Original subtitles

What did the big chimney say

to the little chimney?

- No body and no nose? - The cactus.

Pairs of jeans?

What can you catch but can't throw?

Say. One guess. What did the cactus say to...?

Jeans. Erm...

That's my favourite.

I'd have said cheese.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of jeans?

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

OK. That's my favourite.

What do you call...? Why did the golfer...?

Pairs of j...

I'd have said...

That's lovely!

- D'you get the keys? - Yeah. Got them here.

On the car keys. Let's see.

Maybe this one? Ooh!

I'm just gonna grab some stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you helping your parents?

- I'm Laura. - I'm Megan.

Pleased to meet you.

Who was here before?

Erm... a wee old lady.

Where's she gone?

She moved away.

Where'd she go?

Megan?

Your mammy's calling you.

New neighbours? Did they speak to you?

They have a wee girl.

She's cute.

Cuter than me?

- Just went that way. - All right. See ya later.

- Hi, Mum. - Hi.

Where do you think her mum is? Do you think she's on her way?

Er, I've no idea.

We were gonna go to Caitlin's.

Come on, well. I'm starving.

You're not starving!

- I'm just gonna check she's OK. - Mum!

Mum!

Hi, sweetheart. Are you, are you OK?

Is your mum coming to collect you?

Dunno.

Well, do you want us to wait?

Can you give me a lift?

I'm sure your mammy's on her way.

Oh, please. I'm freezing.

- I'm not allowed, sweetheart. - Just tell the teacher.

Please.

Come on, well. Just this once.

Goodness' sake!

Seat belt.

Great.

Did you have a good day at school, Megan?

Do you like school?

Ah, it's OK. I prefer hang-gliding.

Well...

All the after-school clubs are knitting and stuff.

I wish they had a hang-gliding club.

Well, anything's better than maths, isn't it, Tadhg?

I have to tell my mammy we have a hamster in the class.

Have you had a lot of pets?

- I used to have a husky. - Wow!

And my cat had five kittens.

- Five! - Yeah. But two suffocated

cos they always sleep on top of each other.

Mum, remember I'm going

to Smickers's house this weekend, OK?

- You're what? - I'm hanging out at Smickers's.

- You said I could stay. - I said no such thing.

- Mum. - Don't "Mum" me.

Do you remember there?

There you are! Megan. Where did you go?

I went to the school and you weren't there.

Listen, thanks for taking her back, yeah?

No bother.

- See you. - See you.

Ah... That's horrible.

I mean, you're literally licking your own tongue.

It's good, that.

You should invite Megan over for dinner.

No way.

It'd be nice for her to know that we're here,

in case her mammy forgets her again.

Forgets her?

- Mum gave her a lift. - Did you?

She was just standing out.

Did you ask?

She said she was running late. Marie.

Well, then.

Well, then, what?

- Morning. - Morning.

I'll just take a bit of the foliage off.

Kind of like to think I'll come back

as a snowdrop or something.

I'm just going to give this a little clean.

You know me and belief.

I don't know what I believe.

I do.

I think, like, I'd like to...

Right.

- Josie, Josie. - Take the red ones.

Yeah, she liked them.

I love them, actually.

How do they get them that colour?

I'd be afraid to ask.

Keep breathing.

OK, we're gonna play around.

We're gonna play around with that.

Feel the resistance.

And once more in the saddle, two, one.

OK, one last push. Let's go.

Ready. Let's take it up again in five...

Hmm.

Do you ever wonder what she'd be like? Now?

All the time, love.

Yeah. Hmm.

Tadhg? Tadhg. Tadhg, Tadhg!

He's asleep.

He hasn't done that in years.

I text him from Miss McCain.

Mum's coming.

That's good! Megan, do you want to come for your dinner?

- To your house? - Yeah.

Do I have to eat it if I don't like it?

- No. Ask your mam. - OK.

She's nice.

Chris.

Go ahead.

Here, son.

Go on. Pass, wee man.

Dad... Dad, what do you reckon I get tattooed?

- A tattoo? - Something like... manga?

It has to be something you'll not get sick of.

- Something that means something. - Yeah.

Maybe if you want to look like

you've just broke out of Maghaberry Prison.

- All right, take it easy, yeah? - See you later, Chris.

See you later, mate.

You're having a fucking laugh.

A lot of it's just lucky.

Tadhg, did you drag this muck into this house?

Why don't you like Chris?

- Tadhg! - Cos he has tattoos?

I told you, you can tattoo your whole face when you're 18.

That'll be Megan.

Everybody got drinks?

Are you OK?

Are you gonna do the ketchup face?

Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

See you later.

- Take that in. - Too heavy.

It's not too heavy.

You wouldn't even be able to lift it, would you? Huh?

I didn't mean to scare you.

- How are you? - Dead on.

- How about youse? - Aye, aye.

It's nice around here. Quiet, isn't it?

Yeah. It is, yeah. Must be a change from where you were.

Well, I may take these things in here.

And Megan? Is Megan settling in school?

Oh, aye. Likes to craft things. Full of imagination.

Especially at that age, yeah.

Tadhg once told me he borrowed a bazooka

and shot his teacher in the head.

- A bazooka? - Yeah, yeah.

We all wanted to do that at school.

Listen, Megan said something about Tadhg.

What? What did she say?

It's OK if you don't want her coming round for tea.

But...

Oh, God, he's just being a wee lad. Sorry.

He told Megan he didn't want her coming over.

Poor Megan.

I'll murder him.

Well...

He'll apologise.

- I'll see you again. - Cheerio.

What was that about?

He's in there, face tripping him.

- He was rude. - Have you not met our son?

To be honest, I think he's entitled

not to want some wee girl coming over.

What is it?

The other night,

she was waiting for me to do... ketchup face.

Yeah.

She'd be about the same age.

When I was giving her a lift home,

we were passing the graveyard...

What, when Marie was late?

- Yeah. Have you met her? - No.

- Cup of tea? - Yeah.

So, the other day when youse gave Megan a lift,

your mum was saying she's a bit funny.

- And then fist-bump. - Hm-hmm.

Up. Down.

Side. But if you remember, it is this.

One down. Now down.

Yeah. Never below.

Has she got you tortured?

- Can I have this? - Jesus, Megan! More shite?

- Here, let me get it. - I was gonna get it her anyway.

Listen, I'm sorry about giving off about Tadhg.

How was I to know Megan wasn't making it up?

Oh, sure.

Like, I had to have a wee chat with her teacher.

- We're hardly here a month. - Is everything OK?

Aye, yeah.

They just have them writing these journals, you know?

Aye, Josie did one.

Erm... all the kids do them at school.

My daughter, she's not with us any more.

Tadhg did one, too.

Well, teacher asked us

if the things she was writing were all true and she says yes.

Got into a bit of a barney.

Who cares? She's only a kid, right?

Yeah, it's not so strange.

Aye, it's just...

It's not like wacky things, like going to Disneyland

or shooting your teacher with a bazooka.

Dunno. It's probably just a wee phase.

It just made me think

maybe she's torturing your Tadhg or something.

Anyway, well, here, I'd better get on.

You know...

Megan did say something to me.

It's funny. She said...

She said she's been to school here before.

Well, she's never been here. We're not even from Antrim.

Yeah. Strange.

And she said, erm... she's been to the graveyard.

I mean, how do you explain...?

She's lying. Messing. Look, that's what kids are like.

Well, here, I'd better get on

cos our Chris will be wondering where I am.

Bye, Laura. Cheerio.

- What did you get us? - A couple of these.

Come on, Meg.

Right.

Here you go.

The wee girl puts me in mind of Josie, that's all.

Do you... wanna talk maybe, again, to someone?

Save it for your ma.

What's that supposed to mean?

- What? - Look...

I'm done with counselling.

You might wanna talk about it day in, day out, but...

I don't.

Don't try and tell me how I feel.

I wasn't trying...

Your way's no better than mine.

We've been doing OK.

- Well, then... - So?

What?

We can't be doing this.

- I'm not doing this. - Going through this.

You all right?

Top left.

- What? - The nine goes through there

and the nine has to be in this box.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I have you. Sorry.

There's two numbers left and that goes through, so...

She's never far.

...through the morning, but it will soon move away.

The skies will stay cloudy. Just a few bright spells.

It will be dry. Just the odd isolated shower.

A few sunny spells will appear.

The skies will be cloudy today for most of the time.

That same frost will be making its way south...

If she's with you, that's your business.

Much of the day will be damp and cloudy.

It'll be windy and rather cool.

- Whoa! - Ooh!

What are you doing out of the car?

Waiting on a bus. What's it look like? Get in.

- It's horrible. - You're psycho.

Ugh. Yeah.

Can I join in?

Yeah.

At my school, we go to the cinema quite a lot,

but my favourite trip was when we went to the farm.

They had, like, baby chicks and all.

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

Nunnya.

Nunnya who?

Nunnya business!

What did the policeman say to the snowman?

What did the policeman say to the snowman?

Yeah. Freeze.

Why did the princess not get her photos?

Why did the princess not get her photos?

Cos she never got her prints.

It wasn't my Mummy's car.

It looked like it, but it was too clean.

Everything OK?

Chris?

- How are you? - Hi. Erm, is that Megan's?

- I don't want it getting wet. - Probably meant for the bin.

- It's the rain. - I'll have to have a word.

The shite she writes in these.

Same problem with her last school.

- Thank you. Cheers. - No problem.

All right. Bye-bye.

Can you leave it be now?

Come here, you nut.

Come here.

I need you to...

help me.

It gets in there and it just... won't go away.

I know. I know.

- I think I'm going nuts. - No, you're not going nuts.

All right?

- You all right? - I know. Eejit.

We both miss our wee birdy.

Sorry, birdy.

We should go up and get the... get the wetsuits.

Wetsuits and boogie boards this time.

But not before you get on that big ride.

Oh, the big dipper. That's the one. The big dipper.

What are youse doing?

Megan, you're not allowed up here.

Chris. Hey.

We're having a wee party, if you wanna come over.

Come on.

Er... Do you want to?

Pretty good fire.

So what made youse move here?

Ach, you know. A change.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

We had the house on the market. We couldn't get it sold.

I thought a move would fix everything, but, you know...

Well, some things just can't be fixed.

Doesn't mean you should stop trying.

We should get you to value it.

Look, I'm just secretarial. But I could ask.

Will someone play with me? I'm dying of neglect!

- I am the god of hellfire. - And I bring you...

You're mad.

- It's a song. - Right.

- Come on. - Let's do this.

You introduced me to it.

- You're going down. - No, I'm not. Uh-uh.

It's easier if you use two hands.

Great! Oh. Whoa, whoa! Damn, I am... Jesus!

Show.

It's not deep.

Here.

Does it hurt?

No. No.

Hold it there.

One of these weeks, you'll remember yourself.

- Yeah, thanks. - Hey. Do you want a lift?

No. I'm going home with Connor.

Well, you're welcome, son.

Can I come back with you?

No, love.

Please! Mum won't pick up.

Well, call her again.

Can we go to the park?

I'd better just get you home.

Please! Mum and Chris never take me to the park.

Do they not?

They never have time.

Well... Well, yeah, we'll see. OK?

Just quick, though.

"We'll see" always means yes.

When we came here before,

I was too small for these, wasn't I?

You've had your two minutes.

You've never been here before.

- We have! - We haven't.

We have.

You're lying.

We had a picnic.

You're thinking of a wee park your mam took you to

- when you were little. - No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're lying.

We came here.

Megan.

Stop it.

There was a yellow thing. A fish.

I loved the yellow thing

cos I was too small for the monkey bars.

God, stop it. Come on.

Just once more.

- Get in the car. - No!

- Get in the car. - No!

- Get in the car, Megan. - No!

Get in the car!

Jesus Christ.

I'll get it.

- Is your mother in? - Yeah.

- Uh-huh. - Hi.

Everything OK?

Sorry, but, I...

I'd rather you didn't give my daughter lifts any more.

Sorry?

I'd rather you didn't give her lifts.

Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I only ever gave her the one lift

and that's cos you left her standing.

- I did not leave her standing. - It was after three.

- It wasn't after three. - It was after three.

All right, Laura. Er, I didn't wanna make a thing out of it.

- That's all I wanted to say. - A thing?

- Sorry if it seemed... - Rude?

- Fine, fine. - For Christ's sake.

What?

Look, I don't know... What's the problem?

- You. There's no need... - I've my own family, thanks.

- Exactly. - What do you mean?

- I'm just trying to say that... - Piss off!

Oi!

Just leave us alone, please.

- Leave youse alone? - Marie, leave it.

- All right, piss off yourself! - Tadhg!

Stay out of it!

Just stay away, right?

Let's get away. A few days.

- Oh! - Oh, no.

Watch the master.

Night-night, you big shite.

I miss you.

It's quite chilly

it has to be said, with a risk of frost.

Now, today has been another day when we've been able to watch

the worst of the cloudy weather pass to the south

because the main area of rain has actually moved,

but there's another weather front up to the north.

Indeed, a cold front and that is going to bring patchy...

Mum, open the car.

Mum.

See you later, Megan.

Hi, sweetheart!

Hi. Do you want to come to the car for one wee sec?

- I want to show you something. - What?

I don't wanna tell you. It'll just be a wee sec.

I'm supposed to be in school.

- Mum! - What did I say?

You said you only wanted to talk to her.

- That's right. - Mum, stop it!

- Ready for the lion's den? - Oh.

Sorry.

It's so good of you

to come in every year and speak to the kids.

Oh, no, it's important to me. Anyway, it gets me off work.

- Sorry, my daughter... - Forgot her lunch?

Leave it over there.

- I'll make sure she gets it. - Fab! Thanks.

With the rest of Year Sixes? Great. Thank you.

Who here can tell me what "caution" means?

Yes?

Erm, is it like a cold?

A cold?

Erm, no. No, it's not a cold. Anyone else?

So, erm, caution means to take care.

Now, here in Northern Ireland,

we have some of the highest, erm, road-death rates

in all of Europe, so...

Erm...

What we have here...

Erm... So, it's, erm...

Have you been here before, Megan?

The birds on the telegraph wire...

Are they crows?

I dunno.

You can see them from upside down

when you're in the front seat looking up.

What?

The crows.

Oh.

Ow!

What?

He was singing.

Who?

Brendan was.

- Shut up, OK? Shut up! - Ow!

Sorry, Brendy.

It was a mistake.

Right, thanks, mate.

All right?

What's wrong?

Laura?

Right. Right, we have to do something about this.

- They can't just move in here. - Brendan, Brendan.

- No, it's not on! - This is about Josie.

What? How is this...? How is this about Josie?

I've been trying to tell you.

What have you been trying to tell me?

Laura, what did you do?

Laura?

I took Megan for a wee drive.

Oh, fuck. Where's Tadhg?

Upstairs.

Laura...

We both miss Josie. We all miss Josie.

But Megan is not Josie, all right?

How do you know?

- How can you be sure? - Cos this is real life!

You're starting to worry me now. She's doing this to you.

- Who? - Marie.

- No. - Then what? What?

She said you were singing.

I took her along the Ballyfield Road

and she didn't recognise it, so...

I turned around...

in the direction you'd have been travelling.

You took a child to the Ballyfield Road?

Were you singing?

Laura... Laura, what is this here?

- She knows places we went. - What are you doing? Kidnapping?

She knows places we went, places Josie went.

Josie? Josie's dead, Laura!

- I know Josie's dead! - She's dead!

I know Josie's dead!

I know! I know!

She wrote Tadhg's her brother in her wee journal.

Love...

I understand that I sound crazy cos I can hear myself.

Darling, you have to choose.

Me and Tadhg or here.

But...

were you singing?

Yes.

I mean, we can't ignore it. We can't.

We can't lose her again. We can't lose her twice.

I never told you,

but I was standing in the corridor

when they brought youse in.

I didn't know at first...

for 20 minutes it was her.

And I prayed, Brendan.

I fell on my knees and prayed...

that she'd come back to me.

Laura...

Laura.

Bastard! I hate you!

You're lucky there's laws or I'd break your neck!

- Fucking dickhead! - Don't be cheeky!

- You psycho! - Lay a finger on him!

Come here. What's going on?

What were you trying to do? Huh?

I want her to admit she's making it up.

Right, come on. Are you all right?

You come within a hair's breadth...

Listen to the big man, threatening a 14-year-old!

- Who attacked a ten-year-old. - Almost 11!

Inside.

What's wrong with you, mate?

Always looking down your nose at people.

- You're only proving me right. - Chris, Tadhg will apologise.

- No, I won't! - That's not gonna fix anything.

She's only a wee girl.

I know. I had a wee girl. That's exactly it!

Laura, Laura. Come on, you take him in, darling. Come on.

No, I don't want to!

Look, do as you're told, Tadhg. Come on, son.

Mum thinks Megan is...

Tadhg, listen, do as you're told.

She has the life frightened out of her.

- Marie, Marie, please. - Huh?

Get in. Keep it down. Come on.

She told me how Josie died.

- She told me how Josie died. - No, don't...

- What did she say? - Marie.

Get in. Shut up, please. Listen.

Er, look, we're sorry about what happened to your wee girl.

But you have to stay away from Megan.

I'm being fucking serious. Stay the fuck away from her.

She won't let me.

What were you doing next door?

Son?

- What were you doing next door? - It's me youse want.

I, erm...

Our daughter died.

I was driving the car.

When was this?

It was icy and...

Does this have a bearing on tonight?

What were you doing next door?

I can't hack this any more.

What?

It's just a few days.

Thank you.

- I could take Tadhg with me. - He has school.

Look, I...

I don't think I should leave you.

- I guess... - I just need some space.

He's safe with me.

If you love someone...

you hurt.

So much it feels impossible.

But she's here. She's always been here.

She'll help us through this.

Talk to me, love.

God's sake. Brendan, come here.

Look, it must have got in the window.

Thanks for the boots. They're class.

You're welcome.

And don't tell your mammy cos we'll get in trouble.

You're a good wee girl.

..took on the chaos.

What have you done to this house, Kirsty?

Ah, what haven't I done? That's the question.

I wanna see Dad.

You'll see him Saturday.

I hate you! You're nuts!

Tadhg!

Tadhg!

Tadhg!

So, are you going to love it?

Or list it?

Tadhg.

Come on.

Please. Tadhg?

- Craig? - Here.

Yeah. Aoife?

- Good. Jackson? - Here.

OK. Megan?

Megan?

How'd you get my number?

Did you get it?

Get what?

My letter.

Jesus.

Megan... stop pretending.

I'm not. I thought I was her, but I'm not!

- Stop it! - You can't shout at me!

- Why did you say those things? - To make her happy.

- You're a wee liar! - You have nice dinners and...

Wee liar!

Shit, shit, shit.

What's wrong?

Tadhg, what's wrong?

Here, boy.

Let me see.

Tadhg, let me see.

Let me see, please.

I found these.

Oh... Where's your mum?

Where do you think she's going?

Laura's not my mummy.

But you're my daddy, aren't you?

What?

Mum, where are you?

I really like Laura.

OK.

Chris?

Why did you come here?

I...

Look, Laura, it got out of hand.

- You used your child? - What?

- To hurt him? - I didn't.

You fucking psychopath.

I didn't plan it.

You moved in next door.

And that was stupid, but everything else just happened.

I told her to stay away from you.

- Bullshit! - But this was never...

I didn't know about Josie.

What is wrong with you?

Is Mum with you?

Go back to the house.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I wanted him to know her! I wanted him to know her.

He vanished and I was barely 20.

You want to destroy us?

You used your wee girl. I'll have her taken off you.

You're not fit... You are not fit to be a mother!

And you made me think that I'm fucking crazy!

You're not gonna mess that girl up!

- I will make sure of it! - Oh, you are fucking crazy!

Laura, you can't replace her.

Sorry.

I'll never get her back.

Are you OK?

Laura?

Come on!

Laura, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you.

So many times, I wanted to tell you, but I was scared.

I was hurt. It was nothing to do with you.

I was scared of hurting you.

I couldn't hurt you, Laura. Please.

Please, darling. I didn't want for any of this to happen.

Josie? Josie.

- A stupid mistake. - I know he's late.

I tried to bury it.

I tried. I wanted to. I tried.

Josie, look.

I couldn't...

But I never, ever expected her to...

Look at your face.

- I'm sorry. - My wee girl.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

It's OK, darling.

It's OK.

Alison Hammond

was on the "Scott Mills Show" yesterday. Incredible.

She told the story of when she blagged her way into a party.

Me and Richard got into this party.

We were living it up. There was drinks...

If you love someone...

you hurt.

She's here.

She's always been here.