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She Spent So Many Hours Under the Sunlamps

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No, come back.

I'm making the mistake of my life.

I can't live... I can't live without you anymore.

listen, I found a sweet boy... to sleep with, butt against butt.

How long ago?

Three months ago.

Yes, but come back anyway!

I made a mistake, I'm making a mistake.

listen... he's short, but he is nice...

he's nice with me...

It's impossible anyway...

We can't...

We can't suffer like this for our entire lives.

I...

I don't want to hurt you.

No but, no but... no, no!

First I don't understand why we love, we love each other.

I don't wanna hurt you but it's impossible.

I can't live without you.

I can't live without you!

I don't wanna hurt you but it's impossible.

We can't stay here, let's go...

Why?

Stay, stay, stay, ok?

It isn't death now, my death that scares me...

Other peoples' deaths make me cry.

I'm thirsty.

You want water? There isn't any.

Give me tap water.

Found books, your absent look.

A form like fire changes its form.

Flames with terror, church candles blending in with bronze.

I painfully caress the words that you wrote to me.

On a wall you had read "Error" with "terror."

At that moment a sort of rage seized your beautiful face, dark and calm..

in the frame: with terror...

With pain...

I caress the words that you wrote.

On a wall you read "Error," "Terror," "Pain," "Image and sound"...

"Sound and image"...

A form of rage threatens them...

Your beautiful face, calm and dark behind the windowpanes...

In the cellars...

- Stop this. - No!

Stop this! Stop!

Stay!

Stay!

At the end of the scene his pain is immense.

He passes through the rows of seats in the room where

the producers and actors he was working with are sitting.

He just got a proposal to stage Snow White

by Charles Perrault at the Comédie Française.

"Say yes" says the script girl.

The program manager follows on his heels in the passage.

"Give me a few hours" he says, and then: "What will it be?

Snow White or Cinderella?"

From Perrault he thought of her, an image of Mary in white

coming from the background into the middle of the company.

Yes but how to assign the roles in a play

as fair as possible with a pre-established company.

First it seems impossible... Snow White, but it won't bring Christa back.

He uses his love for her to feed the public...

but he won't live with her again for all that.

That tarnishes the image of Art. He feels like saying no.

Something incites him to accept, but tears flow, he cries. It'll be useless.

Meant for each other, now they're apart forever, the rest has no importance.

And he will finally say no to the great art which is before him

because he'd have been left without love too and it didn't matter anymore.

Come on, let's have a coffee.

- No. - Come on.

I'm ok.

I'm ok, I'm ok...

- You're gonna fall. - I can still walk alone.

Won't you tie your shoelace?

Well?

Well...

Positive! Positive.

Positive means... Is it when you're expecting?

Yes.

I'm keeping him.

- We keep him? - Yes.

I'm keeping him.

How much?

How much?

About two hundred? Well-paid.

Rolling!

Where did I put my keys?

Shot 14, Take 1!

Shall we go?

- To my place? - To your place.

I ceased to be puritanical and I found myself on a road fresh as flowers

and frost which settles onto books and onto the love to come.

Uh! I'm totally...

I've been waiting for you...

at the restaurant

and you didn't come.

I thought you'd come.

I had sat near the window and you didn't come.

If I'd known...

Come on, Marie.

What's the matter?

I think we'll go now.

Wait!

Don't move, I'll call a taxi.

No, we'll go by metro.

Hmm... yes.

- Are you coming? - Yes.

- Hey, look! - looks like a fortified castle.

Five o'clock in the morning.

I'm in a concrete basement with neon lights.

On the table in front of me lies a blood-drenched monkey with a broken arm.

A child was just born, a midwife washes him under a tap.

I take him in my arms, I'm sitting near an earthenware sink.

The midwife leaves me alone with the boy.

He comes to me as the huge void he creates around him.

Some chance left him here without any attractiveness for anyone.

I think, I'll go to bed.

His mother is still under anaesthesia.

I just touched the edge of the world.

I'm driving up to the maternity with the child in a friend's car.

The car rounds the corner of the Boulevard de l'Hôpital.

life begins here.

This plane trees alley, those big administrative buildings,

that's the beginning of memory, the beginning of a life.

As I'd filled the emptiness left by Christa with the birth of a child,

I was hugging this child and was looking at his eyes as he looked up to me.

I'm thinking about Picasso.

When I was a child, I always had on my bed the...

picture where his son is portrayed as Arlequin.

The painting is unfinished like David's Bonaparte.

I dreamed about Picasso too because of Godard's last film.

I was dreaming... Godard mixed all the classic...

painting and Picasso together, that's fantastic.

You don't wanna sleep?

But tell me, Philippe, if Christa's going crazy,

it's not just about heroin, it's still a matter of failures in life, right?

So, what troubles me is that you... you...

you're calling me to play these kinds of characters

who are so far from me, and you know that perfectly well.

I mean... so, what's the relation?

And there's still something you didn't tell me...

She's a very mean woman, Christa, she's racist!

She attacked a black woman in a café and slashed her face with a razor blade!

Yes, that's true.

She did that one day she was suffering from withdrawal.

Who told you that? Someone who was in this café?

Maybe I shouldn't have told you. It's.. it's...

Wait, I'll tell you. Downstairs at the Chelsea Hotel, in the bar, Paul was there

who told her "Get out, get out, the cops are coming, etc..."

and they run off and then Andy came and paid for the black woman's surgery.

What?

Andy paid, Andy Warhol paid the surgery for the black woman.

Yes, but what happened? She is...

My friend said that he saw her in a café...

leap upon another woman, black, not white, black and...

damage her face with shards or, I don't know, with razor blades. Why?

- Because he was there in this café? - Jacques?

So it's true?

I don't know. I was in this café three or four years before...

speaking with some mate downstairs at the Chelsea.

Well, after that, it's Warhol who paid the surgery.

Then... - Yes but what I'd like to know...

Christa has an obsessive fear of black people, you see.

like me, as she's crazy...

She's the daughter, her father died in a camp, her mother worked at the factory

that made grenades for Germany... the two mixed up.

Her father left then he was in the SS and deserted.

He disappeared, we suppose that the SS who deserted...

were sent to camps too, their deserters...

So he was killed or put in a camp. This plus the story of her unrecognized son...

As a result, you see: deprivation, no right to come into the studio,

as the other one would not recognize the child. Father's deprivation, all that.

So, well, suddenly she took a glass, broke it...

and stuck it into the young black woman's face.

And how can one act that?

Here you cut! I'll make a close...

Wait, I'll tell you about Chantal... Akerman.

But I wanted to tell you about Jean Eustache. Because I think he's a genius.

I think that The Mother and the Whore is The Rules of the Game of.. of

Jean... but Jean doesn't really understand.

That's it, Christa! We can shoot the film, you know!

Oh, Philippe, that's fantastic! When do I begin?

Hmm, well, I can begin now but... hmm...

I'll shoot it without you because I love you and cinema destroys life, you know.

No, Philippe, why? For once you have money and you film without me?

Why do I always play in shoestring films?

What are you...? Who are you shooting this film with?

You'll use one of your silly little worthless actresses, yes?

You know what you are, Philippe? You're absolutely disloyal!

Do you know why I'm doing this?

To make a film for cinema.

I study medicine, and then I quit. Bullshit!

Scene 41, first take!

Oh shit, the cops!

No, don't move, don't move!

What are you doing? Cut the crap!

Stop it, Gracq!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Did I wake you?

- Wait, first I'm supposed to say... - Oh yes, ok.

- The ministry of Art. - Ministries.

The ministries of Art.

The directors in the fields... in the field.

- Did I wake you, Chantal? - Oh no, I didn't sleep a wink.

Ah, that's it. I found money to shoot my film.

- How did you get it? - I can't say.

Show me!

I made a heroin deal to...

Ah, that's why you looked so worried last Friday!

Finally, I'll do my Faust, you know. look what I have here!

Don't you have a line of coke?

Nothing's left but you and my arms looking for you.

And my body and my heart calling you.

Nothing's left but you, your hands, your soft chest.

Your eyes, your arms, your neck.

And my heart gets loose.

It's night time. Another night without you.

The first time we met, you wore these wooden shoes at the Olympik.

The second time, it was at the Entrepot, the third time, once again in Rotterdam.

- I have no memories. - Twice in Rotterdam.

In Rotterdam with the beautiful red-haired girl.

- Was I with a woman that time? - You were with your actress.

- Anne? The one who's in the film. - Anne.

She's so beautiful and mild-mannered.

- Yes, I remember this very well. - Yes, she's playing the stoned girl.

I'm shooting a film against the use of heroin and...

the temptation of armed conflict in the revolution.

Marie!

- What are you doing? - We're making cinema, madame.

- Really? - Yes.

We're making a film, like you see every night on television.

- Nearby? - No, no, here in the street!

I wanted you to meet Lou, he'll play Gracq.

It's Marie.

I have to check something on the camera.

- What do you do? - Sorry?

- Do you do theater? - Theater? Yes, I do, sometimes.

Well, yes. Well...

You just have to tell me what it is then.

Weren't there conditions?

Don't want to see him anymore, do you? You don't want to see him anymore.

No.

No, that's not the problem. It's not that either. Not because of that either.

It's not like that anymore.

like that?

No, I think we don't have to see each other much in real life...

because...

because we're in a too tight spot with the baby...

and we have to leave each other alone

and,

and...

that's all in fact.

Because otherwise

otherwise

no but, we'll figure out how to see each other again but...

there's a long way to get to that point.

It's almost the same for everybody.

Revolution is the last fate of men. Without conditions.

Hi there!

You don't want to talk to me anymore?

I decided to leave you.

What?

He passes among the seats where the producers sit,

the actors he was working with. He almost faints.

He just got an offer to stage Snow White by Perrault at the Comédie Française.

Say yes!

The program manager follows him in the passage.

From Perrault, he thought of her.

An image of Marie in white...

coming out from behind the scene into the middle of the company.

Yes, but Christa...

Snow White won't give him back Christa.

Just a way to use his love.

To feed the public.

But...

he won't live through that again for her.

It tarnishes the image of Art, he feels like saying no.

Something incites him to accept, but tears flow, he cries; it will be no use.

Meant for each other and now they're apart forever, the rest doesn't matter.

And he will finally say no to great Art because it would leave him without love.

And it didn't matter anymore.

Philippe, can you come for a minute?

Enough now! Cut.

Cut!

Yeah, these are love letters.

I won't send them.

As if I was keeping them for myself. Now I have love letters for Marie.

I'll wander around with them. Maybe I'll give them to her, who knows.

It was with Marie.

Yes, when I was with her, before the separation.

I've always been someone who thought of himself as a traveller, so...

it doesn't change anything.

Jealousy was holding me back but that lead to indifference, because...

Why jealousy? Did she go away with some guy or did she go away alone?

Even before there was another guy!

I liked to think that...

I had to get home, I couldn't stand it when calling from outside the line was busy.

That was jealousy who was bringing me home like a loyal dog.

That's it.

I had a friend, Frederic, who used to say that women always betray first.

I'm telling you this because... well. I know that women are equals,

but I had noticed that it was true. - Did you learn that first hand?

Take it. If you want some later, just ask me.

Hey friend! Are you now helping the anarchists?

You'd like a thing like that?

No, I wouldn't know how to use it and I could commit suicide.

I went to the lab to develop this film and it didn't go well.

I wrote "long live anarchy!" above the time clock and I tried to start a strike.

You know, where the workers are waiting for jobs.

And four guys threw me out of the lab onto the...

pavement and closed the gate behind me.

Did you ever read The Big Mess by Daniel Cohn-Bendit?

I've read nothing by him.

He's a journalist now.

It's mostly the new use of the imaginary in this country that's really disgusting.

Because, you're an instrument to maintain the...

world as it is and after a while you're part of it.

Well, you have your status, you're protected this way and then...

Also the poverty, you saw. That's something huge.

You saw how many guys in Paris are starving.

Capisco lo che vuoi dire.

They're shooting up there. Behind me cops are trying...

to avoid the fire coming from one of the roofs.

It's an anarchist, she found refuge up there.

Here's a police captain yelling to another police captain

pining him against the wall:

"Go and see if you can take her from behind."

I'm going up little wooden stairs, they're full of cops.

"What the hell are you doing here? Go with the journalists, you're crazy!"

There are actually two journalists trying...

to make their way against the crowd.

"Damn job!" A cop. "What they wouldn't do to have a paper!

You bastards, they took us hostages!"

The cop... "Clear off, clear off, clear off."

I'm taking advantage of a break to climb the last steps

and rush into a little attic in the sixth floor.

It's a little garret.

Marie's there, all dressed in black.

Marie, her hair disheveled, her clothes torn.

"Don't be afraid," I say when I come in. "It's me, Marie!"

She's holding in her fist a little black pistol that she's reloading.

"What proof is there?" she says.

What proof is there?

- Do we have enough to shoot? - No, the film hasn't arrived.

Ah, the film's not here!

All the rest is ok. Camera is here, material is here.

I think Pascal would like to test the film at least once.

You have to call Paris, Denis about the money.

Soon we'll have nothing left. But I believe in you.

I believe in you because now there are so many things that are detached.

You're kicking the habit, you're leaving it behind.

Thank you for believing in me because...

it was really terrible...

staying in that hospital...

How was it?

Were they a lot of doctors?

Did just one doctor take care of you?

There were many doctors there... there were some hard times.

But you know, I'm still seeing some of them. Every week I see one.

And I'm still taking some medicine.

I'd like you to give me some money too.

That's another thing that is detaching, from me.

I found that so nice that you agree to shoot the film...

what was the title? Cinderella? Snow White?

Snow White. I was thinking of you.

Snow White and me being on detox treatment, that was very...

Do you want this one? It's my last one.

Is it true that you had a child?

With this girl, Marie. A little boy.

You know, if...

If there's one thing I deeply regret, it's that we never did that.

Yes, I believe you kicked the habit... it's a good coincidence because...

it's the same for me, everything's detaching...

Both Marie and Snow White: I let Snow White go and I'm detached from it.

I mean, everything's stopping.

I'm grateful to you because this time it's over. There are things I won't do anymore.

- And that crap is finished. - You'll work it out.

Yes.

How is it going? Do you have a doctor or several doctors?

I have one doctor, I see him once a week. We have discussions.

He still gives me some sedatives.

And if you can give me some money, I would be glad it was coming from you.

Is that why you thought of me?

No, I wanted to thank you for...

No, you're right, I was becoming too attached. Here, I'm freeing myself.

More.

These are tickets, there's no more.

I'm sure now...

I think that this is over.

I'll be leaving.

I'm not sure we'll see each other again.

I'm glad that you had a child.

I wish I'd done that with you but at least one of us did it. Boy or girl?

A little boy.

You want to leave?

- Do you want to make love first? - No.

I don't want to do that any more either.

But...

You're here, I'm thinking of you.

For years we didn't do what we should have done.

We could live together now, finally. Now that it's impossible.

What if I come back?

You'll still be with Marie?

No, with Marie it's over.

No, I don't believe you. Marie is very good for you.

No, it lasted a few months, she gave me some of her twenty years.

And she left, probably with some guy who's got dough.

It suits you well!

You see, I was right to buy it. I'm glad I bought you a coat.

I'm beginning to warm up.

This feels good.

You know...

I think, you've done the hardest. Now it's gonna be fine.

Thank you.

Here there's a taxi every thirty minutes.

Better like that. When do you have to be at the station?

My train is leaving in thirty minutes. It would be great not to miss it.

I wanted you to hang out a little more.

Thank you anyway.

It's better like this... live like this. We'll now visit each other, that's good.

There's no taxi at this station.

We have to find another one.

There!

- No. - No, it's occupied.

There will be one, let's wait five minutes more.

We have time.

Will I see your child some day?

So, yes, this day... No, that day...

let's say...

this day...

forced to admit that if I'd found Marie instead of Christa

and if I had suspected her of the least relation with some scriptwriter,

I would have tried to hug this mystery on my...

chest with the same heart that was hugging Christa.

Marie...

Marie...

Marie... and our child...

What was I saying?

This alley of plane trees, those big administrative buildings,

that's the beginning of memory, the beginning of a life.

And after that... When I saw our child again...

After that, I carefully counted your fingers to see if none were missing.

NATIVITY

She came just like that, Marie, we met just like that.

It was maybe 3 o'clock in the morning and behind...

us the front door of the apartment is closing...

and we're getting into her car.

Me and you Marie, yes...

And she drives me to her place just as someone is brought home.

Incredibile, meraviglioso...

Incredibile, meraviglioso...

Incredible! Marvelous!

Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous!

I can't remember, incredible is a he and marvelous a she or...

marvelous is a he and incredible is a she! Incredible, marvelous!

Incredible, marvelous! Marvelous, marvelous!

Oh, look, an incredible guy!

Or maybe a marvelous guy?

Incredible, marvelous! Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous!

love...

She Spent So Many Hours under the Sun Lamps, take one.

Shouldn't we have broken up in scene 81?

Oh, that's marvelous.

It's like scene 24 we were on a beach at low tide...

and it was too cold, we went into a café.

Why didn't we shoot that?

We were three with the child. That was marvelous.

Incredible.

So many hours without seeing you...

wonderful!

Incredible.

I mean...

Didn't you leave me?

Oh, yes!

You know, I had written to myself for our child:

- "Don't ever spank him." - Really?

Why?

I thought it was marvelous.

Really? Incredible.

She spent so many hours under the sun lamps... Excuse me.

My coat...

What do you feel? Is that better?

From the better to the best? Incredible!

- Marvelous. - Marvelous.

Incredible!

Incredible!

Did he say we should move?

Marvelous.

- Wait... - What?

- Incredible. - What?

- It's marvelous! - What is marvelous?

All, all, incredible...

What do you mean by marvelous? What is marvelous?

Incredible! Incredible!

- What is incredible? - Everything's marvelous!

Wait...

Marvelous.

Incredible!

Oh, yes, yes, yes!

I found myself on a perfectly ridiculous beach.

I had adopted... the clothes of French people on holiday. Trouville.

And I was saying to myself...

- Incredible!? - Marvelous!

look, I thought of you.

It's... wait!

A little pillow.

Don't you have anything for me? I don't want to force you.

- A little pillow? - Yes, to exchange gifts.

Do what you like!

The beautiful Incredible! Is "incredible" a he or a she?

- Incredible is a he. - A "he"! Then marvelous is a "she."

OK let's go...

What?

The other one? What?

Okay...

So, we'll shoot: the bedroom overlooking the sea.

And she's knitting some clothes for her child, okay?

What? But Philippe, you know, there's the next thing where I say

"I have a surprise for you." And you would reply:

"Marie has a child." I'd rather recite you an erotic dream.

It was like this:

Valentina, Marie, Christa gave me four months of their twenty years.

And they came back to a big rich who lived in the Plaza.

All day long, they were watching TV.

I liked to take them by surprise, on the sly.

They never heard me coming.

I liked to take them by surprise from behind and kiss their little asshole.

It was in a little hotel room at the Chelsea.

We never let anybody in.

I think they didn't give a damn about my rags.

let's go somewhere else. There are bad vibrations here.

Ah you think there are unpleasant vibrations here?

There are spectators who are watching.

Have they been watching for a long time, the ones sitting there?

Because "She spent so many hours under the sun lamps," well, she died from it!

Well! A Polichinelle in the drawer!

I loved your shadow so much...

to be a shadow among shadows... free...

a shadow among...

I was just passing by. I didn't see you.

Oh no, I mean yes. Really?

He's training.

I've dreamed so much of you

Walked so much / Talked so much made love to your shadow

So much that there's nothing left of you

What is left / Of me is a shadow Among shadows

A shadow that will come / To rest In your life in which the sun / Is so much.

Desnos.

I understood that he was just waiting. For the sound of the camera...

We can do it again. I'm sure they're still shooting.

Sound taping in the Memorial.

Camera.

"I've dreamed so much of you Walked so much

Talked so much made love to your shadow

So much that there's nothing left of you.

What is left Of me is a shadow

A shadow that will come to rest In your life in which the sun is so much."

Desnos.

For the price of a car, imagine!

I personally dream of being in a car with my son and...

and...

my wife and a camera in the back seat, you see,

driving aimlessly to make some shots in the woods like you do with your daughter.

like when you say, for example,

I wanted to shoot my son a while ago. I sat him up on a...

on a chest.

But his mother said: "No, I don't want you to shoot him."

Well, what do you think:

Maybe let's say when he goes to nursery school,

I might be able to take some liberties with the mom's...

It's strange how you always relate this to the mother.

Some kind of person between your kid and yourself

who allows you or doesn't allow you to shoot him.

Some kind of...

It's weird that the mother is here to... that the permission goes through her.

I don't think it's bad, I just find that a little weird.

Ah you mean that even without... without...

Why... why would you go and ask her "Can I make..

this shot of my... of our child upon the chest"?

Well, I ask her because I think that in France, you see,

children are always entrusted to moms. Still, their education...

I think, if a mother instinctively...

Yes, but when you're shooting your child, it's your own education again.

You don't need any go-between for this.

You, for example, the first shots you took of your daughter.

How did you go about it, tactically?

I don't remember. It was... well it was "The Crying Woman."

But what was the first shot inside "The Crying Woman"... I don't remember.

Well, the tactic was to chase people away.

There was a hidden camera which was not as noisy as this one.

There was a microphone here and I was supposing

that it would be less disturbing for her this way.

We had chased away the invaders and I found myself with her again.

So the idea was, I guess, that once the invaders were away and we were together,

I thought that it could only delight her and scare her a little less.

- You mean the technical crew? - Yes, then...

I think she was able to, but she also knew...

she was three years old and she knew we were shooting, I guess.

It only concerned us, nobody else, no one was watching us.

The others, the crew weren't.

So that's why it was a little easier for her this way.

I wonder if in this moment of our anxiety,

I mean hers and mine,

I wonder if it wasn't a little easier to talk, to hug each other,

because there was still this huge effort from her and from me

while the camera was shooting and she knew it was...

And I think she accepted that very well.

And we were actually meeting together again. So it wasn't bad.

So I'll do it too.

I'll shoot my son because, you see, he is now the love of my life.

You see, like I loved a woman before.

And here then, for example... wait, I was saying something to myself, wait...

I had it written down on a napkin...

"I wanted to talk to you about the children's education but I fell in love.

You know, the actress that was acting Marie in this film..."

You see, that's outrageous...

You're skipping some parts.

"Can't you tell her that I love her?"

Hey, Jacques, don't you want to take Anne now?

It's a little girl from the people, like that, a doll, look.

Well answer, Jacques, do you want to shoot with her, yes or no?

Well if you don't, I'll keep her, you know, on the set.

Are you coming, Jacques? We're going.

I'm the little knight.

Upon my eyes the sky.

I can't fear myself.

I'm the little knight.

Under my feet the earth.

I'll come to visit you. I'll come to visit you.

Where's Marie now? Wasn't she supposed to be here for the last scene?

Yes, he thinks: "Marie's dead, yes, she jumped out of the window."

And I want Michel Rocard to be elected in 1988.

He's now the minister of Agriculture. Today is the 22nd of November 1984.

So, as P.G. had it written at the bottom of a page he didn't turn:

"I don't think about suicide anymore, life's long, you know, I have to leave,"

I have to leave.

Marie is gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

I kept the child with me, you know. I'm keeping him.

Since she is still with me in my dreams...

I don't know what to do or say for the child.

Because I dream a lot of Marie.

He's in the next room. He came back from school not long ago.

He's sleeping now.

Subtitles: Ted Fendt, Pip Chodorov