Original subtitles

[MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[GUNSHOTS]

[DOGS HOWLING]

This means war.

[SPITS]

[UPBEAT ITALIAN SONG PLAYING]

[LINE RINGING]

- [MOBILE PHONE RINGING] - [WOMAN CRYING]

[BEEPS]

[WOMAN SNIFFLING]

[BLOWS NOSE]

[CONTINUES CRYING]

Oh, my baby.

Fucking college.

- [VAN HORN BEEPS] - WOMAN: Okay, so, I checked

the weather in Portland and it's 85 degrees,

so you will need your sunscreen.

Yeah, I know, Mom. It's in my backpack.

You got all your other toiletries?

Yes, in my bag that you packed.

- [WOMAN SIGHS] - While I watched, remember?

You were crying the whole time.

Yeah, what a mess.

It's not like he's going off to war. It's just Oregon.

I know, I know,

but it's such an amazing time in your life,

you can literally become anyone you wanna be.

- Mom? - You could change the world.

- Mom? - You could colonize Mars.

- I mean... - Mom,

you're spiraling.

- Sorry, sorry, boys. We'll just be one minute. - BOTH MEN: No problem.

And remember...

- Lakers for life. - Lakers for life, I know.

Come back a Blazers fan, I'm not gonna let you

- back in the house. - Yeah, I know, Dad.

- Stop. - I'm serious.

Stop eating the trail mix.

It's for Nicky. It's a long trip.

Um, I guess this is it.

I'm sorry, I'm a little emotional.

Mom, Dad.

- Okay. - I love you. I love you.

- I love you. I love you. - [DOMENICK CHUCKLES]

- DOMENICK: Okay, see you later. - KRISTIN: Call me when you get there.

DOMENICK: Yo, let's... fuckin' go.

- [CHUCKLES] - FRIEND 1: Freedom!

FRIEND 2: Let's do this.

There goes our baby.

- [HORN TOOTS] - Ah!

I love you!

[VAN DRIVES AWAY]

Every woman dreams of full brows

and long luscious eyelashes.

And thanks to Profizal's hair-generating technology,

I believe we have a real opportunity

to market this to chemo patients.

[MANAGER GROANS]

It's too sad.

I mean, anybody here wanna be sad?

- OFFICE WORKER: No. - MANAGER: Nobody wants to be sad.

Where's the ad that says

Profizal puts hair on men's heads?

That's who we should be marketing to.

Insecure men

with lots of cash.

No, actually, Dad, ICO labs said Profizal

- doesn't work on scalps. - It doesn't?

- No. - MANAGER: Oh, shit.

We gotta get you on another project, dammit.

Oh, what about Restylane?

The anti-ageing filler?

Yes, the new Galderma product

for older women.

Because, you know, you're a...

[HESITANTLY] ...you're... you're an expert, really.

I mean, you're of a certain age bracket.

- I'm 40. - Whoa! I did not ask her age.

Everybody saw that, right?

Would never do that.

Look, I really think

this would be a perfect fit for you.

Okay.

Randy, what do you got?

Erectile dysfunction, Hank,

is a thing of the past

with Thoracinil.

[MEN LAUGHING]

RANDY: Hey. So, Thoracinil is banned in the EU,

so we can't use Mykonos

but he's on a jet-ski. I love those.

- I love jet-skis. - [MOBILE PHONE RINGING]

- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] - [CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Hello? - WOMAN: [ON PHONE] Is this Kristin Balbano?

Uh, well, it's Kristin Dorner

Balbano is my maiden name.

You never give up the name Balbano.

Sorry? Who is this?

I am Bianca

and I have terrible news.

Giuseppe Balbano is dead.

- [ROCK MUSIC BLARING ON SPEAKERS] - Oh, my father's father.

God, I didn't even know he was alive.

Can you hold on a sec?

Paul!

My husband's in a band.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Your grandfather is dead.

You need to settle his affairs.

His affairs? But, I mean,

I don't even know him.

You're named specifically in his will.

We'll fly you to Italy.

You'll leave tomorrow night.

Wait. What, did you say Italy?

Like, as in Italy Italy?

Yes, Italy.

Oh, that sounds...

No, I... No, I can't just get on a plane

and head on over to my dream place.

Everything is crazy at work right now

and my husband needs me, you know?

- And I just can't see that I can get away... - [WOMAN MOANING IN PLEASURE]

PAUL: Quiet, listen to my lyric here.

[SINGING] ♪ I'm no longer Ear-ear-earth...♪

I gotta go.

♪ ...Bound

- [BOTH EXCLAIMING IN PLEASURE] - [MUSIC SWITCHES OFF]

- PAUL: What time is it? - [BOTH SIGHING]

Kristin...

- Before you start... - Hey

- Hey. - Listen, I just want you to know I'm a feminist.

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