Original subtitles

Sam: Shit, this is gettin' real, huh?

Joel: It really is.

What's your dream wedding?

- Oh, I'm so glad you asked. - (both laugh)

- I don't know. - Okay, I'll go first.

- I think it'll be in a church, of course. - Mm.

And it would be this cute little church that I grew up in.

And it's very tiny,

and sort of, like, surrounded by fields,

and so it would be intimate

and just close family and friends.

And I would wear something really cute, you know?

- Just festive. - (giggles)

But not, like, white or bridal

- because you gotta keep 'em guessing. - No.

- You gotta keep 'em guessing. - (giggles)

And I would walk down the aisle

- to the song "Gloria" by Laura Branigan. - (gasps)

And, of course, in my childhood,

I dreamed that I would fly her in to sing it.

But now, I have you.

Oh, Joel. You can't touch Branigan.

- You can touch Branigan. - No Barbra, no Judy, no Branigan.

- Come on. - (sighs)

♪ Gloria, Gloria ♪

♪ I think they've got your number, Gloria ♪

♪ I think they've got the alias ♪

Both: ♪ Gloria ♪

♪ That you've been livin' under ♪

- ♪ But you really don't remember ♪ - (imitates guitar riff)

♪ Was it somethin' that they said ♪

♪ All the voices in your head ♪

♪ Calling Gloria ♪

- Shake 'em! - (laughs)

♪ Gloria, Gloria ♪

♪ I think they got your number ♪

Both: ♪ Gloria ♪

(both laughing)

- So, what about you? - Oh.

You know, I always pictured wearing my mom's dress.

- Just simple, classic. - Aw.

Wait, your mom's, like, 5'2".

Yeah, exactly.

Me, mom's dress, and my beaver walking down the aisle

- to meet the man of our dreams. - (both laugh)

Do you have the Swedish Fish?

- Yes. Do you have the bubbles? - I do.

(car doors open)

(light theme song playing)

- Joel: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! - Tiffani: Oh, okay.

We have a celebration.

A little sparkling cider in honor of our dear Fred!

- Hebeda-hebeda. - Ah, come on now.

- Really? - Yes, I mean,

isn't this what we're supposed to be doing?

- Uh, that's for bridesmaids. - Really?

- Well, close enough. - (laughter)

- (cork pops) - I am who I am.

- (laughter) - Bubbles are bubbles, right?

I like when you kids actually are a little sweet.

- It's nice. - (laughter)

Gang, I don't wanna get, you know, too emo or anything,

but I really, really appreciate you

being a part of this, okay?

Thanks, pals. Oh, I got goosebumps! Jesus!

- All: Fred! - I didn't want goosebumps!

(laughter)

Tiffani: It's gonna be, like, fitted, right?

(laughs) Of course. I don't mess around.

Hey, are you coming over after this?

I gotta make Tricia a birthday cake,

and you know I don't know

what the fuck I'm doing in the kitchen. (laughs)

Oh, no, I can't.

You can't?

Oh, Joel, are you sure?

This is Tricia's first birthday since Rick and Shannon left.

- She's, like, super depressed. I'm making her a funeral cake. - Hm.

- Th-That's not gonna help. - Oh no, no.

She'll love that shit, you know.

Unless I mangle it, which I will. (laughs)

My mom used to make them for us when we were little kids.

- Ah. - I thought it was kind of a tender gesture.

(laughs) Well, I think that's a lovely gesture.

I wish I could, but I have some errands.

Some errands?

- Mm-hmm. - Okay.

- So, are we doing, like, boundaries now? - Mm.

It's cool. NMB NMP-- not my business, not my problem.

- Joel: No... - Just promise me you'll pick up if I have any problems.

Oh, totally.

- Sammy, you're up! - Sam: Oh, okay.

♪ ♪

Yoo-hoo!

Heather, hi!

Girl, I love those bangs. Very Franch .

- French girl look is, like, it right now, right? - Hello.

- Um, so... - (claps)

I am doing a big ol' wedding.

And, of course, I'll be using

lots of the classic Tender Moments stock,

but I will be needing to rent

a bunch of things for the place settings, like the napkin--

(gasps) Ooh, see?

Like this. This blush?

This is perfect!

- The bride was saying she want-- Hm? - You know, Tricia.

I'm sorry. Maybe try online.

Oh. Okay...

Okay, Heather, I-I think I know...

think I know what this is. I understand.

Are you uncomfortable with Fred and Susan getting married?

Because I can tell you that Fred

is really a wonderful, sweet guy.

- It's-- - Who's Fred?

I-I don't have a problem with anyone named Fred.

Wha...

Charity told me everything.

You trying to get with Coop? I mean...

(laughing) My God...

No! Oh, my God! (laughs)

Oh, that's rich. Oh, that's really rich.

That is rich! That is rich, that is rich.

(sighs) Did Charity-- Excuse me.

Did that skank Charity happen to mention

how many times she fucked my husband?

'Cause I can tell you it was many, many, many, many times.

I guess she left that little detail out. Huh.

Well, I guess rumors aren't the only thing she's been spreading.

J-- (sighs) Her legs.

Get it? Y--

- (sighs) - (door bell dings)

Sam: Room temperature butter, room temperature butter.

Take a stick of butter.

Okay.

(sighs) Is this room temperature?

(thunks)

What are we gonna do? Alright, we'll put it in here.

We'll warm her up. (clicks tongue)

Half a cup of sugar.

Yes.

Oh, keep it sweet.

(sighs) This is not fuckin'...

How do you do fuckin' room temperature butter?

You have to be flexible when you are in the kitchen.

Just making it work.

Okay.

Oh...

- (beeping) - 45.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Fuck.

- Okay. - (phone rings)

- Pick up, pick up. - (phone chimes)

- Hey. - Joel: Hi.

Hey. Um, I'm just making--

Wait, why is the phone so close to your face?

(soft laugh)

I-I'm at the library,

and, uh, I'm trying to get a book about birds.

A book, why? (laughs)

Well, see, this is why I didn't tell you

'cause I knew you'd make fun of me.

Yeah, I woulda made fun of you! I'm--

Look, I'm just a little in the weeds right now.

I'm dealing with the...

- Oh fuck! - Joel: I gotta go.

Okay, okay-- Wait, no, hold on a second! Quick.

- They're telling me to be quiet. - Wait, wait! No, no!

Hold on, I just have a quick question.

Okay, it just says room temperature butter,

but I just-- I nuked it,

and now it's bubbly, and is that bad?

- Oh, I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. - But wait, Joel!

(phone chimes)

(sighs)

Okay.

Alright, well.

Well, fuck it, how bad can it be? There we go.

Put that in there.

Looking nice and creamy.

Then you're gonna need a half a cup of vegetable oil.

- (spraying) - Okay.

- (spray) - That's probably good.

♪ ♪

(birds chirping)

Sorry. My friend had a real baking emergency.

- Oh, fun. I love baking. - (giggles)

I love baking, too. My dream is to have

a stainless steel double oven.

(gasps) Can you imagine?

- Yeah, I do it a lot. - (both laugh)

You know, this house was actually cargo

on the Hartford steamboat from Cincinnati.

- Stop me if you've heard this. - Huh. No, I haven't.

They ran aground by a new town called Boston.

And I think some alcohol was involved,

but they ended up being invited to stay,

and they all got along,

and they ended up changing the name of the town

- to Manhattan. - Wow.

- Yeah! - I didn't know that!

- Yes! - (laughs) What about this old looker?

(clears throat) That's Isaac Goodnow.

He was an abolitionist and co-founded Manhattan, MK State,

and served on the Kansas House of Representatives,

and started the Kansas Teachers Association.

Oh, my God.

Sure, but what's he done lately, you know?

- (both laugh) - You know what?

- Nothing. Absolutely nothing. - (laughs)

- Lazy. - Ooh, ooh!

You wanna hear the weird backstory behind this comb?

- I desperately wanna hear it. - Okay.

Well, it was carved out of human bones...

- Oh, my God. - ...by a pack of witches.

- Are you being serious? - (laughing) No, I made that up!

I made that up.

I don't know anything about that comb.

(doorbell ringing)

- Hey! - (sighs) What is that?

It's your birthday cake.

I didn't have a better box,

but happy birth... happy birthday.

- This is gonna be fun. - (slam)

So, what were those other pillow names that you had?

Those ideas you came up with?

- Will you just write them down for me, please? - (drops pen and paper)

Oh, the cunt ones?

- Yep, the cunt ones. - Would be my great honor.

You love making me say that word, don't you?

(laughs) Yes, but not as much

as you're gonna love making all that money.

You know Shannon hasn't called or texted?

- Oh really? - Mm-hmm.

Sam: That's weird.

- Are you texting her right now? - No.

- (sighs) - Okay.

Big... cunt... energy...

Exclamation point.

- (giggles) - (refrigerator dinging)

Whoa! What's happenin' over here?

Oh, well, that is a birthday present I bought for myself,

but I can't figure out how not to make the text go on it.

- It's nice. - You just...

Well, it's just probably synced to your phone.

- Hm. - Here, gimme your phone.

- No. (laughs) - Why not?

I'm not giving you my phone!

W-Why?

Because you'll just take pictures of your boobs

- or something! - Oh, my God, Tricia!

I did that... once.

It was more than once, but whatever.

(sighs) I got nice tits, sorry.

It also plays music, if you're interested.

- Seriously? Sick. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I just said "sick." (laughs)

- Oh. Okay. - (sensual music playing)

I get what you're doing here.

- Oh no. Mm-mmm. - Yeah, it's nice and smooth, Tricia.

Oh, I like these edges.

If you go all the way down,

feel all the way around,

and you take the doors, and you open 'em up...

And, oh! Oh, there you go.

- And then you can just take your hot little-- - So gross.

Oh, no, no, no.

- (laughing) - Oh God, is this--

Is this you trying to make me believe in love again?

- Is that what that looks like? - Oh, well, if it is, I'll stop.

- Unlike you, I actually do believe in love, so... - Well, that's gross.

- (music stops) - So, did you nuke the butter?

Yes. How'd you know?

Because it looks like a cow patty.

Sam: Well, that's what I was going for.

- Just a big hot dump for your birthday. - (laughing)

Do you have any candles so we can celebrate?

- No, let's just put our faces in it. - Yes!

Just like that, it was finally signed into law

by President Franklin Pierce.

I could listen to you talk about the Kansas-Nebraska Act

- all day. - (laughs) I feel like you just did!

(both laugh)

I really enjoyed every second of it. For real.

This cabin is typical

of the first settlers of Riley County.

Usually, the windows were built

with greased paper windows

and holes in the roof for smoke,

so the chimney and fireplace didn't--

(Joel laughs lightly)

I don't wanna move things too fast, but...

would you like to go to the pancake feed

- with me on Saturday? - (laughs)

- Yeah. I would. - Yeah?

But, I might need food before Saturday, if you want.

(laughs) Do you wanna go to The Chef?

Yes. Yes.

Um... Yes, totally.

- If you don't want to-- - No, no, no, no.

I love The Chef.

I love their house-made strawberry jam.

(laughs)

- Oh... (giggles) - Yeah, me, too. Me, too.

(birds chirping)

The recipe called for half a cup of sour cream,

but I just put the whole fuckin' thing in.

- (giggles) - Nice and tangy, right?

- (laughs) - Mm-hmm. It's also...

It's like it's wet.

Well, wet is never bad.

Oh, you should put that on a pillow.

- (both laugh) - Mm.

(puts down fork)

You know what? I mean...

I'm just gonna go for it this year.

Just, like, go for it.

Like, if it makes me happy,

just F everybody else, you know?

- Good. - Yeah. I mean, like,

I can barely keep up with these orders as it is, you know?

(Sam giggles)

(sniffs)

You know, this is a take or leave,

but you could call your new company...

Charity Cases.

- Oh, my God. - Come on! That's not bad, right?

- It's really good. - (Sam laughs)

- It's really good! - She's thinkin' about it.

I mean, I can't, but maybe I can.

Well...

thank you for...

- What, for the shitty cake? - (laughs)

No, I like the cake. Thank you for the cake

and for just making this whole day...

less shitty. (laughs)

I've been, like...

really...

just kind of dreading this birthday.

Like, actually kind of really freaking out about it, you know?

- Yeah. Hm. - 47.

Yeah, it's a big one.

Well, yeah, but, I mean,

Holly was diagnosed when she was 47, I mean...

It's just... It's just so unfair, and...

I just feel like it's never gonna be easier, you know?

- (sniffles) - Holly was 48, Tricia.

When she was diagnosed.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said.

- (clears throat) - No, what-- You said 47. What are you talking about?

- I know, I just misspoke. It's not a big deal. - No, you didn't.

I mean, what is it you're not telling me?

She was 47, Sam, when she was diagnosed.

- What? - Tricia: She was 47.

- No, she wasn't. - Yeah.

She, um...

She didn't want to worry you.

She felt like she had it all under control.

She wanted to try to beat it naturally.

Well, you can't... You can't beat cancer naturally.

Who told her-- Who told her that she could do that?

I mean, it was her choice.

Well, why would she tell you and not me?

- I never would've allowed that! - Because, Sam,

she didn't think you could handle it.

Oh my-- I could handle it!

- (bangs table) - Oh, my God.

You must have loved keeping this from me!

- What? No! - Oh, yes.

Sam, I wanted to tell you.

I couldn't because I promised her.

I thought that she should tell you, but...

of-of course she wanted to protect you, Sam,

'cause she was your protector.

She always wanted to protect you.

But...

I mean, please don't forget that I was her sister, too.

I mean, I lost her, too.

And I miss her, too.

But, you know, there's just no point

in us getting upset about it right now.

(sighs) Oh, it's too late.

(sniffles, sighs)

- Sam. - What?

Don't do this. Just stay here.

Please stay here so we can talk it out.

What do you wanna talk about, Tricia?

You lied, she lied, and now I'm upset!

- What else can I do for you? - Okay. Okay.

Sam, this is what you do when you get upset.

When you get mad, when you feel like someone's made

a tiny mistake, you cut them out.

Oh, oh, no, no, no, this-- this is not tiny!

This is what you do! You cut people out, Sam!

You cannot keep doing that! There won't be anybody left!

(Tricia sighs)

Actually, you know what? Just leave.

- I'm so sick of giving a shit about you! - Fucking... Fine.

- Tricia: And you know what? - Sam: What?

This is why you're always alone!

Oh! Well, guess what? We're both alone!

(whimpers)

(crying)

(brakes squeak)

- (engine stops) - (car door opens)

- Darlene: Hi, Sam. - Hi.

I hope you don't mind me coming by.

I wanted to bring you your tape of your last lesson.

- Oh. - In case you ever wanna practice on your own.

Thank you.

- Yeah, I'm really sorry that I ran out like that. I just-- - It's okay.

I get it.

You have a big heart,

and when you sing, it-it's right here.

I know how overwhelming that can be.

Isn't it strange?

Something that brings us so much joy can...

almost be too much to bear.

Yeah.

Well, you have the tape. If you need anything...

I'm always here.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Darlene: Hm.

(sniffles)

Keep singing, Sam.

- We need you. - (laughs) Okay.

(sighs)

(puts down tape)

(deep sigh)

(sentimental music playing)

(soft breathing)

(sighs)

(deep sigh)

(sighs)

(emotional breathing)

(quiet cry)

♪ ♪

(soft crying)

(crying continues)

(sighs)

(soft crying)

(gasps)

(insects chirping)

(indistinct TV chatter)

(phone ringing)

(scoffs)

(phone dings)

(text whooshes)

(bottle clangs)

Such a good-lookin' fridge. Damn.

I mean, how the fuck are you supposed to--

("Show Some Emotion" by Joan Armatrading plays)

(singing along): ♪ Show some emotion... ♪

Oh, this is a good song though.

♪ Put expression in your eyes ♪

♪ Light up ♪

♪ If you're feeling happy ♪

♪ But if it's bad then let those tears roll down ♪

♪ ♪

You know what? Fuck it.

♪ Someone choking up inside ♪

♪ Some poor souls dying ♪

Credit where credit is due, you bitch, you!

- (song continues) - Big ol' boy.

♪ They got no place to lie ♪

I'll figure out how to work you.

Don't worry.

You know what? Let's make it official.

You're stayin' here with me, boy!

Woo!

♪ ♪

(bird cawing)

(sighing)

(text chimes)

- (restaurant chatter) - (soft music)

- Can I get anything started for you? - Uh...

No, just some coffee. I'm waiting for Joel.

Oh! I-I've got something for him.

(text whooshes)

Joel left this yesterday

when he was here with Mr. Schraeder.

- Mr. Schraeder? - Yep.

Do you wanna hear the specials?

Nah, I'm good.

- Thanks, Jimmy. - Yeah.

(chatter, music continue)

- Oh hey, is Sam here yet? - Sam just left.

I gave her your windbreaker and an egg benny to go.

(softly): Shit.

(birds chirping)

(knob rattles)

Brought you a cinnamon roll.

They were just out of the oven. (laughs)

I'm good.

There's your windbreaker.

Thank you.

Well, I guess the secret's out.

I think I'm seeing someone?

You know who it is?

SLS. (laughs)

Jesus Christ.

I think you'd like him, actually.

He's really great.

- Maybe we could all go to-- - Just take your windbreaker and go.

- Sam-- - No.

Go.

- You can go. - I'm going. I'm going.

(door opens)

(creaks, shuts)

(Sam sighs)

(heavy sigh)

("Summer's End" by John Prine playing)

♪ Summer's end is around the bend ♪

♪ Just flyin' ♪

♪ The swimming suits are on the line ♪

♪ Just dryin' ♪

♪ I'll meet you there ♪

♪ Per our conversation ♪

♪ I hope I didn't ruin ♪

♪ Your whole vacation ♪

♪ Well, you never know ♪

♪ How far from home you're feelin' ♪

♪ Until you've watched the shadows ♪

♪ Cross the ceilin' ♪

♪ Well, I don't know ♪

♪ But I can see it snowing ♪

♪ In your car... ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0