Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

OH, HI, STANLEY.

DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME BOWLING?

NEVER MIND, STANLEY. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO ENJOY YOURSELF.

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU LOSE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I LOST?

'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS LOSE.

WELL, THIS TIME I WON, HELEN, I WON.

THEN WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?

BECAUSE THAT JERRY GORDON IS A CHEAP CREEP.

- I AGREE. - HE KNOWS THE LOSER'S SUPPOSE TO BUY THE BEER.

I WON AND HE DIDN'T BUY ANY BEER.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE JERRY ALL RIGHT.

HE SAID HE COULDN'T HANG AROUND. HE SAID HE HAD A DATE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

EVEN A SLOB LIKE JERRY CAN GET LUCKY SOMETIME.

HE DIDN'T HAVE A DATE. HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BUY THE BEER.

HE'S NOTHING BUT A CHEAP CREEP. I HATE HIM!

THEN WHY DO YOU HANG AROUND WITH HIM?

BECAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

LOOK, STANLEY, IF YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT THIS,

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A TALK WITH JERRY

AND TRY TO STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT?

HOW CAN I HAVE A TALK WITH HIM

WHEN I'M NOT TALKING TO HIM?

I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO.

I'D RATHER BE ANGRY.

- ♪ SHINE ON, SHINE ON HARVEST MOON... ♪ - JACK.

- I CAN'T HEAR. - OH, SORRY.

(screaming) ♪ SHINE ON, SHINE ON, HAR... ♪

- JACK! - OKAY, OKAY.

I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOUR FINGERS, BUT I NEED MY RACKET.

- TAKE IT, IT NEEDS TUNING ANYWAY. - OH, JACK.

YEAH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE.

(sighs)

HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

- THAT WAS DAVID. - MM-HUH.

HE WAS SUDDENLY CALLED OUT OF TOWN. SO I DON'T HAVE A DATE FOR THIS WEEKEND.

OH CHRISSY... HEY, DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL BOB GREEN?

- NO. - WHY NOT? HE'S DYING TO GO OUT WITH YOU.

HE NEVER LOOKS ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE.

WELL, MAYBE THE GUY IS SHY.

THEN WHY IS HE ALWAYS LOOKING EVERYWHERE ELSE?

I'M AWFUL SORRY AND I WOULD LOVE TO HELP,

BUT I GOTTA GET GOING. I HAVE A TENNIS LESSON

WITH A VERY HANDSOME SEXY TENNIS PRO.

JANET, TRY NOT TO JUMP OVER THE NET UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER.

OH, YOU. BYE-BYE.

- BYE-BYE. - BYE.

(sighing)

COME ON, CHRISSY, CHEER UP.

HEY, I'LL BE YOUR DATE TONIGHT. WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

- JACK TRIPPER, YOU HAVE NERVE. - WHAT'S WRONG?

DO I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF GIRL YOU CAN ASK OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE?

WELL, NO, BUT I JUST THOUGHT...

BESIDES, I DON'T THINK A GIRL OUGHT TO DATE THE MAN SHE LIVES WITH.

CHRISSY, WAIT A MINUTE, WE DON'T LIVE TOGETHER.

WE JUST... LIVE TOGETHER.

IT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT,

DATING SOMEONE I SEE WALKING AROUND IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

(gasps) CHRISSY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I MEAN WE SEE EACH OTHER EVERY DAY.

GOING OUT WITH YOU WOULDN'T BE LIKE A DATE.

CHRISSY, BELIEVE ME, WHEN I GO OUT ON A DATE,

I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.

- REALLY? - YEAH, SIT DOWN. I'LL SHOW YOU.

SEE, CHRISSY, WHEN I GO OUT, THE FIRST THING I DO

IS ORDER THE BEST WINE IN THE HOUSE.

- BUT JACK, YOU CAN'T AFFORD THAT. - YES, I CAN.

THE BEST WINE IN THIS HOUSE. IT'S ONLY 98¢

HERE YOU GO, CHRISSY.

I'M TELLING YOU, WHEN YOU DATE JACK TRIPPER YOU GO FIRST CLASS.

- TAKE YOUR GLASS. A TOAST. - OKAY.

HERE'S TO JACK AND HERE'S TO CHRISSY.

LET'S GET STARTED WITH A LITTLE KISSY.

HOLD IT.

IF YOU THINK I'M THAT KIND OF DATE, YOU CAN GO HOME RIGHT NOW.

- I LIVE HERE. - THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

OKAY, OKAY, HOW ABOUT LET'S START THE DATE ALL OVER AGAIN, OKAY?

OKAY, BUT ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO ACT LIKE A GENTLEMAN.

I PROMISE.

CHRISSY, I AM REQUESTING THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE

FOR LUNCHEON AT LE REGAL BEAGLE.

THE REGAL BEAGLE?

YOU GOT IT.

I'D LOVE TO.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CHRISSY, YOU ARE THE PERFECT DATE.

- WHY? - BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

I KNOW YOU'LL BE COMING BACK TO MY PLACE.

OH...

ARE YOU JUST GONNA SIT THERE BY THE PHONE

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

NO, JUST TILL JERRY GORDON CALLS AND APOLOGIZES.

YOU KNOW THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

I MEAN JUST... JUST... JUST... DOING NOTHING,

NOT EVEN MOVING.

I'M USED TO THAT AT NIGHT, BUT IN THE DAYTIME TOO?

WE'VE BEEN BOWLING TOGETHER FOR 11 YEARS. HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

STANLEY, YOU'RE LETTING THAT STUPID JERK GET TO YOU.

- YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF ANYMORE. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THIS MORNING YOU PUT THE CAP BACK ON THE TOOTHPASTE.

YOU HUNG UP YOUR ROBE. YOU EVEN CHANGED YOUR SOCKS.

ANGER MAKES A MAN DO CRAZY THINGS.

LOOK, STANLEY, HE'S YOUR FRIEND.

NOW WHY DON'T YOU STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD

AND GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL THE BUM?

NEVER. HE'S GOING TO COME CRAWLING BACK ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES.

- YOU'LL SEE. - WOULD IT BE EASIER FOR YOU IF I CALLED HIM?

- NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT! - IT'S NOT A TOLL CALL.

I DON'T WANT YOU CALLING HIM.

I FORBID YOU TO EVEN TALK TO HIM.

- DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? - ALL RIGHT!

STANLEY, DON'T GET EXCITED!

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THAT.

OH REALLY...

WELL, THIS IS JUST SILLY, JERRY.

I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

I WAS HOPING TO GET TOGETHER WITH YOU LAST NIGHT.

SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S ON THE MAKE FOR MR. ROPER AGAIN.

YOU CAN'T TURN ME DOWN, JERRY.

JERRY?

AND HERE ALL THE TIME, WE'VE BEEN CALLING MR. ROPER STANLEY.

HIS NAME IS STANLEY.

LOOK, JERRY, I AM DESPERATE.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE STANLEY ANYMORE.

NOW I'VE GOT TO SEE YOU THIS AFTERNOON.

I'LL COME TO YOUR APARTMENT.

OH, THEN WE'LL HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER PLACE TO MEET.

OH, HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA WHERE WE CAN MEET.

I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.

HI, KIDS.

- OH, MRS. ROPER. - LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HI, MRS. ROPER. WE DIDN'T SEE YOU HERE, DID WE, CHRISSY?

NO, WE DIDN'T EVEN HEAR YOU ON THE PHONE.

LOOK, I... I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF I COULD USE YOUR APARTMENT FOR A LITTLE WHILE THIS AFTERNOON.

(laughs) WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT.

- ISN'T IT, CHRISSY? - IF YOU SAY SO.

THANKS, KIDS. GEE, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

OH, DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU?

AND DON'T MENTION THIS TO STANLEY

WHATEVER YOU DO.

IF HE EVER FOUND IT, HE'D NEVER FORGIVE ME.

THANKS.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

YEAH, IT'S JUST LIKE "THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS."

(doorbell rings)

HELLO, HELEN.

COME ON IN. DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

(sighs)

I PARKED AROUND THE CORNER SO STANLEY WON'T RECOGNIZE MY CAR.

GOOD THINKING, JERRY.

IT ISN'T EVERYONE WHO DRIVES A 1947 NASH.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL SIT DOWN AND MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS SURPRISED WHEN YOU CALLED ME.

I ALWAYS HAD THE FEELING YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME.

WELL, WHATEVER GAVE YOU AN IDEA LIKE THAT?

LIKE THE TIME YOU HAD THE NEW YEARS EVE PARTY,

AND YOU INVITED EVERYONE, BUT ME.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DID IT MAKE? YOU SHOWED UP ANYWAY.

ARE YOU SURE IT'S SAFE HERE?

COME ON, IT ISN'T THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN UP IN THIS APARTMENT.

IT ISN'T?

IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I HAVE A DRINK?

HELP YOURSELF.

LOOK, JERRY, I KNOW THIS ISN'T EASY FOR YOU,

I MEAN BEING STANLEY'S BEST FRIEND AND ALL.

BUT... I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW

THAT I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE THIS APARTMENT UNTIL YOU GIVE IN.

HUH?

WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME,

SO LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS, ALL RIGHT?

I'M SORRY WE EVER TOLD MRS. ROPER SHE COULD USE OUR APARTMENT.

COME ON, CHRISSY, I HAD NO CHOICE.

YOU KNOW? I MEAN WHAT WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO?

TELL HER NO, YOU CANNOT USE OUR APARTMENT FOR AN ILLICIT FLING.

OH... OOH... (groans)

HI... HI, MR. ROPER HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "ILLICIT FLING?"

ILLICIT FLING. WELL... (stutters)

THAT'S A NEW DISCO DANCE THAT JUST CAME OUT, "THE ILLICIT FLING."

WE'LL SHOW HIM HOW IT GOES. COME ON!

THE ILLICIT FLING. OF COURSE!

(rhythmic vocalization)

WHOOO!

Both: THE ILLICIT FLING!

GREAT DANCE, HUH?

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHICH ONE OF YOU LEADS?

HAVE YOU SEEN HELEN?

WHICH HELEN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHICH HELEN?

WELL, MR. ROPER, THERE ARE LOTS OF HELENS. THERE'S HELEN REDDY,

HELEN HAYES, HELEN OF TROY.

MY WIFE, HELEN OF SANTA MONICA.

NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT HELEN.

- HAVE YOU SEEN THAT HELEN, CHRISSY? - WHICH HELEN?

SHE'S PROBABLY OUT SHOPPING OR SOMETHING.

YEAH, PROBABLY OUT SHOPPING OR SOMETHING.

- BY THE WAY, I'M GOING TO FIX THAT OVEN OF YOURS. - NOW?

- I PROBABLY WON'T GET TO IT UNTIL TOMORROW. - TOMORROW WILL BE FINE.

GOOD THING HE DIDN'T GO TO FIX THE OVEN NOW.

WOULDN'T IT BE TERRIBLE IF HE CAUGHT MRS. ROPER WITH JERRY?

YEAH. I HATE THE IDEA OF SCRAPING A STRANGER OFF OF OUR WALLS!

I KNEW I WAS GOING TO FIND YOU GUYS HERE.

- YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED. - JANET...

I HAVE A DATE FOR TONIGHT.

YOU DO? WITH THE TENNIS INSTRUCTOR?

YEAH. HIS NAME IF JEFFREY. TODAY WE PLAYED ON HIS COURT, TONIGHT WE'LL PLAY ON MINE!

IT'S A GOOD THING I RAN INTO MR. ROPER.

- I TALKED HIM INTO GOING UP TO FIX THE OVEN. - WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT...

- YOU SENT HIM TO OUR APARTMENT? - YEAH.

- RIGHT NOW? - YEAH.

I'VE INVITED JEFFREY OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

JACK, WILL YOU BE A DARLING AND COOK IT FOR ME?

- YOU DON'T NEED ME. - WHY NOT?

'CAUSE THERE'S PLENTY COOKING UP THERE ALREADY!

WELL, I'M SO GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND, JERRY,

BECAUSE STANLEY IS SO STUBBORN

AND SO SENSITIVE.

WELL, IF YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE,

THEN MAYBE YOU CAN PATCH THINGS UP AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

- I'LL CALL HIM TONIGHT. - GOOD!

AND NOW...

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY YOU REALLY INVITED ME UP HERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

COME ON, HELEN!

A VIRILE, MACHO BACHELOR...

ALONE WITH A DESIRABLE,

LOVE-STARVED LANDLADY!

WE BOTH KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

IT MEANS YOU CAN'T HANDLE CHEAP WINE.

PLEASE, DON'T DIM THIS MAGIC MOMENT.

MAGIC MOM...

I KNOW YOUR LITTLE GAME, HELEN.

YOU LIKE TO AROUSE THE ANIMAL IN A MAN AND THEN PLAY HARD TO GET.

WELL, TODAY YOU MET YOUR MATCH!

JERRY!

I CAN TELL YOU WANT ME AS MUCH AS I WANT YOU!

YOU'RE AFLAME WITH PASSION!

I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR VERY NOSTRILS,

IN YOUR BURNING EYES!

THAT ISN'T PASSION, THAT'S SMOG!

DON'T TOY WITH ME, HELEN.

I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU!

I WISH YOU COULD, 'CAUSE YOU'RE SPILLING WINE ALL OVER THE TABLE.

SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME?

LISTEN, JERRY. THE MINUTE I GET THIS WINE CLEANED UP,

I'LL GET RIGHT OUT OF HERE, AND SO ARE YOU!

YOU ARE SO WOMANLY

WHEN YOU'RE DOING WOMAN'S WORK!

OH MY GOD!

HELEN, YOU SET MY BRAIN ON FIRE!

WELL, MAYBE THIS WILL PUT IT OUT!

(grunts) LET ME GO!

IT'S NO GOOD TO FIGHT IT, HELEN!

IF IT WERE ANY GOOD, I WOULDN'T FIGHT IT!

OH MY GOD, I THINK HE SWALLOWED MY EARRING!

Stanley: ♪ SHE'LL BE COMING ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES ♪

- ♪ SHE'LL BE COMING ROUND... ♪ - IT'S STANLEY!

- HE'S COMING IN! - WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

HERE, GET IN THE BATHROOM, QUICK!

HELEN!

- (deep sigh) - WHEW!

THAT WAS CLOSE!

IT'S SO HUMILIATING TO BE CAUGHT

AT SOMETHING YOU WEREN'T DOING.

I'M SO NERVOUS!

COME ON, GO SIT DOWN

- AND PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. - (toilet flushes)

MR. ROPER!

OH, MR. ROPER, IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU ALL ALONE.

BEHAVE YOURSELF, JACK.

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU LEFT THE WINE OUT,

- SO I JUST HELPED MYSELF. - OH, THAT'S OKAY, MR. ROPER.

FIXING OVENS IS VERY THIRSTY WORK.

IT'S THE GAS.

MR. ROPER, YOU'VE ALREADY FIXED THE OVEN?

NO, SEE, I TRIED TO QUENCH MY THIRST BEFORE I GOT THIRSTY.

OTHERWISE YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL YOU'RE HALFWAY THROUGH BEFORE YOU TAKE A DRINK.

- THAT'S VERY CLEVER. - WHAT'S HE DOING?

HIM? HE'S CHECKING THE FURNITURE.

HE LIKES TO DO THAT WHENEVER WE'VE BEEN OUT.

IT'S SO OLD, YOU NEVER KNOW

WHEN A PIECE MIGHT HAVE DIED.

(nervous chuckle) GIRLS!

SOMETHING'S JUST COME UP.

MAY I SPEAK TO YOU A MOMENT IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM?

- THE BATHROOM? - YEAH, WE ALWAYS HOLD OUR MEETINGS IN THERE.

THE ACOUSTICS ARE GREAT!

AND THERE'S LOTS OF PAPER FOR NOTES!

- SEE, WHAT SHE MEANS... - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

WHO IS THIS?

(whispering) THIS IS CHRISSY, JANET AND JACK.

WHO ARE THEY HIDING FROM?

THEY LIVE HERE!

THIS IS...

- THIS IS JERRY GORDON. - PLEASED TO MEET YOU...

DON'T GET UP.

I'M JANET, AND THIS IS JACK,

- AND OVER HERE IS CHRISSY. - HELLO. MY PLEASURE.

LOOK, I WANT YOU KIDS TO KNOW

THAT THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

MRS. ROPER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

SHE DOES TOO HAVE TO EXPLAIN!

PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR HUSBAND'S PLACE.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU CAME HOME

AND YOU FOUND MR. ROPER HIDING IN THE BATHROOM WITH JERRY?

JERRY IS STANLEY'S BEST FRIEND.

THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

CHRISSY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

JERRY AND STANLEY HAD AN ARGUMENT,

AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO PATCH THINGS UP BETWEEN THEM.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU MEAN, YOU AND HE AREN'T HAVING A...

BE SERIOUS, JACK!

IF I'VE GONE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT CHEATING ON STANLEY,

WOULD I START WITH THIS?

WHAT'LL STANLEY DO IF HE FINDS ME HERE?

- I'VE GOT AN IDEA. - WHAT, JACK?

MRS. ROPER,

I WILL GET MR. ROPER INTO THE BEDROOM WHILE YOU TWO SLIP OUT.

TAKE IT FROM ME, JACK,

IT ISN'T EASY TO GET STANLEY INTO THE BEDROOM.

JUST LEAVE IT TO ME, AND DON'T MAKE A SOUND.

DON'T MOVE, DON'T EVEN BREATHE.

- (screaming) - (toilet flushes)

I'M SCARED STANLEY WILL COME IN AND SEE ME.

GO HIDE IN THE BATHTUB.

GOOD IDEA.

- WHAT'S THAT? - THAT?

OH, JANET AND CHRISSY WERE TAKING A SHOWER.

- TOGETHER? - HUH?

THEY ALWAYS TAKE SHOWERS TOGETHER... WATER SHORTAGE, YOU KNOW?

THE WATER SHORTAGE IS OVER.

WELL, THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO CARE, LIKE JANET AND CHRISSY!

ANOTHER THING, MR. ROPER.

WE'RE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE CLOSET DOOR

IN THE GIRLS' BEDROOM. WOULD YOU TAKE A LOOK AT IT?

- A LANDLORD'S WORK IS NEVER DONE. - TAKE A MINUTE, OKAY?

DO YOU MIND? PEOPLE MIGHT TALK.

OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR.

Stanley: JACK!

YES, MR. ROPER?

- WOULD YOU GET MY TOOLS? - TOOLS!

RIGHT, TOOLS!

HERE'S TOOLS. TOOLS ARE...

- HERE ARE YOUR TOOLS. - I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE CLOSET.

- IT'S GOT THE SAME PROBLEM YOU HAVE. - WHAT'S THAT?

A SCREW'S LOOSE!

- LISTEN, I... - I HATE LONG GOOD-BYES.

HELEN!

- OH, JACK! - OH, HI!

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? - OH WELL, I...

- (Jerry screams) - (loud crash)

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS THAT? I DIDN'T HEAR ANYBODY SCREAM.

DID YOU HEAR ANYBODY SCREAM, JANET? NO SCREAMS HERE, UH-UH!

WHAT A SCREWED-UP PLACE TO PUT A TRASH CAN!

OH, IT'S YOU.

WHY, JERRY GORDON!

WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING HERE.

- YOU DO? - SURE.

I TOLD YOU HE'D COME CRAWLING BACK ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES!

SO YOU'VE FINALLY DECIDED THAT YOU'RE A REAL CHEAP CREEP, RIGHT?

HUH?!

OH... YEAH, UH... RIGHT!

AND YOU CAME BACK TO TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY, RIGHT?

EH... RIGHT.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BUY ME THAT BEER TONIGHT, RIGHT?

WHATEVER YOU SAY, STANLEY.

I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION.

HOW COME YOU'RE ALL WET? IT'S NOT RAINING OUTSIDE.

HE MUST HAVE GOT CAUGHT IN AN UNEXPECTED SHOWER.

COME ON, LET'S GO HAVE THAT BEER.

OH, MRS. ROPER! (laughs)

OH THAT WAS... YOU HANDLED IT SO WELL!

- YEAH, YOU WERE GREAT! - YOU WERE SO CALM AND COLLECTED.

OH IT WAS NOTHING.

MRS. ROPER! MRS. ROPER!

GEE, WHAT'S THE MATTER, JACK?

COULDN'T YOU GET A DATE AGAIN TONIGHT?

WHO, ME? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

- I COULD DATE ANY GIRL I WANTED TO. - OKAY.

THEN LET'S SEE YOU GET A DATE WITH EILEEN PALMER.

SEEMS TO ME SHE TURNED YOU DOWN LAST WEEK.

SHE DID NOT TURN ME DOWN.

OH?

- THEN WHY DON'T GIVE HER A CALL? - OKAY. I WILL.

NO GIRL TURNS DOWN A TRIPPER.

LET'S SEE... EILEEN PALMER.

OKAY.

UH... JUST CALL HER RIGHT NOW.

UH, SEE...

HELLO, EILEEN?

THIS IS JACK TRIPPER.

I HOPE I HAVEN'T CALLED YOU TOO LATE.

NO? I CAN CALL YOU ANYTIME AT ALL?

WELL, AREN'T YOU A SWEETIE PIE?

- LISTEN, ABOUT TONIGHT... - (phone rings)

EILEEN, YOUR OTHER PHONE IS RINGING!

UH...

Ritter: "THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.