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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,001 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:10,791 GILLIAN: Okay, we are officially on the road! 3 00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:13,227 Whoo! 4 00:00:13,229 --> 00:00:14,628 Jack, is this recording? 5 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,295 JACK: Well, check if the red light's on. 6 00:00:16,297 --> 00:00:17,431 GILLIAN: Can't see. 7 00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:18,632 Oh, yeah. 8 00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,666 There we go. 9 00:00:20,668 --> 00:00:22,835 We are on our way. Smile at the camera. 10 00:00:22,837 --> 00:00:24,805 No, not when I'm not driving. 11 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,440 You're such a miserable sod. 12 00:00:26,442 --> 00:00:28,875 We're going on a camping trip. Be happy! 13 00:00:28,877 --> 00:00:31,844 Yay! Five-and-a-half hours in a car! 14 00:00:31,846 --> 00:00:33,949 The red letter day nobody wants! 15 00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:41,488 GILLIAN: Aw, look, all the tents. 16 00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,360 JACK: Yeah, tents, great. 17 00:00:48,896 --> 00:00:50,931 GILLIAN: So here we are. 18 00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:54,767 Everyone's having a lovely time in their tents. 19 00:00:54,769 --> 00:00:56,937 And this is us. 20 00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:58,938 Yep. 21 00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:02,575 It's literally been several hours now, 22 00:01:02,577 --> 00:01:04,744 and Jack still hasn't put up the tent. 23 00:01:04,746 --> 00:01:08,284 Except it hasn't been several hours, has it? 24 00:01:27,002 --> 00:01:29,369 And as you can see, we've gone for the... 25 00:01:29,371 --> 00:01:31,837 less-is-more approach with the tent. 26 00:01:31,839 --> 00:01:34,840 You don't like it, you can go bunk up with Weirdy-Beardy. 27 00:01:34,842 --> 00:01:35,875 [LAUGHS] 28 00:01:35,877 --> 00:01:37,810 It's fine, darling. 29 00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:41,447 Here's to our romantic camping weekend! 30 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:42,715 - Okay. - Whoo-hoo! 31 00:01:42,717 --> 00:01:44,853 - Ayes ayes ayes. - Ayes ayes ayes. 32 00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:48,324 - Oh, that's disgusting. - [LAUGHS] 33 00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:55,828 Jack, it's what it's all about. It's beautiful. 34 00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,433 You must like this. 35 00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:02,437 We're on private land. We're probably gonna get shot. 36 00:02:06,841 --> 00:02:08,608 GILLIAN: Jack! 37 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:10,710 - Can't bring your phone with! - All right, all right! 38 00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:13,347 GILLIAN: Jeez! 39 00:02:13,349 --> 00:02:15,585 Two minutes! 40 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,923 JACK: Oh! Something met its end here! 41 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:25,591 Gill! Gill, come on down and come and see this! 42 00:02:25,593 --> 00:02:26,992 GILLIAN: I'm really sad. 43 00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,395 - No! - No, that's horrible. 44 00:02:29,397 --> 00:02:30,764 You gotta come and see it! 45 00:02:30,766 --> 00:02:33,667 The poor baby had a mom and a dad and friends. 46 00:02:33,669 --> 00:02:35,634 He probably does. 47 00:02:35,636 --> 00:02:37,372 I'm hungry. Let's go get some food. 48 00:02:41,409 --> 00:02:45,611 And here she comes, finally! 49 00:02:45,613 --> 00:02:46,947 Jack, give me the camera back. 50 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,948 No! Come on, just catch up! 51 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:50,516 Jack, don't film me when I'm tired. 52 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,885 I look awful. 53 00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:55,020 You're the one who wanted to see the countryside! 54 00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,789 Look at it! Isn't it beautiful? 55 00:02:56,791 --> 00:02:58,093 Don't start. 56 00:03:10,938 --> 00:03:13,573 Babe, can you remember which way we came? 57 00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:16,675 I think someone's got us lost. 58 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:19,478 No. This way. 59 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,116 - Mm-hmm. - Come on. 60 00:03:23,152 --> 00:03:24,520 Okay. 61 00:03:28,623 --> 00:03:30,823 Jack, it's bloody dark now, and you've gotten us lost, 62 00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:32,626 and I'm freezing. 63 00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:34,997 JACK: Give me the camera. There's a light on it. 64 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,969 Here, get the lantern from my bag. 65 00:03:42,938 --> 00:03:45,572 - [LOUD SNARL] - Shh, shh, shh! 66 00:03:45,574 --> 00:03:47,807 - [SOFT GROWLING] - Oh, my God, what? 67 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,476 You hear that? 68 00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,777 - Yeah, what is that? - [GROWL] 69 00:03:51,779 --> 00:03:53,782 JACK: Don't know. Come on, let's move. 70 00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:01,687 GILLIAN: Jack, slow down! 71 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,690 JACK: Come on, then. There's something behind us! 72 00:04:03,692 --> 00:04:05,692 [GILLIAN WHIMPERING] 73 00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:06,859 What was it? 74 00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:09,128 [SOFT GROWLING] 75 00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:11,730 Oh, my God, it's still there. Jack, it's still there! 76 00:04:11,732 --> 00:04:12,835 - Come on! - [GILLIAN SCREAMS] 77 00:04:24,111 --> 00:04:25,614 Gillian. 78 00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:29,049 Gilly. 79 00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:31,484 You just left me, you prick! 80 00:04:31,486 --> 00:04:33,556 Shh, shh, shh! 81 00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,523 Oh, shit. Jack! 82 00:04:37,525 --> 00:04:41,430 - [GROWLING] - [SCREAMING] 83 00:04:42,763 --> 00:04:45,532 GILLIAN: Oh, my God! Jack! 84 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:47,736 [GILLIAN SOBBING] 85 00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:52,808 Oh, my God! 86 00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:04,620 [PANTING] 87 00:05:08,757 --> 00:05:10,689 - [WHIMPERING] - [BANGING] 88 00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:12,292 Please, let me in! 89 00:05:12,294 --> 00:05:13,893 Help me, help me! 90 00:05:13,895 --> 00:05:15,996 Oh, are you all right there, my dear? 91 00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:17,597 Oh, what's going on? 92 00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:20,165 You can't just barge into my house like this. 93 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:23,636 I'm so sorry, but there's something out there. 94 00:05:23,638 --> 00:05:25,104 I think it's just killed my boyfriend! 95 00:05:25,106 --> 00:05:26,972 Please, I need to call the police! 96 00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:28,775 Calm down, dear, no need to worry. 97 00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:30,143 You're safe now. 98 00:05:30,145 --> 00:05:31,611 No, you don't understand. 99 00:05:31,613 --> 00:05:34,047 I need to call the police! It just... 100 00:05:34,049 --> 00:05:36,181 It just grabbed him like he was a piece of meat! 101 00:05:36,183 --> 00:05:38,018 What grabbed him? 102 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:40,020 I don't know! 103 00:05:40,022 --> 00:05:43,256 It was huge! Oh, my God, Jack! 104 00:05:43,258 --> 00:05:46,993 Oh, oh, you poor thing! You're shaking! 105 00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:48,895 Come on, let's get you in the kitchen, 106 00:05:48,897 --> 00:05:51,297 sit you down and get you a nice cup of tea. 107 00:05:51,299 --> 00:05:53,333 No, I just need to call the police, please! 108 00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:55,969 That's all right, dear. The phone's in the kitchen. 109 00:05:55,971 --> 00:05:57,807 Come this way. 110 00:06:01,642 --> 00:06:03,012 This way, my dear. 111 00:06:10,786 --> 00:06:12,885 Take a seat with my boys. 112 00:06:12,887 --> 00:06:15,190 Just popping the kettle on. 113 00:06:18,993 --> 00:06:22,128 We don't often get visitors, do we, boys? 114 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,600 [DISHES CLATTERING] 115 00:06:32,039 --> 00:06:35,075 Don't worry. They won't bite you. 116 00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:36,710 Do you take sugar? 117 00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:39,813 Um, just milk. 118 00:06:39,815 --> 00:06:42,782 Wait, did you say you had a phone that I could use? 119 00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:45,885 Oh, yes, sorry, dear. There's me being mother. 120 00:06:45,887 --> 00:06:49,325 Two seconds, my lovely. I'll be right back. 121 00:06:51,859 --> 00:06:54,760 Phone, phone, now where did I put it? 122 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,097 [DISHES CLATTERING] 123 00:06:57,099 --> 00:06:59,969 So, um, how long have you guys lived here... 124 00:07:00,969 --> 00:07:02,238 Oh! 125 00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:07,342 Grub's up, boys! 126 00:07:23,058 --> 00:07:24,694 Charlie! 127 00:07:28,296 --> 00:07:30,266 Dinner time! 128 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,137 [GROWLING] 129 00:07:40,308 --> 00:07:42,211 That's my boy. 130 00:07:46,214 --> 00:07:47,946 ♪ Carpets make your day ♪ 131 00:07:47,948 --> 00:07:50,150 ♪ We're dashing through the lake ♪ 132 00:07:50,152 --> 00:07:51,818 - [STEREO BLARING] - [CAR HORN HONKS] 133 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,389 DRIVER: You fucking prick! 134 00:07:54,955 --> 00:07:56,224 [CHUCKLES] 135 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,395 JADE: Dad! 136 00:08:06,702 --> 00:08:09,001 - What is it? - Phone for ya. 137 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:10,335 Already? 138 00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:12,337 Only just opened. 139 00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:13,338 Who is it? 140 00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:14,873 I don't know. 141 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:18,078 - Who is it? - Hey! Give it here. 142 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,713 Go and make us a cuppa. 143 00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:22,748 Hello? 144 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:25,984 Oh, hello there, Mrs. Hanning. [CHUCKLES] 145 00:08:25,986 --> 00:08:29,823 Yes, I've got my best team heading out to you. 146 00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:31,224 Do not worry. 147 00:08:31,226 --> 00:08:34,094 They're literally loading up now, okay? 148 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,096 Lovely. If you have any problems, 149 00:08:37,098 --> 00:08:39,832 just give me a call, okay? 150 00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:42,203 Thanks. Bye! 151 00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:46,906 Morning, all. 152 00:08:46,908 --> 00:08:48,307 JADE: Chris. 153 00:08:48,309 --> 00:08:50,744 Ah, Christopher. 154 00:08:50,746 --> 00:08:54,814 It seems your alarm clock is 10 minutes out of sync again. 155 00:08:54,816 --> 00:08:57,282 You really need to look into that. 156 00:08:57,284 --> 00:08:58,350 All right. 157 00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:01,488 I had a... late night. 158 00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,090 Ugh. Too much information. 159 00:09:04,092 --> 00:09:07,127 I can't hear that kettle boiling, Jade. 160 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,130 [SCOFFS] 161 00:09:10,231 --> 00:09:12,264 Oh, yeah, make us a brew. 162 00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:15,301 Gosh, as if I'm not busy enough! 163 00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:18,838 - Tash in? - She's out back loading up. 164 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,541 Yes, and can you go and help her, please? 165 00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,877 It's a big job today. 166 00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:26,345 All right, Nige. God, I ain't even had a tea yet. 167 00:09:26,347 --> 00:09:28,248 Remember to make up for those 10 minutes 168 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,849 during your lunch as well. 169 00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:32,387 Yeah, whatever. 170 00:09:39,394 --> 00:09:40,830 Tash! 171 00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:44,397 TASHA: Heads up! 172 00:09:44,399 --> 00:09:45,931 Come on, watch the hair! 173 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,801 You vain sod. 174 00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:50,069 Anyway, you're late, as always. 175 00:09:50,071 --> 00:09:51,503 I had a bit of late one. 176 00:09:51,505 --> 00:09:53,473 You know what I'm like when I hit the sambucus. 177 00:09:53,475 --> 00:09:55,941 Stop, stop. I don't care. 178 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,476 Just get that on the van. 179 00:09:57,478 --> 00:09:59,311 All right, chill out. What's the job? 180 00:09:59,313 --> 00:10:01,947 Some old country house apparently, 181 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,582 in the middle of nowhere. 182 00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:05,754 A big country house. 183 00:10:07,021 --> 00:10:09,288 And here's your paperwork. 184 00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:11,191 Have you got enough gripper on the van? 185 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,358 Yes. 186 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,593 And underlay? 187 00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:15,128 Yes, Nige. 188 00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,297 Okay, just checking. 189 00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,367 It's a good job for us, this one. 190 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,371 Behave yourself, please. 191 00:10:26,908 --> 00:10:28,340 Hold on, a full house? 192 00:10:28,342 --> 00:10:30,276 Just you and me? That's bullshit. 193 00:10:30,278 --> 00:10:33,278 Don't worry. Your best mates Dean and Colin will be there. 194 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,980 [SIGHS] Great. 195 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,182 I think I prefer just us doing it. 196 00:10:37,184 --> 00:10:38,853 Where are they now, then? 197 00:10:40,388 --> 00:10:42,589 Don't do it. 198 00:10:42,591 --> 00:10:44,858 Colin, don't do it. 199 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,392 What? 200 00:10:46,394 --> 00:10:47,960 You gonna hit a pipe. 201 00:10:47,962 --> 00:10:49,494 I'm not gonna hit a pipe. 202 00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:52,364 I am telling you now you're gonna go hit a pipe. 203 00:10:52,366 --> 00:10:54,334 I'm not going to hit a bloody pipe. 204 00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:56,436 How long do you think I've been doing this job? 205 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,439 [SIGHS] All right. Go on, then. 206 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,240 Oh, you didn't lay the wrong way around. 207 00:11:01,242 --> 00:11:03,176 Oh, for God's sake, will you shut up? 208 00:11:03,178 --> 00:11:04,509 I don't see you down here doing it. 209 00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:07,213 And how am I supposed to fit down there with you? 210 00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:09,548 And what's that supposed to mean? 211 00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:10,819 [GROANS] 212 00:11:14,422 --> 00:11:16,258 See? Told ya. 213 00:11:17,458 --> 00:11:19,492 [SIGHS] 214 00:11:19,494 --> 00:11:21,494 She ain't happy. 215 00:11:21,496 --> 00:11:23,562 Listen, Nige, it's fine. She's all right with it. 216 00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:25,931 And we told her these things happen. 217 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:29,636 What? Well, of course I rang the plumber, yeah, yeah. 218 00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:31,403 Hey, hold on a minute. 219 00:11:31,405 --> 00:11:33,605 Well, Malcolm has just turned up now. 220 00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:37,176 Yeah. I know, big house, big job, big money, I get it. 221 00:11:37,178 --> 00:11:39,244 Don't panic, all right? 222 00:11:39,246 --> 00:11:41,648 We'll start loading up the van, and we'll head out there. 223 00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:44,517 All right, okay. Okay, okeydokey. 224 00:11:44,519 --> 00:11:46,619 Cheese. Bye, Nige. Bye. Bye. 225 00:11:46,621 --> 00:11:49,388 He never bloody stops him. 226 00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:51,356 - Morning, fellas. - Malcolm. 227 00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:54,259 Oh, finally showed up now we've finished the job. 228 00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:55,628 Where's your car? 229 00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:58,230 Oh, yeah, sorry, man. I sorta lost it. 230 00:11:58,232 --> 00:12:00,066 - You lost your car? - Didn't mean to. 231 00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,566 I had a late night one, you know? 232 00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:03,268 Hey, I got home okay, though, didn't I? 233 00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:06,205 How did you lose it? I shouldn't even ask. 234 00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:07,706 Can't remember. 235 00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:09,709 Oh, well, these things turn up. They always do. 236 00:12:09,711 --> 00:12:11,476 You see, they don't, though, Malcolm. 237 00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,946 Your car keys maybe, but a little Fiat Punto 238 00:12:13,948 --> 00:12:15,480 ain't gonna turn up on your windowsill, is it? 239 00:12:15,482 --> 00:12:17,450 Oh, well, luckily, I left the keys in the car, 240 00:12:17,452 --> 00:12:21,287 so at least I'll get them back at the same time. 241 00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:23,355 Don't worry. He's just in a mood 'cause he's weed himself. 242 00:12:23,357 --> 00:12:25,325 Oh, right, yeah, cool. 243 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,125 Overactive bladder syndrome. 244 00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:28,628 That is common when you get to, like, your 50s. 245 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,430 - My nan had it. - Shut it, Malcolm. 246 00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:31,730 I'm not even 50. 247 00:12:31,732 --> 00:12:33,432 Lob your bike in the van and get in. 248 00:12:33,434 --> 00:12:35,200 - Where we going now, then? - Gonna go meet Tash. 249 00:12:35,202 --> 00:12:37,570 Your favorite, hey? Whoa, what you doing? 250 00:12:37,572 --> 00:12:39,471 You in the back as well, mate. 251 00:12:39,473 --> 00:12:41,173 Isn't that illegal, me in the back? 252 00:12:41,175 --> 00:12:42,542 Not if you keep your head down. 253 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,109 Why can't I sit up there with you two? 254 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,610 Malcolm, apprentices have to sit in the back. 255 00:12:45,612 --> 00:12:48,181 We've been through this. It's a rite of passage. 256 00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:49,481 All right, then. 257 00:12:49,483 --> 00:12:52,120 You say we're meeting Tash, yeah? 258 00:13:04,432 --> 00:13:06,766 Wow. Can really smell the shit in the air around here. 259 00:13:06,768 --> 00:13:09,104 [PHONE CHIMES] 260 00:13:12,273 --> 00:13:14,172 [LAUGHS] 261 00:13:14,174 --> 00:13:17,509 Aw, Craig's a player, man. Top lad. 262 00:13:17,511 --> 00:13:19,711 Some funny shit! 263 00:13:19,713 --> 00:13:21,647 What are you doing? 264 00:13:21,649 --> 00:13:25,118 Craig sent me some pics from last night. Look. 265 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,220 Don't you think my arms look big in that shirt? 266 00:13:28,222 --> 00:13:31,423 Is that Malcolm in the background? 267 00:13:31,425 --> 00:13:33,426 - Is it? - [DEVICE BEEPING] 268 00:13:33,428 --> 00:13:35,194 Don't remember seeing him out. 269 00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:37,629 Look, forget your phone. Can you help me fix the satnav? 270 00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:39,798 Chill out! 271 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,600 [SIGHS] 272 00:13:41,602 --> 00:13:43,603 Look, it's broken anyway. I told you that last time. 273 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,604 What you reckon, new profile pic? 274 00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:48,074 [SIGHS] Just forget your phone. 275 00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:49,341 Just find directions. 276 00:13:49,343 --> 00:13:51,212 I'll just ring Nige and ask him. 277 00:13:52,713 --> 00:13:55,415 [PHONE RINGING] 278 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:56,516 This one here? 279 00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:59,118 Oh, so lovely, so soft. 280 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,654 [RINGING CONTINUES] 281 00:14:02,656 --> 00:14:04,657 Feel your feet on that. 282 00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:10,463 [PHONE RINGING] 283 00:14:10,465 --> 00:14:12,101 Phone, Jade! 284 00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:15,334 Don't be shy. Take your shoes off. 285 00:14:15,336 --> 00:14:17,402 Cupid Carpets. Jade speaking. 286 00:14:17,404 --> 00:14:19,739 Dad! Phone! 287 00:14:19,741 --> 00:14:21,706 Perfect color for this time of year as well. 288 00:14:21,708 --> 00:14:24,543 [CHUCKLES] Who is it? 289 00:14:24,545 --> 00:14:26,515 Who is it? 290 00:14:28,449 --> 00:14:30,649 It's Chris! 291 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:31,683 [CHUCKLES] 292 00:14:31,685 --> 00:14:34,122 Excuse me one second. 293 00:14:42,563 --> 00:14:44,599 Don't let them leave. 294 00:14:48,535 --> 00:14:50,472 Yes, hello? 295 00:14:51,739 --> 00:14:54,706 The postcode is on the paperwork. 296 00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,676 What? 297 00:14:56,678 --> 00:15:00,245 Well, use a satnav. 298 00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:01,516 Who broke it? 299 00:15:03,217 --> 00:15:04,385 Sorry, mate. 300 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,226 You guys not been to this place before, no? 301 00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:16,295 No, Malcolm, otherwise I wouldn't be working out 302 00:15:16,297 --> 00:15:19,465 Nigel's useless directions, would I? 303 00:15:19,467 --> 00:15:21,334 When did you start smoking, then? 304 00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,136 Me? Oh, few years now. 305 00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:24,336 [COUGHS] 306 00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:26,239 - Want one? - No, thanks. 307 00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:28,306 I don't think you're gonna impress Tasha with all that. 308 00:15:28,308 --> 00:15:29,441 You know, she's a health freak. 309 00:15:29,443 --> 00:15:30,909 Really? 310 00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,711 Don't even know why I started, to be honest. 311 00:15:32,713 --> 00:15:34,580 Only started last week. I think it's just a case of... 312 00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:36,481 You're rambling again. 313 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:39,551 Aw, I just dripped egg all over the roadmap. 314 00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:41,354 You're an animal. 315 00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:43,189 Haven't you chaps ever thought about using one of those 316 00:15:43,191 --> 00:15:45,191 satellite navigation thingies? 317 00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:46,758 - I don't trust them. - Why? 318 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,859 I just don't. 319 00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:49,528 Tell him why. 320 00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,497 Because they're not always right. 321 00:15:51,499 --> 00:15:54,167 Or because some people follow every instruction blindly, 322 00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:56,168 even if it means driving into a fence. 323 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,237 Well, it said turn right, didn't it? 324 00:15:58,239 --> 00:16:00,705 How many times did I say you're going the wrong way, Col? 325 00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:02,407 Oh, look, there's a fence, Col. 326 00:16:02,409 --> 00:16:03,676 We're going to crash, Colin. 327 00:16:03,678 --> 00:16:06,345 - Is that true? - He's lying again. 328 00:16:06,347 --> 00:16:08,480 Oh, I'm lying, am I? Let's go and ask the poor family 329 00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,615 having their kid's birthday party in the garden, shall we? 330 00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,284 Ask them if I'm lying. 331 00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:14,653 Oh, he's over-exaggerating it a bit. 332 00:16:14,655 --> 00:16:16,855 Anyway, shouldn't we be getting a move on, fellas? 333 00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:19,492 Malcolm, you know the score. The quicker we get there, 334 00:16:19,494 --> 00:16:21,326 the more work we're gonna have to do. 335 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,498 Chill out, they'll be fine. 336 00:16:25,732 --> 00:16:29,668 ♪♪ [OMINOUS] 337 00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:32,470 CHRIS: When he said "big," I didn't think this kind of big. 338 00:16:32,472 --> 00:16:33,839 TASHA: Well done, Nige. 339 00:16:33,841 --> 00:16:36,209 Can see why he wanted all of us here. 340 00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:37,880 CHRIS: Fucking great. 341 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,757 Enjoy the pie, boys. 342 00:16:51,925 --> 00:16:54,726 [KNOCKING] 343 00:16:54,728 --> 00:16:56,662 All I'm saying is I just either prefer 344 00:16:56,664 --> 00:17:00,566 working on my own or with you 'cause the others do my head in. 345 00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:01,767 Hello. 346 00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:03,936 - Hi. Mrs. Hanning, is it? - Yes. 347 00:17:03,938 --> 00:17:07,340 - We're from Cupid Carpets. - Oh, the carpet people! 348 00:17:07,342 --> 00:17:08,674 Do come in, do come in. 349 00:17:08,676 --> 00:17:09,778 Thank you. 350 00:17:11,746 --> 00:17:14,780 Ooh, you're a strong man, aren't you? 351 00:17:14,782 --> 00:17:16,415 The job keeps me fit. 352 00:17:16,417 --> 00:17:19,784 I bet it does. I bet it does. 353 00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:21,786 Just follow me. 354 00:17:21,788 --> 00:17:24,889 Do you want me to show you around or... 355 00:17:24,891 --> 00:17:26,658 You show us where the living room is, 356 00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:28,394 we can set up in there, if you like. 357 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,496 Okay, my dears, this way, then. 358 00:17:31,498 --> 00:17:33,666 It's nice and quiet around here, isn't it? 359 00:17:33,668 --> 00:17:36,572 Yes. Just the way I like it. 360 00:17:38,773 --> 00:17:40,872 This is the living room. 361 00:17:40,874 --> 00:17:42,875 It should be no problem at all. 362 00:17:42,877 --> 00:17:44,877 We don't use it much anymore. 363 00:17:44,879 --> 00:17:47,679 We've got so many other rooms. 364 00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:50,382 Jeez, look at this fella. 365 00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:52,618 Could be from that film. What's it called? 366 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,588 That's an old relative of mine, my dear. 367 00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:57,326 Quite a family heirloom, that. 368 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:03,928 We managed to move most of the furniture for you. 369 00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:05,298 On your own? 370 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,766 My boys helped me. 371 00:18:07,768 --> 00:18:10,069 We got rid of all the old carpets as well. 372 00:18:10,071 --> 00:18:12,538 I know that can be a pain. 373 00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:13,673 Yeah, you wouldn't believe what your carpets 374 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,907 will pick up over the years. 375 00:18:14,909 --> 00:18:17,709 No, I can imagine. 376 00:18:17,711 --> 00:18:19,645 Can I get you a cup of tea or anything? 377 00:18:19,647 --> 00:18:22,514 Oh, yeah, tea would be great, thanks. No sugar. 378 00:18:22,516 --> 00:18:24,750 One tea, no sugar. And you, my dear? 379 00:18:24,752 --> 00:18:26,484 Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you. 380 00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:30,625 All right, well, give me a shout if you change your mind. 381 00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,694 - Seriously? - What? 382 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:36,494 Well, no wonder she lives all the way out here 383 00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:37,963 'cause her family's well ugly. 384 00:18:37,965 --> 00:18:39,932 You need to watch your mouth. 385 00:18:39,934 --> 00:18:42,801 I speak to the customers, not you, simple. 386 00:18:42,803 --> 00:18:44,637 Okay, okay, calm down. 387 00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:47,005 Just making conversation. 388 00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,542 Bet this place is haunted or something. 389 00:18:49,544 --> 00:18:51,510 If you believe in that crap. 390 00:18:51,512 --> 00:18:54,383 You could make a proper good horror film here, though. 391 00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:59,685 They were just some ordinary carpet fitters. 392 00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:02,420 She was a sweet old lady that lived in some crap hole 393 00:19:02,422 --> 00:19:04,055 in the middle of nowhere. 394 00:19:04,057 --> 00:19:06,058 Are you actually gonna do some work today? 395 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,394 Why don't you get that stuff off the van? 396 00:19:08,396 --> 00:19:10,795 - Well, what you gonna do? - Prep upstairs. 397 00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,630 Well, the others better hurry up 398 00:19:12,632 --> 00:19:14,702 'cause I ain't doing all this on my own. 399 00:19:16,737 --> 00:19:17,969 ♪ Hey ♪ 400 00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,505 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 401 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,742 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 402 00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,976 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 403 00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,413 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 404 00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:30,116 ♪ No, you're outta the frame ♪ 405 00:19:30,118 --> 00:19:32,551 - [CLICK] - What are you doing, man? 406 00:19:32,553 --> 00:19:34,153 You're doing my head in, giving me a headache. 407 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:36,021 - I was getting into it. - Yeah, I noticed. 408 00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:38,390 Don't give up the day job whatever you do. 409 00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:40,993 Oh, sorry, Col! 410 00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:42,128 [SIGHS] 411 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:44,096 What's wrong with you today? 412 00:19:44,098 --> 00:19:45,898 Nothing. What do you mean? 413 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:49,435 You're a miserable bastard, that's what I mean. 414 00:19:49,437 --> 00:19:50,770 She's leaving me, Dean. 415 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,036 Who is? 416 00:19:52,038 --> 00:19:54,639 Carol, my wife! 417 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,442 Jesus, you've met her at every Christmas doo 418 00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:57,810 for the last five years! 419 00:19:57,812 --> 00:20:00,413 Yeah, I know who Carol is. 420 00:20:00,415 --> 00:20:03,581 Do you wanna talk about it? 421 00:20:03,583 --> 00:20:05,484 No, not really. 422 00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:06,718 All right. 423 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,154 Well, actually, if you must know, 424 00:20:08,156 --> 00:20:10,523 she says I've become boring and predictable, 425 00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:12,157 and I'm just not spontaneous anymore. 426 00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:14,459 I mean, me, not spontaneous? 427 00:20:14,461 --> 00:20:16,428 I get fish and chips for dinner every Friday night, 428 00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:17,929 ungrateful bitch! 429 00:20:17,931 --> 00:20:20,468 You let it out, mate. Better if we pull over, eh? 430 00:20:26,474 --> 00:20:29,942 I mean, how am I suppose to fit it all in? 431 00:20:29,944 --> 00:20:32,945 I'm trying to pay for the patio she's always wanted. 432 00:20:32,947 --> 00:20:36,815 That's why I work the extra overtime. 433 00:20:36,817 --> 00:20:38,617 No, I'm not silly, I know I might have 434 00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:40,051 put on a few pounds since the '80s, 435 00:20:40,053 --> 00:20:42,987 but we've all changed since then. 436 00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,457 I mean, she ain't exactly Bonnie fucking Tyler. 437 00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:48,226 - You know what I mean? - Sure, mate. 438 00:20:48,228 --> 00:20:50,795 I mean, I try and do the right thing, settle down, 439 00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:54,800 get a secure job, get married, have kids, 440 00:20:54,802 --> 00:20:57,869 and this is what I get for it. 441 00:20:57,871 --> 00:20:59,504 It's a joke, Dean, it's a joke. 442 00:20:59,506 --> 00:21:00,505 I'm a joke! 443 00:21:00,507 --> 00:21:02,073 Right, listen to me now. 444 00:21:02,075 --> 00:21:05,778 You are not a joke, so pull yourself together. 445 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,713 You are Colin the carpet fitter, 446 00:21:07,715 --> 00:21:09,814 and the best carpet fitter I know. 447 00:21:09,816 --> 00:21:12,083 And carpet fitters don't cry, do they? 448 00:21:12,085 --> 00:21:14,052 Hey? 449 00:21:14,054 --> 00:21:16,591 No. So who are ya? 450 00:21:18,692 --> 00:21:20,493 Colin the carpet fitter. 451 00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:23,262 That's right, and what don't carpet fitters do? 452 00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:24,730 Carpet fitters don't cry. 453 00:21:24,732 --> 00:21:26,564 Exactly, and what are we gonna do now? 454 00:21:26,566 --> 00:21:27,933 Go fit some carpet. 455 00:21:27,935 --> 00:21:29,738 Good. Come on, then. 456 00:21:31,706 --> 00:21:34,005 - Sorry about that, mate. - It's all right, mate. 457 00:21:34,007 --> 00:21:35,741 You know where you're going, yeah? 458 00:21:35,743 --> 00:21:38,878 I think so, I think so. 459 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,679 Just a case of staying positive. 460 00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:45,453 No, I mean, you know where you're driving to? 461 00:21:49,790 --> 00:21:52,226 ♪♪ [HIP-HOP] 462 00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:01,934 Here you are, my lovely. 463 00:22:01,936 --> 00:22:03,903 Ah, thanks, love. 464 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:05,204 Cheers. 465 00:22:05,206 --> 00:22:07,242 [KEYS JINGLE] 466 00:22:09,709 --> 00:22:10,978 [LOCK CLACKS] 467 00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:29,928 ♪ I want to take you out to dinner ♪ 468 00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:32,932 ♪ My darling ♪ 469 00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:35,333 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 470 00:22:35,335 --> 00:22:37,805 What is this shit? 471 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:08,669 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 472 00:23:11,639 --> 00:23:15,174 ♪ For when we die ♪ 473 00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:19,278 ♪ Wade through the line ♪ 474 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,684 ♪ The pending high ♪ 475 00:23:24,685 --> 00:23:25,984 Beautiful. 476 00:23:25,986 --> 00:23:27,619 Beautiful. 477 00:23:27,621 --> 00:23:29,621 Thank you. Thank you for coming. 478 00:23:29,623 --> 00:23:30,891 Thank you. 479 00:23:31,926 --> 00:23:33,061 [SIGHS] 480 00:23:34,061 --> 00:23:35,163 Tash! 481 00:23:36,630 --> 00:23:38,030 I'm ready to fit down here now! 482 00:23:38,032 --> 00:23:40,735 Shall we get the carpets off the van?! 483 00:23:43,103 --> 00:23:44,605 Tash?! 484 00:23:45,939 --> 00:23:47,708 Fucking deaf, man! 485 00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:54,213 Weird. 486 00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:56,115 Hello! 487 00:23:56,117 --> 00:23:59,318 I can't seem to open this door! 488 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,819 Hello! 489 00:24:00,821 --> 00:24:02,821 Old lady! 490 00:24:02,823 --> 00:24:04,292 Anyone! 491 00:24:10,296 --> 00:24:11,900 Hey, little fella. 492 00:24:16,036 --> 00:24:18,870 Hey, look, take it easy, mate. 493 00:24:18,872 --> 00:24:20,874 Look, I don't know what you want, but... 494 00:24:23,910 --> 00:24:26,380 [SCREAMS] 495 00:24:32,319 --> 00:24:33,388 Chris? 496 00:24:36,423 --> 00:24:39,627 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 497 00:25:09,957 --> 00:25:12,393 My fucking nose. 498 00:25:29,944 --> 00:25:31,312 Sorry, Tash. 499 00:25:41,221 --> 00:25:42,323 Fuck! 500 00:26:07,046 --> 00:26:08,348 Fuck! 501 00:26:20,226 --> 00:26:21,463 [SCREECH] 502 00:26:38,144 --> 00:26:42,046 [SCREECHING] 503 00:26:42,048 --> 00:26:44,118 [SCREECHING] 504 00:26:48,121 --> 00:26:51,391 [SCREECHING] 505 00:26:52,592 --> 00:26:55,226 Boys! Boys! 506 00:26:55,228 --> 00:26:56,864 Stop it now! 507 00:26:58,832 --> 00:27:00,000 [SCREECH] 508 00:27:09,376 --> 00:27:12,046 Now let's get this stuff cleaned up! 509 00:27:21,522 --> 00:27:23,258 [DOOR OPENS] 510 00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:28,096 [FOOTSTEPS] 511 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,401 [GRUNTS] 512 00:27:36,570 --> 00:27:38,139 [TASHA GROANS] 513 00:28:08,168 --> 00:28:10,505 [GROANS] 514 00:28:23,417 --> 00:28:25,919 [GROANS] 515 00:28:31,124 --> 00:28:32,559 [GROANS] 516 00:28:59,253 --> 00:29:01,188 [YELLS] 517 00:29:14,168 --> 00:29:16,504 [GRUNTING] 518 00:29:31,651 --> 00:29:33,187 [GRUNTS] 519 00:29:36,689 --> 00:29:41,496 [GAGGING] 520 00:30:02,749 --> 00:30:05,082 William. 521 00:30:05,084 --> 00:30:09,487 What have you done to my boy? 522 00:30:09,489 --> 00:30:11,191 Don't come any closer. 523 00:30:13,427 --> 00:30:15,663 - I mean it! - [LAUGHS] 524 00:30:18,165 --> 00:30:19,400 [THUD] 525 00:30:24,670 --> 00:30:27,674 [GROANING] 526 00:30:39,152 --> 00:30:40,752 Charlie! 527 00:30:40,754 --> 00:30:43,388 Dinner time! 528 00:30:43,390 --> 00:30:45,759 [LAUGHTER] 529 00:30:56,402 --> 00:31:00,107 Boys! Come and help me clean this mess up! 530 00:31:23,530 --> 00:31:24,632 Hello? 531 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,402 [LOW GROWL] 532 00:31:34,274 --> 00:31:36,077 [SNARLING] 533 00:31:42,349 --> 00:31:44,619 - [LOUD ROAR] - [SCREAMING] 534 00:32:30,697 --> 00:32:34,198 Nice work, boys. Let's get this grub sold, 535 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,601 and then I'm gonna treat us all to a lovely lunch. 536 00:32:37,603 --> 00:32:39,372 [ENGINE STARTS] 537 00:33:10,637 --> 00:33:12,637 Tell you what. I'm glad I'm here. 538 00:33:12,639 --> 00:33:13,871 I'm dying for a leak. 539 00:33:13,873 --> 00:33:16,510 Oh, lovely. Grab the tools, then. 540 00:33:19,746 --> 00:33:22,680 Come on, then. 541 00:33:22,682 --> 00:33:26,219 - What was he crying about? - Oh, mate, leave it. 542 00:33:34,695 --> 00:33:37,329 - Hello! - We at the right house? 543 00:33:37,331 --> 00:33:39,697 Oh, I hope so 'cause there's nothing else around here. 544 00:33:39,699 --> 00:33:41,565 - But where's the van? - What van? 545 00:33:41,567 --> 00:33:43,234 The other work van. 546 00:33:43,236 --> 00:33:45,669 Chris and Tash are supposed to be here already. 547 00:33:45,671 --> 00:33:48,673 Maybe they parked in the back, skiving or something. 548 00:33:48,675 --> 00:33:51,412 Someone better be in. I'm gagging for a piss now. 549 00:33:55,849 --> 00:33:57,648 Look, that's our underlay in there. 550 00:33:57,650 --> 00:33:59,818 Where? 551 00:33:59,820 --> 00:34:02,253 Well, where they gone, then? 552 00:34:02,255 --> 00:34:03,722 Chris! 553 00:34:03,724 --> 00:34:06,023 Tasha! 554 00:34:06,025 --> 00:34:08,396 Come on, let's have a nose around the back. 555 00:34:10,363 --> 00:34:13,967 Malcolm, you stay there. Beep the horn if anyone comes. 556 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:25,309 Whoa. 557 00:34:25,311 --> 00:34:27,012 I tell you what, mate, 558 00:34:27,014 --> 00:34:29,513 I wouldn't mind a place like this when I'm older. 559 00:34:29,515 --> 00:34:32,450 Yeah, Carol always wanted me to move out to the sticks. 560 00:34:32,452 --> 00:34:34,455 Hey, Col, it's opened, mate. 561 00:34:46,867 --> 00:34:48,733 Hello! 562 00:34:48,735 --> 00:34:50,769 It's the carpet fitters! 563 00:34:50,771 --> 00:34:52,406 Anyone home? 564 00:34:53,874 --> 00:34:55,073 Well, I don't know. 565 00:34:55,075 --> 00:34:56,707 Right, I'm going for a piss. 566 00:34:56,709 --> 00:34:58,343 No, you're bloody not! 567 00:34:58,345 --> 00:35:00,010 Dean! Dean! 568 00:35:00,012 --> 00:35:02,646 Mate, I can't hold it. Two minutes. 569 00:35:02,648 --> 00:35:04,985 That's not very professional! 570 00:35:06,052 --> 00:35:07,621 [SIGHS] 571 00:35:18,432 --> 00:35:19,533 [CLANK] 572 00:35:20,967 --> 00:35:23,738 [METAL RATTLING] 573 00:35:51,865 --> 00:35:53,530 [ZING] 574 00:35:53,532 --> 00:35:55,869 [GRUNTS] 575 00:36:00,474 --> 00:36:02,043 [GROWLS] 576 00:36:08,148 --> 00:36:11,649 [CLATTERING] 577 00:36:11,651 --> 00:36:14,555 - [WHISTLING] - [SPLASHING] 578 00:36:17,657 --> 00:36:18,892 [ZIPPER ZIPS] 579 00:36:19,892 --> 00:36:22,563 [TOILET FLUSHES] 580 00:36:46,686 --> 00:36:50,091 [CLATTERING] 581 00:37:09,709 --> 00:37:10,711 [GROWLS] 582 00:37:12,746 --> 00:37:14,381 [FOOTSTEPS] 583 00:37:16,148 --> 00:37:18,017 Oh, finally. 584 00:37:19,718 --> 00:37:21,856 What's the matter with you? 585 00:37:23,756 --> 00:37:24,789 Fingers. 586 00:37:24,791 --> 00:37:26,024 What? 587 00:37:26,026 --> 00:37:28,526 There were some fingers in the toilet. 588 00:37:28,528 --> 00:37:31,762 What you talking about? 589 00:37:31,764 --> 00:37:36,800 I just saw two human fingers floating about willy-nilly. 590 00:37:36,802 --> 00:37:40,637 Not a turd or anything normal. Fingers. 591 00:37:40,639 --> 00:37:42,673 Your eyes are playing tricks on ya. 592 00:37:42,675 --> 00:37:45,609 You need to get some glasses, mate. 593 00:37:45,611 --> 00:37:46,744 What you eating? 594 00:37:46,746 --> 00:37:50,013 Little slice of this pie. 595 00:37:50,015 --> 00:37:52,182 Chicken, I think. 596 00:37:52,184 --> 00:37:54,218 Spit it out. 597 00:37:54,220 --> 00:37:56,120 You just used the toilet without asking. 598 00:37:56,122 --> 00:37:57,655 Hardly think they're gonna notice 599 00:37:57,657 --> 00:38:00,024 a little sliver of pie missing. 600 00:38:00,026 --> 00:38:02,526 There's a nipple in the pie. 601 00:38:02,528 --> 00:38:04,162 A what? 602 00:38:04,164 --> 00:38:08,669 There is a human nipple in the pie. 603 00:38:10,135 --> 00:38:11,905 [COUGHS] 604 00:38:41,568 --> 00:38:43,637 [GROWLING] 605 00:38:52,546 --> 00:38:54,849 [GROWLING] 606 00:38:56,148 --> 00:39:00,050 ♪♪ [POP] 607 00:39:00,052 --> 00:39:01,686 [SIGHS] 608 00:39:01,688 --> 00:39:04,492 ♪♪ [CONTINUES] 609 00:39:39,892 --> 00:39:41,160 Hello? 610 00:39:59,211 --> 00:40:01,745 Yeah, yeah, sure, Nige. 611 00:40:01,747 --> 00:40:03,347 Yeah, sure. 612 00:40:03,349 --> 00:40:08,555 Landing, stairs, hallway. Yeah, no worries, mate, yeah. 613 00:40:15,061 --> 00:40:19,030 Well, I can fit that for you on... 614 00:40:19,032 --> 00:40:20,664 on Tuesday. 615 00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:22,700 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 616 00:40:22,702 --> 00:40:25,272 [RATTLING] 617 00:40:28,807 --> 00:40:31,075 No way. 618 00:40:31,077 --> 00:40:34,245 Bloody hell, Col, there's toes in this as well! 619 00:40:34,247 --> 00:40:37,180 [GROANS] Get me a bloody towel. 620 00:40:37,182 --> 00:40:39,352 Do you reckon you just eat a bit of Chris or something? 621 00:40:41,053 --> 00:40:42,590 [COUGHS] 622 00:40:43,722 --> 00:40:45,592 [RATTLING CONTINUES] 623 00:40:52,898 --> 00:40:55,835 Hello? Is someone there? 624 00:40:56,869 --> 00:40:58,369 Malcolm? 625 00:40:58,371 --> 00:41:00,937 Tasha, what the bloody hell you doing down there? 626 00:41:00,939 --> 00:41:04,378 No time. Help me get these doors open now. 627 00:41:07,012 --> 00:41:08,912 This is a wind-up, innit? 628 00:41:08,914 --> 00:41:11,182 - [CHARLIE ROARS] - What was that? 629 00:41:11,184 --> 00:41:13,017 Just get me the fuck out of here. 630 00:41:13,019 --> 00:41:15,452 All right, all right. 631 00:41:15,454 --> 00:41:18,055 Lads! Lads! 632 00:41:18,057 --> 00:41:19,923 Oh, it won't open! 633 00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,061 - Just do something, quick! - All right! 634 00:41:25,030 --> 00:41:26,798 I've got an idea! 635 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,968 [COUGHING] 636 00:41:30,169 --> 00:41:32,035 I knew that meat was funny. 637 00:41:32,037 --> 00:41:34,338 Now do you believe me about the fingers in the toilet? 638 00:41:34,340 --> 00:41:36,340 What you think is going on? 639 00:41:36,342 --> 00:41:37,977 I don't even want to say it. 640 00:41:49,354 --> 00:41:51,888 [HONKING] 641 00:41:51,890 --> 00:41:53,026 Malcolm! 642 00:41:58,997 --> 00:42:01,466 - What are you doing? - TASHA: Please hurry up! 643 00:42:01,468 --> 00:42:03,434 - Is that someone down there? - Oh, my God! 644 00:42:03,436 --> 00:42:05,503 This is like that Pretzel bloke! 645 00:42:05,505 --> 00:42:07,137 It's Fritzl, you idiot. 646 00:42:07,139 --> 00:42:08,271 It's Tasha! 647 00:42:08,273 --> 00:42:10,941 Get me the fuck out of here. 648 00:42:10,943 --> 00:42:12,012 Give me that! 649 00:42:13,512 --> 00:42:14,781 Come on! 650 00:42:16,215 --> 00:42:19,152 [SNIFFING] 651 00:42:21,086 --> 00:42:23,356 [SNARLING] 652 00:42:25,358 --> 00:42:28,792 [GROWLING] 653 00:42:28,794 --> 00:42:30,160 Oh, shit. 654 00:42:30,162 --> 00:42:32,265 Get these fucking doors open now! 655 00:42:35,434 --> 00:42:37,403 - Are you all right? - Tasha! 656 00:42:41,441 --> 00:42:45,475 - What is going on?! - [CHARLIE ROARS] 657 00:42:45,477 --> 00:42:48,278 - And what the fuck was that? - Let's go! 658 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,017 - [ROARING] - Yeah! 659 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,888 - Malcolm! - Oh, shit. Sorry! 660 00:42:57,890 --> 00:42:59,492 [ENGINE STARTS] 661 00:43:00,526 --> 00:43:01,928 DEAN: Go, go! 662 00:43:10,903 --> 00:43:13,037 - Oh, bollocks! - What now? 663 00:43:13,039 --> 00:43:14,405 You left my toolbox in the kitchen. 664 00:43:14,407 --> 00:43:15,972 Is that really important? 665 00:43:15,974 --> 00:43:18,142 Well, they're my own tools. Expensive. 666 00:43:18,144 --> 00:43:19,876 Carol bought me most of them. 667 00:43:19,878 --> 00:43:22,113 Oh, fair enough, then, mate. Wanna nip in and get them? 668 00:43:22,115 --> 00:43:24,481 We'll just wait out here and see if we get killed or not! 669 00:43:24,483 --> 00:43:27,818 Jesus. I'm gonna buy you a new fucking toolbox. 670 00:43:27,820 --> 00:43:29,586 Can we just get out of here? 671 00:43:29,588 --> 00:43:31,955 - [GASPS] - [SCREAMS] 672 00:43:31,957 --> 00:43:33,226 Tasha! 673 00:43:38,965 --> 00:43:40,965 Dean, we're in trouble, mate! 674 00:43:40,967 --> 00:43:42,999 [WHEEZES] 675 00:43:43,001 --> 00:43:44,367 What you want to do? 676 00:43:44,369 --> 00:43:46,169 Uh, hide! 677 00:43:46,171 --> 00:43:49,372 They've already seen you, you wolly! 678 00:43:49,374 --> 00:43:50,408 Come on! 679 00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:52,008 Guys? 680 00:43:52,010 --> 00:43:53,412 Is everything all right? 681 00:43:55,081 --> 00:43:57,113 MALCOLM: What is going on? 682 00:43:57,115 --> 00:43:59,950 Malcolm, stay in there. He ain't see ya. 683 00:43:59,952 --> 00:44:02,954 - What are we gonna do? - We can make a run for it. 684 00:44:02,956 --> 00:44:04,158 Ready? 685 00:44:09,061 --> 00:44:10,528 [WHOOSH] 686 00:44:10,530 --> 00:44:12,530 Get back, get back! 687 00:44:12,532 --> 00:44:14,066 Get back! 688 00:44:26,512 --> 00:44:28,979 - MALCOLM: What's going on? - Shit, and all of them. 689 00:44:28,981 --> 00:44:31,883 Oh, God, now what we gonna do? 690 00:44:31,885 --> 00:44:33,416 The house. 691 00:44:33,418 --> 00:44:35,519 Back in there? 692 00:44:35,521 --> 00:44:37,256 [SCREECHES] 693 00:44:38,423 --> 00:44:41,561 Well, what are you waiting for? 694 00:44:49,235 --> 00:44:51,001 - Now what? - Weapons. 695 00:44:51,003 --> 00:44:53,004 - Weapons? - Have that. 696 00:44:53,006 --> 00:44:55,171 I'm not working now, mate. 697 00:44:55,173 --> 00:44:56,673 Use it to defend yourself with! 698 00:44:56,675 --> 00:44:58,376 We're supposed to fight them off with these? 699 00:44:58,378 --> 00:45:00,111 I don't think we've got much choice, mate. 700 00:45:00,113 --> 00:45:01,114 There's one outside! 701 00:45:10,657 --> 00:45:11,859 Move. 702 00:45:18,164 --> 00:45:20,564 MRS. HANNING: We know you're in there, gentlemen. 703 00:45:20,566 --> 00:45:22,198 What do you want from us? 704 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,635 I would've thought that was obvious by now. 705 00:45:24,637 --> 00:45:28,071 She still want her carpets fitted? 706 00:45:28,073 --> 00:45:30,209 We're intending to have you for dinner. 707 00:45:34,113 --> 00:45:35,249 Move! 708 00:45:50,729 --> 00:45:53,233 - Dean, in here. - Shit. 709 00:45:55,468 --> 00:45:56,633 What are we doing? 710 00:45:56,635 --> 00:45:57,536 Hide. 711 00:46:00,206 --> 00:46:02,976 - And I suggest you do the same! - Brilliant. 712 00:46:16,990 --> 00:46:18,258 [DOOR OPENS] 713 00:46:38,677 --> 00:46:40,646 [GROANS] 714 00:46:54,026 --> 00:46:57,128 Get off me, you fucking asshole! 715 00:46:57,130 --> 00:46:59,329 Whenever you're ready, Col! 716 00:46:59,331 --> 00:47:00,733 [YELLS] 717 00:47:02,135 --> 00:47:03,566 Get back! 718 00:47:03,568 --> 00:47:05,104 Get back! Get back! 719 00:47:12,311 --> 00:47:13,544 [SCREAMS] 720 00:47:13,546 --> 00:47:15,115 Come on! 721 00:47:40,305 --> 00:47:41,675 [DOOR OPENS] 722 00:47:53,552 --> 00:47:55,352 All right, that's it. We're well fucked. 723 00:47:55,354 --> 00:47:57,655 This has got to be the worst job we've been on. 724 00:47:57,657 --> 00:48:00,157 Get your phone out, ring Nigel, let him know what's going on. 725 00:48:00,159 --> 00:48:02,193 Good idea, but it's at home on charge. 726 00:48:02,195 --> 00:48:04,128 - What? - It was dead before I left. 727 00:48:04,130 --> 00:48:06,396 - Where's yours? - Well, I left it in the van. 728 00:48:06,398 --> 00:48:07,798 Oh, great. Good night, carpet fitters. 729 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,166 - We are dead. - Just calm down, all right? 730 00:48:10,168 --> 00:48:12,538 We'll just stay here, and we'll wait it out. 731 00:48:20,613 --> 00:48:23,414 Hey, Col, look at this stuff. 732 00:48:23,416 --> 00:48:26,816 Bet it's worth a fortune. Where do they get it all from? 733 00:48:26,818 --> 00:48:30,456 I don't know. Let's wait until they come down and ask them. 734 00:48:43,503 --> 00:48:46,169 - As I suspected. - What's that? 735 00:48:46,171 --> 00:48:47,637 These carpets. 736 00:48:47,639 --> 00:48:49,673 Nigel was knocking them out dirt cheap in the shop. 737 00:48:49,675 --> 00:48:53,376 Really? How interesting. 738 00:48:53,378 --> 00:48:55,912 That old bird's been in the shop, you know? 739 00:48:55,914 --> 00:48:57,914 I bet this one's worth a few pounds. 740 00:48:57,916 --> 00:48:59,316 [SCREAMS] 741 00:48:59,318 --> 00:49:00,483 [THUD] 742 00:49:00,485 --> 00:49:01,484 Col? 743 00:49:01,486 --> 00:49:03,255 You all right? 744 00:49:04,923 --> 00:49:06,293 [GROANS] 745 00:49:09,262 --> 00:49:12,595 Not really, mate. I just fell through the floor! 746 00:49:12,597 --> 00:49:15,432 Hang on. I'll see if I can find something to get you out. 747 00:49:15,434 --> 00:49:18,769 MRS. HANNING: Let's find the little bastards! 748 00:49:18,771 --> 00:49:20,803 Shit. They're coming. 749 00:49:20,805 --> 00:49:24,274 Well, go on, save yourself. I'm done for. 750 00:49:24,276 --> 00:49:25,675 I ain't leaving ya. 751 00:49:25,677 --> 00:49:28,611 Get to the van. My phone's in there. 752 00:49:28,613 --> 00:49:32,850 Okay, okay. I'll be back, mate, I promise. 753 00:49:32,852 --> 00:49:34,821 Just go! 754 00:49:40,559 --> 00:49:43,896 Somebody's been playing with my toys. 755 00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:56,340 [LAUGHS] 756 00:49:56,342 --> 00:49:59,609 [GROANING] 757 00:49:59,611 --> 00:50:01,847 [LAUGHS] 758 00:50:03,816 --> 00:50:05,548 Come on down. 759 00:50:05,550 --> 00:50:08,519 I'd like to see you make a pie out of me! 760 00:50:08,521 --> 00:50:10,553 Silly fool. 761 00:50:10,555 --> 00:50:15,626 I'm not going to eat you, but he might. 762 00:50:15,628 --> 00:50:17,227 Who? 763 00:50:17,229 --> 00:50:20,597 You'll find out. 764 00:50:20,599 --> 00:50:23,769 [LAUGHS] 765 00:50:26,972 --> 00:50:30,874 Oi, come back, you silly cow! 766 00:50:30,876 --> 00:50:32,345 Oi! 767 00:50:48,561 --> 00:50:49,863 Shit. 768 00:50:58,503 --> 00:50:59,838 Col? 769 00:51:00,939 --> 00:51:02,342 Dean? 770 00:51:03,809 --> 00:51:06,410 Listen, guys, don't be mad. 771 00:51:06,412 --> 00:51:08,412 I know you told me to stay in the van, 772 00:51:08,414 --> 00:51:10,780 but it was dark, and it was hot, and it was... 773 00:51:10,782 --> 00:51:12,451 Tasha! 774 00:51:14,619 --> 00:51:18,357 [PANTING] 775 00:51:24,963 --> 00:51:26,896 Oh, God. Oh, God. 776 00:51:26,898 --> 00:51:28,534 Okay. 777 00:51:29,602 --> 00:51:30,804 [GRUNTS] 778 00:51:34,907 --> 00:51:36,606 Okay. 779 00:51:36,608 --> 00:51:39,709 All right, mate, calm down. 780 00:51:39,711 --> 00:51:42,379 I get it. You're pissed off 781 00:51:42,381 --> 00:51:44,751 'cause the whole staple in the foot thing. 782 00:52:05,938 --> 00:52:07,340 [SCREAMS] 783 00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:10,510 [MALCOLM GASPS] 784 00:52:13,012 --> 00:52:14,510 Shit. 785 00:52:14,512 --> 00:52:17,583 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 786 00:52:20,985 --> 00:52:23,622 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 787 00:52:33,865 --> 00:52:35,901 Don't look at me. You shot him. 788 00:52:38,137 --> 00:52:39,472 [SCREECHING] 789 00:52:54,686 --> 00:52:58,521 You fucking little bastard! 790 00:52:58,523 --> 00:53:01,658 Right! Before we get any more unwanted attention, 791 00:53:01,660 --> 00:53:04,764 dispose of your brother's body, please! 792 00:53:06,731 --> 00:53:08,999 Is she still in there? 793 00:53:09,001 --> 00:53:11,468 Get her in for tomorrow's supper, 794 00:53:11,470 --> 00:53:14,771 and please get rid of that bloody van! 795 00:53:14,773 --> 00:53:18,075 If I have to see that fucking stupid logo one more time, 796 00:53:18,077 --> 00:53:20,814 I'll have all your balls for breakfast! 797 00:53:38,430 --> 00:53:41,432 Oi! Go hide your brother's body first, 798 00:53:41,434 --> 00:53:44,167 then I'll let you have a bite. 799 00:53:44,169 --> 00:53:45,568 Go on! 800 00:53:45,570 --> 00:53:47,873 Get out and get on with it! 801 00:54:39,825 --> 00:54:43,160 Come on to my land, 802 00:54:43,162 --> 00:54:47,064 into my house, 803 00:54:47,066 --> 00:54:52,936 and think that you can kill my boys? 804 00:54:52,938 --> 00:54:56,008 You gob shites don't know who you're messing with. 805 00:54:59,778 --> 00:55:01,211 [DISTANT SCREECHING] 806 00:55:01,213 --> 00:55:04,680 Oh, for Christ's sake. What now? 807 00:55:04,682 --> 00:55:07,486 [SCREECHING CONTINUES] 808 00:55:43,155 --> 00:55:45,222 You all right, mate? 809 00:55:45,224 --> 00:55:48,026 She trap you down here as well? 810 00:56:08,847 --> 00:56:11,150 Somebody get me the fuck out of here. 811 00:56:13,751 --> 00:56:16,954 - [BANGING] - [SCREECHING] 812 00:56:16,956 --> 00:56:19,990 What the hell is going on in here? 813 00:56:19,992 --> 00:56:21,624 [GRUNTS] 814 00:56:21,626 --> 00:56:24,294 I take it you've let him get away. 815 00:56:24,296 --> 00:56:27,330 This is ridiculous! 816 00:56:27,332 --> 00:56:30,100 Well? You gonna go and find the little ginger bastard 817 00:56:30,102 --> 00:56:33,035 or hang around me like a wet dog all day, hey? 818 00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:35,608 Or do I have to do everything myself? 819 00:56:39,345 --> 00:56:40,813 No, no, no, no, no. 820 00:57:02,968 --> 00:57:06,573 ♪♪ [POP] 821 00:57:09,675 --> 00:57:12,175 Have you got through to anyone yet? 822 00:57:12,177 --> 00:57:13,376 Nope. 823 00:57:13,378 --> 00:57:15,077 Have you even tried? 824 00:57:15,079 --> 00:57:17,648 Uh, yes, I've tried both Tash and Chris, 825 00:57:17,650 --> 00:57:18,881 thank you very much. 826 00:57:18,883 --> 00:57:19,918 No answer. 827 00:57:21,653 --> 00:57:23,653 Right. 828 00:57:23,655 --> 00:57:25,657 Give us the phone. I'll give Colin a try. 829 00:57:33,264 --> 00:57:34,700 [SIGHS] 830 00:57:36,168 --> 00:57:38,171 [PHONE RINGS] 831 00:57:40,872 --> 00:57:42,705 Hello. 832 00:57:42,707 --> 00:57:43,809 Colin? 833 00:57:44,843 --> 00:57:46,142 Ah... 834 00:57:46,144 --> 00:57:48,614 - [DIAL TONE] - Hello? 835 00:57:50,215 --> 00:57:53,383 Why doesn't anyone answer their bloody phone? 836 00:57:53,385 --> 00:57:55,017 What happened? 837 00:57:55,019 --> 00:57:56,687 I'm not sure. 838 00:57:56,689 --> 00:58:01,291 Oh, I hope it's not another plumber call out. 839 00:58:01,293 --> 00:58:03,296 Keep trying them, hey? 840 00:58:04,697 --> 00:58:06,899 ♪♪ [POP] 841 00:58:11,369 --> 00:58:13,805 Yes. Yes! 842 00:58:18,477 --> 00:58:20,947 Yes! Lads! Lads! 843 00:58:27,852 --> 00:58:29,021 Oh, shit. 844 00:58:30,354 --> 00:58:31,657 Shit! 845 00:58:53,746 --> 00:58:58,080 So you can't find the little shite anywhere? 846 00:58:58,082 --> 00:59:01,454 If he's got out, we're ruined, do you know that? 847 00:59:03,454 --> 00:59:06,756 When it gets dark, we'll send Charlie out after him. 848 00:59:06,758 --> 00:59:08,961 Until then, start packing your stuff. 849 00:59:10,262 --> 00:59:11,794 When Harry gets back, 850 00:59:11,796 --> 00:59:14,766 we'll take a little holiday, I think. 851 00:59:19,838 --> 00:59:22,374 [PANTING] 852 00:59:30,148 --> 00:59:31,249 Yes. 853 00:59:39,490 --> 00:59:41,490 Come on. [LAUGHS] 854 00:59:41,492 --> 00:59:43,392 Yes. 855 00:59:43,394 --> 00:59:44,995 [BEEPS] 856 00:59:44,997 --> 00:59:46,199 Fuck! 857 00:59:47,832 --> 00:59:49,202 - Okay. - [BEEPS] 858 00:59:51,235 --> 00:59:53,403 Emergency. Which service? 859 00:59:53,405 --> 00:59:55,972 Police, ambulance. Anything with flashing lights, yeah? 860 00:59:55,974 --> 00:59:57,506 Sir, I need you to tell me which service you require. 861 00:59:57,508 --> 00:59:59,209 Fire, ambulance, or police. 862 00:59:59,211 --> 01:00:01,178 I need police, but probably an ambulance as well. 863 01:00:01,180 --> 01:00:02,812 Connecting to multiple services. 864 01:00:02,814 --> 01:00:05,148 - Thank God. - What is your location? 865 01:00:05,150 --> 01:00:07,584 I don't know, I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere, mate! 866 01:00:07,586 --> 01:00:08,919 Did you say Norfolk? 867 01:00:08,921 --> 01:00:10,854 No, I don't know where I am. 868 01:00:10,856 --> 01:00:12,888 What is the nature of your call, sir? 869 01:00:12,890 --> 01:00:15,225 I don't know. It's been one of those days, you know? 870 01:00:15,227 --> 01:00:18,061 Please calm down, sir, and explain the best you can. 871 01:00:18,063 --> 01:00:20,095 Okay, right, where to start? 872 01:00:20,097 --> 01:00:23,099 Um, well, I found some fingers in a toilet, 873 01:00:23,101 --> 01:00:24,934 my friend ate a pie that had a nipple in it, 874 01:00:24,936 --> 01:00:26,570 then the cannibals tried to get us, 875 01:00:26,572 --> 01:00:29,573 one of them shot a spear through my friend's cheek, 876 01:00:29,575 --> 01:00:32,408 and my other mate, he fell through the trap door thingy, 877 01:00:32,410 --> 01:00:34,544 and he's still trapped down there. 878 01:00:34,546 --> 01:00:36,546 Is there an adult with you? 879 01:00:36,548 --> 01:00:38,247 I'm an adult. 880 01:00:38,249 --> 01:00:39,416 [DIAL TONE] 881 01:00:39,418 --> 01:00:40,919 Hello? 882 01:00:42,588 --> 01:00:43,923 Oh. 883 01:01:38,242 --> 01:01:39,945 Stay back! 884 01:01:51,689 --> 01:01:54,057 I did warn ya! 885 01:01:54,059 --> 01:01:55,961 [SNARLS] 886 01:02:02,367 --> 01:02:04,667 [SNARLS] 887 01:02:04,669 --> 01:02:06,072 [GROWLS] 888 01:02:44,575 --> 01:02:45,608 Please. 889 01:02:45,610 --> 01:02:47,012 I'm done. 890 01:03:03,996 --> 01:03:05,463 [PHONE RINGING] 891 01:03:06,631 --> 01:03:08,200 [RINGING] 892 01:03:10,102 --> 01:03:12,501 Hello. Cupid Carpets. Jade speaking. 893 01:03:12,503 --> 01:03:14,704 - Jade, thank God! It's Dean! - You all right? 894 01:03:14,706 --> 01:03:16,338 Yeah, is your dad there? I ain't got long. 895 01:03:16,340 --> 01:03:19,642 It's been proper boring here today, you know? 896 01:03:19,644 --> 01:03:21,510 Jade, can you just get Nigel, please? 897 01:03:21,512 --> 01:03:23,146 All right, touchy! 898 01:03:23,148 --> 01:03:24,680 You haven't messed another job up, have ya? 899 01:03:24,682 --> 01:03:26,682 'Cause he'll be well pissed. 900 01:03:26,684 --> 01:03:30,220 Here he is now. Dad! 901 01:03:30,222 --> 01:03:32,091 Dean on the phone. 902 01:03:34,726 --> 01:03:37,292 Hello, Dean. 903 01:03:37,294 --> 01:03:39,428 Please tell me it's all going okay. 904 01:03:39,430 --> 01:03:42,231 Nige, it ain't gone quite to plan. 905 01:03:42,233 --> 01:03:43,332 What do you mean? 906 01:03:43,334 --> 01:03:46,102 What have you broke this time? 907 01:03:46,104 --> 01:03:50,106 I swear, Dean, if you and Colin have botched this one up, 908 01:03:50,108 --> 01:03:52,207 you better start looking for somewhere else to work. 909 01:03:52,209 --> 01:03:54,544 No, listen, we are in serious trouble here, yeah? 910 01:03:54,546 --> 01:03:56,148 [BEEP] 911 01:03:57,581 --> 01:03:59,249 Listen, Nige, this is gonna die on me. 912 01:03:59,251 --> 01:04:02,718 You got to get help. Get help to the house, yeah? 913 01:04:02,720 --> 01:04:04,055 Hello? 914 01:04:05,523 --> 01:04:07,390 Oh, come on! 915 01:04:07,392 --> 01:04:09,059 [SIGHS] 916 01:04:09,061 --> 01:04:10,563 He heard me. He must've. 917 01:04:18,070 --> 01:04:20,437 What was all that about? 918 01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:21,504 Not sure. 919 01:04:21,506 --> 01:04:23,573 Reception's terrible. 920 01:04:23,575 --> 01:04:25,608 I'm gonna head over there. 921 01:04:25,610 --> 01:04:28,077 I can't afford this, Jade. 922 01:04:28,079 --> 01:04:30,579 Bloody cowboys, the lot of them. 923 01:04:30,581 --> 01:04:33,716 Have they messed up? Are you sacking them? 924 01:04:33,718 --> 01:04:37,253 I'm not going to sack anyone yet. 925 01:04:37,255 --> 01:04:39,388 Depends what's happened. 926 01:04:39,390 --> 01:04:41,557 I trust I can leave you to lock up? 927 01:04:41,559 --> 01:04:43,660 - Yeah, fine. - All right, well, I'll go over 928 01:04:43,662 --> 01:04:47,463 and see if I can fix whatever mess they've made, then. 929 01:04:47,465 --> 01:04:49,532 You get Natasha on the mobile, 930 01:04:49,534 --> 01:04:52,301 see what's going on and let me know, okay? 931 01:04:52,303 --> 01:04:53,635 Yeah, yeah, no worries. 932 01:04:53,637 --> 01:04:55,775 Right, I'll see you later. 933 01:04:57,275 --> 01:04:59,309 Tell your mother 934 01:04:59,311 --> 01:05:02,048 I'm probably going to be working late. 935 01:05:14,392 --> 01:05:17,359 Guess what, man. I finished early, yeah. 936 01:05:17,361 --> 01:05:19,064 What you doing? 937 01:05:54,633 --> 01:05:56,231 Malcolm, get the fuck in the van! 938 01:05:56,233 --> 01:05:57,834 I think you've just killed someone! 939 01:05:57,836 --> 01:06:00,403 I know. Don't worry. He was a cannibal. 940 01:06:00,405 --> 01:06:03,539 Oh, I kind of feel less guilty now. 941 01:06:03,541 --> 01:06:05,543 - Well, get in! - Okay. 942 01:06:09,648 --> 01:06:11,513 What the hell were you doing out here? 943 01:06:11,515 --> 01:06:14,283 Long story. See what they did to Tash? 944 01:06:14,285 --> 01:06:16,486 - I know, mate, I know. - Have you called anyone? 945 01:06:16,488 --> 01:06:18,655 I got hold of Nigel, and I think he's on his way out. 946 01:06:18,657 --> 01:06:20,689 What a nightmare! 947 01:06:20,691 --> 01:06:24,193 How many are there of these cannibals? 948 01:06:24,195 --> 01:06:26,229 - Malcolm, you're a genius. - Huh? 949 01:06:26,231 --> 01:06:27,629 There was three and the old bag. 950 01:06:27,631 --> 01:06:28,865 Now that one's roadkill, 951 01:06:28,867 --> 01:06:30,200 the fat one fell out the window. 952 01:06:30,202 --> 01:06:31,633 That's who that was. 953 01:06:31,635 --> 01:06:33,803 Which means it's just the big bald fella left. 954 01:06:33,805 --> 01:06:35,671 We can take him. 955 01:06:35,673 --> 01:06:37,941 Why have we got to go back in there? 956 01:06:37,943 --> 01:06:39,211 To get Col. 957 01:07:03,934 --> 01:07:05,637 [KNOCKING] 958 01:07:11,276 --> 01:07:12,878 You! 959 01:07:14,813 --> 01:07:16,414 Going somewhere? 960 01:07:17,881 --> 01:07:18,981 [THUD] 961 01:07:18,983 --> 01:07:20,351 Come on. 962 01:07:21,352 --> 01:07:22,517 Where are we going? 963 01:07:22,519 --> 01:07:23,785 Col's in the basement. 964 01:07:23,787 --> 01:07:24,854 Keep 'em peeled. 965 01:07:24,856 --> 01:07:26,592 Big fella's a sneaky bugger. 966 01:07:31,296 --> 01:07:34,631 Quick, before he uses his giant fish gun! 967 01:07:34,633 --> 01:07:38,204 [SCREECHING] 968 01:07:40,505 --> 01:07:42,972 MALCOLM: You know that part where you said we can take him? 969 01:07:42,974 --> 01:07:44,907 - Yeah? - That was a lie, right? 970 01:07:44,909 --> 01:07:46,744 - In here! - [YELPS] 971 01:07:52,450 --> 01:07:53,983 He seems really angry. 972 01:07:53,985 --> 01:07:56,952 Probably 'cause you just punched his mother in the face. 973 01:07:56,954 --> 01:07:59,321 You think reckon that's upset him? 974 01:07:59,323 --> 01:08:01,260 Do you realize there's another door there, right? 975 01:08:05,530 --> 01:08:08,834 [WHEEZING] 976 01:08:13,972 --> 01:08:16,342 - [SCREECHES] - Sorry. 977 01:08:34,392 --> 01:08:35,958 Malcolm! 978 01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:38,430 [SCREECHING] 979 01:08:55,979 --> 01:08:57,383 Please! No! No! 980 01:09:05,823 --> 01:09:06,858 Oi! 981 01:09:09,393 --> 01:09:11,030 Asshole! 982 01:09:16,901 --> 01:09:18,336 [CLICK] 983 01:09:22,639 --> 01:09:24,539 [CLICKING] 984 01:09:24,541 --> 01:09:27,079 [WHIMPERS] 985 01:09:28,612 --> 01:09:29,615 [GUNSHOT] 986 01:09:41,925 --> 01:09:44,696 [GASPS] I got one! 987 01:09:46,865 --> 01:09:48,965 Oh. Nice one, buddy. 988 01:09:48,967 --> 01:09:50,600 [SCREAMS] 989 01:09:50,602 --> 01:09:51,601 Dean! 990 01:09:51,603 --> 01:09:53,069 Oh, bother! 991 01:09:53,071 --> 01:09:54,069 [SCREAMS] 992 01:09:54,071 --> 01:09:55,373 [THUD] 993 01:09:59,677 --> 01:10:01,847 That old woman is doing my head in. 994 01:10:03,580 --> 01:10:05,383 Let's go get Col. 995 01:10:09,586 --> 01:10:12,390 Dean, what are we even looking for? 996 01:10:14,793 --> 01:10:17,059 That, Malcolm. 997 01:10:17,061 --> 01:10:19,095 And how are we gonna get down there? 998 01:10:19,097 --> 01:10:20,930 I don't know yet. 999 01:10:20,932 --> 01:10:22,998 - Still got your lighter? - Oh, yeah. 1000 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:24,699 I don't have any cigs left, though, so... 1001 01:10:24,701 --> 01:10:27,372 No, so we can see what we're doing down there. 1002 01:10:33,644 --> 01:10:34,646 [GASPS] 1003 01:10:36,814 --> 01:10:38,650 - [SCREAMS] - [THUD] 1004 01:10:39,651 --> 01:10:41,387 [GROANS] 1005 01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,162 You evil bitch! 1006 01:10:53,531 --> 01:10:54,566 Malc! 1007 01:10:55,967 --> 01:10:58,103 Malc, are you alive, mate? 1008 01:10:59,870 --> 01:11:02,640 Malcolm! Malcolm, you there? 1009 01:11:04,909 --> 01:11:06,111 Fuck! 1010 01:11:13,218 --> 01:11:16,488 Col, you better be alive, mate. 1011 01:11:56,628 --> 01:11:57,795 Col. 1012 01:11:59,030 --> 01:12:00,566 Colin. 1013 01:12:10,207 --> 01:12:12,108 Fuck's sake. 1014 01:12:12,110 --> 01:12:13,579 Col! 1015 01:12:18,282 --> 01:12:20,017 - Come on, you bastard. - [FLICKING LIGHTER] 1016 01:12:23,321 --> 01:12:24,986 [GROWLS] 1017 01:12:24,988 --> 01:12:26,525 [SCREAMS] 1018 01:12:49,347 --> 01:12:50,816 [SNARLS] 1019 01:12:57,589 --> 01:13:00,323 [SNARLS] 1020 01:13:00,325 --> 01:13:02,094 You fucking stink. 1021 01:13:20,911 --> 01:13:23,048 Dean, now, mate! 1022 01:13:25,683 --> 01:13:26,685 [SCREAMS] 1023 01:13:33,090 --> 01:13:34,293 - [STABS] - [ROARS] 1024 01:13:37,894 --> 01:13:40,031 [ROARS] 1025 01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:43,902 Dean! 1026 01:13:48,205 --> 01:13:49,974 [ROARS] 1027 01:13:59,017 --> 01:14:00,251 [SHOUTS] 1028 01:14:13,397 --> 01:14:15,166 That's enough! Let's go! 1029 01:14:17,367 --> 01:14:19,034 What's the matter? 1030 01:14:19,036 --> 01:14:20,735 That looks like a nasty bite, mate. 1031 01:14:20,737 --> 01:14:22,337 You think I'm gonna turn into one? 1032 01:14:22,339 --> 01:14:24,208 Don't be so stupid! 1033 01:14:28,312 --> 01:14:30,881 Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 1034 01:14:42,693 --> 01:14:44,095 What the hell? 1035 01:14:46,964 --> 01:14:48,800 I'm gonna bloody kill 'em! 1036 01:14:52,870 --> 01:14:54,837 Hello! 1037 01:14:54,839 --> 01:14:56,073 Dean? 1038 01:14:57,107 --> 01:14:58,376 Colin! 1039 01:14:59,844 --> 01:15:02,011 Anyone in? 1040 01:15:02,013 --> 01:15:04,015 Can anybody hear me? 1041 01:15:07,418 --> 01:15:09,254 Mrs. Hanning! 1042 01:15:17,327 --> 01:15:19,865 Well, this is all seems a little bit odd. 1043 01:15:25,469 --> 01:15:28,973 [WHIMPERING] 1044 01:15:34,745 --> 01:15:38,015 [ROARING] 1045 01:15:44,921 --> 01:15:46,387 You find some backup? 1046 01:15:46,389 --> 01:15:48,324 - I found Malcolm. - Well, where is he, then? 1047 01:15:48,326 --> 01:15:50,228 He didn't make it, mate. 1048 01:15:53,930 --> 01:15:55,299 Poor sod. 1049 01:15:57,401 --> 01:15:59,400 [CHARLIE ROARS] 1050 01:15:59,402 --> 01:16:00,838 Over there! 1051 01:16:08,446 --> 01:16:09,948 Fucking wedged shut, mate! 1052 01:16:11,249 --> 01:16:12,416 This way! 1053 01:16:14,451 --> 01:16:15,454 Shit! 1054 01:16:18,022 --> 01:16:19,357 Hello? 1055 01:16:21,459 --> 01:16:22,894 Dean? 1056 01:16:24,128 --> 01:16:25,461 Colin? 1057 01:16:25,463 --> 01:16:28,265 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 1058 01:16:31,835 --> 01:16:33,968 Hello? 1059 01:16:33,970 --> 01:16:36,040 Is anyone down there? 1060 01:16:38,142 --> 01:16:39,945 This is useless. 1061 01:16:41,211 --> 01:16:42,444 [PHONE BEEPS] 1062 01:16:42,446 --> 01:16:45,381 Hi, Colin, it's Nigel. 1063 01:16:45,383 --> 01:16:48,818 Can you give me a ring when you get this message, please? 1064 01:16:48,820 --> 01:16:51,857 I'm at the house, and there's just... 1065 01:17:03,601 --> 01:17:07,238 [COUGHING] 1066 01:17:24,054 --> 01:17:25,620 [THUD] 1067 01:17:25,622 --> 01:17:26,855 [THUD] 1068 01:17:26,857 --> 01:17:28,990 DEAN: Here, look, Col, look! 1069 01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:30,995 - Yes! - Oh, you beauty. 1070 01:17:34,298 --> 01:17:36,297 It's a way out, mate! 1071 01:17:36,299 --> 01:17:37,900 Yes! 1072 01:17:37,902 --> 01:17:39,538 [CHARLIE GROWLS] 1073 01:17:42,138 --> 01:17:44,172 Shit, Col, I think he's coming! 1074 01:17:44,174 --> 01:17:46,378 Go, go, go! 1075 01:17:56,152 --> 01:17:57,254 [GRUNTS] 1076 01:18:00,523 --> 01:18:02,490 [THUD] 1077 01:18:02,492 --> 01:18:04,459 [SIGHS] 1078 01:18:04,461 --> 01:18:05,627 Charlie! 1079 01:18:05,629 --> 01:18:08,499 We're leaving! [ECHOES] 1080 01:18:09,967 --> 01:18:13,071 I suggest you get your arse up here! 1081 01:18:25,249 --> 01:18:27,018 Time to go. 1082 01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:46,401 - You all right? - Yeah. 1083 01:18:46,403 --> 01:18:49,073 I just want to go and see Carol, mate. 1084 01:18:53,443 --> 01:18:55,880 You're not Charlie. 1085 01:18:57,548 --> 01:18:58,614 What did he say? 1086 01:18:58,616 --> 01:19:01,086 Col, look at his shirt. 1087 01:19:04,455 --> 01:19:06,955 [SCREAMS] 1088 01:19:06,957 --> 01:19:09,227 No, wait! What are you doing? Wait! Wait! 1089 01:19:10,527 --> 01:19:12,194 - Hey! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1090 01:19:12,196 --> 01:19:14,462 Easy, lads. Doing all right? 1091 01:19:14,464 --> 01:19:16,200 [COLIN CHUCKLES] 1092 01:19:18,134 --> 01:19:21,005 Oh, give us a break, hey? 1093 01:19:22,005 --> 01:19:24,405 Easy, lads, easy! 1094 01:19:24,407 --> 01:19:27,443 - Okay. - We met your mother. 1095 01:19:27,445 --> 01:19:30,014 - Col, there's some in there! - [COLIN CHUCKLES] 1096 01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:35,150 Oh, God. 1097 01:19:35,152 --> 01:19:38,119 What's he carrying? 1098 01:19:38,121 --> 01:19:41,058 Col, there's some behind us! Oh, it's a bloody ax! 1099 01:19:42,559 --> 01:19:44,629 What is that? 1100 01:19:47,330 --> 01:19:49,700 Oh, Col. Col, Col, Col, Col. 1101 01:19:52,702 --> 01:19:55,072 What are we gonna do? 1102 01:19:56,173 --> 01:19:58,106 Carpet fitters don't cry! 1103 01:19:58,108 --> 01:19:59,574 [SHOUTING] 1104 01:19:59,576 --> 01:20:02,280 ♪♪ 1105 01:20:02,282 --> 01:20:04,078 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1106 01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,748 ♪ Catching up with my old friends ♪ 1107 01:20:05,750 --> 01:20:08,350 ♪ At Uncle Charlie's place ♪ 1108 01:20:08,352 --> 01:20:10,651 ♪ My pal says, Al, hey, check it out ♪ 1109 01:20:10,653 --> 01:20:12,520 ♪ Look who showed her face ♪ 1110 01:20:12,522 --> 01:20:14,390 ♪ We met two years before ♪ 1111 01:20:14,392 --> 01:20:17,325 ♪ But all would end in misery ♪ 1112 01:20:17,327 --> 01:20:19,494 ♪ Say what you may Fate has a way ♪ 1113 01:20:19,496 --> 01:20:21,732 ♪ Some call it destiny ♪ 1114 01:20:23,467 --> 01:20:25,234 ♪ How are you And yes, thank you ♪ 1115 01:20:25,236 --> 01:20:27,636 ♪ And all the pleasantries ♪ 1116 01:20:27,638 --> 01:20:29,738 ♪ Well, it's loud in here Let's go out there ♪ 1117 01:20:29,740 --> 01:20:32,306 ♪ And chew our old stories ♪ 1118 01:20:32,308 --> 01:20:34,208 ♪ Yeah, I recall the worst of ♪ 1119 01:20:34,210 --> 01:20:36,645 ♪ Though our love was bittersweet ♪ 1120 01:20:36,647 --> 01:20:39,347 ♪ You're overdue I'm someone new ♪ 1121 01:20:39,349 --> 01:20:41,717 ♪ At least that's what I think ♪ 1122 01:20:41,719 --> 01:20:46,555 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1123 01:20:46,557 --> 01:20:51,126 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1124 01:20:51,128 --> 01:20:55,564 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1125 01:20:55,566 --> 01:20:59,504 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1126 01:21:02,807 --> 01:21:04,806 ♪ Well, I dropped my aspiration ♪ 1127 01:21:04,808 --> 01:21:07,443 ♪ And I took a fall from grace ♪ 1128 01:21:07,445 --> 01:21:10,078 ♪ I fought for you I know it too ♪ 1129 01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:11,779 ♪ Some things never change ♪ 1130 01:21:11,781 --> 01:21:16,517 ♪ We've been down this road before ♪ 1131 01:21:16,519 --> 01:21:21,422 ♪ But there's light this time I'm sure ♪ 1132 01:21:21,424 --> 01:21:23,592 ♪ Yeah, I still got your photographs ♪ 1133 01:21:23,594 --> 01:21:27,863 ♪ And every single paragraph you wrote me ♪ 1134 01:21:27,865 --> 01:21:31,300 ♪ Just hoping ♪ 1135 01:21:31,302 --> 01:21:35,604 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1136 01:21:35,606 --> 01:21:40,275 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1137 01:21:40,277 --> 01:21:44,546 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1138 01:21:44,548 --> 01:21:48,620 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1139 01:21:50,687 --> 01:21:55,556 ♪ What the hell are you doing here ♪ 1140 01:21:55,558 --> 01:21:59,427 ♪ I'll drift in your atmosphere ♪ 1141 01:21:59,429 --> 01:22:02,631 ♪ Just like you to turn up out of the blue ♪ 1142 01:22:02,633 --> 01:22:07,235 ♪ When you're missing him ♪ 1143 01:22:07,237 --> 01:22:11,606 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1144 01:22:11,608 --> 01:22:16,345 ♪ For what was did couldn't be undone ♪ 1145 01:22:16,347 --> 01:22:20,582 ♪ Don't walk back in, then turn and run ♪ 1146 01:22:20,584 --> 01:22:24,522 ♪ Sure picked a fine time to come ♪ 1147 01:22:27,857 --> 01:22:31,827 ♪ My pal says, Al, don't turn around ♪ 1148 01:22:31,829 --> 01:22:36,867 ♪ Let her walk away ♪ 76718

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