Original subtitles

Dash old hamlet I'm not, but I can wipe my chin like Bogart or hike up my pants like cagey.

As far as Sam spade is concerned, my mother named me spade.

And spade's z apple's usual spaciality is untying marital knots.

For guys who finally realize that they like to ball without the chain or the guide, it finds that he believes in life, liberty and the happiness of pursuit.

As for my philosophy, I believe in wine, women and salon.

As a private, I can keep a clear conscience, mainly because I have such a lousy memory, I never really thought much about how the upper half lives.

That is, until I was hired by one of the very uppers, Felix Fitzwilliam, to do a super soothing job.

You know him as fastidious Felix, the famous philanthropic founder of the phallic 400.

Fraternity, okay, good morning, Mr Fitzhead.

Good morning.

Experience.

Some guys just like to own things.

I'd collected a few trophies of my own, but they always dressed and went home before origamis set in.

It wasn't until later that I found out why he had his prize catch mounted and why he call this the Cinderella caper.

Miss weeks, would you come in, please?

It's so good.

Now, millionaire.

Yes, how about it?

Do you think they'll take my.

Case?

Yes, sir.

But.

Well, I'll tell you about what.

Well, they're on another assignment right now, but they'll start on your case first thing in the morning.

Okay?

Bring me the gang case.

Yes, sir.

Okay.

I want you to fill them in on all the details tonight on your way.

Home.

But I've made plans for this evening.

Well, you're gonna have to change them.

How important this project is to me.

Mister Fitzwilliam, don't you think you've gone far enough?

25 detectives haven't been able to find her and you have spent literally.

I got millions and they're all mine.

I'll spend them any way I want.

No, I tell them $50000 if they.

Deliver it to me, 50000.

Time's passing.

I don't have long to live and I intend to add her to all my other possessions before I go.

You'll have to give them this.

They'll need it for.

Matching.

Want to try it on again?

It doesn't fit.

You already know that?

Will that be all, sir?

Please.

Hi.

Here, make yourself a drink.

Anything you like.

Flow.

Sorry, rooster.

It looks like I'm going to be home late tonight.

I have to stop off and fill in the new Holmes and Watson.

You hired a couple more detectives.

Well, don't worry, they're not going to be any threat.

They're a couple of clowns named zap o and.

Johnson.

You down to the z's.

You may have to break down and hire a couple of real detectives.

Excuse me.

One of those.

Would you?

Let me worry.

About that?

The old man's fortune is gonna be mine.

When he dies.

I'm going to take over the entire operation.

Miss wonder is never going to be found.

I'll see to that.

Well, I'm waiting.

Hey 2 new girls just moved in.

How are they?

Well, I think they're gonna work out just.

Fine.

I gotta go now.

Bye.

Okay, baby.

Bye.

Bye.

That was the boss.

Where's.

Marinette?

Oh, she's not coming.

She stayed at the sauna.

That was your old lady.

No problem.

She may be the boss, but I tell her where to get off here.

I can't believe it.

What's that?

Oh, I mean, apartment complex, nobody wears any clothes around.

She's a manager, but it was my idea.

It just slow things.

Down anyway.

Oh, just not ready yet.

Oh my god.

It started simple enough.

We got a call from a lonely wife.

Her husband ran away with a chicken.

Already there was a foul smell about it.

I knew it wasn't pigeon.

Pigeons.

My partner, or the hell you've been.

How to do the laundry.

In the middle of a steak out and nothing clean.

Did you forget that name was supposed to come by about the new case?

I mean, not even.

Underwear.

Why don't you do what I do?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

Let's go.

Thank you.

I'll be afford this car.

Mm-hmm?

You can't even drive it.

Have we afford it?

Put your lights on.

Now I know why they call you rooster.

You want to go again?

Later?

Lady's gonna want someone she.

Gets back.

December was a cleaning lady's day off.

It was March now and she still hadn't showed.

The place was beginning to crust over or knee deep in cockroaches.

Kind of made me feel at home.

I'd had my fill a cheap gin and was about to settle into a decent dream.

4 days staked out playing peeping Tom on the room next door meant 12 straight meals from Rosanna's taco take out.

Pigeon was in the head again.

Oh, oh, oh, no.

He had a bad case of rosarian's revenge.

He was also turning into a hunchback from staring through that hole in the wall.

The lump in the bed started to move.

What.

The going on?

Get the.

You got them.

All right.

Mister Zeppelin chanson.

You I called earlier.

Brenda money.

Thank you.

Put that over there.

Exceed.

I have to excuse the mess, but in the middle of the case.

Mr Szabo.

With me, it's what I call big business.

Somehow it didn't fit.

Dames that look like this don't go around with boxes delivering presents, okay?

I looked into her cold blue eyes.

They were green.

They didn't fit either.

She looked like sex already.

I was trying to remember if I had on clean underwear of that guy's voice.

What's in your box?

Sweet cakes.

Hello.

I gave up looking for witches.

What is that?

A brass.

Bra.

It's bronzed.

When you find the girl, it should be a perfect fit.

Don't mind, pigeon.

His tongue always hangs out like that when he's hungry.

Pick us up some more der vs and another bottle while I negotiate.

With your pleasure.

Well, anything with a label.

Oh, and get some glasses.

I'm sure our guest isn't the type to drink out of the bottle.

Leave it open.

So tell me, miss.

Brenda weeks, this.

Weeks, what's your stake in this?

Well, I'm employed by Mr Fitzwilliam.

Fitzwilliam, what's he do?

How?

Real estate mostly.

He owns several large apartment complexes.

I manage one of them.

This dame was supposed to find.

You ever seen her?

Now Mr Fitzwilliam is the only one who has.

He took that photo a couple of years ago.

He was in a cab at the time.

Why is he so interested in some dame he doesn't even know?

Well, Mr Fitzwilliam is the kind of man who admires young ladies who have been, well, blessed.

He's looking for the girl who can wear that bra.

No, thanks, lady, we ain't interested.

The, I got a funnel in the trunk of my car.

Would you care to say?

Why not?

Because your story stinks.

Cinderella with a glass slipper I can believe.

But a brass bra?

Ayah.

First of all, a man never works out of a cab.

A leg man works out of a cab so he can get a better view.

Tip man likes crowds, works on his feet.

So I can give the dames a brush, see if the merchandise is real or not.

Mr Fitzwilliam will be very generous with whomever can locate that girl.

Very generous indeed, shall we say?

$50000.

Sounds like a desperate man.

Play doesn't have long to live and it's his life's dream to locate that girl.

I never liked playing with another man's dreams.

Find yourself another private.

Is it really private?

How's that?

You're a.

They wouldn't go outside and I'll fix.

You my special.

Mm, that sounds like an indecent proposition.

I certainly hope you're dedicated to the proposition.

Well, I decided that's my pack after all.

Tomorrow.

You're taking tomorrow.

What about to see.

I'm still waiting on that train.

Name your Madison.

Surprise me.

I'll be right back.

Is.

I came here intending hire 2 detectives.

I won't take no for answer.

Hi.

You've got to take the job.

I got an ice cube for a heart.

But this little lady was melting me down fast.

Somewhere in the world I knew there was a huge scale that was supposed to balance all this out.

But in the meantime, I figured, what the hell?

If I have to.

Start all over again from the top.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Mm, this is good.

What do they call it?

Oh, they call it a pink squirrel.

What's that?

Well, what you're drinking now, you call out a pink squirrel.

Mm.

Whatever it is, it's working.

I'll say this.

Oh, no, you don't, doctor, get yourself into a shower.

You're getting a little too frisky for me.

Please.

No, thanks.

Yes.

I stalled her long enough to drive up my price.

Then she hit me with the name of the guy, Felix fits Willie, anybody who didn't know him was either buried or had a great disguise as a Waldorf salad.

I was about to be taken into the world of fancy clothes and paid up mortgages where dames smell like they just came out of the oven.

Oh, this kid could suck chrome off a trailer hitch.

The hard man is good.

To find.

Oh, I like it.

Hard.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my own private, you.

Music, please.

This guy, please.

Let's go.

Hi, you go ahead.

Up here, right there.

I never met a Dane that couldn't understand a hard, especially if it was being put to her.

Right?

This dame was no different.

She was me and I knew it right now.

I didn't really care.

I'd find out why later.

You're right.

I shouldn't.

What?

Come here, big boy.

Grace, sex, alive, happy.

I like the feeling of your wet hair.

Bye.

Come on.

Okay.

Look at her hair.

My mother.

Oh, you all 8,6,5.

Oh, and oh.

Oh, I don't stop.

Let me get these.

Good.

Okay.

Get it off.

Oh, back.

Get back.

Come on.

Oh, no.

Eat it, right.

Oh, no.

Don't.

Stop.

Get back.

Come on.

Put it.

Come on my company.

Oh unhappy.

How else?

Oh, oh, like, oh, sleuth.

Oh, even Percy yourself mention.

Oh, oh, oh, come on.

Look at this.

Oh, hi.

I will be bye, bye.

Okay.

Oh, oh, this is the way I love it.

Oh, my.

What oh, age 4.

Yes.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, heavy register.

Oh, foggy.

Gosh.

Oh, god.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, oh, big.

Oh, who can see?

Oh, easy.

Always.

Oh, oh, bigger.

It's even bigger.

Oh, oh, it's oh, oh, no.

Oh, oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Squirting.

I love it.

More.

Oh, he's so big, just like me.

Oh.

Come and screw it.

Cover it.

Oh, my.

God.

Come on, coach.

Excited.

Squid on my face, hit my mouth.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Mee po, Mee po.

You.

All right.

Oh, case.

I'm.

Does that mean, does that mean it was easy?

You gotta take the case.

Maybe?

No.

Oh, I never did.

Oh, what?

Oh, I'm feeling so drowsy.

You made me feel drowsy.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, what did you do?

That I am.

Feel very good.

Okay, again, go inside.

Happy New Year.

Hey, buddy, wanna make it a broad drink?

Okay, that's going too far.

Well, who the are you?

EV, EV, EV, EV, EV.

Bing, Bing.

Get the call.

I'll take that drink.

Now.

If that board is looking for a discount, it's coming out of your half.

You take the job.

Never turned down a job in my life.

It's amazing how much you can get by just saying no.

And what's this.

Mr dame we're supposed to locate?

That's a 50 dollars zero set of jugs you're looking at there.

There's only one set of jugs like this in the whole world.

And I just saw him, Mee, hey, put it away.

She's gone.

Who's gone?

The baby we were looking for.

The guy slipped through a Mickey and was born there.

I didn't know who she was, but I saw this.

Was inexpensive.

I don't know who she.

Was.

Well, at least I left a number in the mirror.

Hi, it's gone.

Let me wipe the clean.

She must have got.

The message.

No pigeon.

I don't know why I got.

You as a partner.

Nobody else would work.

This cheap.

My first day here and I already left.

The sauna was terrific.

Made you choose this.

Building.

It has everything you could ask for.

Including men.

I bet that's where you come in.

And I'll only get in the building.

Where's that drink you promised me?

Said a promise?

Make it a Tom Collins.

Tom Collins.

Oh, ooh.

I will be right back, no problem.

I got something in the kitchen.

They call me the Sheik.

Lumbar street.

Every man's.

Fantasy.

And a few women, too.

Martha told me about this morning.

Hey, Brian, if you can do it.

You couldn't prove it by me.

That sounds like a challenge.

I never make a dare.

Make it a stiff one.

You guys sure are noisy.

You said it was all right.

It's all right.

She's just kind of a part of your initiation.

Martha didn't say anything about any initiation.

Martha has not had her full.

Turn yet.

It's your time today.

Who is she?

What's she doing here?

The rooster cannot be expected to handle all of you at the same time.

You hands have to get together a little bit and do some things sometimes, too.

This is my type of scene.

It is?

Who is that?

Just leave manager out here.

Come on, keep me calmly.

Let's see what this reveals.

They're sensitive.

Oh, really?

No, they're sensitive hello, yes.

Bye, and oh, let it go.

Oh, very long.

Here we go come on.

Oh, I like.

Good.

No.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god.

That's fantastic.

Oh, man.

Oh, eh I'm coming.

Okay.

Oh oh, no.

Oh, my god.

I.

Can't.

Oh, my god.

My god.

Good.

Oh, my god.

Nice.

Deep as you can take it.

Please.

In there.

Okay.

Oh, I like that.

That's fantastic.

Oh, oh, great.

Oh, you like that do you have the other.

One?

Both of my.

Oh, oh, my god.

Oh, good.

How are you?

Good.

Oh, I like that.

We are scared happy birthday.

That's my part.

What are you?

Oh, oh, god.

Oh, yes.

Oh, sweet.

Oh, my gosh.

Fall back.

Who.

Oh, look, good coffee.

Oh, baby.

Oh, baby.

Oh, god.

Goodbye.

Oh, oh, yes, thank you.

Listen.

Pretty good.

Oh, oh, oh, and.

Sleep.

Okay.

Oh, god.

Company.

Come on, sweet company.

Oh, give it to her again.

Give him.

Pumping.

Give it.

Oh, god.

Yes.

Oh, god.

Oh, yes oh, oh, oh, wow.

Power.

One lead, our phone number, and all we could do was hope the dame had a dime.

The brass bra was also missing.

I tried to think of any Egyptian archaeologist that I knew.

In the meantime, I'd just suck on a bottle.

It's the only time we're out of.

That room.

That must be when they took it.

Successfully, 5 dollars zero.

It's why they took it that matters, that option.

Did you kill this whip.

Injured it severely, though.

Whoever stole it knew what it was, George.

Also means that they knew what it was to be used for.

Hey, buddy.

I mean, I said other part of the.

Change.

Come on.

We're going to brandish.

Defeat now.

That's all across town I don't know.

In the.

At it's 3 o'clock in the morning.

That's another one, too.

It has a total of $500.

Banks and eggs.

Well, go ocker breakfast.

We arrived at Brenda's late.

She was talking, but she wasn't saying much.

Who else knows about this.

Bra?

Just me and Mr Fitzroy.

Where was fist early last night?

You mean last night or tonight?

That's a good question.

Tonight.

Last night.

Upstairs, asleep in his penthouse.

He goes to bed at sunset.

He doesn't get up until the morning.

He's not gonna steal anything that's gonna help you find the girl?

No, no, but somebody else would.

Somebody who doesn't want her found.

And you think that somebody is me?

Right around.

I never should have hired you.

Wrong.

As soon as the girl is found, I take over the entire Fitzwilliam enterprises.

Between the 2 of us.

We were too drunk to make any sense out of what she was telling us, besides our breath smelled like a fish market.

We left.

They're the hell on the sidewall.

What do us 138, little they show you gotta give.

Me the room cause I can't solve this mystery of you.

Delicious.

Gotta give you I can saw this mystery.

Reveal I love you.

We stopped and got some coffee.

It was strong enough to knock the plaque off your teeth.

Took the fuzz out of my grey matter too.

Oh, Brenda was smart, too smart.

Something she said back there.

Clicked.

I knew we were running out of time.

So I decided to go straight, straight to Fitzwilliam.

The whole American Express wouldn't leave home.

Without it.

Pigeon.

You mind waiting until I turn on the lights before you close the door.

Trace.

This guy must have money to burn.

Brenda's playing with all the matches.

It's really surely it's high.

Well, his kind of bucks go on safari.

Stay at home and play with.

You.

Atari.

Oh, the poor you ducks.

Hey, a hat rack.

Hey, check this out.

Hey, my hat.

King of the mountain.

This king likes to keep watching all his subjects.

Yes, he's got the apartments numbered and everything.

What's matt don't work?

How about this?

Here you go.

I wonder how he ever gets any work done.

What I'd like to know is why it works days.

This was mine.

I'd definitely be working graveyard.

Let's try another one.

Jesus.

All right.

It's got a hair trigger and I got a short fuse.

Don't shoot.

You're not the Avon lady.

I won't try.

I don't want any lava.

Then sing for us, sweetheart.

Let's sweat around.

What's your name?

Sweet cakes.

Amanda.

Amanda.

It's named for a school teacher.

Okay, Amanda, I'm gonna ask you this once and only once.

Where'd you get that?

A guy, he said, where did you get it?

You take your hand off her mouth.

Thank you.

He said the price for the girl is $50 and l10n.

Here's the number and time for the phone call.

He didn't want to put you out.

Considerate guy.

I'd like to have him to make up my bank.

Statements.

This is fun.

I was wanting to meet 2 real detectives.

Murdering stuff.

Murder, spade, zap o.

Here, it's your dime.

Where you find the bad guys and kill them and shoot them.

Go down with your guns.

Blasting.

Of course, I got the money.

You got the dame, I got the money.

Docs, which docks?

Shoes, men shoes, cement shoes look I can't make it to the docks.

My my car is bushed to, the transmission just fell.

Out.

I didn't know.

There's something wrong with.

The car.

Look, why don't you meet me at our branch office, the pink flamingo motel.

It's number 8.

It was the money or he would snuff the girl.

I was trying to buy some time.

This caper had potential for great profit, but I had less than 30 minutes to come up with the dough.

I had a head start on it.

The dime was safe in my pocket.

What's wrong with the car.

Keep her here.

Oh, good.

What's with her?

I don't know.

Never mind.

I'm gonna go to the motel the guy's gonna bring to broad.

Don't let her get away.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'll be here when you get back, if you get back.

Could be dangerous.

We all love that.

Sick, I think.

Now what we do?

You wait.

Johnson soon discovered that her brain was like a fondue.

You could dip in, but you never knew if you'd get anything out.

Somehow he was softening up to her.

Besides, she wasn't in this.

Some guy gave her 50 bucks to deliver the brass bra.

He couldn't hold out against her.

And then my senior year, I was with scrape food.

Really bigger now.

I've noticed.

I know that because you're such a nice guy.

I bet you like me for my friends that I did.

I was just gonna say that.

I knew that too.

So it's on a guy's mind.

Listen.

I wasn't really thinking about.

I know.

I bet you never get around to it.

I like you.

Oh, everyone likes me for what I am.

Okay, I arrived in 15 minutes.

If I was lucky, I'd have another 15 to wait out this guy and come up with a way of stalling off pins.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

You serve Mickey's to one suspecting maidens.

Good guess.

And it only took one truck.

I ain't got the money.

You gotta give me some more time.

No.

Come on.

Mm-hmm.

Here.

Hey.

Okay, look, hi.

Oh, oh, what?

Her.

It's even.

I have to shut up, machine.

Hey.

Okay.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Let me see that tongue.

I can't.

Oh, okay, party's over.

I'm on my way.

What's going on?

You didn't really believe that miss grapefruit, did you?

Anytime you want to talk about it, someone opens our Bill fold to you, reach in.

Even if that someone is a friendly employer, ex employer.

That old has enough money for 10 lifetimes.

He ain't gonna miss it.

It's open.

Now.

We make a little.

Swap.

She takes the dame turns her in for the 50000 while you entertain us.

You're real smart.

How'd you like to try thinking with a slug in your head?

Come on, let's go.

Freeze.

All right, lay your guns on the table.

You 2 over there on the bed.

He said no trouble.

There's not gonna be any.

Come on, honey, you're go.

With me.

You don't mind.

I'll be driving with a light this time.

Put the gun on the table and sit down on the bed.

Let's go.

Gary got about 50 dollars zero waiting for me.

Put it on the table.

You.

Let's move.

Hold it.

I just got it.

You 2 got drift of it at the apartment from rooster.

Rooster knew because Brenda knew.

Brendan knew about it all along.

But you too.

A chauffeur and his girlfriend.

I just figured it out.

You couldn't turn her in because you'd be recognized.

That's why you brought her along.

Do your dirty work.

But the real star of the show is still missing.

I think I may be of some assistance in this area.

Mr Fitzwilliam.

Put your gun on the table.

Derry all right, everybody freezes.

That's not necessary.

I think they're all just a little greedy.

I don't think they'd shoot anybody.

If you don't mind, I'll hold on to the guns anyway.

That is until I get my 50000.

What do you mean you're 50000?

You asked me.

Hold it, hold it.

I still got the guns here.

You maybe wouldn't shoot, but don't press me.

No one is to be compensated until I get what I came for.

All right, everybody up against the wall.

Let's go.

Move.

Johnson, get.

The bra.

You.

Like strip.

I never like vulgarity.

Mr zap o.

I never like going hungry.

Come on, let's get moving, honey.

Get that bra on her.

How was it your chauffeur got mixed up in all.

This?

Well.

You'll find, Mr zap, that life is a matter of give and take.

Now, Roy there, I gave him a complete medical education and he, in turn tried to take away my real life fantasy, and along with it, the reward.

Now, as for my loyal and trusted secretary, I gave her an apartment house and she attempted to take away my reason for living.

About that, Mr zap o, give and take.

Pardon me, but what does this all mean to me?

Anything you want, my darling.

Just anything I don't understand.

Well, there's Rome, Paris, London, Cairo.

All of.

Them.

Mr zap o over with the others, if you don't mind him.

Oh, Mr Johnson, drop the gun, please.

An honest man turned corrupt.

Well, what about my 50000?

How about 100000 or 2 of us now 100000.

And that goes for the rest of you, 100 dollars zero.

If you can find us, you've got enough clues.

Good evening.

Excuse me, good morning.

So ended the Cinderella caper, a mass of confusion and the loss of 50000.

For me and pigeon, it was pushing the dark side of midnight and I had to make a decision.

A flock of pigeons flew overhead.

The one beside me waved to him.

Fitzwilliam had to jump on us.

And the hundred g's were calling.

London, Paris.

I didn't know what was next.

My head was filled with thoughts of the last 24 hours, the dame with the big jugs.

I couldn't explain it.

But I really don't mind so much.

It's all part of the life of a gum shoe.

I just wish the prize for this job hadn't been so high.

And to have it turn out to be a prize at that.

I guess if I wanted to sum it all up into one word, it would have to be.

Titillation.

From.