Original subtitles

- Jubel!

- What should we do now, Malachi?

- This paint is quick drying, as well as non-drip.

We'll praise the lord while we wait.

Our safe stronghold, our God

- Now, look at that sausage.

Want some?

- Whoa, ho, ho, the waistline, man.

- Aw, come on, Barney,

sure I can't tempt you with something else?

- Maybe just a smidgen of chutney,

if there's any going here, Hamish.

- No going, coming.

Lachland's bringing a batch of his homemade.

- For Lachland's homemade chutney, Hamish,

I'd wait forever.

Whoa-ho, Alex, is that the red?

- No, just mineral water, Alex.

- What?

- You know wine makes you lethargic, dearest.

Tired.

Lie about, to fall asleep, later on.

- I'll get mineral water.

- What have I told ya?

- Check the oil.

- Check the oil, and now look at us.

That's supposed to be served slightly chilled, you know.

- It's only chutney.

- Only chutney!

That is my chutney.

That's your entry to every barbie in Lochdubh.

- Well, I'd like to think I was invited for my personality,

not your chutney.

- Bethsheba.

Fine evening for a prayer meeting.

- Mr. McCrae, you're welcome to join in if you'd like.

- Oh, I don't think so, Bethsheba.

For soon where we--

- So, what's he making you wear all this stuff for?

- To deter vanity, he says.

This only thing this deters is the babes.

Lachie, man. I'm at the height of my sexual powers,

just like you.

- Sounds awful, right enough.

No babes, I mean.

I don't think I could handle that, Jubal.

- Tell me about it.

So, you're seeing someone at the moment, then?

- Oh, one or two irons in the fire, yeah.

- Shouldn't that say Lochdubh there, Mr. McBean?

- My husband is going the lord's work, Mr. McCrae.

- The lord's work?

I thought road signs was the council's business.

I'll be reportin' this you know.

Come on, Lachie Jr.

- We're just off to Hamish's barbie.

- Ooooooooh, what!

You would take your son into that house, McCrae?

You would let your boy sup with Satan?

- Satan? I didn't see any Satan on the guest list.

Did you, Lachie Jr?

- No, no Satan.

- Get a life, McBean.

Come on, son.

- It's going well, don't you think?

- Yeah, well, good wine, good company,

brilliant cooking.

- Ooh!

- You know what?

I've been a complete idiot, haven't I?

- Mmmhmm.

- I could have had all this, long ago.

Has Lachie told you about McBean?

No.

- He painted out the road sign.

The man has clearly lost it a lot.

- You see a lot more of

Alex and Hamish than I do, Mr. McIver.

- Do they seem happy?

- Well, they seem to be, Major.

- Then why don't they just get married, hm?

Don't understand it,

it'd get that McBean off their backs at the very least.

- Well, marriage is a great responsibility, Major.

- All I'm saying, is it's a damn disgrace.

I mean, who does that McBean think he is?

Lots of couples live together, for heaven's sake.

- Agnes, dear, the reverend might not see things

in quite that light.

- Oh, I'm not that far apart from Agnes.

If God is love, and where there's love, there's God.

We must believe that, mustn't we?

- See.

Another glass of wine, Alan?

- No, no, I won't if you don't mind it.

Makes me feel lethargic.

- Do you hear that, Barney.

I think Alan and I see things in entirely the same light.

- There it was, in big red letters:

Gomorrah.

I tell ya, if it hadn't been for

the presence of Lachie Jr, here,

I'd have banjo'd that McBean right there and then.

I kid you not, Rory.

- Gomorrrah, aye, well, well, well.

That was a biblical city, Lachlan,

that God destroyed on account of the goings on there.

- I know that, Rory Campbell.

What ya take me for, an ignoramus, or what?

- I was just pointing out.

- Of course, contemporary geologists,

they think that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed

by natural disasters, such as earthquakes.

- No, I just thought I'd throw that in.

- Anyway, anyway.

Next thing is, McBean starts speaking in tongues.

- Speaking in tongues, eh?

You'd know a lot about that sort of thing, Lachie Jr.

I've seen it before.

- And were was that?

- Cape Fear.

- There you go, you see.

Saw it himself, up in Cape Fear.

- I think he means the film, Lachlan.

Cape Fear.

- That's right, it's at the end.

And Robert DeNiro, he's this religious maniac.

He's chained to this sinking boat,

and just as the boat's going under,

he starts speaking in tongues.

It was really brilliant the way that he did it.

- Oh no.

- Lachlan!

My man!

Lookin' good, Lachlan, lookin' good.

- Feelin' good, Zoot, feelin' good.

- Hambo!

- Zoots, how are we?

- Only wonderful, Hambo.

Only wonderful.

- How is it, you know you're always welcome here.

But, there's some pretty solid citizens in the company,

so nothing aromatic.

- Nothing?

- Nothing.

- What have I stumbled in on here, Hambo?

A Victorian-theme evening?

No, no, no.

Just try lookin' on it as a new experience.

A new experience.

I like that. - Aye.

- Well, I'll tell my fellow rustic-goers.

- Mine.

Hello.

- Ooowa.

Well, Zoot's been spending a lot of time

'round Lochdubh these days.

What's the attraction, I wonder.

- Open your hearts, dear friends.

Open your minds and hearts,

and together, we shall know

the infinite.

- Aaaahhhhhh.

- Lord, cleanse this house of sin,

with a form of thy most sacred blood.

- Cleanse it, cleanse it.

Turn thy back on Satan now.

- Alarm call, madam?

- I heard them.

- Lay waste, this vile den, oh Lord.

Visit thy vengeance on this stinking cesspool of sin.

- Cesspool of sin.

- Bethsheba, another fine day.

- It is, indeed, Mr. McIver.

- Be warned!

And stay back from this wicked abode, John McIver.

- Wicked abode?

That's the police house, man.

Now get out of my way, before I lose my temper.

Wicked abode.

- He that succors sin, himself sins.

- Himself sins.

- I don't understand it, you know.

- What?

- The Church of the Stony Path sets out

strict codes for the brethren,

but they've never behaved like this before.

And those clothes, they look ridiculous.

- Yes, well.

Maybe it took us to bring out the worst in them.

- No, no, they've been like this since before

you moved in with Hamish.

But you do seem to have given them a focus.

- That's me off, then.

- You take care.

- Take care?

This is Lochdubh, Alex.

- God, sinner, slash man.

- Curse him, curse him.

- I think he means me, love.

- Fornicator.

- Definitely means me.

- Do you think you can scoff at us, Macbeth?

His ministers, his elect.

- Oh, his elect, is it?

Well, tell me this, Mr. McBean,

if the lord thinks so much of you,

how come he just let my dog piss up your trouser leg?

Jock.

- Dog.

Of Dionysus.

Hound from Hades.

Infest that beast with fleas, Lord.

- Come on, Jock.

- Send down a plague upon his foul master's house.

And let thy wrath be felt by

the Jezebel that lives in sin

within its unholy walls.

A temptress, who leads man into sin.

Alan.

- Isn't that just such a stooshie?

I suppose I should apologize for him, since he is a

member of the cloth.

- No, nonsense.

- You're very kind, Hamish, but tell me.

Do you think that man's insane?

- Well, I think he's just daft.

- What, not dangerous, then?

- No, just daft.

- I see. I'll say good day to you, Hamish.

Thank you so very much.

- For what?

- He preaches with a lot of passion, don't you think?

- Well, it sounds like a lot of abuse to me.

- Sure, but remember, Hambo.

They say the Lord works in wondrous ways.

- Is that right?

- Flora, it occurred to me that it might be worthwhile

having a look at the McBeans.

You know, at the Church of the Stony Path, as a whole.

- Oh yes?

- Yes.

- Well, one never knows what a good journo might find there,

if he, or she, was to dig deep enough.

- Well, you surprise me, Flora.

- I half thought you might have agreed with the McBeans.

Hamish and Alex aren't married, after all.

- Neither am I, Isobel.

And who can blame Alexandra?

I mean, that Macbeth.

Wouldn't you just know he'd be a dirty boy.

- Ooh!

- Ah!

Oh, ah!

- Oh, Malachi.

- Put the pebbles back, wife.

- But you'll cripple yourself.

Why are you doing these things?

- The struggle with Lucifer is arduous.

- But this.

- Oh, sweet Bethsheba.

Your concern does you credit.

Yet more proof that you are the Lord's greatest gift

of this humble servant.

- Please, Malachi.

I don't deserve.

- Mmm. I think it's deserved.

And that is why, in my own way, I have always loved you.

And why, in my own way,

I always will.

But I've begun to chart

a difficult course for the church, Bethsheba.

And if you came to feel that the burden of leadership

was too great for you to share with me,

then I assure you, I'd understand.

I want you to know that.

Bethsheba.

- Shall I make you a sleeping draft?

- To shut out the hiss of the serpent's tongue.

That Reverend Snow.

- He's a nice man.

- He asked me if I thought McBean was insane.

You know, dangerous.

I've been wondering the very same thing.

- No, no, I mean, it's the way he asked.

Alan Snow.

Kind of odd.

- We could get short of McBean.

We'd just get married.

- I'm not giving into that loony, you joking?

- I was thinking we might do it for our own sakes, Hamish.

- Alex, I want to get married.

But I want to do it right.

And that costs a lot more than we've got, basically.

Just wait 'til we get some cash put by.

- Well, who'd have thought of that?

You, wanting a proper wedding.

- No, no, I mean, I just.

I just want to do things right, that's all.

- What are they doing?

- That patch has been set aside for hand-tilling.

- Oh.

- The theory being that after a day in there,

you're too knackered to sin.

It doesn't work, though.

Not when you're at the

height of your sexual powers.

Like me, Isobel.

- Jubal, I'm here to do a story.

- Jubal!

- See you. - Yeah.

- What can we do for you, Miss Sutherland?

- Well, I was, um,

I was thinking of doing a piece,

for the religious affairs column.

- We've been here a long time, Miss Sutherland,

why the sudden interest?

- Well, this persecution of Hamish.

- Your choice of words betrays you, Miss.

I'll not talk with an ally of sinners.

- Now, out of my way!

- Oh, if you'll just listen, Mr. McBean.

- Out of my way, now!

Out! - Mr. McBean!

No!

Oh!

Lie still, you'll be fine.

Just lie still.

- What happened, Malachi?

- It was an accident.

- Get your car, she'll need to see the doctor.

- She stepped under the wheel.

Where did it happen?

- Oh my god.

- It was an accident.

It was an accident.

It was an accident.

- He did apologize, Hamish.

- No, no, no, no.

The damage is already done.

Will you calm down, Hamish.

- Look what he did to her.

- It's only bruising.

- The ground was soft.

- You go home, and you tell that

badly put-together man kit,

that I've seen this.

I have seen what he did to her.

And you tell him, his time's comin'.

- But, it was an accident, Mr. Macbeth.

Malachi wouldn't tell a lie.

- Hamish.

- Excuse me, do I get to know what's going on here?

- You saw what he did to her.

- Yes, and I saw what that did to you, Hamish.

And that man has been standing out here for weeks.

Every day, he's called me names.

And I've been so hard--

- Oh look, Alex, he never touched you.

- You did nothing!

- If he touched you, it would be a different story, okay?

- Would it, Hamish?

- Yeah.

I'm surprised you'd even have to ask that.

- Dinner for one, then?

- Malachi?

Malachi?

- Malachi!

- No, don't look upon him.

He is the beast, look away from his face, Bethsheba.

- Look away from his face.

- Malach-- - One look

and he'll wither your soul.

Bethsheba, oh Bethsheba.

I saw him,

he is the beast!

Get away from the barn!

It is the beast!

- I'll call the fire brigade.

- Well, he could be mad.

Or then again, he might just be embarked on some kind of

back to basics campaign.

Which would make him mad in my book, anyway.

Did I not say keep the weight off that foot, Isobel?

- I'll be all right.

How is he?

- He'll live, unfortunately.

Minor burns to his lower legs.

- He's in there talking to John at the moment.

And refuses to speak to me.

- So, this noise.

You say you went to investigate, and then what?

- It was horrible.

I went into the barn,

and there was this sudden stench of sulfur.

And then I heard a low, infernal laugh.

When I raised my lantern,

I saw,

it was the beast.

And his name

was Macbeth.

- I mean, he actually said it was me in the barn,

and you should have seen that TV John,

did he enjoy telling me or what.

I mean, apparently he had these, ah,

rather piercing green eyes.

Cat's, I think they were.

And then were was mention of this low kind of chuckle.

Why I, and there was definitely hooves, you know.

And a tail, but no horns.

He was quite clear on that point.

- You were out last night.

Where did you go?

- Well, I was--

Hey, wait a minute.

You don't think it was me in there, do you?

Alex.

Look, there's a perfectly simple explanation for all this,

I mean, there has to be.

Right, I'll prove it to you.

A perfectly simple explanation.

- Okay, prove it.

- I mean, I cannot believe you,

I can't even believe we're having this conversation.

- Well there, Hamish.

- Peter, please. Any ideas?

- A man dropped a lamp, Hamish, that's about it.

We were on our way back from another call

when this one came through, so we got here a bit sharpish.

Could have saved more of the place,

if it hadn't been for that damned hold up.

- Who was that?

- Some heffie in a hurry.

First of all, he nearly rammed us.

Then we had to wait for him to back up

'til we could get by him.

- Tattoo on his forehead, blue BMW?

- Aye, that's him.

- Zoot McPherrin.

Ah, well I'll be able to tell him to check his speed.

Surprising, though, Zoot generally does,

on account of, a kind of sedate model, you know.

Hamish.

Hamish.

Okay lads, let's finish this off, right?

- Hamish, what's happening here?

I knew nothing but happiness here 'til all this started.

What's going on?

- I don't know, Jubal.

I don't know.

- So, what do you reckon then, minister?

Did McBean see Ol' Nick, or what?

- What? - The devil, man.

- There's no such thing, it's a myth.

- So you're saying McBean's going bananas.

Well, it has to be one or the other, doesn't it?

- Would you please excuse me?

- That is a worried man.

- I'm with you, Lachie Jr.

That man knows a thing about this devil business,

you mark my words.

- Well, my brave husband's taking no chances,

are you, Barney?

- Don't start, Agnes, just don't start.

- What do you mean, Agnes?

- Use your nose, Lachlan.

Or if not that, your eyes.

Look.

Garlic, to ward off evil spirits.

I just thought I'd give the bar a more--

A kind of a Continental feel.

Exactly, Lachlan.

- And how does this lend itself to

the general ambience of the place?

Sometimes I wish I'd listened to my mother.

- Wouldn't have any more of these, would you, Barney?

- You winding me up, Lachlan?

- Nope!

If there's any protecting to be done,

I want some for me and the boy, here.

- Well, actually, against forces of this magnitude,

the ol' garlic is pretty puny stuff.

What we need is something far more potent.

- What about chillies?

Heads up.

- John.

- Hamish.

- Did you see that?

- I saw it, all right.

Aye, Hamish lad.

Aye.

- Woo, that's it for me, boys.

If TV John McIver's worried,

that's it for me.

- Nice shot, Isobel.

How's the foot?

- It's fine. Bit sore, that's all.

- Good.

- So, how are things with you?

- Not good.

Alex thinks I was in the barn.

Not with the horns and the tail, of course,

but she thinks I was there.

She thinks I went for McBean because of

what he did to you, actually.

Because of what I feel for,

because of what Alex thinks I might feel for--

- I see. - You, yeah.

Anyway, if I can just prove I wasn't in the barn,

find out what happened, then everything'll be okay.

She has to be able to trust me, Isobel, you know.

It's the least she deserves.

After all, I did ask her to come back to Lochdubh.

- Hamish, why are you telling me all this?

- Why?

Well, because we've never talked about us, that's why.

And I just wanted you to know why I did what I did.

- Us? - Yeah.

- There's no us.

You live with Alex.

That's that, as far as I'm concerned.

- Yeah. - Mmmhmm.

It's not a problem, Hamish.

So, what are you going to do?

- Oh, I don't know, not sure.

If I can just get a starting point,

then everything'll be fine.

Come on, Isobel, please.

There might be something going on

at the McBean farm.

It's just gossip Flora says, but,

well, something Esme Murray hinted at.

The only way we know,

is the only way to keep them like out.

Come on, keep up, Lach, keep up now.

- Well, it's not one discussed at--

- Oh, why not, lad?

- You sure?

- We didn't come here for tea, TV John.

- We want protection.

- Spiritual protection.

Is there anything we can do, TV John?

- Well, there is, as a matter of fact.

There's an old Aztec ceremony.

Aztec?

- Oh yes. I learned it down in Veracruz, you see.

Now that's in Mexico, Lachie Jr.

- Veracruz, TV John?

- Oh yes, I had spent all but my last few pesos on bad rum.

And I woke up in an alley where that turned on me

like Gandhi's flipflop.

So, I went for a hair of the dog.

I went into this small, cool cantina,

and as I was sitting there, sipping my cure,

I saw this very beautiful young girl.

We were about the same age, and she was staring at me.

I couldn't think why, for I'd never much to look at.

But it transpired, that it was my aura she could see.

When we eventually spoke,

she told me that she was directly descended

from Aztec royalty.

Maybe even Atahualpa himself.

Anyway, over the next few days,

she taught me a great deal about my psychic gifts,

as well as her own.

She told me how her people had traditionally

protected themselves from the forces of darkness.

Ah, but you boys would never be up for something like that.

- Try us.

Geranium.

That's, ah, four syllables, I believe.

- I can count, Rory.

- I don't have anything to go on.

I mean, I'm desperate, Esme.

- Join the club.

- Well, it's a bit delicate.

But since you're the law, Hamish.

It was a, it was a couple of months back.

I was coming off the bus from Inverness,

having just visited a sick friend,

when I noticed Bethsheba.

She was getting off in front of me.

And she dropped her shoulder bag.

I gave her a hand to gather up her things.

- Go on.

- That's when I saw it.

Black underwear.

Well, then I saw her eyes and I knew for certain.

She'd had a good time.

See, women can't hide that kind of thing

from each other, Hamish.

- Was Malachi there?

- Hamish, you're not listening.

I said she'd had a good time.

Right. Okay.

- Hamish.

Hm.

Go.

- Hambo.

You'll forgive my friends if they seem

a wee bit skittish, Hambo.

But, we've had reports of a certain manifestation.

Of a certain VIP from the nether regions

showing up on your perch.

- Bollocks.

- This cat in the car, you haven't got any description.

- No, the firemen were too busy trying to get to the fire.

- Ah, that is unfortunate, Hambo.

But you can rule me out.

Last night, I was a million miles from Lochdubh,

metaphysically speaking.

No, I was surfing the astral waves.

A kaleidoscope of the exquisite hues,

indigoes, violets, the most magnificent crimson.

- Yeah, I think I know the spot.

- Oh, geez.

- I hope you can believe me when I say this, Hambo.

I'm really sorry I can't help you.

You've got the birch twigs?

I've got them, one each.

- Have you got them?

I've got it, I've got it.

- Then come on, I don't want to be out here

a minute longer than is necessary, right?

- Flowers by Bethsheba.

Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah.

Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah.

Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah.

Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, Hiyah.

- John.

Shhh, keep down, keep down.

- Oh my god.

- Doesn't it make you think, though, Agnes,

that civilization is such a thin veneer.

How could you do it, John?

- You did free beer for a month.

AHHHH!

Ask me who's a clever boy, then.

- Who? - Me.

I know what happened.

Now, I told you there's be a perfectly simple expanation

for this, didn't I?

Bethsheba McBean is having an affair with Zoot McPherrin.

Now, this I know, because she was spotted

coming off a bus from Inverness

with black underwear and a certain look.

This, I know because Zoot was seen later driving

fast away from the McBean house on the night of the fire.

A fact he subsequently denied.

Now, why would he do that?

- I'm sure you're gonna tell me.

- Zoot's in the barn.

He's waiting for Bethsheba,

but it's Malachi who happens along.

Zoot jumps up, yeah?

Gives him a fright.

McBean drops the lamp, the fire starts,

and what, with the smoke, the flames, the confusion,

and that maniac's obsession with the devil,

he sees what he wants to see.

What he's wanted to see all his life, probably.

- It's ridiculous.

Zoot McPherrin, he'd never look at Bethsheba.

- Isn't that just a tad sexist?

- There's no need for that.

There's no need for any of this.

If you say you weren't in the barn,

you weren't in the barn, okay.

- No, not okay.

- Hamish, I'm tired, I want to go to bed.

Are you coming, or do you intend continuing

with your inquiries?

- Not tonight.

At least Isobel was trying to help.

- I'm sure you'll make a great team.

- What happened between them, John?

- Well, whatever it was,

can you not see that he's trying to reassure you about it?

- How long was he there?

- Just a couple of minutes.

- Talking to Malachi?

- Mmhmm. -

Oh, but, why?

It doesn't even make sense.

- Maybe Esme's wrong,

and Bethsheba's not having an affair at all.

- Hey there, Neil.

- Well, Hamish, it's yourself?

It is yourself, I hope.

- Aye, it's me, Neil.

Listen, ah, I'm looking for a bit of information

of a rather sensitive nature here.

Bethsheba McBean.

- Aye.

- Do you think she's ahh--

Very definitely, Hamish.

- Good, good.

- With the minister, the Reverend Snow.

- What?

- Aye. I noticed it after about the third trip.

He would sit at the back, she at the front,

studiously ignoring each other.

- Hamish, is that you?

- Yeah, it's me.

Reverend Snow around?

- He got a phone call from Malachi.

- Malachi?

What's he said?

- Very good, Jimmy.

- Just that much, you move that much.

I get by without you noticing.

- Pleeeeease.

- And the Lord spake, unto this humble servant,

and he said, "Malachi, does thy really think

that Macbeth could assume the guise of the fallen one,

without help?"

"No, no, no," he said, "Seek he out,

he who claims to walk in my light.

And there shall ye find your tormentor.

The one who claims to walk in my light."

Well, it was obvious who he meant.

- What have you done with Bethsheba?

- Done with her?

Well, she's gone to the shops, it's Thursday, man.

And I've sent the brethren up Mount Ben to meditate,

so it's just you and me.

So I said to the Lord, "Lord, how shall I dispatch

your fallen ones aside?"

The Lord said, "In the usual way, Malachi.

In the usual way."

- You're not yourself!

- That felt so good.

- Hambo, what have you done?

- You, phone Alex, tell to bring Doc Brown up here.

- Are we meant to continue wondering why

you've gathered us all here, Hamish?

I, for one, would like to know

what happened to Malachi's head.

- It's perfectly simple, Doc.

- He

was having an affair with her.

But so was he.

And you see, he must have wanted to have a clear field,

so he told him

about these two.

I'm sure as, Doc,

when you fixed him up, I'm lifting him for attempted murder.

I'm sorry, Zoot.

I'm going to have to lift you for conspiracy.

- I'm sorry, Hambo, that's not how it was.

- Okay, Zoot, you tell me how it was.

- Well, I was meant to come in and rescue Alan,

but one of these Highland cows.

- Zoot's telling the truth.

He was out here late one night,

and he saw Bethsheba and the Reverend Snow together.

- Mr. McPherrin, you told Malachi?

- Of course, dearie.

- After all those long talks we'd had.

- What long talks?

- Well, I advised Bethsheba to do her own thing.

To leave Malachi, move off with the Reverend Snow.

- And she would have, Mr. Macbeth,

but Alan here respected me, and he was worried about

what the community might think about

a minister who took another man's wife.

- How do you know these things?

- Zoot told me.

- Bethsheba told me.

- The long talks.

- Right, Doc.

- We decided to force Alan's hand, Mr. Macbeth.

I became such an ogre,

he would be forced to take Bethsheba away.

- Hence the religious mania.

The clothes and things.

- Correct, Doc.

Malachi the Good became Malachi the Mad and the Bad.

- And this also had the effect of

turning the community away from you,

so they'd support Alan, if and when he tried to

take Bethsheba from you.

- Doc, can I ask the questions?

- Sorry, Hamish.

- But despite everything I did, Alan wouldn't budge.

And my feet were killing me.

- Now, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

If you wanted her and him to get it together,

then why didn't you just tell her and him?

- Yes, why didn't you?

- Hamish, Hamish, that would never do.

That would be Malachi the Good, the Ultra-Good,

and sooner or later,

Alan's feelings of guilt for having hurt Malachi

would have destroyed his relationship with Bethsheba.

- That's what Zoot said.

- Basic psychology, Hambo.

Really, very simple.

Right, then.

And this'd better be good.

Why would you want Bethsheba to leave you?

- So that she could enjoy the love she'd found.

And so that I might be free, to enjoy mine.

- Malachi.

- I thought you might had a wee inkling.

Sure Alex did.

A wee while back, some friends and I arranged a weekend

of perception development in Apple Cross.

Malachi came up to remonstrate with us,

but, when our eyes met,

there was to be no remonstrance.

- You two were in the barn.

- I dropped the lamp,

when I heard Bethsheba coming, I had to think of something.

I am still a minister in the Church of the Stony Path.

I am sure that the people in this room

can keep a confidence, if you consider it necessary

for the good of your church, Malachi.

- But, but, what are we doing to do?

- Well, I think you should move in with Alan.

- Now?

- We can say that I'm giving you refuge.

The community has turned against Malachi, Bethsheba.

- Meanwhile, you file for divorce.

- And when young Jubal's old enough,

then he can take over and Malachi can move in with me.

- I'm ready, are you coming?

- Are you kidding?

- What will you and Zoot do in the meantime?

- Now we can continue to meet.

We can time it so that our holidays coincide.

- I have a substantial villa in the Algarve.

- Oh, the Algarve!

Oh, that's wonderful!

- Just like I said,

a perfectly simple explanation.

- Oh, it was just exactly like you said.

- Well, thanks very much, Alex.

I've been hurting to prove that I wasn't in the barn.

And I did that for you.

- Hamish, all you had to do was say

that you had no feelings for Isobel.

Well, are you coming?

- Yeah, later. Doc'll be needing a lift.