Original subtitles

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Everybody's got a special kind of story

♪ Everybody finds a way to shine

♪ It don't matter that you got

♪ Not a lot, so what?

♪ They'll have theirs you'll have yours

♪ And I'll have mine

♪ And together we'll be fine

♪ 'Cause it takes

♪ Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪

Can I get anybody anything?

I said, can I get anybody anything?

Would anyone like some poached owl on toast?

How about a boiled kangaroo?

Say what?

Oh, sorry, Mrs. Garrett.

Boys, put the comic books away.

It's not polite to read at the table.

I tried to finish this in the bathroom.

Your food's probably cold by now, Willis.

That's okay. I'll warm it up in my stomach.

When you boys finish destroying your flapjacks,

don't forget to help me with your beds.

I'll get some clean sheets.

Not the ones with Mickey Mouse on them.

Last night I dreamed I was a piece of cheese and he ate me.

You must have been Swiss cheese with that big hole you got for a mouth.

Willis, Arnold, peace.

Oh, I gotta get going.

I gotta make the beds, vacuum the rug, do the laundry,

scrub the floors, clean the windows.

Everything's gotta be perfect!

What's the occasion?

The next-door maid is dropping by.

Boys, I want to talk to you about...

Boys.

Boys, I want to talk to you about something very important

that's just around the corner.

The Jewish delicatessen?

No, I mean the time to talk about school is just around the corner.

What's the matter with the school we're going to?

Yeah. It's a great school.

They even got a water fountain

that only comes up to here on me.

No, I have nothing against the school

you boys are going to,

but I just want to be sure you get the very best education possible.

I'd like to enroll you at my old alma mater,

Digby Preparatory School for Boys.

Sounds like a prison.

Maybe I might look taller in stripes.

Digby has turned out some of the great leaders in American industry.

You boys would just love it.

Would you like to have a look at my Digby yearbook sometime?

Sure. Sure.

Good. I just happen to have it under here.

I hope he just doesn't happen to have a teacher under there, too.

Just look at this, boys.

Oh, I haven't been there for years,

but what memories.

Look at that.

There's my old pal, Stinky Rogers.

He is now the president of my bank.

I wouldn't trust my money

with an old dude named Stinky.

What are those kids doing?

That's an old tradition at Digby.

Every spring, the students throw the headmaster into the lake.

Man, I could get to love that tradition.

That's funny, Arnold.

You know, the student that started that tradition

should've been ashamed of himself.

But, I wasn't.

You boys are just going to love it there.

No, we ain't, 'cause we ain't going there.

As half of that "we," don't I get a say in this?

Sure you do. Say no.

Two black kids from Harlem don't belong there.

Oh, I can give you two good reasons why you do.

It's integrated, and if it wasn't for my donations,

that school would be a car wash.

When we first came here,

you said you'd never force us to do anything

we didn't want to do.

That's right. I won't force you.

But I'd always hoped that any sons of mine

would follow in my footsteps.

Four generations of Drummonds have worn the Digby crest.

What's a crest?

Well, it's just an emblem you wear on your jacket.

Is it like a gravy stain?

No. It's a lot more important than that.

Well, it's only a suggestion, you guys.

The idea just occurred to me this morning, but...

Listen, please.

Think about Digby.

Okay.

Okay, we will.

Come on, Arnold. Let's think about it.

I'm thinking.

Okay, that's enough. Forget it.

Hold that, brother.

I ain't through thinking yet.

Well, I am.

That's 'cause your thinker blew a fuse.

This one's mine.

You ain't gettin' none of 'em.

Mrs. Garrett!

Give me my book.

Mr. Drummond? Yes, Mrs. Garrett.

About the boys' Digby prep clothes, that tailor dropped by.

Mrs. Garrett.

Don't worry. I hid the new clothes you had made for them

in the upstairs hall closet.

Mrs. Garrett...

And Mr. Bordinay, the headmaster, returned your call.

He'll come by this morning to escort them to Digby.

And...

I wish I was dead.

If you want me, I'll be in the kitchen with my head in the oven.

Just thought of it this morning, huh, Mr. D.?

So you're trying to force us to go to Digby.

It only looks that way, Willis, because I was.

I'm sorry, boys.

The decision will be up to you.

Okay, Mr. Drummond.

Do you mind if Willis and I talk in private for a minute?

Now what do we need to do that for?

I want to tell you how dumb you are,

but I don't want to say it in front of Mr. Drummond.

I say we go look at Digby.

Since when did you become such a great school-lover?

I ain't. The only thing I like about school

is lunch, recess and summer vacation.

That makes two of us.

Listen, Mr. Drummond loves us

and we owe it to him to look Digby over.

I guess you're right.

All right. Come on, Arnold.

Hey, Mr. Drummond, we decided to go check out your school.

Yeah. We talked it over, and I won, 3 shoves to 2.

That makes me very happy, boys.

And believe me, you won't be sorry.

It's a beautiful school.

Here, let me show you. Look. Look at this.

What are you laughing at?

That picture.

Look at the dumb look on that guy's face.

Hey! That's me.

Good-looking boy, weren't you?

♪ You beautiful doll

♪ You great, big beautiful doll ♪

Don't you look wonderful, Willis.

But why the sunglasses?

So nobody recognizes me.

You know, if I went to a school looking like this in Harlem,

I'd get mugged by the principal.

Arnold, you look very handsome.

Yes, I do.

I must say, Mrs. Garrett, clothes do make the man.

Oh, these outfits are too much.

Hi.

How do I look?

Fits you like a glove.

Arnold's glove.

I had this outfit locked in a trunk for 30 years.

Too bad it escaped.

But you guys just look terrific.

Yes, that's a fact, isn't it?

You know, these outfits are a tradition at Digby.

Like Eton in England.

We never ate in England.

Eton is a school, Arnold.

Oh.

Wait till you see what the headmaster wears.

Starched collar, long black coat.

Does he sleep in a coffin during the daytime?

Well, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting

the new headmaster, Mr. Bordinay,

but they never change.

We're all gonna be on our best behavior, right?

Good behavior, super mouse.

How would you like a fat ankle?

Mr. Drummond?

Yes. Mr. Bordinay.

That's right. Please come in.

Thank you.

Where's your starched collar and long black coat?

It probably got wet when they threw him in the lake.

I beg your pardon?

What the boys mean is,

where is the traditional Digby headmaster attire?

My dear sir, we haven't worn those for years.

Or that archaic outfit you're wearing.

You mean we don't have to wear these monkey suits?

It's only a joke, Willis.

Mr. Bordinay, these are my boys.

This is Willis. And this is Arnold.

I trust you received their records.

We ain't got any records.

We ain't even been picked up for questioning.

School records, Arnold.

Now, why don't you two boys run upstairs

and get changed into something more suitable for Digby.

Oh, we'll try to change into two white boys.

Terrific kids, aren't they?

Yes, fine little chaps.

Mr. Drummond, may I use...

Yes, of course. It's through those doors, right down the hall.

Your telephone?

Oh, oh, oh. Yes, of course. Here.

Help yourself.

Oh...

May I get you some coffee?

Perhaps a spot of tea.

One spot, coming up.

Mrs. Garrett?

Yes, sir?

Mrs. Garrett?

Yes, Mr. Drummond?

Mrs. Garrett, would you please make some tea for Mr. Bordinay?

Right. We should be there in about an hour.

No. Let's feed them before they take the test.

At least they can enjoy their lunch.

I'm afraid there's no way these boys

will pass our Digby entrance exams.

Good afternoon, Mr. Drummond.

Oh! Are the boys home yet?

Do you see the floor covered with comic books and cookie crumbs?

The boys aren't home yet.

Had a great time at lunch today.

Ran into Stinky Rogers.

Oh! With a name like that, I'd walk around him.

He's an old school chum.

We reminisced about the school.

We even did the old school cheer.

What is it? Oh, it's nothing.

Do it. No, I couldn't.

Okay.

Well, if you want to hear it...

Digby, Digby, win the game.

Put the other team to shame.

All around they know our name.

Digby, Digby, Digby!

Oh. I think I hurt myself.

They should change that "Digby, Digby, Digby"

to "Hernia, Hernia, Hernia."

I'll get the door.

Good afternoon.

How ya doing, Mrs. Garrett?

Hi, Mr. Drummond.

Boys, welcome home.

Well, how did you like my old school?

That place is bad.

Far out.

It blows your mind!

Boom!

Well, does that mean you liked it, or you didn't like it?

It was terrific.

They got row boats and tennis and fencing.

And they even got a horse that's just right for me.

I didn't want to upset him and tell him it was a Great Dane.

I knew it was a dog.

He kept stopping at every tree.

I can't tell you how glad I am that you guys really like Digby.

Oh, they even got a lake there that ain't full of garbage.

We met some black kids

and they showed us how to shoot a bow and arrows.

And Willis showed them how to shoot craps.

Willis.

I never want to hear about you shooting craps again.

No gambling in this family. Period.

Mr. Drummond, we're really gonna dig it at Digby.

We're gonna make you proud of us.

The only thing we didn't like was the headmaster.

Yeah. That Mr. Bordinay walks around

like somebody starched his shorts.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Mr. Bordinay.

Yes, the boys are back.

And they love the school.

Tests?

What tests?

Oh, no.

That low, huh?

Well, listen. I can get them a private tutor.

Well, isn't there some way that you can get them in?

Oh.

I'm very disappointed, and the boys will be, too.

I see. Goodbye.

What's the matter, Mr. Drummond?

The boys won't be going to Digby.

They failed the entrance test.

Oh, no!

I just feel awful.

I got them so excited about going,

they just loved the school.

Yeah.

I know how you must feel.

It's going to be a terrible letdown for them.

Why don't I whip up two ice cream sodas to ease the boys' pain.

It's painful for all of us. Make it three.

I'll make it four.

Arnold, what kind of classes are you gonna take at Digby?

I think I'm gonna take sailing, swimming,

and this here class in gourmet cooking.

Why you gonna take a class like gourmet cooking?

'Cause they're bound to need somebody to do some gourmet eating.

What do you think of that school cheer?

Kind of corny, huh?

Yeah. Maybe we could jazz it up a little.

Yeah. I got an idea. Watch this.

Boys, I want to talk to you.

Just one second, Mr. Drummond.

Lay your ears on this.

Digby, Digby, win the game.

Put the other team to shame.

All around they know our name,

Digby, Digby, Digby! Yeah!

I tell you, boys, I never really liked that cheer.

As a matter of fact, I never cared much for the school.

Say what?

You know something?

It really doesn't matter to me whether you go there or not.

What you talking about?

Mr. Drummond, are you trying to con us out of going to this school?

Oh, why, no.

But I just wouldn't want the feeling

that I was pushing you into it.

I mean, you don't have to pretend you like it for my sake.

We're not pretending. I'm happy.

You want me to lay a smile on you?

I owe you a smile. I don't have all my teeth.

Listen, guys, I'm gonna level with you.

You know those tests that they gave you?

Yeah.

Your scores were very low.

How low?

I'm afraid too low.

Does that mean we can't go to Digby?

Let's just face it, Arnold.

We're just plain dumb.

Yeah.

Only you've been dumb a lot longer than me.

You are not dumb.

Yes, we are, Mr. Drummond.

We let you down.

Don't say that, Willis.

Then I'll say it.

We let you down, Mr. Drummond.

We were trying to make you so proud of us.

I am proud of you. Very proud, Willis.

Does that include me?

Come here.

Listen, you guys.

There's no way you let me down.

And you're not dumb. That's just a lot of...

I'm not gonna say the word.

Is that the word you won't let us say?

Now listen, you guys.

I know that you're both very smart.

I don't understand how they could have failed you.

Something is wrong here.

It must have been all those trick questions.

What do you mean, trick questions?

The kind that need answers.

I mean, special answers.

They wanted to know

what does the blindfolded lady with the scales represent?

Willis, that is the symbol of our American legal system.

My answer was wrong.

What did you say?

I said the scales meant she was in the market.

And the blindfold meant she didn't want

to see the butcher rip her off.

My questions were even trickier, Mr. Drummond.

Oh, like what?

Like, they asked me how many people could sleep in a house

with three bedrooms, and a double bed in each room.

Yeah. And what was your answer?

18.

18?

Yeah. We know people who get three in a bed, two on the floor,

six on the couch, and one in the bathroom.

And of course, the one in the bathtub goes crazy

from the water dripping on his head.

You know something, boys,

for the first time, I'm beginning to understand something.

Me, too. We're dumb.

Now, stop it, Arnold.

No! Those tests are dumb.

They asked you questions you couldn't possibly relate to.

I mean, that's like asking

a Chinese cook how to make a pizza.

Man, that's a dirty trick to play on a stomach.

You know something, boys?

I think we're going to invite the headmaster, Mr. Bordinay,

to drop in tomorrow morning for a little visit.

To do what?

I'll explain that to you later.

Hello. Mr. Bordinay, please.

Philip Drummond calling.

Hello, Bordinay.

I wonder if you could be at my apartment tomorrow morning at 10:00.

It's very important.

Oh, I'll tell you how important.

You know that auditorium I'm building for you?

I'm sure you'd like it to have a roof.

Yeah. I'll be expecting you.

You want me, the headmaster of Digby, to take a test?

That's right.

Surely you're joking.

Boys, are we joking?

I don't hear anybody laughing.

Me, either.

The tests you gave my boys were very unfair,

and we're gonna prove that to you.

Really, Mr. Drummond,

it's the same test used by other schools like Digby.

I do not intend to stay for this.

Mr. Bordinay, we are talking about my sons.

I suggest you listen, or that auditorium without a roof

might also be without an auditorium.

Under the circumstances, I'd love to take the test.

All right, guys. Start the questions.

Question number one.

If there's no water in the house, how do you take a shower?

Well, obviously you can't.

Wrong.

You wait for them to turn on the fire hydrant,

run out on the street with your underwear.

That's ridiculous.

You're a little out of touch, Mr. Bordinay. Willis.

If I gave you a brown egg, two charlies, and a deuce of rust,

what would you have?

I think I'd have a headache.

Wrong.

You'd have $2.21.

In what country?

In the old country. We call it Harlem.

Harlem.

Really, Mr. Drummond, I think this is going a little too far.

Oh? You put my boys through exactly the same experience.

Question number three, Arnold.

Question number three is:

Name three different kinds of blues.

Three kinds of blue.

Well, there's azure, indigo,

and baby blue.

Wrong.

Where we come from, the three blues are

low down, barrelhouse and gut-bucket.

Are my boys getting through to you, Mr. Bordinay?

Obviously your point is

that anyone unfamiliar with the

street environment couldn't pass your test.

Right.

And anybody unfamiliar with your environment

couldn't possibly pass the Digby test.

Au contraire.

Oh con what?

Our test is unfailingly fair, Mr. Drummond.

For the right people.

Are you saying that only the right people get into Digby?

Let's say it's more of a test to keep the wrong people out.

That's one nice thing about Harlem.

Anybody can get in.

Mr. Bordinay, I am shocked and ashamed

to learn that my old school is one of the few remaining

to hang onto this stupid, narrow-minded way of judging intelligence.

But, Mr. Drummond...

And I would hope that in the next six months,

Digby could straighten out its act.

But...

And if you can't, I'll use every bit of influence I can muster

to see that you get thrown out on your...

But... Exactly.

And now, I'd like to show you the door.

Very well.

There's the door.

You were great, Mr. Drummond.

No, I wasn't.

Yeah. You shoulda belted him before he left.

No, I'll tell you what I should have done, fellas.

I should have paid more attention

to what was going on in my old school.

I didn't even realize that the clothes had changed.

When you really care about something in life,

you should follow through,

not just leave it to other people.

Boy, going to school can sure mess up a person's life.

One day you guys will be very glad

that you had a good education.

Mr. Drummond's right, Arnold.

Yeah, I know.

But until then, it's 20 more years of homework.

Shall we celebrate the future college

graduations of Willis and Arnold Jackson

with some delicious ice cream sodas?

Hey! Thank you.

Hey, there are five there. What's the extra one for?

Whoever finishes first.

♪ Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum

♪ What might be right for you may not be right for some

♪ A man is born he's a man of means

♪ Then along come two

♪ They got nothin' but their jeans

♪ But they got Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world

♪ Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world, yes, it does

♪ It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world! ♪