Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

- STANLEY. - NOT NOW, HELEN, IT'S VERY DELICATE WORK.

- YEAH, BUT STANLEY... - OW!

SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO? WHAT DID YOU WANNA TELL ME THAT WAS SO IMPORTANT?

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU TO BE CAREFUL OF THOSE SHARP PINS.

- HOW IS IT COMING? - GOT ANY BAND AIDS?

OH, DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

YEAH, STANLEY KEEPS STICKING HIMSELF WITH THOSE DRAPERY PINS.

I GUESS HIS EYES ARE BEGINNING TO GO TOO.

WHAT SIZE BAND AID DO YOU NEED?

YOU GOT ONE BIG ENOUGH TO COVER HER MOUTH?

(screaming)

- THAT WENT RIGHT THROUGH MY THUMB. - WELL, LET ME LOOK AT IT.

- (groans) - WELL, THAT'S FUNNY, YOU'RE NOT BLEEDING.

LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT STANLEY, IT TAKES A WHILE TO GET STARTED.

Jack: COME ON, JANET. COME ON. WAIT A MINUTE...

- CHRISSY. I FORGOT... - WAIT, WAIT. NO. CHRISSY, LISTEN.

- I GOT SOME TERRIFIC NEWS. WAIT TILL... - NO, CHRISSY, WAIT, ME TOO.

EXCUSE US, JANET. NO, LISTEN, CHRISSY.

WHAT HAPPENED WAS...

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO HEAR MY NEWS FIRST.

- MINE'S MORE IMPORTANT! - NO, NO, IT ISN'T.

- WELL, HOLD IT. - WHAT?

- WANNA HEAR MY EXCITING NEWS? - WHAT?

- Janet: OKAY. - I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS.

- IT'S ALL JACK'S FAULT... - JACK'S FAULT?!

I WALK IN HERE, I HAVE SOMETHING I WANNA SHARE...

PLEASE LET ME TALK FIRST.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU...

- WHY DON'T YOU TOSS FOR IT? - OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

- OKAY. - HEADS OR TAILS?

- Janet: NO! - HEADS... HEADS (laughs)

HEY, YOU GUYS, I'VE GOT TWO EARS. WHY DON'T YOU EACH PICK ONE?

NO, YOU CHOOSE. WHICH STORY ARE YOU MOST ANXIOUS TO HEAR, HERS OR MINE?

- (Janet whistles) - WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,

LADIES FIRST.

THAT STILL DOESN'T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU WERE FUNNIER WHEN YOU STUCK YOURSELF.

- GO AHEAD, JANET. - YEAH, JANET. GO AHEAD.

- OKAY, OKAY. WELL... - GO AHEAD, JANET.

YOU KNOW MR. COMPTON, MY BOSS? HE GAVE ME A $10 RAISE.

GO AHEAD, JANET. TELL US THE GOOD NEWS.

- OH, JACK. - ONLY KIDDING. CONGRATULATIONS.

THAT'S VERY NICE. I'M JUST KIDDING. CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE?

SURE, I CAN TAKE A JOKE... WHEN I HEAR A JOKE.

THAT'S ALL. I'LL HAVE TO FINISH IT TOMORROW.

HELEN AND I HAVE A LOT TO DO DOWNSTAIRS.

NOW THAT'S A JOKE.

- COME ON, HELEN. LET'S GO. - NO, NO, NO.

NO, NOT UNTIL WE'VE HEARD JACK'S GOOD NEWS.

ALL RIGHT. NOW WITH ALL DUE RESPECT

TO JANET'S FASCINATING STORY...

(yawns) OH, EXCUSE ME.

- THIS IS ABOUT REAL MONEY. - HA HA HA.

OH, GO AHEAD AND SCOFF. YOU KNOW JIM, THE BAR TENDER DOWN AT THE REGAL BEAGLE?

YEAH, RIGHT. HE WANTS YOU TO SUB FOR HIM FOR ONE NIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA GET A DOLLAR AN HOUR PLUS TIPS

AND ALL THE OLIVES YOU CAN EAT. BIG DEAL.

SMALL MINDS THINK SMALL. THANK YOU, TINY.

NO... DID YOU KNOW...

THAT JIM HAS AN UNCLE NAMED ANTON,

WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE HEAD CHEF AT LA BIBITTE.

- LA BIBITTE! - SHE KNOWS.

OH, I HEAR THAT'S THE BEST FRENCH RESTAURANT IN TOWN.

(French accent) THAT IS CORRECT, MON CHERI?

ANYWAY, UNCLE ANTON IS LOOKING FOR AN ASSISTANT TO HELP OUT NIGHTS.

- YOU MEAN HE WANTS YOU. - JIM IS GONNA INTRODUCE ME.

- OH, JACK. - JUST CALL ME "JACQUES."

ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART.

THE JOB PAYS... TALK TO ME, $30 A NIGHT!

- OH, TERRIFIC! - WOW!

OH, TERRIFIC.

MAYBE NOW YOU'LL PAY-VOUS THE RENT-VOUS ON TIME-AVOUS.

- LET'S GO, HELEN. - OH, LA BIBITTE.

HEY, STANLEY, COULD WE HAVE DINNER THERE TONIGHT?

YOU WANT TO GO OUT TO EAT? WHY DON'T WE EAT AT OUR REGULAR RESTAURANT?

BECAUSE I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR "EGG McMUFFIN."

- WHOO! - ♪ WE'RE IN THE MONEY ♪

(Jack and Janet) ♪ WE'RE IN THE MONEY, WE'RE IN THE MONEY ♪

♪ WE GOT... ♪ CHRISSY, ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL NEWS ABOUT US?

CHRISSY, ABOUT JANET AND MY... CHRISSY.

TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELF, CHRISSY.

IT'S NOT HEALTHY TO GET THIS EXCITED.

- I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL. - OH

HEY! CHRISSY.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - NOTHING.

OH, COME ON.

WELL, IT'S WONDERFUL FOR YOU.

YOU GET THE GOOD JOBS, YOU GET THE GOOD BREAKS.

I'M TRYING TO THINK WHAT I GET.

OH, CHRISSY, YOU GOT A LOT.

OH, YEAH. I GET TO HAVE THE SAME JOB

DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK, MONTH AFTER MONTH.

WHAT COMES AFTER THAT?

YEAR AFTER YEAR?

- ALL RIGHT. - HEY, CHRISSY, LISTEN,

YOU ARE VERY GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO.

JEEZ, YOU'VE BEEN AT THAT SAME COMPANY FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW.

- THEY MUST LIKE YOU. - OH, YEAH.

I STARTED OUT IN THE SECRETARIAL POOL WITH 10 OTHER GIRLS

- AND I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT. - WELL, SEE?

THEY ALL GOT MARRIED OR PROMOTED.

- CHRISSY, THAT DOESN'T MEAN... - SOME OF THEM GOT BOTH.

- YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL... - YESTERDAY IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

WHAT?

EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING GOOD IN THE OFFICE, I DIDN'T DO IT.

IS THERE A MAP THAT GOES WITH THAT?

CHRISSY, COULD YOU JUST START OVER AGAIN?

- NOW TELL US WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. - WELL...

- I FILLED IN FOR SUZY BROWN. - WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

GOOD? THAT'S FANTASTIC! IMAGINE OUR LITTLE CHRISSY

FILLING IN FOR SUZY BROWN.

WHO IS SUZY BROWN?

SHE'S THE BRANCH MANAGER'S SECRETARY.

ANYWAY, SHE SAID OUR BOSS WAS GOING TO THE RACETRACK,

I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL.

- OW, FAMOUS LAST WORDS. - YEAH, I WAS IN THERE FIVE MINUTES,

WHEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY CALLED FROM NEW YORK.

- Jack: WOW! - YEAH, HE HAD SAID HE HAD SOME COST ESTIMATES

THAT HE NEEDED RIGHT AWAY INVOLVING SOME MILLION-DOLLAR PROJECT

- A MILLION DOLLARS? - YEAH.

- GEE, WHAT DID YOU DO? - I ASKED AROUND, BUT NOBODY HAD THE FIGURES.

THEN I SAW THE BRANCH MANAGER'S WIFE PICTURE ON HIS DESK AND IT HIT ME.

- THE PICTURE? - NO, HER FACE.

SHE LOOKED LIKE THE KIND OF WOMAN THAT MINDED HER HUSBAND'S BUSINESS

SO I CALLED HER AND SURE ENOUGH SHE HAD THE ESTIMATES

AND I CALLED THEM IN TO THE PRESIDENT.

THAT'S FANTASTIC. YOU SAVED THE COMPANY A LOT OF MONEY.

- YEAH, THEY GOTTA BE GRATEFUL FOR THAT. - OH, THEY ARE.

TODAY THE PRESIDENT CALLED THE BRANCH MANAGER TO FIND OUT

- WHO HIS QUICK THINKING SECRETARY WAS. - WELL, SEE?

- AND HE SAYS SUZY BROWN. - Jack and Janet: OH.

AND NOW SHE'S ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT.

- OH. - CHRISSY, SWEETHEART.

CHEER UP, CHRISSY. COME ON, YOU'LL GET THERE.

- YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? - WHY?

BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT.

- I DO? - Jack: YEAH.

OH, CHRISSY, SURE YOU DO.

GEE, YOU'RE BRIGHT, AND YOU'RE SMART,

AND YOU'RE INTELLIGENT, BUT YOU JUST DON'T REALIZE IT,

AND YOU KNOW WHY THAT IS?

I'M STUPID?

CHRISSY... GOLLY, THERE YOU GO AGAIN,

PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN.

JACK, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS GIRL'S PROBLEM IS?

SHE HIDES HER LIGHT UNDER HER BUSHEL.

- YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY... - YOU'RE RIGHT, JANET,

- IF SHE WANTS TO BE NOTICED, SHE SHOULD LEARN TO SPEAK UP. - Janet: YEAH.

- I HAVE BEEN TRYING... - SHE'S GOTTA BE MORE ASSERTIVE.

- Chrissy: WELL... - SHE HAS TO LEARN TO BE MORE FORCEFUL

- AND MORE AGGRESSIVE. - I REALLY SHOULD...

CHRISSY, YOU MIND? WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE A POINT.

- YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY? - YEAH, JACK...

- Jack: BECAUSE AT WORK... - HOLD ON A MINUTE, YOU TWO. I MEAN,

IF YOU TWO DON'T THINK

THAT I KNOW MY OWN SELF-WORTH, YOU'RE WRONG, BECAUSE I DO

AND TOMORROW WHEN I GET TO WORK, I'M GONNA LET MY BOSS KNOW TOO.

THAT'S WONDERFUL, CHRISSY. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

OH, ME TOO.

- ME TOO. - Janet: OH.

LISTEN, CHRISSY, WHEN YOU GET TO WORK TOMORROW,

JUST GO RIGHT IN THERE AND LET HIM HAVE IT.

- I WILL. - (all chuckle)

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, TRY WEARING A LOW-CUT DRESS.

- JACK! - IT COULDN'T HURT.

Janet: OH, CHRISSY. CHRISSY,

CHRISSY... OH, NO. IT'S ONLY YOU.

EXCUSE ME, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHEER WHEN I COME THROUGH THE DOOR,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BOO AND HISS EITHER.

YOU KNOW, I'M A HUMAN BEING. I HAVE FEELINGS.

- SORRY, JACK. - I'VE BEEN UNDER PRESSURE.

- I'M FINE NOW. - JACK.

- OH, THAT WAS SO RUDE. I'M SORRY. - NO...

IT'S JUST THAT I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT CHRISSY.

- SHE'S NOT HOME FROM WORK YET. - NO?

- I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT ADVICE WE GAVE HER. - OH, COME ON.

- THAT ADVICE IS GONNA GET HER A PROMOTION. - WHAT IF IT GETS HER FIRED?

IN THAT CASE, IT MAY NOT GET HER THE PROMOTION.

(screams) OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

- Jack: CHRISSY. - I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! OH, JANET.

- OH, CHRISSY. - Jack: WHAT HAPPENED?

- OH, JACK. - OH, CHRISSY.

(Chrissy continues screaming)

- OH, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. - I DON'T REALLY CARE.

- (Chrissy screaming) - (Jack moaning)

- YES, GET IT ALL OUT. - JACK, COME ON, COME ON.

LET HER GO LONG ENOUGH SO SHE CAN TELL US, PLEASE.

OH... WELL, YOU ARE NOW TALKING

TO THE PRIVATE SECRETARY

TO J.C. BRADDOCK, ASSISTANT VICE-PRESIDENT.

- CHRISSY! - (Chrissy screams)

- OH, CHRISSY. - MY TURN, MY TURN.

- (grunting) OH, CHRISSY. - Janet: JACK, COME ON.

- OH, CHRISSY. - (Chrissy sighs)

COME ON. TELL US EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED.

WHEN I GOT TO WORK TODAY I WALKED RIGHT INTO BRADDOCK'S OFFICE.

- SHE WALKED RIGHT INTO BRADDOCK'S OFFICE. - (Chrissy screams)

(moaning) CHRISSY.

JACK! COME ON, JACK.

I WANNA HEAR, GO ON. CHRISSY, GO ON.

OKAY, I WALKED INTO BRADDOCK'S OFFICE AND I SAID,

"LOOK HERE, J.C. I'VE BEEN IN THAT SECRETARIAL POOL LONG ENOUGH!"

LONG ENOUGH!

- (all laugh) - LET HER GO ON. GO ON.

I SAID, "I'M HARD WORKING, CONSCIENTIOUS.

IT'S TIME I GOT A PROMOTION!"

PROMOTION!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

I MADE THEM NOTICE ME. (screams)

OH, THAT'S THE LAST TIME

I HIDE MY LIGHT UNDER A BUSHEL.

HEY, CHRISSY, DID YOU ACTUALLY WEAR THIS DRESS TO THE OFFICE?

I SURE DID AND IT REALLY WORKED.

I WALKED IN THAT OFFICE JUST OVERFLOWING WITH CONFIDENCE.

- WELL, YOU REALLY DID IT THIS TIME. - I DID IT?!

YES, YOU. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED HER TO WEAR A LOW-CUT DRESS.

JANET, I WANT EVERY GIRL TO WEAR A LOW-CUT DRESS.

JACK, PLEASE, THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF DRESS YOU WEAR TO AN OFFICE.

THAT'S THE KIND YOU WEAR TO OPEN HEART SURGERY.

THAT DRESS PROBABLY HAD NOTHING TO DO

WITH HER GETTING THAT PROMOTION.

- OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? - WELL, NO.

JACK, COME ON. I'VE HEARD HOW MEN ARE IN OFFICES.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - IF YOU HAD TO HIRE A NEW SECRETARY,

AND YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO GIRLS, AND ONE OF THEM WAS REALLY FLAT-CHESTED,

- AND THE OTHER ONE WAS REALLY BU... BUILT. - YEAH?

- WHICH ONE WOULD YOU HIRE? - THE FLAT-CHESTED ONE.

- YOU WOULD? - IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE HER GROW WITH THE COMPANY.

(grunting) OH.

JANET, JANET, COME ON.

JACK, YOU KNOW, YOU... YOU...

- YOU ARE SO SEXIST. - NO, WAIT A SECOND.

- I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEING SEXIST. - I AM?

- YOU'RE UNDERESTIMATING CHRISSY. - WHAT...

I SAY SHE GOT THAT PROMOTION BECAUSE OF HER ABILITY

AND IT'S TIME HER BOSS FINALLY NOTICED THEM... I MEAN, IT.

JACK, SOMETIMES, I JUST... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU SOMETIMES.

- Chrissy: HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY PURSE? - OH, YEAH.

- HERE IT IS, CHRISSY. HERE YOU GO. - THANK YOU.

- SURE. - I'M LOSING EVERYTHING TODAY.

GUESS THOSE TWO MARTINIS AT LUNCH WENT RIGHT TO MY HEAD.

- (Chrissy chuckles) - WHAT? DID YOU HAVE TWO MARTINIS?

OH, YEAH, J.C. TOOK ME OUT TO LUNCH.

THEY HAVE THE LOVELIEST RESTAURANT AT THAT HOTEL.

- Jack: WHAT? - WELL, JACK,

- NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE GONE AND DONE! - WHAT?

WE WERE TRYING TO GET HER

INTO A NEW POSITION, NOT AN OLD PROFESSION.

- YOU'RE GETTING UPSET ALL OVER NOTHING. - (doorbell rings)

- NOTHING?! - YES!

JACK TRIPPER, WHEN A MAN BUYS YOU TWO MARTINIS,

HE'S EXPECTING YOU TO BE THE CHASER.

- HI. - HI, JANET.

- OH, HI. - I THOUGHT WE OUGHT TO FINISH THE DRAPES

WHILE STANLEY WAS STILL AWAKE.

COME ON IN. COME ON IN.

MOST LANDLORDS WOULDN'T DO THIS FOR YOU.

NO, MOST LANDLORDS WOULD HIRE SOMEBODY

WHO CAN DO THE JOB RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT, JACK?

I UNDERSTAND YOU FELLOWS ARE VERY GOOD AT THIS SORT OF THING.

I ONLY WORK IN VELVET, BUT I COULD GIVE YOU A HAND.

- GET AWAY FROM ME. - WHAT DO YOU WANT ME...

GET AWAY FROM ME!

- BYE, EVERYBODY. - HUH?! CHRISSY,

EXCUSE ME. WHOA, WAIT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, I'M GOING TO MEET J.C. AT THE REGAL BEAGLE.

WELL, WHAT'S IN YOUR LITTLE BAG?

JUST THE USUAL THINGS,

- TOOTHBRUSH, MAKE-UP, NIGHTGOWN. - ARE YOU SLEEPING IN THE BAR?

NO, SILLY. WE'RE CATCHING THE MIDNIGHT FLIGHT TO LAS VEGAS.

- Mr. Roper: HAND ME THAT END. - Mrs. Roper: NOT NOW, STANLEY.

THIS ENDS MORE FUN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE GOING TO LAS VEGAS?

- OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, DIDN'T I? - YES, YOU DID.

OH, WELL, IT'S STRICTLY BUSINESS, JUST FOR TONIGHT.

J.C. DOESN'T LIKE TO WASTE ANY TIME.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

LIFE, STANLEY. LIFE.

YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.

- OKAY, CHRISSY. YOU... - JANET, ISN'T IT EXCITING?

A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS, AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU.

- CHRISSY... - AND YOU.

- WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE GOING TO VEGAS? - YEAH.

COULD YOU PLAY A COUPLE OF HANDS OF BLACKJACK FOR ME?

OKAY.

STANLEY, YOU'RE GAMBLING?

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, UNLUCKY IN LOVE...

- WELL, BYE-BYE. - CHRISSY, NO...

WAIT A MINUTE.

- Chrissy: BYE. - Jack: WAIT A MINUTE.

- Janet: CHRISSY... - GOODBYE NOW.

- CHRISSY! - I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT.

JANET, YOU SHOULD'VE DONE SOMETHING.

I... ME? I SHOULD... WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, JACK?

GET UP EARLY EVERY MORNING, SO I CAN WATCH CHRISSY GET DRESSED?

- OF COURSE NOT. I'LL DO THAT. - OH, JACK!

NO, COME ON. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

- RIGHT! WHAT? - OH?

- YEAH, YEAH. WHAT? - TO START, YOU'RE GOING DOWN TO THE REGAL BEAGLE,

AND PUNCH THAT BRADDOCK RIGHT IN THE NOSE.

WHAT IF HE'S 6'4"?

- THEN YOU HIT HIM WITH YOUR PURSE. - Jack: THANK YOU.

PLEASE, MR. ROPER, THIS IS SERIOUS.

- WE'RE WORRIED. - COME ON, SHE'S A GROWN WOMAN.

I KNOW. BUT LISTEN, CHRISSY...

HEY, I GOT SOMETHING THAT WILL CHEER YOU UP.

- I FINISHED TYING YOUR NEW DRAPES. - Janet: OH, THANKS.

- Mrs. Roper: THEY LOOK VERY NICE - NICE, HUH?

AND YOU WANTED TO HIRE A PROFESSIONAL.

- HI, JIM. - HI, CHRISSY. SOMEBODY'S WAITING FOR YOU.

OH, THANKS. THAT'S MY NEW BOSS.

- HI, J.C. - OH, HI, CHRISSY.

OH...

- GOSH, I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO LAS VEGAS. - OH, GOOD.

NORMALLY, MY HUSBAND TRAVELS WITH ME,

BUT HE'S BACK EAST VISITING WITH HIS MOTHER,

- SO YOU GET A FREE TRIP ON THE COMPANY. - (chuckles)

WELL, DO YOU THINK I'LL HAVE SOME TIME TO PLAY SOME BLACKJACK?

- WHY? DO YOU GAMBLE? - NO, BUT MY LANDLORD DOES.

OH.

YOU KNOW, CHRISSY, I'M REALLY SO GLAD YOU CAME INTO MY OFFICE

AND STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF. I REALLY ADMIRE PEOPLE

WITH CONFIDENCE IN THEIR OWN ABILITIES.

- I'M NOT REALLY AS GOOD AS I SAID I WAS. - UH-UH-UH-UH.

I'M EVEN BETTER.

WELL, THATTAGIRL. THERE ARE A COUPLE OF THINGS

THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS WITH YOU.

- WHAT THINGS? - FIRST OF ALL,

I'D LIKE YOU TO CUT DOWN ON THE LOW-CUT DRESSES.

OH, GEE, THEY'RE ALREADY CUT DOWN

ABOUT AS FAR AS THEY CAN GO.

NO, CHRISSY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU SEE, YOU HAVE ABILITY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE UP

BY HAVING MEN LOOK DOWN.

- OH. - (both laugh)

- WHAT WAS THE OTHER THING? - WHAT OTHER THING?

YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT A COUPLE OF THINGS.

JIM, JIM. OH, I NEED A DRINK BAD.

HI, UNCLE ANTON. HOW ARE THINGS DOWN AT THE RESTAURANT?

OH, JIM, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.

ALL DAY LONG, I'M PUTTING THOSE LITTLE PANTS ON LAMBCHOPS.

I TELL YOU, SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW IF I'M A CHEF OR A TAILOR.

(both laugh)

- YOU GET IT, CHEF OR TAILOR? - (both laugh)

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ANY MORE ABOUT HIRING MY FRIEND JACK TRIPPER?

OH, NO, I... I HAVE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM FIRST, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, FOR INSTANCE...

DOES HE DRINK TOO MUCH?

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY HARD

- FOR A WOMAN TO GET AHEAD IN OUR COMPANY. - IT CERTAINLY IS.

PROBLEM IS, THE ORGANIZATION HAS THREE TIMES

AS MANY MEN AS THEY DO WOMEN.

TELL ME, CHRISSY, HOW DO YOU THINK OUR COMPANY COULD ATTRACT MORE WOMEN?

HIRE MORE MEN.

OH, LOOK AT THE TIME, DARLING.

IT'S ALMOST HALF AN HOUR... WE'RE GONNA BE CATCHING OUR PLANE.

MY HUSBAND LIKES ME TO CALL. HE WORRIES ABOUT ME WHEN I TRAVEL.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. - OKAY.

HEY, DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. THERE'S A CLOSE FRIEND OF HIS OVER THERE.

SHE CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HIM.

CHRISSY. CHRISSY,

- THIS IS MY UNCLE ANTON. - UNCLE ANTON?

- YOU'RE THE CHEF! - YEAH.

(chuckles) I UNDERSTAND YOU KNOW JACK TRIPPER VERY WELL.

WELL, I OUGHT TO. WE LIVE TOGETHER.

- YOU WERE RIGHT. THIS GUY REALLY COOKS. - (both laugh)

SO CHRISSY, CHRISSY?

WELL, DO YOU...

DO YOU THINK THAT YOUR FRIEND JACK WOULD MAKE A GOOD ASSISTANT CHEF?

OH, WOULD HE EVER? HE MAKES THE MOST WONDERFUL DISHES.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, YOU CAN ASK JANET.

- JANET?! - SHE LIVES WITH JACK TOO.

WOULD HE HAVE TIME TO TAKE A JOB?

WELL, IF HE DOESN'T, HE'LL MAKE TIME.

BUT ONCE JACK STARTS SOMETHING, HE'LL STAY WITH IT ALL NIGHT TILL HE'S FINISHED.

LUCKY GUY.

OH, OH, JACK. THERE THEY ARE. THERE THEY ARE.

SO THAT'S CHRISSY'S BOSS, HUH?

HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE A PERVERT, DOESN'T HE?

OH, YEAH, LOOK AT THOSE BEADY LITTLE EYES.

BOY, ALL SEX FIENDS HAVE BEADY LITTLE EYES.

THEY DO?

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, CHRISSY,

- FOR BEING SO NICE AND HELPFUL. - OH.

- OKAY, THAT DOES IT. BREAK IT UP! - Janet: YEAH.

- THIS IS JACK TRIPPER. - YOU'RE JACK TRIPPER?

- PUT IT THERE. - WITH PLEASURE.

- WHAT'S GOING ON? - CHEESE.

- YOU CAN'T DO THAT. - OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

HOW SILLY OF ME. I... I... I CAN'T SERVE CHEESE WITHOUT THE WINE.

- HERE WE GO. - HA!

WHAT ARE YOU... DOING?!

OH, I'M JUST RUBBING IT IN.

- FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, WHAT IS GOING ON? - I DON'T KNOW, J.C.

J.C.? J... UH... J.C. BRADDOCK, CHRISSY'S BOSS?

- Chrissy: YEAH. - I'M HER BOSS, YES.

CHRISSY.

- WHO IS THIS? - IT'S JIM'S UNCLE, CHEF ANTON.

Janet: SHH...

THIS IS CHEF ANTON?

THE $30-A-NIGHT-JOB CHEF ANTON?

THE GUY WHO ALWAYS LOVES A PRACTICAL JOKE?

THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY, HUH? YOU LIKE A GOOD JOKE, DON'T YOU?

"THE MAN IN THE CHEESE FLANNEL SUIT."

YOU EVER BEEN TO SWITZERLAND, 'CAUSE YOU SMELL LIKE GRUYERE.

I'M ONLY KIDDING. LISTEN, DOES YOUR FACE ALWAYS GET PURPLE

- WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN? - YOU... YOU... YOU...

- YOU WANNA BE A CHEF? - IT'S ALL IN GOOD FUN.

YOU'RE NOT FIT TO HEAT UP PRETZELS ON A STREET CORNER!

- (Jack mutters) - YOU'RE NOT FIT...

YOU WANNA BE A CHEF? HERE'S A RECIPE FOR YOU.

MUSTARD ON A NUT!

CHRISSY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. WE'RE GONNA MISS OUR PLANE.

OKAY, J.C.

- BYE, JANET. - GOODBYE, CHRISSY. GOODBYE, MRS. BRADDOCK.

JACK, IF YOU WANNA GET AHEAD IN THE BUSINESS WORLD,

YOU GOTTA START TREATING PEOPLE NICER.

GOODBYE.

WELL, I... I... (clears throat)

I HOPE AT LEAST THIS TEACHES YOU NOT TO JUMP TO THE WRONG CONCLUSIONS.

ME JUMP TO THE WRONG CONCLUSIONS?

- ME?! ME? - WELL, AT LEAST, YOU ADMIT IT.

SEE, JACK, IT'S ALL BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A CHAUVINIST.

I MEAN, AUTOMATICALLY YOU ASSUMED CHRISSY'S BOSS HAD TO BE A MAN.

YOU ALSO ASSUMED HE WAS A MAN.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I'M JUST A WOMAN.

OH, JANET, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

CHEF ANTON IS AN IMPORTANT MAN. I BLEW MY BIG CHANCE.

OH, JACK. NOW, COME ON,

YOU'RE GONNA LET ONE LITTLE SETBACK RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

COME ON. NOW LISTEN, REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO CHRISSY,

"IF YOU WANNA GET AHEAD IN THIS WORLD, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IN YOURSELF"?

LISTEN, JACK, JUST GO TO ANTON

AND TELL HIM WHY YOU DID ALL THESE SILLY THINGS.

- OH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. - SURE.

AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, JACK,

TRY WEARING A LOW-CUT SHIRT.

- THERE. - (Chrissy sighs)

THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

- NOW IT'S PERFECT. - GOSH, MR. ROPER, YOU WORKED SO HARD FIXING THOSE DRAPES.

- Jack: YEAH. - OH, IT'S NOTHING.

OH, COME ON. DON'T BE SO MODEST. YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB.

OH, YOU CERTAINLY DID.

- OH, YOU CERTAINLY DID. - (silent)

- YES, YOU DID. - GET AWAY FROM ME.

- I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU. - GET AWAY.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: THREE'S COMPANY WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.