Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[train chugging]

[train horn honking]

Wow. Today was so busy.

It wasn't even funny.

Miss Potter.

Ha ha ha!

Sorry. I.. Excuse me.

[Miss Potter laughing]

Miss Potter?

Ha ha ha!

Whoa!

Miss Potter!

Ha ha ha!

[bell ringing]

Ha ha ha!

(Miss Potter) Huh!

What's so funny?

Ha ha ha!

- Going somewhere? - I don't think so.

Ha ha ha!

whoosh

Tortured smile, uncontrollable laughing fits..

Joker.

Hardly seems like a simple

bank scheme is worth his time.

[alarm blaring]

Ha ha ha!

[bells ringing]

[laughing hysterically]

Who said it was simple?

[people laughing hysterically]

[theme music]

vroom

screech

boom

vroom

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

(Batman) 'We did what we could'

'but the outbreak was too scattered.'

Too random to contain.

Tell me about it.

I had my people all over Gotham

trying to chase down these giggle bandits.

Fortunately, the change was only temporary.

The victims have no idea what came over them or why.

Clearly, Joker infected these people to do

his criminal bidding. But how?

That's the million dollar question.

None of his victims seem to have anything in common.

(Robin) 'What kind of person lets himself'

'go all giggly for that goon?'

Hey, it wasn't their fault.

Joker obviously got to them.

Maybe he used a gas or a powder or..

Ha ha. Something, I don't know.

You saw the tox screens, there was no trace

of anything in the victims.

- Ha ha ha! - Hey, I'm getting serious here.

So.. So am I.

[laughing hysterically]

Oh, boy.

[glass shatters]

[alarm bell ringing]

(Batman) 'The Jewelry store. But who are they chasing?'

[laughing]

Batman, we've got a situ..

- Ha ha! - Uh!

[laughing]

Oh, no, you don't!

Hey! Uh! Whoa!

Ha ha ha!

Come on, Batgirl, snap out of it.

Ha ha ha! Uh!

Ah!

Ha ha ha!

Okay. This time I'm not fooling around.

[Batgirl laughing hysterically]

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

Ha ha ha!

- Batgirl. - Huh?

Ha ha ha!

clank

Ha ha ha!

[sighs]

Is it safe?

A brief time-out should reset her personality.

- Batman? - How do you feel?

Confused. What's going on?

Someone got a case of the giggles.

Who?

[gasps] No!

I must have been really out of it. I hate pearls.

Do you know where you were taking the stolen jewels?

(Batgirl) 'No, but I've got an idea.'

[people laughing hysterically]

[clanking]

Looks like the fish are biting tonight.

[dramatic music]

Ahoy, land lovers! Stopped by to see me off?

How thoughtful!

Punch. Get it!

vroom

Bon voyage, Bats!

Great. Now what?

We figure out how he got to you.

[instrumental music]

slurp slurp

Cute jacket.

This tanks.

Got a better idea?

No, but that doesn't make following

the shopping queen tank any less.

Joker did something to Barbara at some point during her day.

Yeah, and by retracing her steps

we're hoping to figure out when and where.

But, Bruce, we just spent the last two hours

watching her shop for handbags!

Well, you're in luck. I think she moved on to the main event.

Comic books?

Shoes.

Argh!

Ooh!

[instrumental music]

(Bruce) 'After her morning shopping trip'

Barbara took the train to school.

Let's just hope they don't have a shoe store on campus.

[sighs]

[music continues]

[engine revving]

Argh.

[lights crackling]

[intense music]

[Bruce laughing hysterically]

[alarm blaring]

We can use some help here.

We got our own problems.

[laughing hysterically]

(man on TV) 'And this was the scene last evening.'

'If this particular giggle bandit'

'looks familiar, he should.'

'It's none other than billionaire Bruce Wayne'

'proving even Gotham's elite can fall prey'

'to Joker's schemes.'

Annoying, isn't it? Welcome to my world.

Of course, all charges have been dropped

against Mr. Wayne and his companions

despite a scuffle with the police.

The authorities are lucky to have sustained

as few injuries as they did.

(man on TV) 'This time Joker's victims threw'

'their stolen property'

'off the East Canal Bridge.'

(Batman) Wait a minute.

That woman looks familiar.

She was on the train.

Yeah. Who could forget that hat?

The boy with the piercing, the old man.

They were there, too. They all were.

- The commuter train. - Joker's using the train.

How does he brainwash people with the train?

[intense music]

[lights crackling]

The lights.

[intense music]

[engine revving]

vroom

[lights crackling]

(Joker on speaker) 'Life getting you down, bubby?'

'Feel like you're just along for the ride?'

Then relax, clear your minds

and look into the lights.

'The peaceful lights.'

'The soothing lights.'

beep beep

[indistinct chatter]

Make sure everyone stays out of the first car.

[intense music]

Whoa. Whoa. Blast public transportation.

What's the matter with the lights?

[door opens]

Your scheme has just been derailed.

[groans]

Excuse me. I'm the conductor here.

And all passengers must get their tickets punched.

[grunts]

Boys.

[glass shatters]

[grunts]

thud thud

swoosh

Well, isn't that hospitable?

Judy wants you to have his seat.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

[intense music]

Hee-yah!

Whoa! Uh!

[both groans]

thud

[grunts]

If you'll excuse me, I've got business to conduct.

boom

Runaway train anyone?

Ha ha ha!

[dramatic music]

We're heading for a dead-end.

Well, we've got all those passengers back there.

And no air bags.

Grab my arm.

[music continues]

[grunts]

boom boom

- Whoa! - Whoa!

screech

- Whoa! - Whoa!

[screeching]

crash

Come on. We make the rest of this trip on foot.

[intense music]

(Batgirl) It's all caves and tunnels down here.

Like a giant hunk of Swiss cheese.

In the late 1800s Gotham was a thriving coal mining town.

Who knows how many tunnels riddle this city's foundation.

(Joker) 'Ooh! Crime fighter and his truth confessor, all in one!'

'I'm so glad you decided to drop in!'

Ah!

[intense music]

(Joker) 'Must have been exciting in those days.'

chink chink

'Such dangerous work down in the mines.'

'What, with all the accidents, cave-ins'

'and poison gas.'

hiss

[all groaning]

screech

thud

Aww! Mmm, mmm, mmm. End of the line.

[intense music]

Rise and shine, Bat gang!

[all groaning]

[music continues]

Look! You have your very own cage!

Just like Ralph here. Hee! Ha ha ha!

It's a pretty good haul, don't you think?

Just imagine what I'll get for these on the internet!

Let me guess. You're going to run us over with your train.

Real original.

I assure you, that joke is too obvious

even for me.

No, I've cooked up a far more crushing defeat

for my little cave bats. Heh heh heh!

You see, you're right about all the tunnels under Gotham.

The place is lousy with them.

So I thought I'd spruce them up a bit.

[switch clicks]

Dynamite.

Miles of it. Just imagine.

All these tunnels blowing at once.

The entire city swallowed into a great big sinkhole.

Ahh. Ashes to ashes, and all that rot.

Ooh! Love to chat! But I've got a schedule to keep.

Ta-ta!

'This is the cuckoo-choo-choo! Now leaving on track nine.'

Next stop, city limits and the end of Gotham as we know it.

Mwah! All aboard!

honk

[laughing maniacally]

[intense music]

click click click

beep beep beep

- GPS? - It can tell us where we are.

I can tell you where we are.

Stuck in a cave miles below the surface.

I hate to say it, Batman. But he's right.

There's no way we can catch Joker now.

- We've got nothing. - Not so.

(Batman) 'We've got explosives.'

[instrumental music]

boom

- Good heavens. - Sorry about the mess, Alfred.

The front door too conventional for you, sir?

[tires screeching]

[dramatic music]

vroom

Well, hear that?

screech

beep

Get in.

[music continues]

[engine revving]

beep

[clatters]

You gotta be kidding.

beep beep beep

[music continues]

[Joker laughing]

(woman on PA) 'Train approaching.'

[laughing maniacally]

honk honk honk

vroom

vroom vroom

That's it. We're moving.

[dramatic music]

[hissing]

Only three more miles to the city limits.

I'll miss you, Gotham and the swell times we had together.

But most of all, I'll miss the good old batty man.

I will.. Huh?

beep beep beep

[intense music]

Oh, I was so close.

boom boom

It seems like we're always saying goodbye.

clang clang

Huh?

Cover me.

[music continues]

Whoo hoo hoo! Circus time!

Ha ha ha!

Ooh!

[grunts]

[music continues]

[groans]

[grunts]

clang

Ugh.

Ha ha ha!

Say goodbye, Gotham!

Ha ha ha!

click

click click click

Huh?

- Argh. - Sorry, Joker.

You can't send a signal without a battery.

Ahh-h-h-h-h!

I've been railroaded?

Aa-a-a-h!

[grunts]

screech

[groaning]

- Oh. - Last stop, Joker.

[instrumental music]

You know, it's a really shame to seal it up.

Maybe you should expand. Add a Batgirl cave.

Batgirl cave?

I'm old enough to have my own cave.

I can park my cycle there, bring in some exercise equipment

a couple of beanbags.

How come she gets her own cave?

I want my own cave!

Nobody's getting their own cave.

Well, gotta go.

And where are you off to in such a hurry?

Late for a train?

Midnight madness sale at Gotham Shoes.

- You coming with me? - She's a regular Joker.

[theme music]