Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

OH,

YOU SEE ME ALL DRESSED UP,

LIKE A BALDING PENGUIN,

BECAUSE THIS MORNING

I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED TO THE COLONEL'S OFFICE

TO RECEIVE A COLLABORATION MEDAL,

FROM GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

THE GENERAL IS UNDER THE IMPRESSION

THAT I HELPED LIEUTENANT GRUBER

AND THE COLONEL BLOW UP HIS RIVAL,

GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN,

WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE,

WHICH HE HAD PICKED UP IN MISTAKE FOR A CANDLE,

TO GO AND SEARCH IN MY CELLAR

FOR A BETTER QUALITY BOTTLE OF WINE.

THERE WAS A HUGE BANG--

HE LOST HIS SENSES,

I LOST 42 CASES OF CHEAP PLONK.

I AM NOW A HERO TO THE GERMANS,

BUT IF I COLLECT THIS COLLABORATION MEDAL,

I WILL BE VERY UNPOPULAR IN THE VILLAGE.

IT IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM FOR ME.

I AM CAUGHT BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

OH, RENE, RENE, IT IS DREADFUL.

THE WHOLE VILLAGE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE GOING

TO GET A MEDAL FROM THE GERMANS.

OH MY GOD!

THEY WOULD NOT SERVE ME IN THE SHOPS.

THEY CALLED ME THE WIFE OF A COLLABORATOR.

LOOK,

EVEN THE PIGEONS WERE OUT TO GET ME.

AH, MONSIEUR,

IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

THEY HAVE THREATENED TO BURN DOWN THE CAFE.

EVEN A LYNCHING HAS BEEN MENTIONED.

ALL RIGHT, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RUB IT IN.

ONE MUST MAKE PREPARATIONS, MONSIEUR.

DO YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS

FOR THE WORDING ON YOUR TOMBSTONE?

THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

"THAT IS RIDIC--"

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I AM NOT A COLLABORATOR!

THEY DO NOT MEAN ALL THESE THINGS THEY ARE SAYING.

( everyone screams )

GOOD GRIEF!

THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME!

I THINK THAT WAS THE INTENTION.

THERE IS A NOTE ON THE BRICK.

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

"NEXT TIME OUR AIM WILL BE BETTER."

OH, RENE, WHAT SHALL WE DO?

I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME A WIDOW.

IT IS SO AGING.

CALM YOURSELF, EDITH.

THIS MUST BE SOME BIG MISTAKE.

RENE, THE POSTMAN GAVE ME A PARCEL FOR YOU.

FOR ME? IS IT TICKING?

NO.

THROW IT AWAY, MIMI. IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

I AM NOT AFRAID.

I WILL OPEN IT.

AHHH!

MY GOD! AN HANGMAN'S NOOSE.

NO, RENE,

IT IS THE DETACHABLE TIE I ORDERED FOR YOU.

IT IS IDEAL FOR SOUP STAINS.

SEE, YOU JUST DETACH THE TIE LIKE THIS,

AND FIX ON ONE OF THE SPARES.

I HAVE NO TIME FOR THAT.

THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL IN MY BUSINESS.

I'M ALWAYS SPLASHING MY TIE.

THERE, THEN YOU HAVE IT.

AH!

OH, YVETTE! DO NOT DO THAT. WHAT IS IT?

MICHELLE IS IN THE BACK ROOM.

SHE WISHES TO SPEAK TO YOU, URGENTLY.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT NOW?

MIMI, YVETTE, CLEAR UP THIS BROKEN GLASS WOULD YOU?

I HAVE BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU, RENE.

NOT ANOTHER PARCEL.

WHAT IS THE MATTER?

THERE ARE MONKS' OUTFITS,

TO DISGUISE THE BRITISH AIRMEN.

WHAT?

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,

I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

THE LIGHT AIRCRAFT FROM LONDON

WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY TO PICK UP THE BRITISH AIRMEN.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS MONKS?

IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS?

THERE IS A CURFEW IN THE VILLAGE.

HOWEVER, THE MONKS

FROM THE MONASTERY OF ST. CRISPIN THE SILENT

HAVE PERMISSION TO BREAK THE CURFEW,

FOR THEIR MIDNIGHT VIGIL

TO CELEBRATE THE ONE OCCASION ST. CRISPIN SPOKE.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

GOODBYE.

THERE ARE THREE MONK'' COSTUMES HERE.

THREE? BUT THERE ARE ONLY TWO BRITISH AIRMEN.

THE THIRD IS FOR RENE. HE WILL ACCOMPANY

THE AIRMEN TO MAKE SURE THEY FIND THE RIGHT FIELD.

IT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION!

I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AS IT IS.

A BRICK HAS JUST BEEN THROWN THROUGH MY WINDOW,

BECAUSE I AM GETTING A GERMAN COLLABORATORS METAL.

THEN YOU MUST NOT ACCEPT IT.

IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

YOU MUST TELL EVERYBODY

THAT I AM LOYAL FRIEND TO THE RESISTANCE.

WELL, IF YOU HELP THE RESISTANCE,

I WILL DO MY BEST TO SAVE YOUR WINDOWS.

AND IF I DO NOT?

EXPECT A BRICK FROM ME.

I DO NOT SEEM TO HAVE MUCH CHOICE.

BUT THEY WILL STILL LYNCH ME IF I GET THE COLLABORATION MEDAL.

AND IF I REFUSE IT, GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN

WILL IMMEDIATELY SUSPECT THAT I AM WORKING

FOR THE RESISTANCE AND HAVE ME SHOT.

EITHER WAY, MONSIEUR, YOU'RE DONE FOR.

WHATEVER THEY DO, YOU CAN REST ASSURED,

YOU WILL BE BURIED WITH FULL RESISTANCE HONORS.

OH, THAT IS A GREAT COMFORT.

WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?

OH, RENE, MICHELLE IS RIGHT.

YOU MUST REFUSE THE MEDAL.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, EDITH. I AM DUE THERE ANY MINUTE.

WHAT GROUNDS DO I HAVE FOR--

- UNLESS... - WHAT IS IT?

YES, MICHELLE HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA.

IF THE RESISTANCE CANNOT HELP ME,

MAYBE ST. CRISPIN CAN.

ST. CRISPIN?

OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

HE IS CRACKING UP ALREADY UNDER THE STRAIN.

HE HAS NOT SAID A PRAYER

SINCE THE NIGHT OF OUR HONEYMOON.

I HAVE A TERRIBLE HEADACHE, GRUBER.

I'M TOO OLD FOR ALL THIS DRINKING.

COLONEL, RENE FROM THE CAFE

IS HERE FOR THE MEDAL PRESENTATION.

OH, VERY WELL, SHOW HIM IN.

( shouts ) GUARDS!

NOT SO LOUD, HELGA.

THE COLONEL HAS A HANGOVER.

( quietly ) BRING HIM IN HERE.

( loudly ) GO AWAY!

RENE, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING

DRESSED UP AS A MONK?

I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU

I CANNOT ACCEPT THE COLLABORATION MEDAL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RENE?

YOU HAVE NOT REALLY BECOME A MONK, HAVE YOU?

I HAVE RENOUNCED MY FORMER LIFE,

AND I AM FORBIDDEN BY MY VOWS

TO ACCEPT ANY WORLDLY GOODS,

BECAUSE I HAVE JOINED THE ORDER OF ST. CRISPIN THE SILENT.

FOR A SILENT MONK,

YOU'RE DOING AN AWFUL LOT OF TALKING.

I AM ONLY A NOVICE.

BUT I AM THINKING OF GIVING MY LIFE TO THE CAUSE.

A VOICE HAS WHISPERED IN MY EAR

THAT I SHOULD LIVE APART FROM SOCIETY,

WITH OTHER MEN OF THE SAME PERSUASION.

YES, I CAN SEE THAT

MIGHT HAVE ITS ATTRACTIONS.

BUT SURELY THIS IS A BIT DRASTIC?

IT IS THE ONLY WAY.

AND IS THIS ROUGH CLOTH NOT UNCOMFORTABLE?

THERE ARE NO COMFORTS IN THE MONASTERY, LIEUTENANT.

I AM ALREADY LATE FOR SCOURGING.

I'M NOT SURE THAT BECOMING A MONK, RENE,

IS ADEQUATE EXCUSE FOR REFUSING A MEDAL.

PLEASE, COLONEL, IF I GET THAT MEDAL,

NOT ONLY WILL I BREAK MY VOWS,

BUT THE PEOPLE OF NOUVION WILL ASSASSINATE ME

AS A COLLABORATOR.

- NO! - YES!

THERE HAVE BEEN THREATS ALREADY.

COLONEL, PERHAPS WE SHOULD RECONSIDER THIS.

AFTER ALL, RENE HAS DONE US MANY FAVORS.

DO NOT MENTION THAT.

THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO.

THEY WILL BURN DOWN MY CAFE, AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE

NOWHERE TO GO FOR ENTERTAINMENT IN THE EVENINGS.

NO MORE FUN WITH THE GIRLS,

NO MORE WET CELERY.

WHAT ABOUT THE EGG WHISK?

YOU ARE RIGHT, GRUBER. THIS IS SERIOUS.

WE MUST THINK OF A WAY TO GET GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN

TO CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT THE MEDAL.

LIE LOW FOR A WHILE, RENE.

IF MONASTERY LIFE BECOMES TOO HARD,

YOU CAN COME AND STAY IN MY ROOM AT THE CHATEAU.

THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT.

LET US HOPE IT DOES NOT COME TO THAT.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS HERE, COLONEL.

PLEASE, LIEUTENANT, DO NOT EXPOSE ME.

I MUST NOT RECEIVE THAT MEDAL.

DO NOT WORRY, RENE, LEAVE THIS TO ME.

- HEIL HITLER. - HEIL HITLER.

WHO IS THE OLD MAN IN THE DRESSING GOWN?

HE IS A MONK, GENERAL,

COLLECTING FOR THE LOCAL MONASTERY RESTORATION FUND.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DONATE SOMETHING?

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, GRUBER.

THE GERMAN ARMY DOESN'T GIVE TO THE CHURCH,

IT TAKES FROM IT.

YOU FACE IS FAMILIAR. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

HE'S A SILENT MONK, HE CANNOT SPEAK.

GET OUT!

OUT!

WE ARE RUNNING A WAR HERE, NOT A CHARITY!

YES, GENERAL.

GOOD GOD, COLONEL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THIS ROOM?

WHAT IS THIS GHASTLY CARPET

AND THESE AWFUL PICTURES?

IT WAS GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN'S IDEA.

IT LOOKS LIKE A BORDELLO.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, BUT I COULDN'T SAY SO.

GRUBER CHOSE THE PAINTINGS,

AND THE COLOR OF THE CARPET.

HE WAS VERY CRAWLY.

I WAS ONLY ACTING UNDER ORDERS.

HMM.

NOW, WHERE IS THE BRAVE FRENCH PEASANT

WHO IS TO RECEIVE THE COLLABORATION MEDAL?

I AM AFRAID HE IS NOT WELL ENOUGH TO ATTEND.

THE EXPLOSION WHICH BLEW UP GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN,

LEFT HIM IN RATHER A BAD STATE OF SHOCK.

PERHAPS IT'S AS WELL HE IS NOT HERE AT PRESENT.

I HAVEN'T YET RECEIVED PERMISSION FROM BERLIN

TO GIVE THE AWARD.

BUT I AM EXPECTING AUTHORIZATION ANY MOMENT.

OKAY, I'M BACK.

YOU MUST ALL BE GLAD TO SEE ME, NO?

ALL: NO.

I HAD THE VERY TOUGH TIME IN THE HOSPITAL.

IT IS NO EASY PLAYING THE FRUITCAKE, YOU KNOW.

IT SHOULDN'T BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU.

SO WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GENERAL

FLOCKEN-WHAT'S-HIS-NAME?

STUFFEN.

WAS HE?

THAT'S TOUGH LUCK.

NOW THAT I AM BACK IN CHARGE,

I WANT ONE THING TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR.

WE ARE NOT ON HOLIDAY HERE.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE SLACKING.

IT THAT CLEAR?

YES, GENERAL.

GOOD.

COLONEL, GET THIS ROOM REDECORATED,

AND THIS TIME, YOU CHOOSE THE COLORS.

I'LL MAKE IT LOOK VERY MANLY.

- HEIL HITLER. - HEIL HITLER.

HEIL MUSSOLINI.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR DROPPING ME IN IT.

IT WAS A PLEASURE.

( knocking )

SEE WHO IT IS, VON SMALLHAUSEN.

IF THEY ARE SELLING ANYTHING,

TELL THEM TO GO AWAY OR WE WILL HAVE THEM SHOT.

YES, HERR FLICK.

IT IS HELGA.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU SOME INTELLIGENCE, HERR FLICK.

AND WHAT IS THIS INTELLIGENCE?

THE OWNER OF THE CAFE IN THE SQUARE, RENE ARTOIS,

HAS BECOME A MONK,

AND HAS JOINED THE HOLY ORDER OF ST. CRISPIN THE SILENT.

THIS IS MOST INTERESTING, HELGA.

NOW,

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

I HAVE AN IDEA.

I HOPE IT IS A SENSIBLE IDEA.

PERHAPS HE HAS TIRED OF THE MATERIAL WORLD,

AND WISHES TO FIND SOLACE

IN THE SIMPLE LIFE OF BEADS AND EMBROIDERY?

THE PEACE AND TRANQUILITY OF THE MONASTERY,

BIRDS SINGING, MATINS BEING SUNG,

THE SOFT TAPPING OF SANDALS IN THE CLOISTERS.

THAT IS ONE OF THE LONGEST IDEAS

I HAVE EVER HEARD.

YOU ARE A NINCOMPOOP, VON SMALLHAUSEN.

BUT IS IT NOT POSSIBLE, HERR FLICK?

WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITH RENE ARTOIS.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT A MAN WITH HIS EARTHY APPETITES

WOULD WILLINGLY GO INTO A MONASTERY

WHERE THE MONKS FAST REGULARLY,

WEAR VERY ITCHY CLOTHES

AND ARE PERMANENTLY DEPRIVED OF NOOKY.

PARTICULARLY AS RENE ARTOIS LIKES A BIT OF HANKY-PANKY

WITH HIS TWO WAITRESSES.

BOTH OF THEM?

HE IS NOT KNOWN AS "MENAGE ARTOIS" FOR NOTHING.

MY KEEN ANALYTICAL MIND TELLS ME THAT THIS

HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE BRITISH AIRMEN.

YOU COULD BE RIGHT, HERR FLICK.

WHAT BETTER PLACE TO HIDE THEM

THAN IN A MONASTERY

WHERE THEY CAN MINGLE, UNNOTICED, WITH THE MONKS?

VON SMALLHAUSEN,

YOU WILL ACQUIRE FOR US TWO MONKS' OUTFITS.

ONE MEDIUM SIZED ONE FOR ME,

ONE MIDGET SIZED ONE FOR YOU.

WE WILL ENTER THE MONASTERY

AND SNIFF AROUND.

HERR FLICK, IF YOU GO INTO THE MONASTERY,

WILL YOU NOT TOO BE ON SHORT RATIONS

AS FAR AS NOOKY IS CONCERNED?

YOU ARE RIGHT, HELGA.

IF I AM TO RENOUNCE THESE PLEASURES,

WE HAD BETTER HAVE A FINAL SNOG NOW.

WON'T I BE ON

SHORT RATIONS TOO, HERR FLICK?

OWING TO YOUR SIZE, VON SMALLHAUSEN,

YOU ARE ALWAYS ON SHORT RATIONS.

GO BEHIND THE SCREEN.

AND NO PEEPING!

YOU MAY KISS ME NOW, HELGA.

I SAID NO PEEPING.

( hammering )

- RENE! - AH!

IT IS ME, LOUISE.

DO NOT DO THAT.

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH SHOCKS ALREADY TODAY.

OH, RENE, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HOLD ME.

OH, MY DEAR, I NEED ALL THE FRIENDS I CAN GET.

WHAT IS THAT I FEEL BETWEEN US?

OH, IT'S ONLY MY PISTOL AND A COUPLE OF HAND GRENADES.

THAT IS A RELIEF.

OH, RENE.

IT IS SUCH A PITY WE HAVE TO PART THIS WAY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU ARE A COLLABORATOR.

THE GERMANS ARE GIVING YOU A MEDAL.

THE GIRLS OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE

HAVE DRAWN STRAWS TO DECIDE WHO SHOULD EXECUTE YOU.

EXECUTE ME? BUT I HAVE NOT YET RECEIVED THAT MEDAL!

THE SENTENCE HAS BEEN PASSED, RENE.

I MUST DO IT.

OH, YOU CANNOT JUST SHOOT ME HERE.

I WILL DROP DOWN AND RUIN MY COBBLES.

CAN YOU NOT JUST LET ME OFF?

IT IS TERRIBLE FOR ME TOO, RENE.

I SHALL KILL MYSELF IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS.

WELL, THAT IS NO CONSOLATION FOR ME.

PLEASE, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU, DENISE.

- LOUISE. - LOUISE, SORRY.

NO, NO, NO. FOR THE SAKE OF THE PAST, SPARE ME.

OH, RENE.

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS TOO STRONG.

I WILL GIVE YOU 24 HOURS TO LEAVE TOWN.

THEN I WILL COME AFTER YOU.

WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING.

GOODBYE, RENE.

AND GOOD LUCK.

THESE THREATS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

RENE, YOU ARE TREMBLING.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

LOUISE OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE

HAS GIVEN ME 24 HOURS TO LEAVE TOWN,

AND THEN SHE IS GOING TO SHOOT ME.

OH, RENE, NO!

AH, YVETTE, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A COMFORT.

THE WORLD SEEMS TO BE GUNNING FOR ME.

MY HEART IS POUNDING WITH WORRY.

AND MINE IS POUNDING IN SYMPATHY.

FEEL IT.

I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR THAT.

OH, RENE, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

I DO NOT KNOW.

IF ONLY WE COULD FLEE TO ENGLAND IN THAT PLANE

IN PLACE OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN TONIGHT.

YVETTE, I WOULD NEED AN OVERPOWERING REASON

TO DOUBLE-CROSS THE RESISTANCE

AND LEAVE THE AIRMEN BEHIND.

BUT IF YOU DO NOT ESCAPE,

YOU WILL BE SHOT.

THAT IS AN OVERPOWERING REASON.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

I WILL THINK OF SOMETHING.

IN THE MEANTIME,

WE MUST GET AN EXTRA MONK'S COSTUME

FOR YOU TO AVOID THE CURFEW.

WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT?

GO TO THE POLICE STATION, ASK OFFICER CRABTREE

TO CONTACT MICHELLE

AND GET AN EXTRA ONE FROM HER.

BUT WHAT EXCUSE SHALL I GIVE?

SAY THE ONE MICHELLE GAVE ME WAS TOO SMALL.

OH, RENE, YOU ARE SO CLEVER.

RENE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING

THAT SERVANT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS?

YOU STUPID WOMAN!

CAN YOU NOT SEE?

THIS POOR CHILD IS DISTRESSED

BECAUSE OF ALL THE THREATS I HAVE BEEN RECEIVING

AND THE WAY THAT THEY WORRY MY BELOVED WIFE.

THAT IS YOU, EDITH.

NOW, THERE, THERE, CHILD.

GO ON, GO AND LIE DOWN IN A DARKENED ROOM.

OH, WHAT LOYALTY.

FORGIVE ME, RENE, I AM NOT MYSELF.

ALL THESE THREATS HAVE MADE ME WOBBLY ALL OVER.

- HOLD ME TIGHT. - AH!

IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY OF SAVING YOU.

THERE IS.

I AM GOING TO ENGLAND TONIGHT

WITH THE AIRMEN.

OH, RENE, TO ENGLAND?

IT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION.

YOU ARE RIGHT. I WILL COME WITH YOU.

WHAT?

MY PLACE IS BY YOUR SIDE.

NOW, NOW, EDITH, DO NOT BE HASTY.

NO, NO, YOU MUST--

YOU MUST STAY HERE AND LOOK AFTER THE CAFE,

UNTIL THE WAR IS OVER.

YOU MUST STAY HERE AND KEEP THE BUSINESS GOING.

OF COURSE I WILL. YOU CAN RELY ON ME.

RENE, THIS MAY BE OUR LAST EVENING TOGETHER

FOR GOODNESS KNOWS HOW LONG.

SHOULD WE NOT MAKE IT AN OCCASION TO REMEMBER?

THAT IS A NICE THOUGHT, EDITH,

BUT IF I AM GOING TO BE A MONK TONIGHT,

I HAD BETTER GET INTO THE HABIT.

I WILL JUST GO AND PRACTICE

SCOURGING MYSELF.

( sheep bleating )

Flick: THIS MUST BE IT.

Smallhausen: WHAT DOES THE SIGN SAY?

"THE HOLY ORDER OF ST. CRISPIN THE SILENT.

IF YOU ARE TIRED OF SIN, COME INSIDE."

AND WHAT HAS SOMEONE SCRAWLED UNDERNEATH?

"IF YOU ARE NOT TIRED OF SIN,

PHONE NOUVION 346, AND ASK FOR BETTY."

PUT ALL THOUGHT OF SIN

FROM YOUR MIND, VON SMALLHAUSEN.

WE MUST ACT THE PART OF MONKS.

( bell rings )

YES, HERR FLICK.

DO NOT CALL ME HERR FLICK.

I AM BROTHER OTTO NOW.

AH, GOOD DAY, BROTHERS.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

AND WHAT BRINGS YOU TO OUR MONASTERY?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SILENT ORDER?

WE ARE SILENT BETWEEN THE BELLS OF 6:00 AND 12:00.

WE ARE TRAVELING MONKS WHO HAVE TIRED OF THE ROAD,

AND WE WISH TO FIND SOLITUDE IN YOUR ORDER.

FIRST, YOU MUST AGREE TO ABIDE BY THE RULES

OF THE MONASTERY, AND TO FOLLOW,

AT ALL TIMES,

THE VOWS OF POVERTY, CHASTITY,

OBEDIENCE AND SILENCE--

BETWEEN THE BELLS.

WE AGREE.

VERY WELL.

HAVE YOU ANY MONEY

OR WORLDLY GOODS ON YOU?

A FEW COINS, THAT IS ALL.

HAND THEM OVER.

AND YOUR SPECTACLES.

OUR SPECTACLES?

THEY ARE WORLDLY FRIPPERIES,

UNBECOMING IN MEN OF GOD.

BUT I CANNOT SEE WITHOUT THEM.

ST. CRISPIN WILL GUIDE YOU.

( glasses shatter )

YOU MUST HAVE YOUR HEADS SHAVED TOO.

WE HAVE ALREADY SHAVED THEM.

COMPLETELY.

EVERY HAIR ON THE BODY MUST BE REMOVED

SO YOU ARE TRULY NAKED BEFORE YOUR MAKER.

THE MONASTERY BARBER, BROTHER SWEENY,

WILL ATTEND TO YOU.

BUT FIRST, A LITTLE REFRESHMENT

AFTER YOUR JOURNEY.

GOOD, I'M PECKISH.

YOUR RATION IS A SLICE OF BREAD

AND A PIECE OF CHEESE.

PER MEAL?

PER DAY. WE DO NOT BELIEVE

IN PAMPERING THE BODY.

( bell tolls )

YOU HAVE ARRIVED JUST IN TIME.

IT IS THE HOUR OF SCOURGING.

( bell jingles )

ALL MONKS MUST DISCIPLINE THEMSELVES ONCE A DAY.

GIVE ME THE WHIP, FATHER,

WE WILL DO IT LATER.

NO, IN HONOR OF YOUR ARRIVAL,

ON THIS OCCASION, I WILL DO IT FOR YOU.

TAKE THEM TO THE SCOURGING ROOM.

THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA, VON SMALLHAUSEN.

OH, RENE,

JUST THINK, IN A FEW HOURS,

WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR ALL TIME.

AH, YVETTE.

( footsteps approach ) SOMEBODY IS COMING.

GOOD MOANING.

OH, IT IS YOU.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING UPSTAIRS?

I HAVE JUST DELOOVERED

THE EXTRA MINK'S DISGEESE FOR YOU.

IT IS BOGGER THAN THE ITHER ONE.

WHERE HAVE YOU PUT IT?

UNDER THE BOD OF YOUR MITHER-IN-LOW,

WHERE NO ONE WILL FOND IT.

GOOD.

WEIR ARE THE EARMEN?

THEY ARE IN THE KITCHEN.

TICK ME TO THEM.

I MUST GIVE THEM A MASSAGE FROM MICHELLE.

I SAY, CARSTAIRS,

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE WE OVERDID

THE STARCH A BIT, DO YOU?

HELLO, CHAPS.

Both: HELLO.

HOW'S IT ALL GOING?

NOT VERY WELL.

I JUST CAN'T GET THESE STAINS SHIFTED.

LISTEN, CHAPS, THIS IS THE PLAN.

THERE'S A PLANE COMING OVER FROM BLIGHTY TONIGHT.

YOU'LL BE DISGUISED AS MONKS TO GET YOU OUT OF THE VILLAGE,

AND THE PLANE WILL PICK YOU UP

IN A FIELD AT EXACTLY MIDNIGHT.

HOW WILL WE FIND THE FIELD?

RENE, HERE,

WILL BE IN THE PROCESSION OF MONKS WITH YOU.

HE WILL SHOW YOU THE FIELD.

RIGHT-O, GOOD SHOW.

BUT IN CASE YOU GET SEPARATED,

AT ABOUT A QUARTER TO MIDNIGHT,

THE PROCESSION SHOULD PASS A FOOTPATH BY A WAYSIDE SHRINE.

TAKE THAT PATH, AND IT WILL LEAD YOU TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

OH, SPLENDID.

RIGHT, LET'S SYNCHRONIZE WATCHES.

IT IS EXACTLY 4:30--

NOW.

GOT IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE ARE JUST SONCHRONOOZING WITCHES.

YOU WILL LEAVE THE PROCESSION OF MINKS

AT 11 FARTY-FIVE,

AND TIK THE EARMEN TO THE FOLD.

I AM JUST GIVING THEM THE TEAMS,

SO IF SOMETHING HIPPENS TO YOU,

THEY CAN GO ALOON.

WELL, TELL THEM I WANT THOSE SHEETS

HUNG OUT BEFORE WE GO.

HE WANT THE SHEETS OUT ON THE LINE, CHAPS.

WILCO.

GIVE ME A HAND, WILL YOU, FAIRFAX?

I KEEP GETTING THINGS CAUGHT IN THE MANGLE.

I WILL GOO OUT THE BICK WAY, TOO.

GOOD LICK TOONIT, RONNIE.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO PREVENT THE AIRMEN

GETTING TO THE AIRCRAFT BEFORE US?

I KNOW.

I WILL PUT THE AIRMEN'S WATCH BACK BY 10 MINUTES.

THAT SHOULD CONFUSE THEM,

AND THEY WILL MISS THE PATH TO THE FIELD.

OH, YVETTE, THAT IS WICKED, WICKED!

BETTER PUT IT BACK BY 20 MINUTES,

TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.

THAT'S IT. NOW--

YOU GO UPSTAIRS TO THE ATTIC,

AND COLLECT THE MONK'S COSTUME

AFTER I HAVE GONE WITH THE AIRMEN.

THEN RUN LIKE HELL

AND JOIN ME AT THE BACK OF THE PROCESSION.

OH, RENE,

ISN'T THIS EXCITING?

OH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

JUST THINK,

AT MIDNIGHT, WE SHOULD BE FLYING TO ENGLAND.

AND BY DAWN, PERHAPS WE WILL BE IN HEAVEN.

OR AT THE BOTTOM OF THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.

HERE IS YOUR SUPPER, MAMMA.

OH, EDITH,

SOMETHING FUNNY IS GOING ON.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY NIGHTCAP?

NEVER MIND, MAMMA. IT IS THE STARCH.

IT COULD BE USEFUL IF THERE IS AN AIR RAID.

WHO IS DOING THE LAUNDRY?

THE BRITISH AIRMEN. RENE HAS PUT THEM TO WORK.

BUT LOOK AT MY NIGHTDRESS.

EVERYTHING IS SO STIFF.

DID SOMEONE CALL?

OH, MAMMA, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.

RENE IS HAVING TO FLEE TO ENGLAND,

BECAUSE EVERYBODY THINKS HE IS A COLLABORATOR.

AND ARE YOU NOT GOING TOO?

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE, MAMMA.

IN ORDER TO AVOID THE CURFEW,

I WOULD HAVE TO DRESS AS A MONK,

AND I HAVE NO COSTUME.

BUT THERE IS A MONK'S COSTUME

UNDER MY BED.

WHAT?

IT WAS LEFT THERE BY THAT POLICEMAN

WHO SPEAKS-- YOU KNOW,

THE GOBBLEDY-GOOK.

BUT RENE AND THE AIRMEN HAVE ALREADY LEFT.

WELL, GO QUICKLY, MY CHILD.

I WILL TAKE CHARGE OF THE CAFE.

OH, MAMMA, YOU ARE SO GOOD.

BUT I WILL HAVE TO HURRY, IF I AM TO CATCH THEM.

AH, EDITH?

YOU HAVE NOT LEFT ME THE KEYS

TO THE DRINKS CUPBOARD.

OH, OF COURSE. HERE YOU ARE.

GOODBYE, MAMMA.

I SHALL NOT BE LONG.

JUST TILL THE END OF THE WAR.

OH, AND EDITH?

WHEN YOU GET TO ENGLAND, TELL THAT CHURCHILL

TO GET HIS FINGER OUT.

ERNEST?

WHAT IS IT, FANNY?

EDITH HAS LEFT US IN CHARGE OF THE CAFE.

AND WE HAVE THE KEYS TO THE DRINKS CUPBOARD.

OH! THAT IS THE BEST NEWS WE HAVE HAD YET.

( knocking )

EXCUSE ME, MADAME FANNY,

W-W-WHAT IS IT?

HAVE YOU SEEN A MONK'S COSTUME UNDER HERE?

YES, EDITH HAS JUST TAKEN IT.

SHE IS GOING TO ENGLAND.

OH MY GOD!

OH!

NOW THE KNOB HAS COME OFF.

DID SOMEONE CALL?

I SAY, CARSTAIRS,

ISN'T THAT THE HOLY SHRINE OVER THERE?

CAN'T BE.

THE CAFE CHAPPIE HASN'T GIVEN US THE NOD YET.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

25 PAST 11:00.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THEN.

CRABTREE SAID QUARTER TO 12:00.

THERE MUST BE ANOTHER SHRINE FURTHER ON.

RIGHT-O.

COME ON, THIS IS IT.

NOT A WORD.

( airplane engine humming )

LISTEN.

IT IS AN AIRPLANE.

RIGHT, GIRLS, START PEDALING.

FASTER, GIRLS, FASTER.

THERE, THERE, LOOK!

FAIRFAX? CARSTAIRS?

QUICKLY, CHAPS, IN YOU COME.

MY DARLING, AT LAST WE ARE SAFE.

OH, RENE,

I AM WITH YOU. DO NOT WORRY.

I COULD NOT LEAVE YOU IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED.

HAVE YOU NOTHING TO SAY?

I AM AFRAID IT IS MY TIME OF SILENCE.

BUT I AM CERTAINLY DOING A LOT OF THINKING.

( theme music playing )