Original subtitles

- I think I kind of like it. - Yeah.

Well, I am a simple woman of service now,

so felt sort of braggy to still have blonde hair.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am off to do good all day.

Hell yeah, girl.

Well, my shift starts in 30, so I'll see you tonight.

OK.

[uplifting music]

? ?

[phone buzzes]

Streeter, why are you calling me?

I'm not in the industry anymore.

My hair is brown and everything.

OK, but I'm in LA all week,

and Shuli just called to tell me

that Chase has a coke problem.

- Wait, what? - Yeah.

Apparently, he won't do coke.

Oh, my God. I'm hanging up.

I'm in the middle of doing good.

? ?

[sighs]

? ?

[phone buzzes]

Brett Laughlin for the prosecution.

The defense is only requesting a continuance

because they know they don't have a case.

OK. How'd that sound?

Truly, like every other time.

No. Fuck. That was not in the pocket.

Last time I called, I was getting close to the pocket.

But now I'm on set at "Emily Overruled"

driving the complete opposite direction of the pocket.

OK, Cary, I can't do pockets right now.

I just... I didn't have any lines

on that "Windweaver" show,

and "Night Nurse" was a weird hell.

So this is my first real chance to give it

everything I have as an actor.

Cary, I promise, everything is going to be fine.

But right now, I'm smack-dab in the middle

of doing so much good.

So bye.

? ?

[sighs]

[horn honks]

I think that actually might be all the things.

Hmm.

Yeah, that is all, right?

- ? I-I-I'm a winner ?

[shower running]

Hey. Back already?

I only did good for one shower?

Uh, no.

No, I just came back

to get this mug...

to donate...

- to the poor. - Whoa.

- You love that mug. - Well, yeah.

I mean, these are the sacrifices

we have to make when we do what we do.

You, me.

That girl Natalie.

Hey, I'm real proud of you for switching things up,

but I want to make sure it's not all for me.

[scoffs] OK, vain.

I'm serious, B.

You know I never judged what you did, right?

[chuckles] No, I know.

I just genuinely want to be doing good.

It's for real the kind of woman I am now.

- Sorry. - No. I support that.

And I forget, what are you doing, like, for a job?

Right.

'Cause you can't just cobble together

a bunch of good deeds.

You have to get a job

and do that good job

for the rest of your life.

You know, it's... it's weird

that you ask me that 'cause, um...

[electric toothbrush buzzing]

'Cause, um...

Please.

[sighs]

[groans]

- [gargling] - [groans]

- We're a local nonprofit that plants trees

in underserved parts of the Bronx.

And thanks to AOC tweeting about us last week,

we've raised enough money

to hire a few full-time staffers.

So if you're interested, we're looking for people

who want to do good and get their hands dirty.

Oh, my God. This is so perfect.

- Lance? - Yeah?

I'm gonna go work for AOC!

So have you ever been on a procedural before?

No, but I gotta say, it is so exciting to be here.

I really hope I make you all proud.

Well, that's nice. I'm... I'm sure you will.

And I was still running my lines in my trailer, uh,

when the PA came in, so I'm not sure I'm 100% in the pocket.

But I'm at... at least 90%,

maybe 85%, worst-case scenario.

[chuckles] I wouldn't worry too much.

This show has been on for 18 seasons.

It's pretty simple.

You just stand on your mark, say your lines,

and we're out by 5:00.

Cast is landing.

Well, here we are.

[majestic music]

- Hey, Terrence. - Hey, Bob.

Hey, Bill.

Wait, what... what the hell is going on?

? ?

Hey there.

Welcome to "Emily Overruled."

I play Emily.

Hey, did everyone tell you?

- We're out by 5:00. - Hi.

- Yeah, he, uh... he told me... - Hi. Welcome.

I'm the director. Everyone tell you?

- We're out by 5:00. - Oh, hey.

Yeah, I actually had some thoughts...

Hey, uh, just got these from Crafty.

They're so delicious.

Don't know if anyone told you, but we're out by 5:00.

Yeah, no, everyone has told me that

in a very quick succession, um...

OK, places for the next scene.

- [bell rings] - OK.

Roll cameras.

And action.

Your Honor, the defense asks for a continuance.

Yes, we were just put on this case two weeks ago.

We need more time.

Frankly, it would be denying

our client due process without more time.

Brett Laughlin for the prosecution.

The defense is only requesting a continuance

because they know they don't have a case.

The court sides with the prosecution.

Emily, overruled.

[gavel bangs] [all sigh]

And cut.

- [bell rings] - Whew. OK.

First one felt pretty good.

- How do you guys feel? - OK, it's 5:00.

That's a wrap. [bell rings]

Great work, everyone. See you tomorrow!

[tires squealing, engine revs]

So we... we got it?

[indistinct chatter, phones ringing]

Mm-hmm.

Oh, hi, I'm here to speak

to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez about a job.

Oh, well, she's in her office,

going live for the next seven hours.

But maybe I can help.

What exactly were you looking for,

a job in the field office or to help canvass or...

Oh. Uh, no.

So I was thinking about being more of, like,

a professional sounding board for Alex,

sort of like a friend who's on the payroll,

- if that makes sense. - It does not.

OK, so, like, if she's in New York, we could get dinner,

and I could help her hash stuff out in person.

Or if she's in D.C., really stuck on something,

she could call, run it by me,

and I would say if it was good or not.

You'd say if it was good or not?

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm sure it'd be good.

She's AOC.

So it seems you just want to get paid

to hang out with AOC because you think she's good.

Then since you're near her, you'll also seem good

without having to do good yourself.

Exactly.

Now we're speaking the same language.

OK, yes, we do get thousands of white women

applying for this job every day.

But it's not a thing.

AOC believes if you want to do good,

start small, get your hands dirty.

There's a place called Community Shade...

Yeah, no, I know about the tree thing.

God.

[sighs]

Oh, my God.

Brooke Dubek? [laughs]

Wait, Cameron Colby?

- Thank you so much. - Hi. Good afternoon.

Uh, I will have one cappuccino, please.

And my grandma here will have a tall iced latte.

Yes. A latte for me, his grandma.

- Sure thing. - Thank you.

See? No one can tell, Cary. It's perfect!

All I need to do is get into full prosthetic makeup

every morning for four hours.

Then I can seamlessly move through the world

without my security detail.

Ooh, I can't wait to tell Streeter when he gets back.

I mean, this is all very insane.

But if you're happy, I'm happy.

I am happy.

Do you know that I even rode the subway today, Cary?

- It was disgusting. - [laughing] OK.

Oh, how is your new acting job going?

[groans] I think... bad?

- Aw. - Everybody there

just clocks in and clocks out.

It's all just like a job to them.

I mean, it is a job, right?

Yeah, but it's an acting job, you know?

It's supposed to be more.

- Mm-hmm. - Like that.

That's acting.

That's a real actor.

And one great big Christmas ham, please.

For me and my... friend.

God, he must be so hot.

It's 90 degrees.

I know. Isn't it inspiring?

Like, acting is his whole life.

And even though we do eat a full ham

every night for dinner,

since we still can't have sex right now

because his character's closeted,

it's actually helped me not even want to.

Well, I mean, if you're happy, I'm happy.

But FYI, I love "Emily Overruled."

I used to put it on in the background

all the time when I made you kids dinner

or when I took a nap...

or when I went out of town.

You know what? Come to think of it,

I don't think I've ever seen "Emily Overruled."

OK, See, I don't want to be on a show like that.

I need to go in tomorrow and shake things up... somehow.

- Mama? No way. - Oh, my God.

Cameron, how are you?

Are you still taking pics of your crack and stuff,

or... wait, you got married.

I'm sorry, I can never keep track of all your deals.

[laughs] You and me both, sister.

Yeah, I used to be so all over the place,

trying to figure out what's next for me.

- Keyword, me. - Right.

But now I'm all about using my platform to do good.

Wait, what? I do good now too.

Yes! Oh, Brooke, that's so cool and important.

I'm actually thinking about starting a company...

Or I guess a collective, really...

Of just like-minded people who want to do good

but also have fun.

- [giggles] - Holy shit.

That sounds... amazing!

OK, tell me if this is crazy,

but would you want to, like, cofound it with me?

[gasps] Um, absolutely!

Oh, my God, yes! Oh, my God. OK.

All right, so I think it should be called

The Impact Group because we'll be making an impact.

I love that. Securing socials now.

And we should follow every celebrity alive

because you can't make an impact without reach.

Reach is key.

Should we post our first photo?

That way, when celebrities go to our Instagram,

- it's not empty. - I'm already on it.

Should the picture be a candle,

- the globe, or waves? - Um...

- I went with waves. - I love that.

First things first, this has to be grassroots.

- Can I write on your walls? - Of course.

Grassroots.

Then, of course...

So smart.

- Hillary Clinton. - We have to.

Media outreach. Me...

- Integration Mondays. - Yes.

Big. Fun.

- Big, fun concerts. - Yes.

Strategize, strategize, strategize.

Yes, yes, yes!

And I'll email my friend Joe

'cause he's great with websites,

- but he books up fast. - OK, great.

Also, my ex is an amazing strategist...

Great with boots-on-the-ground stuff...

So I'm gonna text him.

God, that is basically a full board.

Oh, my God, babe. The Impact Group has a board.

[both squeal]

OK, let's meet at my place at 8:00 a.m.

We need to keep the momentum going.

Yes. Also, I am so impressed

with what we've already accomplished.

Don't get me wrong.

It's insane what we've accomplished.

I could cry.

I could honestly cry.

[sighs]

[door clicks open]

[chuckles]

[door clicks shut] Wow.

Our clients decided

not to take the stand, Your Honor.

I see. Thank you, Counselor.

And, Mr. Laughlin,

what says the prosecution?

We just find it funny

that their client won't testify

if he has nothing to hide.

So what's he hiding?

I'm not taking this bait, Laughlin.

It's his choice, plain and simple.

Plain and simple. And he's scared.

Go to hell, Laughlin.

Emily, overruled. [gavel bangs]

- [all sigh] - And cut.

[bell rings] OK.

Let's go one more time, exactly the same.

Or, um...

I... I was thinking maybe, uh, this time, I could...

I could walk around the front of the table,

maybe add some movement.

I love that.

It's just, then you'd be off your mark is the only thing.

Oh. Uh, totally, yeah.

Um...

well, uh, maybe I could, uh, start seated

and then stand up onto my mark, uh, partway through.

That's fun.

It's just, then you'd be out of frame

at the beginning is the only thing with that.

Uh, well, couldn't you, uh, move the camera?

It looks like they...

They do move.

[coughs]

You know...

I kind of loved that last take

where you were just standing on your mark

- the whole time. - I loved that take too.

Love, loved, loved that take.

OK.

Uh, so...

I'll just do it the same.

OK! And... [bell rings]

All right.

Oh.

Yay!

Day two of The Impact Group.

Brooke, I actually need to speak my truth.

I need to take a step back from The Impact Group,

effective immediately.

Wait, what are you talking about?

It's been less than 24 hours

since we started The Impact Group,

and you just texted me, like, 20 minutes ago

to make sure I was here on time.

Brooke, I... I can't go round and round we go on this.

Like, I got seven hours of sleep last night.

Is that little?

But I'm really good at reading social cues,

and I can tell you're upset.

I just unfortunately can't take that on right now,

just not with everything else.

What everything else? Are you OK?

Brooke, stop!

This line of questioning is, like, toxic or something.

And I want to look back on my time

with The Impact Group fondly.

So this... must end.

But I wish you nothing but the best.

And, Brooke, I mean that.

? I wanna do whatever I wanna do ?

[shower running]

[faucet squeaks, shower stops]

Hey, back already again?

Jesus!

Can I really not do good for more than a shower?

Hey, what's all over our walls?

God.

Just some stupid shit I thought was something

but is actually nothing.

- [sighs] - Hey.

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah, it's just, that AOC thing didn't pan out,

and then this other thing didn't either.

And I'm trying to do good.

It's just... hard.

I get that, B. But I believe in you.

And if this is what you really want to do,

it might take time.

It is what I want.

Hey, you know, I'm actually off today.

And it looks like you are now too.

Mm. Mm.

Actually, you know what?

Hmm?

Allow me.

You know this won't count as good.

OK. Then yeah, do me.

- [laughs] - Hurry.

Our client's decided

not to take the stand, Your Honor.

I see. Thank you, Counselor.

And, Mr. Laughlin, what says the prosecution?

We just find it funny that their client won't testify

if he has nothing to hide.

So, uh, what's he hiding?

[slurps]

[gulps]

It's... your line.

What?

"I'm not taking the bait, Laughlin."

No, I say that after your line.

No, I just... I said my line.

No, you just... took a sip of water.

Is that in the...

N-no, it's not in the script.

I just, uh, made a choice.

I thought I'd take a sip,

and then you'd say your line while I was...

taking a sip.

You know what? Never mind.

I actually don't think my character is thirsty.

- Cool. - [clears throat]

And just to be safe, why don't we actually

take the water off set?

[hazmat suit crinkling]

[whispering] What the fuck?

[both moaning]

Uh, can we maybe, um, turn me like a clock a little?

- Yeah. - Yeah, OK.

Yeah. [moans]

- [moans] - Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

- Oh, this is so hot. - I'm sorry. Sorry.

Can we maybe have me against the wall?

That way, you're facing this great big wall.

Fuck yeah, telling me what to do.

- Yeah, - Of course.

Yeah.

[both moaning]

[phone ringing]

Um...

Oh, hold on. I... I got to take this.

I'm in you, B.

Hey, just calling to see

where the H my partner is.

Or do you not care about The Impact Group anymore?

Wait, I'm sorry.

I, uh... I thought The Impact Group was over.

Tell that to the investors, babe.

- Uh... - Because I'm with

some of them now... hi... And they love the idea

of making an impact but also having fun.

You are? They... do?

Yes, and they want to meet you, too,

since you're all over the website.

Oh, my God. We have a website?

- [laughs] - I mean... we have a website!

- [laughs] - Uh, OK.

Yeah, sure. I'll be there soon.

[chuckles]

I guess I was wrong.

I do have good to do today. [laughs]

Oh, and this shit on the walls?

It's the future. [chuckles]

- [P.A. system chimes] - Friendly reminder.

We'll be back from lunch in exactly 30 minutes.

30 minutes.

Oh. Hey.

I wanted to talk about that last scene.

It's just, normally, how it goes is,

the judge talks, and then you talk,

and then I talk.

- Right. - But today the judge talked,

and then you talked,

and then you...

drank some water.

I know. I know. It... it won't happen again.

No, I...

I kind of liked it.

And what did you mean when you said you made a choice?

Sorry, have... Have you never heard

of making a choice before?

That's what acting's all about.

No, it's about standing on your mark

and saying your lines

and then going home at 5:00.

But there's so much more to it than that.

Like, on some sets, they let actors play.

Sometimes we even get to do a whole take just for us

to, I don't know, try something.

What... kind of thing?

That's the whole point, silly.

We don't know until they call action.

[mystical music]

both: Oh, my.

? ?

[gasps]

- [laughter] - I just want to say,

Cameron and I are so honored

you would even consider backing The Impact Group.

Mm-hmm, and we know, in five years,

you're gonna look back on this lunch,

and you're gonna remember

that you got in on the ground floor

of something that changed the world.

Well, we certainly hope so.

[laughter]

Now, let's start with the basics.

- Oh, hit us with it. - Yeah, fire away.

What does The Impact Group do?

- Um, do? - Yes.

You say you plan on changing the world.

But how? In what way?

[laughs] All right.

We're totally getting grilled right now, and rightfully so.

Um, but we do want to dive into, like,

the nitty-gritties of it.

So I'm gonna get us some more drinks,

and I'll let my work wife

just kind of start the conversation.

[chuckles nervously]

Oh, my God, Brooke. I'm in fucking hell.

Oh, you're in hell? You left me out there!

Also, how did we never, in all of our brainstorming,

ever once decide what our company... did?

Really, mama? You so don't want to go there.

You're the person who's supposed to keep us on track.

You're the chief operating officer.

- I am? - Oh, my God, my life is over.

Look, I'm shaking.

I'm literally shaking.

Can you just go out there and stall for two minutes, please?

Fine, but only two minutes.

[laughing] She said that?

Wait, Grandma?

[gasps] Brookie, hi.

I'm just here, in public, having lunch

with my new friend, Nancy.

We met at Whole Foods.

I was there buying lettuce by myself.

So independent.

Uh, but I have to go.

- Isn't she pretty? - Excuse me.

Just like her mother.

So where were we?

Um, we asked what The Impact Group did,

and you both ran to the bathroom.

[laughs] Small bladders.

You know us girls and... gay men.

Anyway, why don't I get us started?

- [clears throat] - Yep.

And Cameron will be out in a sec.

[door bangs open]

- Uber for Cameron? - Yep.

[car door slams] [tires squealing, engine revs]

Your Honor, Mr. Laughlin is flat-out lying to the court.

That's enough. Emily, overruled.

[gavel bangs] [all sigh]

And cut. [bell rings]

[rock music]

? ?

And I have this friend that was on "Curb."

And look at his script.

[gasps] Every page is blank.

That's because Larry trusts the actors

to make up every line.

- And that works? - A lot of the time, yes.

Your Honor, how is that relevant to this case?

Let's find out, shall we?

Emily, overruled.

[all sigh] [gavel bangs]

And cut. [bell rings]

? I'd like to say "I do" ?

[whispering] Come on, I think we should go.

Come on, come on, come on. Hurry.

- Wait for me. - Hmm.

And on some shows, the actors actually

go to the writers room.

Really?

When do they go?

I think they just pop by.

All: Pop by?

Please be advised,

we have a hard out at 5:00 p.m.

5:00 p.m. on the dot.

Mr. Laughlin does not care about justice.

All he cares about is having another win under his belt.

And I will not allow him to...

You should also watch "Euphoria."

Here, I brought laptops in from the outside.

On that show, the camera never stops moving.

And there's no shot list.

The actors and the director

just figure it out together every day.

That sounds bad, actually.

That's what they want you to think.

All: Oh.

[people moaning]

[person retching and crying]

? ?

You set the tone.

Quell this!

? ?

Oh, Miss Overruled. What can I...

I need to speak to our guest actor immediately.

Uh, um, I, uh...

- Where is he? - Mm.

[indistinct chatter]

[rock music]

What the...

It's called "Zip Zap Zop."

[laughter]

Yeah, you got it. Good deal.

The set is our playground.

It's our sandbox.

Every day, you have to go in there

and surprise yourself, surprise the crew.

What the hell is going on in here?

- [people gasp, music stops] - Oh, Miss Overruled.

Um, nothing. I... I was just, uh...

I've heard that you've been telling the other actors

that they should talk directly to props,

that they can bring their own wardrobe,

that they can direct if they wanted to.

I mean, actors do make the best directors.

I mean, after all,

we know the material better than anyone.

I mean...

I do see how that's true.

It's actually insane that... that you

- haven't directed this show... - [sighs]

In all 18 years.

- Really? - Yes.

- A lot of actors do. - [gasps]

- Demand to. - But what if...

What if I don't know anything about directing?

Like, not a thing?

- It doesn't matter. - Oh, my.

Well, what if I don't even care about it

and I never want to do it again?

I just like the idea of making them let me do it?

That's fine.

It's your right.

Oh, my.

[moaning]

[triumphant music]

? ?

[people murmuring]

[gasping]

[whimpers]

- [grunts] - Over here, Bobby.

All right. Thanks, Becca.

Welcome back, Raina.

Hi, Raina. Great to see you.

Sorry, what did you say?

I'm here to plant trees

for the rest of my natural life.

Oh, you're looking for a full-time position.

Yes, I need a real job that is good.

And this is that, so...

- I want it. - Well, great.

We're loading up now to do a big planting

in the middle of the 95 freeway.

Just sign these forms, grab a big sack of dirt,

and make sure you drink plenty of water

'cause it's gonna get hot...

And that sort of humid hot where your whole body gets wet

and you're sort of, like, in a big bath all day.

Love.

[phone ringing] Oh.

What the hell?

Hello? Cameron?

Brooke, where are you?

- The launch party's half over. - What?

How... how is there a launch party?

We fully ghosted the investors.

I don't know what to tell you, babe.

- They invested. - [scoffs]

Could you be here in ten minutes?

And on your way, pick up some people

we made an impact on so far.

I can't.

I'm in the Bronx because not one thing

led me to believe that The Impact Group

was still happening.

Wow. And there it is.

Are you really not gonna come?

You're just gonna, like, throw me to the wolves?

Wolves?

You just said you were at a party.

Yeah, and the investors are asking

where their $2 million went.

Well, where did it go?

You tell me. It's your name on all the checks.

OK, let's do this. [people cheering]

[groans] Cameron, I have to go.

No, Brooke, if you hang up on me,

I will never feel safe starting another

multimillion-dollar business with you again.

[sighs] Uh, sorry about that.

Um, I guess let's go... plant some goddamn trees.

That's the spirit.

Oh, don't forget your big sack of dirt.

Oh. Right.

Silly me. [engine turning over]

- [P.A. system chimes] - All actors to set, please.

All actors to set.

[sniffles]

I just...

I can't go to set this way.

How can I go to set this way?

You look beautiful.

- No. - You should.

No. You're a guest star.

You can "be a deal" if you want, but I'm...

I'm Emily Overruled.

- I set the tone. - But...

don't you want acting to be more?

Like, this guy I'm dating now is an actor,

and he's in character all the time.

It's fun, and it works.

Like, I checked his star meter on IMDb, and he's number 99.

[gasps] What am I?

4,000,004.

- [gasps] - And the judge is last.

He's the very last person on IMDb.

- [knock at door] - Emily, you ready?

Don't forget, we have to be out by 5:00.

I'm sorry, Cary. I can't.

Please...

help me.

Do you...

have any makeup?

[gentle music]

? ?

Give me your cheek.

? ?

Now the other one.

? ?

OK.

Now raise your chin.

? ?

They... they won't be able to tell?

No.

No, they won't be able to tell.

[knock at door]

? ?

Eyes on Emily.

Coming to set now.

? ?

[whispering] I can't play, but you can.

Go be a nightmare, Cary, for all of us.

? ?

[sighs]

- [laughter] - Seriously,

I was filling out Ms. Lee's chart today,

and all I could think about was getting drunk.

I know. Work was so long today.

Yes, so long for me too.

I am also a part of this now.

[laughter]

- [spits] - Hi.

These are from the old lady at the bar

putting her eyebrow back on.

Brookie, hi!

- Grandma D! - Hey again.

- Do you want to pull up a seat? - No, no, no.

I'm having a blast being a normal woman

having a drink at the bar.

You know, people are usually so nice to me,

but this bartender has been really mean.

It's exhilarating.

- OK, you do you. - OK.

Well, um, cheers to us for all doing good.

All: Cheers.

Like... I actually did do tangible good today.

I planted 300 seeds along the 95 freeway.

And one day, when we're... dead,

- they'll be trees. - So cool.

I could never do that. It was so hot today.

Yeah, well, that's just the kind of woman I am.

[giggles]

And this job is so much more fulfilling

than my last job, which could be so hollow, right?

- [chuckles] - I mean, seriously.

What I used to do was so embarrassing.

I once drove an armpit across the country.

[laughter] Like, what?

Yeah.

I guess your old job could be a little dumb sometimes.

[laughter]

I know.

So dumb!

Wait, what... what was this armpit thing?

Oh, uh, her little brother, Chase...

My best bud... he turned 18.

And after he turned 18, they said,

you have to have, like, a proper armpit photo...

[high-pitched ringing]

- [bell rings] - OK.

Last scene of the day, people.

Then we'll get you out of here.

Everybody set?

And action.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

do not let this man's past

dictate his future.

The defense rests.

Counselor, the floor is yours.

[dramatic music]

? ?

Op! Cary, you're off your mark.

Your Honor...

[exhilarating music]

[no audible dialogue]

? ?

The prosecution rests, Your Honor.

And cut.

Let's reset, I guess.

[cheers and applause]

Golly, that was incredible!

You were an absolute vision!

It looked good? It felt really good.

So good!

Did you see me throw the papers...

I saw! They went everywhere!

So how many more setups, then?

Four, five? He crossed all over.

OK, Dylan, print me call sheets for tomorrow.

It's gonna be 9:00 now.

Do you think we'll get to scene 14?

'Cause the tables are a day rental.

I can't answer that right now.

Uh, yeah, he talked to all of them,

so the whole jury's gonna have join SAG.

All: Acting. Acting.

Acting. Acting. Acting.

- [bell ringing] - Last call, everyone.

- Last call. - Aw.

I don't want to leave.

I've read four books and done so much people-watching

the last seven hours.

And only ordered two drinks.

You are so rude to me.

It's wild.

- [sighs] - Jesus.

[door bell jingles]

One adult Shirley Temple, please.

OK.

What?

Hot date tonight?

Uh, no.

[chuckles] I mean, I do have a hot lady back home,

and I love her very much.

And she's got great kids, killer brain,

- banging bod. - [giggles]

And where is she?

Well, you know, she's kind of famous,

so we haven't been able to, you know, uh,

go out as a normal couple for a while.

I feel bad 'cause I...

I told her that I would be out of town this week,

just so I could do things,

you know, like go to a restaurant,

ride the subway without making her jealous.

But, man... I wish she could be here right now.

I mean, I guess she could be here

if she was in some sort of...

[inhales deeply]

Elaborate disguise or if she got, like,

four hours of prosthetics

to look like a different person.

But it makes me sad

thinking that my girlfriend would have to go through that

every time I would want to take her on a date.

I mean, that's not a life...

for me or for her.

You know?

No.

I actually can't relate to any of what you're saying.

- Hey. - Mm-mm.

Hey!

God damn it. [door bell jingles]

Pat? [door clicks shut]

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