All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S03E07.720p.HDTV.X264-MRSK

Kids, everybody makes mistakes.

Take this girl Meg for instance.

She made a mistake,

a mistake named Barney.

Yeah, I thought I was gonna get
married to my last boyfriend but,

boy, did that guy
have commitment issues.

That whole relationship...

that's three weeks of my
life I'll never get back.

Well, I love commitment.

I wish I could marry
commitment.

- I met a girl last night.
- Really?

So perky and full of life
and not at all fake.

- You're talking about her boobs, right?
- S�. ("C")

And that wasn't Spanish,
that was cup size. What up?

- So, these boobs...
- Hmm.

- paint me a word picture.
- All right, Ted.

Imagine the heads
of two Irish babies.

- Let's call them... and...
- Please stop!

When you get married, you start
outgrowing certain parts of your life.

And for Lily and Marshall,
those certain parts were,

for the most part, me.

Why would you come in?
You heard me shaving!

I thought you were
shaving your face!

Well, clearly I wasn't!

Pay up! Hussy!

Guys. Guys,
it's 3:00 in the morning

and it reeks in here.

Ted said it was okay.

Ah, hey, Marshall.
You're still up?

Aren't you taking the bar
tomorrow?

Discontent was bubbling
under the surface,

until one day...

Ted!

How many times
have I asked you to put the lid

back on the peanut butter jar?

It's this sort of inconsiderate,
immature jackassery

that makes me feel like I'm living
in the Real World house,

and not the early years
when they all had jobs

and social consciences.
I'm talking about Hawaii and after!

I can't take this anymore!
Ted, Lily and I are married now!

It's time!

We're getting our own place!

Actually, I left the lid off.
Sorry, baby.

But still, it was time
to move forward.

So, they set out to find
a new apartment to rent.

Hey, here's one.

Pre-war building,
recently renovated,

hardwood floors,
tons of light,

two bedroom, two bath.

Oh, yeah, but that one's not
for rent. It's for sale.

Kids, Uncle Marshall
always likes to say

that he had made three big
mistakes in his life.

- This was the first.
- Jump, you big chicken!

- Jump ! You afraidy cat!
- Jump!

This was the second.

And this was the third
and biggest.

- We should buy a place!
- What?

Baby, real estate is always
a good investment.

It's not.

And the market is really hot
right now.

It wasn't.

And because of my new job, we are
in such a strong place financially.

They weren't.

Because Lily had a secret...

Hi. My name is Lily
and I'm a shopaholic.

Hi, Lily.

Oh, you guys don't do that here?
Sorry. Proceed.

I buy designer clothes
and accessories that I can't afford.

I have 15 credit cards,
and they're all maxed out.

And no one outside of this room,
not even my husband, knows.

And I, I feel terrible because
all I want to do right now

is ask you where you got those shoes.
They're adorable.

We can't buy, we have debt.

Yeah, I know,
my student loans are pretty big.

I forgive you.

What?

Well... I'm just saying
as your wife,

you know, I'm cool that you spent
tens of thousands of dollars

on a brand name law school.

Because I know it makes you feel
good and pretty.

Let's just go take a look
at this place.

Where is it?

Uh, it's in a
neighborhood called...

Dowisetrepla?

Dowisetrepla.

Oh, I see, you're
not New Yorkers.

Oh, actually we live
on the Upper West Side, so...

No need to be embarrassed,
listen, here in New York

we just shorten the names
of all the neighborhoods,

SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita...

Oh, right. Dowisetrepla.

No, I'm,
I'm from New York.

I know this neighborhood.
I'm down with D-town.

Oh, well,
nobody calls it D-town.

Dowisetrepla is
the up-and-coming neighborhood.

And I have to tell you,
for these prices,

you're not going to be able
to find another...

I'm, I'm gonna stop you
right there.

Don't bother
with the hard sell.

This place is, is way
out of our price range,

and besides, we've only
just started to looking.

Is what Marshall
should have said.

I'm gonna stop you
right there.

I love it!
Let's get it!

How I Met Your Mother 3x07
- Dowisetrepla -

Thank you, guys,
for coming down here so quickly.

I've never been to
this neighborhood.

Kind of thought this part
of town was water.

No, dude.
This is Dowisetrepla.

Dowisetrepla?

Is that an abbreviation
for something?

He's from Ohio.

Dowisetrepla is
the up-and-coming neighborhood.

I think this might be the place
where Lily and I start a family.

I can see it now.

Two, three, four.

All right, bring it home, boys.

Sounds great, boys.

Who wants chocolate pancakes?

Thanks, Mommy!

Man,
life is gonna be sweet!

Oh, my God, Lily, have
you seen this kitchen?

I know.
Isn't it amazing?

- I just love it so...
- What the hell are you doing?

You can't buy this place.

Lily, you have a debt
the size of Mount Waddington!

Waddington?

It's the tallest mountain in Canada.
It's like 4,000 meters high.

Meters?

Don't let Marshall
fall in love with this apartment.

I know, I know, I know,
but what do I tell him?

I don't know, tell him, um,
tell him you saw a ghost.

Tell him it's haunted.

You really don't know
Marshall at all.

So, uh, the owners,
where are they?

They're on vacation in France
for two of weeks.

I see.

Between you and me,
I'm also interested in the apartment.

So is there any way I could
come back later

and check it out while
you're showing them other places?

The lockbox
combination is 1421.

And here is my card.

Are you serious?

You're trying to snake this apartment
away from Marshall and Lily?

Ted, do you think I have
no morals whatsoever?

I simply want to fool a girl into
thinking this is my apartment

so I can nail her once and
never have to see her again.

I'm not a monster.

Now, listen, I don't want to put
a lot of pressure on you,

but there is one other couple that's
expressed very serious interest.

I see what
you're doing here.

"Another couple."
Please.

That crap is page one
out of the Realtor's playbook.

And we're not buying it.

Is what Marshall
should have said.

Another couple? No!

We want it. Sell it to us.
We'll give you so much more money.

Oh, Marshall,
can I talk to you?

Marshall, I just...

I don't know if now is
the right time to buy.

But we're not doing this for now,
we're doing this for our future.

Can't you imagine
starting a family here?

Oh, Persephone!
Oh, Daphne!

These'll be a perfect additions

to our upcoming mother-daughter
exhibit at the Met.

Looks great, girls.

Who wants cr�pes au chocolat?

Merci, papa!

So... what do you guys think?

I love it, but Marshall,

I should have told you this
a long time ago.

We can't afford to buy
an apartment because...

I have too much credit
card debt.

I am so sorry.

Is what she should have said.

I love it. Let's get it.

Can we charge it?

To Lily and Marshall and their
momentous step forward into adulthood.

Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Drink it! Yes! Well done.
Nice! Yeah!

- Anything else?
- Yes.

I've been staring at
that thing for years.

Wendy, bring me the comically large
bottle of champagne.

Really? Are you sure?
It's never been refrigerated.

And I think at some point there
was a fish in it.

Honey, once you've
made the sale, stop sellin'.

All right, but you guys
have to help me carry it.

All right,
let's do it.

Let's do this.

I know what you're thinking.
I should tell Marshall the truth.

Hey, I've got the whole thing
figured out.

We'll apply for the loan
under Marshall's name,

and he'll never need to know.

And then in the meantime,
I'll slowly work down my debt.

Right after I furnish
the apartment.

I saw this amazing
leather sofa today.

You should be a reality show.

Nice! Nice.

Wait! That cork is the size
of a softball

and you're pointing it directly
at Wendy the waitress's face.

Is what he should have said.

Now if you thinking of
buying an appartment,

it's always good to check
the place out at night.

Welcome to my humble abode.

This place is so nice.

Ah, make yourself at home.
Please, get comfortable.

If you see something you like,
just take it.

- Who are these people?
- Uh... that's my parents.

They're... Asian.

Yeah. They're a Chinese couple
that wanted a white baby.

It works both ways.

- Cookie.
- Wow.

- Did you make those?
- You got me.

My sisters taught me how to bake
and how to listen.

I feel so at home here.

I'm glad.

Sometimes, I don't.

A place like this really
needs a lady of the house.

I know it's early
to be thinking of you as...

Oh, God, I'm freaking you
out, aren't I? It's just...

you make me feel so safe...
I didn't...

The next day, Lily and Marshall went
to the mortgage broker to get a loan.

Hey, uh, can we get this
in singles?

Before we get the apartment I
want to put in a kiddie pool

and swim around in it naked.

- Great, that is great!
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Okay, all right, back to business.

All right, Mrs. Aldrin,
I'm going to need your social as well.

What? Why? I mean, you already
have Marshall's.

Yes, but since you're
a married couple,

you'll be applying for
a joint loan, so...

Well, can we just go ahead
and do it in my husband's name?

He's the head
of the household.

He earns the big bucks. I mean,
can women even own property?

Go ahead, just give
him your social.

Okay, my...
my social is, uh...

5 5 1 2 4 1 8 0

Got it.

Let's see what kind of rate
I can get you two.

Under six percent. Under six percent.
Under six percent, please.

There we go.
Congratulations.

You have been
approved for a loan at 18%.

No, way. That-that
can't be right.

You're lucky to be
getting a mortgage.

Let's get out
of here, Marshall.

Hold it, I-I don't understand.

Did we do something
wrong or...?

You have quite a bit of debt.

My student loans.
Great.

I thought we were friends.

You know what, it's fine
to penalize me

for trying to get an education
and build a career,

but I will not let you
deprive my beautiful wife

of her dream home just because I...

Okay, actually, it's because
of your wife's credit card debt.

Oh, my God.

Marshall, there's something
I have to tell you,

and I want you to hear it
from me first.

Okay, so let me
get this straight.

You just snuck this girl
into some stranger's apartment?

Yeah, we spent the night.

- Hey, look at you.
- Hey.

I'm wearing your bathrobe.

I hope you don't mind.

The only thing missing from
that bathrobe are your initials.

My mom's gonna be
in town next week.

Is it okay if
she stays with us?

Only if she sleeps in the bed
and I sleep on the couch.

- You're so sweet.
- I love you.

There, I said it
and I'm not taking it back.

Oh, my God!
I love you, too.

I'm finally not
the first one to say it!

How about you get in the shower,
and I will make us some waffles.

Works every time.

Wait. That time that you
offered to walk my dogs

when I went to visit
my dad in Vancouver...

Yup.

Is that why my Yorkie trembled
for like a week after I got back?

Yeah. That little guy saw some
stuff I'm not proud of.

What�?

There was a fight here.

What do you mean?

Whenever Marshall and Lily have
a big argument,

they always leave a trail of evidence
all over the apartment.

Oh, God, here we go.
He had a detective club as a kid.

Uh, the Mosby Boys
cracked a lot of big cases.

The Mosby Boys?
You mean you and your sister.

We solved the mystery
of the missing retainer.

Hmm, let me guess:
it was in the garbage.

Why are you like this?

Anyway, this is serious.

I know Lily and Marshall.

All the telltale signs
are here.

Like this.

- A water bottle?
- Don't touch the evidence!

I got your back, partner.

It's not just any water bottle.

Notice the label is peeled off.

Lily always peels labels off
the bottle when she's feeling guilty.

This label is not
only peeled off...

but torn up.

Oh, man, she must have
done something bad.

Which means Marshall
must have been really angry,

and when Marshall gets
really angry...

he eats.

Just as I suspected,

Cherry Garcia.

Given the liquid consistency,

I place the fight between...

noon and 1:00.

Ew, that was on the floor.

If you want to get to
the bottom of this,

you're gonna need a stronger stomach
than that, doll-face.

Marshall stood here.

Eating and yelling,
yelling and eating.

Lily stood here.

- Crying.
- Ew, Ted.

And then Marshall tried
to storm out...

but Lily...
went for the Hail Mary pass.

Which would mean...

What do you think,
makeup sex?

No. There'd be bigger mess.

Tempted as he was,
Marshall was still too upset.

He had to get out of here,
any way he could.

He chose the door,
slamming it behind him.

Which is why this picture
is crooked.

Nice catch, rook.

I'll just, uh, take
this down to the lab.

Now all we need is a motive.

The million-dollar question.

What were they fighting about?

I know what they've
been fighting...

Bup, bup, bup,
bup, bup, bup, bup.

There's only one possible
conclusion.

Lily and Marshall
were fighting about...

peanut butter.

Lily left the lid off...

then Marshall blew his.

I know what they were fighting about,
and it wasn't peanut butter.

- Robin, just...
- I appreciate your help,

but there's a reason your
name is Robin, not Batman.

Just...

They were fighting because they didn't
get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.

- Robin, just...
- What?

Yeah, she has a pile of debt
the size of Mount... Rushmore.

Nice try, Robin.
So, the next thing Lily did

was give Marshall a few hours
to cool off about the peanut butter.

Then she called him
to apologize,

which is why
the last number dialed... is...

Greenstein and Lee,
Divorce Attorneys.

- This can't be happening.
- They can't... get divorced.

Not Lily and Marshall, no way.

Well, it's been nice
knowing you guys.

- What do you mean?
- Well...

Marshall's gonna get you guys,
Lily's gonna get me.

Even if they did break up, that doesn't
mean we can't all still hang out.

I mean we broke up and we still
hang out. It's not weird.

- It's a little weird.
- Yeah, it is. It's weird.

The world needs
Marshall and Lily... together.

I'm not crying,
there's something in my eye.

They're back.

- Hey, hey, guys.
- Hey.

We have an announcement.

I know, it's a terrible idea.
You can't do it!

Just look at me.

I hit redial on the phone.
Divorce lawyers?

Oh, I should explain.

- We got in a pretty big fight.
- Yeah, I know.

- Marshall stormed out.
- I went, uh, to the bar.

Still drinking that?

I paid for it. And apparently
money's tight now, so...

Listen, I've been
thinking about this, and,

I know there's no way to undo
what I've done, but, well,

I made an appointment
with a divorce lawyer.

What?! What?!

Oh, no, no, no, no-no.

- What, you want a divorce now?
- No. I just mean on paper,

so that you can buy the apartment
without my bad credit dragging us down.

Lily... are you trying
to kill me?

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led
with the divorce lawyer part.

No, you shouldn't have.

I love you, Lily.

I love you, too.

And I want us
to have our dream home.

Well, I don't know.
It seems like this is a way to do it.

So... Marshall Eriksen,
will you divorce me?

That's the sweetest divorce
proposal I've ever heard.

So is that a yes? You can't sleep
with other women though.

No, we're not getting divorced,
not even on paper.

When I married you, I
married your problems, too.

The ones I knew about
and the ones I didn't.

That was the deal.
We'll figure this out together.

Can I get you guys
anything else?

So you're not
getting a divorce?

- No.
- Wow, you guys scared us.

Oh, thank God.

'Cause, I mean if you did, then,

who'd be the lame married couple
I get to make fun of?

Like, "Hey, Marshall,
you married Miss Right.

You just didn't know her
first name was Always."

That stuff is gold.

So, what's the announcement?

I just got off the phone
with the Realtor.

We told her that, uh,
because of our finances,

we're not getting the place.
It's just... it's not the right time.

Is what Marshall
should have said.

I just got off the phone
with the realtor.

- We got the place!
- We're homeowners!

- Are you insane?
- Have you lost your mind?

Is what we should have said.

- Yes! Congratulations!
- That's awesome!

- Thank you.
- Wow! Wow!

This is exciting!

Yeah. There it is!
Our new home.

- Shall we?
- We shall.

Oh, what a horrible smell.

It reeks.

Oh, that's just the plant.

Don't worry, they shut it
down on the weekends.

Wh-What plant?
What are you talking about?

Don't you know?

Baby, this whole neighborhood is
downwind of the sewage treatment plant.

Wait...

What did you just say?

I said, we're downwind
of the sewage treatment plant.