Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ - ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ - ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

HELLO?

HELLO?!

HELLO? (sighs)

JANET, THE PHONE'S NOT WORKING.

- OH YEAH, CHRISSY, I KNOW. - WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET IT FIXED?

WELL, I... WAIT A MINUTE, CHRISSY.

WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE TO HAVE IT FIXED?

'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF IT.

BUT THE TELEPHONE HAS NEVER BEEN OUT OF ORDER BEFORE.

NO, BUT THE TV WAS.

RIGHT, CHRISSY. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DID CALL,

- AND THE TELEPHONE COMPANY'LL SEND A MAN OVER. - I KNEW YOU'D TAKE CARE OF IT.

- WHEN IS HE COMING? - THIS AFTERNOON.

THIS AFTERNOON? I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.

- I'M EXPECTING A CALL FOR MY DATE. - OH YEAH?

- WHO YOU GOING OUT WITH? - I DON'T KNOW, HE HASN'T CALLED YET.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I KIND OF LIKE IT THIS WAY.

IT'S NICE AND QUIET FOR A CHANGE.

- OH, JANET, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT A TELEPHONE. - OH PLEASE!

PEOPLE GOT ALONG FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS WITHOUT A TELEPHONE.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY DID?

PROBABLY SAT AROUND WONDERING WHAT THE YELLOW PAGES WERE FOR.

(laughs, snorts)

GIRLS... GIRLS!

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

- WHAT? - WELL, I WAS JOGGING ALONG...

- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. - NEITHER DO I!

OKAY, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE NAKED GIRL I SAW...

WAIT. WHAT NAKED GIRL?

I DON'T KNOW HER NAME. I WAS RUNNING ALONG THE BEACH,

AND I TURNED AND SAID HI, AND I TRIPPED OVER ANOTHER ONE!

- ANOTHER NAKED GIRL? - YES! EVERYONE ON THAT BEACH WAS NUDE.

THEY WEREN'T WEARING ANYTHING?

RIGHT. THAT'S NUDE. THAT'S GOOD.

THEY WERE JUST WEARING SUNTAN LOTION.

CAN YOU IMAGINE? EVERYWHERE I LOOKED,

ALL I SAW WERE SHINY HILLS.

YOU MEAN, RIGHT DOWN HERE, ON OUR BEACH?

- YES! - COME ON, JACK, YOU'RE PUTTING US ON!

IT'S TRUE! I SPENT THE LAST HALF HOUR

TALKING TO A NAKED REDHEAD...

JUST TO MAKE SURE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT THEY HAD THEIR OWN BEACH.

THEY WERE THROWN OFF, AND THEY HAD TO MOVE TO OURS.

THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR THEIR RIGHTS. THEY GOT PICKET SIGNS.

IT'S A BIG DEMONSTRATION!

YOU MEAN, IT'S REALLY ORGANIZED?

- YEAH! - THERE WERE NUDE MEN DOWN THERE TOO?

MMM... THERE MUST HAVE BEEN.

BOY, CHRISSY, I CAN SURE THINK

OF A FEW PEOPLE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WHO WON'T LIKE THIS.

WHY? PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SUNBATHE NUDE IF THEY WANT TO.

- YEAH, OF COURSE THEY DO. - TAKING THEIR BEACH AWAY FROM THEM WAS WRONG.

- I AGREE. - AND I THINK THEY SHOULD BE SUPPORTED IN THEIR FIGHT.

- RIGHT! - GOOD, LET'S GO DOWN AND WE'LL HELP THEM...

- SHOW THEM WE'RE ON THEIR SIDE. - ALL RIGHT!

- WE CAN TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN WE GET THERE. - WRONG!

- TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF? - YOU CAN'T PICKET WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON.

WHY NOT? IT WORKS FOR THE TEAMSTERS.

JANET, IT'S A NUDE BEACH. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

YEAH, BUT... NAKED!

CHRISSY, YOU WOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED?

NO! IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

WELL, SEND THEM A DONATION.

JANET, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

- CHRISSY, YOU... - LIKE GOING TO THE DOCTOR.

YOU WOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR?

WELL, NO, BUT...

JUST THINK OF ALL THESE PEOPLE LOOKING AT YOU AS DOCTORS.

- CHRISSY... - HOW DO YOU DO? MY NAME IS DR. TRIPPER.

OH, JACK... SEE, LOOK...

- CHRISSY, NO, I CAN'T DO IT. - HEY, CHRISSY?

- I'LL GO WITH YOU. - FORGET IT.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN YOU'D UNDRESS IF FRONT OF STRANGERS,

- BUT NOT IN FRONT OF MOI? - RIGHT.

- THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! - OF COURSE IT DOES.

IF THEY SEE ME NUDE, IT DOESN'T MATTER

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THEM AND THEY DON'T KNOW ME,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHO'S SEEING ME, AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY'RE SEEING.

BUT I KNOW YOU, AND YOU KNOW ME.

AND I KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING, AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING,

AND BOTH OF THEM ARE ME.

- SEE? - NO, I DON'T SEE.

AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO, EITHER.

I'D UNDRESS IN FRONT OF YOU!

LATER, JACK, WHEN WE NEED A GOOD LAUGH.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S TALKING. I KNOW YOU'D NEVER GO TO A NUDE BEACH.

OH YEAH? AND WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE?

WELL, YOU DON'T DO WILD THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU'RE NOT THE TYPE.

OH REALLY, JACK?

- AND JUST WHAT TYPE AM I? - OH COME... YOU KNOW. YOU'RE SOLID...

- RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE. - YOU MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A USED CAR.

JANET! I'M COMPLIMENTING YOU.

AND BY THE WAY, I LOVE YOUR DASHBOARD.

- OH JACK... - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

LISTEN, YOU... I DO A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS.

OH YEAH, LIKE WHAT?

WELL, LIKE... - LIKE LAST NIGHT. - UH-HUH?

YOU... YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT I DID TO ROY LAST NIGHT.

- OH YEAH, WHAT DID YOU DO? - WELL, FIRST I GRABBED HIM.

- MERCY. - YEAH. AND THEN I BROUGHT HIM BACK

- AND I BENT HIM DEEP LIKE THIS... - OH YEAH, YEAH.

- AND JACK... - YES.

I JUST STARED DEEPLY INTO HIS EYES.

- YEAH, YEAH. - AND THEN, I'LL TELL YOU, JACK...

- YEAH. - I COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING I WANTED TO.

- SO TELL ME, WHAT DID YOU DO? - NOTHING.

WHY?

WELL, HE WAS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

SO I DROPPED HIM.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE PHYSICAL.

- HI, STANLEY. - HI, HELEN.

- WHERE YOU BEEN ALL MORNING? - WALKING ON THE BEACH.

REALLY? WE'VE LIVED HERE 20 YEARS,

YOU NEVER WALK ON THE BEACH.

WELL, IT'S TIME I STARTED.

YOU SEE MY BINOCULARS ANYPLACE?

THEY'RE IN THE DESK DRAWER. WHY?

OH, I SAW SOME THINGS OUT THERE THAT...

I NEVER SAW BEFORE.

WHAT KIND OF THINGS?

SHELLS. SEASHELLS.

OH, I LOVE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS.

- OH, SO DO I. - THEY COME IN SUCH BEAUTIFUL SHAPES.

OH, I KNOW.

OH, HERE THEY ARE.

SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW?

TO LOOK AT SOME MORE SHELLS.

WITH BINOCULARS?

WELL, SURE, SEE, THIS WAY, YOU CAN LOOK AT THEM WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM.

- WHAT? - IT'S... IT'S...

ECOLOGY.

YOU KNOW, "SAVE OUR SEASHELLS"?

- THANK YOU. - SURE.

- CHECK AND MATE. - (Jack groans)

- (doorbell rings) - I'LL GET IT.

DID SHE WIN?

- HI, LAR. - JANET.

HELLO, LARRY, AND HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M JUST TERRIFIC. - Chrissy: HI, LARRY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ALL DAY AT THE BEACH.

COME ON, JACK, THAT'S THE MINOR LEAGUES.

A BUNCH OF NAKED CHICKS STANDING AROUND

IS NO CHALLENGE FOR A GUY LIKE ME.

THEY ALL TURNED YOU DOWN, HUH?

EVERY ONE OF THEM.

- I COULDN'T... - HOW ABOUT A GAME OF CHESS WITH THE CHAMP?

OH NO, THANKS. I JUST DROPPED BY TO INVITE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE TO BRUNCH.

All: WHAT?

- IT IS MY TURN, REMEMBER? - WE FORGET. IT'S BEEN YOUR TURN FOR MONTHS.

I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THE PERFECT PLACE

- TO TAKE ALL OF YOU TO BRUNCH. - WHAT PLACE IS THAT?

ONE TO MATCH MY STYLE.

- A CHEAP DUMP. - THAT'S UNKIND, TRIPPER.

IT HAPPENS TO BE A GREAT GREEK RESTAURANT

- JUST OPENED DOWN ON THE BEACH. - Jack: GREEK?

- All: YEAH! - GREAT ATMOSPHERE.

OH NO, WAIT, GUYS, WE CAN'T GO. THE TELEPHONE.

OH YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT.

OUR PHONE'S OUT OF ORDER. WE HAVE TO BE HERE AND LET THE REPAIR MAN IN.

ALL THREE OF YOU? IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON TO OPEN THE DOOR.

YEAH, BUT WHO WANTS TO DO IT?

JANET WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON JANET!

Jack: YEAH, WE'LL BRING HER BACK SOMETHING TO EAT.

HEY, CHRISSY! HEY, JACK!

- ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND? - MIND? SHE LOVES DOING THINGS LIKE THIS.

GOOD OLD RELIABLE JANET. LOVE YOU.

UH... (scoffs)

"GOOD OLD RELIABLE JANET"?

- (knock on door) - IT'S OPEN!

COME ON IN!

- HI. - OH, HI, JANET.

MRS. ROPER? COULD I PLEASE ASK YOU A QUESTION?

OH SURE, HONEY, WHAT IS IT?

AM I... AM I RELIABLE?

OF COURSE, YOU ARE.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

- WHAT? - DON'T YOU SEE, MRS. ROPER?

RELIABLE IS DULL. AND DULL IS BORING.

BORING'S NO FUN.

DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE DULL AND BORING AND NO FUN?

I MUST. I MARRIED ONE.

I'M TIRED OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR THE TELEPHONE MAN.

I WANT TO GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING THAT'S WILD AND CRAZY!

ME TOO!

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET.

I DO.

BUT IT DOESN'T HELP.

- HI, JANET. - OH, HI.

WHERE ARE THE OTHER GIRLS?

THEY ARE DOWN AT THE BEACH, MR. ROPER.

THEY WENT OUT THERE TO TRY OUT THAT NEW GREEK RESTAURANT.

OH, SPEAKING OF BEACHES, STANLEY, HOW'S YOUR NEW HOBBY COMING ALONG?

OH, FINE. I SAW SOME BEAUTIES TODAY.

STANLEY'S BEEN OUT ALL DAY LOOKING FOR SEASHELLS.

OH YEAH? HE GOT TIRED OF THE NUDE BEACH?

SHH!

NUDE BEACH?

(stutters)

DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?

OUR BEACH HAS GONE NUDE.

REALLY?

I DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING.

SO YOU'VE BEEN OUT LOOKING FOR SHELLS, HUH?!

WHAT KIND OF SHELLS, STANLEY?

BLONDE BOMBSHELLS?

I'M A MARRIED MAN, HELEN!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A BEACH FULL OF NAKED WOMEN?

GOOD LORD, HE'S EVEN FORGOTTEN THAT.

- WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME? - NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, STANLEY!

NOW, DON'T YOU GO NEAR THAT BEACH!

I FIND ONE GRAIN OF SAND IN YOUR SHOES,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!

WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELEN. I'M GONNA GO TAKE A NAP.

OH...

YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

I KNOW. IT'S AWFUL.

I HAVE EVERYTHING THOSE WOMEN ON THE BEACH HAVE.

OF COURSE, YOU DO.

AND HE DOESN'T NEED BINOCULARS TO SEE IT EITHER.

OH, MRS. ROPER...

MRS. ROPER, I THINK YOU'VE HIT ON THE ANSWER FOR BOTH OF US.

- I HAVE? - YES, REMEMBER WE WERE TALKING,

- WE SAID WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING WILD AND CRAZY? - YEAH.

WELL, LET'S GO DOWN TO THAT NUDE BEACH

AND LET'S JOIN THE DEMONSTRATION.

COME ON, LET'S GO DOWN AND PROVE THAT WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!

OH JANET, THAT'S A TERRIFIC IDEA!

- IS IT? - OH YEAH!

- ABSOLUTELY! - YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M WRITING A NOTE TO STANLEY.

- WHY? - IF I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK,

- I WANT HIM TO KNOW ABOUT IT. - COME ON.

- LET'S GO! - OH, OH, OH... MY GLASSES.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU USED THOSE FOR DRIVING.

IF WE'RE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS...

THEY DO COME IN BOTH SEXES, YOU KNOW?

(doorbell rings)

Stanley: HELEN, WILL YOU ANSWER THE DOOR?

(doorbell rings)

I'M COMING.

- (doorbell rings) - COMING! COMING.

- HI, CAN I COME IN? THANKS! - (stutters)

- WAIT A MINUTE. - I JUST WANT TO USE YOUR PHONE.

I DON'T THINK I... HELEN!

I JUST WANNA USE YOUR PHONE AND CALL FOR A RIDE HOME.

I WAS DEMONSTRATING ON THE BEACH... THE COPS RAIDED US.

- YOU WERE ONE OF THE DEMONSTRATORS? - UH-HUH.

- IN THE... - NUDE!

SHH!

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HASSLE US?

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT HANG-UPS,

JUST BE OPEN AND TRUTHFUL...

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I'M THE SAME WAY.

HELLO, TOM? CAN YOU PICK ME UP?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

I'LL BE AT THE CORNER OF OCEAN AND DAMORRA.

OKAY. BYE.

HE'LL ONLY BE A FEW MINUTES.

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

COFFEE? A RAINCOAT?

NO, THANKS.

WHAT A DAY!

- YOU KNOW IT WAS INCREDIBLE ON THAT BEACH. - SURE WAS.

I MEAN, WAS IT?

YOU KNOW, SOME WEIRDOS ACTUALLY CAME DOWN THERE JUST TO STARE AT US!

YOU'RE KIDDING?

SOME OF THEM EVEN HAD BINOCULARS.

YOU KNOW... YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU SOMEPLACE?

NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

DID I SEE YOU EARLIER TODAY?

YOU MIGHT HAVE. WERE YOU IN CHURCH?

YOU'RE CUTE.

HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE HOT IN HERE.

- DO YOU MIND IF I JUST TAKE THIS OFF? - NO, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

DON'T DO THAT!

- IS SOMETHING THE MATTER? - NO, NOTHING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

DID YOU SAY THE POLICE ARRESTED EVERYBODY AT THE NUDE BEACH TODAY?

OH YEAH, MOSTLY THE WOMEN.

MY WIFE WAS THERE!

SHE'S A WOMAN.

DID YOU SEE HER... TALL, REDHEAD,

LOOKS LIKE HER STOCKINGS ARE HANGING DOWN BUT SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY?

NO.

SHE'S PROBABLY IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, LET'S GO! OH, EXCUSE ME.

WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY GUY?

JUST DON'T TELL HIM YOU WERE EVER IN HERE.

OOH... EXCUSE ME.

- HEY, THIS IS FUN! - DID I TELL YOU, JACK?

DID I TELL YOU THIS PLACE HAD ATMOSPHERE?

- SURE, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD? - TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I'VE BEEN HERE FIVE TIMES, I DON'T KNOW IF THEY EVEN SERVE FOOD.

- YOU MEAN, THIS IS BRUNCH? - FOR SOME PEOPLE, YES.

AM I DOING IT RIGHT?

YOU ARE, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO CLEAN OFF THE CHAIR.

JACK, THEY SAY THAT EVERY MOVEMENT HAS MEANING.

THEY TALK WITH THEIR BODIES.

I THINK SHE'S STUTTERING.

- HEY, MAN, HUH? HUH? - SHE LIKES YOU, LARRY.

HEY, LOOK AT THAT!

(Jack laughs)

REAL CLASSY. CANNOT TAKE HIM ANYWHERE.

- THANKS A LOT. - YOU GET A LITTLE NERV... HI.

- NO, THANKS. NO. I'M WITH HER. - OH JACK!

- COME ON, JACK! - I'M JUST...

GO AHEAD, JACK.

- GO AHEAD, JACK! - COME ON!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

OH YEAH. THANK YOU!

- I'LL BE OVER HERE IF YOU NEED ME. - YOU WERE GOOD.

- WHY DID YOU STOP? - SHE SHOOTS FROM THE HIP.

HUGE STRAWBERRY!

- CHRISSY, LARRY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU! - HI, MR. ROPER.

- SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY AT THE NUDE BEACH. - WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S GOING ON?

- SHE WANTS YOU TO DANCE WITH HER. - WHO?

OH MY GOD!

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. I'M JUST VISITING.

I DON'T WORK HERE.

I THINK YOU'D BETTER DANCE WITH HER, MR. ROPER.

YEAH, BUT YOU'D BETTER LET HER LEAD.

BUT I WANTED TO TELL...

OH, DON'T HOLD BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

(Larry cheers)

Jack: SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!

BE HAPPY! BRAVO!

IT'S NOT BAD, HUH?

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL US, MR. ROPER?

- THEY RAIDED THE NUDE BEACH TODAY. - THEY DID?!

AND THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART. HELEN AND JANET WERE THERE.

- Jack: WHAT?! - THEY SAW IT?

THEY WERE IT. THEY'RE PROBABLY IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO GO GET THEM OUT!

HEY, WAIT FOR ME!

HERE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I APPRECIATE IT.

LET'S KEEP IN TOUCH.

BOY, THAT POLICE STATION SURE WAS CROWDED WITH NUDISTS!

I KNOW. EVERY TIME THEY SAT DOWN, IT SOUNDED LIKE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

AT LEAST THE POLICE GAVE THEM BLANKETS TO COVER THEMSELVES.

YEAH, BUT DID YOU NOTICE THE GREAT-LOOKING GIRLS

- GOT ALL THE MOTH-EATEN BLANKETS! - OH, YOU WOULD.

WHY WEREN'T HELEN AND JANET THERE?

MAYBE THEY DIDN'T GO TO THE BEACH AFTER ALL.

- THEN WHERE ARE THEY? - PSST!

- WHAT WAS THAT? - WHAT WAS WHAT?

- THAT "PSST"! - PSST!

FANTASTIC! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

STANLEY!

OVER HERE!

- HELEN, HOW'D YOU GET... - DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!

- I'M NOT DECENT. - I KNOW THAT. I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

WHAT AM I GONNA SEE THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?

- ME! - Chrissy and Jack: JANET!

HELLO, EVERYONE. COULD SOMEONE GET US SOMETHING TO COVER UP WITH?

I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING.

YOU'VE GOT NO CLOTHES ON?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE ANYWAY? - GIVING THE AZALEAS A THRILL.

- WHERE ARE YOU CLOTHES? - WE LEFT THEM ON THE BEACH.

WHEN THE POLICE CAME, WE JUST TOOK OFF.

BUT THAT'S THREE BLOCKS AWAY.

- HOW DID YOU GET HERE FROM THE BEACH? - FASTER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO RIGHT IN THE HOUSE?

THE DOOR'S LOCKED!

YOU DON'T HAVE A KEY?

WHERE WOULD I CARRY IT, STANLEY?

WHY, I REALLY ADMIRE YOU, JANET.

YOU DO?

YEAH, I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS TALKING

ABOUT STRIPPING FOR A GOOD CAUSE,

AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT OUT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

- YOU BARED YOUR SOUL... - AMONG OTHER THINGS.

I GUESS I'M JUST A TALKER, AND YOU'RE A DOER.

HEY, IT'S NOT TOO LATE, LITTLE CHRISSY.

- IT'S NOT? - NO.

YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR CLOTHES FOR YOU? NO, I'M SORRY!

JACK, COME ON, IT'S NO JOKE.

- HEY, JANET, I'M SORRY... - NO, JACK!

SORRY, I FORGOT.

OKAY, HERE WE GO. THE TOWEL MAN. HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.

- THANKS, LARRY. - AND ONE FOR YOU, JANET.

(both cheer)

- LARRY, YOU THREW THAT HIGH ON PURPOSE. - IT WAS WORTH A TRY!

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER. - ALL RIGHT, LARRY.

OH, LOOK HERE.

HERE'S LEAH AND LANA, THE TWO HAWAIIAN PINEAPPLES.

(mimics Hawaiian music)

OH STOP IT.

BOY, I WISH I HAD THE NERVE TO DO CRAZY, WILD THINGS LIKE THAT.

OH WELL, CHRISSY,

YOU KNOW IT WAS REALLY NOTHING.

I JUST DECIDED THAT FROM NOW ON,

NOTHING IS GOING TO FAZE ME.

BOY, THAT LARRY SHOULD GET NEW TOWELS.

EITHER THAT, OR SOW UP THOSE HOLES IN THE BACK OF THIS ONE.

- RIGHT THERE. - (screams)

- (laughs) - ALRIGHT, HELEN, LET'S GO.

NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND RUN AROUND,

MAKE SURE IT'S IN OUR APARTMENT.

OH STANLEY, DO YOU MEAN IT?

BUT JUST WARN ME AHEAD OF TIME. I'LL GO TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.

- JACK? - HUH?

I STILL THINK WE SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR THE PHONE MAN.

YEAH, THE NOTE SAID HE'D BE HERE ON MONDAY.

LOOK, ANY IDIOT CAN FIX A PHONE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE. THE RED WIRE GOES THERE.

THE GREEN WIRE GOES THERE. AND THE BLACK WIRE...

- (electric buzz) - SHOULDN'T BE TOUCHED.

- OKAY. HANG IT UP. - I'LL HANG IT UP.

ALL RIGHT. NOW...

- WHO WANTS TO MAKE THE FIRST CALL? - (phone rings)

SOMEBODY'S CALLING US!

- HELLO? - (continued ringing)

HELLO?

- HELLO? - (continued ringing)

I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING. HELLO...

MAYBE IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

WHAT DO WE DO?

I'M SURE YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

YEAH... "ANY IDIOT CAN FIX A PHONE."

- GOOD NIGHT, JACK. - GOOD NIGHT, JACK.

- (continued ringing) - SHUT UP!

(muffled ringing)

(screams)

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.