Original subtitles

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: RAYMOND CHOW MAN—WAI

PRODUCER: LEONARD HO KOON—CHEUNG

SCREENPLAY: ERIC TSANG CHI—WAI

DIRECTOR: SAMMO HUNG KAM—BO

— Let’s go? — Yes, let’s go.

Excuse me, please.

You take the stairs up.

Something’s wrong. Let’s go!

This way.

After them!

What are you doing?!

— Damn, a dead end. — Back up.

Over there.

Idiot!

What now?

Take a chance!

Sit tight.

What are you doing, for heaven’s sake?

Split up and look.

FUJI—O HIGHLAND

What are you doing?!

Over there!

Watch out!

Relax. Those two won’t be able to find us now.

Let’s go again.

Still running?!

Who are you people?!

Welcome! Welcome!

Can you take our picture, please?

Thanks.

— There. — One more picture.

Come on! I’ll take one of you, too.

Thanks.

— Do we really have to go in? — We’ve already got the tickets for this.

You’re something else.

The photos have been developed.

Didn’t I say there’d be perks to joining my club?

As soon as that cop’s within our range, he’s as good as dead.

Ping! Answer the phone.

Why are there so many calls 24 hours a day?!

I’m in charge of taking phone calls from every undercover agent in the world!

Try the Bulgarian line!

Hello? Hello...?

Answer it yourself.

It’s the Japs!

Hello? Superintendent Cho? It’s Muscles.

I’ve found him. That scumbag’s come out of hiding.

— Why haven’t you hauled him back, then? — We couldn’t handle him.

Even Ricky’s been kidnapped as well.

That’s simple. I’ll send over two more agents to help you out.

No point. He already knows who’s in the Hong Kong Special Branch.

So, now what?

Find my sidekick from the orphanage days Francolin Greens to come help me.

What? Francolin Greens?!

Big brother, if we don’t get rid of Lawyer Seven’s goods soon,

we’ll be in trouble.

So what’s the price now compared to what we paid?

It’s increased by about 32 times.

Sell it, sell it. I thought I could earn more.

Big brother, Dicky and Little Lam are fighting.

— Why are they fighting? — Over that girl Brigitte.

Get me Brigitte.

Tell them they can have this picture for a week each. That’ll do, right?

Hey! You asshole!

Leave it alone, it’s for the boss!

Just take it, then! How can he be like that?

— Big brother, it’s Maggie Cheung. — Is it clean or dirty?

Clean, of course! It’s only been used to wrap chicken wings.

Pocket it. Save it for me.

Hey! Get back to work!

Call all of those scumbags from block 3 over here.

7181!

5734!

6377!

Come here!

— Sir, they’re all here. — Alright. Call 1663 over here.

You can go back to work.

1663!

Come here!

1663, you’re a free man today.

Sir, you’re saying I can go free today?

Sir, don’t tease me. I’ve got a clear head about these things.

Even taking into account all the public holidays and weekends,

I’ll be here at least till Mid—Autumn Festival.

Because of your good behavior, you’re being released early.

You’re free to go.

— Really? — Have I everjoked with you before?!

Sir, I’ve got to get my belongings. You know, my watch, ring, and lighter....

No need. Here’s $500.

Take it as police compensation for your losses. Just take it and go.

Can I say something to my brothers, then?

I’ll give you 30 seconds.

Thank you, sir.

Right, I have to go now.

There’s four packs of Marlboro under the flower pot.

There’s over half left in the bottle of Coke under the bed.

Share it among the brothers.

Remember to put away Cherie Chung, Moon Lee, Jenny Tseng, and Terry Hu!

1663, time’s up!

Sir, I’m leaving.

Goodbye, sir.

l want to fly up into the sky——

Don’t move!

What crime have I committed?

Prison break!

It’s a blatant stitch—up, then!

A stitch—up’s a stitch—up.

But if you cooperate with the police, a prison break will turn into a release.

There’s also a $2 million reward.

— Seems like World War III is here, then. — It’s not that serious.

We just want you to work with the police and bring some guy to justice.

Is it a cop?

The big tree has dead branches.

We have a rotten apple inside the force.

Using Special Branch as cover,

he stole 100 million US. dollars’ worth of gems.

He escaped to Japan

and sought help from a group known as the Scarecrow Club.

The police can no longer pursue him,

so we want to borrow your criminal expertise

and use a crook to catch a crook.

Hey! Can’t you be more polite about it?

I became a crook because I couldn’t join the police due to my weight.

That’s why I’ve always said they should loosen the selection criteria.

Now, a yes or a no.

Will you do it?

I’ll do it. But I need to find my buddies to help me.

I don’t care what gang of misfits you put together.

Just as long as you report at this address in 24 hours’ time

and await my orders.

Can you put down a deposit at least?

I expected as much.

Here.

Hey... Write down the names of your buddies for me first.

Let’s go. It’s only a pipe dream!

— This is a really good movie, isn’t it? — Yes.

Hey, Yankee Ginseng!

There are five decaying teeth.

Three on top. Two on the bottom.

$3,000.

What? Say again!

— $5,000. — Can’t hear clearly.

— $7,000. — I don’t have that many cavities.

Give me another price.

$10,000.

It’s all I have on me.

It’s a deal. Hand it over.

Play it cool. Or the knife’ll be red when I pull it out.

Come in.

Doctor, IVIr. IVIillionaire Chan is outside.

He says he is busy and wants to be seen now.

Ask him to wait outside for two minutes.

There’s a Millionaire Chan here? Shouldn’t let good food go to waste.

Hey, he’s——

I know! He’s called IVIillionaire Chan, right?

With a name like that, he’s gotta have at least a few hundred thousand.

— Don’t be rash. — What rash? Shut up and get over there.

Don’t be like that.

Don%?

Did you think ”don’t" when you were having an affair with that dentist?!

No, I didn’t.

— IVIr. Chan, calm down. — Don’t.

IVIr. Chan, please come in.

— You sir, are Mr. IVIillionaire Chan? — Indeed. Wait, you know who I am?

Doctors have the heart of a parent.

Everyone I give treatment to isjust like my own children.

It doesn’t matter if! know you or not, right?

Do you know this person?

She’s an old flame.

An old flame?

That means something did go on, then.

Something? Do you mean a relationship?

Of course there was.

Did you know that I also had a relationship with her?

What relationship?

— Husband and wife. — What a coincidence.

You can die without any regrets this time, right?

Buddy, look closely, I’m not that guy——

Tell me that he’s not the adulterer!

Yes, it’s him.

This is the moment that you will show yourtrue manhood.

IVIanhood I have, but I really don’t know you.

I’m going to kill you pair of adulterers!

— Don’t be like this! —Youm!

— Don’t! — Out of my way!

Don’t move! We’re police!

— Who are you? — I’m a crook.

Right! So it’s cops catching robbers. That makes sense. 36YE?!

— I know what to do. —Take him in!

So you’re a crook?

IVIove it!

Right, don’t go anywhere. The uniforms will be here soon.

I am Columbus! America was discovered by me!

Why are you taking such a scrawny dog out for a walk?

This is a dog now? It’s a duck!

I’m talking to the duck. It’s none of your business.

Goodbye.

TELEKINESIS: THE BASICS

With complete concentration, I focus my will.

I want you to...

lay an egg.

Lay an egg.

Lay an egg.

Hey, he’s already gone insane. Why are we still looking for him?

He’s saner than you. Where else is better than here?

There’s food and shelter,

you don’t have to pay, and you don’t have to rack your brain.

Hey, he’s overthere.

Hey, Big Rehmannia.

It’s you lot.

Have we got a job?

Of course. Why else would we be looking for you?

Fantastic! Fantastic! We’ll soon be on easy street!

Let’s go....

Get rich! Get rich! It’s my turn to get rich!

Here, I’m giving you the puppy.

This puppy is a female.

Hey, let’s play mahjong tonight.

Let’s play mahjong tonight.

Let’s play mahjong tonight!

Let’s play mahjong tonight!

What time?

What time?

What time?!

I said, what time?!

— I said, what time?! — 3 o’clock.

Hey, you round up the others, then.

You round up the others.

You round up the others!

You round up the others!

You round up the others!

OK, OK.

— Why aren’t you working? — What?

Why are you walking around and not working?!

— What? — Why aren’t you working?

You’re too noisy, I can’t hear you.

Hey, what are you doing?

It’s his own fault for scolding me! Now I have to slack off.

So I’m just going to move this case around.

Hey! Dinner time!

Hey, didn’t iVIonk Fruit used to work with you?

What’s he doing here?

When his sister was single, I helped him out.

She’s married now, so why bother?

— Buddy, where is IVIonk Fruit? — He went out to eat.

Deal faster! We’re back at work soon.

Iwon!

— Him again! — It was flying over here.

Hey, he’s overthere.

Hey——

— It’s me! — Dammit! It was coming over——

Big Bro, Big Bro Big, Big Big Bro, Big Bro Big Big.

Quit carrying sodas. Come with us.

I’m done playing, you guys go on. I’m off to get rich.

Hey, the money!

— Hey, what was that card game? — African Rummy.

— African Rummy? How’s it played? — It’s simple. Just like playing Rummy.

We each hold 13 cards and wait. Whoever’s hand the fly lands on wins.

Hey, Francolin Greens, I don’t know what you want us for.

But if IVIonk Fruit’s in, I won’t be. I don’t work with low IQs.

He’s still our brother though. He may be simple, but he’s loyal.

He’s more toil than he is loyal.

Tell him to hit the road, see if he’ll do it. Loyal...

Now then, IVIonk Fruit, I’ve asked you to come with us for a job.

— It could be dangerous though—— — Say no more, big brother.

I’ll do whatever you want, besides being a planner.

Even if you want me to sacrifice my life, it’s no problem.

What if I tell you to hit the road, then?

See that, big brother? I hit the road.

TELEKINESIS: THE BASICS

Hey, don’t read when you’re driving.

Turn left...

Turn left.

Hey! We’re going to crash!

A close shave!

Are you trying to kill us?

I’m sorry. I’ve caught the wrong bus!

Big Rehmannia! What the hell are you playing at?

First things first. Francolin Greens, you handle the lorry driver.

I’ll handle the minibus driver.

Hey, pal!

— What do we do now? — Don’t worry.

We stick together and take on the enemy. Be loud and aggressive. Got it?

— Got it? — Got it.

Come on!

Today the sky is clear and the air is fresh.

The wind is gentle with a light breeze.

It’s buzzing, can’t help but rub shoulders with every passerby. The road is bustling.

The cars just come and go: South, North, West, East!

Get on on the left, off on the right. There’s a front and there’s a back.

You advance; I retreat.

You damn asshole, wrecking my van?!

If you’re gonna speak, think carefully before opening your mouth.

Oh, yeah, Yankee Ginseng, last month someone crashed into your car.

What happened to that bloke?

He’s now a rug at my place.

He has patches of hair here and there.

My friends who saw it thought I killed a bear with eczema.

Hey, Rhinohide, what happened to that guy who scratched your car?

Let it go. No point dredging up things that were hard to swallow.

Hey, what about you, Francolin Greens?

I’m more compassionate.

I put mine into a glass bottle, soaked him in solvents,

and donated him to the University of H.K. as a specimen.

Oh yeah... Monk Fruit, let this brother know about your bust—ups.

IVIe?

When my car is hit,

I get out straight away and say, ”I’m sorry.”

Then I take out my wallet and give him all my money.

Then I tell him it won’t happen again and if he would please forgive me.

You brat.

Brothers, that situation was exactly like this one.

There’s no way I could’ve talked big!

Nephew.

Tell me if there’s a problem.

— Are these men bullying you? — Yes.

Turns out we all be Ka Ki Nan! [Teochew term for ”own people"]

As soon as I ’eard your accents, I knew we all ’ailed from the same clan.

To think there was about to be a right bloodbath!

Now wit’ a single utterance, a flood’s become water under the bridge!

Sorry...!

Forget the formalities. They’re my people.

If we’re too formal, it’s as though we be strangers!

Right! We have amity...!

Let’s move all the cars and get out o’ the way of the good people. Sorted.

Hey, brother.

Tell me, haven’t Teochew folks always been real tight—knit?

Yes.

Haven’t they always stuck by brothers even in the jaws 0’ death?!

Yes.

Haven’t they always been about their own and ne’er about outsiders?!

— Yes. — So tell me, then. I, a Teochewese,

in the face of all these fellow Teochew compatriots——

should I be ruffled?

Ya needn’t be ruffled.

But ’ere you are, blockin’ me way. I’m feelin’ a bit ruffled.

So let us through. Alright?

You can go, but they can’t go.

That’s some right crap! They all ’ail from Teochew too!

They’ve just been in H.K. for too long and picked up other languages!

They don’t look like us.

— Faces change, y’know?! — That’s right...!

IVIonk Fruit, recite for this uncle ’ere

The Moonlight before my Bed in Teochew dialect.

— Yeah! — Yeah, recite it to me.

Anything. Just say somethin’ in Teochew.

Sewan—E/ewan? [”Seven—Eleven” in broken English]

Sewan—E/ewan?

Brother, what he said wasn’t Teochew dialect.

What did I tell ya?!

I’m always tellin’ ya to speak more Teochew like me.

But ya don’t listen! What do we do now?

What’s with all the chit—chat?! You Teochew guys are so up yourselves!

Telekinesis, really?! You got us into a right kerfuffle!

I like doing it! The van’s stolen anyway. Who cares if we wreck it.

You lot just lack resolve and didn’t dare face a stronger enemy, is all.

Yeah, it’s really all Francolin Greens’ fault.

He said he can take on 100, but he copped out at a few dozen!

What’s that? Like you can talk?!

If it wasn’t for your Sewan—Elewan, we wouldn’t have gotten into that mess!

Forget it... Shut up. Just pick whoever to take the blame and that’ll be that.

Sure.

Sure?

It’s always you, you damn brat! ”Sewan—Elewan,” huh?!

It is Sewan—E/ewan though!

— You brat. — OK, OK... That’s enough.

Let’s just forget about it.

Here. Please drive here, would you?

— So what’s this place we’re going to? — Oh, it’s that place there.

So what kind of place is it, then?!

Well, I don’t actually know.

Just go to the address and we’ll find out when we’re there.

Hey, Francolin Greens, what is this place?

I don’t know.

I was just told to come here and make contact.

Yankee Ginseng, I think this house is older than both you and me.

It’s definitely older than me. But maybe not older than you.

Being old or not isn’t the problem,

the main thing is that it’s not dilapidated.

Doesn’t matter. It’s only two—stories tall so a fall won’t kill you.

Worst case is a fire; we’d really be out of the frying pan.

If careful, we’ll be OK. I’m worried about ghosts.

No surprise if it’s haunted. Who knows how the previous owners died?

Have you finished yet?

Finished.

Come on!

Good luck, not bad luck...

It’s totally different on the inside.

It gives me an inside—looking—out and outside—Iooking—in feeling!

Not just that. Even the colors are a match for me.

Yes, I feel it’s like a brothel in here. It suits you to a tee.

What?

— Hey, can you help me? — With what?

Right. If I begin to stare at an object,

— I want you to break my focus. — No problem.

Sit down.

Yummy.

Francolin Greens... we’re all here now.

Talk to us and don’t keep us guessing.

There’s nothing I hate more than using my brain.

It’s not hate; it’s a lack of! You have no brain, so how can you?

Rhinohide,

in the orphanage, did we ever fight?

It’s not fighting if it’s one—sided.

Back then, you only knew how to beg on your knees.

Now, then. A man’s existence lacks only two things.

The first is a woman.

The second is...

self—respect!

So? Lay a hand on me, then. You’d be stupid not to.

So what if I touch you? It’s not like I’ll die.

— And I wouldn’t dare touch you, then? — I’d just touch you back.

Hey, don’t fight you two. Someone will get hurt.

— What? — What’s it to you?

This fight’s already started. I like touching you. So?

— Don’t touch me again! — Touching you again.

If I was someone else, you’d be punched already!

— I hope you don’t touch me again. — I like touching you.

— Can you stop touching me?! — I want to.

— I’m warning you, don’t touch me again! — What are you going to do?

If you keep trying to touch me...

Replace hostility with friendship....

Replace hostility with friendship....

Hey!

Why did you kick me?

You told me to break your concentration if staring intensely at something.

Can’t you see I’m helping? Think I won’t make your stomach explode?!

He——

Thank God it’s not me. He can give you a stomachache just by looking.

IVIe first!

— What is it? — It’s you!

I ate some grapes and have been crapping since!

How many toilets are in this house?

There are five, but... I’m using this one.

Hey, old man, do you know if the grass is longer to my left or to my right?

Go to your right!

Better not.

Is everyone better now?

Hey, who the hell are you?

I’m

He... was the sergeant who first arrested me.

That was then.

Now I’m the superintendent of the Special Branch.

Last name Cho. My English name is Walter.

Hey, Francolin Greens, are you shopping us to the cops?

— It’s not my fault. Really! — So cocky?!

— Damn you. Get up. — No!

It’s not his fault. I forced him to.

So it’s nothing to do with us. We’re going.

No need to hurry.

Turn on the TV and see if there’s any special bulletins.

What news?

I don’t know.

...we’ll stir—fry some more...

and soon the dish will be ready to serve.

Special News Report

Hello, everyone. We now bring you a special bulletin.

At 2pm today, a gang ofsix masked men and women

stormed into the Golden Harvest Bank in Tsim Sha Tsui East.

They threatened the bank employees with guns,

and made off with 200,000,000 HKD. They are currently still at large.

What follows is an interview conducted by our correspondent at the scene.

Do the police have any leads yet?

We do. Although the perpetrators were all masked during the robbery,

according to some reliable sources, we already know their pseudonyms:

Rhinohide,

Francolin Greens, Big Rehmannia,

Monk Fruit, Yankee Ginseng,

— and Empress Flower. — Thank you.

And that concludes our special bulletin.

It’s got nothing to do with me.

Hey! It’s got nothing to do with me. You’ve got to believe me!

Don’t be so hasty.

This situation was completely engineered by myself.

You are now fugitives wanted by the police.

You can’t escape.

However, this hideout of yours here is known only to me.

No one knows?

You don’t have to worry.

Apart from me, there is nobody else who knows about this situation.

In fact, my visit today was a top—secret operation.

ReaHy?

I guarantee this, for I am Walter Cho.

Brothers, I have a suggestion.

Since Supt. Cho came here all on his own and without anybody else’s knowledge,

why don’t we play our old game with him?

— Five Great Bandits Thrash the Police? — Yes.

Die!

Help...!

— Freeze! — Don’t move!

Luckily I sold my name to the Hong Kong Government ages ago.

Otherwise, I’d have been beaten to death by you schmucks!

Now then, if you don’t have a go at me, they won’t have a go at you.

Well?

We won’t.

Good. Then there’s no problem here. Stand down.

Stand down...!

You’re all intelligent people.

You should understand now that you’re between a rock and a hard place.

I won’t leave you cut off and helpless though.

I have a top assistant who will accompany you.

No need. The five of us can handle it.

That’s right. Don’t have us join forces with the Royal Police.

Can’t have the cops and crooks working hand in glove.

I don’t know. Whenever we’ve teamed up, we’ve been up against the police.

Now you want us to co—operate?

— Fat chance! — I second that.

Hey!

Hi, pretty girl.

Who are you looking for?

I’m Supt. Cho’s assistant.

I’m called Venus. Let me help you with your luggage.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Superintendent Cho.

You’re here. But it’s no use now.

With a top fit police officer like yourself to help us,

— the mission is already half—completed. — Yeah!

Welcome...!

— Welcome. — Welcome, IVIiss.

— Please take a seat. — OK.

Sit down.

Please take a seat.

Excuse me, please. Sit down.

It is now time for me to leave.

IVIiss Wu will fill you in on the details of the mission.

Fine, got it.

Hey, why don’t you four see Superintendent Cho out?

No need.

It’s not like anyone will move now.

iVIiss Wu, come over here.

Please.

— Make sure you follow the plan. — I will.

OK, I wish you success.

Fine, whatever. Have an early night or something.

I will now begin by introducing myself.

My name is Wu.

I belong to the Royal Hong Kong Police Special Branch,

Squad No.1. Designation, inspector.

You can call me Inspector Wu.

However, in order to protect my identity,

you should call me ”Empress Flower."

So she’s Empress Flower!

Like we needed you to tell us.

IVIiss Empress Flower!

Who is it?

What is it?

Can’t you hear it?

No.

I saw a dark shadowjust now. They might have entered your room.

— Is he under here? — Hey! What are you doing?

This is such an old trick!

Get out.

Fine. You take care.

Don’t move, this is a robbery!

A real robbery!

Quit whining or I’ll stab you to death! Now what, big brother?

Hey! Don’t move! Don’t move!

Tie them up!

Get up!

— Don’t resist or they’ll kill us. — Give me the rope.

You better keep quiet or I’ll skewer you!

— Let’s see if there’s anything. — Empress Flower, don’t be scared.

It’ll be over soon.

Don’t cry out for help until it’s safe.

Done!

Big Rehmannia, you’re up. Hurry up.

Hurry up and go in.

What’s going on? What happened?

There’s been a robbery.

You’ve been robbed? Why were you so clumsy?

Don’t worry. Let me undo the rope.

Big Rehmannia, you stay here and protect Empress Flower.

I’ll call the police.

Empress Flower, I’m here. Don’t be scared.

Don’t move, this is a robbery!

A robbery.

How dare you commit a robbery with me around?! What do you want?!

— Out of the way! — Big brother, what do we do?

Tie them up.

Don’t move.

Tie them up tighter.

Hey, let’s see what they’ve got.

— It’s a bust. Let’s scram. — Yeah!

Since we’re like this, how about a dance?

Dance on your idiot head!

— What happened? — Nothing, nothing.

— We’ve been robbed. — Robbed?

You protect her. I’ll call the police.

— It wasn’t long enough. — Hey, where are you going?

Get in there.

—Get changed. — Hurry up and go in.

Don’t move! Robbery!

Another robbery?

What do you want?

We only want your money, not your body!

Go overthere!

Damn you!

Resist us, damn fatty? Get over there.

IVIove it.

You’re so heavy, I can’t breathe!

Hey, damn fatty. Watch yourself!

— I know. — It’s a bust. Let’s go.

Don’t be scared.

— Thanks very much. Off you go. — Someone will be here soon.

— What’s going on here?! — Robbery!

A robbery!

Hey, you take care of her, I’ll call the police.

Alright...!

— It’s your turn now. — Come on! Hurry up.

— Are you OK? — Don’t move! Robbery!

I’m going to faint.

— What now, big brother? — Tie them up.

Stand straight!

Now it’s my turn. Finally, it’s my turn.

Hey, IVIonk Fruit, what happened here?

I’m doing fine. You can go. Don’t worry about me.

It looks like you’ve been robbed. Poor you, let me undo the rope.

It must be rough being like this. It’s OK now. Don’t be scared.

— Thanks. — Right. It’s fine now.

Let’s call the police.

Idiot! If we call the police together, who’ll protect Empress Flower? Get out!

Go on, go.

If you’re being robbed, you should scream loud.

If you’d screamed earlier, I’d have come in and protected you,

so you wouldn’t have had to suffer.

Did you know that I care about you the most?

Don’t move! This is a robbery!

Yeah, yeah... robbery!

— Another robbery?! — Yeah, another robbery?

Big bro big, shall we tie them up?

That’s right. But when I came in,

I suddenly felt that this guy’s way too arrogant.

That’s why I brought extra rope especially so we can tie them up separately!

— Tie them up separately? — Don’t you agree?

— Yes! — Come on!

Don’t tie me up...! What’s the meaning of this, then?

You all got to be tied up with her but you do us separately at my turn?!

I’m not playing anymore...!

IVIonk Fruit, you asshole, I’ve always said you lacked loyalty!

I’m not IVIonk Fruit!

You! You think we don’t recognize you just because you’re wearing a mask?

It’s nothing to do with me. Nothing happened between us, right?

Sorry, we were only playing with you. We’re done playing...!

All of you, get out now!

Get out.

You’re totally out of order. You think this is fun?!

It’s late. Let’s get some sleep.

Get out!

Welcome! Welcome!

It’s late. Let’s get some sleep.

We’re sorry.

We’re really sorry.

Please excuse us. We’re just playing around.

We’re going now.

Smile everyone.

Ready, smile.

One more photo.

Hey, since we’re dressed like this,

is there really gonna be a plane for us to fly?

They won’t let you takeoff. They’ll let you whack off though.

— Whack off? How do you do that? — Ask Empress Flower.

Shorty, now you know how to whack off, right?

Like this?

— Whacking me? — Hey...!

Hey...! You’re always fooling around. I’ll smack you! Get in!

Forget it.

Welcome.

You wait here while I get you checked in.

You guys stand here, I’m off to find a toilet.

I need a drink of water.

I’m off to check out the prime goods here.

Stand there and don’t move.

Honorable guest.

IVIy humblest apologies. This is for the Telex machine.

It is not toilet paper.

Thank you for your understanding!

[made—up Japanese]

Fong, wait here, I’ve got to get something.

Buddy, why don’t you watch where you’re going?

If you’re watching, you should’ve gotten out of my way.

My eyes have always been preoccupied.

What are your pervert eyes looking at?

Hey, that Jap gal’s pretty hot.

And how would you know that she’s a Jap gal?

Can you tell the difference between watercress and carrots, then?

To room 2718, please.

Monk Fruit, why are you squatting here?

I lost 100 yen outside.

If you dropped it outside, why look in here? You’re so stupid!

It’s so dark outside, how will I find it?

It’s so bright in here. Of course I’d look for it here.

Yeah, just keep looking, then. Look till dawn, stupid.

If you dropped it outside, how are you going to find it in here?

I found it! 100 yen.

Hey! That’s mine, not yours.

— We can go up. — Get the suitcases.

Now this is a nice environment!

Hey, who do you think’s getting this room?

Well, it’s not you.

I knew that from the start.

You’re all staying in this room because the hotel is full.

Even I have to stay here.

Jackpot!

So we can all bunk together?

If you want to bunk together, I won’t object.

Because you’ll be sleeping in the lounge, and I’ll be in the bedroom.

Let me help you with that.

Empress Flower, this room has two beds, so...

So?

— We can’t waste a bed. — That’s right...!

OK, one of you have the bed.

Hey...!

Don’t embarrass her. Get out...!

I’m sorry, Empress Flower. We brothers have something to discuss.

We’ll be done soon.

Get out!

Get out.

Alright.

My good brothers whom I grew up together with.

I, Rhino Hide, have now reached middle age.

iVIy youth is coming to an end.

Whether through pity or loyalty, can you please let me have the bed?

IVIonk Fruit, set a good example, you speakfirst.

— No. — What’s that?!

That’s Cantonese. He already said no.

IVIonk Fruit, tell me again.

No. No. No. Ever since we were kids, when haven’t I complied with you?

But I’m a big boy now and I have to find a wife!

So when it comes to picking up girls, how can I give in?!

Fine.

— We’ll settle this the old way, then. — Fine.

One day while passing by your door

A bucket of water you did pour

Water splashed on my leather shoes

All the passers—by went, ”Ha ha ha ha”

Not a single thing to me did you say

Just squinted your eyes at me this way

Which bit is funny?

The bit that you’re pretending to know Japanese.

And you know it, then?

No, I really can’t take it anymore! I’m going in there to rape her!

Hey! Wait a minute! You’re a monster, saying ”rape” at a time like this.

— If I don’t say ”rape,” what do I say? — Gang rape.

Good stuff! Real brotherhood!

Let’s go.

Hey...! How can you do that?!

— It’s none of your business. — Get out of the way!

— What? — Empress Flower, they want to rape you!

Why, you...! You want to rape Empress Flower?!

— You truly are inhuman. — How can you think such loathsome things!

And I thought I knew you.

You total low—life!

Please excuse me for kicking you by mistake.

But misunderstandings happen. Don’t hold this against me.

I won’t hold it against you.

But I don’t know why it still hurts so much.

— Close your eyes. — But I won’t be able to see you.

You can see me after I’ve rubbed this in.

_ __ — Don’t say a word.

— Rubbing, huh? — Acting up over nothing.

You’re on the floor. The bed’s too good for you!

Hey, the bed’s got two layers. Give me one.

Can’t you move it yourself?

Do you know him?

Pigeon Grass.

That’s right. He’s here in Japan and changed his name to iVIuscles.

— Francolin Greens, you—— — Say no more. I quit.

Pigeon Grass is only out for himself. Being with him will be the death of you.

Francolin Greens.

You mustn’t let the personal matters get in the way of work.

I don’t want to shirk my responsibilities.

But the truth is, it’s hard to cooperate with him.

When we were kids, we stole sweet potatoes together,

But when we got caught, he stabbed me in the back.

Then when we grew up,

we were playing rummy and I gave him the good cards.

He won, and he didn’t split the winnings.

When I was a working man,

Itold him I planned to rob a gambling den.

After he heard my entire plan,

he told me that he was a cop, and even busted the joint.

Now you want me to work with him?

Francolin Greens, look at me.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

If that’s true, can you see into my heart?

I don’t understand.

Then come closer.

And now?

I can only see myself.

He is everything that is inside my heart.

You’re a hero in my eyes.

But regretfully, I’ve never seen you commit a grand act.

— You will soon. — That just makes me so excited.

I can witness with my own eyes a real man displaying his heroic courage.

The Francolin Greens that never yields.

— I’m here. — Don’t block my lips.

I have to praise you with words.

You must bravely advance forth.

Let us work together, hand in hand, and destroy the forces of evil! OK?

Let’s go, then.

I was a bit too powerful there.

This way.

In here.

iVIuscles?

iVIuscles?

Fatty, don’t make any rash moves.

What are you doing here?

Blind date.

Where is IVIuscles? Tell me!

I’m looking for him too.

We can’t let a single one escape!

There’s just the two of us?

There’s also me!

It’s only ever bad news with you.

— That’s the scumbag. — Take them out!

Present for you!

Francolin Greens, it’s been a while. How are you?

I was fine up until now.

Thank you for your help.

Don’t thank me. If I’d known it was you——

Let’s forget our childhood for now. We have an important mission.

Help me tie them up first.

Here’s 20 million yen. Go and spend it.

This could get me killed. I don’t want it.

This is bait.

Please sit here.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Well? Have you found that cheating couple?

I even searched the toilets and couldn’t find them.

Francolin Greens has always put ladies before friendship. Let’s order.

Yes!

Can I be of assistance, sir?

IVIiIk, ham and fried eggs.

Pardon?

— He doesn’t know what you’re on about. — Yeah.

IVIiIk.

Ham... Leg.

Fire and leg. Fire and leg.

Fried eggs.

Understood. And you, sir, what would you like to order?

IVIe? Coffee.

Coffee?

Spaghetti bolognese.

IVIeat.

IVIinced meat sauce.

Spaghetti.

Spaghetti with minced meat sauce.

— And you, sir? — Club sandwich.

In English...

Bread...

butter...

chicken... ham...

Here.

Bread...

butter...

egg...

lettuce and tomato: I can’t do.

iVIore bread.

With so many layers, it has to be a club sandwich.

Understand?

— Understood. And you? — I want——

IVIonk Fruit, if you can’t describe it, you don’t eat.

And you can’t have what we’re having.

Grapefruit juice.

Grapefruit juice?

Here. Grapefruit...

juice!

And sausages.

Sausages? How are you going to do that?

You know ”sausages" in Japanese?

I didn’t say a thing. I just showed him.

There’s a large underground casino here

that’s secretly owned by the host of the Scarecrow Club.

You have to put on a hell of an act.

They’ll only take the bait ifyou pretend to be the newly rich.

Remember, /can’t make it in time to help you.

You’ll have to stay on your toes.

— Ready? Double. Even. — Come in.

Please play whatever you like.

This is boring; if it’s not odd, it’s even.

What’s fun about it?

— I’m here to help. — OK, fine.

— Here, this is yours. —Thank you...

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Vacate, vacate.

Yes, vacate.

Please....

Rhinohide, Yankee Ginseng, Francolin Greens,

Big Rehmannia and IVIonk Fruit, do you know how to play?

Hey, Empress Flower...

don’t use our names like that.

Place your bet, please.

Place your bets.

Hey, there’s a little hole.

— Can you see what it is? — Two and Three. Odd.

Don’t be silly! If you could see it that easily, why would they even open?

EVEN

It’s just a little something...

Game.

Two and three. Odd.

See?

Place your bets.

Hey! Place a bet already!

Why are you holding onto the money? Wanna take it back to H.K.?

What is it this time?

I’m afraid you won’t believe me. It’s odd again.

I believe you!

Let’s see.

Three and six. Odd.

Bet.

Please excuse me.

Hey, pretty girl. You don’t have to leave.

At most we’ll give back everything you lost.

— It’s the bank’s money after all. — Can’t you stop flirting for one second?

We’re taking the money back to H.K. It’s enough to start a farm.

— Understand? — Understood.

Pleased to meet your acquaintance.

Hello, boss.

Right now, there are six people from Hong Kong in there.

Going by their names, and from how they look...

they seem to be the ones who robbed the bank in Hong Kong not long ago.

What would the right course of action for me to take?

The cops...!

Friends from Hong Kong, this way!

Shake a leg!

Thank you very much.

Come on. Cheers, everyone.

What you all did in Hong Kong... You have my admiration.

Truly, the brilliance of youth.

Our Scarecrow Club is in real need of new members

full of youth and potential.

Please do me the honor and indulge to your heart’s content.

— Let’s watch one more dance, shall we? — All good.

Right.

I only now know that Japan’s geisha halls are just like Hong Kong’s nightclubs!

Yeah! I thought they’d drink and wine with you, have supper and bathe with you——

Don’t be stupid. This isn’t Hong Kong.

You can stop pretending together. Be at peace and honest with what you want.

I understand what you’re all implying.

I’ve already arranged some pretty girls for you.

Not too bad, eh?

— Welcome! — No need to bow.

IVIr. IVIatsumoto, these five will be fine with having a drink and eating some food.

Because all of them are already in mid—pursuit of their other halves.

I don’t think any of them would want their girlfriends to find out

that they’ve been gallivanting while away. Isn’t that right?

If that’s the case, I won’t force you.

Hold on.

Always make the best of a situation. After all, when in Rome.

Even if our girlfriends found out, they’d forgive us.

That’s right. Like they say, life is all about compromise.

You might have your arms around one woman, but your heart can be thinking of another.

Yes. Since ancient times, men of renown have amorous habits.

We won’t disappoint these pretty girls.

I’ve just had my heart broken. I need the company.

Just say it. You’re free to do whatever you want.

We’re purely emotional and lack the physical. It wouldn’t have lasted.

Please keep enjoying yourselves. You’ll have to excuse me for a moment.

Yes.

Come over here.

—So? — I don’t know those five,

but I’ve seen fatty with iVIuscles when I was in the police.

Don’t you worry.

— Hey, IVIonk Fruit, let’s change seats. — Why?

What? I have to explain what I say to you now?

Come here!

Get up.

It appears that one of you

will have to leave all this feminine charm for a while.

I do hope you will become our members.

Therefore, we must first complete the formalities.

Which one of you will go get the money?

This is such an important task.

I’m afraid it’s beyond me. I cannot bear the responsibility.

I’ve always been frivolous and fickle. I’m not right for the job.

I’m mentally ill and an attack can come on at any time.

Hey, brothers, I don’t think you’ll give such an important task

to a retarded kid like me.

OK, OK, I’ll go. Besides, it was me who hid the money.

— IVIa Chiu. —Yes?

— Take this gentleman back. — Understood.

Empress Flower, look after yourself.

I’ve always looked after myself.

Just go, Francolin Greens. Acting all romantic!

Hurry up! One less electric burner, one less ghost!

Incense burner!

Incense burner, so what? Can’t you correct me when we get back?

Enjoy yourselves.

— Hey, Francolin Greens...! — Francolin Greens!

Do it yourself!

i\/Iuscles....

3—4—1—6—1—7.

— Hello? — Hello?

Francolin Greens?

— Who’s that? — Muscles. How’s everything?

The five of them are over there.

I’m back here to get 20 million for the ransom.

It’s not for a ransom. It’s for entering the tiger’s cave.

Whatever. So what do I do now?

I’ll bring it to you.

Hurry up, I’m waiting.

You think this is funny?

How was I supposed to know it was you coming in?

It’s only now I know what 20 million looks like.

It’s ten million, not 20.

Hey, we settled on 20 million,

and now you’re giving me ten. What’s the meaning of this?

They only want half, so why give it all to them?

Where do you make the drop?

They told me to go to the amusement park tomorrow.

Someone will get in touch.

I figured it was the amusement park.

But there’s no way to work out where exactly.

How about this?

Here’s a lighter. When you light it, I’ll get a signal.

Remember, as soon as you’re in the tiger’s cave, contact me immediately.

Try it.

Hey, Francolin Greens.

Don’t just light it when there’s something and when there’s nothing.

Be smart.

Quit staring. It’s me: iVIuscles.

What’s this?

Welcome, welcome! This way to the Monster House.

Tickets for two, this way...

NO SIVIOKING

TEIVIPORARILY CLOSED FOR IVIAINTENANCE

You don’t scare me.

So many lanterns here!

Big ones and round ones.

That startled me.

That’s fake!

Come here if you’ve got the guts!

He really means it?

Bring it!

Alright. I’ll take this off before I play with you.

KILL

BEWARE OF FIRE

Hey... Where are my friends?

We’ve looked into the robbery you took part in Hong Kong

and the money you brought over.

You don’t need to tell me the outcome.

They’re both duds.

We’ve got stuff like this too.

— Big Head. — Yes?

Take this lighter and walk to the top of Mount Fuji.

Have a few more cigarettes on the way up. Light up a few more times.

Take a few boxes of matches too. It’s almost out of gas.

ReaHy?

You absolute pig—brained idiot!

As soon as you lit this,

you told the cops the location of our headquarters.

Get out.

If you get caught by the police when you reach the mountain top,

then jump into the volcano. Don’t ever come back.

Understood.

— Take him inside and lock him up. —Yes!

— Pack it all up. —Yes!

Hey!

— You only just got here?! — Yeah, we’ve been having so much fun!

Empress Flower!

— Where’s the other agent? — Tell me, or I’ll knock you out!

I’m not strong. He’s just too weak.

Muscles, you’re something else.

Collapse...!

Don’t hit me.

Don’t hit me.

Don’t hit me. I said, don’t hit me!

— Big brother, protect me. — Relax.

Don’t worry, they can’t hurt you if I’m here.

What’s with you?

Good boy. Come on, get up, get up.

— OK? — I’m fine. How about you?

I’m fine.

— You lured us here with women, asshole! — Locked us up for mosquito feed!

— And so we shall beat him! — Beat him!

Beat him!

After him!

Great courage!

— You missed by how much? —Just a bit.

After him!

Open the door first.

I’ll take care of her.

She really is formidable!

You’re also just a working stiff. Why work so hard?

I’m itching for a promotion. Blow me!

I’ve lost....

There they are.

There’s lots of cops upstairs! Let’s go!

So what? We’re cops too.

Oh, yeah.

Francolin Greens, I really have you lot to thank.

You don’t need to thank us. We just never want to see you ever again.

I’ll get them to give you a ride.

Don’t.

The five of us don’t want to ride in a police car ever again.

— You’re a big boy now. You’ve matured. — Of course.

One day while passing by your door

A bucket of water you did pour

Water splashed on my leather shoes

All the passers—by went, ”Ha ha ha ha”

Not a single thing to me did you say

Just squinted your eyes at me this way

Afar / spy a crowd

Drifting like a cloud

This game of chess changes day by day

Lazy or driven, they’re all just human

/n them all beats a tender heart

Shine on lucky stars, change your luck

May you never knowfear

Untie the knot that binds your heart

May mankind’s hate disappear

May you knowfreedom and cheer

And be content

Happy homes all around

May your dreams come true

All hearts beating as one

May love abound

Shine on lucky stars

Bringing silver and gold

You fear society

Show no clarity

Your philosophy’s immature

Whether rich or poor

They’re all just human

Hope you learn to be less a bore

Shine on lucky stars, change your luck

May you never knowfear

Untie the knot that binds your heart

May mankind’s hate disappear