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The museum received a
shipment of medieval artifacts
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00:00:12,163 --> 00:00:14,227
from a European donor last week.
3
00:00:14,228 --> 00:00:16,194
But whenever we try
to put them on display,
4
00:00:16,219 --> 00:00:18,706
the pieces start to
parry around on their own.
5
00:00:18,707 --> 00:00:20,158
Wow, cool!
6
00:00:20,159 --> 00:00:22,460
Well, it's a spectacle
to behold, for sure,
7
00:00:22,485 --> 00:00:24,544
but there are swords involved.
8
00:00:24,545 --> 00:00:26,204
Are you sure you want
me to undo the one thing
9
00:00:26,229 --> 00:00:27,494
that might make this museum interesting?
10
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,127
It's an insurance issue.
11
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:31,177
It is? Okay, good enough.
12
00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,012
Well, milady, rest assured.
13
00:00:33,037 --> 00:00:35,016
Pac is on the job,
14
00:00:35,017 --> 00:00:37,896
so you can go back to
curing whatever diseases
15
00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:39,571
- you cure here...
- I curate art.
16
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,730
And I can parry on down here.
17
00:00:42,171 --> 00:00:43,596
Well, just be careful.
18
00:00:43,597 --> 00:00:45,624
Some of these pieces are beyond value.
19
00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:47,694
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
20
00:00:47,695 --> 00:00:49,584
Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:55,695 --> 00:00:57,604
Wherefore art thou, ghost?
22
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,574
Come on. I don't got all day.
23
00:01:09,892 --> 00:01:11,051
I mean, I do, but I just...
24
00:01:11,198 --> 00:01:12,634
I'd rather finish up
before this Adderall...
25
00:01:16,565 --> 00:01:17,634
Yeah.
26
00:01:17,635 --> 00:01:19,634
Okay. Ah,
27
00:01:19,635 --> 00:01:21,644
I got you, you little fuck face.
28
00:01:26,625 --> 00:01:29,594
Oh, God, my back is killing me.
29
00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:31,735
Oh, these pistachios.
30
00:01:35,615 --> 00:01:36,725
Aha!
31
00:01:39,675 --> 00:01:41,554
My button's stuck.
32
00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:42,624
You got my button there.
33
00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:44,594
Let go, you big...
34
00:01:44,595 --> 00:01:46,227
Oh, shit, no!
35
00:01:46,228 --> 00:01:48,227
Uh-uh. That's not on me.
36
00:01:48,252 --> 00:01:50,600
That's... that's on you,
Knight of the Living Dead!
37
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:53,504
I am no knight.
38
00:01:53,505 --> 00:01:56,564
I am King Stevelyn Newcastle.
39
00:01:56,565 --> 00:01:58,614
Okay.
40
00:01:58,615 --> 00:02:00,595
But that's still on you.
41
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,744
- Synced and corrected by
hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -
42
00:02:36,242 --> 00:02:37,594
What sorcery is this
43
00:02:37,595 --> 00:02:40,604
that a man can confer with spirits?
44
00:02:40,605 --> 00:02:42,564
I'm a medium. It's an accepted thing.
45
00:02:42,565 --> 00:02:44,664
Why have you the cloak
of a wizard, then?
46
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,922
Cloak of a wiz... oh, shit, no.
47
00:02:46,923 --> 00:02:48,484
It's a hoodie. They
call it a hood... hoodie
48
00:02:48,509 --> 00:02:49,942
'cause it's got a hood on it.
49
00:02:49,943 --> 00:02:51,972
I'm guessing you're
not from around here.
50
00:02:51,973 --> 00:02:53,941
I reigned over a kingdom once.
51
00:02:53,942 --> 00:02:56,496
- There it is.
- A magnificent kingdom
52
00:02:56,497 --> 00:02:57,635
in a land far off.
53
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,032
One day, my men and I were returning
54
00:03:00,057 --> 00:03:02,534
from a most fruitful
hunt in the White Wood.
55
00:03:02,535 --> 00:03:05,573
My son... my only son Lonathan
56
00:03:05,575 --> 00:03:07,644
was on the ripe tip of manhood.
57
00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:11,704
I'm sorry. As you were, Your Majesty.
58
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,644
But as we neared the kingdom gates,
59
00:03:13,645 --> 00:03:15,605
we fell under siege.
60
00:03:19,675 --> 00:03:21,704
And when I turned my back...
61
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,625
Betrayal.
62
00:03:29,615 --> 00:03:30,734
Twice crossed
63
00:03:30,735 --> 00:03:33,714
by my most trusted knight,
64
00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:35,714
Jerryd the Liar.
65
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,644
Jerryd the Liar?
66
00:03:37,645 --> 00:03:39,604
I probably should have seen it cometh.
67
00:03:39,605 --> 00:03:43,584
- Maybe a little bit.
- Jerryd took the crown that day.
68
00:03:43,585 --> 00:03:46,674
And darkness spread across the land
69
00:03:46,675 --> 00:03:50,179
like syphilis across
a whore's lady-flower.
70
00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:53,284
The throne must be returned
to my bloodline, hooded man.
71
00:03:53,285 --> 00:03:56,393
Peace and honor must be restored.
72
00:03:56,394 --> 00:03:59,283
Yeah, I'm not doing this job.
73
00:03:59,284 --> 00:04:01,243
What do you mean you're
not going to do it?
74
00:04:01,244 --> 00:04:03,243
Your ghost is an old-timey king
75
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,303
and his unfinished business
76
00:04:04,304 --> 00:04:05,618
is basically impossible for me to do
77
00:04:05,643 --> 00:04:07,706
because of how much time
has passed, understand?
78
00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:10,911
Also, he, uh... he knocked over
one of your things over here.
79
00:04:10,936 --> 00:04:12,025
Which king?
80
00:04:12,026 --> 00:04:15,235
- Uh...
- Stevelyn Newcastle.
81
00:04:15,236 --> 00:04:17,394
- Stevelyn Newcastle.
- Steve?
82
00:04:17,395 --> 00:04:20,465
Steve was a cashier
at the museum gift shop
83
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:22,369
who was really into LARPing.
84
00:04:22,370 --> 00:04:23,399
Oh, shit.
85
00:04:23,788 --> 00:04:24,907
Is that when you let a llama
86
00:04:24,908 --> 00:04:26,567
lick peanut butter out
of your smelly button?
87
00:04:26,568 --> 00:04:27,705
- What?
- Hmm?
88
00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:30,645
LARPing stands for Live
Action Role Playing.
89
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,176
I cast a lightning bolt on you!
90
00:04:33,177 --> 00:04:35,842
I block it with the
armor of Delyrium Onyx!
91
00:04:35,867 --> 00:04:37,967
Lightning bolt, lightning
bolt, lightning bolt!
92
00:04:40,289 --> 00:04:41,768
Oh, wait! Just... can you hold on?
93
00:04:41,769 --> 00:04:44,173
Stevelyn Newcastle was
his character's name.
94
00:04:49,293 --> 00:04:52,262
Oh, death!
95
00:04:52,723 --> 00:04:53,782
He was so into LARPing,
96
00:04:53,783 --> 00:04:55,842
he actually died while playing the game.
97
00:04:59,654 --> 00:05:01,309
You gotta be kidding me!
98
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:03,692
I know not of what this
pasty peasant speaks,
99
00:05:03,717 --> 00:05:05,375
nor do I know of this Steve.
100
00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:07,124
- Oh, shit.
- What?
101
00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:09,956
Steve... Stevelyn... died in character,
102
00:05:09,981 --> 00:05:12,169
so now he's trapped in
character as a ghost.
103
00:05:12,194 --> 00:05:15,345
I can't stand the idea
of Steve's weirdo ghost
104
00:05:15,346 --> 00:05:16,485
roaming around all these weapons.
105
00:05:16,486 --> 00:05:19,535
Hooded man, I implore thee.
106
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:24,344
Return the kingdom of Quam
to my only son, Lonathan.
107
00:05:27,376 --> 00:05:29,395
This is gonna be so fucking hard.
108
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,818
No, I'll double the fee.
109
00:05:31,752 --> 00:05:33,433
So she agreed to pay you triple?
110
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,597
Yeah. I wouldn't get
too excited, though.
111
00:05:34,598 --> 00:05:36,577
I have a feeling there's
some nerdy shit ahead.
112
00:05:36,578 --> 00:05:38,132
Yeah, no kidding. This LARPing game
113
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:39,850
- sounds lame, huh?
- Yeah. Here we are.
114
00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:41,896
This is where the ghost
said we'd find his son
115
00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:43,890
"laying in wait."
116
00:05:43,891 --> 00:05:45,821
It's so stupid!
117
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:51,700
Good day.
118
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:55,534
Is, uh, one of you handsome
young squires Prince Lonathan?
119
00:05:55,741 --> 00:05:56,870
Prince Lonathan?
120
00:05:56,871 --> 00:05:58,910
- You know him?
- I do.
121
00:05:58,911 --> 00:06:02,215
He was... me.
122
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:04,968
You're Steve's son?
123
00:06:04,993 --> 00:06:06,461
No, no.
124
00:06:06,486 --> 00:06:09,205
Lonathan was Stevelyn's son in the game.
125
00:06:09,206 --> 00:06:10,723
Ah. Okay, look,
126
00:06:11,041 --> 00:06:13,007
- I'm a medium...
- Uh-huh.
127
00:06:13,032 --> 00:06:15,961
And I was speaking to the
ghost of Steve... Stevelyn.
128
00:06:15,962 --> 00:06:18,941
And the "king" needs his "son"
129
00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:20,573
to retake the "throne."
130
00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:23,914
Oh, I... I'm really sorry.
I would love to help you out,
131
00:06:24,185 --> 00:06:27,403
but... when my father was slain,
132
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:30,563
his bannermen disbanded
to all corners of Quam.
133
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,663
I am now forced to live out my days
134
00:06:32,664 --> 00:06:34,713
as a lowly shopkeep
135
00:06:34,714 --> 00:06:38,513
unless by some miracle of Zeus
136
00:06:38,514 --> 00:06:41,703
you are able to round
up my father's knights.
137
00:06:57,704 --> 00:06:59,633
Hi.
138
00:06:59,634 --> 00:07:01,155
Excuse me.
139
00:07:01,156 --> 00:07:05,285
Are you, uh, Yorba the Goblin-Slayer?
140
00:07:06,205 --> 00:07:08,546
Yes, sir. As a matter of fact,
we have several wooden lamps.
141
00:07:08,547 --> 00:07:09,674
We have oak, birch...
142
00:07:09,675 --> 00:07:12,352
Hey, I'm looking for Roeble the Insane.
143
00:07:12,559 --> 00:07:13,604
Well...
144
00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,724
you fucking found him.
145
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:20,319
Do I miss the Golden
Battle Axe? Sure, I do.
146
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,319
Do I miss slaying goblins? Of course.
147
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,409
So, yeah, I'm in.
148
00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:28,289
Oh, okay!
149
00:07:30,055 --> 00:07:31,335
If I don't kill someone in LARPing,
150
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,249
I'm gonna have to start
killing people in real life.
151
00:07:34,844 --> 00:07:36,043
Is that a cry for help?
152
00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:39,182
- It's a cry for battle.
- When we're done with all this,
153
00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:40,526
we should probably get
you somebody to talk to.
154
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,676
Do I look like I need that?
155
00:07:42,677 --> 00:07:44,606
Yeah.
156
00:07:45,122 --> 00:07:46,231
Well, I have one more knight.
157
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,202
The, uh, Neck-ro-manker?
158
00:07:49,829 --> 00:07:51,808
The Necromancer...
159
00:07:51,833 --> 00:07:53,842
- Necromancer.
- Is a she.
160
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:56,381
- Ooh.
- Ye shall find her at...
161
00:07:56,382 --> 00:07:58,124
Lowell's Funeral Home.
162
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,164
Wait, wait. It's not...
163
00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:03,320
Yes! A million times, yes.
164
00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:06,314
Ugh.
165
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:10,135
Stand up.
166
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:13,653
Good news, Your Royal Vaginess.
167
00:08:13,654 --> 00:08:15,663
Your infantry has arrived.
168
00:08:15,688 --> 00:08:20,617
Knights, enter!
169
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,539
The greatest fellowship e'er assembled.
170
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,550
I'm sorry.
171
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,669
But it was for naught.
172
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:03,709
What do you mean it was for naught?
173
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,432
We got the whole flock there.
174
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,362
Frankly, I didn't really
expect you to pull it off.
175
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:10,130
So what's this? This was
just a big, elaborate rouge?
176
00:09:10,155 --> 00:09:11,906
- A ruse.
- So you admit it.
177
00:09:11,907 --> 00:09:13,422
No, I'm just correcting you.
178
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,446
Whatever.
179
00:09:15,937 --> 00:09:18,026
After Jerryd slayed my father,
180
00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:19,632
I let my guard down.
181
00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:20,782
Castration!
182
00:09:23,653 --> 00:09:27,592
Behold the scrotum of Lonathan!
183
00:09:29,733 --> 00:09:32,743
I'm sorry, but I cannot
fight without my balls.
184
00:09:38,239 --> 00:09:41,348
You don't need your
imaginary balls to fight!
185
00:09:41,349 --> 00:09:44,288
What king would I make if
I couldn't sire an heir?
186
00:09:44,289 --> 00:09:46,452
It's all make-believe!
Boom, I'm a wizard.
187
00:09:46,477 --> 00:09:49,477
Lonathan, you magically
have your nuts back. Ta-da!
188
00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:52,239
He's so...
189
00:09:54,259 --> 00:09:56,308
I appreciate your
attempts to cheer me up,
190
00:09:56,309 --> 00:09:58,895
but only a 10th-level wizard
191
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,378
can grant regeneration spells.
192
00:10:00,379 --> 00:10:05,003
Wait. There is a 10th-level
wizard by the name of Marlin.
193
00:10:05,028 --> 00:10:08,151
Oh, yes! Marlin! He lives
out in the Wick of Bushes!
194
00:10:08,152 --> 00:10:09,212
You mean Bushwick?
195
00:10:09,237 --> 00:10:13,780
The wizard Marlin possesses the
almighty Staff of Many Snakes.
196
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:14,880
Yes.
197
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,700
There isn't a whore in all of Quam
198
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:20,781
that wouldn't fuck Marlin
for a glance at that staff.
199
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:24,077
Why, what's so cool about it?
200
00:10:24,102 --> 00:10:27,131
The staff can not only
regenerate my testicles,
201
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,810
but it can enhance the
abilities of every one of us.
202
00:10:31,871 --> 00:10:33,800
Okay, well, what are we waiting for?
203
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,810
- We're off to see the wizard.
- Wait!
204
00:10:37,587 --> 00:10:41,606
Only residents of Quam
may enter Marlin's temple.
205
00:10:44,658 --> 00:10:46,727
You may now select at random
206
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:48,698
your character cards.
207
00:10:50,929 --> 00:10:52,136
Just pick one, man.
208
00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:56,072
Huh, some sort of a hunchback.
209
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:58,963
Look again, Clyde. That is no hunch.
210
00:11:00,671 --> 00:11:03,600
Oh, yeah. That's a sack of human heads.
211
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:04,824
I'm to be a great warrior!
212
00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:07,609
With the sharpest blade in all of Quam.
213
00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:09,080
Huzzah!
214
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,525
- Ah!
- You shall henceforth be known
215
00:11:11,550 --> 00:11:13,639
as Leoclydis Newcastle.
216
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,649
Newcastle?
217
00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:19,529
That means you and I are...
218
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:20,580
Brothers.
219
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:30,490
When in Rome.
220
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:35,559
Brother, I'd die for thee.
221
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,599
And I for thee.
222
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,599
- Welcome, welcome, welcome!
- Okay, yay! My turn.
223
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,709
My turn.
224
00:11:44,650 --> 00:11:47,679
Oh, shit, yeah. A centaur.
225
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,569
Centaur!
226
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:53,519
That means your mother
was fucked by a horse!
227
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,869
- What?
- Go eat slop, horse-fucker!
228
00:11:55,894 --> 00:11:57,803
Whatever. Okay, let's just carry on
229
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:58,863
with the fucking mission.
230
00:11:58,864 --> 00:12:00,537
You heard this abomination.
231
00:12:00,538 --> 00:12:02,547
- Load up!
- What?
232
00:12:02,548 --> 00:12:04,557
What are you doing? What the hell?! Ow!
233
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,953
- What the f...
- Shut your mouth,
234
00:12:05,978 --> 00:12:07,517
you horse-fucker. Shut it.
235
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,010
Shut... shut up!
236
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:12,475
- To the Wick of Bushes!
- Ho!
237
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,447
Hold this. This is all I have.
238
00:12:14,448 --> 00:12:16,497
Go on. Get!
239
00:12:16,498 --> 00:12:19,447
- Come on!
- Fuck.
240
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,657
Who goes there?
241
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:43,180
It is I, Prince Lonathan
Newcastle, son of Stevelyn.
242
00:12:43,181 --> 00:12:47,244
The prince will not a king be unless
he answers these riddles three.
243
00:12:47,245 --> 00:12:49,682
Come on, man! It's freezing out here.
244
00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:50,847
My back hurts.
245
00:12:53,281 --> 00:12:56,251
All right. Come in.
Let me put on my shit.
246
00:13:00,637 --> 00:13:01,806
Guys?
247
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:03,656
Fuck.
248
00:13:07,747 --> 00:13:09,796
The Staff of Many
Snakes is in my locker,
249
00:13:09,797 --> 00:13:12,716
so this potion will
serve as a substitute.
250
00:13:12,717 --> 00:13:13,846
Really?
251
00:13:13,847 --> 00:13:15,826
You guys are all okay with that?
252
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,716
Well, Marlin is a 10th-level wizard.
253
00:13:18,717 --> 00:13:20,656
10th-level jizzard.
254
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:37,696
It's a trap!
255
00:13:37,697 --> 00:13:39,358
Of course it was a trap, you fools.
256
00:13:39,359 --> 00:13:41,407
I pledged fealty to
King Jerryd last week.
257
00:13:41,409 --> 00:13:44,308
He's been watching this entire ceremony
258
00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:46,288
from inside the microwave.
259
00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:50,428
- Fuck.
- Curse you, Jerryd the Liar!
260
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:52,518
Curse all of you, Newcastles!
261
00:13:52,519 --> 00:13:55,408
You should see the look
on your sniveling little...
262
00:13:55,409 --> 00:13:57,348
sorry, guys. Is there a way
263
00:13:57,349 --> 00:14:00,112
so I don't have to see
myself here in the corner?
264
00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:02,327
Push the... the button at the bottom.
265
00:14:02,329 --> 00:14:03,488
Oh, there it is. Can
you guys still see me?
266
00:14:03,489 --> 00:14:06,298
- Yeah.
- Okay, good.
267
00:14:06,299 --> 00:14:07,849
You pathetic half-wits!
268
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:12,803
That potion you drank was not
regenerative, it was degenerative!
269
00:14:12,804 --> 00:14:15,893
I fucking hate myself!
270
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:17,973
If you ever want to LARP again,
271
00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:20,973
you must pledge fealty to
me, King Jerryd the Liar,
272
00:14:20,974 --> 00:14:24,763
at Fortress Greene Park in one hour.
273
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,823
Except for that foul centaur.
274
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:30,430
I have no need for the spawn
of horse-fuckers in my kingdom.
275
00:14:30,431 --> 00:14:31,599
All right, you know
what? Fuck this shit.
276
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,419
I'm fucking out of here, man.
277
00:14:35,420 --> 00:14:36,519
Ow!
278
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,599
If anyone can bring some water
279
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,449
and maybe some vitamin C tablets,
280
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:40,499
that'd be really great.
281
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,530
I got really dehydrated last time.
282
00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,449
Hello?
283
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:49,419
Curator lady? It's Kevin Pacalioglu.
284
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,559
I'm here to hand in
my tender resignation.
285
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:52,589
What news have you of Quam?
286
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:55,559
- Nothing great, Steve.
- Who's Steve?
287
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,459
Jerryd castrated Lonathan.
288
00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:58,579
Then we all went to
visit Marlin the wizard,
289
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,529
who double-crossed
us, surprise, surprise.
290
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:03,065
Now everyone is on their way
to surrender to the evil king.
291
00:15:03,066 --> 00:15:05,775
Surrender? Why dost thou not fight?
292
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,798
Even if I wanted to, which I don't,
293
00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:09,415
what chance in seven hells
294
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:11,495
does a lowly centaur have
against Jerryd's army?
295
00:15:11,496 --> 00:15:13,545
- Son of a horse-fucker.
- That's it.
296
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,825
- I'm out of here.
- You and only you,
297
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,400
noble steed-man, can save the day.
298
00:15:19,401 --> 00:15:21,450
You just need the Staff of Many Snakes.
299
00:15:21,451 --> 00:15:23,590
Only a wizard can wield
the staff or whatever.
300
00:15:23,591 --> 00:15:25,600
The legend doesn't specify wizard.
301
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:30,451
It merely says neither man nor beast.
302
00:15:32,451 --> 00:15:34,530
Yeah.
303
00:15:34,531 --> 00:15:36,411
I'm not totally there.
304
00:15:37,481 --> 00:15:40,076
A centaur, being half man...
305
00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:44,390
- and half horse...
- Is neither!
306
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:46,520
Ride, horse-fucker, like the wind!
307
00:15:46,521 --> 00:15:48,480
- Yes!
- Oh!
308
00:16:09,571 --> 00:16:12,530
Ride to the Palace of Isolation.
309
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,480
You must take the Staff of Many Snakes
310
00:16:16,481 --> 00:16:19,441
from the wizard Marlin
when he least expects it.
311
00:16:22,471 --> 00:16:24,540
Find a room for a dwarf,
312
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,571
the 34th of such.
313
00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:30,421
You may need the Bar of Crow.
314
00:16:35,441 --> 00:16:37,461
Looking for this?
315
00:16:39,561 --> 00:16:43,367
Knights, I am sorry,
but I have failed ye.
316
00:16:43,471 --> 00:16:45,550
We have neither power nor testicles.
317
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:48,146
The time for surrender is nigh.
318
00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:54,833
All right, Barry Potter...
319
00:16:56,411 --> 00:16:57,550
Let's see what you're made of.
320
00:16:57,551 --> 00:17:00,380
- Come on.
- I summon the electricity
321
00:17:00,381 --> 00:17:02,370
of Zeus. Lightning bolt,
322
00:17:02,371 --> 00:17:03,540
lightning bolt, lightning bolt!
323
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:05,590
What the hell?
324
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,460
Deflection! Shield attack!
325
00:17:10,391 --> 00:17:12,400
Ha! Nailed ya!
326
00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:17,450
Marlin?
327
00:17:17,451 --> 00:17:19,430
Hey, buddy.
328
00:17:19,431 --> 00:17:21,490
Taking a little sleep?
329
00:17:21,491 --> 00:17:24,380
Seriously, are you okay?
330
00:17:24,381 --> 00:17:25,460
Oh, shit.
331
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,450
Tradesies.
332
00:17:27,451 --> 00:17:29,580
You're gonna love that
shield, I guarantee it.
333
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:33,160
Who is the most skilled
fighter in all of Quam?
334
00:17:33,161 --> 00:17:35,082
- You are.
- And who is the best
335
00:17:35,107 --> 00:17:38,095
- at talking to females?
- You are.
336
00:17:38,096 --> 00:17:39,975
Indeed, I am.
337
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:43,381
And do you pledge undying fealty to me?
338
00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:44,699
We do.
339
00:17:45,096 --> 00:17:47,135
I've changed my mind.
340
00:17:47,136 --> 00:17:49,085
He twice-crossed us again!
341
00:17:49,086 --> 00:17:50,715
Kill them! Kill them all!
342
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,779
Uh-uh, not so fast!
343
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,739
The Staff of Many Snakes!
344
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,799
Bingo!
345
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,829
You imbecilic barnyard creature!
346
00:17:57,830 --> 00:18:00,414
Only a wizard can wield the staff.
347
00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:02,424
Wrong, Jerryd! The wording says
348
00:18:02,425 --> 00:18:04,544
neither man nor beast.
349
00:18:04,545 --> 00:18:08,474
Guess what, dickhead.
A centaur is neither!
350
00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:11,180
Balderdash! If anything,
a centaur is both!
351
00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:12,714
Actually, uh, I think he's right.
352
00:18:12,715 --> 00:18:14,763
A centaur is a foul monstrosity
353
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:16,693
rejected by both communities.
354
00:18:16,694 --> 00:18:19,723
Well, yes, but as a species the...
355
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,773
the origin of the...
356
00:18:21,774 --> 00:18:23,623
You know what? Let's
consult the rule book
357
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:24,653
'cause this is a head-scratcher.
358
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:25,654
Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
359
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:26,733
What's that?
360
00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:28,693
Someone help me with my bum.
361
00:18:28,694 --> 00:18:29,684
Guys?
362
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,623
- Damn it.
- Yes!
363
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,693
Prince Lonathan,
364
00:18:38,694 --> 00:18:41,783
I give back to you your balls.
365
00:18:41,784 --> 00:18:44,793
Regeneration!
366
00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:48,663
Yorba the Goblin-Slayer...
for you, the Golden Battle Axe.
367
00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:50,693
Oh!
368
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:54,959
For you, the ability to,
like, uh, fly and shit.
369
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:57,763
And for you, my friend,
370
00:18:57,764 --> 00:19:00,593
the ability to sleep through
the night without farting
371
00:19:00,594 --> 00:19:03,633
would be nice.
372
00:19:03,634 --> 00:19:06,753
That felt good.
373
00:19:08,149 --> 00:19:09,099
Shit!
374
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,538
- Ah, shit.
- What of me, my lord?
375
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,653
Invisibility. Ding!
376
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:15,593
Oh, shit, Carol!
377
00:19:15,594 --> 00:19:17,573
- I'm right here.
- Carol, where'd you go?
378
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:19,713
Carol? Get out of my face.
379
00:19:40,385 --> 00:19:42,254
Yeah!
380
00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:44,683
Not the same scared little boy
381
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,763
you were when I slaughtered your father.
382
00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:51,733
Jesus, that stings!
383
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:54,241
Fuck! That really stings, man.
384
00:19:54,242 --> 00:19:55,261
Ow! Okay.
385
00:19:55,776 --> 00:19:56,955
I surrender, all right?
386
00:19:56,956 --> 00:20:01,525
- Whoo-hoo!
- Victory!
387
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:03,464
Well done, centaur.
388
00:20:03,465 --> 00:20:06,564
Lonathan will make a fair and just king.
389
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:09,634
- Castration!
- Ah!
390
00:20:09,635 --> 00:20:14,474
- In time.
- Testicles!
391
00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:16,654
- Farewell, centaur.
- Farewell, king.
392
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:22,594
Anybody else want
393
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,575
their nuts chopped off?
394
00:20:27,645 --> 00:20:29,644
And then...
395
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:33,534
remember when I was like, "Castration!"
396
00:20:33,535 --> 00:20:35,624
You... you've gotten so good, my lord.
397
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,534
Remember when I gained invisibility
398
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:39,574
- and I smoked that knight?
- An invisible
399
00:20:39,575 --> 00:20:41,614
necromancer knight. Now I've really
400
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,504
borne witness to everything.
401
00:20:43,505 --> 00:20:45,474
Remember where you got
the invisibility from?
402
00:20:45,475 --> 00:20:47,444
Will you shut your face, centaur?
403
00:20:47,445 --> 00:20:50,118
- Men are talking.
- Men without horses' asses.
404
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,097
Nice, nice!
405
00:20:52,099 --> 00:20:53,198
- Me? I...
- Okay, okay, everyone.
406
00:20:53,199 --> 00:20:56,077
All right, all right. It's now time
407
00:20:56,260 --> 00:21:00,013
to name our MVK, most valuable knight.
408
00:21:00,014 --> 00:21:04,013
Without his courage and bravery,
409
00:21:04,015 --> 00:21:05,974
we would have surely lost.
410
00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:08,864
The MVK goes to
411
00:21:08,865 --> 00:21:10,064
- Leoclydis.
- Oh!
412
00:21:10,065 --> 00:21:11,894
- I am just...
- Oh!
413
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,944
- Oh, my God!
- You were outstanding.
414
00:21:13,945 --> 00:21:15,974
- My king, you're too kind!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
415
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,974
You are too kind.
Much too kind, my king.
416
00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:19,894
Pac, come on. I'm kind
of being honored here.
417
00:21:19,895 --> 00:21:21,835
Well, you kind of didn't do anything.
418
00:21:22,945 --> 00:21:25,004
You filthy beast. Go eat some hay!
419
00:21:25,005 --> 00:21:26,954
- Well said!
- Ha, that's good!
420
00:21:26,955 --> 00:21:29,843
- Huzzah! Huzzah!
- Thank you. Thank you.
421
00:21:29,844 --> 00:21:31,802
Huzzah!
422
00:21:31,913 --> 00:21:33,725
_
423
00:21:33,865 --> 00:21:35,873
- Did you hear about Marlin?
- What about him?
424
00:21:35,874 --> 00:21:38,432
He's in the hospital. Apparently,
he got jumped at school.
425
00:21:38,457 --> 00:21:39,552
We should send a card.
426
00:21:39,553 --> 00:21:41,611
- I can calligraphy.
- Oh, really?
427
00:21:43,532 --> 00:21:53,821
_
428
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:59,277
_
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