
584
00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:44,211
Want to go out to my Jetta
585
00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:46,191
and listen to a little "Exit...
Stage Left"?
586
00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:48,250
Rush? That's, like, so last week.
587
00:20:48,275 --> 00:20:49,781
We're into The Cure now.
588
00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:51,909
Can you guys, like, clue
me in a little next time?
589
00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:53,870
This horsehair ponytail was expensive!
590
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,029
Whoa.
591
00:20:58,015 --> 00:20:59,899
Are you me?
592
00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,940
I've had way too much fudge today.
42623
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