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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,503
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,373
Carla, what
are you doing?
3
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:09,775
Uh, would you hand me that
bucket of ice water, please?
4
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:10,976
Sure.
5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,678
When you tell me
what you're doing.
6
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,713
Well, Clavin's almost done
with his route, see?
7
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,549
So I'm gonna put this bucket up
here on the ledge...
8
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:20,085
Oh, and then the water
will fall on his head.
9
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,520
How mature.
10
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,555
You know,
that's your problem, Rebecca.
11
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,324
You don't know how
to have any fun.
12
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,027
Sure I do. It's just not
at the expense of other people.
13
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,729
I just go out with my friends
and have a good time.
14
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,232
Now, don't you ever get together
with your friends and-and just
15
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:34,299
have fun?
16
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,068
Well, I guess I would,
17
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,504
but nobody ever asks me
to do anything.
18
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,506
I'm sorry, Carla.
19
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:41,940
CARLA:
Yeah.
20
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,442
Sounds like fun.
I don't know.
21
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,211
Say, Carla,
do you want to...
22
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,212
Yeah?
23
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,847
I don't have anything
to do later.
24
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,117
I mean, want to go grab a pizza,
or see a movie or something?
25
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,252
You and me?
26
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,586
Well, if you want to.
27
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,689
Yeah. I think I'd
really like that.
28
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,790
Yeah? All right,
we'll do it.
29
00:00:57,857 --> 00:00:59,491
I mean, who knows?
Maybe it'll be fun.
30
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,161
Let me just
grab my coat.
31
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,404
So, what time should I be there?
32
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,573
(theme song begins)
33
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,013
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
34
00:01:21,047 --> 00:01:24,249
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
35
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,919
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
36
00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:30,389
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
37
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:34,259
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
38
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,830
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
39
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:42,301
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
40
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:48,240
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
41
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,509
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
42
00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:53,078
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
43
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:57,349
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
44
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,552
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
45
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,789
♪ People are all the same ♪
46
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:08,394
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
47
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,681
(zany music
and gunshots on TV)
48
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,582
Okay, at the beginning
of that cartoon,
49
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:33,886
Casper, the friendly ghost,
had no friends whatsoever.
50
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,621
By the end of the
cartoon, of course,
51
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,655
he's surrounded by friends.
52
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,490
Next cartoon will start,
53
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:41,260
Casper won't have
any friends again.
54
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,697
What is it we're not seeing
between cartoons?
55
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,131
Could be, uh,
56
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,500
Casper sating his
thirst for human blood.
57
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:49,835
Right.
58
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,637
Oh, think
about it, Norm.
59
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,605
We are talking
about a ghost here.
Yeah?
60
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,973
You see, very often,
61
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,043
the, uh, walking dead crave
the taste of human flesh.
62
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,945
And things aren't
that much different
63
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:01,547
in the cartoon
world, I'm sure.
64
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,518
Was it really hot
on your route today, Cliff?
65
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,253
Yeah, yeah.
66
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,357
Oh, blacked out a
couple of times. Why?
67
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,458
That was Woody.
68
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,827
He's in a car on the way back
from the airport.
69
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,894
Isn't that something?
70
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,296
Two weeks free in London.
71
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:18,864
All expenses paid
on Kelly's family.
72
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,966
Boy, he really stepped
into something nice there.
73
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,267
I'll tell you what, though.
74
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,103
He's lucky
I didn't spot her first.
75
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,073
Yeah, he really dodged
a bullet there, Cliff.
76
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,077
Everyone, I have
an announcement to make.
77
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,712
You may not have noticed,
but over the last year,
78
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:37,182
I've allowed myself
to gradually fall out of shape.
79
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,884
I'm frequently
tired, and I find
80
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,154
I no longer have the energy
for some of my daily activities.
81
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:44,523
Or some of your
weekly ones.
82
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,594
Which is why Richard here
is going to put me
83
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,429
on a strict exercise
and diet regimen.
84
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,998
Now you may ask, "Why is Frasier
sharing this information
85
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,199
with the general public?"
86
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,135
Because you're the
loneliest man on earth?
87
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:57,403
He has another
reason.
88
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,038
FRASIER:
Yes.
89
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,906
I want you all
to hold me accountable,
90
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,941
to be my collective conscience,
if you will.
91
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,243
Don't let me give up.
92
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,211
You-You gonna let
that little, scrawny guy
93
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,180
be your personal trainer?
94
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:09,848
Oh. Get a load
of this, Sam.
95
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,517
Show 'em, Richard.
96
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,485
SAM:
Oh, man!
97
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,624
FRASIER:
Hey, that's...
98
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:22,961
I could probably do that,
but I'd have to do it in shifts.
99
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,131
I was a professional
athlete.
100
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,435
I can train you like he can,
and I'd do it for free.
101
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,969
Besides, I'll, uh,
102
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,005
keep my chest off
your wife's hand.
103
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,974
You're history, Bluto!
104
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,310
Hey, your loss.
105
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,714
We have an opening
for a lab assistant!
106
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,483
Well, it's grant money.
107
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,518
We have to spend it somehow.
108
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,888
Hi, gang!
109
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,090
Hi-ho, chaps.
110
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,858
Wood!
CARLA:
Whoa!
111
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,728
Well, look at you.
112
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:58,130
If it isn't Oliver Twit.
113
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,034
Boy, check out the threads
on that dude, huh?
114
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:05,137
Oh, just a little something
I picked up at Savile Row.
115
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:06,271
Oh! Savile Row!
116
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,673
(mumbles)
Well,
well, yes.
117
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,576
I guess the trip to England made
a big impression on you, huh?
118
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,144
Ah, it's a fabulous
place, Sam.
119
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,113
Very civilized.
You know, when you drive
120
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,248
on the left-hand side
of the road over there,
121
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:20,152
they don't scream and honk
at you like they do here.
122
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:21,787
Got anything in the, uh, bag?
123
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,122
Here we go.
124
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,957
Toilet water
for everyone.
125
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,925
Don't worry, it's
not what you think.
126
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,095
KELLY:
Woody,
127
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,764
we've got to be going.
128
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,766
Right. If James has
to circle the block
129
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,768
more than once,
he has a hissy fit.
130
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:39,138
Boy, chauffeurs,
huh, Miss Howe?
131
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,107
Oh, yeah. I have that trouble
with mine all the time.
132
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,976
Really? What do you do?
133
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,778
I wake up.
134
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,916
Hey, Woody, can't
you, uh, hang around
135
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:52,184
and tell us
about your trip?
136
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,786
Love to, can't.
137
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:54,887
Love to, can't?
138
00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:55,988
WOODY:
Right.
139
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,390
Uh, coming over
on the Concorde,
140
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,759
we met this adorable couple,
David and Arlene,
141
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,128
and we promised to spend
the afternoon with them.
142
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,296
Oh, well, all right.
143
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,065
All right, well, you
can tell us all about it
144
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,499
when you come to work
tonight, all right?
145
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,568
Ooh, about that.
146
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,236
Don't tell me.
147
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,971
Love to, can't?
148
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,441
Bingo. Ta, guys.
149
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,677
What-What the hell's
wrong with him?
150
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,846
Well, it's a common
phenomenon, really.
151
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,781
A young, impressionable lad,
such as Woody,
152
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,217
gets his first taste
of a foreign country,
153
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,052
and he comes back
a little affected.
154
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,688
I mean, give him a few hours,
he'll be fine.
155
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,624
You know, I remember when I came
back from my first trip abroad.
156
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:36,161
Oh, God, I was pompous
and unbearable!
157
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,665
Condescending
to all my old friends.
158
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,067
Of course, I wouldn't expect
you fellows to understand.
159
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,535
It's a complicated matter.
160
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,112
Keep going, man.
161
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,080
You're doing great.
162
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:58,784
(panting)
163
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,253
What's the matter,
jump rope too much for you?
164
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,022
Forgive me...
165
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,491
but a jump rope is a delightful
children's toy
166
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,727
used to while away
delightful spring days.
167
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,363
I'm not a delightful child.
168
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,599
I am a miserable,
overweight wretch
169
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,634
who is praying for death.
170
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:22,708
Got a saying, Frasier--
no pain, no gain.
171
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,677
I also have a saying, Sam.
172
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:28,080
I can't feel my right arm!
173
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,848
That's all right.
174
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,183
That's natural.
175
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,551
Okay, tell you what.
176
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,920
Why don't you give me one more
abdominal crunch?
177
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,321
No, no, no!
178
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,223
No, no, no, no, no!
179
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,525
Come on, man,
give me one more,
180
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:40,993
unless you want
to give me five more.
181
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,194
Okay.
182
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:43,829
Come on,
you can do it.
183
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,064
Okay.
Come on.
184
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,298
Okay.
185
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,367
There we go.
And up!
186
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,236
Come on.
(grunts)
187
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,574
Can you see the
baby's head yet?
188
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,150
I am proud of you, man.
189
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,485
A lot of people
would have quit
190
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,454
after that little bout
of vomiting.
191
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,090
Thank you, Sam.
192
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,325
I feel that from
this point on,
193
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,927
I can live a life
194
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,762
of healthful moderation
and physical fitness.
195
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:22,434
Okay, everybody, Lud is
trying to raise money
196
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,471
for his class trip to
Colonial Williamsburg.
197
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,140
Now who wants to help by
buying some chocolate bars?
198
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,975
I'll take 15 boxes!
199
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,113
Boy, that's great, Doc.
200
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,515
All you got to do is
fill out this order form,
201
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,050
you'll have your candy
in two weeks.
202
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,918
Two weeks?!
I want them now!
203
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,322
Listen, Lud.
204
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,758
Lud, here, go down
to the store for me,
205
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:49,061
get me a couple
of KitKats,
206
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,730
and I will
personally
drive you
207
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,165
to Colonial
Williamsburg.
208
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,266
Sorry, Dr. Crane.
209
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,734
Two weeks.
210
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,437
Oh, forget it, then,
you rotten kid. No sale.
211
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,172
You should have the
chocolate on you.
212
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,775
What do they teach you in
that school of yours anyway?
213
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,343
Come on, Fras.
Well, it's true.
214
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,679
What the hell am I paying
property taxes for?!
215
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,247
Oh!
216
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,982
Sam!
217
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:12,017
(voice breaking):
I hurt so much!
218
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,219
(gasping)
219
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,988
Hey, Rebecca,
220
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,557
Lud is trying to raise money
for his class trip.
221
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,659
Now, how many chocolate bars
do you want?
222
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,695
I think you're taking
advantage of us.
223
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,364
Oh, Lud, Miss Howe doesn't
want to buy any candy.
224
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,533
Why don't you go
into your sales pitch?
225
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,005
It's not gonna work, Lud.
226
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,176
You can breathe now.
227
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,713
Okay, fine. I am
just gonna go about
228
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,348
my work as usual.
229
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:46,952
(whistling)
230
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,388
All right, fine!
231
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,622
Five bars!
232
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:51,623
(splutters)
233
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,792
Isn't he great,
you know?
234
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,062
He helped knock 500 bucks off
the price of our last car.
235
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,098
Remember that, Lud?
236
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,833
Part of it.
237
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,967
Lud, come on.
238
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,435
Let's go home.
239
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,538
Evening, chums!
240
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,974
I thought you were having drinks
with David and Arlene.
241
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,310
Good people, Sam,
but colossal bores.
242
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,881
So it turns out
I can work.
243
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,216
Well, thanks for, uh,
244
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,650
keeping us in mind here, Woody.
245
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,786
Tell you what, why don't you,
uh, help out
246
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,389
by getting a couple of cases
of scotch from the back?
247
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,290
(chuckles)
Whoa!
248
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,660
Do I look like I'm
dressed to carry scotch?
249
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,330
Oh, well, what are
you dressed for?
250
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,499
Well, certainly not
whatever you're dressed for.
251
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,938
Mr. Peterson, more crisps?
252
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,607
What the hell
are crisps?
253
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,342
Well, they're what
you call potato chips.
254
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,811
Although what I call chips,
you would call French fries.
255
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,247
So, what are you saying,
we have French fries?
256
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,249
Oh, Mr. Peterson,
257
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,252
there's so much you don't see
from your little bar stool.
258
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,520
Stop teasing
me, Woody!
259
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,655
Do we have French
fries, or don't we?
260
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,891
Norm, you don't have
to get upset with Woody.
261
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,160
He's just been on the trip
of a lifetime,
262
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,961
and it rubbed off
a little bit.
263
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,263
That's not such a surprise.
264
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,564
Say it, don't spray it.
265
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,500
This is cashmere, Miss Howe.
266
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,169
You little snot!
267
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:14,606
I knew you back when
you were just an
ignorant farm boy.
268
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,608
That was about a
week and a half ago!
269
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,777
You're right. That was
about a fortnight, wasn't it?
270
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:19,778
Oh.
271
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,213
SAM:
Come here.
I want to talk
272
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,248
to you
for a second.
Yeah, what
is it, Sam?
273
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,783
I don't know
how to put this.
274
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,318
Ow!
275
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,857
What's the matter
with you, Sam?
276
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,158
I'll tell you
what's the matter.
277
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,793
You're acting
like a real ass.
278
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,562
I think you
mean "arse."
279
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:39,999
That's starting
to hurt!
280
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,101
You know, it doesn't
take a fool
281
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,436
to see what's going
on here, but I do.
282
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,974
You're all jealous.
283
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,843
This is a case of
"Poor little us.
284
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:51,810
"We don't have the money
285
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,379
to do the things
that Woody can do."
286
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,547
Well, as we say back
in merry old England...
287
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,449
tough!
288
00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:00,352
Woody, Woody, Woody,
Woody, come here.
289
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,253
Look...
290
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,354
Yes, Mr. Peterson.
291
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,589
All Sam was
trying to s...
292
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,591
Ow!
293
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,660
That was for the
French fries, okay?
294
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,963
What's the matter
with you guys?
295
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,264
Why are you all
hitting me?
296
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,899
Well, 'cause your hanging
around with rich people
297
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,801
has turned you
into a little monster.
298
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,236
What are you
talking about?
299
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,337
I'm no monster.
300
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,105
I'm still the same
old Woody Gaines.
301
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:26,211
Wait a minute, I'm
Woody Boyd, right?
302
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,914
Oh, Sam, I have
changed, haven't I?
303
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,983
Yeah, I'm afraid
you have.
304
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,785
Ah, don't... don't hit
me again, all right?
305
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,887
You don't have to beat it
into me, all right?
306
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,021
I know I'm a jerk!
307
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,257
I'm the biggest jerk
that ever lived!
308
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,959
(crying)
309
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:42,194
Hey, uh, how come
I didn't
310
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,329
get a chance
to smack him?
311
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,099
Hi, Woody.
312
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,802
I just dropped David and Arlene
off at the hotel, and...
313
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:52,705
Uh-oh, something's wrong.
314
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,808
I can tell.
315
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,277
(crying): I'll tell you
what's wrong, Kelly.
316
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,712
All your money
has changed me.
317
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,480
I don't know who
I am anymore.
318
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,015
I'm pretending
to be English.
319
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,750
I'm pretending to be
something I'm not.
320
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,920
My life has gone
completely down the loo!
321
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,769
(knocking at door)
322
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,903
Woody!
323
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,605
Aren't you ever coming
out of there?
324
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,741
You're starting
to scare me.
325
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,609
Sorry, Kelly.
326
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,745
I'm not trying to scare
you, but it... it's just,
327
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,613
your money is turning
me into a monster.
328
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,315
All my old friends
hate me now.
329
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,720
But everything
was going so well.
330
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:42,888
What happened?
331
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,723
I just looked
into a mirror,
332
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,492
and I didn't
like what I saw.
333
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:51,830
Whatever's wrong,
we can work it out.
334
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:54,233
It's a little more
complicated than that, Kelly.
335
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:59,204
It's like she's having a fight
with Señor Wences.
336
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,739
(door opening)
337
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:02,875
Come on in,
Kelly.
338
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,677
Thank you.
339
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,684
You know, Sammy, you could nail
that door shut right now.
340
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:12,851
I didn't see a thing.
341
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,158
Wow.
342
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,126
What a big moose head.
343
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,997
Kelly, I don't think this
is the time for name-calling.
344
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,732
What's wrong, Woody?
345
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,467
Don't you see, I'm
trying so hard
346
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,702
to fit into
your world
347
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,004
that I'm starting
to lose mine.
348
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:35,107
Yeah... so?
349
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,109
The point is, I'm changing.
350
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,044
Suddenly, Mr. Peterson
and Mr. Clavin
351
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,179
aren't that interesting.
352
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,448
It can't be them,
so it must be me.
353
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,551
Woody, I know
what you're going through.
354
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,853
Oh, Kelly, you
don't understand.
355
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,022
You'll never
understand.
It's hopeless.
356
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,023
Good-bye, Kelly!
357
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,958
Woody!
358
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,760
Woody!
359
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,428
Woody, don't go!
360
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,430
Sam, do something!
361
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,432
All right, all right,
I'll get him.
362
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,335
Hey, uh, Norm, watch the bar
for me, will you?
363
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,938
Oh, all right.
364
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,812
(crying)
365
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:26,258
(crying continues)
366
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,368
Kelly...
367
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,104
There, there.
368
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,717
Mr. Peterson, you're
so understanding.
369
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,385
Uh, well, uh,
370
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,554
yes...
Thanks for
reaching out.
371
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,756
Yeah, Kelly, uh...
372
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,925
(laughing):
Cheer up!
373
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,730
It's just that
I'm so alone.
374
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,265
I feel that
all the love
375
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,000
has gone out of my life.
376
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,870
Am I bothering you,
Mr. Peterson?
377
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,074
No, no, it's either, uh,
378
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,909
listen to it here
or listen to it at home.
379
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,980
(clears throat)
380
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,183
What am I gonna do?
381
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,852
He says that all my money
bothers him
382
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:29,088
and he can't live in my world.
383
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,523
Kelly, why don't you try living
in his world?
384
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,726
What are you saying, that...
385
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,528
that we can make it if I
can just learn to...
386
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,230
to live without all my money?
387
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:39,832
Yeah, I guess.
388
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,266
Well, I can do that.
389
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,301
It'll be easy.
390
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,869
I don't know, Kelly.
391
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:46,472
You're gonna have to give up
an awful lot of stuff.
392
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,008
For example,
no more limousines.
393
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,809
Oh, that's okay.
394
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,978
I can take taxis.
395
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,948
No, Kelly, I don't think Woody
can even afford taxis.
396
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,216
You'll have to take the subway.
397
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,517
The what?
398
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,286
The "T"--
you know, the subway.
399
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,421
Come again?
400
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,457
The subway, the...
the little trains
401
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,060
that run underground,
carry people back and forth.
402
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:12,097
Right, an underground train.
403
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,735
You're such a joker,
Mr. Peterson.
404
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,004
Kelly, they exist,
and, and...
405
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,873
most people take them
to work every day.
406
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,941
Sure they do,
Mr. Peterson.
407
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,844
All right, I'll take your
little underground train
408
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:26,945
tomorrow morning.
409
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,281
Underground trains!
410
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,849
Woo-woo!
411
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,320
Okay, finally.
412
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,289
Daddy's home.
413
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,029
Oh, I couldn't catch up
with Woody.
414
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,531
I saw...
415
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,433
saw Kelly going down the street.
Is she all right?
416
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,268
Oh, no, Sammy, she looked
real... really upset.
417
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,302
You better go after her.
418
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:51,870
All right, all right.
419
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,515
Sometimes I swear it'd be easier
to just buy these things.
420
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,187
Boy, oh, boy.
421
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,823
Woody and Kelly
split up, huh?
422
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,991
Yes, well, I guess having access
to all her money
423
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:15,094
made him feel a little
like a leech.
424
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:18,097
You, uh, seem to make the word
"leech" sound, uh,
425
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,331
pejorative, there, Fras.
426
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,668
An educated man
would be proud
427
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:23,969
to be called a leech.
428
00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:25,804
Leeches are a boon
to mankind.
429
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:27,606
I take it you're referring
to the practice
430
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,708
of using leeches
as a medical cure-all,
431
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:30,876
a practice
which has been
432
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,745
discredited for centuries now.
433
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,346
Discredited...
434
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,315
or covered up?
435
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,517
Well, you've got me there.
436
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,020
Sure, your big drug companies
don't want you
437
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:43,155
to find out about leeches--
you know why?
438
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,390
Leeches are free.
439
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,758
Yes, sir.
440
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,760
I... I have great respect
for the leech.
441
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,294
I'm sure the feeling's mutual.
442
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,097
Hey, Fras?
443
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,432
I've got the tools
444
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,534
of a perfect workout right here.
445
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,770
Jump rope, bag of doughnuts.
446
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,905
Guess which one's yours.
447
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,241
Didn't I tell you? I... I don't
need to work out today.
448
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,209
I think I've reached
my peak form-- isn't that great?
449
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,145
Yeah. Okay, get
in the pool room.
450
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,246
We've got
work to do.
451
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,781
You weren't listening,
I don't need any...
452
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:09,915
I'm all better!
453
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,583
Come on--
pool room.
454
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,019
Hey, guys.
455
00:19:14,054 --> 00:19:15,354
Hey, Wood!
Woody!
456
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,623
Ah, it's good to be back, guys.
457
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,825
Yeah, even though I had
to give up Kelly
458
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,594
and I'm heartbroken,
I'm pretty miserable,
459
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,930
at least I'm not rich.
460
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,566
Well, Wood, it may not be
as bad as you think.
461
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,568
Well, what do you mean,
Mr. Peterson?
462
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,204
Kelly and I had a little
heart-to-heart last night,
463
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,840
and, uh, it turns out she's
gonna give up her money
464
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,408
and try to live
the way you do.
465
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,744
Kelly wants
to do that for me?
466
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:39,912
Yep-- matter of fact,
she's taking
467
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,113
the subway
over here right now.
468
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,981
Kelly's taking the subway
by herself?
469
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,384
Yeah, she wanted to prove to you
she could do normal things.
470
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,086
Well, she can't
do normal things.
471
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,187
She's never learned how.
472
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,988
She's gonna be eaten alive
on that subway!
473
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,156
Go after her, Wood.
474
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,424
Good idea,
Mr. Peterson.
475
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:53,926
Can you watch the bar
for me?
476
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,828
Oh, all right!
477
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,832
Some days, Cliffie,
478
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,600
it's like shooting
fish in a barrel.
479
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,841
Well, guys, I guess you're all
gonna eat your words,
480
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:09,808
'cause guess what I brought.
481
00:20:09,843 --> 00:20:10,976
I give up.
482
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:13,712
Leeches!
483
00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:16,181
Yeah, look at these babies.
484
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,117
They can't keep
themselves off each other.
485
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,886
Where'd you get those?
486
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,955
I have my sources.
487
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,024
Why are they here?
488
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,659
Oh, it's like a living
first aid kit, Norm.
489
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,695
You know, a cure-all
for anything
490
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:33,265
from a minor scrape
to a sucking chest wound.
491
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:36,235
Ooh, look
at the disgusting leeches!
492
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,503
(chuckling)
493
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,872
Hey, what's in the jar?
494
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,544
Hi, everybody. Where's Woody?
495
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,312
Well, he's out looking for you.
496
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,415
What happened, Kelly?
Did you get lost?
497
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,751
No, I was having such a great
time I didn't want it to end.
498
00:20:52,786 --> 00:20:54,420
I love the subway.
499
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,423
Wait a minute,
you liked the subway?
500
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,424
Not at first.
501
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,893
I got real angry
because a lot of other people
502
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,361
tried to get
on my subway car.
503
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,199
And then I met
some young people
504
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:08,634
who apparently work
for the city
505
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,436
because they
were spray-painting the walls,
506
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,706
and they let me write,
"Kelly loves Woody,"
in a big red heart.
507
00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:17,576
And then the pigs came
and we ran.
508
00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:21,180
Well, I'm out of here--
workout's over.
509
00:21:21,214 --> 00:21:22,514
Good day, all.
510
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:23,549
That was quick, huh?
511
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,983
It only lasted a
couple of minutes.
512
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:27,486
Yes, well, you know,
when you're focused...
513
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,821
Where's Sammy?
514
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:31,256
Um, I don't know.
515
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,025
Bye-bye.
516
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:37,296
(muffled shouting)
517
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,398
Woody!
518
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:41,500
Oh, Kelly,
thank God you're okay.
519
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:43,869
Woody, what
happened to you?
520
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:45,938
Oh, I got mugged
on the subway.
521
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,375
Oh, my poor Woody.
522
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:51,210
Come and sit down.
523
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,313
Do you want me
to call the pigs?
524
00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:58,484
No, no, I...
I'm okay now.
525
00:21:58,518 --> 00:21:59,485
They didn't get much.
526
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:00,919
They just scared
me a little.
527
00:22:00,954 --> 00:22:02,588
Kelly, I don't
ever want you
528
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:03,956
to ride that
subway again.
529
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,858
Oh, but Woody, I just
wanted to show you
530
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,559
that I can live
without all my money.
531
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:09,495
Well, I don't want you to
live without your money.
532
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:10,729
I... I think it's
wrong for someone
533
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,031
to have to give
up their money.
534
00:22:12,065 --> 00:22:14,266
Kind of came to
me as I was...
535
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,568
handing over
my wallet.
536
00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:20,272
But if you live
on my money,
537
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:22,207
aren't you afraid you'll
turn into a monster?
538
00:22:22,242 --> 00:22:24,376
Oh, here's what
we're gonna do.
539
00:22:24,411 --> 00:22:26,645
We're gonna be a
two-income family.
540
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,714
You live off of
your income,
541
00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:31,517
and I'll live
off of mine.
542
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,186
Woody, you're so smart.
543
00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:35,721
I love you.
544
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:36,955
I love you, Kelly.
545
00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:38,323
Ow!
Oh!
546
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,626
Oh, Woody, your eye
is swelling shut.
547
00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:41,894
What are we gonna do?
548
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:44,430
Come on, babies, time
to earn your bacon.
38690
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