Original subtitles

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪

Here's your Electric Company, and change.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Boy, this is my kind of game!

I own the railroads, the Park Place, the Boardwalk,

the Electric Company, two hotels and the Water Works.

I think you cornered the market.

Roll 'em, Big D. Mmm-hmm.

Four.

Uh-oh. I landed on Arnold's Boardwalk.

That'll be 2,000 clams, please.

All right, 500, 1,000, 1,500, 2,000.

Hey, gang, excuse me for interrupting big business,

but I've got some big news.

There's a lady on her way up to see you boys.

She told the doorman she's a relative.

A relative?

I knew the minute I got rich, they'd start showing up.

Boys, I thought you didn't have any relatives.

We don't.

Hey, remember that lady we used to call Cousin Fat Stuff,

and she weighed, oh, 700 pounds?

You mean the blimp? Mmm.

She wasn't really a relative, Arnold.

That's good. She used to give us slobbery kisses and say,

"My, oh, my, what a cute little dickens you are."

That was truly a terrifying experience.

Getting kissed by her was like taking a shower with your clothes on.

Oh, God.

Well, I think it's terrific that you boys might have a relative.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

I mean, it's a long time since you've seen someone of your own flesh and blood.

That would be nice.

Yeah, I can't wait to meet her and see what she looks like

running around in our flesh and blood. - Yeah.

Well, all right, why don't you answer the door?

Okay. You go ahead.

Willis? Arnold?

I'm Willis, he's Arnold. I'm Arnold, he's Willis.

It's me!

How you doing? I'm so happy to see you. Oh, yeah, come on in.

Oh, just fine. Sit over here.

Tell me all about yourself.

Where you've been? How was your day?

Just beautiful, just beautiful.

Can I ask you a question? Ask away, honey.

Who are you?

I'm your cousin Myrtle Waters from Detroit.

Hi, Cousin Myrtle Waters from Detroit.

What's buzzing, cousin?

Willis, you're such a handsome young man.

And, Arnold, you're just a sweetie pie.

Easy on the cheeks.

I'm gonna need a cheek transplant.

How do you do, Mrs. Waters? I'm Philip Drummond.

Oh! You're the nice young man

who took my little cousins in in their time of need.

Watch your cheeks, Mr. D.

Mrs. Waters, I'd like you to meet our housekeeper.

This is Mrs. Garrett.

How do you do, Mrs. Waters?

My, what a beautiful smile.

Oh, well, if you wanted to get on my good side, you just did it.

Would you like a cup of coffee or something?

Oh, no, thank you. Don't care for a thing.

Please take off your coat and sit down.

Thank you. Mmm-hmm.

Willis, you've grown into quite a young man.

Thank you.

And, Arnold, you're just a cute little gumdrop.

Honey, I was right there with your mama when you were born.

You know, you came early. You were a seven-month baby.

No wonder he's so little.

He was never finished.

You ever been belted by a 40-pound gumdrop?

Will you be in town for long, Mrs. Waters?

That's Miss Waters. Oh.

No, I'm just passing through. I just got in town yesterday,

and I heard about their mother going to her glory.

Her glory!

So I decided to come by to see if you were doing okay

by my cousin Lucy May's sweet little babies.

Well, I certainly am trying.

Mr. D treats us great, Cousin Myrtle, like our real papa.

We're living great, dressing great and feeling great.

Hey, Willis, you left out one "great." What's that?

Eating great.

That's fine, just fine, boys. But what about school?

You like going to school?

Oh, yeah, we like going to school and coming back from school.

We just don't like what's in between.

No offense, Mr. Drummond,

but sometimes you have to encourage the boys to go to school.

Oh, I do, I do, all the time.

And what about church?

I can assure you, the boys pray every Sunday.

Yeah, but Mrs. Garrett makes us go to church anyway.

Bless her and praise the lord.

Did you know their mother, Lucy May, very well?

If we were any closer, we could wear the same girdle.

Oh, by the way, I have some pictures of me and your mama.

Can I see one? Can I see one?

Let me see one.

Now, this is a picture of me and your mama in Central Park.

Wasn't mama pretty?

Look, Arnold.

I'll bet mama's the prettiest lady in heaven.

Your mother was a very special lady, boys.

And here's one of me and your mama on Coney Island.

Look, Arnold, mama's wearing a Coney Island T-shirt and a funny hat.

Look.

Cousin Myrtle, did mama win that dumb-looking doll she's holding?

That's no doll, Arnold, that's you.

Cute little devil, wasn't I?

You boys can keep the pictures, if you like.

Can we? Thanks. That's good. All right. Oh, thank you.

That's very thoughtful of you, Miss Waters.

I'm so glad to see you boys living in such high style.

This is one beautiful penthouse.

Why, thank you.

You know, when I was a kid, I lived in a penthouse, too.

You did?

It was an orange crate on top of a roof.

I still remember when it rained,

I had the first waterbed in Harlem.

Miss Waters, tell me, how are you related to Willis and Arnold?

Well, it was like this. Their mother and me was cousins,

cousins of cousins, so if we were cousins of each other's cousins,

that makes us cousins to each other,

which makes me and the boys cousins once removed.

Till you came along, we thought all our relatives was removed.

Willis sure has a fine sense of humor, doesn't he, Arnold?

Yeah, and that's about it.

As you can see, both the boys have a funny bone.

Well, I've imposed on your hospitality long enough, Mr. Drummond.

Oh, not at all.

Well, like I said, I just came by to see if the boys were doing okay,

and they certainly are. Yes, indeed.

They're living high on the hog.

You hear that, Willis? We're living high on the hog!

Well, I gotta be going, boys.

Please don't go. You just got here.

Don't go. Stay, please.

But it's around your dinnertime.

That's okay. Yeah.

By the way, Mr. Drummond,

do you know a nice little restaurant where I could get

a soup, salad, sandwich, a cup of coffee and dessert

for about a buck and a half?

No, I've got a much better idea.

Why don't you stay and have dinner with us?

Well, that's awful nice of you, but I wouldn't think of it.

Really, we'd enjoy having you.

Yeah, come on, stay, please? I couldn't.

Please stay. I shouldn't.

I want you to. I can't.

All right, then. Well, if you insist.

Wonderful. Mrs. Garrett!

You're so nice, Mr. Drummond. So nice.

Not at all. Yes?

Miss Waters is joining us for dinner.

Good.

Do you think you'll have enough, Mrs. Garrett?

Sure, there's always enough for one more at our table.

If not, I'll use smaller plates.

Mr. Drummond, you're so persuasive,

but I insist on helping Mrs. Garrett with the dinner.

Oh, no, now, there's no need...

Now, don't try to talk me out of it 'cause I can talk faster than a preacher.

Oh, this is beautiful.

Sure hope she's cooking some black-eyed peas and pig tails.

'Cause my body's at ease with black-eyed peas.

Well, boys, your cousin Myrtle certainly is a nice lady, isn't she?

Oh, yeah, except for the pinching.

If I was an Indian, they'd call me Wounded Cheek.

And I'd be Fractured Face.

Now, listen, boys, you know, your cousin said something that got me to thinking.

What? What's that?

Well, have you got any complaints about the way I'm bringing you up?

Of course not, Mr. D Everything's real cool.

Yeah, except for a few little things could stand improving.

Yeah, such as what?

Oh, such as doubling our allowance.

Doubling? What have you done to earn that?

You better drop the subject before we end up owing him a refund.

Thanks, Mrs. Waters, but you're a guest here tonight.

Come on, now, you just sit down and enjoy your visit with the boys.

Thank you, but I just can't wait to get to that meatloaf of yours.

The aroma is music to my nose.

Well, I hope it hits the Top 40 with your stomach.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Drummond... Yes?

Could you recommend a nice little hotel for about $8 or $9 a night?

If I skip breakfast and lunch, I may be able to pay $10.

Well, I'm afraid if you want a New York hotel room

on that kind of a budget, you'll have to skip every meal for a year.

Park bench, here I come.

What am I gonna do?

I'll tell you what you're going to do.

My daughter Kimberly is away at school.

You're going to use her room tonight.

Yeah, good idea. That's a great idea.

Oh, I wouldn't think of it.

We'd love having you.

I couldn't.

Please stay. I shouldn't.

I want you to. I can't.

All right, then. Oh, if you insist.

Then it's all settled.

All right. That's great.

I'm so glad you're staying!

Now, where's your luggage?

There it is, over there.

I get all my luggage at the supermarket.

Gee, this is gonna be wonderful!

Now, I can get a chance to be with my sweet little cousins.

I may end up with a face with no sides.

Good morning, Mrs. Garrett. Hi, Mrs. Garrett.

Good morning, boys. Where's cousin Myrtle?

She ate already.

She's packing, ready to leave. She's such a sweet lady.

She can't stand the thought of imposing on Mr. Drummond.

I'm sure glad she came to visit.

Me, too. But my cheeks have mixed emotions.

Boys, Mrs. Garrett, Cousin Myrtle's leaving.

I'm sorry about that.

Can't you stay for a little while longer?

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning.

Mr. Drummond, last night was the happiest night of my life.

My bed was so soft, my backside hates to say goodbye.

It was a pleasure, and we're gonna miss you.

Yeah, we sure are.

Yeah, we're gonna miss you.

Look at those two precious little darlings just waiting to say goodbye to me.

Don't forget the precious big darling in the middle.

I was hoping for the best for the boys, and the Lord turned it out that way.

Mr. Drummond, thank you for the fine life you've given Arnold and Willis.

Blessings on this house. Hallelujah!

It's a pleasure, Miss Waters.

Mrs. Garrett, it's been a joy knowing you.

Same here, Cousin Myrtle.

Goodbye, and blessings on this house.

See you all again. I hope soon.

I don't know when, but I hope soon.

Whiplash!

The pain is excruciating!

I'll call the doctor.

I don't know how long I'll have to be in this house.

Might be a month or a year. Might be forever.

I never saw a woman eat so much before in my life.

Oh, Lord, how much more is she gonna want before dinner?

Good afternoon, Mrs. Garrett. How's Cousin Myrtle doing?

Mr. Drummond, she may have a bad neck,

but there's nothing wrong with her mouth.

In the two days she's been here,

there haven't been any leftovers left over.

Now, now, now, Mrs. Garrett, please, a little compassion.

She's the only relative the boys have.

Come on, Mr. Drummond. Did you see that fall she took?

Yes, I did.

The only other woman who ever took a fall like that was Uncle Miltie.

Actually, the x-rays showed that nothing was broken.

But it did seem to me that she hollered "whiplash" before she hit the floor.

Well, I wouldn't want the boys to know anything about it,

so let's give her the benefit of the doubt, okay?

She's their only relative and she loves them, and they love having her here.

And that's the most important thing.

Easy, boys, easy.

I wonder if they give Oscars for whiplash.

Oh, easy, boys.

Don't whip up my lash, now, don't whip up my lash.

Wait, stop, stop.

What's the matter?

I think my backbone disconnected from my neck bone.

Well, take another step, maybe they'll reconnect.

Don't be afraid to lean all your weight on me.

Yeah, you can't squash him anymore than he already is.

Let me give you a hand, Miss Waters.

Easy, easy does it. All right.

Get me to the hard chair.

Get me to the hard chair. It'd be better for my neck.

Okay.

Easy, now, easy.

Sure do hurt when I move.

Now, just try and relax. Is there something we can get for you?

Not a thing, unless it's another cup of tea.

Mrs. Garrett would love to get you another cup of tea.

Yes, Mrs. Garrett would love that.

As long as you're in the kitchen, honey...

I know. A ham sandwich with cheese, pickle, tomato, lettuce

and hold the mayo.

I hate to have your maid waiting on me hand and foot, Mr. Drummond.

But it sure feel good.

Well, the important thing is for you to get well.

Now, if you'll just excuse me for a minute, I have some work I have to do in my den.

You boys are sure lucky. He's so nice.

Can I get you a pillow or something, Cousin Myrtle?

Now, that's strange. Why does a pillow remind me of food?

So far, we ain't run into anything that don't.

Mrs. Garrett! Sure do hurt when I yell.

Mrs. Garrett!

You called?

Honey, would you be sure to toast the bread on that sandwich?

But not like the toast this morning. It was too brown for my taste.

Make it like you did yesterday.

I'll try, and next time, save a swatch, and I'll see if I can match it.

Would you run upstairs to my room and get my magazine,

and bring me some writing paper?

Sure, Cousin Myrtle.

Cousin Myrtle, how long you gonna be wearing that neck brace?

Probably the rest of my life, son.

It's sure gonna make it rough on your big Adam's apple.

Myrtle, from now on,

you're gonna be living on the sunny side of the street. Oh, yes.

Arnold, I want to talk to you.

Big brother to little brother.

Something new going down with the birds and the bees?

Nothing like that, Arnold.

See, you're just a little kid, so you wouldn't notice things like me.

Because I'm older.

I would if they made the keyholes lower.

You don't have the experience to know what's happening.

Let me tell you something about Cousin Myrtle.

She fell down on purpose and she's trying to rip off Mr. D.

Who told you?

Nobody had to tell me. I got a mind, you know.

Only reason I'm this little is 'cause my brain is weighing me down.

Arnold, it's so obvious that Cousin Myrtle's faking about her neck.

And I feel bad because she's a relative and she's mooching off Mr. D.

Yeah, and Mr. D's too nice to see what Myrtle is doing.

Right, 'cause he ain't from the streets, and

he ain't used to meeting people like that.

He got a bad break not being born in Harlem.

What we got to do is make her move her neck in front of Mr. D,

so he'll know that she's faking.

Hey, I got something.

How about slipping some itching powder into her neck brace?

No, Arnold, what we gotta do is to scare her.

What you talkin' about, Willis?

Hey, I got it. I know how to make her jump through the ceiling.

You feeling better, Miss Waters?

It's much better, except for the excruciating pain.

Here's your magazine, Cousin Myrtle.

Thank you, baby.

And Arnold's bringing down the pencil and writing paper.

Thank you.

Dinner will be served in an hour, Miss Waters.

I hope this will hold you till then.

What's the matter with you, woman? You crazy?

Arnold, what are you doing?

Come down here! Yes, sir.

Willis, are you in on this?

Before I tell you, can I call my attorney?

Oh, why did you boys do that? You scared me half to death.

It didn't do nothing for my sandwich, either.

What in the world has gotten into you two?

That was a terrible thing to do.

Mr. Drummond, we weren't trying to scare Mrs. Garrett.

We wanted to scare Cousin Myrtle. Why?

So she'd jump off the chair and through the ceiling.

We think Cousin Myrtle's faking about her neck,

and we don't want any cousin of ours ripping you off.

Well, I am shocked at your behavior.

You could have hurt Mrs. Garrett.

Now, I want you to go apologize to her. Go on, I mean it.

We apologize, Mrs. Garrett. I'm sorry.

Oh, you don't have to apologize to me, boys.

Okay, we un-apologize.

Mr. Drummond, can't you see? Your boys were just trying to protect you.

Well, I can protect myself. I ought to ground you two for a whole month.

No television, no stereo, no movies.

Just ground us, don't end our lives.

Wait a minute. Mr. Drummond, wait a minute.

Don't punish them. I'm the one who should apologize.

Please don't take it out on the boys.

They were only protecting you.

Look at that. She didn't lash her whip.

I have been faking it.

When I saw how wonderful you are to the boys,

I said to myself, "Myrtle, for the first time in your life,

"that's the birds of happiness flying over your head,

"and not those pigeons."

So I tried to get a taste of the good life.

But when I seen how much the boys really loved you,

I was too ashamed to go on with it.

Well, Miss Waters, I understand,

and there's nothing for you to be ashamed of.

You're still a cousin in good standing.

Thank you.

Mrs. Garrett, could you please forgive me, too?

I'm very sorry.

As far as I'm concerned, Cousin Myrtle,

my refrigerator's always open to you.

Bless you.

Could you boys forgive me?

Yeah, I forgive you.

Yeah, so do me and my spider.

Mr. Drummond, if I hadn't lost my job in Detroit,

I would have never tried to pull this.

So now I'll get out of your hair.

Just a minute. What kind of work do you do?

Well, I can't be fussy.

Well, I have this friend in Detroit who's in the insurance business.

Maybe he could find a job for you.

I accept.

Doing what?

I don't know, but I think you'd be very good checking out false accident claims.

Love that man.

One new ham sandwich coming up for Cousin Myrtle.

Mr. D, is Arnold and me in trouble over this spider?

Well, in view of the circumstances, let's just say we can forget it.

All right!

And I'll say what Cousin Myrtle just said.

Love that man!

Blessed be the ties that bind, brother!

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪