All language subtitles for Digman s01e08 The Grail.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,655 [audience cheering] 2 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,968 [grunts] 3 00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:12,238 I'll be cheering for you, Quail. 4 00:00:12,344 --> 00:00:13,904 - Thanks, Sheila. - He knows my name. 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,210 Make us proud, Quail. 6 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,480 I'll try my best, Principal Gunther. 7 00:00:16,586 --> 00:00:17,786 He knows my name. 8 00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:20,306 ANNOUNCER: This is for the championship. 9 00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:25,546 Yes, he's got it. He's jumped the highest jump of all. 10 00:00:25,655 --> 00:00:27,685 [cheering, applause] 11 00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:31,656 I won, Dad. Coach said 12 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:33,758 I might be the highest jumper in the state. 13 00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,172 HAWK: Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:39,375 I'm also the star quarterback of the football team. 15 00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:42,072 But that's a fall sport, and it's spring right now. 16 00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,282 - Mm. - I'm also the valedictorian 17 00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:47,099 - with a full ride to college? - [grunts] 18 00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:49,206 Dad, aren't you proud of me? 19 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,070 [can clatters] 20 00:00:51,931 --> 00:00:55,001 You'll never own... 21 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:57,685 ...a museum. 22 00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:01,028 [groans] 23 00:01:12,517 --> 00:01:14,657 Big day today, Mr. Eegan. 24 00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:16,518 Are you excited for your grand opening? 25 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,520 Shut the fuck up. 26 00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:27,692 Now that it's been a few days, I just want to say 27 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:29,483 I'm so glad that I finally told you guys 28 00:01:29,586 --> 00:01:31,306 I've been keeping Bella's frozen corpse in my chamber. 29 00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:33,723 I still can't believe Saltine freaked out and quit. 30 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,137 I mean, it's just my late wife's dead body. 31 00:01:36,241 --> 00:01:37,591 That's not so weird, is it? 32 00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,279 - [groans] - Well, I mean, you know... 33 00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:40,899 Wait a minute, What's with the hemming? 34 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,660 To say nothing of the hawing. 35 00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:43,718 It is weird, Rip. 36 00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:46,167 But everybody's a little weird. 37 00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,655 For example, for a brief period in the 1990s, 38 00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:51,968 I used to eat my pizza crust first. 39 00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,618 Ew! 40 00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,314 Um, okay, so we're even. 41 00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:57,313 How did you manage to pull this off? 42 00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:59,243 A fine question, for 'tis a tale 43 00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:01,384 most worthy of telling indeed. 44 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,002 It all began 12 years ago on the Zientek glacier. 45 00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:06,213 This cave bird doesn't look like she's aged a day. 46 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,930 That's because the glacier's ice contains special mineral 47 00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:11,074 properties that preserve bodies for eternity. 48 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,862 But once a body is removed, it's only a matter of minutes 49 00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:15,615 - before it crumbles to dust. - That was the museum. 50 00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:18,554 We got to head to Mondonesia to find the molten idol. 51 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,305 And we all know how that turned out. 52 00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:24,593 I will not let you die! 53 00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,589 Oh, God, her heart stopped beating. 54 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,619 That's the type of day I'm having. 55 00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:31,724 [grunting] 56 00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:33,547 [panting] 57 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,901 [grunting] 58 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,170 [crying] 59 00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:41,207 [grunting] 60 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:43,410 [cries, grunts] 61 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,970 And I've been looking for the Holy Grail ever since. 62 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,588 While the glacier ice has kept her perfectly preserved. 63 00:02:51,689 --> 00:02:52,899 Wow. Great story. 64 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,930 And you're not worried that the ice is melting? 65 00:02:55,034 --> 00:02:56,314 What? Aw! 66 00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:57,483 Oh, no, no, no, no! 67 00:02:57,586 --> 00:02:59,136 Oh, so it's not supposed to be. 68 00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:00,241 Okay, nobody panic. 69 00:03:00,344 --> 00:03:02,004 To the microfiche. 70 00:03:02,103 --> 00:03:04,483 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 71 00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:06,756 Oh, crap. It says here that the Zientek ice's 72 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,692 unique chemical composition is breaking down 73 00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,313 and there's nothing we can do. 74 00:03:10,413 --> 00:03:12,243 And at the rate Bella's block is melting... 75 00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,454 We have less than a day before it's gone. 76 00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:16,241 Good thing I know where the Grail is now. 77 00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:17,724 At Quail's new museum. 78 00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:19,997 I'll just go steal it from him, as is my wont. 79 00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:21,553 - I'm in. - I'm in, too. 80 00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:23,965 But it won't be easy. Today 81 00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:25,518 is Quail's museum opening. 82 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:27,240 RIP: Oh, I didn't even know we had a TV down here. 83 00:03:27,344 --> 00:03:30,214 Welcome back to the Eegan Museum's opening ceremony. 84 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,170 It's a day of nonstop excitement, 85 00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:35,065 all leading up to the grand opening tonight at 7:00 p.m. 86 00:03:35,172 --> 00:03:37,692 But before that happens, Zane Troy will debut his new single 87 00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,693 and become the latest celebrity to also launch a music career. 88 00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:43,483 Following in the footsteps of Florence Foster Jenkins. 89 00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:45,786 That place is crawling with security. 90 00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:48,206 In that case, I won't bring the Grail to Bella. 91 00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,900 I'll bring Bella to the Grail. 92 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,930 It's just too bad Saltine isn't here to help. 93 00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:54,524 I'm actually glad she's gone 'cause she was so annoying. 94 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,380 She was always pushing my butt in. 95 00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:58,662 I think you mean "pushing my buttons"? 96 00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:00,308 What? No, that's not a phrase. 97 00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:01,973 She was pushing my butt in. 98 00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,828 You know, getting under my skin, rubbing me the wrong way, 99 00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:05,311 bursting my butthole. 100 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,693 You mean "bursting your bubble"? 101 00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:08,623 No, I don't mean bursting my bubble, goddamn it! 102 00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:10,934 What don't you understand here, you stubborn old mule? 103 00:04:11,034 --> 00:04:13,904 - Hey, watch it, buster. - Agatha, walk with me. 104 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,475 My main man Rip has something called "idiom blindness." 105 00:04:17,586 --> 00:04:20,136 It's very rare, but it's real, and he's got it. 106 00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:22,451 So if you're really his friend, you'll just ignore it 107 00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:23,931 and pretend he said the right thing. 108 00:04:24,034 --> 00:04:25,794 - That's insane. - But you got to think about it 109 00:04:25,896 --> 00:04:28,206 from his perspective. He's living in hell. 110 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,070 Idioms are flying this way and that, 111 00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:32,452 and poor Rippy thinks they're all about his butt. 112 00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,901 [sighs] Fine. 113 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,483 Sorry about that, Rip. 114 00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:40,856 Apology graciously accepted... by me. 115 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,095 Anyway, Saltine sucks, and we all agree. 116 00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:46,616 Nevertheless, I wonder what she's up to right now. 117 00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:49,484 - Here's your itinerary, boss. - Oh, thanks, Saltine. 118 00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:51,996 - You are an amazing assistant. - Thank you, sir. 119 00:04:52,103 --> 00:04:53,903 You know, I had my reservations about working for you, 120 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,480 but then I realized I needed a job 121 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,896 if I didn't want to starve to death. 122 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,720 Oh, that's so kind of you to say, Saltine. 123 00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,787 It's not too early for champagne, is it? 124 00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:02,786 [grunts] 125 00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:05,446 - Uh... - What? I drink. 126 00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:07,411 I smoke. You got a problem with that? 127 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,857 Take it up with I don't give a rat's ass! 128 00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:11,685 [laughs]: Oh, my darling wife. 129 00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,623 It's so wonderful to see you, baby. 130 00:05:13,724 --> 00:05:15,314 It's even more wonderful to be me. 131 00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:16,863 [moaning] 132 00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:20,284 I love being a wife guy. 133 00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:22,099 I know. You're such a wife guy. 134 00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:23,546 [whoops] 135 00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,545 Can I be honest? I'm surprised 136 00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:26,965 the two of you are still together. 137 00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,618 I thought you were only marrying her for the Grail. 138 00:05:28,724 --> 00:05:30,284 Oh, at first so did I, but she showed me things 139 00:05:30,379 --> 00:05:32,379 in the bedroom that have made me question the fabric 140 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,722 - of my reality in a good way. - [groans] 141 00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:36,787 - Hey, boss. - Trisket, just in time. 142 00:05:36,896 --> 00:05:39,306 Listen, I need the two of you to keep watch over the Holy Grail 143 00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:40,793 until its big unveiling tonight. 144 00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,376 It's a massive responsibility, but I trust you. 145 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,932 And thy trust shall be rewarded, good sir. 146 00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:47,284 Great, uh, 147 00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:48,929 - but-but don't say that, yeah? - You got it. 148 00:05:49,034 --> 00:05:50,764 AGATHA: I tracked down the blueprints for the Eegan, 149 00:05:50,862 --> 00:05:53,522 thanks to my shadowy network of lowlives and scoundrels. 150 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,380 Don't even ask what I had to do. 151 00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,902 I wasn't going to. 152 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,930 Asking questions is a sign of weakness in a man. 153 00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:00,764 Agreed. We'll put Bella in a crate, 154 00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:03,172 and you'll sneak her in by posing as a delivery man. 155 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,515 Swooper will be your driver. 156 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,170 Ever driven a delivery truck? 157 00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:08,685 Come on, Rip, you know I can drive, sail or fly anything. 158 00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,663 Except a pogo stick. 159 00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:12,478 So don't even think about making me use a pogo. 160 00:06:12,586 --> 00:06:14,756 - I hate that! - That's fine, Swooper. 161 00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,762 I'm not going to ask you to use a pogo stick. 162 00:06:16,862 --> 00:06:18,762 Good. And don't ask me why I feel this way. 163 00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,592 [crying]: The memory is too painful! 164 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,140 This is so cool that we get to work together. 165 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,031 And we get to guard the Grail? 166 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,687 If anyone tries to take it, I'm gonna be like, "Gadoosh!" 167 00:06:30,793 --> 00:06:33,283 Yeah. And then I'll be like, "Kadorf." 168 00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:34,379 Whoa. Really? 169 00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,592 Yeah. Did I mention I'm crazy? 170 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,139 Well, I'm gonna hit the can. 171 00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:39,621 Okay. 172 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,620 MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Bitch. 173 00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,594 What? Who said that? 174 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,969 - Fat bitch. - [gasps] Wait. 175 00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:50,898 The Holy Grail shouldn't call people bitches. 176 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,690 [screams] 177 00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:56,719 [heads screech] 178 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,381 - [screeches] - [screams] 179 00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:04,337 [screaming] 180 00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:06,898 [gasps] Oh, my God! What were those hellish visions? 181 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,070 - [screams] - You all right, Saltine? 182 00:07:09,172 --> 00:07:10,762 Um... 183 00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,902 yeah, I just forgot I have an appointment 184 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,590 with, uh, my plastic surgeon. 185 00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:17,719 I'm getting my butt... 186 00:07:17,827 --> 00:07:19,377 crack... 187 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,142 lengthened. 188 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:23,829 Okay. 189 00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:25,901 All right, Swooper, if I'm not back by 8:00 p.m., 190 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,100 - you know what to do. - Yep. Freak out and go nuts. 191 00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:29,856 Just totally wigging out and attacking people 192 00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:31,785 - and screaming your name. - Exactly. 193 00:07:31,896 --> 00:07:33,996 No, wait. It means I'm in trouble and you need to help me. 194 00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,623 Got my papers right here 195 00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:38,174 from the Totally Legit Delivery Company. 196 00:07:38,275 --> 00:07:40,925 - Sounds totally legit. - What the...? 197 00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,624 I don't remember ordering anything 198 00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:44,214 from Totally Legit Delivery. 199 00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:45,450 Freeze it. 200 00:07:45,551 --> 00:07:48,141 Zoom in... closer. 201 00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,591 Closer. 202 00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:52,139 I'd recognize that pore anywhere. 203 00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:53,931 That's Rip Digman. 204 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,760 - Why would Rip Digman be here? - There can only be one reason. 205 00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:00,692 He thinks he co-wrote my new song. 206 00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:02,483 But it was an interpolation! 207 00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:04,516 Zaney! 208 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,000 Oh, it's you. 209 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,833 - I need to ask you something. - Let me guess. 210 00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:09,481 Where do babies come from? 211 00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,096 Look, I don't know, okay? 212 00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:12,586 No, it's about the Grail. 213 00:08:12,689 --> 00:08:14,209 I know the Grail came from Puffland, 214 00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,830 - so I thought maybe you... - You don't know anything! 215 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,901 I think you've had too much champagne. 216 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,860 More like nine much champagne. 217 00:08:20,965 --> 00:08:24,065 [sighs] Give me a light, would you? 218 00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,622 Let me guess. 219 00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:27,314 It called you a bitch. 220 00:08:27,413 --> 00:08:29,313 Yes, and I'm not a bitch. 221 00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:31,103 Unless I haven't had my java. 222 00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,616 Did it also show you hellish visions, including a pig nun? 223 00:08:33,724 --> 00:08:35,694 Pig nun, yes! Why's it doing that? 224 00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:37,033 I wish I knew. 225 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,897 There were some in Puffland who hated 226 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,520 the Grail, wanted it gone. 227 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,720 They said a man named the Antiquarian 228 00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:44,307 told them the truth about it, 229 00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:45,763 but that's all I know. 230 00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:47,662 Wow. That's actually quite a bit. 231 00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:49,168 So who is the Antiquarian? 232 00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,275 Ugh, what is with all the questions? I feel like 233 00:08:51,379 --> 00:08:53,589 I'm on an episode of the hit game show Jeopardy! 234 00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:55,169 Look, my life is perfect now with Zane. 235 00:08:55,275 --> 00:08:56,785 Don't ruin it by looking into the Grail. 236 00:08:56,896 --> 00:08:58,586 I'm sorry. I just want to know what-- aah! 237 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,309 Quit making me feel like I'm on an episode 238 00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:01,903 of the hit game show Jeopardy! 239 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,410 - And get out of here! - [screams] 240 00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,857 Okay, Swooper, I'm entering the Hall of Weapons. 241 00:09:05,965 --> 00:09:08,205 Looks like the walls are quadruple-plated steel. 242 00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,100 - So our signal might... - [static crackling] 243 00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:12,686 What's that, Rippy? You're breaking up. Rip! 244 00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,343 Swooper. Hello? 245 00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:16,898 ZANE: Rip Digman. 246 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,380 I always knew this day would come. 247 00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:21,592 Tuesday, June 20th. How? 248 00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:23,479 Not the date. I'm talking about... 249 00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,406 our final showdown. 250 00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:27,717 Now... choose your weapon. 251 00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:30,617 - [squeaks] - Very well. [grunts] 252 00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:32,074 What the...? 253 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,242 Oh, shit. 254 00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,314 Uh, no matter. 255 00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,483 I shall still but defeat you. 256 00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:37,756 Prepare to meet... 257 00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,482 your physical equal! 258 00:09:40,586 --> 00:09:43,236 [both shouting] 259 00:09:44,862 --> 00:09:46,282 Too bad the signal gave out. 260 00:09:46,379 --> 00:09:50,169 But knowing Rip, he's doing just fine. 261 00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:52,895 [both grunting] 262 00:09:56,655 --> 00:09:58,685 I know why you're here, Rip. 263 00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,103 - You do? [grunts] - Yes. 264 00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,966 You think you co-wrote my song, 265 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,998 so you're here to ruin my performance. 266 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,003 Oh, thank God. Yes, that's exactly it. 267 00:10:07,103 --> 00:10:08,693 I knew it. 268 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,903 That's always been your problem. 269 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,720 You've never wanted to share the spotlight 270 00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:14,337 because you knew I was better. 271 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,308 That's why you held me back all those years. 272 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:18,833 - [grunts] - [shouting] 273 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,310 I never held you back. 274 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,793 I was only so tough on you 275 00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:25,026 because I wanted you to be the best. 276 00:10:25,137 --> 00:10:26,687 Like the teacher in that Paul Reiser movie 277 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,693 Whiplash. 278 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,143 [both grunting] 279 00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,621 Well, then you betrayed me like Paul Reiser in Alien. 280 00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:35,284 And now I'm mad about you! 281 00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:36,899 That is horrid grammar. 282 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000 - [grunts] - Ow. [whimpers] 283 00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:47,237 If you're such a great mentor, Rip, 284 00:10:47,344 --> 00:10:50,074 then why do your assistants keep quitting? 285 00:10:50,172 --> 00:10:53,142 You know, when Saltine came to me begging for a job, 286 00:10:53,241 --> 00:10:56,591 I hired her because I knew we shared a special connection. 287 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,409 - [gasps] - Unless you didn't know. 288 00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,137 You didn't, did you? 289 00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:03,551 Well, she's my assistant now. 290 00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:06,515 And she says I'm the best boss 291 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,550 she's ever had. 292 00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:10,855 - No! - [grunting] 293 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,930 Aah! Room temperature tea! 294 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,694 - [angry squeaking] - [yells, groans] 295 00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:18,553 [grunts] 296 00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,095 Fleety! [grunts] 297 00:11:20,206 --> 00:11:21,516 Aw, man. 298 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:23,380 [grunting] 299 00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:24,932 - [groans, gasps] - Face it, Rip. 300 00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,384 Your story ends here, 301 00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,902 while my legend will only continue to grow. 302 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,480 That's always been your problem, Zane. 303 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:33,236 You care more about personal glory than you do about history. 304 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,624 I mean, did you even know that, during the Reformation, 305 00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,074 Catholicism was outlawed in England 306 00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:38,722 so homes were built with hidden priest holes 307 00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:39,857 where clergy members could hide? 308 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,475 - So? - So... 309 00:11:41,586 --> 00:11:42,896 you're standing on one. 310 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,520 - Now, Fleety! - [grunts] 311 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,660 Whoa! 312 00:11:45,758 --> 00:11:46,828 - Bloody hell! - [squeaks] 313 00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,171 All right, Fleety, let's go back 314 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,855 - and get that crate. - TRISKET: Boss? 315 00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:51,585 ZANE: Over here! I'm in a priest hole! 316 00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:53,859 Oh, my God. "In a priest hole"? 317 00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,965 I have so many distasteful retorts to that, 318 00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:57,408 but I'm not even gonna go there! 319 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,757 [gasps] 320 00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,663 Oh, crap! 321 00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:02,478 You're the only person I could turn to. Please. 322 00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,786 I thought you quit. I don't help quitters. 323 00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:06,206 I know, but I need information. 324 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,830 And nobody knows more about the underbelly 325 00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:09,141 of the arky world than you. 326 00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:10,931 So, tell me, who is the Antiquarian? 327 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,524 I prayed this day would never come. 328 00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,450 I guess that proves it. 329 00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:16,931 I don't know how to pray. 330 00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:18,454 Agatha! Please tell me who it is 331 00:12:18,551 --> 00:12:20,721 or I'll absolutely beef in my khakis! 332 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,237 Fine. He knows more than anyone 333 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,524 about rare and obscure historical objects, 334 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,000 but he's not someone you want anything to do with. 335 00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,283 Look, I've already said too much. 336 00:12:28,379 --> 00:12:29,859 Just stay away from his nightclub 337 00:12:29,965 --> 00:12:32,655 on the outskirts of town at 4409 Hemlock Avenue, 338 00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:35,478 even though there's usually ample street parking. 339 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,310 You don't think she could be going to the...? 340 00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:41,973 Nah. 341 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:43,858 TRISKET: Rip, I know you're in here. 342 00:12:43,965 --> 00:12:45,405 I can smell your monkey. 343 00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,477 Fleety! You see what happens when you don't let me 344 00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:49,616 - give you a bath? - [grumbles] 345 00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:51,244 Huh. 346 00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:54,904 What the dickens? 347 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,140 Oh, God! Who's this gonna be?! 348 00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:03,617 Dad, look, I took all the money I made from my new invention 349 00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:07,074 and I bought a vase dating from the days of Alexander the Great. 350 00:13:07,172 --> 00:13:08,862 I know it's not much, but one day 351 00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,335 I'll own a museum full of them. 352 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,826 Dad? [gasps] 353 00:13:16,310 --> 00:13:18,590 [buzzing] 354 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,929 โ™ช โ™ช 355 00:13:23,379 --> 00:13:26,239 That's my dad. He always dreamed of seeing me open a museum, 356 00:13:26,344 --> 00:13:27,974 but he died before I ever could. 357 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,898 So I had him cryogenically frozen 358 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,240 until I could find the Holy Grail 359 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,004 and bring him back to make him proud. 360 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:34,663 You don't think that's weird, do you? 361 00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:36,588 Oh, wait. Of course you don't. 362 00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:37,969 - [grunts] - Whoa! 363 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,588 What is that?! 364 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,409 Huh?! Is that Bella?! 365 00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:42,997 Wow, this is crazy! 366 00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,073 She's, like, frozen or something? 367 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,212 I know you brought her here, Rip. 368 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,620 We have you on, like, 50 cameras. 369 00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:48,934 Yeah, that makes sense. 370 00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:50,764 Now, what do you say we bring them 371 00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,522 both back to life? 372 00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,140 Rip, do you copy? 373 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,901 Damn it. Rip, just in case you can hear me, 374 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,310 I feel it's time to finally admit why I hate pogo sticks. 375 00:14:02,413 --> 00:14:04,903 I used to love pogo-sticking as a kid. 376 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,860 I'd pogo all over town. 377 00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:09,895 But then, one day, I left my pogo unattended, 378 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,590 and my grandpa, who idolized me, 379 00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:13,659 took it for a ride. 380 00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,548 He pogoed up to the town canyon 381 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,785 - and went over the edge... - [gasps] 382 00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:18,206 - No! - [screaming] 383 00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,450 ...where he bounced off 384 00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:21,101 the canyon floor and then shot up 385 00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:22,926 into the sky! And he got chopped up 386 00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,284 in a passing seaplane's propeller. 387 00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:27,069 No...! 388 00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:30,172 The whole experience made my family uncomfortable. 389 00:14:30,275 --> 00:14:32,165 And ever since that day, 390 00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:34,895 - I never pogoed again. - [thunder crashes] 391 00:14:36,517 --> 00:14:38,587 [sighs deeply] 392 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:43,029 Okay, our next item is a 19th century Queen Anne highboy. 393 00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,027 Can I get a ten, ten, ten? 394 00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:45,447 How about 11 now, 11 now? 395 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,381 Ten, ten, ten, 11... 396 00:14:46,482 --> 00:14:48,142 Pennsylvania Dutch tinware 397 00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:49,791 with a tole-painted design. 398 00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:50,896 Vibrant colors. 399 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 Gooseneck spout. 400 00:14:52,103 --> 00:14:53,313 Yeah, I'd say that, in auction, 401 00:14:53,413 --> 00:14:55,283 this would go for roughly... 402 00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:56,279 nine Gs! 403 00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,519 Wow. Thank you, Antiquarian. 404 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,690 Go see my associate to set up the auction. 405 00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:02,243 Our cut is 40%. 406 00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,071 And who the hell are you? 407 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,552 I'm interested in the Holy Grail. 408 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,965 No shit. Who isn't? It's the ultimate antique. 409 00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:11,338 Every asshole in here wants that thing on their mantel. 410 00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:12,968 Taffy? Mmm. 411 00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,718 Hooey, that's some salty water. 412 00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,307 No, you don't understand. 413 00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:18,283 I'm talking about the Grail that came from Puffland. 414 00:15:18,379 --> 00:15:19,619 Something's wrong with it. 415 00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,794 I don't know nothing 416 00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,166 - about that. - Yes, you do. 417 00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,205 And so what? I ought to wash your mouth out 418 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,550 with distilled white vinegar 419 00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,685 and scrub you with artisanal potpourri 420 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,763 for even mentioning that thing around me. 421 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,342 Now beat it or I'll put an antique bullet in your brain. 422 00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:34,898 Do that 423 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,690 and they'll be cleaning you off the ceiling for weeks. 424 00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:40,173 Agatha? But I thought you said you don't help quitters. 425 00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:42,585 I always say crazy shit like that. 426 00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:44,239 I was just being random. 427 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,664 Now you're gonna tell us everything about the Grail. 428 00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,098 Fine. I'll tell you. 429 00:15:48,206 --> 00:15:50,616 But you're not gonna like it. 430 00:15:50,724 --> 00:15:53,624 [upbeat music playing] 431 00:15:53,724 --> 00:15:54,664 - Yeah. - [cheering] 432 00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:55,928 [chuckles] Thank you! 433 00:15:56,034 --> 00:15:59,074 And now please welcome Quail Eegan! 434 00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:00,382 Showmanship! 435 00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,002 Now, I know there's been talk 436 00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,073 that I didn't find the real Holy Grail. 437 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,832 So how about I prove it? 438 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,341 - [whirring] - [cheering] 439 00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:11,478 [singsongy]: Let's resurrect some frozen corpses! 440 00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:12,656 This is my dad. 441 00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,718 And that's the great arky Bella Torres, 442 00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,717 who didn't take Rip Digman's last name. 443 00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:19,167 As you may know, they've both been dead for years. 444 00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:21,585 [singsongy]: But not for much longer. 445 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,969 - MAN: Oh, my gosh. - [murmuring] 446 00:16:23,068 --> 00:16:26,138 โ™ช โ™ช 447 00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:36,762 Son? 448 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,762 - [gasping] - Dad. 449 00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:38,902 Is it really you? 450 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,000 Where am I? 451 00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,213 The last thing I remember, 452 00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,550 I was in the kitchen. 453 00:16:42,655 --> 00:16:44,375 That's right, Dad. You died years ago, 454 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,032 but I became a billionaire and brought you back to life 455 00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,547 using the Holy Grail 456 00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:51,065 so that you could see my spectacular new museum. 457 00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,382 That's what I was going to guess happened. 458 00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:56,072 Oh, Quail, I'm so proud of you. 459 00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,242 I love you. 460 00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,484 - I love you, too! - [cheering] 461 00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:00,026 MAN: Wow. Did you just see that? 462 00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,517 That was amazing. 463 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:02,550 Your turn. 464 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,545 Okay. 465 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,545 Something's wrong. I got to help Rip. 466 00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:10,445 But this museum is huge. How will I find him in time? 467 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:14,690 So we meet again, you springy bitch. 468 00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:16,521 Okay. 469 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,660 Here I go. 470 00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:19,238 WOMAN: No, Rip! Don't! Don't! 471 00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:21,034 - Who said that? - [grunts] Rip! 472 00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:24,137 - Don't! - Saltine said that! 473 00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:28,927 Oh, this is just my luck. Here I am, trying to revive 474 00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:31,214 my frozen spouse with water from the Holy Grail, 475 00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:32,660 and who interrupts me? 476 00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,338 My former assistant! 477 00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:37,618 I wouldn't believe it myself if it wasn't my own crazy life! 478 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,694 Rip, don't do it! It's... [grunts] 479 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:42,033 Anyways, back to this. Aw. 480 00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,547 I haven't seen that ear in many moons. 481 00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:45,785 Huh. 482 00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:48,476 I forgot about that scar, though. [gasps] 483 00:17:48,931 --> 00:17:50,101 I'm just gonna open it. 484 00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:51,516 I don't think it's booby-trapped. 485 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,720 It definitely is. 486 00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:53,897 I doubt it. 487 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,590 - [creaking] - [grunting] 488 00:17:55,689 --> 00:17:56,589 [gasps] 489 00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:58,099 It's gonna leave a scar, 490 00:17:58,206 --> 00:17:59,166 but you'll be fine. 491 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:00,405 Why didn't you listen to me? 492 00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:01,757 I was trying to enjoy the ride 493 00:18:01,862 --> 00:18:03,792 and you just kept pushing my butt in. 494 00:18:03,896 --> 00:18:05,306 Rip, you only say that 495 00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:06,903 when someone who loves you is trying to help you. 496 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,030 You get mad that they know what's best for you. 497 00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,587 Why would I get mad about that? 498 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,239 Because you have major psychological issues 499 00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:13,284 and you should go to therapy. 500 00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:14,929 The industry of death?! 501 00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:16,524 Just remember this, Rip-- 502 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,480 whenever you think someone is "pushing your butt in," 503 00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:20,926 it means they care about you. 504 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,384 So you should always listen to them... 505 00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:26,482 [echoing]: and do what they say. 506 00:18:26,586 --> 00:18:27,896 โ™ช โ™ช 507 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,830 [quietly]: Rip, what are you waiting for? 508 00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:35,343 Let her drink from the Grail. 509 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,788 - Bring her back. - Yes, give her a sip. 510 00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:38,516 As another recently revived American, 511 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:41,100 I can say it was quite refreshing. 512 00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:44,072 - No. - [gasping] 513 00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:46,142 And pray tell, why not? 514 00:18:46,241 --> 00:18:48,901 Because even though I want more than anything 515 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,240 to bring Bella back to life, 516 00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:52,284 what she would want me to do 517 00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:55,619 is listen to someone who pushes my butt in. 518 00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:56,664 [grunts] Whip! 519 00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:57,618 [yells] 520 00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,554 [grunts] Jump kick! 521 00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,445 I was a cod-headed fool to let you quit, Saltine. 522 00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,551 - I'm sorry. - Rip! 523 00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,785 I conquered my fear of pogo sticks! 524 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,406 The main thing we all care about! 525 00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:10,757 Oh, shit. Is that the Grail? 526 00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,592 They stopped you from giving it to Bella? 527 00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:13,759 Don't worry! I'm on it! 528 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,102 - Swooper, no! - Swooper, no! 529 00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:17,826 No...! 530 00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,524 - [panting] - [grunts] 531 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,690 Bella? 532 00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:23,453 My love? 533 00:19:23,551 --> 00:19:25,101 Yes, it's me. 534 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,096 I'm here. 535 00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,786 [chuckles] 536 00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:29,136 Not you. 537 00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:30,661 [low chuckle] 538 00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,478 - Huh?! - My dear. 539 00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:33,446 Papa? 540 00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:34,521 I was trying to tell you-- 541 00:19:34,620 --> 00:19:36,550 it's not the Holy Grail. 542 00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,859 It's the Unholy Grail. 543 00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:40,895 [distorted]: I'll be taking that. 544 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,240 Whoa! 545 00:19:42,344 --> 00:19:43,864 Let's raise a glass... 546 00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,135 to evil. 547 00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:46,411 How did I not notice that sticker? 548 00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:48,307 Bella, if you can hear me in there, 549 00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:49,793 you have to fight this! 550 00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:51,206 I am no longer Bella. 551 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,720 I am the Antichrist! 552 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,237 And I am... 553 00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:56,664 [distorted]: the Uncle Christ. 554 00:19:56,758 --> 00:19:58,338 Auntie Christ and Uncle Christ. 555 00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,618 That's really clever! 556 00:19:59,724 --> 00:20:02,174 And, together, we shall destroy 557 00:20:02,275 --> 00:20:04,515 all of mankind! 558 00:20:06,103 --> 00:20:07,693 [screaming] 559 00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:11,862 Die! 560 00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:18,656 Huh. 561 00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:20,378 HOWARD TOE: Following the incident at the Eegan tonight, 562 00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:22,832 the Antichrist and Uncle Christ destroyed a power plant, 563 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,621 throwing the world further into chaos. 564 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,314 Hey, guys. Sorry again for bringing Bella back to life 565 00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:29,073 as the embodiment of pure evil. 566 00:20:29,172 --> 00:20:30,282 To make it up to you, 567 00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,619 I got acai bowls for everyone! 568 00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,864 Swooper, there's no time for acai bowls right now. 569 00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:37,305 - Not even a bite? - No! 570 00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:40,033 Because we have a new mission. 571 00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:42,067 [sighs] Stupid Antichrist 572 00:20:42,172 --> 00:20:43,282 ruining my grand opening. 573 00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:44,279 Hello, Mr. Eegan. 574 00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,859 Billy Themet? 575 00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:46,925 What are you doing here? 576 00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:48,284 I checked out your museum 577 00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:49,449 and found it to be... 578 00:20:49,551 --> 00:20:51,381 quite impressive indeed. 579 00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:54,102 But I ruined it all by unleashing hell on Earth. 580 00:20:54,206 --> 00:20:55,376 On the contrary. 581 00:20:55,482 --> 00:20:57,212 The Antichrist and the Uncle Christ 582 00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,240 may prove quite useful to us. 583 00:20:59,344 --> 00:21:02,074 Tell me, Mr. Eegan, have you ever heard of... 584 00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:03,072 The Council? 585 00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:04,452 RIP: We have 586 00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,381 a mission to restore order to the world. 587 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,902 A mission to undo the horrors I have very indirectly caused. 588 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,860 And there's only one way to accomplish said mission. 589 00:21:13,965 --> 00:21:16,375 We have to kill Bella. 590 00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,452 - [gasping] - And how are we gonna do that? 591 00:21:18,551 --> 00:21:20,591 I'll tell you next season. 592 00:21:20,689 --> 00:21:22,519 - Season? - Yeah. As mentioned, 593 00:21:22,620 --> 00:21:25,790 today was June 20, aka the last day of spring. 594 00:21:25,896 --> 00:21:28,306 And it will be midnight in three, 595 00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,553 two, one. Now, as I was say... 596 00:21:54,344 --> 00:21:55,554 Chirp. 597 00:21:55,604 --> 00:22:00,154 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42798

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