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Eliza: Most mornings require a double dose
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00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,180
of celebrity gossip
and a triple-shot latte
3
00:00:04,186 --> 00:00:05,766
for me to even begin to perk up.
4
00:00:06,319 --> 00:00:08,627
But today, I didn't need a Miley meltdown
5
00:00:08,653 --> 00:00:09,804
or a mochaccino.
6
00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,939
- I was being fueled by something else entirely.
- [Elevator bell dings]
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00:00:13,059 --> 00:00:15,208
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse. Excuse!
8
00:00:15,273 --> 00:00:17,043
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
9
00:00:17,163 --> 00:00:18,369
Good morning. How are you?
10
00:00:18,408 --> 00:00:19,578
- Fine, thanks, and y...
- O.M.G.
11
00:00:19,591 --> 00:00:20,677
I thought you'd never ask.
12
00:00:20,703 --> 00:00:23,863
I am for reals drunk on
feels, and I'm tingling all...
13
00:00:24,449 --> 00:00:26,986
- Over.
- It is cold-sore season.
14
00:00:26,987 --> 00:00:28,760
No, it is not the herp.
15
00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:30,698
It's the heart. I finally
16
00:00:30,704 --> 00:00:32,635
realized why it's never
gonna happen with Freddy.
17
00:00:32,642 --> 00:00:34,547
You mean Freddy the workplace DiCaprio,
18
00:00:34,554 --> 00:00:37,097
with the chiseled pecks and
the tongue-traceable jawline?
19
00:00:37,116 --> 00:00:38,969
Freddy may be the perfect male specimen,
20
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:40,744
but I think my heart
belongs to someone else.
21
00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:41,701
Who?
22
00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:43,333
Best not be Frank in the mail room
23
00:00:43,339 --> 00:00:45,108
because I am working my long game on him.
24
00:00:45,121 --> 00:00:46,922
It is not Frank!
25
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,103
It's Henry.
26
00:00:50,223 --> 00:00:51,611
As in Henry Henry?
27
00:00:51,731 --> 00:00:55,546
His last name is not Henry,
but, yes, Henry Henry.
28
00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:56,632
Aah!
29
00:00:56,853 --> 00:00:57,965
You're in love with him?
30
00:00:57,965 --> 00:00:59,188
When he looks at me approvingly,
31
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:00,834
I get these... like, these shooting pangs.
32
00:01:01,314 --> 00:01:02,732
That could be related to your usage
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00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,143
of artificial sweeteners.
34
00:01:04,514 --> 00:01:05,606
Okay.
35
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,808
- What's your probs?
- I don't have probs.
36
00:01:07,831 --> 00:01:10,276
You def have probs. Why aren't you happier?
37
00:01:10,295 --> 00:01:11,668
I always assumed you were secretly rooting
38
00:01:11,684 --> 00:01:13,032
for the two of us to be together.
39
00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:14,660
[Laughs] Not really.
40
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:15,804
- Charmonique.
- Hmm.
41
00:01:15,815 --> 00:01:17,037
Are you gonna block this?
42
00:01:17,157 --> 00:01:19,212
No, do not... do not block this!
43
00:01:19,264 --> 00:01:20,976
He has a girlfriend, Eliza!
44
00:01:21,012 --> 00:01:22,542
But they hardly ever see each other.
45
00:01:22,568 --> 00:01:24,608
And Henry and I see
each other all the time.
46
00:01:25,579 --> 00:01:27,371
Well, then maybe I should
be in love with Henry.
47
00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:28,656
I see him all the time, too.
48
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,247
Okay, straight-up girl code.
49
00:01:30,284 --> 00:01:32,651
If you have feelings for
Henry, I will legit step aside.
50
00:01:32,682 --> 00:01:34,053
But if you don't...
51
00:01:34,054 --> 00:01:36,532
Charmonique, come on. Support me.
52
00:01:36,589 --> 00:01:37,291
Fine.
53
00:01:37,338 --> 00:01:39,460
I am not into Henry. He is all yours.
54
00:01:39,486 --> 00:01:40,495
[Sighs]
55
00:01:40,552 --> 00:01:42,587
That is assuming that
he feels the same way.
56
00:01:42,597 --> 00:01:43,429
[Chuckles]
57
00:01:43,549 --> 00:01:45,177
Only now that Charmonique mentioned it,
58
00:01:45,218 --> 00:01:47,175
I didn't really know how Henry felt.
59
00:01:47,658 --> 00:01:51,034
After I revealed myself to
him, he didn't really say much.
60
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:52,464
It seemed like all his energy
61
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,155
went into trying not to look at my...
62
00:01:54,275 --> 00:01:55,670
Mammaries.
63
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,224
I saw them.
64
00:01:57,641 --> 00:01:59,393
Separately, and then together.
65
00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,502
It was basically a full-frontal,
66
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,780
co-worker-type situation. So...
67
00:02:04,706 --> 00:02:06,901
- Naturally, I thought of you.
- Me?
68
00:02:07,448 --> 00:02:08,261
Raj?
69
00:02:08,381 --> 00:02:09,842
I thought, "oh, boy, I'd better talk
70
00:02:09,855 --> 00:02:11,357
to Raj in H.R. about this."
71
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,320
Did you want to file a
sexual-harassment complaint?
72
00:02:14,354 --> 00:02:15,590
No, no, of course not.
73
00:02:15,611 --> 00:02:16,634
So...
74
00:02:16,963 --> 00:02:18,320
A high five, perhaps?
75
00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:21,084
A high fi... absolutely not, no. I...
76
00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:22,682
I just wanted to let you know
77
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,771
that the aforementioned
incident was unsolicited
78
00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:27,572
and did not unfurl on premises.
79
00:02:27,601 --> 00:02:28,575
Unfurl?
80
00:02:28,612 --> 00:02:31,185
Still, I thought it best
to fully disclose to you,
81
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:32,488
Raj.
82
00:02:32,608 --> 00:02:35,938
Look, Henry, this isn't
exactly unprecedented.
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00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:37,686
[Grunts]
84
00:02:40,354 --> 00:02:40,834
What's that?
85
00:02:40,858 --> 00:02:43,384
Eliza's inter-office sexual claims binder.
86
00:02:44,187 --> 00:02:45,061
[Grunts]
87
00:02:45,181 --> 00:02:47,970
Nowadays, we ask that both
parties sign a document
88
00:02:47,978 --> 00:02:49,593
saying that the relationship is consensual.
89
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,564
And if Saperstein approves the request,
90
00:02:51,799 --> 00:02:53,813
employees are free to bump uglies.
91
00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:54,587
That's fascinating.
92
00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:57,517
So, if Eliza has terminated
things with Freddy,
93
00:02:57,529 --> 00:02:59,224
I can shred this...
94
00:02:59,673 --> 00:03:01,392
[Shredder whirs]
95
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:03,747
... and offer you this.
96
00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:05,592
Just sign where indicated.
97
00:03:05,675 --> 00:03:06,469
And if all goes well,
98
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:09,229
you could be getting all up
in there by lunch Thursday...
99
00:03:09,349 --> 00:03:10,417
If I put a rush on it.
100
00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:13,911
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
101
00:03:14,031 --> 00:03:16,454
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
102
00:03:16,516 --> 00:03:18,842
♪ not to make it all me ♪
103
00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:21,460
♪ funny thing about me ♪
104
00:03:21,647 --> 00:03:25,279
♪ is while I'm looking at me-e-e-e-e ♪
105
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:29,333
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
106
00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:30,952
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:03:32,828 --> 00:03:33,506
Team.
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00:03:34,151 --> 00:03:36,166
Who amongst you can
tell me what time it is?
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00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:37,290
It's 9:33.
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00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:39,400
9:33:03.
111
00:03:39,413 --> 00:03:40,994
Don't be so literal, compadres.
112
00:03:41,185 --> 00:03:44,197
I'm asking what time it is.
113
00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:46,271
- Time to get ill?
- Warmer.
114
00:03:46,696 --> 00:03:49,468
It's time for the annual
kinderkare karaoke party!
115
00:03:49,588 --> 00:03:50,256
Yes!
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00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:51,561
[Cheers and applause]
117
00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:52,956
Whoo!
118
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:57,554
- [Laughs]
- You earned it, folks!
119
00:03:57,563 --> 00:03:59,635
We crushed our year-end sales goals.
120
00:03:59,755 --> 00:04:01,557
Stock is up. Ergo...
121
00:04:01,753 --> 00:04:04,441
♪ I think I know what time
it is, it's time to get ill ♪
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00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:06,909
[Laughs] Well said, my sightless friend.
123
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:08,262
Henry. Henry.
124
00:04:08,275 --> 00:04:09,327
Henry? Henry?
125
00:04:09,386 --> 00:04:11,347
Henry. Psst! Henry. Henry.
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00:04:11,405 --> 00:04:13,806
Henry. Eliza's trying
to get your attention.
127
00:04:13,889 --> 00:04:16,236
I bet she wants to lock
you down for a duet.
128
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:17,443
Might I suggest
129
00:04:17,513 --> 00:04:20,143
"Solid as a rock" by Ashford and Simpson?
130
00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:21,483
♪ And we build it up ♪
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00:04:21,508 --> 00:04:24,102
♪ and we build it up,
and we build it up ♪
132
00:04:24,135 --> 00:04:25,916
♪ and now we're solid ♪
133
00:04:25,954 --> 00:04:27,838
- Mnh, mnh.
- Woman: Yeah.
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00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:30,211
Both: ♪ solid as a rock ♪
135
00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,551
Oh-ho-ho!
136
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:33,481
Feel free to use that one, sir. [Chuckles]
137
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:34,900
I'm more of a solo artist.
138
00:04:34,913 --> 00:04:36,985
[Laughs] What is that supposed to mean?
139
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,039
Folks, please keep in mind
that performance is mandatory.
140
00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:44,372
And no one should sing the
1987 pop hit "Wishing well,"
141
00:04:44,448 --> 00:04:46,593
which I, myself, will be performing...
142
00:04:46,878 --> 00:04:48,095
As I do every year.
143
00:04:48,272 --> 00:04:50,589
- All right.
- Woman: All right.
144
00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:52,130
[Indistinct conversations]
145
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,990
Henry. Henry!
146
00:04:54,356 --> 00:04:55,226
Eliza.
147
00:04:55,872 --> 00:04:56,600
Freddy?
148
00:04:57,008 --> 00:04:57,778
Can we talk?
149
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,170
Did you forget to gel your swoop?
150
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,393
Uh, yes. Yes, I did.
151
00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:03,724
Oh, my God.
152
00:05:03,964 --> 00:05:05,197
Uh, truth is
153
00:05:05,509 --> 00:05:07,507
I can't gel my swoop, horn my shoes,
154
00:05:07,536 --> 00:05:08,689
press my shirt, or even get through
155
00:05:08,702 --> 00:05:10,549
more than 40% of my Jason Statham workout.
156
00:05:10,707 --> 00:05:11,710
Oh.
157
00:05:13,054 --> 00:05:15,427
I'm starting to lose definition
on those groin muscles
158
00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:16,613
that point to my junk.
159
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,977
Your Adonis belt?
160
00:05:17,978 --> 00:05:19,231
[Spits] Freddy, no.
161
00:05:19,243 --> 00:05:19,950
Yeah.
162
00:05:20,408 --> 00:05:22,223
Oh, since you dumped me,
I've been falling apart.
163
00:05:22,343 --> 00:05:24,619
I'm in deep Eliza Dooley withdrawal.
164
00:05:24,739 --> 00:05:27,050
And only by the grace of "Backdraft" reruns
165
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,069
on the USA network am I
standing here before you now.
166
00:05:29,189 --> 00:05:29,863
What?
167
00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:30,929
Make no mistake,
168
00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:32,625
Eliza, I'm miserable without you.
169
00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:35,008
Freddy-y-y-y.
170
00:05:35,236 --> 00:05:36,243
If I moved too quickly,
171
00:05:36,268 --> 00:05:37,633
and you're not into the whole "relaysh,"
172
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:38,698
then let's just go back to having
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00:05:38,698 --> 00:05:40,038
relentless, casual sex.
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00:05:40,066 --> 00:05:40,925
Mm.
175
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:44,317
Being with you is the only
thing that makes any sense to me.
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00:05:46,402 --> 00:05:47,996
I'm really sorry, Freddy.
177
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,924
But right now my head is somewhere else.
178
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,905
So you should probably
just go and gel your swoop.
179
00:05:53,939 --> 00:05:56,177
It'll make you feel so much better, okay?
180
00:06:01,018 --> 00:06:02,967
Okay, what the quack?
181
00:06:03,246 --> 00:06:05,206
- Why are you avoiding me?
- I am...
182
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,007
I am not avoiding you.
183
00:06:07,091 --> 00:06:08,484
You power-walked out
of that conference room
184
00:06:08,497 --> 00:06:10,116
like a mom at the Glendora galleria.
185
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,945
I have a naturally brisk gait.
186
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:13,693
Okay, so, let me get this straight.
187
00:06:14,214 --> 00:06:15,966
I break up with my boyfriend,
188
00:06:16,194 --> 00:06:17,439
disrobe in a public elevator,
189
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,496
confess that I may
190
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:20,398
have accidentally fallen in love with you,
191
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:24,718
and you, in turn, have
a naturally brisk gait?
192
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:25,787
You didn't say anything
193
00:06:25,804 --> 00:06:27,880
about accidentally falling in love with me.
194
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,323
Well, that was implied.
195
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,589
I exposed myself to you.
196
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:31,675
You exposed your body to me.
197
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,130
- There is a difference.
- Stop, just stop trying to lecture me
198
00:06:34,139 --> 00:06:35,758
and just tell me how you feel.
199
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:36,902
I think...
200
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,941
I think...
201
00:06:41,428 --> 00:06:42,833
[Clears throat]
202
00:06:43,452 --> 00:06:45,197
I need a moment to organize my thoughts.
203
00:06:45,198 --> 00:06:46,924
- [Sighs]
- Once I've performed some due diligence
204
00:06:46,936 --> 00:06:48,415
and weigh the assets and liabilities,
205
00:06:48,434 --> 00:06:50,441
I'll be far better equipped
to share my findings.
206
00:06:50,898 --> 00:06:52,071
Your findings?
207
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,457
We're talking about our relationship,
208
00:06:54,636 --> 00:06:56,300
not a hostile corporate takeover.
209
00:06:57,694 --> 00:06:58,730
I'm sorry.
210
00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:00,624
I need some time.
211
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,660
Cool.
212
00:07:02,309 --> 00:07:04,397
So, what are you thinking? Like 5? 10?
213
00:07:04,764 --> 00:07:06,526
I could hit up Linda's
mint bowl. [Chuckles]
214
00:07:07,075 --> 00:07:08,315
Apply a top coat.
215
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,055
Re-record my voicemail to Soulja Boy's
216
00:07:10,072 --> 00:07:12,115
"Kiss me thru the phone,"
and then, like, circle back.
217
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,385
Or I could just leave. Got it.
218
00:07:23,838 --> 00:07:25,861
And how long has it been
since you confronted him
219
00:07:25,886 --> 00:07:26,810
with your emotions?
220
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:29,173
Almost 24 hours.
221
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:31,449
I don't get it.
222
00:07:31,628 --> 00:07:33,626
Ugh, what am I supposed to do?
223
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:35,708
Get dressed,
224
00:07:35,715 --> 00:07:37,591
huh? Show up at the party
looking like a million bucks
225
00:07:37,616 --> 00:07:38,952
and make him eat his heart out?
226
00:07:38,993 --> 00:07:41,744
No! Hell, no! He ain't Freddie Prinze Jr.!
227
00:07:41,744 --> 00:07:44,583
And I don't need to tell
you you ain't Kate Hudson.
228
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:45,752
- [Gasps]
- No,
229
00:07:45,872 --> 00:07:47,359
what you need to do
230
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,506
is let yourself into his home
231
00:07:49,527 --> 00:07:51,749
and set fire to his living quarters.
232
00:07:51,774 --> 00:07:52,448
What?
233
00:07:52,494 --> 00:07:54,483
Terry McMillan his ass.
234
00:07:54,483 --> 00:07:57,243
Pile up all his tasteful teak furnishings
235
00:07:57,293 --> 00:07:58,798
and set them ablaze.
236
00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:01,787
Lisa "Left eye" Lopes his whole situation.
237
00:08:01,862 --> 00:08:03,064
You're not serious.
238
00:08:03,085 --> 00:08:06,459
He's trying to burn you, is he not?
239
00:08:06,642 --> 00:08:07,521
Is he not?!
240
00:08:07,538 --> 00:08:10,306
But what if Henry decides
he wants to be with me?
241
00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:13,323
Won't burning down his
house, like, ruin things?
242
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,170
No, not necessarily.
243
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,625
I'm sorry. That is terrible advice.
244
00:08:17,626 --> 00:08:18,840
She's crazy.
245
00:08:19,169 --> 00:08:21,000
We haven't met, miss, but
246
00:08:21,058 --> 00:08:22,611
you are out of your mind.
247
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:23,568
I see.
248
00:08:23,722 --> 00:08:25,678
And do you have a man, Juno?
249
00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:28,862
I have a male cat.
250
00:08:29,024 --> 00:08:30,972
Do you have a man?
251
00:08:31,918 --> 00:08:34,912
[Chuckles]
252
00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:38,950
And you say it's been 24 hours,
and he still hasn't responded?
253
00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:40,290
What am I supposed to do?
254
00:08:40,331 --> 00:08:41,384
If it were me,
255
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:43,220
rifle through his garbage,
256
00:08:43,236 --> 00:08:44,851
set up surveillance,
tap his mother's phone,
257
00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:45,870
hack into his e-mails.
258
00:08:45,895 --> 00:08:48,921
Henry69! Boom! We're in! [Laughs]
259
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,161
Bitch.
260
00:08:50,398 --> 00:08:51,925
Don't talk loud in my house.
261
00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:54,160
Hmm...
262
00:08:54,984 --> 00:08:55,675
[Chuckles]
263
00:08:55,712 --> 00:08:58,197
She's stronger than she looks, though.
264
00:08:58,251 --> 00:09:00,045
See, that's part of my game.
265
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:03,075
I like to come off as
completely non-threatening
266
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,600
so that men feel
comfortable approaching me.
267
00:09:05,842 --> 00:09:06,974
And yet...
268
00:09:07,186 --> 00:09:08,567
they never do.
269
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:16,643
As Bryn and Charmonique
prepared to go another round,
270
00:09:16,718 --> 00:09:20,018
I realized neither of them
had any advice that was legal.
271
00:09:20,051 --> 00:09:22,261
- [Clattering]
- It didn't really matter what my friend, my neighbor,
272
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:23,680
or Kate Hudson would do.
273
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,281
All that mattered was
finding out how Henry felt.
274
00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:29,128
Whatever it was, I just needed to know.
275
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,566
[Music plays in distance]
276
00:09:31,686 --> 00:09:33,235
I don't agree with its politics,
277
00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:34,621
but part of me desperately wants to do
278
00:09:34,662 --> 00:09:38,058
"Bitch, don't kill my
vibe," a known crowd-pleaser.
279
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,141
What about you?
280
00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:40,189
Hmm?
281
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:42,366
Have you decided what you're going to do?
282
00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,460
No.
283
00:09:44,642 --> 00:09:47,892
The truth is I have never felt
more conflicted in my life.
284
00:09:48,227 --> 00:09:49,710
On the one hand, there's this
285
00:09:50,647 --> 00:09:53,468
complicated, beautiful, but,
286
00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:56,302
let's be honest, slightly dangerous option.
287
00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:58,150
"Hollaback girl" by Gwen Stefani!
288
00:09:58,159 --> 00:09:59,128
Exactly.
289
00:09:59,395 --> 00:10:01,271
And I don't know if I
can pull that one off.
290
00:10:02,575 --> 00:10:04,971
And then there's this warm, safe,
291
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:08,691
familiar option that feels
very non-threatening and...
292
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:11,267
... and easy.
293
00:10:11,271 --> 00:10:13,448
"Uptown girl" by Billy Joel?
294
00:10:13,514 --> 00:10:14,089
The thing is, Raj,
295
00:10:14,118 --> 00:10:16,216
I've been doing "Uptown
girl" my entire life.
296
00:10:17,032 --> 00:10:18,576
And a part of me...
297
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,401
a big part of me wants to try
something different, something...
298
00:10:22,508 --> 00:10:24,360
out of my range.
299
00:10:24,797 --> 00:10:26,811
I like "Hollaback girl" more than I should.
300
00:10:26,828 --> 00:10:28,168
It's a great song.
301
00:10:28,942 --> 00:10:30,511
I may have even grown to love it.
302
00:10:31,943 --> 00:10:33,237
And even though it's scary
303
00:10:33,969 --> 00:10:36,521
and uncertain and several people
in this office have performed it
304
00:10:36,538 --> 00:10:37,386
on other occasions...
305
00:10:37,411 --> 00:10:40,046
I'm told two different people
did it at last year's party.
306
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:41,007
Two d...
307
00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:43,928
still...
308
00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:47,045
I would never forgive
myself if I didn't try.
309
00:10:49,242 --> 00:10:50,389
I'm gonna do it.
310
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,979
I'm gonna do it.
311
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:56,025
I'm gonna go for it.
312
00:10:57,099 --> 00:10:58,252
Thank you, Raj.
313
00:10:58,294 --> 00:10:59,788
[Cameo's "Word up" plays]
314
00:10:59,908 --> 00:11:03,483
♪ Yo, pretty ladies around the world ♪
315
00:11:03,521 --> 00:11:05,589
♪ got a weird thing to show you ♪
316
00:11:05,606 --> 00:11:07,575
♪ so tell all the boys and girls ♪
317
00:11:07,604 --> 00:11:09,735
♪ tell your brother, your sister ♪
318
00:11:09,743 --> 00:11:11,541
♪ and your mama, too ♪
319
00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:13,705
♪ 'cause we're about to throw down ♪
320
00:11:13,746 --> 00:11:15,773
♪ and you know just what to do ♪
321
00:11:15,939 --> 00:11:20,172
♪ wave your hands in the
air like you don't care ♪
322
00:11:20,251 --> 00:11:21,209
- ♪ glide ♪
- Hey.
323
00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:22,740
- Waiting for someone?
- Freddy.
324
00:11:22,981 --> 00:11:25,371
[Clears throat] Expecting your lady?
325
00:11:25,916 --> 00:11:27,164
Who? Uh...
326
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:27,974
♪ do your dance, do your dance ♪
327
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,906
- Julia. Julia. Yeah.
- ♪ Do your dance, quick mama ♪
328
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:32,040
- No, she's, uh, working tonight.
- ♪ Come on, baby, tell me, what's the word? ♪
329
00:11:32,065 --> 00:11:33,131
- She's not gonna make it.
- Hmm.
330
00:11:33,176 --> 00:11:34,575
- No woman, no cry.
- ♪ "Word up" is the code word ♪
331
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,535
That's actually a popular misconception.
332
00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:38,400
That is not what that song was about.
333
00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:40,397
I never should have tried to
get serious with her, right?
334
00:11:40,568 --> 00:11:43,186
Is that it? She's just not
the relationship kind of girl?
335
00:11:44,231 --> 00:11:45,543
Come on, Henry.
336
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:46,570
♪ No matter how you say it ♪
337
00:11:46,611 --> 00:11:48,181
- ♪ you know that you'll be heard ♪
- You know her better than anyone else.
338
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:50,557
[Chuckles] No, no. Oh, yeah,
you do. You can tell me.
339
00:11:50,989 --> 00:11:52,221
What happened between us?
340
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:54,847
I'm not really sure. Maybe...
maybe it wasn't meant to be.
341
00:11:55,409 --> 00:11:56,849
Wasn't meant to be?
342
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,290
We were crazy about each other.
343
00:11:59,466 --> 00:12:00,623
We devoured each other.
344
00:12:00,665 --> 00:12:02,388
I mean, I'm sure she
told you the sex was just
345
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:03,811
out of control.
346
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:05,572
Maybe she's scared...
347
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:08,090
of being vulnerable... of, uh...
348
00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:10,145
of having something real.
349
00:12:10,469 --> 00:12:11,921
- Yeah, that sounds about right.
- ♪ "Word up" ♪
350
00:12:12,138 --> 00:12:13,170
Yeah, it does.
351
00:12:13,328 --> 00:12:15,204
It's like the second she
knows you care about her,
352
00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,353
watch out, boy.
353
00:12:16,427 --> 00:12:17,925
She'll chew you up.
354
00:12:18,159 --> 00:12:19,549
She's a maneater.
355
00:12:20,212 --> 00:12:21,597
I think I might do "Maneater."
356
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,935
♪ "Word up," it's the code word ♪
357
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,183
- Whoo. Whoo!
- ♪ No matter where you say it ♪
358
00:12:26,185 --> 00:12:28,097
♪ you know that you'll be heard ♪
359
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:30,836
[Cheers and applause]
360
00:12:30,885 --> 00:12:34,298
Yeah! Ha ha!
361
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,094
All right.
362
00:12:36,095 --> 00:12:38,502
[Elevator bell dings]
363
00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:42,051
I looked worse than Megan
Fox after a bad chemical peel.
364
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:43,803
But for the first time in forever,
365
00:12:43,816 --> 00:12:45,531
I wasn't thinking about what I looked like.
366
00:12:45,576 --> 00:12:47,236
I was only thinking about...
367
00:12:47,886 --> 00:12:49,043
- Henry!
- [Hall & Oats' "Maneater" plays]
368
00:12:49,089 --> 00:12:50,928
- Freddy: [Off-key] ♪ oh, here she comes ♪
- Henry.
369
00:12:51,457 --> 00:12:54,245
- ♪ Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up ♪
- He...
370
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,043
♪ oh, here she comes ♪
371
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:57,670
♪ she's a maneater ♪
372
00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:58,952
Excuse me.
373
00:12:59,276 --> 00:13:01,661
♪ Oh, here she comes ♪
374
00:13:01,978 --> 00:13:04,579
♪ watch out, boy, she'll chew you up ♪
375
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,943
♪ oh, here she comes ♪
376
00:13:06,988 --> 00:13:09,856
[Voice breaking] ♪ she's a maneater ♪
377
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:12,874
- Time's up.
- Eliza.
378
00:13:13,473 --> 00:13:14,738
You look ready for bed.
379
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,756
I don't want to set fire
to your living quarters
380
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,237
or wiretap your mom's phone.
381
00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:19,115
That's reassuring.
382
00:13:19,124 --> 00:13:21,895
I just... I just want to
know how you feel about me.
383
00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:23,314
Right.
384
00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:24,246
Right.
385
00:13:24,579 --> 00:13:25,744
Come in.
386
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:29,148
Have a seat. Yes, right there.
387
00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:31,233
[Clears throat]
388
00:13:32,084 --> 00:13:33,098
[Sighs]
389
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:34,704
[Chuckles nervously]
390
00:13:36,856 --> 00:13:39,656
So, it's hard for me to access
my own feeling sometimes,
391
00:13:39,914 --> 00:13:41,296
you know, due to a great number of things,
392
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,332
including the 1979 remake of "The Champ"
393
00:13:43,361 --> 00:13:44,435
starring Ricky Schroder,
394
00:13:44,435 --> 00:13:47,202
during which I cried so hard, I threw up.
395
00:13:47,464 --> 00:13:48,471
Who's Ricky Schroder?
396
00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:49,328
"Who is... ?"
397
00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:50,790
Doesn't matter.
398
00:13:50,802 --> 00:13:52,687
The... the... the point
is... [clears throat]
399
00:13:53,072 --> 00:13:56,071
... I have trouble understanding
my own feelings sometimes.
400
00:13:56,191 --> 00:13:57,361
But in this case,
401
00:13:57,481 --> 00:13:59,441
I believe I understand yours.
402
00:14:00,111 --> 00:14:01,880
I almost convinced myself otherwise,
403
00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:03,537
but deep down, I think I know.
404
00:14:03,545 --> 00:14:05,901
- Know what?
- Your feelings for me
405
00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:08,343
are less about me and more about you...
406
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:09,554
and Freddy.
407
00:14:09,555 --> 00:14:10,341
Hmm?
408
00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:11,611
Things with him were getting serious,
409
00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:12,431
and that scared you.
410
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,379
So... so you sabotaged the relationship
411
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:15,777
by throwing yourself at me.
412
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,307
Are you kidding?
413
00:14:20,464 --> 00:14:22,320
It took you a full day
to come up with that?
414
00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:23,593
Wow.
415
00:14:24,587 --> 00:14:25,965
That's really pathetic, Henry.
416
00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:27,492
Eliza, w...
417
00:14:27,538 --> 00:14:28,878
You know, maybe I should be with Freddy.
418
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:30,277
At least he knows what he wants.
419
00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:32,557
Plus he happens to own an Adonis belt.
420
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,689
And all your belts are leather.
421
00:14:35,813 --> 00:14:37,956
[Sighs] And for the record,
422
00:14:38,671 --> 00:14:40,848
I'm not scared of being
in a relationship, Henry.
423
00:14:42,254 --> 00:14:43,004
You are.
424
00:14:43,212 --> 00:14:44,477
I happen to be in a relationship
425
00:14:44,494 --> 00:14:46,491
that is healthy and functional and smooth.
426
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,936
[Chuckling] That literally sounds like
427
00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:49,438
you're describing a bowel movement.
428
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:50,870
That's strictly coincidental.
429
00:14:50,895 --> 00:14:52,813
Is it? See, I think you're hiding
430
00:14:53,176 --> 00:14:56,172
behind your safe, boring,
crappy relationship with Julia,
431
00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,474
hoping no one notices that
you're not in love with her.
432
00:15:00,052 --> 00:15:01,196
I notice.
433
00:15:01,845 --> 00:15:02,998
I notice.
434
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:05,157
[Voice breaking] You're the one...
435
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:06,852
you're the one who's terrified
of feeling anything...
436
00:15:06,890 --> 00:15:08,683
anything you can't control.
437
00:15:08,687 --> 00:15:11,530
You're just a chicken.
You're a big chicken!
438
00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:12,978
Eliza!
439
00:15:15,921 --> 00:15:17,360
And that...
440
00:15:17,698 --> 00:15:21,031
is the m... monologue from the
play I am auditioning for. So,
441
00:15:21,484 --> 00:15:22,912
wish me luck, guys.
442
00:15:31,409 --> 00:15:32,416
Ouch.
443
00:15:36,004 --> 00:15:37,036
[Cheers and applause]
444
00:15:37,111 --> 00:15:38,757
[Terence Trent D'arby's
"Wishing well" plays]
445
00:15:39,929 --> 00:15:41,985
♪ Kissing like a bandit ♪
446
00:15:42,105 --> 00:15:43,358
♪ stealing time ♪
447
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:47,762
♪ underneath the sycamore tree ♪
448
00:15:48,965 --> 00:15:52,610
♪ cupid, by the hour,
sends valentines ♪
449
00:15:52,923 --> 00:15:56,236
♪ to my sweet lover and me ♪
450
00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:57,738
While I was drinking away my feelings...
451
00:15:57,784 --> 00:15:59,448
- ♪ Slowly, but surely ♪
- ... Henry was probably home
452
00:15:59,502 --> 00:16:01,412
having missionary make-up sex with...
453
00:16:02,358 --> 00:16:05,503
♪ Your appetite is more than I knew ♪
454
00:16:07,035 --> 00:16:09,253
♪ sweetly, softly ♪
455
00:16:09,319 --> 00:16:10,305
You didn't go after her.
456
00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:12,777
- You didn't go after Julia.
- ♪ I'm falling in love with you ♪
457
00:16:12,819 --> 00:16:14,538
- She's waiting for me downstairs.
- Liar!
458
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:15,921
She stormed off mad at you,
459
00:16:15,937 --> 00:16:18,251
and you didn't go after her
because what I said is true.
460
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:20,507
And you're secretly in love with me.
461
00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:23,412
Blink once if you're
secretly in love with me.
462
00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:24,440
Eliza.
463
00:16:24,444 --> 00:16:26,213
Blink once if you have feelings for me,
464
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,206
but you're unwilling to admit it.
465
00:16:28,273 --> 00:16:30,067
- You're drunk.
- Blink if you want me!
466
00:16:30,137 --> 00:16:33,379
♪ A wishing well of crocodile tears ♪
467
00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,240
- Ha ha!
- [Groans]
468
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,649
- Now my eyes are extremely dry.
- I knew it.
469
00:16:41,011 --> 00:16:42,335
- I can't stop blinking.
- Hey.
470
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,500
Hey.
471
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,363
I love you, too.
472
00:16:46,658 --> 00:16:47,770
Eliza.
473
00:16:48,012 --> 00:16:50,717
Julia is waiting for me
downstairs. I have to go.
474
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:52,852
[Cheers and applause]
475
00:16:52,894 --> 00:16:54,238
Good night, Eliza.
476
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,337
Man: Next up onstage is Eliza Dooley.
477
00:16:58,387 --> 00:17:00,044
So, where's Eliza?
478
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:03,865
There she is. Hey, Eliza, get up here!
479
00:17:04,601 --> 00:17:06,049
It's your time.
480
00:17:06,649 --> 00:17:09,858
[The Wind & The Wave's "Chandelier" plays]
481
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:14,108
♪ Party girls don't get
hurt, can't feel anything ♪
482
00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:15,473
♪ when will I learn? ♪
483
00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:18,973
♪ I push it down, push it down ♪
484
00:17:22,339 --> 00:17:24,800
♪ I'm the one, "for
a good time, call" ♪
485
00:17:24,816 --> 00:17:27,783
♪ phone's blowing up,
they're ringing my doorbell ♪
486
00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:32,382
♪ I feel the love, feel the l-o-o-ove ♪
487
00:17:34,389 --> 00:17:37,481
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
488
00:17:37,502 --> 00:17:40,548
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
489
00:17:40,565 --> 00:17:43,657
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
490
00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:47,017
♪ throw 'em back till I lose count ♪
491
00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:51,336
♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
492
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:55,647
♪ from the chandelier ♪
493
00:17:55,688 --> 00:17:59,321
♪ from the chandelier ♪
494
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:03,674
♪ I'm gonna live ♪
495
00:18:03,753 --> 00:18:07,957
♪ like tomorrow doesn't exist ♪
496
00:18:08,077 --> 00:18:12,094
♪ like it doesn't exi-i-i-st ♪
497
00:18:12,140 --> 00:18:16,156
♪ I'm gonna fly ♪
498
00:18:16,206 --> 00:18:20,160
♪ like a bird through the night ♪
499
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,901
♪ feel my tears as they dry ♪
500
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:29,334
♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
501
00:18:29,454 --> 00:18:32,768
♪ from the chandelier ♪
502
00:18:32,997 --> 00:18:35,718
♪ the chandelier ♪
503
00:18:35,744 --> 00:18:38,179
♪ but I'm holding on for dear life ♪
504
00:18:38,191 --> 00:18:41,117
♪ won't look down, won't open my eyes ♪
505
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:44,130
♪ keep my glass full
until morning light ♪
506
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,405
♪ 'cause I'm just
holding on for tonight ♪
507
00:18:47,463 --> 00:18:50,410
♪ help me, I'm holding
on for dear life ♪
508
00:18:50,493 --> 00:18:53,510
♪ won't look down, won't open my eyes ♪
509
00:18:53,564 --> 00:18:56,644
♪ keep my glass full
until morning light ♪
510
00:18:56,698 --> 00:18:59,627
♪ oh, I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
511
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:02,961
♪ oh, I'm just holding on for tonight ♪
512
00:19:02,986 --> 00:19:04,197
♪ on for tonight ♪
513
00:19:04,218 --> 00:19:07,897
♪ on for tonight ♪
514
00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:44,679
[Cellphone vibrating]
515
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,992
Julia: I don't know why I'm calling you.
516
00:19:56,054 --> 00:19:57,727
You should be calling me.
517
00:19:58,422 --> 00:20:00,278
But the point is you aren't.
518
00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:03,004
I guess that tells me
everything I need to know.
519
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,617
And I guess that means...
520
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,419
Goodbye.
521
00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:11,710
Hmm.
522
00:20:11,981 --> 00:20:13,999
Two lone wolves, you and I.
523
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:15,377
Looks that way.
524
00:20:16,296 --> 00:20:17,824
I didn't see you up there tonight.
525
00:20:18,298 --> 00:20:19,930
No, sir. [Chuckles]
526
00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:22,851
I thought Korean people loved karaoke.
527
00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:25,615
Sir, that is a stereotype.
528
00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:27,909
It happens to be true.
529
00:20:29,977 --> 00:20:31,517
I guess I'm the exception.
530
00:20:32,562 --> 00:20:33,998
Well, that's too bad
531
00:20:34,510 --> 00:20:37,007
because it is... mandatory.
532
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,523
- Sir, I'm not exactly in the mood for...
- Mandatory, son.
533
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:06,496
♪ Now that I've lost
everything to you ♪
534
00:21:09,642 --> 00:21:13,178
♪ You say you want to
start something new ♪
535
00:21:15,966 --> 00:21:19,992
♪ And it's breaking my
heart you're leaving ♪
536
00:21:21,087 --> 00:21:23,564
♪ baby, I'm grieving ♪
537
00:21:23,684 --> 00:21:26,914
♪ but if you want to
leave, take good care ♪
538
00:21:27,034 --> 00:21:30,238
♪ hope you have a lot
of nice things to wear ♪
539
00:21:30,358 --> 00:21:34,875
♪ but then a lot of nice
things turn bad out there ♪
540
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:40,789
♪ Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world ♪
541
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:46,200
♪ it's hard to get
by just upon a smile ♪
542
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:52,828
♪ Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world ♪
543
00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:58,613
♪ I'll always remember
you like a child, girl ♪
544
00:22:00,803 --> 00:22:04,096
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -38685
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