Original subtitles

Jake?

Jake, are you listening?

It looks benign to me, but we'll know more when the tests come back.

There's no reason to stress right now, so it's important to stay calm and keep your mind clear.

Go home, get some rest, and try to take your mind off of it.

The last thing you need right now is anxiety on top of everything.

You're a writer, right?

Do some writing, get some work done, maybe write about something new, something you're not used to.

Something that you can really dive into and... escape... you know?

I'll give you a call as soon as I hear back on the test

results, shouldn't be any later than tomorrow morning.

Take care, Jake.

It's hard to reflect in a loud bar, but when

you're three drinks deep and alone, that's all you want to do.

The world's ending, that's how it feels sometimes.

Anyway, I don't know if everyone's world is like that or if it's just mine.

I can't stand cliches, but the deeper I fall into myself, the more of them I find.

A smile, though... a smile can change everything.

What is it, huh? Is it me?

No it's not you.

Well I don't know why I keep attracting these guys every time, these assholes.

Maybe I should just finally leave town.

Moving around isn't gonna leave you an escape from yourself, believe me, I've tried.

Fair enough.

This is a good place, it's a very good place.

There's lots of beer.

That's the spirit!

I'm not giving you the satisfaction of laughing at that.

Oh what's that?

Some good shit, that's what. You want some?

Absolutely

To-No no, this is not for toast drinking.

You mix emotions up with the bourbon, no no.

Okay, well fuck it then.

Fuck it.

Journaling at the bar?

I wish...

Thought I'd try the tortured artist thing for a bit and see how that works.

It works on you.

Thanks.

What are you drinking?

Oh, you don't have to-

Oh it's fine, Jill won't mind, I need a new one anyway.

Damn... cheers.

Cheers.

Brett.

Jake.

I don't think I’ve seen you around here.

Well I just moved here a little while ago, and uh...

I tend to drink alone more often than not.

But uh...

Drinking alone kinda sucks, so...

Here I am.

Well welcome.

Drinking alone does suck... but it's better than not drinking alone at all.

Just decided to help yourself, huh?

Oh, I, uh...

Oh, okay, holy shit... this is why I drink alone.

So... you said that you don't have a story, but that's bullshit, everyone has a story.

Do you live around here?

Yup, Select Street.

Alright, family?

Not so much.

Parents?

Uh... like I said, I like to drink alone.

I get that.

Well hey, here's to drinking together.

What kind of music do you listen to? I can totally take over the jukebox at any time.

Oh, uh, I'll pretty much listen to anything.

Something new or old?

How about something old?

Hey, I'll be right back, okay?

Mhm.

Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Cohn.

Our office hours are Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm-

Alright.

♫ Then you pull me through, and it feels new. ♫

It's a happy ending.

It absolutely is not a happy ending, it's a tragedy.

But he achieved his goal, how is that not a happy ending?

Because it's not the ending that he wanted.

I don't think that really matters, though, you can still

have a happy ending even if you don't get what you want.

But isn't happiness subjective? Like, what makes one

person happy doesn't necessarily make another person happy.

But it makes the audience happy.

you were happy?

First he said that it wasn't his life, his family, but he accepts them for who they are.

And as soon as he did that he was all in.

That's so sad.

Sad maybe, but not tragic.

He started as an anti-hero, err, he started as a hero and then transitioned to an anti-hero...

And from there he achieved his goals. How is that a tragedy?

Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy.

Their goals were to end up together emotionally and physically, but they both died...

Separately emotionally but together physically.

What do you do?

Teach.

That explains a lot, actually.

Does it?

And you are a... diary reviewer?

No, but that sounds like a pretty cool job.

Right? Especially if you could give, like reviews and things.

Oh yeah.

Sexual frustration... 8 out of 10.

Story pacing... 4 out of 10.

Self awareness... 5 out of 10.

I'm a writer.

That makes more sense.

By choice or profession?

I guess by choice first, and then both...

And now just profession?

Feels like it sometimes.

Yeah I get that.

So what do you teach?

High school English.

Damn, that's awesome.

It can be.

So like Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a

Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, Grapes of Wrath, the usuals?

I try to stay away from "the usuals" as much as possible... but yes to all of those.

We also did Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde, Fahrenheit 451.

Damn wish I had you in high school.

We also did a hallway project for Dante's Inferno.

But we had to take it down because one of the teachers accused us of witchcraft.

Wow.

But no, that's great, that's like the highest compliment that you can possibly get.

That's fair.

I mean like, suppose all the townsfolk accuse you of witchcraft, like my god...

That's amazing, that's like a 5-star rating at a restaurant.

So please... please... don't ever change.

Hey, I got a proposition for you.

Damn, that was quick.

Do you... want to take... this to the next level?

I thought you'd never ask.

♫ It's all around me, but it's gone without you. Show me I see what's wrong with their truth? ♫

♫ Why should it be something that I choose? No one else sees it's you I breathe through. And turn away. ♫

Not bad.

I do okay.

So you're like, good at this?

Apparently not good enough.

You're up, asshole.

Boom!

Uh, you're stripes.

So I've never actually played this before.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

29.

Do you ever get the feeling that life's passing by so fast that you don't really get to live it?

All the time.

♫ Could never make it on my own but it was hard to see. Every time I turned around I felt you turning me. ♫

♫ And every time I lost the way you showed me what I needed. To see this for you. ♫

Stop.

Stop... just stop...

You want another?

Please.

I'm going out for a smoke.

She's been through a lot.

Haven't we all.

You know, you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for you.

You know what else is bad for you?

What's that?

Telling people what is and isn't bad for them.

Fair point.

I've wanted to quit for years, just...

Life got in the way?

Something like that.

You know... I'm not exactly in a position to judge other people's decisions.

Eh, don't make excuses for me, shit's gonna kill me someday.

A lot of shit can kill you.

I should go.

You got some place to be?

Something like that.

Yeah, I should go. I got shit to deal with at home.

You know, I'm no stranger to dealing with shit.

The hardest part is figuring out what shit is worth dealing with and what isn't.

Because... some shit... some shit just isn't worth your time.

Hey, you ever play basketball?

You know, I haven't touched a basketball in years.

Are you sure you've ever touched one?

♫ I don't know where I've been. I don't know where I'm going. ♫

♫ Been holding on to the past but this life keeps on moving. ♫

Damn, you're so good at everything, huh?

I was an athlete in high school.

So you and I would have never spoken.

Wait.. if you were an athlete...

And then you quit the team...

Did you have that moment with your dad when you were like "dad, I'm quitting the team to pursue literature?"

But then your dad was like "No Brett! You cannot give up on your dream!"

But then you were like "But no, dad, I'm giving up on yours!"

Nope, my dad was actually a book nerd too.

He gave me shit for playing sports all the time.

Let's play HORSE... you do know how to play HORSE, right?

Is it like Polo?

It's exactly like Polo.

Oh, then I've never played it before.

It's easy, there's no dribbling involved.

I think I'm a pretty good dribbler, if you know what I mean.

Like I said, there's no dribbling.

♫ I don't know where I've been. I don't know where I'm going. ♫

♫ Been holding on to the past but this life keeps on moving. It keeps on moving. ♫

♫ I can turn back now and leave this all behind. I don't know if I'll ever make it out alive. ♫

♫ I can turn back now and leave this all behind. I don't know if I'll ever get out alive. ♫

So what are you writing?

Articles, stuff about the human mind, veganism, breweries, micro-

Just the gamut of...

Pretentious hipster bullshit?

I mean...

You're not wrong, I know what I am.

Self-awareness is important.

So... what's this?

Something else.

Is it like a Helter Skelter manifesto or something?

No... I am writing an adaptation of Mein Kampf.

It's about Hitler, who is starting up a tech company, and he's the CEO, in Brooklyn.

Sounds... interesting... can't wait to read it.

They say that writing is just bleeding into a typewriter.

If only it were that simple.

The first cut is always the hardest.

You said you were an English teacher. You ever write?

Once upon a time.

Why did you stop?

Got tired of bleeding.

Why do you ask?

Just curious.

You're not seeing any of it.

Oh come on, I'm sure it's really good.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Pass.

That's what I thought.

You know this is top shelf, right? I'm gonna have to start you a tab.

But it was down here.

That's not what top shelf means.

Uh, hey, I'll be right back.

I'm just saying, it's not clear, is what I meant.

Doesn't have to be clear, it's my bar.

This is an automated call from... Rising

Sun Media... reminding you of your upcoming deadlines.

Should you need an extension, please call your HR department during normal business hours...

Which are Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm... thank you...

I prefer scotch.

I'm not even sure I can tell the difference.

Scotch is... smokier... bourbon is more cinnamony and sweet.

I'm not sure what type of cinnamon you're cooking with, but you should probably throw that out.

Now who's the pretentious hipster?

I think we all have a little pretentious hipster in us.

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

Everything alright?

Yeah, just work being up my ass.

Jesus, they call you this late?

Yeah they have an automated system that nags you night and day.

Innovative.

I think I'm starting to put the pieces together.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Okay, well please go on... enlighten me.

Your articles are bullshit, but they're your bullshit, the type that you can handle.

And you would like to write for yourself, and you're getting pretty sick of writing for other people, but...

You're scared that it takes a lot of commitment, so you're here, wasting time.

You're mostly... mostly right...

Mostly?

I absolutely came here to waste time...

But... but but but...

I think I... uh... found something...

That... isn't...

A waste of time.

You wanna go for a walk?

♫ Is it only me who just can't see we finally made it better? It's finally back together. ♫

Had my first date there.

Oh yeah? How was that?

He was a perfect gentleman. His mom dropped us off and my mom picked us up.

Classic.

Had my first kiss there.

Same guy?

Nope, his brother.

Damn.

He was way cuter.

So what made you move here? Is there, like, a budding art scene that I wasn't aware of?

Creative inspiration, actually.

Really?

Yeah... there's something about...

Something about trucks just passing by...

It really gets the creative juices flowing!

No no no, actually, everything closes at like 6pm.

So no distractions.

Except the bars.

Oh, the bars, right, totally forgot about that.

I grew up in the city.

My parents used to take me here in the fall...

And we'd do the whole apple picking, pumpkin patch thing...

That city people love to do.

One year, as I was getting older... I decided I didn't want to go.

I had a friend whose parents had a penthouse in Manhattan...

Which was a dream for me.

He invited me to stay there for the weekend...

And uh... so I did...

And my parents made the usual trip up here by themselves...

And they... uh...

They never came home.

I... uh...

It was a cold fall...

And they were driving up here...

And they... uh... hit a patch of black ice.

The car wrapped around a tree.

I'm so sorry.

I... uh...

I thought...

I guess I thought...

I thought moving up here would make me feel better...

But...

It hasn't.

And I still feel guilty about it every day.

Some days are better, some days are worse.

But... hey, I'm still close enough to Penguin Random House if they decide to publish me.

Having dreams is great and all, but that's a lofty goal.

Well dreaming is part of my process.

Let's go get more to drink.

Yeah, my buzz is dying.

My mom used to coach my tee-ball team.

She'd bring orange slices for everyone, even the other team.

She'd cheer for them, build them up, everyone loved her.

And then... she cheated on my dad... and left him.

She went off with her new family and never really looked back.

When I grew up and left the house she reappeared... and he took her back.

That sucks.

I mean I love my dad, but...

I haven't spoken to either of them in a really long time.

It's not that I hate my mom, I just... don't really know her... or care to know her.

That probably sounds really shitty to you.

It doesn't.

You know, we're all broken in different places.

And we're supposed to grow from that brokenness, but...

It really hurts sometimes.

Yes it does.

My dad keeps trying to call me and get me to talk to him, but...

I really can't bring myself to do it.

To the broken places.

Cheers.

Speak of the...

Your dad?

Hey you okay?

I have a boyfriend. Oh.

Well, maybe an ex now, I'm not really sure.

I went to the the bar to get over him...

But it wasn't enough.. it never really seems to be enough.

And I left my favorite scarf at his house.

That's bullshit. What?

Look, I don't know what your relationship is like, only you do.

But you are enough.

I mean, how long have we known each other? What, like a couple of hours?

That's long enough for me to realize that you are enough.

And look, I know you're vulnerable right now and I'm not gonna be one of those assholes that hits on you.

Because that's messed up and that's wrong, but...

Looking at you right now...

You are enough.

I've had a lot of fun tonight.

Like, more fun than I've had in a long time.

Oh, well I am a fun guy.

I mean, I wanna keep having fun.

Just for tonight, nothing else matters, no one else matters, just fun.

I can do that.

♫ Try not to spin out too much. Oh but my mind keeps on tripping me up. ♫

♫ Telling me lies ‘till I’m coming undone. Emotionally drunk like I can’t get enough. ♫

♫ Watch me fall down the rabbit hole. Spend hours counting all the potential hypotheticals. ♫

♫ Building walls just to knock them down. Leave me on the ground in the fall out. ♫

♫ I keep on leaving me a wreck. Words in my head, yeah they’re dead set on running parallel. ♫

♫ Why do I do it, why do I do it? Always kicking myself, kicking myself. ♫

Dammit.

We're gonna find a game you're good at, I promise.

I want a rematch.

You're too careful.

Tell me about it.

You're reds.

Shit.

You know, it would be really polite if you actually let me win for once.

But what would you learn from that?

That human decency and kindness are still alive!

Oh, those died a long time ago.

Here you go.

Thank you. You're welcome.

♫ Oh chasing love can drive you mad, make you feel real good, make you feel so sad. ♫

How about Scrabble?

How about let's get your scarf back?

What?

Your scarf.

You said that you left your scarf at his house.

So lets get it back.

It's just a scarf.

Your favorite scarf.

Look, I appreciate the energy, I really do, but it's fine.

I'm gonna go have a smoke.

Let's go get my fucking scarf back.

You sure about this? It's okay if you... uh.. don't want to.

Mister dumbass confidence over here.

Mike, it's me!

Who the fuck is that? I want my fucking scarf back.

What? My scarf, I want it.

What the fuck are you talking about? Who is that?

Look, we're done, I'm over this, I don't wanna keep doing this anymore.

I want my fucking scarf.

You're done? Fuck off.

Hey man! She just wants her scarf back.

Look, I don't know who you are, but you need to get the fuck out of here right now...

Or I'm gonna knock your fucking teeth down your throat.

Scarf thing kinda makes sense now.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Shit, hey!

Are you okay?

I'll live.

It doesn't look that bad, come on.

Should be call the police?

Nah, he'll be alright.

Nice scarf.

Nice nose. Thank you.

It doesn't look too bad.

Much obliged. You're welcome.

I'm sorry about that.

No it's fine.

I'm just glad you're okay, nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Must have felt great to smash that-

You wanna get really drunk with me?

Honestly, I've been drunk for a while at this point.

♫ We gotta get together and make a way. It's all we've ever known. ♫

♫ We're not the same, we never thought it'd break. We're still holding on. ♫

♫ Let's put it back together a better way and never let it go. ♫

♫ Carry through. Trust in what we never knew. ♫

Why do I suck so much?

You don't suck, you're just... you're just worried.

My doctor said I might be sick.

Huh?

Never mind.

I can't write.

I'm not even a real writer.

I wish I was.

You know, I started writing...

Because I liked the way it made me feel.

You know? Like... like I felt something.

And...

Like it scares me.

You scare me.

Give it a fucking rest!

I should probably go home and go to sleep, but...

Honestly, that's the last place I want to be right now.

Uh oh.

You okay Jill?

Oh probably smart.

One for you too. Excuse me.

Oh my god! You know what, fine, fine.

Dad, it's the middle of the night...

Whoa whoa, slow down... wait what?

Slow down... yeah no... I can be up there tonight. Do you need me to drive out?

Are you okay? Are you sure?

Okay, well I'll drive out and I'll be there in the morning.

Tomorrow of course... no I want to be there.

Yeah that's fine, okay... I'll be there tomorrow.

I love you too.

Is everything alright?

Brett?

I don't know.

Are you okay? Yeah I'm good.

What's going on?

My mom just died.

Shit. I'm so sorry.

You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you do, we're here.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

You want any company? No.

I'm gonna start cleaning up, do you need anything?

No I'm good.

Okay.

Oh wait, actually, do you have another pen?

I'm sure somewhere here.

Here.

Thank you. You're welcome.

♫ You can feel it, the end of the year. You can see it falling down. ♫

♫ But when the lights come on, it's time to come home. ♫

♫ Supper time, every one is here. ♫

♫ Are you near, like I wished so many times? ♫

How do you say goodbye to a stranger?

You weren't even a good parent, or a good partner to dad...

Despite what everyone thought, despite your... presentation.

I'm not happy that you're gone, but I'm also not really sad, and that sucks.

You're supposed to care when your mom dies, you're supposed to feel... something.

Even in death, you're still taking from me.

That's what you are, you're a taker... you were a taker.

You were a smoker, so thanks for giving me that I guess.

Where were you?

My first date, my first real car...

My first bra, my first kiss, my first day at college...

Graduating with honors!

You weren't there for any of it, and dad was there for it all.

I fucking hated you!

I teach now.

And I can see it in some of these kids' that they have somebody like you in their lives...

Or not in their lives.

And every day I try to be the best that I can be for them...

Because I know that the people in their lives aren't always going to be the best for them.

So I guess I have you to thank for that too.

I don't care about you... but you made it pretty clear that you don't care about me...

So I'm not going to apologize for that.

But... I am sorry...

I'm sorry that it took me this long to stand up to you...

And you stand up to myself.

Bye mom.

Wow.

Oh, hey.

You're writing.

Oh, it's just some notes.

You okay?

Yeah.

Oh, I found something that you might enjoy.

A short story?

Oh wow... wait...

By Brett Ashley.

Listen, you won't regret sharing this with me.

Thank you.

Jill!

It's about closing time. Thought you'd never ask.

♫ Let's go out, let's go out, and feel the ocean breeze. ♫

♫ When we make out, we make out, I never want to leave. ♫

♫ Smooth sailing through the tropical islands. Ocean waves and me kissing your eyelids. ♫

♫ All the mai tais and we wanted to die. ♫

Seriously? Run!

A look inside your mind.

Unfortunately.

So, what's your writing style?

What do you mean?

What's your style of writing? I'm curious.

Well... I did mention self loathing...

And I guess drinking.

You're a real classic, huh?

I don't know.

I think that's my problem.

Like this shit, it's easy, you know?

You do research, gather a bunch of articles, write a mini essay.

And that's it...

But most of it's objective.

But this...

You gotta look inside for that.

And sometimes you don't like what you find.

You may not like what you find...

But you gotta learn to love it... unconditionally.

And respect it.

And if you do all that, you can find your voice.

I'm still learning that.

I think I am too.

What's wrong?

No, it's... uh...

Are you okay?

No it's not you.

I... uh... I have a lump...

The doctor said I have a lump.

Oh, oh my god.

No no no, don't...

He said that it should be fine, I'm just...

Waiting for test results.

I want to, I really do, it's just-

No it's fine, we don't have to.

Do you want to go for another walk?

A short one this time.

Well, short-ish.

A new day.

Didn't seem like it would ever come.

To us.

To us.

It's beautiful.

Hey I'm... sorry about Mike.

Don't be, it was a long time coming.

You know... we could have been really great together.

It's pretty to think so, isn't it?

But... I think I need to be alone for a while, right now.

I really like this and I really like you.

But I need to deal with my own shit before I can expect somebody else to deal with it.

My whole life, I've put my brain before my heart...

Which has led to some pretty great nights, but...

Also pretty lonely days.

I think my heart is in the right place.

But I need to make sure that my brain is in the right place too, for once.

I get that.

We both have some work to do.

I think it's time for me to go.

It's time to go.

Hello? Yes... good morning.

Okay... thank you.

Goodbye.

Thanks for coming.

Hi.

Hi.

Big fan.

Me too.

So, can I get a signature or what?

Thanks.

So, uh... what time do you get off?

I guess when all the books are gone.

I'd like to buy all of these, please.

All of them?

Seventy fifteen.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I expect you to sign all of these, by the way.

You wanna go get a drink?