Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

OKAY, CHRISSY, WE HAVE EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED. NOW WHAT DO WE DO NEXT?

PLACE TOM TURKEY IN A SHALLOW ROASTING PAN.

RIGHT. HERE.

- OKAY. - HERE YOU GO, TOM.

THERE, YOU OLD GUY.

- HI, WHAT ARE YOU GIRLS DOING? - HI, JACK.

WE DECIDED THAT IT WAS JUST ABOUT TIME

WE COOKED DINNER FOR YOU FOR A CHANGE.

THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING. WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?

- ROAST TURKEY. - I'M JUST RUBBING THE LEMON ON IT.

CHRISSY. CHRISSY, EXCUSE ME.

YOU HAVE TO CUT THE LEMON FIRST.

THIS IS CALLED "A KNIFE," YOU SEE?

AND YOU PUT IT ON TOP AND YOU PUSH DOWN...

THAT IS CALLED "CUTTING THE LEMON."

THEN YOU ALWAYS RUB THE LEMON ON THE TURKEY

IN THE DIRECTION THE FEATHERS GROW.

NEVER RUB AGAINST THE GRAIN. ALWAYS DO IT THIS WAY. GOT IT?

- LET ME SEE. - GO AHEAD.

- THANK YOU. LIKE THIS? - YEAH.

HEY, ALL RIGHT. CHRISSY, WANNA SPRINKLE ON THE GARLIC POWDER?

YOU DON'T USE GARLIC POWDER!

LET ME SEE. THIS IS SAGE, RIGHT.

YOU PUT THE SAGE ON FIRST

AND YOU HAVE TO WORK IT IN EVER SO GENTLY.

LIKE THAT, YOU SEE?

AND THEN YOU PUT THE BUTTER ON TO MAKE THE SKIN REAL CRISP...

NEVER... NEVER BRUISE THE SKIN.

LISTEN, I REALLY WANT TO THANK BOTH OF YOU

FOR COOKING DINNER FOR ME LIKE THIS.

OH, JACK, IT WAS NO TROUBLE AT ALL.

THANKS. DON'T GET UP.

(doorbell rings)

- OH, HI. COME ON IN. - HI, CHRISSY, HI.

JANET, LISTEN, STANLEY AND I WERE WONDERING

IF YOU COULD DO US A FAVOR.

- SURE, WHAT IS IT? - THIS FRIEND OF MINE JUST GOT MARRIED,

AND SHE LEFT HER LITTLE GIRL WITH US

WHILE SHE WENT ON HER HONEYMOON.

- UH-HUH? - OH, THIS IS HER SECOND MARRIAGE.

- ANYWAY, THIS LITTLE GIRL... - ALL SHE DOES IS MOPE AROUND THE HOUSE.

AND SHE... SHE IS JUST SO UPSET

ABOUT HER MOTHER GETTING REMARRIED.

SHE'S THE SWEETEST LITTLE GIRL, BUT SO SAD.

WE'VE DONE EVERYTHING TO TRY TO CHEER HER UP, BUT...

I EVEN PLAYED MY BUGLE.

SO, ANYWAY, I THOUGHT THAT YOU GIRLS, BEING YOUNGER,

WOULD... HAVE BETTER LUCK.

- WELL, WE'RE HAPPY TO HELP, MRS. ROPER. - SURE.

OH, GOOD, GOOD. POOR LITTLE THING,

SHE'S JUST SITTING OUT THERE ON THE STEPS, SO DEPRESSED.

YEAH, NO ENTHUSIASM, NO ENERGY, NO INTEREST...

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.

DO YOU EVER SEE YOURSELF WALK INTO THE BEDROOM?

LAURIE. LAURIE, COME ON IN, HONEY.

I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.

- THIS IS CHRISSY. - HI, LAURIE.

- HI. - AND THIS IS JANET.

- HOW DO YOU DO? - HI.

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY AND VISIT FOR A WHILE

AND THEN THIS AFTERNOON

UNCLE STANLEY CAN TAKE YOU TO THE ZOO.

THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE ZOO.

I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE ZOO EITHER.

WELL, HOW ABOUT A PONY RIDE?

OOH, NOW YOU'RE TALKING!

LOOK, I'LL GO FIX YOU LUNCH, WHILE YOU GIRLS GET ACQUAINTED,

- OKAY? COME ON, STANLEY. - WHOO, A PONY RIDE, WOW.

- WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN, LAURIE? - THANK YOU.

SURE. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD COUCH.

(clears throat) SO YOU'RE LAURIE?

MM-HMM.

OH, WHAT A DUMB THING FOR ME TO SAY,

"SO YOU'RE LAURIE?" I MEAN, WHO ELSE WOULD YOU BE, RIGHT?

(Janet giggles)

HEY, I HAVE THE LATEST PETER FRAMPTON ALBUM.

- DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? - NOT ESPECIALLY.

- OH. - Janet: OH.

WELL... WHOO, WHOO,

JACK, YOU HAVE GOT TO MEET JACK.

- JACK. - HA!

CAREFUL, I ALMOST SCORCHED MY GIBLETS.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? - WELL... I'M VERY SORRY.

I'M VERY SORRY, BUT WE HAVE KIND OF AN EMERGENCY IN THE OTHER ROOM.

THERE'S THIS LITTLE GIRL, HER NAME IS LAURIE...

WELL, HER MOMMY JUST GOT REMARRIED...

- HOW OLD ARE YOU, LAURIE? - I'M 13.

REALLY? WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I WAS 13 TOO.

(sobbing)

- IS THAT LAURIE? - OH, YES, JACK. THIS IS LAURIE.

HELLO, LAURIE, I'M VERY HAPPY TO MEET YOU.

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

I WAS JUST SLICING SOME ONIONS IN THE KITCHEN...

(hiccups) EXCUSE ME.

(sobbing continues)

I FOOLED YOU. IT'S ONLY A SPONGE.

YOU'RE FUNNY.

- THANK YOU. - THANKS, JACK.

- DO YOU DO THE COOKING HERE? - YEAH, BUT NOT ONLY THE COOKING,

I'M ALSO THE NURSE OF THE HOUSEHOLD.

(high-pitched voice) HELLO, LITTLE GIRL, HOW ARE YOU?

- LET'S CHECK YOUR TEMPERATURE. - (Laurie laughs)

OH, YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM A LOOSE MICKEY MOUSE WATCH.

AND SOMETIMES I EVEN DANCE.

♪ KNEE-KNEE KNEE-KNEE KNEE-KNEE KNEE-KNEE ♪ KNEE... GET IT? KNEE.

BUT, BEST OF ALL... AT MIDNIGHT, I CLIMB OUT OF MY COFFIN...

(screeching) AND I TURN INTO A VAMPIRE.

(mimics flapping)

OH, LOOK, A BLOND NECK!

- WHAT A LOVELY NECK YOU HAVE, MY DARLING. - JACK...

- (chewing, spitting) - COME ON, JACK.

HA-HA! BOY, I'M GLAD TO SEE

YOU ALL ARE GETTING ALONG SO WELL,

ESPECIALLY JACK AND CHRISSY.

OH, MRS. ROPER, I WAS JUST SHOWING LAURIE WHAT I DO AROUND HERE.

STANLEY ONLY FIXES TOILETS.

I GOT YOUR LUNCH READY. COME ON, HONEY.

- CAN'T I STAY A LITTLE LONGER? - YOU CAN COME BACK THIS AFTERNOON.

- OH, GREAT! - BYE, LAURIE.

HEY, LAURIE, IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU. WE...

I REALLY LIKED MEETING YOU, JACK.

IT WAS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, MILADY.

- Jack: BYE-BYE. - Laurie: BYE.

WOW! THAT LITTLE GIRL LOOKED AT YOU

LIKE YOU WERE ROBERT REDFORD.

OH, WELL, A LOT OF PEOPLE NOTICE THE RESEMBLANCE.

HEY...

- WHOO, WHOO, WHOO. - NO!

IT'S SO NICE AND COZY. IT'S JUST THE THREE OF US

SPENDING A QUIET EVENING TOGETHER.

YEAH, WAITING FOR A DELICIOUS TURKEY DINNER.

- (phone rings) - OH, I'LL GET IT.

I'M WATCHING YOU.

HELLO. OH, YEAH. CAN YOU HOLD ON WHILE I GET A PENCIL?

OKAY, GO AHEAD.

MM-HMM. UH-HUH.

- ARE YOU GONNA JUMP HER? - MAYBE, BUT FIRST LET'S FINISH THE CHESS GAME.

OKAY. WOW, LIST... THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

BYE.

CHRISSY, CHRISSY, LISTEN TO THIS TELEGRAM. (clears throat)

"JANET AND CHRISSY, YOU ARE INVITED TO A BARBECUE

AT THE MARINA YACHT CLUB AT 8:00 O'CLOCK SHARP TONIGHT.

HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT. SIGNED, YOU KNOW WHO."

THE MARINA YACHT CLUB?! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO THERE!

WELL, WHO'S "YOU KNOW WHO"?

I DON'T KNOW WHO. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO?

NO, I DON'T KNOW "YOU KNOW WHO," I KNOW "GUESS WHO."

IT'S JANET AND COSTELLO.

- YIPPY, I KNOW WHO "YOU KNOW WHO" IS. - Janet: WHO?

- IT'S DR. BICKMAN, OUR DENTIST. - WHAT?!

YOU KNOW, IT'S TIME FOR A CLEANING.

HE ALWAYS CALLS AND SAYS, "THIS IS YOU KNOW WHO.

COME ON IN AND GET RID OF THE GOO."

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. AND HE DOES BELONG TO THE YACHT CLUB.

YES! 8:00 O'CLOCK, WE CAN JUST MAKE IT.

OH, CHRISSY. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... THE MARINA YACHT CLUB?

HEY, LISTEN, YOU THINK WE ARE DRESSED OKAY?

IT'S ONLY A BARBECUE. COME ON.

- YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING? - OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?

DO YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA TURN DOWN AN INVITATION LIKE THIS?

- WHAT ABOUT THE TURKEY? - SORRY, BUT THEY ONLY INVITED US.

Janet: BYE, LAURIE.

- HI, JACK. - HI.

- AM I INTERRUPTING DINNER? - NO, IN FACT YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME EAT IT.

- OH, THAT WILL BE WONDERFUL. - COME ON.

BOY, THAT IS A VINTAGE COW.

JACK, YOU'RE THE BEST COOK IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT.

- BUT IT'S TRUE. - I KNOW, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT.

- (doorbell rings) - EXCUSE ME.

HI, JACK. REMEMBER ME?

RITA! OF COURSE.

I NEVER FORGET A BOD... A FACE. COME ON IN.

- I'VE COME TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER. - MY OFFER?!

YEAH, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

AT LARRY'S PARTY. YOU SAID,

"RITA, ANY NIGHT YOU FEEL RESTLESS

AND LONELY, YOU COME ON OVER."

(moans) OH, YEAH.

HI. I'M LAURIE.

OH, YES, I... LAURIE'S LIVING DOWNSTAIRS.

WE'VE JUST HAD DINNER TOGETHER.

OH, HOW SWEET.

WELL, NOW THAT SHE'S HAD HER DIN-DIN,

DON'T YOU THINK SHE SHOULD BE RUNNING ALONG?

OH, YES. LAURIE, IT'S TIME

FOR THE GROWN-UPS TO HAVE DESSERT.

I ENJOYED THIS EVENING, JACK.

YES, IT'S GOING TO BE WONDERFUL.

RITA, WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE ON THE COUCH?

- I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK. - (nervous laughter)

- WELL... - (giggles)

- DO YOU MIND? I'M A RIGHTY. - OH.

(clears throat) YOU KNOW, JACK...

I'M FROM THE SCHOOL THAT SAYS THAT

IF YOU REALLY ATTRACTED TO SOMEBODY

WELL, YOU SHOULD KIND OF LIKE

GIVE YOURSELF TO HIM TOTALLY.

THAT'S A GOOD SCHOOL.

- (doorbell rings) - GO AWAY.

- (doorbell rings) - GO AWAY!

- YOU BETTER ANSWER IT. - (groans)

I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO FOR AN ICE-CREAM SODA LATER.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, LAURIE, BUT NOT TONIGHT.

RITA AND I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK TO DO.

- NOW WHERE WAS I? - ON THE RIGHT TRACK, JACK.

- OH, YEAH? - (doorbell rings)

- WHAT?! - I FORGOT MY KEYS.

I... HOPE I DIDN'T DISTURB YOU.

- THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. - NO, NO, RITA.

I'LL LOCK THE DOOR. IT'S LOCKED, OKAY?

(panting)

- (coughs) LOVELY RITA. - (chuckles)

(Rita moans)

I TOOK YOUR KEY BY MISTAKE.

- THAT DOES IT. - WAIT. RITA, HANG ON.

- RITA, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - SOMEWHERE WHERE THERE'S LESS TRAFFIC,

- LIKE ON THE HOLLYWOOD FREEWAY. - RITA...

GEE, SHE LEFT SO SUDDENLY.

- DO YOU THINK SHE WAS ANXIOUS TO GO TO BED? - I'M POSITIVE.

THIS SURELY ISN'T MY NIGHT. I MEAN, EVERYBODY IS RUNNING OUT ON ME!

I'D NEVER RUN OUT ON YOU, JACK.

I KNOW. YOU JUST KEEP RUNNING IN ON ME.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, ALL THE WAY TO THE MARINA YACHT CLUB TO FIND OUT

- THEY WEREN'T EVEN HAVING A BARBECUE! - THEY WEREN'T?

- Chrissy and Janet: NO! - Janet: WE CALLED DR. BICKMAN,

HE SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A TELEGRAM.

THE WHOLE THING WAS A FAKE!

WELL, THAT'S TERRIBLE! I WONDER WHO SAID IT.

WHAT A ROTTEN TRICK, ALL THE WAY TO THE MARINA YACHT CLUB FOR NOTHING.

OH, YEAH. BOY, CHRISSY,

WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED AT HOME LIKE WE PLANNED WITH JACK.

YEAH, WE NEVER SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU, JACK.

NO, NOT AFTER YOU WORKED SO HARD ON THAT TURKEY.

OH, WELL, I MUST ADMIT...

I DID GET QUITE DEPRESSED.

IN FACT, I'VE DEVELOPED A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

- Chrissy: OH. - Janet: OH, POOR BABY.

YEAH. JANET, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

COULD YOU RUB MY TEMPLES? IT WOULD FEEL SO SOOTHING.

OH, MY PLEASURE.

- AND CHRISSY, WOULD YOU MIND MASSAGING MY TOES? - OH, SURE.

I'VE BEEN STANDING IN FRONT OF A HOT STOVE...

(grunts) THAT FEELS SO GOOD!

JACK, CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE US FOR LEAVING YOU ALONE?

OH, JACK WASN'T ALONE. WE HAD DINNER TOGETHER.

- Chrissy: OH. - OH, THAT'S NICE.

IT WAS DELICIOUS.

WE HAD TURKEY AND STUFFING, MASHED POTATOES...

- AND RITA. - Chrissy: RITA?

RITA? IS THAT A DISH?

- SHE SURE IS. - Janet: SHE...?

- Jack: NO... - Janet: JACK!

(plates jingle)

(screams) MY KNEE!

ALL RIGHT, JACK. COME ON, WHO IS RITA?

WELL, IT'S... RITA MARIE BUT I BARELY HAD ANY TIME TO SPEAK TO HER.

- ISN'T THAT RIGHT, LAURIE? - THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S HARD TO TALK WHEN YOU'RE KISSING.

OH. CHRISSY, IF YOU HAD A DATE AND YOU WANTED

TO GET RID OF YOUR ROOMMATES

IN A BIG HURRY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

YELL, "FIRE!"

NO, CHRISSY. YOU WOULD SEND A TELEGRAM.

BUT WHAT IF THE PLACE BURNED DOWN BEFORE IT WAS DELIVERED?

CHRISSY!

JACK IS THE ONE WHO SENT US THAT TELEGRAM!

YOU MEAN, HE IS "YOU KNOW WHO"?

YES. AND HE'S ALSO A "YOU KNOW WHAT"!

WAIT A MINUTE, WHY WOULD I DO A THING LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH YOUR PRECIOUS RITA.

WHY WOULD I WANNA BE ALONE WITH RITA?

- BECAUSE SHE WAS RESTLESS AND LONELY. - DON'T HELP ME, LAURIE.

WELL, JACK, IF YOU ARE SO ANXIOUS TO BE ALONE,

CHRISSY AND I WILL GLADLY LEAVE YOU ALONE.

- LET'S GO DOWN AND EAT AT THE REGAL BEAGLE. - WAIT A MINUTE,

BUT... BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF TURKEY LEFT.

JACK, WE WOULDN'T TOUCH YOUR TURKEY WITH A 10-FOOT FORK.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT,

THEM ACCUSING ME OF A CHILDISH TRICK LIKE THAT?

- YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM. - YOU'RE DARN RIGHT I AM!

I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I SENT THE TELEGRAM.

YOU?! YOU SENT THE TELEGRAM? WHY?

I WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH YOU.

- OKAY, LAURIE, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME. - WHERE'RE YOU TAKING ME?

YOU'RE GONNA TELL JANET AND CHRISSY THAT YOU SENT THAT TELEGRAM.

NO. NO, I'LL NEVER TELL.

YES, YOU WILL. OR ELSE THERE'S GONNA BE SOME BIG TROUBLE.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO MAD?

I ONLY DID IT 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.

LAURIE, I THINK YOU AND I BETTER HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

SIT DOWN.

YOU KNOW, LAURIE... MOVE OVER.

THE OTHER WAY.

NOW, COME ON, LAURIE, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU KNOW...

IN LIFE, THERE ARE... ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE.

YOU LOVE YOUR MOMMY, YOU LOVE YOUR FRIENDS, YOU LOVE YOUR DOG...

I DON'T HAVE A DOG. I HAVE A CAT.

- OKAY, YOU LOVE YOUR CAT... - I HATE MY CAT.

LAURIE, LAURIE... HOW OLD ARE YOU?

- 13. - I'M ALMOST TWICE YOUR AGE.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL CATCH UP.

- WHAT? - WELL,

WHEN I'M 26, YOU'LL ONLY BE 39.

AND THAT'S ONLY AS HALF AS OLD.

NO, LAURIE. WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY...

AND WHEN YOU'RE 80, I'LL ONLY BE 67

SO I'LL BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.

OH, THAT'S VERY NICE... NO, BUT... BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

LAURIE, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS,

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE IS.

WHAT IS REAL LOVE?

REAL LOVE IS... WELL, WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT A PERSON SO MUCH

YOU'D RATHER BE WITH THEM THAN ANYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

THEN I LOVE YOU.

OH, THAT'S SO SWEET... LAURIE.

AND... AND I THANK YOU, BUT...

SEE, THE PROBLEM... THE THING IS...

IS... IS... THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU.

- THAT'LL COME IN TIME. - NO, IT WON'T.

LAURIE, I'M OLDER THAN YOU, SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!

NOW, COME ON. LOOK, LOOK... THIS IS NOT GONNA LAST.

IT'S NO GOOD BETWEEN US, LAURIE.

YOU WILL FORGET ALL ABOUT ME.

- I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. - YES, YOU WILL.

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, NOT AS LONG AS I LIVE.

YOUNG LADY, YOU'RE COMING WITH ME

AND YOU'RE TELLING JANET AND CHRISSY EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID

OR YOU MAY NOT LIVE THAT LONG.

- I JUST LOVE A MAN WHO'S FORCEFUL. - MOVE.

- OH, THANK YOU. - OH, THANK YOU.

CHRISSY, I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE.

I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT ITS SADDLE.

I THINK WE ARE.

- GEE WHIZ, - WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN!

JANET, CHRISSY, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU.

WELL, WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU, MR. BIG TELEGRAM SENDER.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON, MOVE OVER. JANET, MOVE OVER.

SIT DOWN, LAURIE. MOVE OVER.

CHRISSY, MOVE OVER.

NOW...

YOU HAVE SHUNNED ME. YOU HAVE DEFAMED MY CHARACTER.

YOU HAVE ACCUSED ME, BUT NOW YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THOSE WORDS,

BECAUSE LITTLE LAURIE HERE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT WHO REALLY SENT THAT TELEGRAM.

GO AHEAD, LAURIE. TELL THEM WHO SENT IT.

GOSH, JACK, IF YOU DIDN'T SEND IT,

I DON'T KNOW WHO DID.

- LAURIE, YOU SENT THAT TELEGRAM! GO TELL THEM. - Janet: JACK!

- IT WAS HER. - THAT'S AWFUL! TRYING TO BLAME AN INNOCENT GIRL!

JACK, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT YOU COULD STOOP THAT LOW.

- LET'S GO, CHRISSY. - NOW WAIT A SECOND...

- JACK, FORGET IT. - CHRISSY, CHRISSY, YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?

YOU PROMISED ME THAT YOU WERE GONNA TELL THEM.

A WOMAN HAS A RIGHT TO CHANGE HER MIND.

(laughs)

(mocking laugh)

MAKE A WISH.

GOOD MORNING.

JANET, CAN I HAVE PART OF THAT PAPER, PLEASE?

MAY I INFORM YOU, MS. WOOD,

THAT I PAY FOR ONE THIRD OF THAT NEWSPAPER?

- (sighs) - (thumps)

THAT'S VERY FUNNY. DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS?

JACK, WE ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU TODAY.

GIRL... THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND NOW.

- COME ON NOW. - DID YOU HEAR ME, JACK?

WE ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU TODAY. RIGHT, CHRISSY?

CHRISSY? IT'S OKAY TO TALK TO ME.

OH. RIGHT.

(doorbell rings)

OH, HI. JACK, COULD WE SEE YOU FOR A MINUTE?

SURE, COME IN.

STANLEY AND I HAVE HAD A NICE, LONG TALK WITH LAURIE

AND SHE HAS SOMETHING

THAT SHE WANTS TO SAY TO YOU.

COME ON, KID, SPILL IT.

I WAS THE ONE WHO SENT THAT TELEGRAM.

SEE? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

YOU DID?

- BUT WHY? - I JUST WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH JACK.

YEAH, BUT SENDING A TELEGRAM

WAS A ROTTEN THING TO DO.

I'LL SAY... SHE CHARGED IT TO MY PHONE.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.

I'LL SAY... $7.50.

THAT WASN'T VERY NICE.

- I'LL SAY... SHE... - YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH.

- I'M SORRY. - Janet: OH, WELL...

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL BEING A LITTLE ROUGH ON LAURIE?

SO SHE'S YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE

AND SHE HAPPENED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE KID HERE.

I MEAN, WHO CAN BLAME HER?

WHILE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT LOVE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

- UH-HUH. - I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH,

BUT I NEED SOMEONE WHO'S A LITTLE MORE MATURE.

- OH, REALLY? - OH, IT'S OKAY. I ALREADY FOUND SOMEONE.

- YOU DID? - YEAH. ALBERT.

- Chrissy: ALBERT? - HEY ALBERT,

YOU CAN COME UP NOW.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS ALBERT.

- HI. - All: HI.

ALBERT, THIS IS JACK, THE MAN I WAS INVOLVED WITH.

- HI, ALBERT. - WHAT'S HAPPENING?

OH, FINE, THANK YOU.

DON'T TAKE THIS TOO HARD,

I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER OLD LADY.

- YOU THINK SO? - SURE.

COME ON, LET'S GO SKATEBOARD.

- Laurie: CAN'T WE GO TO THE BEACH? - SKATEBOARDING.

I JUST LOVE A MAN WHO'S FORCEFUL.

WOMEN.

KIDS... THEY'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, COME ON, STANLEY, YOU WERE A KID ONCE.

WEREN'T YOU?

YOU CAN'T BLAME LAURIE FOR HAVING A CRUSH ON JACK.

(Jack chuckles) YEAH, BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

ISN'T IT LOVE CRAZY?

BETWEEN YOU AND ME, IT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: THREE'S COMPANY WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.