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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,659 --> 00:00:06,627 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,407 --> 00:00:20,908 IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THIS BEDKNOB 3 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,777 IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE 4 00:00:22,779 --> 00:00:25,180 OF MONSIEUR LECLERC AND MY WIFE'S MOTHER, 5 00:00:25,182 --> 00:00:27,449 BUT IT IS A FACT. 6 00:00:27,451 --> 00:00:30,151 A SECRET DISAPPEARING BED, 7 00:00:30,153 --> 00:00:31,919 BUILT BY MONSIEUR ALPHONSE THE UNDERTAKER, 8 00:00:31,921 --> 00:00:34,456 WHICH WAS ONLY TO BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY, 9 00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:36,657 WAS ACTIVATED BY THIS VERY KNOB 10 00:00:36,659 --> 00:00:38,759 SO THAT THE SILLY OLD COUPLE COULD HIDE 11 00:00:38,761 --> 00:00:41,996 AFTER THEY HAD BEEN RELEASED AND SNATCHED FROM PRISON 12 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:45,066 BY MY WIFE, EDITH, WHO WAS USING FORGED PAPERS. 13 00:00:45,068 --> 00:00:48,269 MADAME FANNY TURNED THIS KNOB 14 00:00:48,271 --> 00:00:50,004 AND SHE AND MONSIEUR LECLERC 15 00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,672 FLEW UP INTO THE WALL 16 00:00:51,674 --> 00:00:53,774 AND THE KNOB FELL OFF. 17 00:00:53,776 --> 00:00:55,943 AS IT HAS TO BE TURNED AGAIN TO RELEASE THE BED, 18 00:00:55,945 --> 00:00:58,879 THEY ARE, OF COURSE STILL HANGING UPSIDE DOWN 19 00:00:58,881 --> 00:01:01,249 LIKE A COUPLE OF AGED BATS. 20 00:01:01,251 --> 00:01:03,451 I HAVE JUST PHONED MONSIEUR ALPHONSE 21 00:01:03,453 --> 00:01:04,986 TO GET HIM TO COME AND RELEASE THEM, 22 00:01:04,988 --> 00:01:08,356 BUT IF HE DOES NOT HURRY UP, WELL, I FEAR THE WORST. 23 00:01:08,358 --> 00:01:09,390 RENE. 24 00:01:09,392 --> 00:01:11,092 WHERE IS MONSIEUR ALPHONSE WITH HIS TOOLS? 25 00:01:11,094 --> 00:01:13,194 HE SHOULD BE HERE. 26 00:01:13,196 --> 00:01:15,330 WELL, PERHAPS HIS HORSE IS LAME. 27 00:01:15,332 --> 00:01:17,999 THEY HAVE STOPPED KNOCKING. 28 00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:19,033 WHAT? 29 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,602 MY MOTHER AND MONSIEUR LECLERC. 30 00:01:23,172 --> 00:01:24,672 OH, MAMMA. 31 00:01:24,674 --> 00:01:26,774 TO THINK THIS KNOB WAS THE LAST THING SHE HELD 32 00:01:26,776 --> 00:01:28,376 BEFORE SHE DISAPPEARED. 33 00:01:30,146 --> 00:01:32,280 A FITTING EPITAPH, EDITH. 34 00:01:35,684 --> 00:01:37,118 OH GOD. 35 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,786 MERCI. 36 00:01:38,788 --> 00:01:42,089 OH, MY DICKY TICKER. 37 00:01:42,091 --> 00:01:44,225 WE UNDERTAKERS ARE NOT USED TO HURRYING. 38 00:01:44,227 --> 00:01:47,562 OUR CLIENTS ARE USUALLY DEAD. 39 00:01:47,564 --> 00:01:49,897 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE? 40 00:01:49,899 --> 00:01:51,732 RENE, HE DOES NOT LOOK WELL. 41 00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:53,201 THEN TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS. 42 00:01:53,203 --> 00:01:55,136 IF HE PEGS OUT DOWN HERE 43 00:01:55,138 --> 00:01:56,271 PEOPLE WILL THINK 44 00:01:56,273 --> 00:01:58,072 IT IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY WINE. 45 00:02:00,543 --> 00:02:02,377 ( soft knock ) 46 00:02:02,379 --> 00:02:03,444 - ( pounds wall ) - Yvette: OH! 47 00:02:03,446 --> 00:02:04,945 SHUSH! 48 00:02:04,947 --> 00:02:07,748 HOW CAN I HEAR IF THEY'RE BANGING IF YOU'RE BANGING? 49 00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:09,517 AND HOW CAN I HEAR IF THEY HAVE BANGED 50 00:02:09,519 --> 00:02:12,019 IN ANSWER TO MY BANG IF YOU ARE SHOUTING? 51 00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:13,821 OH, YOU LISTEN, I'LL BANG. 52 00:02:13,823 --> 00:02:15,590 NO, YOU LISTEN, I'LL BANG. 53 00:02:15,592 --> 00:02:16,891 - NO! NO! - YES! YES! 54 00:02:16,893 --> 00:02:19,093 Rene: STOP THAT, YOU TWO! 55 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,329 Edith: CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING? 56 00:02:21,331 --> 00:02:23,764 - NOTHING. - EXCEPT HER SHOUTING. 57 00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:26,401 WHAT IF MAMMA HAS SUFFOCATED? 58 00:02:26,403 --> 00:02:28,736 THIS PLACE IS RIDDLED WITH MOUSE HOLES. 59 00:02:28,738 --> 00:02:30,538 THERE IS BOUND TO BE SOME AIR 60 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,907 EVEN IF IT DOES SMELL STRONGLY OF CHEESE. 61 00:02:32,909 --> 00:02:34,108 DO NOT FEAR, MADAME, 62 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:37,712 I HAVE COME FULLY PREPARED FOR ALL EVENTUALITIES. 63 00:02:37,714 --> 00:02:41,382 I HAVE WITH ME MY UNDERTAKER'S TAPE MEASURE 64 00:02:41,384 --> 00:02:43,685 AND ALSO A CATALOG OF MY COFFINS 65 00:02:43,687 --> 00:02:45,986 FOR YOU TO PERUSE AT YOUR LEISURE. 66 00:02:45,988 --> 00:02:49,424 OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, SURELY YOU CAN DO SOMETHING. 67 00:02:49,426 --> 00:02:51,726 WELL, FIRST OF ALL 68 00:02:51,728 --> 00:02:54,895 I SHALL LISTEN WITH MY STETHOSCOPE. 69 00:02:54,897 --> 00:02:56,364 ( wheezing cough ) 70 00:02:56,366 --> 00:02:57,765 PARDON. 71 00:02:57,767 --> 00:02:59,734 ( wheezing ) 72 00:03:04,306 --> 00:03:06,841 I CAN HEAR WHEEZING. 73 00:03:06,843 --> 00:03:08,843 DO THEY HAVE ASTHMA? 74 00:03:08,845 --> 00:03:10,811 THAT IS YOU, YOU OLD FOOL. 75 00:03:13,282 --> 00:03:16,384 THIS CRAFTSMANSHIP IS SUPERB. 76 00:03:16,386 --> 00:03:18,185 I COULD NEVER PRISE IT DOWN. 77 00:03:18,187 --> 00:03:21,789 I KNOW, I WILL DRILL AN AIR HOLE FOR THEM. 78 00:03:23,692 --> 00:03:26,026 OH, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE, DO BE CAREFUL. 79 00:03:26,028 --> 00:03:28,429 YES, DO NOT DRILL THROUGH HER MOTHER. 80 00:03:28,431 --> 00:03:31,031 RENE, WHAT IF HE STRIKES A VITAL ORGAN? 81 00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:33,934 SHE DOESN'T HAVE A VITAL ORGAN. 82 00:03:35,671 --> 00:03:36,738 I HAVE STRUCK METAL. 83 00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:38,973 COULD IT BE HER EAR TRUMPET? 84 00:03:38,975 --> 00:03:41,743 IF IT IS, I HOPE SHE WAS NOT LISTENING. 85 00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:45,513 AH YES, I CAN HEAR THEM NOW. 86 00:03:45,515 --> 00:03:47,649 THEY ARE SNORING. 87 00:03:48,684 --> 00:03:49,917 THEY ARE ASLEEP. 88 00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:53,621 MAMMA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? IT IS ME, EDITH. 89 00:03:53,623 --> 00:03:55,590 ( moaning; banging ) 90 00:03:57,693 --> 00:04:00,194 Mamma: GET ME OUT OF HERE! 91 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:01,262 NOW YOU'VE DONE IT. 92 00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:02,430 WHY DID YOU NOT LET THEM SLEEP 93 00:04:02,432 --> 00:04:03,531 UNTIL THEY WERE OUT? 94 00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,566 YES, WELL, THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER. 95 00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:08,536 I WILL DRILL SMALL HOLES AROUND THE HINGES 96 00:04:08,538 --> 00:04:11,105 AND PUT IN A SMALL EXPLOSIVE CHARGE. 97 00:04:11,107 --> 00:04:14,208 DO YOU HAVE ANY DYNAMITE? 98 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,511 THIS IS A CAFE, NOT AN ARSENAL! 99 00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:19,246 MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE WILL HAVE SOME. 100 00:04:19,248 --> 00:04:21,048 RENE, GO TO OFFICER CRABTREE. 101 00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:23,584 HE WILL FIND MICHELLE AND GET SOME DYNAMITE FROM HER. 102 00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:25,586 I AM NOT GOING TO RISK MY NECK GETTING DYNAMITE. 103 00:04:25,588 --> 00:04:27,121 WE COULD BLOW THE WHOLE PLACE UP. 104 00:04:27,123 --> 00:04:29,089 BUT WE NEED ONLY A SMALL CHARGE. 105 00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:31,058 ( moaning ) 106 00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:34,696 I THINK MADAME FANNY IS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING. 107 00:04:37,566 --> 00:04:39,701 YES, SHE WANTS SOME SOUP. 108 00:04:39,703 --> 00:04:40,901 THAT WILL BE TRICKY. 109 00:04:40,903 --> 00:04:44,004 MIMI, THERE IS SOME ONION SOUP ON THE STOVE. 110 00:04:44,006 --> 00:04:46,841 GO DOWN, FILL THE BELLOWS WITH THE SOUP 111 00:04:46,843 --> 00:04:49,009 THEN PUT THE NOZZLE IN THE HOLE IN THE WALL. 112 00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:50,878 WE WILL PUMP SOME THROUGH. 113 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,148 AFTER THAT WE MAY NOT NEED DYNAMITE. 114 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,317 I WILL GO AND GET A MESSAGE TO MICHELLE. 115 00:04:56,319 --> 00:04:57,819 IN THE MEANTIME, DO NOTHING. 116 00:04:59,087 --> 00:05:00,154 ( knocking ) 117 00:05:02,124 --> 00:05:04,325 I OPEN MY DOOR TO NO ONE 118 00:05:04,327 --> 00:05:06,627 UNLESS THEY GIVE THE CORRECT SECRET KNOCK. 119 00:05:08,097 --> 00:05:10,064 ( rhythmic knocking ) 120 00:05:12,101 --> 00:05:13,400 WRONG. 121 00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:17,538 IT IS ME, HERR FLICK. HELGA. 122 00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:23,845 WHY DID YOU NOT SHOUT? 123 00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:26,013 I DO NOT WANT THE WHOLE TOWN TO KNOW 124 00:05:26,015 --> 00:05:28,149 I'M YOUR BIT OF STUFF. 125 00:05:29,317 --> 00:05:30,551 SO, 126 00:05:30,553 --> 00:05:32,053 DID VON SMALLHAUSEN 127 00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,955 COMMIT A CRIME IN THE COLONEL'S OFFICE 128 00:05:33,957 --> 00:05:35,689 AND GET HIMSELF SENT TO JAIL 129 00:05:35,691 --> 00:05:37,358 IN ORDER TO INGRATIATE HIMSELF 130 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,460 WITH MADAME FANNY AND THE OLD PIANO PLAYER, 131 00:05:39,462 --> 00:05:40,895 WHO ARE ALSO PRISONERS THERE, 132 00:05:40,897 --> 00:05:42,163 TO FIND OUT IF THEY KNOW 133 00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:43,397 THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE BRITISH AIRMEN? 134 00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:44,832 - NO. - WHAT? 135 00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:47,135 THAT IS TO SAY, HE DID GET SENT TO JAIL. 136 00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:50,071 UNFORTUNATELY, THE OLD COUPLE HAD ALREADY BEEN RELEASED. 137 00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:52,740 VON SMALLHAUSEN WAS ARRESTED FOR HAVING NO PAPERS 138 00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,008 IN SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. 139 00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:57,044 WHAT SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES? 140 00:05:57,046 --> 00:05:59,280 HE WAS DRESSED AS A BURGLAR, IN A MASK, 141 00:05:59,282 --> 00:06:01,515 AND RIDING A BICYCLE WITHOUT A REAR LIGHT. 142 00:06:01,517 --> 00:06:04,152 VON SMALLHAUSEN DOES NOTHING RIGHT. 143 00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:06,654 FANCY FORGETTING THE REAR LIGHT. 144 00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:08,890 I WILL GO HAVE HIM RELEASED. 145 00:06:08,892 --> 00:06:10,792 MAY I KISS YOU, FIRST, HERR FLICK. 146 00:06:10,794 --> 00:06:14,295 NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECRET KNOCKING TEST. 147 00:06:17,933 --> 00:06:19,000 THAT IS NEAR ENOUGH. 148 00:06:24,606 --> 00:06:25,706 HEIL HITLER. 149 00:06:25,708 --> 00:06:27,374 HEIL HITLER. 150 00:06:27,376 --> 00:06:28,810 HEIL MUSSOLINI. 151 00:06:31,213 --> 00:06:33,480 OH, GRUBER, 152 00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,582 THE DECORATIONS ARE LOVELY. 153 00:06:35,584 --> 00:06:37,618 THANK YOU, GENERAL. 154 00:06:38,653 --> 00:06:40,288 SIT! 155 00:06:41,323 --> 00:06:43,257 YOU VERY PROBABLY HAVE ALL NOTICED 156 00:06:43,259 --> 00:06:46,060 THIS AREA HAS BECOME SOMETHING OF A BACKWATER 157 00:06:46,062 --> 00:06:48,629 AS FAR AS THE WAR IS CONCERNED, HMM? 158 00:06:48,631 --> 00:06:50,397 WELL ALL THAT IS ABOUT TO BE CHANGED. 159 00:06:50,399 --> 00:06:52,867 WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, GENERAL? 160 00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:55,469 SOMETHING, THAT IF IT SUCCEEDS, 161 00:06:55,471 --> 00:06:57,638 WILL PUT OUR NAMES DOWN IN HISTORY BOOKS 162 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,374 ALONGSIDE THE GREAT GERMAN WAR HEROES OF THE PAST. 163 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,643 OR THE GREAT ITALIAN WAR HEROES. 164 00:07:02,645 --> 00:07:05,012 HIM AS WELL! 165 00:07:07,349 --> 00:07:09,917 HOW ARE WE TO ACHIEVE THIS? 166 00:07:09,919 --> 00:07:12,854 AN OLD COLLEAGUE OF MINE WHO FOUGHT ALONGSIDE ME 167 00:07:12,856 --> 00:07:16,590 IN THE CONDOR LEGION IN SPAIN, GENERAL BORIS VON BRATWURSTEN, 168 00:07:16,592 --> 00:07:19,994 HAS HEARD FROM INTELLIGENCE THAT VERY SHORTLY, 169 00:07:19,996 --> 00:07:22,730 CHURCHILL IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE A BRIEF PAINTING HOLIDAY 170 00:07:22,732 --> 00:07:25,299 ON THE SOUTH COAST OF ENGLAND 171 00:07:25,301 --> 00:07:27,468 AT A PLACE CALLED BOGNOR. 172 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,903 All: BOGNOR? 173 00:07:28,905 --> 00:07:32,139 NOW, VON BRATWURSTEN PLANS TO GO IN 174 00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:33,707 ON A LIGHTNING COMMANDO RAID 175 00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:36,677 AND SNATCH HIM, ENDING THE WAR AT A STROKE, 176 00:07:36,679 --> 00:07:39,847 AND TO ENSURE COMPLETE SECRECY, 177 00:07:39,849 --> 00:07:41,883 HE HAS DECIDED TO LAUNCH THE RAID 178 00:07:43,185 --> 00:07:44,585 FROM HERE. 179 00:07:44,587 --> 00:07:46,453 EVEN THE FUHRER KNOWS NOTHING. 180 00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:48,890 WON'T HE BE CROSS? 181 00:07:48,892 --> 00:07:51,558 IF WE FAIL, HE WILL NEVER KNOW. 182 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,895 BUT, IF WE SUCCEED, 183 00:07:53,897 --> 00:07:56,797 WE WILL ALL BE UP TO HERE IN IRON CROSSES. 184 00:07:56,799 --> 00:07:58,366 HOW DARING. 185 00:07:58,368 --> 00:08:00,834 HOW TYPICAL OF THE CONDOR LEGION. 186 00:08:00,836 --> 00:08:03,737 YOU WILL HAVE OUR FULL BACKING, GENERAL. 187 00:08:03,739 --> 00:08:04,972 WON'T HE, GRUBER? 188 00:08:04,974 --> 00:08:08,342 WE SHALL BE BEHIND HIM ALL THE WAY. 189 00:08:10,845 --> 00:08:13,680 AND IF THE PLOT FAILS, MUM'S THE WORD. 190 00:08:13,682 --> 00:08:15,049 IT MUST NOT FAIL, 191 00:08:15,051 --> 00:08:16,817 I AM TO BE AT VAN BRATWURSTEN'S SIDE. 192 00:08:16,819 --> 00:08:19,320 IN THAT CASE IT STANDS EVERY CHANCE. 193 00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:21,522 GRUBER, I KNOW HOW KEEN YOU ARE 194 00:08:21,524 --> 00:08:22,957 TO BE IN THE ACTION WITH THE MEN. 195 00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:25,559 AFTER THE RUSSIAN FRONT, THIS MUST SEEM VERY TAME. 196 00:08:25,561 --> 00:08:27,929 I AM VERY ADAPTABLE. 197 00:08:27,931 --> 00:08:30,497 GOOD, I'VE PUT YOUR NAME FORWARD. 198 00:08:30,499 --> 00:08:32,066 WHAT DO YOU SAY? 199 00:08:33,235 --> 00:08:35,869 HE'S TOO EXCITED TO SPEAK. 200 00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:41,575 JUST THINK-- ONE DAY I SHALL TELL MY CHILDREN 201 00:08:41,577 --> 00:08:43,644 I WAS PART OF THIS. 202 00:08:43,646 --> 00:08:45,579 JUST A SMALL PART 203 00:08:45,581 --> 00:08:47,748 BECAUSE I'M RATHER OLD. 204 00:08:47,750 --> 00:08:49,216 NOT SO SMALL. 205 00:08:49,218 --> 00:08:52,119 WE SHALL NEED A SUICIDE SQUAD TO COVER OUR RETREAT. 206 00:08:52,121 --> 00:08:55,089 YOU MAY LEAD IT IF YOU WISH. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 207 00:08:58,093 --> 00:09:01,095 HE IS TOO EXCITED TO SPEAK. 208 00:09:01,097 --> 00:09:04,198 IN FACT, HE MAY NEVER SPEAK AGAIN. 209 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,732 PERHAPS WE SHOULD WAIT 210 00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:07,134 UNTIL GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 211 00:09:07,136 --> 00:09:08,569 IS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL? 212 00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:11,205 HE IS SO GOOD AT PLANNING THIS KIND OF THING. 213 00:09:11,207 --> 00:09:14,475 NO, NO. HE WILL NOT BE COMING OUT. 214 00:09:14,477 --> 00:09:16,310 VON BRATWURSTEN IS WORRIED 215 00:09:16,312 --> 00:09:17,845 HE MAY NOT GO ALONG WITH THE PLAN. 216 00:09:17,847 --> 00:09:20,681 SO HE HAS CUT OFF VON KLINKERHOFFEN'S PHONE 217 00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:23,985 AND IS MAKING ARRANGEMENTS TO HAVE HIM TRANSFERRED 218 00:09:23,987 --> 00:09:25,987 TO A NURSING HOME IN BAVARIA 219 00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:28,155 WHERE HE CAN CONVALESCE 220 00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:29,890 AFTER HIS NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 221 00:09:29,892 --> 00:09:31,658 COME. 222 00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,594 THE REPORT IS THAT HE IS MUCH IMPROVED 223 00:09:33,596 --> 00:09:35,863 AND ALMOST READY FOR RELEASE. 224 00:09:35,865 --> 00:09:38,799 I DO THINK WE SHOULD CONSULT HIM FIRST. 225 00:09:38,801 --> 00:09:41,802 NO, NO. WE WANT THE GLORY FOR OURSELVES. 226 00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:46,173 TO DEATH OR GLORY. 227 00:09:46,175 --> 00:09:49,477 All: TO DEATH OR GLORY. 228 00:09:49,479 --> 00:09:51,979 IN OF ALL PLACES, BOGNOR. 229 00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:57,518 ( whistling ) 230 00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:03,390 PASS ME THAT VASE, PLEASE, YVETTE. 231 00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:11,565 GOOD MOANING. 232 00:10:12,934 --> 00:10:15,002 LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE MADE ME DO, YOU IDIOT. 233 00:10:15,004 --> 00:10:17,605 I AM SIRRY. DID I MAKE YOU JIMP? 234 00:10:17,607 --> 00:10:19,773 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 235 00:10:19,775 --> 00:10:22,977 I HAVE BRIGHT THE DEENAMOTE FROM MICHELLE. 236 00:10:22,979 --> 00:10:24,044 WHERE IS IT? 237 00:10:24,046 --> 00:10:26,814 IT IS DOON MY TROOZERS 238 00:10:26,816 --> 00:10:29,483 DISGEEZED AS KINDLES. 239 00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:42,496 THE FIRST ONE IS A REAL KINDLE 240 00:10:42,498 --> 00:10:46,500 AND THE RIST IS THE DEENAMOTE. 241 00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:51,405 AND I AM GLOD TO GIT ROD OF IT. 242 00:10:51,407 --> 00:10:53,440 I ALSO HAVE A MASSAGE FROM MICHELLE. 243 00:10:53,442 --> 00:10:55,242 WHAT IS THE MASSAGE? 244 00:10:55,244 --> 00:10:57,878 I MIST TAKE THE BROTISH EARMEN 245 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:01,515 TO BE WODE ON THE FESHMINGER'S SCOLES. 246 00:11:01,517 --> 00:11:03,884 WHAT IS THIS LUNATIC ON ABOUT? 247 00:11:03,886 --> 00:11:06,887 HE WANTS TO TAKE THE BRITISH AIRMEN 248 00:11:06,889 --> 00:11:09,089 TO BE WEIGHED ON THE FISHMONGER'S SCALES. 249 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:10,123 WHATEVER FOR? 250 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:13,460 LONDON HOPES TO SEND A LIGHT EARCRAFT 251 00:11:13,462 --> 00:11:15,729 AND THEY NEED TO KNEE THEIR WOTES 252 00:11:15,731 --> 00:11:17,164 SO THE CAN FLEA THEM AT NIT 253 00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:18,532 TO ONGLAND. 254 00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,205 WHAT NIT ARE THEY GOING TO FLEA THEM? 255 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:29,043 IT HAS NOT BEEN DESUDED. 256 00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:31,144 WIER ARE THEY NOO? 257 00:11:33,815 --> 00:11:36,050 - HELLO. - HELLO. 258 00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:39,219 WHEE ARE THEY DRISSED AS SCRIBBING LOODIES? 259 00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:41,755 I HAVE TO GET MY MONEY'S WORTH FROM THEM SOMEHOW. 260 00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:44,091 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CHAPS? 261 00:11:44,093 --> 00:11:45,525 WELL, NO, NOT REALLY. 262 00:11:45,527 --> 00:11:47,628 ALL THIS CLEANING IS RUINING MY HANDS. 263 00:11:47,630 --> 00:11:52,600 AND I'VE GOT A NASTY CASE OF HOUSEMAID'S KNEE. 264 00:11:52,602 --> 00:11:53,834 NOT TO WORRY. IT WON'T BE 265 00:11:53,836 --> 00:11:55,603 FOR VERY MUCH LONGER. COME WITH ME. 266 00:11:55,605 --> 00:11:59,272 BEFORE YOU GO, CLEAN UP THIS BROKEN VASE. 267 00:11:59,274 --> 00:12:01,174 WHAT'S HE SAYING? 268 00:12:01,176 --> 00:12:03,077 NO IDEA. 269 00:12:03,079 --> 00:12:06,113 YOU'D THINK THEY'D LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH. 270 00:12:06,115 --> 00:12:08,548 YOU CANNOT GET GOOD DOMESTIC HELP THESE DAYS. 271 00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:11,384 OH, RENE, IF ONLY WE COULD 272 00:12:11,386 --> 00:12:13,453 FLEE TO ENGLAND IN THAT PLANE AS WELL. 273 00:12:13,455 --> 00:12:15,455 BUT WE ARE NOT BRITISH AIRMEN. 274 00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:18,759 I WISH WE WERE. OH, HOLD ME. 275 00:12:18,761 --> 00:12:21,294 AH, YVETTE. 276 00:12:21,296 --> 00:12:22,696 OH, RENE. 277 00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:27,901 EVERY TIME YOU HUG ME I SEEM TO GROW STRONGER. 278 00:12:29,037 --> 00:12:31,905 I MUST REMEMBER TO TOP UP MY BATTERY. 279 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:38,245 OH, IS THAT YOUR HEART I CAN FEEL THROBBING? 280 00:12:41,983 --> 00:12:44,251 ALMOST WITHOUT A DOUBT. 281 00:12:45,386 --> 00:12:46,353 RENE! 282 00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:48,656 WHAT ARE YOU DOING 283 00:12:48,658 --> 00:12:50,758 HOLDING THAT SERVANT GIRL IN YOUR ARMS? 284 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,161 YOU STUPID WOMAN. CAN YOU NOT SEE? 285 00:12:54,163 --> 00:12:57,898 THIS POOR CHILD, WEAK FROM HUNGER, 286 00:12:57,900 --> 00:12:59,633 HAS BROKEN THIS VASE AND IS WONDERING 287 00:12:59,635 --> 00:13:02,736 HOW SHE CAN PAY FOR IT FROM HER MEAGER WAGES. 288 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,772 NO, NO, NO. DO NOT FRET, CHILD. 289 00:13:04,774 --> 00:13:07,607 YOU CAN PAY ON A MONTHLY BASIS... 290 00:13:07,609 --> 00:13:09,743 OVER SEVERAL YEARS. 291 00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:12,479 NOW GO AND OPEN YOUR MONEY BOX, 292 00:13:12,481 --> 00:13:15,783 TAKE SOMETHING FROM IT AND SLIP IT IN THE TILL TOWARDS IT. 293 00:13:15,785 --> 00:13:17,885 DO NOT WEEP, CHILD. 294 00:13:17,887 --> 00:13:19,887 OH, I AM SORRY, RENE, 295 00:13:19,889 --> 00:13:22,056 BUT I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT MAMMA. 296 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:24,058 SHE IS DEFINITELY OFF HER FOOD. 297 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:26,760 SHE SPAT THE SOUP RIGHT BACK OUT OF THE HOLE. 298 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,262 I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT. 299 00:13:29,264 --> 00:13:32,432 WELL, NEVER MIND, OFFICER CRABTREE BROUGHT THE DYNAMITE. 300 00:13:32,434 --> 00:13:34,501 OH, THANK HEAVENS. WE MUST HURRY. 301 00:13:34,503 --> 00:13:36,603 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE IS ALREADY LATE 302 00:13:36,605 --> 00:13:37,637 FOR AN EMBALMING. 303 00:13:37,639 --> 00:13:40,407 WELL, I'M SURE THEY WILL WAIT. 304 00:13:45,613 --> 00:13:47,081 FILTHY. 305 00:13:47,083 --> 00:13:50,417 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIRE THOSE TWO CLEANING LADIES. 306 00:13:51,485 --> 00:13:52,953 - RENE. - HUH? 307 00:13:52,955 --> 00:13:55,189 DO YOU THINK I SHOULD WARN MAMMA ABOUT THE BIG BANG? 308 00:13:55,191 --> 00:13:57,791 NO, LET IT COME AS A SURPRISE. 309 00:14:00,729 --> 00:14:02,896 GOOD. THE COAST IS CLEAR. 310 00:14:02,898 --> 00:14:04,198 WE WILL SNEAK UPSTAIRS 311 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,999 AND INTERROGATE THE OLD COUPLE 312 00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:07,801 WITHOUT BEING SEEN. 313 00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:13,173 MAKE NO NOISE WITH YOUR STICK, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 314 00:14:13,175 --> 00:14:15,242 YES, HERR FLICK. 315 00:14:17,812 --> 00:14:20,914 ( stomping ) 316 00:14:27,021 --> 00:14:28,989 I HAVE LIT THE FUSES. 317 00:14:28,991 --> 00:14:30,357 THERE SHOULD BE JUST ENOUGH 318 00:14:30,359 --> 00:14:31,658 TO BLOW OFF THE HINGES. 319 00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,360 DID YOU WARN YOUR MOTHER? 320 00:14:33,362 --> 00:14:34,995 NO, I DID NOT WANT HER TO WORRY. 321 00:14:37,899 --> 00:14:39,399 WE WISH TO INTERROGATE 322 00:14:39,401 --> 00:14:41,101 MADAME FANNY AND THE PIANO PLAYER. 323 00:14:41,103 --> 00:14:42,669 IS THIS THEIR ROOM? 324 00:14:42,671 --> 00:14:43,937 YOU CANNOT GO IN THERE. 325 00:14:43,939 --> 00:14:47,007 THE GESTAPO CAN GO ANYWHERE. 326 00:14:47,009 --> 00:14:49,109 THERE HAS BEEN A SEVERE GAS LEAK. 327 00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:50,811 IT IS VERY DANGEROUS. 328 00:14:50,813 --> 00:14:53,613 I CANNOT SMELL ANYTHING. 329 00:14:53,615 --> 00:14:56,950 VON SMALLHAUSEN, YOU ARE NEARER TO THE GROUND. 330 00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:59,319 DOES YOUR BIG PROBOSCIS SMELL ANYTHING? 331 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:02,622 APART FROM A HINT OF CHEESE, 332 00:15:02,624 --> 00:15:04,258 NOTHING. 333 00:15:04,260 --> 00:15:06,526 THEN FOLLOW ME. 334 00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:12,332 ( explosion ) 335 00:15:14,903 --> 00:15:17,004 MAMMA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 336 00:15:17,006 --> 00:15:18,972 ERNEST, 337 00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,976 WAS I DREAMING 338 00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:27,147 OR WAS THERE AN ALMIGHTY BANG? 339 00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:30,750 IT WAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. 340 00:15:30,752 --> 00:15:33,753 MY GOD, THE GESTAPO HAVE BEEN BLOWN TO LITTLE PIECES. 341 00:15:33,755 --> 00:15:35,289 THEY WERE UNDER THE BED. 342 00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:38,625 YOU WISH TO INTERROGATE MY MAMMA AND MONSIEUR LECLERC? 343 00:15:38,627 --> 00:15:40,560 WELL, HERE THEY ARE. 344 00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:43,797 WE WILL COME BACK WHEN OUR HEADACHES ARE BETTER. 345 00:15:45,566 --> 00:15:48,602 GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN HAS BECOME A LIABILITY. 346 00:15:48,604 --> 00:15:51,805 THIS CRACKPOT PLAN TO KIDNAP CHURCHILL 347 00:15:51,807 --> 00:15:53,807 WILL GET US INTO SERIOUS TROUBLE. 348 00:15:53,809 --> 00:15:55,809 WE COULD ALL BE COURT-MARTIALED. 349 00:15:55,811 --> 00:15:58,078 AND LIEUTENANT GRUBER MAY BE SHOT BY THE BRITISH. 350 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,414 WHICH WOULD BE MOST DISTRESSING. 351 00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:02,782 WE MUST GET INTO THE HOSPITAL, 352 00:16:02,784 --> 00:16:04,218 SEE VON KLINKERHOFFEN 353 00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,453 AND ALERT HIM TO THE SITUATION. 354 00:16:06,455 --> 00:16:08,288 BUT HE IS ROUND THE TWIST. 355 00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:12,092 FOR A GERMAN GENERAL THAT IS NOT UNUSUAL. 356 00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:14,961 AND LESS ROUND THE TWIST 357 00:16:14,963 --> 00:16:17,163 IS BETTER THAN RIGHT ROUND THE TWIST. 358 00:16:18,266 --> 00:16:19,866 IF WE CAN GET TO HIM, 359 00:16:19,868 --> 00:16:21,635 HE CAN USE HIS INFLUENCE IN BERLIN 360 00:16:21,637 --> 00:16:23,503 TO HAVE VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN REMOVED, 361 00:16:23,505 --> 00:16:26,072 AND THIS MAD PLAN ABORTED. 362 00:16:26,074 --> 00:16:28,908 BUT NO ONE CAN SEE GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 363 00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:32,246 THE PSYCHIATRIC WING HAS BEEN PLACED OUT OF BOUNDS. 364 00:16:32,248 --> 00:16:34,681 WE MUST FIND A WAY OF GETTING IN. 365 00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:36,683 MAY I SUGGEST, TO THIS END 366 00:16:36,685 --> 00:16:38,619 THAT YOU ARRANGE FOR A LITTLE ENTERTAINMENT 367 00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:39,953 AT CAFE RENE TONIGHT, 368 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,688 TO KEEP GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN 369 00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:42,723 OUT OF THE WAY, 370 00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:44,691 WHILE I DISGUISE MYSELF AS A NURSE 371 00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:46,159 AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL? 372 00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:47,894 ON WHAT PRETEXT? 373 00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:49,863 I WILL TAKE CAPTAIN BERTORELLI WITH ME, 374 00:16:49,865 --> 00:16:51,498 WHO WILL PRETEND TO BE A PATIENT 375 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,267 IN NEED OF PSYCHIATRIC HELP, 376 00:16:53,269 --> 00:16:55,235 AND TOGETHER WE WILL GAIN ACCESS 377 00:16:55,237 --> 00:16:56,970 TO THE GENERAL'S ROOM. 378 00:16:56,972 --> 00:17:00,574 I WAS GOING TO SUGGEST SOMETHING LIKE THAT MYSELF. 379 00:17:00,576 --> 00:17:01,975 WAIT A MINUTE. 380 00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:04,511 WHY I HAVE TO PLAY THE FRUITCAKE? 381 00:17:07,014 --> 00:17:08,948 YOU WILL BE THE MOST BELIEVABLE. 382 00:17:10,084 --> 00:17:11,818 I DON'T THINK I LIKE THIS PLAN. 383 00:17:11,820 --> 00:17:13,587 MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME TO RECOMMEND YOU 384 00:17:13,589 --> 00:17:16,156 FOR THE DEATH OR GLORY SUICIDE SQUAD? 385 00:17:16,158 --> 00:17:18,592 YOU'VE CONVINCED ME. 386 00:17:18,594 --> 00:17:21,561 ALREADY I CAN FEEL A FIT COMING ON. 387 00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:27,000 HOW NICE TO SEE YOU ALL. 388 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,835 SIT OVER HERE, PLEASE. THANK YOU. 389 00:17:30,438 --> 00:17:32,572 I HAVE ARRANGED THE ENTERTAINMENT 390 00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:33,973 YOU REQUESTED, COLONEL. 391 00:17:33,975 --> 00:17:35,241 GET ON WITH IT, RENE. 392 00:17:35,243 --> 00:17:36,343 YES, OF COURSE. 393 00:17:38,446 --> 00:17:39,746 ( claps ) 394 00:17:39,748 --> 00:17:42,081 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. 395 00:17:42,083 --> 00:17:44,685 IT IS CABARET TIME AT CAFE RENE. 396 00:17:44,687 --> 00:17:46,320 AND THE FIRST ITEM ON THE BILL, 397 00:17:46,322 --> 00:17:49,055 MY WIFE EDITH, MADAME EDITH, 398 00:17:49,057 --> 00:17:51,658 WILL SING FOR YOU A SONG SHE HAS PREPARED. 399 00:17:57,432 --> 00:17:58,932 SPLENDID. 400 00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:00,600 WHAT IS THE CHEESE FOR? 401 00:18:00,602 --> 00:18:03,337 TO STUFF IN YOUR EARS. 402 00:18:03,339 --> 00:18:05,405 SURELY THAT IS NOT NECESSARY? 403 00:18:05,407 --> 00:18:07,307 IT IS OPTIONAL. 404 00:18:19,086 --> 00:18:22,689 ♪ I LOVE THE MUSIC FROM BRAZIL ♪ 405 00:18:22,691 --> 00:18:25,992 ♪ IT ALWAYS GIVES ME SUCH A THRILL ♪ 406 00:18:25,994 --> 00:18:29,663 ♪ IT SAYS SO MANY THINGS IN DIFFERENT WAYS ♪ 407 00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:37,404 ♪ AND EVERY TIME IT PLAYS ♪ 408 00:18:37,406 --> 00:18:41,040 ♪ SHE BURSTS OUT OF HER STAYS ♪ 409 00:18:42,777 --> 00:18:44,478 ♪ IT DRIVES ME CRACKERS ♪ 410 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,846 ♪ AND I CAN'T HELP MYSELF ♪ 411 00:18:45,848 --> 00:18:46,980 ♪ I MUST ♪ 412 00:18:46,982 --> 00:18:49,015 ♪ PLAY THE MARACAS ♪ 413 00:18:52,987 --> 00:18:54,554 ♪ IT DRIVES ME CRACKERS ♪ 414 00:18:54,556 --> 00:18:55,989 ♪ AND I CAN'T HELP MYSELF ♪ 415 00:18:55,991 --> 00:18:57,858 ♪ I MUST, I MUST, I MUST ♪ 416 00:18:57,860 --> 00:19:00,960 ♪ PLAY MY MARACAS ♪ 417 00:19:03,631 --> 00:19:04,765 - OLE! - OLE! 418 00:19:08,703 --> 00:19:12,005 EVERYWHERE BLUEBOTTLEY, HA. 419 00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:13,407 BLUEBOTTLEY-- 420 00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:14,974 TOTALLY ROUND THE BEND. 421 00:19:14,976 --> 00:19:16,976 BLUEBOTTLEY, HA! 422 00:19:20,515 --> 00:19:23,016 ♪ AND SO I DRIVE THE BOYS ALL MAD AT NIGHT ♪ 423 00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:25,118 ♪ AND THEY GO ♪ 424 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,486 ♪ CRACKERS ♪ 425 00:19:26,488 --> 00:19:30,056 ♪ FOR MY MARACAS. ♪ 426 00:19:32,727 --> 00:19:33,760 - OLE! - OLE! 427 00:19:34,796 --> 00:19:37,130 ( little applause ) 428 00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:38,632 HAS SHE FINISHED YET? 429 00:19:38,634 --> 00:19:39,933 I THINK SO. 430 00:19:39,935 --> 00:19:41,501 THANK GOD FOR THAT. 431 00:19:41,503 --> 00:19:43,804 WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER SONG, HERR GENERAL? 432 00:19:45,072 --> 00:19:47,273 THEY ARE NOT MASOCHISTS, EDITH. 433 00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:50,143 I COULD SING YOU A TRAGIC SONG. 434 00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,479 YOU JUST DID. 435 00:19:52,481 --> 00:19:54,280 WHAT DID THE GENERAL THINK? 436 00:19:54,282 --> 00:19:56,450 I'M SURE YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER, DARLING. 437 00:19:56,452 --> 00:19:58,885 IN FACT, YOUR VOICE REMINDS ME OF MY BOYHOOD 438 00:19:58,887 --> 00:20:00,353 ON A FARM IN BAVARIA. 439 00:20:00,355 --> 00:20:03,022 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE THE GOLDEN MAIDENS 440 00:20:03,024 --> 00:20:05,425 WHO SING IN THE CORNFIELDS? 441 00:20:05,427 --> 00:20:06,893 NO, THE THRESHING MACHINE. 442 00:20:09,664 --> 00:20:12,131 I SHALL NOT SING AGAIN THIS NIGHT! 443 00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:14,167 WHAT'S NEXT ON THE CABARET, RENE? 444 00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:16,402 WE HAVE JUST LOST IT. 445 00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:18,939 IN THAT CASE, I SHALL BE OFF TO SEE 446 00:20:18,941 --> 00:20:20,707 HOW POOR OLD PIGGY'S GETTING ON. 447 00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:22,342 OH, DON'T GO, GENERAL. 448 00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:24,344 GRUBER, PLAY FOR THE GENERAL. 449 00:20:24,346 --> 00:20:26,145 HE'D LIKE THAT. 450 00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:27,647 OH, YOU PLAY, LIEUTENANT? 451 00:20:27,649 --> 00:20:29,315 ONLY NOW AND THEN. 452 00:20:29,317 --> 00:20:31,585 YOU REALLY ARE A TALENTED FELLOW. 453 00:20:31,587 --> 00:20:33,419 SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO. 454 00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:35,789 RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER WOULD LIKE TO PLAY. 455 00:20:35,791 --> 00:20:37,323 OF COURSE, COLONEL, YES. 456 00:20:41,095 --> 00:20:43,429 Gruber: YOU WILL LIKE THIS ONE, RENE. 457 00:20:43,431 --> 00:20:46,800 IT IS VERY APPROPRIATE FOR THE CAFE. 458 00:20:46,802 --> 00:20:48,434 ( plays piano intro ) 459 00:20:48,436 --> 00:20:51,437 ♪ SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪ 460 00:20:51,439 --> 00:20:54,340 ♪ IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE ♪ 461 00:20:54,342 --> 00:20:57,377 ♪ AND TELL THEM I'M HAVING THE SAME ♪ 462 00:20:58,846 --> 00:21:02,281 ♪ GO SEE WHAT THE BOYS IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE ♪ 463 00:21:02,283 --> 00:21:05,351 ♪ AND GIVE THEM THE POISON THEY NAME ♪ 464 00:21:05,353 --> 00:21:07,420 ♪ AND WHEN I DIE ♪ 465 00:21:07,422 --> 00:21:09,556 ♪ DON'T SPEND MY MONEY ♪ 466 00:21:09,558 --> 00:21:13,192 ♪ ON FLOWERS AND MY PICTURE IN A FRAME ♪ 467 00:21:13,194 --> 00:21:16,863 Everyone: ♪ JUST SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪ 468 00:21:16,865 --> 00:21:18,932 ♪ IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE ♪ 469 00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:21,968 ♪ AND TELL THEM I SIGHED ♪ 470 00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:24,404 ♪ AND TELL THEM I CRIED ♪ 471 00:21:24,406 --> 00:21:25,438 ♪ CRIED ♪ 472 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,307 ♪ AND TELL THEM I DIED-- ♪ 473 00:21:28,309 --> 00:21:30,544 ♪ OF THE SAME. ♪ 474 00:21:30,546 --> 00:21:33,046 BRAVO! 475 00:21:33,048 --> 00:21:35,715 All: BRAVO! Colonel: BRAVO, GRUBER! 476 00:21:39,353 --> 00:21:41,220 Bertorelli: BLUEBOTTLEY, BLUEBOTTLEY, 477 00:21:41,222 --> 00:21:43,189 EVERYWHERE BLUEBOTTLEY. 478 00:21:43,191 --> 00:21:44,724 IT IS I, HELGA. 479 00:21:44,726 --> 00:21:46,626 HELGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 480 00:21:46,628 --> 00:21:48,361 WHAT IS CAPTAIN BERTORELLI DOING? 481 00:21:48,363 --> 00:21:50,997 YOU CAN STOP ACTING NOW! 482 00:21:50,999 --> 00:21:53,600 I GET CARRIED AWAY WITH THE PART. 483 00:21:55,703 --> 00:21:58,204 MY PHONE'S BEEN CUT OFF. I AM A PRISONER HERE. 484 00:21:58,206 --> 00:22:00,006 HEADS WILL ROLL FOR THIS. 485 00:22:00,008 --> 00:22:02,008 WE ARE GOING TO TRY TO GET YOU RELEASED, GENERAL. 486 00:22:02,010 --> 00:22:03,844 BUT FIRST WE NEED THE PHONE NUMBERS 487 00:22:03,846 --> 00:22:05,612 OF YOUR POWERFUL FRIENDS IN BERLIN, 488 00:22:05,614 --> 00:22:07,681 TO OVERRIDE GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN'S ORDERS. 489 00:22:07,683 --> 00:22:09,148 WHAT ORDERS? 490 00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:12,218 HE AND GENERAL VON BRATWURSTEN ARE PLANNING TO FLY TO ENGLAND 491 00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:14,187 TO SNATCH CHURCHILL, 492 00:22:14,189 --> 00:22:16,756 WHILE HE'S DOING A PAINTING IN THE BOGNOR. 493 00:22:18,425 --> 00:22:19,960 FOOLS! 494 00:22:19,962 --> 00:22:22,662 OUR INVASION PLANS ARE IMMINENT. THEY COULD BE JEOPARDIZED. 495 00:22:22,664 --> 00:22:24,364 VON BRATWURSTEN IS A HOTHEAD, 496 00:22:24,366 --> 00:22:26,065 AND VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN IS AN IDIOT. 497 00:22:26,067 --> 00:22:28,101 YOU MUST GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW! 498 00:22:28,103 --> 00:22:29,836 I MUST PHONE BERLIN PERSONALLY. 499 00:22:29,838 --> 00:22:31,905 AND THEN I WILL DEAL WITH VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN. 500 00:22:31,907 --> 00:22:33,339 BUT HOW? 501 00:22:33,341 --> 00:22:35,308 HIS TROOPS HAVE THE ORDERS TO KEEP YOU HERE. 502 00:22:36,744 --> 00:22:38,478 ARE MY MEN STILL AT THE CHATEAU? 503 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,313 YES, GENERAL. 504 00:22:40,315 --> 00:22:41,581 HMM... 505 00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:43,583 THE WINDOWS ARE BARRED. 506 00:22:43,585 --> 00:22:45,752 WE MUST GO OUT THE WAY YOU CAME IN. 507 00:22:45,754 --> 00:22:47,153 GET OFF YOUR UNIFORM. 508 00:22:47,155 --> 00:22:49,155 - YES, GENERAL. - ( Bertorelli leers ) 509 00:22:49,157 --> 00:22:50,957 NO, NOT YOU, HELGA. YOU, BERTORELLI. 510 00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:52,926 - HELGA, YOU CAN HELP ME. - BUT, GENERAL-- 511 00:22:52,928 --> 00:22:54,594 DO AS I SAY! 512 00:22:58,666 --> 00:23:01,267 I CHANGE BEHIND THE SCREEN. 513 00:23:01,269 --> 00:23:03,336 YOU COULD BE A CORPORAL AGAIN FOR THIS. 514 00:23:03,338 --> 00:23:05,805 THANK YOU, GENERAL. BUT WHAT IS YOUR PLAN? 515 00:23:05,807 --> 00:23:07,007 HURRY UP! 516 00:23:08,910 --> 00:23:12,311 YOU PUSHED AN IDIOT IN. YOU'RE GOING TO WHEEL ONE OUT. 517 00:23:12,313 --> 00:23:14,080 AND WHAT ABOUT ME? 518 00:23:14,082 --> 00:23:16,382 WHEN I'M BACK IN COMMAND, YOU'LL BE RELEASED. 519 00:23:19,253 --> 00:23:21,387 WHAT IF YOU HAVE THE SLIP UP? 520 00:23:21,389 --> 00:23:23,890 THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO PROVE THAT YOU'RE NOT MAD. 521 00:23:23,892 --> 00:23:26,793 I COULD BE HERE A LONG TIME. 522 00:23:26,795 --> 00:23:28,562 YOU THERE, 523 00:23:28,564 --> 00:23:30,329 MORE WINE! 524 00:23:30,331 --> 00:23:32,766 GENERAL, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH? 525 00:23:32,768 --> 00:23:34,935 NO, WHEN I WAS IN THE CONDOR LEGION, 526 00:23:34,937 --> 00:23:37,303 I COULD DRINK 10 MEN OFF THE TABLE. 527 00:23:37,305 --> 00:23:39,205 AND THEY WERE REAL MEN. 528 00:23:39,207 --> 00:23:40,941 HOW YOU MUST MISS THOSE DAYS. 529 00:23:44,378 --> 00:23:45,912 PERHAPS THE GENERAL WOULD LIKE TO PAY 530 00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:47,246 FOR THE OTHER BOTTLES NOW? 531 00:23:47,248 --> 00:23:49,049 PUT IT ON THE SLATE, SWEETIE. 532 00:23:49,051 --> 00:23:50,684 I'LL PAY FOR IT LATER. 533 00:23:50,686 --> 00:23:53,753 - HOW MUCH LATER? - WHEN THE WAR IS OVER. 534 00:23:53,755 --> 00:23:56,590 I WILL ORDER SOME NEW SLATES TOMORROW. 535 00:23:57,825 --> 00:24:00,026 DON'T FORGET ME, PLEASE. 536 00:24:00,028 --> 00:24:01,728 I GET ANOTHER MEDAL, YES? 537 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:03,964 YOU'RE HARDLY GOING TO GET THE IRON CROSS 538 00:24:03,966 --> 00:24:05,899 JUST FOR LENDING ME YOUR UNIFORM. 539 00:24:05,901 --> 00:24:07,634 QUICK, PRIVATE GEERHART, 540 00:24:07,636 --> 00:24:09,268 TO MY HEADQUARTERS. 541 00:24:09,270 --> 00:24:12,405 AND THEN WE WILL DEAL WITH VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN. 542 00:24:12,407 --> 00:24:15,374 BLUEBOTTLEY, BLUEBOTTLEY, 543 00:24:15,376 --> 00:24:18,311 EVERYWHERE THERE'S BLUEBOTTLIES. 544 00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:28,255 MORE WINE! MORE WINE. 545 00:24:28,257 --> 00:24:30,089 THAT GENERAL IS GOING TO BANKRUPT US 546 00:24:30,091 --> 00:24:31,725 IF HE COMES HERE MUCH MORE OFTEN. 547 00:24:31,727 --> 00:24:33,460 I DO NOT LIKE HIM, RENE. 548 00:24:33,462 --> 00:24:35,428 HE HAS MEAN LITTLE EYES, 549 00:24:35,430 --> 00:24:37,631 AND HE IS CLEARLY TONE DEAF. 550 00:24:41,569 --> 00:24:42,969 WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW. 551 00:24:45,205 --> 00:24:47,574 YOU KNOW, THIS WINE IS NO GOOD. 552 00:24:47,576 --> 00:24:49,776 YOU THERE, PEASANT, COME HERE. 553 00:24:49,778 --> 00:24:51,978 THIS PEASANT, OR THIS PEASANT? 554 00:24:51,980 --> 00:24:53,713 THE ONE WITH THE MUSTACHE. 555 00:24:57,351 --> 00:24:58,518 GENERAL? 556 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,487 DO YOU KNOW, I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED 557 00:25:00,489 --> 00:25:02,455 IF YOU'RE HIDING YOUR BEST WINES FROM US? 558 00:25:02,457 --> 00:25:04,291 YES, SO WHERE IS YOUR WINE CELLAR? 559 00:25:04,293 --> 00:25:05,858 I WISH TO SEE FOR MYSELF. 560 00:25:05,860 --> 00:25:07,494 I ASSURE YOU, GENERAL, I HAVE GIVEN YOU 561 00:25:07,496 --> 00:25:09,329 THE FINEST WINES THAT I POSSESS. 562 00:25:09,331 --> 00:25:10,630 SO YOU SAY. 563 00:25:10,632 --> 00:25:13,500 BUT I WILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT, HMM? 564 00:25:13,502 --> 00:25:15,535 OH, ALL RIGHT. IF YOU MUST. 565 00:25:15,537 --> 00:25:18,204 IT IS THE DOOR IN THE PASSAGE. 566 00:25:18,206 --> 00:25:19,372 BUT THERE IS NO LIGHT. 567 00:25:19,374 --> 00:25:21,841 WELL THEN, GIVE ME A CANDLE. 568 00:25:21,843 --> 00:25:23,943 WE DO NOT HAVE ANY. 569 00:25:23,945 --> 00:25:26,346 NO? NO CANDLES? 570 00:25:26,348 --> 00:25:28,481 THEN WHAT IS THIS? 571 00:25:31,652 --> 00:25:32,786 A CANDLE, GENERAL. 572 00:25:32,788 --> 00:25:34,688 YES, IT'S A CANDLE. 573 00:25:35,823 --> 00:25:37,290 ♪ SEE WHAT THE BOYS ♪ 574 00:25:37,292 --> 00:25:40,126 ♪ IN THE BACK ROOM WILL HAVE... ♪ 575 00:25:40,128 --> 00:25:42,696 WHY DID YOU LEAVE THEM THERE?! THAT WAS DYNAMITE! 576 00:25:42,698 --> 00:25:45,732 HOW WAS I TO KNOW HE WAS GOING TO ASK FOR A CANDLE? 577 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:48,901 MOUTON CADET, EH? 578 00:25:48,903 --> 00:25:50,837 ST. JULIEN. 579 00:25:50,839 --> 00:25:53,172 LET US TAKE THE MONEY FROM THE TILL, 580 00:25:53,174 --> 00:25:54,541 AND LEG IT ACROSS THE FRONTIER. 581 00:25:54,543 --> 00:25:56,776 TOO LATE, IT IS THE END. 582 00:25:56,778 --> 00:25:59,346 NO ONE WILL NOTICE US. WE CAN SLIP OUT QUIETLY. 583 00:26:00,481 --> 00:26:03,282 WHERE IS GENERAL VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN? 584 00:26:03,284 --> 00:26:05,752 I'M BACK IN COMMAND. HE'S UNDER ARREST. 585 00:26:05,754 --> 00:26:07,354 IN THE CELLAR, GENERAL. 586 00:26:07,356 --> 00:26:08,655 MAY I SAY, GENERAL, 587 00:26:08,657 --> 00:26:10,690 HOW RELIEVED WE ARE TO SEE YOU? 588 00:26:10,692 --> 00:26:12,359 WE HOPED OUR LITTLE PLAN WOULD WORK. 589 00:26:12,361 --> 00:26:14,060 - ( explosion ) - ( people scream ) 590 00:26:15,195 --> 00:26:16,229 WHAT WAS THAT EXPLOSION? 591 00:26:17,297 --> 00:26:19,265 POSSIBLY AN EXPLODING CORK. 592 00:26:19,267 --> 00:26:21,835 SOME OF MY CHAMPAGNE IS VERY OLD. 593 00:26:24,772 --> 00:26:26,740 THE CANDLE EXPLODED. 594 00:26:26,742 --> 00:26:28,675 IT WAS A STICK OF DYNAMITE. 595 00:26:28,677 --> 00:26:31,745 I AM SORRY, I DID NOT INTEND TO GIVE HIM DYNAMITE. 596 00:26:31,747 --> 00:26:34,213 IT WAS LEFT THERE BY SOMEBODY I DO NOT KNOW, 597 00:26:34,215 --> 00:26:36,048 TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY I HAD NEVER HEARD OF. 598 00:26:37,985 --> 00:26:40,152 YOU CARRIED OUT OUR INSTRUCTIONS 599 00:26:40,154 --> 00:26:41,354 TO THE LETTER, RENE. 600 00:26:41,356 --> 00:26:44,190 YOU ARE QUITE A HERO. 601 00:26:44,192 --> 00:26:46,259 THIS MAN, 602 00:26:46,261 --> 00:26:48,561 AT GREAT PERSONAL RISK, 603 00:26:48,563 --> 00:26:51,398 GAVE THE GENERAL AN EXPLODING CANDLE, 604 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,633 TO RENDER HIM UNABLE TO CARRY OUT 605 00:26:53,635 --> 00:26:55,435 HIS MADCAP SCHEME, 606 00:26:55,437 --> 00:26:58,237 WHICH COULD HAVE REFLECTED BADLY ON YOUR COMMAND. 607 00:26:58,239 --> 00:27:00,006 WHERE AM I? 608 00:27:00,008 --> 00:27:02,341 WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE? 609 00:27:02,343 --> 00:27:05,211 IS MY HEAD ON THE RIGHT WAY ROUND? 610 00:27:06,814 --> 00:27:08,715 TAKE THE GENERAL TO THE HOSPITAL-- 611 00:27:08,717 --> 00:27:10,483 FRUITCAKE WARD-- 612 00:27:10,485 --> 00:27:12,452 AND RELEASE CAPTAIN BERTORELLI. QUICK MARCH. 613 00:27:18,492 --> 00:27:19,793 EXCELLENT WORK. 614 00:27:21,061 --> 00:27:22,462 AND YOU, MY FINE FELLOW. 615 00:27:22,464 --> 00:27:24,964 I SHALL RECOMMEND YOU FOR A COLLABORATION MEDAL. 616 00:27:27,802 --> 00:27:29,836 A COLLABORATION MEDAL? 617 00:27:29,838 --> 00:27:32,171 OH MY GOD, THAT IS THE LAST THING I NEED. 618 00:27:32,173 --> 00:27:34,908 OH, RENE, WOULD YOU LIKE ME 619 00:27:34,910 --> 00:27:36,943 TO SING YOU A SONG TO SOOTHE YOUR NERVES? 620 00:27:38,612 --> 00:27:40,447 WELL, THEY DO SAY THAT-- 621 00:27:40,449 --> 00:27:42,415 ONE PAIN CAN CANCEL OUT ANOTHER. 622 00:27:43,517 --> 00:27:46,586 ♪ FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN ♪ 623 00:27:46,588 --> 00:27:48,421 ♪ NEVER WANTED TO... ♪ 624 00:27:50,390 --> 00:27:53,493 ( theme music playing ) 60603

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