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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:16,458 --> 00:00:17,578 (rain pouring) 4 00:00:27,159 --> 00:00:29,705 I don't believe in open relationships. 5 00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,929 If it's called a relationship, then it's not open. 6 00:00:36,534 --> 00:00:38,482 How can you be dating someone and then 7 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,401 fucking around with some other one? 8 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,323 - How are love and sex 9 00:00:45,268 --> 00:00:47,135 with someone else connected? 10 00:00:47,534 --> 00:00:48,534 Well. . 11 00:00:49,135 --> 00:00:54,140 - I mean, are you trying to tell me that if I love you 12 00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:55,204 and I go and have sex 13 00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:57,119 with another person, I don't love you? 14 00:01:01,176 --> 00:01:03,843 How do you describe loving someone then? 15 00:01:09,047 --> 00:01:10,727 (she clears her throat) 16 00:01:12,857 --> 00:01:15,052 (soft music) 17 00:01:30,819 --> 00:01:32,344 [Dhruv] Yeah, I'm scared of monogamy. 18 00:01:32,369 --> 00:01:34,345 Just as anyone is scared of going to jail. 19 00:01:35,193 --> 00:01:39,625 Of having their physical freedom curtailed, having my sexual and 20 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:43,482 emotional freedom curtailed scares me, yes. 21 00:01:44,558 --> 00:01:46,323 Why is it that I'm asking this question? 22 00:01:46,347 --> 00:01:48,322 Why is it that I have this fear? 23 00:01:50,134 --> 00:01:52,844 So why am I so promiscuous? 24 00:01:54,112 --> 00:01:58,090 {\an8}[Dr. Barash] Sexual attraction and excitation is a mechanism, 25 00:01:58,114 --> 00:01:59,822 {\an8}it's a trick, really. 26 00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:02,195 Not necessarily a bad trick, but it's certainly a trick, 27 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,920 whereby evolution gets us to do those things 28 00:02:04,944 --> 00:02:08,131 and contribute to our success and more precisely, 29 00:02:08,155 --> 00:02:09,504 the success of our genes. 30 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:10,677 (kissing noises) (cymbals) 31 00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:16,395 Huh? 32 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:21,131 Even as individuals may be inclined to engage in other 33 00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:24,676 sexual relationships for their own reproductive benefit, 34 00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,970 not that they're thinking of it for reproductive benefit, 35 00:02:26,995 --> 00:02:30,415 they may be simply attracted to the concept without even knowing 36 00:02:30,453 --> 00:02:34,186 that their genes have another agenda. 37 00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:38,857 I think people need to realize that if they feel a biologically 38 00:02:38,882 --> 00:02:41,468 mandated inclination to be interested in 39 00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:43,612 a sexual relationship with someone else, 40 00:02:43,637 --> 00:02:45,931 that doesn't mean that they don't love their partner. 41 00:02:45,954 --> 00:02:48,055 It doesn't mean that they're not good people. 42 00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:50,429 It doesn't mean they're somehow inhuman. 43 00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:53,502 Quite the opposite. It may mean that they're very, very human. 44 00:02:54,377 --> 00:02:56,868 Then you have to decide what you want to do about it. 45 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,398 (soft music) 46 00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:10,851 [Dr. Ray]In an open environment that hunter gatherers lived in, 47 00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:12,955 there's no way to control somebody's sexuality. 48 00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:14,641 So how do you stay monogamous? 49 00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:19,988 {\an8}Thhe woman is supplying 60-70% of the calories, 50 00:03:20,012 --> 00:03:24,162 {\an8}for the family, that's a pretty big contribution. 51 00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:29,570 The man is off hunting protein with other men. 52 00:03:29,615 --> 00:03:31,281 Then she's got a lot of freedom. 53 00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:34,579 - [{\an8}Dr. Ryan] When women have direct access to the food, 54 00:03:34,604 --> 00:03:37,053 {\an8}the security, the healthcare and so on 55 00:03:37,077 --> 00:03:39,543 {\an8}that they need, what you find is 56 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:45,257 women who are autonomous, happy, have a very high status 57 00:03:45,282 --> 00:03:49,482 in terms of their political decision making power, 58 00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:54,119 and who are very free sexually. 59 00:03:54,910 --> 00:03:59,405 [Dr. Ray] This idea that hunter gatherers could be monogamous is 60 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:02,105 kind of laughable on the face of it. 61 00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:07,364 Until the societies become pastoral, 62 00:04:07,387 --> 00:04:11,134 herders, or farmers. 63 00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:13,675 Then things really start changing. 64 00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:14,825 (phone rings) 65 00:04:15,191 --> 00:04:16,191 [Dhruv] Hey Ma! 66 00:04:16,574 --> 00:04:18,800 - How are you? Can you see me? 67 00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:21,350 No. . I can't. 68 00:04:22,236 --> 00:04:23,237 - Okay now? 69 00:04:23,261 --> 00:04:24,861 Choose front camera. 70 00:04:25,285 --> 00:04:26,808 - Now! (laughs) 71 00:04:27,941 --> 00:04:30,605 I got a call from somebody saying look. . 72 00:04:30,629 --> 00:04:33,926 you have an eligible son, she has an eligible daughter. 73 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:35,846 So, I can get both these girls to come up 74 00:04:35,870 --> 00:04:38,051 around that time and you can meet them both. 75 00:04:38,075 --> 00:04:40,047 - Isn't it a bit of a long shot to be calling them 76 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,360 out there to meet me while I'm in a relationship? 77 00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:44,900 - So that's what you need to tell us, 78 00:04:44,925 --> 00:04:46,260 that if you're in a relationship, 79 00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:48,012 are you in a serious relationship? 80 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:51,258 - Well I can't say if it's serious or not yet 81 00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:53,845 but it's definitely not at that point where 82 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,674 I'm just like, oh yeah this is just a. . fling thing. 83 00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:58,695 I had a chat with her as well, 84 00:04:58,719 --> 00:05:00,971 just to get an idea of where she is. 85 00:05:01,993 --> 00:05:06,383 I'm not going to. . sort of be two faced about this. 86 00:05:07,462 --> 00:05:09,160 - So, think about it and let me know 87 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,884 and then I can tell these parents. 88 00:05:10,908 --> 00:05:13,181 I don't know where you're going with Hannah. 89 00:05:13,205 --> 00:05:15,283 You know you also have to think about your future, 90 00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:17,032 you have to think about settling down. 91 00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:18,309 - Ma, do you really think I'm that 92 00:05:18,334 --> 00:05:20,139 old school arranged marriage type? 93 00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:22,775 - Ok then. Then I will. . Just. . 94 00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:25,313 say to them that uh. . 95 00:05:25,337 --> 00:05:26,735 - Yeah, just tell the truth. 96 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:29,369 That he's seeing someone right now. 97 00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:31,096 - No I won't say anything about seeing someone. 98 00:05:31,118 --> 00:05:34,915 - No you must! The truth is the best thing. 99 00:05:40,647 --> 00:05:43,428 So have you ever cheated on any of your boyfriends? 100 00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:44,769 Nope. 101 00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:46,448 I'm a good girl. 102 00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:49,769 That's why, like you know what, in a relationship 103 00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:50,833 I am patient. 104 00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:52,793 I am good. 105 00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:55,137 I don't do bad things. 106 00:05:55,953 --> 00:06:00,724 When I walk out of your life, it's your fault, not my fault 107 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:05,961 I have no regret when I actually walk out of someone's life. 108 00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:15,597 And yeah sometimes I look at you and I say. . 109 00:06:15,621 --> 00:06:16,901 I don't know why. 110 00:06:20,938 --> 00:06:21,938 - Why what? 111 00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:23,969 I don't know why I. . 112 00:06:25,656 --> 00:06:29,695 with you and stuff. I was like, that's so weird. 113 00:06:30,594 --> 00:06:32,328 You don't expect the person to be 114 00:06:32,353 --> 00:06:35,039 with you forever but at the moment. . 115 00:06:36,102 --> 00:06:38,468 Whatever's mine is mine. 116 00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:45,625 (sirens in distance) 117 00:06:50,182 --> 00:06:51,964 [Dhruv]After we had the first discussion, 118 00:06:51,988 --> 00:06:55,251 Hang did make it clear that. . 119 00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:56,895 she doesn't believe in open relationships, 120 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,433 and I responded to that by saying, 121 00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:02,742 "Well. . that I'll respect that, and I won't do it then. " 122 00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:07,514 After that period, 123 00:07:07,538 --> 00:07:09,127 I felt that, "Okay, I think 124 00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:12,069 this relationship has also got its shelf life, then. " 125 00:07:13,986 --> 00:07:17,970 And then Hang opened up 126 00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:19,651 the discussion again a few months later, 127 00:07:19,675 --> 00:07:21,790 {\an8}and suggested we go to a swinger's club. 128 00:07:24,681 --> 00:07:27,860 - You know, I've been thinking. . a lot. 129 00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:30,800 So. . how to find the best way. . 130 00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:34,369 to make me feel comfortable. 131 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,166 What did you Google? 132 00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:49,838 Vancouver swinger club. 133 00:07:49,862 --> 00:07:50,862 - What? 134 00:07:50,964 --> 00:07:52,644 Vancouver swinger club. 135 00:07:53,588 --> 00:07:55,572 Have you ever done this with any of your other boyfriends? 136 00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:56,789 (she shakes her head) 137 00:07:58,785 --> 00:08:00,465 Not even think about it. 138 00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:03,653 - Don't you think you'd get jealous 139 00:08:03,677 --> 00:08:04,979 seeing me with someone else? 140 00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:11,415 - No, before I did, before I got really jealous. 141 00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:15,092 But no, not anymore. 142 00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:19,381 Well, I will get jealous. . 143 00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:21,725 If there's some secrets out there. 144 00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:22,806 (tense music) 145 00:08:23,351 --> 00:08:26,343 But if there's no secret then there's no jealous. 146 00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,802 I love watching. 147 00:08:32,569 --> 00:08:34,169 (indistinct chatter) - Should we do it baby? 148 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:38,749 (club music) 149 00:08:48,999 --> 00:08:50,717 Yeah you just need to sign in. 150 00:08:52,316 --> 00:08:54,167 (kissing noises) 151 00:08:58,245 --> 00:09:00,998 I think about the other couple and they were. . 152 00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:03,264 they are together for 14 years, 153 00:09:03,289 --> 00:09:05,581 and I think that is really amazing. 154 00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:09,713 And how they maintain their relationship. 155 00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:11,417 And how they have fun! 156 00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,307 So I think, maybe you just accept. . 157 00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:19,488 the reality, you cannot expect. . 158 00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:24,404 the person to be with you 159 00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:28,147 the rest of their life without 160 00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:30,701 like having fun outside. 161 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:38,060 And you talk about monogamy. . 162 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:43,357 I think if you have a little fun outside of that area, 163 00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:46,595 it makes monogamy more bearable. . is it? 164 00:09:48,858 --> 00:09:49,858 But. . 165 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,923 It doesn't mean that you go fuck around like that. . 166 00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:56,149 - I know. I know. It just- It just- 167 00:09:56,173 --> 00:09:57,838 It means I don't feel trapped any more. 168 00:09:58,217 --> 00:09:59,979 It just means that if it happens, I don't have to 169 00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:02,327 go into major fucking depression and guilt and. . 170 00:10:03,491 --> 00:10:06,081 and start tearing my life apart about it. 171 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,720 And tearing yours. 172 00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:12,356 (phone rings) 173 00:10:13,425 --> 00:10:15,737 - Happy birthday with love from your mummy! 174 00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:17,441 - Thank you, Ma. Thank you. 175 00:10:17,772 --> 00:10:19,265 Thirty three huh! 176 00:10:19,604 --> 00:10:21,342 Three and three is thirty three! 177 00:10:22,804 --> 00:10:24,604 (music plays over speakers) 178 00:10:24,976 --> 00:10:26,754 - The discussion is going on 179 00:10:26,778 --> 00:10:29,350 about the date for Dash's marriage. 180 00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:30,811 - Hm. 181 00:10:30,835 --> 00:10:35,625 - We're talking basically of the winter, this coming winter. 182 00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:36,649 - Ok. 183 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:38,741 - Ok. 184 00:10:39,947 --> 00:10:42,743 - Hang says that she is willing to do make-up and hair. 185 00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:45,695 - Oh that's so sweet! 186 00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,980 - She's good. Doing good. How is your girlfriend? 187 00:10:53,523 --> 00:10:54,537 - Where is she? 188 00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:57,466 - Uh. . she's uh. . in the kitchen. 189 00:10:58,301 --> 00:10:59,543 She stayed over last night. 190 00:11:02,832 --> 00:11:04,512 - So she's living with you? 191 00:11:05,028 --> 00:11:07,361 - Yeah. . for 4 or 5 days in the week. 192 00:11:08,958 --> 00:11:11,691 - So this means that you've become a couple? 193 00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:14,434 - Yeah. 194 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,910 - So if that's the case then make a decision and get married. 195 00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:19,426 Get married along with your brother. 196 00:11:19,451 --> 00:11:20,451 - Why? 197 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,633 No, no. We'll talk about all this when I get there. 198 00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:28,411 You guys can explain all to me why we should get married. 199 00:11:28,436 --> 00:11:31,231 And then you can. . compare me to my brother. 200 00:11:31,748 --> 00:11:33,794 Who's made the good choice in life. 201 00:11:35,099 --> 00:11:36,315 (indistinct) 202 00:11:37,974 --> 00:11:40,716 So did Dad turn up with a card or flowers then? 203 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,259 - Nothing. . utterly shameless. 204 00:11:44,419 --> 00:11:46,099 Did you get anything? 205 00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:49,036 - No why should I get him? He should get me. 206 00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,740 Listen to me Dhruv. . Ok! 207 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,598 Four years ago he let me down very badly. 208 00:11:53,622 --> 00:11:55,167 And he promised to make things ok. 209 00:11:55,189 --> 00:11:56,707 And he hasn't made things ok. 210 00:11:56,731 --> 00:11:59,485 The only way to make things ok is to pamper me, to spoil me. 211 00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:02,372 Two days in the year is not a very big thing to ask for. 212 00:12:03,434 --> 00:12:04,434 (grunts) 213 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:07,916 No, when I get there we'll talk. 214 00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:09,199 Let me just get there and talk. 215 00:12:12,783 --> 00:12:14,666 - Bye! - Bye, see ya. - Ok. - Ok jee. 216 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,634 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 217 00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:29,418 - A few weeks earlier, Hang had got out on a date 218 00:12:29,442 --> 00:12:32,380 with a guy that she met while I was out of town, and. . 219 00:12:32,404 --> 00:12:34,006 on this night I was alone at home 220 00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,801 wondering if she was out with him again. 221 00:12:36,677 --> 00:12:38,177 And yeah, I mean I was jealous, but 222 00:12:38,201 --> 00:12:39,899 I never stopped her from seeing him. 223 00:12:40,471 --> 00:12:43,169 And I was actually more worried that by leaving the door open in 224 00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:46,072 the relationship, she would find a monogamous man 225 00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,487 and eventually leave me. 226 00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:51,177 And meanwhile, I began to text a girl that I was intimate with 227 00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:52,933 during my last trip to Dubai. 228 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,646 But Hang had asked me for the password 229 00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,654 to my computer and my phone and. . 230 00:12:57,959 --> 00:13:00,546 I gave it to her in the spirit of being honest 231 00:13:00,553 --> 00:13:02,090 and open within the relationship. 232 00:13:02,441 --> 00:13:03,699 (quiet music) 233 00:13:04,842 --> 00:13:08,670 - What did you find that was sexual in my mails to her? 234 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:12,058 I read a while ago, a long time, I don't know. . 235 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:16,160 You want to look at her brown breasts. 236 00:13:16,185 --> 00:13:17,537 - I always joke about that with her. 237 00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:19,581 And she's been teasing you with those 238 00:13:19,606 --> 00:13:22,067 kinds of frickin' pictures. - No! She never. . 239 00:13:22,097 --> 00:13:24,090 Babe, I know her, she'll never send it. 240 00:13:24,114 --> 00:13:25,794 Did you see anything? 241 00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:28,973 Yeah I saw, she's been teasing you, that's why. 242 00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,388 - You talk about it and. . You said I can do what I want. 243 00:13:41,044 --> 00:13:44,148 But can I? I can't even write emails, based on your. . 244 00:13:44,173 --> 00:13:47,702 And to be honest there's no woman in the world 245 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,773 that actually. . 246 00:13:49,797 --> 00:13:53,212 just, yeah baby go have sex with her. No! 247 00:14:09,147 --> 00:14:10,587 (suitcase zipping) 248 00:14:14,473 --> 00:14:16,153 (suitcases clattering) 249 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,307 (kissing noises) 250 00:14:19,514 --> 00:14:21,058 Have a safe flight baby. 251 00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:24,991 - I love you. - Love you too. 252 00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:26,977 (she sighs) 253 00:14:34,825 --> 00:14:36,802 (soft music) 254 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,600 (greeting) 255 00:14:57,539 --> 00:14:59,640 (dogs barking) Hi. 256 00:15:00,081 --> 00:15:01,809 Mmh, hello. 257 00:15:03,132 --> 00:15:05,388 (dogs barking) 258 00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:07,100 Good to see you. 259 00:15:12,209 --> 00:15:14,333 I was born in India, 260 00:15:14,357 --> 00:15:18,398 and my parents moved to Dubai in 1980, just a year after. 261 00:15:18,753 --> 00:15:22,660 And so I grew up there, under Sharia Law. 262 00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:29,553 Magazines, or books, or just posters. 263 00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:32,079 Anything which contained an image of a female body which 264 00:15:32,104 --> 00:15:35,340 revealed shoulder, or the waistline, 265 00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:37,971 or even the back of women's legs. 266 00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:40,015 That used to be blackened out. 267 00:15:40,353 --> 00:15:43,446 And I remember we would go into the bathroom 268 00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:46,473 and we would hold up the pages to the tube lights 269 00:15:46,503 --> 00:15:48,926 to try and penetrate that oppressive black ink. 270 00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:55,910 I didn't even know what sex was until 13 or 14, really. 271 00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:57,635 How it happened. 272 00:15:59,988 --> 00:16:01,986 I was one of the few guys in my school who was 273 00:16:02,011 --> 00:16:03,511 lucky to have a girlfriend, I mean. . 274 00:16:04,043 --> 00:16:05,913 Many of my friends didn't lose their virginity 275 00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:07,254 until much later. 276 00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:10,939 I mean, I even lost it relatively late at 17, 277 00:16:10,963 --> 00:16:12,754 but I'd started kissing 278 00:16:12,779 --> 00:16:16,086 and hooking up with girls at around 14. 279 00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:18,728 - Oh that's irritating! 280 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,838 Dhruv, you drink! 281 00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:24,769 (chanting) - Drink, drink, drink! 282 00:16:25,362 --> 00:16:26,362 (cheers) 283 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,696 I wanna say that, I wanna. . 284 00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:31,814 I never wanna be ashamed of 285 00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,592 anything I've done, my whole life. 286 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,549 I wanna be glad I've done it. . - Obviously Dhruv. 287 00:16:35,573 --> 00:16:36,768 I wanna have no regrets in life. 288 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,656 Did you ever cheat on me? 289 00:16:40,737 --> 00:16:41,901 - Um. . 290 00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:43,667 I did. 291 00:16:43,894 --> 00:16:44,934 Really? 292 00:16:44,957 --> 00:16:46,596 Did something just happen to that camera? 293 00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:52,097 {\an8}(camera clanking) 294 00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,057 Who? 295 00:16:58,447 --> 00:16:59,447 When? 296 00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:05,245 - It was. . this girl in Bombay. 297 00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,034 Oh. 298 00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,806 What did you do? 299 00:17:10,878 --> 00:17:12,238 I slept with her. 300 00:17:12,558 --> 00:17:13,971 Were we still together then? 301 00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:15,972 Mm hmm. (Hannah gasps) 302 00:17:22,095 --> 00:17:23,908 So maybe I should have been worried about you? 303 00:17:23,932 --> 00:17:29,588 - And to be honest, I never even contemplated telling you. 304 00:17:29,612 --> 00:17:30,612 Wow! 305 00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:35,068 That would have killed me if I had 306 00:17:35,092 --> 00:17:37,197 known that at the time, oh my God! 307 00:17:37,221 --> 00:17:38,994 - It would, wouldn't it? - Oh my God! 308 00:17:39,018 --> 00:17:40,925 - It would have messed with us. - Yeah. That's not. . 309 00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,536 - And the last year we had together. 310 00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:45,877 And me. And like, the way I thought about people and 311 00:17:46,807 --> 00:17:49,016 that would have affected actually everything 312 00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,627 past that point as well. 313 00:17:59,305 --> 00:18:00,985 I do see a lot of change. 314 00:18:01,407 --> 00:18:04,312 It's just maybe because we're meeting after a long time. 315 00:18:04,336 --> 00:18:06,523 But you, yeah you're quite an asshole! 316 00:18:06,938 --> 00:18:08,797 Just. . using them. 317 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,832 I thought you were a very terrible person, lying- 318 00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,277 lying to them and doing things behind their back. 319 00:18:15,318 --> 00:18:17,747 Because obviously you wouldn't be open about those things. 320 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:21,850 You can't be. They are not accepted, widely. 321 00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,407 Widely over a certain section they 322 00:18:24,431 --> 00:18:26,304 will not be accepted and you will. . 323 00:18:26,329 --> 00:18:28,248 that will backfire and you know that. 324 00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,974 So that's also the reason you don't commit because 325 00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:36,966 then your conscience is clear. 326 00:18:37,465 --> 00:18:39,747 So anything, tomorrow, if someone just says wife, 327 00:18:39,771 --> 00:18:40,809 someone. . 328 00:18:40,844 --> 00:18:42,898 one of the women, if she confronts 329 00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,898 you about what you've been doing, 330 00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,985 you have it safe by saying, but we're 331 00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:48,645 not in a committed relationship. 332 00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:51,302 So. . yeah. 333 00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:55,511 So you've got that sorted out pretty well. 334 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,200 So. . 335 00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,165 Technically you're correct. 336 00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,556 Principally also you're correct. 337 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:07,458 But you on a basic human level, you know. . 338 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,208 I think that's incorrect. 339 00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:16,978 [Deepak] Man throws wife from balcony. 340 00:19:17,966 --> 00:19:18,966 (laughs) 341 00:19:19,552 --> 00:19:21,072 Tossing, tossing. . 342 00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:23,738 {\an8}(both laugh) 343 00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,467 You can't do with them, you can't do without them. 344 00:19:33,954 --> 00:19:36,004 - So then why are you getting your son married? 345 00:19:36,028 --> 00:19:37,028 (they laugh) 346 00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:38,705 I know. 347 00:19:39,892 --> 00:19:40,892 (he laughs) 348 00:19:43,753 --> 00:19:45,112 One son is too smart. 349 00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:49,698 (dance music) 350 00:19:56,378 --> 00:19:58,981 - This is not working with the music. The beat is different. 351 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:00,894 - Ah ah ah! 352 00:20:03,838 --> 00:20:06,032 So that we can start talking about it, but Dhruvy 353 00:20:06,056 --> 00:20:08,251 seriously now when do you want to get married son? 354 00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:09,968 and discussing it and. . 355 00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,181 - We're talking about it now. 356 00:20:12,205 --> 00:20:14,541 Planning it and finding a venue. 357 00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,005 We'll do Langkawi. 358 00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:19,064 Answer my question and leave the camera! 359 00:20:19,088 --> 00:20:20,768 Leave it for some time! 360 00:20:21,565 --> 00:20:22,744 (laughter) 361 00:20:23,517 --> 00:20:24,934 - Listen to your nana! 362 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:28,099 Now tell me, we are really serious. 363 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,627 Serious in the sense that you have 364 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:33,457 to respond positively and tell us. . 365 00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:35,428 when you are getting married? 366 00:20:39,436 --> 00:20:42,912 The time is ripe. There won't be another chance. 367 00:20:43,936 --> 00:20:46,451 - But why do people get married grandad? 368 00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:48,851 - People marry to build the family legacy and lineage. 369 00:20:48,894 --> 00:20:52,401 Name. Family name. Successors! 370 00:20:52,675 --> 00:20:53,795 - Family tree. 371 00:20:57,529 --> 00:21:00,888 - I can do that anyway. So what's the need for marriage? 372 00:21:01,779 --> 00:21:05,458 - Your children born out of wedlock 373 00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:09,822 And I hope you are not going to are called "harami" (bastards) 374 00:21:10,654 --> 00:21:13,787 give birth to some harami (bastard) children. 375 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,662 - Daddy! What's wrong with you? 376 00:21:19,348 --> 00:21:23,060 I'm just trying to explain why he should get married. 377 00:21:23,095 --> 00:21:25,029 - Do you know what monogamy is? 378 00:21:25,845 --> 00:21:26,845 Monotony? 379 00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:28,463 - No, monogamy. 380 00:21:30,673 --> 00:21:33,892 No, I don't know. Could you explain it to me. 381 00:21:33,916 --> 00:21:36,548 So monogamy is the word where. . 382 00:21:36,572 --> 00:21:39,189 which basically stipulates that. . 383 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,009 where you are sexually exclusive with one person only. 384 00:21:45,034 --> 00:21:47,492 You are intimate only with one person. 385 00:21:48,021 --> 00:21:51,338 I was not sure if I could be faithful to this vow. 386 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,348 For the rest of my life. With just one person. 387 00:21:54,612 --> 00:21:57,240 I don't want to be sexually exclusive with just one woman. 388 00:21:57,265 --> 00:22:01,435 Oh! You mean you cannot be one woman man. 389 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,323 Men. . 390 00:22:07,789 --> 00:22:08,789 By nature. . 391 00:22:09,761 --> 00:22:11,770 By nature, man is polygamous. 392 00:22:13,212 --> 00:22:15,153 - The relationship that I'm trying to build 393 00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:17,976 with my girlfriend is an open-ish relationship. . 394 00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:21,446 Not that I, everyday, I'm with someone else. No. 395 00:22:21,587 --> 00:22:24,305 But in a year, once or twice. . 396 00:22:24,813 --> 00:22:28,539 If occasional departures from monogamy. . 397 00:22:29,985 --> 00:22:33,008 Is what I felt would make me feel 398 00:22:33,032 --> 00:22:35,136 comfortable with the idea of marrying them 399 00:22:35,161 --> 00:22:36,997 and just being with one person. 400 00:22:37,837 --> 00:22:41,211 But she doesn't know that you are going to the other. 401 00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:42,915 - She does. - She does? 402 00:22:43,181 --> 00:22:44,861 And she tolerates it? 403 00:22:45,579 --> 00:22:47,923 - We are working it out, we are trying to. . 404 00:22:47,948 --> 00:22:51,422 No. . That is my main question now. 405 00:22:52,165 --> 00:22:53,765 If she accepts it. . 406 00:22:54,477 --> 00:22:56,789 with happiness. 407 00:22:57,399 --> 00:23:01,250 Without creating problems in day-to-day life. 408 00:23:03,681 --> 00:23:05,481 Then she is the best woman. 409 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:09,195 Then she is the best woman. 410 00:23:10,907 --> 00:23:12,587 And I will advise you. . 411 00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:15,671 not to part with her. 412 00:23:16,370 --> 00:23:17,893 Vice versa. 413 00:23:18,968 --> 00:23:22,634 If you have a woman who tells you like that. . 414 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,561 "I want to be with another man tonight. " 415 00:23:25,586 --> 00:23:27,453 "Would you allow me to do it?" 416 00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:32,067 - I. . Now I would, I would allow Hang to do it 417 00:23:32,092 --> 00:23:34,610 because I want the same thing in my life. 418 00:23:34,964 --> 00:23:36,597 But it would take me a lot of time, 419 00:23:36,621 --> 00:23:38,449 it would have taken me years to get 420 00:23:38,474 --> 00:23:41,036 to this point to be able to. . say that- 421 00:23:41,061 --> 00:23:42,421 No you can never. 422 00:23:42,511 --> 00:23:43,631 You can never. 423 00:23:47,209 --> 00:23:50,865 No man will tolerate. . 424 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:54,324 Flirting with some other, his wife. . 425 00:23:54,487 --> 00:23:56,487 having an affair with someone. 426 00:23:57,077 --> 00:23:58,757 No man can tolerate. 427 00:24:01,327 --> 00:24:04,100 If any man knowingly tolerates it 428 00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:06,582 and is fully aware of it, 429 00:24:07,311 --> 00:24:10,459 Then he is not of manhood. 430 00:24:10,839 --> 00:24:11,879 He is a pimp. 431 00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,010 - Ok. 432 00:24:17,514 --> 00:24:21,283 {\an8}And if I told you that I wanted, I was ready to get married 433 00:24:21,308 --> 00:24:25,454 and I was in a relationship, but the vow of sexual fidelity 434 00:24:25,479 --> 00:24:27,010 might not be there in our marriage, 435 00:24:27,034 --> 00:24:28,690 how would you react to that? 436 00:24:32,152 --> 00:24:34,490 You know, it's your life and it's your decision, 437 00:24:34,501 --> 00:24:36,125 but I would just advise you that Dhruv, 438 00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,929 then you're asking for a lot of pain. 439 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:50,329 Sexual fidelity is a basic tenet of marriage. 440 00:24:51,024 --> 00:24:54,167 You can't break that. 441 00:24:55,089 --> 00:24:56,406 You can't. 442 00:24:56,428 --> 00:25:00,238 You can't want to revolutionize marriage. 443 00:25:01,013 --> 00:25:03,438 It's an institution. 444 00:25:08,272 --> 00:25:10,091 (soft music) 445 00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:14,293 (singing) 446 00:25:20,683 --> 00:25:24,307 And in front of the fire goddess, you are taking 447 00:25:25,124 --> 00:25:28,101 I accept you for all of my life. vow of your marriage. 448 00:25:29,002 --> 00:25:31,026 As your wedded wife, 449 00:25:31,602 --> 00:25:33,735 she has the right on your heart. 450 00:25:34,591 --> 00:25:37,012 Don't allow anyone to enter. 451 00:25:37,062 --> 00:25:39,319 (romantic music) 452 00:25:41,597 --> 00:25:43,304 (taking vows) 453 00:25:43,891 --> 00:25:45,491 (indistinct chatter) 454 00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,820 (cheers) 455 00:25:55,724 --> 00:25:57,404 (fireworks exploding) 456 00:25:57,613 --> 00:25:59,950 - [Dhruv] The oldest marriage laws that I could find 457 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:02,943 {\an8}dated back to about 2000 BCE. 458 00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:05,944 {\an8}They were found in Mesopotamia. 459 00:26:08,298 --> 00:26:12,041 During these times, a father would marry his daughter 460 00:26:12,066 --> 00:26:13,414 with these words. 461 00:26:14,071 --> 00:26:17,626 "I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing 462 00:26:17,634 --> 00:26:19,385 legitimate offspring. " 463 00:26:20,222 --> 00:26:25,032 Sexual monogamy for women was tied into the vows of marriage 464 00:26:25,057 --> 00:26:29,062 so that men could be certain of who their children are. 465 00:26:30,646 --> 00:26:34,616 Wait, so you're saying marriage is not meant to be about love? 466 00:26:34,641 --> 00:26:35,722 {\an8}(laughs) 467 00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:37,564 {\an8}No, for thousands of years, 468 00:26:37,571 --> 00:26:39,314 {\an8}marriage was not about love. 469 00:26:39,323 --> 00:26:41,315 {\an8}There were tremendous variations. 470 00:26:41,323 --> 00:26:43,545 {\an8}There were every kind of marriage from. . 471 00:26:43,569 --> 00:26:45,245 one man, many women, 472 00:26:45,252 --> 00:26:48,364 to one woman, several men, to monogamy, 473 00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:50,057 to ghost marriages even. 474 00:26:50,082 --> 00:26:52,211 But there were two things that marriages 475 00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:53,953 through the ages had in common. 476 00:26:54,044 --> 00:26:56,757 First, they were not about love and free choice. 477 00:26:56,801 --> 00:26:59,524 They were about making alliances. 478 00:26:59,548 --> 00:27:01,712 If you were in the upper classes, it was the way 479 00:27:01,736 --> 00:27:04,321 you signed peace treaties, made military deals. 480 00:27:04,346 --> 00:27:07,658 The middle classes, it was the way you made business mergers. 481 00:27:07,683 --> 00:27:09,033 And in the lower class, it was the way 482 00:27:09,059 --> 00:27:11,105 you expanded your family labor force. 483 00:27:11,140 --> 00:27:13,107 It was not about love and free choice. 484 00:27:13,397 --> 00:27:17,569 The second theme of marriage through the history was 485 00:27:17,588 --> 00:27:20,563 that it was also about a way of controlling young people, 486 00:27:20,587 --> 00:27:22,444 and especially controlling women. 487 00:27:22,714 --> 00:27:26,635 {\an8}The male obsession with controlling women's 488 00:27:26,660 --> 00:27:31,875 {\an8}reproductive lives, is an economic response 489 00:27:31,881 --> 00:27:33,191 to agriculture. 490 00:27:33,330 --> 00:27:37,354 Sexual monogamy became an issue when men had property 491 00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:41,260 that they wanted to pass along to their sons, right? 492 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,529 That's when it becomes vitally important that you control your 493 00:27:45,554 --> 00:27:50,659 woman's sex life, in order to make sure that no other man's 494 00:27:50,684 --> 00:27:54,413 son is inheriting your property, your sheep, your house, 495 00:27:54,438 --> 00:27:56,136 your land, whatever it is that you've spent 496 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,417 your life accumulating. Right? 497 00:27:58,442 --> 00:28:02,610 That's why I say marriage and sexual monogamy 498 00:28:02,613 --> 00:28:04,408 is an economic issue. 499 00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:06,942 It's not biological, it's not human nature. 500 00:28:06,967 --> 00:28:09,385 It's about preserving your fortune. 501 00:28:11,747 --> 00:28:13,520 (soft music) 502 00:28:19,630 --> 00:28:21,808 When people first adopted agriculture, 503 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,677 {\an8}it made people sicker. 504 00:28:23,802 --> 00:28:27,154 {\an8}It put them in situations where they began fighting over land. 505 00:28:27,179 --> 00:28:29,948 {\an8}So when you have agriculture, you need to control land. 506 00:28:29,973 --> 00:28:32,387 {\an8}And then you need to find out, who gets that land 507 00:28:32,394 --> 00:28:34,733 {\an8}after the current occupant dies? 508 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:36,165 {\an8}And you end up with inheritance. 509 00:28:36,190 --> 00:28:37,511 {\an8}And then, when you have inheritance, 510 00:28:37,535 --> 00:28:38,935 {\an8}you can have accumulation. 511 00:28:39,055 --> 00:28:40,918 {\an8}And so that accumulation over time, 512 00:28:40,943 --> 00:28:43,086 {\an8}if one group's accumulating, another group's not, 513 00:28:43,111 --> 00:28:45,115 {\an8}you can end up with big inequalities. 514 00:28:46,465 --> 00:28:49,594 Some males are going to be sufficiently able to provide 515 00:28:49,619 --> 00:28:52,888 a lifestyle or economic well being 516 00:28:52,913 --> 00:28:54,723 for more than one wife, and so 517 00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:57,851 there will be some females who will prefer to be a second or 518 00:28:57,876 --> 00:28:59,320 third wife of a particularly 519 00:28:59,345 --> 00:29:02,064 prestigious hunter or a good farmer, 520 00:29:02,089 --> 00:29:05,651 rather than being the first wife of a not very good 521 00:29:05,676 --> 00:29:07,617 hunter or a not very good farmer. 522 00:29:08,641 --> 00:29:12,563 Most societies, 90% or so. . 523 00:29:12,851 --> 00:29:14,826 More than 90%, like 98%, 524 00:29:14,851 --> 00:29:17,689 constrain female sexuality in some way. 525 00:29:19,733 --> 00:29:22,310 {\an8}The societies that get most bent out of shape 526 00:29:22,317 --> 00:29:25,141 about any deviations by the female, 527 00:29:25,165 --> 00:29:27,429 sexually, are societies where 528 00:29:27,631 --> 00:29:29,800 it's patrilineal, patrilocal. 529 00:29:29,825 --> 00:29:33,380 The clan is important, there are ancestors to be attended to. 530 00:29:33,412 --> 00:29:36,250 So the more patriarchal, patrilineal it is, 531 00:29:36,271 --> 00:29:37,765 the more constraints there are on the female. 532 00:29:37,790 --> 00:29:39,781 Because you've got to ensure the paternity, 533 00:29:39,805 --> 00:29:41,232 and if you don't then. . 534 00:29:41,670 --> 00:29:42,923 you don't ensure the lineage. 535 00:29:43,215 --> 00:29:45,815 - So why do we have this double standard? 536 00:29:45,967 --> 00:29:48,707 Because women always know 537 00:29:48,731 --> 00:29:50,319 who their children are, and men don't. 538 00:29:51,503 --> 00:29:53,397 There's this asymmetry in the biology 539 00:29:53,421 --> 00:29:55,128 which gives rise to all this. 540 00:29:55,769 --> 00:29:56,909 (soft music) 541 00:29:57,922 --> 00:30:01,750 - [Dhruv] Human biology bestows women with eggs 542 00:30:02,357 --> 00:30:04,570 and men with muscles. 543 00:30:08,244 --> 00:30:12,009 {\an8}Men eventually began to dominate most of the resources in 544 00:30:12,034 --> 00:30:16,102 {\an8}agricultural societies that were becoming more inclined towards 545 00:30:16,123 --> 00:30:18,993 {\an8}warfare and the expansion of territory, 546 00:30:19,018 --> 00:30:20,797 {\an8}to sustain growing populations. 547 00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:22,808 {\an8}(popping noises) 548 00:30:24,517 --> 00:30:28,551 {\an8}As the practice of hunting and gathering faded, women gradually 549 00:30:28,592 --> 00:30:32,070 {\an8}lost their skills as gatherers, and eventually became dependent 550 00:30:32,095 --> 00:30:35,951 {\an8}on wealthy men who demanded virgin brides to ensure them 551 00:30:35,976 --> 00:30:37,818 {\an8}certainty of paternity. 552 00:30:38,749 --> 00:30:42,539 {\an8}After marriage, women were expected to remain monogamous, 553 00:30:42,564 --> 00:30:46,001 {\an8}but men could take on as many wives or concubines 554 00:30:46,026 --> 00:30:47,363 {\an8}as they could afford. 555 00:30:50,621 --> 00:30:51,902 {\an8}(light music) 556 00:30:52,493 --> 00:30:57,185 {\an8}By the 15th century, in the Incas of South America, 557 00:30:57,873 --> 00:31:02,790 {\an8}each wealthy lord had a harem of up to 700 women. 558 00:31:03,765 --> 00:31:06,491 Principal persons had 50 women. 559 00:31:06,515 --> 00:31:10,052 Leaders of vassal nations were allowed 30. 560 00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:12,512 Heads of provinces, 20. 561 00:31:12,823 --> 00:31:16,031 Governors of 100 people had 8, 562 00:31:16,056 --> 00:31:20,091 and chiefs were only allowed 3 women each. 563 00:31:21,006 --> 00:31:25,504 The genes of poor men were systematically weeded out. 564 00:31:30,588 --> 00:31:38,178 Meanwhile, in parts of Arabia, rich polygynous men spent lavish 565 00:31:38,203 --> 00:31:42,811 evenings in harems, while their wives could be 566 00:31:42,836 --> 00:31:44,601 stoned to death for infidelity. 567 00:31:49,259 --> 00:31:53,777 In parts of South Asia, a woman's fidelity was of such 568 00:31:53,802 --> 00:31:59,741 grave concern that it was considered honorable for a widow 569 00:31:59,766 --> 00:32:02,771 to burn on her husband's funeral pyre, 570 00:32:02,791 --> 00:32:07,633 so that her sexuality would not tempt other men. 571 00:32:07,658 --> 00:32:09,120 (flames crackling) (woman screaming) 572 00:32:12,959 --> 00:32:16,508 In China, wealthy men developed 573 00:32:16,533 --> 00:32:20,011 an erotic preference for young women 574 00:32:20,036 --> 00:32:24,773 whose feet had been broken and bound from an early age, 575 00:32:24,798 --> 00:32:29,689 rendering them immobile and probably unable to act on any 576 00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:31,651 promiscuous impulses. 577 00:32:36,476 --> 00:32:41,950 {\an8}In parts of polygynous Africa, the clitoris of young girls 578 00:32:41,975 --> 00:32:45,550 would be cut out, and their labia sewn shut 579 00:32:45,574 --> 00:32:47,789 to ensure their virginity, 580 00:32:47,814 --> 00:32:52,334 while replacing the pleasure of sex with pain. 581 00:32:55,089 --> 00:32:59,557 {\an8}This brutal practice also reared its head in the United States, 582 00:32:59,578 --> 00:33:03,408 {\an8}and Europe as a way to suppress female libido. 583 00:33:04,374 --> 00:33:08,701 {\an8}And, in as recent as 1822, 584 00:33:08,725 --> 00:33:12,022 a surgeon in Berlin cut out the clitoris 585 00:33:12,047 --> 00:33:17,012 of a teenage girl, because she enjoyed masturbating frequently. 586 00:33:18,943 --> 00:33:22,449 [Dr. Ryan] Jared Diamond said agriculture is the worst mistake 587 00:33:22,474 --> 00:33:24,491 in the history of the human race, 588 00:33:24,516 --> 00:33:26,936 and certainly from a woman's perspective. 589 00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:28,964 It was a disaster. 590 00:33:29,983 --> 00:33:32,392 (bell jingling) 591 00:33:35,072 --> 00:33:39,303 (reading in foreign language) 592 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:40,845 - Deepak listen to me, you know. . 593 00:33:40,869 --> 00:33:43,223 This your secretary should do, why am I doing it? 594 00:33:43,247 --> 00:33:44,808 - Falcon Associates. . 595 00:33:44,832 --> 00:33:46,768 - I mean no help I get from your office. 596 00:33:46,792 --> 00:33:48,209 - Manju just leave it then! Just leave it! 597 00:33:49,002 --> 00:33:50,268 You're not understanding! 598 00:33:50,292 --> 00:33:51,716 Homai has to decide who we're inviting! 599 00:33:51,741 --> 00:33:53,807 - No! Homai has been sent two lists. 600 00:33:53,926 --> 00:33:56,114 - No. It's all. . unclear, - And she has to decide. . 601 00:33:56,135 --> 00:33:57,356 - Unclear! There's nothing unclear! 602 00:33:57,381 --> 00:33:58,822 - Open the mail! - Give clear instructions. 603 00:33:58,850 --> 00:34:00,180 Open the mail and see what is unclear. . 604 00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:01,233 - Ok it's unclear I'm saying. 605 00:34:01,263 --> 00:34:02,975 - No! Open the mail, I want to see my covering mail. 606 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,186 - Ok, open. - No. . open the mail! 607 00:34:04,685 --> 00:34:05,784 - Manju, I don't have the time. 608 00:34:05,809 --> 00:34:07,146 - You can't make an accusation against me 609 00:34:07,169 --> 00:34:08,684 because I don't write anything that's unclear. 610 00:34:08,708 --> 00:34:09,928 - Ok, let's leave it. 611 00:34:09,952 --> 00:34:11,249 - You're such an idiot really! 612 00:34:11,273 --> 00:34:12,500 You know that's what you are. 613 00:34:12,524 --> 00:34:14,072 - In this much time you would have finished it! 614 00:34:14,097 --> 00:34:16,232 Because all you want to do is. . - You're not willing to admit. . 615 00:34:16,257 --> 00:34:17,857 - Chew up my brains. 616 00:34:18,989 --> 00:34:20,075 - Do you want to finish it or no? 617 00:34:20,085 --> 00:34:21,182 - Ya! 618 00:34:21,615 --> 00:34:23,215 - Falcon Associates. 619 00:34:24,421 --> 00:34:26,641 Under that Emily Oman and Giselle. . 620 00:34:26,665 --> 00:34:27,684 That's it. 621 00:34:27,708 --> 00:34:29,517 I mean this is what your secretary had to do. 622 00:34:29,543 --> 00:34:30,934 She had to look at this list and she had 623 00:34:30,959 --> 00:34:33,188 to look at this list and see what's missing. 624 00:34:33,213 --> 00:34:35,070 That's all and then she had to compile it together. 625 00:34:37,549 --> 00:34:40,260 - What are you going to do with this? You've left those! 626 00:34:40,397 --> 00:34:42,445 - You don't do anything yourself 627 00:34:42,470 --> 00:34:44,076 and make me into a secretary. 628 00:34:44,850 --> 00:34:45,970 It's not fair! 629 00:34:46,368 --> 00:34:47,368 (object clatters) 630 00:34:53,589 --> 00:34:59,104 - [Dhruv] How would you describe our parents' relationship? 631 00:35:00,340 --> 00:35:02,745 Up, down, at best. 632 00:35:04,787 --> 00:35:07,372 I don't think there is an ideal word, why? 633 00:35:13,962 --> 00:35:15,311 I mean, like, kids go through it. 634 00:35:15,337 --> 00:35:16,842 I mean, we went through 635 00:35:16,866 --> 00:35:18,795 some pretty weird and bad shit, but. . 636 00:35:18,820 --> 00:35:20,647 I guess some kids had it even worse. 637 00:35:22,589 --> 00:35:23,631 Right? 638 00:35:26,767 --> 00:35:29,562 - It definitely turned me off the idea of marriage, 639 00:35:29,587 --> 00:35:31,494 you know, when I was growing up. 640 00:35:31,563 --> 00:35:34,507 It really really had a big effect on me and. . 641 00:35:35,490 --> 00:35:37,340 I'm amazed it didn't have that effect on you. . 642 00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:40,247 And I just wonder is it. . what’s wrong with me? 643 00:35:40,697 --> 00:35:42,532 No, I think you use it as a crutch. 644 00:35:44,297 --> 00:35:47,785 Your parents smoked and drank, that didn't stop you or make you 645 00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:50,588 averse to smoking or drinking, right? 646 00:35:53,656 --> 00:35:55,355 - [Dhruv] Yeah! Yeah! 647 00:35:55,379 --> 00:35:56,419 (dog panting) 648 00:35:58,241 --> 00:35:59,289 Yeah! 649 00:35:59,314 --> 00:36:00,360 (bird caws) 650 00:36:00,384 --> 00:36:02,489 Come on Dukester! (phone rings) 651 00:36:02,884 --> 00:36:03,887 [Dhruv] Hey! 652 00:36:03,924 --> 00:36:05,365 [Hannah] I miss you baby. 653 00:36:05,389 --> 00:36:07,642 Good morning! Here I am. 654 00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:09,733 Someone sounds happy today huh? 655 00:36:09,977 --> 00:36:11,657 Happy birthday my love. 656 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,859 (kissing sounds) Thank you baby. 657 00:36:17,693 --> 00:36:18,693 I love you. 658 00:36:18,918 --> 00:36:20,922 Go out for a coffee with him, I also. . 659 00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:22,306 - No. No! - Why not? 660 00:36:22,330 --> 00:36:24,339 - I don't want to. - Just do it. 661 00:36:24,364 --> 00:36:25,451 - I don't like him. 662 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,601 Look at me, here I am forcing my girlfriend 663 00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,161 to go out for a coffee with someone. 664 00:36:29,185 --> 00:36:32,198 No it's just because I wanna feel, like I just wanna. . 665 00:36:32,222 --> 00:36:33,222 - That guy. . 666 00:36:34,028 --> 00:36:37,313 No, I don't like wasting my time on that guy especially. 667 00:36:37,337 --> 00:36:38,337 - Ok, fine. 668 00:36:39,328 --> 00:36:42,082 Dhruv, you would be ok if Hannah (Hang) was. . 669 00:36:42,107 --> 00:36:44,320 had a physical encounter. You'd be ok? 670 00:36:44,344 --> 00:36:45,932 - Well, I'm willing to accept it 671 00:36:45,956 --> 00:36:47,587 if this is what I want in my own life. 672 00:36:47,962 --> 00:36:49,415 No, it won't work. 673 00:36:49,439 --> 00:36:51,119 I mean even at this age. 674 00:36:51,676 --> 00:36:54,842 He's 64, he's old. I'm 62! 675 00:36:54,866 --> 00:36:56,505 But if I see him chatting up a female 676 00:36:56,530 --> 00:36:58,632 a little too long, I'm uncomfortable. 677 00:36:58,817 --> 00:37:01,195 What is the definition of marriage, now 678 00:37:01,321 --> 00:37:03,001 these things are not. . 679 00:37:03,489 --> 00:37:05,401 carved in stone, they're not static. 680 00:37:05,476 --> 00:37:07,156 Marriage cannot evolve 681 00:37:07,576 --> 00:37:09,760 because marriage was. . - Not a. . not a marriage. 682 00:37:09,784 --> 00:37:11,233 I'm saying the definition of marriage. 683 00:37:11,257 --> 00:37:12,964 - It cannot evolve. . - The concept of marriage. 684 00:37:12,989 --> 00:37:14,152 - It's never evolved, it hasn't. 685 00:37:14,177 --> 00:37:16,063 People have tried to change it but it has not evolved. 686 00:37:16,088 --> 00:37:17,513 - No, it has evolved. It has evolved. 687 00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:19,040 There is no evolutionary process to marriage. 688 00:37:19,065 --> 00:37:20,868 - If you go back 100 years in different societies. . 689 00:37:20,881 --> 00:37:22,539 - You marry for one reason and that's procreation. 690 00:37:22,564 --> 00:37:23,806 - . Take our society. - To procreate, 691 00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:25,620 to build a family, to build a home, to build a life. . 692 00:37:25,645 --> 00:37:28,466 to have a companion, to have children. . that's it! 693 00:37:28,931 --> 00:37:30,040 And if you're going to get into 694 00:37:30,065 --> 00:37:31,992 dillying-dallying and open relationships, 695 00:37:32,017 --> 00:37:33,391 your kids are going to get fucked up, 696 00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:34,456 and everything else is. . 697 00:37:34,481 --> 00:37:37,124 You're going to fuck your lives up, frankly speaking. 698 00:37:42,196 --> 00:37:43,536 - Sorry did you want to say something? 699 00:37:43,561 --> 00:37:45,217 {\an8} No, I was going to ask you. 700 00:37:45,297 --> 00:37:48,765 {\an8}That don't you have any sorts of things, 701 00:37:48,790 --> 00:37:51,987 {\an8}that you'd like to have a family, you'd like to. . 702 00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:57,164 also have children who. . you know, you can. . 703 00:37:57,749 --> 00:38:03,590 like we've enjoyed having you and your brother. . 704 00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:06,487 Don't you have those thoughts? 705 00:38:06,802 --> 00:38:08,602 - I do have those thoughts, 706 00:38:09,179 --> 00:38:11,446 but I am still reconciling them. 707 00:38:12,215 --> 00:38:14,122 Why do you think I should get married? 708 00:38:17,310 --> 00:38:20,620 For the same reason I got married, for the same reason 709 00:38:20,645 --> 00:38:24,014 that my father got married and the whole world. 710 00:38:24,788 --> 00:38:28,341 I mean, in our lives we never questioned it now. . 711 00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:32,230 - Monogamy is a vow in marriage. 712 00:38:32,327 --> 00:38:33,447 Is that right? 713 00:38:35,497 --> 00:38:37,254 I guess so, I guess so. . 714 00:38:38,075 --> 00:38:39,529 - Because that's the only thing that scares 715 00:38:39,553 --> 00:38:40,705 the shit out of me with it. 716 00:38:41,216 --> 00:38:44,200 What percentage do you think are really. . 717 00:38:44,548 --> 00:38:46,114 really live by that vow? 718 00:38:52,766 --> 00:38:54,335 And the truth is, you know men, I mean 719 00:38:54,359 --> 00:38:56,157 I don't know why men don't. . 720 00:38:56,182 --> 00:38:57,524 but eventually. . 721 00:38:57,982 --> 00:38:59,414 let's say. . 722 00:39:02,797 --> 00:39:05,840 Minutes after a man has come, 723 00:39:05,864 --> 00:39:11,877 the thought goes through, "What the fuck, was is it worth it?" 724 00:39:11,956 --> 00:39:12,956 You know? 725 00:39:13,646 --> 00:39:15,427 I'm telling you my own thing. 726 00:39:15,452 --> 00:39:17,542 I've often said, "Listen I could have just masturbated. " 727 00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:19,460 You know? 728 00:39:20,678 --> 00:39:23,375 That's why I said man is inherently I think. . 729 00:39:25,010 --> 00:39:26,498 Just made that way. 730 00:39:33,098 --> 00:39:36,299 But I want to comment that, 731 00:39:36,323 --> 00:39:41,661 I agree that, emotional monogamy, 732 00:39:41,686 --> 00:39:45,197 emotional honesty, emotional. . 733 00:39:45,818 --> 00:39:47,566 Is more important. 734 00:39:48,860 --> 00:39:50,447 (soft music) 735 00:39:55,106 --> 00:39:56,969 - [Dhruv] Casual sex at swinger clubs 736 00:39:56,994 --> 00:39:59,141 wasn't really what I was looking for. 737 00:39:59,613 --> 00:40:03,558 I needed deeper and more intimate connections with women 738 00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,677 to enjoy the sex. 739 00:40:06,494 --> 00:40:09,888 And while I was in Dubai, I slept with the girl 740 00:40:09,913 --> 00:40:11,246 that I'd been texting. 741 00:40:12,425 --> 00:40:16,332 So when I flew back to Vancouver, I had to tell Hang 742 00:40:16,348 --> 00:40:18,989 because I couldn't lie to her. 743 00:40:23,279 --> 00:40:24,525 Well I wasn't enjoying it because 744 00:40:24,550 --> 00:40:26,424 I was just like, shit, I. . 745 00:40:27,484 --> 00:40:30,406 know that this is. . this is something that 746 00:40:30,988 --> 00:40:32,757 Hang will not like and. . 747 00:40:33,866 --> 00:40:35,865 the reason I did it also was because. . 748 00:40:38,328 --> 00:40:41,228 I didn't want to have it sitting in my head. 749 00:40:41,502 --> 00:40:42,502 But. . 750 00:40:43,624 --> 00:40:45,304 I'm sorry for doing it. 751 00:40:45,885 --> 00:40:46,885 (Hang sniffs) 752 00:40:48,328 --> 00:40:49,608 (sirens wailing) 753 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,511 Hm, Hang. . 754 00:40:52,199 --> 00:40:54,215 Come on, talk to me. . 755 00:40:55,572 --> 00:40:58,616 I give you that freedom and sometimes I wonder like. . 756 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,582 even though you have that freedom, but is it, like. . 757 00:41:01,891 --> 00:41:03,520 should you just like. . 758 00:41:03,545 --> 00:41:07,152 maybe I'll just keep my body for her or something like that. 759 00:41:07,176 --> 00:41:09,377 Like, do you sometimes wonder like that? 760 00:41:09,401 --> 00:41:11,733 Or are you just like, yeah I have that freedom, 761 00:41:11,985 --> 00:41:13,489 I'll just go for it. 762 00:41:14,416 --> 00:41:15,800 - This is my sexual needs. 763 00:41:15,824 --> 00:41:18,325 This is about me, it's not about her. 764 00:41:18,349 --> 00:41:19,469 It's about me. 765 00:41:20,087 --> 00:41:21,658 Like, you're in a relationship with me. 766 00:41:21,663 --> 00:41:24,488 I lie here at night watching porn most often, 767 00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,366 trying to find different porn to stimulate 768 00:41:26,391 --> 00:41:28,602 my mind because I'm just very sexually bored. 769 00:41:35,796 --> 00:41:38,260 Sex life goes down it's not because 770 00:41:38,803 --> 00:41:40,766 you're getting bored or anything, 771 00:41:40,772 --> 00:41:43,685 it's because of so much drama in the relationship, 772 00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:46,198 that it's actually torn the people apart. 773 00:41:46,855 --> 00:41:47,855 (sobs) 774 00:41:49,927 --> 00:41:51,395 (soft music) 775 00:42:12,502 --> 00:42:15,148 (crying) Sometimes, don't you have a feeling that is like. . 776 00:42:15,173 --> 00:42:16,802 "She is more special"? 777 00:42:17,383 --> 00:42:22,683 - [Manjula] Sexual fidelity is a basic tenet of marriage. 778 00:42:22,703 --> 00:42:26,005 - [Deepak] What percentage do you think are really. . 779 00:42:26,029 --> 00:42:28,178 really live by that vow? 780 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,066 - [Manjula] You can't want to revolutionize marriage. 781 00:42:32,398 --> 00:42:34,722 You know, it's your life, and it's your decision, 782 00:42:34,746 --> 00:42:36,364 but I would just advise you that Dhruv, 783 00:42:36,388 --> 00:42:38,268 that you're asking for a lot of pain. 784 00:42:54,128 --> 00:42:56,894 (machine whirring) 785 00:43:06,923 --> 00:43:07,923 (soft music) 786 00:43:10,514 --> 00:43:13,502 - [Dr. Barash] What happened in the evolution, and again, 787 00:43:13,535 --> 00:43:16,667 {\an8}I use it as sort of "cultural evolution" of monogamy, 788 00:43:16,692 --> 00:43:19,003 {\an8}was essentially a trade off 789 00:43:19,028 --> 00:43:23,007 {\an8}where a wealthy, more powerful man agreed to forgo 790 00:43:23,032 --> 00:43:26,886 some of their reproductive advantages in return for 791 00:43:26,911 --> 00:43:32,100 a degree of social stability 792 00:43:32,125 --> 00:43:35,088 on the part of men who would otherwise be really troublesome. 793 00:43:35,119 --> 00:43:37,438 {\an8}- One of the advantages that monogamous 794 00:43:37,463 --> 00:43:42,026 {\an8}marriage institutions have is that polygyny. . 795 00:43:42,051 --> 00:43:46,350 {\an8}because the richest men in the society take extra wives. 796 00:43:46,365 --> 00:43:48,367 {\an8}That leaves very few wives or no wives 797 00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:49,661 {\an8}for the poorest men in society. 798 00:43:49,976 --> 00:43:53,148 You have a large number of men who essentially have no mates 799 00:43:53,181 --> 00:43:54,345 for their entire lives. 800 00:43:54,399 --> 00:44:00,336 So in the Middle Ages it became a kind of social movement 801 00:44:00,361 --> 00:44:03,742 to have more males be able to get married, whereas in 802 00:44:03,781 --> 00:44:06,333 a polygamous society, they couldn't. 803 00:44:06,662 --> 00:44:10,420 So in many ways, one could say that monogamy was a force to 804 00:44:10,445 --> 00:44:14,672 enable ordinary men, men who were say less than six feet tall 805 00:44:15,035 --> 00:44:18,180 or a little bit overweight, or not exceptionally rich, 806 00:44:18,205 --> 00:44:19,904 to have partners. 807 00:44:21,585 --> 00:44:23,707 - [Dr. Barash] Really, the ones who gained by monogamy is 808 00:44:23,718 --> 00:44:25,310 not so much the women but the men. 809 00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:29,143 The men who would otherwise be excluded in a harem situation. 810 00:44:29,265 --> 00:44:32,747 The first step on the road to egalitarianism in Europe 811 00:44:32,771 --> 00:44:35,487 was the spread of monogamous marriage. 812 00:44:35,730 --> 00:44:38,159 Because this was the first time that kings were 813 00:44:38,184 --> 00:44:41,405 set on the same standard as everybody else. 814 00:44:41,447 --> 00:44:43,298 So they could only have one wife and the poorest 815 00:44:43,323 --> 00:44:45,174 guy in the community could only have one wife. 816 00:44:45,531 --> 00:44:47,505 And of course, you know, the kings figured 817 00:44:47,529 --> 00:44:49,260 out lots of ways to get around this 818 00:44:49,304 --> 00:44:52,935 and lots of ways to try to beat the system, but the church was 819 00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,485 this independent agent that kept pushing them. 820 00:44:56,144 --> 00:44:57,632 - So it was really religion that. . 821 00:44:57,975 --> 00:44:59,533 Yeah, it was religion. 822 00:44:59,795 --> 00:45:01,143 And it's not just any religion. 823 00:45:01,167 --> 00:45:03,338 It's specifically Catholic Christianity. 824 00:45:03,710 --> 00:45:05,822 Well that's why the history of the West is so interesting, 825 00:45:05,847 --> 00:45:08,178 because we actually see that. 826 00:45:08,205 --> 00:45:11,135 {\an8}So there's Jesuit missionaries who go to China, 827 00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:13,201 {\an8}and they've convinced one Chinese 828 00:45:13,226 --> 00:45:15,105 {\an8}emperor to convert to Christianity. 829 00:45:15,127 --> 00:45:18,664 {\an8}And he's just about ready to do his baptism, 830 00:45:18,689 --> 00:45:21,111 and then he finds out about the monogamy thing. 831 00:45:21,295 --> 00:45:22,813 And then he's like, "Whoa. 832 00:45:23,655 --> 00:45:25,942 Cancel the plans for the baptism. " 833 00:45:26,429 --> 00:45:29,675 And so he didn't become a Christian and Christianity 834 00:45:29,700 --> 00:45:32,164 didn't spread, at that point in China. 835 00:45:33,033 --> 00:45:34,641 Meanwhile in Europe they didn't have 836 00:45:34,665 --> 00:45:36,273 a choice because the church was there. 837 00:45:36,541 --> 00:45:38,482 And they were converting all the common people, 838 00:45:38,507 --> 00:45:40,747 and they were delegitimizing the leaders' children, 839 00:45:40,811 --> 00:45:42,227 and the Pope was writing letters 840 00:45:42,251 --> 00:45:46,020 and century after century forced these guys to come into line, 841 00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,615 because their sons couldn't inherit if they didn't. 842 00:45:49,762 --> 00:45:52,086 - [Dhruv] Monogamy was recognized 843 00:45:52,110 --> 00:45:54,143 for its egalitarian advantages 844 00:45:54,433 --> 00:45:57,056 by the ancient Romans and the Greeks, 845 00:45:57,081 --> 00:45:59,652 well before the birth of Christianity. 846 00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,918 It's just that they were not very good 847 00:46:03,943 --> 00:46:05,823 at practicing what they preached. 848 00:46:07,979 --> 00:46:13,010 {\an8}In 325 CE, monogamy was declared a law 849 00:46:13,035 --> 00:46:16,257 {\an8}in Christianity at the Council of Nicaea. 850 00:46:16,728 --> 00:46:20,871 But it took the Catholic church another 400 years to convert 851 00:46:20,879 --> 00:46:24,358 Europe from being polygynous to monogamous. 852 00:46:26,593 --> 00:46:30,871 {\an8}By the 7th century, most of Europe had abolished polygyny, 853 00:46:30,896 --> 00:46:34,609 {\an8}and as Christian values spread with colonialism 854 00:46:34,642 --> 00:46:37,008 {\an8}and the Westernization of the world, 855 00:46:37,226 --> 00:46:42,484 {\an8}other non-Islamic countries also began to outlaw polygyny. 856 00:46:42,523 --> 00:46:45,237 {\an8}(popping and booming noises) 857 00:46:45,396 --> 00:46:47,062 {\an8}(soft music) 858 00:46:48,627 --> 00:46:52,142 However, married men could still sleep around 859 00:46:52,166 --> 00:46:56,483 without much repercussion, right up until the 1960's. 860 00:46:56,937 --> 00:46:58,186 (indistinct chatter) 861 00:46:58,335 --> 00:47:01,025 But the second half of the 20th century 862 00:47:01,049 --> 00:47:03,739 ushered in a new era of equal rights, 863 00:47:03,763 --> 00:47:08,311 and the women's rights movement finally began to gain momentum. 864 00:47:08,531 --> 00:47:10,668 {\an8}- [Narrator] These marching people were not merely voters to 865 00:47:10,693 --> 00:47:12,795 {\an8}Franklin Roosevelt, they were human beings. 866 00:47:13,638 --> 00:47:15,961 - [Dhruv] Women started to regain their independence 867 00:47:15,985 --> 00:47:18,973 and demanded equal treatment on various fronts. 868 00:47:19,268 --> 00:47:21,940 (Crowd chanting) Equal Pay! 869 00:47:21,979 --> 00:47:24,578 I say "Equal" you say "Pay!" 870 00:47:25,152 --> 00:47:27,325 - [Dhruv] The movement spread to other parts of the world, 871 00:47:27,350 --> 00:47:29,056 and by the mid 1970s, 872 00:47:29,385 --> 00:47:32,023 most democratic nations began to recognize 873 00:47:32,048 --> 00:47:36,769 marriage as a legal union between two equal citizens. 874 00:47:37,952 --> 00:47:42,048 Male infidelity now became firm grounds for divorce. 875 00:47:42,775 --> 00:47:46,062 Laws were changed to make men liable to pay alimony 876 00:47:46,086 --> 00:47:50,062 and child support, and both husband and wife 877 00:47:50,086 --> 00:47:53,422 {\an8}were now expected to remain monogamous. 878 00:47:54,919 --> 00:47:59,046 {\an8}- [Dr. Ryan] We came to a point in western society where 879 00:47:59,071 --> 00:48:06,332 {\an8}we had to choose either to. . allow women 880 00:48:06,357 --> 00:48:08,918 to have the same freedom that men 881 00:48:08,943 --> 00:48:12,908 had always enjoyed, which is yes, you've got your marriage, 882 00:48:12,922 --> 00:48:16,074 you've got your family, but you can play around as long as 883 00:48:16,099 --> 00:48:17,972 you're discreet and don't do anything 884 00:48:17,997 --> 00:48:19,515 that's going to hurt the family. 885 00:48:20,142 --> 00:48:25,142 Or, we force men into the same trap 886 00:48:25,167 --> 00:48:27,802 that women had been in for thousands of years. 887 00:48:28,382 --> 00:48:33,183 And in the 60's, it sort of split, and people went in two 888 00:48:33,208 --> 00:48:36,538 different directions, but the society as a whole has sort of 889 00:48:36,554 --> 00:48:39,059 moved towards saying, "No, men have 890 00:48:39,095 --> 00:48:42,410 to follow the same rules that women have. . 891 00:48:42,435 --> 00:48:44,420 been forced into for all this time. " 892 00:48:45,062 --> 00:48:47,401 But that's what's lead us to this crisis 893 00:48:47,406 --> 00:48:49,499 that we're at now with monogamy. 894 00:48:51,254 --> 00:48:53,152 (soft music) 895 00:48:58,627 --> 00:49:01,167 (train rumbling) 896 00:49:08,035 --> 00:49:10,866 - {\an8}[Dhruv] There's this huge breach that's taken place 897 00:49:10,891 --> 00:49:12,738 {\an8}with the Ashley Madison site. 898 00:49:13,869 --> 00:49:18,005 Half the people on there are from the UN, White House, 899 00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:19,833 Bank of America, and they've used all 900 00:49:19,858 --> 00:49:22,628 their actual corporate email addresses. 901 00:49:25,864 --> 00:49:29,472 See, some of this is Sony, people at Sony. 902 00:49:30,237 --> 00:49:32,058 University of Texas. 903 00:49:32,693 --> 00:49:35,714 This is Bank of America, 904 00:49:35,738 --> 00:49:38,164 all the email addresses at Bank of America. 905 00:49:39,412 --> 00:49:42,256 The Ashley Madison thing used to be, 906 00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,213 life is short, have an affair. 907 00:49:44,237 --> 00:49:46,603 Now people are saying it should be 908 00:49:46,627 --> 00:49:48,730 {\an8}life is short, get an attorney. 909 00:49:48,754 --> 00:49:49,754 (Hang laughs) 910 00:49:50,672 --> 00:49:52,244 - [Hang] Divorce lawyer. 911 00:49:52,268 --> 00:49:53,268 {\an8}- Hm? 912 00:49:53,374 --> 00:49:54,494 {\an8}(Dhruv laughs) 913 00:49:54,757 --> 00:49:56,386 (indistinct) 914 00:49:57,551 --> 00:49:58,672 - It's not like all the people. . 915 00:49:58,696 --> 00:50:00,599 - This is all the places in the world 916 00:50:01,388 --> 00:50:03,157 where they have Ashley Madison accounts. 917 00:50:03,182 --> 00:50:04,353 - [Hannah] Wow. - [Dhruv] Yeah. 918 00:50:04,383 --> 00:50:08,142 People try to defend it by saying, "People have affairs 919 00:50:09,188 --> 00:50:11,361 because they want to keep their marriages going. " 920 00:50:12,502 --> 00:50:13,502 {\an8}(indistinct) 921 00:50:13,692 --> 00:50:16,170 {\an8}"I would cheat long before I would get a divorce, if you have 922 00:50:16,195 --> 00:50:18,464 {\an8}children that you love and a home that you built together and 923 00:50:18,489 --> 00:50:20,953 {\an8}a future that you planned, why would you 924 00:50:20,994 --> 00:50:22,558 {\an8}give that up just for sex?" 925 00:50:23,118 --> 00:50:24,256 {\an8}"The reason people have affairs 926 00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,387 {\an8}is that they want to stay married. " 927 00:50:29,236 --> 00:50:32,244 Why do we get jealous? What is jealousy anyway? 928 00:50:33,966 --> 00:50:36,299 Tell me the definition of jealousy. 929 00:50:36,771 --> 00:50:38,284 - Definition? - Mmhm. 930 00:50:38,342 --> 00:50:40,305 - The definition of jealousy, let's look it up. 931 00:50:40,405 --> 00:50:41,405 (Hang laughs) 932 00:50:43,183 --> 00:50:46,308 Jealousy. 933 00:50:51,571 --> 00:50:52,967 "Showing suspicion of someone's 934 00:50:52,991 --> 00:50:54,754 unfaithfulness in a relationship. " 935 00:50:59,603 --> 00:51:00,603 So. 936 00:51:06,290 --> 00:51:08,597 I don't think I've learned very much about non-monogamy. 937 00:51:08,622 --> 00:51:10,544 I think I've learned a lot about monogamy. 938 00:51:11,047 --> 00:51:12,047 (wind) 939 00:51:12,209 --> 00:51:14,214 There's still a lot to learn about non monogamy. 940 00:51:15,622 --> 00:51:17,898 - [Dr. Barash] I don't think it's possible to really 941 00:51:17,923 --> 00:51:20,150 transcend sexual jealousy. 942 00:51:20,175 --> 00:51:23,056 {\an8}The notion of love, you know, "Spread the love around, 943 00:51:23,072 --> 00:51:24,947 {\an8}what could be bad about that?" 944 00:51:24,972 --> 00:51:30,035 {\an8}is itself very attractive, but there will be this gnawing sense 945 00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:32,204 of sexual jealousy that's involved because 946 00:51:32,229 --> 00:51:34,900 for millions and millions of years, 947 00:51:34,924 --> 00:51:37,213 these two were not divorced. 948 00:51:37,565 --> 00:51:41,873 Sexual behavior with someone else carried with it the risk of 949 00:51:41,906 --> 00:51:47,303 either reproducing with that other person, or tending to 950 00:51:47,328 --> 00:51:50,097 destabilize the preexisting relationship. 951 00:51:50,122 --> 00:51:52,600 If someone after having a sexual relationship with someone else, 952 00:51:52,625 --> 00:51:55,601 decides to choose that person in preference. 953 00:51:56,067 --> 00:51:58,814 So I think that even if we could prevent. . even if we could. . 954 00:51:58,839 --> 00:52:04,169 guarantee non reproduction, that would not end sexual jealousy. 955 00:52:04,178 --> 00:52:06,531 It might diminish it a little bit. 956 00:52:06,556 --> 00:52:08,121 Say, "Well at least he's not going 957 00:52:08,146 --> 00:52:09,926 to have a kid with this lady. " 958 00:52:10,278 --> 00:52:13,669 But the fact that he's having sex with her is going to be seen 959 00:52:13,694 --> 00:52:16,165 as threatening to the woman, I think as long as we are 960 00:52:16,190 --> 00:52:18,445 biological creatures, which is to say forever. 961 00:52:18,476 --> 00:52:21,206 I think you're defining something 962 00:52:21,238 --> 00:52:22,401 different than I am. 963 00:52:22,426 --> 00:52:24,028 I don't agree with you. 964 00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:27,078 I think you're talking about betrayal. 965 00:52:27,663 --> 00:52:29,181 I think you're talking about cheating. 966 00:52:29,491 --> 00:52:33,474 And I think the effects of being cheated on, whether it's cheated 967 00:52:33,499 --> 00:52:35,768 in cards or cheated in money or cheated in 968 00:52:35,793 --> 00:52:39,147 a real estate transaction, always hurts. 969 00:52:40,881 --> 00:52:44,881 But if you're talking about a group of people who are not 970 00:52:44,905 --> 00:52:46,988 already in committed relationships, 971 00:52:47,558 --> 00:52:49,114 and they maybe want to have 972 00:52:49,139 --> 00:52:51,881 multiple partners and they're doing it openly. 973 00:52:52,146 --> 00:52:58,165 With the technology in place of protection if there is a baby, 974 00:52:58,190 --> 00:53:02,044 and good contraception, then I think, I'm more optimistic than 975 00:53:02,069 --> 00:53:05,200 you are that a free love scenario is possible 976 00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,077 there with transparency. 977 00:53:07,092 --> 00:53:08,948 - I agree. - Then I don't see a problem. 978 00:53:08,973 --> 00:53:10,315 - Outside of a committed relationship, 979 00:53:10,339 --> 00:53:11,708 there's not likely to be a problem. 980 00:53:11,733 --> 00:53:13,467 But in a committed relationship, I think there would. 981 00:53:13,497 --> 00:53:14,960 - Furthermore, the people I know 982 00:53:14,969 --> 00:53:16,021 who are polyamorous, 983 00:53:16,041 --> 00:53:17,781 we're friends, I'm friends with 984 00:53:17,805 --> 00:53:19,298 a lady you should interview named 985 00:53:19,336 --> 00:53:21,814 Dossie Easton, who is the author of a book 986 00:53:21,839 --> 00:53:23,186 called the Ethical Slut. 987 00:53:24,052 --> 00:53:27,027 And Dossie is a. . - Outside San Francisco. 988 00:53:27,052 --> 00:53:30,142 - She's a 70 year old somewhat, bright red hair. 989 00:53:30,180 --> 00:53:31,602 The most out-there person 990 00:53:31,622 --> 00:53:34,288 I think in some ways I've ever met. 991 00:53:35,647 --> 00:53:37,750 {\an8}Ok. We got it rolling? 992 00:53:37,775 --> 00:53:38,823 {\an8}- Mm hmm. 993 00:53:38,843 --> 00:53:41,024 {\an8}Some people seem to think that a ring around 994 00:53:41,069 --> 00:53:45,265 the finger will lead to a nerve block to the genitals, 995 00:53:45,290 --> 00:53:47,423 and that they will never be turned on to anyone else 996 00:53:47,448 --> 00:53:50,351 once somebody pledges their troth as it were. 997 00:53:51,577 --> 00:53:53,573 And that's just plain not true. 998 00:53:53,624 --> 00:53:55,305 Why do we lie about our desires? 999 00:53:55,330 --> 00:53:57,744 We've been told it makes us a bad person. 1000 00:53:58,410 --> 00:54:01,491 We've been told that our desire for someone else 1001 00:54:01,515 --> 00:54:03,523 means we don't really love our partner. 1002 00:54:05,552 --> 00:54:07,512 And then what are you going to do with the kids, you know! 1003 00:54:08,889 --> 00:54:12,740 We've been told that we are a bad. . 1004 00:54:12,765 --> 00:54:14,978 that, you know, we're a sex addict, 1005 00:54:15,017 --> 00:54:18,037 we're compulsive, we can't do intimacy, whatever intimacy 1006 00:54:18,062 --> 00:54:20,798 we think we have in our partner isn't real intimacy. 1007 00:54:21,401 --> 00:54:23,324 Whatever love we think we share isn't real love, 1008 00:54:23,349 --> 00:54:26,274 this isn't true love, and I must not be the one. 1009 00:54:27,341 --> 00:54:30,432 Of course since for me, that would be about the thousandth, 1010 00:54:31,333 --> 00:54:33,594 this concept of the one looks pretty stupid. 1011 00:54:33,705 --> 00:54:37,341 But this is what our whole cultural mythology tells us. 1012 00:54:38,620 --> 00:54:43,979 Is it natural for humans to get jealous, to feel what they want, 1013 00:54:44,004 --> 00:54:46,802 to feel sad about that when they see someone else get it? 1014 00:54:46,824 --> 00:54:47,881 Yeah, sure. 1015 00:54:47,905 --> 00:54:49,213 Why not? 1016 00:54:49,218 --> 00:54:52,950 But we teach children how to deal with sibling rivalry. 1017 00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:55,359 Sibling rivalry is natural. 1018 00:54:55,644 --> 00:54:58,651 Our parents only had so much time and so much energy 1019 00:54:59,677 --> 00:55:03,557 So sometimes, one of us got some and one of us didn't. 1020 00:55:03,582 --> 00:55:05,835 You know, it's not like that never happens. 1021 00:55:07,045 --> 00:55:10,655 But we expect to learn to deal with that kind of jealousy. 1022 00:55:11,268 --> 00:55:14,777 So why would we imagine that sexual jealousy is somehow so 1023 00:55:14,802 --> 00:55:18,363 vastly worse than any other kind of jealousy? 1024 00:55:18,388 --> 00:55:20,544 And that is the thing that I question. 1025 00:55:22,702 --> 00:55:24,350 (soft music) 1026 00:55:30,012 --> 00:55:32,651 ♪ Oh my summer love ♪ 1027 00:55:33,011 --> 00:55:38,660 ♪ You're the only one that I dream of. . ♪ 1028 00:55:39,188 --> 00:55:41,134 - [Dhruv] We'd heard of this conference taking place on 1029 00:55:41,159 --> 00:55:46,635 the future of monogamy and non monogamy, in California. 1030 00:55:46,660 --> 00:55:47,911 At Berkeley. 1031 00:55:48,402 --> 00:55:51,992 We went there, more as film makers than participants. 1032 00:55:52,366 --> 00:55:53,842 I mean, it was a good exercise to meet 1033 00:55:53,867 --> 00:55:55,628 people who are practicing it and. . 1034 00:55:56,254 --> 00:55:57,465 see whether we fit in. 1035 00:55:58,829 --> 00:56:01,181 - There's this assumption that 1036 00:56:01,206 --> 00:56:03,128 a monogamous one-on-one relationship 1037 00:56:03,167 --> 00:56:06,804 involves more intimacy because it's exclusive and whatnot. 1038 00:56:06,882 --> 00:56:08,236 Do you think that's true? 1039 00:56:08,714 --> 00:56:10,594 Do you think you experience anything different in poly. . 1040 00:56:10,627 --> 00:56:12,940 {\an8}We do fall in love with our partners. 1041 00:56:12,989 --> 00:56:14,446 {\an8}Like very much so. 1042 00:56:14,473 --> 00:56:15,913 {\an8}I. . you know, I. . 1043 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,370 {\an8}I had a partner of 5 years who was very much someone I loved, 1044 00:56:19,394 --> 00:56:20,446 very deeply, 1045 00:56:20,471 --> 00:56:22,429 whom we were thinking about moving in with us. 1046 00:56:22,481 --> 00:56:24,435 Whom we were thinking about being 1047 00:56:24,441 --> 00:56:26,417 involved raising a family with. 1048 00:56:26,610 --> 00:56:28,210 Right? And that's. . 1049 00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:29,655 That's a pretty serious relationship 1050 00:56:29,663 --> 00:56:31,072 but it's not some. . 1051 00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:33,843 But I would not have left Pepper for this person. 1052 00:56:33,867 --> 00:56:36,447 But I wouldn't have left this person for Pepper either. 1053 00:56:36,745 --> 00:56:37,785 It's a very. . 1054 00:56:37,801 --> 00:56:41,013 The basic premise of polyamory is you don't have to leave 1055 00:56:41,038 --> 00:56:43,877 the person you're seeing, for the new person you're seeing. 1056 00:56:44,099 --> 00:56:45,099 Yeah. 1057 00:56:45,273 --> 00:56:48,205 - So let's say if you see Jen with someone else 1058 00:56:48,229 --> 00:56:51,139 having a great time, it doesn't, you don't feel. . 1059 00:56:51,163 --> 00:56:53,560 It doesn't stir you? That butterfly feeling? 1060 00:56:53,592 --> 00:56:56,098 It's weird, we have actually been in 1061 00:56:56,123 --> 00:56:58,259 situations where for example Jen has a date over 1062 00:56:58,263 --> 00:56:59,579 and they're having sex in the next room, 1063 00:56:59,604 --> 00:57:01,534 or sometimes in the same room, right? 1064 00:57:01,702 --> 00:57:03,581 And it doesn't stir me in any way. 1065 00:57:03,605 --> 00:57:04,605 I. . 1066 00:57:05,784 --> 00:57:07,414 grew up in a household with 1067 00:57:07,439 --> 00:57:09,027 an open relationship among my parents, 1068 00:57:09,061 --> 00:57:11,188 so I didn't have the parent model of jealousy. 1069 00:57:11,212 --> 00:57:13,258 Right. . I just didn't pick it up. 1070 00:57:13,282 --> 00:57:14,696 I get bad jealousy. 1071 00:57:14,927 --> 00:57:16,287 And it took me. . 1072 00:57:16,763 --> 00:57:21,474 it took me a couple of years to really get. . 1073 00:57:21,498 --> 00:57:23,350 To kind of deprogram some of that jealousy 1074 00:57:23,375 --> 00:57:24,551 so that it wasn't crippling. 1075 00:57:25,510 --> 00:57:27,966 (airplane flying overhead) 1076 00:57:35,926 --> 00:57:37,514 - [Shay] For me, jealousy comes from insecurity. 1077 00:57:37,552 --> 00:57:39,431 For different people it comes from different places. 1078 00:57:39,455 --> 00:57:41,472 For me, it almost entirely comes from insecurity. 1079 00:57:41,496 --> 00:57:46,397 With Stefanos, I feel completely secure, and therefore I really 1080 00:57:46,422 --> 00:57:48,821 don't have any feelings of jealousy, 1081 00:57:48,846 --> 00:57:51,311 I'm very happy for him when he's with his other partners. 1082 00:57:51,679 --> 00:57:54,281 Gabriel and I have conversations about this, because I don't feel 1083 00:57:54,313 --> 00:57:55,897 quite as secure with Gabriel. 1084 00:57:55,921 --> 00:57:57,555 {\an8}We haven't been together quite as long. 1085 00:57:57,579 --> 00:58:02,973 {\an8}I feel that at this moment, if Gabriel got in a very serious 1086 00:58:02,997 --> 00:58:05,013 {\an8}romantic relationship, I'm not sure 1087 00:58:05,037 --> 00:58:06,848 {\an8}how I would react with that. 1088 00:58:06,873 --> 00:58:09,893 I think I would struggle more than I do with Stefanos, 1089 00:58:09,918 --> 00:58:12,407 because I'm just not quite as secure. 1090 00:58:13,885 --> 00:58:18,007 So, I think for a lot of people asking how they got into 1091 00:58:18,010 --> 00:58:21,058 polyamory is a lot like asking, how long have you been gay? 1092 00:58:21,099 --> 00:58:23,073 Or. . It can feel kind of similar to that, 1093 00:58:23,098 --> 00:58:24,823 for some of us, not for all. 1094 00:58:25,133 --> 00:58:27,452 And for me, it was definitely. . 1095 00:58:27,477 --> 00:58:30,122 I hadn't heard of poly for a super long time. 1096 00:58:30,147 --> 00:58:34,113 So I kept having relationships, I was in lots of relationships, 1097 00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:36,409 and what I would find myself doing was just 1098 00:58:36,433 --> 00:58:37,513 putting off that - 1099 00:58:37,538 --> 00:58:39,593 there's always that conversation in 1100 00:58:39,618 --> 00:58:41,976 a normal, vanilla kind of relationship, 1101 00:58:42,001 --> 00:58:44,116 the model that I was used to, where you have 1102 00:58:44,141 --> 00:58:47,133 the conversation of, now let's be exclusive. 1103 00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:51,518 And my expectation was that up until that conversation, 1104 00:58:51,543 --> 00:58:52,714 you're not exclusive. 1105 00:58:52,757 --> 00:58:55,659 So I would just kind of try to put off that conversation. 1106 00:58:55,683 --> 00:58:59,840 Because I knew that exclusivity didn't work for me, 1107 00:58:59,865 --> 00:59:01,873 but I didn't know anything else. 1108 00:59:02,432 --> 00:59:05,424 And then when I would finally have that conversation, 1109 00:59:05,432 --> 00:59:08,397 "Okay, well. . we'll try to be exclusive" 1110 00:59:08,435 --> 00:59:12,776 and I ended up having a lot of relationships where I cheated 1111 00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:17,365 on people, which was very. . I feel very badly about that. 1112 00:59:17,765 --> 00:59:20,477 And so it was a matter of 1113 00:59:20,501 --> 00:59:23,792 kind of figuring out this model existed 1114 00:59:23,816 --> 00:59:26,129 for the way that I wanted to have relationships. 1115 00:59:26,154 --> 00:59:31,183 And having a relationship in an ethical way, that was going to 1116 00:59:31,208 --> 00:59:35,424 fit with my kind of inclinations on what I was looking for. 1117 00:59:35,621 --> 00:59:36,621 (coughs) 1118 00:59:37,506 --> 00:59:41,847 (snorts) (children laughing) 1119 00:59:42,291 --> 00:59:43,796 - So what do the kids call you Gabe? 1120 00:59:43,821 --> 00:59:45,033 - Gabe. 1121 00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:47,382 - Oh, they call you Gabe? - Yeah. 1122 00:59:48,312 --> 00:59:49,916 I haven't had too many discussions about it. 1123 00:59:49,941 --> 00:59:51,084 [Kid] Gabriel! 1124 00:59:51,419 --> 00:59:54,162 There you go, see. (they laugh) 1125 00:59:56,108 --> 00:59:58,300 - It's just simple. - Yeah, you know. 1126 00:59:58,325 --> 01:00:01,871 So Shay and Stef are Mom and Dad, I'm Gabe. And that works. 1127 01:00:02,072 --> 01:00:03,687 - Can you do it for me Gabe? 1128 01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,722 Okay one last try for Lucy and then I'll do it for you. 1129 01:00:05,746 --> 01:00:07,239 - Whoop! Ow. - Ok. 1130 01:00:07,263 --> 01:00:08,624 You did the left hand toward you. 1131 01:00:08,926 --> 01:00:10,564 - [Shay] People always will ask, 1132 01:00:10,589 --> 01:00:12,486 what do the kids think about this? 1133 01:00:12,511 --> 01:00:15,028 It's a very common question or concern. 1134 01:00:15,052 --> 01:00:16,390 You know, what do the kids think? 1135 01:00:17,094 --> 01:00:19,240 But things like polyamory or I think 1136 01:00:19,265 --> 01:00:22,734 things like, you know, gay marriage or relationships, 1137 01:00:22,759 --> 01:00:24,694 things like gender issues too, 1138 01:00:24,719 --> 01:00:25,908 they don't confuse kids. 1139 01:00:25,933 --> 01:00:27,486 They only confuse adults. 1140 01:00:27,722 --> 01:00:30,771 And the kids really, they don't know anything different. 1141 01:00:30,809 --> 01:00:32,136 We've never been monogamous. 1142 01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:35,028 They've always had us having other partners, they've always 1143 01:00:35,052 --> 01:00:37,833 seen us being romantically involved and affectionate with 1144 01:00:37,858 --> 01:00:39,196 other people around them. 1145 01:00:39,219 --> 01:00:43,089 It's completely normal for them. 1146 01:00:43,113 --> 01:00:46,127 It doesn't confuse kids, it only confuses adults. 1147 01:00:47,993 --> 01:00:49,636 {\an8}One of the things in poly is like, 1148 01:00:49,661 --> 01:00:50,874 {\an8}some people hear it and they're like, 1149 01:00:50,907 --> 01:00:52,843 {\an8}"Oh, that just means you just see more than one person and 1150 01:00:52,876 --> 01:00:54,132 {\an8}everything's great, right? 1151 01:00:54,169 --> 01:00:55,234 {\an8}That must be awesome. 1152 01:00:55,254 --> 01:00:56,853 {\an8}You can go have sex with more than one person, 1153 01:00:56,878 --> 01:00:58,469 you can love more than one person. 1154 01:00:58,494 --> 01:01:00,281 So it means you can be noncommittal. " 1155 01:01:00,551 --> 01:01:03,820 That's really actually not at all how I view it, 1156 01:01:03,846 --> 01:01:06,858 and that's not how you were looking for it either. 1157 01:01:08,581 --> 01:01:11,616 I think what I kept hearing, and allowed 1158 01:01:11,641 --> 01:01:13,145 me to develop my philosophy a little bit 1159 01:01:13,170 --> 01:01:17,548 further was, each relationship is its independent state, 1160 01:01:18,139 --> 01:01:19,448 and has its own importance. 1161 01:01:19,473 --> 01:01:22,335 [Shay] I think we very easily can look at love as not a zero 1162 01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,576 sum game when it comes to kids. 1163 01:01:24,950 --> 01:01:27,004 And for some reason, we can't see it that way 1164 01:01:27,021 --> 01:01:28,263 when it comes to adult relationships. 1165 01:01:28,287 --> 01:01:29,870 And I don't think that love is a zero sum game. 1166 01:01:29,913 --> 01:01:32,836 I think that there's a lot of love, and you can spread it 1167 01:01:32,875 --> 01:01:34,497 around among different people, 1168 01:01:34,522 --> 01:01:36,942 and the love I have for Gabriel, 1169 01:01:36,967 --> 01:01:39,095 or the "lurve" that I have with Jade, 1170 01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:43,356 doesn't take away from my love for Stef. 1171 01:01:43,381 --> 01:01:46,212 And, you know, this is not a finite resource. 1172 01:01:47,193 --> 01:01:50,113 {\an8}- People like your parents and I - 1173 01:01:50,138 --> 01:01:51,503 {\an8}them because they've had a lot of 1174 01:01:51,527 --> 01:01:53,148 {\an8}life experiences, and me because I've 1175 01:01:53,173 --> 01:01:56,563 {\an8}had a lot of education in human mating strategies, 1176 01:01:56,588 --> 01:01:58,083 and the conflict of the sexes - 1177 01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:03,670 are a little skeptical about the success of open relationships. 1178 01:02:03,695 --> 01:02:05,372 And again, I'm only skeptical when 1179 01:02:05,407 --> 01:02:07,279 there are children in the nest. 1180 01:02:07,486 --> 01:02:09,097 Let's make that very clear. 1181 01:02:10,567 --> 01:02:13,896 Because, we've been there 1182 01:02:13,921 --> 01:02:17,733 and we see that jealousy is a natural 1183 01:02:17,758 --> 01:02:21,776 part of human mating, that mate poaching and mate guarding can 1184 01:02:21,801 --> 01:02:23,803 be treacherous and even dangerous. 1185 01:02:24,221 --> 01:02:26,656 And we want people to stay alive. 1186 01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:34,324 Because there's no greater threat to our life 1187 01:02:34,349 --> 01:02:35,983 than the person we love the most. 1188 01:02:36,410 --> 01:02:37,410 (she laughs) 1189 01:02:37,561 --> 01:02:39,531 Because of the passion involved. 1190 01:02:39,749 --> 01:02:42,122 And if you don't have that kind of passion then what've you got? 1191 01:02:42,625 --> 01:02:45,585 If they're just having these loosey goosey open relationships 1192 01:02:45,610 --> 01:02:48,508 where they say they don't feel jealousy, they're either lying 1193 01:02:48,533 --> 01:02:49,926 or they're not really close. 1194 01:02:50,079 --> 01:02:53,180 I prefer to have really hot, passionate sex, 1195 01:02:53,205 --> 01:02:54,686 where I mate guard, 1196 01:02:55,030 --> 01:02:58,242 and I'm jealous, because that's intense. 1197 01:03:00,398 --> 01:03:02,093 - [Dhruv] Thank you very much. (she laughs) 1198 01:03:02,118 --> 01:03:03,156 You get it now? 1199 01:03:03,183 --> 01:03:04,183 (she laughs) 1200 01:03:04,208 --> 01:03:09,697 I just thought maybe you'd think that "Ok, jealousy can. . " 1201 01:03:09,722 --> 01:03:11,671 Like, I just. . What I mean is that jealousy seems 1202 01:03:11,696 --> 01:03:12,723 like such a negative emotion. . 1203 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:15,073 Yeah if you take away jealousy, you're taking away passion. 1204 01:03:15,477 --> 01:03:17,149 You're taking away the excitement of it all. 1205 01:03:17,462 --> 01:03:19,494 Like, "Oh yeah sure honey, go hook up 1206 01:03:19,519 --> 01:03:21,108 with her, fine I'll get dinner ready. " 1207 01:03:21,146 --> 01:03:22,706 I don't want that kind of relationship! 1208 01:03:22,731 --> 01:03:25,333 I want to have a "Who you talking to? 1209 01:03:25,358 --> 01:03:28,016 What is she with? I'd better get in shape. " 1210 01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:29,783 (laughs) 1211 01:03:30,238 --> 01:03:32,744 I love mate competition. 1212 01:03:32,991 --> 01:03:34,987 It makes it. . it's fabulous. 1213 01:03:36,378 --> 01:03:39,793 (ocean surf and seagulls cawing) 1214 01:03:49,567 --> 01:03:56,134 - [Hannah] ♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, 1215 01:03:56,143 --> 01:04:04,131 happy birthday Uncle Dhruvy, happy birthday to you ♪ 1216 01:04:05,510 --> 01:04:08,343 - [Dhruv] Yay, thank you. How many candles? 1217 01:04:09,110 --> 01:04:10,908 - I don't know, I didn't count. 1218 01:04:10,941 --> 01:04:13,431 - What?! It's supposed to be 36. 1219 01:04:13,744 --> 01:04:15,596 It's ok baby. - Huh? 1220 01:04:15,617 --> 01:04:20,083 - You are making a wish and blow the candle. 1221 01:04:21,547 --> 01:04:23,547 Dhruv! 1222 01:04:28,046 --> 01:04:29,234 - So how long were you guys 1223 01:04:29,259 --> 01:04:31,313 chatting on Tinder before you met? 1224 01:04:35,098 --> 01:04:36,515 - Uh huh. A few weeks or something. 1225 01:04:37,438 --> 01:04:39,658 Ah, that's what you've been up to huh? 1226 01:04:39,683 --> 01:04:40,896 Yeah, yeah. 1227 01:04:40,906 --> 01:04:42,748 - A-ha, so all behind my back. 1228 01:04:42,773 --> 01:04:45,585 Ok so you should give me the password to your phone now. 1229 01:04:47,401 --> 01:04:49,346 So. . so you're not going to give 1230 01:04:49,371 --> 01:04:50,460 me the password to your phone? 1231 01:04:51,358 --> 01:04:53,358 Yeah I will. 1232 01:04:53,383 --> 01:04:54,750 If you want it. 1233 01:04:54,906 --> 01:04:56,148 - Do you want to give it? 1234 01:04:56,180 --> 01:04:58,152 - Yeah I'm fine with that, I never had. . 1235 01:04:58,177 --> 01:04:59,853 - See. . now, so now you see how it feels? 1236 01:04:59,899 --> 01:05:02,257 And now you know that I'm going to be reading all your messages. 1237 01:05:02,282 --> 01:05:04,282 - No it's fine. Read it! 1238 01:05:05,030 --> 01:05:08,687 I never had password on before until you put the password 1239 01:05:08,712 --> 01:05:11,785 on your phone so I decided to put the password on my phone. 1240 01:05:12,179 --> 01:05:14,179 (engine rumbling) 1241 01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:16,124 - So when's your next date? 1242 01:05:16,554 --> 01:05:18,163 (Hang laughs) 1243 01:05:20,109 --> 01:05:22,109 - Oh you're jealous! 1244 01:05:22,476 --> 01:05:24,476 - And so you enjoyed spending time with him? 1245 01:05:25,632 --> 01:05:27,911 - He's interesting. He's not that bad. 1246 01:05:27,953 --> 01:05:31,304 - No it's good. I want you to enjoy yourself. 1247 01:05:31,921 --> 01:05:34,850 I. . yeah, I. . I. . 1248 01:05:35,327 --> 01:05:37,327 So do you want to have sex with him? 1249 01:05:37,546 --> 01:05:39,874 - See. . See. . That's why I hate going on a date 1250 01:05:39,913 --> 01:05:42,506 'cause it's going to make you feel really weird. 1251 01:05:43,234 --> 01:05:45,236 - No! I'm fine with you going on a date. 1252 01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:46,371 You've been on many dates. 1253 01:05:46,577 --> 01:05:49,731 It's just that this is a guy I don't feel comfortable about and 1254 01:05:49,942 --> 01:05:51,942 so I'm worried about you. 1255 01:05:51,982 --> 01:05:52,991 But the thing is that you get 1256 01:05:53,003 --> 01:05:54,524 jealous and you get turned on by it. 1257 01:05:54,549 --> 01:05:56,346 I don't get so turned on by it. 1258 01:05:56,631 --> 01:05:57,783 I know. 1259 01:05:58,374 --> 01:06:01,155 No I get jealous but like it's only when like. . 1260 01:06:01,288 --> 01:06:04,952 I get jealous emotionally but when you have like physical, 1261 01:06:05,046 --> 01:06:07,350 it's not that much but I hate it, like when 1262 01:06:07,374 --> 01:06:10,308 you get like emotionally involved with bitches. 1263 01:06:10,350 --> 01:06:12,818 Well you're emotionally involved with these guys you're dating. 1264 01:06:12,842 --> 01:06:14,711 You're starting to like them, you're talking to them. 1265 01:06:14,736 --> 01:06:17,868 No but you said, remember last time you were like, 1266 01:06:17,881 --> 01:06:20,482 you would rather me be emotionally 1267 01:06:20,494 --> 01:06:22,668 involved than physically involved. 1268 01:06:23,108 --> 01:06:24,310 - For you? - Yeah. 1269 01:06:24,335 --> 01:06:27,508 Yeah but you wanna have sex with him too so when you do. . 1270 01:06:27,533 --> 01:06:29,976 I didn't say I want to. I said "I'll consider it, I'll see. " 1271 01:06:30,001 --> 01:06:31,089 Hang on, hang on. 1272 01:06:31,117 --> 01:06:34,017 I'm not allowed to get emotionally involved. 1273 01:06:34,182 --> 01:06:36,072 But you first get emotionally involved 1274 01:06:36,097 --> 01:06:37,946 and then you have sex so you get both. 1275 01:06:38,046 --> 01:06:40,751 Right? And I can't have. . - No. 1276 01:06:41,433 --> 01:06:43,966 I don't know, I said I don't know yet. So. . 1277 01:06:44,246 --> 01:06:45,816 It can't be guaranteed. 1278 01:06:46,267 --> 01:06:47,314 Alright sweetie, 1279 01:06:47,327 --> 01:06:48,745 I'm going to go. . - Ok baby. 1280 01:06:48,770 --> 01:06:50,497 - and deal with my jealousy and then 1281 01:06:50,522 --> 01:06:51,874 I have to wake up early. - Goodnight. 1282 01:06:52,081 --> 01:06:55,255 Oh! I hate for you to be jealous too much. 1283 01:06:55,582 --> 01:06:57,797 It fucks around with you head that's why I. . 1284 01:06:57,821 --> 01:06:58,881 No, it's ok. 1285 01:06:58,923 --> 01:07:00,626 That's why it's barely for me to go on a date. 1286 01:07:01,359 --> 01:07:02,399 {\an8}(phone rings) 1287 01:07:02,623 --> 01:07:04,303 {\an8}- Hello. - Hey sweetie. 1288 01:07:04,477 --> 01:07:05,477 - Ok ok. 1289 01:07:06,621 --> 01:07:08,513 Baby, baby. 1290 01:07:08,544 --> 01:07:11,727 Can't use camera because the volume is going to go out. 1291 01:07:11,751 --> 01:07:12,751 I'm at work. 1292 01:07:13,124 --> 01:07:15,244 Ok you want me to turn off my camera? 1293 01:07:15,634 --> 01:07:16,634 - Yeah. 1294 01:07:18,411 --> 01:07:20,015 I'm here. Ok. 1295 01:07:20,042 --> 01:07:24,113 - Here's my thing. I just feel insecure that you want to go 1296 01:07:24,138 --> 01:07:27,078 have sex with someone because you don't enjoy the sex with me. 1297 01:07:28,601 --> 01:07:30,960 - Not that. - So what is it? 1298 01:07:30,985 --> 01:07:35,434 - I told you, I wanna see how it feels and you don't listen. 1299 01:07:35,788 --> 01:07:38,655 I just wanna see how is the sex, that's it. 1300 01:07:39,539 --> 01:07:42,867 - And that’s fine, I want you to be in a place where 1301 01:07:43,405 --> 01:07:45,426 you and I are both comfortable with you doing it. 1302 01:07:45,451 --> 01:07:47,046 And I don't want to control you at all. 1303 01:07:47,071 --> 01:07:48,167 - Yeah. - But Hang. . 1304 01:07:48,208 --> 01:07:49,539 - That's why I tell you. 1305 01:07:49,585 --> 01:07:52,356 - But then you see. . see when this stuff comes up 1306 01:07:52,381 --> 01:07:55,444 then I need to tell you about things that 1307 01:07:56,038 --> 01:07:58,614 I feel in the relationship which. . 1308 01:07:58,638 --> 01:08:00,371 - We can't deal with this. 1309 01:08:00,637 --> 01:08:02,533 Can't do this when you're there and I'm here 1310 01:08:02,598 --> 01:08:05,119 and then we just talk on the phone. Like, yeah. . 1311 01:08:05,684 --> 01:08:06,684 (Hang sniffs) 1312 01:08:06,727 --> 01:08:07,767 (Dhruv sighs) 1313 01:08:09,321 --> 01:08:10,321 (birdsong) 1314 01:08:11,106 --> 01:08:14,313 (soft music) 1315 01:08:17,609 --> 01:08:19,615 - [Manjula] If you're going to get into dillying, dallying, 1316 01:08:19,635 --> 01:08:21,417 and open relationships, your kids are going to 1317 01:08:21,442 --> 01:08:23,193 get fucked up, and everything else is. 1318 01:08:23,218 --> 01:08:24,910 You're going to fuck your lives up. 1319 01:08:24,935 --> 01:08:26,129 Frankly speaking. 1320 01:08:26,751 --> 01:08:28,933 - If I love you, then he is a pimp. 1321 01:08:28,958 --> 01:08:31,215 - If any man was to tolerate 1322 01:08:31,239 --> 01:08:35,201 his wife having an affair with someone, 1323 01:08:37,641 --> 01:08:40,834 and I go have sex with another person I don't. . love you? 1324 01:08:41,633 --> 01:08:44,790 - How do you describe loving someone then? 1325 01:09:10,197 --> 01:09:12,096 - So to have to accept that you are 1326 01:09:12,121 --> 01:09:14,253 going to sleep with someone else is. . 1327 01:09:15,353 --> 01:09:17,727 It made me realise what is awful about masculinity. 1328 01:09:17,753 --> 01:09:19,175 It's that we always create this idea around 1329 01:09:19,200 --> 01:09:20,814 masculinity that you have to be dominant, 1330 01:09:20,839 --> 01:09:23,160 you can't be submissive to someone else enjoying something. 1331 01:09:23,380 --> 01:09:26,708 And so much peace actually comes when you're just. . 1332 01:09:27,141 --> 01:09:28,868 trying to be less dominant always. 1333 01:09:28,892 --> 01:09:30,618 I was just so much more at peace after 1334 01:09:30,643 --> 01:09:32,570 I just. . finally just came to terms with it. 1335 01:09:32,812 --> 01:09:34,260 And it was nothing, it was not like 1336 01:09:34,285 --> 01:09:36,004 a big thought that came or anything. 1337 01:09:37,166 --> 01:09:39,332 It was just. . 10 minutes ago I was pissed 1338 01:09:39,357 --> 01:09:41,292 and in the next 10 minutes I was just free. 1339 01:09:41,317 --> 01:09:44,908 I was just. . light and new and I don't know what happened. 1340 01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:48,246 I get it, like, it's been four years you've 1341 01:09:48,271 --> 01:09:50,628 been in the same relationship with me, you. . 1342 01:09:50,664 --> 01:09:52,998 It's completely natural to wanna. . 1343 01:09:53,575 --> 01:09:54,799 try something with someone else. 1344 01:09:54,824 --> 01:09:59,978 That's a completely natural human impulse and you're not 1345 01:10:00,003 --> 01:10:02,384 cheating on me or anything, you're telling me so it's fine. 1346 01:10:05,950 --> 01:10:09,613 And I understand that there's an emotional connection too and 1347 01:10:09,637 --> 01:10:12,460 whatever. . that's. . you need that so. . 1348 01:10:12,501 --> 01:10:14,462 Emotional connection I don't know, 1349 01:10:14,487 --> 01:10:18,466 it's not lovey-dovey, not like us. 1350 01:10:23,234 --> 01:10:25,277 (hum of car) Not like us. 1351 01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:31,057 (upbeat music) 1352 01:10:35,025 --> 01:10:36,305 (Manjula laughs) 1353 01:10:39,437 --> 01:10:40,437 (indistinct) 1354 01:10:46,505 --> 01:10:48,438 - [Dhruv] Okay that was looking good. 1355 01:10:53,803 --> 01:10:55,995 How was that? - [Dhruv] Very nice. Very nice. 1356 01:10:56,017 --> 01:10:58,210 [Manjula] See, I don't understand this whole 1357 01:10:58,235 --> 01:11:00,706 sexual evolution that's taken place. 1358 01:11:01,636 --> 01:11:02,860 I don't understand it. 1359 01:11:03,149 --> 01:11:05,688 I don't understand how people can have multiple partners and 1360 01:11:05,697 --> 01:11:08,769 enjoy sex out of. . with multiple partners. 1361 01:11:08,794 --> 01:11:11,710 With me, you've got to be in love with that person. 1362 01:11:12,076 --> 01:11:13,199 Yeah? 1363 01:11:13,224 --> 01:11:15,365 There has to be a very strong chemistry 1364 01:11:15,390 --> 01:11:16,866 to be able to enjoy it. 1365 01:11:17,374 --> 01:11:18,374 And. . 1366 01:11:22,875 --> 01:11:24,548 I don't think I would. . 1367 01:11:24,573 --> 01:11:26,620 Up to here, I cannot think about it. 1368 01:11:27,757 --> 01:11:29,555 To even think about things like this. 1369 01:11:29,587 --> 01:11:32,333 But even when I was younger, I never. . 1370 01:11:32,357 --> 01:11:34,028 I never thought about it. 1371 01:11:43,193 --> 01:11:44,935 I mean, we all fantasized about it. 1372 01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:46,584 You know, my friends and I. 1373 01:11:46,609 --> 01:11:51,061 We'd all say, "Ha ha, before we are 40 we must have an affair!" 1374 01:11:51,493 --> 01:11:53,240 We always said that kind of rubbish. 1375 01:11:54,622 --> 01:11:57,887 I think when we saw these movies where these women have these 1376 01:11:57,912 --> 01:12:00,072 affairs and we said, "Lucky. " 1377 01:12:00,110 --> 01:12:01,110 Like. . 1378 01:12:01,420 --> 01:12:02,781 Gosh, which was that movie? 1379 01:12:02,806 --> 01:12:04,361 Bridges of Madison County. 1380 01:12:06,764 --> 01:12:08,789 If that oldie can have why can't we? 1381 01:12:10,282 --> 01:12:13,444 But it was just silly girl talk, but never, never, never, 1382 01:12:13,469 --> 01:12:14,723 thought about it even seriously. 1383 01:12:14,748 --> 01:12:16,164 Not once. 1384 01:12:17,556 --> 01:12:19,538 - After speaking to you today, 1385 01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,818 Yeah, I've come to terms with a lot more of it- 1386 01:12:25,188 --> 01:12:28,584 So I can get rid of this guilt that I've been carrying on my. . 1387 01:12:28,609 --> 01:12:31,433 this thing that. . it's the reason that you 1388 01:12:31,450 --> 01:12:32,875 are not ready to commit is because of 1389 01:12:32,899 --> 01:12:34,983 the bad marriage that you saw at home. 1390 01:12:38,874 --> 01:12:40,524 - You can get rid of that guilt, yes. 1391 01:12:42,790 --> 01:12:44,439 You should get rid of that guilt anyway. 1392 01:12:44,750 --> 01:12:45,798 You shouldn't have that guilt. 1393 01:12:45,853 --> 01:12:48,287 But you guys throw it at me at the slightest instance. 1394 01:12:49,005 --> 01:12:50,398 Dash threw it at me the other day also. . 1395 01:12:50,423 --> 01:12:52,872 And I was actually seriously thinking. . 1396 01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,236 of writing to you two, 1397 01:12:55,261 --> 01:12:59,699 and saying, don't make a parody out of something 1398 01:12:59,724 --> 01:13:03,190 that was a very- which were very painful moments for me. 1399 01:13:03,242 --> 01:13:05,854 If our marriage was bad, it was very painful for me. 1400 01:13:10,488 --> 01:13:12,962 - No we know that and I think that deep down inside 1401 01:13:12,987 --> 01:13:14,832 we also feel bad about that. 1402 01:13:15,364 --> 01:13:19,248 and to anesthetize that guilt maybe we've thrown stuff around. 1403 01:13:19,281 --> 01:13:21,370 I mean I'll also say that, the truth is that, yup, 1404 01:13:21,370 --> 01:13:25,029 children that have seen bad marriages do. . 1405 01:13:25,053 --> 01:13:26,989 have issues with getting married themselves, 1406 01:13:27,013 --> 01:13:28,312 but you have to overcome that, 1407 01:13:28,336 --> 01:13:30,016 and we've both done that. 1408 01:13:30,408 --> 01:13:33,233 Dash has done it in his way and I'm doing it in my way, and. . 1409 01:13:38,115 --> 01:13:39,860 And so you can let go of that now because 1410 01:13:39,885 --> 01:13:42,378 all that's in the past, it's done. 1411 01:13:45,412 --> 01:13:47,163 (she sniffs, clears her throat) 1412 01:13:47,187 --> 01:13:48,867 I promise you that, ok? 1413 01:13:48,968 --> 01:13:52,482 We'll let this day put that all behind us. 1414 01:13:53,069 --> 01:13:55,296 And you're going to organize two great weddings sometime. 1415 01:13:55,321 --> 01:13:57,244 One you're already organising. 1416 01:14:04,497 --> 01:14:05,857 (engine rumbling) 1417 01:14:09,853 --> 01:14:15,028 (dance music) (applause) 1418 01:14:56,436 --> 01:14:58,561 - How come you made the decision to be monogamous? 1419 01:14:59,218 --> 01:15:02,042 How come I made? I've been monogamous for the last. . 1420 01:15:02,066 --> 01:15:03,211 four years. 1421 01:15:03,866 --> 01:15:05,963 It'll be four years on Christmas day. 1422 01:15:06,892 --> 01:15:07,914 You know? - Yeah. 1423 01:15:07,939 --> 01:15:09,716 - So it's not like a decision, 1424 01:15:09,740 --> 01:15:14,792 it's just like an evolution. You know? Of man, that you start 1425 01:15:14,817 --> 01:15:18,229 with a wide range when you're a teenager and you're young, 1426 01:15:18,948 --> 01:15:20,674 and you're full of come and stuff like that. 1427 01:15:20,698 --> 01:15:22,655 And It just starts narrowing the field down. 1428 01:15:23,034 --> 01:15:25,052 You know? And as you get more hair on your back 1429 01:15:25,077 --> 01:15:28,043 and on your ears and less on your head, you know? 1430 01:15:28,085 --> 01:15:30,301 Your options and things like that change. 1431 01:15:31,102 --> 01:15:32,102 You know? 1432 01:15:32,156 --> 01:15:35,371 So you start focusing all your time and energy on one person. 1433 01:15:36,193 --> 01:15:38,662 You know? So it's. . And then you, 1434 01:15:38,686 --> 01:15:40,343 by the time you realize it, it's a bit late. 1435 01:15:40,500 --> 01:15:41,500 (laughs) 1436 01:15:42,624 --> 01:15:45,606 {\an8}- Biologically, we are not prepared for monogamy. 1437 01:15:45,631 --> 01:15:50,966 {\an8}Monogamy is a very difficult thing to do biologically. 1438 01:15:50,990 --> 01:15:52,607 {\an8}It's not natural for human beings. 1439 01:15:53,094 --> 01:15:55,666 Whereas our culture tells us that monogamy 1440 01:15:55,691 --> 01:15:57,030 is something we should do. 1441 01:15:57,045 --> 01:16:00,344 This is a very good example I think of the conflict between 1442 01:16:00,363 --> 01:16:02,494 our biology and our culture. 1443 01:16:02,823 --> 01:16:05,676 So I think it's useful to look at both sides. 1444 01:16:05,701 --> 01:16:10,097 But to do it in both cases with honesty, 1445 01:16:10,122 --> 01:16:14,100 rather than a predisposition based on religion 1446 01:16:14,469 --> 01:16:16,493 or on what your parents may have told you. 1447 01:16:16,682 --> 01:16:20,155 I think we need to look honestly and straightforwardly. 1448 01:16:20,180 --> 01:16:23,277 There are pay offs, there are liabilities, too. 1449 01:16:23,302 --> 01:16:24,722 And once people know both of them, 1450 01:16:24,746 --> 01:16:26,405 then let them make up their own mind. 1451 01:16:26,430 --> 01:16:31,952 {\an8}I think human beings are. . have certainly a drive to 1452 01:16:31,977 --> 01:16:33,862 {\an8}connect with an intimate other and to 1453 01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,132 {\an8}maintain that relationship over time. 1454 01:16:36,406 --> 01:16:40,459 They also have the impulse to engage 1455 01:16:40,484 --> 01:16:42,706 in sexual experimentation. 1456 01:16:42,820 --> 01:16:45,424 And. . we're constantly torn. 1457 01:16:45,457 --> 01:16:46,632 And some couples will make 1458 01:16:46,657 --> 01:16:49,481 a decision that it's worth the pain, 1459 01:16:50,162 --> 01:16:53,307 in order to have the open relationship and others will 1460 01:16:53,332 --> 01:16:57,226 decide it's worth the repression in order not to feel the pain. 1461 01:16:57,233 --> 01:16:58,254 (she laughs) 1462 01:16:58,258 --> 01:17:00,258 (drumming) 1463 01:17:33,502 --> 01:17:35,769 (drumming fades out) (gentle music) 1464 01:17:38,242 --> 01:17:43,768 ♪ I have tied this thread with you my love ♪ 1465 01:17:43,793 --> 01:17:48,929 ♪ I could never be separated from you ♪ 1466 01:17:49,476 --> 01:17:54,406 ♪ Love on paper holds no worth ♪ 1467 01:17:55,188 --> 01:17:57,423 ♪ And when I'm tied to your heart, 1468 01:17:57,448 --> 01:18:00,540 there is no way to measure this love ♪ 1469 01:18:00,753 --> 01:18:03,470 ♪ Let the world say whatever. . ♪ 1470 01:18:03,495 --> 01:18:06,341 ♪ But I'll never find anyone like you ♪ 1471 01:18:07,301 --> 01:18:13,747 - I am blessed that God has let me witness this great day. 1472 01:18:18,380 --> 01:18:21,967 - [Dhruv] There are times when I feel that Hang may love me less, 1473 01:18:21,992 --> 01:18:24,579 because I don't want to be monogamous. 1474 01:18:25,198 --> 01:18:28,027 And I actually think that when someone wants to be monogamous 1475 01:18:28,052 --> 01:18:31,497 to you, it does make you feel more loved and more special. 1476 01:18:32,906 --> 01:18:37,055 And being that special someone to someone matters to us. 1477 01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:42,855 And even if it is true that a monogamous relationship shares 1478 01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:46,420 a deeper love than a non monogamous one, I'm willing to 1479 01:18:46,445 --> 01:18:49,720 trade that in exchange for being able to experience my sexuality 1480 01:18:49,745 --> 01:18:51,104 and passion with others. 1481 01:18:59,421 --> 01:19:00,941 My greatest fear. . 1482 01:19:02,109 --> 01:19:03,109 was. . 1483 01:19:05,348 --> 01:19:06,348 that. . 1484 01:19:07,513 --> 01:19:10,502 you would die before me and I would have to live without you. 1485 01:19:15,869 --> 01:19:18,193 - If I ever die before you. . 1486 01:19:19,080 --> 01:19:20,760 I think it's beautiful. 1487 01:19:25,734 --> 01:19:30,567 Rather than seeing you walk away. 1488 01:19:42,343 --> 01:19:44,543 - Your fears of me leaving you. . 1489 01:19:45,546 --> 01:19:48,543 and my fears of you leaving me. . 1490 01:19:51,022 --> 01:19:52,022 (sniffs) 1491 01:20:07,623 --> 01:20:09,595 (soft music) 109388

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