Original subtitles

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Come here, you little cookie snatcher!

Who, me?

What is going on?

You know that unbreakable cookie jar on the counter?

What about it? It's breakable.

Arnold, A. Were you snatching cookies without permission?

And B. Did you break the cookie jar?

A. I don't remember, and if you don't believe A,

there's no sense messin' with B.

The evidence is against you.

You've got cookie crumbs up to your elbow.

That's last week's crumbs.

Are you tellin' me you haven't taken a bath since last week?

Sure I took a bath, I just didn't de-crumb.

What am I missing down here?

Willis, they're gangin' up on me.

You ain't big enough to be gung up on.

He may be small, but he's the giant

economy size when it comes to trouble.

Arnold, how many times are you going to keep doing something

and have to be told not to?

Are you referring to this not-to or past not-to's?

You know what I'm referring to,

and this had better be the end of it.

Yes, sir.

Don't worry, Mr. Drummond, I'll see that Arnold minds.

Terrific.

That's like having Jesse James keep tabs on Billy the Kid.

Well, now that we've got that settled,

I can get back to my litigation.

Hey, Mr. Drummond, what's litigation?

Well, litigation is a legal term, Willis.

You see, I have several business interests,

and there's a disagreement about how one of them is being managed,

so I have to go to court.

You might say litigation is when two people

call each other names in front of a judge.

Hey, Willis, that's like you and me do all the time without a judge.

That's not exactly what I meant.

Hey, you know something?

This might be a very good time for you guys

to learn something about the law

and our system of fair trials.

Oh, we already know about fair trials, Mr. Drummond.

If you're white and rich, you get one.

I'm afraid that may be true sometimes, Willis,

but most of the time, in this country,

the guilty are punished and the innocent go free.

Well, if that's true, then, Harlem ain't a part of America.

I'm sorry that you're so cynical, Willis.

I'd be cynical, too, if I knew what it meant.

Hey, it means that where we come from,

the law gives you two choices,

guilty or not innocent.

I get it.

Willis, our system is certainly not perfect,

but it's the best one there is around.

Now, nothing is foolproof, of course... Mmm-hmm.

But justice is very important.

And when you compare our system to somebody else's...

Arnold, what are you doing?

Oh, nothin'.

What's that under your nose?

My lip.

Is that supposed to be a mustache or am I crazy?

The answer to both questions is yes.

He did it again.

I don't suppose I need to ask, "Who?"

Look at my makeup kit.

There's cookie crumbs in my eye shadow,

there's peanut butter in my powder,

and my mascara brush is missing.

Why are all the eyeballs on me?

Because you're holding my mascara brush, you little makeup masher.

Now, Arnold, what are you doing in Kimberly's makeup kit?

I was just trying to look like Reggie Jackson.

You look more like his candy bar.

Arnold, you simply have to learn to have

some respect for other people's property.

Now, I want you to stay out of trouble.

All right. But it ain't my fault I live in a house

where there's so many things to get in trouble with.

Nevertheless, I want you to apologize to Kimberly.

Okay, I'm sorry, you big snitch.

Okay. This time.

All right, boys, let's get back

to what we were talking about.

My litigation and our system of fair trials.

Now, you see, I have to go to...

I have to go to court.

What did you do, stick it to somebody?

Yeah. No.

I'm just standing up for what is my right,

and you shouldn't jump to conclusions.

You see, under our system of justice,

everybody is innocent until they're proved guilty.

Right, Kimberly? I guess so.

Sure you guess so.

You come from a penthouse world, Miss Pigtails.

Arnold, do you have a question or do you have to go to the bathroom?

Both.

Well, then, I hope it's a short question.

How come my goldfish Abraham is in jail?

What are you talking about?

He ain't guilty of anything,

but he lives in a bowl that's so small he has to eat standing up.

Arnold, when Abraham complains personally,

I'll get you a bigger bowl.

Yeah, but... Arnold,

if you keep shootin' off your mouth,

how's Mr. Drummond gonna brainwash me about fair trials?

Willis, you don't have a brain to wash.

Now that we're friends again, Arnold,

I'd like to leave you with this one thought.

Yeah?

If you ever set one foot in my room again, I am gonna cream you.

I mean it.

Willis, I have a very important book,

a book written for young people on American justice.

And I want to show it to you.

I think it'll help change your attitude.

My attitude didn't come from a book.

It came from seein' what's happening on the streets.

Come on, Willis.

Hmm.

All right, Willis, I'll get you a pencil and a pad and...

Arnold, those are my litigation papers.

They make terrific airplanes.

Arnold, you ought to be wrinkled up like a prune.

You're always in hot water.

Young man, this does it.

I just remembered, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Arnold, hold it.

I can't!

Not two minutes ago, you promised that

you would respect other people's property.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Since you can't behave yourself,

this time, you are going to be punished.

But, Mr... You're not going to

go to that skateboard competition tomorrow.

Oh, no. Please, not that.

I'll be good, I promise.

I'll be the best eight-year-old boy in the whole building.

You're the only eight-year-old boy in the whole building.

See? I'm the best already. Please, let me go.

Willis built me a special skateboard with training wheels.

Please, let me go. Please, please, please.

You know, you could make a fortune selling real estate.

Come on, Mr. Drummond, give my poor,

innocent, little baby brother another chance.

He didn't mean no harm.

Show him some of that justice you say you believe in.

All right, I'll be very fair.

I'll give you one more chance, Arnold.

But only one.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Drummond.

I won't ever be bad again.

For the rest of my life.

Maybe even longer. Come on, Willis.

Oh, Willis, wait, you forgot your book on justice and the law.

No point in reading it.

Ain't gonna change anything in this country.

Willis, I'm afraid you've got the wrong attitude.

Mr. Drummond, you believe what you read, but I believe what I see.

I know that, Willis. No, you don't.

'Cause you'll never change your mind

unless somebody proves it to you.

Okay.

Why's that water so cold?

No wonder. Somebody turned off...

What in the world is that?

That's Arnold's goldfish, Abraham.

Arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold? What're you doing?

Nothin'.

Just sitting here waitin' for dinner and keeping out of trouble.

That's my good boy.

Arnold!

Congratulations, you stayed out of trouble a whole five seconds.

Arnold, this does it.

What's that in the glass?

It's Abraham!

Mr. Drummond, please don't drink him.

After you promised to be good,

you turned my hot tub into a cold tub

and you let Abraham loose for a swim.

What you talkin' about, Mr. D?

Now, Arnold, don't you make things worse for yourself. I have had it.

You are not going to that skateboard contest.

But, Mr. Drummond, I didn't do it.

I did all those other things, but this time, I'm clean.

Arnold, when you do something wrong,

you have to face up to it like a man.

But I'm not a man, I'm a little guy, an innocent little guy.

That's what all guilty little guys say.

Arnold, go to your room.

But, Mr... No "Buts."

You go to your room.

Abraham, Harlem was never like this.

This ain't no justice, Abraham.

Sit up, Willis.

Mr. Drummond said I can't go to the skateboard contest

'cause he thinks I put Abraham in his hot tub,

but I didn't do it.

Ain't that a crock?

Yeah, it sure is.

I never wanna be eight years old again in my whole life.

What's the use of being good if Mr. Drummond don't believe me?

You know, that's exactly what I expected.

Him with all that talk about being innocent

until proven guilty is so much bull.

Yeah. What am I gonna do, Willis?

If I miss that skateboard contest tomorrow,

the rest of my life is all downhill.

Well, you're not gonna miss that skateboard contest, Arnold. I promise you.

I wish I could believe you.

Hey, you can.

Hey, haven't I always taken care of you?

Yeah, I guess so.

Sure.

And when you were sick, don't I get you well?

And when you're unhappy, don't I let you blubber all over me?

Yeah, you do, Willis, get ready for some more blubberin'.

There ain't gonna be no more blubberin'

'cause I'm gonna get you off the hook with Mr. Drummond.

How you gonna unhook me?

You'll see.

Hearing Mr. Drummond talkin' about justice.

I got my own ideas about justice.

Me and Mr. Drummond are gonna have ourselves one big showdown.

Mr. Drummond. Yes, Willis?

Remember all that jive you gave me

about how everybody's innocent

until proven guilty?

That wasn't jive, Willis.

I honestly believe that.

Then how come you sentenced my brother

without giving him a fair trial?

Well, how much proof do you need?

Abraham was doing a breaststroke in my hot tub.

That don't mean I put him there.

That just means my fish knows how to swim.

Right. You know, Arnold's entitled to have a fair trial

like it says in this book you said I should read.

"A fair trial is a right guaranteed

"to persons of every race, creed and color."

And I gotta fit in there somewhere.

A trial, huh? Really, Willis.

Don't you think that's a little far-fetched?

Well, you started the whole thing about fair trials.

Isn't Arnold entitled to get what everybody gets?

Well, yes, of course, but this is different.

Yeah, 'cause you're rich and white and Arnold's black and poor.

And my goldfish ain't doin' so good, either.

Willis, you've got it all wrong.

Well, if you meant what you said,

I demand a fair trial for my client.

Your what? My client.

I'll be the attorney for the defense.

And you can be the prosecutor.

And I'll be the victim.

All right, Willis,

if a trial is what you want, a trial is what you're gonna get.

All right.

Now, if we're going to have a trial, boys, we need a judge.

An honest judge.

And if we can't find an honest one,

how about a dishonest one who likes to skateboard?

Daddy, I've got a very important phone call coming in tonight from a boy,

and I'd like to reserve the telephone between 7:00 and 8:00.

Only one hour? You talk longer than that when it's a wrong number.

That only happened once.

How about Kimberly for the judge?

Some judge. Related to the prosecutor.

What do we need a judge for?

Let's ask Mrs. Garrett to judge the trial.

Oh, yeah, Mrs. Garrett. Yeah.

Will somebody tell me what trial?

Mrs. Garrett!

What is it? I'm up to my neck in artichoke hearts.

We want you to be the judge at a trial.

What trial? What trial?

We're going to have a trial to decide whether Arnold is guilty

of putting his goldfish Abraham in my hot tub.

Is that all?

Arnold, why don't you just plead temporary insanity?

I ain't crazy enough to say I did it.

This is a serious trial, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, I'm sure Mrs. Garrett will make a very fair judge.

Right.

I'm not a yes-woman for anyone

and don't forget, good help is hard to find.

Willis, are you sure you want to go through with this?

I have all the evidence I need to prove that Arnold is guilty.

Not all the evidence. My fish will never talk.

You know, Arnold says he's innocent,

and we'll just have to see if the system works like you said it does.

Quiet in the courtroom.

Mrs. Garrett, Your Honor, we're ready.

Everybody, rise.

Looks like she's dressed for a funeral.

Yeah, mine.

Would you cool it?

Leave it to your mouthpiece.

You may all be seated.

And let's get this trial over with,

because the judge has two loads of laundry in the washer.

And I want to see how Daddy sends Arnold to the slammer.

The prosecuting attorney will make his opening statement.

Your Honor, I intend to prove that

Arnold is guilty of hot tub sabotage

and to see that he's punished.

I object.

Oh, Arnold, dear, only your attorney can make an objection.

My attorney can't even make his bed.

Sit down, I'll handle this.

The defense attorney will now make his opening statement.

Your Honor, my client is innocent,

even though he's done a lot of dumb things in his life.

Your Honor, can I object to my attorney?

If the court will please, I'd like to prove that my client is innocent.

The court is pleased.

The prosecuting attorney can now call his first witness.

Kimberly, take the stand.

Uh-oh.

Oh, don't worry, she can't hurt us.

I'm not worried about us, I'm worried about me.

Kimberly, dear, will you please rise?

Raise your right hand, put your left hand on this book.

Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

even if this is a Chinese cookbook?

I do.

You may be seated. Proceed.

Now, Kimberly, I'm not going to mention

Arnold's earlier bad behavior,

like snatching cookies, wrecking makeup cases,

and folding legal documents into airplanes.

I am not even gonna stoop to mention any of that.

If he ever stoops, I'm gonna fry.

Now, Kimberly, earlier today,

you heard Arnold mentioning that his goldfish bowl was too small.

That's right. Good.

He asked for justice for his goldfish.

And you brushed him off.

Forget it, no more questions.

Willis, your witness.

That's one for our side.

Kimberly,

did you see Arnold put the goldfish inside the hot tub?

No, I didn't.

That's two for our side.

In other words, you think Arnold is absolutely innocent.

I wouldn't put anything past Arnold.

Our side doesn't know when to shut its big mouth.

That will be all, traitor.

Will the traitor... Witness please step down?

That's for me. I'll get it in the kitchen.

I'll see you on visitor's day, Arnold.

Let's get this trial moving.

The judge's laundry is in the spin cycle.

Does the defense attorney have any witnesses?

Yes, Your Honor, I'd like to call

to the stand my innocent brother.

Arnold, dear, will you please stand up?

I am standing.

Oh.

Do you swear to tell the truth?

I been swearin' for the last two hours, and it ain't done me no good.

Proceed.

Arnold, I am just going to ask you one simple question.

Did you put Abraham inside of the hot tub?

No, sir. I'm innocent, I'm not guilty.

And get the picture?

I believe you.

Your witness, Mr. Prosecution.

Thank you.

Arnold, where were you

just before I found Abraham in the hot tub?

Down here in this living room, being completely innocent.

No, I mean just before that.

In my closet, playing spaceship.

Your Honor, I submit that Arnold saying he was in his closet

is a very weak alibi. And he cannot prove it.

I can so prove it. I got a moth for a witness.

Thank you.

Your Honor, to sum up my case,

everybody heard Arnold complaining

about his fish bowl being too small.

Next, I find his goldfish swimming in my hot tub,

and finally, who is the only witness in Arnold's defense?

A moth.

I rest my case.

Willis, while he's restin', you better get brilliant and save my butt.

Has the defense attorney got anything

to say on behalf of Arnold's butt?

I sure do.

Your Honor, look at this face.

Is this the face of a criminal?

No.

Could this face, after givin' you his word, break his promise?

Never.

Your Honor, my client is innocent.

Amen!

Yeah.

Tell him, brother. Not guilty!

Set me free. Yeah. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

The judge has reached a decision.

Much as I hate to, Arnold, I find you guilty.

Guilty?

And Mr. Drummond's punishment stands.

No skateboard contest for you.

But I'm not guilty!

Now, Arnold, you had a fair trial.

Oh, no, he didn't, Mr. Drummond.

Why wasn't this trial fair?

'Cause Arnold didn't do it.

I had a witness to prove he didn't do it.

Oh? Another moth?

No, me.

Oh? You saw somebody else do it?

That's right, I saw me do it.

I put Abraham inside the hot tub.

What? PHILIP: You did that?

For goodness' sake. I don't understand.

Willis, you're not just saying this to protect Arnold?

Oh, let him say it.

I need all the protection I can get.

It's the truth, Mr. Drummond.

I did it on purpose because I wanted to prove something.

And I proved it.

Proved what, Willis?

I proved that not everybody gets a fair trial

just 'cause it says so in that book.

You know, my client was innocent,

but your justice made him guilty.

You're absolutely right, Willis. Arnold is innocent,

and you deserve a lot of credit

for trying to prove your point.

You know, Willis, you make one great mouthpiece.

Except, Willis, you withheld an important piece of evidence.

Now, if this was a real trial,

you'd be guilty of breaking the law.

You framed your brother.

Give me back my compliment.

But you had a good motive, young man.

But I'm sorry I framed you, Arnold.

Oh, that's all right, dumb head.

You know, you proved something to me, Willis.

I owe Arnold an apology.

I realize I was much too quick to jump

to the conclusion that he was guilty.

Yeah. You were jumpin' pretty good.

We both ought to study up on the law, Mr. Drummond.

The court agrees.

Arnold, you can go to the skateboard contest.

Oh, boy, yippee!

And this case is closed,

so the judge can finish laundry and get din-din on the table.

Wait a minute, Your Honor.

I think Willis deserves some sort of punishment

for withholding evidence from the court.

You're right.

The court sentences Willis to drain and clean the hot tub.

A fitting punishment.

Yeah, and it will save me from doing it.

Court's adjourned.

See, Willis? As I told you,

it isn't a perfect system, but if you're honest with it,

it works pretty well.

Well, I guess so.

But you know something, Arnold?

You got a fair trial after all.

Yeah, in spite of havin' a crooked lawyer.

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Diff'rent strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪