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1
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[KNOCKS]
2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,514
ARTHUR:
I'm in here.
3
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849
Dad, it's the middle
of the night.
4
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,225
What are you doin' up?
5
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:20,061
ARTHUR: I didn't realizeI had a curfew.
6
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,688
I--I'm sorry.
I just, uh,
7
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,023
I need to get something.
8
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,357
ARTHUR: Tell mewhat it is,
9
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,693
and I'll slide itunder the door.
10
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,319
Yeah. Won't work.
11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,697
Um, are you gonna be long?
12
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,991
[NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS]
13
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,744
Could be a few minutes!
14
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,292
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
15
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,045
* My back is gettin' tight*
16
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,713
* I'm sitting herein traffic*
17
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:50,175
* On the QueensboroBridge tonight*
18
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,509
* But I don't care*
19
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:55,347
* 'Cause all I want to do*
20
00:00:55,388 --> 00:01:00,894
* Is cash my check anddrive right home to you*
21
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,687
* 'Cause baby,all my life*
22
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,691
* I will be drivinghome to you*
23
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,577
Gimme somethin'
to punch.
24
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:18,620
What? What's wrong?
25
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,456
Gimme somethin'
to punch now!
26
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,917
Not a friend.
27
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,502
All right, don't beat up
our groceries.
28
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,128
Just tell me
what's wrong.
29
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,254
Your father's
what's wrong.
30
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:29,506
I'm tryin'
to get ready for work,
31
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:30,965
I can't even get
in the freakin' bathroom.
32
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,594
He spends the whole day in
there, like he's at Six Flags.
33
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:35,887
Doug, he's old.
34
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,764
His machinery just
takes a little longer
35
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,224
to rev up, that's all.
36
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,850
You--you--that's not all.
He's in there messin' around
37
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,936
with a stupid foot massager
for half an hour.
38
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,562
For your information,
it was a Waterpik.
39
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,899
Forgive me for not being
a bigger fan of gum disease.
40
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,651
Fine, it was
a Waterpik. My mistake.
41
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,319
Oh, and by the way,
one time,
42
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,737
try not aiming it
at the mirror.
43
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,406
It might work out for
you. Give her a shot.
44
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,657
Well, I'd probably
do better
45
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,325
if someone wasn't
banging on the door,
46
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,536
spewing hateful
invectives at me.
47
00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:00,912
CARRIE: All right, Dad.
48
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,164
Stop taunting Doug with
words he doesn't know.
49
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,333
Now, both of you count to 10,
let me get out the door,
50
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,710
and you can start
your slap fight.
51
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,128
Sure, you can run
out the door,
52
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,212
but you can't run away
53
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,172
from your responsibility
in this matter.
54
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,424
Me? What did I do?
55
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,467
When you insisted
I come live here with you,
56
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,969
you specifically
promised me
57
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,471
a furnished room
with private bath.
58
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,348
I never said that.
59
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,559
You said it
with your eyes.
60
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,270
Doug, can we just build
61
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,355
a bathroom
downstairs for him?
62
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,606
What? No!
63
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,191
Why not? It's not like
he doesn't need it.
64
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,317
He doesn't need it.
65
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,610
One bathroom is fine
for this house
66
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,195
if he didn't nap in there.
67
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,905
I don't plan them.
68
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,367
So who's gonna
pay for this, Carrie?
69
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,744
Well, we can dip
into our savings.
70
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:43,038
I betcha we do the whole thing
for less than 1,000.
71
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:47,584
Oh, just a thou?
Oh, well, in that case--no.
72
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:48,626
Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas.
73
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,961
Were you
saving that money
74
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,630
for yet another
50-foot television set?
75
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,717
What I save my money for
is none of your business.
76
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,052
Fine, but bear in mind,
77
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,970
my bladder has me up
7 or 8 times a night,
78
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,680
and that laundry sink
down there
79
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:04,642
is starting to look
awfully good to me.
80
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,730
And checkmate! Dad wins!
Good-bye and good-bye.
81
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:20,575
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
82
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,577
DEACON: Yeah,
come on in.
83
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,245
Hey, come on, man.
Let's get goin', huh?
84
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,330
What's up with you?
85
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,831
I had a crappy morning.
86
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,750
I gotta shell out
1,000 bucks
87
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,543
to build a bathroom for Arthur.
You believe that?
88
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,087
You never built him
a bathroom?
89
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,255
Hmm, that's cold.
90
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,465
Anyway,
91
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,550
it kills me the way
he manipulates Carrie.
92
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,677
He knows what he's doin'.
93
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,887
"Oh, I'm old.
94
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,224
I have different smells."
95
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,436
Well, he is pretty old.
96
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,772
I'm so not into you today.
97
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,107
Listen, don't take it
out on me, man.
98
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,609
I'm not havin' such
a great day myself.
99
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,611
-Yeah? What's up?
-Man, I went out
100
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,405
to marriage counseling
with Kelly last night,
101
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,781
and--and
it went pretty well,
102
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,199
so we decided to go out
to dinner after,
103
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,118
you know, to keep
talking, right?
104
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,662
-So?
-So...
105
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,539
so he gets all bent out
of shape just because--
106
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,000
Hehas a name.
Thank you.
107
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,543
And perhaps
Doug would like
108
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670
to hear both sides
of the story, hmm?
109
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,797
Not that much, no.
110
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,132
Just let it go,
all right?
111
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,800
Oh, me?
I should let it go?
112
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,760
Um, was I the one
that said,
113
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,096
"I'll be home at 8:00.
Order a pizza." Was that me?
114
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,765
I'm tryin' to reconcile
with my wife, man.
115
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,519
Fine.
This is a telephone,
116
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,354
and it was invented
so that people
117
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,522
could call other people
118
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,898
and tell them
not to order a pizza
119
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,400
they have no intention
of eating.
120
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,527
It's a pizza. Look, just get
my half out of the fridge,
121
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:38,653
and I'll pay you
for it, all right?
122
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,946
-Forget it.
-No, come on, here.
123
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,698
I wanna end this.
Take this
124
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,491
and give me the rest
of the pizza. Come on.
125
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,201
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
126
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,412
I ate it, all right?
127
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,913
In a fit
of self-loathing,
128
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,751
I wolfed down an entire
large pizza by myself,
129
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,253
and you just made me admit
it in front of Doug!
130
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,880
Thank you!
131
00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,674
[DOOR SLAMS]
132
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,718
-You all set?
-Yeah.
133
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,848
[UKRAINIAN ACCENT] And after I
finish with the framing,
134
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,184
I put up half-inch Greenboard.
That's very good.
135
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,103
Half-inch Greenboard, huh?
Is that cheapest you have?
136
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,688
Well, no. There
is quarter-inch.
137
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,689
You want that?
138
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:15,857
You know what?
That'll be fine.
139
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,567
Quarter-inch?
That's not very thick.
140
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,194
-So?
-What if you get mad at me
141
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,528
and try to punch
your way in?
142
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,323
I wanna feel
secure in there.
143
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,574
Quarter-inch.
144
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,368
-I want half-inch.
-You don't need half-inch.
145
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,036
I do need half-inch.
146
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,080
H-h-how about three-eights?
147
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,998
Can I have
four-eights?
148
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,876
Three-eights
will be fine.
149
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,795
If you're looking to save
some money elsewhere,
150
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,797
I can get for you
a deal on the toilet.
151
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,256
Whoa! Whoa there, Trotsky.
152
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,343
I already picked out what
I want in that department.
153
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,012
King of Prussia
154
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,848
in Pacific blue
or sandstone.
155
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,059
Arthur, this toilet
is 600 bucks!
156
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,103
It's ergonomically correct.
157
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,233
I'm not paying
600 bucks for a toilet!
158
00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,401
Fine!
159
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,902
Why don't we just
dig a hole in the ground,
160
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,405
line it with newspapers?
161
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,616
Or is a nickel
still too much?
162
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,702
Carrie!
163
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,537
[FOOTSTEPS
RUNNING UPSTAIRS]
164
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:11,705
Carrie, you got to go down
165
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,997
and talk to your father
right now.
166
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,290
I'll talk to him later.
167
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,917
No, later's too late.
I gotta get to work,
168
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,127
and he's outta control
on this bathroom thing.
169
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,586
It took me 20 minutes
to explain
170
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,214
to him why
he can't have a view.
171
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,968
I'll deal with it later.
172
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,138
-I don't feel well.
-Wh-what's the matter?
173
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,515
I don't know.
My--my stomach's weird.
174
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,935
You think it's that crab taco
you had at the drive-thru?
175
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,854
Youhad that.
176
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,565
You had a bite.
177
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:41,443
No. You wouldn't
give me one.
178
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,279
They're
not that big.
179
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,614
Whatever!
It's not from that!
180
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:47,907
I gotta go. I'm so late.
181
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,534
Just talk to your dad
when you can, okay?
182
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,869
And take
some Pepto-Bismol.
183
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,120
It's not
that kind of thing.
184
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,372
-Well, then what is it?
-I don't know!
185
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,999
Okay! Good-bye!
186
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,295
[SLAM]
187
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,047
What the hell is it?
188
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,343
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
189
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,094
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
190
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,637
I forgot
to put my thingy in.
191
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,306
I'll be right back, okay?
192
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,807
All right.
I'll get started.
193
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,185
You work your way in,
like double dutch.
194
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,024
[HANDLE DOESN'T TURN]
195
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:22,776
[KNOCKS]
196
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,486
ARTHUR:
I'm in here!
197
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,163
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
198
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,083
-ARTHUR: Carrie!
-Uh, yeah, Dad?
199
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,501
If you've got a moment,I'd like your thoughts
200
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,878
on some wallpaper samples.
201
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,005
Uh, I'll be out
in a minute.
202
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,007
The contractorlikes the striped pattern,
203
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,343
but I'm leaningtoward the seagulls.
204
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,345
They're a marvelous bird,don't you think?
205
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,389
Uh, Dad, I just--
I just need a minute.
206
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,267
Right-o. I'll wait downstairswith the contractor.
207
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,990
Oh, boy.
208
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,327
[WHISTLING]
209
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,959
So, where are you
from exactly?
210
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,502
I was born in Kiev.
211
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,129
Ah, yes! Kiev.
212
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,672
Jewel of the Ukraine.
213
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,841
-You have been there?
-No.
214
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,093
But I hear good things
215
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,889
Oh, darling, good.
216
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,141
Here's a third
wallpaper choice
217
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,934
I'm also considering.
218
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:41,187
Lively cartoons of
various people in the John.
219
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,107
What do you think?
220
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,984
Uh, it's--it's fine.
221
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,570
I'm sensing
some hesitation.
222
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,405
Too randy?
223
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,408
Think it might
cause a stir?
224
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,451
I-I'm sorry, Dad.
225
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,995
I really can't focus
on that right now.
226
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,455
Alex, I think we might
have to put a pin in this
227
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,040
till next time.
228
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,042
Okay. I'll see you
tomorrow.
229
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,794
Hmm!
230
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,088
Look at this drunken fella.
231
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,174
Doesn't even realize
the lid's down.
232
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,509
Marvelous!
233
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,221
I'm--I'm pregnant.
234
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,598
Hmm?
235
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,682
I'm sorry, dear.
What?
236
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,809
I'm...
237
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:20,894
I'm...
238
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,604
I'm pregnant, Dad.
239
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:23,605
Well, that's terrific!
240
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,107
No! No,
it's not terrific!
241
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,443
We weren't--we weren't
trying for this now, Dad.
242
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:31,613
We just--
we just got careless.
243
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,822
So what, darling?
244
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,200
Nature works in
its own wonderful way.
245
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,118
This has nothing
to do with nature.
246
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,287
I couldn't get in the bathroom
and get what I needed,
247
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,165
because you were locked in
there listening to Enya!
248
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:50,757
Well, I offered to slip
your doohickey under the door.
249
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,259
Yeah, well, I didn't want
you to touch my doohickey.
250
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,096
Okay?
But that's not the point.
251
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,139
The point is we're not
prepared for this, Dad.
252
00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:00,350
We--we barely have
enough money in the bank
253
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,310
to--to build you
your bathroom.
254
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,270
A kid is like
10 bathrooms!
255
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,690
And that's if we don't
let it go to college!
256
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,274
Oy!
257
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,401
Darling, many years ago,
258
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,403
I anticipated that
this day would come,
259
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,156
so I put together a plan
that would help you kids out
260
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,492
with your financial needs.
261
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,910
-You did?
-Yes.
262
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,622
Looking back, I wish I had
followed through on that plan.
263
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,920
But in my defense...
264
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,756
the dog races
are terribly fixed.
265
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,843
Dad, you know what?
266
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,344
It's not
your responsibility.
267
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,097
Doug and I made a dumb
mistake, and now--
268
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,016
well, I don't
even know what now.
269
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,225
I'll tell you one thing.
270
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,768
You got to talk
to Douglas right away.
271
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,103
I can't. I have
to go to work.
272
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,230
Work, schmerk!
This is your life!
273
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,982
You need
to hold each other.
274
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,693
Dad, my boss has a huge
deposition today
275
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:52,819
which starts in--
276
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,320
less than an hour!
I got to go.
277
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,239
I will tell him when I get
home from work tonight,
278
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,534
and don't you tell him
if he gets home first, okay?
279
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,618
Fine, whatever.
280
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,329
Dad, this is
a personal matter, okay?
281
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,373
I need you to look me in the
eye and swear on mom's grave
282
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,125
that you
won't tell him.
283
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,337
Pick a different grave.
How about Aunt Lottie?
284
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,963
Dad!
285
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,048
Fine. I won't tell him.
286
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,842
Thank you.
I love you.
287
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,719
Love you, too,
sweetheart.
288
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,146
Okay, kids,
last time I checked,
289
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,399
packages don't deliver
themselves. Chop, chop.
290
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,650
All right,
I'm outta here.
291
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,110
Where do you want
to meet for lunch?
292
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,197
Anywhere as long as it's a
castle and it's white.
293
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,908
-1:00?
-See you then.
294
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,952
Hello, Douglas!
295
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,621
Arthur, what
are you doing here?
296
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,790
Ah, nothing special.
I may be sending a package soon,
297
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,542
and I wanted your outfit to get
first crack at the business.
298
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:52,796
So far,
I like what I see.
299
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,964
Okay, once again,
what are you doing here?
300
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,050
Is this about
your stupid bathroom?
301
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,803
Not at all, but, hey, since fate
has thrown us together,
302
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,097
what say we pop into
the city and see Carrie?
303
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,223
Come on. Road trip!
304
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,557
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! Whoa.
305
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,142
-Is Carrie okay?
-She's fine. She's fine,
306
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:10,313
but I do think you should
speak to her immediately.
307
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,483
There's a bit
of a situation.
308
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,651
Well, what is it?
309
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:15,985
I am forbidden to tell.
310
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,905
-Would you just tell me?!
-I'm forbidden!
311
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:19,823
Heffernan.
312
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,282
That thing
I said before,
313
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,867
that was just
chummy boss talk,
314
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,620
but the fact is packages really
don't deliver themselves.
315
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,913
I'm sorry, Mr. O'Boyle.
316
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,415
It's just that I have
a little family crisis.
317
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,708
More of a situation
actually.
318
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,835
-A situation, right.
-What is it?
319
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,169
I don't know.
He won't tell me.
320
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,171
I've been forbidden.
321
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,214
Who are you?
322
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,424
A concerned citizen.
323
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,925
He's my father-in-law.
324
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:40,385
Is it all right if I go into the
city and talk to my wife?
325
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,804
What?
Oh, come on, Heffernan.
326
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,973
I mean, I got
wife problems as well.
327
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,683
You don't see me
runnin' outta here
328
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:50,228
just 'cause she took
the kids back to India.
329
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,690
Sir, the man has a legitimate
situation to deal with at once.
330
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,900
Well, what the hell
is it?
331
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,278
Come here.
332
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,158
-[WHISPERING]
-Really?
333
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,826
Well,
that's terrific.
334
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,037
ARTHUR:
Wait. There's more.
335
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:11,499
Ohhh! Ooohh.
336
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,043
That's a shame.
337
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,545
All right, Heffernan,
you can go.
338
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,172
Come on!
339
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,340
W-w-w...
340
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,051
-What is it?!
-I'm forbidden!
341
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,138
BERENSON: Now, Mr. Mazzeo,
in your testimony
342
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,182
before the securities
and exchange commission,
343
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,726
you specifically mentioned
that you had no knowledge
344
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:31,144
of the pending merger.
345
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,688
And you signed an affidavit
to that effect as well.
346
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,899
Could I see that,
please, Carrie?
347
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,778
-Carrie?
-Hmm? I'm sorry. What? What?
348
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,613
Could I please see Mr. Mazzeo's
affidavit, please?
349
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,281
Oh. Sure, you can.
350
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,992
Okay, affi...affi...
351
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,536
affi...davit.
There you go.
352
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:49,954
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
353
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:54,334
Now, Mr. Mazzeo, if I
can refer you to page 51,
354
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,919
specifically paragraph 5...
355
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,462
Oh, God, would you look
at this gas bill?
356
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,047
Can we put this
on a credit card?
357
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,300
We could if it hadn't been
scissored in half at McDonalds.
358
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,095
[SIGHS] What about all these
frequent flyer miles?
359
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,764
Can we use them
for anything?
360
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,432
Yeah, that's
a minus sign.
361
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,351
We owe them miles.
362
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,602
[CRASH]
363
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187
Could you deal
with that, please?
364
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,064
Your turn!
365
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,610
[BABY CRYING]
366
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,862
CARRIE: Doug
Junior--
367
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,739
Oh!
368
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,533
Oh, okay--oh,
that's not good--
369
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,159
sweetie, no, no--
370
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,539
There we go. There we go.
There we go.
371
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,790
Oh! Oh!
372
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,291
Ooh! No, no, that's
mama's-- mama's--
373
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,461
no, mama's sad--
mama's sad--
374
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,796
[BABY TALK]
375
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,131
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
376
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,173
Dougie--
sweetie--
377
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,299
sweetie,
be careful--
378
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,426
you gotta
be careful--
379
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,552
play nice--
no, no--
380
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,554
play--
no, no--
381
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,805
I need that--
neat, please--
382
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,474
yeah, okay, baby--
383
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,893
[GROANING]
384
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,855
It's okay,
it's okay--
385
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,274
[GROANS]
386
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,870
Doug Jr., it's time to go home.
387
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,334
Come on, sweetie.
388
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,502
We have to leave now.
389
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:20,837
Hey, Dougie,
390
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,047
you want some ice cream?
391
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:26,217
Yeah, yeah, come on,
come on baby.
392
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,011
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
393
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,805
Yeah, come on.
Come on, baby.
394
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,476
Yeah. Yeah. Oh!
395
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,935
It... honey, it's OK,
396
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:39,522
ice cream. Ice cream. Yeah.
397
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,108
Yeah. Come get it, baby.
398
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,943
Honey, slow...
you gotta slow down, baby.
399
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,904
Baby, you gotta slow down.
Yeah.
400
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,239
Slow down. Slow down.
401
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,407
Whoo.
402
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,709
-BERENSON: Carrie!
-Hmm? Oh!
403
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:00,877
Can I see the transcript,
please?
404
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:04,547
Oh! Sure, I'm sorry.
There you go.
405
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,716
Now, Mr. Mazzeo,
406
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,302
on the 14th of August, you--
407
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:15,350
uh, excuse me
one moment, please.
408
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,559
What's going on?
409
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,061
Hi, I'm
Carrie's husband.
410
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,938
Any chance I could just
speak to her for a moment?
411
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,147
We're in the middle
of a deposition.
412
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:21,940
Can it wait?
413
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,566
I'm pretty sure
it can't,
414
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,902
but I'm
not positive.
415
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,070
I don't understand.
416
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,822
It's a very
sensitive matter
417
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:31,366
he's not privy to
at the moment.
418
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,243
You see--
419
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,705
-come here.
-Stop telling people!
420
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,164
Look, tell me!
421
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,666
I'm forbidden.
422
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,418
Doug? Dad?
423
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,794
Here's your husband.
424
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:43,795
Now talk to him.
425
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,839
I'll be
waiting in there.
426
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:46,923
Carrie, what the hell
is going on?
427
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,133
He won't tell me
anything.
428
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,552
Dad, why did you
bring him down here?
429
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,761
I am working.
430
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,140
This is more important.
Now tell him.
431
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,100
Doug, I--I really
can't talk right now.
432
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,936
The thing is,
um, I'm pregnant.
433
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,146
And I'm terrified
we're gonna be broke,
434
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,481
and I love you,
and we'll talk at home.
435
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,863
So, in the mood
for a knish?
436
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,244
They asleep?
437
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,039
Finally. Kirby put up
a helluva fight, though.
438
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,958
Had to read him
Everyone Poops4 times.
439
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,168
God, he's obsessed
with that book.
440
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,961
I think I know it
by heart now.
441
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,838
It's a good book, though.
I actually never realized
442
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,716
that everyone poops.
443
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,302
Yeah, well, the title
does give it away.
444
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:38,475
Anyway, I guess I should
head on back to Spence's.
445
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,018
Sure. Okay.
446
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,479
So, I'll, uh--
I'll, uh--
447
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,647
see you at counseling
on Thursday, right?
448
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,775
-Right.
-Right.
449
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,193
All right.
450
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,529
Deacon...
451
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,822
Yeah?
452
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,407
Look, I have half
a lasagna from yesterday.
453
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,952
I could heat it up
if you haven't already eaten.
454
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,580
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
455
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,707
-Hello?
-Hey, man, it's me.
456
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,334
Oh, hey. Where are you?
457
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,711
I'm at home and I'm just gonna
hang out here for dinner, okay?
458
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,837
SPENCE: No problemo.
459
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,506
Probably be home
about 10:00.
460
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,799
I'll see you then.
461
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,843
And, hey, thanks
for the phone call.
462
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,178
Not so hard, was it?
463
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,180
You're right,
you're right. My bad.
464
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,973
Listen,
have a good dinner.
465
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,976
I'll catch you later,
buddy boy.
466
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,478
[TELEPHONE BEEPS OFF]
467
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,030
CARRIE: I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
468
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,323
I am so not ready.
469
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,117
All right, come on,
will you just calm down.
470
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,243
Doug, this is
not a situation
471
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,911
that calls
for calming down, okay?
472
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,080
As a matter of fact,
why don't you calm up?!
473
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,040
OK, there's no such thing.
474
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,917
You can only calm
in one direction.
475
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,461
Well then maybe they
should change that.
476
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:49,629
Why are you so upset?
477
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:50,880
We wanted to have
a baby eventually, right?
478
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,174
Yes, eventually, Doug.
Not today.
479
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,801
It's like being offered
a job on Monday,
480
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,053
but you have
to start on Tuesday.
481
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,639
"Congratulations, you're
our new pregnant person!
482
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,182
See you at 9 A.M.!"
483
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,600
and I can't even tell them
that I don't want the job
484
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,936
because I've already
been fired from my old job
485
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,354
as a not-pregnant person.
486
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,064
I'm not even allowed
near the building!
487
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,733
Okay, will you stop
straightening up for a second?
488
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,401
I can't!
We're having a baby!
489
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,404
Yeah, well, he's not
dropping by tonight.
490
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,577
[SIGHS]
Now, listen to me.
491
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,786
What?
492
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,080
Everything
is gonna be fine.
493
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,042
But you have
to stop worrying.
494
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,460
How can I stop
worrying, Doug?
495
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,087
We're--we're broke,
we're unprepared,
496
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,089
and I drop things.
497
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,258
You know
your Jets mug?
498
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,969
That wasn't my dad.
That was me.
499
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,972
Come here. Will you
just listen to me?
500
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,766
From this moment
501
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,601
until the moment
Bruce is born...
502
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,144
Bruce?
503
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,693
-After Springsteen, no?
-No, but go on.
504
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,904
Until the moment he is born,
505
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,656
all the burden
is on me.
506
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,951
Okay, I'm gonna work overtime,
I'll get a job at night,
507
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,287
we'll sock away
a lot of money, okay?
508
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,830
And if anything comes up,
I'll take care of it.
509
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,582
Anything.
510
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,918
Well, what do I do?
511
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,294
You just think
happy thoughts
512
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:14,255
and grow a baby.
That's your only job.
513
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,593
Not counting your regular job.
We need that.
514
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,429
I'll try.
515
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,515
But I'm gonna freak out,
Doug, sometimes.
516
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,809
-I can't help that.
-So then you freak out.
517
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,060
But then you call me, okay?
518
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:30,397
'cause I'm always
wearing my phone, huh?
519
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,065
Oh.
520
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:33,942
Other side.
It's on the other side.
521
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,278
Look, it'll ring, I'll find it,
trust me.
522
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,323
Are we
on the same page?
523
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:43,076
I just feel bad giving
you the whole burden.
524
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,328
Don't feel bad.
Burden me up!
525
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,080
Grrrr!
526
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,418
All right?
527
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:52,752
Fine.
528
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:56,506
Well? Give it to me.
529
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,633
What? You want me
to, like,
530
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,177
mime giving it to you?
531
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:04,472
I think it would be a nice
symbolic gesture, yes.
532
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,767
All right.
533
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,486
That's it?
534
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,113
Yes.
535
00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,032
You're lying.
I know there's more!
536
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:24,367
I know there's more.
Come on, you're holding!
537
00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,161
Aha!
538
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,372
Ohhh!
539
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,417
Oh, that is
pure burden.
540
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,296
You're an idiot.
541
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,757
I love you.
542
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,347
So, should I conclude that
543
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:48,683
the storm has passed?
544
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,769
Yes, Dad.
545
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:02,447
And break.
546
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:10,705
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
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