All language subtitles for Why Knot [2016]

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(rain pouring)

I don't believe in
open relationships.

If it's called a relationship,
then it's not open.

How can you be dating
someone and then

fucking around with
some other one?

- How are love and sex

with someone else connected?

Well. .

- I mean, are you trying
to tell me that if I love you

and I go and have sex

with another person,
I don't love you?

How do you describe
loving someone then?

(she clears her throat)

(soft music)

[Dhruv] Yeah, I'm
scared of monogamy.

Just as anyone is
scared of going to jail.

Of having their physical freedom
curtailed, having my sexual and

emotional freedom
curtailed scares me, yes.

Why is it that I'm
asking this question?

Why is it that I
have this fear?

So why am I so promiscuous?

[Dr. Barash] Sexual attraction
and excitation is a mechanism,

it's a trick, really.

Not necessarily a bad trick,
but it's certainly a trick,

whereby evolution gets
us to do those things

and contribute to our
success and more precisely,

the success of our genes.

(kissing noises) (cymbals)

Huh?

Even as individuals may
be inclined to engage in other

sexual relationships for
their own reproductive benefit,

not that they're thinking of
it for reproductive benefit,

they may be simply attracted to
the concept without even knowing

that their genes
have another agenda.

I think people need to realize
that if they feel a biologically

mandated inclination
to be interested in

a sexual relationship
with someone else,

that doesn't mean that
they don't love their partner.

It doesn't mean that
they're not good people.

It doesn't mean they're
somehow inhuman.

Quite the opposite. It may mean
that they're very, very human.

Then you have to decide
what you want to do about it.

(soft music)

[Dr. Ray]In an open environment
that hunter gatherers lived in,

there's no way to control
somebody's sexuality.

So how do you stay monogamous?

Thhe woman is supplying
60-70% of the calories,

for the family, that's a
pretty big contribution.

The man is off hunting
protein with other men.

Then she's got
a lot of freedom.

- [Dr. Ryan] When women
have direct access to the food,

the security, the
healthcare and so on

that they need,
what you find is

women who are autonomous,
happy, have a very high status

in terms of their political
decision making power,

and who are
very free sexually.

[Dr. Ray] This idea that hunter
gatherers could be monogamous is

kind of laughable
on the face of it.

Until the societies
become pastoral,

herders, or farmers.

Then things really
start changing.

(phone rings)

[Dhruv] Hey Ma!

- How are you? Can you see me?

No. . I can't.

- Okay now?

Choose front camera.

- Now! (laughs)

I got a call from
somebody saying look. .

you have an eligible son,
she has an eligible daughter.

So, I can get both
these girls to come up

around that time and
you can meet them both.

- Isn't it a bit of a long
shot to be calling them

out there to meet me
while I'm in a relationship?

- So that's what
you need to tell us,

that if you're in
a relationship,

are you in a
serious relationship?

- Well I can't say if
it's serious or not yet

but it's definitely not
at that point where

I'm just like, oh yeah
this is just a. . fling thing.

I had a chat with her as well,

just to get an idea
of where she is.

I'm not going to. . sort of
be two faced about this.

- So, think about
it and let me know

and then I can
tell these parents.

I don't know where
you're going with Hannah.

You know you also have
to think about your future,

you have to think
about settling down.

- Ma, do you
really think I'm that

old school arranged
marriage type?

- Ok then. Then
I will. . Just. .

say to them that uh. .

- Yeah, just tell the truth.

That he's seeing
someone right now.

- No I won't say anything
about seeing someone.

- No you must! The
truth is the best thing.

So have you ever cheated
on any of your boyfriends?

Nope.

I'm a good girl.

That's why, like you
know what, in a relationship

I am patient.

I am good.

I don't do bad things.

When I walk out of your life,
it's your fault, not my fault

I have no regret when I actually
walk out of someone's life.

And yeah sometimes I
look at you and I say. .

I don't know why.

- Why what?

I don't know why I. .

with you and stuff. I
was like, that's so weird.

You don't expect
the person to be

with you forever
but at the moment. .

Whatever's mine is mine.

(sirens in distance)

[Dhruv]After we had
the first discussion,

Hang did make it clear that. .

she doesn't believe
in open relationships,

and I responded
to that by saying,

"Well. . that I'll respect
that, and I won't do it then. "

After that period,

I felt that, "Okay, I think

this relationship has
also got its shelf life, then. "

And then Hang opened up

the discussion again
a few months later,

and suggested we
go to a swinger's club.

- You know, I've
been thinking. . a lot.

So. . how to find
the best way. .

to make me feel comfortable.

What did you Google?

Vancouver swinger club.

- What?

Vancouver swinger club.

Have you ever done this with
any of your other boyfriends?

(she shakes her head)

Not even think about it.

- Don't you think
you'd get jealous

seeing me with someone else?

- No, before I did,
before I got really jealous.

But no, not anymore.

Well, I will get jealous. .

If there's some
secrets out there.

(tense music)

But if there's no secret
then there's no jealous.

I love watching.

(indistinct chatter)
- Should we do it baby?

(club music)

Yeah you just need to sign in.

(kissing noises)

I think about the other
couple and they were. .

they are together
for 14 years,

and I think that
is really amazing.

And how they maintain
their relationship.

And how they have fun!

So I think, maybe
you just accept. .

the reality, you
cannot expect. .

the person to be with you

the rest of their life without

like having fun outside.

And you talk about monogamy. .

I think if you have a little
fun outside of that area,

it makes monogamy
more bearable. . is it?

But. .

It doesn't mean that you
go fuck around like that. .

- I know. I know.
It just- It just-

It means I don't feel
trapped any more.

It just means that if it
happens, I don't have to

go into major fucking
depression and guilt and. .

and start tearing
my life apart about it.

And tearing yours.

(phone rings)

- Happy birthday with
love from your mummy!

- Thank you, Ma. Thank you.

Thirty three huh!

Three and three
is thirty three!

(music plays over speakers)

- The discussion is going on

about the date for
Dash's marriage.

- Hm.

- We're talking basically of
the winter, this coming winter.

- Ok.

- Ok.

- Hang says that she is
willing to do make-up and hair.

- Oh that's so sweet!

- She's good. Doing good.
How is your girlfriend?

- Where is she?

- Uh. . she's uh. .
in the kitchen.

She stayed over last night.

- So she's living with you?

- Yeah. . for 4 or
5 days in the week.

- So this means that
you've become a couple?

- Yeah.

- So if that's the case then
make a decision and get married.

Get married along
with your brother.

- Why?

No, no. We'll talk about
all this when I get there.

You guys can explain all to
me why we should get married.

And then you can. .
compare me to my brother.

Who's made the
good choice in life.

(indistinct)

So did Dad turn up with
a card or flowers then?

- Nothing. .
utterly shameless.

Did you get anything?

- No why should I get
him? He should get me.

Listen to me Dhruv. . Ok!

Four years ago he let
me down very badly.

And he promised
to make things ok.

And he hasn't made things ok.

The only way to make things
ok is to pamper me, to spoil me.

Two days in the year is not
a very big thing to ask for.

(grunts)

No, when I get
there we'll talk.

Let me just get
there and talk.

- Bye! - Bye, see ya.
- Ok. - Ok jee.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- A few weeks earlier,
Hang had got out on a date

with a guy that she met
while I was out of town, and. .

on this night I
was alone at home

wondering if she was
out with him again.

And yeah, I mean
I was jealous, but

I never stopped
her from seeing him.

And I was actually more worried
that by leaving the door open in

the relationship, she would
find a monogamous man

and eventually leave me.

And meanwhile, I began to text
a girl that I was intimate with

during my last trip to Dubai.

But Hang had asked
me for the password

to my computer
and my phone and. .

I gave it to her in the
spirit of being honest

and open within
the relationship.

(quiet music)

- What did you find that was
sexual in my mails to her?

I read a while ago, a
long time, I don't know. .

You want to look at
her brown breasts.

- I always joke
about that with her.

And she's been
teasing you with those

kinds of frickin' pictures.
- No! She never. .

Babe, I know her,
she'll never send it.

Did you see anything?

Yeah I saw, she's been
teasing you, that's why.

- You talk about it and. .
You said I can do what I want.

But can I? I can't even
write emails, based on your. .

And to be honest there's
no woman in the world

that actually. .

just, yeah baby go
have sex with her. No!

(suitcase zipping)

(suitcases clattering)

(kissing noises)

Have a safe flight baby.

- I love you.
- Love you too.

(she sighs)

(soft music)

(greeting)

(dogs barking) Hi.

Mmh, hello.

(dogs barking)

Good to see you.

I was born in India,

and my parents moved to Dubai
in 1980, just a year after.

And so I grew up
there, under Sharia Law.

Magazines, or
books, or just posters.

Anything which contained an
image of a female body which

revealed shoulder,
or the waistline,

or even the back
of women's legs.

That used to be blackened out.

And I remember we
would go into the bathroom

and we would hold up
the pages to the tube lights

to try and penetrate
that oppressive black ink.

I didn't even know what
sex was until 13 or 14, really.

How it happened.

I was one of the few
guys in my school who was

lucky to have a
girlfriend, I mean. .

Many of my friends
didn't lose their virginity

until much later.

I mean, I even lost
it relatively late at 17,

but I'd started kissing

and hooking up with
girls at around 14.

- Oh that's irritating!

Dhruv, you drink!

(chanting) -
Drink, drink, drink!

(cheers)

I wanna say that, I wanna. .

I never wanna be ashamed of

anything I've
done, my whole life.

I wanna be glad I've done it. .
- Obviously Dhruv.

I wanna have
no regrets in life.

Did you ever cheat on me?

- Um. .

I did.

Really?

Did something just
happen to that camera?

(camera clanking)

Who?

When?

- It was. . this
girl in Bombay.

Oh.

What did you do?

I slept with her.

Were we still together then?

Mm hmm. (Hannah gasps)

So maybe I should have
been worried about you?

- And to be honest, I never
even contemplated telling you.

Wow!

That would have
killed me if I had

known that at the
time, oh my God!

- It would, wouldn't it?
- Oh my God!

- It would have messed with us.
- Yeah. That's not. .

- And the last year
we had together.

And me. And like, the way
I thought about people and

that would have affected
actually everything

past that point as well.

I do see a lot of change.

It's just maybe because
we're meeting after a long time.

But you, yeah you're
quite an asshole!

Just. . using them.

I thought you were a
very terrible person, lying-

lying to them and doing
things behind their back.

Because obviously you wouldn't
be open about those things.

You can't be. They are
not accepted, widely.

Widely over a
certain section they

will not be accepted
and you will. .

that will backfire
and you know that.

So that's also the reason
you don't commit because

then your conscience is clear.

So anything, tomorrow,
if someone just says wife,

someone. .

one of the women,
if she confronts

you about what
you've been doing,

you have it safe
by saying, but we're

not in a committed
relationship.

So. . yeah.

So you've got that
sorted out pretty well.

So. .

Technically you're correct.

Principally also
you're correct.

But you on a basic
human level, you know. .

I think that's incorrect.

[Deepak] Man throws
wife from balcony.

(laughs)

Tossing, tossing. .

(both laugh)

You can't do with them,
you can't do without them.

- So then why are you
getting your son married?

(they laugh)

I know.

(he laughs)

One son is too smart.

(dance music)

- This is not working with the
music. The beat is different.

- Ah ah ah!

So that we can start
talking about it, but Dhruvy

seriously now when do
you want to get married son?

and discussing it and. .

- We're talking about it now.

Planning it and
finding a venue.

We'll do Langkawi.

Answer my question
and leave the camera!

Leave it for some time!

(laughter)

- Listen to your nana!

Now tell me, we
are really serious.

Serious in the
sense that you have

to respond
positively and tell us. .

when you are getting married?

The time is ripe. There
won't be another chance.

- But why do people
get married grandad?

- People marry to build the
family legacy and lineage.

Name. Family name. Successors!

- Family tree.

- I can do that anyway. So
what's the need for marriage?

- Your children
born out of wedlock

And I hope you are not going to
are called "harami" (bastards)

give birth to some
harami (bastard) children.

- Daddy! What's
wrong with you?

I'm just trying to explain
why he should get married.

- Do you know
what monogamy is?

Monotony?

- No, monogamy.

No, I don't know. Could
you explain it to me.

So monogamy is
the word where. .

which basically
stipulates that. .

where you are sexually
exclusive with one person only.

You are intimate
only with one person.

I was not sure if I could
be faithful to this vow.

For the rest of my life.
With just one person.

I don't want to be sexually
exclusive with just one woman.

Oh! You mean you
cannot be one woman man.

Men. .

By nature. .

By nature, man is polygamous.

- The relationship
that I'm trying to build

with my girlfriend is an
open-ish relationship. .

Not that I, everyday, I'm
with someone else. No.

But in a year,
once or twice. .

If occasional departures
from monogamy. .

Is what I felt
would make me feel

comfortable with the
idea of marrying them

and just being
with one person.

But she doesn't know that
you are going to the other.

- She does.
- She does?

And she tolerates it?

- We are working it
out, we are trying to. .

No. . That is my
main question now.

If she accepts it. .

with happiness.

Without creating
problems in day-to-day life.

Then she is the best woman.

Then she is the best woman.

And I will advise you. .

not to part with her.

Vice versa.

If you have a woman
who tells you like that. .

"I want to be with
another man tonight. "

"Would you allow me to do it?"

- I. . Now I would, I
would allow Hang to do it

because I want the
same thing in my life.

But it would take
me a lot of time,

it would have taken
me years to get

to this point to be
able to. . say that-

No you can never.

You can never.

No man will tolerate. .

Flirting with some
other, his wife. .

having an affair with someone.

No man can tolerate.

If any man
knowingly tolerates it

and is fully aware of it,

Then he is not of manhood.

He is a pimp.

- Ok.

And if I told you that I wanted,
I was ready to get married

and I was in a relationship,
but the vow of sexual fidelity

might not be there
in our marriage,

how would you react to that?

You know, it's your life
and it's your decision,

but I would just
advise you that Dhruv,

then you're asking
for a lot of pain.

Sexual fidelity is a
basic tenet of marriage.

You can't break that.

You can't.

You can't want to
revolutionize marriage.

It's an institution.

(soft music)

(singing)

And in front of the fire
goddess, you are taking

I accept you for all of my
life. vow of your marriage.

As your wedded wife,

she has the right
on your heart.

Don't allow anyone to enter.

(romantic music)

(taking vows)

(indistinct chatter)

(cheers)

(fireworks exploding)

- [Dhruv] The oldest
marriage laws that I could find

dated back to about 2000 BCE.

They were found
in Mesopotamia.

During these times, a father
would marry his daughter

with these words.

"I pledge my daughter for
the purpose of producing

legitimate offspring. "

Sexual monogamy for women was
tied into the vows of marriage

so that men could be certain
of who their children are.

Wait, so you're saying marriage
is not meant to be about love?

(laughs)

No, for thousands of years,

marriage was not about love.

There were
tremendous variations.

There were every
kind of marriage from. .

one man, many women,

to one woman, several
men, to monogamy,

to ghost marriages even.

But there were two
things that marriages

through the ages
had in common.

First, they were not
about love and free choice.

They were about
making alliances.

If you were in the upper
classes, it was the way

you signed peace treaties,
made military deals.

The middle classes, it was the
way you made business mergers.

And in the lower
class, it was the way

you expanded your
family labor force.

It was not about
love and free choice.

The second theme of
marriage through the history was

that it was also about a way
of controlling young people,

and especially
controlling women.

The male obsession
with controlling women's

reproductive lives, is
an economic response

to agriculture.

Sexual monogamy became
an issue when men had property

that they wanted to pass
along to their sons, right?

That's when it becomes vitally
important that you control your

woman's sex life, in order to
make sure that no other man's

son is inheriting your property,
your sheep, your house,

your land, whatever
it is that you've spent

your life accumulating. Right?

That's why I say marriage
and sexual monogamy

is an economic issue.

It's not biological,
it's not human nature.

It's about preserving
your fortune.

(soft music)

When people first
adopted agriculture,

it made people sicker.

It put them in situations where
they began fighting over land.

So when you have agriculture,
you need to control land.

And then you need to
find out, who gets that land

after the current
occupant dies?

And you end up
with inheritance.

And then, when
you have inheritance,

you can have accumulation.

And so that
accumulation over time,

if one group's accumulating,
another group's not,

you can end up
with big inequalities.

Some males are going to
be sufficiently able to provide

a lifestyle or
economic well being

for more than one wife, and so

there will be some females who
will prefer to be a second or

third wife of a particularly

prestigious hunter
or a good farmer,

rather than being the
first wife of a not very good

hunter or a not
very good farmer.

Most societies, 90% or so. .

More than 90%, like 98%,

constrain female
sexuality in some way.

The societies that get
most bent out of shape

about any deviations
by the female,

sexually, are societies where

it's patrilineal, patrilocal.

The clan is important, there
are ancestors to be attended to.

So the more patriarchal,
patrilineal it is,

the more constraints
there are on the female.

Because you've got
to ensure the paternity,

and if you don't then. .

you don't ensure the lineage.

- So why do we have
this double standard?

Because women always know

who their children
are, and men don't.

There's this
asymmetry in the biology

which gives rise to all this.

(soft music)

- [Dhruv] Human biology
bestows women with eggs

and men with muscles.

Men eventually began to dominate
most of the resources in

agricultural societies that were
becoming more inclined towards

warfare and the
expansion of territory,

to sustain growing
populations.

(popping noises)

As the practice of hunting and
gathering faded, women gradually

lost their skills as gatherers,
and eventually became dependent

on wealthy men who demanded
virgin brides to ensure them

certainty of paternity.

After marriage, women were
expected to remain monogamous,

but men could take on as
many wives or concubines

as they could afford.

(light music)

By the 15th century, in
the Incas of South America,

each wealthy lord had a
harem of up to 700 women.

Principal persons
had 50 women.

Leaders of vassal
nations were allowed 30.

Heads of provinces, 20.

Governors of 100 people had 8,

and chiefs were only
allowed 3 women each.

The genes of poor men were
systematically weeded out.

Meanwhile, in parts of Arabia,
rich polygynous men spent lavish

evenings in harems,
while their wives could be

stoned to death
for infidelity.

In parts of South Asia, a
woman's fidelity was of such

grave concern that it was
considered honorable for a widow

to burn on her
husband's funeral pyre,

so that her sexuality
would not tempt other men.

(flames crackling)
(woman screaming)

In China, wealthy
men developed

an erotic preference
for young women

whose feet had been broken
and bound from an early age,

rendering them immobile and
probably unable to act on any

promiscuous impulses.

In parts of polygynous Africa,
the clitoris of young girls

would be cut out, and
their labia sewn shut

to ensure their virginity,

while replacing the
pleasure of sex with pain.

This brutal practice also reared
its head in the United States,

and Europe as a way
to suppress female libido.

And, in as recent as 1822,

a surgeon in Berlin
cut out the clitoris

of a teenage girl, because she
enjoyed masturbating frequently.

[Dr. Ryan] Jared Diamond said
agriculture is the worst mistake

in the history of
the human race,

and certainly from a
woman's perspective.

It was a disaster.

(bell jingling)

(reading in foreign language)

- Deepak listen
to me, you know. .

This your secretary should
do, why am I doing it?

- Falcon Associates. .

- I mean no help I
get from your office.

- Manju just leave
it then! Just leave it!

You're not understanding!

Homai has to decide
who we're inviting!

- No! Homai has
been sent two lists.

- No. It's all. . unclear, -
And she has to decide. .

- Unclear! There's
nothing unclear!

- Open the mail!
- Give clear instructions.

Open the mail and
see what is unclear. .

- Ok it's unclear I'm saying.

- No! Open the mail, I want
to see my covering mail.

- Ok, open.
- No. . open the mail!

- Manju, I don't
have the time.

- You can't make an
accusation against me

because I don't write
anything that's unclear.

- Ok, let's leave it.

- You're such an idiot really!

You know that's what you are.

- In this much time you
would have finished it!

Because all you want to do is. .
- You're not willing to admit. .

- Chew up my brains.

- Do you want
to finish it or no?

- Ya!

- Falcon Associates.

Under that Emily
Oman and Giselle. .

That's it.

I mean this is what
your secretary had to do.

She had to look at
this list and she had

to look at this list and
see what's missing.

That's all and then she
had to compile it together.

- What are you going to do
with this? You've left those!

- You don't do
anything yourself

and make me into a secretary.

It's not fair!

(object clatters)

- [Dhruv] How would you describe
our parents' relationship?

Up, down, at best.

I don't think there is
an ideal word, why?

I mean, like,
kids go through it.

I mean, we went through

some pretty weird
and bad shit, but. .

I guess some kids
had it even worse.

Right?

- It definitely turned me
off the idea of marriage,

you know, when
I was growing up.

It really really had a
big effect on me and. .

I'm amazed it didn't
have that effect on you. .

And I just wonder is it. .
what’s wrong with me?

No, I think you
use it as a crutch.

Your parents smoked and drank,
that didn't stop you or make you

averse to smoking
or drinking, right?

- [Dhruv] Yeah! Yeah!

(dog panting)

Yeah!

(bird caws)

Come on Dukester!
(phone rings)

[Dhruv] Hey!

[Hannah] I miss you baby.

Good morning! Here I am.

Someone sounds
happy today huh?

Happy birthday my love.

(kissing sounds)
Thank you baby.

I love you.

Go out for a coffee
with him, I also. .

- No. No!
- Why not?

- I don't want to.
- Just do it.

- I don't like him.

Look at me, here I
am forcing my girlfriend

to go out for a
coffee with someone.

No it's just because I
wanna feel, like I just wanna. .

- That guy. .

No, I don't like wasting my
time on that guy especially.

- Ok, fine.

Dhruv, you would be ok
if Hannah (Hang) was. .

had a physical
encounter. You'd be ok?

- Well, I'm
willing to accept it

if this is what I
want in my own life.

No, it won't work.

I mean even at this age.

He's 64, he's old. I'm 62!

But if I see him
chatting up a female

a little too long,
I'm uncomfortable.

What is the definition
of marriage, now

these things are not. .

carved in stone,
they're not static.

Marriage cannot evolve

because marriage was. .
- Not a. . not a marriage.

I'm saying the
definition of marriage.

- It cannot evolve. .
- The concept of marriage.

- It's never
evolved, it hasn't.

People have tried to change
it but it has not evolved.

- No, it has evolved.
It has evolved.

There is no evolutionary
process to marriage.

- If you go back 100
years in different societies. .

- You marry for one reason
and that's procreation.

- . Take our society.
- To procreate,

to build a family, to build
a home, to build a life. .

to have a companion, to
have children. . that's it!

And if you're
going to get into

dillying-dallying and
open relationships,

your kids are going
to get fucked up,

and everything else is. .

You're going to fuck your
lives up, frankly speaking.

- Sorry did you want
to say something?

No, I was going to ask you.

That don't you have
any sorts of things,

that you'd like to have
a family, you'd like to. .

also have children who. .
you know, you can. .

like we've enjoyed having
you and your brother. .

Don't you have those thoughts?

- I do have those thoughts,

but I am still
reconciling them.

Why do you think I
should get married?

For the same reason I got
married, for the same reason

that my father got married
and the whole world.

I mean, in our lives we
never questioned it now. .

- Monogamy is a
vow in marriage.

Is that right?

I guess so, I guess so. .

- Because that's the
only thing that scares

the shit out of me with it.

What percentage do
you think are really. .

really live by that vow?

And the truth is, you
know men, I mean

I don't know why men don't. .

but eventually. .

let's say. .

Minutes after a man has come,

the thought goes through, "What
the fuck, was is it worth it?"

You know?

I'm telling you my own thing.

I've often said, "Listen I
could have just masturbated. "

You know?

That's why I said man
is inherently I think. .

Just made that way.

But I want to comment that,

I agree that,
emotional monogamy,

emotional honesty,
emotional. .

Is more important.

(soft music)

- [Dhruv] Casual
sex at swinger clubs

wasn't really what
I was looking for.

I needed deeper and more
intimate connections with women

to enjoy the sex.

And while I was in
Dubai, I slept with the girl

that I'd been texting.

So when I flew back to
Vancouver, I had to tell Hang

because I couldn't lie to her.

Well I wasn't
enjoying it because

I was just like, shit, I. .

know that this is. .
this is something that

Hang will not like and. .

the reason I did it
also was because. .

I didn't want to have
it sitting in my head.

But. .

I'm sorry for doing it.

(Hang sniffs)

(sirens wailing)

Hm, Hang. .

Come on, talk to me. .

I give you that freedom and
sometimes I wonder like. .

even though you have
that freedom, but is it, like. .

should you just like. .

maybe I'll just keep my body
for her or something like that.

Like, do you sometimes
wonder like that?

Or are you just like,
yeah I have that freedom,

I'll just go for it.

- This is my sexual needs.

This is about me,
it's not about her.

It's about me.

Like, you're in a
relationship with me.

I lie here at night
watching porn most often,

trying to find different
porn to stimulate

my mind because I'm
just very sexually bored.

Sex life goes down
it's not because

you're getting
bored or anything,

it's because of so much
drama in the relationship,

that it's actually
torn the people apart.

(sobs)

(soft music)

(crying) Sometimes, don't you
have a feeling that is like. .

"She is more special"?

- [Manjula] Sexual fidelity
is a basic tenet of marriage.

- [Deepak] What percentage
do you think are really. .

really live by that vow?

- [Manjula] You can't want
to revolutionize marriage.

You know, it's your life,
and it's your decision,

but I would just
advise you that Dhruv,

that you're asking
for a lot of pain.

(machine whirring)

(soft music)

- [Dr. Barash] What happened
in the evolution, and again,

I use it as sort of "cultural
evolution" of monogamy,

was essentially a trade off

where a wealthy, more
powerful man agreed to forgo

some of their reproductive
advantages in return for

a degree of social stability

on the part of men who would
otherwise be really troublesome.

- One of the advantages
that monogamous

marriage institutions
have is that polygyny. .

because the richest men in
the society take extra wives.

That leaves very
few wives or no wives

for the poorest
men in society.

You have a large number of men
who essentially have no mates

for their entire lives.

So in the Middle Ages it
became a kind of social movement

to have more males be able
to get married, whereas in

a polygamous
society, they couldn't.

So in many ways, one could
say that monogamy was a force to

enable ordinary men, men who
were say less than six feet tall

or a little bit overweight,
or not exceptionally rich,

to have partners.

- [Dr. Barash] Really, the ones
who gained by monogamy is

not so much the
women but the men.

The men who would otherwise be
excluded in a harem situation.

The first step on the road
to egalitarianism in Europe

was the spread of
monogamous marriage.

Because this was the
first time that kings were

set on the same standard
as everybody else.

So they could only have
one wife and the poorest

guy in the community
could only have one wife.

And of course, you
know, the kings figured

out lots of ways
to get around this

and lots of ways to try to beat
the system, but the church was

this independent agent
that kept pushing them.

- So it was really
religion that. .

Yeah, it was religion.

And it's not
just any religion.

It's specifically
Catholic Christianity.

Well that's why the history
of the West is so interesting,

because we actually see that.

So there's Jesuit
missionaries who go to China,

and they've
convinced one Chinese

emperor to convert
to Christianity.

And he's just about
ready to do his baptism,

and then he finds out
about the monogamy thing.

And then he's like, "Whoa.

Cancel the plans
for the baptism. "

And so he didn't become
a Christian and Christianity

didn't spread, at
that point in China.

Meanwhile in Europe
they didn't have

a choice because
the church was there.

And they were converting
all the common people,

and they were delegitimizing
the leaders' children,

and the Pope
was writing letters

and century after century forced
these guys to come into line,

because their sons
couldn't inherit if they didn't.

- [Dhruv] Monogamy
was recognized

for its egalitarian advantages

by the ancient Romans
and the Greeks,

well before the
birth of Christianity.

It's just that they
were not very good

at practicing what
they preached.

In 325 CE, monogamy
was declared a law

in Christianity at the
Council of Nicaea.

But it took the Catholic church
another 400 years to convert

Europe from being
polygynous to monogamous.

By the 7th century, most of
Europe had abolished polygyny,

and as Christian values
spread with colonialism

and the Westernization
of the world,

other non-Islamic countries
also began to outlaw polygyny.

(popping and booming noises)

(soft music)

However, married men
could still sleep around

without much repercussion,
right up until the 1960's.

(indistinct chatter)

But the second half
of the 20th century

ushered in a new
era of equal rights,

and the women's rights movement
finally began to gain momentum.

- [Narrator] These marching
people were not merely voters to

Franklin Roosevelt,
they were human beings.

- [Dhruv] Women started
to regain their independence

and demanded equal
treatment on various fronts.

(Crowd chanting) Equal Pay!

I say "Equal" you say "Pay!"

- [Dhruv] The movement spread
to other parts of the world,

and by the mid 1970s,

most democratic nations
began to recognize

marriage as a legal union
between two equal citizens.

Male infidelity now became
firm grounds for divorce.

Laws were changed to make
men liable to pay alimony

and child support, and
both husband and wife

were now expected to
remain monogamous.

- [Dr. Ryan] We came to a
point in western society where

we had to choose
either to. . allow women

to have the same
freedom that men

had always enjoyed, which is
yes, you've got your marriage,

you've got your family, but
you can play around as long as

you're discreet and
don't do anything

that's going to
hurt the family.

Or, we force men
into the same trap

that women had been
in for thousands of years.

And in the 60's, it sort of
split, and people went in two

different directions, but the
society as a whole has sort of

moved towards
saying, "No, men have

to follow the same
rules that women have. .

been forced into
for all this time. "

But that's what's
lead us to this crisis

that we're at now
with monogamy.

(soft music)

(train rumbling)

- [Dhruv] There's this huge
breach that's taken place

with the Ashley Madison site.

Half the people on there are
from the UN, White House,

Bank of America,
and they've used all

their actual corporate
email addresses.

See, some of this is
Sony, people at Sony.

University of Texas.

This is Bank of America,

all the email addresses
at Bank of America.

The Ashley Madison
thing used to be,

life is short, have an affair.

Now people are
saying it should be

life is short,
get an attorney.

(Hang laughs)

- [Hang] Divorce lawyer.

- Hm?

(Dhruv laughs)

(indistinct)

- It's not like
all the people. .

- This is all the
places in the world

where they have Ashley
Madison accounts.

- [Hannah] Wow.
- [Dhruv] Yeah.

People try to defend it by
saying, "People have affairs

because they want to
keep their marriages going. "

(indistinct)

"I would cheat long before I
would get a divorce, if you have

children that you love and a
home that you built together and

a future that you
planned, why would you

give that up just for sex?"

"The reason
people have affairs

is that they want
to stay married. "

Why do we get jealous?
What is jealousy anyway?

Tell me the
definition of jealousy.

- Definition?
- Mmhm.

- The definition of
jealousy, let's look it up.

(Hang laughs)

Jealousy.

"Showing suspicion
of someone's

unfaithfulness
in a relationship. "

So.

I don't think I've learned very
much about non-monogamy.

I think I've learned a
lot about monogamy.

(wind)

There's still a lot to learn
about non monogamy.

- [Dr. Barash] I don't
think it's possible to really

transcend sexual jealousy.

The notion of love, you
know, "Spread the love around,

what could be bad about that?"

is itself very attractive, but
there will be this gnawing sense

of sexual jealousy
that's involved because

for millions and
millions of years,

these two were not divorced.

Sexual behavior with someone
else carried with it the risk of

either reproducing with that
other person, or tending to

destabilize the
preexisting relationship.

If someone after having a sexual
relationship with someone else,

decides to choose that
person in preference.

So I think that even if we could
prevent. . even if we could. .

guarantee non reproduction, that
would not end sexual jealousy.

It might diminish
it a little bit.

Say, "Well at
least he's not going

to have a kid with this lady. "

But the fact that he's having
sex with her is going to be seen

as threatening to the woman,
I think as long as we are

biological creatures,
which is to say forever.

I think you're
defining something

different than I am.

I don't agree with you.

I think you're talking
about betrayal.

I think you're talking
about cheating.

And I think the effects of being
cheated on, whether it's cheated

in cards or cheated
in money or cheated in

a real estate
transaction, always hurts.

But if you're talking about a
group of people who are not

already in committed
relationships,

and they maybe want to have

multiple partners and
they're doing it openly.

With the technology in place of
protection if there is a baby,

and good contraception, then I
think, I'm more optimistic than

you are that a free
love scenario is possible

there with transparency.

- I agree.
- Then I don't see a problem.

- Outside of a
committed relationship,

there's not likely
to be a problem.

But in a committed relationship,
I think there would.

- Furthermore,
the people I know

who are polyamorous,

we're friends,
I'm friends with

a lady you should
interview named

Dossie Easton, who
is the author of a book

called the Ethical Slut.

And Dossie is a. .
- Outside San Francisco.

- She's a 70 year old
somewhat, bright red hair.

The most out-there person

I think in some
ways I've ever met.

Ok. We got it rolling?

- Mm hmm.

Some people seem to
think that a ring around

the finger will lead to a
nerve block to the genitals,

and that they will never
be turned on to anyone else

once somebody pledges
their troth as it were.

And that's just
plain not true.

Why do we lie
about our desires?

We've been told it
makes us a bad person.

We've been told that our
desire for someone else

means we don't
really love our partner.

And then what are you going
to do with the kids, you know!

We've been told
that we are a bad. .

that, you know,
we're a sex addict,

we're compulsive, we can't
do intimacy, whatever intimacy

we think we have in our
partner isn't real intimacy.

Whatever love we think
we share isn't real love,

this isn't true love, and
I must not be the one.

Of course since for me, that
would be about the thousandth,

this concept of the
one looks pretty stupid.

But this is what our whole
cultural mythology tells us.

Is it natural for humans to get
jealous, to feel what they want,

to feel sad about that when
they see someone else get it?

Yeah, sure.

Why not?

But we teach children how
to deal with sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry is natural.

Our parents only had so
much time and so much energy

So sometimes, one of us
got some and one of us didn't.

You know, it's not like
that never happens.

But we expect to learn to
deal with that kind of jealousy.

So why would we imagine that
sexual jealousy is somehow so

vastly worse than any
other kind of jealousy?

And that is the
thing that I question.

(soft music)

♪ Oh my summer love ♪

♪ You're the only
one that I dream of. . ♪

- [Dhruv] We'd heard of this
conference taking place on

the future of monogamy and
non monogamy, in California.

At Berkeley.

We went there, more as
film makers than participants.

I mean, it was a
good exercise to meet

people who are
practicing it and. .

see whether we fit in.

- There's this assumption that

a monogamous
one-on-one relationship

involves more intimacy because
it's exclusive and whatnot.

Do you think that's true?

Do you think you experience
anything different in poly. .

We do fall in love
with our partners.

Like very much so.

I. . you know, I. .

I had a partner of 5 years who
was very much someone I loved,

very deeply,

whom we were thinking
about moving in with us.

Whom we were
thinking about being

involved raising
a family with.

Right? And that's. .

That's a pretty
serious relationship

but it's not some. .

But I would not have left
Pepper for this person.

But I wouldn't have left
this person for Pepper either.

It's a very. .

The basic premise of polyamory
is you don't have to leave

the person you're seeing, for
the new person you're seeing.

Yeah.

- So let's say if you see
Jen with someone else

having a great time, it
doesn't, you don't feel. .

It doesn't stir you?
That butterfly feeling?

It's weird, we have
actually been in

situations where for
example Jen has a date over

and they're having
sex in the next room,

or sometimes in the
same room, right?

And it doesn't
stir me in any way.

I. .

grew up in a household with

an open relationship
among my parents,

so I didn't have the
parent model of jealousy.

Right. . I just
didn't pick it up.

I get bad jealousy.

And it took me. .

it took me a couple
of years to really get. .

To kind of deprogram
some of that jealousy

so that it wasn't crippling.

(airplane flying overhead)

- [Shay] For me, jealousy
comes from insecurity.

For different people it
comes from different places.

For me, it almost entirely
comes from insecurity.

With Stefanos, I feel completely
secure, and therefore I really

don't have any
feelings of jealousy,

I'm very happy for him when
he's with his other partners.

Gabriel and I have conversations
about this, because I don't feel

quite as secure with Gabriel.

We haven't been
together quite as long.

I feel that at this moment, if
Gabriel got in a very serious

romantic relationship,
I'm not sure

how I would react with that.

I think I would struggle
more than I do with Stefanos,

because I'm just
not quite as secure.

So, I think for a lot of people
asking how they got into

polyamory is a lot like asking,
how long have you been gay?

Or. . It can feel
kind of similar to that,

for some of us, not for all.

And for me, it
was definitely. .

I hadn't heard of poly
for a super long time.

So I kept having relationships,
I was in lots of relationships,

and what I would find
myself doing was just

putting off that -

there's always
that conversation in

a normal, vanilla
kind of relationship,

the model that I was
used to, where you have

the conversation of,
now let's be exclusive.

And my expectation was
that up until that conversation,

you're not exclusive.

So I would just kind of try
to put off that conversation.

Because I knew that
exclusivity didn't work for me,

but I didn't know
anything else.

And then when I would
finally have that conversation,

"Okay, well. . we'll
try to be exclusive"

and I ended up having a lot of
relationships where I cheated

on people, which was very. .
I feel very badly about that.

And so it was a matter of

kind of figuring out
this model existed

for the way that I wanted
to have relationships.

And having a relationship in an
ethical way, that was going to

fit with my kind of inclinations
on what I was looking for.

(coughs)

(snorts) (children laughing)

- So what do the
kids call you Gabe?

- Gabe.

- Oh, they call you Gabe?
- Yeah.

I haven't had too many
discussions about it.

[Kid] Gabriel!

There you go,
see. (they laugh)

- It's just simple.
- Yeah, you know.

So Shay and Stef are Mom and
Dad, I'm Gabe. And that works.

- Can you do it for me Gabe?

Okay one last try for Lucy
and then I'll do it for you.

- Whoop! Ow.
- Ok.

You did the left
hand toward you.

- [Shay] People
always will ask,

what do the kids
think about this?

It's a very common
question or concern.

You know, what
do the kids think?

But things like
polyamory or I think

things like, you know, gay
marriage or relationships,

things like gender issues too,

they don't confuse kids.

They only confuse adults.

And the kids really, they
don't know anything different.

We've never been monogamous.

They've always had us having
other partners, they've always

seen us being romantically
involved and affectionate with

other people around them.

It's completely
normal for them.

It doesn't confuse kids,
it only confuses adults.

One of the things
in poly is like,

some people hear
it and they're like,

"Oh, that just means you just
see more than one person and

everything's great, right?

That must be awesome.

You can go have sex
with more than one person,

you can love more
than one person.

So it means you
can be noncommittal. "

That's really actually
not at all how I view it,

and that's not how you
were looking for it either.

I think what I kept
hearing, and allowed

me to develop my
philosophy a little bit

further was, each relationship
is its independent state,

and has its own importance.

[Shay] I think we very easily
can look at love as not a zero

sum game when
it comes to kids.

And for some reason,
we can't see it that way

when it comes to
adult relationships.

And I don't think that
love is a zero sum game.

I think that there's a lot of
love, and you can spread it

around among different people,

and the love I
have for Gabriel,

or the "lurve" that
I have with Jade,

doesn't take away
from my love for Stef.

And, you know, this
is not a finite resource.

- People like your
parents and I -

them because
they've had a lot of

life experiences,
and me because I've

had a lot of education in
human mating strategies,

and the conflict
of the sexes -

are a little skeptical about the
success of open relationships.

And again, I'm
only skeptical when

there are children
in the nest.

Let's make that very clear.

Because, we've been there

and we see that
jealousy is a natural

part of human mating, that mate
poaching and mate guarding can

be treacherous
and even dangerous.

And we want
people to stay alive.

Because there's no
greater threat to our life

than the person
we love the most.

(she laughs)

Because of the
passion involved.

And if you don't have that kind
of passion then what've you got?

If they're just having these
loosey goosey open relationships

where they say they don't feel
jealousy, they're either lying

or they're not really close.

I prefer to have really
hot, passionate sex,

where I mate guard,

and I'm jealous,
because that's intense.

- [Dhruv] Thank you
very much. (she laughs)

You get it now?

(she laughs)

I just thought maybe you'd
think that "Ok, jealousy can. . "

Like, I just. . What I mean
is that jealousy seems

like such a
negative emotion. .

Yeah if you take away jealousy,
you're taking away passion.

You're taking away
the excitement of it all.

Like, "Oh yeah sure
honey, go hook up

with her, fine I'll
get dinner ready. "

I don't want that
kind of relationship!

I want to have a
"Who you talking to?

What is she with? I'd
better get in shape. "

(laughs)

I love mate competition.

It makes it. . it's fabulous.

(ocean surf and
seagulls cawing)

- [Hannah] ♪ Happy birthday
to you, happy birthday to you,

happy birthday Uncle Dhruvy,
happy birthday to you ♪

- [Dhruv] Yay, thank
you. How many candles?

- I don't know,
I didn't count.

- What?! It's
supposed to be 36.

It's ok baby.
- Huh?

- You are making a
wish and blow the candle.

Dhruv!

- So how long were you guys

chatting on Tinder
before you met?

- Uh huh. A few
weeks or something.

Ah, that's what
you've been up to huh?

Yeah, yeah.

- A-ha, so all behind my back.

Ok so you should give me the
password to your phone now.

So. . so you're
not going to give

me the password to your phone?

Yeah I will.

If you want it.

- Do you want to give it?

- Yeah I'm fine with
that, I never had. .

- See. . now, so now
you see how it feels?

And now you know that I'm going
to be reading all your messages.

- No it's fine. Read it!

I never had password on before
until you put the password

on your phone so I decided to
put the password on my phone.

(engine rumbling)

- So when's your next date?

(Hang laughs)

- Oh you're jealous!

- And so you enjoyed
spending time with him?

- He's interesting.
He's not that bad.

- No it's good. I want
you to enjoy yourself.

I. . yeah, I. . I. .

So do you want to
have sex with him?

- See. . See. . That's
why I hate going on a date

'cause it's going to
make you feel really weird.

- No! I'm fine with
you going on a date.

You've been on many dates.

It's just that this is a guy I
don't feel comfortable about and

so I'm worried about you.

But the thing is that you get

jealous and you
get turned on by it.

I don't get so
turned on by it.

I know.

No I get jealous but
like it's only when like. .

I get jealous emotionally but
when you have like physical,

it's not that much
but I hate it, like when

you get like emotionally
involved with bitches.

Well you're emotionally involved
with these guys you're dating.

You're starting to like
them, you're talking to them.

No but you said, remember
last time you were like,

you would rather
me be emotionally

involved than
physically involved.

- For you?
- Yeah.

Yeah but you wanna have sex
with him too so when you do. .

I didn't say I want to. I said
"I'll consider it, I'll see. "

Hang on, hang on.

I'm not allowed to get
emotionally involved.

But you first get
emotionally involved

and then you have
sex so you get both.

Right? And I can't have. .
- No.

I don't know, I said I
don't know yet. So. .

It can't be guaranteed.

Alright sweetie,

I'm going to go. .
- Ok baby.

- and deal with my
jealousy and then

I have to wake up early.
- Goodnight.

Oh! I hate for you to
be jealous too much.

It fucks around with
you head that's why I. .

No, it's ok.

That's why it's barely
for me to go on a date.

(phone rings)

- Hello.
- Hey sweetie.

- Ok ok.

Baby, baby.

Can't use camera because
the volume is going to go out.

I'm at work.

Ok you want me to
turn off my camera?

- Yeah.

I'm here. Ok.

- Here's my thing. I just feel
insecure that you want to go

have sex with someone because
you don't enjoy the sex with me.

- Not that.
- So what is it?

- I told you, I wanna see how
it feels and you don't listen.

I just wanna see how
is the sex, that's it.

- And that’s fine, I want
you to be in a place where

you and I are both
comfortable with you doing it.

And I don't want
to control you at all.

- Yeah.
- But Hang. .

- That's why I tell you.

- But then you see. . see
when this stuff comes up

then I need to tell
you about things that

I feel in the
relationship which. .

- We can't deal with this.

Can't do this when
you're there and I'm here

and then we just talk on
the phone. Like, yeah. .

(Hang sniffs)

(Dhruv sighs)

(birdsong)

(soft music)

- [Manjula] If you're going
to get into dillying, dallying,

and open relationships,
your kids are going to

get fucked up, and
everything else is.

You're going to
fuck your lives up.

Frankly speaking.

- If I love you,
then he is a pimp.

- If any man was to tolerate

his wife having an
affair with someone,

and I go have sex with another
person I don't. . love you?

- How do you describe
loving someone then?

- So to have to
accept that you are

going to sleep with
someone else is. .

It made me realise what
is awful about masculinity.

It's that we always
create this idea around

masculinity that you
have to be dominant,

you can't be submissive to
someone else enjoying something.

And so much peace actually
comes when you're just. .

trying to be less
dominant always.

I was just so much
more at peace after

I just. . finally just
came to terms with it.

And it was nothing,
it was not like

a big thought that
came or anything.

It was just. . 10
minutes ago I was pissed

and in the next 10
minutes I was just free.

I was just. . light and new and
I don't know what happened.

I get it, like, it's been
four years you've

been in the same
relationship with me, you. .

It's completely
natural to wanna. .

try something
with someone else.

That's a completely natural
human impulse and you're not

cheating on me or anything,
you're telling me so it's fine.

And I understand that there's
an emotional connection too and

whatever. . that's. .
you need that so. .

Emotional connection
I don't know,

it's not lovey-dovey,
not like us.

(hum of car) Not like us.

(upbeat music)

(Manjula laughs)

(indistinct)

- [Dhruv] Okay that
was looking good.

How was that?
- [Dhruv] Very nice. Very nice.

[Manjula] See, I don't
understand this whole

sexual evolution
that's taken place.

I don't understand it.

I don't understand how people
can have multiple partners and

enjoy sex out of. .
with multiple partners.

With me, you've got to
be in love with that person.

Yeah?

There has to be a
very strong chemistry

to be able to enjoy it.

And. .

I don't think I would. .

Up to here, I
cannot think about it.

To even think
about things like this.

But even when I was
younger, I never. .

I never thought about it.

I mean, we all
fantasized about it.

You know, my friends and I.

We'd all say, "Ha ha, before we
are 40 we must have an affair!"

We always said
that kind of rubbish.

I think when we saw these movies
where these women have these

affairs and we said, "Lucky. "

Like. .

Gosh, which was that movie?

Bridges of Madison County.

If that oldie can
have why can't we?

But it was just silly girl
talk, but never, never, never,

thought about
it even seriously.

Not once.

- After speaking to you today,

Yeah, I've come to
terms with a lot more of it-

So I can get rid of this guilt
that I've been carrying on my. .

this thing that. . it's
the reason that you

are not ready to
commit is because of

the bad marriage
that you saw at home.

- You can get rid
of that guilt, yes.

You should get rid
of that guilt anyway.

You shouldn't have that guilt.

But you guys throw it at
me at the slightest instance.

Dash threw it at me
the other day also. .

And I was actually
seriously thinking. .

of writing to you two,

and saying, don't make
a parody out of something

that was a very- which were
very painful moments for me.

If our marriage was bad,
it was very painful for me.

- No we know that and I
think that deep down inside

we also feel bad about that.

and to anesthetize that guilt
maybe we've thrown stuff around.

I mean I'll also say
that, the truth is that, yup,

children that have
seen bad marriages do. .

have issues with getting
married themselves,

but you have to overcome that,

and we've both done that.

Dash has done it in his way and
I'm doing it in my way, and. .

And so you can let
go of that now because

all that's in the
past, it's done.

(she sniffs,
clears her throat)

I promise you that, ok?

We'll let this day
put that all behind us.

And you're going to organize
two great weddings sometime.

One you're already organising.

(engine rumbling)

(dance music) (applause)

- How come you made the
decision to be monogamous?

How come I made? I've been
monogamous for the last. .

four years.

It'll be four years
on Christmas day.

You know?
- Yeah.

- So it's not like a decision,

it's just like an evolution. You
know? Of man, that you start

with a wide range when you're
a teenager and you're young,

and you're full of
come and stuff like that.

And It just starts
narrowing the field down.

You know? And as you
get more hair on your back

and on your ears and less
on your head, you know?

Your options and
things like that change.

You know?

So you start focusing all your
time and energy on one person.

You know? So
it's. . And then you,

by the time you
realize it, it's a bit late.

(laughs)

- Biologically, we are not
prepared for monogamy.

Monogamy is a very difficult
thing to do biologically.

It's not natural
for human beings.

Whereas our culture
tells us that monogamy

is something we should do.

This is a very good example
I think of the conflict between

our biology and our culture.

So I think it's useful
to look at both sides.

But to do it in both
cases with honesty,

rather than a predisposition
based on religion

or on what your parents
may have told you.

I think we need to look
honestly and straightforwardly.

There are pay offs,
there are liabilities, too.

And once people
know both of them,

then let them make
up their own mind.

I think human beings are. .
have certainly a drive to

connect with an
intimate other and to

maintain that
relationship over time.

They also have the
impulse to engage

in sexual experimentation.

And. . we're constantly torn.

And some couples will make

a decision that
it's worth the pain,

in order to have the open
relationship and others will

decide it's worth the repression
in order not to feel the pain.

(she laughs)

(drumming)

(drumming fades
out) (gentle music)

♪ I have tied this
thread with you my love ♪

♪ I could never be
separated from you ♪

♪ Love on paper
holds no worth ♪

♪ And when I'm
tied to your heart,

there is no way to
measure this love ♪

♪ Let the world
say whatever. . ♪

♪ But I'll never find
anyone like you ♪

- I am blessed that God has
let me witness this great day.

- [Dhruv] There are times when I
feel that Hang may love me less,

because I don't want
to be monogamous.

And I actually think that when
someone wants to be monogamous

to you, it does make you feel
more loved and more special.

And being that special someone
to someone matters to us.

And even if it is true that a
monogamous relationship shares

a deeper love than a non
monogamous one, I'm willing to

trade that in exchange for being
able to experience my sexuality

and passion with others.

My greatest fear. .

was. .

that. .

you would die before me and I
would have to live without you.

- If I ever die before you. .

I think it's beautiful.

Rather than seeing
you walk away.

- Your fears of
me leaving you. .

and my fears of
you leaving me. .

(sniffs)

(soft music)