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1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:05,171
SINGER:
* My eyes are gettin' weary *
2
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,507
* My back is gettin' tight *
3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,592
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
4
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:12,512
* On theQueensboro Bridge tonight *
5
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,264
* But I don't care *
6
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:17,767
* 'Cause all I want to do *
7
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,145
* Is cash my checkand drive *
8
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:22,230
* Right home to you *
9
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,483
* 'Cause, baby, all my life *
10
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:29,237
* I will bedrivin' home to you *
11
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,703
Dad, for the third time,
your dinner's ready!
12
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,079
ARTHUR: And for the third time,
13
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,707
I'm still shaving my ears!
14
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,543
Well, hurry up.
You're gonna be late!
15
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,545
All right. Ready to rock
when you are.
16
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,797
Oh, come on.
You're wearing that?
17
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,174
What's wrong with my outfit?
18
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,717
Okay, outfit is
an awfully big word
19
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,844
for what you've done here,
my friend.
20
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,347
We're going to the circus.
What, I gotta throw on a tux
21
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,640
to watch a clown
light his ass on fire?
22
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,684
It's not
a regular circus.
23
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,478
It's French.
It's Cirque Du Soleil.
24
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:04,272
They have men with wings
dancing in the air.
25
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,859
More like
cirque de so gay.
26
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,820
And they have those
female contortionists,
27
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,697
you know,
that bend their legs
28
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,824
all the way around the back
over the head.
29
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:16,910
See, that's where
they lose me, right there.
30
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,870
-I need a little more distance
between the sun and the moon.
-All right.
31
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,416
All right.
Let's get this over with.
32
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,544
Oh, Dad,
you look great!
33
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:30,256
[LAUGHS] Just promise
you won't bury me in this.
34
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,425
You're all over my clothes,
but he gets to wear a shirt
35
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,928
with anchors
and ukuleles on it?
36
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,597
Yes. I told you,
I signed dad up
37
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,391
for that package
of theme dances
38
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,809
at the senior center.
39
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,310
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, the thing you told me
40
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,229
to act positive about
in front of him.
41
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,482
Yes, I did say
to be positive
42
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,401
because it is a good thing.
43
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,486
Ow!
44
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,947
Tonight's theme
is Maui madness.
45
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,740
Well, I think you
look great, Arthur.
46
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:56,950
I like the way the purple
47
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,785
brings out the veins
in your legs.
48
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,790
What the hell do you
call this, anyway?
49
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,501
I call it fish,
like most people.
50
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,504
Is it too late to substitute
something enjoyable?
51
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:13,425
Dad, your cholesterol
is now, like, the low 700s.
52
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,509
Come on, the fish
is good for you.
53
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,761
I don't care.
I want bacon.
54
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,471
Oh, okay. You want bacon?
I'll give you bacon.
55
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,181
Just make sure
you wave hi to grandma
56
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,517
as you're going
towards the light, okay?
57
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,439
Oh, my God.
Doug, it's late.
58
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,524
Would you mind dropping dad off
at the senior center
59
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:30,692
while I finish
getting ready?
60
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,318
Mind? You kiddin' me?
Between that
61
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,946
and the French circus,
this is a dream night.
62
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,408
Okay, Dad, come on.
Medicine time.
63
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,701
Okay...
64
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,871
red, yellow,
65
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,372
and big blue.
66
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,334
Good.
67
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,881
Ahh. There. Happy?
68
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:54,841
Take big blue.
69
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,384
I took it.
70
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,595
See?
71
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:01,514
Get it out of your sock
and swallow it.
72
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,351
Yes, mein fuehrer!
73
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,935
Oh! I almost
forgot something.
74
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,234
[GIDDY]
Eee-yah!
75
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,737
Oh, Dad...
76
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,947
you look
so adorable.
77
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,408
Okay, okay!
Have a good time. Bye-bye.
78
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,371
Is there any chance
I can use this
79
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:25,705
to hang myself?
80
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,671
[ELECTRIC PIANO
PLAYING "ALOHA OE"]
81
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,300
Hey, hey.
82
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,427
The joint
is really jumping.
83
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,887
Huh?
84
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,764
Look, there's
your buddy Mickey.
85
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,599
Aloha!
86
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,268
Ready to hang 10?
87
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,479
Yeah.
88
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,272
Yeah.
89
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,441
Let's go.
90
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,985
All right, I'll see you
in a few hours.
91
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,951
Bru-tal...
92
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,330
[ELECTRIC PIANO PLAYING
"ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK"]
93
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,629
Hey! Daddy-O!
94
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,017
Howdy, partner!
95
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,019
Come on.
96
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,313
What is wrong
with that man?
97
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,361
DOUG: So, it'souter space night, huh?
98
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,074
I like it a lot better
than pajama party night.
99
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,617
I gotta be honest.
I didn't expect
100
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,619
to see
so many negligees.
101
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:47,996
I mean, there were
a few secrets
102
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,874
Victoria should have
kept to herself, am I right?
103
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,001
Pull over.
104
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,085
I'm sorry, what?
105
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,920
Pull the car over,
Douglas.
106
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,089
Arthur, we're still
six blocks away.
107
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,466
Do it.
108
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,597
Look, I think we're
in a bus lane here.
109
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,349
Douglas,
look me in the eye.
110
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,562
Hi.
111
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,647
You gotta
help me out here.
112
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,566
I can't go
to that place again.
113
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:17,817
I just can't.
114
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,486
Why not?
115
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,363
Have you taken
a good look?
116
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,074
That place is like
Death's greenroom.
117
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,618
Well, it's no hooters,
I'll give you that.
118
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,119
But really, what is?
119
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,080
Listen to me.
120
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,873
I know this fellow
named Chick.
121
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,833
He's hipped me to some clubs
down at the docks.
122
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,377
Let me
go down there tonight.
123
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,878
The docks?
124
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,172
What am I supposed
to tell Carrie?
125
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,674
She doesn't have to know.
126
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,717
I'll be back
at the center by 10:00.
127
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,761
Douglas, I'm beggin'.
128
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,721
There's a taxi stand
at the corner.
129
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,599
Please give me back
the night!
130
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,019
Go ahead. Go on.
Get out of here.
131
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,979
Oh, thank you, friend!
132
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,690
So, you won't tell Carrie?
133
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,733
Tell Carrie what?
134
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,527
About our arrangement.
135
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,028
I know. I was
just doing the thing
136
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,863
where I pretend to not even know
what you're talking about.
137
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,491
-I don't follow you.
-Just go. Just go. Just go.
138
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,867
Right. Right.
139
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,124
Wait... take off your antenna.
140
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,009
Boy, some of these people
really went for it
141
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,678
with the space costumes,
huh? [LAUGHS]
142
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,514
Oh, check out the guy
with the oxygen tanks. [LAUGHS]
143
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,099
Actually, I think
those are real.
144
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,475
Oh.
145
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,229
So where's my dad?
Why hasn't he come out yet?
146
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,941
You know him.
He's probably stealing
some cookies or something.
147
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,028
CARRIE: Oh, hi, Mickey.
148
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,655
Hey, you're
lookin' good there.
149
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,657
Oh, thank you.
150
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,826
If you ever get tired
of big boy,
151
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,953
my planet needs women.
152
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:53,997
I'll let you know.
153
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,665
So, is my dad
still in there?
154
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,459
He never showed up.
155
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:00,962
Funny story...
156
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,970
CARRIE: What the hellwere you thinking?
157
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,472
He promised
he'd be back by 10:00.
158
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,931
Yeah, well,
he also promised
159
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,892
to wear underwear
underneath his bathrobe,
160
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,519
and we know how
that worked out, don't we?
161
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,146
All right, well,
he's not at home,
162
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,856
and he didn't leave
a message on the machine.
163
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,024
This is just great.
164
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,108
Will you relax, okay?
165
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,360
I know exactly
where he is.
166
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,195
Oh, really? Would you
mind telling me?
167
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,489
He's down by the, uh...
you know, the, uh...
168
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,907
the docks.
169
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,159
The docks?
170
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,243
Oh, that sounds
like a perfect place
171
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,995
for an old man
with gout.
172
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,246
Where at the docks?
173
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,373
He didn't specify,
but he did tell me
174
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,375
-who he was gonna be with.
-Who?
175
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,086
A gentleman named Chick.
176
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,587
-Chick?
-It's a nickname.
177
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:46,257
Probably short for... chicken.
178
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,968
I can't believe
you let him run off.
179
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,137
God, what if something
happened to him?
180
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,640
He can take care of himself.
Will you stop worrying?
181
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,183
All right,
now, we'll go down there,
182
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,267
we'll check out
a few places,
183
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,602
and I'm sure
we'll find him.
184
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,105
Don't forget
to drop me off first.
185
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,399
Oh, we won't, Mickey.
Where should I turn?
186
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,317
I don't know.
187
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,404
You don't know?
188
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:11,324
Well, I just moved in
a couple of months ago.
189
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,910
Okay. Well, can you
give me something?
190
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:16,246
A landmark?
191
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:19,040
I live next door
to the Johnsons.
192
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,333
They're colored.
193
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,086
Okay.
194
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,589
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
195
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,553
Hello, young lovers.
196
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,096
Attaboy, Arty.
197
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,639
Hey, Chicky!
198
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,641
-To life!
-To love!
199
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,018
To the ladies.
200
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,227
I'll drink to that.
201
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,187
May I freshen
your rusty nail, Enid?
202
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,356
You aren't going
anywhere, fella.
203
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,150
I aims to please.
204
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,612
Hey, Carrie!
He's in this one!
205
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,489
Hey, Douglas!
Welcome!
206
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,699
I want you
to meet the gang.
207
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,284
That's Chick
and Monica...
208
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,493
-How do you do?
-Hi, how are ya?
209
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,704
And this young lady
is Enid.
210
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,539
Pleasure to meet ya.
211
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,500
A delightful morsel,
am I right?
212
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,462
Oh, yes. She's very--
can I see you
for a second, please?
213
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,588
What the hell's going on?
214
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,131
You were supposed
to be back by 10:00.
215
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,257
And I will.
What time is it now?
216
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,633
It's 1:30
in the morning!
217
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:11,760
Wow!
218
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,055
[SIGHS] Sorry, big guy.
Truth is...
219
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,640
I have something
marvelous going on with Enid.
220
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,102
-Enid, huh?
-Yeah.
221
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,021
DOUG: She's not bad.
222
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,566
Kind of has that worldly,
smoky quality.
223
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:30,028
So, can you buy me
a little time?
224
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,071
I'm gonna level
with you, Arthur--
225
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,739
-Dad?
-We're dead men.
226
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,282
He's fine.
I told you he was fine.
227
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,618
Dad-- Dad, what have you
been doing?
228
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,287
I have been worried
half out of my mind about you!
229
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,456
Any chance we can discuss
this later, darling?
230
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,624
Maybe tomorrow?
231
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,335
Have you been drinking
hard liquor?
232
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,420
I may have had
a sip or two of a Rob Roy.
233
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,421
Why do you ask?
234
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,216
Because you have
half a liver,
235
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,467
and you're on nine medications
236
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,636
that say,
"Do not take with alcohol."
237
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,304
That's why I ask.
238
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,306
Wow, you weren't
kidding, Arty.
239
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,307
Short leash.
240
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,600
Who the hell are you?
241
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,601
I'm Chick Dugan.
242
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,728
Who are you,
his nurse?
243
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,147
No, I am his daughter,
244
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,108
and we are in the middle
of a private conversation,
245
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,818
so why don't you go shake down
the vending machines.
246
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,611
Ooh, excuse me.
247
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,780
That's why I like 'em
post menopause.
248
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,365
I hear that.
249
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,369
Listen, darling,
why don't you kids
head for home--
250
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,620
Dad, don't be ridiculous.
251
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,080
It's almost
2:00 in the morning.
252
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,123
Now, we're going home.
253
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,165
Say good-bye
to your friends.
254
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,375
I'll meet you in the car.
255
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,046
Come on, Arthur.
We should get going.
256
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:30,880
Right.
257
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:34,384
Arty, take care
of yourself.
258
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,469
You, too, kiddo.
259
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,762
DOUG: All right. Come on,
partner. Let's go, huh?
260
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,472
Plenty more
where that came from.
261
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,807
Sure.
262
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,560
The living room
is filled with adventure.
263
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,738
Dad, come inside!
What are you gonna do,
264
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,406
sleep in the car?
265
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,494
[ANGRY]
Good night!
266
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,877
How dare you?
267
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,671
How dare me?
How dare you?
268
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,840
No, how dare you?
269
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,300
How dare you?!
270
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,844
All right, let's just
get the fight going.
271
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,555
You humiliated me
in front of my friends.
272
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,140
I got news for you,
sweetheart.
273
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,391
You're my daughter,
274
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,143
not the other way around!
275
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:28,313
Well, if you don't want
to be treated like a child,
276
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,356
then don't act like one.
277
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,192
I did not act
like a child!
278
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,818
Dad, you ran off,
you didn't call,
279
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,487
you didn't leave a message,
you were drinking,
280
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,738
and I gotta be
honest with you, Dad,
281
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,365
okay, your date
looked like a pro.
282
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,699
How dare you?
283
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,534
Okay, let's not backtrack.
284
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,119
I've got news for you,
sweetheart.
285
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,413
Tonight was the first night
I felt alive
286
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,123
since you dragged me
into this house.
287
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,750
But you couldn't stand
to see it, could you?
288
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:52,462
No! You had to hobble me like
that fat broad in Misery.
289
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,883
I'm not trying to
hobble you, Dad,
290
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,843
I am trying
to look after you.
291
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,262
I care about you,
that's all.
292
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,597
Douglas,
I appeal to you.
293
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,849
Am I crazy, or did she
spill my plums
294
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,268
all over
that barroom floor?
295
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,770
Actually, I gotta
tell you, Hon,
296
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:11,189
you were a little
rough on him back there.
297
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,774
You were.
298
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,567
All right, don't you
start in on me,
299
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,277
because this is
your fault, too.
300
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,654
-My fault?
-Yes!
301
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,406
All you had to do
was drop him off
302
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,741
at the senior center.
Simple thing.
303
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,284
He's a grown man.
He wanted out,
304
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,494
what am I gonna do,
lock him in the car?
305
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,620
Yes! You can lock all the doors
306
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,705
from the driver's side!
307
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,331
I showed you that!
308
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,624
Whatever! So, if it didn't
happen tonight,
309
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,459
it was gonna happen
eventually.
310
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,836
I gotta be honest
with you.
311
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,713
I've been observing you
for quite a while,
312
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,423
and you've been
stifling him.
313
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,426
Stifling him? Is that
what you've observed, Doug?
314
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,177
-Yeah, yeah.
-Oh. Oh, okay.
315
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,637
'Cause I thought your view
might have been blocked
316
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,931
by the dorito bag
you always have your head in.
317
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,725
How dare you?
318
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,685
All right.
Anyway, what I'm saying is,
319
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,353
just back off him, okay?
320
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,188
You've been running his life
like a drill sergeant.
321
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,440
Oh. Really?
322
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,316
And, what, you think
you can do better?
323
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,985
I would have made
some different choices, yeah.
324
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:57,986
Would ya?
325
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,195
Indeed, I would.
326
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,947
Indeed, you would? Hmm.
327
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,658
Okay, okay. Obviously
I'm in the wrong here.
328
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,410
I mean, you think so.
He thinks so.
329
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,203
Even Chick thinks so.
330
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,997
So, um, you know what?
331
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,832
As of this moment,
I am out of it.
332
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,500
You can make
all the decisions.
333
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,252
He belongs to you.
334
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,004
Fine. I'll do it.
It's no big deal.
335
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,465
Okay. That works
for you, too, Dad?
336
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,509
Douglas would be
a breath of fresh air.
337
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,511
Okay. Well,
have fun, ladies.
338
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,513
Oh, we'll have more
than fun, Mary Jane.
339
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:26,765
We'll have
so much damn fun,
340
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,975
the neighbors
will think it's weird.
341
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,562
Okay.
342
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,321
All right, Art Deco.
Give me an update.
343
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,157
How are we lookin'
with the waffle iron?
344
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,868
It would appear to have
reached optimal temperature.
345
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,996
Now hit me with a load
of Dougie batter.
346
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:53,333
Let's start with the waffles
and see what happens, huh?
347
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,086
Ahh... the sound
of good eatin'.
348
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,253
Good mornin'.
349
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,755
Oh, hello.
350
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,090
What have you guys
got going on there?
351
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:03,134
We're living our life.
Now, back off, sister!
352
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:08,264
Easy. I'm just
getting some juice.
353
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,933
By the by, Douglas,
I want to take
354
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,267
this opportunity
to thank you
355
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,436
for involving me
in the morning goings-on.
356
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,689
Oh, well,
you're very welcome, Arthur.
357
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:16,940
And may I add
that your wisdom
358
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,234
has enriched
the waffle-making process.
359
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,112
Kudos on the nutmeg.
360
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,780
ARTHUR: I surely
appreciate that.
361
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,782
Oh, it's right
around the time
362
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:29,119
when my pills are usually
forced down my gullet.
363
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,371
Douglas, do you mind
if I take them later,
364
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,164
of my own volition?
365
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,916
I don't know
what "volition" means,
366
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,293
but I certainly understand
"later." That'd be fine.
367
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:40,130
Thank you for
that shred of respect.
368
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,257
Well, I gotta say,
369
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:45,010
this is working out
delightfully.
370
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,012
I mean, everything's
under control,
371
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,848
wafflemania's
in progress...
372
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,142
and guess who's got
a free afternoon
373
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,811
to get a manicure.
Hi, me!
374
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,444
Oh, look, Douglas.
Scissors.
375
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,988
May I run with them?
376
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,034
Be my guest, Arthur.
377
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,827
Ooh, look!
378
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,996
I'm running
with the scissors,
379
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:17,459
and I'm not dead!
Whoo! Look at me!
380
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,294
-[LAUGHS]
-Good one.
381
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,837
Oh, watch this.
382
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,380
Ooh, look, a fork.
383
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,426
Douglas, do you mind
if I stick it in the toaster?
384
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,803
Actually, yes.
Don't do that.
385
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,222
Okay, guys, I'm going.
Doug...
386
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,975
don't forget to run
his errands with him.
387
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,226
Errands?
388
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,106
ARTHUR: You call thisa haircut?
389
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,442
Where arethe blond highlights?
390
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,489
I don't careif your sign says
391
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,824
"No shoes, no shirt,no service."
392
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,077
I want my wind chimes!
393
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:59,834
Sorry, Douglas.It used to be here.
394
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:06,925
Son of a gun.Not here, either.
395
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,054
Be patient, Douglas.
396
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,431
It's very hardto find parking here.
397
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,435
I don't care how manytattoos you've got.
398
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,022
You mess with me,you mess with myson-in-law!
399
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,441
[CAR SCREECHES AWAY]
400
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,906
What a day,
what a way.
401
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,116
Am I right, Douglas?
402
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,784
I don't know.
403
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,786
Boy, I'm starving.
404
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,996
What's for dinner,
hop sing?
405
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,790
I don't know.
What do you want?
406
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,458
Cake.
407
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,168
Cake? You can't have
cake for dinner.
408
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,087
Okay, then Jambalaya.
409
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,548
I'll make you
a grilled cheese.
410
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,966
I love it.
411
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,553
You know what? Here.
412
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:52,929
Have a mini-doughnut.
413
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,139
It'll tide you over
till dinner.
414
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,016
Don't mind if I do.
415
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,183
Whoo!
416
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,310
Douglas, quick question.
417
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,147
Is the room listing
severely to the left?
418
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,190
Nope.
419
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,276
Then I may need
my medication.
420
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,028
You didn't take
your pills?
421
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,446
Apparently not.
422
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,448
Arthur, you said
you were gonna take them!
423
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:14,492
I was drunk with freedom.
424
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,869
All right, what do I start with?
What do we go with here?
425
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:16,953
Hang on, hang on.
426
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,121
Start with
the ear drops in,
427
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:20,457
and for god's sakes... hurry.
428
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,958
Well, there are
three droppers here,
429
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,418
and none of them
say "ear" on it.
430
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,295
Oh, God. It's Carrie.
431
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,464
-Hey!
-CARRIE: Hey!
432
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,257
Everything okay here?
433
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,175
Couldn't be better.
434
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,926
-Yeah.
-Whoo!
435
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,889
Well, I gotta
hand it to you guys.
436
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,557
I had a good day,
and it looks like
437
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,975
you had a good day, too.
438
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,477
Oh, yeah. Great day,
great day.
439
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,020
Just gonna throw in
the old ear drops now,
440
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,189
and, uh... that'll be it.
Whoo!
441
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,983
Okay. But these are
the ear drops.
442
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,444
If you want to use
the corn remover, be my guest.
443
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,321
I don't want
to micromanage.
444
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,365
Okay...
445
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,369
All right, hang on.
Relief is on the way.
446
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,412
All right, come here.
Tip your ears.
447
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,497
The other one,
other one!
448
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,332
Good... there you go.
449
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,626
-Go ahead.
-All right, there we go.
Just gotta get it in there.
450
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,379
Easy! I'm not a martini.
451
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,880
All right,
come on, relax.
452
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,173
I want to make sure
it's in there.
453
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,257
All right, now,
pills, pills, pills.
454
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,509
Here we go.
455
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,927
All right, we got
a red one, a blue one,
456
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,345
and a yellow one. Here.
457
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:16,888
-I'm not taking big blue.
I hate those.
-What?
458
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,098
You gotta take your medicine.
Open up!
459
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,432
-Dream on!
-Open the damn mouth.
460
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,393
No! Look at yourself,
Douglas.
461
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,186
You're behaving
just like her.
462
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:28,233
Oh, my God. You know what?
You're absolutely right.
463
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,318
I'm-- I'm sorry, Arthur.
464
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,611
Apology accepted.
465
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,447
Yeah. Wow, I...
466
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,158
I'm just
gonna get dinner going.
467
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,535
I'm sorry
about that.
468
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,537
I don't know what happened.
You know what?
469
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,579
Just to show I'm a good guy,
470
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,498
why don't you, uh...
471
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,083
why don't you have yourself
another mini--
472
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,668
mini-doughnut
before dinner, huh?
473
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,086
-Thank you, Douglas.
-Okay.
474
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,088
-That's more like it.
-Yeah.
475
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,300
I gotta tell you, Arthur...
476
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,261
you put up
such a good fight,
477
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,304
it almost feels
wrong to win.
478
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,724
What are you talking about?
479
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:04,019
I slipped big blue
into your mini-doughnut.
480
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,273
You scurvy son of a bitch!
481
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,737
Delightful sandwich.
482
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:15,739
What kind of cheese
is this?
483
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,198
American.
484
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,492
Oh, hats off to the Americans!
485
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,661
Glad you like it.
486
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:24,080
[CLEARS THROAT]
So what are you, uh...
487
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,582
what do you got
going on for tonight?
488
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:29,002
Remember my drinking buddy,
Chick, from the docks?
489
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,546
He got a tip
on a busted slot machine
490
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:34,466
in one of those
Indian casinos in Connecticut.
491
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,010
It's paying off
like gangbusters.
492
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:39,262
Well, you... you want to go
to Connecticut tonight?
493
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:41,681
Sure. Chick's Corvair
is street-legal again,
494
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,683
and I just cashed in
some CDs.
495
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,519
He's the wheels,
and I'm the bank.
496
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,104
Are you insane, Arthur?
497
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,147
You're not going.
498
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,523
Oh, ho ho, I'm going.
499
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,983
Oh, ho, no, you're not.
500
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,569
And who, pray tell,
is gonna stop me?
501
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,196
You're looking at him.
502
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:58,698
Ho, ho, Douglas,
you are priceless.
503
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,576
For the next eight hours,
you won't be able
504
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536
to stop yourself
from drooling.
505
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,246
What?
506
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,040
I jammed the rest
of the big blues
507
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:08,458
in your sandwich.
508
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,794
I was afraid you'd notice,
but fortunately,
509
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,505
you wolf down your food
like a Rottweiler.
510
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,424
You drugged me?
511
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:22,013
[LAUGHS] Doesn't feel too good,
does it?
512
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,641
So, bye-bye, sucker!
513
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:26,518
Enjoy the pretty colors!
514
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:34,109
["HEY JOE" BY JIMI HENDRIX
PLAYING ON THE STEREO]
515
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,632
Doug?
516
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,467
Hey, honey!
517
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:02,345
[TURNS OFF MUSIC]
518
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:03,638
Where's my father?
519
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,266
Oh, he put
the big blue pills
520
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,393
in my sandwich,
and he ran away.
521
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,728
I love you!
522
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,355
Stay with me, Honey.
Stay with me.
523
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:14,315
Where exactly did he go?
524
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:18,653
He went to a casino
in Connec-i-ta-cut.
525
00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,573
Okay, and when did he leave?
526
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:26,161
Well, that depends
on when now is... is now.
527
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,289
Okay, I was
gonna take a bath,
528
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,332
but searching casinos
in Connecticut
529
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,709
seems just as relaxing.
530
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,669
I tell you, Carrie,
you were right.
531
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,755
You take good care
of your father.
532
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,299
I was bad and stupid.
533
00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:40,550
I know, Honey.
534
00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:42,635
All right,
sleep it off.
535
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:43,845
-All right.
-Okay.
536
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,221
Hey...
537
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:46,723
great ass!
538
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:49,100
Thank you.
539
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:55,106
CARRIE: Yeah, this manin the picture right here.
540
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:56,483
Have you seen him?
541
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:57,609
MAN: Oh, yes.
542
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:58,777
He's the one we call
543
00:21:58,818 --> 00:21:59,944
"Little yells a lot."
544
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,030
He leftabout 15 minutes ago.
545
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:03,615
CARRIE: Oy.
546
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,500
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
38324
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