Original subtitles

THE TWO MARSHALS

What happen? Don't you leave any more?

- They bombed the line! - As? And we don't leave any more?

- I do not know? - It's the third bombing, we can't leave here any more!

But I have 48 hours of leave, including the honeymoon!

I have to get married! But how is it done?

- They stole my suitcase! - I'm not on duty.

- You must help me! - Where did they steal it from you? - Near that priest!

- Didn't the priest see anything? - No, he was reading the breviary!

- Father! - To the thief!

Father! We needed this too! Father, wait!

Do you allow, father? Excuse me.

Forgive me, I'm in a hurry. A suitcase was stolen.

Do you allow, father? I'm in a hurry. A suitcase was stolen.

"Ora pro nobis... bus... S-O-S..."

In short, with all due respect!

Young man, don't you see? I'm saying the prayers, it's time for the office.

Go away! Review! Don't interrupt me!

Capurro Antonio, I had to imagine it!

Distinguished Petty Officer, you are misunderstanding.

I am a priest, not a "Capurro". It must be a lookalike case.

Is this also a case of double? Double bottom, your speciality!

- Requirement! - My Jesus, I was wrong!

My suitcase contained sacred vestments, breviaries, candles!

Not bad, when there is health... Happy Easter with the family!

I've been hunting you for a year, ever since you got out of jail!

Speak slowly, please! What does a poor priest look like?

- Don't be a fool. Now come with me to Naples. - What am I going to do?

- And then, they're waiting for me here, I have to say Mass! - That's enough!

It's unheard of, how can you think that a poor priest can...

You say it yourself: can a poor priest steal?

- At what point has anti-clericalism reached! - Let's go!

What happens? The mermaid! You leave me! The mermaid!

Hey marshal! It's over!

The ways of the Lord are infinite.

The Allied landings made things worse instead of better.

But don't worry, the girl will stay here with me. Be calm.

I'll hide it in the rectory, but you have to take the American away.

- Why? - I have no place.

Don Nicola, where do I put him? You know this is the safest place!

If you fill my house with Americans and Jews, where does the security go?

Who do you want to come and disturb you?

Here in Scalitto, Germans and fascists are raking everything!

All right, I'll keep the American too.

- Don Nicola, we have brought a wounded man. - He's a priest!

- He's half undressed! - We found it like this. Where do we put it?

Take him over there, put him on the bed!

- La la! - He was at the station, among the wounded. He had a clean tunic.

- It must have been the blast. - Let's not talk nonsense. Is it serious?

- No, only that he doesn't come to his senses. - Bring some water. - I'm going.

A priest in this state! You have to dress him up!

Do you worry about this? What matters is what is under the tunic.

How are you feeling, Lia? You ate?

I fear for my parents, they say the Jews send them to Germany.

They won't make it in time, for the Americans it's now a piece of cake!

From Sorrento to here it takes a couple of days.

Finally let's fight together! Many of us are anti-fascists here!

Are you a fascist? "All Italian Fascists"!

How will they win the war? They don't know who they're fighting!

- Carlo, the water! - Yes

- This one does not revive! - It must have been the shock!

- I'm going home. - It's dangerous.

- As a doctor, I can justify myself, and the lawyer too. - I'll be back too.

- You who are conscripts, you must hide here. - Are you crazy?

The Jew, then the American, then the priest, now a deserter too!

- But which deserter? A patriot, Don Nicola! - Certainly!

Our first duty is to fight against the Germans and the fascists!

- Capurro, you can't escape me any more! - He's recovered, thank God!

Who are you? Where I am? What day is it?

- It's the 8th of September. - The Immaculate... - We found you at the station.

Lie down. We priests run fewer risks.

- We priests? Who did me like this? - Don't worry, it was me.

- How dare you? - Poor fellow.

- We entrust it to you. Let's go. - It's better, it's bad air.

Fascists and Germans are also rounding up the carabinieri!

| carabinieri? Do you want to drive me crazy?

- It's the truth, they are being arrested because they are loyal to the king. - Natural.

Meanwhile the other escapes! He who runs away is not worthy of being king!

- Has the king escaped? - Yes, he went to the Allies.

- From the Germans? - No, from the Americans. - But they are our enemies.

They were, now they are allies, and the Germans are no longer allies…

...because to them the Allies are enemies.

And they allied themselves with the fascists against Badoglio!

- Is he still in government? - No, he ran away. - I don't understand anything any more.

- Let's not waste time, let's go! - What are you doing?

- I don't understand anything any more! - Don't worry, you're not alone.

But what happened?

- At that time? - You stay here, we'll let you know when you need to act.

- And when will it be? - Much sooner than you might think.

The first objective will be to blow up the bridge where the Germans are passing.

- But how are we going to do it? - The priest will receive a parcel with candles.

You will have to intercept it. He's careful, those candles aren't wax.

- Let's go.

Here we are this time!

But are you, father, really sure that all the carabinieri are being shot?

Of course! I've been told they've already shot several of them.

By the grace of God, this cassock is still respected.

- But where do you have the parish? - I was in Sorrento.

I have to go to Naples, they are waiting for me there, I have to get married...

I have to celebrate a wedding, the bride is waiting for me.

- You must have thought of someone else. - What are you saying? I have to marry her!

Under these conditions, you must stay here.

We'll fix those kids together. You cannot go back to Sorrento.

- I'd like to know what happened to Capurro! - And who is Capurro?

Nothing, one I know. One of my parishioners.

- Run away, marshal! - I'm not a bersaglieri!

- Escape! - Who is he?

Run away or they'll arrest you!

- In the name of the law, how dare you? - Do like the Bersaglieri!

These are fixed with the Bersaglieri.

- Why are you running? - We are the Bersaglieri from before!

- Already discharged? - No! Unmatched, marshal!

They go in random order. Meh!

Permit? Can you enter?

I have nothing left. The bersaglieri arrived first, they run.

- We didn't understand each other. - I've run out of clothes.

What do I care about clothes?

I'm a marshal of the carabinieri, in the barracks we have lots of clothes.

I'm here to requisition. Is there anything required?

Bread, pasta, wine, butter, a few dead chickens, even if you want them alive?

I have nothing left. Better take off your uniform and walk around in your underwear.

Enough, she bored me! Thank God she's a woman!

Indeed, a big woman, a false skinny! Do you know that I could even arrest you?

- Hände hoch! - Hands up! Do you understand?

- As? Do you want them higher? - Silence!

"You may not know that this uniform is very important."

- Marshal of the Carabinieri! - They give me something...

- Then you really want to die! - Of course, I want to live.

I just wanted to prevent you from making a tragic mistake.

A marshal of the carabinieri cannot be killed like this, on the spot!

| carabinieri are faithful throughout the ages, faithful to the king!

- Good boy. You have a lot of courage, I like you. - Modestly!

I've always said it: we understand each other between comrades and soldiers!

- Comrade, welcome! - Hands up!

- The carabinieri are all "kaputt", to the wall! - What did they do?

- They're all outlaws! - He could have said that sooner!

I am an outlaw par excellence! "Anti-Carabiniere"!

- Marshal Vittorio Cotone. Well. - Take him out.

- What do you mean, sorry? - Walk!

I would like to know...

- All right, comrade? - Yes! Very good!

Have you seen these carrion?

We built Italy in 80 years and they destroy it in one day.

Will they kill that marshal?

Of course, unless he joins the fascist army.

That doesn't fit! He's a policeman!

And then, from his face he seems worthy of the uniform he wears.

I join unconditionally!

Believe, obey and fight! To march and not to rot! Am I right?

- Dear Marshal Cotone, you are reinstated in rank. - Thank you.

- You will be in charge of the Scalitto station. - Do I become the boss? - Yes.

I wallow in the stations! Let alone as a station master!

Please keep the hat.

- You will be very 'useful' to us. - Very? - Useful. - Yes.

"Very difficult situation in this country"...

..."because the population is against the head of the republic".

- Clear? - Yes sir!

"Population contrary to your head of the republic..."

..."and at our beachhead".

- The Führer. - What does it have to do with it?

The Duce is the head of the republic, the Führer is the bridgehead.

- "Bridgehead we Germans"! - "Jawohl"!

"Population indignant because we have built a bridgehead on the river".

- Oh yes? - Yes! Understood? - Yes! - Head against Americans! - Good boy!

Every American, a "head shot", down to the ground! I admire!

- Understood? - Goodbye, My Commander!

- We have removed the "R". - Thanks!

- "Take your place"! - Thank you!

- "Bitte". - As? - "Bitte". - I gladly accept a bitter.

- Sit down! - He offered me the bitter...

Be careful, otherwise you end up like the other commander.

- And what happened to him? - Shot.

- Hail, Hitler! - Hail, Hitler! - Yes it says: "Hail, Hitler"!

I hit my knee on the table.

- This, marshal, who is he? - The new commander of the carabinieri.

- But if they don't exist any more! - Don't worry!

- We'll enlist some auxiliaries, won't we, Marshal? - Yes, Lieutenant.

- Who is he? Am I arresting him? - I'm the mayor! - Uh...

- Here is the traitor! Let's get rid of it! - But which traitor?

Is this how a gentleman in uniform is eliminated on the spot?

I voluntarily joined! Tell him, sir!

Mr Podestà, Marshal Cotone has sworn allegiance to us!

Fantastic! I didn't explain myself, I meant to talk about the paintings!

- Take off those paintings! - I didn't put any pictures!

- I'm not talking about you, but about that marshal! - Ah, well...

- To us! - Hail, Hitler! - Hail! - What happens?

- Why didn't you say: "Hail"? - Because I didn't get hurt.

- Look at him, he still wears the stars! - Well?

Don't trust this man! We fascists keep order!

For the people, you are like smoke and mirrors, worse than us Germans!

We need Marshal Cotone to put the country in order!

- But that's not possible! - Silence! - Ah! "You damn them"!

- Remember that I'm in charge here! - Absolutely!

Lieutenant, if this Pennica bothers you, I'll arrest him immediately.

You have to arrest only saboteurs, spies, whisperers!

- The mayor murmured. - Pick the men and get to work.

But there are my men!

Finish with his men and obey the lieutenant! Mayor!

- Let's arrest him, go... - Silence! - Silence!

I don't want fascists, I want carabinieri!

With the marshal we will enlist all the carabinieri I want!

- They will be auxiliary volunteers! - Take that!

- Montaldo, Giraldi, let's go! - Pennica! - Pennica!

- Hail, Hitler! - Hail, Hitler!

Excuse the question: how do we do for the volunteers' uniforms?

"Nein" uniforms, "enough arm band".

- Like those of mourning! - Already. - Leave it to me!

- Greetings, Don Nicola. - Good morning, children. Novelty?

They arrested a marshal of the carabinieri!

Here comes the "fetentone".

That marshal of the carabinieri has joined our republic!

But if that bastard plays a double game, you'll all pay!

To us!

- To you and all your family. - Be careful, children!

- More caution than that! - They're all scared!

- Now the carabinieri are also joining. - Maybe that's playing a double game.

- In that case, they would have warned us. - Better not to trust.

- Jesus be praised! - I kiss your hands, Don Nicola.

- Maybe it's best to warn him about the parcel. - Why? Ninth!

It's better that he doesn't know. The priests get scared.

And then, it is enough for the package to arrive at the rectory.

Carlo knows it and has it delivered.

Father? Father?

I tell her, father. Allows?

Excuse me, can a Catholic marry a Jewess?

There should be a ministerial circular on the matter.

- It would be prohibited. - From the Church? - I don't know, I speak as a man of the law.

- Law man? - By law... canonical.

But what does the Church think about it? I don't care about the laws of the fascists.

Me too, but the laws of the Church are many.

Ask Don Nicola, he has more experience than me.

What are these bells?

- The rosary, right? - Ah, the rosary... The rosary!

- You weren't sleeping? - No. I heard what you were asking.

Ah yes, a curiosity.

- I can't confess to you, wait for Don Nicola! - I can not wait!

He's a priest too, he has a duty to confess!

Confession is a serious matter, it can't be done in a hurry.

You're right, but I can't wait, I have a weight on my conscience.

- And what will this weight be? - I stole!

And are you going to tell me?

Should I tell the police? Anyway, I regretted it.

I don't care, do you understand?

If crimes could be extinguished with repentance, we would be fresh!

- It's the first time this happens to me. - Don Nicholas!

What a pain! The situation is increasingly difficult.

Who do you tell? You don't have to leave me alone. Thieves come to confess!

- I'm not a thief! - You just declared it!

I told you in confession. Besides, I only stole a cat.

Article 944, three months in prison! With probation, if uncensored!

- Look what I have to hear! - Don Nicola, I don't understand it...

- Go and wait for me in the confessional. - Thank you, Don Nicola.

- I didn't want to, it was he who insisted. - What are you doing to me?

It's time for me to confess too.

Mind you, I speak in confession, and you are truly a priest!

- Of course! - I'm... I'm not.

- No? And who are you? - I'm a marshal of the carabinieri.

I'm in your hands. You won't betray me, will you?

But, my son, wearing the cassock is a sacrilege!

You put it on me, I didn't want to! If you want, I can even leave!

No, just stay.

Unless you want to join, like the new marshal.

- Has a carabiniere betrayed? - I don't want to talk about treason.

-But he collaborates with the fascists and is a marshal of the carabinieri. - No.

Well yes! It won't be his fault, they forced him!

I don't believe it. A carabiniere dies, but he doesn't give up!

Young men, it seems to me that there are rumours here.

- We're talking about our stuff. - Oh yes?

If you don't want to be considered a murmurer, speak up!

We have no voice not even to breath!

Then shut up, the enemy is listening to you.

Hey there!

An espresso!

We're having fun, huh?

- Let's kill time. - Does he want to play?

Let's lay the cards on the table! Standing! Wasted youth!

You play while your brothers defend their homeland! Ambush!

- They are younger. - We are 50 years old. - What does it mean?

Life begins at 40, so you're still "children of the she-wolf"!

Italians!

In this crucial moment for the life of the country...

...everyone must feel the duty to make themselves useful, to serve!

- Coffee is served. - Precisely!

Even at your age you can serve your country: by enlisting in the VAF!

- What is this VAF? - How, what is it!

The acronym itself says it: Volunteer Auxiliary Police Forces.

Body I wanted and boosted! I'm the boss! I'm the VAF boss!

Those who are for the VAF remain standing, those who are against, sit down!

- But VAF... - How would it be? Continue, if you dare!

- But do me the favour. - Here we insult a non-commissioned public!

- What does he say? - I slap some in!

- Forget it, they are poor ignorant peasants. - Ignorant!

But look! Huh?

But how is this stuff made?

- It's a surrogate. Barley, field beans... - This is a "ciofeca"!

So don't write "Caffè dello sport", but "Ciofeca dello sport"!

- To the thief! - We don't play jokes!

One moment! Let's not start with big words!

- It's easy to say: "Thief!". We need proof! - And there are!

- Where are they? - Under the jacket! - Under the jacket? There's the shirt!

- No, there's my chicken. - And this? - Yes!

- Do you recognise him? - Yes! - What is his name? - Torquato.

But don't make me laugh! You, come here! What is your name?

- Menichetti Basilioio. - Thief? - Yes. - Uncensored? - No.

- The chicken is mine! Give me that! - I can't give you the body of the crime.

Now I slap someone in! In this country I make a clean sweep!

- Let's go! - Are you arresting me? - Not a chance. I enlist you!

This postman who hasn't arrived yet!

We don't have to show up. It's madness to stay here, let's go back to church.

It's madness to sit around!

But don't worry, nothing will happen to me, everything is prepared.

But what if the package ends up in the hands of other people?

Who do you want to suspect? It is directed to Don Nicola.

- And if they open it? - If they open it, they look like candles. Instead it's dynamite.

We're going to blow up the bridge tonight.

- Where are you going? - To deliver the mail.

- I have to check it first! - You? - Move!

Move!

With this armband you are no longer a vulgar chicken thief...

...but a guardian of the law.

- Marshal, I am ignorant. Yes, I hadn't thought of that.

In fact, the law does not admit ignorance.

But it's a no brainier. It means that you will be in charge of the kitchen!

Do one thing: go straight to the kitchen and cook me the crime.

- Marshal, how do I do it? - Silence, volunteer Basilioio!

You...! Right flank! Animal, that's the left!

Come on, marsch! One, two, pass! Step! Cadence!

- Hail, Hitler! - Take orders, Lieutenant!

For the secret service, Scalitto is a den of terrorists!

- They receive orders from the traitor Badoglio! - Hand! - Yes!

Messages can be masked in the mail...

...concerning weapons and ammunition for clandestine movements!

- What can you tell me! - Read this letter! - Yes please.

It's a letter like any other.

After this letter, the Battipaglia railway junction was blown up.

- A "swindler" must have written it. - No, read! - Wants?

"Dear mum, the wool can't be found."

"Fill the mattress with straw and beat."

There will probably have been fleas or the like in the mattress.

- You say so because you are honest, naive. - You know, roughly...

It's quite another thing. It says: "straw" and "beat". Straw-beater!

Yep, "straw" and "beat." Battipaglia. Round trip. But the mattress?

"Be bomb". Continue.

"I'll be arriving on the 7 o'clock train."

Train and station! 7 o'clock! 7th of September, the day of the attack!

Every day he will have to view all the mail scrupulously!

- Then he will have to report everything! - They'll have to deal with me!

I'm a tough cookie, they fell badly! I'm all bone!

- Here's the postman! - Where? - Hail, Hitler! - Hail! - You come!

- You will bring the mail here every day! - Yes, sir.

- You will check and report! - Sir!

- I will give a speech to the population! - Sir!

- A hard speech! You don't mess with the Germans, understand? - Yes.

- Get to work now! - Yes! - Hail, Hitler! - Hail!

Come on, get to work! Give me the mail! Hard talks are held here!

- That's all? - These days, people have other things to do.

- "Bitters". - A bitter for me? - It means: "Sit down"! - Uh...

Is this addressed to the pharmacist? Let's see'.

"Egr... doctor... Traversi..."

This letter smacks of "smear".

Sounds like a secret cipher to me!

No, it means: "Dear Doctor". It's a business letter.

What does he trade in?

He could trade in flamethrowers, in gunpowder, in dynamite!

What do you know about it?

"We have received your welcome Vs..."

- Then you say that one... - It means: "Your welcome".

No, fool! "Subversive Leaflets"! "V-S"!

The pharmacist prints them, then mails them. This letter confirms it.

"..Shipped on the 6th...C-M." "C-M"! Did you understand? "C-M"!

But do they think we're all fools? That we're all dumb? I'm a tough

nut to crack! I'll fix you!

- To me? - Silence! - "Current month"!

Nope! "C-M" means: "Cannons and machine guns"!

"We also hope to send you the goods you requested..."

"..Between the 18th and 20th pp. vv."

This is where the donkey falls! On the "P-P-V-V"!

This is where they screwed up with their own hands! You know what that means?

"Guns, Bullets and V-2"! I censor it!

I am an authorised censor! The Wehrmacht authorised me!

Comrades, fascists!

Greet the lieutenant, Commander of the Scalitto stronghold!

To us!

People of Scalitto!

After the betrayal of your king, many of you "continue"...

- They keep going! - They continue to "trigger"...

- Scheming! - Plotting against the German forces.

And they do well.

- "But we will win..."! - We will win!

But we will win anyway...

...because the army of the Third Reich is "unbeatable"!

- Unbeatable! - "Shit"! - Hail! Definitely!

- What's in the package? - Candles. - It's the explosive for the pharmacist.

But the package is not for the pharmacist, it is for Don Nicola.

- Why didn't you tell me before? - I told him! - Silence!

Oh yes, they are candles. But they have a strange colour, they are whitish.

It can be seen that they were made with autarkic tallow.

Since the corridor to the safe rooms is dark, I commandeer one.

- But... - Silence! Redo the package, I order it!

Shh! "Achtung"!

We will be able to repress any attack...

...that may delay the inevitable Victory of the Third Reich..."

"..Secured by the will of the German people..."

"..And from the military genius of our Führer!"

- Hail, Hitler! - Hail!

Omerta, huh?

- I want to know who did it! - We want to know who did it!

- Marshal, come here! - What happened?

During my speech, someone made a noise with his mouth!

- Hand! - Yes! - With the mouth? - With the mouth!

- Do they make noises with their mouths in this country? - It was a fart!

- I didn't hear a thing. Have you heard anything? - Nothing!

- Tell the truth! - Nothing! - I want to know it! - No! Nothing!

- Nobody heard anything. - I have heard it! - Absolutely!

Understood? - No, it's German.

If the culprit is not found, he will set the country on fire!

We will open an investigation! I'm here! If not, which marshal am I?

We should establish the characteristics of this raspberry.

There are acute, bombastic, long, short, medium raspberries!

- Now let's see. Basilioio, give him a fart! - How dare you?

It serves to establish the characteristics of the raspberry. Go ahead, make one.

You know how it is, he's scared. You authorise it.

I authorise. - Come on, make one.

- As? - No! - Of course, this is a "fetecchia"!

- Harder! At what point did they do it? - At the centre of the speech.

- Repeat the words, so the atmosphere is recreated. - Right away!

"Secured by the will of the German people..."

"..And from the military genius of our Führer!"

As? - No! - It's difficult, you know?

- Postman, make a raspberry. - I'm not able.

- Let's not be saboteurs, otherwise I'll slap someone inside! - All right.

- He repeats the words. - "..from the military genius of our Führer!"

As? - No! - Not even like that?

- I remember it! I do it! - Not her! - Absolutely!

Tell me if she looks like this!

- Yes! - Well, having identified the raspberry, we will find the culprit!

Basilioio, write! On record!

"Today, in front of us, Marshal Major of the RR.CC..."

"..Lieutenant Kessler presented himself, declaring..."

Tell Don Nicola that the parcel was opened by the new marshal.

- He did an investigation on farts. - On farts?

He made everyone do this….

- But what kind of marshal is he? - He's like everyone else.

There are marshals and marshals! I've never done certain inquiries!

- I wasted a lot of time. - What's the name of this marshal?

- His name is... a certain... Ah, Cotone! - Cotone?

I have nothing to do with it, I'm just a postman! Praised be Jesus Christ!

May he always be praised!

Cotone...

There he is!

- That package is mine. - No, it's Don Nicola's.

I had it sent to him, but they are candles for my vow.

Tonight, if all goes well, I'll turn them all on.

We must have faith, synonymous with fidelity. Faith in God, loyalty to the king.

- Which king? - The king of heaven. And so be it.

I learned that the new marshal is called Cotone like me.

- Is he your relative? - He's a namesake. I would like to go find him.

- If he knows you, he could be dangerous. - But I don't know him.

I would like to lead him back to the right path, that of honour!

Basilioio, Basilioio! Don't make that noise with your mouth!

It's rudeness! And then, if the alarm goes off, we don't hear it!

If it rings, what should we do?

Run to the shelter first, otherwise we won't find a place.

- Let's hope the Americans let us eat. - And the chicken?

We can eat it in the shelter. Instead the soup is untransportable.

I have an idea: you finish the soup, I'm going to prepare a salad.

Do you like it, do not you ? It goes well with chicken.

Don't make that noise!

A little respect for the uniform we wear! These recruits!

Permit?

- Permit? - Take a seat. Do you want to favour?

- Where is the marshal? - He's gone to prepare... he's coming right away.

- How is this Marshal Cotone? - Good! "It's a piece of bread"!

- Yes, but how is it physically? - I don't know, I don't take these confidences.

- It's good! - I understand, but how is he? Tall? Thin? Fat?

Here he is!

- You? - She? - Do you know each other? - Certain! He's a swindler!

- Are you not Italian? - Shut up! - Say what you are, confess!

- The confession is secret. Basilioio, go. - He's also religious! - Go!

- I will tell everyone that you are a thief! - And I will say that you are a marshal.

- Oh yes? - He's worse than me.

Betray your country by wearing a uniform that doesn't belong to you!

- And the cassock? - It's fake, just like the uniform you're wearing is fake!

- No, this is true, it's hers! - You're taking advantage of my name!

Everyone will believe that Marshal Cotone has betrayed his king!

But I will tell everyone the truth!

Bravo, so we both end up in front of the firing squad.

Do you want to understand that I was forced to be marshal?

I would have liked to see you, in front of those Germans!

- I would have gotten myself killed. - I would have pissed myself off, I'm a coward.

But a coward alive is better than a brave dead man.

Besides, a humble thief can't suddenly become a hero.

- Father, absolve me. - You forget that I am a marshal!

Yes sir, father marshal!

Maybe you're right, in this chaos no one is who they really are any more.

I am you, you are me! Holy shit!

No, father, she is not me! You don't know how to be a priest!

I've been to seminary...

...and I know that whoever wears the cassock doesn't blaspheme or swear!

- And what should I say? - The will of the Lord be done.

We are doing the will of the Germans. Something must be done!

No! In addition to spilling my soup, she also lets herself be discovered!

Besides, she doesn't know how to be a priest. A priest doesn't get angry!

- You let me get angry, I'm a marshal. - And do you know how to do it?

I manage. Before being a priest, I was a fake finance guard.

- The marshal of the carabinieri is something else. - He wants to put?

But he goes away! - If I could trust you! - Trust me!

I would teach you how a marshal of the Arma behaves.

- Help me and I'll try to help you. - Come here, sit down. - Thank you.

- Capurro, did you regret what you did? - Yes, father.

- Do you want to redeem yourself? - Yes. - Then you have to go against the Germans.

She's gone crazy! We don't make chickens laugh!

By the way, do you want to stay for dinner?

Here we must act, move! Passive resistance! Sabotage!

- Shooting! - Anything, for the common cause!

If it's a matter of suing the city, I'm in! I don't like the mayor!

Don't be silly, Capurro!

I would advise you from time to time what should be done.

- What should I do? - First of all, steal.

But how? In the dual guise, cassock and Arma, do you instigate me to theft?

- But it's game-force! - What? - Come on!

- And let's play! How many priests are there in the parish? - Only one.

Then there's me, a Jewess, an American soldier, a deserter...

- The parish priest can no longer support us. - All people that mush.

All right, I found it: I'm arresting you. Yes, because there is food here.

Don't talk nonsense! These are people who must be protected until the time comes for redemption.

- I will requisition the requisitionable! - You're better than I thought. - Thank you.

- You should do me a personal favour. - Tell me.

- Does the phone work? - I think so.

I should call my girlfriend, she hasn't heard from me for a long time.

- Come in. - Thank you. - Please.

Ready? Miss, this is the Scalitto police station.

I would like to speak to Naples! 6,3,7,3,4!

Yes, urgent! I wait!

- Capurro! - Commands? - Another favour: you should leave! - Yes.

- It's an intimate call. - I understand, between men...

- Thank you. - Please.

Make yourself comfortable with him!

- I'm coming to protest! - Go away, it's not the time!

- Let's go to the office! - You can't enter!

We have to agree! Who is in charge here in Scalitto?

- He hasn't figured it out yet? The Germans! - Absolutely!

Not at all, "definitely"! Go away, they're phoning inside!

- I do not care! - A little respect for this place!

A little politeness, inside there is... a priest who is phoning.

- A priest calling? - It is new?

- What is he doing here with you? - He's confessing! - By phone? - Yes.

- I want to listen! - And the secrecy of the confessional? There is excommunication!

Ready! Immaculate? It's me, your Vittorio!

- Vittorio! Is that you? - If you knew what happened to me, my love!

- Who are you talking to? - With your sister.

- Do you call her "my love"? - Brotherly Love.

Now I can't speak.

- Why? - It will be the emotion. It's been a long time since he has seen her.

Tell me the truth: have you changed your mind? Don't you want to marry me any more?

There's only you for me, I can't wait to get married to you!

Marry her? A priest?

Do you want a marshal of the carabinieri to marry you? She marries a priest!

Nothing has changed, I swear on this dress that I wear unworthily!

Do you wear the robe? Why? Has something changed in you?

Immaculate, what do you think? I am a man! A male!

- A "male" priest? - Have you seen female priests?

- You must explain to me, Marshal Cotone! - Yes, sir!

- What do you have to do with it? And what orders are you talking about? - Religious orders.

- You guys are teasing me enough! Who are you? - Don't you see the uniform?

- In a priest's uniform, it is the priest Capurro. - Who were you talking to?

With his sister, because there is no telephone in the rectory and the marshal...

- The marshal was kind and... - If you're trying to make fun of me...

- Shh! - You want to shut me up? - It takes reverence for a reverend!

- Enough! - Oh! - Like, "oh"! - "Enough" here I say it!

He says it for her, she for him! Calm down!

You are the marshal here, but I am the mayor!

- Eh, what do you think you are? - He'll see what I'm capable of!

- Come on, let's reconcile. - How? - We already have so many enemies!

- Yes, we are all Germans now. - Italians, please.

What happens? Do they bomb?

- So here we are, they are already arriving. - Bo-bo-bo... bo-bo-bo...

Carlo!

- What are you doing here? - I can't sleep and I take a breath of fresh air.

- You have chosen the right evening! And Charles? - He will be sleeping.

Are you taking a breather too?

Hello, father. You know, I've been locked up for a long time.

I needed to chat with friends.

Gossip is dangerous if it's made without a brain.

You have the Germans on your heels, enter the church! Force!

- We'd better tell him everything. - Better not to trust. - Mask off!

Marshal Cotone is older than you and he has a good nose!

Don't worry, they told me that the marshal is half a moron.

- Know that I am Marshal Cotone! - You? - Yes!

And it makes me sad that I am kept in the dark about a patriotic action!

Do you think he wore this cassock out of cowardice?

No! I put it to work! And you, wake up!

- It's easy to get people into trouble and then sleep! - What do you want to do?

Organizing the Resistance. Here things are done too lightly.

The rectory will be our fortress. We'll blow it up if necessary.

- Are you crazy? - Stay calm, you are now under my protection.

- | Germans are coming here with dogs! - We have to escape!

The girl and the American can hide in the haystack.

The lawyer and I are going back to the village, but you have to cover up our tracks.

I'll handle that. Don Nicola, give me plenty of incense.

- Why? - For dogs. Let's hope this idea works.

Go away! Tomorrow you will receive my orders!

We have to put on our sacred vestments and have a function.

Where are you going? Comrade, this way!

- But the dogs go that way! - But what do you want to know?

- Do you think a dog has a better nose than a marshal? - Absolutely!

He shut up or I'll have her arrested as a saboteur! Definitely!

They blew up the bridge! They will pay with their heads!

- Did they blow up the bridgehead? - No, that resists.

I'm the one who'll blow your head off.

The bridgehead? So you're playing a double game?

I'll blow your hard head too!

Are we kidding? I have only one head!

Let's not waste time! They are certainly hidden in the church, the dogs go there!

- Let's go! - We will make a hole "in the water"!

The proverb says it: "Canem in chiesam nicht fortunam..." Don't go!

"Eternal rest grant them, Lord."

"Let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace and so be it."

"Eternal rest grant them, Lord."

"Let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace and so be it."

- "Eternal rest grant to these!" - What are you doing?

- I'm at my house. What do you want? - It's a comedy to block us!

No, it's a sacred function! I'm Catholic, I can't forbid it!

- Dogs don't even want to go to church! - We need to search her!

- You cannot enter the house of God! - Get out of the way!

- I did my best. - Let's hope so.

Meanwhile, the incense has disoriented the dogs.

Let's not let them get away!

They managed to get away with it. Amen.

If they take them, they kill them.

I'm safe now. Something must be done tomorrow.

What should I do? - Make do.

- There's no one here. - But the dogs? - They didn't come in.

The marshal was right, now everyone will hate us for the sacrilege.

- You believe? - Let's go. "Raus"! - Quick, let's not waste time!

- Marshal Cotone! - Yes, sir!

- You were right, there is no one. I'm sorry, father. - Please.

- We need to find who blew up the bridge! - Sir!

- If you don't find him, I'll have you arrested, understand? Hail, Hitler! - Hail!

- Praised be Jesus Christ. - Praised be you, but... what have I got to do with it?

- 23 hour curfew is too much! - How do I go shopping?

What is it, comrades? I'm here, I'm your mayor!

Nonsense, I'll fix it! Definitely!

- What? - To us. - Ah, well.

One moment! Silence!

Marshal Cotone is busy!

He will have the permit to move who has the right to move!

And who decides who has the right?

It's a tailor-made curfew for ladies wives...

...so they'll have their husbands hanging on to their skirts all day long!

- But I defend my rights! - Permit!

You who are a loyal customer of mine, try to help me!

- How dare you? I don't know you. - Now he doesn't know me!

Shut up. - When you come to my house you know me, huh?

All you need to do is prove that you are in compliance with the law to get permission.

- You would be a lawyer! - Yes, the first in the country! - I'm glad.

In his career he has never defended, ex officio, of course...

... some petty thief of chickens, suitcases and the like?

- Once. - How did you conclude the poor man's defence?

"Your Excellency, I defer to the mercy of the court."

- I supposed. - It was an unsolvable case.

- No permission. - Why? - Even his is an insoluble case.

- Are you kidding? - You appeal to the court, you defer to clemency.

- It's an abuse! - He goes away. - It's unworthy!

I protest!

Do you realise what 23 hours a day means to people?

- So no attacks are attempted! - The population has its needs!

- He does them from 19:00 to 20:00. - An hour? - That's more than enough.

- What time is it? - It's 20:00! - Ah! - What is it? - He can't go out.

- I am the mayor! - Follow the fate of the others.

- What? - If you have to do something, do it from 19:00 to 20:00!

- I don't give him permission! - I don't care! Now I'm going to Kessler!

- He Go ahead to Hitler and say hello to me. - Absolutely! - Go away! - Yes!

- Only priests can circulate here, but we'll see! To us! - To us.

- What happened? - I'd pay to arrest him, but it's recommended.

Forget it. Rather, we must think of those three poor people.

I enlist them as auxiliaries. With the armband on, nobody touches them.

- But that's American! - Oh, yes. But now we are all strangers here.

- There is also the Jewish girl! - Ah, yes! She wants to spoil me!

- Do you want to receive me yes or no? Who's in charge here? - Excuse me, Marshal.

- Antonio! - Wanda! - Antonio my! - Wanda!

Allows? Miss Wanda and...

But what does she do?

And what are you doing, dressed as a carabiniere? Weren't you a thief?

You know, "opportunity makes a thief." This time he was a marshal!

The ways of the Lord are infinite. However, it must remain secret.

- Then you are against them! - Shh, please, miss!

Didn't he see what they did with the curfew? How do I work?

- Do you also carry out your profession here? - Certainly.

When in Salerno they knocked down my house...

... I set up a "house" with some colleagues.

I think I've already met her. What profession did you have in Salerno?

I really believe that my profession prevents me from having met her.

- Unless... - When he was a boy, before putting on the cassock...

You don't want to ruin me, do you? I and the girls need to earn some money.

- Ah... - Come on, Tony, be good.

If you don't help me, how can I, your "Wandona"?

- I figured out how to fix the girl. - As? Where?

- From Wanda! She will be fine! - But she's a good girl!

Reverend, so am I! There are only honourable people in my house!

It is true. You'll get permission, but you have to help us hide a girl.

- Well. - A Jewish girl. - You're crazy? It's not easy!

Come on, you're great!

Do you remember how many times you hid me, when they were looking for me...

That's how you disappeared. - I'm not stupid!

You enlisted him because people love the carabinieri and hate the fascists.

But now the population hates him too and he must be eliminated.

I'll do it when it's appropriate. Now you need to cooperate.

Sure, lieutenant, definitely. But he must apologise for all affronts!

- By offending me, you offend the Fascio! - I will when necessary.

- Agree! Definitely! - Go!

Certainly, sir lieutenant! "Jawohl"!

Excuse me... can you tell me where I can find Marshal Cotone?

- Who are you? - Girlfriend. We were supposed to get married.

She called me yesterday to tell me I'd find it here.

Very good.

I will take you to him. He will work better with his woman next to him.

Now follow me please!

But Kessler!

Accompany her, then bring the two young men here and enlist them.

- How can I do? - You put the band on him and say: "You are enlisted"!

- I'll fix the girl. - Mind you, she's a minor.

I know the laws better than you. Sometimes I even manage to respect them.

- We hope everything goes well. - Everything will be fine.

Marshal Cotone!

- Say. - I brought you a surprise.

- A surprise? - Guess what it is. - I don't know?

Your girlfriend!

- Vittorio! - Immaculate!

- Some water! - Poor! - What's going on?

As soon as she saw me, she collapsed! Who knows what I do to women!

- You are happy, aren't you? - Certain!

You will return the favour by apologising to the mayor!

He can take it back, I don't apologise to anyone!

- It's an order! - OK then! - Hail, Hitler! - Hail, Hitler!

All we needed was the girlfriend! Now where do we hide this?

- Quick! - Tell him to hurry up!

- Where are we going? - Shut up, you don't have to talk!

How can the carabiniere do it? As soon as he speaks, they take us right away!

Only fascists and Germans can speak!

Don't worry, you'll be safe with me.

- Will I be able to come and see you? - Sure, my house is always open to everyone.

- Let's go! - Lia!

Don't worry, as a carabiniere I'll be able to move. We will see each other often.

Quick! Do you want to die?

Now the lieutenant is willing to apologise.

Thank you. Excuse me, if I may, who was that "Fräulein"?

- Marshal's girlfriend! - Absolutely!

Why did I come?

That's what I say too! Can't he go back to Naples?

No, I don't want to go back! I know what I did to come here!

- Now stay here with me! -By now everyone knows that she is my girlfriend!

If she has to stay, she stays here with me!

What are you saying? Immacolata is coming with me to the rectory!

No, Vittorio! I want to get married with the white veil!

You don't think she wants to take advantage of you?

- I know, but we love each other too much to be able to dominate each other. - Oh yes.

- Do not mention it! Everyone would know! - What?

Those are things that don't concern you!

- I'm talking to my thing! - What? - With my girlfriend!

If you have something to hide, you don't have a clear conscience!

- Do I tell him or does she tell him? - I don't know anything! - I'll tell you.

- Sorrowful... - Immaculate! - Right now she is grieving.

Immaculate, sorry if I dare. My fiancee... is expecting a baby.

It is not true!

- Immacolata, the mayor is a friend! - What?

All these secrets are not worth keeping! It's nonsense!

She escaped because she can no longer keep the secret of the son of guilt!

You will be a "son of the wolf", a fighter of future battles!

There is no shame! If you want, I'll marry you today!

- Hey! - The good father is right, the son is mine, if anything, I'll marry her.

I meant as mayor!

So he feels entitled to marry any pregnant woman?

But what are you saying? If anyone has to marry her, it's me!

Time is wasted in church. With the civil ceremony, I marry you without formalities!

It will be an austere war wedding!

No, I want to get married in church with him!

Of course, the officiating priest marries her! Right, sir?

Even in the church you can celebrate a marriage without publications.

- That's right, blank. - You'll have to adjust, Miss.

- It will be an austere war wedding. - Absolutely!

You, Vittorio Cotone...

...do you want to marry the Immacolata De Rosa present here?

By force. Yes? Yes.

You, Immaculate De Rosa...

...do you want to wed Vittorio Cotone here?

What are you doing? You don't have to turn around yet!

Before I pronounce the irreparable, tell me: is this marriage valid?

- But no, you are not a priest. - Ah here.

I join you in marriage...

...in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen!

- Hey! - It's my right, I kiss the bride. Forget it.

Greetings fascists!

I can not stand it any more...

From now on, you are enrolled in the VAP!

Actually, they told me VAF. Give me your arm. As.

- Please, always shut up! - I understand.

Never ask questions and never answer anyone, got it?

It must be a bit silly.

Since there's nothing to do, can I go to Lia's?

Certain. With this nobody tells you anything, go easy.

- But don't compromise me! Don't worry, Basilioio.

If someone is looking for me, you call me, okay?

But don't talk!

- Get out! - We come here to dance, not to make out!

There's dancing in the upper rooms, where's that young girl gone?

The girls are all here. Aren't they young?

That is the youngest of all. "I saw him go with you today."

- But if you're always drunk! - "Don't be drunk! Now go over!"

- Come here! - Let me go!

I'm so scared and so ashamed to be here alone.

Why does all this have to happen?

Lia, don't cry, everything will soon be over.

- I can't take it any more, I feel it. - Lia...

This is the only place where you can be truly safe.

- "Here hide young women"! - Leave her alone!

- On this occasion, pig... - What did she say? - Pig!

I offer the marshal and the bride my most sincere wishes.

- Thank you! - Congratulations!

My wife wanted to make a dessert, but I forbade her.

- These days... Anyway, best wishes. - Thank you. - And sons!

- Thanks for the wishes. Now the son is on the way! - Already!

- Oh, poor thing! - He's been blacking out since this morning. Some air!

- Maybe we'd better go. - You are right. Hail we go, reverend?

No, I have to say something to the newlyweds, I haven't even preached.

Don't worry, he'll make it tomorrow, nobody's after us.

No, 10... I'm not moving from here. You know, for the sermon.

Maybe we'd better go. Marshal, happy birthday!

- Goodbye, reverend. - Until we meet again.

- Win! - It's a word!

- That Pennica is obnoxious, but he's kind. - We're going from bad to worse.

From the pan to the grill!

That's fine with me: I've made peace with Pennica!

Then I settled the Jewess and the two young men! What more does he want?

- And Immaculate? - Now everyone knows that she is my wife and she stays here with me.

- Go ahead, trust me. - Capurro, I really can't trust you!

I could only leave knowing she was locked in a room, alone!

Do you want to put her in a safe?

I think it's an idea, I'm taking away the keys...

Don't cry all the time, it's bad luck!

This is the only honourable solution. Where are the cells?

That way. One moment, the cells are in the dark, we need a candle.

No! Oh my, what's he doing? It's TNT!

But no, it's a votive candle I took from Don Nicola's package.

They blew up the bridge with those candles!

- Was it Don Nicola? - No! Let's make it disappear!

Slowly... Does this one explode on impact?

Well, I was thinking... Oh God, what have we done!

- Immaculate, let's go. - Why did you leave me? - Let's go!

- Where do we go? - In the cell. - Not in the cell!

- No, Vittorio! - To the left.

- No, Vittorio! - Believe me, there is no other solution.

The plank will be tough, but you can handle this and more.

There were other solutions, instead of imprisoning her on her wedding day.

What solutions? You open!

- After you! Here it is! - Sit here, dear.

- Ah! There is a man! - Make your subordinates sleep in the cell!

And you don't let your girlfriend sleep in it? They'll keep each other company.

She doesn't share a cell with anyone!

I'm going to sleep somewhere else.

- Dear soul, goodbye. - Reverend, be tactful!

If you don't want to do it for the cassock you wear, do it for your husband.

| Germans have arrested Carlo and the Jewish girl!

I knew they were in trouble. Now what to do? We must escape.

- No! Only you can save them! - How?

You are now a marshal! Show yourself worthy of the uniform you wear!

-And what will she do? - I'll save Immacolata, then we'll see. - Yes.

- Where is another exit? - There's the service one! - Soon!

My God... Yes... yes... yes!

The marshal has nothing to do with it, it was I who volunteered.

And I am responsible for her. The marshal knows nothing!

- The marshal never knows anything. - Command! - Who is this man?

- This? - Sure! - He's an auxiliary.

- When did he enlist him? - This morning. She authorised me.

This man insulted and attacked German soldiers!

It wouldn't look like it, but if she says so, it will be so.

- He's engaged to the Jewess, who was staying with Wanda! - I knew it.

- Is this a new auxiliary? - Yes, another VAF.

Tell me your name? I asked you what's your name! Answers!

- Lieutenant, he's silent. - Have you enlisted a mute auxiliary?

- Men are scarce, so... - Leave me!

-But he is an American! A spy! - Take him away!

They will end up in front of the firing squad!

I learned about the Jewess!

Now I'm arresting anyone who has the marshal's permit to travel!

- He's a traitor, I knew it! - But which traitor?

What's my fault if they don't all think the same way?

Italian friends, Colonel Stevens speaks to you from London.

We are launching the attack to free you from the German yoke.

Hold on, your suffering is about to end!

I want to believe in your good faith and I want to trust you.

- Do you say you are not responsible for what happened? - No.

Then you will have the honour of commanding the platoon that will shoot the prisoners.

- No... no... It's not possible, sir. - Refuse?

I thank you, but you want to grant me too great an honour.

- I'm not worthy! - Enough! Do you want to shoot them yes or no?

Don't get angry. Believe me, it's not my fault.

I'm not familiar with firearms.

- Which marshal are you, then? - But what a "marshal"!

I've never even been a soldier, they reformed me three times.

- What story do you tell me? - It's a long story.

My usual profession is that of the thief.

Don't talk nonsense, you are just a coward!

If I had been brave, I would have been an armed robber.

Or I would have gone to America to be a gangster...

...and now I would have landed in Salerno with the Americans, instead...

- So, you don't want to shoot the prisoners? - No, I can not.

There is a difference between a thief and a murderer, you have to be qualified.

- I'm not. You don't know. - Don't be fooled into saving them.

I have no illusions about saving them, it's just that I don't want to kill.

Then you will die with them!

- And who commands the firing squad? - I!

All right, we will die.

Bring the prisoners here!

Comrades, one moment, the cells are in the dark. I have a candle here.

Yes.

- Thank you, marshal. - Please. - Quick!

"Let Samson die with all the Philistines."

- What he said? I have not heard. - It doesn't matter, he will hear.

What's going on?

Savoy!

The prisoners have escaped!

- Bring him in! - Soon!

Go away!

They'll pay for it with their heads!

I entrust Immacolata to you, I have to go and help that poor wretch.

Why did you wear the uniform?

I had Carlo and the American enlisted!

- I got him in trouble, now I have to do something! - But they will kill you!

- First the crush! - What is crush? - This!

Round up the traitors!

- The fascists! They don't have to catch me! - Go over there!

- My immaculate! I entrust it to you, Don Nicola. - Don't worry!

Goodbye.

Soon! Let's not waste time!

- The dog! - Do I have to think about the dog right now? No!

- You come! Hurry up! - Soon! Let's go!

Do something!

The marshal saved everyone, now no one thinks about him!

Shut up, Basilioio. Indeed, run away!

"Everyone flee! Fascists flee, Italians flee!"

It seems to me that the Germans are also fleeing. Maybe he didn't notice.

- And what are you doing here? - The rest.

I have come to bring religious comforts to those sentenced to death.

I hope you will respect the Hague Convention, if not religion.

Go ahead, but hurry, we have to shoot him before we leave.

Corporal! Accompany the father to the marshal!

- Quick! - Quick!

Be careful he doesn't run away.

I have to confess the condemned man, do you want to leave me alone with him?

"Nein"! "Not possible."

At least step aside, the confession is secret.

"Ja"

Kneel down.

Pretend to confess.

Other than pretending! Now I need a real priest.

I was hoping to put you in my clothes and take your place.

We need to find another solution.

For what purpose? We'd both end up shot.

In this case, it is better for a carabiniere to live than a thief.

- Antonio... - Marshal...

- Call me Vittorio. - Thank you, but I can't.

- I have a conscience that bothers me. - Hand...

- I got you in this trouble. - No, please!

| I've always looked for trouble on my own since I was born.

But I didn't expect it to end like this.

I've committed petty crimes, the stuff of a year or two in prison.

And now... they shoot me.

- I can't allow it, I have to save you. - Forget it, marshal.

I've lived badly all my life. At least let me... die well.

- It was all my fault, you know? - No, no, what does she have to do with it?

It's only my fault. I blew up the votive candle.

I.

They say the habit doesn't make the monk. It is not true.

By dint of unworthily wearing this glorious uniform...

...I feel a bit like a carabiniere.

For a thief, dying as a carabiniere is a great satisfaction.

Marshal, save yourself, while there is still time!

We have to go!

Father, absolve me, forgive me.

I forgive you... all right I forgive you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I'm ready!

Let's go!

- Marshal, you mustn't die like this! - I agree, they don't.

- Quick! - Street!

I am responsible for everything! It is me you must shoot!

- It's a useless sacrifice, father! - Antonio! You tell him!

It is infamy! An infamy! This is infamy!

Antonio!

Antonio!

Antonio...

Vittorio! Vittorio!

They have finally arrived!

Yes, but for poor Antonio they arrived too late.

- The liberators have arrived! - They've arrived!

Basilioio! We are free! They made it!

♪ Let's dance the twist together, ♪ ♪ like Piero dances! ♪

What are you doing here, "dazed" in front of the jukebox?

- What's wrong with that? - Move!

Hurry up, go get the other suitcase!

Immaculate, what a son you made me!

What a shame, everyone is looking at us!

- You are now on leave! - I'm still a former marshal of the Arma!

And then I'm nervous, 20 years ago I met poor Capurro here.

- Do you remember? - With all the money you spent to hear from him!

- They shot him, didn't they? - Nothing more was heard of it.

The uniform performed a miracle: he turned a thief into a hero!

I am sure that if he had saved himself, he would no longer have been a thief!

Now he was redeemed forever! Poor Antonio!

If the city doesn't do it, I'll have a tombstone put up!

It is not possible to forget! Ungrateful!

Don't shout like that, they're all watching us!

The suitcase!

- Dominican! - Where are you going, Vittorio? - Dominican father!

You are Capurro! I recognised you!

Capurro, stop, I'm not the same as before!

Marshal, you were crazy!

Antonio! Antonio! Give me back the suitcase!

Give me back the suitcase! Antonio!

Antonio! I've been looking for you for a long time!

I wanted to tell you... that you are a great "stinker"! That's what you are!

A "stinker"! Of course not!