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1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,403
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,523
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
3
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,625
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
4
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,627
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
5
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,296
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,931
♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪
7
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,201
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
8
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,203
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
9
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,205
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
10
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:31,041
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
11
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:34,144
♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪
12
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,047
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
13
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,916
♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪
14
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:43,353
♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪
15
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,456
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
16
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,147
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
17
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,448
♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
18
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,204
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪
19
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,621
(phone rings)
20
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,323
I'LL GET IT!
21
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,325
- CHRISSY!
- HELL...
22
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,327
- JUST A MINUTE.
- JUST A MINUTE.
23
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,996
IF THAT IS CHUCK, TELL HIM I'VE
GONE AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND.
24
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,698
- OKAY.
- IF IT'S TIM, TELL HIM
25
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,800
I'M DOING THE LAUNDRY
AND I'LL CALL HIM LATER.
26
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,535
- ALL RIGHT.
- OH, IT COULD BE MICHAEL.
27
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,372
IF IT'S MICHAEL... LET IT BE
MICHAEL... TELL HIM I WILL TALK TO HIM.
28
00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:37,540
CHUCK, YOU'RE GOING
AWAY, TIM'S THE LAUNDRY,
29
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,776
- AND MICHAEL YOU'LL TALK TO?
- YOU GOT IT!
30
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,511
HELLO?
31
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,647
- ROY?
- ROY? I'M DEAD.
32
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,749
I AM SORRY, ROY, SHE'S DEAD.
33
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,606
CHRISSY!
34
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,121
- WHAT DID YOU DO?!
- YOU GOT ME SO CONFUSED.
35
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,291
- DO I LOOK DEAD?
- NO.
36
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,459
I'M SORRY, CHRISSY,
IT'S MY FAULT.
37
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,028
- HE'LL CALL BACK.
- YEAH, OR SEND A WREATH.
38
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,598
- (phone ringing)
- SEE? DO YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE CARE OF IT?
39
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,500
NO, I THINK YOU'VE
DONE ENOUGH ALREADY.
40
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,235
YOU SIT DOWN AND TYPE, AND
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE PHONE.
41
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,906
HELLO? OH HI, ROY!
42
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:13,910
OH THANK YOU. I'M VERY
RELIEVED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE TOO.
43
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,978
- YEAH.
- (Jack grunts)
44
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:17,880
CHRISSY, JANET,
SOMEBODY HELP ME.
45
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,883
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, JACK?
- MY PANTS GOT CAUGHT
ON THE CHAIN.
46
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,421
OKAY, OKAY, ROY. OKAY, BYE BYE.
47
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,690
OH GEE, JACK.
48
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:30,193
I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL
YOU, BUT YOUR BIKE'S GOT A LIMP.
49
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:33,363
- YOU'RE GOING
TO HELP ME OR WHAT?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?
50
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:36,321
HERE, I'LL HOLD THE BIKE
WHILE YOU TAKE OFF MY PANTS.
51
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,938
- I'M BUSY.
- SO AM I.
52
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:45,029
WHAT'S THE MATTER? HAVEN'T YOU
EVER SEEN A MAN'S BICYCLE BEFORE?
53
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,246
- JUST HELP ME.
- JUST FORGET IT. TAKE YOUR OWN PANTS OFF!
54
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,114
OW. OH!
55
00:02:52,138 --> 00:02:54,072
(screams)
56
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,556
MY PANTS AREN'T CAUGHT
ANYMORE, ARE THEY?
57
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,459
LET ME WALK IT OFF.
LET ME WALK IT OFF.
58
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,528
HOLD ME. HOLD ME TIGHT, CHRISSY.
59
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:08,364
- MASSAGE IT
A LITTLE, JANET.
- ALL RIGHT.
60
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,367
- OH BOY.
- IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THIS LEG?
61
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:13,625
NO, I JUST LOVE THE ATTENTION.
62
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,841
OH, JACK...
63
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,510
I HAVE TO GET GOING. I'VE GOT
SOME HEAVY SHOPPING TO DO.
64
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,079
- HEY, CHRISSY,
YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME?
- NO, THANKS.
65
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,449
I'VE GOT TO FINISH THIS TYPING.
I'M GETTING 75¢ A PAGE, YOU KNOW?
66
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,018
WOW, GOOD FOR YOU!
OKAY, HONEY, SEE YOU LATER.
67
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,987
- OKAY, BYE BYE.
- BYE.
68
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,989
- BYE, JANET.
- GOOD BYE, JACK.
69
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,526
DON'T TELL ME SOMEBODY FINALLY ANSWERED
THAT AD YOU PUT UP IN THE SUPERMARKET.
70
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,229
- UH-HUH, IT'S MY FIRST
FREE-LANCE JOB.
- 75¢ A PAGE?
71
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:43,165
OH CHRISSY, WE CAN FINALLY BUY
THAT LITTLE HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY
72
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:46,035
AND HAVE LOTS OF
KIDS AND PIGS. (snorting)
73
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,070
COME ON! I'VE
GOT TO FINISH THIS.
74
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,573
THE AUTHOR WANTS TO SEND IT
TO THE PUBLISHER RIGHT AWAY.
75
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:53,777
"MY DIARY, BY WANDA X."
76
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:57,281
IT'S A STRANGE NAME, ISN'T IT? I
WONDER WHAT THE "X" STANDS FOR.
77
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,884
(moans) HAVEN'T YOU READ THIS?
78
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,152
THE "X" ISN'T A
NAME, IT'S A RATING!
79
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,088
CHRISSY, THIS IS HOT STUFF.
WHAT DOES WANDA X LOOK LIKE?
80
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,758
I DON'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN
HER. SHE SENT IT TO ME IN THE MAIL.
81
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,193
OH, LISTEN, I'LL HELP YOU OUT.
82
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,930
- I'LL DICTATE
AND YOU TYPE.
- OH GREAT.
83
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:17,801
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THIS IS HOT STUFF?
- YOU'LL SEE. START TYPING.
84
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:21,638
"JANUARY 1ST. MY EYES
OPENED TO THE NEW YEAR,
85
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,206
AND I SAW JULIAN'S
SLEEPING FORM.
86
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,844
SOMETHING STIRRED WITHIN
ME, SOME DEEP PRIMITIVE LUST.
87
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,769
I REACHED OVER AND TOUCHED
JULIAN'S SHOULDER AND..."
88
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:39,522
- JACK!
- SHH!
89
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:42,659
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER SHE
TOUCHES JULIAN'S SHOULDER?
90
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,627
EVERYTHING!
91
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:47,563
- COME ON, JACK,
QUIT FOOLING AROUND!
- I'M NOT FOOLING AROUND,
92
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:51,556
BUT WANDA X DEFINITELY IS. CHECK
OUT THIS PASSAGE RIGHT HERE.
93
00:04:55,562 --> 00:05:00,732
- OH. - MMM... - OH. - (mutters)
94
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,682
- OH!
- WOO-HOO!
95
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,317
DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID
ON WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY?
96
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:11,142
YEAH, I'LL BET OLD GEORGE NEVER
EVEN DID THAT ON HIS HONEYMOON!
97
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:17,193
- SHE'S NOT A GOOD WRITER.
- YEAH, BUT SHE DOES
GREAT RESEARCH!
98
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,851
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
99
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,976
JACK, I AM NOT FINISHED.
100
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,067
I AM.
101
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:41,084
- WHY DID YOU STOP?
- I CAN'T TYPE THAT WORD.
102
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,174
THAT ONE?
103
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,047
- WHEW! THANK YOU.
- MY PLEASURE.
104
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,253
(laughs) COME...
105
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:05,174
- THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE! CHRISSY...
- JACK!
106
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,777
DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO IN ANOTHER PLACE?
107
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,179
- SURE.
- WOULD YOU PLEASE
GO DO IT?
108
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,536
OKAY! (cheers)
109
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,221
OH STANLEY, WILL YOU
TURN THAT THING OFF?
110
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,178
ALL IT DOES IS MAKE NOISE!
111
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,894
- NOT THE ONLY THING
AROUND HERE THAT DOES THAT.
- (machine stops)
112
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,663
WHAT?
113
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,699
I'M SORRY, HELEN, I GOT TO FIGURE
OUT HOW THE SHAMPOOER WORKS.
114
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,301
- JUST GO BACK
TO YOUR CLAY.
- I'D LIKE TO,
115
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,793
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SCULPT.
116
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,697
ARE YOU KIDDING?
THAT'S A GREAT LIKENESS!
117
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,378
THAT?
118
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,181
- IT'S JUST A BLOB.
- DON'T FOOL ME.
119
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,072
I'D RECOGNIZE YOUR
MOTHER ANYPLACE.
120
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,890
COME ON, STANLEY,
FORGET YOUR SHAMPOOING
121
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,926
AND COME AND POSE FOR ME, HUH?
122
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,928
ARE YOU CRAZY? THIS
MACHINE IS RENTED.
123
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:03,766
- JUST TALKING
TO YOU HAS COST ME 25¢!
- YOU'RE SO ROMANTIC!
124
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,535
LISTEN, I FIGURE IF YOU GOT
SOMETHING, YOU OUGHT TO USE IT.
125
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:09,460
RIGHT!
126
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,509
HELEN, I GOT TO GO UPSTAIRS.
127
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,678
OH COME ON, STANLEY!
128
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:18,347
SIT FOR ME. COME
ON, IT'LL BE FUN.
129
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,050
HELEN, I PROMISED THE
KIDS I'D SHAMPOO THEIR RUG.
130
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,554
THEY'VE BEEN WAITING
SIX MONTHS FOR ME.
131
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,611
I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL.
132
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,131
CHRISSY, THIS NEW WIRE
WHIP SURE MAKES BAKING EASY.
133
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,066
WILL YOU TASTE SOMETHING FOR ME?
134
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,669
IT'S A NEW CAKE BATTER.
135
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,626
YEAH, JACK.
136
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:46,442
- WELL?
- IT'S GREAT, JACK.
137
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,945
- YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
- I LOVE IT, JACK.
138
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:53,582
OH I'M GLAD, BECAUSE IT'S MADE OUT
OF DOG HAIR, ONIONS AND A SOCCER BALL.
139
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:57,654
- IT SMELLS GOOD.
- CHRISSY, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?
140
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,356
OH I'M SORRY. IT'S
JUST THIS DIARY...
141
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,792
WANDA X IS AN UNHAPPY WOMAN.
142
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,728
YOU'RE KIDDING? WANDA X
IS CERTAINLY NOT UNHAPPY.
143
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:09,165
A LITTLE TIRED MAYBE,
BUT NOT UNHAPPY.
144
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,950
YOU MEN JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND. LISTEN TO THIS.
145
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:16,806
"I REALIZE NOW THERE'S
ONLY ONE MAN I TRULY LOVE.
146
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,808
HE'S THE OLDER, DIGNIFIED MAN
147
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,044
WHO LIVES IN THE
APARTMENT BENEATH ME.
148
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:24,647
BUT HE'S MARRIED, SO MY LOVE
FOR HIM REMAINS UNFULFILLED..."
149
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,216
OH CHRISSY, WE'VE GOT TO
HELP THIS POOR CHILD SOMEHOW.
150
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,019
"WILL I EVER KNOW
THE TOUCH OF HIS LIPS
151
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,689
OR THE FEEL OF HIS
SENSUAL FINGERS
152
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,224
FINDING THEIR WAY
OVER THE YEARNING...
153
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:39,562
YEARNING... YEARNING ME?"
154
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:43,766
I BETTER GET THIS AWAY FROM HERE.
MY BATTER'S STARTING TO BUBBLE.
155
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,389
"IF ONLY...
156
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,572
IF ONLY HE COULD NOTICE ME,
157
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:53,176
JUST GIVE ME SOME SIGN TO
SHOW HE KNOWS I'M ALIVE...
158
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,246
A DAZZLING SMILE,
A KNOWING WINK...
159
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:01,350
A MEANINGFUL BRUSH
AGAINST MY SHOULDER.
160
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,786
AH, THAT WOULD SATISFY ME."
161
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,388
(laughs) OH NO, THAT
WILL NEVER SATISFY HER!
162
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:09,092
- (doorbell rings)
- IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,
ASK JULIAN!
163
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:09,622
OH JACK!
164
00:09:09,646 --> 00:09:12,083
OR NIGEL, OR WOLFGANG.
THEY'RE ALL IN THERE!
165
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,131
HI, JACK.
166
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:18,300
HAVING THE GIRLS OVER
FOR A TUPPERWARE PARTY?
167
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,669
NO, MR. ROPER, I'M JUST
BREAKING IN MY NEW WHIP.
168
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,895
HEY, NONE OF THAT
STUFF AROUND HERE.
169
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:28,077
HI, MR. ROPER.
170
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:31,147
HI, CHRISSY. I CAME UP
TO SHAMPOO YOUR CARPET.
171
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:34,405
WHY, HAS IT GOT
DANDRUFF? (snorts and laughs)
172
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:39,589
- I'LL GO GET MY EQUIPMENT.
- HEY, MR. ROPER?
173
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,591
WOULD YOU MIND DOING
IT SOME OTHER TIME?
174
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:44,293
BECAUSE I'VE GOT ALL THIS
TYPING AND EVERYTHING TO DO.
175
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,763
THE METER'S RUNNING
ON MY SHAMPOOER.
176
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,531
YOU KIDS BETTER STAY OUT
OF THE LIVING ROOM FOR AWHILE.
177
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:51,968
I GUESS I'LL EXPERIMENT
WITH ANOTHER BATTER.
178
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,937
- I GUESS I'LL GO
TAKE MY SHOWER NOW.
- THAT SOUNDS LIKE MORE FUN.
179
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,839
I'LL JOIN YOU.
180
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,563
- I GOT THINGS TO DO.
- YEAH, SO DO I.
181
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,874
I'LL BE IN HERE.
182
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,437
- OH...
- HEY, DID I LEAVE
A DISHTOWEL?
183
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,995
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
184
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,780
- EXCUSE ME.
- HMM?
185
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,884
- WOULDN'T THAT WORK BETTER
IF IT WAS PLUGGED IN?
- OH.
186
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,186
OH, OH, OH... THIS
IS JUST A TEST RUN.
187
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,455
I HAVE TO CHECK THE RUG FIRST
188
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,746
BECAUSE ALL CARPETING'S
DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW?
189
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,162
"MY DIARY."
190
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,432
CHRISSY?
191
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,804
"THE ONE MAN I TRULY LOVE..."
192
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,714
"OLDER MAN WHO LIVES IN
THE APARTMENT BENEATH ME."
193
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,123
"SENSUAL FINGERS"?
194
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,466
OH MY GOD!
195
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,455
HELEN?
196
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,790
HELEN!
197
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,792
- HI, MR. ROPER.
- HI, JANET.
198
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,794
- JANET!
- YEAH?
199
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,530
- WOULD COME
IN HERE FOR A MINUTE?
- OKAY, JUST A MINUTE.
200
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,532
- HI.
- HI.
201
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,324
- WHAT'S UP?
- UP? NOTHING'S UP.
202
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,438
I JUST WANTED TO
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
203
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,440
OKAY.
204
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,610
- DO YOU NEED
ANYTHING UPSTAIRS?
- NO, NOTHING.
205
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,945
- YOU HAVE ENOUGH
HOT WATER?
- PLENTY.
206
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,529
DOES CHRISSY GO FOR OLDER GUYS?
207
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,587
- WHAT?
- I'M SORRY.
208
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:27,356
I WORRY ABOUT YOU GIRLS
LIVING ALL ALONE IN THIS BIG CITY.
209
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,365
MR. ROPER, THAT'S
NICE OF YOU, BUT I GOT...
210
00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:30,326
ESPECIALLY CHRISSY,
211
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,551
- BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A LOT
OF GUYS AFTER HER.
- SURE, YEAH.
212
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:38,767
SO... WHAT KIND OF
GUYS DOES SHE LIKE?
213
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,769
CHRISSY?
214
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,972
SHE LIKES GUYS WHO ARE
PRETTY SHARP DRESSERS.
215
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,663
YEAH?
216
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,446
SHE LIKES A MAN
WHO IS INTELLIGENT,
217
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,670
GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
VERY GOOD-LOOKING.
218
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,352
THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.
219
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:59,922
YOU KNOW, MR. ROPER, I WILL TELL
YOU ONE THING ABOUT CHRISSY...
220
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,959
IF SHE EVER FELL FOR SOMEBODY,
HE'D BE THE ONLY THING IN HER LIFE.
221
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,227
- SHE'D REALLY
HANG ON TO HIM.
- OH BOY.
222
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:09,019
- OH YEAH, SHE WOULD
NEVER LET HIM GO.
- OH BOY.
223
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,368
NOW ME, I THINK GETTING
TIED DOWN RIGHT NOW...
224
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:15,071
THAT'S INTERESTING, WE'LL
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT SOMETIME.
225
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,506
- I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO NOW.
- YES, NICE TALKING TO YOU.
226
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,890
YOU AND I SHOULD CHAT MORE
OFTEN. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
227
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:24,268
OH BOY.
228
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,689
OH STANLEY, I
THOUGHT I HEARD YOU!
229
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,225
HEY, DID YOU COME
BACK TO POSE FOR ME?
230
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,061
NOT NOW, HELEN, I'VE GOT
BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF.
231
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:42,298
- WHAT ARE WRITING?
- AN EVICTION NOTICE.
232
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:46,168
AN EVICTION NOTICE?
WELL, FOR WHOM?
233
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:48,152
I'M THROWING OUT
THE KIDS UPSTAIRS.
234
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:52,741
THOSE NICE KIDS? WHY?
235
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:56,011
WHY? TO SAVE OUR
MARRIAGE, THAT'S WHY!
236
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,569
WHAT?
237
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:04,153
YOU MAY AS WELL
KNOW THE TRUTH, HELEN.
238
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,410
CHRISSY'S IN LOVE WITH ME.
239
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,695
HEY, STANLEY, WOULD
YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?
240
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,354
IT... IT... (laughs)
241
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,303
IT SOUNDED LIKE
"CHRISSY'S IN LOVE WITH ME."
242
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,361
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
243
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,965
(laughing)
244
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,649
WHY DO YOU THINK SHE CALLED
ME THREE TIMES LAST WEEK
245
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,641
TO FIX HER LEAKY FAUCET?
SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT ME.
246
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,660
THIS IS SERIOUS, HELEN!
247
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,604
AND SHE'S NOT JUST INTERESTED
IN ME FOR MY PLUMBING.
248
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,524
OH STANLEY.
249
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,972
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT...
250
00:14:56,996 --> 00:15:00,465
WALKING AROUND IN MY
T-SHIRT AND BERMUDA SHORTS...
251
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:05,181
I MEAN, HOW MUCH
CAN A GIRL TAKE?
252
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:09,151
COME ON, STANLEY, YOU DON'T
REALLY BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?
253
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,420
SURE. HEY, IT
HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE.
254
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,490
REMEMBER THAT WOMAN IN
206? SHE WAS NUTS ABOUT ME.
255
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,692
YOU MEAN, THAT OLD LADY
256
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:21,018
THAT THEY PUT IN A HOME SO
SHE WOULDN'T HURT HERSELF?
257
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,490
I KNOW THIS IS TRUE ABOUT
CHRISSY 'CAUSE I READ IT IN HER DIARY.
258
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,004
OH STANLEY,
259
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:32,374
YOU SHOULDN'T READ
OTHER PEOPLE'S DIARIES.
260
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,343
THEY'RE PRIVATE.
261
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:38,046
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
IT'S PRIVATE UNLESS I READ IT?
262
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,048
WHAT?
263
00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:43,707
ANYWAY, SHE SAID THAT MY SENSUAL
FINGERS DRIVE HER MAD WITH DESIRE.
264
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:50,214
(laughing) YOUR SENSUAL FINGERS?
265
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,396
OH COME ON, YOU
GOT TO BE KIDDING.
266
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:57,533
I'M NOT KIDDING! SHE'S
YEARNING FOR ME.
267
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,435
"YEARNING, YEARNING, YEARNING."
268
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,538
YOU'RE CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY!
269
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,474
- COME ON UPSTAIRS. I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
- HOW?
270
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,110
I'LL GIVE HER THE THREE
THINGS SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR...
271
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,780
THE DAZZLING SMILE,
THE KNOWING WINK,
272
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,916
AND A MEANINGFUL BRUSH
AGAINST HER SHOULDER.
273
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:18,409
AFTER THAT, I'M NOT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS.
274
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,093
THIS IS JUST TRASH.
275
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,263
I MEAN, THIS IS
ABSOLUTE GARBAGE.
276
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,998
YEAH, ISN'T IT GREAT?
277
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,767
YOU WOULD THINK THAT.
278
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:34,537
COME ON, JANET, I HAVEN'T
EXACTLY SEEN YOU PUT IT DOWN.
279
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,572
- I'M JUST CURIOUS. I AM!
- MM-HMM?
280
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,974
I AM, JACK. I DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT I'M READING HERE.
281
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,978
- OH SURE.
- I DON'T. JACK, I DON'T!
282
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,322
HEY, CHRISSY, YOU'VE
GOT A PAGE MISSING HERE.
283
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,617
- YEAH?
- YEAH, HONEY.
284
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,720
SEE, DOWN THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE,
THEY'RE GETTING VERY PASSIONATE,
285
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,956
AND THEN AT THE TOP OF THIS ONE,
THEY'RE ALREADY SMOKING A CIGARETTE.
286
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:59,461
- YOU'VE GOT THE PAGES
OUT OF ORDER.
- OH, YES.
287
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:02,731
- (grunts)
- WHEN DID THIS WOMAN
HAVE TIME TO WRITE?
288
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,533
I DON'T KNOW.
289
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,935
SO FAR, SHE'S BUSY EVERY DAY.
290
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,505
- COME ON, JANET,
LET'S GO MAKE LUNCH.
- LET'S STAY IN HERE.
291
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,308
IT'LL GIVE CHRISSY A CHANCE TO
GET A FEW PAGES AHEAD OF US AGAIN.
292
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,172
OH GOOD IDEA, I'M REALLY...
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS...
293
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,481
(doorbell rings)
294
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,105
I'LL GET IT!
295
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,877
(muffled laughter)
296
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,194
HI.
297
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,752
- HI, CHRISSY.
- CAN WE COME IN,
CHRISSY?
298
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:38,456
- OF COURSE YOU CAN.
- THANK YOU.
299
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,201
IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
300
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,108
(continued laughter)
STANLEY'S FINGERS...
301
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:06,450
HELEN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.
302
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,159
- CHRISSY...
- YES, MR. ROPER.
303
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,765
HI.
304
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,712
HI.
305
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,737
NO, NO, NO. I MEAN...
306
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,474
HI.
307
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,683
IT'S NOT A SECRET
ANYMORE, CHRISSY.
308
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,152
OH GOOD.
309
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:46,524
- WHAT ISN'T?
- YOU KNOW...
310
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,395
IS THERE SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE?
311
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:56,133
COME ON, DON'T TRY TO
PRETEND. I UNDERSTAND.
312
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:03,240
YOU UNDERSTAND? I UNDERSTAND.
313
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,458
GOOD.
314
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,827
I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
IN THE KITCHEN BURNING.
315
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,617
I'LL CHECK.
316
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:18,567
YOU'RE MAKING A FOOL
OF YOURSELF, STANLEY.
317
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,537
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY IS
SHE PLAYING SO HARD TO GET?
318
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,728
LOOK WHAT SHE'S GETTING.
319
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,545
JUST CALM DOWN.
NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
320
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,514
- THE ROPERS CAME
IN AND THEN WHAT?
- HE MADE A PASS AT ME!
321
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,282
- ROPER?
- YES!
322
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,518
- YOU'VE GOT TO BE
IMAGINING THINGS.
- I AM NOT.
323
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,254
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I
CAME IN AND DID THIS TO YOU...
324
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:42,946
HI... AND THEN I DID THIS...
325
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:46,083
AND THEN I DID THIS?
326
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,500
I'D THINK WE WERE ENGAGED.
COME HERE. JANET, WILL YOU LEAVE...
327
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,702
COME ON, PLEASE, GO
SEE IF HE'S STILL IN THERE.
328
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,504
- WHY DO I...
- PLEASE, PLEASE...
329
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,428
ALL RIGHT, OKAY, I'LL GO CHECK.
330
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,244
THERE IT IS IN THE DIARY,
EVERY WORD SPELLED OUT.
331
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,413
I SEE, I SEE.
332
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:07,757
SO I'M CRAZY, HUH? WHAT HAVE
YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW?
333
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:12,075
THIS IS DEAR, SWEET
LITTLE CHRISSY?
334
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,859
IT'S THE DIARY. THAT'S
IT! HE'S FOUND THE DIARY!
335
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,728
OH NO. AND HE SAW
CHRISSY TYPING.
336
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,864
OH GOSH, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
337
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,932
- WHAT DOES?
- DON'T YOU SEE?
338
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,836
JUST... JUST PUT TWO
AND TWO TOGETHER.
339
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,027
- FOUR!
- NO.
340
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,275
- IS IT NOT FOUR?
- NO...
341
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:35,477
- YOU TRY.
- SURE.
342
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,513
CHRISSY, CONCENTRATE.
343
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,515
ROPER THINKS IT'S YOUR DIARY,
344
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,917
AND HE THINKS HE'S THE
DIGNIFIED MAN DOWNSTAIRS.
345
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,252
- OH NO!
- YES, YES...
346
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:47,956
YOU'D BETTER GO IN THERE
AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
347
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,225
- ME? WHY ME?
- 'CAUSE!
348
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,794
- YOU'RE THE MAN.
- YEAH.
349
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,630
- YOU'RE WANDA X.
- I AM NOT!
350
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,832
- HE THINKS YOU ARE!
- WELL...
351
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,100
- JANET, GO DO IT.
- WHY?
352
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,303
- I'M NOT EVEN
IN THAT DIARY.
- NEITHER AM I!
353
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:04,606
HOW DO WE KNOW THAT?
354
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:06,608
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
355
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:09,010
WE'RE ALL GOING TO GO IN
TOGETHER. WE AGREE ON THAT?
356
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,012
WE AGREE ON THAT.
THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
357
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:13,504
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO FIRST?
358
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,088
OKAY, CHRISSY,
359
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,090
I THINK WE'D BETTER
TALK ABOUT THIS DIARY.
360
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,749
- Chrissy: SO DO I.
- WILL YOU...
361
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:32,267
- ALL RIGHT, CHRISSY...
- IT'S NOT MINE.
362
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,224
- IT'S NOT YOURS.
- NO.
363
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:40,676
JANET. JANET, I
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
364
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,545
NO, MR. ROPER, IT'S
NOT MY DIARY EITHER.
365
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,903
- IT'S NOT YOURS?
- NO.
366
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:52,342
THEN WHOSE IS IT?
367
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:05,266
OH NO!
368
00:22:05,290 --> 00:22:07,235
NO, NO, NO, NO...
DON'T WORRY, MR. R,
369
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:09,292
IT'LL BE OUR OWN LITTLE SECRET.
370
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:14,209
MR. ROPER, IT'S NOT HIS DIARY.
371
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:17,112
IT'S A MANUSCRIPT I'M TYPING
TO MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY.
372
00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:19,480
YEAH, MR. ROPER, JUST LOOK
INSIDE THE FRONT COVER.
373
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:23,085
- AND YOU'LL SEE
THE AUTHOR'S NAME.
- "WANDA X"?
374
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:25,721
UH-HUH. CHRISSY
HASN'T EVEN MET HER.
375
00:22:25,745 --> 00:22:30,258
OH STANLEY, YOU ARE ROMANTIC!
376
00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,660
- I AM.
- YEAH.
377
00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:35,731
YOU WERE GOING TO THROW THE
KIDS RIGHT OUT OF THEIR APARTMENT
378
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:38,499
- JUST TO SAVE
OUR MARRIAGE!
- YOU WERE?!
379
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:41,792
- I WAS, WASN'T I?
- WASN'T THAT
NICE OF HIM?
380
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,975
I CAN BE AS ROMANTIC
AS THE NEXT GUY.
381
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:49,144
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A
GREAT TIME TONIGHT, HELEN.
382
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:52,848
- FIRST, WE'LL GO OUT AND EAT, AND THEN...
- OH STANLEY!
383
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:56,374
COULDN'T WE DO
THE "AND THEN" FIRST?
384
00:22:57,943 --> 00:23:01,383
OKAY, IF YOU WANT TO GO
BOWLING ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
385
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,938
- $45, $50...
- CHRISSY!
386
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:20,008
$55, $56, $57, $58...
387
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:22,210
WHERE IS WANDA? WHERE IS WANDA?!
388
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:25,213
OH I KNEW IT! SHE'S ALREADY
PICKED UP HER DIARY.
389
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,750
I'M TOO LATE. WHY DID I
HAVE TO MISS THE BUS TODAY?
390
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,885
- NO, YOU'RE NOT TOO LATE...
- I'M NOT?
391
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:32,153
YOU ALREADY GOT
THE MONEY. I DON'T...
392
00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,456
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU
MEAN, SHE'S STILL HERE?
393
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,592
- YEAH. - WANDA'S HERE? WHERE?
394
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:39,216
- WHERE IS WANDA?
- JACK!
395
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:44,165
- IN WASHING UP, BUT LISTEN...
- GREAT, GREAT.
396
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:46,769
DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT ME?
THAT I WAS TALL, GOOD LOOKING,
397
00:23:46,793 --> 00:23:49,605
GOT MY OWN BEDROOM?
398
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,907
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TELL WANDA YOURSELF?
399
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,543
CHRISSY, I'M ASHAMED! I
CAN'T GO INTO THE BATHROOM.
400
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,968
JUST GO TELL HER. I'LL JUST
BE RIGHT HERE, WAITING.
401
00:24:01,874 --> 00:24:05,687
- WHO ARE YOU?
- JACK, THIS IS
WANDA X.
402
00:24:05,711 --> 00:24:07,689
- THIS IS OUR FRIEND,
JACK TRIPPER.
- HI!
403
00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:10,325
DON'T TOUCH!
404
00:24:10,349 --> 00:24:12,995
- YOU'RE WANDA X?
- WANDA'S MY PEN NAME.
405
00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:14,952
MY REAL NAME IS
CLARENCE SPRINGFIELD.
406
00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:19,534
CLARENCE, JACK WANTED ME
TO TELL YOU THAT HE'S TALL,
407
00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:22,938
GOOD LOOKING, AND
HAS HIS OWN BEDROOM.
408
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:25,462
- REALLY?
- EXCUSE ME.
409
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:35,105
(theme music playing)
410
00:24:50,556 --> 00:24:52,968
Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED
411
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,992
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.
29775
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