Original subtitles

Gaga.

Gaga.

Yes, Grandpa Gandalf is coming to look after you next week.

Gaga.

Do you want me to find Grandpa Gandalf on the iPad?

I don't think Grandpa Gandalf will be on the internet.

I really hope Grandad Gandalf isn't anywhere on the internet. Gaga.

Gaga.

What if I draw Grandpa Gandalf?

ROSIE SQUEALS EXCITEDLY

There we are.

See, it's all in the nose with Dad, and the smile, obviously,

and the hair, and the shirt.

Gaga. And cheeky little eyebrows.

There we are. What do you think? Like it?

HAMMERING

It's all right, Rosie. It's all right.

It's just Daddy out in the hall.

Shall we go and see what he's trying to do?

Ooh! Look!

Daddy put up a picture.

No, no, Rosie, I can't draw that.

BEEPING FROM PHONE

Morning. Bad time?

Nope. Just being an absolute DIY legend.

Just put a picture up. No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did. So, did you like my idea for the rhyming sweets round?

Don't tell me any of the questions. All right, Quiz Nazi.

It's hardly a surprise that we're doing a rhyming round again.

Tangfastics.

No, too obscure.

Did Dad put that up?

We need sweets people know.

Shouldn't we have waited for Grandad John? It's fine,

although could you just tilt it slightly right?

What is it? I thought we needed more pictures to brighten the house up.

Brighten it up? It's great.

It's Eve Tongy's The Invisibles.

It's awful. Well, Rosie loves it.

Don't you? Yes.

Are you going to do your laughing? Do your laughing.

DRAMATIC MUSIC ON TV

I've been thinking, Si...

..about going back.

Back nearer your mum?

Oh, Em, I'm here for you, whatever, obviously, but if you're

thinking of moving to Birmingham, can we at least talk about it?

What's wrong with Birmingham?

Nothing. I love it.

The people... It's got more canals than Venice.

Yet far fewer gondolas.

We can talk about it, of course, but Birmingham's a car city.

You silly twat. Of course we're not moving to Birmingham.

I meant that it's time for me to go back to work.

You should.

Who'd look after Rosie?

Well, nursery, you know, like other working mums. Yeah.

You'd be OK with that?

Well, I hated those things, you know,

the baby seeing groups with all the perfect mums

and their perfect children, but what's the alternative?

Hide away till she's 21?

What happens when she's 21?

Does the spell wear off?

I just... I can't dedicate every second of every day to her, Si.

I just... I can't.

OK.

Yeah. That's not bad.

No, Rosie, that's enough drawing now. That's enough. Come on.

Come on. Let's go in the living room.

Mama.

Just thinking about Rosie's language - she can say "mama" and "kss".

I might be wrong, but you don't

think she's being really clever and saying Mama Cass, do you?

Rosie, are you asking for something from The Mamas And The Papas?

Why have you dug that out? Don't tell me that's in the music round.

No quiz stuff here.

Do you want to watch some telly?

Should we learn some new words?

Can you say "daddy"? Mama.

I think now would be a good time to learn "daddy". Mama.

Si, can you draw it, cos I have literally just done one?

HE SIGHS

Right, come here. Daddy's going to draw it. Mama.

Daddy. Mama. Daddy.

Mama.

There you go, hon.

You did that deliberately shit, didn't you?

Like the time you took your one driving lesson.

Everyone's a critic.

What was the rhyming round again last year? Fruit.

We had guava with Raymond Carver in Bratislava.

And didn't you have papaya with George Alagiah in the Shire?

Oh, my God. It's like Damien from The Omen.

She's been standing there since you left. So cute.

ROSIE SQUEALS EXCITEDLY

Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

Yeah, it's almost exactly the same as all the others.

They're not bad, but our band's so much better.

Ben's been playing me...

What do you call it? A disc track.

It was lovely. These are good.

I didn't know your mummy loved drawing so much.

They're very detailed. How do you draw them so well? From memory.

Why have you drawn the same picture, though?

Because that's what she wants.

Oh, that's very interesting.

Do you think Rosie might be autistic? She's half Rain Man.

She can throw a box of matches on the ground -

she just can't count them.

Well, that's enough drawing for now.

Oh, I think you might have missed a bit.

No, Rosie, no, we're done.

Ben, why don't you stick some Peppa on for her?

Rosie, do you want Mummy to draw more Invisibles?

Why did you say that?

This is just another way you lot can have some headspace

while I look after her.

Well, I don't mind drawing.

Mama. Don't be silly. Now...

What is it? Invisibles.

A print that we put up at the top of the stairs.

Oh...

What? I like it. I just thought it was...

..like a car crash in the rain. It's bleak.

Drowning in an eternal scream.

A Kafkaesque nightmare without end.

Hey. Hey. I'm here for Rosie Yates.

Ah, yes, Rosie. She's had a really good day.

She's on the play mat. She loves playing with the bee.

Oh, hello. Is it your first day?

Yeah, I think it went OK.

Yeah, this is, um...

This is... This is Rosie.

Hello, Rosie.

How old's Rosie?

She's two. She's small.

She has a chromosomal disorder.

So, severe learning disability.

Loves Hippo. She's gorgeous.

Yeah, she is. She is.

ALERT TONE

Barney wants to know if he can bring his new girlfriend to the quiz.

Only if she's going to do it properly and not arse around.

I'll put that - make her feel welcome.

Aren't pub quizzes meant to be fun?

No. Not this one.

I mean, look, no, well, it is,

I just mean it's my favourite night of the year...

..apart from all the stuff involving you, sweetie, and your sister.

No, Rosie, I have drawn it 100 times. No.

Mama. No.

We are playing with toys. We are not drawing.

Ben, go and see what she's doing.

No. Stop bullying me.

Rosie! Oh, no! No!

No, Rosie, stay there. Glass!

No, no, stay back, stay away from the glass.

Get some newspaper, Ben, and get the Hoover for the small bits.

Just do it. I did tell you to go and see what she was doing.

And if I had I'd have pieces of glass sticking out of my head.

World-class parenting, Dad.

Where did you get that from?

No! No! No! No! No!

We don't smash things with hammers. That is a craftsman's tool.

Give me the hammer.

No, let go of the hammer. Em, she won't let go of the hammer.

But now my office walls are glass-panelled. Why?

What's Richard been doing in my office while I've been away?

Oh, God, do we have to talk about your day at work all the time?

I have literally said one thing.

I'm joking. It's great you've settled back in so quickly.

In fact, why don't we not talk about it some more over one more pint?

Mm?

Maybe grab some quick food.

Maybe a burger.

Yeah, we should call Mum, though,

and just check that everything's OK.

RINGING TONE

Hello. I'm just putting madam to bed, aren't I, little princess?

OK, we'll be back, like, in maybe about an hour?

Shall we sing Daddy a song, Rosie?

# The wheels on the bus go round and round,

# Round and round, round and round

# The wheels on the bus go round and round all day long

# The doors on the bus go open and shut

# Open and shut, open and shut

# The doors on the bus go open and shut, all day long.

# The...driver on the bus says

HE SWITCHES TO SPEAKER

# Move on back, move on back, move on back,

# The driver on the bus says move on back, all day long

# The babies on the bus go wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah,

# The babies on the bus say wah, wah, wah all day long

# The mums on the bus say stop that noise, stop that noise... #

How long is this going to go on for?

# The mums on the bus say stop that noise, all day long

# The horn on the bus goes... #

Are you still with Rosie?

No, she's in bed. I'm downstairs making a coffee.

OK, we'll see you later.

# Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk... #

How's this for a tie-breaker?

Dickensian character or real ale?

Craddock's Muffthumper. Dickens or ale?

Sounds like your Tinder profile. Ale.

Honeythunder.

Both.

He's an overblown oaf in The Mystery Of Edwin Drood,

also a very quaffable...

PHONE RINGS

I'm not sure, Barney. You can never just concede. Hi, hon.

I've spent £138 on these sweets.

Dad's had a fall.

Oh, God, is he all right? He's done his ankle.

It means they can't come and babysit.

I can't come to the quiz, Si.

I get another fucking tedious evening sat at home being glowered

at by the devil child.

Hey, don't call Ben that.

It's not funny, Si.

I am so pissed off.

I missed it last year as well.

Well, you could bring her. Bring Rosie? Yeah. I'm serious. Why not?

I'm sure there'll be other kids there.

Ben could see if Jamie wanted to come.

It'll be fun.

There must be another way.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, hiya.

CELLO PLAYS

Hi, sorry, is it a bad time?

No, no, it's just she's got her grade six exam soon,

and getting her to practise that blooming cello

is like pulling teeth.

Sorry, was everything all right the other night? Which night?

Oh, that, oh, God, yeah, it was a picture, it fell down the stairs.

Oh, Simon put it up, did he?

No, Rosie threw it down the stairs and it smashed.

She's all right, but then she wanted Si to put it back up

and then she got a hammer and started smashing everything. Sorry.

It's fine.

We just started a film, but I'm sure it's on catch up, so...

So, it's Si's quiz tonight. I don't know if he mentioned it to you? No.

We love quizzes.

Oh, um, actually, I am in a bit of a spot,

and I was just wondering

if you could look after the kids?

It would be a couple of hours

and we've hidden the hammer.

Um, right,

well, I'd love to...

I'd love to do...to do that,

but Claire...

She... Well, I mean... We've actually...

We've got... We can't.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Of course.

It was a long shot. OK.

BABY CRYING

Oh, Rosie, go back to sleep.

CRYING CONTINUES

Rosie, it's three o'clock.

Go back to sleep.

CRYING CONTINUES

Oh, Mum, Mum, it's fine. It's all right.

I'll take Rosie into Grandma's bed.

# Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. #

Barney, a Womble is not a puppet.

What is it, then? Hi. Hey!

La-la-la-la.

Shut up. I don't want to hear any questions. You all made it, then.

Hello, gorgeous.

Brought the iPad, hippo, toys,

snacks, so we'll just see what happens. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Em. First quiz in two years.

And Rosie,

gosh, last time I saw you, you were this high.

Oh, don't worry, Barney, she's like that with everybody.

No, that was a bad one.

SCREAMING

Emily!

I was just giving her a cuddle and she started...

Rosie, Rosie.

She's having a fit, Mum. Are you sure? Does she have fits?

No, but it's a fit, Mum.

You need to get Simon to call an ambulance now.

Rosie, come back to me, Rosie.

Come on, Rosie. Come back to Mummy.

Simon, phone an ambulance. Rosie. There's something wrong with Rosie.

Please come back to Mummy.

Please.

Where's my bloody phone?

Please, Rosie.

RINGING TONE

Please, Rosie.

Please. Rosie, please.

Yeah, ambulance, please. Come back to Mummy.

It's my daughter. There's something wrong. Please come back.

Please, Rosie, come back to Mummy.

Please come back to Mummy.

Oh, hello! Hello, Rosie.

It's all right. Mummy's here.

Mummy's going to stay right here till the ambulance comes.

Oh, God, you've got to be kidding. No, we're not drawing.

Why don't you watch SpongeBob? You can have the iPad.

You can have the iPad.

Do you want me to find The Invisibles on the iPad? Let's see.

Look!

Why didn't I think of that earlier?

Rosie doesn't know much Makaton.

Oh, no, that's fine. Hello, Rosie.

I'm Layla. Are you having fun?

My daughter practises Makaton with Mr Tumble. Oh.

She has friends with different abilities in her class. Right.

Oh, sorry, I'm Layla.

I'm Barney's girlfriend.

Oh, oh, hi, I'm Em, Rosie, Ben, Jamie, Ruth, Adrian.

Hello, hello, can everyone hear me?

Everyone hear me? Yes! Good.

Can you hear me at the back?

Hello, yes, well, thank you all for coming to our little annual quiz.

Woohoo! She's just so gorgeous, isn't she?

Yep. Nice to see so many old faces.

I'm mainly talking about you there, Hels.

Yeah, you really should think about getting some work done.

You said exactly that last year.

Yeah. Do you mind if I ask what additional needs she has?

Um, additional needs?

Oh, do you mean her disability?

Oh, she's got a chromosomal disorder,

so she's very learning disabled.

Not much communication, loves chaos.

Thank you all for your continued support.

Oh, I would never miss Nerdstock.

I just think it's so wonderful how open you are to bringing

Rosie to an event like this.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's good to hear.

This is actually the 18th year of the quiz.

CHEERING

We did miss a couple of years

when Simon turned into a complete arsehole. Why the past tense?

All right, Barney, my kids are here.

Yeah, well, you know, they're old enough to know the truth now, Simon.

It's reducing that social exclusion

faced by people with different abilities.

The first round is the Celebrity Deaths Of The Year round.

Question number one.

Cos I often think it's those of us

without the additional needs that actually have the most to overcome.

I just think it's so admirable,

so brave what you're doing.

Sorry, sorry, I'm just trying to hear what Simon's saying.

Though not - not as far as we know - at 1245.

I didn't hear the full question.

She was rigid and twitching, eyes fixed to the left,

and she made this weird short, sharp cry,

and then up close she was making this sort of clicking noise

and it lasted about a minute,

and then she relaxed and breathed normally.

OK. And how old is Rosie? Two.

Two. Does she have a fever?

We didn't take her temperature.

THERMOMETER BEEPS

OK, she's reading at 39.1, which is high.

Do you have any paracetamol?

Yeah, in the bathroom, yeah, I'll get some.

I didn't think.

She has a chromosomal disorder.

She's got an unusually small brain and delayed myelination, so...

..I thought it might be that.

Thank you. This should bring the temperature down,

but we're going to have to take her to the hospital just for a checkup.

You might want to throw some clothes on and put

a few of Rosie's things in a bag.

Number nine, we played you just the piano

part from Dignity by Deacon Blue.

It's all right, darling, the music's over.

Number ten, it was just the guitar part from California

Dreaming by The Mamas And The Papas.

Yes!

Now, here is an opportunity for a bonus point

if anyone can name a member of The Mamas And The Papas.

How about you, Rosie?

Rosie, Mama. Mama.

Mama. Kss. Mama...

Kss.

Kss. Kss, kss, kss.

Yeah, Mama Kss. Mama Cass, yes!

Point to Rosie. Well done, Rosie.

Although technically she did only say Mama,

so we can't give her the point.

Don't be an arse, Barney.

No, Si, Barney's right.

No, we should do the quiz properly.

This quiz is rubbish.

We would also have accepted John Phillips, Melanie Phillips or

Denny Doherty. She's being so good.

Fingers crossed.

She just engages so well with you, doesn't she?

What have you got there? Wow.

What an amazing picture.

Do you want to draw with it?

On paper? Oh, here you go.

Mama.

So, we move on to the rhyming round,

which this year is all about sweets. Ooh!

Mama. No, no, Rosie, I'm going to draw The Invisibles in a bit.

Now, Barney's about to start the next round.

He's going to start the next round.

Mama. So, match the sweet with the person and the place... Mama.

And the trick is they all rhyme,

so here's an example that was apparently too hard -

"We enjoyed a Tangfastic with Mr Boombastic in Raistrick."

Oh, is she allowed? No, she doesn't like sweets.

This is actually for the quiz.

My favourite round. Ow! Rosie.

Stop it, Rosie.

ROSIE SCREAMS

Calm down. Come on, darling, it's all right. Stop it.

Ow! Come on, Rosie.

It's all right. Calm down.

What if it's part of her condition?

What if it's epilepsy?

You know, that's just a new world of uncertainty.

You know, brain scans and EEGs and...

..cocktails of medicines,

possibly more damage to her brain and...

Oh, I don't want us to...go through any more.

I don't want her to have to go through any more.

There we go. OK.

You are shitting me. That is...

I'm not doing any more detail.

That's it. I don't think you're supposed to just eat them, mate.

I think that's a Malteser

and geezer. What about this one?

Oh, my team got that one.

It's Jelly Tots with Caractacus Potts in Ronnie Scott's.

Oh, I meant to say,

I work as a dancer movement psychotherapist.

Not with clients as young as Rosie, more adults with dementia,

but it's just about making connection with people

through movement and having the commitment to give the one

gift that is free - time - to show

that we value everyone as a person.

I think that's Wine Gum with Professor Plum. Yes.

That's it. That's it, Rosie. That's enough drawing.

Maybe she needs the toilet. I don't think she does. I think she's fine.

I could take her. I mean, I'm not really into the quiz, to be honest,

I'm finding it a bit boring.

ROSIE CRIES

Why not? Why not? Why not? Oh, OK.

Why not? Come on, then, sweetie.

Jesus, Rosie, you little...adorable munchkin.

Whoa, Rosie! How did you get out?

Yeah, I better just... I'm going to take her home.

I'm just going to get her...

..get her stuff together. Are you two coming? No. This is wicked.

Rosie has had a febrile convulsion.

Is that connected to her chromosomal disorder? I don't think so, no.

Febrile convulsions are quite common with children Rosie's age.

So, she's all right now?

Convulsions of this sort are undoubtedly horrible

when they happen, but there shouldn't be any lasting effects.

She might be a bit grumpy for a while.

Make sure she gets lots of fluids. In the future?

Well, her below-average head size might make a recurrence

slightly more likely. The key is to keep an eye on her temperature.

If it's on the high side, give her some paracetamol.

It's paracetamol, so...

I would have. I would have with Ben.

So, if I'd just given her paracetamol when she woke up...

Oh, why didn't I?

I wouldn't be too harsh on yourself. Rosie's fine.

You were amazing.

# If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

# If you're happy and you know it clap your hands... #

I think she's just knackered.

I don't think she's happy and she knows it, but thank you. Thank you.

It's my fault. I shouldn't... It was never going to work.

She's very clever, you know?

Thanks.

ALERT TONE

Aw.

Oh, look, Rosie, he sent through the lookalike round.

What do you think? It's either Mick Hucknall or Hermione Granger.

That's it darling, take some water.

That's a good girl. Good girl.

You OK, Kath? Oh, I was so scared,

and I was just bloody useless.

Hey, none of that, we were both bloody useless.

Em was so strong.

Mummy's going to drink it. When Rosie was born, I told Em,

I told you, that Rosie was fine,

that Em was wrong. I thought it was what you both needed to hear.

I was wrong, Si. I'm so sorry. It's OK, Kath.

We've got a couple of things wrong too since Rosie was born.

She really loves that little girl, doesn't she?

Hey.

So, how'd I do?

Are you sure you didn't Google those answers?

I'm so sorry.

Well, your team came fourth after I disqualified Helen's

team for cheating.

Oh. But once I added in your texted answers, second.

And if we'd been allowed Mama Cass? Still second.

But I got you a prize anyway. I found this on a Google search.

This is Eve Tanguay's... Tongy.

Tongy. I don't care.

This is called - I kid you not -

Day Of Slowness.

It's all right. I'm sure you'll win next year. No, no, it's not that,

it's just that Barney's intensely

irritating girlfriend had a point.

If Rosie hadn't been born, you know, the way she is...

..you know, she'd have been really, really, really clever.

I know.

ROSIE CRIES

Oh, God, did I wake her up?

No. No. We're not putting The Invisibles back up.

Do you want Daddy to put this up?

Oh, God, what have you done?

# Love is hard work

# That's a fact

# Think you're moving forward but it's setback after setback

# Love is hard work

# That's an actual fact

# When you think you're moving it's setback after setback. #