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Official YIFY movies site:
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(rain pouring)
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I don't believe in
open relationships.
5
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,929
If it's called a relationship,
then it's not open.
6
00:00:36,534 --> 00:00:38,482
How can you be dating
someone and then
7
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,401
fucking around with
some other one?
8
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,323
- How are love and sex
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00:00:45,268 --> 00:00:47,135
with someone else connected?
10
00:00:47,534 --> 00:00:48,534
Well. .
11
00:00:49,135 --> 00:00:54,140
- I mean, are you trying
to tell me that if I love you
12
00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:55,204
and I go and have sex
13
00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:57,119
with another person,
I don't love you?
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00:01:01,176 --> 00:01:03,843
How do you describe
loving someone then?
15
00:01:09,047 --> 00:01:10,727
(she clears her throat)
16
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(soft music)
17
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[Dhruv] Yeah, I'm
scared of monogamy.
18
00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:34,345
Just as anyone is
scared of going to jail.
19
00:01:35,193 --> 00:01:39,625
Of having their physical freedom
curtailed, having my sexual and
20
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:43,482
emotional freedom
curtailed scares me, yes.
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Why is it that I'm
asking this question?
22
00:01:46,347 --> 00:01:48,322
Why is it that I
have this fear?
23
00:01:50,134 --> 00:01:52,844
So why am I so promiscuous?
24
00:01:54,112 --> 00:01:58,090
{\an8}[Dr. Barash] Sexual attraction
and excitation is a mechanism,
25
00:01:58,114 --> 00:01:59,822
{\an8}it's a trick, really.
26
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Not necessarily a bad trick,
but it's certainly a trick,
27
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,920
whereby evolution gets
us to do those things
28
00:02:04,944 --> 00:02:08,131
and contribute to our
success and more precisely,
29
00:02:08,155 --> 00:02:09,504
the success of our genes.
30
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:10,677
(kissing noises) (cymbals)
31
00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:16,395
Huh?
32
00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:21,131
Even as individuals may
be inclined to engage in other
33
00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:24,676
sexual relationships for
their own reproductive benefit,
34
00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,970
not that they're thinking of
it for reproductive benefit,
35
00:02:26,995 --> 00:02:30,415
they may be simply attracted to
the concept without even knowing
36
00:02:30,453 --> 00:02:34,186
that their genes
have another agenda.
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00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:38,857
I think people need to realize
that if they feel a biologically
38
00:02:38,882 --> 00:02:41,468
mandated inclination
to be interested in
39
00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:43,612
a sexual relationship
with someone else,
40
00:02:43,637 --> 00:02:45,931
that doesn't mean that
they don't love their partner.
41
00:02:45,954 --> 00:02:48,055
It doesn't mean that
they're not good people.
42
00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:50,429
It doesn't mean they're
somehow inhuman.
43
00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:53,502
Quite the opposite. It may mean
that they're very, very human.
44
00:02:54,377 --> 00:02:56,868
Then you have to decide
what you want to do about it.
45
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,398
(soft music)
46
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:10,851
[Dr. Ray]In an open environment
that hunter gatherers lived in,
47
00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:12,955
there's no way to control
somebody's sexuality.
48
00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:14,641
So how do you stay monogamous?
49
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:19,988
{\an8}Thhe woman is supplying
60-70% of the calories,
50
00:03:20,012 --> 00:03:24,162
{\an8}for the family, that's a
pretty big contribution.
51
00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:29,570
The man is off hunting
protein with other men.
52
00:03:29,615 --> 00:03:31,281
Then she's got
a lot of freedom.
53
00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:34,579
- [{\an8}Dr. Ryan] When women
have direct access to the food,
54
00:03:34,604 --> 00:03:37,053
{\an8}the security, the
healthcare and so on
55
00:03:37,077 --> 00:03:39,543
{\an8}that they need,
what you find is
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00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:45,257
women who are autonomous,
happy, have a very high status
57
00:03:45,282 --> 00:03:49,482
in terms of their political
decision making power,
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00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:54,119
and who are
very free sexually.
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00:03:54,910 --> 00:03:59,405
[Dr. Ray] This idea that hunter
gatherers could be monogamous is
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00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:02,105
kind of laughable
on the face of it.
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00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:07,364
Until the societies
become pastoral,
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00:04:07,387 --> 00:04:11,134
herders, or farmers.
63
00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:13,675
Then things really
start changing.
64
00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:14,825
(phone rings)
65
00:04:15,191 --> 00:04:16,191
[Dhruv] Hey Ma!
66
00:04:16,574 --> 00:04:18,800
- How are you? Can you see me?
67
00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:21,350
No. . I can't.
68
00:04:22,236 --> 00:04:23,237
- Okay now?
69
00:04:23,261 --> 00:04:24,861
Choose front camera.
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00:04:25,285 --> 00:04:26,808
- Now! (laughs)
71
00:04:27,941 --> 00:04:30,605
I got a call from
somebody saying look. .
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00:04:30,629 --> 00:04:33,926
you have an eligible son,
she has an eligible daughter.
73
00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:35,846
So, I can get both
these girls to come up
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00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,051
around that time and
you can meet them both.
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00:04:38,075 --> 00:04:40,047
- Isn't it a bit of a long
shot to be calling them
76
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,360
out there to meet me
while I'm in a relationship?
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00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:44,900
- So that's what
you need to tell us,
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00:04:44,925 --> 00:04:46,260
that if you're in
a relationship,
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00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:48,012
are you in a
serious relationship?
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00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:51,258
- Well I can't say if
it's serious or not yet
81
00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:53,845
but it's definitely not
at that point where
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00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,674
I'm just like, oh yeah
this is just a. . fling thing.
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00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:58,695
I had a chat with her as well,
84
00:04:58,719 --> 00:05:00,971
just to get an idea
of where she is.
85
00:05:01,993 --> 00:05:06,383
I'm not going to. . sort of
be two faced about this.
86
00:05:07,462 --> 00:05:09,160
- So, think about
it and let me know
87
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,884
and then I can
tell these parents.
88
00:05:10,908 --> 00:05:13,181
I don't know where
you're going with Hannah.
89
00:05:13,205 --> 00:05:15,283
You know you also have
to think about your future,
90
00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:17,032
you have to think
about settling down.
91
00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:18,309
- Ma, do you
really think I'm that
92
00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:20,139
old school arranged
marriage type?
93
00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:22,775
- Ok then. Then
I will. . Just. .
94
00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:25,313
say to them that uh. .
95
00:05:25,337 --> 00:05:26,735
- Yeah, just tell the truth.
96
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:29,369
That he's seeing
someone right now.
97
00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:31,096
- No I won't say anything
about seeing someone.
98
00:05:31,118 --> 00:05:34,915
- No you must! The
truth is the best thing.
99
00:05:40,647 --> 00:05:43,428
So have you ever cheated
on any of your boyfriends?
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00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:44,769
Nope.
101
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:46,448
I'm a good girl.
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00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:49,769
That's why, like you
know what, in a relationship
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00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:50,833
I am patient.
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00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:52,793
I am good.
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00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:55,137
I don't do bad things.
106
00:05:55,953 --> 00:06:00,724
When I walk out of your life,
it's your fault, not my fault
107
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:05,961
I have no regret when I actually
walk out of someone's life.
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00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:15,597
And yeah sometimes I
look at you and I say. .
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00:06:15,621 --> 00:06:16,901
I don't know why.
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00:06:20,938 --> 00:06:21,938
- Why what?
111
00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:23,969
I don't know why I. .
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00:06:25,656 --> 00:06:29,695
with you and stuff. I
was like, that's so weird.
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00:06:30,594 --> 00:06:32,328
You don't expect
the person to be
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00:06:32,353 --> 00:06:35,039
with you forever
but at the moment. .
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00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:38,468
Whatever's mine is mine.
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00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:45,625
(sirens in distance)
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00:06:50,182 --> 00:06:51,964
[Dhruv]After we had
the first discussion,
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00:06:51,988 --> 00:06:55,251
Hang did make it clear that. .
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00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:56,895
she doesn't believe
in open relationships,
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00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,433
and I responded
to that by saying,
121
00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:02,742
"Well. . that I'll respect
that, and I won't do it then. "
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00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:07,514
After that period,
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00:07:07,538 --> 00:07:09,127
I felt that, "Okay, I think
124
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:12,069
this relationship has
also got its shelf life, then. "
125
00:07:13,986 --> 00:07:17,970
And then Hang opened up
126
00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:19,651
the discussion again
a few months later,
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00:07:19,675 --> 00:07:21,790
{\an8}and suggested we
go to a swinger's club.
128
00:07:24,681 --> 00:07:27,860
- You know, I've
been thinking. . a lot.
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00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:30,800
So. . how to find
the best way. .
130
00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:34,369
to make me feel comfortable.
131
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,166
What did you Google?
132
00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:49,838
Vancouver swinger club.
133
00:07:49,862 --> 00:07:50,862
- What?
134
00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:52,644
Vancouver swinger club.
135
00:07:53,588 --> 00:07:55,572
Have you ever done this with
any of your other boyfriends?
136
00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:56,789
(she shakes her head)
137
00:07:58,785 --> 00:08:00,465
Not even think about it.
138
00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:03,653
- Don't you think
you'd get jealous
139
00:08:03,677 --> 00:08:04,979
seeing me with someone else?
140
00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:11,415
- No, before I did,
before I got really jealous.
141
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:15,092
But no, not anymore.
142
00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:19,381
Well, I will get jealous. .
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00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:21,725
If there's some
secrets out there.
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00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:22,806
(tense music)
145
00:08:23,351 --> 00:08:26,343
But if there's no secret
then there's no jealous.
146
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,802
I love watching.
147
00:08:32,569 --> 00:08:34,169
(indistinct chatter)
- Should we do it baby?
148
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:38,749
(club music)
149
00:08:48,999 --> 00:08:50,717
Yeah you just need to sign in.
150
00:08:52,316 --> 00:08:54,167
(kissing noises)
151
00:08:58,245 --> 00:09:00,998
I think about the other
couple and they were. .
152
00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:03,264
they are together
for 14 years,
153
00:09:03,289 --> 00:09:05,581
and I think that
is really amazing.
154
00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:09,713
And how they maintain
their relationship.
155
00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:11,417
And how they have fun!
156
00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,307
So I think, maybe
you just accept. .
157
00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:19,488
the reality, you
cannot expect. .
158
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:24,404
the person to be with you
159
00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:28,147
the rest of their life without
160
00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:30,701
like having fun outside.
161
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:38,060
And you talk about monogamy. .
162
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:43,357
I think if you have a little
fun outside of that area,
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00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:46,595
it makes monogamy
more bearable. . is it?
164
00:09:48,858 --> 00:09:49,858
But. .
165
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,923
It doesn't mean that you
go fuck around like that. .
166
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:56,149
- I know. I know.
It just- It just-
167
00:09:56,173 --> 00:09:57,838
It means I don't feel
trapped any more.
168
00:09:58,217 --> 00:09:59,979
It just means that if it
happens, I don't have to
169
00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:02,327
go into major fucking
depression and guilt and. .
170
00:10:03,491 --> 00:10:06,081
and start tearing
my life apart about it.
171
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,720
And tearing yours.
172
00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:12,356
(phone rings)
173
00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:15,737
- Happy birthday with
love from your mummy!
174
00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:17,441
- Thank you, Ma. Thank you.
175
00:10:17,772 --> 00:10:19,265
Thirty three huh!
176
00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,342
Three and three
is thirty three!
177
00:10:22,804 --> 00:10:24,604
(music plays over speakers)
178
00:10:24,976 --> 00:10:26,754
- The discussion is going on
179
00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:29,350
about the date for
Dash's marriage.
180
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:30,811
- Hm.
181
00:10:30,835 --> 00:10:35,625
- We're talking basically of
the winter, this coming winter.
182
00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:36,649
- Ok.
183
00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:38,741
- Ok.
184
00:10:39,947 --> 00:10:42,743
- Hang says that she is
willing to do make-up and hair.
185
00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:45,695
- Oh that's so sweet!
186
00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,980
- She's good. Doing good.
How is your girlfriend?
187
00:10:53,523 --> 00:10:54,537
- Where is she?
188
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:57,466
- Uh. . she's uh. .
in the kitchen.
189
00:10:58,301 --> 00:10:59,543
She stayed over last night.
190
00:11:02,832 --> 00:11:04,512
- So she's living with you?
191
00:11:05,028 --> 00:11:07,361
- Yeah. . for 4 or
5 days in the week.
192
00:11:08,958 --> 00:11:11,691
- So this means that
you've become a couple?
193
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:14,434
- Yeah.
194
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,910
- So if that's the case then
make a decision and get married.
195
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:19,426
Get married along
with your brother.
196
00:11:19,451 --> 00:11:20,451
- Why?
197
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,633
No, no. We'll talk about
all this when I get there.
198
00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:28,411
You guys can explain all to
me why we should get married.
199
00:11:28,436 --> 00:11:31,231
And then you can. .
compare me to my brother.
200
00:11:31,748 --> 00:11:33,794
Who's made the
good choice in life.
201
00:11:35,099 --> 00:11:36,315
(indistinct)
202
00:11:37,974 --> 00:11:40,716
So did Dad turn up with
a card or flowers then?
203
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,259
- Nothing. .
utterly shameless.
204
00:11:44,419 --> 00:11:46,099
Did you get anything?
205
00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:49,036
- No why should I get
him? He should get me.
206
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,740
Listen to me Dhruv. . Ok!
207
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,598
Four years ago he let
me down very badly.
208
00:11:53,622 --> 00:11:55,167
And he promised
to make things ok.
209
00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:56,707
And he hasn't made things ok.
210
00:11:56,731 --> 00:11:59,485
The only way to make things
ok is to pamper me, to spoil me.
211
00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:02,372
Two days in the year is not
a very big thing to ask for.
212
00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:04,434
(grunts)
213
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:07,916
No, when I get
there we'll talk.
214
00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:09,199
Let me just get
there and talk.
215
00:12:12,783 --> 00:12:14,666
- Bye! - Bye, see ya.
- Ok. - Ok jee.
216
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,634
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
217
00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:29,418
- A few weeks earlier,
Hang had got out on a date
218
00:12:29,442 --> 00:12:32,380
with a guy that she met
while I was out of town, and. .
219
00:12:32,404 --> 00:12:34,006
on this night I
was alone at home
220
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,801
wondering if she was
out with him again.
221
00:12:36,677 --> 00:12:38,177
And yeah, I mean
I was jealous, but
222
00:12:38,201 --> 00:12:39,899
I never stopped
her from seeing him.
223
00:12:40,471 --> 00:12:43,169
And I was actually more worried
that by leaving the door open in
224
00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:46,072
the relationship, she would
find a monogamous man
225
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,487
and eventually leave me.
226
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:51,177
And meanwhile, I began to text
a girl that I was intimate with
227
00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:52,933
during my last trip to Dubai.
228
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,646
But Hang had asked
me for the password
229
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,654
to my computer
and my phone and. .
230
00:12:57,959 --> 00:13:00,546
I gave it to her in the
spirit of being honest
231
00:13:00,553 --> 00:13:02,090
and open within
the relationship.
232
00:13:02,441 --> 00:13:03,699
(quiet music)
233
00:13:04,842 --> 00:13:08,670
- What did you find that was
sexual in my mails to her?
234
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,058
I read a while ago, a
long time, I don't know. .
235
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:16,160
You want to look at
her brown breasts.
236
00:13:16,185 --> 00:13:17,537
- I always joke
about that with her.
237
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:19,581
And she's been
teasing you with those
238
00:13:19,606 --> 00:13:22,067
kinds of frickin' pictures.
- No! She never. .
239
00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:24,090
Babe, I know her,
she'll never send it.
240
00:13:24,114 --> 00:13:25,794
Did you see anything?
241
00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:28,973
Yeah I saw, she's been
teasing you, that's why.
242
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,388
- You talk about it and. .
You said I can do what I want.
243
00:13:41,044 --> 00:13:44,148
But can I? I can't even
write emails, based on your. .
244
00:13:44,173 --> 00:13:47,702
And to be honest there's
no woman in the world
245
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,773
that actually. .
246
00:13:49,797 --> 00:13:53,212
just, yeah baby go
have sex with her. No!
247
00:14:09,147 --> 00:14:10,587
(suitcase zipping)
248
00:14:14,473 --> 00:14:16,153
(suitcases clattering)
249
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,307
(kissing noises)
250
00:14:19,514 --> 00:14:21,058
Have a safe flight baby.
251
00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:24,991
- I love you.
- Love you too.
252
00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:26,977
(she sighs)
253
00:14:34,825 --> 00:14:36,802
(soft music)
254
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,600
(greeting)
255
00:14:57,539 --> 00:14:59,640
(dogs barking) Hi.
256
00:15:00,081 --> 00:15:01,809
Mmh, hello.
257
00:15:03,132 --> 00:15:05,388
(dogs barking)
258
00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:07,100
Good to see you.
259
00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:14,333
I was born in India,
260
00:15:14,357 --> 00:15:18,398
and my parents moved to Dubai
in 1980, just a year after.
261
00:15:18,753 --> 00:15:22,660
And so I grew up
there, under Sharia Law.
262
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:29,553
Magazines, or
books, or just posters.
263
00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:32,079
Anything which contained an
image of a female body which
264
00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:35,340
revealed shoulder,
or the waistline,
265
00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:37,971
or even the back
of women's legs.
266
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:40,015
That used to be blackened out.
267
00:15:40,353 --> 00:15:43,446
And I remember we
would go into the bathroom
268
00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:46,473
and we would hold up
the pages to the tube lights
269
00:15:46,503 --> 00:15:48,926
to try and penetrate
that oppressive black ink.
270
00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:55,910
I didn't even know what
sex was until 13 or 14, really.
271
00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:57,635
How it happened.
272
00:15:59,988 --> 00:16:01,986
I was one of the few
guys in my school who was
273
00:16:02,011 --> 00:16:03,511
lucky to have a
girlfriend, I mean. .
274
00:16:04,043 --> 00:16:05,913
Many of my friends
didn't lose their virginity
275
00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:07,254
until much later.
276
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:10,939
I mean, I even lost
it relatively late at 17,
277
00:16:10,963 --> 00:16:12,754
but I'd started kissing
278
00:16:12,779 --> 00:16:16,086
and hooking up with
girls at around 14.
279
00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:18,728
- Oh that's irritating!
280
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,838
Dhruv, you drink!
281
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:24,769
(chanting) -
Drink, drink, drink!
282
00:16:25,362 --> 00:16:26,362
(cheers)
283
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,696
I wanna say that, I wanna. .
284
00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:31,814
I never wanna be ashamed of
285
00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,592
anything I've
done, my whole life.
286
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,549
I wanna be glad I've done it. .
- Obviously Dhruv.
287
00:16:35,573 --> 00:16:36,768
I wanna have
no regrets in life.
288
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,656
Did you ever cheat on me?
289
00:16:40,737 --> 00:16:41,901
- Um. .
290
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:43,667
I did.
291
00:16:43,894 --> 00:16:44,934
Really?
292
00:16:44,957 --> 00:16:46,596
Did something just
happen to that camera?
293
00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:52,097
{\an8}(camera clanking)
294
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,057
Who?
295
00:16:58,447 --> 00:16:59,447
When?
296
00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:05,245
- It was. . this
girl in Bombay.
297
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,034
Oh.
298
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,806
What did you do?
299
00:17:10,878 --> 00:17:12,238
I slept with her.
300
00:17:12,558 --> 00:17:13,971
Were we still together then?
301
00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:15,972
Mm hmm. (Hannah gasps)
302
00:17:22,095 --> 00:17:23,908
So maybe I should have
been worried about you?
303
00:17:23,932 --> 00:17:29,588
- And to be honest, I never
even contemplated telling you.
304
00:17:29,612 --> 00:17:30,612
Wow!
305
00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:35,068
That would have
killed me if I had
306
00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:37,197
known that at the
time, oh my God!
307
00:17:37,221 --> 00:17:38,994
- It would, wouldn't it?
- Oh my God!
308
00:17:39,018 --> 00:17:40,925
- It would have messed with us.
- Yeah. That's not. .
309
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,536
- And the last year
we had together.
310
00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:45,877
And me. And like, the way
I thought about people and
311
00:17:46,807 --> 00:17:49,016
that would have affected
actually everything
312
00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,627
past that point as well.
313
00:17:59,305 --> 00:18:00,985
I do see a lot of change.
314
00:18:01,407 --> 00:18:04,312
It's just maybe because
we're meeting after a long time.
315
00:18:04,336 --> 00:18:06,523
But you, yeah you're
quite an asshole!
316
00:18:06,938 --> 00:18:08,797
Just. . using them.
317
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,832
I thought you were a
very terrible person, lying-
318
00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,277
lying to them and doing
things behind their back.
319
00:18:15,318 --> 00:18:17,747
Because obviously you wouldn't
be open about those things.
320
00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:21,850
You can't be. They are
not accepted, widely.
321
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,407
Widely over a
certain section they
322
00:18:24,431 --> 00:18:26,304
will not be accepted
and you will. .
323
00:18:26,329 --> 00:18:28,248
that will backfire
and you know that.
324
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,974
So that's also the reason
you don't commit because
325
00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:36,966
then your conscience is clear.
326
00:18:37,465 --> 00:18:39,747
So anything, tomorrow,
if someone just says wife,
327
00:18:39,771 --> 00:18:40,809
someone. .
328
00:18:40,844 --> 00:18:42,898
one of the women,
if she confronts
329
00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,898
you about what
you've been doing,
330
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,985
you have it safe
by saying, but we're
331
00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:48,645
not in a committed
relationship.
332
00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:51,302
So. . yeah.
333
00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:55,511
So you've got that
sorted out pretty well.
334
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,200
So. .
335
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,165
Technically you're correct.
336
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,556
Principally also
you're correct.
337
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:07,458
But you on a basic
human level, you know. .
338
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,208
I think that's incorrect.
339
00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:16,978
[Deepak] Man throws
wife from balcony.
340
00:19:17,966 --> 00:19:18,966
(laughs)
341
00:19:19,552 --> 00:19:21,072
Tossing, tossing. .
342
00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:23,738
{\an8}(both laugh)
343
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,467
You can't do with them,
you can't do without them.
344
00:19:33,954 --> 00:19:36,004
- So then why are you
getting your son married?
345
00:19:36,028 --> 00:19:37,028
(they laugh)
346
00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:38,705
I know.
347
00:19:39,892 --> 00:19:40,892
(he laughs)
348
00:19:43,753 --> 00:19:45,112
One son is too smart.
349
00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:49,698
(dance music)
350
00:19:56,378 --> 00:19:58,981
- This is not working with the
music. The beat is different.
351
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:00,894
- Ah ah ah!
352
00:20:03,838 --> 00:20:06,032
So that we can start
talking about it, but Dhruvy
353
00:20:06,056 --> 00:20:08,251
seriously now when do
you want to get married son?
354
00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:09,968
and discussing it and. .
355
00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,181
- We're talking about it now.
356
00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,541
Planning it and
finding a venue.
357
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,005
We'll do Langkawi.
358
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:19,064
Answer my question
and leave the camera!
359
00:20:19,088 --> 00:20:20,768
Leave it for some time!
360
00:20:21,565 --> 00:20:22,744
(laughter)
361
00:20:23,517 --> 00:20:24,934
- Listen to your nana!
362
00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:28,099
Now tell me, we
are really serious.
363
00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,627
Serious in the
sense that you have
364
00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:33,457
to respond
positively and tell us. .
365
00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:35,428
when you are getting married?
366
00:20:39,436 --> 00:20:42,912
The time is ripe. There
won't be another chance.
367
00:20:43,936 --> 00:20:46,451
- But why do people
get married grandad?
368
00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:48,851
- People marry to build the
family legacy and lineage.
369
00:20:48,894 --> 00:20:52,401
Name. Family name. Successors!
370
00:20:52,675 --> 00:20:53,795
- Family tree.
371
00:20:57,529 --> 00:21:00,888
- I can do that anyway. So
what's the need for marriage?
372
00:21:01,779 --> 00:21:05,458
- Your children
born out of wedlock
373
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:09,822
And I hope you are not going to
are called "harami" (bastards)
374
00:21:10,654 --> 00:21:13,787
give birth to some
harami (bastard) children.
375
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,662
- Daddy! What's
wrong with you?
376
00:21:19,348 --> 00:21:23,060
I'm just trying to explain
why he should get married.
377
00:21:23,095 --> 00:21:25,029
- Do you know
what monogamy is?
378
00:21:25,845 --> 00:21:26,845
Monotony?
379
00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:28,463
- No, monogamy.
380
00:21:30,673 --> 00:21:33,892
No, I don't know. Could
you explain it to me.
381
00:21:33,916 --> 00:21:36,548
So monogamy is
the word where. .
382
00:21:36,572 --> 00:21:39,189
which basically
stipulates that. .
383
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,009
where you are sexually
exclusive with one person only.
384
00:21:45,034 --> 00:21:47,492
You are intimate
only with one person.
385
00:21:48,021 --> 00:21:51,338
I was not sure if I could
be faithful to this vow.
386
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,348
For the rest of my life.
With just one person.
387
00:21:54,612 --> 00:21:57,240
I don't want to be sexually
exclusive with just one woman.
388
00:21:57,265 --> 00:22:01,435
Oh! You mean you
cannot be one woman man.
389
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,323
Men. .
390
00:22:07,789 --> 00:22:08,789
By nature. .
391
00:22:09,761 --> 00:22:11,770
By nature, man is polygamous.
392
00:22:13,212 --> 00:22:15,153
- The relationship
that I'm trying to build
393
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:17,976
with my girlfriend is an
open-ish relationship. .
394
00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:21,446
Not that I, everyday, I'm
with someone else. No.
395
00:22:21,587 --> 00:22:24,305
But in a year,
once or twice. .
396
00:22:24,813 --> 00:22:28,539
If occasional departures
from monogamy. .
397
00:22:29,985 --> 00:22:33,008
Is what I felt
would make me feel
398
00:22:33,032 --> 00:22:35,136
comfortable with the
idea of marrying them
399
00:22:35,161 --> 00:22:36,997
and just being
with one person.
400
00:22:37,837 --> 00:22:41,211
But she doesn't know that
you are going to the other.
401
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:42,915
- She does.
- She does?
402
00:22:43,181 --> 00:22:44,861
And she tolerates it?
403
00:22:45,579 --> 00:22:47,923
- We are working it
out, we are trying to. .
404
00:22:47,948 --> 00:22:51,422
No. . That is my
main question now.
405
00:22:52,165 --> 00:22:53,765
If she accepts it. .
406
00:22:54,477 --> 00:22:56,789
with happiness.
407
00:22:57,399 --> 00:23:01,250
Without creating
problems in day-to-day life.
408
00:23:03,681 --> 00:23:05,481
Then she is the best woman.
409
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:09,195
Then she is the best woman.
410
00:23:10,907 --> 00:23:12,587
And I will advise you. .
411
00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:15,671
not to part with her.
412
00:23:16,370 --> 00:23:17,893
Vice versa.
413
00:23:18,968 --> 00:23:22,634
If you have a woman
who tells you like that. .
414
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,561
"I want to be with
another man tonight. "
415
00:23:25,586 --> 00:23:27,453
"Would you allow me to do it?"
416
00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:32,067
- I. . Now I would, I
would allow Hang to do it
417
00:23:32,092 --> 00:23:34,610
because I want the
same thing in my life.
418
00:23:34,964 --> 00:23:36,597
But it would take
me a lot of time,
419
00:23:36,621 --> 00:23:38,449
it would have taken
me years to get
420
00:23:38,474 --> 00:23:41,036
to this point to be
able to. . say that-
421
00:23:41,061 --> 00:23:42,421
No you can never.
422
00:23:42,511 --> 00:23:43,631
You can never.
423
00:23:47,209 --> 00:23:50,865
No man will tolerate. .
424
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:54,324
Flirting with some
other, his wife. .
425
00:23:54,487 --> 00:23:56,487
having an affair with someone.
426
00:23:57,077 --> 00:23:58,757
No man can tolerate.
427
00:24:01,327 --> 00:24:04,100
If any man
knowingly tolerates it
428
00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:06,582
and is fully aware of it,
429
00:24:07,311 --> 00:24:10,459
Then he is not of manhood.
430
00:24:10,839 --> 00:24:11,879
He is a pimp.
431
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,010
- Ok.
432
00:24:17,514 --> 00:24:21,283
{\an8}And if I told you that I wanted,
I was ready to get married
433
00:24:21,308 --> 00:24:25,454
and I was in a relationship,
but the vow of sexual fidelity
434
00:24:25,479 --> 00:24:27,010
might not be there
in our marriage,
435
00:24:27,034 --> 00:24:28,690
how would you react to that?
436
00:24:32,152 --> 00:24:34,490
You know, it's your life
and it's your decision,
437
00:24:34,501 --> 00:24:36,125
but I would just
advise you that Dhruv,
438
00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,929
then you're asking
for a lot of pain.
439
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:50,329
Sexual fidelity is a
basic tenet of marriage.
440
00:24:51,024 --> 00:24:54,167
You can't break that.
441
00:24:55,089 --> 00:24:56,406
You can't.
442
00:24:56,428 --> 00:25:00,238
You can't want to
revolutionize marriage.
443
00:25:01,013 --> 00:25:03,438
It's an institution.
444
00:25:08,272 --> 00:25:10,091
(soft music)
445
00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:14,293
(singing)
446
00:25:20,683 --> 00:25:24,307
And in front of the fire
goddess, you are taking
447
00:25:25,124 --> 00:25:28,101
I accept you for all of my
life. vow of your marriage.
448
00:25:29,002 --> 00:25:31,026
As your wedded wife,
449
00:25:31,602 --> 00:25:33,735
she has the right
on your heart.
450
00:25:34,591 --> 00:25:37,012
Don't allow anyone to enter.
451
00:25:37,062 --> 00:25:39,319
(romantic music)
452
00:25:41,597 --> 00:25:43,304
(taking vows)
453
00:25:43,891 --> 00:25:45,491
(indistinct chatter)
454
00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,820
(cheers)
455
00:25:55,724 --> 00:25:57,404
(fireworks exploding)
456
00:25:57,613 --> 00:25:59,950
- [Dhruv] The oldest
marriage laws that I could find
457
00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:02,943
{\an8}dated back to about 2000 BCE.
458
00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:05,944
{\an8}They were found
in Mesopotamia.
459
00:26:08,298 --> 00:26:12,041
During these times, a father
would marry his daughter
460
00:26:12,066 --> 00:26:13,414
with these words.
461
00:26:14,071 --> 00:26:17,626
"I pledge my daughter for
the purpose of producing
462
00:26:17,634 --> 00:26:19,385
legitimate offspring. "
463
00:26:20,222 --> 00:26:25,032
Sexual monogamy for women was
tied into the vows of marriage
464
00:26:25,057 --> 00:26:29,062
so that men could be certain
of who their children are.
465
00:26:30,646 --> 00:26:34,616
Wait, so you're saying marriage
is not meant to be about love?
466
00:26:34,641 --> 00:26:35,722
{\an8}(laughs)
467
00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:37,564
{\an8}No, for thousands of years,
468
00:26:37,571 --> 00:26:39,314
{\an8}marriage was not about love.
469
00:26:39,323 --> 00:26:41,315
{\an8}There were
tremendous variations.
470
00:26:41,323 --> 00:26:43,545
{\an8}There were every
kind of marriage from. .
471
00:26:43,569 --> 00:26:45,245
one man, many women,
472
00:26:45,252 --> 00:26:48,364
to one woman, several
men, to monogamy,
473
00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:50,057
to ghost marriages even.
474
00:26:50,082 --> 00:26:52,211
But there were two
things that marriages
475
00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:53,953
through the ages
had in common.
476
00:26:54,044 --> 00:26:56,757
First, they were not
about love and free choice.
477
00:26:56,801 --> 00:26:59,524
They were about
making alliances.
478
00:26:59,548 --> 00:27:01,712
If you were in the upper
classes, it was the way
479
00:27:01,736 --> 00:27:04,321
you signed peace treaties,
made military deals.
480
00:27:04,346 --> 00:27:07,658
The middle classes, it was the
way you made business mergers.
481
00:27:07,683 --> 00:27:09,033
And in the lower
class, it was the way
482
00:27:09,059 --> 00:27:11,105
you expanded your
family labor force.
483
00:27:11,140 --> 00:27:13,107
It was not about
love and free choice.
484
00:27:13,397 --> 00:27:17,569
The second theme of
marriage through the history was
485
00:27:17,588 --> 00:27:20,563
that it was also about a way
of controlling young people,
486
00:27:20,587 --> 00:27:22,444
and especially
controlling women.
487
00:27:22,714 --> 00:27:26,635
{\an8}The male obsession
with controlling women's
488
00:27:26,660 --> 00:27:31,875
{\an8}reproductive lives, is
an economic response
489
00:27:31,881 --> 00:27:33,191
to agriculture.
490
00:27:33,330 --> 00:27:37,354
Sexual monogamy became
an issue when men had property
491
00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:41,260
that they wanted to pass
along to their sons, right?
492
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,529
That's when it becomes vitally
important that you control your
493
00:27:45,554 --> 00:27:50,659
woman's sex life, in order to
make sure that no other man's
494
00:27:50,684 --> 00:27:54,413
son is inheriting your property,
your sheep, your house,
495
00:27:54,438 --> 00:27:56,136
your land, whatever
it is that you've spent
496
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,417
your life accumulating. Right?
497
00:27:58,442 --> 00:28:02,610
That's why I say marriage
and sexual monogamy
498
00:28:02,613 --> 00:28:04,408
is an economic issue.
499
00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:06,942
It's not biological,
it's not human nature.
500
00:28:06,967 --> 00:28:09,385
It's about preserving
your fortune.
501
00:28:11,747 --> 00:28:13,520
(soft music)
502
00:28:19,630 --> 00:28:21,808
When people first
adopted agriculture,
503
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,677
{\an8}it made people sicker.
504
00:28:23,802 --> 00:28:27,154
{\an8}It put them in situations where
they began fighting over land.
505
00:28:27,179 --> 00:28:29,948
{\an8}So when you have agriculture,
you need to control land.
506
00:28:29,973 --> 00:28:32,387
{\an8}And then you need to
find out, who gets that land
507
00:28:32,394 --> 00:28:34,733
{\an8}after the current
occupant dies?
508
00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:36,165
{\an8}And you end up
with inheritance.
509
00:28:36,190 --> 00:28:37,511
{\an8}And then, when
you have inheritance,
510
00:28:37,535 --> 00:28:38,935
{\an8}you can have accumulation.
511
00:28:39,055 --> 00:28:40,918
{\an8}And so that
accumulation over time,
512
00:28:40,943 --> 00:28:43,086
{\an8}if one group's accumulating,
another group's not,
513
00:28:43,111 --> 00:28:45,115
{\an8}you can end up
with big inequalities.
514
00:28:46,465 --> 00:28:49,594
Some males are going to
be sufficiently able to provide
515
00:28:49,619 --> 00:28:52,888
a lifestyle or
economic well being
516
00:28:52,913 --> 00:28:54,723
for more than one wife, and so
517
00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:57,851
there will be some females who
will prefer to be a second or
518
00:28:57,876 --> 00:28:59,320
third wife of a particularly
519
00:28:59,345 --> 00:29:02,064
prestigious hunter
or a good farmer,
520
00:29:02,089 --> 00:29:05,651
rather than being the
first wife of a not very good
521
00:29:05,676 --> 00:29:07,617
hunter or a not
very good farmer.
522
00:29:08,641 --> 00:29:12,563
Most societies, 90% or so. .
523
00:29:12,851 --> 00:29:14,826
More than 90%, like 98%,
524
00:29:14,851 --> 00:29:17,689
constrain female
sexuality in some way.
525
00:29:19,733 --> 00:29:22,310
{\an8}The societies that get
most bent out of shape
526
00:29:22,317 --> 00:29:25,141
about any deviations
by the female,
527
00:29:25,165 --> 00:29:27,429
sexually, are societies where
528
00:29:27,631 --> 00:29:29,800
it's patrilineal, patrilocal.
529
00:29:29,825 --> 00:29:33,380
The clan is important, there
are ancestors to be attended to.
530
00:29:33,412 --> 00:29:36,250
So the more patriarchal,
patrilineal it is,
531
00:29:36,271 --> 00:29:37,765
the more constraints
there are on the female.
532
00:29:37,790 --> 00:29:39,781
Because you've got
to ensure the paternity,
533
00:29:39,805 --> 00:29:41,232
and if you don't then. .
534
00:29:41,670 --> 00:29:42,923
you don't ensure the lineage.
535
00:29:43,215 --> 00:29:45,815
- So why do we have
this double standard?
536
00:29:45,967 --> 00:29:48,707
Because women always know
537
00:29:48,731 --> 00:29:50,319
who their children
are, and men don't.
538
00:29:51,503 --> 00:29:53,397
There's this
asymmetry in the biology
539
00:29:53,421 --> 00:29:55,128
which gives rise to all this.
540
00:29:55,769 --> 00:29:56,909
(soft music)
541
00:29:57,922 --> 00:30:01,750
- [Dhruv] Human biology
bestows women with eggs
542
00:30:02,357 --> 00:30:04,570
and men with muscles.
543
00:30:08,244 --> 00:30:12,009
{\an8}Men eventually began to dominate
most of the resources in
544
00:30:12,034 --> 00:30:16,102
{\an8}agricultural societies that were
becoming more inclined towards
545
00:30:16,123 --> 00:30:18,993
{\an8}warfare and the
expansion of territory,
546
00:30:19,018 --> 00:30:20,797
{\an8}to sustain growing
populations.
547
00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:22,808
{\an8}(popping noises)
548
00:30:24,517 --> 00:30:28,551
{\an8}As the practice of hunting and
gathering faded, women gradually
549
00:30:28,592 --> 00:30:32,070
{\an8}lost their skills as gatherers,
and eventually became dependent
550
00:30:32,095 --> 00:30:35,951
{\an8}on wealthy men who demanded
virgin brides to ensure them
551
00:30:35,976 --> 00:30:37,818
{\an8}certainty of paternity.
552
00:30:38,749 --> 00:30:42,539
{\an8}After marriage, women were
expected to remain monogamous,
553
00:30:42,564 --> 00:30:46,001
{\an8}but men could take on as
many wives or concubines
554
00:30:46,026 --> 00:30:47,363
{\an8}as they could afford.
555
00:30:50,621 --> 00:30:51,902
{\an8}(light music)
556
00:30:52,493 --> 00:30:57,185
{\an8}By the 15th century, in
the Incas of South America,
557
00:30:57,873 --> 00:31:02,790
{\an8}each wealthy lord had a
harem of up to 700 women.
558
00:31:03,765 --> 00:31:06,491
Principal persons
had 50 women.
559
00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:10,052
Leaders of vassal
nations were allowed 30.
560
00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:12,512
Heads of provinces, 20.
561
00:31:12,823 --> 00:31:16,031
Governors of 100 people had 8,
562
00:31:16,056 --> 00:31:20,091
and chiefs were only
allowed 3 women each.
563
00:31:21,006 --> 00:31:25,504
The genes of poor men were
systematically weeded out.
564
00:31:30,588 --> 00:31:38,178
Meanwhile, in parts of Arabia,
rich polygynous men spent lavish
565
00:31:38,203 --> 00:31:42,811
evenings in harems,
while their wives could be
566
00:31:42,836 --> 00:31:44,601
stoned to death
for infidelity.
567
00:31:49,259 --> 00:31:53,777
In parts of South Asia, a
woman's fidelity was of such
568
00:31:53,802 --> 00:31:59,741
grave concern that it was
considered honorable for a widow
569
00:31:59,766 --> 00:32:02,771
to burn on her
husband's funeral pyre,
570
00:32:02,791 --> 00:32:07,633
so that her sexuality
would not tempt other men.
571
00:32:07,658 --> 00:32:09,120
(flames crackling)
(woman screaming)
572
00:32:12,959 --> 00:32:16,508
In China, wealthy
men developed
573
00:32:16,533 --> 00:32:20,011
an erotic preference
for young women
574
00:32:20,036 --> 00:32:24,773
whose feet had been broken
and bound from an early age,
575
00:32:24,798 --> 00:32:29,689
rendering them immobile and
probably unable to act on any
576
00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:31,651
promiscuous impulses.
577
00:32:36,476 --> 00:32:41,950
{\an8}In parts of polygynous Africa,
the clitoris of young girls
578
00:32:41,975 --> 00:32:45,550
would be cut out, and
their labia sewn shut
579
00:32:45,574 --> 00:32:47,789
to ensure their virginity,
580
00:32:47,814 --> 00:32:52,334
while replacing the
pleasure of sex with pain.
581
00:32:55,089 --> 00:32:59,557
{\an8}This brutal practice also reared
its head in the United States,
582
00:32:59,578 --> 00:33:03,408
{\an8}and Europe as a way
to suppress female libido.
583
00:33:04,374 --> 00:33:08,701
{\an8}And, in as recent as 1822,
584
00:33:08,725 --> 00:33:12,022
a surgeon in Berlin
cut out the clitoris
585
00:33:12,047 --> 00:33:17,012
of a teenage girl, because she
enjoyed masturbating frequently.
586
00:33:18,943 --> 00:33:22,449
[Dr. Ryan] Jared Diamond said
agriculture is the worst mistake
587
00:33:22,474 --> 00:33:24,491
in the history of
the human race,
588
00:33:24,516 --> 00:33:26,936
and certainly from a
woman's perspective.
589
00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:28,964
It was a disaster.
590
00:33:29,983 --> 00:33:32,392
(bell jingling)
591
00:33:35,072 --> 00:33:39,303
(reading in foreign language)
592
00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:40,845
- Deepak listen
to me, you know. .
593
00:33:40,869 --> 00:33:43,223
This your secretary should
do, why am I doing it?
594
00:33:43,247 --> 00:33:44,808
- Falcon Associates. .
595
00:33:44,832 --> 00:33:46,768
- I mean no help I
get from your office.
596
00:33:46,792 --> 00:33:48,209
- Manju just leave
it then! Just leave it!
597
00:33:49,002 --> 00:33:50,268
You're not understanding!
598
00:33:50,292 --> 00:33:51,716
Homai has to decide
who we're inviting!
599
00:33:51,741 --> 00:33:53,807
- No! Homai has
been sent two lists.
600
00:33:53,926 --> 00:33:56,114
- No. It's all. . unclear, -
And she has to decide. .
601
00:33:56,135 --> 00:33:57,356
- Unclear! There's
nothing unclear!
602
00:33:57,381 --> 00:33:58,822
- Open the mail!
- Give clear instructions.
603
00:33:58,850 --> 00:34:00,180
Open the mail and
see what is unclear. .
604
00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:01,233
- Ok it's unclear I'm saying.
605
00:34:01,263 --> 00:34:02,975
- No! Open the mail, I want
to see my covering mail.
606
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,186
- Ok, open.
- No. . open the mail!
607
00:34:04,685 --> 00:34:05,784
- Manju, I don't
have the time.
608
00:34:05,809 --> 00:34:07,146
- You can't make an
accusation against me
609
00:34:07,169 --> 00:34:08,684
because I don't write
anything that's unclear.
610
00:34:08,708 --> 00:34:09,928
- Ok, let's leave it.
611
00:34:09,952 --> 00:34:11,249
- You're such an idiot really!
612
00:34:11,273 --> 00:34:12,500
You know that's what you are.
613
00:34:12,524 --> 00:34:14,072
- In this much time you
would have finished it!
614
00:34:14,097 --> 00:34:16,232
Because all you want to do is. .
- You're not willing to admit. .
615
00:34:16,257 --> 00:34:17,857
- Chew up my brains.
616
00:34:18,989 --> 00:34:20,075
- Do you want
to finish it or no?
617
00:34:20,085 --> 00:34:21,182
- Ya!
618
00:34:21,615 --> 00:34:23,215
- Falcon Associates.
619
00:34:24,421 --> 00:34:26,641
Under that Emily
Oman and Giselle. .
620
00:34:26,665 --> 00:34:27,684
That's it.
621
00:34:27,708 --> 00:34:29,517
I mean this is what
your secretary had to do.
622
00:34:29,543 --> 00:34:30,934
She had to look at
this list and she had
623
00:34:30,959 --> 00:34:33,188
to look at this list and
see what's missing.
624
00:34:33,213 --> 00:34:35,070
That's all and then she
had to compile it together.
625
00:34:37,549 --> 00:34:40,260
- What are you going to do
with this? You've left those!
626
00:34:40,397 --> 00:34:42,445
- You don't do
anything yourself
627
00:34:42,470 --> 00:34:44,076
and make me into a secretary.
628
00:34:44,850 --> 00:34:45,970
It's not fair!
629
00:34:46,368 --> 00:34:47,368
(object clatters)
630
00:34:53,589 --> 00:34:59,104
- [Dhruv] How would you describe
our parents' relationship?
631
00:35:00,340 --> 00:35:02,745
Up, down, at best.
632
00:35:04,787 --> 00:35:07,372
I don't think there is
an ideal word, why?
633
00:35:13,962 --> 00:35:15,311
I mean, like,
kids go through it.
634
00:35:15,337 --> 00:35:16,842
I mean, we went through
635
00:35:16,866 --> 00:35:18,795
some pretty weird
and bad shit, but. .
636
00:35:18,820 --> 00:35:20,647
I guess some kids
had it even worse.
637
00:35:22,589 --> 00:35:23,631
Right?
638
00:35:26,767 --> 00:35:29,562
- It definitely turned me
off the idea of marriage,
639
00:35:29,587 --> 00:35:31,494
you know, when
I was growing up.
640
00:35:31,563 --> 00:35:34,507
It really really had a
big effect on me and. .
641
00:35:35,490 --> 00:35:37,340
I'm amazed it didn't
have that effect on you. .
642
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:40,247
And I just wonder is it. .
what’s wrong with me?
643
00:35:40,697 --> 00:35:42,532
No, I think you
use it as a crutch.
644
00:35:44,297 --> 00:35:47,785
Your parents smoked and drank,
that didn't stop you or make you
645
00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:50,588
averse to smoking
or drinking, right?
646
00:35:53,656 --> 00:35:55,355
- [Dhruv] Yeah! Yeah!
647
00:35:55,379 --> 00:35:56,419
(dog panting)
648
00:35:58,241 --> 00:35:59,289
Yeah!
649
00:35:59,314 --> 00:36:00,360
(bird caws)
650
00:36:00,384 --> 00:36:02,489
Come on Dukester!
(phone rings)
651
00:36:02,884 --> 00:36:03,887
[Dhruv] Hey!
652
00:36:03,924 --> 00:36:05,365
[Hannah] I miss you baby.
653
00:36:05,389 --> 00:36:07,642
Good morning! Here I am.
654
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:09,733
Someone sounds
happy today huh?
655
00:36:09,977 --> 00:36:11,657
Happy birthday my love.
656
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,859
(kissing sounds)
Thank you baby.
657
00:36:17,693 --> 00:36:18,693
I love you.
658
00:36:18,918 --> 00:36:20,922
Go out for a coffee
with him, I also. .
659
00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:22,306
- No. No!
- Why not?
660
00:36:22,330 --> 00:36:24,339
- I don't want to.
- Just do it.
661
00:36:24,364 --> 00:36:25,451
- I don't like him.
662
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,601
Look at me, here I
am forcing my girlfriend
663
00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,161
to go out for a
coffee with someone.
664
00:36:29,185 --> 00:36:32,198
No it's just because I
wanna feel, like I just wanna. .
665
00:36:32,222 --> 00:36:33,222
- That guy. .
666
00:36:34,028 --> 00:36:37,313
No, I don't like wasting my
time on that guy especially.
667
00:36:37,337 --> 00:36:38,337
- Ok, fine.
668
00:36:39,328 --> 00:36:42,082
Dhruv, you would be ok
if Hannah (Hang) was. .
669
00:36:42,107 --> 00:36:44,320
had a physical
encounter. You'd be ok?
670
00:36:44,344 --> 00:36:45,932
- Well, I'm
willing to accept it
671
00:36:45,956 --> 00:36:47,587
if this is what I
want in my own life.
672
00:36:47,962 --> 00:36:49,415
No, it won't work.
673
00:36:49,439 --> 00:36:51,119
I mean even at this age.
674
00:36:51,676 --> 00:36:54,842
He's 64, he's old. I'm 62!
675
00:36:54,866 --> 00:36:56,505
But if I see him
chatting up a female
676
00:36:56,530 --> 00:36:58,632
a little too long,
I'm uncomfortable.
677
00:36:58,817 --> 00:37:01,195
What is the definition
of marriage, now
678
00:37:01,321 --> 00:37:03,001
these things are not. .
679
00:37:03,489 --> 00:37:05,401
carved in stone,
they're not static.
680
00:37:05,476 --> 00:37:07,156
Marriage cannot evolve
681
00:37:07,576 --> 00:37:09,760
because marriage was. .
- Not a. . not a marriage.
682
00:37:09,784 --> 00:37:11,233
I'm saying the
definition of marriage.
683
00:37:11,257 --> 00:37:12,964
- It cannot evolve. .
- The concept of marriage.
684
00:37:12,989 --> 00:37:14,152
- It's never
evolved, it hasn't.
685
00:37:14,177 --> 00:37:16,063
People have tried to change
it but it has not evolved.
686
00:37:16,088 --> 00:37:17,513
- No, it has evolved.
It has evolved.
687
00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:19,040
There is no evolutionary
process to marriage.
688
00:37:19,065 --> 00:37:20,868
- If you go back 100
years in different societies. .
689
00:37:20,881 --> 00:37:22,539
- You marry for one reason
and that's procreation.
690
00:37:22,564 --> 00:37:23,806
- . Take our society.
- To procreate,
691
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:25,620
to build a family, to build
a home, to build a life. .
692
00:37:25,645 --> 00:37:28,466
to have a companion, to
have children. . that's it!
693
00:37:28,931 --> 00:37:30,040
And if you're
going to get into
694
00:37:30,065 --> 00:37:31,992
dillying-dallying and
open relationships,
695
00:37:32,017 --> 00:37:33,391
your kids are going
to get fucked up,
696
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:34,456
and everything else is. .
697
00:37:34,481 --> 00:37:37,124
You're going to fuck your
lives up, frankly speaking.
698
00:37:42,196 --> 00:37:43,536
- Sorry did you want
to say something?
699
00:37:43,561 --> 00:37:45,217
{\an8} No, I was going to ask you.
700
00:37:45,297 --> 00:37:48,765
{\an8}That don't you have
any sorts of things,
701
00:37:48,790 --> 00:37:51,987
{\an8}that you'd like to have
a family, you'd like to. .
702
00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:57,164
also have children who. .
you know, you can. .
703
00:37:57,749 --> 00:38:03,590
like we've enjoyed having
you and your brother. .
704
00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:06,487
Don't you have those thoughts?
705
00:38:06,802 --> 00:38:08,602
- I do have those thoughts,
706
00:38:09,179 --> 00:38:11,446
but I am still
reconciling them.
707
00:38:12,215 --> 00:38:14,122
Why do you think I
should get married?
708
00:38:17,310 --> 00:38:20,620
For the same reason I got
married, for the same reason
709
00:38:20,645 --> 00:38:24,014
that my father got married
and the whole world.
710
00:38:24,788 --> 00:38:28,341
I mean, in our lives we
never questioned it now. .
711
00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:32,230
- Monogamy is a
vow in marriage.
712
00:38:32,327 --> 00:38:33,447
Is that right?
713
00:38:35,497 --> 00:38:37,254
I guess so, I guess so. .
714
00:38:38,075 --> 00:38:39,529
- Because that's the
only thing that scares
715
00:38:39,553 --> 00:38:40,705
the shit out of me with it.
716
00:38:41,216 --> 00:38:44,200
What percentage do
you think are really. .
717
00:38:44,548 --> 00:38:46,114
really live by that vow?
718
00:38:52,766 --> 00:38:54,335
And the truth is, you
know men, I mean
719
00:38:54,359 --> 00:38:56,157
I don't know why men don't. .
720
00:38:56,182 --> 00:38:57,524
but eventually. .
721
00:38:57,982 --> 00:38:59,414
let's say. .
722
00:39:02,797 --> 00:39:05,840
Minutes after a man has come,
723
00:39:05,864 --> 00:39:11,877
the thought goes through, "What
the fuck, was is it worth it?"
724
00:39:11,956 --> 00:39:12,956
You know?
725
00:39:13,646 --> 00:39:15,427
I'm telling you my own thing.
726
00:39:15,452 --> 00:39:17,542
I've often said, "Listen I
could have just masturbated. "
727
00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:19,460
You know?
728
00:39:20,678 --> 00:39:23,375
That's why I said man
is inherently I think. .
729
00:39:25,010 --> 00:39:26,498
Just made that way.
730
00:39:33,098 --> 00:39:36,299
But I want to comment that,
731
00:39:36,323 --> 00:39:41,661
I agree that,
emotional monogamy,
732
00:39:41,686 --> 00:39:45,197
emotional honesty,
emotional. .
733
00:39:45,818 --> 00:39:47,566
Is more important.
734
00:39:48,860 --> 00:39:50,447
(soft music)
735
00:39:55,106 --> 00:39:56,969
- [Dhruv] Casual
sex at swinger clubs
736
00:39:56,994 --> 00:39:59,141
wasn't really what
I was looking for.
737
00:39:59,613 --> 00:40:03,558
I needed deeper and more
intimate connections with women
738
00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,677
to enjoy the sex.
739
00:40:06,494 --> 00:40:09,888
And while I was in
Dubai, I slept with the girl
740
00:40:09,913 --> 00:40:11,246
that I'd been texting.
741
00:40:12,425 --> 00:40:16,332
So when I flew back to
Vancouver, I had to tell Hang
742
00:40:16,348 --> 00:40:18,989
because I couldn't lie to her.
743
00:40:23,279 --> 00:40:24,525
Well I wasn't
enjoying it because
744
00:40:24,550 --> 00:40:26,424
I was just like, shit, I. .
745
00:40:27,484 --> 00:40:30,406
know that this is. .
this is something that
746
00:40:30,988 --> 00:40:32,757
Hang will not like and. .
747
00:40:33,866 --> 00:40:35,865
the reason I did it
also was because. .
748
00:40:38,328 --> 00:40:41,228
I didn't want to have
it sitting in my head.
749
00:40:41,502 --> 00:40:42,502
But. .
750
00:40:43,624 --> 00:40:45,304
I'm sorry for doing it.
751
00:40:45,885 --> 00:40:46,885
(Hang sniffs)
752
00:40:48,328 --> 00:40:49,608
(sirens wailing)
753
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,511
Hm, Hang. .
754
00:40:52,199 --> 00:40:54,215
Come on, talk to me. .
755
00:40:55,572 --> 00:40:58,616
I give you that freedom and
sometimes I wonder like. .
756
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,582
even though you have
that freedom, but is it, like. .
757
00:41:01,891 --> 00:41:03,520
should you just like. .
758
00:41:03,545 --> 00:41:07,152
maybe I'll just keep my body
for her or something like that.
759
00:41:07,176 --> 00:41:09,377
Like, do you sometimes
wonder like that?
760
00:41:09,401 --> 00:41:11,733
Or are you just like,
yeah I have that freedom,
761
00:41:11,985 --> 00:41:13,489
I'll just go for it.
762
00:41:14,416 --> 00:41:15,800
- This is my sexual needs.
763
00:41:15,824 --> 00:41:18,325
This is about me,
it's not about her.
764
00:41:18,349 --> 00:41:19,469
It's about me.
765
00:41:20,087 --> 00:41:21,658
Like, you're in a
relationship with me.
766
00:41:21,663 --> 00:41:24,488
I lie here at night
watching porn most often,
767
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,366
trying to find different
porn to stimulate
768
00:41:26,391 --> 00:41:28,602
my mind because I'm
just very sexually bored.
769
00:41:35,796 --> 00:41:38,260
Sex life goes down
it's not because
770
00:41:38,803 --> 00:41:40,766
you're getting
bored or anything,
771
00:41:40,772 --> 00:41:43,685
it's because of so much
drama in the relationship,
772
00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:46,198
that it's actually
torn the people apart.
773
00:41:46,855 --> 00:41:47,855
(sobs)
774
00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:51,395
(soft music)
775
00:42:12,502 --> 00:42:15,148
(crying) Sometimes, don't you
have a feeling that is like. .
776
00:42:15,173 --> 00:42:16,802
"She is more special"?
777
00:42:17,383 --> 00:42:22,683
- [Manjula] Sexual fidelity
is a basic tenet of marriage.
778
00:42:22,703 --> 00:42:26,005
- [Deepak] What percentage
do you think are really. .
779
00:42:26,029 --> 00:42:28,178
really live by that vow?
780
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,066
- [Manjula] You can't want
to revolutionize marriage.
781
00:42:32,398 --> 00:42:34,722
You know, it's your life,
and it's your decision,
782
00:42:34,746 --> 00:42:36,364
but I would just
advise you that Dhruv,
783
00:42:36,388 --> 00:42:38,268
that you're asking
for a lot of pain.
784
00:42:54,128 --> 00:42:56,894
(machine whirring)
785
00:43:06,923 --> 00:43:07,923
(soft music)
786
00:43:10,514 --> 00:43:13,502
- [Dr. Barash] What happened
in the evolution, and again,
787
00:43:13,535 --> 00:43:16,667
{\an8}I use it as sort of "cultural
evolution" of monogamy,
788
00:43:16,692 --> 00:43:19,003
{\an8}was essentially a trade off
789
00:43:19,028 --> 00:43:23,007
{\an8}where a wealthy, more
powerful man agreed to forgo
790
00:43:23,032 --> 00:43:26,886
some of their reproductive
advantages in return for
791
00:43:26,911 --> 00:43:32,100
a degree of social stability
792
00:43:32,125 --> 00:43:35,088
on the part of men who would
otherwise be really troublesome.
793
00:43:35,119 --> 00:43:37,438
{\an8}- One of the advantages
that monogamous
794
00:43:37,463 --> 00:43:42,026
{\an8}marriage institutions
have is that polygyny. .
795
00:43:42,051 --> 00:43:46,350
{\an8}because the richest men in
the society take extra wives.
796
00:43:46,365 --> 00:43:48,367
{\an8}That leaves very
few wives or no wives
797
00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:49,661
{\an8}for the poorest
men in society.
798
00:43:49,976 --> 00:43:53,148
You have a large number of men
who essentially have no mates
799
00:43:53,181 --> 00:43:54,345
for their entire lives.
800
00:43:54,399 --> 00:44:00,336
So in the Middle Ages it
became a kind of social movement
801
00:44:00,361 --> 00:44:03,742
to have more males be able
to get married, whereas in
802
00:44:03,781 --> 00:44:06,333
a polygamous
society, they couldn't.
803
00:44:06,662 --> 00:44:10,420
So in many ways, one could
say that monogamy was a force to
804
00:44:10,445 --> 00:44:14,672
enable ordinary men, men who
were say less than six feet tall
805
00:44:15,035 --> 00:44:18,180
or a little bit overweight,
or not exceptionally rich,
806
00:44:18,205 --> 00:44:19,904
to have partners.
807
00:44:21,585 --> 00:44:23,707
- [Dr. Barash] Really, the ones
who gained by monogamy is
808
00:44:23,718 --> 00:44:25,310
not so much the
women but the men.
809
00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:29,143
The men who would otherwise be
excluded in a harem situation.
810
00:44:29,265 --> 00:44:32,747
The first step on the road
to egalitarianism in Europe
811
00:44:32,771 --> 00:44:35,487
was the spread of
monogamous marriage.
812
00:44:35,730 --> 00:44:38,159
Because this was the
first time that kings were
813
00:44:38,184 --> 00:44:41,405
set on the same standard
as everybody else.
814
00:44:41,447 --> 00:44:43,298
So they could only have
one wife and the poorest
815
00:44:43,323 --> 00:44:45,174
guy in the community
could only have one wife.
816
00:44:45,531 --> 00:44:47,505
And of course, you
know, the kings figured
817
00:44:47,529 --> 00:44:49,260
out lots of ways
to get around this
818
00:44:49,304 --> 00:44:52,935
and lots of ways to try to beat
the system, but the church was
819
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,485
this independent agent
that kept pushing them.
820
00:44:56,144 --> 00:44:57,632
- So it was really
religion that. .
821
00:44:57,975 --> 00:44:59,533
Yeah, it was religion.
822
00:44:59,795 --> 00:45:01,143
And it's not
just any religion.
823
00:45:01,167 --> 00:45:03,338
It's specifically
Catholic Christianity.
824
00:45:03,710 --> 00:45:05,822
Well that's why the history
of the West is so interesting,
825
00:45:05,847 --> 00:45:08,178
because we actually see that.
826
00:45:08,205 --> 00:45:11,135
{\an8}So there's Jesuit
missionaries who go to China,
827
00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:13,201
{\an8}and they've
convinced one Chinese
828
00:45:13,226 --> 00:45:15,105
{\an8}emperor to convert
to Christianity.
829
00:45:15,127 --> 00:45:18,664
{\an8}And he's just about
ready to do his baptism,
830
00:45:18,689 --> 00:45:21,111
and then he finds out
about the monogamy thing.
831
00:45:21,295 --> 00:45:22,813
And then he's like, "Whoa.
832
00:45:23,655 --> 00:45:25,942
Cancel the plans
for the baptism. "
833
00:45:26,429 --> 00:45:29,675
And so he didn't become
a Christian and Christianity
834
00:45:29,700 --> 00:45:32,164
didn't spread, at
that point in China.
835
00:45:33,033 --> 00:45:34,641
Meanwhile in Europe
they didn't have
836
00:45:34,665 --> 00:45:36,273
a choice because
the church was there.
837
00:45:36,541 --> 00:45:38,482
And they were converting
all the common people,
838
00:45:38,507 --> 00:45:40,747
and they were delegitimizing
the leaders' children,
839
00:45:40,811 --> 00:45:42,227
and the Pope
was writing letters
840
00:45:42,251 --> 00:45:46,020
and century after century forced
these guys to come into line,
841
00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,615
because their sons
couldn't inherit if they didn't.
842
00:45:49,762 --> 00:45:52,086
- [Dhruv] Monogamy
was recognized
843
00:45:52,110 --> 00:45:54,143
for its egalitarian advantages
844
00:45:54,433 --> 00:45:57,056
by the ancient Romans
and the Greeks,
845
00:45:57,081 --> 00:45:59,652
well before the
birth of Christianity.
846
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,918
It's just that they
were not very good
847
00:46:03,943 --> 00:46:05,823
at practicing what
they preached.
848
00:46:07,979 --> 00:46:13,010
{\an8}In 325 CE, monogamy
was declared a law
849
00:46:13,035 --> 00:46:16,257
{\an8}in Christianity at the
Council of Nicaea.
850
00:46:16,728 --> 00:46:20,871
But it took the Catholic church
another 400 years to convert
851
00:46:20,879 --> 00:46:24,358
Europe from being
polygynous to monogamous.
852
00:46:26,593 --> 00:46:30,871
{\an8}By the 7th century, most of
Europe had abolished polygyny,
853
00:46:30,896 --> 00:46:34,609
{\an8}and as Christian values
spread with colonialism
854
00:46:34,642 --> 00:46:37,008
{\an8}and the Westernization
of the world,
855
00:46:37,226 --> 00:46:42,484
{\an8}other non-Islamic countries
also began to outlaw polygyny.
856
00:46:42,523 --> 00:46:45,237
{\an8}(popping and booming noises)
857
00:46:45,396 --> 00:46:47,062
{\an8}(soft music)
858
00:46:48,627 --> 00:46:52,142
However, married men
could still sleep around
859
00:46:52,166 --> 00:46:56,483
without much repercussion,
right up until the 1960's.
860
00:46:56,937 --> 00:46:58,186
(indistinct chatter)
861
00:46:58,335 --> 00:47:01,025
But the second half
of the 20th century
862
00:47:01,049 --> 00:47:03,739
ushered in a new
era of equal rights,
863
00:47:03,763 --> 00:47:08,311
and the women's rights movement
finally began to gain momentum.
864
00:47:08,531 --> 00:47:10,668
{\an8}- [Narrator] These marching
people were not merely voters to
865
00:47:10,693 --> 00:47:12,795
{\an8}Franklin Roosevelt,
they were human beings.
866
00:47:13,638 --> 00:47:15,961
- [Dhruv] Women started
to regain their independence
867
00:47:15,985 --> 00:47:18,973
and demanded equal
treatment on various fronts.
868
00:47:19,268 --> 00:47:21,940
(Crowd chanting) Equal Pay!
869
00:47:21,979 --> 00:47:24,578
I say "Equal" you say "Pay!"
870
00:47:25,152 --> 00:47:27,325
- [Dhruv] The movement spread
to other parts of the world,
871
00:47:27,350 --> 00:47:29,056
and by the mid 1970s,
872
00:47:29,385 --> 00:47:32,023
most democratic nations
began to recognize
873
00:47:32,048 --> 00:47:36,769
marriage as a legal union
between two equal citizens.
874
00:47:37,952 --> 00:47:42,048
Male infidelity now became
firm grounds for divorce.
875
00:47:42,775 --> 00:47:46,062
Laws were changed to make
men liable to pay alimony
876
00:47:46,086 --> 00:47:50,062
and child support, and
both husband and wife
877
00:47:50,086 --> 00:47:53,422
{\an8}were now expected to
remain monogamous.
878
00:47:54,919 --> 00:47:59,046
{\an8}- [Dr. Ryan] We came to a
point in western society where
879
00:47:59,071 --> 00:48:06,332
{\an8}we had to choose
either to. . allow women
880
00:48:06,357 --> 00:48:08,918
to have the same
freedom that men
881
00:48:08,943 --> 00:48:12,908
had always enjoyed, which is
yes, you've got your marriage,
882
00:48:12,922 --> 00:48:16,074
you've got your family, but
you can play around as long as
883
00:48:16,099 --> 00:48:17,972
you're discreet and
don't do anything
884
00:48:17,997 --> 00:48:19,515
that's going to
hurt the family.
885
00:48:20,142 --> 00:48:25,142
Or, we force men
into the same trap
886
00:48:25,167 --> 00:48:27,802
that women had been
in for thousands of years.
887
00:48:28,382 --> 00:48:33,183
And in the 60's, it sort of
split, and people went in two
888
00:48:33,208 --> 00:48:36,538
different directions, but the
society as a whole has sort of
889
00:48:36,554 --> 00:48:39,059
moved towards
saying, "No, men have
890
00:48:39,095 --> 00:48:42,410
to follow the same
rules that women have. .
891
00:48:42,435 --> 00:48:44,420
been forced into
for all this time. "
892
00:48:45,062 --> 00:48:47,401
But that's what's
lead us to this crisis
893
00:48:47,406 --> 00:48:49,499
that we're at now
with monogamy.
894
00:48:51,254 --> 00:48:53,152
(soft music)
895
00:48:58,627 --> 00:49:01,167
(train rumbling)
896
00:49:08,035 --> 00:49:10,866
- {\an8}[Dhruv] There's this huge
breach that's taken place
897
00:49:10,891 --> 00:49:12,738
{\an8}with the Ashley Madison site.
898
00:49:13,869 --> 00:49:18,005
Half the people on there are
from the UN, White House,
899
00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:19,833
Bank of America,
and they've used all
900
00:49:19,858 --> 00:49:22,628
their actual corporate
email addresses.
901
00:49:25,864 --> 00:49:29,472
See, some of this is
Sony, people at Sony.
902
00:49:30,237 --> 00:49:32,058
University of Texas.
903
00:49:32,693 --> 00:49:35,714
This is Bank of America,
904
00:49:35,738 --> 00:49:38,164
all the email addresses
at Bank of America.
905
00:49:39,412 --> 00:49:42,256
The Ashley Madison
thing used to be,
906
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,213
life is short, have an affair.
907
00:49:44,237 --> 00:49:46,603
Now people are
saying it should be
908
00:49:46,627 --> 00:49:48,730
{\an8}life is short,
get an attorney.
909
00:49:48,754 --> 00:49:49,754
(Hang laughs)
910
00:49:50,672 --> 00:49:52,244
- [Hang] Divorce lawyer.
911
00:49:52,268 --> 00:49:53,268
{\an8}- Hm?
912
00:49:53,374 --> 00:49:54,494
{\an8}(Dhruv laughs)
913
00:49:54,757 --> 00:49:56,386
(indistinct)
914
00:49:57,551 --> 00:49:58,672
- It's not like
all the people. .
915
00:49:58,696 --> 00:50:00,599
- This is all the
places in the world
916
00:50:01,388 --> 00:50:03,157
where they have Ashley
Madison accounts.
917
00:50:03,182 --> 00:50:04,353
- [Hannah] Wow.
- [Dhruv] Yeah.
918
00:50:04,383 --> 00:50:08,142
People try to defend it by
saying, "People have affairs
919
00:50:09,188 --> 00:50:11,361
because they want to
keep their marriages going. "
920
00:50:12,502 --> 00:50:13,502
{\an8}(indistinct)
921
00:50:13,692 --> 00:50:16,170
{\an8}"I would cheat long before I
would get a divorce, if you have
922
00:50:16,195 --> 00:50:18,464
{\an8}children that you love and a
home that you built together and
923
00:50:18,489 --> 00:50:20,953
{\an8}a future that you
planned, why would you
924
00:50:20,994 --> 00:50:22,558
{\an8}give that up just for sex?"
925
00:50:23,118 --> 00:50:24,256
{\an8}"The reason
people have affairs
926
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,387
{\an8}is that they want
to stay married. "
927
00:50:29,236 --> 00:50:32,244
Why do we get jealous?
What is jealousy anyway?
928
00:50:33,966 --> 00:50:36,299
Tell me the
definition of jealousy.
929
00:50:36,771 --> 00:50:38,284
- Definition?
- Mmhm.
930
00:50:38,342 --> 00:50:40,305
- The definition of
jealousy, let's look it up.
931
00:50:40,405 --> 00:50:41,405
(Hang laughs)
932
00:50:43,183 --> 00:50:46,308
Jealousy.
933
00:50:51,571 --> 00:50:52,967
"Showing suspicion
of someone's
934
00:50:52,991 --> 00:50:54,754
unfaithfulness
in a relationship. "
935
00:50:59,603 --> 00:51:00,603
So.
936
00:51:06,290 --> 00:51:08,597
I don't think I've learned very
much about non-monogamy.
937
00:51:08,622 --> 00:51:10,544
I think I've learned a
lot about monogamy.
938
00:51:11,047 --> 00:51:12,047
(wind)
939
00:51:12,209 --> 00:51:14,214
There's still a lot to learn
about non monogamy.
940
00:51:15,622 --> 00:51:17,898
- [Dr. Barash] I don't
think it's possible to really
941
00:51:17,923 --> 00:51:20,150
transcend sexual jealousy.
942
00:51:20,175 --> 00:51:23,056
{\an8}The notion of love, you
know, "Spread the love around,
943
00:51:23,072 --> 00:51:24,947
{\an8}what could be bad about that?"
944
00:51:24,972 --> 00:51:30,035
{\an8}is itself very attractive, but
there will be this gnawing sense
945
00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:32,204
of sexual jealousy
that's involved because
946
00:51:32,229 --> 00:51:34,900
for millions and
millions of years,
947
00:51:34,924 --> 00:51:37,213
these two were not divorced.
948
00:51:37,565 --> 00:51:41,873
Sexual behavior with someone
else carried with it the risk of
949
00:51:41,906 --> 00:51:47,303
either reproducing with that
other person, or tending to
950
00:51:47,328 --> 00:51:50,097
destabilize the
preexisting relationship.
951
00:51:50,122 --> 00:51:52,600
If someone after having a sexual
relationship with someone else,
952
00:51:52,625 --> 00:51:55,601
decides to choose that
person in preference.
953
00:51:56,067 --> 00:51:58,814
So I think that even if we could
prevent. . even if we could. .
954
00:51:58,839 --> 00:52:04,169
guarantee non reproduction, that
would not end sexual jealousy.
955
00:52:04,178 --> 00:52:06,531
It might diminish
it a little bit.
956
00:52:06,556 --> 00:52:08,121
Say, "Well at
least he's not going
957
00:52:08,146 --> 00:52:09,926
to have a kid with this lady. "
958
00:52:10,278 --> 00:52:13,669
But the fact that he's having
sex with her is going to be seen
959
00:52:13,694 --> 00:52:16,165
as threatening to the woman,
I think as long as we are
960
00:52:16,190 --> 00:52:18,445
biological creatures,
which is to say forever.
961
00:52:18,476 --> 00:52:21,206
I think you're
defining something
962
00:52:21,238 --> 00:52:22,401
different than I am.
963
00:52:22,426 --> 00:52:24,028
I don't agree with you.
964
00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:27,078
I think you're talking
about betrayal.
965
00:52:27,663 --> 00:52:29,181
I think you're talking
about cheating.
966
00:52:29,491 --> 00:52:33,474
And I think the effects of being
cheated on, whether it's cheated
967
00:52:33,499 --> 00:52:35,768
in cards or cheated
in money or cheated in
968
00:52:35,793 --> 00:52:39,147
a real estate
transaction, always hurts.
969
00:52:40,881 --> 00:52:44,881
But if you're talking about a
group of people who are not
970
00:52:44,905 --> 00:52:46,988
already in committed
relationships,
971
00:52:47,558 --> 00:52:49,114
and they maybe want to have
972
00:52:49,139 --> 00:52:51,881
multiple partners and
they're doing it openly.
973
00:52:52,146 --> 00:52:58,165
With the technology in place of
protection if there is a baby,
974
00:52:58,190 --> 00:53:02,044
and good contraception, then I
think, I'm more optimistic than
975
00:53:02,069 --> 00:53:05,200
you are that a free
love scenario is possible
976
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,077
there with transparency.
977
00:53:07,092 --> 00:53:08,948
- I agree.
- Then I don't see a problem.
978
00:53:08,973 --> 00:53:10,315
- Outside of a
committed relationship,
979
00:53:10,339 --> 00:53:11,708
there's not likely
to be a problem.
980
00:53:11,733 --> 00:53:13,467
But in a committed relationship,
I think there would.
981
00:53:13,497 --> 00:53:14,960
- Furthermore,
the people I know
982
00:53:14,969 --> 00:53:16,021
who are polyamorous,
983
00:53:16,041 --> 00:53:17,781
we're friends,
I'm friends with
984
00:53:17,805 --> 00:53:19,298
a lady you should
interview named
985
00:53:19,336 --> 00:53:21,814
Dossie Easton, who
is the author of a book
986
00:53:21,839 --> 00:53:23,186
called the Ethical Slut.
987
00:53:24,052 --> 00:53:27,027
And Dossie is a. .
- Outside San Francisco.
988
00:53:27,052 --> 00:53:30,142
- She's a 70 year old
somewhat, bright red hair.
989
00:53:30,180 --> 00:53:31,602
The most out-there person
990
00:53:31,622 --> 00:53:34,288
I think in some
ways I've ever met.
991
00:53:35,647 --> 00:53:37,750
{\an8}Ok. We got it rolling?
992
00:53:37,775 --> 00:53:38,823
{\an8}- Mm hmm.
993
00:53:38,843 --> 00:53:41,024
{\an8}Some people seem to
think that a ring around
994
00:53:41,069 --> 00:53:45,265
the finger will lead to a
nerve block to the genitals,
995
00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:47,423
and that they will never
be turned on to anyone else
996
00:53:47,448 --> 00:53:50,351
once somebody pledges
their troth as it were.
997
00:53:51,577 --> 00:53:53,573
And that's just
plain not true.
998
00:53:53,624 --> 00:53:55,305
Why do we lie
about our desires?
999
00:53:55,330 --> 00:53:57,744
We've been told it
makes us a bad person.
1000
00:53:58,410 --> 00:54:01,491
We've been told that our
desire for someone else
1001
00:54:01,515 --> 00:54:03,523
means we don't
really love our partner.
1002
00:54:05,552 --> 00:54:07,512
And then what are you going
to do with the kids, you know!
1003
00:54:08,889 --> 00:54:12,740
We've been told
that we are a bad. .
1004
00:54:12,765 --> 00:54:14,978
that, you know,
we're a sex addict,
1005
00:54:15,017 --> 00:54:18,037
we're compulsive, we can't
do intimacy, whatever intimacy
1006
00:54:18,062 --> 00:54:20,798
we think we have in our
partner isn't real intimacy.
1007
00:54:21,401 --> 00:54:23,324
Whatever love we think
we share isn't real love,
1008
00:54:23,349 --> 00:54:26,274
this isn't true love, and
I must not be the one.
1009
00:54:27,341 --> 00:54:30,432
Of course since for me, that
would be about the thousandth,
1010
00:54:31,333 --> 00:54:33,594
this concept of the
one looks pretty stupid.
1011
00:54:33,705 --> 00:54:37,341
But this is what our whole
cultural mythology tells us.
1012
00:54:38,620 --> 00:54:43,979
Is it natural for humans to get
jealous, to feel what they want,
1013
00:54:44,004 --> 00:54:46,802
to feel sad about that when
they see someone else get it?
1014
00:54:46,824 --> 00:54:47,881
Yeah, sure.
1015
00:54:47,905 --> 00:54:49,213
Why not?
1016
00:54:49,218 --> 00:54:52,950
But we teach children how
to deal with sibling rivalry.
1017
00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:55,359
Sibling rivalry is natural.
1018
00:54:55,644 --> 00:54:58,651
Our parents only had so
much time and so much energy
1019
00:54:59,677 --> 00:55:03,557
So sometimes, one of us
got some and one of us didn't.
1020
00:55:03,582 --> 00:55:05,835
You know, it's not like
that never happens.
1021
00:55:07,045 --> 00:55:10,655
But we expect to learn to
deal with that kind of jealousy.
1022
00:55:11,268 --> 00:55:14,777
So why would we imagine that
sexual jealousy is somehow so
1023
00:55:14,802 --> 00:55:18,363
vastly worse than any
other kind of jealousy?
1024
00:55:18,388 --> 00:55:20,544
And that is the
thing that I question.
1025
00:55:22,702 --> 00:55:24,350
(soft music)
1026
00:55:30,012 --> 00:55:32,651
♪ Oh my summer love ♪
1027
00:55:33,011 --> 00:55:38,660
♪ You're the only
one that I dream of. . ♪
1028
00:55:39,188 --> 00:55:41,134
- [Dhruv] We'd heard of this
conference taking place on
1029
00:55:41,159 --> 00:55:46,635
the future of monogamy and
non monogamy, in California.
1030
00:55:46,660 --> 00:55:47,911
At Berkeley.
1031
00:55:48,402 --> 00:55:51,992
We went there, more as
film makers than participants.
1032
00:55:52,366 --> 00:55:53,842
I mean, it was a
good exercise to meet
1033
00:55:53,867 --> 00:55:55,628
people who are
practicing it and. .
1034
00:55:56,254 --> 00:55:57,465
see whether we fit in.
1035
00:55:58,829 --> 00:56:01,181
- There's this assumption that
1036
00:56:01,206 --> 00:56:03,128
a monogamous
one-on-one relationship
1037
00:56:03,167 --> 00:56:06,804
involves more intimacy because
it's exclusive and whatnot.
1038
00:56:06,882 --> 00:56:08,236
Do you think that's true?
1039
00:56:08,714 --> 00:56:10,594
Do you think you experience
anything different in poly. .
1040
00:56:10,627 --> 00:56:12,940
{\an8}We do fall in love
with our partners.
1041
00:56:12,989 --> 00:56:14,446
{\an8}Like very much so.
1042
00:56:14,473 --> 00:56:15,913
{\an8}I. . you know, I. .
1043
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,370
{\an8}I had a partner of 5 years who
was very much someone I loved,
1044
00:56:19,394 --> 00:56:20,446
very deeply,
1045
00:56:20,471 --> 00:56:22,429
whom we were thinking
about moving in with us.
1046
00:56:22,481 --> 00:56:24,435
Whom we were
thinking about being
1047
00:56:24,441 --> 00:56:26,417
involved raising
a family with.
1048
00:56:26,610 --> 00:56:28,210
Right? And that's. .
1049
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:29,655
That's a pretty
serious relationship
1050
00:56:29,663 --> 00:56:31,072
but it's not some. .
1051
00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:33,843
But I would not have left
Pepper for this person.
1052
00:56:33,867 --> 00:56:36,447
But I wouldn't have left
this person for Pepper either.
1053
00:56:36,745 --> 00:56:37,785
It's a very. .
1054
00:56:37,801 --> 00:56:41,013
The basic premise of polyamory
is you don't have to leave
1055
00:56:41,038 --> 00:56:43,877
the person you're seeing, for
the new person you're seeing.
1056
00:56:44,099 --> 00:56:45,099
Yeah.
1057
00:56:45,273 --> 00:56:48,205
- So let's say if you see
Jen with someone else
1058
00:56:48,229 --> 00:56:51,139
having a great time, it
doesn't, you don't feel. .
1059
00:56:51,163 --> 00:56:53,560
It doesn't stir you?
That butterfly feeling?
1060
00:56:53,592 --> 00:56:56,098
It's weird, we have
actually been in
1061
00:56:56,123 --> 00:56:58,259
situations where for
example Jen has a date over
1062
00:56:58,263 --> 00:56:59,579
and they're having
sex in the next room,
1063
00:56:59,604 --> 00:57:01,534
or sometimes in the
same room, right?
1064
00:57:01,702 --> 00:57:03,581
And it doesn't
stir me in any way.
1065
00:57:03,605 --> 00:57:04,605
I. .
1066
00:57:05,784 --> 00:57:07,414
grew up in a household with
1067
00:57:07,439 --> 00:57:09,027
an open relationship
among my parents,
1068
00:57:09,061 --> 00:57:11,188
so I didn't have the
parent model of jealousy.
1069
00:57:11,212 --> 00:57:13,258
Right. . I just
didn't pick it up.
1070
00:57:13,282 --> 00:57:14,696
I get bad jealousy.
1071
00:57:14,927 --> 00:57:16,287
And it took me. .
1072
00:57:16,763 --> 00:57:21,474
it took me a couple
of years to really get. .
1073
00:57:21,498 --> 00:57:23,350
To kind of deprogram
some of that jealousy
1074
00:57:23,375 --> 00:57:24,551
so that it wasn't crippling.
1075
00:57:25,510 --> 00:57:27,966
(airplane flying overhead)
1076
00:57:35,926 --> 00:57:37,514
- [Shay] For me, jealousy
comes from insecurity.
1077
00:57:37,552 --> 00:57:39,431
For different people it
comes from different places.
1078
00:57:39,455 --> 00:57:41,472
For me, it almost entirely
comes from insecurity.
1079
00:57:41,496 --> 00:57:46,397
With Stefanos, I feel completely
secure, and therefore I really
1080
00:57:46,422 --> 00:57:48,821
don't have any
feelings of jealousy,
1081
00:57:48,846 --> 00:57:51,311
I'm very happy for him when
he's with his other partners.
1082
00:57:51,679 --> 00:57:54,281
Gabriel and I have conversations
about this, because I don't feel
1083
00:57:54,313 --> 00:57:55,897
quite as secure with Gabriel.
1084
00:57:55,921 --> 00:57:57,555
{\an8}We haven't been
together quite as long.
1085
00:57:57,579 --> 00:58:02,973
{\an8}I feel that at this moment, if
Gabriel got in a very serious
1086
00:58:02,997 --> 00:58:05,013
{\an8}romantic relationship,
I'm not sure
1087
00:58:05,037 --> 00:58:06,848
{\an8}how I would react with that.
1088
00:58:06,873 --> 00:58:09,893
I think I would struggle
more than I do with Stefanos,
1089
00:58:09,918 --> 00:58:12,407
because I'm just
not quite as secure.
1090
00:58:13,885 --> 00:58:18,007
So, I think for a lot of people
asking how they got into
1091
00:58:18,010 --> 00:58:21,058
polyamory is a lot like asking,
how long have you been gay?
1092
00:58:21,099 --> 00:58:23,073
Or. . It can feel
kind of similar to that,
1093
00:58:23,098 --> 00:58:24,823
for some of us, not for all.
1094
00:58:25,133 --> 00:58:27,452
And for me, it
was definitely. .
1095
00:58:27,477 --> 00:58:30,122
I hadn't heard of poly
for a super long time.
1096
00:58:30,147 --> 00:58:34,113
So I kept having relationships,
I was in lots of relationships,
1097
00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:36,409
and what I would find
myself doing was just
1098
00:58:36,433 --> 00:58:37,513
putting off that -
1099
00:58:37,538 --> 00:58:39,593
there's always
that conversation in
1100
00:58:39,618 --> 00:58:41,976
a normal, vanilla
kind of relationship,
1101
00:58:42,001 --> 00:58:44,116
the model that I was
used to, where you have
1102
00:58:44,141 --> 00:58:47,133
the conversation of,
now let's be exclusive.
1103
00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:51,518
And my expectation was
that up until that conversation,
1104
00:58:51,543 --> 00:58:52,714
you're not exclusive.
1105
00:58:52,757 --> 00:58:55,659
So I would just kind of try
to put off that conversation.
1106
00:58:55,683 --> 00:58:59,840
Because I knew that
exclusivity didn't work for me,
1107
00:58:59,865 --> 00:59:01,873
but I didn't know
anything else.
1108
00:59:02,432 --> 00:59:05,424
And then when I would
finally have that conversation,
1109
00:59:05,432 --> 00:59:08,397
"Okay, well. . we'll
try to be exclusive"
1110
00:59:08,435 --> 00:59:12,776
and I ended up having a lot of
relationships where I cheated
1111
00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:17,365
on people, which was very. .
I feel very badly about that.
1112
00:59:17,765 --> 00:59:20,477
And so it was a matter of
1113
00:59:20,501 --> 00:59:23,792
kind of figuring out
this model existed
1114
00:59:23,816 --> 00:59:26,129
for the way that I wanted
to have relationships.
1115
00:59:26,154 --> 00:59:31,183
And having a relationship in an
ethical way, that was going to
1116
00:59:31,208 --> 00:59:35,424
fit with my kind of inclinations
on what I was looking for.
1117
00:59:35,621 --> 00:59:36,621
(coughs)
1118
00:59:37,506 --> 00:59:41,847
(snorts) (children laughing)
1119
00:59:42,291 --> 00:59:43,796
- So what do the
kids call you Gabe?
1120
00:59:43,821 --> 00:59:45,033
- Gabe.
1121
00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:47,382
- Oh, they call you Gabe?
- Yeah.
1122
00:59:48,312 --> 00:59:49,916
I haven't had too many
discussions about it.
1123
00:59:49,941 --> 00:59:51,084
[Kid] Gabriel!
1124
00:59:51,419 --> 00:59:54,162
There you go,
see. (they laugh)
1125
00:59:56,108 --> 00:59:58,300
- It's just simple.
- Yeah, you know.
1126
00:59:58,325 --> 01:00:01,871
So Shay and Stef are Mom and
Dad, I'm Gabe. And that works.
1127
01:00:02,072 --> 01:00:03,687
- Can you do it for me Gabe?
1128
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,722
Okay one last try for Lucy
and then I'll do it for you.
1129
01:00:05,746 --> 01:00:07,239
- Whoop! Ow.
- Ok.
1130
01:00:07,263 --> 01:00:08,624
You did the left
hand toward you.
1131
01:00:08,926 --> 01:00:10,564
- [Shay] People
always will ask,
1132
01:00:10,589 --> 01:00:12,486
what do the kids
think about this?
1133
01:00:12,511 --> 01:00:15,028
It's a very common
question or concern.
1134
01:00:15,052 --> 01:00:16,390
You know, what
do the kids think?
1135
01:00:17,094 --> 01:00:19,240
But things like
polyamory or I think
1136
01:00:19,265 --> 01:00:22,734
things like, you know, gay
marriage or relationships,
1137
01:00:22,759 --> 01:00:24,694
things like gender issues too,
1138
01:00:24,719 --> 01:00:25,908
they don't confuse kids.
1139
01:00:25,933 --> 01:00:27,486
They only confuse adults.
1140
01:00:27,722 --> 01:00:30,771
And the kids really, they
don't know anything different.
1141
01:00:30,809 --> 01:00:32,136
We've never been monogamous.
1142
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:35,028
They've always had us having
other partners, they've always
1143
01:00:35,052 --> 01:00:37,833
seen us being romantically
involved and affectionate with
1144
01:00:37,858 --> 01:00:39,196
other people around them.
1145
01:00:39,219 --> 01:00:43,089
It's completely
normal for them.
1146
01:00:43,113 --> 01:00:46,127
It doesn't confuse kids,
it only confuses adults.
1147
01:00:47,993 --> 01:00:49,636
{\an8}One of the things
in poly is like,
1148
01:00:49,661 --> 01:00:50,874
{\an8}some people hear
it and they're like,
1149
01:00:50,907 --> 01:00:52,843
{\an8}"Oh, that just means you just
see more than one person and
1150
01:00:52,876 --> 01:00:54,132
{\an8}everything's great, right?
1151
01:00:54,169 --> 01:00:55,234
{\an8}That must be awesome.
1152
01:00:55,254 --> 01:00:56,853
{\an8}You can go have sex
with more than one person,
1153
01:00:56,878 --> 01:00:58,469
you can love more
than one person.
1154
01:00:58,494 --> 01:01:00,281
So it means you
can be noncommittal. "
1155
01:01:00,551 --> 01:01:03,820
That's really actually
not at all how I view it,
1156
01:01:03,846 --> 01:01:06,858
and that's not how you
were looking for it either.
1157
01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:11,616
I think what I kept
hearing, and allowed
1158
01:01:11,641 --> 01:01:13,145
me to develop my
philosophy a little bit
1159
01:01:13,170 --> 01:01:17,548
further was, each relationship
is its independent state,
1160
01:01:18,139 --> 01:01:19,448
and has its own importance.
1161
01:01:19,473 --> 01:01:22,335
[Shay] I think we very easily
can look at love as not a zero
1162
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,576
sum game when
it comes to kids.
1163
01:01:24,950 --> 01:01:27,004
And for some reason,
we can't see it that way
1164
01:01:27,021 --> 01:01:28,263
when it comes to
adult relationships.
1165
01:01:28,287 --> 01:01:29,870
And I don't think that
love is a zero sum game.
1166
01:01:29,913 --> 01:01:32,836
I think that there's a lot of
love, and you can spread it
1167
01:01:32,875 --> 01:01:34,497
around among different people,
1168
01:01:34,522 --> 01:01:36,942
and the love I
have for Gabriel,
1169
01:01:36,967 --> 01:01:39,095
or the "lurve" that
I have with Jade,
1170
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:43,356
doesn't take away
from my love for Stef.
1171
01:01:43,381 --> 01:01:46,212
And, you know, this
is not a finite resource.
1172
01:01:47,193 --> 01:01:50,113
{\an8}- People like your
parents and I -
1173
01:01:50,138 --> 01:01:51,503
{\an8}them because
they've had a lot of
1174
01:01:51,527 --> 01:01:53,148
{\an8}life experiences,
and me because I've
1175
01:01:53,173 --> 01:01:56,563
{\an8}had a lot of education in
human mating strategies,
1176
01:01:56,588 --> 01:01:58,083
and the conflict
of the sexes -
1177
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:03,670
are a little skeptical about the
success of open relationships.
1178
01:02:03,695 --> 01:02:05,372
And again, I'm
only skeptical when
1179
01:02:05,407 --> 01:02:07,279
there are children
in the nest.
1180
01:02:07,486 --> 01:02:09,097
Let's make that very clear.
1181
01:02:10,567 --> 01:02:13,896
Because, we've been there
1182
01:02:13,921 --> 01:02:17,733
and we see that
jealousy is a natural
1183
01:02:17,758 --> 01:02:21,776
part of human mating, that mate
poaching and mate guarding can
1184
01:02:21,801 --> 01:02:23,803
be treacherous
and even dangerous.
1185
01:02:24,221 --> 01:02:26,656
And we want
people to stay alive.
1186
01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:34,324
Because there's no
greater threat to our life
1187
01:02:34,349 --> 01:02:35,983
than the person
we love the most.
1188
01:02:36,410 --> 01:02:37,410
(she laughs)
1189
01:02:37,561 --> 01:02:39,531
Because of the
passion involved.
1190
01:02:39,749 --> 01:02:42,122
And if you don't have that kind
of passion then what've you got?
1191
01:02:42,625 --> 01:02:45,585
If they're just having these
loosey goosey open relationships
1192
01:02:45,610 --> 01:02:48,508
where they say they don't feel
jealousy, they're either lying
1193
01:02:48,533 --> 01:02:49,926
or they're not really close.
1194
01:02:50,079 --> 01:02:53,180
I prefer to have really
hot, passionate sex,
1195
01:02:53,205 --> 01:02:54,686
where I mate guard,
1196
01:02:55,030 --> 01:02:58,242
and I'm jealous,
because that's intense.
1197
01:03:00,398 --> 01:03:02,093
- [Dhruv] Thank you
very much. (she laughs)
1198
01:03:02,118 --> 01:03:03,156
You get it now?
1199
01:03:03,183 --> 01:03:04,183
(she laughs)
1200
01:03:04,208 --> 01:03:09,697
I just thought maybe you'd
think that "Ok, jealousy can. . "
1201
01:03:09,722 --> 01:03:11,671
Like, I just. . What I mean
is that jealousy seems
1202
01:03:11,696 --> 01:03:12,723
like such a
negative emotion. .
1203
01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:15,073
Yeah if you take away jealousy,
you're taking away passion.
1204
01:03:15,477 --> 01:03:17,149
You're taking away
the excitement of it all.
1205
01:03:17,462 --> 01:03:19,494
Like, "Oh yeah sure
honey, go hook up
1206
01:03:19,519 --> 01:03:21,108
with her, fine I'll
get dinner ready. "
1207
01:03:21,146 --> 01:03:22,706
I don't want that
kind of relationship!
1208
01:03:22,731 --> 01:03:25,333
I want to have a
"Who you talking to?
1209
01:03:25,358 --> 01:03:28,016
What is she with? I'd
better get in shape. "
1210
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,783
(laughs)
1211
01:03:30,238 --> 01:03:32,744
I love mate competition.
1212
01:03:32,991 --> 01:03:34,987
It makes it. . it's fabulous.
1213
01:03:36,378 --> 01:03:39,793
(ocean surf and
seagulls cawing)
1214
01:03:49,567 --> 01:03:56,134
- [Hannah] ♪ Happy birthday
to you, happy birthday to you,
1215
01:03:56,143 --> 01:04:04,131
happy birthday Uncle Dhruvy,
happy birthday to you ♪
1216
01:04:05,510 --> 01:04:08,343
- [Dhruv] Yay, thank
you. How many candles?
1217
01:04:09,110 --> 01:04:10,908
- I don't know,
I didn't count.
1218
01:04:10,941 --> 01:04:13,431
- What?! It's
supposed to be 36.
1219
01:04:13,744 --> 01:04:15,596
It's ok baby.
- Huh?
1220
01:04:15,617 --> 01:04:20,083
- You are making a
wish and blow the candle.
1221
01:04:21,547 --> 01:04:23,547
Dhruv!
1222
01:04:28,046 --> 01:04:29,234
- So how long were you guys
1223
01:04:29,259 --> 01:04:31,313
chatting on Tinder
before you met?
1224
01:04:35,098 --> 01:04:36,515
- Uh huh. A few
weeks or something.
1225
01:04:37,438 --> 01:04:39,658
Ah, that's what
you've been up to huh?
1226
01:04:39,683 --> 01:04:40,896
Yeah, yeah.
1227
01:04:40,906 --> 01:04:42,748
- A-ha, so all behind my back.
1228
01:04:42,773 --> 01:04:45,585
Ok so you should give me the
password to your phone now.
1229
01:04:47,401 --> 01:04:49,346
So. . so you're
not going to give
1230
01:04:49,371 --> 01:04:50,460
me the password to your phone?
1231
01:04:51,358 --> 01:04:53,358
Yeah I will.
1232
01:04:53,383 --> 01:04:54,750
If you want it.
1233
01:04:54,906 --> 01:04:56,148
- Do you want to give it?
1234
01:04:56,180 --> 01:04:58,152
- Yeah I'm fine with
that, I never had. .
1235
01:04:58,177 --> 01:04:59,853
- See. . now, so now
you see how it feels?
1236
01:04:59,899 --> 01:05:02,257
And now you know that I'm going
to be reading all your messages.
1237
01:05:02,282 --> 01:05:04,282
- No it's fine. Read it!
1238
01:05:05,030 --> 01:05:08,687
I never had password on before
until you put the password
1239
01:05:08,712 --> 01:05:11,785
on your phone so I decided to
put the password on my phone.
1240
01:05:12,179 --> 01:05:14,179
(engine rumbling)
1241
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:16,124
- So when's your next date?
1242
01:05:16,554 --> 01:05:18,163
(Hang laughs)
1243
01:05:20,109 --> 01:05:22,109
- Oh you're jealous!
1244
01:05:22,476 --> 01:05:24,476
- And so you enjoyed
spending time with him?
1245
01:05:25,632 --> 01:05:27,911
- He's interesting.
He's not that bad.
1246
01:05:27,953 --> 01:05:31,304
- No it's good. I want
you to enjoy yourself.
1247
01:05:31,921 --> 01:05:34,850
I. . yeah, I. . I. .
1248
01:05:35,327 --> 01:05:37,327
So do you want to
have sex with him?
1249
01:05:37,546 --> 01:05:39,874
- See. . See. . That's
why I hate going on a date
1250
01:05:39,913 --> 01:05:42,506
'cause it's going to
make you feel really weird.
1251
01:05:43,234 --> 01:05:45,236
- No! I'm fine with
you going on a date.
1252
01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:46,371
You've been on many dates.
1253
01:05:46,577 --> 01:05:49,731
It's just that this is a guy I
don't feel comfortable about and
1254
01:05:49,942 --> 01:05:51,942
so I'm worried about you.
1255
01:05:51,982 --> 01:05:52,991
But the thing is that you get
1256
01:05:53,003 --> 01:05:54,524
jealous and you
get turned on by it.
1257
01:05:54,549 --> 01:05:56,346
I don't get so
turned on by it.
1258
01:05:56,631 --> 01:05:57,783
I know.
1259
01:05:58,374 --> 01:06:01,155
No I get jealous but
like it's only when like. .
1260
01:06:01,288 --> 01:06:04,952
I get jealous emotionally but
when you have like physical,
1261
01:06:05,046 --> 01:06:07,350
it's not that much
but I hate it, like when
1262
01:06:07,374 --> 01:06:10,308
you get like emotionally
involved with bitches.
1263
01:06:10,350 --> 01:06:12,818
Well you're emotionally involved
with these guys you're dating.
1264
01:06:12,842 --> 01:06:14,711
You're starting to like
them, you're talking to them.
1265
01:06:14,736 --> 01:06:17,868
No but you said, remember
last time you were like,
1266
01:06:17,881 --> 01:06:20,482
you would rather
me be emotionally
1267
01:06:20,494 --> 01:06:22,668
involved than
physically involved.
1268
01:06:23,108 --> 01:06:24,310
- For you?
- Yeah.
1269
01:06:24,335 --> 01:06:27,508
Yeah but you wanna have sex
with him too so when you do. .
1270
01:06:27,533 --> 01:06:29,976
I didn't say I want to. I said
"I'll consider it, I'll see. "
1271
01:06:30,001 --> 01:06:31,089
Hang on, hang on.
1272
01:06:31,117 --> 01:06:34,017
I'm not allowed to get
emotionally involved.
1273
01:06:34,182 --> 01:06:36,072
But you first get
emotionally involved
1274
01:06:36,097 --> 01:06:37,946
and then you have
sex so you get both.
1275
01:06:38,046 --> 01:06:40,751
Right? And I can't have. .
- No.
1276
01:06:41,433 --> 01:06:43,966
I don't know, I said I
don't know yet. So. .
1277
01:06:44,246 --> 01:06:45,816
It can't be guaranteed.
1278
01:06:46,267 --> 01:06:47,314
Alright sweetie,
1279
01:06:47,327 --> 01:06:48,745
I'm going to go. .
- Ok baby.
1280
01:06:48,770 --> 01:06:50,497
- and deal with my
jealousy and then
1281
01:06:50,522 --> 01:06:51,874
I have to wake up early.
- Goodnight.
1282
01:06:52,081 --> 01:06:55,255
Oh! I hate for you to
be jealous too much.
1283
01:06:55,582 --> 01:06:57,797
It fucks around with
you head that's why I. .
1284
01:06:57,821 --> 01:06:58,881
No, it's ok.
1285
01:06:58,923 --> 01:07:00,626
That's why it's barely
for me to go on a date.
1286
01:07:01,359 --> 01:07:02,399
{\an8}(phone rings)
1287
01:07:02,623 --> 01:07:04,303
{\an8}- Hello.
- Hey sweetie.
1288
01:07:04,477 --> 01:07:05,477
- Ok ok.
1289
01:07:06,621 --> 01:07:08,513
Baby, baby.
1290
01:07:08,544 --> 01:07:11,727
Can't use camera because
the volume is going to go out.
1291
01:07:11,751 --> 01:07:12,751
I'm at work.
1292
01:07:13,124 --> 01:07:15,244
Ok you want me to
turn off my camera?
1293
01:07:15,634 --> 01:07:16,634
- Yeah.
1294
01:07:18,411 --> 01:07:20,015
I'm here. Ok.
1295
01:07:20,042 --> 01:07:24,113
- Here's my thing. I just feel
insecure that you want to go
1296
01:07:24,138 --> 01:07:27,078
have sex with someone because
you don't enjoy the sex with me.
1297
01:07:28,601 --> 01:07:30,960
- Not that.
- So what is it?
1298
01:07:30,985 --> 01:07:35,434
- I told you, I wanna see how
it feels and you don't listen.
1299
01:07:35,788 --> 01:07:38,655
I just wanna see how
is the sex, that's it.
1300
01:07:39,539 --> 01:07:42,867
- And that’s fine, I want
you to be in a place where
1301
01:07:43,405 --> 01:07:45,426
you and I are both
comfortable with you doing it.
1302
01:07:45,451 --> 01:07:47,046
And I don't want
to control you at all.
1303
01:07:47,071 --> 01:07:48,167
- Yeah.
- But Hang. .
1304
01:07:48,208 --> 01:07:49,539
- That's why I tell you.
1305
01:07:49,585 --> 01:07:52,356
- But then you see. . see
when this stuff comes up
1306
01:07:52,381 --> 01:07:55,444
then I need to tell
you about things that
1307
01:07:56,038 --> 01:07:58,614
I feel in the
relationship which. .
1308
01:07:58,638 --> 01:08:00,371
- We can't deal with this.
1309
01:08:00,637 --> 01:08:02,533
Can't do this when
you're there and I'm here
1310
01:08:02,598 --> 01:08:05,119
and then we just talk on
the phone. Like, yeah. .
1311
01:08:05,684 --> 01:08:06,684
(Hang sniffs)
1312
01:08:06,727 --> 01:08:07,767
(Dhruv sighs)
1313
01:08:09,321 --> 01:08:10,321
(birdsong)
1314
01:08:11,106 --> 01:08:14,313
(soft music)
1315
01:08:17,609 --> 01:08:19,615
- [Manjula] If you're going
to get into dillying, dallying,
1316
01:08:19,635 --> 01:08:21,417
and open relationships,
your kids are going to
1317
01:08:21,442 --> 01:08:23,193
get fucked up, and
everything else is.
1318
01:08:23,218 --> 01:08:24,910
You're going to
fuck your lives up.
1319
01:08:24,935 --> 01:08:26,129
Frankly speaking.
1320
01:08:26,751 --> 01:08:28,933
- If I love you,
then he is a pimp.
1321
01:08:28,958 --> 01:08:31,215
- If any man was to tolerate
1322
01:08:31,239 --> 01:08:35,201
his wife having an
affair with someone,
1323
01:08:37,641 --> 01:08:40,834
and I go have sex with another
person I don't. . love you?
1324
01:08:41,633 --> 01:08:44,790
- How do you describe
loving someone then?
1325
01:09:10,197 --> 01:09:12,096
- So to have to
accept that you are
1326
01:09:12,121 --> 01:09:14,253
going to sleep with
someone else is. .
1327
01:09:15,353 --> 01:09:17,727
It made me realise what
is awful about masculinity.
1328
01:09:17,753 --> 01:09:19,175
It's that we always
create this idea around
1329
01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:20,814
masculinity that you
have to be dominant,
1330
01:09:20,839 --> 01:09:23,160
you can't be submissive to
someone else enjoying something.
1331
01:09:23,380 --> 01:09:26,708
And so much peace actually
comes when you're just. .
1332
01:09:27,141 --> 01:09:28,868
trying to be less
dominant always.
1333
01:09:28,892 --> 01:09:30,618
I was just so much
more at peace after
1334
01:09:30,643 --> 01:09:32,570
I just. . finally just
came to terms with it.
1335
01:09:32,812 --> 01:09:34,260
And it was nothing,
it was not like
1336
01:09:34,285 --> 01:09:36,004
a big thought that
came or anything.
1337
01:09:37,166 --> 01:09:39,332
It was just. . 10
minutes ago I was pissed
1338
01:09:39,357 --> 01:09:41,292
and in the next 10
minutes I was just free.
1339
01:09:41,317 --> 01:09:44,908
I was just. . light and new and
I don't know what happened.
1340
01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:48,246
I get it, like, it's been
four years you've
1341
01:09:48,271 --> 01:09:50,628
been in the same
relationship with me, you. .
1342
01:09:50,664 --> 01:09:52,998
It's completely
natural to wanna. .
1343
01:09:53,575 --> 01:09:54,799
try something
with someone else.
1344
01:09:54,824 --> 01:09:59,978
That's a completely natural
human impulse and you're not
1345
01:10:00,003 --> 01:10:02,384
cheating on me or anything,
you're telling me so it's fine.
1346
01:10:05,950 --> 01:10:09,613
And I understand that there's
an emotional connection too and
1347
01:10:09,637 --> 01:10:12,460
whatever. . that's. .
you need that so. .
1348
01:10:12,501 --> 01:10:14,462
Emotional connection
I don't know,
1349
01:10:14,487 --> 01:10:18,466
it's not lovey-dovey,
not like us.
1350
01:10:23,234 --> 01:10:25,277
(hum of car) Not like us.
1351
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:31,057
(upbeat music)
1352
01:10:35,025 --> 01:10:36,305
(Manjula laughs)
1353
01:10:39,437 --> 01:10:40,437
(indistinct)
1354
01:10:46,505 --> 01:10:48,438
- [Dhruv] Okay that
was looking good.
1355
01:10:53,803 --> 01:10:55,995
How was that?
- [Dhruv] Very nice. Very nice.
1356
01:10:56,017 --> 01:10:58,210
[Manjula] See, I don't
understand this whole
1357
01:10:58,235 --> 01:11:00,706
sexual evolution
that's taken place.
1358
01:11:01,636 --> 01:11:02,860
I don't understand it.
1359
01:11:03,149 --> 01:11:05,688
I don't understand how people
can have multiple partners and
1360
01:11:05,697 --> 01:11:08,769
enjoy sex out of. .
with multiple partners.
1361
01:11:08,794 --> 01:11:11,710
With me, you've got to
be in love with that person.
1362
01:11:12,076 --> 01:11:13,199
Yeah?
1363
01:11:13,224 --> 01:11:15,365
There has to be a
very strong chemistry
1364
01:11:15,390 --> 01:11:16,866
to be able to enjoy it.
1365
01:11:17,374 --> 01:11:18,374
And. .
1366
01:11:22,875 --> 01:11:24,548
I don't think I would. .
1367
01:11:24,573 --> 01:11:26,620
Up to here, I
cannot think about it.
1368
01:11:27,757 --> 01:11:29,555
To even think
about things like this.
1369
01:11:29,587 --> 01:11:32,333
But even when I was
younger, I never. .
1370
01:11:32,357 --> 01:11:34,028
I never thought about it.
1371
01:11:43,193 --> 01:11:44,935
I mean, we all
fantasized about it.
1372
01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:46,584
You know, my friends and I.
1373
01:11:46,609 --> 01:11:51,061
We'd all say, "Ha ha, before we
are 40 we must have an affair!"
1374
01:11:51,493 --> 01:11:53,240
We always said
that kind of rubbish.
1375
01:11:54,622 --> 01:11:57,887
I think when we saw these movies
where these women have these
1376
01:11:57,912 --> 01:12:00,072
affairs and we said, "Lucky. "
1377
01:12:00,110 --> 01:12:01,110
Like. .
1378
01:12:01,420 --> 01:12:02,781
Gosh, which was that movie?
1379
01:12:02,806 --> 01:12:04,361
Bridges of Madison County.
1380
01:12:06,764 --> 01:12:08,789
If that oldie can
have why can't we?
1381
01:12:10,282 --> 01:12:13,444
But it was just silly girl
talk, but never, never, never,
1382
01:12:13,469 --> 01:12:14,723
thought about
it even seriously.
1383
01:12:14,748 --> 01:12:16,164
Not once.
1384
01:12:17,556 --> 01:12:19,538
- After speaking to you today,
1385
01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,818
Yeah, I've come to
terms with a lot more of it-
1386
01:12:25,188 --> 01:12:28,584
So I can get rid of this guilt
that I've been carrying on my. .
1387
01:12:28,609 --> 01:12:31,433
this thing that. . it's
the reason that you
1388
01:12:31,450 --> 01:12:32,875
are not ready to
commit is because of
1389
01:12:32,899 --> 01:12:34,983
the bad marriage
that you saw at home.
1390
01:12:38,874 --> 01:12:40,524
- You can get rid
of that guilt, yes.
1391
01:12:42,790 --> 01:12:44,439
You should get rid
of that guilt anyway.
1392
01:12:44,750 --> 01:12:45,798
You shouldn't have that guilt.
1393
01:12:45,853 --> 01:12:48,287
But you guys throw it at
me at the slightest instance.
1394
01:12:49,005 --> 01:12:50,398
Dash threw it at me
the other day also. .
1395
01:12:50,423 --> 01:12:52,872
And I was actually
seriously thinking. .
1396
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,236
of writing to you two,
1397
01:12:55,261 --> 01:12:59,699
and saying, don't make
a parody out of something
1398
01:12:59,724 --> 01:13:03,190
that was a very- which were
very painful moments for me.
1399
01:13:03,242 --> 01:13:05,854
If our marriage was bad,
it was very painful for me.
1400
01:13:10,488 --> 01:13:12,962
- No we know that and I
think that deep down inside
1401
01:13:12,987 --> 01:13:14,832
we also feel bad about that.
1402
01:13:15,364 --> 01:13:19,248
and to anesthetize that guilt
maybe we've thrown stuff around.
1403
01:13:19,281 --> 01:13:21,370
I mean I'll also say
that, the truth is that, yup,
1404
01:13:21,370 --> 01:13:25,029
children that have
seen bad marriages do. .
1405
01:13:25,053 --> 01:13:26,989
have issues with getting
married themselves,
1406
01:13:27,013 --> 01:13:28,312
but you have to overcome that,
1407
01:13:28,336 --> 01:13:30,016
and we've both done that.
1408
01:13:30,408 --> 01:13:33,233
Dash has done it in his way and
I'm doing it in my way, and. .
1409
01:13:38,115 --> 01:13:39,860
And so you can let
go of that now because
1410
01:13:39,885 --> 01:13:42,378
all that's in the
past, it's done.
1411
01:13:45,412 --> 01:13:47,163
(she sniffs,
clears her throat)
1412
01:13:47,187 --> 01:13:48,867
I promise you that, ok?
1413
01:13:48,968 --> 01:13:52,482
We'll let this day
put that all behind us.
1414
01:13:53,069 --> 01:13:55,296
And you're going to organize
two great weddings sometime.
1415
01:13:55,321 --> 01:13:57,244
One you're already organising.
1416
01:14:04,497 --> 01:14:05,857
(engine rumbling)
1417
01:14:09,853 --> 01:14:15,028
(dance music) (applause)
1418
01:14:56,436 --> 01:14:58,561
- How come you made the
decision to be monogamous?
1419
01:14:59,218 --> 01:15:02,042
How come I made? I've been
monogamous for the last. .
1420
01:15:02,066 --> 01:15:03,211
four years.
1421
01:15:03,866 --> 01:15:05,963
It'll be four years
on Christmas day.
1422
01:15:06,892 --> 01:15:07,914
You know?
- Yeah.
1423
01:15:07,939 --> 01:15:09,716
- So it's not like a decision,
1424
01:15:09,740 --> 01:15:14,792
it's just like an evolution. You
know? Of man, that you start
1425
01:15:14,817 --> 01:15:18,229
with a wide range when you're
a teenager and you're young,
1426
01:15:18,948 --> 01:15:20,674
and you're full of
come and stuff like that.
1427
01:15:20,698 --> 01:15:22,655
And It just starts
narrowing the field down.
1428
01:15:23,034 --> 01:15:25,052
You know? And as you
get more hair on your back
1429
01:15:25,077 --> 01:15:28,043
and on your ears and less
on your head, you know?
1430
01:15:28,085 --> 01:15:30,301
Your options and
things like that change.
1431
01:15:31,102 --> 01:15:32,102
You know?
1432
01:15:32,156 --> 01:15:35,371
So you start focusing all your
time and energy on one person.
1433
01:15:36,193 --> 01:15:38,662
You know? So
it's. . And then you,
1434
01:15:38,686 --> 01:15:40,343
by the time you
realize it, it's a bit late.
1435
01:15:40,500 --> 01:15:41,500
(laughs)
1436
01:15:42,624 --> 01:15:45,606
{\an8}- Biologically, we are not
prepared for monogamy.
1437
01:15:45,631 --> 01:15:50,966
{\an8}Monogamy is a very difficult
thing to do biologically.
1438
01:15:50,990 --> 01:15:52,607
{\an8}It's not natural
for human beings.
1439
01:15:53,094 --> 01:15:55,666
Whereas our culture
tells us that monogamy
1440
01:15:55,691 --> 01:15:57,030
is something we should do.
1441
01:15:57,045 --> 01:16:00,344
This is a very good example
I think of the conflict between
1442
01:16:00,363 --> 01:16:02,494
our biology and our culture.
1443
01:16:02,823 --> 01:16:05,676
So I think it's useful
to look at both sides.
1444
01:16:05,701 --> 01:16:10,097
But to do it in both
cases with honesty,
1445
01:16:10,122 --> 01:16:14,100
rather than a predisposition
based on religion
1446
01:16:14,469 --> 01:16:16,493
or on what your parents
may have told you.
1447
01:16:16,682 --> 01:16:20,155
I think we need to look
honestly and straightforwardly.
1448
01:16:20,180 --> 01:16:23,277
There are pay offs,
there are liabilities, too.
1449
01:16:23,302 --> 01:16:24,722
And once people
know both of them,
1450
01:16:24,746 --> 01:16:26,405
then let them make
up their own mind.
1451
01:16:26,430 --> 01:16:31,952
{\an8}I think human beings are. .
have certainly a drive to
1452
01:16:31,977 --> 01:16:33,862
{\an8}connect with an
intimate other and to
1453
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,132
{\an8}maintain that
relationship over time.
1454
01:16:36,406 --> 01:16:40,459
They also have the
impulse to engage
1455
01:16:40,484 --> 01:16:42,706
in sexual experimentation.
1456
01:16:42,820 --> 01:16:45,424
And. . we're constantly torn.
1457
01:16:45,457 --> 01:16:46,632
And some couples will make
1458
01:16:46,657 --> 01:16:49,481
a decision that
it's worth the pain,
1459
01:16:50,162 --> 01:16:53,307
in order to have the open
relationship and others will
1460
01:16:53,332 --> 01:16:57,226
decide it's worth the repression
in order not to feel the pain.
1461
01:16:57,233 --> 01:16:58,254
(she laughs)
1462
01:16:58,258 --> 01:17:00,258
(drumming)
1463
01:17:33,502 --> 01:17:35,769
(drumming fades
out) (gentle music)
1464
01:17:38,242 --> 01:17:43,768
♪ I have tied this
thread with you my love ♪
1465
01:17:43,793 --> 01:17:48,929
♪ I could never be
separated from you ♪
1466
01:17:49,476 --> 01:17:54,406
♪ Love on paper
holds no worth ♪
1467
01:17:55,188 --> 01:17:57,423
♪ And when I'm
tied to your heart,
1468
01:17:57,448 --> 01:18:00,540
there is no way to
measure this love ♪
1469
01:18:00,753 --> 01:18:03,470
♪ Let the world
say whatever. . ♪
1470
01:18:03,495 --> 01:18:06,341
♪ But I'll never find
anyone like you ♪
1471
01:18:07,301 --> 01:18:13,747
- I am blessed that God has
let me witness this great day.
1472
01:18:18,380 --> 01:18:21,967
- [Dhruv] There are times when I
feel that Hang may love me less,
1473
01:18:21,992 --> 01:18:24,579
because I don't want
to be monogamous.
1474
01:18:25,198 --> 01:18:28,027
And I actually think that when
someone wants to be monogamous
1475
01:18:28,052 --> 01:18:31,497
to you, it does make you feel
more loved and more special.
1476
01:18:32,906 --> 01:18:37,055
And being that special someone
to someone matters to us.
1477
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:42,855
And even if it is true that a
monogamous relationship shares
1478
01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:46,420
a deeper love than a non
monogamous one, I'm willing to
1479
01:18:46,445 --> 01:18:49,720
trade that in exchange for being
able to experience my sexuality
1480
01:18:49,745 --> 01:18:51,104
and passion with others.
1481
01:18:59,421 --> 01:19:00,941
My greatest fear. .
1482
01:19:02,109 --> 01:19:03,109
was. .
1483
01:19:05,348 --> 01:19:06,348
that. .
1484
01:19:07,513 --> 01:19:10,502
you would die before me and I
would have to live without you.
1485
01:19:15,869 --> 01:19:18,193
- If I ever die before you. .
1486
01:19:19,080 --> 01:19:20,760
I think it's beautiful.
1487
01:19:25,734 --> 01:19:30,567
Rather than seeing
you walk away.
1488
01:19:42,343 --> 01:19:44,543
- Your fears of
me leaving you. .
1489
01:19:45,546 --> 01:19:48,543
and my fears of
you leaving me. .
1490
01:19:51,022 --> 01:19:52,022
(sniffs)
1491
01:20:07,623 --> 01:20:09,595
(soft music)
109388
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