Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

- OKAY, CHRISSY, OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK? - WHAT IS IT?

CHRISSY, THIS IS A STUART JACKSON FROM HIS EARLY PERIOD.

I HOPE HE GOT BETTER LATER ON.

OH WELL, ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD LOOK A LOT MORE FEMININE

THAN THAT BASEBALL PICTURE JACK HAD HANGING HERE.

OKAY, CHRISSY, NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?

- OH, THEY'RE CUTE. - YEAH.

BOY, JACK'S ROOM LOOKS SO TERRIFIC NOW

HE WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE IT.

DO YOU THINK MY LITTLE SISTER IS GONNA LIKE IT?

- SHE'LL LOVE IT. - REALLY, CHRISSY?

- YEAH. - IT STILL LOOKS SO MASCULINE TO ME.

MAYBE WE COULD TAKE JACK'S JOCKEY SHORTS OFF THE DOOR.

GOOD THINKING.

- (phone ringing) - I'LL GET IT.

I HOPE JACK ISN'T GONNA MIND GIVING UP HIS ROOM FOR JENNY.

HE'LL PROBABLY FIND THE COACH PRETTY LUMPY

AFTER SLEEPING ON HIS BED.

OH, TONIGHT... OH NO, I CAN'T.

MY ROOMMATE'S SISTER'S COMING TONIGHT. I THINK WE SHOULD BE HERE.

CHRISSY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP A DATE BECAUSE OF THAT.

- I DON'T? - NO.

MAYBE I CAN MAKE IT AFTER ALL.

THAT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU THOUGH.

I STILL CAN'T MAKE IT.

NO, CHRISSY, SHE'S GONNA BE HERE FOR A WHOLE WEEK,

THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO BE TOGETHER.

ON THE OTHER HAND, WHAT TIME CAN YOU PICK ME UP?

EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD BE SO NICE

TO HAVE EVERYBODY HERE FOR HER FIRST NIGHT.

NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO PICK ME UP,

I JUST WONDERED WHAT TIME YOU WOULD IF YOU COULD.

CHRISSY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GO...

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

NO, NO, NOT YOU, TOM.

TOM?

HE HUNG UP.

CHRISSY, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OKAY, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE

WHO CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR MINDS ANYWAY.

I GUESS THAT MEANS

IT'S GONNA BE YOU AND JACK, AND ME AND MY LITTLE BABY SISTER.

OH, CHRISSY, I'M SO PROUD OF MY LITTLE FAMILY.

HEY, ANYBODY FOR THE BEACH?

- THE BEACH? - YEAH, LARRY SAYS THE WAVES ARE 12 FEET HIGH.

- JACK. - I'M GONNA GET MY SURFBOARD.

JACK, HAVEN'T YOU FORGOTTEN SOMETHING?

OH, MY SWIM TRUNKS. THANKS CHRISSY.

I WOULD HAVE LOOKED AWFULLY SILLY GOING OUT THERE NUDE.

JACK, I THINK WE ALL SHOULD BE HERE TO WELCOME JANET'S SISTER.

OH CHRISSY, I PROMISED LARRY.

- JACK! - OKAY.

OKAY, THANK YOU, JACK!

- (doorbell rings) - OH, THAT MUST BE HER.

OKAY.

- JANET. - JENNY! OH... JENNY!

OH, LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

PUT YOUR THINGS DOWN.

GUYS, ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

YEAH!

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IS NOT JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE.

AT COLLEGE, THIS KID IS ON THE DEAN'S LIST.

OH REALLY, I USED TO GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE AT SCHOOL TOO.

NO, CHRISSY, THAT MEANS THAT MY LITTLE SISTER

- IS A VERY BRIGHT LITTLE GIRL. - JANET.

OH GOSH, JENNY. OH, I'M FORGETTING, I'M FORGETTING...

JENNY, THIS IS CHRISSY.

BUT YOU KNOW, I WROTE YOU ALL ABOUT MY ROOMMATES.

AND THIS MUST BE JACK.

ISN'T IT CLEVER THE WAY I FIGURED THAT OUT?

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ON THE DEAN'S LIST FOR NOTHING.

I'M GLAD YOU CAME, JENNY. IT'LL BE NICE TO HAVE

A BRAIN AROUND HERE TO TALK TO ONCE IN A WHILE.

JANET AND CHRISSY ARE TERRIFIC, BUT THEY'RE NOT

NEARLY AS WELL INFORMED AS ME.

YOU MEAN "AS I."

YEAH, AS YOU TOO. (laughs)

LISTEN, WHY DON'T I TAKE YOUR HAIR AND...

I MEAN TAKE YOUR... I'LL JUST PUT EVERYTHING IN MY ROOM.

I MEAN YOUR ROOM. WHOOPS.

I'LL GET IT RIGHT. EXCUSE ME.

I'LL PUT IT RIGHT IN HERE.

OH, JENNY, GOLLY.

COME ON, COME ON, SIT DOWN. COME ON, CHRISSY.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO, JANET.

THANK YOU. HEY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE ON JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH BLUSH.

YEAH, OH YEAH, THIS IS MUCH BETTER.

ARE YOU PLANNING TO TRANSFER TO U.C.L.A.?

YES, IF I DECIDE TO MAJOR IN ANTHROPOLOGY.

ANTHROPOLOGY?

THE STUDY OF MAN.

THEY'RE TEACHING COURSES IN THAT NOW?

OH, I WISH THEY WOULD. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HOMEWORK?

- (both laughing) - OH, WELL...

YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR MEN AFTER YOU FINISH YOUR STUDIES.

OH GEE, JENNY, I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW,

- THEN I COULD SHOW YOU ALL AROUND. - YEAH, I HAVE TO WORK TOO.

I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL AROUND 3:00. I COULD SHOW YOU AROUND.

- TERRIFIC. - YEAH, TERRIFIC.

YEAH, TERRIFIC. COULD I SEE YOU IN THE KITCHEN, JACK?

- HUH? - IN THE KITCHEN.

OH, EXCUSE ME, I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

- WHAT'S UP? - UM... JACK...

- SHE'S MY SISTER. - YEAH.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

- YOU BOTH HAD THE SAME MOTHER. - (laughs)

- NO. - YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME MOTHER?

- OH JANET, I'M SO SORRY. - JACK, CUT IT...

CUT IT OUT. LOOK... WHO DID YOU GO OUT WITH LAST NIGHT?

NAOMI.

AND THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT?

- KATHY, BUT WHAT DOES THAT... - BEFORE THAT IT WAS CINDY, AND SAMANTHA.

YOU'VE BEEN OUT WITH FOUR DIFFERENT WOMEN IN SEVEN DAYS.

- DOESN'T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING? - YEAH, IT'S BEEN A SLOW WEEK.

(laughs) JACK.

- COME ON. - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

I'M JUST... MY SISTER IS VERY YOUNG

AND VULNERABLE.

- AND YOU, YOU'RE... - AND I'M JACK THE RIPPER?

- NO, JACK, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT. - I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME, I WON'T ASK HER OUT

- I WON'T EVEN GO NEAR HER, OKAY? - OH NO, JACK, WAIT.

OH GOSH, EVERYTHING I SAID CAME OUT ALL WRONG.

- YOU KNOW... - IT'S JUST SHE'S MY YOUNGER SISTER

- SO I WORRY. NOW YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. - YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

TAKE HER OUT, JACK. I WANT HER TO HAVE A REALLY GOOD TIME

WHILE SHE'S HERE. TAKE HER OUT.

MOI, THE AX MURDERER, TAKING OUT YOUR SISTER?

- OH JACK, PLEASE. - OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

- THANK YOU, JACK. - AS A FAVOR.

- MMM... YOU'RE A DOLL. - OOH, HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

AFTER I BRING THE KID BACK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE YOU OUT.

I MEAN YOU MAY BE A LITTLE OVER THE HILL,

BUT YOU GOT A LOT OF LIFE LEFT IN YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

JANET, YOU WANT TO LET GO OF THE NOSE?

OKAY, CHRISSY, WHERE CAN THEY BE? WHAT COULD THEY BE DOING?

DON'T WORRY, JACK WILL THINK OF SOMETHING.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING, CHRISSY.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT ANYWAY.

- IT'S ONLY 10:00. - ONLY 10:00?

CHRISSY, THEY LEFT HERE AT 3:00.

DO KNOW HOW MANY HOURS THAT MEANS THEY'VE BEEN GONE?

THREE FROM 10 IS...

SEVEN. HEY, SEVEN'S A LUCKY NUMBER.

IT BETTER NOT BE FOR JACK.

- (Jack and Jenny laugh) - (Janet snickers)

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HOME SO EARLY?

LISTEN, DO WE HAVE ANY MORE ANTIHISTAMINES?

YOU KNOW, I FEEL A COLD COMING ON.

IN THE BATHROOM, BUT BE CAREFUL, THEY MAKE YOU VERY DROWSY.

THAT'S OKAY, CHRISSY, I'M GOING RIGHT TO SLEEP.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY STILL MAKE YOU VERY DROWSY.

WELL, I BETTER TAKE A COUPLE.

SO... WHAT DID YOU TWO CRAZY KIDS DO?

JACK BORROWED LARRY'S CAR AND WE WENT FOR A DRIVE.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. HOW FAR DID YOU GO?

- JUST UP THE COAST. - HOW FAR DID JACK GO?

I MEAN MALIBU OR ZUMA...

WE DROVE FOR ABOUT 25 MINUTES.

THEN WE STOPPED OFF AT THE BLUE CORRAL FOR A HAMBURGER.

- THEN WE DECIDED... - OH, NOW JENNY, COME ON,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ACCOUNTING FOR EVERY SINGLE SECOND.

WHAT DID YOU DO NEXT?

HEY, YOU GIRLS WANT TO WATCH ME GET UNDRESSED?

- WHAT? - IF YOU DON'T, YOU BETTER GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM,

- BECAUSE ON THE COUNT OF THREE IT'S COMING OFF. - NOW JACK...

- ONE, TWO, TWO AND A HALF, - NO, JENNY...

- HERE'S THE BIG THREE. - COME ON, CLOSE YOUR DOOR.

I'M NAKED!

(chuckles)

(yawns)

STANLEY, HOW COME EVERY TIMETIME YOU GET INSOMNIA,

I GET TO STAY AWAKE?

I'M SORRY, HELEN, I JUST THOUGHT THAT READING WOULD HELP ME FALL ASLEEP,

BUT THIS BOOK IS TOO INTERESTING.

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE THAT'S BORING?

YES AND I WISH IT WOULD TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AND GO TO SLEEP.

THANKS A LOT. I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN ALMOST A WEEK

AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS MAKE WISECRACKS.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, STANLEY, TURN OVER.

- WHAT? - TURN OVER.

COME ON.

THERE, NOW THAT'S IT.

THAT'LL MAKE YOU RELAX.

HOW IS IT, STANLEY?

IT'S FINE, BUT YOU STARTED TALKING AND YOU WOKE ME UP.

OH GEE, I'M SORRY, I WON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD.

- THERE NOW... - AH, YOU DID IT AGAIN.

I'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT NOW.

SAY STANLEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

YOU KNOW I WAS READING IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING

ABOUT HOW PEOPLE

WHO HAVE A NORMAL ACTIVE LOVE LIFE

ARE HAPPIER, THEY LIVE LONGER,

THEY'RE MORE RELAXED AND MORE CONTENTED.

WELL NATURALLY, PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE RELAXED

ARE ABLE TO SLEEP BETTER.

SO, ANYWAY, STANLEY, HERE'S MY PLAN.

MOMMY.

(exhales)

(whispering) JACK, YOU IN THERE?

JACK?

(yawning)

JENNY, JENNY. (screams)

- JACK! - (Jack grunts)

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU'RE SEEING.

JACK,

AFTER YOU PROMISED ME. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS DESPICABLE.

JANET, OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS IS A MISTAKE HERE.

IT SURE IS, BUSTER. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE IT!

- WAIT, WAIT. - WHAT IS GOING ON?

- WHAT'S GOING ON? - TAKE A NUMBER.

I FOUND THEM IN BED TOGETHER.

JANET, I GOT UP FOR A DRINK.

I WAS HALF ASLEEP AND I MUST HAVE COME IN HERE BY ACCIDENT.

DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?

THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD I WANTED WAS GO TO BED WITH YOUR SISTER.

- WHAT? - WELL, NO, NO...

- YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE. - ANIMAL.

- WHAT? - THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. HE'S AN ANIMAL!

I'M A PUSSY-CAT, MEOW.

I CAME IN HERE, AND WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

I SAW YOU TWO SLEEPING TOGETHER.

- OF COURSE WE WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER. - (screams)

THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER.

JACK, - WERE YOU IN THIS ROOM? - YES.

- WAS MY SISTER SLEEPING IN THIS BED? - YES.

- WERE YOU SLEEPING IN THIS BED? - YES.

THEN YOU WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER!

JANET, YOU'D MAKE A GREAT PERRY MASON.

- CHRISSY... - JANET, JANET.

- I WANT TO EXPLAIN. - I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT, JACK, I DON'T CARE.

I WANT YOU TO GET DRESSED AND I WANT YOU TO PACK YOUR THINGS,

AND I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY!

- JANET, JANET, ARE YOU SERIOUS? - YES.

- JA... - (door slams)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

JANET!

JANET! ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS. IT'S USUALLY PRETTY QUIET AROUND HERE AT NIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE SLEPT ON THE SOFA. THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

OF COURSE IT WOULD. JACK WAS ALREADY SLEEPING THERE.

JANET, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. OPEN UP.

- WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? - NOW LOOK HERE, JANET.

- JACK, GOODBYE. - JA...

THIS IS CRAZY. I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE MAD AROUND HERE.

- TELL HER THAT. - SHE WON'T LISTEN TO ME.

SHE BETTER LISTEN TO ME. I'M JANET'S SISTER, NOT HER DAUGHTER.

AND IT'S TIME SHE STOPPED TREATING ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD.

- JANET, COME ON, IT'S ME! - WHAT IS IT, JENNY?

- DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE? - (gasps)

WELL...

I WONDER WHAT SHE MEANT BY THAT?

CHRISSY, YOU'RE HER BEST FRIEND, YOU TALK TO HER.

- YOU TELL HER. - OKAY.

- TELL HER WHAT? - TELL HER THAT NOTHING HAPPENED.

THERE WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD REASON WHY I WAS IN BED WITH JENNY.

YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TELL HER THAT?

CHRISSY, I WANDERED INTO MY BEDROOM

THROUGH FORCE OF HABIT.

OH... - JANET. - YES, CHRISSY?

THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD REASON WHY JACK WAS IN BED WITH YOUR SISTER.

- OH, REALLY? - YEAH, IT WAS JUST A FORCE OF HABIT.

- I DON'T THINK SHE BOUGHT IT. - NO.

THANKS ANYWAY, CHRISSY.

YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE VERY STUBBORN.

AND THOSE STUBBORN PEOPLE KNOW VERY WELL WHO THEY ARE.

DON'T THEY, JANET?

OKAY, OKAY, JACK,

NOBODY IS GOING TO SAY THAT I AM UNFAIR.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT WENT ON IN THAT BEDROOM.

AND I JUST WANT THE TRUTH.

OKAY, NOW HERE'S THE TRUTH... LIAR!

MAYBE YOU'LL BELIEVE YOUR OWN SISTER.

TELL HER, JENNY. YOU OWN SISTER WON'T LIE. GO AHEAD.

- OKAY, LET'S HAVE IT. - HOLD IT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE TALKED TO IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

NEVER MIND THE TONE. JUST TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED.

ALL MY LIFE YOU'VE BEEN TREATING ME LIKE I WAS A KID.

- HOW I TOOK THE ANTIHISTAMINE. - THAT WAS OKAY WHEN I WAS A KID,

- I WAS SO GROGGY... - BUT I AM NOT A KID ANYMORE.

- AND THE SLEEPWALKING. - I AM A GROWN UP

- WITH A MIND OF MY OWN. - STICK TO THE FACTS... JUST THE FACTS.

- YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH? - YEAH, THE TRUTH. LAY IT ON HER.

- MAYBE SOMETHING DID HAPPEN. - Jack and Janet: WHAT?

MAYBE IT DIDN'T. THE IMPORTANT THING IS

THAT'S MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS.

(silent)

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE YOUR OWN SISTER, ARE YOU?

- (doorbell rings) - I'LL GET IT.

HOLD IT. WAS THAT THE DOORBELL?

WAIT A MINUTE. IT MUST BE 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

WHAT KIND OF CREEP WOULD WANDER AROUND

RINGING DOORBELLS AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING?

- Mr. Roper: IT'S MR. ROPER. - THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION.

I JUST CAME UP TO TELL YOU IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK IT IS 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

(door banging)

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

ONE THING I DON'T LIKE IS TO BE AWAKENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

I WAS ENJOYING THE FIRST GOOD NIGHT SLEEP I HAD IN A WEEK,

AND SUDDENLY I HEAR A DOOR SLAM...

THEN ANOTHER, THEN ANOTHER.

SLAM... SLAM... BANG.

- OKAY, OKAY. - SLAM, BANG, SLAM,

- ALL RIGHT, STANLEY, ALL RIGHT. - SLAM, SLAM, BANG.

THEY GET THE PICTURE.

SLAM.

- I'M SORRY, MR. ROPER, IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. - IT WAS MINE TOO.

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I HADN'T BEEN HERE.

THAT'S OKAY, JENNY, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS.

WOULD YOU STOP TREATING ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD!

- WHO WAS THAT? - THAT WAS MY SISTER.

OKAY, STANLEY, NOW YOU KNOW WHERE THE NOISE WAS COMING FROM.

- CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO BED? - WAIT, WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

- WHAT IS SHE DOING IN JACK'S ROOM? - VISITING.

(snickers)

WHAT NUMBER DO I CALL TO GET A CAB?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, JENNY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYING HERE.

I WAS UNTIL MY DEAR BIG SISTER ACCUSED ME OF SLEEPING WITH JACK!

Janet: JENNY...

OKAY, NOW HANG ON A SECOND, MR. ROPER.

SEE, I CAN EXPLAIN.

NOTHING HAPPENED, BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME.

- I BELIEVE YOU. - YOU SEE.

(silent)

AFTER ALL, WHAT COULD HAPPEN?

COME ON, HELEN, LET'S GO TO BED.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, KIDS.

AND BELIEVE ME, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN DOWN THERE EITHER.

HEY, JANET,

YOU KNOW... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- WHY DON'T YOU TRY GOODBYE, JACK? - I'M CALLING A CAB.

A CAB? WAIT A MINUTE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

I CAN'T LET YOU GO OUT AT THIS HOUR.

JANET, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

- CHRISSY, PLEASE, NOT NOW. - IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

CHRISSY, LOOK... CHRISSY!

PROMISE ME YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL I GET BACK...

- CHRISSY, WHAT? - WITH THE PHONE.

OKAY, CHRISSY, WHAT IS IT?

- I HAVE A STORY TO TELL YOU. - PLEASE, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN STORIES NOW,

I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN WHAT WENT ON IN JACK'S ROOM.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT.

OKAY, HURRY UP.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL

WE USED TO GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY TO HEAR MY FATHER PREACH.

SO ONE SUNDAY MY FATHER CAME TO ME AND HE SAID

"CHRISSY, WERE YOU SLEEPING DURING MY SERMON?"

AND I SAID "YES, FATHER I WAS."

SO?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I WASN'T SLEEPING.

(laughs, snorts)

SO YOU TOLD YOUR FATHER YOU WERE?

BOY, DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?

THAT WOULD HELP.

- B-O-Y. - WHAT?

I WAS THINKING OF A BOY.

I COULDN'T TELL MY FATHER I WAS THINKING OF A BOY DURING HIS SERMON.

CHRISSY, PLEASE, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO

WITH WHAT WENT ON IN JACK'S BEDROOM?

WEREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?

JUST BECAUSE MY EYES WERE CLOSED

DIDN'T MEAN I WAS SLEEPING.

AND JUST BECAUSE YOU EYES WERE OPEN DIDN'T MEAN YOU WERE SEEING WHAT YOU SAW.

I MEAN SOMETIMES SEEING IS SHUTTING YOUR EYES TO WHAT YOU SAW.

SEE?

- CHRISSY, LISTEN... - LOOK...

SUPPOSE YOU CAME HOME... JUST SUPPOSE...

- AND YOU FOUND JACK AND ME IN BED TOGETHER. - YEAH.

AND I SAID THAT NOTHING WAS GOING ON.

- WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME? - OF COURSE.

THEN WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE YOUR OWN SISTER?

CHRISSY... (groans)

- JENNY... - YEAH?

I'M ASHAMED OF MYSELF.

I HOPE YOU AND JACK WILL FORGIVE ME.

- OH, JANET. - OH, JENNY, I'M SO SORRY.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

JACK... FRIENDS?

- YES. - YEAH.

- HEY. - OH JACK, I'M SO SORRY.

- I'M SO SORRY. - OH...

CHRISSY, I'M SO SORRY.

- WHAT FOR? - WHO CARES? I JUST LOVE THIS KIND OF APOLOGIES.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I'M GOING TO BED.

- OH, YEAH, ME TOO. - YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY.

- Janet: GOOD NIGHT, JENNY. - (Jack groans)

I'M SO EXHAUSTED.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.