All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S12E05.Seven-tween.Again.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

So we got to find

pretend jobs
for this Life Skills project?

Yup.

‐And a pretend apartment?
‐Uh‐huh.

‐And make a pretend budget?
‐Mm‐hmm.

Why is school always trying
to teach us stuff?

I mean, when you and I grow up
and become famous robo‐DJs‐‐

half‐human, half‐robot‐‐

we can hire full robots to do
our life skills stuff for us.

We don't need
this type of training.

I like this project.
Pretend budget money?

We can pretend‐buy
whatever we want.

Like toothpaste,

but a kind with sugar in it.

Oh, is there
a sugary toothpaste?

There is if you add sugar to it.

Oh, there goes another one.

Look at the hair,
look at that bounce.

Ever since that hair salon
opened up next door,

you think every woman walking by
just came from there.

She did. I can tell.

She's got that
"I just got my hair done

at a fancy salon" walk.

If you're so curious
about that place,

why don't you just go in?

Get a trim or whatever.

Their‐their least
expensive trim.

I can't.

Gretchen's been doing my hair
for years,

and I would never.

‐Okay.
‐I don't even want her

to know I'm looking,
which I'm not.

Gretchen knows
if you so much as got a trim

in the last year
from someone else.

Haven't seen you
in a while, Georgia.

‐Your bangs look nice.
‐Oh, thanks.

‐Who did this?!
‐It was nothing, it was nothing.

‐It was a‐a tiny trim. I was...
‐Out! Out!

‐Get out of my chair!
‐Aah!

Okay, Linda. You're up.

Besides, uh,
I like going to Gretchen's,

even though sometimes
she smokes a cigarette

right before she does my hair

and it makes my hair smell
like cigarettes.

And one time she cut my ear,

but she pretended
it was already cut.

She called it
my "bleeding ear problem."

I mean, she's great!

I‐I'm‐I'm perfectly happy.

I‐I don't think
she can hear you.

You never know.

Wha‐‐ What's the matter?

‐What's the matter, sweetie?
‐Are you okay, Gene?

Pube...!

‐Huh.
‐I think that's a chest hair,

not technically a pube,

unless you have
a really long crotch.

Thanks a lot, Tina.

I bet I caught puberty
from you.

I'm not ready to be an adult!

Before you know it, I'm gonna
be a pile of dust and bones

holding onto
an electric saxophone probably!

As if the Life Skills thing
at school wasn't enough,

now my own sweet body
is telling me to grow up.

Go away, pube.
I don't want a 401(k)!

‐Aw, Gene.
‐It's not a pube.

You know, Gene,
besides the body hair

and pimples and armpit odor

and mood swings and neck sweat,
puberty's great.

Why is Gene's pube gray?

Even my puberty is growing up
too fast!

Hmm. That didn't put up
much of a fight.

‐Aah!
‐old man gray.

Oh... Dad's chest hair must have
stuck on me this morning

when I gave him
his surprise shower‐hug.

It's not really a surprise
when you do it every single day.

Oh, thank God
I'm not pube‐ing out.

I'm still a beautiful baby boy.

Yes, you are.
Yeah.

Actually, you're a tween.

Not a boy, not yet a woman.

I'm not "tween" anything.

I'm securely
in the child column.

Mother, I'm gonna need
extra chicken at dinner.

This shook me to my core.

I thought I lost you, smoothie.

So, I made
a pretend grocery list.

And I started looking

two bedroom,
one bathroom and water slide.

We can meet at my house
every day after school

this week
and build our dream lives.

I can't believe
you're enjoying this.

‐I'm freaking out!
‐It's not so bad.

You're not the one
who had the pube scare.

Our childhoods are zipping by,
and we're just expected

to wake up one day
and put on big‐boy pants?

I hate pants!

We're getting graded
on this, so...

‐how's the fake job hunt going?
‐Did you hear me, Alex?

I had an almost‐pube!

I haven't had time to job‐hunt.

You should check out the job
board at the community center.

That's where I found
my pretend telemarketing gig,

which pays
nine big ones an hour,

plus a small commission,

whatever that means.
I assume it means gold.

Fine.

I'll go look at the job board,

but I'm not gonna just settle
for anything.

I need full benefits
and 12 weeks of vacation.

I know what I'm worth.

Well, time to grow up, I guess.

You two should head home.

Louise,
you still have your youth.

Get out there and just be a kid.

And, Tina,
it's too late for you.

But take care of Louise
as you trudge towards death.

‐Okay.
‐Okay?

Landscaping? Construction?

Those sound so outside‐y.

Grocery store is hiring,
but they drug‐test.

‐Oh, hi, Gus.
‐Looking for work, eh?

It's for a dumb school project
to prepare us for adulthood.

But I want to be,
like Sir Rod Stewart once said,

‐"Forever, forever young."
‐I hear you.

The best way to stay young is
to do young things.

That's why I started doing yoga.

Now I can touch my knees.

And everything at the community
center is donation‐based.

That means it's free.

‐Who's ready for fun?
‐

Buckle up, the Kids Club train

is about to blast off,
honk‐honk!

Lot of mixed metaphors,
but love her energy.

Those lucky little bastards.

Let's get the wiggles out
before story time starts.

Hmm. Kids Club.

Oh, hello. Uh, um...

Are you looking for swimming?

I think they usually do it
in the pool.

Uh, I think I'm supposed
to be here?

Oh. Um, what's your name?

‐Gene.
‐Hi, Gene.

I'm Miss Erica.
Gene, Gene.

I don't see you on my roster.

Did your parents sign you up?

Um, yeah, like a second ago.

Well, then it's just not
in the system yet.

How, um, old are you, Gene?

Oh, I am... this many.

You're seven? Wow.

Somebody's eating
all their veggies.

Ha, no.

It's just, you're such
a big boy for seven.

‐Very big.
‐Thank you?

Do you have
any wiggles to get out?

Do I!
My wiggles have wiggles.

‐

Yay! I'm young again!

‐
‐Gene, where were you?

Why are you so late?

You did spend an awful long time

looking at that
community center job board.

So, what'd you pick?
I was a dog walker

for my sixth grade
Life Skills pretend job.

I raked in eight fake bucks
an hour walking fake dogs.

‐And I only got fake bit twice.
‐Yup, uh...

that's the job I picked, too,
dog walker.

And I'll be at Alex's house
after school

all this week, working
on the Life Skills project,

no need to check in.

I'm not acting weird.

O‐Okay...

Hey, Gene, how about you,
uh, come over and catch up

on your restaurant work?

Of course,
I love restaurant work.

Okay, what's going on?

Nothing.
What's going on with you?

This is a great conversation.

Why do you have glitter
on your chin

and feathers sticking out
of your backpack?

‐I got a job at Pickles?
‐The strip club?

‐It's a gentlemen's revue.
‐Gene.

All right, fine,
I was at Kids Club.

Kids Club?
Isn't that for little kids?

Exactly.

I said I was seven,
and I just got to be young,

dumb, and full of fun.

Didn't anyone notice
that you don't at all

‐look like a seven‐year‐old?
‐How dare you?

Age is in the eye
of who's lying about it.

Actually, the hardest part
was getting signed out.

Gene, buddy. We can't
let you leave without an adult.

An adult?

Uh, hey, silver fox father
coming out of yoga.

‐Get over here.
‐Uh, oh, o‐okay.

You got Gus to pretend to be
your dad and sign you out?

He was so loose from that yoga,
he would have signed anything.

Look, pal, I don't care
how you blow off your fake job,

but I don't like Tina having
to cover for you

at your real job 'cause then she
doesn't cover for me as well.

‐So get wiping.
‐I will.

But first, check this out.

I call it Feather Glitter Glue,

and everyone said it was
the best name ever.

That's how easy it is to be
a seven‐year‐old.

G'day, mate. Roommate.

You pumped about
coming over after school

and getting into
some heavy duty budgeting?

Oh, um, sorry, Alex.

I can't.
Still got to find a dang job.

You can't buy fake
Ding Dongs and Ho Hos

with no fake dough‐dough,
right?

Okay.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Bob.

‐They're in here. That's them.
‐Who?

The hair people
who work next door.

Don't look at 'em, don't look.

But don't we want
to serve them food?

Fine, I'll take their order.

You can do this, Linda.

‐Do you want me to take...
‐No, I can do it.

Uh... h‐hi, hello.

Uh, can I take your order?

We'll have one Burger of the Day
and fries to share. Thanks.

Y‐You work at Frolicles,
don't you?

Yeah, I'm the receptionist.
She's the shampooer.

You know, can I just say
that your hair is amazing?

‐So is yours.
‐Mm. It is.

You should come in sometime.
Yvonne can fix that.

She could totally fix that.

Fix what? Who's Yvonne?

Yvonne is the stylist.

‐And a visionary.
‐Oh!

Yeah, you're what Yvonne would
call a "caterpillar head."

‐She can turn you
into a butterfly head.
‐

You know what, Yvonne has
an opening Thursday at 3:00.

I'm gonna give it to you
because you deserve it.

And you can get the friends
and neighbors discount.

Caterpillar head,
Thursday at 3:00. Okay.

‐Wha... Uh, I‐I don't know.
‐You're in. You're booked.

Yvonne's gonna change your life.

Get used to it.
Get ready.

You're speechless,
you don't know what to say.

‐We do need food, though.
‐Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, okay.

What just happened?

Are you gonna get amazing hair
and then leave me?

‐I don't know.
‐Well, you won't make it far,

because Gretchen will hunt you
down and then she'll murder you.

‐I know. Oh, God, she's here.
‐

Oh, it's Tina and Louise.

Hi, girls.

Why are you ducking
behind the counter?

‐That's fun.
‐Where's your brother?

‐Oh, right, he's at Alex's.
‐He better be at Alex's.

Leaving us‐‐ mostly you‐‐
doing all his work.

I'm sure he got all the Kids
Club stuff out of his system.

How long can an 11‐year‐old boy
play with blocks?

I love blocks!

‐That's so tall.
‐I know.

But not too tall
for the Hand Monster.

‐

Gene, do you want to do clay
with me?

Clay?
I'll never say nay to clay.

‐You're my best friend.
‐Aw.

A little quick,
but sure, why not?

Okay, everybody,
who's ready for parachute time?

‐Me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me!
‐Parachute!

‐
‐♪ All the colors
of the rainbow ♪

♪ Blow down onto my mind ♪

♪ I'm gonna sit on my behind ♪

♪ Until it's time for me ♪

♪ To play with you ♪

♪ I remember when my life ♪

♪ It used to be ♪

♪ Nothing but simplicity ♪

♪ It was naptime ♪

♪ That was the time ♪

‐♪ That I would close my eyes. ♪
‐Gene?

‐Still sleeping here.
‐Gene!

Alex! Hi, uh...

Why are you in Kids Club?

Lower your voice, it's naptime.

Gene, buddy, uh...

where are you going,
and who is this?

Oh, uh, this is just a kid
who lives across the street.

‐He babysits me sometimes.
‐Mm.

Well,
please don't leave the room.

And let's use
our nap voices, 'kay?

What are you doing here?

I came here to look
at the job board again

and see if I could nail
something down for you,

and I heard you snoring.

‐You know my snore?
‐Yes.

‐That's really sweet.
‐What are you doing here?

I signed up
for after‐school Kids Club.

I'm reliving my youth.

Wait, so you've been flaking
on our project to do this?

I'm sorry, Alex. I just
really like the vibe in here.

It's very low stress.

Miss Erica even helps me
tie my shoes sometimes.

And as you know,
I am not a strong shoe‐tier.

Well, what about
the Life Skills project?

You're supposed to be
my roommate.

What about making a budget?

I'm not ready for budgets.

‐I do blocks now.
‐Gene.

‐Want to pretend we're puppies?
‐Give me a second, Ryder.

‐But probably, yes.
‐I'm Gene's best friend.

The hell, Gene?
You know what?

I think we should have
a roommate breakup.

I'm gonna talk to Ms. Twitchell

about getting a studio apartment
for one.

‐Fine.
‐Okay, well,
have fun with Ryder.

Uh, we're playing puppies,
so, yeah,

I'm gonna be having fun.

Bad dog, Gene. Bad dog.

Talk about coloring
inside the lines.

I know,
my coloring game is incredible.

And sure, Alex has a right

to be a little annoyed
that I've been skipping

all of our after‐school
be‐a‐dumb‐adult project time,

but I wish he would see
that I'm living

my best seven‐year‐old life
right now.

Uh, except that you're 11.

‐Just like Alex.
‐That's ageist.

And guess who else has a right
to be annoyed?

I had to delegate so much work
to Tina today, I'm exhausted.

‐Yeah, I'm kind of tired, too.
‐Tina, it's not all about you.

Well, I'm sorry,
but I need this.

And it's totally worth it.
Tomorrow's a big day.

We're making slime.

Uh, and it's your last chance
to work with Alex

on the project
before it's due Friday, right?

Alex will be fine.

He's gonna talk to Ms. Twitchell

and do a solo no roommate
a‐dull‐t project.

But won't you get an "F"?

And get sent back
to second grade?

‐I hope so.
‐Gene, no.

But if you do get sent back
to second grade,

I think I left my pencil
in that classroom.

Will you keep an eye out for it?

It's yellow
and it has a number two on it.

Gene, Gene, Gene.

Do you want to play clay
with me?

Uh, I'm kind of doing slime.

You know,
'cause it's slime day.

Play clay with me.

Maybe later, 'kay, Ryder?

You're a poo‐poo head.

That's not technically true,
Ryder.

‐Um, Becca, that's my slime.
‐Mine!

I mean, I can give you
a little bit.

‐
‐Aah!

‐Whee!
‐Uh‐oh, Mess Patrol.

♪ Clean the mess, tidy up ♪

♪ Yes Mess Patrol... ♪

Singing doesn't help
in this particular situation!

Okay, it's time for
my appointment with Yvonne.

Okay, have fun.

I'm just gonna have her
touch it up.

‐
‐Gretchen!

What are you doing hair‐‐
I mean here?

‐
‐Nice.

Oh, I just came in to say hi,

have a little lunch.

That's good, 'cause we have
lunch. That's our thing.

Yeah. I haven't seen you
in a while, Linda.

Let's catch up, girl talk.
You can talk, too, Bob.

‐Looking good, by the way.
‐Uh, th‐thanks, Gretchen.

‐Hey, were you going somewhere?
‐No...

I just like to move
my purse around

every once in a while.

Okay, that's enough.
Here comes the apron.

So, new salon next door, huh?

Wha... Where? A salon?

‐Yeah, oh, yeah,
I hardly noticed.
‐They're fancy.

Looks like they sweep up
all the hair.

La‐di‐da.

Listen, I know they're
right next door

and their scissors aren't rusty

and their combs have
all their teeth

and they don't have flies,

but please
don't ever go there, okay?

Yeah, no, of course not.
Yeah, no. Yuck. Oof.

I don't even want to think
about you going there.

I just go to a dark place.

A dark, dark place.

Oh, uh, the spoon!

Plus, can you even imagine
what they'd do

to your reverse cowlick and
your swirly thing in the back

and your stubborn grays
and your bleeding ear problem?

‐They don't know you.
‐Uh...

Burger of the Day sound good?

Let me walk this order
back to Bob in the kitchen.

Uh, you can just hand it to me.
I'm right here.

No, no, you might drop it.
I‐I'm gonna walk it back.

‐Bob, I can't go next door.
‐Why?

Because Gretchen is terrifying?

Yeah, so y‐‐
so you're gonna go for me.

Wait, wait, what?

If I'm a last‐second no‐show,

I'll never get
an appointment there again.

You have to go, get a haircut,
and get me rescheduled.

So we're gonna get
two expensive haircuts?

They're discounted
expensive haircuts.

Please, Bob,
I want a fancy salon haircut

once in my life before I die.

‐Fine.
‐No, no, where are you going?

Not the front. She'll see you.
Go out the back.

And run, but don't be sweaty.
And check your breath.

Oh...

H‐‐ Um, hi.
I'm here for my wife.

Uh, she can't come,
so she asked me

‐to take her spot?
‐Oh, smart move, wife.

Also, yeah, you could use it.

‐Come on,
let's get you shampooed.
‐Oh, that's okay.

I washed it yester...
last week... ago.

Can I get you a sparkling water
or espresso?

‐Or a glass of wine?
‐Oh, um, I don't know.

‐I...
‐I'd have all three.

We call that
"getting your tips frosted."

Unless you're getting
your tips frosted,

which is actually really hot
right now

with middle‐aged men
who don't know better.

All right, let's frost my tips.

Uh, the‐the drinks one.

Hey, Gene.

Everything okay?
You're not wiggling much.

I don't always have the wiggles,
Miss Erica!

Sorry, sorry.

Can I come in?

No. Get out of here.

Where is your mom?

Gretchen killed her,
and you're next.

Bob, it's okay.
Gretchen went back to work.

‐Oh, she's alive.
‐Eh?

New do for Daddy.

It is. Oh, it is.

‐So? Was it...?
‐ Amazing.

Yvonne is a genius.

‐Are you drunk?
‐I'm gorgeous.

O‐Ok‐Okay, settle down.

And I got you in the book.

‐Yeah? When, when?
‐Today!

‐Oh!
‐They squeezed you in at 5:00.

Really? Okay!

Okay,
I'm actually gonna do this.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and look at myself

for a while,
and I have to pee.

I drank so many
different drinks.

"A dog sits on a log
with a frog."

‐Where are you going with that?
‐Mm...

That doesn't go on me, Mason.

‐Aah! That's it! I'm out!
‐Gene,

if you don't want to listen
to the book,

you're welcome to join Piper
over by the puzzles.

Nope, I think I'm gonna go.

I'm sorry, buddy.

You can't go until pickup time.

Miss Erica,
here's the thing‐‐

you're gonna laugh
when you hear this‐‐

I'm not actually seven.
I am 11.

And I am a 500‐year‐old wizard!

‐
‐Not helping, Becca.

Gene, I know you're not seven.

It's pretty obvious,
'cause, you know,

I know what children look like.

‐Gotcha.
‐I'm sorry,
but I am leaving!

You can't go without
someone signing you out,

no matter what age
you say you are.

Okay, fine, my dad Gus,

who I call Gus and not Dad,
is over in yoga right now.

‐He can sign me out.
‐There is no yoga on Thursdays.

What? Why no yoga
on Thursdays?

That's, like,
when you need it the most!

Sorry,
you're gonna have to stay here

until a parent signs you out.

But I want to go!
I need to leave!

Oh, man,
I'm gonna fail the project,

and Alex is gonna be mad at me
forever!

‐Your babysitter?
‐Yes!

I should've been doing
pretend roommate stuff

with him this whole week,
but now I'm trapped

in this booger parlor!

What's wrong with me?!

Someone's having big feelings.

Hell yeah, I am!
When's juice and crackers?

Miss Erica,
can I get my one phone call?

Gene, this isn't jail.

Says the lady who can leave
whenever she wants.

You think I can leave?
I've had to pee for three hours.

Yes, you can use the phone.

‐Dial nine to get out.
‐Oh, if only it was that easy.

Bob's Slopshop, this is Tina.
I have weird neck sweat.

‐How may I help you?
‐My neck sweat's not weird.
Is it?

Louise, it's Gene. Listen,
I'm trapped in Kids Club.

There's no yoga on Thursdays,
and Miss Erica won't let me out.

Please help me.
I want to be a tween again.

I need to go to Alex's house,
or he'll hate me

and we'll never be
real‐life roomies.

I guess I could help if you did
all my restaurant stuff

‐for the rest of my life.
‐One week.

‐Sold.
What do you want me to do?
‐I need you and Tina

to pretend to be Gus
and sign me out.

Pretend to be Gus.

Yeah, get a long trench coat,
climb on Tina's shoulders,

fake beard‐‐
boom, you're Gus.

‐That's not gonna...
‐Get me out of here.

I'm, like, three seconds away
from getting

the hand, foot
and mouth disease.

All right, all right.
We're on our way.

Why aren't you sleeping, Gene?

'Cause I'm getting out of here,
Ryder.

I'm too old for this place.

But you savor this.

Savor every perfect,
carefree minute

‐of being a little kid, 'kay?
‐'Kay, bye.

‐
‐Hello, um...

What? Louise! You brought Dad?

Sorry. This is the only thing
we could think of,

after not thinking
for very long,

because this has to end.

Oh, my God,
Gene really crashed a day care?

I didn't crash it.
I wiggled my way in.

‐You're Gene's real father,
I take it?
‐Yeah. Yes.

So, I've been letting him
get signed out

by whoever
that 80‐year‐old man was. Cool.

Gene, do you want to tell me
about that real quick?

‐It was Gus.
‐Okay.

I think I have to buy him
a Father's Day present.

You should, and also me,
one, as well, at some point.

So, you're signing Gene out?

‐Yes.
‐I love your hair, by the way.

‐Me, too.
‐He's taken.

Got room for bunk beds
in that studio apartment?

Gene?
What are you doing here?

I came to say sorry.

What about Kids Club?

I'm done with all that.

I know what being seven is like.

I think I'm ready
for stuff I don't know.

Future stuff, like, maybe
one day I'll have an alcohol,

or I'll listen to informative
podcasts on my commute.

So, will you take me back
as your roomie?

Even though I acted
like a snotty seven‐year‐old?

Sure. Rents are outrageous.

I've been driving
a pretend Uber at night

just to pay the pretend bills.

Plus, I love bunk beds.

I don't know why
we didn't think of that before.

Now we have more room
for that hot fudge sundae bar.

Is there still space
for our rotating DJ booth?

‐'Cause that's a must‐have.
‐DJ booth bunk beds?

DJ booth bunk beds!
We're so good at being adults!

Oh, you've got a lot going on
back here.

Yeah.
I got a reverse cowlick.

Okay. It's, like, pulling
my hand in.

Sorry. I'm sure
Yvonne will know what to do

‐with that, right?
‐Oh, sure, sure.

Everyone's hair is the same
to Yvonne.

‐Everyone's a butterfly head
waiting to happen.
‐Oh.

This'll be here for when
you come out from under.

And you're lucky.

We're not gonna be in
this location for much longer.

Yeah. Our prices are too high
for this neighborhood.

‐Oh, yeah?
‐You've seen this neighborhood,
right?

Um, yes, I have.

So make sure you take our card
when you leave.

'Cause what you want to do is
get with one stylist

who knows your hair
but also knows you as a person.

And once you find that stylist,
you never want to give them up.

Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.

I just remembered
I have to be somewhere.

Bye! Sorry, bye.

Got room for a reverse cowlick?

Linda?

Oh, that wine.

♪ DJ Bunk Beds ♪

♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪

♪ Treats, bunk‐bed‐sleep
and beats ♪

♪ Make a tasty, funky result ♪

♪ This is what it's like ♪

♪ To be a responsible adult ♪

‐♪ Ooh ♪
‐♪ Push up the faders ♪

♪ Twist the knobs ♪

♪ Pump up the beat,
pull the handle ♪

♪ And bring that sweet, sweet
soft serve down ♪

♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪

♪ DJ Bunk Beds ♪

♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪

♪ DJ Bunk Beds. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

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