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and some scenes which some
viewers may find upsetting.
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WOMAN ON RADIO: The sound
of Northamptonshire is...
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00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,080
MAN ON RADIO:
BBC Radio Northampton!
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MUSIC JINGLE
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PRESENTER: At seven o'clock
with the latest BBC News
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00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,560
for Northamptonshire,
I'm Phil Gabbitas.
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00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,880
Police are tonight searching
wasteland outside Kettering
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00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,760
following the discovery earlier
today of human remains.
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00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,920
The body has yet to be
formally identified,
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00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,800
but police have indicated
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00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,800
that the discovery is likely to be
connected to three other murders
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00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,280
in the county, thought to be
the work of the so-called
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"Lonely Hearts Killer".
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A telephone number for anyone
calling with information
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00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,000
about the case has been released.
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It's 01632 960011...
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DOOR ENTRY UNLOCKS
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00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,560
SMOOCHY MUSIC
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00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:53,800
COMPUTER CHIMES
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00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,960
Oh, hello!
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00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,760
Hi.
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00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,440
Took me by surprise.
23
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,680
I know, yeah. It's weird, isn't it?
24
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,480
I... I, er...
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00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,600
You go on.
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00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,160
I was going to say,
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00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,600
I don't know if we're allowed
to say our names.
28
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,200
Yeah, no, I'm not sure, erm,
29
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,200
cos the email said we had
to keep things anonymous,
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00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,080
what with everything in the news.
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00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,760
Well, statistically,
you're more likely to be killed
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00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,240
by someone you know than
a complete stranger,
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00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,640
so let's live dangerously, shall we?
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00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:24,880
I'm Edgar.
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00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,440
You don't have to tell me
if you're not comfortable.
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00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,400
Erm, Vicky.
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00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,120
Hi, Vicky. Nice to e-meet you.
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00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,760
Nice... Nice to meet you, too.
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00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,440
Erm, so have you done
one of these before?
40
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,160
I've done one in real life
where you go along a line...
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IRL. Sorry?
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00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,600
Sorry, that's...
erm, "in real life" is IRL.
43
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,120
Yeah, where you jump along
one every five minutes.
44
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,560
It's like musical chairs. Exactly.
45
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,360
Though mine was more like
"pin the tail on the donkey".
46
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,480
Anyway, nothing really came of it,
47
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,760
so I thought I'd try this.
48
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,120
Well. I-I'm glad you did.
49
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,840
So am I.
50
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,120
So, what do you do, Edgar?
51
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,960
I'm a landscape gardener.
52
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,880
I do designs and planting -
53
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,120
basically, the kind of thing you
see on the Chelsea Flower Show.
54
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,680
I love that.
55
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,080
I've never been, but I...
I used to love watching it
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00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,200
on the TV and...I've always
really loved gardening.
57
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,200
Really? Yeah, I put it
as one of my passions.
58
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,440
Well, that's a good start.
What else is on that list?
59
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,840
Well, that...that would be
telling, wouldn't it?
60
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,760
I've got to keep some
of my feminine mystique!
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00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,280
Absolutely right.
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00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,400
So, how big's your plot?
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00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,280
Sorry?
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00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,760
Your garden.
65
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,760
Do you want me to come round
and give you a quote?
66
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,600
Oh, it's a...small patch.
67
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,520
Well, it's a window box, actually.
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00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,640
Sounds great. I love a window box.
69
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,040
So, how about you, Vicky?
Do you work?
70
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,120
Yeah, I'm a carer. I was...
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00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,160
I was a carer, and now I just do
a little bit of volunteering
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00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,600
at the local charity shop,
so...that's me.
73
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,040
And do you have a family?
What's your situation?
74
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,640
Oh, I've got a brother who...
moved to Canada a while ago,
75
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,600
and he's got two little girls now,
so I'm an auntie.
76
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,680
Cool. Whereabouts?
77
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,640
Winnipeg. Yeah, I'm going to
go over there, definitely,
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00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,200
once he gets settled.
How long's he been there?
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00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,480
Six years.
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00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,680
Anyway, tell me more about you,
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00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,040
cos I'm wittering on.
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00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,320
Like I say, landscape gardener.
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00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,040
I golf occasionally.
84
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,840
Er, music-wise, Dire Straits,
Dylan, Simply Red...
85
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,560
Oh, I love them.
86
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,560
What's your favourite album?
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00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,240
Greatest Hits, probably.
88
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,960
Anyway, Vicky,
it's been lovely to meet you.
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00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,040
Oh, no, we've still got a minute.
90
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,720
Well, 55 seconds.
91
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,920
That's...that's half
a lifetime in speed dating.
92
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,600
And you never know,
I might be the one.
93
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,800
Of course, but, erm, if you
go shopping for a new sofa,
94
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,800
for example, you don't just buy
the first one you see, do you?
95
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:06,120
You sit on a few first
to get a feel for it.
96
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,680
Some can be saggy...
97
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,800
You know? And some can
be sleek and...hard.
98
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,240
And some can be fluffy
and comfortable
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00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,360
and last you a lifetime.
100
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,640
True.
101
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,080
Anyway, good luck.
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00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,080
I hope you make it
to Canada someday.
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00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,840
I will. Thank...thanks, Edgar.
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00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,040
It's been... It's been really
nice chatting to you.
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00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,520
You, too. I've really enjoyed it,
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00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,040
and it's been good practice
for the next one.
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00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,760
SMOOCHY MUSIC
108
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,880
DOOR INTERCOM BUZZES
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00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,360
Hi.
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00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,600
DOORBELL CHIMES
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00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,680
I'm really glad you came.
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00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,240
SMOOCHY MUSIC
113
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,320
COMPUTER CHIMES
114
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,200
Right, victim number two!
Good evening.
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00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,880
Hello there.
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00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,640
This is weird, isn't it?
117
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,520
Could you sit up for me, please?
118
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,800
Sorry? Sit up a little, would you?
119
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,720
The lighting is very poor your end.
120
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,280
Is that deliberate? No.
121
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,040
Erm, maybe if I tilt...
the screen back?
122
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,440
Is that better? Marginally.
123
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,960
Now, I have a brief checklist,
if you don't mind my going first.
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00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,840
Always best to have a plan,
I find. So, you are...?
125
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,560
Well, I thought we were supposed
to keep things anon...
126
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,000
Vicky.
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00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,000
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
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00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,600
Victoria.
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00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,960
Age? Well, is that...?
130
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,640
A ballpark figure will do.
131
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,440
I know you fillies like to shave off
half a decade if you can.
132
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,160
No, I'd rather not say.
133
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,920
Erm, I'm as old as my gums
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00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,720
and a little bit older
than my teeth.
135
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,760
LAUGHS
136
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,720
I'll...put 58.
137
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,680
And location?
138
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,040
No, I'm not comfortable telling
you that at the moment...
139
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,200
For goodness' sakes, do I
look like an axe murderer?
140
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,360
I just need to know if you have
direct transport links to Kettering.
141
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,560
Er, yes.
142
00:05:58,560 --> 00:05:59,960
Well, that's fine, then.
143
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Now, these you can answer
in the order you like,
144
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,520
but I'd like to know the following.
145
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,240
Occupation and salary,
pastimes and interests,
146
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,560
family and domestic expectations.
147
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,040
Oh, you're very prepared,
aren't you?
148
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,600
I just...
149
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,080
Anyway...I'm...a carer.
150
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,520
Was a carer.
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00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,840
And now I just work in
a charity shop locally.
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00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,000
Is that a salaried position?
153
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,200
No, but I do get first dibs on
every new bag that comes in.
154
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,960
Sorry, what... What was your name?
155
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,640
Norman Jenkins. Pastimes?
156
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,920
Er, I like to garden,
erm, walks, cooking...
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00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,680
Standard stuff.
158
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,560
Family-wise, I've got
a brother who lives in Canada
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00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,160
but, apart from that,
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00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,320
I'm footloose and fancy-free, so...
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00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,400
Yeah. Hang on, hang on.
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00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,400
"Loose..."
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00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,880
..and "free".
164
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,320
Sorry...
165
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,400
..Norman, what did you mean
by "domestic expectations"?
166
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,400
I've recently been cut open
from here to here.
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00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,880
I'm sorry to hear that.
168
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,080
No, don't be sorry.
It saved my life.
169
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,360
I'm fitted with a pacemaker
which regulates my heartbeat
170
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:06,520
between 60 and 80bpm.
171
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:11,400
However, my surgeon has warned me
about energetic activities,
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00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,720
including housework and...
173
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,440
..bedroom antics, so my enquiry
about domestic expectations
174
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,520
has to do with that. Is that clear?
175
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,080
But I think it's a bit soon
to be thinking about...
176
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,600
Suffice to say,
I may not be able to...
177
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,560
..deliver on certain aspects of
what you might be looking for.
178
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,040
That's fine. Erm, thank you
for being so honest with me.
179
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,920
I appreciate it.
180
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,400
I... I've had some big,
life-changing stuff
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00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,720
going on myself.
182
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,840
It's nice to talk about it,
isn't it?
183
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,280
I'm not lonely,
if that's what you mean.
184
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,040
Good. I'm pleased for you.
185
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,600
I am, a bit.
186
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:54,760
Can I turn the tables now
and interrogate you?
187
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,080
If you wish, yes. It's only fair.
188
00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,120
So, Norman, if we were
going to go on a date,
189
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,720
where would you take me?
190
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,680
Oh. Good question. Erm...
191
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,440
I suppose, off the top of my head,
192
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,840
it would have to be, erm,
Kensington Palace Gardens,
193
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,920
Peter Pan statue.
194
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,960
Mother used to take me
there when I was a boy,
195
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,800
every Sunday, once a month,
196
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,080
before I was returned
to boarding school.
197
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,400
She'd buy me an ice cream
with strawberry sauce -
198
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,440
"monkey blood" we used to call it -
199
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,040
and then drop me off
at the station.
200
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,000
And I'd sob my little heart out
all the way back to Surrey.
201
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,400
That's so sad.
202
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,840
Is your mother still with us?
203
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,520
No, she died in 2014.
204
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,200
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
205
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,880
I lost my mother last year.
206
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,080
It...untethers you, doesn't it?
207
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,920
You...
208
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,320
..lose your bearings.
209
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,880
Do you think that you'd
maybe like to...
210
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,880
..meet for a coffee sometime
and talk about it?
211
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,160
Certainly not.
You look nothing like her.
212
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,440
SMOOCHY MUSIC
213
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,720
COMPUTER CHIMES
214
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,320
Oh, hello! I'm Manny.
215
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,080
Erm...Vicky.
216
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,440
You look like you've lost
a shilling and found a penny!
217
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,520
Am I that ugly?
218
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,080
No, not at all!
Sorry, no, I've, erm...
219
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,000
I've just had the rudest man.
220
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,920
There's some nutters on here,
aren't there?
221
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,800
Well, you've only got
to read the papers.
222
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,760
Hey, my last one didn't
go to plan either.
223
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,120
Really? Yeah. Screen comes up,
there's nobody there.
224
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,160
I just hear this voice off.
"Sorry, I'm having a wee!"
225
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,680
I said, "It's all right, love.
226
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,400
"When you gotta go, you gotta go."
227
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,120
Then she comes out of the toilet,
228
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,720
starts unloading the dishwasher!
229
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,560
No! I swear down!
230
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,960
I said, "Are you not going to
have a quick look, just in case
231
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,560
"you've got Cary Grant sat here?"
232
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,720
So, she comes over,
puts her glasses on and goes,
233
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,920
"Cary Grant?
More like Russell Grant!"
234
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,240
Then she frigs off again!
235
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,360
SHE LAUGHS
236
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,360
I-I like a cuddly man.
237
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,840
Oh, well, you know, I go up
and down, but it's hard, isn't it?
238
00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,640
My last date was after a mother
rather than a partner.
239
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,840
You never know who you're
going to get, do you?
240
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,480
Mm, yeah, true.
241
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,880
You've got lovely eyes.
242
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,640
Thank you.
243
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,480
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
244
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,200
So, do you work, Vicky?
245
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,840
Yeah, I'm a landscape gardener.
246
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,440
Really? Yeah, I do
designs and planting -
247
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,840
the sort of thing you see in
the Chelsea Flower Show.
248
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,720
Wow!
249
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,720
HE CHUCKLES
250
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,560
I was going to say something about
a neat bush but I stopped meself.
251
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040
VICKY STIFLES A LAUGH
252
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,040
"Don't blow it, Manny!"
253
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,720
Oh, it's nice to laugh.
254
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,080
I haven't laughed in ages.
255
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,600
Oh, yeah. It's the best medicine.
256
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,880
Even if nothing comes
of these things romantically,
257
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,800
I always try and have a bit
of fun, but that's just me.
258
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,120
You can't go wrong if you're
straight up with people,
259
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,480
do you know what I mean?
260
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,440
Be honest. And if they like you,
they like you.
261
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,960
And if they don't, it's four
minutes out your life.
262
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,120
Yeah.
263
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,360
You're right.
264
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,360
I'm not a landscape gardener.
265
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,160
I just said it. I don't know why.
266
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,600
I think it's a confidence thing.
267
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,480
Oh, don't be daft,
I'll talk to anyone, me.
268
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,280
Well, you're not
a traffic warden, are you?
269
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160
BOTH LAUGH
270
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,160
No. No, I'm...
271
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,880
I'm nothing.
272
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,920
Anyway, what do you do?
273
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,840
I, Vicky, run a premium
phone line for people trying
274
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,600
to solve their Rubik's Cubes.
275
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,160
Honestly? Swear down.
276
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,400
People ring up.
They've got three sides done.
277
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,000
They want to know how to progress.
278
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,840
Occasionally, I get the speed
cubers phoning up with a DNF.
279
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,000
What's that? "Did not finish".
280
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,960
But, mainly, it's just taking
Muggles through to self-completion
281
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,400
using the Fridrich method -
282
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,760
you know, starting
with your basic white cross,
283
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,320
then inserting pairs of corners
using OLL - sorry,
284
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,520
"orientation of last layer".
285
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,520
HE CHUCKLES
286
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,480
I do go a bit geeky
when I get on the subject.
287
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,120
No, it sounds fascinating.
288
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,920
And, erm, how long are you on for?
289
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,200
Average call time is 17 minutes.
290
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,440
£1 a minute. You do the maths.
291
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,800
£17.
292
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,200
Exactly. Then you throw in
your internationals -
293
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,040
your Chineses, your Thais...
294
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,600
I only need to do 3-4 calls a day
and I'm laughing.
295
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,960
Sounds perfect.
296
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,200
Well, it is. You see,
I want to franchise it,
297
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,000
get it on Dragons' Den.
298
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,520
To me, it could be the next
Trunki or Tangle Teezer,
299
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,360
but I just don't think
they'd get it!
300
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,240
Well, the new lad they've got on -
Steven - he might.
301
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,480
You've got to get it
on social media.
302
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,160
You can get everything on
social media nowadays, can't you?
303
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,760
You can.
304
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,880
Including someone
to have a bit of fun with.
305
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,040
SHE CHUCKLES
306
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200
I wish I had a hobby
307
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,600
that I could turn into a job.
308
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,280
Oh, it's the best.
309
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,440
But it does make it hard
to meet people, so...
310
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:28,800
WOMAN: Manny!
311
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,480
Have you seen the key to the shed?
312
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,560
I want to get the kids' bikes
out for the morning.
313
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,160
Yeah, I'll be down in a bit, love.
314
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,360
Who's this? No-one.
315
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,880
It's just one of me cubers.
316
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,360
You fuckin' liar!
317
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,840
You're doing it again, aren't you?
318
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,560
No! Listen!
319
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,240
He's married, you sad cow!
320
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,600
Sorry, I didn't know, I...
321
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,640
Keep your desperate,
clammy hands off.
322
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,440
If I catch you sniffing round again,
I'll find out where you live
323
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,280
and I'll break your ribs!
Do you hear me?
324
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,320
I've done it before. She has.
325
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,240
Piss off and get your own man,
bitch!
326
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,920
SMOOCHY MUSIC
327
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,120
Oh, I'm really glad you came.
Come in.
328
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,560
Oh, you've opened it already.
329
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,520
It's a...
330
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,000
..bit of Dutch courage, I suppose.
331
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,040
Er, come in, sit down.
I'll pour us a glass.
332
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,440
WOMAN: Hello?
333
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,920
Hello?
334
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,760
Oh, hello! Who have we got here?
335
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,280
Oh, hi. Erm...
336
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,040
Oh, don't worry.
It's been happening all night.
337
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,200
I think they've put me
on the wrong track
338
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,240
because of my name - Lesley.
339
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,600
It's one of those
bi...polar names, isn't it?
340
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,800
Although it shouldn't be
a problem in this day and age,
341
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,320
what with all the mixing
of the gender fluids.
342
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,600
I suppose so, yeah.
343
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,880
Anyway, I'm not a lesbian.
344
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,240
I'm not even bi...curious.
345
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,560
SHE LAUGHS
I can't imagine anything worse.
346
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,680
What's your name, lovey?
347
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,160
Vicky. Aw. Vicky.
348
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,240
Is that with a C-K-I, or a K-K-I?
349
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,680
V-I-C-K-Y.
350
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,600
..C-K-Y.
351
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,960
Lovely.
352
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,160
And do you go by Vicky, or Victoria?
353
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,640
Er, Vicky, mainly.
Victoria's a bit...
354
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,680
Old-fashioned, yes. I agree.
355
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,720
Although I do have a friend
my age who's called Ivy,
356
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,400
and she's got tattoos and
a labia ring, so go figure!
357
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,080
SHE LAUGHS
358
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,080
So, now...tell me, Vic,
359
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,600
have you seen anyone who's
Mr Right out there,
360
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,240
or are they all a bit...?
361
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,680
Mr Lefts, as my mother used to say.
362
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,000
SHE LAUGHS
363
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,160
"Mr Lefts". I like that.
364
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,640
No, erm...
365
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,440
Yeah, I've found a couple
of potentials maybe,
366
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,640
but no-one's really
jumped out at me.
367
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,080
Oh, well, I should hope not -
368
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,840
I mean, that's the beauty
about being online.
369
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,920
Safety first!
370
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,840
Did you hear they found
another body this morning?
371
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,240
Ring finger chopped off.
372
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,920
SHE GASPS
373
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,920
It's terrible.
374
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,280
You could be talking
to the Lonely Hearts Killer.
375
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,120
Oh, don't say that.
376
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,480
Well, you can't trust
anyone these days.
377
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,800
I must tell you, though, Vic,
378
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,640
I've been laughing with
some of my other ladies
379
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,680
about the descriptions
that the guys give themselves,
380
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,480
compared to what they
really look like.
381
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:29,800
Do you know what I mean?
382
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,360
Yes! My last one described
himself as Cary Grant.
383
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,320
I thought,
"More like Russell Grant."
384
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,800
SHE LAUGHS
385
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,800
Priceless!
386
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,040
Mind you, we're just as bad,
aren't we?
387
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,840
I mean, you know, we say, er,
"bubbly" when we mean fat,
388
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,720
or "homely" when we mean a frump.
389
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,320
"Lives life to the full" -
ie, raging alcoholic.
390
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,520
SHE LAUGHS
391
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,320
Or my favourite...
392
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,520
.."footloose and fancy-free" -
393
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,400
meaning a totally empty existence.
394
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,080
SHE LAUGHS
395
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,840
Now, what's your status
at the moment, Vic?
396
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,560
Divorced, single,
397
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,040
or are you married, looking for
a bit of fun on the side?
398
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,640
No. Erm, I've just never
really found the time
399
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,360
for a serious relationship.
400
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,080
Ah, you're a career woman, like me.
401
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,720
No, not really. I just, erm...
402
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,840
I was worried that,
if I did find a man,
403
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,440
he'd have to share me with my mum.
404
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,840
Sounds kinky.
405
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,920
No, no, not like that.
It's just, up until recently,
406
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,920
I've had to put her needs first.
407
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,520
My dad walked out
when we were little,
408
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,200
so it was down to me,
409
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,720
and that was my life...
410
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,200
..through my fingers
before I knew it.
411
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,880
Aw...
412
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,680
So, you found solace in food.
413
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,520
No, not really.
414
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:53,200
Oh, we're so hard on ourselves
sometimes, aren't we, Vic?
415
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,880
I mean, how many items
of clothing have you got
416
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,280
that you can no longer get into?
417
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,400
Oh...
418
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,400
SHE CHUCKLES
419
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,760
One to five, five to ten,
or 11 and over?
420
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,920
Five to ten probably, if I...
421
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,840
Good. And, sometimes, Vic...
422
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,600
..when I'm slipping into
the bath of an evening,
423
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,640
I glance in the mirror
and I think to myself,
424
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,640
"What three words would I use
to describe my body shape?"
425
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,680
Do you ever think that?
426
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,640
And if so, what would they be?
427
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,400
So...what? The three words.
Take your time.
428
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,880
We've still got a minute left.
429
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,280
Sorry, what is this? What?
430
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,520
Why are you writing everything down?
431
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:37,520
Vicky, what if I were to tell you
432
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,760
that there is a
brand-new miracle product
433
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,200
that's just about to
launch in the UK?
434
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,960
It's a supplement, it's not food
replacement, and I can...
435
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,800
So, what, are you just trying
to sign me up for a diet plan?
436
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,240
Oh, no, we don't call it a
diet plan. No, no, no, no.
437
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,600
It's a gateway to a new you.
438
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,000
Have you got an email address?
439
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,320
No!
440
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,760
Yes. But I'm not going
to give it to you.
441
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,360
Why not, lovey?
Because you've tricked me.
442
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,240
I bet you deliberately put yourself
down as a man, didn't you?
443
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,320
Well, it is fish in a barrel.
444
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,520
I mean, where else am I going
to find an endless supply
445
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,040
of ladies like you?
446
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,240
What do you mean, ladies like me?
447
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,560
Bubbly.
448
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,720
Now, I really do need your
email so that I can...
449
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,480
Fuck off!
450
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,480
BEEP
451
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,920
COMPUTER CHIMES
452
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,440
Hiya.
453
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,160
Is that supposed to be funny?
454
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,880
No, I'm really sorry.
Erm, I've been trying to fix this
455
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,600
for the past half an hour.
456
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,920
I, erm, let my kids use my phone
to watch LazyTown on CBeebies,
457
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,240
and the next thing you know,
ha...
458
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,120
At least I'm not a turd.
459
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,240
Ha...
460
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,760
There's one that's a turd.
461
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,280
Sorry.
462
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,240
I can keep fidgeting with my phone
to try and turn this off,
463
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,720
or I can focus
on talking to you properly?
464
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,080
Er...or you can switch off now
465
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,520
and save yourself four minutes.
I wouldn't blame you.
466
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,320
Do you know what? It's fine.
I'm not doing anything else.
467
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,360
Can I ask your name?
I'd rather not say.
468
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,880
Yeah, OK, I'm sorry.
469
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,880
D-Don't keep saying sorry,
470
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,800
because you sound like me.
471
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,520
What have you got to be sorry for?
472
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,720
Oh. Daring to exist,
according to most people on here.
473
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,960
Yeah. Not easy, is it?
474
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,440
Being gazed at and picked over
by half a dozen strangers.
475
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:37,560
I've never done this before,
and I don't think I'll bother again.
476
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,800
Why not? It's just too painful.
477
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,560
Confirms all the worst things
that I think about myself.
478
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,080
Well, d-don't be like that.
479
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,360
I-I'm sure there's somebody
out there for you.
480
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,160
Are you a man or a mouse?
481
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,760
Oh.
482
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,320
THEY CHUCKLE
483
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,320
Sorry.
484
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,400
Fair enough.
485
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,400
BOTH LAUGH
486
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,880
It's...
487
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,400
Cheers to us, anyway.
488
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,320
To us. Cheers.
489
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,240
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
490
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,160
My name's Vicky, by the way.
491
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,640
Jai, by the way.
492
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,720
How old are your kids, Jai?
493
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,520
11 and 12.
494
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,440
And they still watch CBeebies?
495
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,160
Yeah.
496
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,240
What are their names?
497
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,920
Er, Sally and Lindsay.
498
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,080
Like the actress?
499
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,520
I suppose, yeah.
500
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,680
I...
501
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,200
..used to sit my mum in
front of CBeebies.
502
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,040
She liked the colours. So...
503
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:49,000
..I know that LazyTown hasn't
been on for...ten years.
504
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,520
You put that filter
on yourself, didn't you?
505
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,920
I don't have kids.
506
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,720
Erm...the thing is, Vicky,
I've...I've got this...
507
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,760
I know.
508
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,360
When you took a drink, I saw.
509
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,440
Why don't you just turn it off,
and we can talk properly?
510
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,600
Yeah? Mm.
511
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,040
That's better.
512
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,400
HE SIGHS
513
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,000
So...tonight's been
a bit of a wash-out, has it?
514
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,400
Yeah.
515
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,160
Up till now, anyway.
516
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,280
I don't get to meet many women IRL.
517
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,320
It's quite hard to put up
with the stares and...
518
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,520
Oh, tell me about it. I live on
the top floor with no lift.
519
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,920
No, I mean, the...
No, I know what you meant.
520
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800
Oh... I was joking.
521
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,800
THEY CHUCKLE
522
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,000
You've got bants, Vicky's got bants.
523
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,840
SHE LAUGHS
524
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,680
No, people react
in different ways. Erm...
525
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,280
..I'm either the Invisible Man,
or the Elephant Man.
526
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:04,840
They either can't stop looking
or...they don't see me at all.
527
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,000
Oh, that must be hard.
528
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,200
I get overlooked as well.
529
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,040
No man, no job,
530
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,800
unless you count being a carer,
which most people don't.
531
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,080
So, this is me finally coming
out into the world, like, erm,
532
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,160
a flower starting to bloom,
533
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,920
except no-one wants to smell me.
SHE CHUCKLES
534
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,320
I do.
535
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,560
Sorry, I meant...
That sounded weird. I mean...
536
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,600
Oh, we've got 20 seconds left.
537
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,760
Wh-What can you say in 20 seconds?
Go! OK. Er...er...
538
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,000
Hold on, wait.
539
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,360
BOTH LAUGH
540
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:41,200
Check this out!
541
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,120
SHE LAUGHS
542
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,360
Hope you've got a good memory,
Vicky!
543
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,280
Wait.
544
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,280
PAPER RUSTLES
545
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,280
SCRIBBLES
546
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,080
SMOOCHY MUSIC
547
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,400
SHE LAUGHS
548
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,520
I made us a lasagne.
549
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,520
I hope that's OK.
550
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,880
Just with some salad
and a bit of garlic bread.
551
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,760
It's been nice having someone
to cook for.
552
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,040
Mum always wanted tinned stuff,
553
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,800
and it became quite boring
after a while.
554
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,280
Cheers.
555
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,880
It's nice to see you in the flesh.
556
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,840
Here's to no more masks.
557
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,280
No more masks.
558
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,200
So, erm, how's Sally and Lindsay?
559
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,200
Oh, yeah, they're tucked up
in bed watching LazyTown.
560
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,520
BOTH LAUGH
561
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,360
I'm glad to hear it.
Do you want to sit down?
562
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:41,560
Yes, please, thank you.
563
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,960
So, er, have you been
working today?
564
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,720
Cos I never asked you what you did.
565
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,760
Yeah. So, er, I'm
in investments, so, er...
566
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,520
..buying, trading, selling.
567
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,440
I'm actually going to get
some Bitcoin soon,
568
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,000
so I'm just running the numbers.
569
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,760
That sounds exciting.
Yeah, it is really exciting.
570
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,280
Yeah.
571
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,480
That's an interesting dress
you're wearing.
572
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,800
You're the third person
I've seen wearing it this week.
573
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,040
Really?
574
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,240
Must be on sale or, like, at one of
them charity shops, or something.
575
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,000
No. It's...quite old.
576
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,240
It used to be one of my mum's,
I think.
577
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,600
What makes you say that?
578
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,360
I've got you a present.
579
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,920
It's a mouse.
580
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,160
To remind you of when we first met.
581
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,480
Oh, that... That's lovely.
582
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,600
Can I put it on you?
583
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,800
Er...yeah.
584
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,200
OK. Yeah?
585
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,920
Would you turn around?
586
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,240
BOTH CHUCKLE QUIETLY
587
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,080
HE SNIFFS
588
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,320
I can smell you now.
589
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,760
HE CHUCKLES
590
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:03,960
That looks nice.
591
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,960
QUIETLY: Yes...
Just going to get some crisps.
592
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,480
You seem nervous, Vicky.
593
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,480
Do I make you nervous? No.
594
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,560
Erm...
595
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,920
Well, as I said,
I've not been on many dates,
596
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,560
because of my mother and
her condition.
597
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,480
But...can't be going out for
a romantic meal for two.
598
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,240
It's easy when your mum's bag needs
emptying every four hours.
599
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,720
Sounds draining.
600
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,600
It was, literally.
601
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,120
But she's passed, and so now
602
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,320
I'm free to start a new chapter,
603
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,600
so...every cloud.
604
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,280
Do you still have your mother?
605
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,320
How do you mean?
Is she still alive?
606
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,400
Yeah, I think so.
607
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,280
I don't think we ever really get...
608
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:53,920
What are you doing? Stop!
609
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,640
Sorry. Sorry!
We haven't even had our food!
610
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,560
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
611
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,400
I thought I could skip a few steps,
and it would still be fine...
612
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,040
What do you mean, steps?
613
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,040
HE SIGHS
614
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,680
All right, Vicky, I'm going to
level with you, I've...
615
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,440
I never quite knew how to get to
the next step with women,
616
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,320
kind of, bedroom-wise, so...
617
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,440
..I did a pick-up course.
Course?
618
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:14,960
Yeah, it gives you structure,
619
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,000
tells you to demonstrate
higher value -
620
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,320
that's why I was, like,
talking about the Bitcoin stuff.
621
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,240
And then, it tells you to
throw in the odd neg.
622
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,720
Sor...what's a neg?
623
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,760
You know, like when I said
your dress was shit.
624
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,400
That was to make you, like,
like me more, or something.
625
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,000
I don't know why. I went to
the toilet in that bit. I missed it.
626
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,440
Oh.
627
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,840
That's... That's very disappointing.
628
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,840
I think you've
let yourself down, Jai.
629
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,600
HE SIGHS
630
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,520
So, I've wasted my money
on these, then?
631
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,360
And the wine. Fuck's sake!
632
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,360
OVEN TIMER BEEPS
633
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,560
TIMER OFF
634
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,160
I think I'm just going to, er...
635
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,120
I'll set the table.
636
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,840
HE SIGHS
637
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,840
I'm not being funny, Vicky,
638
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,360
but I don't even want the lasagne.
639
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,760
It's not what I came here for,
you know what I mean?
640
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,440
I'm surprised that people are
even thinking of going on dates
641
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,040
at the minute, what with all
this stuff in the news.
642
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:22,200
They must be either very brave
or very stupid.
643
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,600
Are you negging ME now?
644
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,560
No, no, it's just, er,
an observation...
645
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,240
Lonely Hearts Killer.
646
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,680
I hate that name.
647
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,000
Cos it makes me sound
like a victim.
648
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,520
And that's not me.
649
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,800
And I refuse to end up
like my mother.
650
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,440
Oh, God...
651
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,280
There's so many nasty men out there.
652
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,720
But there's one good thing...
653
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,200
..I've found about dating
sites like these.
654
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,520
If a person's not good
enough for you...
655
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,720
..just...swipe left.
656
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,920
SMOOCHY MUSIC
657
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:24,960
SHE SIGHS
44584
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