Original subtitles

[electrical crackling]

[humming]

[upbeat rhythmic music plays]

[engine roars]

[tires squeal]

-[dramatic music plays] -[engine growls]

I'm at the location, but I don't see anything except for snow and… steam?

Oh no, man. I think the heat in my spy suit's turned on too high.

Hold on.

[Cisco] Uh, let me see.

[suspenseful music plays]

Oh, okay. That just made it hotter.

[groans] It's like a sauna! In a swamp!

On the sun!

-[panting] -[steam hisses]

[groans]

Cisco, enough playing around.

Stay focused on finding the rogue nuclear warheads out there.

I'm not playing. This suit's tricky.

Also, how do you, you know, like, do what you got to do in this thing?

What are you saying?

I'm saying, if I'm in this suit, and I have to, you know…

I don't know.

Pee! What do I got to do if I got to pee?

Is it like a wetsuit, where you just, you know, let things happen?

You pee in your wetsuit?

[Cisco] No!

Sounds like you pee in your wetsuit.

-[vehicle approaches] -Incoming.

-This will have to be continued. -[Gary]You want to keep talking about it?

[rhythmic music plays]

[gasps]

[yelps]

Phew. Aw!

[Cisco] They're like little snowmen.

[engines roar]

[yelps] Okay, bad snowmen!

[rhythmic music continues]

Okay, I think I'm in the right spot. Now, come and help me!

-[rhythmic music continues] -[Tony] Hey, we're on our way.

They're closing in!

[Layla] Good.

[grunts]

-[grunts] -[beeping]

Okay, that's dope.

[dramatic music plays]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[rhythmic music plays]

-Glad we could help. -We're getting close.

Now!

♪I'm in control♪

♪I'm in control♪

♪I'm in control♪

Aw man, they're poking holes in my truck.

Did they hit a gas line? Is it gonna blow?

No, but they're letting the cold in!

[groans] Guess I'll just have to turn up the heat.

♪I'm in control♪

[screaming]

♪I'm in control♪

Now the pulled has become the puller!

I have no idea what you're saying.

Aw, man. More bad snow dudes.

[whooping]

Alright! Good snow dudes!

[Echo grunts]

[grunting]

Yeah! How do you like that?

Guys, I think we found the rockets.

[Ms. Nowhere] Yup! There they are.

You got five minutes to stop the launch.

♪I'm in control♪

[grunting]

♪I'm in control♪

[grunts] We could use a little help.

I'm on my way.

[Frostee] Everyone, make some room!

♪'Cause I'm in control♪

♪I'm in control♪

Good job, Frostee.

Now get out there and stop those nuclear weapons from launching

and taking out half the world.

[sighs] Just another day at the office.

[suspenseful music plays]

[Ms. Nowhere]Step one:

use the palm print on your spy suit to open the control panel.

This should be a walk in the park.

[beeping]

Uh, my park's not walking.

What's happening?

I seem to have sprung a leak.

What?

I'm sweaty, okay? It's the suit. It's too hot.

What about your hand deodorant?

I ran out. I tried to use regular armpit deodorant but it's not the same.

Sure. We've got three minutes until the end of civilization as we know it,

so let's chat about deodorants!

[groans]

I thought it was an interesting conversation.

-I go all natural. -Zip it, Gary!

[Cisco grunts]

Okay, I'm in.

[Ms. Nowhere]Next, you have to enter the individualized 22-digit code

that you're all supposed to have memorized.

Oh, no. I forgot the code.

The entire thing?

No, just the last number. Or maybe I mixed it up with the first number?

How do you forget the first number?

I don't know!

I'm under a lot of pressure, okay, and my brain doesn't work good under pressure.

Did you say "work good"?

[dramatic music plays]

Great! Now there's more of those guys.

[Ms. Nowhere]Focus on the rockets. I'm sending help.

[electronic music plays]

Just like we practiced.

[panting]

[dramatic music plays]

[Julius laughs]

Sorry! Couldn't resist.

[rock music plays]

[grunting]

Sir, I'm gonna need to commandeer this vehicle. [grunts]

Whoops! Mistimed that one.

[grunts]

[suspenseful music plays]

Wait, I got it! It's three! [chuckles] How could I forget my favorite number?

[dramatic music plays]

Wait, you have a favorite number?

You know what? Never mind. Of course you do.

First, ID the infrared signal lines.

The red laser thingies.

[suspenseful music plays]

Now, reroute the detonator to the decoy motherboard.

Put the little drive thingy into the slot opening thingy.

Now, to stop the launch sequence,

you need to bypass the main CPU by cutting the red wire.

I don't see any red wire. I only have blue and green here.

-[Tony]Uh, me too. -[Layla]Same.

[Frostee]Someone make the call!

I don't know. It's one or the other and you only have five seconds.

[both gasp]

[rumbling]

Uh, blue! We're going blue.

[music intensifies]

-[clanking] -[cheering]

Good thing I knew what to do with that wire.

-[alarm sounds] -[gasps]

-[rumbling] -[Tony]What is that?

A sixth rocket! Why is there always a sixth rocket?

Ms. Nowhere? We got a problem.

I'm working on it. It looks like there's a control station under the ice.

[Ms. Nowhere]Someone needs to go there.

I got this.

[dramatic music plays]

[whirring, blasting]

I'm almost there!

[suspenseful music plays]

I could hack in and reroute the rocket, or…

[music intensifies]

[laughs] Yeah!

Woohoo!

[laughing] Yeah, boy! We did it!

Unless there's a seventh rocket…

[suspenseful music plays]

-Huh? -[gasps]

-[gasps] -Uh…

[music intensifies]

[grunts] What's going on? Did it work?

Okay, team. Time to debrief. What went right with that mission,

what went wrong, and what went really wrong?

Nothing went really wrong. We saved the day.

Well, that's not how I see it. Gary!

Uh… Tony forgot the code, Cisco had sweaty hands,

Ms. Nowhere gave the wrong wire color.

Oh, interesting! So you messed up too?

That wire thing? [scoffs]

Pretty sure that was somehow Julius's fault.

[whispering] I think he's colorblind.

I am?!

Ms. Nowhere, can we please not do this right now?

I don't know what's going on, but ever since I left the Arctic,

I'm feeling unsettled.

I think I pulled a muscle in my neck.

Ow! Yup, there it is.

Yeah, I've been feeling weird too. It's like… Like I'm all twitchy.

I mean, look at my eye.

-I haven't been able to focus. -And I've been having some weird dreams.

There's this one, where Gary's human face was on a teddy bear,

that was sitting on a shelf.

He couldn't move, and he just kept saying,

"Play patty-cake with me. Play patty-cake with me."

Well? Did you?

No! You make a creepy teddy bear.

-What is going on with us? -I think I know.

I've web-searched these symptoms before. Everyone here is suffering from stress.

[Cisco] Stress?!

It's the silent killer!

[groans] And it's attacking my neck again right now.

Oh, calm down. Stress is good.

It's the fuel that makes an agent's fire burn stronger.

The sweaty armpits, the heart palpitations…

[exclaims] Makes you feel alive!

Now, any guesses on what Sudarikov's men were doing in the Arctic?

Sudarikov is gone, so they must be working for someone else, but who?

And why?

And when will they attack next?

My boss is gonna want answers.

Who is your boss, anyway?

Does your boss have a boss? How high up does it go?

That's need-to-know information, and you don't need to know.

You just need to do, as you're told, by me.

You don't know who your boss is, do you?

-I know enough. -That's a no.

Okay, Ms. Nowhere, I think we need a break.

Look, I know my team. If you push them too hard, they'll just push back.

Ms. Nowhere, I think this is a good time to tell them.

[sighs] I thought we were gonna wait until after the debrief.

Can we do it now? Pretty please, with a cherry on top!

[sighs] Fine!

What are you three whispering about?

We have a surprise for you all. We're not headed back to LA.

We're going to a special black site in Eastern Europe,

and when we're there, we're gonna celebrate…

[in unison] Incineration Day!

Uh, come again?

♪ It's a special agency holiday ♪

♪ A magical time of year ♪

♪ Where agents come together ♪

♪ To celebrate and… ♪

-Cheer? -No.

♪ Blow things up! ♪

Okay, seriously. What?

Tomorrow night, we gather all the weapons that we've apprehended from our enemies,

including a few of our own experimental weapons that have no practical uses,

or are a little too dangerous to exist,

and we take them out to the desert, and we blow them up!

It's awesome!

And you're actually okay with this?

Uh, of course! Who doesn't love blowing stuff up?

[Gary] Gather round.

We made a documentary about Incineration Day.

Julius, hit the lights.

[soft music plays]

[man]I had just coaxed my goats out of the argan trees and into their pen,

when I heard a massive boom.

-[explosion] -[soft music continues]

[man]I turned to see the night sky a shade of green I had never seen before,

and what looked like flaming toasters descended all over the desert.

Marshall Dean, Desert Farm Register.

[narrator]What Marshall Dean saw that night

was the first of an annual celebration

that came to be known as Incineration Day.

It would change forever the way the world understood incineration, days,

and the entire concept of hazardous waste disposal.

Incineration Day was founded nine years ago,

but to truly understand it, we must go back to the dawn of creation itself.

How long is this thing?

Just under six hours.

Move! I'm scrubbing through.

[whirring]

[narrator]Julius, an avid whistler and Pog collector,

and Gary,

a former rodeo clown and beekeeper--

-[whirring] -Where's the good stuff?

The fireballs, the lasers, the burning feathers?

That's in the "Best Of Incineration Day" montage at the very end.

But first, you gotta hear about the traditional sweater swap.

The decorating of the detonator.

What about the traditional cheesecake pyramid on Incineration Day Eve?

-[rock music plays] -Okay. Here we go.

-[explosion] -[rock music continues]

[Julius] Look how happy we were.

[laughs] So are you guys excited, or what?

I do love blowing things up!

And it sounds relaxing. I can already feel my neck loosening up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about destruction parties,

but you're telling us you store all of your most dangerous tech in one location,

just so you can blow it up on a special day?

-Sounds incompetent. -Echo makes a good point.

I'm surprised the agency is okay with this.

You may know your team, Toretto, but I know the agency,

and whatever risk this entails is worth it.

[Ms. Nowhere] Besides, that gear is in one of the most secure locations on Earth.

It is under constant watch by armed soldiers.

No one, and I mean no one, is getting to it.

[phone bleeps]

Oh, no. Someone got to it.

[suspenseful music plays]

What happened here?

We're still trying to assess the situation,

but by the time we realized we were being robbed, it was too late.

What direction were they headed when they left?

East, through the desert. We checked the satellites but couldn't locate them.

-They must know our satellite footprint. -What's that?

Because of satellite trajectories,

there are a few dark areas where the spy satellites can't see.

Whoever stole the supplies must know about these areas.

-Gary! My computer! Now! -[grunts]

-[tense music plays] -[panting]

This map identifies these zero-visibility areas.

Whoever stole the weapons must be on that road.

[sighs] Thank goodness we can get the weapons back.

The thought of not having Incineration Day is… [voice breaking] too much to bear.

Right. Also, it might be good that those crazy weapons

aren't being released into the world.

Yeah, that too.

How do you plan on catching up with the convoy?

It's probably 100 miles from here by now.

[chuckles] We have our ways.

[electronic music plays]

We're closing in on the convoy. Ten miles away.

Ms. Nowhere, we're almost to them.

Might be kinda nice to know what we're up against.

What weapons did they steal?

I got the inventory list right here.

There are a lot of strange explosives. Let's see…

[Gary]We got a sneezinator, a mood-confuser, a fear donut…

What?! A food weapon?

No! We called it a donut because it was filled with jelly,

but unlike jelly, if it gets on you, it makes you frightened of everything.

[Gary]There's the Mucus Maker.

That's a device that makes your body create too much mucus.

Sounds like it belongs on an episode ofVoltron,but it's real!

Why would anyone make those things?

To win wars, confuse your enemies, mess with your co-workers.

You guys are making mood-swing bombs?

I have so much to learn.

There's also a portable version of Cleve Kelso's weather machine in there.

A bug whistle - don't know what that does - a headache machine…

[Gary]Haunting powder…

Oh! Here's a crazy one. Laser contacts.

[laughs]

[Ms. Nowhere]In general, just avoid any and all weapons, if possible.

They're unpredictable, some are untested,

and even the ones that work definitely should not exist.

-Got it. -I got a visual.

[rhythmic music plays]

[grunts]

They know we're here.

[grunts]

Hey! Why am I all by myself?

[wails]

[chuckles] Nice driving, car.

[Frostee exclaims]

-Oh, no. -[alarm sounds]

Where is it?!

[beeping]

[beeping]

[laughs]

Yeah! I'm awesome! [laughs]

-[beeping] -[gasps]

Eh, you did good too.

[rhythmic music continues]

Echo, what do you want me to do?

Just stay back. I got this. [grunts]

[music slows, echoes]

[slo-mo beeping]

[music resumes]

[yelps]

[exclaims]

[Tony grunts]

Nicely done, Echo!

Yo, I don't think we're gonna be able to stop these semis.

We don't need to stop them. We just need to detach the trailers.

Layla's right. Let's get over there. Frostee, hang back and cover us.

I got you, T.

[rhythmic music plays]

[grunting]

Easy breezy, guys.

We've done this before.

[electronic burbling]

Why do I even speak?

[grunting]

[panting]

-[grunts] -[beeping]

[gasps, grunts]

[grunting]

It's okay, I'm okay.

-[Cisco yelps] -[Tony grunts]

[grunts]

[sobs]

[crying] I'm okay.

[giggles, guffaws]

I'm okay!

[grunting]

Oh, no. I think Tony's been hit with that mood-swing bomb.

[sobbing] It's not true, it can't be.

[laughs, gasps]

Mood bomb! Weird. [chuckles]

[grunts]

-[tense music plays] -[both exclaim]

[Frostee]Told you I got you.

-[sobbing] -[Frostee]Uh-oh. You're too heavy!

-[soft music plays] -[sobs continue]

[dramatic music plays]

[grunting]

-[beeping] -[gasps]

-[beeping] -[grunts]

-[beeping] -[grunting]

-[beeping] -[gasps]

Oh, no. Clear jelly. It's the fear bomb!

[sighs, groans]

[roars]

Hey, what's happening? You two okay over there?

Cisco got hit with the fear bomb, but,

I think it's having a reverse effect.

[grunting]

[pants, exclaims]

[screams]

[Frostee]Ha! I'm two for two.

[dramatic music plays]

[grunting]

-[roars] -[bad guy 2] Whoa!

[electronic burbling]

-[Cisco grunts] -[bad guy 3 yells]

-[grunting] -[yells]

[Cisco gasps]

[grunting]

Nothing can stop me!

[groans]

[Cisco screams, groans]

[grunts]

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

[dramatic music intensifies]

Looks like my backup has arrived.

[bad guy 4] I guess I'll have to get rid of you both.

[beeping]

[tires squeal]

[gasps]

[dramatic music continues]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[dramatic music fades]

[soft music plays]

Well, we can forget about saving Incineration Day.

-Looks like we got to save the world. -[dramatic music plays]

[vocalizing] ♪We run the world like a family♪

[lyrics echo]

♪Ride out, got the whole squad Yeah, we on the go♪

♪Ghost ride the whip As our tires smoke♪

♪The crew stay tight Yeah, everybody knows♪

♪We just having fun Cause this is how we roll♪

[vocalizing] ♪Ride out, ride out ♪

♪We run the world like a family♪

♪Ride out, ride out Chase the legacy♪