All language subtitles for Digman s01e02 Et Tu.enng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:09,314 Iguana jerky? 2 00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:10,723 - No, thanks. - You sure? 3 00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:11,997 It's a rare 4 00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:13,453 - and cantankerous delicacy. - I'm good. 5 00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:14,621 Well, I got plenty of different varieties 6 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,074 in my billfold, if that's what 7 00:00:16,172 --> 00:00:17,312 floats your apple. Let's see. 8 00:00:17,413 --> 00:00:19,483 Ostrich, cicada, I got dolphin, 9 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,446 albino dolphin, porpoise, 10 00:00:21,551 --> 00:00:24,101 albino porpoise, tarantula, Bunnicula, 11 00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:26,406 - fuckin' emu. - I'm fine, thank you. 12 00:00:26,517 --> 00:00:28,027 Suit yourself, Saltine. More for me. 13 00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:29,517 [munching] 14 00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:31,620 Oop, that one's not cured all the way through. 15 00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:33,414 [chuckling]: That's good luck, though. 16 00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:35,137 And now back to this week's Arky Rankings. 17 00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,281 RIP: Ooh, turn it up. 18 00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,479 Coming in at number one: Zane Troy, 19 00:00:38,586 --> 00:00:39,966 fresh off his triumphant hire 20 00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,238 by Quail Eegan. 21 00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:42,624 I don't have a son, but if I did, 22 00:00:42,724 --> 00:00:44,724 I'd throw him away and make Zane my son. 23 00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:47,307 And I would go along with that, no matter the emotional fallout. 24 00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,413 One person not appearing on the Arky Rankings: 25 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,407 Rip Digman. Just thought I'd mention that. 26 00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:52,757 Moving on to our next story: 27 00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:53,932 Santa Claus has announced 28 00:00:54,034 --> 00:00:55,284 that he will be participating 29 00:00:55,379 --> 00:00:56,759 in No Nut November. 30 00:00:56,862 --> 00:00:58,722 Well, pickle shit. 31 00:00:58,827 --> 00:01:00,547 Oh, don't worry, Rip, he'll blow a load in December. 32 00:01:00,655 --> 00:01:02,685 Not that, the Arky Rankings. 33 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,313 12 years ago, I was number one, 34 00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:05,693 and now I can't even crack 'em. 35 00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,483 You know, you'll never make the rankings 36 00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:09,586 if you keep passing on every job that comes in. 37 00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:10,969 Well, the only job offers I'm getting 38 00:01:11,068 --> 00:01:12,968 are from little rinky-dink museums. 39 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:14,618 New job offer just came in, Rip. 40 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,794 Let me guess, some rinky-dink museum? 41 00:01:16,896 --> 00:01:19,546 Yeah, it's rinky and, from what I can tell, 42 00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,305 dinky, too. You want me to pass? 43 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:22,723 Rip, before you say no, just listen: 44 00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:24,657 I have formulated a five-point plan 45 00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,168 to get you back atop the rankings, 46 00:01:26,275 --> 00:01:28,335 and step number one is to successfully complete 47 00:01:28,448 --> 00:01:29,448 a small-time job. 48 00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:30,551 Well, what are the other steps? 49 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:31,685 I didn't want to spoil it, 50 00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:33,413 but step four is a makeover. 51 00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:34,717 Well, I like that. 52 00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,687 Of course you do. My plan will work. 53 00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:37,833 Just trust me. 54 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,861 [echoing]: Trust me. 55 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,135 You won't regret hiring me 56 00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:41,721 as your assistant. Trust me. 57 00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:43,617 Consider this my resignation. 58 00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,724 Bella! I will not let you die! 59 00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,207 - I'll never trust you, Zane! - Whoa, okay. 60 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,550 I learned my lesson about 61 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,135 blindly trusting an assistant. 62 00:01:52,241 --> 00:01:53,761 Agatha, tell that rinky-dink museum 63 00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,452 to make like Christopher McCandless 64 00:01:55,551 --> 00:01:57,071 - and take a hike. - The Into the Wild guy? 65 00:01:57,172 --> 00:01:58,452 Yeah, do you have a problem 66 00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,071 with what I said, Saltine? 67 00:02:00,172 --> 00:02:02,592 He famously took a hike. I'm halfway through that book, 68 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,999 - and the guy is all about hikes. - Actually, Rip, 69 00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:05,693 you know how you've got that snake terrarium? 70 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,553 Because they're my favorite animal, yeah, go on. 71 00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:10,405 And the snakes require heat lamps. 72 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:11,927 Because they're ectothermic, yes. Continue. 73 00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:13,724 Well, those lamps use a lot of power, 74 00:02:13,827 --> 00:02:15,687 and we're way behind on our bills, 75 00:02:15,793 --> 00:02:17,313 so you should take the job because 76 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:18,763 we desperately need the money. 77 00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:20,972 Okay, fine. I'll do it for my beloved snakes. 78 00:02:21,068 --> 00:02:22,238 So what's the job? 79 00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:24,074 Welcome to the Museum of Confetti. 80 00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,482 The only museum dedicated to 81 00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,276 indistinguishable little scraps of paper. 82 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:28,689 Oh, man. 83 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,383 So, this one is from the London Olympics' 84 00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:33,412 opening ceremony, and this one is from the closing ceremony. 85 00:02:33,517 --> 00:02:36,027 Wait, that's the closing, and this is the opening. 86 00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:38,407 I'm sorry. I feel so ashamed right now. 87 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,097 - Kind of wish I could die. - Oh, no. 88 00:02:40,206 --> 00:02:41,966 Anyways, I was hoping you could help me find 89 00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:44,718 a piece of the most historically significant confetti ever. 90 00:02:44,827 --> 00:02:46,687 I didn't know confetti had a history. 91 00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,073 - Please share. - [groans] 92 00:02:48,172 --> 00:02:49,412 PETEY: Hundreds of years ago in Italy, 93 00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:50,927 it was a young boy's birthday, 94 00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:52,694 but his family couldn't afford any gifts. 95 00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:54,693 So the boy sat alone, wishing for a miracle, 96 00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:56,073 when someone emptied their trash, 97 00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,412 filled with small pieces of paper, 98 00:02:57,517 --> 00:02:59,277 out the window above him. 99 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,549 -♪ La-la-la-la-la... ♪ - His prayers were answered, 100 00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:01,925 and confetti was born. 101 00:03:02,034 --> 00:03:03,864 On the dark web, I came across a tip 102 00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:06,205 as to the location of one of the original pieces. 103 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,550 It says it's hidden near the Rialto Bridge, 104 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:09,925 but I can't go to Italy. 105 00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:11,664 Who would sing to my confetti at night? 106 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,688 - [groans] - Five-point plan. 107 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,283 Fine, yes, we're in. Swooper, gas up the plane. 108 00:03:16,379 --> 00:03:17,659 We're headed to Venice, Italy. 109 00:03:17,758 --> 00:03:18,928 Plane's already gassed up. 110 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,794 If I add any more, it will explode. 111 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,656 Is that what you want? 'Cause I swear to God, 112 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:25,478 I'll do it, Rip. I'll do anything for you, man! 113 00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:36,281 RIP: Well, seems like Petey's tip was a bust, 114 00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:38,829 and that stupid piece of paper's nowhere to be found. 115 00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,341 What are you getting up to over there? 116 00:03:40,448 --> 00:03:41,758 The confetti may not be on the bridge, 117 00:03:41,862 --> 00:03:43,382 but it could be in the bridge. 118 00:03:43,482 --> 00:03:45,722 I noticed an opening, so I'm having Fleety look inside. 119 00:03:45,827 --> 00:03:48,137 We can watch with my newest cool invention: 120 00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:49,521 The FleetyCam. 121 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,860 RIP: Oh, yeah, look at that. 122 00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,655 SALTINE: That must be it. Go, Fleety. 123 00:03:52,758 --> 00:03:54,338 RIP: Oh. Oh, God. 124 00:03:54,448 --> 00:03:56,238 Fleety, watch out! What the...? 125 00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:57,484 Fleety? How did you...? 126 00:03:57,586 --> 00:03:58,996 The video's on a 30-second delay. 127 00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,483 Would you have preferred a live feed? 128 00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:01,656 Yeah, of course. 129 00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:03,208 I mean, little anticlimactic. 130 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:04,760 Kind of wanted to see how Fleety got out of that. 131 00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:06,312 Nice work, buddy. Here's your treat. 132 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,723 [snorts, sighs] 133 00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:09,277 Well, there it is, whoop-de-doo, 134 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:12,139 a boring piece of confetti that nobody cares about. 135 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:13,591 - Confetti? - Confetti? 136 00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:15,209 Did somebody say "confetti"? 137 00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:17,970 CROWD: ♪ Confetti, confetti ♪ 138 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,138 ♪ Confetti, confetti, confetti.♪ 139 00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:20,141 Confetti! 140 00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:21,971 Wow, I guess people here 141 00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:23,308 really do love confetti. 142 00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,623 Hold on, there's something written on this. 143 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,144 [tires screech] 144 00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:28,311 They've got the confetti. 145 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,448 RIP: Guys, I love the hat, 146 00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:32,311 but I think it's too long. 147 00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:34,453 [tires screech] 148 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,375 [both gasp] 149 00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:37,762 MAN: Welcome, Rip Digman. 150 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:39,592 What the hell is going on here? 151 00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:42,409 We are the descendants of Julius Caesar, 152 00:04:42,517 --> 00:04:44,997 and my name is Cale. Cale Caesar. 153 00:04:45,103 --> 00:04:48,143 But before you say anything, I've heard all the jokes. 154 00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:49,451 And I love them, 155 00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:52,381 so if you'd like to make any, I am all ears. 156 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:55,522 Uh, your name sounds like a salad? 157 00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:57,864 [laughs] 158 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,335 I actually hadn't heard that one before. 159 00:05:00,448 --> 00:05:02,588 [laughs] Wow, you went right at it. 160 00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,719 We are known as the Little Caesars. 161 00:05:04,827 --> 00:05:06,827 And, yes, I've heard all the jokes. 162 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,721 Those ones, I don't like. 163 00:05:08,827 --> 00:05:10,897 Seems arbitrary, but humor is subjective. 164 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,480 We will stop at nothing to return the Caesars to power. 165 00:05:13,586 --> 00:05:15,096 For years we have been searching 166 00:05:15,206 --> 00:05:17,586 for the world's original batch of confetti 167 00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,719 because it is actually a torn-up map 168 00:05:19,827 --> 00:05:22,587 leading to one of Italy's greatest lost treasures. 169 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,929 The knife Brutus used to kill Caesar. 170 00:05:25,034 --> 00:05:26,214 Ah, shit. 171 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:28,340 CALE: Legend has it that the knife is cursed, 172 00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:29,688 and anyone who holds it 173 00:05:29,793 --> 00:05:31,833 is overcome by the desire to kill their boss. 174 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,481 Just like Brutus did to Caesar. 175 00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:34,926 CALE: Many have sought the knife to 176 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,904 exploit its power, so, hundreds of years ago, 177 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,970 the great Venetian mapmaker Fra Mauro 178 00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:39,998 hid the knife 179 00:05:40,103 --> 00:05:41,593 and drew a map to its location. 180 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,929 But when evildoers closed in 181 00:05:43,034 --> 00:05:44,794 on Fra Mauro, he tore up the map, 182 00:05:44,896 --> 00:05:46,206 scattering the pieces to the wind. 183 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,790 - [Fra grunts] -♪ La-la-la-la ♪ 184 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:49,336 ♪ La-la-la-la-la. ♪ 185 00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,518 The writing on the back, that's why you grabbed us. 186 00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:52,860 We found the final piece. 187 00:05:52,965 --> 00:05:54,995 Precisely. The map is now complete, 188 00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:57,623 but there's no "X" marking the knife's location, 189 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,694 just a Latin riddle 190 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,553 that you will help us solve. 191 00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,445 And why would we help you? 192 00:06:02,551 --> 00:06:03,831 Because if you don't, 193 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,381 you'll find yourself at the bottom of a canal. 194 00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:07,832 - With scuba equipment on? - No. 195 00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:09,411 - Damn it. - GIRL: Lunch is here. 196 00:06:09,517 --> 00:06:11,237 Okay, I've got a Caesar salad. 197 00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:13,214 - That's me. - And I've got a Caesar salad. 198 00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,690 - That's mine. - GIRL: A make-your-own salad 199 00:06:14,793 --> 00:06:16,243 with romaine, anchovies, parmesan, 200 00:06:16,344 --> 00:06:17,864 - croutons, Caesar dressing. - Oh, that's... Hey, that's mine. 201 00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:19,855 You guys want any salad? 202 00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,205 And they stole the map and escaped. 203 00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,140 [sighs] I feel like that's on all of us. 204 00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:25,211 You know, I mean, honestly, who escapes anymore? Just stay. 205 00:06:29,137 --> 00:06:30,897 Now, this is more like it. If we find the knife 206 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,170 that killed Caesar, I'll make the Arky Rankings for sure. 207 00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,925 And that will solve all my problems forever. 208 00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:35,454 Aren't you worried about the knife's curse? 209 00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:38,341 Oh, Saltine, there's no way this knife is cursed. 210 00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:39,378 People want to kill their bosses 211 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,482 every day. 212 00:06:40,586 --> 00:06:41,786 Hell, you probably want to 213 00:06:41,896 --> 00:06:43,236 kill me right now. But don't, though. 214 00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,034 - I don't want to kill you. - Yeah, you say that, 215 00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:46,717 because you need job security, 216 00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:48,657 but we both know you'd kill me in an instant 217 00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,898 if given an opportunity. Now, all we have to do 218 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,760 is solve this riddle, and, luckily, 219 00:06:52,862 --> 00:06:54,692 I know just the new character. 220 00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,335 Rip Digman? 221 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:58,688 Oh, sorry, it's not 222 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,283 that I'm shocked to see you, I'm just clumsy. 223 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,589 A bit of an olive oil fingers, if you take my meaning. 224 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,899 Saltine, meet Professor McEwan, 225 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,760 my old Italian history professor, 226 00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:10,722 and an absolutely primo, grade A, male mentor. 227 00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:13,928 - Grappa? - No, thanks. 228 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,314 - 10:15 a.m. - Well, it's 5:00 somewhere. 229 00:07:16,413 --> 00:07:17,833 Not if it's 10:15? 230 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,311 Right, so let's take a look at this map. 231 00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:21,593 - [glass shatters] - Whoop. My bad. So, the map... 232 00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:22,859 Not sure if I mentioned this, 233 00:07:22,965 --> 00:07:24,305 I'm a bit of an olive oil fingers. 234 00:07:24,413 --> 00:07:25,973 - Yeah, you did. - That's the Italian version... 235 00:07:26,068 --> 00:07:27,618 Of a butterfingers. Right, I get it. 236 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,694 Great, then you understand. Moving on. 237 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,003 Fascinating. 238 00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,313 Seems like this phrase may be a clue. 239 00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:34,793 "Flavo pila credere in." 240 00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:36,826 That's Latin for "Trust in the sun." 241 00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:39,241 Perhaps sunlight will reveal a hidden message. 242 00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:40,244 Ah, nothing. 243 00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:41,484 Let's think. 244 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:42,926 if I were Fra Mauro, what would I do? 245 00:07:43,034 --> 00:07:45,244 Well, I'd change my name first, that's for sure. 246 00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:46,344 [both laugh] 247 00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:47,618 You are the funniest person 248 00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:49,624 I've ever met. Bar none. 249 00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:51,524 Now, how to solve this riddle. 250 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,720 Can I try? I'm pretty good at cracking those things. 251 00:07:54,827 --> 00:07:56,897 [echoing]: Cracking those. 252 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,240 - [groans] Damn these eggs. - Can I try? 253 00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,144 I'm pretty good at cracking those things. 254 00:08:01,241 --> 00:08:03,901 No way, Zane! I don't want your help, you backstabber! 255 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,380 Whoa, Rip, you're clearly 256 00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,032 projecting your issues with Zane onto me. 257 00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,657 Well, I'm sorry, Saltine, but I have trauma. 258 00:08:09,758 --> 00:08:13,068 You can't argue with trauma. Are you unsympathetic to trauma? 259 00:08:13,172 --> 00:08:15,762 Uh, Saltine, perhaps we should give Rip a moment here. 260 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,762 My assistant Roberto would be more than happy 261 00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,522 to show you around our beautiful city. 262 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:20,970 At your service. 263 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,378 Why don't you come with me, amica? 264 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,412 [chuckles] 265 00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:25,967 Um, yes, please. 266 00:08:26,068 --> 00:08:27,588 And that is what happens 267 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:30,689 when the moon hits your eye. But enough astronomy talk. 268 00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,903 This is really lovely, Roberto. 269 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,100 Oh, for me, it's my pleasure. 270 00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:37,856 To stroll with a beautiful woman such as yourself, 271 00:08:37,965 --> 00:08:40,785 it made my armpits, um, how you say, uh, 272 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,616 wet and scented. 273 00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:44,214 What a great way of putting that. 274 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,280 May I, uh, remove? 275 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:47,900 [Saltine laughs] 276 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,340 "I'm with Stupid" in Latin? 277 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,658 That's so clever. 278 00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:52,968 You're a fellow Latin lover? 279 00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:54,688 Oh, Mamma mia, yes. 280 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,173 It is my one true passion. 281 00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:58,205 I-I wish it was a living language still. 282 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:01,380 Me, too. I could talk about it "ad nauseam." 283 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:02,862 [laughs] 284 00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:05,615 And yet, Saltina, I feel I could never reach 285 00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:07,484 "nauseam" with you. 286 00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,756 Ergo, I'd like to show you my Venice. Will you allow me? 287 00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:12,832 Well, "carpe diem," right? 288 00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,591 Saltina, I love you. 289 00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:17,999 Whoa. Okay, rad. Thanks. 290 00:09:18,896 --> 00:09:21,656 To me, this is the most romantic sight 291 00:09:21,758 --> 00:09:22,968 in all of Venezia. Via! 292 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,338 [gasps] Is that 293 00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:27,098 an imperfect subjunctive contrafactual condition? 294 00:09:27,206 --> 00:09:28,206 Yes. 295 00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:30,414 [both moaning] 296 00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:33,137 Thank you for an incredible day, Roberto. 297 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:34,591 It's so beautiful here. 298 00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:36,479 Made more beautiful 299 00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:38,996 by you. [groans] 300 00:09:39,103 --> 00:09:40,453 - You okay there, Roberto? - Mm-hmm. 301 00:09:40,551 --> 00:09:42,381 'Cause it seems like you thought you could 302 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,662 just take a big bite of a lemon 303 00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:44,688 like it would be no big deal. 304 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,413 No, it tastes very good. 305 00:09:46,517 --> 00:09:48,517 If that's what happened, it's fine, we're still gonna smash. 306 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,070 It just seems weird you wouldn't be honest. 307 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,622 Mmm. You know, lemons 308 00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:55,794 were a rare treat in ancient Italy, 309 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,406 reserved only for the wealthy. 310 00:09:58,517 --> 00:09:59,377 [Roberto laughs weakly] 311 00:09:59,482 --> 00:10:00,692 [gasps] 312 00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,383 We've got to get back to the manor. 313 00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:06,001 Hey, what are you doing? You're gonna ruin the map. 314 00:10:06,103 --> 00:10:07,213 No, I'm not. Your translation was wrong. 315 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:08,690 It wasn't "Trust in the sun," 316 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,143 it was "Trust in the yellow ball," 317 00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:11,551 which is what your average person called lemons 318 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,235 in ancient Italy because they were so rare. 319 00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:14,934 And lemon juice can be used as an acid developer 320 00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,414 to make invisible phenolphthalein inks visible 321 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:17,717 like so. 322 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,337 Easy-peasy, 323 00:10:19,448 --> 00:10:20,858 lemon-squeezy. 324 00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,065 St. Mark's Piazza, that's where the knife is hidden. 325 00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:25,102 Holy authentic Italian cannoli. 326 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:26,376 - You've done it. - [glass shatters] 327 00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:27,902 Oh, I think I should just go for it 328 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,380 and get all rubber everything, right? 329 00:10:29,482 --> 00:10:31,552 You'd be selling yourself short not to. Yeah. 330 00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:33,615 - Do you know a rubber monger? - Not locally. 331 00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:35,034 - But back home? - Yeah. 332 00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:36,407 If Rip gives you my email, will you send me 333 00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:37,617 your rubber monger's info? 334 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:38,764 Of course, but just so you know, 335 00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,072 he's in Temecula until Thursday. 336 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:42,032 It's his aunt and uncle's 40th anniversary. 337 00:10:42,137 --> 00:10:43,547 The anniversary was actually last year, 338 00:10:43,655 --> 00:10:45,895 but Don hurt his foot, so they couldn't celebrate. 339 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,970 - Don is the uncle. - What is Don's wife's name? 340 00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:49,618 - Kathleen. - Kathleen and Don 341 00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:50,904 actually met a few blocks away 342 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,140 from where the party is being held. 343 00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:53,521 - Is that so? - But Kathleen was with 344 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,210 Gary Delvecchio back then, so she and Don 345 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,070 didn't start dating until a few months later. 346 00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:58,452 In fact, he wanted to come to the anniversary, 347 00:10:58,551 --> 00:10:59,791 but he's staying in Chicago because 348 00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:01,096 it's his granddaughter Jessica's 349 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,306 seventh birthday party. 350 00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:04,003 - It's pony-themed. - Which, yes, 351 00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:05,593 was also her friend Madison's birthday theme. 352 00:11:05,689 --> 00:11:08,139 Ah, well, please send Madison and her family my best. 353 00:11:08,241 --> 00:11:09,591 Will do. 354 00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:20,275 [sighs] This place is crawling with Little Caesars. 355 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:21,859 Why don't you guys check the basilica, 356 00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:23,135 and we'll meet back up at... 357 00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:25,101 Uh, let's see, what time is it now? 358 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,656 Great Caesar's ghost. 359 00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:27,718 That clock hand, it's the knife. 360 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:29,307 Hidden in plain sight. 361 00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:31,243 Just like Waldo in the Where's Waldo? novels. 362 00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:32,524 Or the Bible verse on the bottom 363 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:34,100 of a Forever 21 bag. 364 00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:36,756 Now, here's the plan. You'll climb the clocktower... 365 00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:39,926 - Oh, is that it? - Yup, that's the whole thing. 366 00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:42,336 [panting] 367 00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:43,338 [groans] 368 00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,588 How it's looking down there? 369 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,549 Don't worry, no one's "clocked" you, 370 00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:48,995 pun absolutely intended. 371 00:11:49,103 --> 00:11:50,103 Everyone is just buried in their phones. 372 00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:51,376 It's sad when you think about it. 373 00:11:51,482 --> 00:11:53,002 No way, fuck that. I love my phone. 374 00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:54,663 Push that shit on someone else. 375 00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:56,618 Almost... got... it. 376 00:11:56,724 --> 00:11:57,624 [screams] 377 00:11:57,724 --> 00:11:58,864 Who am I, 378 00:11:58,965 --> 00:12:00,375 Harold Lloyd in Safety Last!? 379 00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,342 - Anyway, I'm in huge trouble! - [both gasp] 380 00:12:04,586 --> 00:12:05,476 [gasps] 381 00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:06,716 [grunts] 382 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,547 Woo-hoo! 383 00:12:08,655 --> 00:12:10,305 Who am I, Hudson Hawk? 384 00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:11,723 Uh, I would describe that as 385 00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:13,237 Hudson Hawk meets Harold Lloyd. 386 00:12:13,344 --> 00:12:15,144 - Thank you. - [laughs] 387 00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,451 So, Saltine, you're holding the knife. 388 00:12:16,551 --> 00:12:17,481 Is it cursed? 389 00:12:17,586 --> 00:12:18,516 I am your boss. 390 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,970 Does it make you want to kill me? 391 00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:21,098 Fine. It's just a normal knife. 392 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,236 Well, I guess all's well 393 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:23,244 - that ends... - It's them. 394 00:12:23,344 --> 00:12:24,794 - Over there. - Shit! 395 00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:26,516 Okay, this piazza is famously full of pigeons. 396 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,240 We run straight at them, and when they take flight, 397 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:29,764 they'll hide us in a canopy of wings and feathers. 398 00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:31,452 Sounds good, let's go! 399 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,341 [all panting] 400 00:12:34,172 --> 00:12:35,452 [crunching] 401 00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:36,831 - They're not flying! - Why won't they fly? 402 00:12:36,931 --> 00:12:38,411 We're just crunching them. 403 00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:40,447 I can hear their tiny, brittle bones beneath my feet. 404 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,521 Oh, God, I think I just curbed one. 405 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:44,030 - Are we going to hell for this? - ROBERTO: Oh, no, no! 406 00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:45,897 I have now killed, like, 4,000 pigeons. 407 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,140 I will never not feel them under my feet. 408 00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:49,861 And we're leaving a perfect pigeon carcass path 409 00:12:49,965 --> 00:12:51,205 for the Caesars to follow. 410 00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,210 It's disgusting and hurting our cause. 411 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:56,620 Okay, new plan. Jump! 412 00:12:58,275 --> 00:12:59,205 [groans] 413 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:02,693 Well, at least the canal water 414 00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:04,523 washed off the pigeon blood. 415 00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:09,004 And then she walked in with her perfect figure: 416 00:13:09,103 --> 00:13:11,723 30-30-30, a total tube. 417 00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:12,997 - [phone rings] - Yello? 418 00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:14,903 Swooper, we're in the canal by St. Mark's. 419 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,690 Get a gondola and get us fast. 420 00:13:16,793 --> 00:13:17,833 On my way, Rippy. 421 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,031 Sorry that my five-point plan 422 00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:20,027 might get us killed, Rip. 423 00:13:20,137 --> 00:13:21,067 Are you kidding me? 424 00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:22,342 This is the good stuff. 425 00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:23,238 I haven't been this happy in years. 426 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,594 Really? Wow. So, I guess 427 00:13:24,689 --> 00:13:26,449 you could say trusting me was a good call. 428 00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:28,171 [echoing]: Good call. 429 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,785 Hey, Zane, what do you think of this turkey call? 430 00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:32,996 [gobbling] 431 00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:38,861 [whistles] Good call. 432 00:13:39,103 --> 00:13:40,933 No, I'm not falling for that again. 433 00:13:41,034 --> 00:13:43,344 I'll never trust you. [cries] 434 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,208 Come on, Swooper, where are you? 435 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,520 One gondola, please. 436 00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,930 You need a license to rent a gondola. 437 00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:52,074 But getting one is no easy task. 438 00:13:52,172 --> 00:13:53,592 The training is rigorous. 439 00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:55,969 It will test you. It will break you. 440 00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:57,658 And it will cost you 441 00:13:57,758 --> 00:13:59,278 60 euros. 442 00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:01,593 Welcome to... 443 00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:03,589 Top Gondola. 444 00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:05,719 ♪ ♪ 445 00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:08,657 Gentlemen, look around you. 446 00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:09,898 Someone in this classroom will die 447 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:10,970 before the training is over. 448 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:13,378 [grunting] 449 00:14:17,827 --> 00:14:21,407 Rule number one: Never drop your oar. 450 00:14:27,310 --> 00:14:29,720 [crowd cheers] 451 00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:33,928 [singsongy]: I don't hear singing. 452 00:14:34,034 --> 00:14:37,104 [singing in Italian] 453 00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:47,686 ♪ ♪ 454 00:14:59,758 --> 00:15:04,238 This is wrong. You are my teacher. 455 00:15:06,758 --> 00:15:08,928 Yee-haw! 456 00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,314 Time for your greatest test: 457 00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:11,763 the Quick Stop. 458 00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:13,212 Guppy, you're up first. 459 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,790 [singing in Italian] 460 00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:18,524 Guppy, there's a whirlpool! 461 00:15:19,413 --> 00:15:21,173 Quick stop, Guppy! 462 00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:25,615 Guppy! No...! 463 00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,974 Is Papà in heaven, Mamma? 464 00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,998 Siì. Papà è in paradiso. 465 00:15:32,793 --> 00:15:34,483 TEACHER: What do you mean you quit? 466 00:15:34,586 --> 00:15:36,336 You haven't even mastered the Quick Stop yet. 467 00:15:36,448 --> 00:15:38,758 We can't give you a license until you do. 468 00:15:38,862 --> 00:15:41,032 I'm sorry, Denise. I can't. 469 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:42,862 Hey, man. 470 00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:45,375 You were the best of us. 471 00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:46,902 [sniffs] 472 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,210 So you got your license? 473 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:50,070 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, here you go. 474 00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:53,312 Somebody order a gondola? 475 00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:56,102 ♪ Barcarola... ♪ 476 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,516 Swooper, what are you doing? Shut up. 477 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,660 I'm a gondolier, Rip, I got to sing. 478 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:01,478 You're gonna attract too much attention. 479 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,586 I'll attract more attention if I don't sing. 480 00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:06,339 There's nothing more suspicious than a silent gondolier. 481 00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:08,138 I don't care. Put a sock in it. 482 00:16:08,965 --> 00:16:10,615 Over there. That gondolier isn't singing. 483 00:16:10,724 --> 00:16:12,724 - It's them. - Told you. 484 00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:15,999 [squawks] 485 00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:18,243 [grunting] 486 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,284 They have Jet Skis? 487 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,789 Nothing a little NOS can't outrun. 488 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,615 [cheering] 489 00:16:24,724 --> 00:16:26,214 - That's how you do it. - [dolphin squeaking] 490 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:28,100 - H-hey, look, it's a dolphin. - [cheering] 491 00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:29,236 [laughs] 492 00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:31,624 - Oh, no, a shark ate it! - [booing] 493 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,904 [cheering] 494 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,030 SALTINE: A big dolphin ate the shark! 495 00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:37,307 [screaming] 496 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,143 - There are rapids in Venice? - Yes. 497 00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:40,691 Oh, my God, Swooper, stop. 498 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:43,073 Swooper, what the hell are you doing? Stop! 499 00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:44,692 This is for you, Guppy. 500 00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:46,283 [shouts] 501 00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:49,099 [men screaming] 502 00:16:52,517 --> 00:16:53,787 Incredible work, Swooper. 503 00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:56,206 Thanks. I'm gonna go return the gondola. 504 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,380 Well, that worked out great. 505 00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:58,972 And now for an epic selfie 506 00:16:59,068 --> 00:17:00,658 with my phone, which I love. 507 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,688 - Saltine, hold this a sec. - Okay. 508 00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:04,833 - Okay. - Oh, no, you don't, Zane. 509 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,281 You'd stab me with it. 510 00:17:06,379 --> 00:17:07,859 You know that's not true. I was holding it earlier. 511 00:17:07,965 --> 00:17:08,925 You were joking about it. 512 00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:10,314 Doesn't matter, I have trauma. 513 00:17:10,413 --> 00:17:11,763 Roberto, here, you hold it. 514 00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:12,972 Sure thing. 515 00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,408 [laughs] 516 00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,167 What's so funny, Roberto? 517 00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:19,025 Are you remembering a Latin meme? 518 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:20,377 - Can you share? - Mi scusi. 519 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,972 I am laughing because 520 00:17:22,068 --> 00:17:24,278 I have the knife now. 521 00:17:24,379 --> 00:17:26,069 Roberto, you're betraying us? 522 00:17:26,172 --> 00:17:27,212 I trusted you. 523 00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:28,550 Wait, so you've been undercover, 524 00:17:28,655 --> 00:17:30,755 working for and sleeping with Professor McEwan 525 00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:32,522 - just to look for the knife? - Wait, sleeping with? 526 00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:34,210 That's right. I tricked you. 527 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:38,000 And soon I'll explain why. 528 00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:39,793 [both gasp] 529 00:17:39,896 --> 00:17:41,996 I'm sorry, not to harp on this. You were sleeping with McEwan? 530 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,863 Yes, but you are focusing on the wrong thing. But yes. 531 00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:49,446 Roberto, no. Was it all just a lie? 532 00:17:49,551 --> 00:17:51,141 What about the seven times we had amazing sex? 533 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:53,071 What about the time we started, but then you slipped out, 534 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,792 and then we heard people coming so we decided to just call it? 535 00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:55,786 Been there. 536 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,476 None of it was a lie, Saltina. 537 00:17:57,586 --> 00:17:59,966 When I said I loved you 45 seconds after meeting you, 538 00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:01,338 I meant it. 539 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,518 But there is more you should know about me. 540 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,620 I am actually the deputy vice president 541 00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:07,174 of Italy's Ministry of Education, 542 00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:09,615 meaning I am third in line to rule as secretary. 543 00:18:09,724 --> 00:18:12,104 But when I place the dagger in the hands of the man 544 00:18:12,206 --> 00:18:15,026 who is second in line, he will kill his boss, 545 00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:17,307 then be arrested, leaving the education throne 546 00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:18,663 to be assumed by me, 547 00:18:18,758 --> 00:18:21,278 and then I shall once more make Latin 548 00:18:21,379 --> 00:18:22,789 the national language of Italy! 549 00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:24,446 I realize you have the upper hand, 550 00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:25,931 but it's a weird plan. 551 00:18:26,034 --> 00:18:27,594 - It's not weird. - The knife isn't even cursed, 552 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,209 genius. You saw it yourself. 553 00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,620 Oh, it's cursed all right. 554 00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:32,454 You just hadn't activated it. 555 00:18:32,551 --> 00:18:35,931 Veni ad vitam, cultrum mirabilis. 556 00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,764 Aw, shit, it's glowing red. Yeah, it's cursed. 557 00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,552 So, what, you're just gonna kill us? 558 00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:43,275 On the contrary, I want to rule this new empire 559 00:18:43,379 --> 00:18:45,169 with you by my side. But as for Rip? 560 00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:46,405 He will die. 561 00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,617 - By your hand. - No, I-I can't. 562 00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,074 Why not? He doesn't trust you. 563 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,282 He can't even speak Latin. 564 00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:55,829 Tell me, Saltine. Where's the lie? 565 00:18:55,931 --> 00:18:57,001 I mean, sure, 566 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,453 that is all true. 567 00:18:58,551 --> 00:19:00,071 Give me the knife. 568 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:01,482 What? Saltine, no. 569 00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:02,686 I thought we had a good thing going. 570 00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,283 This won't hurt a bit, boss. 571 00:19:04,379 --> 00:19:05,549 Trust me. 572 00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,210 Aw, crap. 573 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:10,310 Is this curtains for me? 574 00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:11,313 I'm about to be fitted for 575 00:19:11,413 --> 00:19:12,383 a pine overcoat, aren't I? 576 00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:13,692 I don't want to pay Charon's fee 577 00:19:13,793 --> 00:19:15,073 and shake hands with Elvis. 578 00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:16,102 You're telling me I'm gonna be 579 00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:17,406 promoted to Glory? No way. 580 00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:20,072 [both shout] 581 00:19:21,862 --> 00:19:24,412 And now that he's definitely dead, 582 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:25,617 I can fulfill my destiny 583 00:19:25,724 --> 00:19:26,834 - as the... - I'm back. 584 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:28,381 - [both grunt] - [bones crack] 585 00:19:28,482 --> 00:19:29,382 [chuckles] Saltine, 586 00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,762 you remembered the jerky. 587 00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,382 - I did. - That was amazing. 588 00:19:33,482 --> 00:19:35,762 [both laugh, sigh] 589 00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:39,593 So... you kill people? 590 00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:41,619 It would appear so, yeah. 591 00:19:42,655 --> 00:19:43,615 - Huh. - Truth be told, 592 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:44,904 this was my first time. 593 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,760 [chuckles] I'm actually having... 594 00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:48,482 having a little trouble with it. 595 00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:50,026 Oh, my God, what have I done?! 596 00:19:50,137 --> 00:19:52,097 His life! I snuffed it out! 597 00:19:52,206 --> 00:19:53,716 He'll never have another birthday! 598 00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,687 But he was gonna kill us, right? I had no choice. 599 00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:58,693 You saw, he was evil. Oh, shit, I'm gonna boot. 600 00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:01,312 Oh, no. 601 00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:02,933 He slipped on a rock! You saw! 602 00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:05,414 Oh, God, he had a mother, Saltine! 603 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,027 [sobs] Oh, fuck. 604 00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:10,277 I'm a piece of shit, I'm a fucking piece of shit! 605 00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:12,589 So it's agreed, we'll never talk about that again. 606 00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:14,279 Yup, you got it. So, are you excited 607 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,969 to make the Arky Rankings this week, Rip? 608 00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:18,028 - The knife makes it a sure bet. - Indeed, 'twould be nice. 609 00:20:18,137 --> 00:20:20,307 But I think it will be many moons longer still. 610 00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:21,623 - What do you mean? - It's the unwritten 611 00:20:21,724 --> 00:20:23,074 arky code, Saltine. 612 00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:24,792 We can't give a cursed object to a museum, 613 00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,996 for it will always be targeted by ne'er-do-wells. 614 00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:28,973 I am just happy returning the confetti. 615 00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:30,588 That was step one of your five-point plan, 616 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:31,999 and I trust your plan. 617 00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:34,863 Perfect, time for step two: Making amends. 618 00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:35,995 Fuck that. I'm out. 619 00:20:51,379 --> 00:20:52,789 Ouch! 620 00:21:06,551 --> 00:21:07,971 Come to papa. 621 00:21:08,021 --> 00:21:12,571 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 44925

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.